MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Tybian Sothoth]

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http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4515717
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4517215
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4521451
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4525474
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4526712
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4526848
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4531039
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4532950
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4535661
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4539642
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4543269
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4548832
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4553210
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4563832
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4577288
http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4579562

The Survivor
Chapter 17

First chapter in the new thread!

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Tybian: Get Trolled

Wait someone's trying to contact you? How odd. Oh hey it's her!

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-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began trolling foreverParadox [FP] --

FP: H/ KANAYA!!!
FP: }:]
GA: What Are You Doing
FP: / WAS JUST ABOUT READY TO PESTER TAVROS!!!
FP: AND ASK /F HE KNOWS WHERE AND WHAT VR/SKA'S P/ANET TH/NG WAS!!!
GA: That Is Not The Answer I Was Searching For
GA: What I Meant To Ask Was What Is Your Purpose Here
GA: You Should Not Be An Active Variable In Our Current Situation
FP: WE// /T'S K/ND OF A /ONG STORY!!!
FP: BUT /T DOESN'T REA//Y MATTER ANYMORE!!!
FP: /'VE DEC/DED TO HE/P YOU GUYS OUT /NSTEAD OF K/// YOU A//!!!
GA: Youre Saying Your Original Goal Was To Exterminate Us
GA: And Youve Decided To Overturn That In Favor Of Assisting Us
GA: Would You Say I Have The Idea
FP: YEAH THAT'S PRETTY MUCH /T /N A NUTHSHE//!!!
GA: I Refuse
FP: REFUSE WHAT???
GA: Your Assistance
GA: I Am Refusing Your Help In Any Matter Related To This Game
GA: You Dont Belong Here
FP: KANAYA!!!
FP: YOU'RE MAK/NG ME CRY!!!
FP: };(
FP: WHY CAN'T / HE/P YOU GUYS???
GA: Its Unclear What the Terminal Effects Of Your Doings Are Causing At This Time
GA: But It Would Be Extremely Reckless Of Us To Enlist You In Something You Never Had Predestined Involvement In
GA: Do You Even Realize What The Entire Point Of This Game Is
GA: What The Point Of Our Home Being Completely Wiped Out And The Death Of Our Race Leads Too
FP: UP UNT// NOW / JUST ASSUMED /T WOU/DN'T MATTER!!!
FP: BUT NOW THAT /'M HE/P/NG, / GUESS A //TT/E /NS/GHT WOU/DN'T HURT!!!
GA: Were Constructing A New Universe
GA: A Valhalla Meant To Be Populated By A Species Unknown To Us
GA: Through Our Combined Efforts We Have Supplied The Armies Of Both Good And Evil An Arsenal Of Weaponry And Abilities That Will Soon Be Used Against Themselves And Us
GA: To Determine Not Only Their Fate But Ours As Well
GA: It Is a System That Creates And Destroys Countless Galaxies And Realities In The Name Of An Unknown Overseer
FP: THAT SOUNDS //KE SOME HEAVY STUFF!!!
FP: /S THAT WHAT YOU'RE DO/NG R/GHT NOW???
GA: Not At This Moment
GA: For Now I Have Been Tasked With The Combination And Hunting Of These Green Slimy Amphibian Type Younglings
FP: THAT'S MESSED UP!!!
GA: It Also Holds No Relevancy In Regard To The Reason I Have Contacted You
GA: Unlike Us You Have Not Supplied The Game With Anything
GA: In Fact From What I Have Been Told
GA: Your Entity Has Been Completely Reformed To Contain The Power Of Omnipotence
GA: Your Presence Alone Has Begun To Agitate The Balance Of Order
GA: Im Afraid That As Long As You Remain
GA: Everything Will Only Become Worse
FP: /'M SORRY???
GA: That Is Not Good Enough
FP: WE// WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO???
GA: It May Sound Harsh
GA: But For The Sake Of Our Success In All Of This
GA: You Need To Leave Us
GA: Or You Will Have To Die
FP: Wha-
GA: I Know It Is Hard To Take In
GA: But You Were Never Meant To Survive
FP: You want me to die?
GA: This Is Very Difficult To Express
GA: But Yes
GA: It Was Kind Of Karkat To Attempt To Offer You Solace Within Our Session
GA: But The Fact Is
GA: Youre An Anomaly
FP: So that's all I am to you?
FP: Just a pest?
GA: Please Do Not Exaggerate My Intended Meaning
FP: I don't think I'm exaggerating anything right now
FP: I'm pretty sure I'm hitting the nail on the head
FP: You aren't even sure if my being here is affecting anything
FP: You have no proof, yet you want me to leave?
FP: Worse, you expect me to die
FP: What kind of friend says that?
GA: No Please Stop
GA: Your Attempt At Pity Wont Dissuade Me From The Correct Choice
GA: If You Wont Comply
GA: Then I Will Simply Take Matters Into My Own Hands
FP: You have no idea how much this all hurts kanaya
FP: I'm not about ready to fall over and die just because you have a hunch
FP: So I'll call your fucking bluff
FP: I absolutely dare you to find me
FP: And finish me off
GA: You Are So Selfish
FP: Am I?
GA: I Dont Know
GA: This Is All Very Hard To Understand
FP: This conversation is over
FP: If you still feel the way you do then come and find me
GA: Dont Make Me Tybian
GA: Im Asking You To Just Leave
GA: Please Dont Make Me Do This
FP: Sorry, not in the mood to die today
FP: You'll just have to deal with it or put your threat to the test
GA: Very Well

-- foreverParadox [FP] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

GA: You Are Such A Stubborn Fool
GA: You Always Were
GA: };(

[KarneWarrior]

Karne: I'm so sorry I haven't mentioned this earlier, but EEEE new Trial by Void! I have been hanging on to this series right from the start! So happy each time I see an update.


Lastly: "GOG DAMNIT PEOPLE IF ONE MORE PERSON UPDATES THEIR SHIPPING WALL WHILE ON DUTY I SWEAR I'LL GAS YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP."

BEST LINE EVER

Thanks, Rimbaum.

Another step closer to WORLD DOMINATI- I mean, becoming a successful author, yes. *ahem*

Also even while typing that memo, even though in canon this is sweeps before Karkat is even hatched, I could not stop hearing Karkat while I was writing the memo. So I guess Deigo is like his generations Karkat, sort of. Except insead of a sickle he uses Chlorine gas (atomic number 17, btw. Science references yay).

But yeah they're both dead now since the empress doesn't like fighting in her offishal memos. It's just reely bad for the Fleet Morale.

[HasABeard]

This happened over in the main thread, and in retrospect is closer to fanfiction than anything, even though it's basically a rewrite of Cat's in the Cradle to be about John and Dad

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Collected and finished

A child arrived just the other day,
Stabbed on his Quest Bed the usual way.
But I had imps to fight, other monsters too.
He picked up my wallet like I knew he would do.
His mangrit maxed, and as it grew,
He said, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

My John turned ten thirteen just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the cake, dad, don't know what to say
Can I teach you to prank?" I was Proud that day,
"I've got a lot to do," he said. "Well that's ok."
But he walked away, and my smile never dimmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be proud of him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be proud of him."

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

Well, he fought an ogre just the other day,
So much like a man, I wanted to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
he couldn't hear me, on Skaia with a smile,
"What I'd really like, SON, is to see you please.
Please, SON, will you live to see me, please?"

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

I've just found a bed to hold him on, and he can't move away.
Always knew I'd live to see this day.
I know he's alive, gotta tell it to my mind
He's godtier now, stronger than the Knight of Time
But he's right here now, in my arms, in this land where we flew
Whereever you are SON, I'm so deeply proud of you
Did you ever come up to tell me, "Dad
I know you love me, and I'll always love you"
And as I hung onto him, it occurred to me
I wish he was just like me
Wish my boy was just like me.

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

[Zampanó]

First off, I want to say that you guys all rock. I've lurked for a few days and read pages upon pages upon pages of fanfiction, much of which I liked and all of which impressed me; it's obvious how much skill and talent is floating around here. You basically inspired me to give it a shot of my own. (So this is all your fault!)

Second, although you (as a collective) have made me want to try this, there's nothing that suggests I am even a little competent. So for my first few posts I'll go ahead and be self-conscious and insecure, if it's all the same to you (you, specifically). Spoilered for length, nested spoilers are for effect.

Matryoshka Regress

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JOHNNY LUDE is eighteen years old and is a week away from freedom. As a SENIOR in High School, he is exempt from finals. His room is EXCEPTIONALLY TIDY, aside from the YOUNG ADULT BOOKS strewn about the floor. NOSTALGIC LITERATURE is a passion of his, matched only by his dedication to EXPERIMENTAL ART. Posters of POSTMODERN THEATER TROUPES plaster an entire wall of his bedroom, mirrored on the far wall by a COLLAGE of CALENDAR PAGES framing the ORIGINAL MOCKUP of the poster for the movie HELVETICA. Balanced on a pile of CLIFF’S NOTES sits a DRY ERASE BOARD, featuring drawings of THINGS THAT NEVER WERE.

