MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[slakensColin]

It can always get worse:

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CT: D--> Greetings
CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!
CG: GAMZEE'S GONE INSANE, ERIDAN JUST GOT DONE KILLING FEFERI AND KANAYA AND YOU'RE GOD KNOWS WHERE IN THIS STUPID ASTEROID.
CG: GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!
CT: D--> First you sh001d know Vriska has killed Tavros.
CG: FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
CT: D--> Indeed.
CT: D--> We are now in quite dire straits.
CT: D--> It may take some effort to e%tricate ourselves from this situation.
CG: HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE SO CALM ABOUT THIS SITUATION?
CG: THERE ARE THREE KILLERS RUNNING AROUND OUT THERE WHO JUST HAPPEN TO ALSO BE OUR MOST POWERFUL MEMBERS, AND HALF OF THE REST OF US ARE DEAD.
CG: DO YOU THINK YOUR PRECIOUS BLOOD WILL PROTECT YOU?
CT: D--> Of course not.
CT: D--> As a matter of fact, I have recently realized that I have always been a f001 about matters of b100d.
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
CT: D--> I had believed that b100d made a troll significant.
CT: D--> But now I see the opposite is actually true:
CT: D--> It is the actions of the troll that decide the b100d color.
CG: THAT IS NOT IN ANY WAY HOW IT WORKS.
CT: D--> It is now.
CT: D--> I sh001d have realized it when I first built the robot body that housed my dear Aradia.
CT: D--> In the process, I gave her the b100d color she was always meant to have.
CT: D--> Don't you realize what this means?
CT: D--> B100d color was always mine to decide.
CT: D--> Do not worry worry about the fallen.
CT: D--> They will rise again.
CT: D--> In bodies of gleaming steel and glorious circuitry.
CT: D--> I will judge their lives and assign the appropriate b100d color to them.
CT: D--> As it sh001d be.
CG: OKAY, NO.
CG: FUCK THIS, I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING.
CG: IF YOU WANT TO BUILD ROBOT BODIES FOR EVERYONE, THAT'S FINE.
CG: BUT YOU NEED TO GET HERE NOW AND STOP BEING WEIRD AS SHIT.
CT: D--> Naturally.
CT: D--> After all, the is one transfusion I must make that's more important than any other.
CT: D--> You have acquitted yourself well as our leader.
CG: OH, FUCK NO!
CT: D--> And therefore you will ascend the ranks.
CT: D--> I believe something in the ultraviolet range would be appropriate for your new b100d color.
CG: NO.
CG: LISTEN, I'LL GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT NOT TO GO CRAZY.
CG: LITERALLY ANYTHING.
CG: YOU CAN BE THE LEADER IF YOU WANT, OKAY? WHATEVER, I DON'T EVEN CARE.
CG: JUST PLEASE DON'T JUMP OFF THE DEEP END.
CT: D--> Oh, haha sir, you are such a jester.
CT: D--> Do not worry, the procedure is quite safe.
CT: D--> Isn't that right, Nepeta?
AC: me0w.
CG: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.
CT: D--> Just relax.
CT: D--> I'm coming now.
CT: D--> Soon all will be as it was always meant to be.
CT: D--> Soon all will be well.

This would be an awesome and disturbing fate for the trolls...

I wonder what would happen when crazy Equius went out to get crazy Gamzee.
That would be an awesome battle.

And everyones going insane and out to get Karkat.
Whats next, Nepeta goes crazy?

[SeptimusMagistos]

I wonder what would happen when crazy Equius went out to get crazy Gamzee.

Not sure about that one, but I did imagine him planning to go after Vriska with the intent of knocking her down into the infrared.

His battle plan involved a rolled-up newspaper and lots of muscle power.

[X15lm204]

All this stuff about about the MC adopting has somehow convinced me to come out of lurking again! Have two stories in one, based on those.

Shit, Let's Be Parents

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“You've gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me, Deuce.”

Slick is flipping the fuck out. What a surprise. Droog rubs the bridge of his nose. He loves these guys, he really does, but he is getting seriously tired of their bullshit.

“Well, I mean, you all had kids, so I thought I should get one of my own! That way we can all be Dads!”

Droog stares at the kid. It stares back.

“Did you even make sure it was actually an orphan before dragging it here?” he asks.

“She has a name, you know.”

Huh. “It's a she, then?”

“Yes! ...and, uh, maybe? She was alone at the time...”

Slick leans forward, glaring at the...girl, apparently...from inches away.

The kid opens her mouth, but instead of speaking...blows a spit-bubble? Slick stares at it, intimidating glare turning into pure confusion.

Then it pops, showering Slick's face with saliva.

He leaps back with a shriek, wiping frantically at his face. “That is it, you fuckin' bitch! You're dead!”

Boxcars holds him back with one hand gripping his collar. Deuce and Droog ignore the outburst entirely. Business as usual.

“I don't know, Deuce. Are you sure you're ready for this kind of responsibility?”

“You don't think I'll be a good daddy, do you? You didn't think Slick would be a good daddy either, and look how that turned out!”

Droog looks back at Karkat, who's currently shouting muffled expletives into the floor, where he lies pinned by Aradia sitting on his back and Nepeta lying on his head. Droog's not sure if this counts as a point for or against Deuce's argument.

But he's making the indignant face. Droog can never say a word against Deuce's indignant face. They could put that on greeting cards with the kittens and the puppies and it wouldn't be at all out of place.

“...Fine.”

Deuce lets out a whoop of joy and bounces in place. The kid looks up at him and...well, Droog thinks its a smile or something like it. Slick throws up his hands and snarls, but turns around to chase the girls off Karkat in tacit acquiescence.

Boxcars smiles and digs around in his pockets. “Hey there, little Casey. I'm your Uncle Boxcars. Would you like a lollipop?”

The little salamander takes the candy with a glub.


--------


It's all because of the damn girl, Snowman thinks sourly. Scratch is going soft, and every one of these idiots is following right behind him.

Ever since the little troll had shown up, the number of robberies the gang planned and executed had dropped off severely. Suddenly it was all about the girl. Cans and Itchy would drop anything to give her rides around the mansion on their shoulders. Doze and Fin had somehow turned out to be fantastic babysitters. Stitch could be found teaching her about tailoring and fashion at all hours, even to the point of briefly neglecting the Overcoat.

