The Grand Clusterfuck - [ROUND 2 - Capitol International Airport]

[cyber95]

"Are you sure about this, sir?"

"Of course I'm sure! It will be grand! It will be great! It will be epic! Savage, Spectacular... Gradual?"

"It'll be a clusterfuck!"

"Why that's the point, dear boy. Just tell me when the Gentlepeoples have all gathered their contestants."

"I think thirty of them died during universal traversal."

"Not a problem, there are plenty more where they came from. I've got plenty of the arenas prepared already. When a decent chunk of them have returned with contestants, tell me. And bring a bottle of champagne with you."

"Yes sir, I'll go look at the progress."

The Executive Producer stood as his Errand Boy ran off. He stood tall and proud of his fantastic idea. There was no possible way this could go wrong.
He was sure this would be quite a Grand Clusterfuck indeed.

He turned, and was spontaneously face-to-face with the piercingly blue eyes, and hawkish grin of a Strylph. It jabbered at him, tail swirling around.

"You, a temporal parasite, looking for a meal in my Grand Battle?"

Gettysburg trilled, and clicked his beak cheerfully.

"Well, welcome aboard then!"

WELCOME TO THE GRAND CLUSTERFUCK!

It's like a regular Grand Battle, but with more death, and no limit on participants.

That's right, anybody can enter no matter how many people are already in.
To offset this, every page, somebody will die. A death will occur every 25 posts. Any off-topic banter must be spoilered in the same post as a story post. Yes, every post once this starts must contribute. Note: I count profile entries as productive, so don't worry about story posts in them.

Tips for being accepted: Submit a character. Dude, as long as you don't make me cringe in pain, you're in.

SUPER PRO-TIP!
RESERVE!
This is going to be nuts so PLEASE reserve before you post.
I'm being lenient about reserve time but try to finish in a reasonable time. No overnight reserves.

Oh gog the round is ending and I haven't posted yet.
This can in fact be an issue, so if the page is getting close to it's end, pay attention to who hasn't posted. There should be enough free posts remaining for whoever hasn't posted yet in the round to have a chance, plus the last post of the page for somebody to die. Be mindful of this, and if you're unsure if somebody is even going to post, ask around first to make sure it's alright to make your post.
Anyways, here's the signup sheet.

Username: Why not?
Name: Self Explanatory
Race: Be what you want to be. Elf, cyborg, toaster, fishbowl-head-man, whatever.
Gender: "Yes" is not an acceptable answer, unless you can explain how that's a gender.
Color: Don't worry too much about overlap. Except for DarkSlateGray, go for it.
Weapons/Abilities: What does your character fight with, or what abilities/items do they have?
Description: Physical and mental. What do they look like and how do they act?
Biography: Tell me a little about them.

And that's it. ENTER GO GO GO

Participants
1. Disva - Vleshnept
2. Schazer - Gettysburg
3. Akumu - Te!uk
4. yousodumb - Onex Noth
5. Pinary - Steve
6. Dragon Fogel - Aquarius Solum
7. armoredSkunk - Bubo
8. telltaleSpleen - Jlymb
9. ProfessorLizzard - Hkalllap
10. Wojjan - Domino
11. Pick Yer Poison - Nightmare
12. Demonsul - Sir Frederick Longblade
13. WateryHell - The Assimilation
14. MalkyTop - Albain
15. Nehh - Scherzo/Minuet
16. Not The Author - The Charlatan
17. bobthepen - LeAnn Rimes
18. Granolaman - Granolaman - DEAD Round 1
19. gloomyMoron - "Darmok"

--LATECOMERS--
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.

You can still sign up by PMing me your profile! You will be added in in between rounds.

[Dragon Fogel]

I'm entering Aquarius Solum.

Edit: Should I include a story bit in this post, or do we wait until we have enough players to start?

Edit edit: Profile borrowed from Grand Tweet.

Username: Dragon Fogel
Name: Aquarius Solum
Gender: None, considers itself male
Race: Enchanted Water Bottle
Color: Aquatic Blue
Weapons/Abilities: Can produce water endlessly
Description: Aquarius Solum is a bottle of water. Really.
Bio: A djinn was sealed in a mystical, never-emptying bottle of water. The djinn fused with the bottle, and became Aquarius Solum.

[yousodumb]

Reserved! I simply must get in on this wonderful insanity!