It is Saturday, and since High School Seniors graduate in the spring and spring features gorgeous weather, the transitive property of graduation mandates that the weather is gorgeous. Johnny has a procedure for days such as this. Johnny has a procedure for everything. Gorgeous Spring Days mean BIKE RIDES. That is the procedure. Sometimes he even gets lucky and runs into his BEST FRIEND, but she is stuck going to school, and is far too responsible to ever miss such a valuable educational opportunity as the optional teacher-evaluation seminar offered to varsity athletes. Yes far too responsible. It is entirely impossible for her to be featured in the next seven paragraphs. Inconceivable, even.

Johnny is particularly fond of his bike. His TREK 4 series is his prize possession. Sure, his best friend (who is too responsible for this paragraph!) talks up her laptop and all of its custom modifications, but there is no contest between a computer and this finely tuned precision racing machine. Featuring hollow chrome alloy rails, a Shimano Ultegra dual crank and a Carbon E2 aluminum quadfiber frame, no bike on the road can compete, especially not some outdated Bickerton reject; parts for his bike haven’t been available in decades! Johnny is not one to hold a grudge, so the offending cyclist is pushed from his mind. Anyway, this bike, this beautiful piece of TREK workmanship standing before him, is special. Hand-magnetized rotary magnets, sliding along inside of the wheel, coil springs attached to both axles, winding up a burst of emergency speed that is not rendered completely worthless by a narrative focused primarily indoors. AND OFF HE SPEEDS ON HIS MAGBIKE!

The day really couldn’t get any better. Old Man Adams hasn’t turned off his sprinkler system yet, and there is a refreshingly permanent mist hovering over the entire block. A few laps through the artificial fog bank, luxuriating in the shade of Adams’s orchard and then straight down Main Street like a bullet, breezing past the Library and Dojo, even the Cinemaplex. There is not enough time to read the librarians’ recommendations or the movie showtimes; slowing down on such a glorious downhill would be downright criminal. Across Seventh Street, and the biggest goddamn hill in town looms ahead like some kind of wrathful narcoleptic giant. All of his momentum from the ride down is gone before the halfway point, and to get to the top Johnny has dropped into his absolute lowest gear. Spandex-clad thighs rising and falling many times faster than his heart, he crests Murder Hill and slows to a halt, conservation of momentum be damned. He’s reached a plateau and after SMOKER’S CORNER (and the Gym across the street) lays the STATE PARK, a snarl of bike paths and hiking trails, more than a little untamed.

SMOKER’S CORNER is the abandoned husk of a gas station, its dilapidated concrete slab’s oil stains carefully shielded from the elements by a massive standalone ceiling. The sign has been defaced more times than anyone can remember; the spraypaint covering the decade-old gas prices probably outweighs the removable letters (rearranged to spell “SUPER PREMIUM ASS”) twice over. It is the hangout of hoodlums and ne’er-do-wells, and is the epicenter of the town’s ferret infestation. Nearly every kind of DRUG SHIT imaginable to highschooler-kind can be procured at SMOKER’S CORNER. Johnny pulls the brim of his helmet down, carefully avoiding eye contact and preparing to trigger a magnetically stored burst of speed, should he be accosted. Weaving through the potholes and cigarette butts, apprehension scales with the inverse square of distance from the hoodlums. Johnny surreptitiously speeds up as he gets closer to the occupied intersection, hoping not to draw too much attention, working himself into a panicked rush as he crosses, only to swerve right into SMOKER’S LOT to avoid the broken glass strewn throughout the intersection curiously oriented to divert passersby into the driveway.

“Look wut we got here, bohys and ghurls. A real Lance Armstrong. Pencil Arms here thinks he wants to go to the Gym! I think he’d better pay up to cross our turf, don’t you?” Cole, the biggest winner of the bunch, a kid they said had been through ninth grade seven times, appears to be directing two henchmen to block the exit. Johnny gulps. He usually hops the curve and crosses at the light opposite from the gas station. It was foolish to get this close. Now he would have to talk his way out.

“I won’t do your homework for you.” (A little humor never hurt anyone, right? Surely they’ll appreciate a REFERENCE GAMBIT and laugh the whole thing off, right?) “I don’t have anything on me, but you can take my Gatorade, I haven’t even opened it yet.” (BARTERTECH: UTTER SUBMISSION activated)

“That just aint good enuhff. If he aint got the goods we can just beat it out of him. Sticks can take the first turn.” Sticks is apparently going to punch and kick five dollars worth of pain out, although the exact conversion rate of pain to money is just outside of the grasp of memory. Was it forty-three cents per bruise, or was that a contusion rating? It’s amazing what facts a brain will deem important in the face of impending catastrophe. Johnny briefly regrets the state of his Strife Specibus, before deciding that preserving the bike is more important than preserving himself and triggering the magburst. The bike sails past the outstretched arms of the SMOKERS through the empty intersection and into the domain of the GYM. The bike, at least, is safe from vandalism. Johnny himself braces for Stick’s first strike, eyes shut, only to hear a sickening crack inexplicably lacking an accompanying impact with his jaw. More bewildered now than confused, he risked opening his eyes long enough to see a very surprised Sticks holding his hand and looking directly at a very angry and very armed ALISON KELP.

“Don’t just stand there like an idiot Johnny boy! Get over here!” Instantly, his brain switches gears from cowering to escape and Johnny is at her side in a flash. She calls out to Cole, “I thought we’ve been over this. You get to be thugs at night. I won’t stop you. At sunrise though, you go back to being sullen poser teenagers. And for future reference, you leave Johnny alone at all times, ya got that?” To Johnny she mutters, “You gotta stop getting in to these situations. Let’s go talk in the lounge.”

Enshrined in the safety of the staff lounge at the GYM, the girl was staring earnestly into her friend’s eyes. “Johnny, you really could have been hurt! That kid had a weapon and was actually going to hit you with it. I don’t care what you say, you’re activating your Specibus right away. It’s totally irresponsible of you to have put it off like this.”

“It’s nice to know you care but I’m not sure that it’s that important… I probably would’ve gotten hurt worse if I had tried to fight and you weren’t there. Fighting just doubles the number of people getting hurt.”

“It’s sweet of you to be so concerned about those kids. I’ll drive you home and you can pack up your T.V. and computer and all your books and all but two changes of clothes and we’ll donate everything you own. That sound like fun? No? Then you’re getting a Specibus. I’ll give you a lift—I’m not finished with you yet.”

Pausing just long enough to grab the bike, the pair piles into Alison’s pickup. “Ali, you still want to play that game with me, right? I mean, you aren’t so disgusted with me that you’re going to cut all ties—“

“Don’t be stupid. If you were any more insecure you’d be calling in to ask Penguin Dr. Phil for advice. Just shut up and think about what you want to weaponize.”



This is ALISON KELP. She is seventeen years old and will never be free. Her GYMNASTICS coach fully expects her to train until she competes in the OLYMPICS. In addition, her SOFTBALL and SOCCER coaches both run summer training programs and expect her to help with the fiddly underclass(wo)men and let’s not even begin to think about how much time she will be spending at the DOJO getting ready for her SECOND DEGREE BLACKBELT match and that doesn’t even start to include the volunteer hours she puts in at the local HUMANE SOCIETY helping to take care of HEARTBREAKINGLY HOMELESS ANIMALS. Alison sometimes gets a LITTLE STRESSED. Her strife specibus is set to PRECISION KIND, a holdover from ARCHERY PRACTICE earlier in the day. After dropping Johnny at his house with strict instructions not to do anything until he had specified a weapon, she returned to her bedroom which is not noteworthy at all to catch up on some correspondence.
[OPEN PESTERLOG]

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[[xenasTrggrfngr] began pestering [HanibalNero]]
XT: do you really not have the discs yet? If we have to wait another day to start up then we’ll be a whole 36 hours behind the primary BETA launch…. THINK OF THE GRINDING WEVE MISSED

HN: D0nT 3v3n W0rRY URSELF
HN:*URS3|f
HN: I G0t 3m` A|| f0uR 0f 3m` |f J1 CAN G3t H|s ACT T0g3tH3r

XT: hold on… I made him pick a strife pack and used the game as leverage. I gotta make sure he picked something good

[xenasTrggrfngr] shushed [HanibalNero]
[[xenasTrggrfngr] began pestering [|0Ck3_N3Wt0N]]

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XT: what’s the damage ‘J1’?
XT: I kcant believe your making us call u that
XT: lol
LN: I picked the best one. Definitely. I’ll give you bonus points If you can get it.
XT: was it hacky-sack kind?
LN: NO!!! HACKY-SACKS ARE NOT WEAPONS
LN: You know that. Don’t be crude.
XT: just tell me already.
LN:…
LN: BOOK KIND :p
LN: It was obvious, really. I’m more literate than anyone I know, and books have all kinds of conflict. It is the essence of drama, after all. This will give me access to every obscure reference I could ever need in an argument. I can’t believe I never used this before! Say I’m debating someone about historical accuracy. BAM! Specibus comes out and a quote from Thucydides pops out already wrapped in pretentious bullshit! This will make arguments so much better! Thanks!
XT: (_____)':
XT: ^^^ that’s my jaw dropping
XT: what the hell Johnny?
LN: My only question is about the hardware itself. Is it supposed to update the mode every two seconds? It seems like whenever I look away it, it flickers.
XT: that’s probably a glitch from picking the lamest __Kind I’ve ever heard of
XT: BOOKS ARENT WEAPONS WTHell
XT: just get into the install process, and don’t forget to do exactly the way I showed you
XT: i don’t want to have to remote reboot you everytime you switch sessions
LN: Oh allright. I’ll just run downstairs and grab the discs. I’ll have both of them up and we’ll get this show on the road!
[[|0Ck3_N3Wt0N] closed out of pesterchum]