Even Crowbar had once completely dropped his plans for a heist when he found out it fell on her wriggling day, deciding planning a party was more important.

Worst of all, the stupid girl isn't even afraid of Snowman. Sure, she would never hurt her – Scratch couldn't kill her, but he could do so much worse – but the troll could at least have the decency not to know this.

Snowman just needs to get out of this place for a while. Take a walk, or something.

When she opens the door to the mansion, she finds someone standing there, one hand raised as if to knock.

A kid.

A troll.

A beggar, maybe? No. Not with that look in his eyes – that predatory gleam that isn't quite hidden as he recognizes her and the fear begins to sink in.

“Kid, do you even know where in the hell you are?”

“not until just now i didn't. MAYBE I'LL JUST TURN THE FUCK AROUND.”

“Not likely.”

He watches her, tense and ready. She can feel the wheels turning in his head. He glances up, to the right, to the left, down; he knows what's going to happen, every move shes going to make and every countermove he'll make in return.

He's too close for the whip, so she'll draw the gun to scare him off. He'll dart between her legs before she can get a proper bead on him, and by the time she'll grab for his overlarge horns he'll already be through and the club he hides under his shirt will hit her in the back of the knee. But he's just a kid; his blow won't be enough to properly hurt or distract her and he's light enough that her punch will launch him backwards. He'll roll to his feet with acrobatic grace but by then he'll be at just the right distance for her whip to wrap around his neck.

Checkmate.

He sees it. She sees it. Both know the other knows there's no better outcome for him. He drops his gaze in tacit acquiescence.

Smart kid.

She can see his rage at knowing he is beaten. His face is impassive but heat boils off of him as he swears to himself that someday he'll be better, someday he'll be able to beat her, but this is Snowman, and he's not going to have the chance because he is going to die, right here and right now, and he'll never hold the world in his hands and squeeze until it pops.

The rage and hate and impotence stirs long forgotten memories. She basks in the black, and in the knowledge that he'll never reach his goal; even if she lets him go, she'll always be better. She loves this feeling more than she loves breathing.

…

Damn it all.

“What's your name, kid?”

“GAMZEE. gamzee makara.”

“Get in here, Gamzee. You look half starved; we'll get you something to eat.”

She can't lose it or let it walk away, this time. This diamond in the rough will be hers, hers to raise, hers to let loose upon the world, hers to torment with her constant superiority.

He looks her in the eye, at first confused, but then he sees. He grins, and black amusement mixes with the rage and hate. Don't bet on it, that grin speaks to her, louder than his words.

“you're a motherfucking miracle, lady. A REAL MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE.”

Maybe he'll even be a challenge, Snowman thinks.

It's a perfect match. She's no queen and he's no jester.

"You play chess, kid?"

"never could get the miracles of the movements. MOTHERFUCKING KNIGHTS, HOW DO THEY WORK?"

"You'll learn."

I planned the first part out in advance, got to writing that, and then the second part just kind of happened as I typed.

jegus muse i was trying to write a cuuute story.

[Kassiopeia]

@Septimus I... is it wrong that I'm almost endeared to the fact that Equius gave Nepeta a "better" blood colour than his own?

[SeptimusMagistos]

@Septimus I... is it wrong that I'm almost endeared to the fact that Equius gave Nepeta a "better" blood colour than his own?

It's the same one, actually. It just looks different without the bold.

Also, it's not that wrong. The story actually started out by me contemplating Equius trying to create robots of everyone who's died as a sort of memorial/resurrection attempt, wherein the blood colors would have been a nice detail. But I couldn't figure out where I wanted to go with that, so I moved a few things around and, well...

[kaoticAntagonist]

The Ballad

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Droog walked demurely into the hideout, barely stopping to put out his cigarette on the sidewalk. The warehouse was as old and dingy as it was 16 years ago when they had first came to town. Back then all they had was ambition. Now, even with all the power they had amassed, Slick still stayed in the dingy sewers they had converted underneath the city. Droog was pretty sure he slept there though he couldn't remember the last time he saw Slick sleep. He headed down the concealed passageway pausing to listen to the common room for conversation. There was nothing, not even Slicks constant grumbling about work. Strange. He entered the empty room and sat down at the table opening the newspaper he had brought with him.

He sat reading for about half an hour until he heard the rattling of the warehouses' door being opened. Slick came down a few minutes later dragging a small body with him. He dropped it in the corner and went to the mini-fridge getting some whiskey out and downing it in three gulps. Then he sat down at his desk and glared at Droog, daring him to say something. Droog kept still reading his newspaper until Slick finally got tired of the silence.

“What?” he growled in his gravelly tones.

Droog sighed and folded up the paper. “The fuck are doing with that kid, Boss?”

“Tried to rob me while I was walking. Busted the little shits head open but he kept coming at me. Tenacious little shit. Finally got him to stop moving, but you said not to leave kids bodies everywhere, so I dragged him here.” The scorn he put in the end of his sentence was almost tangible, but he the words were clear so he wasn't drunk.

Droog stood up and moved to the body. Its skin was gray and it had some orange horns peeking out of its mess of hair so it was a troll. Dried red blood was everywhere, which was strange but not spectacular, and it seemed to be breathing, albeit shallowly. It would probably live though. Trolls were harder to kill than carapaces most of the time. He knew that from experience.

“You don't give a shit about what I say, we both know that. If you felt like leaving him there you would have, but you didn't. So why the hell is he here? Really.”

Slick opened his mouth in a snarl, likely about to yell some obscenities, but stopped at the last second. Then he smirked a bit.”Kid took me by surprise and was halfway across the street before I realized he had picked my pocket. He didn’t go down til' I practically had to bash his head in, screaming something about how he needed my wallet. I don't even keep any cash in it. But the little shit wouldn't let it go. It was funny.”

“That doesn't answer the question.” Droog said.

Slick leaned back in his chair and relaxed. “I think I’ll keep him around for a while. It'll be something to pass the time. This damn crew practically runs itself by now. I've got less to do then ever.”