**edit**
now with character sheet!

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Username: yousodumb YSD to close friends
Name: Onex Noth
Race: Unknown.
Gender: male
Color: orange
Weapons/Abilities: Exceptional strength, high resistance to magic, resistant to mind-altering affects, self tought martial artist, high intellect
Description: picture:

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Text: A humanoid hybrid of a tiger and a wolf who only wears a pair of loose canvas pants held up by rope. He is slightly introverted and slow to trust, but when someone earns his trust he will die defending them, a bit grumpy most of the time but that's to hide his softer more silly side.
Biography: A being from a world forsaken by its god, and captured by He of the Many Names, his life has been entirely composed of being transported to many a different prison. That was until he met Chuck, the only friend he had known in his entire endless existence, a naive, awkward fellow from a dead world, who sought only acceptance from his companions. For a very long time, much longer than what could be measured by man the two explored a world built for them by HotMN and had each-other for company. Then for reasons unknown, HotMN brought Onex and Chuck to the time no man can see and showed them what must never be seen.
Upon gazing upon this horrific spectacle, Chuck was driven mad and Onex learned a terrible truth. The two of them where trapped within what was once paradise as HotMN began to build, soon more beings from forgotten times wandered this growing world as Onex helped Chuck regain his sanity. Time after time, Onex escaped his prison, only to return when the world he escaped to died and be entrapped behind increasingly difficult challenges. Onex was never able to get Chuck back to sanity, but he was able to get him to a much more reasonable state, in which he wrote a book divulging terrible secrets that where never meant to be know. In order to restore Chuck to his former state, Onex made a deal with HotMN, if he won an impossible challenge all would return to the way it once was.

[Disva]

Username: Disva
Name: Vleshnept
Race: Demon
Gender: Null
Color: Black
Weapons/Abilities: Electricity control.
Description: Insane and random.
Biography: A product of some failed experiments of possessing demons within another demon, he uses his incredible power to whatever ends his deranged mind sees fit at the time.

[Schazer]

I claim dog trainer! Oh wait.

Name: Gettysburg
Race: Strylph - wisp-like entities that can burrow their way through time. Despite their small, harmless appearance, they are temporal glitches designed to wreck a timeline. Luckily, they're not particularly bright or good at scheming.
Gender: Answers best to 'it' or 'he'.
Colour: ROYAL BLUE
Abilities: The Strylph can weave his way freely round a stable timeline or time loop, appearing almost at will in its past or future. Gettysburg can carry one small object around through time, but doesn't like carrying the same object for long.
Description/Biography: If you can catch him and keep him still, Gettysburg looks like a little snaky wisp less than a foot long, with constantly humming dragonfly wings, an array of shrimplike feet underneath, and a sharp little beak. Gettysburg likes to perch on people's shoulders and chatter in their ears in a voice that is always barely audible no matter what the background volume. He says little worth caring about, but his ultimate goal is to bring the local timeline or loop crashing to pieces, which results in a great feed for a temporal beast his size. Said small size, luckily, means his ability to impact time is very weak and he'll mostly just cause people inconvenience.

[Akumu]

Username: Akumu
Name: Te!uk
Race: Orca
Gender: Female
Color: Orca
Weapons/Abilities: Te!uk rides a hexapodal mobility rig for travel on land, which has two arm-like manipulators at front. This is controlled by thought, and can be synched to and used by any brain with practice. The rig also has an underslung saline tank which regularly spritzes Te!uk to keep her moist. Te!uk understands English but can not speak it unassisted, which is made up for by a speaking device affixed to her throat. It does not strictly translate, but rather directly maps sounds producible by an orca to human sounds. Ahead of all this, her most potent weapon and ability is that she is a four ton apex predator.
Description: Te!uk has a curious and playful streak but usually is stern and proud. She is used to being in control and will respond to disrespect by her considered inferiors with intimidation. She has an above average but not exceptional intelligence, in scale to a human, and skill with political machinations.
Biography: After the uplift of the cetacean species of Earth, the Orca people arranged themselves politically according to the matrilineal lines under which they had run prior to receiving the gift of sapience. Te!uk is the leader of Clan #ohhn and had been landside in a pan-Cetacean summit organized by their human benefactors when she suddenly vanished.

