MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[SeptimusMagistos]

@sionnan: AGUHf taxes don't remind me /shivers

Though is that actually true...? Like if you run a webcomic or a pr0n site or whatever, it's not actually fo realz income...?

HUSSIE DOESN'T PAY TAXES!?

No, I am so pretty sure that Bro is cheating on his taxes, and just putting them down as "gifts". Edit: to clarify, any money that you make should be reported as income. Money from friends and family doesn't count. Even though Bro doesn't know, like, any of his pr0n people, and he is actually making money from the site, it's just gray enough that he can refer to them as donations and gifts from friends, if he wants. It might not even be a registered business, which is another layer of illegality. :/ This is all stuff I probably should have worked into the fic, but I am too lazy and do not have time.

Also I am looking forward to at least another year of no taxes. Hooray overseas employment.

I would hate being the tax agent called upon to deal with this case.

[DJ-P0N3]

I have decided upon 3 Fantrolls I will be using in the fanfic.
To those whom did not recieve a response PM it is because you were not accepted.
This may have been because the troll did not appeal to a role I desired to fill or because the quirk was either too unnoticable, or just too hard.
I apologize if you feel insulted by this.

I appreciate all the applications!

[draconicAlgorithm]

Oh man writer's block. I finally pumped out this just to do something. So, have some RainbowDrinker!Kanaya.

Also, blood and stuff. I tried not to be too graphic.

Awaken

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stuffstuffstuffstuff

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Why am I always so mean to Karkat? I'd cry if he really died in canon. ;-;

Why did no one comment on this? This was really good dA. I'd love to see a continuation!

Thank you! I thought no one had noticed this.

I probably won't do a continuation, to be honest, but I had an idea for another Rainbow Drinker story, only this one would be less sad and AU. ^^

[Graven_Image]

Indystuck

Chapter 28

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It was a doll.

Or to put it more accurately, an action figure.

It was made to look like Viridian, so of course it was an action figure.

"So... what?"

"What do you mean, what?"

"What do we do now?"

"Well, Tim said that after we make the item, it has to be destroyed somehow."

"Well, we're fresh out of weapons. And that's some high-grade crystal-esque plastic. I highly doubt we're going to be able to just snap it in half."

It's a common occurence for one's gaze to wander when they are out of ideas. Viridian's happened to settle on a nearby window, showing a lovely view of the nearest planet.

"Vitellary."

"Yes, Captain?"

"Meet me in the airlock."

OPEN PESTERLOG

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mischeviousRobot began pestering newGuy

MR: Hey, the Kid
MR: I think i've been shanghaied
NG: shangWHAT
MR: I think Curly stole my heroing thunder
NG: well no surprise there
NG: curlys kinda bouncy and outgoing and you
NG: well youre you
NG: you dont exactly make waves if you know what im saying
MR: Yeah...
MR: I'm just left wondering if I'm really the hero this time around
MR: Maybe it's, like, Curly's turn?
NG: meh hang on
NG: ill ask the ghosts usually know stuff like this
MR: ...
MR: Ghosts?
NG: yeah theyre the locals
NG: despite being dead theyre actually not that bad
NG: and they seem to know a lot too
NG: oh hey hang on
MR: ...Ghosts.
NG: yeah
NG: this guy says
NG: "the warrior of light fights not alone"
NG: "but instead is together themself and one"
NG: "the day on which they master the tool"
NG: "the world will see the warrior is dual"
NG: i have no idea what it means
NG: what do you think
MR: ...
MR: GHOSTS??
NG: come ON
NG: GET WITH THE PROGRAM
NG: i just recited a prophecy
NG: A PROPHECY
NG: last time i heard a prophecy i became THE GUY
NG: i just TOLD you one
NG: and all you can think about is WHERE IT CAME FROM
MR: Sorry
MR: It's just...
MR: Ghosts.
NG: come on you were seriously arguing in favor of their existence not two hours ago
NG: and now youve looped back around again what gives
MR: Well, that case wasn't a ghost, per se
MR: I think we got King back because the sword was his
MR: And as such, I think my skepticism is entirely justified
NG: man WHATEVER
NG: imma go chill with my ectobros
NG: see what wicked knowledge i can dredge up from the well of souls
NG: wish you were here dude
MR: Yeah, well, see if you can figure out your title
MR: Mine is apparently the Warrior of Light
MR: Or maybe it's Curly's
MR: Or maybe it's neither of ours and we're just like the Dudes of Nothing
NG: no these guys are pretty clear on us all having awesome titles
NG: speaking of which, I'm definitely going to try to find out mine
NG: bye

newGuy ceased pestering mischeviousRobot

OPEN CONSORTLOG

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THE KID: alrighty guys youve been great but i need another prophecy
THE KID: for me this time
GHOST 1: Very well.
GHOST 2: We understand the importance of this, but we must soon rest.
GHOST 1: This many instances of preordainment are taxing on us.
GHOST 3: Bah, don't bother with them. Speak!
GHOST 4: What do you wish to know?
THE KID: alright
THE KID: i guess my question is
THE KID: whats my title
THE KID: and what am i supposed to do with it
GHOSTS: ...
THE KID: guys
GHOSTS: ......
THE KID: oh right you gotta warm up the rhyming thing
THE KID: i forgot
GHOSTS: .........
GHOST 1: This world has changed, and so those in it.
GHOST 3: The chosen of here shall spend all to win it.
GHOST 2: The great lord Hel has trapped us here.
GHOST 4: And it falls to the Heir to break this fear.
THE KID: sweet
THE KID: im an heir
THE KID: of what
GHOST 1: Do you mind? We're in the middle of our thing.
THE KID: sorry
GHOST 1: *ahem*
GHOST 1: The Heir shall Descend, beyond the Gates.
GHOST 4: And where he goes, he shall meet his fate.
THE KID: umm
THE KID: what
GHOST 3: Where most Heirs win riches, he shall gain a tomb.
GHOSTS: For such is the lot of the Heir of Doom.
THE KID: O_O
THE KID: so
THE KID: im going
THE KID: to die
GHOST 3: Yes.
GHOST 3: Sorry, I thought that was obvious.