Droog left the unconscious kid on the floor and walked over to the desk. “Here's something to do. We found out why some of our suppliers near those troll slums have been ducking out of the deal. Some blue-bloods who lost their fortune have apparently been using mind control to try and take over the slum.”

Slick scoffed. “Mind control? Kinda bullshit is that. I say we just go down and teach the flakers what happens when you piss off the crew.”

“We can't do that kinda stuff anymore Slick. We have maintain an image-”

“Fuck the image, someone needs to pay for this shit, and no bullshit mind control excuse is going to stop me from personally collecting the debt.”

“I never said they would get away.” Droog said placidly, “But we're bigger than we were in the old days. We have to consider what people like Kingpin and the Felt are going to react. We don't want other suppliers getting scared now do we? Running off to competitors? We need to stop the problem and show that we won't get worked up over little things like this. Once these flys are dead we can wait for the suppliers come crawling back to us and we can bleed them dry before we drop them in a river. You're just pissed off. Calm down and think.”

Slick glared at him for a while before asking, “Who are we gonna send to take care of them?”

Droog calmly drew a gun from under his newspaper and put it in his jacket.. “I figured we'd send some trustworthy guys. Like Boxcars and Deuce. Maybe even Droog and Slick. Let them try their hand at some down and dirty work. What do you say?”

Slick smiled. “ 'Bout time for some good news. You go start the car. Lets see if we've lost our touch.”

__________________________________________________ ________________________________

The house itself was a dingy excuse for a low-rise mansion. Droog guessed it was a hold-over from the repo-men. They had went inside, found a couple of whacked out stoners who moved like they were possessed, and found the happy couple mid-coitus. Hearts had enjoyed busting in and breaking the mood. They had dragged them outside and Slick had told Boxcars to start breaking some bones to get them 'ready'. Droog was leaning on the van now, technically lookout, though they were so far out in the middle of nowhere that nobody could have heard the screams. They probably wouldn't have heard it if they had simply blown up the house like Clubs had suggested. Slick had wanted to use his blades though so here they were, getting the two fools ready for whatever the hell it was Slick had in mind. His reverie was broken when Clubs sidled up around the van.

In a halting, conspiratorial tone he said, “They have a daughter.”

Droog raised an eyebrow. “Really? I thought they were just trying to get some sympathy or something.”

“Nope. Well, yeah I guess, but they weren't lying about the kid. I checked it out and saw her hidden up in some closet freaking out. I think that mind control stuff you told us about is genetic. She tried something on me when I was looking to pull her out.”

“The kid has the power too?”

“Yeah, I think so. Made my brain itch, and made me want to leave her alone. Kid was scared out her head.”

“So why did you leave her?”
Clubs scoffed, “You see how Slick is right now. Do you think if I dragged her out he would stick to the no-kids rule?”

Droog didn't even have to think about it. “No.”

Clubs stayed quiet for a while, listening to the cries of the couple. Finally, softly, he said, “I don't like killing kids. I've killed more than you three combined but I hate killing kids. I won't kill another one.”

Droog considered this while he took out a cigarette and lit it.

“So why are you telling me?”

The small carapace looked up at him from under the brim of his hat. “Advice. What else?”

Droog sighed. “Tell Slick they were lying. We'll tell him the truth later when hes calmer. Then come back tomorrow and grab the kid while shes asleep and dump her in one of those troll community houses. Simple.”

Clubs cracked a wide smile. “Thanks Diamonds. You're always good for these kind of things.”

“Yeah, well don't get used to it”

Clubs let out a small chuckle as Slick called out for them to meet up. Apparently the trolls were ready.

__________________________________________________ ________________________________

Slick was slow taking care of them. Droog had seen some disgusting things happen to people. He had done some disgusting things to people. But what Slick did to them was something he would rather forget. He watched the bodies until he was sure Slick was done and then turned around and started the van. He could still hear one of them moaning as they took off down the road.

As they started to drive back to town Slick told him to get some guys together to leave pieces of the body around the defected suppliers houses. Clubs volunteered to come back in the morning. Hearts was snoring by the time they hit the highway. Droog just watched the moon as the car sped along the road.

A/N

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another cross post from troll!cops au. please comment or criticize if you have the chance.

[lucidSeraph]

@SeptimusMagistos ... FUCKING MAGNIFICENT. I love how creepy this is, and you kind of hit my fetish (people turning into robots yes plzzzz)

wait did i say that

Oh well.

POINT BEING - magniiiificent.

[mutecebu]

CG: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.

What he said.

[Doctor_Roboto]

Long time lurker, first time poster. I have to say that I love all of your stories, especially the one by SeptimusMagistos about Equius going robot crazy.

Also I was wondering if any one could show me the color code list for the kids and trolls. I want to write a story but I don't know what colors to use. Not to say to much, but it involves Karkat, John, and ZOMBIES!!! Thanks in advance, you guys rock!

[Zerovirus]

Septimus, that was one of the best fics I've read in a long time. Go put it up on AO3 if you haven't already.

[mewtant-307k]

Whats up amazing writers. I am so behind on fanfiction reading, but I read a sampling of this new thread and DAMN you guys are GREAT. These ones really stood out to me:

Mind Your Manners

Holy crap man. Terezi is my favorite lady-troll because of great tributes like this. Your writing was completely gripping throughout, and I looooved the last few lines. A really great elaboration of Terezi's shit-end-of-the-revenge-chain, or whatever. This is one of the best MSPA fics I've read in a long time, and ever. Can't wait to read more from you!

It can always get worse:

This almost almost made me piss myself. I hope this becomes canon with all my heart.

Yaaay my first fic on thread no. 5!

Karkat and Sollux have a moment while on the meteor.

Soo cute :3 You write both characters very well, I love their interplay! Makes me want to draw Sollux macking on Karkat, or vice-versa. Whoa when did I start shipping everything I read a fanfiction about. RIGHT. NOW.


ILU. All of you. Why would I ever pick up a book when y'all have got this writing thing so down.

[Wigmund]

Oh god, so many great fics in this thread already and so many new faces.

And everyones going insane and out to get Karkat.
Whats next, Nepeta goes crazy?

I know now what I'm gonna write next. I just need to write it out by hand first to sort everything out.

...so many P/C/F memo responses that need to be organized...

