MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[anonymousComrade]

It is finished.

I hate you all for giving me the itch for writing fanfiction, and by "hate" I mean "secretly love" because I am enjoying writing fanfic more than I ever thought possible. Mostly because I love writing and I haven't done any real writing since high school. Thanks for that I guess!

This story takes place in the trolls' universe, after Terezi was blinded but before Sgrub. It is my personal headcanon for the Karkat/Terezi "incident", no matter how lame it is, and it was actually inspired by fanart as you'll see later!

I actually think Knight of Blood was better than this, but maybe you guys will like it anyway

Enough of the backstory, you can read my notes afterward if you want to know any of that

Legislacerator

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-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3Y K4RK4T
CG: WHAT.
GC: COM3 TO MY H1V3, 1V3 GOT SOM3TH1NG 1 W4NT TO SHOW YOU >;]
CG: ...WHAT.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat blinked at his monitor as Terezi logged off of Trollian, her trolltag turning grey. He never could understand just what she was thinking, which caused him no end of frustration. He and Terezi had always been friends, as far back as he could remember, and they'd always been tolerant of each other's quirks; Terezi knew Karkat wasn't the "BLUH BLUH HUGE DOUCHE" he wanted everyone to believe he was, and Karkat didn't mind Terezi's obsession with Alternian law (wanting to become a threshecutioner himself) or dragons (because secretly, Karkat thought dragons were pretty rad) or even the way she used smell and taste as a second sight after the accident (okay, he just sort of tolerated that, but he was getting used to it).

But this was a first. Karkat had walked Terezi to her hive on more than one occasion, but she'd never actually asked him to come inside. Now she was openly soliciting a visit from him. What was she planning? It was difficult to tell.

Things were happening so fast. From an early age, Karkat and Terezi openly described themselves as the other's moirail, and if not for recent events, he would have been happy to keep things that way. The way they balanced each other out, in his mind, was perfect. But not long ago, he began to see her differently, and he suspected the feeling was mutual. She teased him more than usual; they spent most of their free time together; their conversations even seemed flirtier. Was it part of growing up? Or had he always felt this way, and just now was becoming aware of it?

These were the questions running through Karkat's mind when he realized he was standing in front of Terezi's tree-hive. He could tell this was her dwelling because several executed scalemates hung from the higher brances. He remembered the first time he saw her hive... at first, the hanging plush dragons weirded him out and their existence completely baffled him, and to be honest, they still kind of did. But now he just wondered where they came from. Did she buy them, or make them, or what? Eh, it didn't matter. Karkat began the long climb up her tree-hive's ladder.

When he arrived at the top of the tree and stood at Terezi's front door, he hesitated, if only slightly. What could be so important to her that she would invite him to her hive? He supposed he'd find out soon enough as he gave three loud knocks to the door.

"K4RK4T? IS TH4T YOU?"
"NO, IT'S THE HIGH LEGISLACERATORS. WE'RE HERE TO ARREST YOU FOR CRIMES AGAINST SANITY. JUST HOW CRACKED DOES YOUR THINK PAN HAVE TO BE TO EVEN LEAVE ALL THESE FUZZY CORPSES HANGING AROUND EVERYWHERE. OF COURSE IT'S ME!"
"H3H3H3! B3 R1GHT TH3R3!"

The door swung open to reveal a dimly-lit living area. "COM3 ON 1N!"

She led him up to what he guessed was her room, where she had several of her scalemates set up for court. He still wasn't sure exactly why she'd brought him here, so he asked.

"TEREZI, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?"
"H3H3! W41T H3R3, 1LL GO G3T TH3 TH1NG 1 W4NT3D TO SHOW YOU."

She went to her closet for about a minute, during which he looked at his surroundings. Of course the room was dimly lit, Terezi would have no use for lighting after the accident that blinded her. She seemed to be taking it in stride, though. Not once did Terezi ever complain about not being able to see, and Karkat guessed it was because she quickly adapted. Her lusus had taught her how to "see" by smelling and tasting colors soon after the incident, and she went on with life like it never happened.

Terezi emerged from the closet holding something behind her back.

"OK4Y, FOUND 1T. HOLD YOUR H4NDS OUT 4ND CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S."
"A GIFT? I GUESS THAT'S NICE, BUT WHY HAVE ME COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TO GET IT?"
"YOULL S33, JUST W41T! YOU W1LL LOV3 1T!"

Karkat did as he was asked, and Terezi deposited something light and fuzzy into his arms. He opened his eyes and found himself clutching... a scalemate? "1 KNOW YOU 4R3NT R34LLY 1NTO SC4L3M4T3S, BUT 1 H4D TH1S ON3 CUSTOM-M4D3 JUST FOR YOU," she told him.

He looked over the plush dragon. It was light grey with yellow button eyes. It held a tiny plastic sickle in its hand, and its belly had Karkat's symbol stitched into it with black thread. "H1S N4M3 1S H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R GR3YGRUMP," she remarked, grinning ear to ear.

Karkat looked at Terezi's smile, then back at the little stuffed dragon in his hands. Clearly this little guy was supposed to be him in scalemate form. If anyone else had presented him with this, right now he'd be furious. He'd swear they were mocking him and he'd unload on them for being so stupid. In all honesty he couldn't be 100% sure Terezi wasn't doing exactly this. But... somehow, he didn't think so. Did she EVER just give her scalemates away? No, this was a special gesture from her. Upon realizing this, Karkat laughed.

"WH4TS SO FUNNY? YOU DON'T L1K3 1T, DO YOU? 1 SHOULD H4V3 KNOWN, YOU GRUMPB34ST!"
"WHAT? NO, I JUST--"
"1V3 B33N K33P1NG TH4T ON3 4ROUND, YOU KNOW! W41T1ING FOR THE R1GHT--"
"TEREZI."
"--TO G1V3 1T TO YOU, 4ND 1 3V3N 1NV1T3 YOU--"
"TEREZI."
"--4ND YOU JUST L4UGH 4T 1T!"
"TEREZI!"
"...WH4T."
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. I DO LIKE IT. THANK YOU."

Terezi's frown immediately turned back to a smile.

"SO YOULL ST4Y 4ROUND FOR 4WH1L3 AND PL4Y?"
"A-HA, THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT! ABSOLUTELY NOT."
"BUT K4RK444444444T--"
"NO WAY, TEREZI. LAST TIME YOU TRICKED ME INTO THIS I WAS HORKING UP SCALEMATE FLUFF FOR DAYS."
"PL33334444S3?"
"...OKAY. BUT JUST THIS ONCE."
"H3H3H3H3H3! OKAY, 1'LL B3 R1GHT B4CK!"

He figured sticking around for a while here meant he didn't have to deal with his lusus back home for a little while longer, so he had no real intention of turning down Terezi's invitation. He just liked to tease her back when he could. Terezi was kind of cute on the rare occasion he could actually get her flustered.

Of course, he was thoroughly and decisively one-upped in that department, forever, when she came back holding a goddamned bucket.

Karkat stared at her, mouth agape. He thought maybe she liked him more than as just a friend recently, but this was a bit crazy, even for her! Almost in response to it, she laughed at him. "H3H3H3! K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL YOU BLUSH1NG 3V3N 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R H3R3! YOU KNOW 1'M NOT TH4T K1ND OF G1RL, LOOK," she said as she popped the lid off of the sordid receptacle. "1T'S JUST P41NT. C4N'T H4V3 A MURD3R SC3N3 W1THOUT A L1TTL3 BLOOD, R1GHT?" Karkat breathed a nearly-inaudible sigh of relief. He'd never hear the end of it now! She HAD to have done this on purpose.

Terezi dabbed a cloth into the red paint ("WHY RED?" "B3C4US3 R3D 1S TH3 T4ST13ST COLOR OF 4LL! >;D"), smudged it around the floor, and placed the "victim" atop the splatter. Now the game was afoot.

Almost immediately, Head Legislacerator Pyrope had a suspect in mind, but evidence needed to be collected. Fortunately for the court, Senator Citrusfoot was no criminal mastermind, and the murder weapon (a short dagger that Karkat was almost certain was actually a papermail unsheather) was found quickly.