[Path]

A Talk with Dick

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Your office door busts open and you just know this is going to spell trouble. To your surprise, it's not goons of any of the many varieties of gang in this city, all obviously trying to kill each other and you at every opportunity. Instead, it's just Ace Dick, your friend and sort-of still rival, as well as your totally annoying next-door neighbour.

You ask him where the fire is.

Ace misses an opportunity for a clever comeback. He wants to know what the deal is with the big gay thing you've got going on with Spades Slick- who, in case you've forgotten, he points out, is the biggest threat to the city since Mobster Kingpin.

To be fair, you say, Mobster Kingpin turned into a giant demon thing (you're still not really sure how that worked).

Ace isn't buying it. He says he wouldn't be surprised one bit if tomorrow you called him in to deal with giant monster demon Spades Slick, with... tentacles. And spikes. Ace is making this all up, and poorly. Obviously not working on training up that low Imagination.

You tell him that you've got three times his Imagination on bad days, and even you can't imagine Spades Slick sprouting tentacles. How stupid would that be. Just really unbelievable.

In a surprising fit of memory, Ace remembers what he came in for. He's back on your case again about you and Slick.

Not that it's any of his beeswax, you tell him, but it's just a pair of gents having a drink and a talk every once in awhile. You don't see what he's getting his tie in a twist about. Besides, Spades Slick's a dangerous customer, alright, but if the two of you can work out a way to tone down the gang wars, you'll hop on that train. Too many dames and kids getting drawn into this business as is.

Ace holds his ground. If it was just drinks and a talk, that'd be one thing. He's staked your apartment out, and he knows how many nights you don't come back to it.

Business, you say.

Dirty business, Ace says.

It feels like your collar's tightening up, and you begin to wish you'd hidden under your desk when he came in. You'd really hoped to have thrown him off the trail, but it looks like his detective skills aren't as garbage as you'd figured. You take a new tack.

That's right, you say. Can't a guy spend a night with another guy without it being some big gay thing with him? You shake your head sadly. What's this world coming to? But yes, for his information, Slick did take you back to one of his apartments, one with a great rug and a swanky balcony, and kept you up all hours of the night with some activities you trust Ace has enough Imagination to get the idea of. Yes, you say, putting your feet up on the desk, you and Spades Slick had a nice evening together. No, you've got no extra stab wounds. And no, no tentacles or horns or extra limbs that you noticed, and yes, you got enough of a look at him to notice if they'd been there.

And, you finish, you're planning on it again sometime this week. Maybe Wednesday. No wait, that's poker night. Thursday. And if Ace has got a problem with you and Spades Slick and what you do together, then he'll just have to bite his tongue and keep it to himself.

Ace says it's not that. You take your feet off the desk, and hope you didn't just spill that all for no good reason.

He says, if you were so interested in all this gay stuff, why didn't you come to him first.

Forget the desk. You should have jumped out the window.

[arcaneCalligramancer]

path

path i'm in love now

[Kawa]

...What a dick.

[Twigwise]

Path that is amazing. And so totally Dick.

[morpheoMancer]

...What a dick.

*rimshot*

[egregiousBass]

Hey look! A rogue Striderfic appears!

Dave, it's hard.

Having all these jobs and doing taxes.

It's hard and nobody understands.

He examines Dave for a few seconds, and Dave watches as something unnameable in Bro's eyes extinguishes. He looks tired, and his stylishly tousled hair makes him look about Dave's age right then.

This line is great.

[KarneWarrior]

Homeworld
MorialsForever

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"~AzlA!~"

She smashed into him, burying him in a flurry of flying hair. They giggled, trying to extricate themselves from the hug they both really never wanted to stop. Finally they managed the feat, Iksti smiling like a child in a candy store with millions of dollars in their pocket.

"~i~missed~you~AzlA!~it's~been...~" She counted on her fingers, then held up four, "fi^e~perigrees!~thAt's~too~long. ^^here hA^e you been?"

"Doing... Something..."

Iksti was entranced immediately. "~doing~^^hAt?"

"I wont say."

Iksti smacked him on the shoulder. Azla folded his arms and looked at her, trying his best to look imposing, like a highblood should. Iksti stared back, doing a far superior job. Finally his stern expression wavered.

"Sailing"

Iksti looked perplexed, but shrugged it off, confident that Azla knew what he was doing. She grabbed his hand and ushered him into the forest.

The forest was shrouded in shadow, but the keen eye of a troll preferred it that way. They saw the myraid of colors, the pink, diamond-shaped leaves, the pale white skin of the bark. The grass beneath their feet gave way, soft as possible on harsh Alternia. The forest had a eerie beauty to it, lances of starlight cutting the air into sparkling shards of glass.