[Caprisaurus]

@@SeptimusMagistos
hfjsahfa THAT WAS SO GOOD. Equius is a fav troll of mine and that was so good hafjkahsdjkfha

@@X15lm204
Blaaargrhh FANFICTION THREAD AND YOU STOP FEEDING MY KID OBSESSION
It's going to become head cannon if I'm not careful
afgahs
Gamzee + Snowman = YES YES YES!!

[Graven_Image]

Indystuck

Chapter 26

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While a certain Commander tried to save a rather insignificant meteor from destruction, a certain Captain was trying to save his ship and crew from the same fate.

Having six crewmembers aboard solved a few more problems than it should have.

Chief Engineer Verdigris and Professor Vitellary were able to quickly surmise the purpose of the various devices deployed throughout the ship, chiming in long before anyone else could pester them with a quick who's who of archaic machinery.

Which was good, since they were about five minutes away from collision with a rock the size of a bus.

Soon enough came the matter of prototyping.

Once again, having a bunch of different people helped.

Upon learning what prototyping was and what it entailed, Vermillion unplugged a broken monitor from the wall and threw it in without a word.

Safe.

Harmless.

OPEN SPRITELOG

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VIRIDIAN: Umm, hello?
VIRIDIAN: Can you talk?
MONITORSPRITE: ...
MONITORSPRITE: ERROR
MONITORSPRITE: SYNTAX FAULT
MONITORSPRITE: REBOOTING...
VERMILLION: Well.
VERMILLION: At least it can't make anything worse.
MONITORSPRITE: ESTIMATED TIME UNTIL COMPLETION: POST-ENTRY
MONITORSPRITE: WARNING
MONITORSPRITE: METEOR DETECTED
MONITORSPRITE: ETA: THREE MINUTES
VERMILLION: ...
VIRIDIAN: I swear, as soon as we get out of this game, I'm updating the "do"s and "don't"s list to include tempting fate.

OPEN PESTERLOG

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NG: dude
NG: you know im seriously starting to think youre high on something
BC: You know who else sounds high on something-
NG: YOUR MOM
BC: YOUR M
BC: Wait what-
NG: thats right
NG: your vestigial pupate grubmother
NG: you say youre an alien well TIME TO PONY UP
NG: slap me summa dem pics or GTFO
BC: Dude my mom is dead-
NG: NEVER STOPPED ME
BC: Uhh-
BC: Eww-
NG: thats right
NG: i done had ENOUGH
NG: you take my love and my heart and you stamp it into the GROUND
NG: i am
NG: THE GUY
NG: and you are about to be countertrolled to within an inch of your rapidly twitching flaggela
BC: Dude, language-
NG: you want some
NG: DO YOU FREAKING WANT SOME
NG: i am humanitys last hope to repel your alien menace
NG: its about to get all independence day in here
BC: Dude, that movie sucked-
NG: DIDNT IT THOUGH
NG: i dont wanna have to slog through it but i will if i have to
NG: im gonna drag your unconscious carapace out of that wreck of a ship you call a pda
NG: through the desert straight to the freaking white house
NG: MISTER PRESIDENT MISTER PRESIDENT
BC: I think you're insane-
NG: i have not yet begun to fight
NG: you wanna turn your skinny shelled behind around and start running
NG: or is this gonna turn ugly
BC: Man, whatever-
BC: I still have your entire past and all the rest of your friends to torment-
BC: I don't need you-
NG: i coulda gone to a BBQ
NG: BUT I AINT MAD

brainChomper ceased pestering newGuy

NG: darn straight

OPEN CONSORTLOG

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MEAT BOY: oh hey there creepy blood slug dude.
MEAT BOY: what's your deal?
SLUG: Oh hello!
SLUG: Are you the monk?
MEAT BOY: uhh sure i guess.
MEAT BOY: i mean this is my land right i came here first.
MEAT BOY: so why not?
MEAT BOY: yeah, i'm the monk.
SLUG: Oh excellent!
SLUG: Quickly quickly come this way you must meet the Mother Slug.
SLUG: Hurry! Onward!
MEAT BOY: dude.
MEAT BOY: you're going two miles an hour.
SLUG: I know I know!
SLUG: Curse my lack of legs!
SLUG: But I shall get there!
SLUG: It is my duty to the Blood Matriarch!
SLUG: HNNNNNG
MEAT BOY: look, why don't i just carry you?
MEAT BOY: you can just tell me where to go.
SLUG: Oh my.
SLUG: You can do that?
MEAT BOY: yeah.
MEAT BOY: i have arms.
MEAT BOY: see?
MEAT BOY: it's not that hard.
SLUG: Oh my splendid splendid!
SLUG: This will easily cut down on travel time!
SLUG: It may have taken us hours otherwise!
MEAT BOY: right so where's this gory princess of which you speak
SLUG: Just over that hill there!
MEAT BOY: uuugh.
MEAT BOY: "hours"? seriously?
MEAT BOY: you guys must be slow.
SLUG: Oh it's not our fault!
SLUG: In fact, we once went much faster than this!
SLUG: It's all the serpent's fault!
MEAT BOY: serpent?
MEAT BOY: what serpent?
SLUG: Oh you haven't heard of him?
SLUG: He is the Serpent that encircles this whole world.
SLUG: He is called Jormungandr.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Septimus: Ahhhh that's wonderful. Soon they'll all be mad or dead. All of them. Except Karkat, the poor thing. He gets to watch it play out.

@Doctor_Roboto:

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john: #0715CD
rose: #B536DA
dave: #E00707
jade: #4AC925
karkat: #626262
aradia: #A10000
tavros: #A15000
sollux: #A1A100
nepeta: #416600
kanaya: #008141
terezi: #008282
vriska: #005682
equius: #000056
gamzee: #2B0057
eridan: #6A006A
feferi: #77003C
nanna: #00D5F2
jaspers: #F141EF
davesprite: #F2A400
jadesprite: #1F9400
felt: #2ED73A
scratch: #FFFFFF

@Graven: Oh boy, Denizens!! Also, of course the land infested with giant saws is populated by a people that can't outrun of them.

[Doctor_Roboto]

Thank you! This should help greatly. Uh... How do I use It, I don't quite get it.