[Pinary]

Username: Pinary
Name: Depending on when you meet him, Steve, Stephen, Agent 1179, Target 1179, Patient Zero, Captain O'Ptargnach, or Supreme Overlord O'Ptargnach
Race: Human, Cyborg, Automated Corpse, Demon-Vessel, Conglomerate of Souls
Gender: Generally Male
Color: #A02010
Weapons/Abilities: First and foremost, his personal timeline is messed up six ways from Tuesday. He never experiences events in the right order, often looping back on himself or spending weeks at a time going in reverse. Aside from that, his abilities vary based on when you meet him, ranging from Make Sand Castles to Taze to full-on Be A Nigh Omnipotent Demonic Overlord.
Description: Again, it ranges quite a lot, but he started as a precocious child, grew into a tough secret-agent-cyborg type, died, became possessed by the demon pirate O'Ptargnach, and amassed power until becoming rather powerful and ruling over basically everything.
Biography: Well, he started as a precocious child, grew into a tough secret-agent-cyborg type, died, became possessed by the demon pirate O'Ptargnach, and amassed power until becoming rather powerful and ruling over basically everything.

[yousodumb]

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BTW cyber, it's Noth not North. not to be nit-picky or anything


uhmmm... just re-read the rules... -_- I guess I have to put something important here....


Ah! pre-battle banter! yay!

"So what kind of contest is this?" "my favorite kind, a deadly one!" "So this means you've decided to get rid of me?" "Oh heavens no! If you die here, you will simply be returned to our home. Where you will have to listen to nothing but the worst pop music I could find, then you will die. ... "Kidding! Quit being such a drama king! Also, quit calling me 'He of the Many Names' it's a bit foreboding, call me Zeta."

[armoredSkunk]

Alright, let's do this thing.
Username: armoredSkunk
Name: Bubo
Race: Eurasian Eagle Owl (majjyks)
Gender: Male
Color: This magnificent shade of mm6666
Weapons/Abilities: Owl powers. But more fine tuned, since he is magic. He has also mastered the fabulous art of ventriloquism, as well as the ability to speak any language.
Description/Biography: Bubo looks like an average Eurasian Eagle Owl, with feathers and a beak, etc. However, due to an accidental explosion of a chemical treatment plant and a case of bad timing, Bubo was imbued with magical abilities far exceeding the average nocturnal avian. These included sharper talons, fluffier feathers, and turning his head around more than 720 degrees. He can also speak, due to his vast wisdom and intelligence. A brave but kind soul, Bubo traveled away from the only home he knew in order to use his powers to entertain children. Eventually he came to a small village, where he made friends with a gypsy woman whom was also passing through, after she tought him how to imitate voices other than his own, as well as projecting it unto inanimate objects. They were traveling the world together when Bubo vanished without a trace.

[TelltaleSpleen]

Username: The Telltale Spleen
Name: Jlymb
Race: Specimen #124
Gender: Depends
Color: darkgoldenrod
Weapons/Abilities: Jlymb starts out but one ability. This ability is to copy somebody it comes across. It may be looks, it may be personality, it could be fighting style or skills, whatever. The first being it comes across, it will take on a rough charicature of a form of that being. From then on, any beings it comes across it will end up mixing and matching details within itself, becoming a strange combination of who it's surrounded by.
Description: At the start, it looks like nothing more than an amorphous, colorless blob, capable of not much more than squirming around. It's personality is equally blank, it basically being unsentient until it gets a personality from somebody else.
Biography: Jlymb was created in a lab as the 124th in a series of complex genetic experiments, and was only the fourth to have actually produced a result. When it was first created, it was regarded as a failure, until it was introduced to #9, a hydra-esque snake that would regrow twice as many heads as were lobbed off. #124 formed with an entire bouquet of heads. Intrigued, the scientists decided to introduce it to #56, a "living teddy bear." The result was a multi-headed fabric bear that caused a child to cry. Testing continued until it escaped and met one of the scientists, and it immediately took on her personality and figure, while retaining three heads and a fabric skin. This called for more direct, extra testing, which went well, and the scientists grew to like #124, which resulted in it taking a name, comprised of the first initial of the main scientists in charge of it. Breakthroughs in science were being made, when suddenly Jlymb disappeared.
The Producer has reverted Jlymb back to it's initial formless state to start this off.