Terezi set the orange scalemate atop the stack of boxes meant to serve as a witness stand. "SO... WHY'D YOU DO 1T?"

The dragon sat silently atop its box. "W3 FOUND TH3 KN1F3 BUR13D UND3R YOUR H1V3'S FLOORBO4RDS. W3 KNOW YOU D1D 1T. COOPER4T3, 4ND P3RH4PS YOUR PUN1SHM3NT N33D NOT B3 SO H4RSH!"

The orange plush continued to sit and do nothing. A moment passed. "SO TH4T'S 1T, TH3N. L1M3P4W KN3W 4BOUT YOUR SH1FTY B4CKROOM D34L W1TH TH3 MOB, 4ND YOU H4D TO S1L3NC3 H1M. V3RY W3LL. 1N L1GHT OF YOUR COOP3R4T1ON, TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS W1LL NOT H4ND DOWN A S3NT3NC3 TO YOU."

Karkat swore he thought he saw the doll breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe it was because seeing Terezi performing her insane courtroom drama plays in person was actually really good, as opposed to seeing them in Trollian chatlog form. She could be an actress if not for her passion for law, he thought to himself, though he would never admit it.

"BUT... 1 CANNOT GU4R4NT33 THE THR3SH3CUT1ON3RS W1LL B3 SO L3N13NT!" Terezi grabbed High Threshecutioner Greygrump. "4LL R1S3 FOR TH3 HONOR4BL3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R." Terezi stood up. When Karkat remained seated on the floor, she glared at him until he stood up too. He could play along, just this once.

Terezi sat the grey scalemate next to the drawn picture of His Tyranny. "H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R, WH4T 1S YOUR R3COMM3ND4T1ON?"

Another moment of silence. "OH, V3RY GOOD. 1T W1LL G1V3 TH3 N3W R3CRU1T A CH4NC3 TO T3ST H1S 4C4D3MY TR41N1NG!" Karkat wondered where she was going with this.

"R3CRU1T THR3SH3CUT1ON3R V4NT4S!" Karkat looked at her, startled. "TH3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R H4S SPOK3N! TH3 CONV1CT 1S TO B3 CULL3D, 4ND YOU 4R3 TH3 M4N S3L3CT3D FOR TH3 JOB."

Karkat whispered to her, for reasons he wasn't sure of. "...ME?"
"OF COURS3 YOU, S1LLY! WHO 3LS3?" she whispered back.
"WELL... OKAY. I'LL PLAY YOUR DUMB LITTLE GAME FOR GIRLS, THIS TIME."
"H3H3H3H3."

Something about Terezi calmed Karkat down. He simply could not rage at her the way he would have at anyone else who suggested he take part of this bizarre farce.

Karkat took his sickle from his strife specibus. If he was going to play along, he was going to do it right. He needed to think of a one-liner, something good, something cool. After a few seconds it finally came to him.

He swung in a wide arc, neatly decapitating Citrusfoot. As the doll's head came to a stop on the ground, Karkat spoke, arm still extended from the strike.

"NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO RUN, THE LEGAL SYSTEM IS ALWAYS... ONE STEP A-HEAD."

Almost immediately, Terezi burst into a fit of laughter.

"H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3! 'ON3 ST3P A-H3AD'? SO L444M3!"
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY? FUCK YOU, I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT."
"4H, BUT TH4T'S WHY 1 L1KE YOU, K4RK4T!"

As the night continued, they acted out a few more court cases. It was getting later, but the green Alternian moonlight lit the room well enough. Karkat, strangely enough, was actually beginning to enjoy himself, and began making his pre-kill one-liners as lame as possible on purpose. "LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN... CUT FROM THE TEAM," to a scalemate convicted of poisoning a superior. "REST IN PIECES," he quipped to the one found guilty of killing to drum up interest in his death memorial business. They never failed to make Terezi laugh, and he found he enjoyed her laughter very much.

The night continued like this until, while pacing back and forth interrogating Captain Coconutface about his allegations of treason, Terezi slipped on the red paint used to set up the latest crime scene, and fell next to where Karkat sat on the floor. Immediately he reached to help her.

"HEY... ARE YOU OKAY?"
"Y34H... Y34H, 1 TH1NK SO. 1 GOT P41NT 3V3RYWH3R3 THOUGH >:[ 4LL OV3R TH3 W4LLS, TH3 FLOOR, 4LL OV3R US--"
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. JUST GLAD YOU DIDN'T HURT YOURSELF."

Karkat realized she was sitting in his lap, her back to him... and more importantly, she wasn't getting up.

"ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T HURT?"
"Y3S, 1M F1N3. S33, 1 C4N ST4ND UP 4ND--"
"NO. DON'T."

He wasn't sure what he was saying, or what he was going to say, or even what this was he was feeling. All he knew what that he liked it.

"I'D... I'D LIKE TO STAY LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE, IF YOU DON'T MIND."

What was he saying? What a creepy request!

"H3H3. OK4Y >:]"

And she was going along with it! This wasn't helping him, if anything, Karkat was more confused than ever as he sat in the dark, arms around Terezi.

Almost at once it all clicked.

"TEREZI?" She turned around to face him. "Y3S, K4RK4T?" By God, she was stunning in the Alternian moonlight.

"I THINK..."
"Y3S? >;]"
"I THINK... I WOULD LIKE..."
"Y3333SSSS? >;]"
"I WOULD LIKE US TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS."
">:O >:O >:O >:O"

Terezi stared at him with that shocked expression on her face. His next action was almost a reflex, and upon reflection Karkat was never sure WHY he did it, just that it was something he HAD to do.

His lips met with hers, in the dark room lit only by the moonlight filtered through the blue and purple treetops. Karkat was a creature fueled by rage, or so he would have everyone believe; hell, he often went out of his way just to be a dick to total strangers. But tonight, any fury he harbored against the world was gone, and he wanted nothing more than Terezi's love.

"H3H3. I 4LR34DY KN3W."
"WHAT--- HOW?"
"K4RK4T, 1 COULD 4LMOST T4ST3 TH3 BLOOD RUSH1NG TO YOUR CH33KS A MOM3NT 4GO. YOU W3R3 BLUSH1NG SO H4RD 3V3N 1 COULD S33 1T!"
"HEH. THAT OBVIOUS, HUH?"
"Y34H, 4ND TH4T L1TTL3 STUNT YOU JUST PULL3D R33K3D OF D3SP3R4T1ON. 1F 1 D1DN'T 4LR34DY L1KE YOU 1D BE 4PP4LL3D!"
"SO YOU--"
"Y3S >;]"

This time, she kissed him, and it was Karkat's turn to be surprised. His mind started spinning, how does a guy respond to this? Part of him wanted to run, part of him wanted to stay, part of him was pissed at himself for being such an emotional baby. Eventually, he settled on "fuck it, go along with it. Let's make this shit work. We're making this happen."

When Terezi pulled away from the kiss, she dipped her fingers into the still-wet paint on the floor and draw a heart on Karkat's shirt. "M4T3SPR1T >;]", she breathed into his ear. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at how corny it was, but it was a feeling he wouldn't trade for the world. The two embraced, and stayed that way until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Karkat woke up in the dead of the night, still holding Terezi. Gently, he picked her up and laid her atop her bed, then left for home. He needed to plan out how to sneak back into his own hive; his lusus would be furious if it found out he was out this late, for the musclebeasts would hunt soon.

Karkat looked down at his clothes. He was absolutely covered in Terezi's crime scene. It would take HOURS to wash all of it out.

And not one fuck was given about it that day.

Notes:

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So yeah I ship Karkat/Terezi pretty hard! What of it

This story was inspired almost entirely by a piece of fanart which I uploaded here (NSFW? Honestly I have no idea! How does this even work, if this is seriously offensive I'll remove the link but I don't think it is). I found it posted in a Homestuck thread on /co/ and it is entirely devoid of context for me; I've no idea who drew it, or when it was drawn. I'm told it was drawn before the revelation of Karkat's blood color but that doesn't stop the kind of implications 4chan made about it if you understand the vernacular. But I didn't immediately see things that way because despite hailing from /co/ my mind isn't perpetually in the gutter.