The leaves fell around them, landing on them like snowflakes. Small lizards, venomous but otherwise harmless, skittered away vertically on the wooden obelisks, climbing to their burrows.

In one tree was a treehouse, built by hand out of pale white wood. A rope ladder hung from the open doorway, swinging slightly in the breeze. A small beetle buzzed by as they looked up at it, and Iksti brushed it away. Together the two clambered up the ladder into the room.

It was barren, save for a gas lamp, a troll skull from some unfortunate soul, and a small knife, which was embedded in the skull, likely how it died. Iksti casually pulled the knife from the skull and tossed it out of a window, where it landed with a clatter below. She turned to Azla, grinning widely again. Azla grinned back, and together they turned to a blank wall.

Several hours later, benath a load of graffitti made of knife scratches, they slept, curled together and sharing their warmth during the cold fall month. A moth drifted in and alighted on Azla's nose. He snuffled and smacked himself lightly in the face, which made him collapse sideways and leave Iksti wityhout a pillow. But niether of the trolls awoke, and the moth was unharmed. Drifting again, it fluttered to the center of the graffitti mural, a gigantic diamond. In the center were two letters and one word.

I+A
FOREVER.

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Blech. Feel-good stuff isn't my forte. At least this should be one of the last ones. Last few, at least. There may still be more. Bluh.

Anyways, next up is Azla's kismesis, a boat, and after that, a matespirit. Then the drone comes, and that's when things really start heating up. Soon after the drone comes the military, where the bulk of the story will take place. So there's going to be a pretty big timeskip soon, although maybe not next time.

Although I'm still figuring out if I want to mention a certain princess, which could effect the ending chapters quite significantly. Such as who dies.

But spoilers are bad, so. Meh.

Also I am aware I botched the dialogue. I hate having to color it, and I hate having to type out Iksti's quirk. She's like a fucking finger ninja with those ^s man. That probably played a part in why the dialogue was shitty, and also why I cut it off. It'll be better later, since there's only going to be one more conversation, and that's between Azla and his kismesis.

And also a sea-dweller.

[anonymousComrade]

Son of a bitch

Welp, you guys were right

My plans to throw my one fanfic out there and fade into obscurity for good have been thoroughly dashed, because I've got yet another KarkatTerezi thing I'm writing right now

Stay tuned

[Graven_Image]

Son of a bitch

Welp, you guys were right

My plans to throw my one fanfic out there and fade into obscurity for good have been thoroughly dashed, because I've got yet another KarkatTerezi thing I'm writing right now

Stay tuned

It's like Pringles. You can never write just one.

Say hi to /co/ for us when you eventually relate your tales of fanficking to them.

[anonymousComrade]

Son of a bitch

Welp, you guys were right

My plans to throw my one fanfic out there and fade into obscurity for good have been thoroughly dashed, because I've got yet another KarkatTerezi thing I'm writing right now

Stay tuned

It's like Pringles. You can never write just one.

Say hi to /co/ for us when you eventually relate your tales of fanficking to them.

You warned me about fanfiction, bro

You told me dog

Here's a sneak peek:

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-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3Y K4RK4T
CG: WHAT.
GC: COM3 TO MY H1V3, 1V3 GOT SOM3TH1NG 1 W4NT TO SHOW YOU >;]
CG: ...WHAT.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

I swear it's way more innocent than it sounds! But you'll still have to wait for the whole thing, because I've only written a couple of paragraphs and it's not anywhere near done yet

[Ganato]

Congratulations! You've been inflicted with fan-fiction desease!
It is wonderful.
Except for when you catch writers block as well.
Then it sucks.

[Aerodactylus]

Oh man writer's block. I finally pumped out this just to do something. So, have some RainbowDrinker!Kanaya.

Also, blood and stuff. I tried not to be too graphic.

Awaken

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stuffstuffstuffstuff

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Why am I always so mean to Karkat? I'd cry if he really died in canon. ;-;

Why did no one comment on this? This was really good dA. I'd love to see a continuation!

Thank you! I thought no one had noticed this.

I probably won't do a continuation, to be honest, but I had an idea for another Rainbow Drinker story, only this one would be less sad and AU. ^^

Good stuff. I'll be looking forward to it!

[mutecebu]

Okay, here's my first MSPA fic that isn't about the troll cops au.

In which Kanaya learns how to be a vampire

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It was midnight, and the moon was full. 2 shadowy figures stalked the rooftops of the city, unseen by its citizens. If one were to look up at just the right moment, you could see two capes sailing through the sky before disappearing under the cover of an old brick building. Eventually they stopped, landing on top of a building overlooking a shop that sold clocks. Both of them wore outlandish yet stylish suits. The smaller, horned one of the pair was even wearing a cravat. The taller, fedora-wearing one placed a placed a foot on the edge of the roof and a hand on hat, with a hard-boiled expression on his face that Clint Eastwood would be proud of. A random breeze made his cape billow, while the light of moon caused his candy corn fangs to glint, but never sparkle.

Kanaya sighed. Vampires were supposed to have a flair for dramatic, but Problem Sleuth's adherence to this verged on the ridiculous.

"Is It Completely Necessary That We Jump From Rooftop To Rooftop In Our Search For Your Colleague's Son?"

"Vat's zat kid? I'm zorry, couldn't underztand your accent."

And that was another thing. Problem Sleuth kept insisting that they should talk in that strange, strange accent that was supposed to be how vampires talked. If she didn't he wouldn't even acknowledge her presence. Of course Sleuth could talk normally, but once he put on that cape and stuck those candy corn in his teeth his Ts became Vs and the letter S was removed from the alphabet.

