THE END OF VIDEOGAMES???

[Jonath Nell]

LB: cover your mouth in surprise after that bit of tutorial exposition.

[Worlds scariest Hailstorm]

NG: Grow wings and fly away.

Unfortunatley you can think of no logical way to do this!

Entry of an ILLEGAL COMMAND has caused your FAMILIAR to grow wings.

>NG: Be contacted by a mysterious person... OF MYSTERY.

You recieve a text message that reads: "You have answered our prayers"

LB: cover your mouth in surprise after that bit of tutorial exposition.

>ABA: Punch shark in snout to establish karmic superiority.

ABA PUNCHES the shark in the poorest piece of animation to date, but it is not enough to make your KARMA elligable for a trip on this ship!

>Invisible Fire: Take the controller form LB, thereby violating the rules and becoming an entity in your own right.

>LB: This happens to you every tuesday.

Sadly, you cannot take the controller, as you have not yet taken the controller.

LB: Finally realize that your hair is on fire. Panic as you try to find a way to put it out. Drop the controller in your panic such that it falls on one of the control sticks.

You finally notice the fire, and immeadiatley drop the controller. It lands on the D PAD, causing ABA to run away.




ABA runs through the door to the LOWER DECK.


You arrive in THE DINER. These MURDERERS AND THIEVES are sampling all the dishes they could possibly want, in an ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET that stretches for miles, despite being in the interior of a galleon. On the walls are signs pointing to the dishes available, such as "RARE MEATS", "RIVER OF CHOCOLATE" or "SEXY VEG". PIGS serve food through open hatches on the walls, and being DEAD, these wandering souls have limitless stoumach capacity and cannot get sick. No-one is touching the tray rack directly in front of you for some reason. It is likely that the SHARK you encountered earlier is going to come down here and look for you, so you had better hide here somewhere quick!



LB looks for a source of WATER to extinguish the fire.

[William3]

ABA: Hide in river of chocolate.

[PavlovianCat]

ABA: Hide in river of chocolate.

Exactly what I was going to say. Otherwise:

> Floor: having gained possession of controller, become playable character.

[Worlds scariest Hailstorm]

ABA: Hide in river of chocolate.

There is no-one at the CONTROLLER! ABA simply plays her idle animation while the Shark's footsteps grow ever closer.

> Floor: having gained possession of controller, become playable character.

You can now control the FLOOR.

[Jonath Nell]

> LB: Dive head first into that source of water with the arrows around it.

[William3]

Floor: Rumble around to establish your playability.

[Kyta]

Floor: Be exceptionally flat

[Masterweaver]

Floor: Move ABA.

[William3]

NG: Reply to mysterious text message, asking «What the fuck?»

[ardentApathy]

>Floor: Succumb to unfathomable flatness.

[Worlds scariest Hailstorm]

> LB: Dive head first into that source of water with the arrows around it.

You dunk your HEAD in the WASHING UP BOWL. The FIRE is out.


Your hair is WET.


You are now in the KITCHEN. The HELPFUL ARROWS AND LABELS have disappeared now that the game is properly underway!

Floor: Be exceptionally flat

Easy!


You wasted too much TIME! The shark is here!



The shark PUMMELS you with its HAMMER, and you lose an envyable amount of health!

Floor: Move ABA.

You'd love to, but you have no MUSCLES!

Floor: Rumble around to establish your playability.

It looks like rumbling is possible! You manage to manipluate the controller a little bit.



You muster up a PATHETIC SLAP. It does manage to give the shark's WEAK NOSE a NOSEBLEED, but it is unharmed overall. It needs to find a NAPKIN! There are plenty around.

NG: Reply to mysterious text message, asking «What the fuck?»

You type out your reply, taking special care to obscure the word "fuck" in the image. A reply lands almost immeadiatley.


"Do I have to explain everything? You are the one who broke the threshold of one billion points. You guided our savior through hell and proved victorious. We have delivered your reward to you. We hope you will be pleased with our gift."

>Floor: Succumb to unfathomable flatness.