My biggest fear, I've noticed, when I'm writing stuff like this, is that I'll ruin everything by making characters do things they'd never do in canon. Going out of character, for me, seems to be the cardinal sin. Having said that, I'm not sure I was able to do as good a job here as in Knight of Blood. Writing dialogue was actually a bit of a challenge, and not just because I had to go back and check for errant 4s, 1s and 3s in Terezi's dialogue.

Writing Karkat is easy enough. He's a jerk with a heart of gold, you just have to know him really well to get past the "jerk" part. But honestly I don't think I wrote him as enough of a dick here! I think I wrote him too nice, he doesn't seem like enough of a snarky bastard. I figured he'd ease up around someone he considered matesprit material, but being an ass is kind of who Karkat is. So I guess you guys decide.

Terezi is another story. I'm so afraid I didn't get her right at all and now I fully expect people to be like "oh so THAT'S why she didn't have any dialogue in Knight of Blood, the throat injury was just a clever write-around to cover for the fact that this dude couldn't write conversation to save his own life". I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on myself, I tend to do that if you haven't noticed! But I still think there's a lot of room for improvement.

There were a few things that didn't make the cut! One bit that still makes me chuckle to myself when I think about it was one line of Karkat dialouge: "...THIS STUFF IS LIKE AN INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH APHRODISIAC FOR YOU, ISN'T IT?" I cut it because I couldn't really work it into the story without it becoming less "d'awwwww" and more "cue bass grove", if you catch my drift. Another bit I cut for being just plain awful: at one point, Karkat was going to look into Terezi's eyes (like he was going to ask her to take off her glasses and everything) and be all "hey your eyes are actually beautiful". But I realized that THIS IS STUPID because he's basically saying "hey I think those useless burnt-out solid red orbs that you can't see a damn thing out of are kickin' rad! It sure is swell that you went and got yourself blinded" and that would be a horrible thing to say! Or would it? Ha ha, my crippling uncertainty about my work makes me my own harshest critic!

Re: shipping: I don't ship the kids because I am constantly reminded, through their actions, that they are 13 years old. I ship the trolls because I constantly forget they are 6 solar sweeps. Perhaps trolls grow up quicker! That would work in my favor, but that is a cop-out.

Re: fanfiction writing in general: yeah. I still think fanfic writing is all kinds of lame. But now, I think it's a lameness I can revel in, instead of being repulsed by it. (This is the part where you all start chanting "ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US")

Finally: holy shit this fic is pretty long now that I look at it. Now I'm wondering if it's just chock full of useless bullshit that could be trimmed and not harm the story in any way. But I'll leave that for you readers to decide.

[Ganato]

@ Jim: Stop being so awesome. Seriously. I am filled with impotent jealousy.

Also Postal Mistress has a bondage kink. Who knew?

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The door to Persevering Maillady's bedroom bursts open. Silhouetted against the light is Problem Sleuth. Is he taller and broader?

He steps forward. "Persevering Maillady, I have finally realized that your constant flirting with me is in fact perfectly sincere. I also have broken up with Hysterical Dame because she is hysterical. I am now willing to realize that I am hopelessly in love with you."

"Oh, Sleuth!" Maillady says, grasping her hands together.

He steps forward again. "I think it is time I put you away," He pulls out some handcuffs. "Because you have been a very bad girl."

PM: Wake up.

Oh, dammit. You had that dream again. You wish you didn't specifically look for all of Problem Sleuth's mail and make his office your first stop even though it isn't anywhere near your route, because this is getting ridiculous.

Yes, I suppose that could be considered a bondage kink, but I was thinking that she's just flirting with him.

Expressing my thanks through fics is probably going to become prohibitive at some point. In any case, thank you.

@Jim


^ This is pretty much me whenever you post something.

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Persevering Maillady hides behind an upturned table. She peeks over it, and ducks quickly as Diamonds Droog's fire pins her down.

A grenade rolls to her feet, and she panics, leaping out from cover and dashing behind a roulette table as it explodes. She's so close. She just has this one piece of mail left to deliver, and then she can go home.

Hearts Boxcars comes up from behind her, and as he reaches she scrambles on to the table. She throws her hands to cover her face as Droog narrowly misses her.

She sprints the final distance towards the back exit, and leaps head first through a door Clubs Deuce is closing.

She lands face first on the floor with her outstretched hand holding the piece of mail, touching the shoes of its recipient. He bends over and picks it up. She looks up to see his reaction.

"Will you accept it?" She asks.

Spades Slick grunts. "listen lady" He grunts. "this junk mail is a scam the crew sent out; you dont have to deliver it back to us"

"But it's addressed to you!" She says with pleading eyes.

Slick ignores her and walks back to the casino floor. "droog why am i on our own mailing list? you know how much i hate junkmail"

Clubs Deuce helps Persevering Maillady up and leads her out the building. Today was a good day. A good day, for

MAIL!

Thank you, you are awesome.

Oh, damn. Missed this.

Thank you, and have a mini fic.

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Problem Sleuth looks out his window. He sees a car driving by and a man walking an ugly dog.

He has flash backs to when he was trapped in his office. He hides under his desk, telling himself over and over again that it's really real, that it's really real, but it doesn't help.

I am loving all of these. All of them.

Tiny fic as comment thanks- so cute. As usual, I loved all of it- especially, however, the bit about the rent problems. That was especially great.

My brain rebelled after writing A Talk With Dick- not angsty enough. Too much humour. Time for some unabashedly angry Slick/Snowman, written under the influence of Dead Shuffle, Three in the Morning, and Liquid Negrocity.


Just Like Next Time

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The club's dark, as always. Dim light pours smoky through the windows, caught in the cigarettes of your patrons. You're not in the back, as usual, tonight, but seated up on the small stage you had built discreetly off to one side. Also unlike most nights, your eyes are closed and your teeth not bared. You're not even wearing your hat.

'Cause tonight, you saw her, and you've got some grief to get off your chest. It's this or slice somebody up 'til they bleed out, and you're lamentably short of dumbass trespassing assholes on this evening.

It was just in passing, or would be with anybody else. Just a moment, a glance across the room, but in the second or ten or eternity in which you met each others' eyes, your heart seized up with bitter fury and envy and a dozen other emotions defying description and there was nothing else in the world. Nothing but jealousy and outrage and overwhelming desire for her, and you hate it just like you hate her, with a singular focus that sinks the rest of the world in black.

You met her eyes like a punch to the chest, cracking ribs and driving the breath from your gut. She blinked once, slowly, meeting your eye surely with no searching, and then just held you forever in the morass of bitter fury. Just like last time, and like the time before, and just like next time.

You can't lose yourself entirely in the feeling of smooth keys under your fingertips, in harmonic minor melodies seeping out into the world from somewhere beyond your conscious memory. They're songs you must have devoted yourself to learning, once. Now you just play. The right stuff comes.

The room is uneasy, patrons mingling and pausing conversation as you play. They can feel the emotion draining from you, sifting into the air with their cigarette smoke and the notes. They'll all go home unsettled, disturbed, and lie in bed awake. That's what you want. In that, at least, you won't be alone.

Somebody stupid once asked you what it was about her, and you probably took off their arm or head as an answer. Nobody talks to you about Snowman. That's not a thing that happens.

For the record, though, you pour out into the room, it's the way she sets herself against you. The way she denies you everything you make up your mind to want. It's the coat pulled snug against her curves and her hat's shade over her eyes. The notes meld into frantic minor arpeggios and your patrons stop everything, watching you bang at the keys and make them, at least, do what you want.

It's the way she moves, black silk on a bare arm and then a scorpion's strike. It's her voice, molasses soft and dark, smooth and lazy and completely untouched. All you can do is bare your teeth and snarl at her, but she's always got words. Distant words, easy words. She says your name.

She gave you your name.