"Iz It Completely Necezary Zat Ve Jump From Rooftop To Rooftop In Our Zearch For Your Colleague's Zon?"

"It iz, my dear. Ve both know zat that Dick couldn't zleuth hiz vay out of a box. How can he hope to find zat vigilante zon of hiz without our help? If we zon't zearch for him he'z never goink to find him. Vat kind of a friend vould I be if I didn't help him out?"

Well, that wasn't exactly true. Sleuth didn't even care about the fact that Bathearst has been sneaking off to fight bad guys without his father, and only started to search for him to one-up Ace Dick as part of his ever-escalating but supposedly friendly fued with him.

They waited for an hour more, until Problem Sleuth brilliantly deduced that Bathearst wasn't here. He made no mention of the fact that the radio reported him having a standoff with the felt at the bank.

"Okay. Ze bank is at the ozer zide of ze city. Ve vill have to turn into batz in order to get zere on time."

"Turn...Into Bats?

"Batz, yez."

Kanaya X2 facepalmed. While transforming into bats was a traditional vampire power, she was pretty sure they couldn't do that. On the other hand, she wasn't entirely sure about that. She took out a notepad and a pen, so she can write down how Sleuth did it in case his transformation worked.

"Look, I vill demonztrate to you ze art of tranzformink into a bat." Problem Sleuth grabbed the tip of his cape and raised it up to his mouth. He made a flourish, and jumped off the building.

The ambulance arrived in 10 minutes.

"Don't..forget...my teeth..." He managed to say to Kanaya before the ambulance left for the hospital.

Kanaya scooped up some candy corn teeth that fell out of Problem Sleuth's mouth when he landed face first on the ground, and made a note that vampires can't really turn into bats, right above the mandatory vampires don't sparkle note.

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Bluh. Didn't turn out as well as I'd hoped, but it let me do a little experimenting with how Kanaya and Problem Sleuth would interact. I was going for a slightly aloof mentor-curious but skeptical apprentice thing, but PS ended up goofier than I intended.

This was amazing! One of the funniest fixed I have read on here! PS' silliness was a good thing, i believe.

[draconicAlgorithm]

More rainbow drinker yaaaaay. And it's AU, so no SGrub.

Thicker Than Blood 0

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The Alternian sun glared over the barren landscape. A single speck broke the sea of sand, a white structure with garishly colored cloth flapping in the desert breeze. A young troll was awake in that structure, breaking the sleeping patterns of the rest of her species. Truth be told, she was too excited to sleep.

Kanaya Maryam was doing her best to while away the time until she could at last meet her moirail face to face. No, not just her moirail—the girl she'd had a crush on for sweeps. Vriska Serket had said she would be visiting today.

It had been a rather odd proposal. Vriska and Kanaya had once been close friends, talking nearly every evening, until Vriska simply stopped logging into Trollian. The longer she was gone, the more troubled Kanaya felt. She knew something had to be wrong. Yes, Vriska was violent and manipulative and even homicidal at times, but she could still get herself into trouble, and often did. Kanaya was worried that she had finally bitten off more than she could chew. As her moirail, wasn't it her job to keep her from doing that?

When Kanaya had voiced her worries to her other friend, Karkat Vantas, he had been predictably negative about the whole thing. He'd never liked Vriska, after all. In his opinion, everyone would be better off if she was dead.

Then, after several weeks of silence, Vriska mysteriously reappeared (and in the middle of the day, no less) long enough to have a brief conversation.

AG: Would you like to meet up?
GA: Yes More Than Anything
AG: Then I'll see you tomorrow. ::::)

And then she was offline again. Kanaya hadn't even had time to ask her why she'd been gone for so long, or why she had suddenly reappeared, or even how she was going to get to her home at the edge of the desert, but she didn't care. She was just glad that her friend was still alive, and that she even wanted to come meet her! It was like a dream come true.

However, Kanaya didn't expect her until that evening, at the earliest. She'd already made up a guest bedroom, and so now she had little else to do other than wait. She did what she always did when she was forced to wait. She curled up with a good book.

She chose one of her favorites today. It was a rainbow drinker romantic novel, as many of hers tended to be. This one featured a young troll forced to choose between her matesprit, a benign rainbow drinker, and her moirail, whom she recently discovered to be a weremusclebeast. It was so full of intrigue and romance and conflict and rainbow drinkers that it almost always held her attention, no matter what the circumstances. Today was no different. She immersed herself in the fiction, imagining what it would be like to become a rainbow drinker, to live by day and partake only in blood...

She soon lost track of time. Before she knew it, the day had almost ended and the sun was setting, its last rays shining in through the window across the room from where she sat on her bed. Even that did not bother her, until a shadow passed across those rays. Curious, she looked up.

A figure crouched in her open window. It had long hair and horns, one with a crooked tip and the other split in two. Even though she couldn't make out the individual features of the silhouette due to the sun behind it, Kanaya was sure she knew who it was.

"Vriska?" She asked hopefully, setting her book down in her lap.

"I've been dying to meet you, Kanaya," the other troll said, flashing brilliant fangs as she smiled broadly.

Kanaya didn't even see Vriska move. Before she could react, the blue blood was standing beside her, her smile undiminished. She bent over her and wrapped her arms around Kanaya's shoulders, moving in for what Kanaya thought was a kiss. She was startled, but pleased. Wasn't this what she wanted? She hadn't realized that Vriska shared her feelings, but she should have known. Why else would she come to visit her? She closed her eyes, waiting for their lips to meet.

