Elia: Examine surroundings.
Well then, that answers a few questions. And by answers you mean it doesn't do anything at all. Is that road made out of yellow brick or eggo waffles? why are there doorholes in the mushrooms?
Why do you suddenly expect munchkins to come out and start dancing with lollipops? Is munchkins even the politically correct word, or are they little people now?
Also, you have boobs. This is kind of bothering you. They're so HEAVY. Where can a girl find a bra in a crazy rainbow fairy land?
> Punch bricks for coins
> Don't think about the WEDGIE OF AGES you are currently having.
Elia: Punch bricks for coins, while ignoring how much this wedgie hurts.
You start screaming at the bricks. You're so frustrated and you're getting a rush of hormones that you weren't supposed to experience for a few years, as your mind remembers it went through puberty and forces you to catch up.
YOU ARE SO MAD, WHY DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND YOU???
>Author and perform in a one-man show to make sense of your emotions.
> Horrified pounder the *consequences* of such sudden bodily changes, there is a bunch of knowledge one probably needs to handle it that you don't have and likely your head is full of misconceptions that under normal circumstances would have been corrected well before it was needed but now aren't!
Elia: Go to one of the mushroom houses.
A gnome walks out of the mushroom as you approach, about to yell at you to get off his lawn. You break down sobbing about all the things that are wrong, and how you don't know what to do and you're pretty sure yesterday you were 8 and where are your parents and why is this happening to you?!?!
The gnome offers you its hat to cheer you up, and invites you in for a cup of tea. The way he sees it, they've been waiting for you for a long time, and he guesses it's pretty exciting you're finally here.
He tells you the Serdan will be along shortly to explain everything, but that the sun will be going down soon and it won't be safe to stay outside much longer.
You sniffle and duck down into the little house. Your back bumps up against the top of the door.
> ask politely for the use of a telephone and a phone directory.
>Look at that delicious, tasty food over there. Just begging for you to eat it.
Fail to become properly sized for this stupid assgnome gnome house.
You fail rather spectacularly, and are deprived of the delicious smelling tea and food inside. The gnome looks at you and shakes his head.
"Well, you're fucked until the Serdan gets here," he says rather frankly.
Your 8 year old mind should be shocked to hear this, but it is beginning to feel more and more like the 18 year old mind that it is. And that mind, cracked and frayed and broken, tells you that hearing those words from a little stereotypical fat gnome with a big bushy beard who lives in a mushroom house is hilarious.
You break down into hysterical tears and laughter. You're not sure if you're sad or confused or if it's genuinely funny.
A voice comes from behind you, distinctly male, deep and warm and a little grumbling, "Excuse me, but I think you're waiting for me. Also if you could, uh. Not be... on your knees in a ridiculously tiny skirt, that'd be just great. Peachy fuckin' keen, as it were. I guess what I'm sayin' is, uh. Please stop showing me your ass. Please."
Elia: Be the Ser.... da...n?
You are now, yes, the Serdan. This is you, the Serdan. You're not ALWAYS that awful fluffy nightmare. In fact, not even half the time. That's only when you're in the human world, and since time works differently here, it's really only a small fracture of your life. You've been around for a decade of human nonsense and boring shit, but you just recently turned 19. You've been at this job for three fairy years, or roughly 15 human years.
You have a variety of interests but no one fucking asked about them, so piss off and let you do your job. You are currently trying hard not to look back down at the girl's skirt.
Elia: Be yourself again. Eek! Oh no, oh no...
You are so embarrassed. This is just- you can't believe that just happened! Who is this guy? He looks kind of familiar. It's in the eyes, you think. They're the same as the last color you remember seeing.
It's a little worrying.
You open your mouth to speak but all that comes out is a breathless squeak.
Also, your underwear is riding up your ass like a bitch and you can't even reach down to adjust it because there is a guy staring RIGHT AT YOU.
Serdan: Be named something proper.