And despite it, she's not yours. She's still his. For all her coy looks and burning eyes and slow laugh, she's still English's, and no matter what's happened between you, she'll only ever play at being yours. You torture the keys, slim fingers hitting, slipping without thought into melodic and driving the song even a little further away from a complete sound. You know, more than see, Droog appear at the door to the back. He stands silently and still and watches you calmly as you rage at the baby grand and at her.

Your hands gripping her hips, her hair, her wrists, and her laughing softly in your ear and taunting you, always taunting you. Her lips on yours, urgent and immediate and drowning the rest of the world in nothingness. There's nothing but you two. There's nothing but her. Droog is walking slowly over to the stage.

The rest of the world blanks out blissfully at last as you reach a variation that finally expresses it. Notes clear and urgent and drawing you. You haven't played this one before. Variation for Snowman. The only thing in your mind, the only thing in the world. Droog stands at the front of the stage and watches you, but you filter him out without effort, the world spinning in around you as you mangle the melody with accidentals.

Because you hate her, you fume impotently at her for the way she treats you, the way she toys with you, the way she acts like it's you that belongs to her, and not the other way around. It's not the other way around. And you still want her. You wanted her before, now. Forever.

You crash to a finale in a flurry of intentional aharmonics and broken chords, standing and shoving the piano stool back and over on one side, storming down the stairs through silent ranks of shocked customers. Droog waits for you to pass, and follows you. He'll come to the back and stand outside your door when you slam it in his face, and when you emerge in the morning, growling and stubborn, he'll make sure you've got breakfast and a car ready.

Just like last time. And like the time before. And just like next time.

I have yet to meet a dark/angst fic I didn't like.
This was no exception.

So here is a thing I wrote about what might have led Gamzee to believe that he is two clowns.

Monochrome

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He's starting to lose the colors.

It's been a while since he had a pie... a few days, maybe? There's no more sopor in his hive, or in the intertwining mystery of his sylladex, or on his dark carnival of a world. He's not sure how to alchemize more; the hulking white machines don't make any sense to him. The others can make them work, send him codes, and walk him through the process if they have time. His best friend Karkat set up a memo with step-by-step instructions specifically for him, but he keeps forgetting how to find it.

He hasn't told the others yet. No need to bother them. He's sure they'd ask him if it was something they needed to know.

But eventually, he needs them to know. He's starting to lose the colors.

When they're making plans to face the Black King, gaining some last minute levels and alchemizing more powerful gear out of the legendary quest items they keep swapping around, he pulls Karkat aside and mentions that he's got a headache. Karkat scowls at him, annoyed, always annoyed, and tells him to stop whining and go fill his Heath Vial. It's not his Health Vial, he tries to explain. It's not part of the game. The colors are missing and his head just hurts.

And Karkat knows it's the sopor; everyone knows its the sopor. Power through it, he says, in words not quite so eloquent. It's your own fault for eating that stuff in the first place. You'll get over it. You'll be fine.

Of course he'll be fine, if Karkat says so. If you can't trust your friends to look out for you, who can you trust? So he keeps going on with a smile on his face, and ignores the headache and the nausea and the way the world is turning monochrome.

And when he thinks he's got time and nobody will mind, he closes his eyes and prays that it'll be over soon. Prayer feels strangely alien, without so much fog in his head. As if he can almost see where the words are going.

- - - - - - - - - -

The howling of the King hurts his ears. Everything hurts his ears now, everything is too loud and too sharp and too bright, but this howl is different; this is a sound that he knows hurts everyone else's ears too.

He can see the psionics in the sky, Aradia's gleaming metal army taking the full force of the King's voice for the rest of them, Sollux seizing meteors in his psychic grip and hurtling them at the mutated black mass with streaks of screaming fire. The melee fighters leap from lilypad to lilypad and gouge at the creature's flailing limbs; the ones with long range weapons stand somewhere behind him and fire into the fray, and he thinks maybe he's supposed to be in one of these groups but he can never remember which one. And the howling of the King hurts his ears and now they're hot and wet and bleeding.

He covers his ears, closes his eyes, tries to shut it all out because there's no swirling rainbow fog to do it for him anymore, but it pierces him and there aren't any colors and he needs it to stop, he needs to make it stop now oh god make it stop, oh GOD make it stop...

Yes, say his gods. We will.

- - - - - - - - - -

In a panic they retreat to the Veil, and they bicker pointlessly and lay blame and get angry at one another and act out of confusion and fear. He's not sure why, mostly because he's still got that headache, and his body hasn't purged enough poisons yet to really understand the world without them. But it's also because he can't comprehend how anyone could be sad or angry or afraid anymore.

He has seen his mirthful messiahs, felt the wrath of god fill him with holy fire. Heard them speak his name, choose him and him alone to be the vessel of their rage and power. His fingertips have worked miracles.

Terezi makes contact with the aliens while Karkat's asleep, and for a while there's a frenzy to know more about them. He avoids it, for the most part. He's not feeling well and he can't see the colors and he just sort of wants to lie in the horn pile and smile up at the ceiling and think about what it was like to be a vengeful god. He's sure once he gets used to the sharpness and the loudness and the brightness he'll start to think the way everyone else does, and see the way they do, and remember things like how to use an alchemiter.

And then Karkat tells him to troll the humans. He follows orders, because if your friends don't know the right thing to do, who does?

- - - - - - - - - -

He's running blindly through the dark halls of the laboratory, screaming, his own voice hurting his injured ears. His head is pounding and he thinks he's going to throw up and he shoves something aside but it turns out to be a wall and he falls and his head hits the tile. Pain and sparks of starlight bursting in front of his vision, and of course he fell because he can't make sense of anything he sees, it wasn't like this before, it's not supposed to look like this, there are supposed to be colors!!

He rolls over and lies with his aching forehead pressed to the ground, some horrible, roiling emotion churning in his stomach, one he doesn't understand. Anger. He's angry, he hates. Hates those stupid words spoken by some alien boy, hates those two freakish creatures parading around on his computer screen, pretending to be his mirthful messiahs.

He's seen the messiahs, wielded their power. He knows them. He... he thinks he knows them. But his mind is reeling, the sopor is seeping out of him and he's painfully aware that far too much of his life has been a never-ending series of sopor-induced hallucinations. Maybe his gods never chose him, maybe that was a hallucination too. Maybe all his life he'd been praying to a couple of ugly alien fools instead of gods.

He's panicking, he needs to know. Face pressed to the floor he prays, prays desperately. Someone answer me. Tell me I didn't imagine it. Tell me you chose me. Tell me you're there.

And horribly, horribly, there is no more fog and he can see exactly where the words go. They echo on and on inside his head forever, and the only one who can hear them is him.

- - - - - - - - - -

He lies there for what seems like an eternity.

His head is clear now, and the world is bright and sharp and painful, but the hole his memories used to drain out of is gone.

It's better now. Karkat said he'd be fine.

He isn't fine.

Karkat lied to him. Nothing is fine. He's only gotten worse and worse and it hurts and he can't take it anymore and Karkat knew and Karkat didn't care.

But it's better now. The hole is gone.

He touches the back of his head, where he hit it against the floor, and his fingertips come away bloody, bright with streaks of royal indigo.

After a moment, he smears it across the ground, then the walls, his face and his clothes and his hands.

And he watches the colors return.

Personally I think what Andrew did with Gamzee was great. Letting one of the joke characters turn out to be one of the strongest characters was a great twist.
And I think this is great. I really like how you got the hole-thing in there.

Oh hi. It's been a while, hasn't it?

Yeah. Been busy. Don't click the spoiler if you don't like blood, but then again what with recent updates....

Vengeance

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She drinks her fill of royal blood and immediately feels sorrow for it. The Tyrian purple stains her hands, her cheeks, and perhaps most importantly her lips and tongue. The thirst deep within her being is sated by that blood, like some monolithic beast newly tamed. She pushes away from the horn pile amidst a quiet cascade of honks. She shudders at their dreadful tone, once lighthearted but now soured by blood and madness.