Edit: Wait, still don't get it.

[Kassiopeia]

HELLO THREAD. I BRING YOU A TALE OF SAPPY VAMPIRE SHENANIGANS. PLEASE ENJOY.

Hearts And Arrows

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This is all his own fault for falling asleep in the lab. He had tried to keep vigil for his friends, but the rage and exhaustion had overcome him, and he dozed off on the floor. He dreamt restlessly of wriggling tentacular masses and grinning beaked maws and, if he was very lucky, he saw Kanaya and Feferi perish over and over again, waves of green and purple spilling into nebulae of dark abominations and cycling back again in slow motion.

He was woken by a soft, liquid sound, unidentifiable and almost inaudible, but infinitely disturbing. Sollux is still unconscious beside him, angular but warm, and most importantly, breathing. The sound continues, and he sits up as stealthily as he can, reaching for the comfortable weight of his sickle. As he looks around he feels a sudden jolt of horror, almost before he can process what he's seen. Kanaya and Feferi's bodies are missing.

He crawls out from under the desk, sickle clutched between his teeth, and tries not to grunt in disgust as he feels his hand skid on a slippery trail of liquid. Blood. The metallic smell is everywhere in the air, and here is a spattering of green, and here is a dark trail of purple across the floor, meandering as though some beast of prey has dragged Feferi away. The trail continues round behind a pillar, and he realises to his horror that this is the source of the strange noise, and that it is unmistakeably the sound of feeding.

He has never been so scared in his entire life. On the other hand, the longer he listens the more quickly the fear is replaced by boiling anger. At least two of his friends are dead, at least two are homicidal maniacs, his supposed girlfriend is probably off fawning over some dead human douchebag right now, and now he's got a hungry space monster to deal with? Fuck that.

He storms round the corner with a snarl, brandishing his sickle in the most intimidating way he can manage. In retrospect, he should have given some thought to the fact that though both bodies are missing, the trail of blood was entirely magenta, because rather than some godawful clawed monstrosity, hunched over Feferi's corpse is-

"Kanaya? What in the ass-grabbing name of almighty fuck are you doing?"

"Karkat," she whispers. She looks hurt, but one look at those gentle eyes tells him something here is definitely, unquestionably, wrong beyond the telling of it. Her pupils are black and swollen and there is a magenta smear on her lower eyelid. Blood is streaked down her cheeks and her mouth is stained all over, as though she's been gorging on cherries. She gives him one long, apologetic look before dipping her neck again and lapping at the edge of the gaping hole in Feferi's torso.

"Oh my fucking god," says Karkat, his eyes widening. For a moment he can only stand there, his sickle held limply at his side. He isn't sure whether he wants to greet Kanaya joyfully or go and throw up quietly in a corner. After whole seconds of inaction, he settles for trying to pull her bodily away from Feferi. She surrenders her grip with little protest, her arms flailing weakly before she falls on top of him, bearing them both to the floor.

"S-sorry," she murmurs, gazing down at him with an expression halfway between stunned surprise and the anxiously apologetic Kanaya he knows so well.

"Oh, that's okay then," he says, "As long as you're sorry, I guess we can all laugh it off! Sorry Feferi, looks like I landed face-first on a major artery, haha whoops."

"Ha ha?" she says, head on one side.

"Yeah, ha fucking ha. Really hysterical how you died and everything, great- great fucking punchline, Fef's douchebag ex-boyfriend turning out to be a fucking murderous psychopath, I thought that was so funny, you don't even know. And Gamzee, well, he's just a laugh a minute, ha, ha, ha, honk, ohh, god..."

Karkat collapses on the floor, his body convulsing, racked with what might be either heaving sobs or hoarse-throated laughter.

"Please let me explain myself," she says, touching his shoulder lightly, "I can't say I know exactly what's happened to me - I just woke up and I was so terribly hungry, and..."

"And what? You thought hey, that dead chick sure looks tasty, I guess I'll just go sink my fucking fangs in?"

"Um, sort of like that I guess," says Kanaya in a small voice, "She just... smelled... really good."

Karkat falls back to the tiles again, holding one arm over his face and howling. "She smelled really good? She- and you don't know what's happened to you? I thought you loved those fucking books. You're a rainbow-drinker, Kanaya, god help us all."

"Don't be ridiculous, Karkat," she says, sitting back and hugging her knees with a surprising amount of dignity for a girl streaked in royal purple from nose to breastbone. "Rainbow drinkers are mythological creatures."

"So are fucking angels," he says, "So are imps and basilisks. Magic was supposed to be fake, wasn't it? You know, that fake, non-functional, completely made-up wand you made for Eridan? Yeah?"

"Yes," says Kanaya, shuffling nervously, "I must concede I made a horrible mistake there."

"Haven't we all," says Karkat, before adding, "I mean, apart from me, I'm your glorious leader who never - you know, all that."

"Yes, I know," she says, "I would never even consider suggesting your fallibility, oh magnanimous one."

Karkat sits up and wipes his eyes on his sleeve, his composure restored and the dark circles round his eyes only slightly stained with tears.

"Well. What the fuck are we going to do with you."

Kanaya flinches a little. "It's all right, Karkat, I think I can probably keep control of myself. The initial ravening has faded. Believe me, I considered simply removing myself from the fray, but I thought the sudden evanescence of my corpse might cause more trouble than my continued presence in my current state, and also, I'm not entirely certain that I can actually, you know, die."

"What?" says Karkat, "Sorry, give me a moment to hack through that overgrown fucking wordthicket, are you telling me you thought about killing yourself?"

"Well you can't imagine I was awfully happy about being suddenly really, really keen on the idea of drinking Feferi's blood, can you?"

"Oh, god," says Karkat, pulling her towards him as though she is a particularly truculent sack of potatoes, and wrapping his arms around her shoulders in what may be the most ungainly hug she has ever experienced. "You stupid fucking undead moron."

"Karkat," she says after a moment, "I... I'm still a little hungry."

"You can't wait till Eridan gets back? Turn him into the Prince of fucking Snacks for you."

"It's quite urgent," she says, with an apologetic smile and a faint green blush of shame. "Maybe you ought to look away? If it's any consolation I - I don't think Feferi would mind awfully."