Johnny tosses his not-lame strife specibus on his bed and races downstairs to get the copies of Sburb so he can initiate Ali’s iteration of the game. Since no one could possibly accost him in his own home, doesn’t thinki twice about leaving the still flickering piece of hardware behind. Maybe it just needs to register with a network, he thinks.
There is no network to which a strife deck connects. The flickering, from BOOK KIND to something not quite legible, speeds up once his back is turned. After Johnny has left the room, it stops completely. The glitch has resolved itself, albeit to something significantly more alarming. Lying inert on a bed in a young man’s room is a strife deck with one selection




ELDRIDTCH KIND

[A/N]

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Thanks for reading through all (nearly 4 and a half pages--good lord) of that. Basically I had a single idea, and then things started latching on to that. I did my best to lay groundwork for what would come up in the future, were I to continue. I certainly hope to, barring some forumwide petition to prevent it. (Also barring the totally expected cascade of schoolwork during the week.)

[apocalypticCritic]

This happened over in the main thread, and in retrospect is closer to fanfiction than anything, even though it's basically a rewrite of Cat's in the Cradle to be about John and Dad

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Collected and finished

A child arrived just the other day,
Stabbed on his Quest Bed the usual way.
But I had imps to fight, other monsters too.
He picked up my wallet like I knew he would do.
His mangrit maxed, and as it grew,
He said, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

My John turned ten thirteen just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the cake, dad, don't know what to say
Can I teach you to prank?" I was Proud that day,
"I've got a lot to do," he said. "Well that's ok."
But he walked away, and my smile never dimmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be proud of him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be proud of him."

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

Well, he fought an ogre just the other day,
So much like a man, I wanted to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
he couldn't hear me, on Skaia with a smile,
"What I'd really like, SON, is to see you please.
Please, SON, will you live to see me, please?"

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

I've just found a bed to hold him on, and he can't move away.
Always knew I'd live to see this day.
I know he's alive, gotta tell it to my mind
He's godtier now, stronger than the Knight of Time
But he's right here now, in my arms, in this land where we flew
Whereever you are SON, I'm so deeply proud of you
Did you ever come up to tell me, "Dad
I know you love me, and I'll always love you"
And as I hung onto him, it occurred to me
I wish he was just like me
Wish my boy was just like me.

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

....

I love this. Good parody, best song.

[Solaris]

This happened over in the main thread, and in retrospect is closer to fanfiction than anything, even though it's basically a rewrite of Cat's in the Cradle to be about John and Dad

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Collected and finished

A child arrived just the other day,
Stabbed on his Quest Bed the usual way.
But I had imps to fight, other monsters too.
He picked up my wallet like I knew he would do.
His mangrit maxed, and as it grew,
He said, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

My John turned ten thirteen just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the cake, dad, don't know what to say
Can I teach you to prank?" I was Proud that day,
"I've got a lot to do," he said. "Well that's ok."
But he walked away, and my smile never dimmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be proud of him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be proud of him."

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

Well, he fought an ogre just the other day,
So much like a man, I wanted to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
he couldn't hear me, on Skaia with a smile,
"What I'd really like, SON, is to see you please.
Please, SON, will you live to see me, please?"

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

I've just found a bed to hold him on, and he can't move away.
Always knew I'd live to see this day.
I know he's alive, gotta tell it to my mind
He's godtier now, stronger than the Knight of Time
But he's right here now, in my arms, in this land where we flew
Whereever you are SON, I'm so deeply proud of you
Did you ever come up to tell me, "Dad
I know you love me, and I'll always love you"
And as I hung onto him, it occurred to me
I wish he was just like me
Wish my boy was just like me.

And the cats in the sprite with a princess, too
Lil Cal's knows the man in the moon
When I'm coming home son I don't know when,
But I'm gonna leave a note till then, SON
You know I'm proud till then

Cross Post this to the VA Thread.
I want someone to sing this.

[Decker]

@Kass. Perfect ending for that story.

[lucidSeraph]

@Zampano: I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. That said, this is the first fic with original characters that has actually held my attention for more than thirty seconds, good job

@Kass: oh yesss. Somehow I feel like letting him live is even crueler than killing him off.

[lantadyme]

Vindicatrix

Part One
Part Two
Part Three

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Eridan has no time to formulate a witty response or even force his aching muscles into action before Rose raises her wands. A cloud of darkness masses around her like a raincloud and he can barely dive out of the way as a bolt of dark energy streams past him, hitting the surface of the sea with an angry crackle-hiss.

He struggles to muster a counterattack but his palms are sweating, he can barely keep a grip on his wand and he's so fucking tired, he just wants to go home-

There is another deafening concussion as the twofold stream of black light coursing from Rose's needles hits the ground beside him, grazing his hip and sending a cloud of white sand into the air to choke him and sting his eyes. He yells back at her, an incoherent cry of protest, and struggles to his feet, raising his wand as he does so. He should be winning this stupid fight easily. He's at the highest level, he defeated the Black King, for god's sake - but there's nobody backing him up here.

He finally manages to fire off a defensive shot, a loop of white light that deflects one or two attacks before dissolving, but Rose is implacable. Her face, visible through the cloud of steam and sparks and flying sand, is set in an expression of quiet fury.

"Rose, please-" he calls, raising his hands in a gesture of submission, but she merely takes the opportunity to send another volley of black flame sizzling towards him. One clips his shoulder and he falls back into the shallows, screaming. Blood flows from the wound, a stain of deep purple on the waters, spreading around him like a dark halo. Some part of him wants to lie there, letting the cold water numb him, and wait for her to finish him off, but whatever desperate howling survival instinct still lurks at the base of his brain sends him scrabbling for leverage on the sand and he hauls himself onto all fours. His glasses are shattered and there's sand and saltwater in his eyes. He can't focus. The blue-grey blur of the water fades into the grey-white blur of the sand, and the dark silhouette of his death bearing down on him from above. The only certainty is the slender white wand in his hand, the cause of all this, gripped so tightly in his fist that its edges have cut deeply into his palm -

- something strikes him, hard, sending shudders of pain down his arm, and the wand is gone, shattered into a thousand small splinters of bone. The wand and his fucking hand, his right hand, nothing remaining but a jagged flap of sleeve, flapping helplessly in the wind. He screams hoarsely and the sound doesn't seem to stop as his knees give out and he collapses onto the sand, blood pouring from his ruined wrist and turning the sand to royal purple.

Rose lands lightly beside him.

"N-no," he gasps, shaking, "Please don't, I'm sorry-"

"I know what you did," she says, "Eridan."

She manages to spit out his name like it's a curse word. He realises with a sort of sick amusement that in another life he might have been delighted by the hatred blossoming in her eyes, but he was so wrong, so stupid-

"Please understand something," she says, "In the last few days my friends and I have had to witness the destruction of all we know and hold dear. Endearingly optimistic as John and Jade may remain, we are not unaware of the scale of devastation that has been visited upon us."

She kneels on the sand beside him, the tip of one needlewand to his throat, drawing a bead of blue-black blood. Maybe I'll pass out soon, he thinks, and she can kill me in my sleep. That would be nice.

"I suppose what I am trying to convey to you is that given the situation into which we find ourselves bodily hurled, it is in each other that we can see our only possible hope for survival."

Her hands, he notices, are shaking.

"From a purely strategic point of view, you don't kill your allies, Eridan Ampora," she says, "And if you value whatever miserable state of being you currently inhabit, you do not kill my friends."

"I'm sorry," he manages to say, "I'm so- I loved her."

"You - what?" she says, genuinely taken aback. "As though that gives you any right to - how dare you even talk about Kanaya."

"Not Kan," he says, "F-Feferi. I loved Feferi."

"I see," she says. Her face is impassive as a statue once again, but Eridan gets the impression that she has not prepared a speech for this eventuality.

"Just kill me," he says, clutching at his wounded arm as fresh tears pour down his cheeks. "Please. I'm too much of a coward to do it myself."

"No." She sits back, digging her heels into the sand and withdrawing the wand from his throat.

"No?" he says. There is a moment in which the only sound is the lap of waves. Whether Rose is gathering her thoughts or relishing the look of agony on his face, he can't tell.

"Kanaya - my friend, my friend who I loved, though I don't know why I'd tell a worthless nonentity like you when I could never tell her - worried about what I might become," she says, "And now it seems I have become the kind of person who leaves you with the choice to bleed to death alone in the sea or to get to your feet and perhaps continue to live with your guilt. I have become, in short, the kind of person to leave you with hope."