It never happened. Instead, she felt a sharp pain on her neck, and then everything went black.

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I'm not sure how many parts there will be, but I'm expecting less than ten. I only have a vague sort of plot going, but if I drag it on too long, it'll probably just get boring.

Also, before anyone asks, official pairings are Kanaya <> Karkat and Kanaya <3/<3- Vriska. I'll let you draw your own conclusions from that.

[NemFX]

Rebuild. Chapter five.

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Relative time.

It was a concept that took some getting used to.

Because of his time powers, Dave Strider had no use for calendars or clocks ever again. He essentially had a built in chronometer in his head.

Tick.

Tick.

Every moment of every day, he was aware of now.

Sometimes it gave him crippling headaches, sometimes it just messed with his internal clock (metaphorically, of course) and thus the concept of relative time was born.

While John, Rose and Jade all experienced time consistently, Dave could, and frequently did, relive days. This led to him sleeping odd hours, frequently being tired, and generally giving the appearance of jet lag. The wrinkled suit certainly fit the image.

Of course, the problem with relative time was pretty clear; for Dave it was around 2am and he was trying to sleep. So when Jade pounded on the door at the real world time of half past four in the afternoon, and found herself dodging a poorly thrown sneaker, she was reminded that the town sundial was on his own clock. Ironically or otherwise.

"Go 'way 'm sleepun." Dave muttered, head half buried under a knitted comforter.

"Dave! Rose is gone!!!" Okay. That got his attention. The room wasn't huge, but the speed that Dave had used to get up and cross it caused Jade to recoil instinctively.

"What." It wasn't a question, Jade cringed as she tried to see through Dave's shades.

"Rose went to find John. She left last night. I only found out a few minutes ago when I was trying to find out what she wanted for dinner."

Despite their flirting, Rose had always been closer to John. His fault, he supposed. If Dave had worried less about winning the arguments, and trying to be cool, then maybe.. But that was then.

"Do you think she's in trouble?"

"Well.. No. I mean, it's only been a few hours, maybe ten tops. I was just worried and thought you should know.."

Dave carefully plucked the letter from Jade's hand and studied it carefully before handing it back.

"Rose thought this through. Let's give her a day or two before we worry okay? If your really worried, I'm sure she brought her computer headband thing.." Dave made gestures to try and explain his last point, to which Jade giggled. At least that's how Dave interpreted it. For all he knew, Rose could have drawn on him before she left, or his hair could have been sticking up, or any of a dozen other things.

"Do you really think Rose will find John?" Jade said leaning her head on Dave's shoulder.

"I hope so." The hurt look that Jade gave made him quickly add "If anyone can, she can." this seemed to work, as she hugged Dave tightly.

After a minute or so of hugging, Jade reached up and turned Dave's sunglasses the right way around. "Soooo Coooooool." she teased.

Next chapter isn't written yet, so I'll be back whenever. Hope you enjoyed.

[Doodled]

A Talk with Dick

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Your office door busts open and you just know this is going to spell trouble. To your surprise, it's not goons of any of the many varieties of gang in this city, all obviously trying to kill each other and you at every opportunity. Instead, it's just Ace Dick, your friend and sort-of still rival, as well as your totally annoying next-door neighbour.

You ask him where the fire is.

Ace misses an opportunity for a clever comeback. He wants to know what the deal is with the big gay thing you've got going on with Spades Slick- who, in case you've forgotten, he points out, is the biggest threat to the city since Mobster Kingpin.

To be fair, you say, Mobster Kingpin turned into a giant demon thing (you're still not really sure how that worked).

Ace isn't buying it. He says he wouldn't be surprised one bit if tomorrow you called him in to deal with giant monster demon Spades Slick, with... tentacles. And spikes. Ace is making this all up, and poorly. Obviously not working on training up that low Imagination.

You tell him that you've got three times his Imagination on bad days, and even you can't imagine Spades Slick sprouting tentacles. How stupid would that be. Just really unbelievable.

In a surprising fit of memory, Ace remembers what he came in for. He's back on your case again about you and Slick.

Not that it's any of his beeswax, you tell him, but it's just a pair of gents having a drink and a talk every once in awhile. You don't see what he's getting his tie in a twist about. Besides, Spades Slick's a dangerous customer, alright, but if the two of you can work out a way to tone down the gang wars, you'll hop on that train. Too many dames and kids getting drawn into this business as is.

Ace holds his ground. If it was just drinks and a talk, that'd be one thing. He's staked your apartment out, and he knows how many nights you don't come back to it.

Business, you say.

Dirty business, Ace says.

It feels like your collar's tightening up, and you begin to wish you'd hidden under your desk when he came in. You'd really hoped to have thrown him off the trail, but it looks like his detective skills aren't as garbage as you'd figured. You take a new tack.

That's right, you say. Can't a guy spend a night with another guy without it being some big gay thing with him? You shake your head sadly. What's this world coming to? But yes, for his information, Slick did take you back to one of his apartments, one with a great rug and a swanky balcony, and kept you up all hours of the night with some activities you trust Ace has enough Imagination to get the idea of. Yes, you say, putting your feet up on the desk, you and Spades Slick had a nice evening together. No, you've got no extra stab wounds. And no, no tentacles or horns or extra limbs that you noticed, and yes, you got enough of a look at him to notice if they'd been there.