"Makes it more overwhelmingly disturbing, if anything," says Karkat, "I'm excited for you to drink my fluids, Kanaya! Glub fucking glub."

"There's no need to be crude," says Kanaya, "I will be very respectful. And it's better than hurting you or Sollux. I could never forgive myself if any of you came to harm." There's a note of genuine fear in her voice, and she seems to be worrying compulsively at her sleeve with one fang.

"Yeah, but I'm the leader, and I say nobody else is chewing on Fef," he says, and why must his voice crack in the middle of such a ridiculous speech? "She - she's suffered enough, all right?"

"I'm not unaware of the indecency of the situation," says Kanaya. She tries to wipe the blood from her face, but there's a horrendous quantity already on her sleeves, and the pigment stains like a dye, criss-crossing her face in shades of berry-purple.

"Here," says Karkat, and reaches out to dab a particularly egregious streak from her nose. "You look like fucking Gamzee got caught in the rain or something." To his complete horror, she starts sniffling at his touch, and a green tear wells up and runs down her cheek. Oh dear god. Has he made two whole girls cry in the last hour? He really is a sterling fucking diplomat.

"It's OK, Karkat," she says, seeing the look on his face. She wipes her eyes and brings out her usual half-smile. "Just... please believe that I don't want to take anything more from Feferi than has already been taken, any more than you do."

"Well, shit," he says, "Look, just... fucking bite me, all right?"

"That's absurd," she says, "It's simply not an option. I wouldn't even know how, and besides, the risks are too great."

"I'm not having you nibbling Sollux when I'm not around," he says, "Just do it. Least if I die I'm out of this fucking place."

She shakes her head vehemently, but he notices with some alarm that she is already leaning in towards him, her mouth slightly open, and two white fangs showing longer and sharper than before. He stares determinedly upwards, the possibility of eye contact in this moment striking him as the one thing that could make the situation any more awkward. He feels her lips brush against his neck in a way which is quite disconcertingly pleasant, before she pulls back suddenly.

"Are you certain that you are okay with this, Karkat?" she says, "It's just that you've gone silent."

"No, no, I'm fine, uh, aren't those ceiling tiles fucking fascinating, what a really interesting shade of oh my god this is really weird what are you doing - "

Karkat would never under any form of torture admit that he had, in fact, read and enjoyed certain of Kanaya's romance novels. Most of them glossed over the actual sensation of the bite of the smouldering rainbow-drinker heroine in a flourish of sugary metaphors, all of which now strikes him as complete barefaced bullshit. There are certainly no fireworks or blossoming flowers or beautiful sunsets in Karkat's mind. If nothing else, it is extremely painful, and having Kanaya snuggled up so close would be embarrassing enough if she wasn't running her fingers through his hair in a manner that strikes him as, to say the least, inappropriate.

She pulls away after less than a minute, leaving Karkat feeling as though he may never move his neck again. She is smiling softly, and there is a rosebud stain of red on her lips. Karkat is about to say something about how it's strange that he used to worry so much about everyone finding out about his mutant blood, and how much things have changed, but before he can get the words out Kanaya is kissing him on the mouth.

She sighs gently and settles into his arms contentedly, and he almost doesn't have the heart to push her away, but the taste of his own blood is just too unsettling. Besides, he's never really kissed anyone like this before and he'd always kind of hoped that when the time came it would be Terezi. Not that anyone can ever know that.

"Kanaya," he says, shaking her by the shoulders, "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

She jumps back, blinking. "I-I do apologise," she squeaks, "I didn't mean anything by it, I don't know what I was doing, I, er... I am so sorry, this was completely inappropriate. You and Terezi are already-"

"Yeah, let me know if you've got any idea what's going on there," he says, "Like she's not all over that self-important human asshole like he's made of rainbows or whatever. But. Yeah."

"Shall we make an agreement to forget that this ever happened?" says Kanaya, her gaze fixed on what is evidently a particularly fascinating scrap of robotic debris.

"Already forgetting," he says, "I mean it's not like my feelings for you or whatever would even fall into that quadrant anyway, not that there's got to be a goddamn quadrant involved or anything, it only ever fucks things up more than they already are, I mean, look around us..."

"Karkat," she says quietly, gesturing at the ground beside him, "A matter for your consideration."

He glances down. Finger-painted in the dust on the floor-tile between their legs is a small pink diamond.

"I realise this isn't really the traditional sort of time to begin formulating conciliatory pairings, but I just thought, in case something terrible were to happen, I would be honoured-"

She looks up at him, biting her lip.

"You know what? I think once we get to the point where you're drinking my blood, you don't even have to ask," he says. She smiles, and for a second Karkat may almost be persuaded to admit the possibility that their miserable existence isn't quite so futile as all that.

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"Did you draw that in my blood?"

"I had to improvise with the materials at hand."

A/N

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The title is actually a red herring - the "hearts and arrows" effect is a property of certain cuts of diamond

Also, this was absolutely inspired by Dehgan and arcaneCalligramancer's fantastic work, and I hope I haven't followed too closely in their footsteps! I also hope the blood and kissins in this doesn't make it too intense for the forum - it will be up on AO3 soon enough, so I can switch it out for a link if it makes anyone uncomfortable.

[KarneWarrior]

Thank you! This should help greatly. Uh... How do I use It, I don't quite get it.

Edit: Wait, never mind, I figured it out, WITH THE POWER OF LEARNING!

The tags are as follows:
[#WHEEE]IM GOIN TO DISNEY WORLD *zombied*[/COLOR]
Replacing Wheee with your color tag of choice.

[Doodled]

Part 10!

...

Wait, no...

Just a comment dump.

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@Septimus: Good gog! You're a frickin' genius... I can already see this happening in canon...

@X15: Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

@kaotic: YES.

@Graven: HELL YES.

@Kass: HELL FUCKING YES!!!

[Doctor_Roboto]

Thank you! This should help greatly. Uh... How do I use It, I don't quite get it.

Edit: Wait, never mind, I figured it out, WITH THE POWER OF LEARNING!

The tags are as follows:
[#WHEEE]IM GOIN TO DISNEY WORLD *zombied*[/COLOR]
Replacing Wheee with your color tag of choice.