(monster freak aberration fiend)

She doesn't understand any more. It tastes good, the best thing in the world, when once it tasted repulsive and bitter. She laps awkwardly at her hands and wrists as if trying to gulp down those last few drops. Memories cloud the back of her mind and tell her of a burning pain in her stomach that may or may not have been, a Knight's fragile tear-stained kiss, and waking into the world with a wet gasp and intense bloodthirst.

("Please, Kanaya!" he sobs, and in some now-stirring part of her she hears.)

Her entire body aches as she searches for Karkat. His wish for her return was so strong it dragged her back from the cold embrace of death, and for that... she can be only thankful. Death terrifies her in all the worst ways. She searches and cannot find him. A shame. Fleetingly she wonders what that candy-red blood would taste like, but she thrusts that errant thought from her mind. He is not to be harmed.

(He brought her back into the world, and she owes him at least that much.)

She drags herself to the transportalizer, and from there to the dim confines of her rooms. Bright fabrics drape every surface, and she would touch them if only her hands were clean. Again she turns to that unsettling routine, licking her own skin as if trying to clean them, like some kind of purrbeast. When there is no more blood, she runs her hands through her clothes and pulls out a set of work clothes. Plain. Simple. More importantly, this set of clothes lacks a gaping, green-stained hole in the stomach of the shirt.


(A sudden searing pain, and her world melts away into darkness and blood.)

Her every sense feels on edge in a way she could never explain. She hears the ticking and gurgling of the lab, the gentle creaking and groaning as it shifts in its own way. She smells the blood still crusted on her clothes, a fragrant bouquet in the otherwise sterile air. The smell makes her realise - she wants revenge. Her race is doomed to a lonely extinction because of the so-called 'Prince of Hope'. She wants nothing more than to tear into Eridan, feel the fabric of his clothes and the flesh beneath tear under her fury; she wants to drink that deep purple blood and feel it run across her chin. The thoughts are unusually morbid, but she doesn't care.

(kill maim slaughter massacre mutilate)

Kanaya Maryam wants vengeance.

Author's Notes

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So yeah, this was fun. The gradient effect was a bitch to do though.

Well as said before, I really like how Andrew pulls stuff like this on us. Personally I wouldn't mind Kanaya turning into an undead slaughter machine.
And that gradient effect is pretty fucking rad.

It is finished.

I hate you all for giving me the itch for writing fanfiction, and by "hate" I mean "secretly love" because I am enjoying writing fanfic more than I ever thought possible. Mostly because I love writing and I haven't done any real writing since high school. Thanks for that I guess!

This story takes place in the trolls' universe, after Terezi was blinded but before Sgrub. It is my personal headcanon for the Karkat/Terezi "incident", no matter how lame it is, and it was actually inspired by fanart as you'll see later!

I actually think Knight of Blood was better than this, but maybe you guys will like it anyway

Enough of the backstory, you can read my notes afterward if you want to know any of that

Legislacerator

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-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3Y K4RK4T
CG: WHAT.
GC: COM3 TO MY H1V3, 1V3 GOT SOM3TH1NG 1 W4NT TO SHOW YOU >;]
CG: ...WHAT.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat blinked at his monitor as Terezi logged off of Trollian, her trolltag turning grey. He never could understand just what she was thinking, which caused him no end of frustration. He and Terezi had always been friends, as far back as he could remember, and they'd always been tolerant of each other's quirks; Terezi knew Karkat wasn't the "BLUH BLUH HUGE DOUCHE" he wanted everyone to believe he was, and Karkat didn't mind Terezi's obsession with Alternian law (wanting to become a threshecutioner himself) or dragons (because secretly, Karkat thought dragons were pretty rad) or even the way she used smell and taste as a second sight after the accident (okay, he just sort of tolerated that, but he was getting used to it).

But this was a first. Karkat had walked Terezi to her hive on more than one occasion, but she'd never actually asked him to come inside. Now she was openly soliciting a visit from him. What was she planning? It was difficult to tell.

Things were happening so fast. From an early age, Karkat and Terezi openly described themselves as the other's moirail, and if not for recent events, he would have been happy to keep things that way. The way they balanced each other out, in his mind, was perfect. But not long ago, he began to see her differently, and he suspected the feeling was mutual. She teased him more than usual; they spent most of their free time together; their conversations even seemed flirtier. Was it part of growing up? Or had he always felt this way, and just now was becoming aware of it?

These were the questions running through Karkat's mind when he realized he was standing in front of Terezi's tree-hive. He could tell this was her dwelling because several executed scalemates hung from the higher brances. He remembered the first time he saw her hive... at first, the hanging plush dragons weirded him out and their existence completely baffled him, and to be honest, they still kind of did. But now he just wondered where they came from. Did she buy them, or make them, or what? Eh, it didn't matter. Karkat began the long climb up her tree-hive's ladder.

When he arrived at the top of the tree and stood at Terezi's front door, he hesitated, if only slightly. What could be so important to her that she would invite him to her hive? He supposed he'd find out soon enough as he gave three loud knocks to the door.

"K4RK4T? IS TH4T YOU?"
"NO, IT'S THE HIGH LEGISLACERATORS. WE'RE HERE TO ARREST YOU FOR CRIMES AGAINST SANITY. JUST HOW CRACKED DOES YOUR THINK PAN HAVE TO BE TO EVEN LEAVE ALL THESE FUZZY CORPSES HANGING AROUND EVERYWHERE. OF COURSE IT'S ME!"
"H3H3H3! B3 R1GHT TH3R3!"

The door swung open to reveal a dimly-lit living area. "COM3 ON 1N!"

She led him up to what he guessed was her room, where she had several of her scalemates set up for court. He still wasn't sure exactly why she'd brought him here, so he asked.

"TEREZI, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?"
"H3H3! W41T H3R3, 1LL GO G3T TH3 TH1NG 1 W4NT3D TO SHOW YOU."

She went to her closet for about a minute, during which he looked at his surroundings. Of course the room was dimly lit, Terezi would have no use for lighting after the accident that blinded her. She seemed to be taking it in stride, though. Not once did Terezi ever complain about not being able to see, and Karkat guessed it was because she quickly adapted. Her lusus had taught her how to "see" by smelling and tasting colors soon after the incident, and she went on with life like it never happened.

Terezi emerged from the closet holding something behind her back.

"OK4Y, FOUND 1T. HOLD YOUR H4NDS OUT 4ND CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S."
"A GIFT? I GUESS THAT'S NICE, BUT WHY HAVE ME COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TO GET IT?"
"YOULL S33, JUST W41T! YOU W1LL LOV3 1T!"

Karkat did as he was asked, and Terezi deposited something light and fuzzy into his arms. He opened his eyes and found himself clutching... a scalemate? "1 KNOW YOU 4R3NT R34LLY 1NTO SC4L3M4T3S, BUT 1 H4D TH1S ON3 CUSTOM-M4D3 JUST FOR YOU," she told him.

He looked over the plush dragon. It was light grey with yellow button eyes. It held a tiny plastic sickle in its hand, and its belly had Karkat's symbol stitched into it with black thread. "H1S N4M3 1S H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R GR3YGRUMP," she remarked, grinning ear to ear.

Karkat looked at Terezi's smile, then back at the little stuffed dragon in his hands. Clearly this little guy was supposed to be him in scalemate form. If anyone else had presented him with this, right now he'd be furious. He'd swear they were mocking him and he'd unload on them for being so stupid. In all honesty he couldn't be 100% sure Terezi wasn't doing exactly this. But... somehow, he didn't think so. Did she EVER just give her scalemates away? No, this was a special gesture from her. Upon realizing this, Karkat laughed.

"WH4TS SO FUNNY? YOU DON'T L1K3 1T, DO YOU? 1 SHOULD H4V3 KNOWN, YOU GRUMPB34ST!"
"WHAT? NO, I JUST--"
"1V3 B33N K33P1NG TH4T ON3 4ROUND, YOU KNOW! W41T1ING FOR THE R1GHT--"
"TEREZI."
"--TO G1V3 1T TO YOU, 4ND 1 3V3N 1NV1T3 YOU--"
"TEREZI."
"--4ND YOU JUST L4UGH 4T 1T!"
"TEREZI!"
"...WH4T."
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. I DO LIKE IT. THANK YOU."