Rose stands and turns to go.

"I wonder whether she would approve."

Man, Rose is so awesome here. As powerful as she is, she has the control that Eridan doesn't. I really like how you handled the opposites.

I just don't understand how you people are so good when it comes to writing dialogue for all these trolls. I'm currently working on my own homestuck fic but can't write dialogue at all. Do any of you have any tips for writing for a semi-new fic writer?

Have open multiple tabs of their pesterlogs and just fumble around blindly at the keyboard. Like I'm doing now. I swear, if Sollux and Karkat don't stop arguing and get on to what they were supposed to talk about, I will flip all the tables.

[Doodled]

I probably should wrap up my murder mystery before it becomes too canon/non-canon at the same time...

In case you have no idea what I'm talking about...

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Previous chapters:

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One and Two: http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...tion-IV/page39

Three: http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...tion-IV/page42

Four: http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...tion-IV/page48

Five: http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...tion-IV/page76

Six: http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...tion-IV/page77

Seven: http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...tion-IV/page79

And PART 8 is linked as this exact quote, for both of our convienence...

OR, perchance, a summary?
Here:

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The story began with Sollux confronting Eridan... Over killing Feferi... For reasons that were, at the time, completely non-canon.

Rewind back thru time, till we hear of a mysterious man breaking a law of all universes, to test his power... As a part of the backlash from the action, he takes mysterious measures that cause, some way or another, for the following events to occur...

Feferi kicked Eridan out of her respiteblock, to the witnesses of Vriska, Kanaya, and Sollux.

Karkat calls a meeting, to which the trolls lazily attend.

Karkat generally rages, while Vriska decides to casually be a bitch with her mind-powers.

Feferi doesn't arrive. Sollux is worried.

They opened the door to her respiteblock, to find her dead. Sollux was greatly impacted. Terezi decided to investigate this mystery.

Karkat and Nepeta stayed behind, generally arguing with each other.

Terezi had an important piece of info to share, so she and Karkat went back to the main room.

Nepeta stayed behind, as she heard a sound: sobbing.

It was Sollux. She mourned with him, comforting him.

Back in the main room, Vriska was still being a bitch.

Terezi revealed that the killer was taking large quantities of blood from the scene of the crime.

They quickly figure Nepeta as the number one suspect. They realize the danger of Sollux being alone with her.

Karkat is the first to find them, and tackles Nepeta, much to the sorrow of her, anger of Sollux, and eventual scolding of Terezi.

As Karkat stayed behind, Sollux remembered something on the way to the main room: Feferi had rejected Eridan right before she was killed. So then, the opening scene occurred, with Sollux strangling Eridan. It was Vriska, ironically enough, who kept them from killing each other.

Speaking of Vriska, they suddenly realized that Kanaya wasn't there.

Yeah, she was dead. Vriska, saddened. Terezi, this time by fear, demanded that Karkat stayed to help her sleuth. Of course, Nepeta tagged along.

Back in the main room, the countdown hit 0, and the trolls were forced to troll linearly with the kids.

Sollux was too busy thinking sad thoughts. He excused himself. So did Gamzee, to slam a Faygo.

Karkat then left Nepeta and Terezi, only to have Sollux arrive moments later.

Nepeta didn't love Sollux like she did Karkat, but they had become almost more than good friends.

Gamzee screamed.

He had been confronted by the killer, and managed to survive with only a cut-off arm.

Nepeta shoo'd Equius away to "get some leaves."

Gamzee was in too much shock to do much.

Equius was gone for too long...

Tensions between Sollux and Eridan heated up again, before Karkat realized that Equius was in danger.

Sure enough, he was pinned to Kanaya's respiteblock with a sword. Nepeta was, surprisingly, more accepting of this than the others were about the other deaths. Only a single emerald tear gave her away.

Gamzee was bandaged, but still in shock.

Why was Nepeta in such large focus? Because one of Vriska's web traps pinned her to the wall shortly after.

Terezi came towards her, brandishing a knife.

After the scare, Terezi cut her free. She had also revealed her lack of interest in Karkat.

This was good for Nepeta, who then wandered upon a sobbing Karkat. He opened up to her more, and when all she did was comfort him, even after seeing his bright red tears, he just opened up even more. Then she kissed him.

She then left. Terezi came by. She had seen it, and honestly, was okay with it, considering how she didn't care much for Karkat.

He just sat there, wondering what to think.

Back in the main room, Sollux angrily bantered with Terezi. He was positive at how obviously Eridan was at being the killer.

Eridan snapped. He fired Ahab's Crosshairs at Sollux, who got a little help (from the feline) to escape it.

Sollux obtained the rifle after Vriska and Terezi wrestled it away from Eridan.

He aimed it at Eridan, gave a speech revealing Eridan for who he was, and fired.

Eridan was allergic to the death that came upon him.

Karkat came in, flipped out, only to be taken to another room by Terezi. Sollux insisted that the killer was dead.

Terezi quickly confirmed that she was no longer Karkat's matesprit, if she even was at all.

She also explained how Sollux had probably killed the wrong culprit. That Nepeta was the most likely, as she must have been behind the collecting of the blood from the crime scenes (for her shipping wall).

Karkat was scared, but quickly got suspicious of Terezi's intentions.

He was still mad at her from earlier, so he yelled at her, then stomped off.

Nepeta heard the yelling, and followed.

Karkat explained about the troubles of being the leader, bluh bluh...

Then Sollux came calling for Nepeta.

Gee, I hope this doesn't lead to more drama and/or dead bodies.

Oh, wait...

As a warning, this may cause some tears...

Part 9:

Horrid Diluted

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Just keep walking, Sollux...

Sollux walked by Terezi on his way to the main room, fully confident that Nepeta was behind him.

Luckily for Terezi, right as Sollux left that room, Nepeta walked in.

This was rather unfortunate for Nepeta.

For the second time within the hour, she was scooped up into Vriska's web.

Terezi approached from the shadows, beating her cane against her palm.

Again?!

Nepeta's eyebrows furrowed in anger. Hadn't Terezi apologized for this last time?

Terezi noticed the feline-girl's reaction.

She doesn't get it, does she?

Terezi tapped the cane even harder against her palm.

Nepeta remembered the knife contained within, and shuddered with unease.

She tried to claw her way out, but found that she could not.

Terezi wasn't roleplaying.

"1'M SORRY N3P3T4."

"BUT 1T'S B3COM3 CL34R TO M3 WHO YOU 4R3."

":33 < Nepeta Leijion?"

"N3P3T4!"

Terezi's tone further enforced her solemness upon Nepeta.

"YOU H4V3 COM3 UND3R SUSP1C1ON OF TH3 L4W... M41NLY M3."

"YOU'R3 TH3 K1LL3R, 4R3N'T YOU?"

The words stung in a way they shouldn't have.

">:3( what?! No! I've had purrfect behavior! I purromise!"

"TH3N 3XPL41N HOW YOU K33P UPD4T1NG YOUR SH1PP1NG W4LL, WH3N 4LL TH3 P41NT 1S GON3!"

"TH3R3 H4SN'T B33N 4NY P41NT FOR SOM3 TIM3 NOW!"

Terezi shook the guilt out of her head. Even when the lie isn't nearly as big of a deal...

":33 < wh-...wh-...what?"

She's cracking...

"YOU'V3 B33N US1NG TH31R BLOOD TH3 WHOL3 T1M3, H4V3N'T YOU?!"

Nepeta was speechless.

"YOUR H4B1T H4S GOTT3N W4Y OUT OF H4ND!

K1LL1NG FOR YOUR SH1PP1NG W4LL'S M4T3R14L... 1T'S..."

"<:33 < no, wait! Please!"

Nepeta was anxious. She sounded desperate.

":33 < okay! yes! I n33ded the blood!"

Nepeta quickly covered her mouth, but Terezi jumped at the words!

"1 KN3W 1T!"

":33 < no, wait! just pawse for a second!"

Terezi did so grudgingly.

":33 < i used the blood, but i didn't want to hurt anybody!"

Terezi snorted.

"4 L1K3LY STORY... NOT!"

Nepeta began to cry... Not over the chance of dying by execution, but over the misunderstanding...

":33 < i'm innocent! I pawromise!... at least, i think so..."

As the emerald-flavored tears began to fall, Terezi softened.

"N3P3T4... LOOK, 1'M SUR3 TH4T 1F YOU'R3 1NNOC3NT, W3 W1LL F1ND OUT, 4ND..."

Terezi swallowed back the traditions inside her that wanted to say the contrary.

"W3 C4N S3T YOU FR33 AFT3RW4RDS, OK4Y?"

Nepeta nodded, tears still falling down her neck.

Terezi sighed.

"HOLD ON FOR 4 MOM3NT, 1 H4V3 TO GO G3T SOLLUX 4ND TH3 OTH3RS..."

The sound of Sollux's name caused Nepeta to instinctively jostle about.

Terezi peeked back in.

I think the net'll hold...

Terezi ducked out of the room.

...