Thank you, Sorry for being so dumb. :l

Edit: @ Kassiopeia
Your story is awesome!

[Layra]

Of course Nepeta goes crazy. I mean, come on, her theme song is titled

Walls Covered In Blood

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He finds her crouched upon a vat, scanning the floor below. All he can see of her are her luminous eyes, but he knows she's swishing her hips to make her fake tail sway. Even during the height of the game she could never act appropriately, and now she is only getting worse.
"CT!" she exclaims. "The mighty mother cat is hunting!"
"Nepeta, get down from there at once! This is no time to be fooling around."
"She hasn't hunted anything in hours! Her kitties must be starving by now!"
Something glints in the dark. Her claws. She must have had them out to hunt. There is nothing to hunt on this rock, but she likes to pretend. This was why she could never live in a lawnring in a proper respite block. She has no proper conception of culling, only that of hunting, of predation. She has never even thought to find a more productive outlet for her impulses than simply killing and eating innocent creatures. And wearing their pelts! How utterly revolting.
But now is not the time for that. Now there are more important matters. "Several trolls have started culling sprees, according to our leader." he reports to her.
She blinks. "Culling?" The word sounds heavy on her tongue, and he realizes how slow her speech is. Normally she chatters like a charging hoofbeast, but now her voice is languorous, dripping. "AC is confused. Culling? she asks, Each other? She bats a paw at CT to get him to explain."
"Lord Ampora has," he trails off and gulps. "Lord Ampora has murdered our Empress." He wipes something off of his face, and he can't tell if it's sweat or tears. "Our Empress is dead, and the next in line also culled Kanaya and destroyed the Matriorb. Vriska has culled Tavros, and Lord Makara is threatening to finish the rest of us."
Nepeta's eyes go vacant, her gaze wandering into the distance. She lifts a hand to her mouth and absently licks one of her claws. "Trolls are hunting other trolls?" He glares at her.
"Nepeta!" She focuses back on him. "Come. Our leader has summoned us. We must advise and support him in this crisis."
"But CT, AC has other things she must do!"
He almost reprimands her for such blatant insubordination, but the lights of her eyes and the sheen of her claws are joined by rows of teeth.
"Nepeta, come down here."
No response, but the teeth part, the shadows coil and tense, her pupils grow impossibly large.
"Nepeta?"
Equius, I haven't killed anything in hours.

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:33

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Alternate last line: "Equius, I have to update my shipping wall."

[Doodled]

Of course Nepeta goes crazy. I mean, come on, her theme song is titled

Walls Covered In Blood

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He finds her crouched upon a vat, scanning the floor below. All he can see of her are her luminous eyes, but he knows she's swishing her hips to make her fake tail sway. Even during the height of the game she could never act appropriately, and now she is only getting worse.
"CT!" she exclaims. "The mighty mother cat is hunting!"
"Nepeta, get down from there at once! This is no time to be fooling around."
"She hasn't hunted anything in hours! Her kitties must be starving by now!"
Something glints in the dark. Her claws. She must have had them out to hunt. There is nothing to hunt on this rock, but she likes to pretend. This was why she could never live in a lawnring in a proper respite block. She has no proper conception of culling, only that of hunting, of predation. She has never even thought to find a more productive outlet for her impulses than simply killing and eating innocent creatures. And wearing their pelts! How utterly revolting.
But now is not the time for that. Now there are more important matters. "Several trolls have started culling sprees, according to our leader." he reports to her.
She blinks. "Culling?" The word sounds heavy on her tongue, and he realizes how slow her speech is. Normally she chatters like a charging hoofbeast, but now her voice is languorous, dripping. "AC is confused. Culling? she asks, Each other? She bats a paw at CT to get him to explain."
"Lord Ampora has," he trails off and gulps. "Lord Ampora has murdered our Empress." He wipes something off of his face, and he can't tell if it's sweat or tears. "Our Empress is dead, and the next in line also culled Kanaya and destroyed the Matriorb. Vriska has culled Tavros, and Lord Makara is threatening to finish the rest of us."
Nepeta's eyes go vacant, her gaze wandering into the distance. She lifts a hand to her mouth and absently licks one of her claws. "Trolls are hunting other trolls?" He glares at her.
"Nepeta!" She focuses back on him. "Come. Our leader has summoned us. We must advise and support him in this crisis."
"But CT, AC has other things she must do!"
He almost reprimands her for such blatant insubordination, but the lights of her eyes and the sheen of her claws are joined by rows of teeth.
"Nepeta, come down here."
No response, but the teeth part, the shadows coil and tense, her pupils grow impossibly large.
"Nepeta?"
Equius, I haven't killed anything in hours.

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:33

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Alternate last line: "Equius, I have to update my shipping wall."

I shuddered so hard at the last line.

And the alternate last line.

Congratulations.

I so hope this won't be canon...

[Path]

More Slick/Sleuth. Sort of implied pairing? This is just a quick one I whipped up as my bigger fic with them is proving troublesome. (I hate time travel, I hate time travel, etc.) Also still trying to get the hang of the comfort level here, I'm just familiar with a far more explicit writing board, so let me know if I'm gonna get banned or something for stuff please >_>


Answers

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Spades Slick is a nasty customer, alright, but you've never seen him this angry before, which is pretty inconceivable given how angry he usually is.

He stalks on into the casino like he owns the place (which, admittedly, he does), and just stops stock-still like he can't believe his eye when he sees the whole scene here. You can see it- one white eye like a searchlight travelling over the whole room, taking in Diamonds Droog with the pool cue, Clubs Deuce helpfully holding a replacement for when that one breaks, and Hearts Boxcars holding you. He's got a hell of a grip there, and you admire that, even when it means you've had to stand (hang) there and take a hell of a pool cue-drubbing to the chest and face.

That white beacon travels over the place, the torn-up carpet and the turned-over chairs, the interrupted billiards game (because nobody here actually plays pool, of course), and you can see the snarl develop all slow, like he's trying to hold it in. That'd be a first- you've never seen Slick hold back a real good rage.

But you're the best Problem Sleuth in the city and his own... well, not best friend exactly. Slick'd claim you're nothing to him, but when push comes to shove, you know he'd do something. And it sure feels like you've been shoved around an awful lot tonight. Even all this doesn't seem to bring out a real Spades Slick fury, though, until he sees your hat.