And, you finish, you're planning on it again sometime this week. Maybe Wednesday. No wait, that's poker night. Thursday. And if Ace has got a problem with you and Spades Slick and what you do together, then he'll just have to bite his tongue and keep it to himself.

Ace says it's not that. You take your feet off the desk, and hope you didn't just spill that all for no good reason.

He says, if you were so interested in all this gay stuff, why didn't you come to him first.

Forget the desk. You should have jumped out the window.

This is the biggest load of...

awesome.

That I've seen today.

*bows down*

Also,

anonymousComrade, I am so looking forward to that fic that it's just insane...

[Zampanó]

Matryoshka Regress

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Three children cling to their chairs, as though afraid to fall off. Their rooms are in disarray, furniture upended and walls battered. A pillow rests precariously atop the blade of a ceiling fan. Two rooms boast new additions, modifications to familiar proportions. The distance from (upended, disassembled) bed to alarm clock is now three paces instead of two. A wall papered with art has been shorn bare: an abrupt pillar of bareness unsolicited and unwelcome.
[OPEN PESTERLOG]

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LN: Let’s never do that again.

HN: it wasnt a total waste of time
HN: it did teach us that we cannot actually move each other
HN: so even if the laws of physics aren’t real
HN: at least they understand the concept of personal space

XT: lol so even if u 2 can throw shit at me and carry me around at least you cant pick me up
XT: how does that help?

HN: knowing the obvious limits means we can fnid out the less obvious ones faster
HN: and learn what the actual rules are

LN: *and how to exploit them
LN: You’re all about gaming games

*find out

XT: so then lets keep going
XT: there is more than just throwing and breaking things in this game you know!
XT: Johnny tell me if this shows up for you

A crash, and the house shakes. The pillow loses its perch and tumbles down into the mess, also upsetting the precisely balanced white board, though failing to trigger a more extensive avalanche. How can there be an avalanche when every item in the room has been thrown to the floor? A new addition to the room gleams resolute against the surrounding pandemonium. Four displays blink as unset clocks, topped by a stove-top pipe with a hand wheel.

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XT: this is a cruxtruder and it is free to place
XT: you only get one thou
LN: Well thats nice I guess. Does it do anything?
XT: it sure does
XT: i turned on tooltips and it says that opening gets your first quest

HN: so lets not open it too soon
HN: any time we have to get our bearings is a bonus.
HN: are there any more tool tips? i cant find the option to activate them

XT: well the option is sorta inside the config setup…
XT: you have to edit it in as you install cuz the
XT: feature isnt done yet… most of these are empty
XT: they just say “CONTENT”
XT: i guess they were gonna add the rest in later
LN: Do you know anything else? Is there any more free loot?

HN: why Dont we wait on any more free stuff for me and XT until we know what it all does.
HN: go ahead and put the intro equipment out and we’ll see what it all does

XT: ok johnny boy im making you a one stop shop for all things free and deployable
XT: hold on to your hat

HN: its just like her to have gotten into the basic files isn’t it?
HN: I come up with all these plans to figure out mechanics and she simply *looks it up*
HN: would you believe that I was already planning experiments?

LN: Of course I can believe it. You are always figuring something out.
LN: …
LN: The crashing has stopped. XT’s probably done. What’re the goods?
XT: you got three free machines.
XT: the first is the cruxtruder and that’s right in the middle of the floor
XT: i put the totem lathe next to it because it is connected in the game… the tooltip says that the raw material from t he cruxtruder goes right to the lathe
XT: and the alchemiter "alchemizes items" so i guess thats a crafting station?
XT: HN you’’ll have a field day with that i bet
XT: theres one more thing and I put it on your desk
LN: Do you mean this weird card? It’s full of holes and it looks like some of them are scorch marks.

HN: they gave you a burnt captcha card? Weird.
HN: what happens if you captchalogue it?

LN: I tried already but I couldn’t scan it into my calculator modus. I just got a SYNTAX ERROR.
LN: Maybe the totem lathe? It’s got a slot about the right size for a card WOAH
LN: It started spinning and flipping the fuck out!
XT: thats a good thing though I think?
XT: its the rite thing if something happens.
XT: we just gotta figure out what the next thing is

HN: But we know the quest, right?
HN: open the cruxtruder, use it to activate the lathe and then use that with the alchemiter.
HN: they wouldn’t give you something free if you didn’t need it to get started.
HN: especially since I’ve got a bunch of blacked out machines that are all kinds of expensive so I can’t place them yet

XT: so lets do it!
LN: I guess introductory quests are usually pretty simple.
LN: I wonder how important the crafting system will be if this is the first main quest. Oh well, here goes.
[|0Ck3_N3Wt0N has stopped pestering everyone]
[|0Ck3_N3Wt0N has started pestering everyone]
LN: Good lord that thing is heavy. XT, could I get you to open that for me?
XT: im not allowed to touch it.
XT: add another limitation to your list HN
XT: maybe if I just…
XT: turnwise……

Johnny’s bed frame picks itself up and slams itself into the ornamented cap of the cruxtruder. A sharp crack bounces between the walls of the room, the echo exhausting itself instantly. The heavy lid tumbles to the floor. Immediately, the room is plunged back into pandemonium. Lights strobe from seemingly every direction at once while bizarre rattling and buzzing seems to patter along their its wake. After a moment the lights resolve into a ball of light constantly changing in size and configuration. It is unquestionably the origin of the buzzing. Quick as a flash, Johnny is at the cruxtruder turning the crank, revealing a large blue cylinder. The buzzing grows more insistent, and his computer chimes as messages from Alison flood the conversation.
[OPEN PESTERLOG]