Terezi's frown immediately turned back to a smile.

"SO YOULL ST4Y 4ROUND FOR 4WH1L3 AND PL4Y?"
"A-HA, THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT! ABSOLUTELY NOT."
"BUT K4RK444444444T--"
"NO WAY, TEREZI. LAST TIME YOU TRICKED ME INTO THIS I WAS HORKING UP SCALEMATE FLUFF FOR DAYS."
"PL33334444S3?"
"...OKAY. BUT JUST THIS ONCE."
"H3H3H3H3H3! OKAY, 1'LL B3 R1GHT B4CK!"

He figured sticking around for a while here meant he didn't have to deal with his lusus back home for a little while longer, so he had no real intention of turning down Terezi's invitation. He just liked to tease her back when he could. Terezi was kind of cute on the rare occasion he could actually get her flustered.

Of course, he was thoroughly and decisively one-upped in that department, forever, when she came back holding a goddamned bucket.

Karkat stared at her, mouth agape. He thought maybe she liked him more than as just a friend recently, but this was a bit crazy, even for her! Almost in response to it, she laughed at him. "H3H3H3! K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL YOU BLUSH1NG 3V3N 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R H3R3! YOU KNOW 1'M NOT TH4T K1ND OF G1RL, LOOK," she said as she popped the lid off of the sordid receptacle. "1T'S JUST P41NT. C4N'T H4V3 A MURD3R SC3N3 W1THOUT A L1TTL3 BLOOD, R1GHT?" Karkat breathed a nearly-inaudible sigh of relief. He'd never hear the end of it now! She HAD to have done this on purpose.

Terezi dabbed a cloth into the red paint ("WHY RED?" "B3C4US3 R3D 1S TH3 T4ST13ST COLOR OF 4LL! >;D"), smudged it around the floor, and placed the "victim" atop the splatter. Now the game was afoot.

Almost immediately, Head Legislacerator Pyrope had a suspect in mind, but evidence needed to be collected. Fortunately for the court, Senator Citrusfoot was no criminal mastermind, and the murder weapon (a short dagger that Karkat was almost certain was actually a papermail unsheather) was found quickly.

Terezi set the orange scalemate atop the stack of boxes meant to serve as a witness stand. "SO... WHY'D YOU DO 1T?"

The dragon sat silently atop its box. "W3 FOUND TH3 KN1F3 BUR13D UND3R YOUR H1V3'S FLOORBO4RDS. W3 KNOW YOU D1D 1T. COOPER4T3, 4ND P3RH4PS YOUR PUN1SHM3NT N33D NOT B3 SO H4RSH!"

The orange plush continued to sit and do nothing. A moment passed. "SO TH4T'S 1T, TH3N. L1M3P4W KN3W 4BOUT YOUR SH1FTY B4CKROOM D34L W1TH TH3 MOB, 4ND YOU H4D TO S1L3NC3 H1M. V3RY W3LL. 1N L1GHT OF YOUR COOP3R4T1ON, TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS W1LL NOT H4ND DOWN A S3NT3NC3 TO YOU."

Karkat swore he thought he saw the doll breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe it was because seeing Terezi performing her insane courtroom drama plays in person was actually really good, as opposed to seeing them in Trollian chatlog form. She could be an actress if not for her passion for law, he thought to himself, though he would never admit it.

"BUT... 1 CANNOT GU4R4NT33 THE THR3SH3CUT1ON3RS W1LL B3 SO L3N13NT!" Terezi grabbed High Threshecutioner Greygrump. "4LL R1S3 FOR TH3 HONOR4BL3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R." Terezi stood up. When Karkat remained seated on the floor, she glared at him until he stood up too. He could play along, just this once.

Terezi sat the grey scalemate next to the drawn picture of His Tyranny. "H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R, WH4T 1S YOUR R3COMM3ND4T1ON?"

Another moment of silence. "OH, V3RY GOOD. 1T W1LL G1V3 TH3 N3W R3CRU1T A CH4NC3 TO T3ST H1S 4C4D3MY TR41N1NG!" Karkat wondered where she was going with this.

"R3CRU1T THR3SH3CUT1ON3R V4NT4S!" Karkat looked at her, startled. "TH3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R H4S SPOK3N! TH3 CONV1CT 1S TO B3 CULL3D, 4ND YOU 4R3 TH3 M4N S3L3CT3D FOR TH3 JOB."

Karkat whispered to her, for reasons he wasn't sure of. "...ME?"
"OF COURS3 YOU, S1LLY! WHO 3LS3?" she whispered back.
"WELL... OKAY. I'LL PLAY YOUR DUMB LITTLE GAME FOR GIRLS, THIS TIME."
"H3H3H3H3."

Something about Terezi calmed Karkat down. He simply could not rage at her the way he would have at anyone else who suggested he take part of this bizarre farce.

Karkat took his sickle from his strife specibus. If he was going to play along, he was going to do it right. He needed to think of a one-liner, something good, something cool. After a few seconds it finally came to him.

He swung in a wide arc, neatly decapitating Citrusfoot. As the doll's head came to a stop on the ground, Karkat spoke, arm still extended from the strike.

"NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO RUN, THE LEGAL SYSTEM IS ALWAYS... ONE STEP A-HEAD."

Almost immediately, Terezi burst into a fit of laughter.

"H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3! 'ON3 ST3P A-H3AD'? SO L444M3!"
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY? FUCK YOU, I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT."
"4H, BUT TH4T'S WHY 1 L1KE YOU, K4RK4T!"

As the night continued, they acted out a few more court cases. It was getting later, but the green Alternian moonlight lit the room well enough. Karkat, strangely enough, was actually beginning to enjoy himself, and began making his pre-kill one-liners as lame as possible on purpose. "LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN... CUT FROM THE TEAM," to a scalemate convicted of poisoning a superior. "REST IN PIECES," he quipped to the one found guilty of killing to drum up interest in his death memorial business. They never failed to make Terezi laugh, and he found he enjoyed her laughter very much.

The night continued like this until, while pacing back and forth interrogating Captain Coconutface about his allegations of treason, Terezi slipped on the red paint used to set up the latest crime scene, and fell next to where Karkat sat on the floor. Immediately he reached to help her.

"HEY... ARE YOU OKAY?"
"Y34H... Y34H, 1 TH1NK SO. 1 GOT P41NT 3V3RYWH3R3 THOUGH >:[ 4LL OV3R TH3 W4LLS, TH3 FLOOR, 4LL OV3R US--"
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. JUST GLAD YOU DIDN'T HURT YOURSELF."

Karkat realized she was sitting in his lap, her back to him... and more importantly, she wasn't getting up.

"ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T HURT?"
"Y3S, 1M F1N3. S33, 1 C4N ST4ND UP 4ND--"
"NO. DON'T."

He wasn't sure what he was saying, or what he was going to say, or even what this was he was feeling. All he knew what that he liked it.

"I'D... I'D LIKE TO STAY LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE, IF YOU DON'T MIND."

What was he saying? What a creepy request!

"H3H3. OK4Y >:]"

And she was going along with it! This wasn't helping him, if anything, Karkat was more confused than ever as he sat in the dark, arms around Terezi.

Almost at once it all clicked.

"TEREZI?" She turned around to face him. "Y3S, K4RK4T?" By God, she was stunning in the Alternian moonlight.

"I THINK..."
"Y3S? >;]"
"I THINK... I WOULD LIKE..."
"Y3333SSSS? >;]"
"I WOULD LIKE US TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS."
">:O >:O >:O >:O"

Terezi stared at him with that shocked expression on her face. His next action was almost a reflex, and upon reflection Karkat was never sure WHY he did it, just that it was something he HAD to do.