(next bit under spoiler)

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noooooo! I need to tell him!

Nepeta started thrashing about again, but stopped.

Terezi had only been gone for about 10 seconds. It would be a short while until the others came back.

why do I feel so scared... I can ask Sollux about being moirails after...

then again... would he even be okay with that?

Who's the better half?

She pondered these thoughts. A minute passed.

Terezi's been gone too long!... euh....

Nepeta tried to shake the thoughts from her head.

She decided to make generally melodic noises from her protein chute, termed "humming" by the humans.

She could only think of one song, though... Something she had seen the John human listening to, when she had decided to view his early timeline on a whim...

i don't wanna close my eyes...

Something in the shadows moved.

i don't wanna fall asleep...

She was distracted.

For once, Nepeta's cat-like instincts were negated.

cause i mi-

A shine got Nepeta's attention.

She saw her reflection in the blade swiftly approaching her throat.

She gasped at the holder of the deadly weapon...

But could not.

She couldn't make any noise at all.

Against her will, she had fallen asleep.

In the worst way.

another spoiler within a spoiler

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"YOU DID WHAT?!?"

"look kk, ii thiink that Terezii knowth what she ith doiing..."

"WHAT THE FUCK?!? YOU JUST KILLED ERIDAN OVER THIS, AND NOW YOU THINK THAT TEREZI'S RIGHT ABOU-..."

"kark, ii'm pretty thure iit wathn't nepeta. ii care about her jutht ath much as you apparently do..."

Karkat glared at Sollux with the angriest and most serious face he could muster.

Sollux had to force himself to not laugh.

"JUST GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN KEEP HER NASTY FUCKING JOINTS OFF OF NEPETA!"

Karkat took one angry stomp towards the transportalizer, but Sollux quickly stood in his way.

"can't do that, kk..."

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!"

"iif you come to thave the day, then iit..."

Terezi transportalized in, startling Karkat.

Terezi tapped Sollux on the shoulder, whispered in his ear, then led him through the transportalizer.

Karkat would've followed, but a sight stopped him:

Tavros was making the most ridiculous mockery face...

Of course, since it was Tavros, it wasn't even remotely hilarious.

But still.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, NITRAM?"

Vriska had been discussing something with Gamzee (she had apparently run out of conversational trolls...), but she then whipped around to face Tavros.

"Yeeeeeeees Tavros... What were you doing, hmm?

"uHH..."

Suddenly, Vriska was grabbing Tavros by the shirt and spitting in his face!

"YOU WERE MAKING FUN OF ME, WEREN'T YOU, PUPA?!??!"

Tavros's eyes were widening and contracting with fear.

Though not as much as usual, Karkat noted.

Maybe the spineless fuckass is actually standing up for himself...

As Vriska continued to scream, into the fight came...

"We AlL nEeD tO mOtHeRfUcKiNg CaLm DoWn In ThIs MoThErFuCker..."

Vriska unceremoniously dropped Tavros to the floor.

She turned around. Slowly.

Karkat shuddered.

"Yoooooooou..."

Karkat absconded the fuck out of there.

He quick-walked towards where he thought Terezi might be with Nepeta.

His thoughts were kind of blurry, still trying to sort out what had just happened back there, what was going on...

Suddenly, Sollux walked up to him.

He looked cold. Almost sad, but no...

As if he was done being sad.

"hey kk..."

Before Karkat could respond...

He had an imprint of Sollux's fist implanted into his face.

"WHAT THE..."

Instinctively, Karkat pulled out his sickle.

The distinctive touch of the clawsickle made it easily identifiable.

But before Karkat's vision had even cleared, it was gone.

His vision cleared.

The high level psionic standing in front of him was wielding it menacingly.

Terezi and Nepeta were nowhere to be seen.

"iit's been too much... too poiintless..."

"WHAT THE FUCK'S GOTTEN INTO YOU?"

"you have no iidea what ii've had to go through..."

"I'M THE LEADER, DUMP-ASS! YOU REALLY THINK THESE DEATHS HAVEN'T BEEN HURTING ME?!"

"nepeta'th dead."

The words caught Karkat.

He stood motionless.

He couldn't move even if he wanted to.

Not that he did.

"W-W-w...what?"

Sollux was looking at Karkat in the eye. He was more than serious.

But then, his face began to wander...

"aradiia... feferii... nepeta..."

Sollux turned to Karkat and SCREAMED

"WHY THE FUCK DO THEY ALL HAVE TO DIIE?!"

"WHY?!"

"EVERY. FUCKING. TROLL. I HAVE EVER LOVED..."

"GONE!"

Sollux took a menacing step towards Karkat.

Karkat struggled to bring out any words.

"B-...W-...DON'T BLAME ME FOR THIS!... p-...please..."

Karkat was cowering.

His existence was coming to an end...

But no.

What Sollux did next was worse.

He brought the clawsickle up to his own throat.

Before Karkat could realize what was going on...

He slit.

Dark-gold blood spewed from his protein-chute like a sprinkler.

It drenched the floor in a horrifying semi-circle.

"sh-...sh-...shit

FUCK...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOO!"

Karkat fell to his knees.

Sollux closed his eyes, let his face go limp, and tried to look peaceful for his former friend.

Karkat just sat and stared.

Tears came pouring down his face.

He could've cared less about color.

There were much more important things to worry about...

But the most important, Karkat was ignoring...

From behind him came a lurker.

A knife glowed with a half-rainbow of colors.

Karkat knew it was coming.

But in those moments of potential saving, he could not defend himself.

The only weapon, his sickle...

It was dripping.

Dripping with the horrid diluted gold liquid that had haunted him in some form for some time...

But that time...

Was over.

Terezi was the first to see him again.

He was lying atop his former friend,

his candy-red blood mixing with the diluted gold...

The mixture curled around the edges of the corpses...

Terezi could only stare.

...

...

yes, one last little bit...

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She understood.

It all made sense.

She knew who it was.

It had been avoiding Terezi all this time, but now...

It all made sense.

Perfect sense.

She almost berated herself for not thinking of it earlier...

But no.

She had business to take care of.

She made sure her trusty cane was with her.

Then she walked.

STOMP. STOMP.

And with a dramatic finger-point, she busted open the respiteblock door of the killer and SCREAMED

"TH3 L4W 1S H3R3!

A/N

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It took me way too long to write this.

Oh well.

It was worth it.

Also, it was almost painful to write some of these bits...

Only 1 more section to go, with only

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4

trolls left standing!

Of course, there may be an epilogue. :P

[mutecebu]

Cat's in the Cradle: Awesome stuff. Good job, everyone involved.
(Although, I ended up singing "Cat's in the Kernel" in my head.)

[apocalypticCritic]

@ Doodled: But but but but Nepeta....

WAAAH!

[Doodled]

@ Doodled: But but but but Nepeta....

WAAAH!

It was painful for me to type.

[mythmonster2]

Doodled- I know I haven't said anything about your series but rest assured I've been following it attentively, racking my brain to figure out who the murderer is.


Spoiler for theory:

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It's Tavros! He hasn't been controlled by Vriska all those times; he was controlling her! It all makes sense... in my head.

[Aerodactylus]

Spork.

Homekrigg Geniusstuck: Intermission I

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>gligmages; be gligmage's dad

Entity gligmages not found.

>gilgamesh; be gligmage's dad

Syntax error.

>goddam it stopid fyucher butin

Syntax error.

>Gilgamesh: Be Gilgamesh's dad.

User not registered. Initiating hardware check.
...
User is attempting to input commands from external hardware!
Disconnecting user.

You are now ZETA. You prefer to go by ZIMMY because that is your real name, not that other stupid name they gave you. You recently tried to directly command a user by remotely commandeering an Exilic Terminal, and subsequently failed. That's one plan out the window. Or out the stupid dumb portholes they've got lying around in this dumb capsule place. Whoever thought that this dumb space rock was the best way for new gods to enter the world was a dumb stupid moron.

You survey your surroundings. Your party has entered into this new universe at the exact point of its genesis, aboard a meteor-turned starship destined to eventually seed a new planet for the game. You have recently logged off of your computer, which is really cool and state-of-the-art. Hypothetically, if you had been forced to flee to some other meteor during the course of the game, you would likely be stuck with nearly-broken pieces of shit that couldn't be made to do anything without an experienced hacker.
But that did not happen, and you are instead blessed with a wealth of machinery to aid the gods of a new world.

Among these gadgets are the STASIS CAPSULES which you would ostensibly use to awaken yourselves once sentient life had been spawned in your universe. There are also twelve INFINITY TERMINALS, which allow you to watch and guide your successors from far in the past. Additionally, spare ALCHEMITERS, CRUXTRUDERS, and TOTEM LATHES litter the back rooms of your meteoric vessel.
Most importantly, however, you were able to protect the SPRITE PENDANTS of you and your accomplices. It was agreed upon by all present that you would not risk "releasing" the occupants of the sprites until the consequences were made more explicit.

It is perhaps most important that you did not risk "releasing" the crazy one they called Coyote. According to Annie, that guy was basically the cause of everything bad that had ever happened to their session.
Later we will see why this was the case. But not now.