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XT: Johnny you have to put something into the light.
XT: not yourself
XT: dont go into the light lol
XT: put something in, though
XT: it doesnt matter really
XT: but do it first

Johnny is more than a little preoccupied, however. The lathe has set to work on the cruxite dowel, throwing off strange iridescent blue shrapnel in every direction, peppering his eyes with detritus. The pain only adds to the shaking of his hands as he hovers over the process, eyes now blinking rapidly. The pain isn’t even a distraction; fifty nine seconds on the clock. The spinning simply stops, engraving complete and Johnny’s hands seize it from the machine, ignoring the heat built up from the cutting. The grooves and spirals on the rod seem to throb with significance, or perhaps just the sensation of singed hands. Behind him, the shifting pattern of light bounces from wall to wall, growing more and more agitated; forty five seconds on the timer.
[OPEN PESTERLOG]

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XT: well I guess i’ll just do it myself
XT: you have a lot of junk in here
XT: what would you use? probably one of those kids books
XT: they’re all probably good enough… you do like your books
XT: how about Artemis Fowl?

Johnny reaches the alchemiter and slides the dowel onto its tall arm, leaping back when things start to move inside the machine. The dowel itself begins rotating and lights hover over its surface playing along the ridges and dropping into each crevice in turn. The pattern on the dias of the machine phosphoresces blue and then an eerie green growing darker and darker, deep as the night and then deeper still. The light has begun to strobe again-- it seems to be pursued by a book; thirty five seconds on the timer.

Roots lace their way into the ceiling, wrapping around the fan overhead. The same eerie shade of green as the pattern on the machine, they dig deep into the roof as a trunk with budding, and then fully grown leaves, seems to reach toward the floor. Five feet it stands, and does not reach the ground. There is an axe in Johnny’s hands. He does not know where it came from. He does not heed its glow. He knows only that he is already swinging. The light is now wrapped around the book, as though reluctant to accept it; twenty seconds on the timer.

The axe strikes the tree, shaking it to its core. A single leaf is displaced and begins its long descent into the sky. The axe has left an ugly wound in the tree, cutting nearly through. Once more Johnny swings, a masterful stroke. The arc of the axehead draws its flickering shadow across a bookcase, splintering it and the books within into millions of pieces. Sound has changed, rather than buzzing there is an abundant rustling. The light, too, has shifted. English letters seem to flit around the edges of objects…more arcane characters dance around the confines of mere sight; eleven seconds

Once more the axe flies, shadow raking across the walls. The tree shudders and collapses, leafy boughs tumbling to the ʎʞs. Light pours from the stump, then darkness. A blistering cacophony of pages turning, then silence





One second




z




e









r

0

[A/N]

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Exposition is hard! I think I finally got to something more interesting than introductions, but I'm afraid that I didn't have enough annoying bullshit in the way first. Things can only get better from here, since we can move on from BLUH CHARACTERS CANT KNOW ANYTHING YET to just BLUH BAD WRITING.

I get into a pattern when writing essays that is SIMPLE SENTENCE, SIMPLE SENTENCE, COMPLEX/COMPOUND/COMPLICATED SENTENCE [ctrl+v][ctrl+v][ctrl+v]... that is

OBVIOUSLY A PROBLEM FOR MY CREATIVE WRITING AS WELL


Constructive Criticism is greatly appreciated.

[slakensColin]

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THE KID : O_O
THE KID : so
THE KID : im going
THE KID : to die
GHOST 3: Yes.
GHOST 3: Sorry, I thought that was obvious.

Whelp. Guess i should have suspected that reveal.
But i didnt. It genuinely surprised me.
Wonderful as always!

[Aerodactylus]

More rainbow drinker yaaaaay. And it's AU, so no SGrub.

Thicker Than Blood 0

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The Alternian sun glared over the barren landscape. A single speck broke the sea of sand, a white structure with garishly colored cloth flapping in the desert breeze. A young troll was awake in that structure, breaking the sleeping patterns of the rest of her species. Truth be told, she was too excited to sleep.

Kanaya Maryam was doing her best to while away the time until she could at last meet her moirail face to face. No, not just her moirail—the girl she'd had a crush on for sweeps. Vriska Serket had said she would be visiting today.

It had been a rather odd proposal. Vriska and Kanaya had once been close friends, talking nearly every evening, until Vriska simply stopped logging into Trollian. The longer she was gone, the more troubled Kanaya felt. She knew something had to be wrong. Yes, Vriska was violent and manipulative and even homicidal at times, but she could still get herself into trouble, and often did. Kanaya was worried that she had finally bitten off more than she could chew. As her moirail, wasn't it her job to keep her from doing that?

When Kanaya had voiced her worries to her other friend, Karkat Vantas, he had been predictably negative about the whole thing. He'd never liked Vriska, after all. In his opinion, everyone would be better off if she was dead.

Then, after several weeks of silence, Vriska mysteriously reappeared (and in the middle of the day, no less) long enough to have a brief conversation.