To be fair, it's making you pretty damn outraged too. You just couldn't do anything about it, given Boxcars and his mean grip. And Droog and his drubbings. And the overall dizziness the two combined to produce.

But Slick breaks himself out of the solid glare when he sees your hat. It's crumpled a few feet away with at least one of Boxcars' footprints on it, and your candy corn is just lying on the floor there. You made a hell of a break for it when they took that off you; even the three third-best mobsters in town combined almost couldn't keep you back. But it just ended up with you getting pretty heavily beaten with a pool cue, and your hat getting trampled in the mess.

Your hat.

Slick stalks over to it in a jerking halting motion that half points to mechanical shock and half to outrage. Droog seems to wisen up to his mood right away. He gives you an appraising look, a thin stiletto smile, and slinks a little behind Deuce and Boxcars. Smart guy to put some ground between himself and Slick in a mood. Slick seizes your hat (corn and all) off the ground in a swipe like a stooping hawk, and turns on his crew with the same motion. His voice is quiet, but nobody's fooled (except maybe Deuce, and he'll smarten up quickly).

"So I leave for one measly hour and I come back to this. Just what the fuck do you smartasses think you're doing?" Somehow, he doesn't make it a question. Droog is already behind the others, Deuce is starting to sidestep over to him nervously, and Boxcars drops you like a hot potato. You fall to the floor on your face in a completely hardboiled way.

There's a general chorus of "Nothing, boss," in half-apologetic tones. Slick pops your hat back out, slams the candy corn back into it, and looks back up at his lackeys. His mouth is starting to quiver, and when there's nothing further, he breaks into a full snarl, sharp teeth bared, screaming "Then what are you still doing here?" at them. Droog's the first out of the room, but then, he was always the smart one.

They're already gone, the back room door closed, by the time Slick crosses over to you. He tosses you your hat and gives you a grudging hand up; he's still wearing his full snarl. "Godfuckingdammit, how many times I gotta tell you to stay the fuck away from this place?" he says, and then he looks suddenly tired. The snarl dims into his usual grimace, and he turns away before you even get your footing.

You brush yourself off, get your hat back on. You feel more like yourself already. "Just following a lead, Slick," you say. "You know how it is. I'm like the post office- neither demons, dames, Felt or flames will stay me in an investigation-"

"You are so full of bullshit," he says, but he tosses you a towel from his desk. You get yourself mostly cleaned up, though you're still a bit worried about your hat. When you look back, Slick's got his feet up on his desk, and is glaring at you over them through his one eye. "Well?" he says.

Well. Well? You're not really sure where to go from here. Everything you were after got pretty ruined in the hat-scuffle. "Well?" you reply, playing it cool.

"You gonna let me stay you from this investigation shit?" he asks. "Or are you just gonna head back out there and let some petty crook off you while you're off your game?"

You pause. Spades Slick isn't the king of all crook-kind, but he's up there- second in the city, last time you checked. And as much as you hate to admit it, you're safer off here than out on the streets. You meet his eye. "Alright," you say, putting your hands down on his desk, "but I'm going to have to ask you some questions, see?"

His expression changes to something not-rage for the second time this night (and ever), and the smirk almost makes you lose your hardboiled act. He puts his arm up behind his head like a pillow, and you know that whatever you get out of Spades Slick tonight, it's not going to be answers.

[SeptimusMagistos]

Of course Nepeta goes crazy. I mean, come on, her theme song is titled

Walls Covered In Blood

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He finds her crouched upon a vat, scanning the floor below. All he can see of her are her luminous eyes, but he knows she's swishing her hips to make her fake tail sway. Even during the height of the game she could never act appropriately, and now she is only getting worse.
"CT!" she exclaims. "The mighty mother cat is hunting!"
"Nepeta, get down from there at once! This is no time to be fooling around."
"She hasn't hunted anything in hours! Her kitties must be starving by now!"
Something glints in the dark. Her claws. She must have had them out to hunt. There is nothing to hunt on this rock, but she likes to pretend. This was why she could never live in a lawnring in a proper respite block. She has no proper conception of culling, only that of hunting, of predation. She has never even thought to find a more productive outlet for her impulses than simply killing and eating innocent creatures. And wearing their pelts! How utterly revolting.
But now is not the time for that. Now there are more important matters. "Several trolls have started culling sprees, according to our leader." he reports to her.
She blinks. "Culling?" The word sounds heavy on her tongue, and he realizes how slow her speech is. Normally she chatters like a charging hoofbeast, but now her voice is languorous, dripping. "AC is confused. Culling? she asks, Each other? She bats a paw at CT to get him to explain."
"Lord Ampora has," he trails off and gulps. "Lord Ampora has murdered our Empress." He wipes something off of his face, and he can't tell if it's sweat or tears. "Our Empress is dead, and the next in line also culled Kanaya and destroyed the Matriorb. Vriska has culled Tavros, and Lord Makara is threatening to finish the rest of us."
Nepeta's eyes go vacant, her gaze wandering into the distance. She lifts a hand to her mouth and absently licks one of her claws. "Trolls are hunting other trolls?" He glares at her.
"Nepeta!" She focuses back on him. "Come. Our leader has summoned us. We must advise and support him in this crisis."
"But CT, AC has other things she must do!"
He almost reprimands her for such blatant insubordination, but the lights of her eyes and the sheen of her claws are joined by rows of teeth.
"Nepeta, come down here."
No response, but the teeth part, the shadows coil and tense, her pupils grow impossibly large.
"Nepeta?"
Equius, I haven't killed anything in hours.

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:33

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Alternate last line: "Equius, I have to update my shipping wall."

Ah, yes, more trolls out for Karkat's blood. By my count this only leaves Sollux, Terezi, and God-tiered Aradia before every living creature in the universe is officially trying to kill him.

[Ryavis]

And then zombie!fef and then Sollux wakes up and is pissed as hell and then Terezi somehow comes to the conclusion that Karkat killed Tavros and then Aradia comes back and says that Karkat has to die so as to avoid this becoming a beta timeline, and every single troll besides Karkat will be going ballistic.