You connect to the transmission protocol and generate a transmission to Kat.

-- superawesomeBloodcurdler [SB] generated transmission to ethericMechanic [EM] --

SB: hay kat i tryd the comand turminl but it fukn didint werk
SB: (hahaha fuk( but i nede 2 macke the king giy be the spirt 'cos ov tym
SB: and i kant
EM: oh my god zimmy, do you know how hard it is to read what you type?
EM: what are you even saying?
SB: i NEED 2 MACE the KINGE GUY be the SPRITE 'cos OF TIME
EM: uuuugh, i don't want to get involved with all of your future shenanigans!
EM: ask annie!
SB: blaaaaa, fien luser

-- superawesomeBloodcurdler [SB] ceased transmission to ethericMechanic [EM] --

-- superawesomeBloodcurdler [SB] generated transmission to despondentPheonix [DP] --

SB: -- superawesomeBloodcurdler [SB] generated transmission to ethericMechanic [EM] --SB: hay kat i tryd the comand turminl but it fukn didint werkSB: (hahaha fuk( but i nede 2 macke the king giy be the spirt 'cos ov tymSB: and i kantEM: oh my god zimmy, do you know how hard it is to read what you type?EM: what are you even saying?SB: i NEED 2 MACE the KINGE GUY be the SPRITE 'cos OF TIMEEM: uuuugh, i don't want to get involved with all of your future shenanigans!EM: ask annie!SB: blaaaaa, fien luser-- superawesomeBloodcurdler [SB] ceased transmission to ethericMechanic [EM] --
SB: soa thats y u haf 2 halp me (ZIMMY( mace the kinge guy be the sprite
DP: -_-; I'm not certain I understand your reasoning, Zeta.
DP: ?_? You're trying to make Wulfenbach's father prototype himself with the kernelsprite?
SB: furst my nam iz ZIMMY ZIMMY ZIMMY and aslo its gust a sprit noa not a kurnalsprit
DP: <_< But outside of terminology, I'm correct?
SB: yeh i ges
DP: -_-; I should remind you again that time will not contradict itself.
DP: ;_; No failure to act on our part will necessarily result in an outcome in which the event is not fulfilled, by simple virtue of loop stability.
DP: ^_^ But on the other hand, it's always useful to embed unknown contingencies in the past.
SB: wow anni i donet evin no wut yor toking aboat
DP: <_<; Think of it this way.
DP: ^_~ If you convinced someone in the past to bury a bar of gold at a specific point, what would you find at that point in the present?
SB: i donet no a bar ov gold?
DP: ^o^ Right!
DP: -_- The possibilities of what can exist in the present are limited only by our knowledge of them.
DP: ._. If we had someone bury the gold in a place we knew it wouldn't be, it would either cause a paradox (which is typically impossible) or cause them to fail regardless of circumstances.
DP: $_$ Conversely, we could hypothetically have hundreds of bars of gold buried by hundreds of people in the past.
SB: o k i c hoa thare iz lots ov muney we culd haf but wut duz this haf 2 do wif anithinc
DP: >_< That's not really what I'm trying to convey.
DP: @_@ I'm trying to show you how our temporal displacement invalidates any possibility of failure to do what we will inevitably have done.
SB: i donet evin get wut u r saiing
DP: >_< >_< >_<
DP: ?_? I'm saying don't worry about it, time will do whatever it has to do.
DP: -_-; I'll deal with the elder Wulfenbach after I finish with Von Zinzer.
SB: oh o k thats gud
SB: by dum qeslitt more on

-- superawesomeBloodcurdler [SB] ceased transmission to despondentPheonix [DP] --

Holy mother of all that is good on the internet, this is the crossover answer to my prayers. I will be following this like a hawk.

[BlastYoBoots]

Semi-quick log for the joke thread. Feel free to contribute there too, guys! We need people who can start sick fires.

Show Pesterlog:

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carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
CG: I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT TIMELINE I SET THIS THING TO
CG: JUST PLEASE ANSWER.
CG: NOBODY ELSE IS ANSWERING AND I'D OPEN A MEMO BUT THEN HE'D ANSWER AND
CG: AND I THINK I'LL SOIL MYSELF IF I HEAR OR SEE ONE MORE FUCKING HONK.
CG: OH GOD I JUST TYPED IT DIDN'T I.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum! --
EB: you still there karkat?
EB: oh man, you wouldn't believe this windy quest thing i've been on!
EB: sorry we couldn't chat, i think my pda glasses were still on my body...
CG: FUCK THANK GOD
CG: MY HUSK STARTED BEEPING AND I THOUGHT IT WAS ANOTHER HONK AND OH JESUS I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS.
EB: husk?
CG: YEAH.
CG: LIKE A MINIATURE HANDHELD HUSKTOP COMPUTER.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS CALL IT?
EB: a personal digital assistant.
CG: THAT SOUNDS SUPERFLUOUSLY LONG AND INCREDIBLY RETARDED.
EB: i guess i have to agree with you, there.
EB: what's this thing you can't take any more of?
CG: OH GOD.
CG: I SHOULD REALLY THANK YOU FOR BEING SO HEAD-UP-NOOK IDIOTIC ALL THE GODDAMN TIME, TO THE EXTENT THAT IT CAN DISTRACT ME FROM MORTAL FUCKING DANGER.
CG: I MEAN, SO MUCH SHIT HAS HAPPENED.
CG: I WAS SO STUPID NOT TO SEE IT, I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM
CG: AND WHEN I STARTED WATCHING AGAIN I REALLY SHOULD HAVE NOTICED
CG: THE BODIES AREN'T IN THE SAME PLACE, PAST KARKAT, YOU DUMBFUCK
CG: YOU DIDN'T MOVE THE BODIES!
EB: ohh ho ho, yeah.
EB: i loved that twist!
CG: EGBERT
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
EB: poltergeist!
EB: but yeah, i agree that one's hard to sit through.
EB: i didn't see the ending coming either, don't beat yourself up about it.
CG: I JUST
CG: CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.
CG: RIGHT HERE.
CG: AND I'M JUST GOING ALONG WITH IT.
CG: THIS IS EYE-CROSSINGLY STUPID.
EB: oh come on!
EB: it's like a ghost-lovers' staple, it's awesome.
EB: i bet you're planning to show me some cool troll movies when we meet up, too.
CG: THE PLAN IS YOU DRINK A NICE TALL GLASS OF SHUT THE FUCK UP.
EB: ooh, now i know i've heard that line somewhere...
CG: I HATE YOU
CG: SO MUCH.
CG: I'M DEALING WITH SHAMBLING UNDEAD MONSTROSITIES
CG: AND YOU'RE
EB: dawn of the dead!
CG: NO.
EB: admit it.
CG: JUST, NO.
EB: so much for our cinema being 'inferior', huh?
EB: i'm jealous, i'm on this busy quest thing and you're just chilling back on a meteor, watching movies.
CG: FFFFFFFFFFFF
EB: you should see jurassic park!
CG: LISTEN, FUCKASS.
CG: I'M HIDING IN A CABINET RIGHT NOW
CG: HOPING THAT THEY WON'T BITE AND CLAW ME TO DEATH IF I DON'T MOVE OR MAKE A NOISE.
EB: dude.
EB: it only scared me that bad, like, three years ago?
EB: you've got to calm down, it's just a movie.
EB: wait, how old are you, anyway?
CG: I'M TEMPTED TO JUST THROW MYSELF TO THESE SHAMBLING WITCHES IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT RANDOM FUCKING EARTH MOVIES.
CG: I MEAN, NEPETA'S PRETTY MUCH BLED OUT ON THE FLOOR NEARBY
CG: YOU'RE RUNNING A DERP CARNIVAL TO MATCH GAMZEE'S DARK ONE
CG: AND OHFUCKTHEY'REHERE
EB: ?
CG: ...
CG: JEGUS
EB: ??
CG: THEY'RE EATING HER
CG: AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO EAT ME
EB: haha.
CG: OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
EB: don't waste your time with troll 2, even i think it's terrible.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

EB: um.
EB: hello?

[Author]

To Purr or Not To Purr

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-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 23:37 --
AC: :33< *the kitty stands on a balcony excited by the purrrfect night*
TG: what
TG: who the hell are you
AC: :33< *the pouncilor begins speaking to the nasty man* to be or not to be!
TG: this is definitely not to fucking be.
AC: :33< *the pouncilor continues ignoring the purrfectly arrogant man* that is the question!
AC: :33< Purrhaps it is highblood to suffer the guns and bullets of purrfectly awful luck
TG: stop it.
AC: :33< or to purrfect your skills against the milk of troubles!
AC: :33< and by lapping them up end them.
TG: you are the worst troll ever.
TG: and i hate you so gog damned much for it.
AC: :33< *the pouncilor glares at the man and sharpens her claws* no more! and by a nap we stop
AC: :33< the red quadrant and the pouncing claws that kitties purrfectly have.
TG: im going to find you and kill you
TG: but not with my fists or anything
TG: fuck that
TG: but with only my fucking voice.
AC: :33< hopurrfuly to be wished.
AC: :33< *The kitty falls down in sorrow crying out* to die to sleep!
AC: :33< To sleep--purrchance to see: but theres the purroblem!
TG: what the hell are you talking about.
AC: :33< *the pouncilor stops her purrfessional speech to glare at the red eyed boy* fine!
AC: :33< if you wont play along with my purrfect speech ill just go!
-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 23:42 --
TG: ...
TG: im so fucking confused.