[ProfessorLizzard]

Username: ProfessorLizzard
Name: Hkalllap, son of Haberdash, Harbinger of Hats
Race: Divine Golem
Gender: As he is a construct, he lacks one.
Color: The 830707 shade of Red

Weapons and abilities: Summoning various kind of hats. His body is extremely durable and strong.

Description: It is shaped like a humongous cellar spider, his torso is the same height as someone's head. His colour is a quite rusty shade of red. He usually wears some sort of headgear, mostly a tophat. He is composed of a strange metal unknown to mortals. Light, yet strong.

He is mostly silent, but when he speaks, he either talks about hats, or how tradition should be kept.

Biography:

Imagine a primal worlds, where creatures made the first steps of emerging from the swamp of bestiality. They are making their first steps in the world of sapience. They start to ask questions. Who made this place? Why did they make it? Now, these sort of questions are like a beacon for all sort of nasty ethereal creatures, desiring attention.

On a certain world, Chomar, a race of Spider people, calling themselves the Ürgonz, have emerged. Their curiousity was vast and ever hungering. Naturally, Gods attracted to them. Soon, they were showered by neverending whispers, offering contradictory answers to simple questions.

However, the Ürgonz were too curious to accept answers from beyond, and they proceeded to ignore the divine creatures. But soon, they could not take it anymore. These so called Gods wanted to sway them off their own way? Well, the only method to make them go away is to make one for them themselves.

And so, they invented a mock god named Haberdash. His teaching were simple: "HATS". This answer was much better then "The suns are hanging in the sky because I say so", or "Enemies are to be crushed".

"The suns float because HATS" "The enemies are there because of HATS". The would be gods tried to argue that this is stupid, but soon they gave up. There was nothing to do against the power of hats.

But then one day, a strange statue appeared in the city. It looked a normal Ürgonz, only less colourful, and even larger. And it wore a hat too. A crowd gathered. "Who could have built this marvelous statue?" There was no answer. But they decided to keep the thing, since it looked quite nice.

Time passed. The Nation prospered. The gods were not bugging them anymore. The people decided to discard their hats, and burn them on a pyre to celebrate that they have successfully forged their own path. As the torchbearer approached, the statue began to talk!

"I am Hkalllap, son of Haberdash, Harbinger of Hats. And I ask thee, hat people. Why do you burn your savior hats? The ones who made your minds safe from the Wraiths Beyond? Shame on you people. You want to discard the philosophy, that lead you to prosperity? Shame on you. Shame on you.

But you can still repent! All you have to do is---"

---and then the statue suddenly disappeared. The people shrugged, then burned the hats.

A year later, they all went insane from the yelling of the returning deities.

The lesson people: If you want to wear a hat in order to avoid wearing another one, don't burn the first one!

[Wojjan]

Yeah I'm gonna join as Domino instead.

Name: Domino
Gender: Female
Race: Yume-oni, or Sleep demon, in the shape of a cat.
Color: Earthy yellow on a soothing black. The color of her eyes.

Weapons: Claws of course! She doesn't usually get in a lot of active fighting, but she will scratch and bite when provoked. She can dash out some serious wounds if neccesary. After all, she used to be a predator.

Abilities: The first thing to note about Domino is that she can talk. She rarely uses drawn-out sentences, and prefers shorter words. Her voice is quiet, seductive, but vicious. Another trait about her is her mesmerising gaze. Once you and Domino would meet eyes, rest assured you'd fall asleep seconds later. Usually her next step would be for her to wait until you're sound asleep, and then eat your dream. It sounds as scarring as it is. Usual effects can be insomnia, insanity, what have you. In rare cases or vivid nightmares, Domino might take on small traits of the major fearbringers such as the devil's trident, her eyes glowing like the headlights of a car, you name it. She usuallly doesn't have this phenomenon unless with people of very strong spirits, a lot of imagination and very detailed dreams.

Description: Domino is a black Kellas Cat, and reaches about the waist for the average human when she stands on all four of her paws. She has the typical yellow glower cat's eyes usually have, and her face is hard to discern from her body, especially in darkness. She has sharp claws and small fangs, and has shorter ears than a regular Burmese. When you'd encounter her in darkness, only those lulling, otherworldy eyes would meet you. Around her neck she wears a collar with a single white gem imbued on it, and her name nicely written on the back.