His lips met with hers, in the dark room lit only by the moonlight filtered through the blue and purple treetops. Karkat was a creature fueled by rage, or so he would have everyone believe; hell, he often went out of his way just to be a dick to total strangers. But tonight, any fury he harbored against the world was gone, and he wanted nothing more than Terezi's love.

"H3H3. I 4LR34DY KN3W."
"WHAT--- HOW?"
"K4RK4T, 1 COULD 4LMOST T4ST3 TH3 BLOOD RUSH1NG TO YOUR CH33KS A MOM3NT 4GO. YOU W3R3 BLUSH1NG SO H4RD 3V3N 1 COULD S33 1T!"
"HEH. THAT OBVIOUS, HUH?"
"Y34H, 4ND TH4T L1TTL3 STUNT YOU JUST PULL3D R33K3D OF D3SP3R4T1ON. 1F 1 D1DN'T 4LR34DY L1KE YOU 1D BE 4PP4LL3D!"
"SO YOU--"
"Y3S >;]"

This time, she kissed him, and it was Karkat's turn to be surprised. His mind started spinning, how does a guy respond to this? Part of him wanted to run, part of him wanted to stay, part of him was pissed at himself for being such an emotional baby. Eventually, he settled on "fuck it, go along with it. Let's make this shit work. We're making this happen."

When Terezi pulled away from the kiss, she dipped her fingers into the still-wet paint on the floor and draw a heart on Karkat's shirt. "M4T3SPR1T >;]", she breathed into his ear. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at how corny it was, but it was a feeling he wouldn't trade for the world. The two embraced, and stayed that way until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Karkat woke up in the dead of the night, still holding Terezi. Gently, he picked her up and laid her atop her bed, then left for home. He needed to plan out how to sneak back into his own hive; his lusus would be furious if it found out he was out this late, for the musclebeasts would hunt soon.

Karkat looked down at his clothes. He was absolutely covered in Terezi's crime scene. It would take HOURS to wash all of it out.

And not one fuck was given about it that day.

Notes:

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So yeah I ship Karkat/Terezi pretty hard! What of it

This story was inspired almost entirely by a piece of fanart which I uploaded here (NSFW? Honestly I have no idea! How does this even work, if this is seriously offensive I'll remove the link but I don't think it is). I found it posted in a Homestuck thread on /co/ and it is entirely devoid of context for me; I've no idea who drew it, or when it was drawn. I'm told it was drawn before the revelation of Karkat's blood color but that doesn't stop the kind of implications 4chan made about it if you understand the vernacular. But I didn't immediately see things that way because despite hailing from /co/ my mind isn't perpetually in the gutter.

My biggest fear, I've noticed, when I'm writing stuff like this, is that I'll ruin everything by making characters do things they'd never do in canon. Going out of character, for me, seems to be the cardinal sin. Having said that, I'm not sure I was able to do as good a job here as in Knight of Blood. Writing dialogue was actually a bit of a challenge, and not just because I had to go back and check for errant 4s, 1s and 3s in Terezi's dialogue.

Writing Karkat is easy enough. He's a jerk with a heart of gold, you just have to know him really well to get past the "jerk" part. But honestly I don't think I wrote him as enough of a dick here! I think I wrote him too nice, he doesn't seem like enough of a snarky bastard. I figured he'd ease up around someone he considered matesprit material, but being an ass is kind of who Karkat is. So I guess you guys decide.

Terezi is another story. I'm so afraid I didn't get her right at all and now I fully expect people to be like "oh so THAT'S why she didn't have any dialogue in Knight of Blood, the throat injury was just a clever write-around to cover for the fact that this dude couldn't write conversation to save his own life". I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on myself, I tend to do that if you haven't noticed! But I still think there's a lot of room for improvement.

There were a few things that didn't make the cut! One bit that still makes me chuckle to myself when I think about it was one line of Karkat dialouge: "...THIS STUFF IS LIKE AN INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH APHRODISIAC FOR YOU, ISN'T IT?" I cut it because I couldn't really work it into the story without it becoming less "d'awwwww" and more "cue bass grove", if you catch my drift. Another bit I cut for being just plain awful: at one point, Karkat was going to look into Terezi's eyes (like he was going to ask her to take off her glasses and everything) and be all "hey your eyes are actually beautiful". But I realized that THIS IS STUPID because he's basically saying "hey I think those useless burnt-out solid red orbs that you can't see a damn thing out of are kickin' rad! It sure is swell that you went and got yourself blinded" and that would be a horrible thing to say! Or would it? Ha ha, my crippling uncertainty about my work makes me my own harshest critic!

Re: shipping: I don't ship the kids because I am constantly reminded, through their actions, that they are 13 years old. I ship the trolls because I constantly forget they are 6 solar sweeps. Perhaps trolls grow up quicker! That would work in my favor, but that is a cop-out.

Re: fanfiction writing in general: yeah. I still think fanfic writing is all kinds of lame. But now, I think it's a lameness I can revel in, instead of being repulsed by it. (This is the part where you all start chanting "ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US")

Finally: holy shit this fic is pretty long now that I look at it. Now I'm wondering if it's just chock full of useless bullshit that could be trimmed and not harm the story in any way. But I'll leave that for you readers to decide.

Personally I think you caught the personalities pretty damn well. Though a bit more yelling on Karkat's part would do no harm I guess.
If I wasn't already shipping KarTer I think I would start now.

[Kassiopeia]

@Path - Do I need to squeal embarrassingly at you any more? That was as great as ever.
@Red Pen - Aaaaa, I love the concept, and your writing is pretty damn good too.
@Summergale - It's great to see a darker take on rainbow drinker Kanaya, this was pretty sweet.

[Path]

@Jim - Oh wow, thanks. We Sleuthers gotta stick together?
@Kass - Every squeal makes me want to write more. Thanks for all the support. I'm not used to a fandom where, um, my work gets read. :P

[Blox]

So here is a thing I wrote about what might have led Gamzee to believe that he is two clowns.

Monochrome

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He's starting to lose the colors.

It's been a while since he had a pie... a few days, maybe? There's no more sopor in his hive, or in the intertwining mystery of his sylladex, or on his dark carnival of a world. He's not sure how to alchemize more; the hulking white machines don't make any sense to him. The others can make them work, send him codes, and walk him through the process if they have time. His best friend Karkat set up a memo with step-by-step instructions specifically for him, but he keeps forgetting how to find it.

He hasn't told the others yet. No need to bother them. He's sure they'd ask him if it was something they needed to know.

But eventually, he needs them to know. He's starting to lose the colors.

When they're making plans to face the Black King, gaining some last minute levels and alchemizing more powerful gear out of the legendary quest items they keep swapping around, he pulls Karkat aside and mentions that he's got a headache. Karkat scowls at him, annoyed, always annoyed, and tells him to stop whining and go fill his Heath Vial. It's not his Health Vial, he tries to explain. It's not part of the game. The colors are missing and his head just hurts.

And Karkat knows it's the sopor; everyone knows its the sopor. Power through it, he says, in words not quite so eloquent. It's your own fault for eating that stuff in the first place. You'll get over it. You'll be fine.

Of course he'll be fine, if Karkat says so. If you can't trust your friends to look out for you, who can you trust? So he keeps going on with a smile on his face, and ignores the headache and the nausea and the way the world is turning monochrome.

And when he thinks he's got time and nobody will mind, he closes his eyes and prays that it'll be over soon. Prayer feels strangely alien, without so much fog in his head. As if he can almost see where the words are going.

- - - - - - - - - -

The howling of the King hurts his ears. Everything hurts his ears now, everything is too loud and too sharp and too bright, but this howl is different; this is a sound that he knows hurts everyone else's ears too.

He can see the psionics in the sky, Aradia's gleaming metal army taking the full force of the King's voice for the rest of them, Sollux seizing meteors in his psychic grip and hurtling them at the mutated black mass with streaks of screaming fire. The melee fighters leap from lilypad to lilypad and gouge at the creature's flailing limbs; the ones with long range weapons stand somewhere behind him and fire into the fray, and he thinks maybe he's supposed to be in one of these groups but he can never remember which one. And the howling of the King hurts his ears and now they're hot and wet and bleeding.