Notes:

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This was originally with Equius but I really wanted to have "This is definitely not to be", which Equius would never say to Nepeta.

This was so much damn fun to write though.

EDIT: Crap, who wrote the fic where Dave went insane and killed the trolls with time shenanigans? I really want to read that one.

[morpheoMancer]

[To Purr or Not To Purr]

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-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began pestering turntechGodhead [[color="red]TG[/color]] at 23:37 --
AC: :33< *the kitty stands on a balcony excited by the purrrfect night*
TG: what
TG: who the hell are you
AC: :33< *the pouncilor begins speaking to the nasty man* to be or not to be!
TG: this is definitely not to fucking be.
AC: :33< *the pouncilor continues ignoring the purrfectly arrogant man* that is the question!
AC: :33< Purrhaps it is highblood to suffer the guns and bullets of purrfectly awful luck
TG: stop it.
AC: :33< or to purrfect your skills against the milk of troubles!
AC: :33< and by lapping them up end them.
TG: you are the worst troll ever.
TG: and i hate you so gog damned much for it.
AC: :33< *the pouncilor glares at the man and sharpens her claws* no more! and by a nap we stop
AC: :33< the red quadrant and the pouncing claws that kitties purrfectly have.
TG: im going to find you and kill you
TG: but not with my fists or anything
TG: fuck that
TG: but with only my fucking voice.
AC: :33< hopurrfuly to be wished.
AC: :33< *The kitty falls down in sorrow crying out* to die to sleep!
AC: :33< To sleep--purrchance to see: but theres the purroblem!
TG: what the hell are you talking about.
AC: :33< *the pouncilor stops her purrfessional speech to glare at the red eyed boy* fine!
AC: :33< if you wont play along with my purrfect speech ill just go!
-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [[color="red]TG[/color]] at 24:22 --
TG: ...
TG: im so fucking confused.

Notes:

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This was originally with Equius but I really wanted to have "This is definitely not to be", which Equius would never say to Nepeta.

This was so much damn fun to write though.

You have combined Nepeta with Shakespeare.

<-- This is my heart. It belongs solely to you now.

[BPrinny]

Vindicatrix

Part One
Part Two
Part Three

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Eridan has no time to formulate a witty response or even force his aching muscles into action before Rose raises her wands. A cloud of darkness masses around her like a raincloud and he can barely dive out of the way as a bolt of dark energy streams past him, hitting the surface of the sea with an angry crackle-hiss.

He struggles to muster a counterattack but his palms are sweating, he can barely keep a grip on his wand and he's so fucking tired, he just wants to go home-

There is another deafening concussion as the twofold stream of black light coursing from Rose's needles hits the ground beside him, grazing his hip and sending a cloud of white sand into the air to choke him and sting his eyes. He yells back at her, an incoherent cry of protest, and struggles to his feet, raising his wand as he does so. He should be winning this stupid fight easily. He's at the highest level, he defeated the Black King, for god's sake - but there's nobody backing him up here.

He finally manages to fire off a defensive shot, a loop of white light that deflects one or two attacks before dissolving, but Rose is implacable. Her face, visible through the cloud of steam and sparks and flying sand, is set in an expression of quiet fury.

"Rose, please-" he calls, raising his hands in a gesture of submission, but she merely takes the opportunity to send another volley of black flame sizzling towards him. One clips his shoulder and he falls back into the shallows, screaming. Blood flows from the wound, a stain of deep purple on the waters, spreading around him like a dark halo. Some part of him wants to lie there, letting the cold water numb him, and wait for her to finish him off, but whatever desperate howling survival instinct still lurks at the base of his brain sends him scrabbling for leverage on the sand and he hauls himself onto all fours. His glasses are shattered and there's sand and saltwater in his eyes. He can't focus. The blue-grey blur of the water fades into the grey-white blur of the sand, and the dark silhouette of his death bearing down on him from above. The only certainty is the slender white wand in his hand, the cause of all this, gripped so tightly in his fist that its edges have cut deeply into his palm -

- something strikes him, hard, sending shudders of pain down his arm, and the wand is gone, shattered into a thousand small splinters of bone. The wand and his fucking hand, his right hand, nothing remaining but a jagged flap of sleeve, flapping helplessly in the wind. He screams hoarsely and the sound doesn't seem to stop as his knees give out and he collapses onto the sand, blood pouring from his ruined wrist and turning the sand to royal purple.

Rose lands lightly beside him.

"N-no," he gasps, shaking, "Please don't, I'm sorry-"

"I know what you did," she says, "Eridan."

She manages to spit out his name like it's a curse word. He realises with a sort of sick amusement that in another life he might have been delighted by the hatred blossoming in her eyes, but he was so wrong, so stupid-

"Please understand something," she says, "In the last few days my friends and I have had to witness the destruction of all we know and hold dear. Endearingly optimistic as John and Jade may remain, we are not unaware of the scale of devastation that has been visited upon us."

She kneels on the sand beside him, the tip of one needlewand to his throat, drawing a bead of blue-black blood. Maybe I'll pass out soon, he thinks, and she can kill me in my sleep. That would be nice.

"I suppose what I am trying to convey to you is that given the situation into which we find ourselves bodily hurled, it is in each other that we can see our only possible hope for survival."

Her hands, he notices, are shaking.

"From a purely strategic point of view, you don't kill your allies, Eridan Ampora," she says, "And if you value whatever miserable state of being you currently inhabit, you do not kill my friends."

"I'm sorry," he manages to say, "I'm so- I loved her."

"You - what?" she says, genuinely taken aback. "As though that gives you any right to - how dare you even talk about Kanaya."

"Not Kan," he says, "F-Feferi. I loved Feferi."

"I see," she says. Her face is impassive as a statue once again, but Eridan gets the impression that she has not prepared a speech for this eventuality.

"Just kill me," he says, clutching at his wounded arm as fresh tears pour down his cheeks. "Please. I'm too much of a coward to do it myself."

"No." She sits back, digging her heels into the sand and withdrawing the wand from his throat.

"No?" he says. There is a moment in which the only sound is the lap of waves. Whether Rose is gathering her thoughts or relishing the look of agony on his face, he can't tell.

"Kanaya - my friend, my friend who I loved, though I don't know why I'd tell a worthless nonentity like you when I could never tell her - worried about what I might become," she says, "And now it seems I have become the kind of person who leaves you with the choice to bleed to death alone in the sea or to get to your feet and perhaps continue to live with your guilt. I have become, in short, the kind of person to leave you with hope."

Rose stands and turns to go.

"I wonder whether she would approve."

A/N

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Got pretty dark there! Sorry about that.

(for what it's worth I think Kanaya would be pretty 0kay with Rose's actions. It's not like she doesn't have a ruthless side herself.)

e: also I would recommend this as listening material.

Okay, yes. This is amazing. This is exactly the kind of end I want for Eridan; Left with choice between living with guilt or lying down and dieing.

Semi-quick log for the joke thread. Feel free to contribute there too, guys! We need people who can start sick fires.

Show Pesterlog:

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carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
CG: I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT TIMELINE I SET THIS THING TO
CG: JUST PLEASE ANSWER.
CG: NOBODY ELSE IS ANSWERING AND I'D OPEN A MEMO BUT THEN HE'D ANSWER AND
CG: AND I THINK I'LL SOIL MYSELF IF I HEAR OR SEE ONE MORE FUCKING HONK.
CG: OH GOD I JUST TYPED IT DIDN'T I.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum! --
EB: you still there karkat?
EB: oh man, you wouldn't believe this windy quest thing i've been on!
EB: sorry we couldn't chat, i think my pda glasses were still on my body...
CG: FUCK THANK GOD
CG: MY HUSK STARTED BEEPING AND I THOUGHT IT WAS ANOTHER HONK AND OH JESUS I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS.
EB: husk?
CG: YEAH.
CG: LIKE A MINIATURE HANDHELD HUSKTOP COMPUTER.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS CALL IT?
EB: a personal digital assistant.
CG: THAT SOUNDS SUPERFLUOUSLY LONG AND INCREDIBLY RETARDED.
EB: i guess i have to agree with you, there.
EB: what's this thing you can't take any more of?
CG: OH GOD.
CG: I SHOULD REALLY THANK YOU FOR BEING SO HEAD-UP-NOOK IDIOTIC ALL THE GODDAMN TIME, TO THE EXTENT THAT IT CAN DISTRACT ME FROM MORTAL FUCKING DANGER.
CG: I MEAN, SO MUCH SHIT HAS HAPPENED.
CG: I WAS SO STUPID NOT TO SEE IT, I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM
CG: AND WHEN I STARTED WATCHING AGAIN I REALLY SHOULD HAVE NOTICED
CG: THE BODIES AREN'T IN THE SAME PLACE, PAST KARKAT, YOU DUMBFUCK
CG: YOU DIDN'T MOVE THE BODIES!
EB: ohh ho ho, yeah.
EB: i loved that twist!
CG: EGBERT
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
EB: poltergeist!
EB: but yeah, i agree that one's hard to sit through.
EB: i didn't see the ending coming either, don't beat yourself up about it.
CG: I JUST
CG: CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.
CG: RIGHT HERE.
CG: AND I'M JUST GOING ALONG WITH IT.
CG: THIS IS EYE-CROSSINGLY STUPID.
EB: oh come on!
EB: it's like a ghost-lovers' staple, it's awesome.
EB: i bet you're planning to show me some cool troll movies when we meet up, too.
CG: THE PLAN IS YOU DRINK A NICE TALL GLASS OF SHUT THE FUCK UP.
EB: ooh, now i know i've heard that line somewhere...
CG: I HATE YOU
CG: SO MUCH.
CG: I'M DEALING WITH SHAMBLING UNDEAD MONSTROSITIES
CG: AND YOU'RE
EB: dawn of the dead!
CG: NO.
EB: admit it.
CG: JUST, NO.
EB: so much for our cinema being 'inferior', huh?
EB: i'm jealous, i'm on this busy quest thing and you're just chilling back on a meteor, watching movies.
CG: FFFFFFFFFFFF
EB: you should see jurassic park!
CG: LISTEN, FUCKASS.
CG: I'M HIDING IN A CABINET RIGHT NOW
CG: HOPING THAT THEY WON'T BITE AND CLAW ME TO DEATH IF I DON'T MOVE OR MAKE A NOISE.
EB: dude.
EB: it only scared me that bad, like, three years ago?
EB: you've got to calm down, it's just a movie.
EB: wait, how old are you, anyway?
CG: I'M TEMPTED TO JUST THROW MYSELF TO THESE SHAMBLING WITCHES IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT RANDOM FUCKING EARTH MOVIES.
CG: I MEAN, NEPETA'S PRETTY MUCH BLED OUT ON THE FLOOR NEARBY
CG: YOU'RE RUNNING A DERP CARNIVAL TO MATCH GAMZEE'S DARK ONE
CG: AND OHFUCKTHEY'REHERE
EB: ?
CG: ...
CG: JEGUS
EB: ??
CG: THEY'RE EATING HER
CG: AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO EAT ME
EB: haha.
CG: OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
EB: don't waste your time with troll 2, even i think it's terrible.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

EB: um.
EB: hello?

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing too loud. Good show, sir.

[To Purr or Not To Purr]

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-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 23:37 --
AC: :33< *the kitty stands on a balcony excited by the purrrfect night*
TG: what
TG: who the hell are you
AC: :33< *the pouncilor begins speaking to the nasty man* to be or not to be!
TG: this is definitely not to fucking be.
AC: :33< *the pouncilor continues ignoring the purrfectly arrogant man* that is the question!
AC: :33< Purrhaps it is highblood to suffer the guns and bullets of purrfectly awful luck
TG: stop it.
AC: :33< or to purrfect your skills against the milk of troubles!
AC: :33< and by lapping them up end them.
TG: you are the worst troll ever.
TG: and i hate you so gog damned much for it.
AC: :33< *the pouncilor glares at the man and sharpens her claws* no more! and by a nap we stop
AC: :33< the red quadrant and the pouncing claws that kitties purrfectly have.
TG: im going to find you and kill you
TG: but not with my fists or anything
TG: fuck that
TG: but with only my fucking voice.
AC: :33< hopurrfuly to be wished.
AC: :33< *The kitty falls down in sorrow crying out* to die to sleep!
AC: :33< To sleep--purrchance to see: but theres the purroblem!
TG: what the hell are you talking about.
AC: :33< *the pouncilor stops her purrfessional speech to glare at the red eyed boy* fine!
AC: :33< if you wont play along with my purrfect speech ill just go!
-- arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG] at 23:36 --
TG: ...
TG: im so fucking confused.

Notes:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

This was originally with Equius but I really wanted to have "This is definitely not to be", which Equius would never say to Nepeta.

This was so much damn fun to write though.

EDIT: Crap, who wrote the fic where Dave went insane and killed the trolls with time shenanigans? I really want to read that one.

And now I want to read even more logs between Nepeta and Dave.

[Author]

And now I want to read even more logs between Nepeta and Dave.

NEPETADAVE OTP

[BPrinny]

OH GOD IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

[Lexxy]

Lexxy: Notice new fanfic thread.

Lexxy: Notice old fanfic thread was never locked.

Lexxy: Notice old thread was very responsibly ignored in favor of new thread.

Lexxy: Continue to be impressed by the awesomeness of art forum citizens B)

[egregiousBass]

Lexxy: Continue to be impressed by the awesomeness of art forum citizens B)

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Terezi held out one of her scalemates and said "Point to where he touched you."

John answered that it would be easier for him to point where the Wayward Vagabond hadn't. He placed his finger on Doctor Berrytongue's heart. And then he wept.

[BPrinny]

I don't see what the problem is. There wasn't even any mention of buckets!

[kaoticAntagonist]

First post on this thread, hope you like it!

Become a Member: The Ballad (of Jack Noir)

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Slick was teaching the kid when Droog walked into the Sanctum. The kid - Karkat he said - was sweating profusely and bleeding from innumerable cuts all over his body. He didn't even notice Droog enter the room. All his concentration was on the switch-blade Slick was steadily waving in front of him. Droog stood by to watch. Slick wouldn't want to be interrupted when he was fighting.

The kid looked beaten. The weird (but not spectacular) red blood was streaming down his face and probably getting into his eyes, and his hair was plastered to his head from the sweat, but he never stopped following the knife with his eyes. He had learned the hard way to never blink. The kids strikes were pretty fast to. The lunge he pulled of was almost perfect, not over-extending himself and keeping the scythe level. Slick was just faster. The kid fell to the ground clutching his shoulder as it began spurting blood and his scythe clattered against ground. Slick didn't even look at him as he said “Go get the bandages.”

Slick approached Droog and sat down on the bench. “ Why're you here? You usually avoid this place like the plague. Finally got over your suit fetish?”

Droog watched as Karkat got up with the help of those two kids that hung on him like flies and practically dragged him to the cabinet with the medical supplies.

“Jack Noir is in town.”

Slick went rigid. Slowly he relaxed and when he spoke again all humor was gone from his voice.

“Where?”

“Deuce has him locked in a warehouse by the docks.”

“Lets go.”

Slick brushed past him on the way out of the sanctum, not even pausing to get some extra blades like he usually did. Droog watched the kid get his head bandaged by the sopor-one and his shoulder disinfected by the cat obsessed one. Then he turned on his heels and followed Slick.

__________________________________________________ ________________________________

Clubs had Jack tied up and hanging from a hook in the roof. The little man was glaring at the carapace who was suspended and shouting obscenities at him, but stayed still until Droog and Slick entered. He scrambled up, trying to exchange some greeting but Slick brushed past him and walked right up to his hanging double. Seeing his mirror stare at him from under the hat seemed to have finally shut him up.

Droog padded up and stopped next to Clubs. Together they watched Spades and Jack glare at each other until the uncomfortable silence became to much for the short man to bear.

“So, where's Hearts any-”

“I thought I was smarter than this.”

Slick palmed his knife and slit Jacks throat open so fast that Droog barely registered it. Slick wiped the blade on the thrashing and gurgling carapaces' clothes before stalking out of the building.
Clubs looked stunned for a second but let out the small breath he had been holding since he had spied Jack on the street.

“I guess we're not waiting for him then.”

“Shut up, and help me get the body down.”

While they busied themselves moving the body into the waiting tarp Droog heard the tires of the car Slick had driven them here in screech. He looked down at the little man who was lifting the body's feet and raised his eyebrow in an unspoken question.

Clubs looked up and gave a little smile. “Don't worry, I'll give you a ride. Hey, how about we call Boxcars and tell him to meet us at a bar in a little while. Make it up to him for finishing the show early, huh?”

Droog didn't answer until they had thrown the body into the ocean and both gotten into the the little rustic Corvette Clubs called his baby.

“Yeah. Drinks sound good right about now.”

Clubs grinned and started the car after the fourth try. As they ambled down the concrete road he asked, “How's Mary doing”

“Fine. She says she wants to adopt one of those troll orphan brats from the sun thing though.”

“Really? Wow. And you didn't shoot her down again.”

“No. Not this time. I couldn't”

Clubs was quiet again until he pulled out onto the crossroads and stopped for a second. He then turned around and looked Droog straight in the eye. “I think you'd make a good Dad, you know.”

Droog looked at the half-moon that served as Clubs' air freshener for a second before answering.

“Maybe.”

A/N

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Crossposted from trollcops AU since it doesn't really need the backstory to work. basically thye midnight crew run the streets but clones of them (from the war) still show up every now and then so they need to be put down. so yeah. hope you like it please comment if you can.