Biography: Domino belongs to a long heritage of mythological cats, trailing back to her grandfather, Cat Sith. She carries his original blood of a witch, but has been muddled ever since due to her father being the spiritual Patripan. She was intended to be a guide for souls to the netherworld, where Charon would take over. However, she took a fondness not for people who were dead, but people who seemed dead. She spent most of her spare time on fences and roofs, watching humans sleep. She turned to neglect her duty and instead took up the role of dream guardian. However, she noticed some strange activity in those sleeping people, as if they were alive and dead at the same time. Domino wanted to rip out those nasty traces of life in sleepers, and just leave them with a calm night's rest. Little did she know it caused such devastating effects.

[Pick Yer Poison]

Username: Pick Yer Poison
Character Name: Nightmare
Race: Unknown
Gender: Unknown
Color: Black as night itself with a dash of contrast.

Weapons/Abilities: Nightmare's dark aura slowly seeps into everything nearby, be it living, dead, or anything in between. In nonliving objects, this can cause them to develop twisted "personalities" and growths, an effect often associated with poltergeists, but in this case far more malevolent in nature. For example, a sofa may grow teeth and begin to contemplate eating anyone who sits on it, or a trash can may seep poison gas whenever it is approached. In living creatures, the effects range from paranoia to complete insanity to anywhere in between, starting with mild symptoms and slowly getting worse the longer the victim remains near Nightmare. Distances closer than two feet magnify the symptoms, but do not speed up the process. Nightmare has a great deal of control over this ability when it comes to inanimate objects, allowing it to accelerate the process drastically, decide how it takes effect, or even revert it completely if it wishes.

Description: Nightmare generally appears as a slightly-elongated black cloud, with a pure white mask at one end like the one mentioned above. It will sometimes grow stick-like limbs with far too many joints in them and hands that resemble talons at the ends, although it rarely uses these for walking, preferring to float instead. The air around it is cold and still, and when it enters a room all the lights grow a bit dimmer.

Nightmare is not necessarily evil, but it is completely indifferent, which is almost as bad. It does not care what it does to anyone or anything and is morbidly curious about most things, a dangerous combination at best.

Biography: Many theories have appeared regarding Nightmare. Some consider it to be the last remnant of an ancient, dead race that wanders without purpose, leaving a trail of ruin in its path. Others believe it to be a fallen god, seeking to destroy all life. The most popular involves a young boy with the ability to open holes between dimensions on one fateful night. As he lay dreaming, he began to have a nightmare, a terrible one. Oily creatures black as ink slithered around him, hissing and screeching as he lay in the only patch of light in a dark, dark world. Slowly, a black shadow with a pure white mask, with a sharply grinning mouth and eye slits cut out, began winding its way within the circle of light, alternately slithering like a snake, then spreading like black smoke, then oozing along like some malevolent slime. The boy woke up that instant and ran to his parents, who reassured him that nightmares weren't real. But over the next few weeks, there was a whispering in his head that would not go away. It slowly got louder, and louder, and louder, until one day the boy snapped and stabbed himself to death with a kitchen knife. Out of the wound a black shadow wound itself, one with a white mask, and it slipped out the door, grinning its death grin.

But that's just a story.

[Demonsul]

Username: Demonsul
Name: Sir Frederick Longblade
Race: Human (Class: Knight)
Gender: Male
Color: RoyalBlue. If hex is mandatory, not dissimilar to #4169E1.
Weapons/Abilities: He has his knight's broadsword with his crest on the hilt, and a similarly crested shield. He also wears full steel plate, with a blue-plumed helmet. Out of combat, he wears only the sword.
Description: Frederick Longblade trained as a knight under a Grittish king. He is devoted to king and country, hailing from the island nation of Gritland. He is very uptight and rigorous, insisting that everyone ought to be 'good and proper' and happily decapitating anyone who disagrees. He is a slightly large man, his girth somewhat greater than is to be expected from his height, which makes him seem more unfit than he actually is. Rigorous knight's training has, however, made him a competent fighter. He has a full brown beard which sticks out under his helm, and long brown hair hidden beneath it.
Biography: Frederick Longblade is a knight. He has trained his entire life to be the perfect knight. He owns a small amount of land under a baron, and has pledged his allegiance to his king and his native homeland called Gritland. Knights, chivalry and such are big in Gritland.
Frederick's crest is a pair of crossed swords on a field of royal blue. It is a rather plain crest, but he likes it. Ever since becoming a knight, Frederick has not relaxed on his training schedule, promising himself that he will keep in top condition no matter what. However, he has gained some girth due to the feasting and general enjoyment involved in being a knight.
Five years ago by his reckoning, Frederick executed no less than five men for being drunk and disorderly in a tavern, for their language was 'not proper'. Ever since then, his sheriffs have kept him from interfering in the law-giving in his land. He is incredibly stringent, a high believer in tradition and chivalry and prone to being generally jolly and frivolous about serious things, although he does regard them with seriousness in his mind.
He is unmarried, unusual for a knight, but he has had trouble in the past finding anyone to his standards. He is diligent, and will see any task he undertakes to the end. He has a weakness for roasted pork.