It's all over for the FLOOR!

[Varkarrus]

Reward: Be unfathomably important to the plot.

[William3]

NG: Inquire about REWARD.

[PavlovianCat]

> Floor: Lament your inability to interact with the world in any way you'd find meaningful.

[Worlds scariest Hailstorm]

Reward: Be unfathomably important to the plot.

yes

NG: Inquire about REWARD.

You send them a reply that says; "What's this reward?"


An instantaneous reply reads; "We already delivered it to you"


Weird, you don't remember recieving anything.

> Floor: Lament your inability to interact with the world in any way you'd find meaningful.

You feel a twinge of sadness.



Unfortunatley, with no controller, this lady is getting brutalised! A small crowd of sinners gathers to watch.

[William3]

ABA: Run out of health, thus demonstrating to the audience how the saving/reloading system works.

[Worlds scariest Hailstorm]

ABA: Run out of health, thus demonstrating to the audience how the saving/reloading system works.

That will take a while!

[PavlovianCat]

NG: Inform Rick you must leave for your bi-monthly Illiminati gathering; Abscond to look for REWARD.

[William3]

NG: During the ensuing conversation with Rick, sneak in a reference to «My vision is augmented».

[Worlds scariest Hailstorm]

NG: Inform Rick you must leave for your bi-monthly Illiminati gathering; Abscond to look for REWARD.

NG: Hey Rick, I'm gonna go now, but it's been great listening/interjecting into your stream of thought, kay?
RH: Go whenever you want. You didn't have to come all the way over here. I feel like my privacy has been invaded!
NG: Like what you were saying about the illuminati?
RH: Invading my privacy? Well yeah, but you're not the illuminati.
NG: I am a bit.
RH: What?
NG: I'm leaving to go to an illuminati meeting.
RH: Hah, whatever. You know the illuminati are easily identifiable by those symbols on their faces.
NG: I put makeup over it.
RH: You going or what?
NG: Oh, yeah, Thanks for reminding me.
RH: Wait, are you gonna take the clothesline again?
NG: Yeah.
RH: How do you even SEE where you're going on that thing?

NG: During the ensuing conversation with Rick, sneak in a reference to «My vision is augmented».

"My vision is augmented", you say, quoting an awesome game that came out last year.




You arrive back in the house to find your game has been sabotaged!


Without even thinking, you confiscate the fucking controller from the previous player, and set about putting your awesome skills into action. (Watch this, players, this is how it's done)


You quickly retrieve your DEVIL ARMS from your inventory.


You SCISSOR GRAB the shark's nose, stunning it, but not killing it soas to preserve your KARMA METER.


These MURDERERS who were getting a kick out of your brutalisation get taken back to school, while you're at it. It doesn't affect your KARMA.


You volley the fuck over a trolley to the RIVER OF CHOCOLATE, which for some reason you feel is the best place to go to hide from the gaurds.


You hide behind a rock, but not in the river itself, as since you are a veteran player, you know what's in there, and you aint making that mistake again. There is no bigger view of this area yet, as your vision is obscured by your hiding place. You can step out to view the whole area, but you risk being caught!

[ardentApathy]

>ABA: Lure the shark into the river of chocolate.
>NG: Wonder why the hell the souls of the damned get a river of chocolate.

You are at the dock, the entryway where the aimless wandering souls go before being taken down. Goodish souls get to ride the galleons, a last rest and luxury before being forever thrown into unbearable damnation. Worse souls just get dumped straight down those holes.

Nevermind then.

>LB: Look for a towel or dishcloth or something with which to dry off.

[William3]

NG: Swear revenge on LB.

[Masterweaver]

>Floor: Maybe if you crumple up, you could... possibly... just--
>LB: Begin ARCANE SUMMONING RITUAL OF THE ELVES.

[tagonizer]

>Floor: Ponder Picasso.
>NG: Fist pump! Man you sure are killer at this game. SYKE! Killing ruins your karmeter!
>LB: Hide from NG! The wrath she must have for tampering with her game could be painful!