AG: Would you like to meet up?
GA: Yes More Than Anything
AG: Then I'll see you tomorrow. :::

And then she was offline again. Kanaya hadn't even had time to ask her why she'd been gone for so long, or why she had suddenly reappeared, or even how she was going to get to her home at the edge of the desert, but she didn't care. She was just glad that her friend was still alive, and that she even wanted to come meet her! It was like a dream come true.

However, Kanaya didn't expect her until that evening, at the earliest. She'd already made up a guest bedroom, and so now she had little else to do other than wait. She did what she always did when she was forced to wait. She curled up with a good book.

She chose one of her favorites today. It was a rainbow drinker romantic novel, as many of hers tended to be. This one featured a young troll forced to choose between her matesprit, a benign rainbow drinker, and her moirail, whom she recently discovered to be a weremusclebeast. It was so full of intrigue and romance and conflict and rainbow drinkers that it almost always held her attention, no matter what the circumstances. Today was no different. She immersed herself in the fiction, imagining what it would be like to become a rainbow drinker, to live by day and partake only in blood...

She soon lost track of time. Before she knew it, the day had almost ended and the sun was setting, its last rays shining in through the window across the room from where she sat on her bed. Even that did not bother her, until a shadow passed across those rays. Curious, she looked up.

A figure crouched in her open window. It had long hair and horns, one with a crooked tip and the other split in two. Even though she couldn't make out the individual features of the silhouette due to the sun behind it, Kanaya was sure she knew who it was.

"Vriska?" She asked hopefully, setting her book down in her lap.

"I've been dying to meet you, Kanaya," the other troll said, flashing brilliant fangs as she smiled broadly.

Kanaya didn't even see Vriska move. Before she could react, the blue blood was standing beside her, her smile undiminished. She bent over her and wrapped her arms around Kanaya's shoulders, moving in for what Kanaya thought was a kiss. She was startled, but pleased. Wasn't this what she wanted? She hadn't realized that Vriska shared her feelings, but she should have known. Why else would she come to visit her? She closed her eyes, waiting for their lips to meet.

It never happened. Instead, she felt a sharp pain on her neck, and then everything went black.

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I'm not sure how many parts there will be, but I'm expecting less than ten. I only have a vague sort of plot going, but if I drag it on too long, it'll probably just get boring.

Also, before anyone asks, official pairings are Kanaya Karkat and Kanaya /- Vriska. I'll let you draw your own conclusions from that.

Whoo! I am enjoying this thus far.

FUCK I COULDN'T GET MY NEDXT FIC FINISHED BEFORE SOMETHING REQUIRED MY 100TH POST. Woe is me.

[penguinbound]

Stuckhome
Chapter 2: In Which a Game is Downloaded and Last Minute Conversations Are Had

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OPEN PESTERLOG:

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cancerBiologist [CB] began pestering scaffoldTuner [ST]
cB: HEY TERI, UM,
cB: ARE YOU STILL ANGRY ABOUT THE MEMO?
cB: I'M ASSUMING YOU ARE, AND, YEAH,
cB: I'M GOING TO ASSUME, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T RESPONDING.
cB: BUT, UM, I GOTTA...
cB: NEVER MIND. TALK TO YOU LATER.

cancerBiologist [CB] ceased pestering scaffoldTuner [ST]

sT: ...hm
sT: 0h
sT: uh
sT: by3 :?

OPEN PESTERLOG:

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downcastHelper [DH] began pestering spidersGrasp [SG]
dH: I
dH: I Honestly Feel Bad About Messing With Teri Vria
dH: Do You
sG: Noooooooope!!!!!!!!
sG: Teri's kind of a big, annoying bitch!!!!!!!!
sG: I just really can't stand her, and I'm not gonna give her a break!!!!!!!!
sG: So, in myyyyyyyyy opinion, Naya, you did an excellent job!!!!!!!!
dH: O-Oh I See
dH: Well Ththen
dH: Oooh mY
dH: Please Excuse Me
dH: My Fingers Slipped
sG: Hehehehehehehehe, jeez, Naya, you sure are weird!!!!!!!! :::;D

OPEN PESTERLOG:

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centaursOrchis [CO] began pestering antimonyCatminy [AC]
cO: >-So-Neta-When-Are-You-Getting-That-Kitten->
cO: >-It-Sounds-Pretty-Interesting->
aC: :3 <(heehee! i just got him! he's so adorable, and white, and pudgy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
cO: >-Wow->
cO: >-Look-At-All-Those-Question-Marks->

OPEN PESTERLOG:

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cB: YEAH, OKAY, THE PLAY DIDN'T GO OVER TOO WELL.
cB: I'M JUST REALLY BAD AND NERVOUS!
cB: I'M SORRY!
sG: Ugh, jeez!!!!!!!!
sG: Ok, really, whatever.
sG: You'll get it next time, tiger!!!!!!!!

OPEN PESTERLOG:

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???: And, quickly, you will see, dear Aida,
???: Your session is but a pointless one.
aH: and why would that be, exactly? 0n0
???: You'll all die.
???: You should stop now, and perish along with the rest of your kind.
aH: let me think ab0ut that
aH: h0w ab0ut n0pe

OPEN PESTERLOG:

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cancerBiologist [CB] started chatting in "I GOT THE GAME, GUYS!"
cB: OK, I DOWNLOADED THE GAME.
cB: I JUST, CLICK ON SERVER, RIGHT?

[aphoticConniver]

First time fanficcing, and it was fun. Gore warning ahead.
The Miracle Mural
http://www.text-upload.com/read.php?id=47041&c=1839621
Oh god please don't hate me because I did something wrong.