[WateryHell]

Username: WateryHell
Name: The Assimilation
Race: Shadow Abomination
Gender: Androgynous
Color: #CF5B55.
Weapons/Abilities: A vast array of ablilities, but only 1 can be active at any given time. For example, at one moment it could walk up walls, the next shapeshifting, etc.
Description: A black humanoid with 4 red eyes. Personality is erratic; it could be murderous, joyful, or depressed at any time. But murderous is what happens mostly.
Biography: It was a failed science experiment. Some random scientists were trying to make a symbiote that could help the military fight wars. It went horribly wrong. Basically it assimilated the scientists and went mad with power. And now it's sorta...insane.

[MalkyTop]

Username: MalkyTop
Name: Albain Potlash
Race: He's a Zort. Zorts are like gliding frogs but with sharp teeth and also big and portly with a smooth, thick tail for clubbing. They always look blue. They don't actually have bones.
Gender: The gender for Zorts can actually change. Their bodies rearrange depending on placement on social ladder, the environment, the saturation of pheromones in the air, and whether said Zort currently has a headache or not. Albain's gender is no.
Color: Malta malta MALTA blue
Weapons/Abilities: Albain carries no weapons though his tail could be considered deadly enough. Breaking necks isn't his thing though. His tongue isn't long and sticky, which may surprise some people, but he does hold some amount of air sacs that can hold him aloft for a short time if he inflates them. This makes him look rather silly. His eyes can also move in different directions, though this tends to make him dizzy and confused, at least more so than he is already. He's a pretty good climber and surprisingly fast. But he can also stand so still he could be dead. By mindlessly writing or painting or whatever, he can somehow put down onto canvas or paper or something some sort of knowledge. Sometimes it's a scientific theorem. Mostly it's how the local supermarket has a sale on cake mix. Unfortunately, he's usually not aware of this because whatever information he gets from the cosmos or whatever is usually hidden in some way, in a cipher or in imagery or blah blah blah.
Description: Albain is rather sickly looking, though all Zorts tend to be of the sickly sort. He's a little more shivery than most Zorts though, and more slimy and his eyes more vacant than the usual Zort's, as well as more puffy and wet. He's also smarter than the usual Zort, at least, and somehow is able to leap higher than a usual Zort. That may have to do with his long, scrawny legs. Albain wears a scraggly, damp suit that has seen some better days. He blabbers nervously a lot and is obsessed with windmills as well as the number eight. He compulsively folds up any piece of cloth and tucks them in his pockets for later and he gets distracted easily and sometimes starts improvising a random song in a weedy, tremolo voice. All of them are very horrible and nonsensical. He's fairly cowardly and when he feels threatened, he starts sweating and stammering and can get so anxious that he blows an air sac. He also often complains about a headache to friends, especially those who are yes. Strangely enough, sometimes he pretends he's masochistic. Probably because it makes him feel interesting. He's fairly smart, at least and is happiest when doing something creative.
Biography: Albain's the runt of the litter and sickly to boot. Everybody was sure he would amount to nothing because he really couldn't do much of anything. And he really didn't amount to anything. Lack of confidence in him probably didn't help. Insecure for all his life, Albain became a mailzort and pursued creative activities in his spare time. His room is often filled with weird wirework or scraps of paper for a collage or whatever. He has a fear stemming from childhood about drowning.

[Nehh]

Alright! I am in this!

Username: Nehh
Name: Scherzo/Minuet
Gender: Whatever it feels like at the time.
Race: One of the Fugue: a circle of unique beings with music-related powers produced from pure creativity. Scherzo/Minuet in particular has a construction that looks at least faintly robotic and could be some sort of cyborg.
Color: Scherzo uses a rusty brown, #D7612E/Minuet uses a darker brown (#B7410E) and italics.

Weapons: As well as packing a pair of hard steel fists, Scherzo/Minuet comes with a fearsome stereo system. Although normally just set to playing suitable music, when it is cranked all the way up it can crank out almost ten thousand decibels of pure sonic power - enough to not only burst your eardrums but also pulverize the rest of your body as well. This is not highly recommended, however, as it puts a serious drain on the robot's power cores as well as being damaging for the speakers.

Abilities: Scherzo/Minuet is, above all other things, a musical maestro. Scherzo, who is normally dominant, is a master of harmony and a piano lover, and will often be noticed to be composing to himself even whilst doing other things. Minuet is more fond of discord and abnormality, and it's melodies will often seem chaotic and without form or appeal unless you listen carefully enough. On rare occasions, a third personality has been known to show through. It abhors anything but silence and has been observed to be somewhat hateful of itself, as well. Unfortunately, it left the cyborg's brain with no traces when the Fugue committee attempted to study it.

The musical prowess of Scherzo/Minuet, however, works both ways. As one of the pieces of music they are so much focused on reaches a peak, it fills the cyborg with sheer, raw power. At these moments, Scherzo/Minuet has been shown to demonstrate a wide range of abilities, including incredible strength, teleportation and telekinesis. The choice of ability is seemingly based upon which music is chosen. Another side-effect is that Scherzo/Minuet will sometimes temporarily shapeshift into either a past or future form, again depending on the music. However, unlike the previous ability, Scherzo/Minuet has learnt to control this power and can activate it at will.

Description: Scherzo/Minuet is a relatively humanoid cyborg. Standing at 6' 5", it is a combination of a dark grey metal that has mostly turned to rust, and fair white flesh flecked brown with spots of dirt, scars, and dried blood. Oddly, all surfaces of the cyborg have a bright sheen, as if they had been highly polished.

In terms of general design, Scherzo/Minuet is more steampunk than modern, although really it is a mix of both.

Biography: The base of Scherzo/Minuet was formed early after the first sapient life appeared. At that point, it was a wild beast god, dressed in bronze armour and beating on a massive drum. As technology, culture and, most importantly, music have advanced, Scherzo/Minuet's base has progressed to match.

One important moment in the existence of Scherzo/Minuet was the founding of the modern set of notes in the octave. As more and more music began to revolve around this, the base began to fragment into multiple component parts. Scherzo/Minuet is one of the originals, but since then more and more creatures of this type have sprung up - some for sharps and flats, and some for particular notation or oft-used riffs. Scherzo/Minuet is in charge of all these, at least as far as it can control them - quite a few would rather disobey.

[Godbot]

-snip-

[Not The Author]

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I'm treating this like the unsightly spectacle that it is. I don't care if I'm offed for not posting enough, given that I'll likely not have the time to between everyone else, or if I'm offed beforehand for reasons apparent in the profile. If I win, it's not because I was trying very hard. Don't say you weren't warned.

Username: Not The Author

Name: The Charlatan

Race: Grandmaster

Gender: Probably Male

Color: Green

Abilities: He's very fast, has inhuman reflexes, and is capable of flight and incorporeality; standard fare for those with the power to flit between dimensions, really.

Additionally, he's a master illusionist, capable of creating falsehoods of any size and affecting any and every physical sense to any and every being he should so choose. He can not, however, create or destroy matter; his illusions are incorporeal, and can be passed through at the cost of feeling as though one is being crushed by whatever they're attempting to navigate (assuming the illusion affects touch or whatever appropriate sense whichever species may have).

He carries only a Pocket Nonspecific Impatience Demonstrator, an advanced piece of technology that takes whatever form is most suited to informing your company you don't really give a shit about them, be it a book, pocket watch, iPhone, or what-have-you.

Description: The Charlatan is tall and slim with a tendency to loom. He is clothed in forest-green-and-white magician's garb, complete with top hat and not-quite-floor-length high-collared cape. The cape is typically drawn around him so as to be all mysterious and shit like that. His face is obscured by a semicircular mask of a toothy smile that appears to be made from the color white. Close inspection reveals that no part of his body is visible.

Personality-wise, he's a dick. He's insulting, condescending, and sarcastic. He lies, cheats, and deceives to get what he desires; assuming he can't just take it without asking. Or, preferably, ask and then take before the answer comes. That his face is perpetually locked in a Cheshire smile only serves to make things worse.

Biography: While his ascent to Semiomnipotence is necessarily unrelatable, he has spent most of his time since spreading mischief throughout the various realities. He has tested For Want Of A Nail on several occasions; shut down vital systems at inopportune moments on several craft modern, magical, and otherwise; created several major religious figures via precision hallucination; and subtly influenced no less than three Grand Battle rosters with careful application of disembodied voices posing as the soon-to-be-host's own thoughts.

His fellow Grandmasters dislike him to varying degrees, from mild apathy to deep loathing to outright murderous intent. Relatedly, The Charlatan may or may not have entered The Grand Clusterfuck of his own volition, and may or may not be operating at full strength.

[bobthepen]

Username: bobthepen

Name: LeAnn Rimes
Race: Human
Gender: Male
Color: Brown

Weapons/Abilities: He's got a team of monkeys and a heart full of gold. Metaphorically. About the gold, not the monkeys.

Description: LeAnn Rimes stands about 6'1 with lanky arms and legs. He wears some sort of street-fighter garb and probably has a banana in his pants. Actually probably several. His primate buddies are your standard cartoon monkey fare, about chimpanzee size but mostly brown and with tails. and those adorable faces that you just want to pet when they're not pummeling you with their strong monkey fists.

Biography: LeAnn woke up one morning deep in the jungles ala a George of the Jungle incident. He had that convenient kind of amnesia where he knew nothing about his old life except for how to speak, read, wear clothes, and some form of martial arts. He got his name from the front of a cd case he found in the rubble of the plane crash that claimed his loved one's lives (see 'George of the Jungle incident'...I actually don't know if that is what happened but just roll with it). He took the name as his own and promptly joined up with his new monkey family. Over the years he helped establish a small monkey community and does his best to keep the monkey thugs off the monkey streets. He has several members of his monkey posse that follow him around and help him beat up jungle dangers like tigers and ner-do-wells. He's pretty cocky, seeing how he hardly ever loses and is by far the smartest monkey there. (he is not a monkey). Anyway, woop zoop now he's here.

[granolaman]

Username: Granolaman

Name: Granolaman
Race: Human (Marisue)
Gender: Manly Man!
Color: Granola Brown

Weapons/Abilities: Looks that could kill, and Batman-esque combat training. His utility belt contains a number of breakfast related gadgets useful for stopping crime. Also he can fly.

Description: Tall, extremely muscular, and covered in superhero spandex (main color white, complementary color red) he wears a cape and utility belt, and a cowl in the shape of a granola bar to mask his identity. Personality is confident, charming, and ready to put any evil doers in there place.

Biography: Mild-mannered Wuce Brayne went to go eat his breakfast just like any other morning. When he poured his cereal, though, the unexpected happened: a prize came out. Then another, and another. He looked in the box and discovered that the cereal had been completely replaced with collectible trading cards, decoder rings and proofs of purchase. At the bottom of the box lay a singular piece of cereal glowing with powerful aura. Still being hungry, he popped the piece into his mouth anyways. Immediately, he was gifted with the powers of breakfast and tasked by a booming voice with defending its righteousness and integrity from those that seek it harm. A cowl formed upon his head and it was from that moment forth that he was known as Granolaman, champion of breakfast!

[gloomyMoron]

Username: gloomyMoron

Name: "Darmok"
Race: A Sentient Video Reel.
Gender: No thanks.
Color: Indigo

Weapons/Abilities: The Beast at El-Adrel, his claws ready. Picard and Dathon at El-Adrel, knife in hand.

Description: A sentient film reel of the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode, "Darmok". Can only speak in metaphor.

Biography: "Darmok" at Paramount, the reel fell. Darmok and Jalard at Tanagra. "Darmok" at California, the skies bright. Temba, his arms wide. "Darmok" and Gene at Hollywood, a tale beginning. Shaka, the walls fell. Gilgamesh and Enkidu at Uruk. The Beast at El-Adrel, hidden.

[cyber95]

This is a placeholder post. It will house extra profiles eventually.

[cyber95]

You see, there are going to be 25 rounds, which means 26 spots.

[cyber95]

Late entries will go in here. Also, I wanted to make sure this would start at the top of the next page.