He covers his ears, closes his eyes, tries to shut it all out because there's no swirling rainbow fog to do it for him anymore, but it pierces him and there aren't any colors and he needs it to stop, he needs to make it stop now oh god make it stop, oh GOD make it stop...

Yes, say his gods. We will.

- - - - - - - - - -

In a panic they retreat to the Veil, and they bicker pointlessly and lay blame and get angry at one another and act out of confusion and fear. He's not sure why, mostly because he's still got that headache, and his body hasn't purged enough poisons yet to really understand the world without them. But it's also because he can't comprehend how anyone could be sad or angry or afraid anymore.

He has seen his mirthful messiahs, felt the wrath of god fill him with holy fire. Heard them speak his name, choose him and him alone to be the vessel of their rage and power. His fingertips have worked miracles.

Terezi makes contact with the aliens while Karkat's asleep, and for a while there's a frenzy to know more about them. He avoids it, for the most part. He's not feeling well and he can't see the colors and he just sort of wants to lie in the horn pile and smile up at the ceiling and think about what it was like to be a vengeful god. He's sure once he gets used to the sharpness and the loudness and the brightness he'll start to think the way everyone else does, and see the way they do, and remember things like how to use an alchemiter.

And then Karkat tells him to troll the humans. He follows orders, because if your friends don't know the right thing to do, who does?

- - - - - - - - - -

He's running blindly through the dark halls of the laboratory, screaming, his own voice hurting his injured ears. His head is pounding and he thinks he's going to throw up and he shoves something aside but it turns out to be a wall and he falls and his head hits the tile. Pain and sparks of starlight bursting in front of his vision, and of course he fell because he can't make sense of anything he sees, it wasn't like this before, it's not supposed to look like this, there are supposed to be colors!!

He rolls over and lies with his aching forehead pressed to the ground, some horrible, roiling emotion churning in his stomach, one he doesn't understand. Anger. He's angry, he hates. Hates those stupid words spoken by some alien boy, hates those two freakish creatures parading around on his computer screen, pretending to be his mirthful messiahs.

He's seen the messiahs, wielded their power. He knows them. He... he thinks he knows them. But his mind is reeling, the sopor is seeping out of him and he's painfully aware that far too much of his life has been a never-ending series of sopor-induced hallucinations. Maybe his gods never chose him, maybe that was a hallucination too. Maybe all his life he'd been praying to a couple of ugly alien fools instead of gods.

He's panicking, he needs to know. Face pressed to the floor he prays, prays desperately. Someone answer me. Tell me I didn't imagine it. Tell me you chose me. Tell me you're there.

And horribly, horribly, there is no more fog and he can see exactly where the words go. They echo on and on inside his head forever, and the only one who can hear them is him.

- - - - - - - - - -

He lies there for what seems like an eternity.

His head is clear now, and the world is bright and sharp and painful, but the hole his memories used to drain out of is gone.

It's better now. Karkat said he'd be fine.

He isn't fine.

Karkat lied to him. Nothing is fine. He's only gotten worse and worse and it hurts and he can't take it anymore and Karkat knew and Karkat didn't care.

But it's better now. The hole is gone.

He touches the back of his head, where he hit it against the floor, and his fingertips come away bloody, bright with streaks of royal indigo.

After a moment, he smears it across the ground, then the walls, his face and his clothes and his hands.

And he watches the colors return.

Wow. Just wow.
I never comment here, but really, I just loved this so much, it works so well
Awesome

[emesis]

@Jim & @Path How dare you two make me unlurk myself here and comment on your things. My lurker's corner was nice and safe and maybe a little damp and dreary but I got over that.

</3

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no just kidding 33

I read everything on here, but ffff, feel kinda lame posting without content to offer. All of you are great!

[Path]

Emesis you gotta stab after every second lurk. Make those stabs happen here!

[KarneWarrior]

Homeworld
Memorial

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The screaming fades out. Iksti is drowning in - no, not blackness. Blackness is death. Death is release. She's drowning in memories, in moments long forgotten, too painful to be remembered. They fill her head and she can't close her eyes and she's made to see as...

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Climbing again. She grabs the pale, smooth bark of the trees and pulls herself up, hoisting her body to the highest branch. Teals and lesser blues are born with a affinity for climbing, and she uses that to her full advantage, blancing on a slender branch, raising her arms wide, the wind whipping around her as the tornado rushes by. Trees and branches are flying, and they smash into her, and it stings. But Iksti knows what she can take, and nothing is bad enough to make her get down off of the tree.

Then the tornado is gone, and the wind dies down, and it's back to being a outcast. Back to being nameless.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Parading through the streets, some of the oldest trolls on Alternia, not counting the Fleet Workers at the capitol. Majestic, awful, billowing cloaks. They ride musclebeasts, tamed by the strongest and most daring trolls.

Iksti, without thinking, rushes forward. Just a touch can be good luck, they told her. If you can touch one of them, you'll be one of us. She almost reaches one indigo, at the head of his column. He snarls and lashes out with his boot, kicking her flat in the face. She falls back to the line, clutching her broken nose, and he rides away with a sky-blue stain on his boot.

But he touched her. That means something, right?

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Sweeps later and she's the one on the horse. She's in a column with other bluebloods, all riding regally, like they were taught. The reds march past in formation, lowbloods not getting their own horse. Maybe if they showed some sort of skill in combat.

This time it's a green that rushes from the crowd. His hand stretches out to touch Iksti's boot, grasping for the mythic luck that it would bring. She obliges, breaking his nose, just like hers was. She chuckles a little at the irony of it all.

Lessons have to be learned.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

There's nothing that can prepare you for spaceflight. No matter how many times they tell you how the stars seem to twinkle, how they look like diamonds suspended on a black velvet sheet, you'll never get it. And when they tell you it never gets old, they aren't lying.

Even to a troll, bred from birth to be utilitarian, to not care a bit about aesthetics. To a human Space is a frontier, a wild place to be understood and colonized, to be made into a part of us by iron or steel or by our own changes. To a troll, it's a land to be conquered, to be made theirs and theirs alone, and no-one else can have it. It's a city to be burnt and then rebuilt in their own image.

And it shall be beautiful.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

The princess is bubbly and happy. It reminds her of how she was back in her childhood. The talk about social reform is strange, but Iksti knows better than to argue. Maybe the kid has a point. Maybe this little two-sweep grub is going to grow up and be important to the history of the galaxy. Iksti would like that, she thinks.

The empress is right there though, and she scowls at Iksti. Iksti stands to attention and the empress orders her back to her post. Royal guards don't have the easiest job, but it works.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Another transfer, another disgrace. It was a complete accident, but... No use complaining.

She's a scout now, at the very fringes of the galaxy. Stars are sparse here, but Iksti doesn't mind. It's always so quiet, so serene. It's happy out here, and she's happy, back in nature, where it doesn't judge her by blood or by accident, or by the quality of the work she does. IT's nature. It cares if it works or not. Not if it works well, just enough. Iksti works enough.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Space isn't silent anymore. Space is loud now. And the world is going back, back to painful memories.

A Memorial to a life well lived.

[emesis]

@Path well ok

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aand I'll stop spamming now

[sebastian]

It is finished.

I hate you all for giving me the itch for writing fanfiction, and by "hate" I mean "secretly love" because I am enjoying writing fanfic more than I ever thought possible. Mostly because I love writing and I haven't done any real writing since high school. Thanks for that I guess!

This story takes place in the trolls' universe, after Terezi was blinded but before Sgrub. It is my personal headcanon for the Karkat/Terezi "incident", no matter how lame it is, and it was actually inspired by fanart as you'll see later!

I actually think Knight of Blood was better than this, but maybe you guys will like it anyway

Enough of the backstory, you can read my notes afterward if you want to know any of that

Legislacerator

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-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3Y K4RK4T
CG: WHAT.
GC: COM3 TO MY H1V3, 1V3 GOT SOM3TH1NG 1 W4NT TO SHOW YOU >;]
CG: ...WHAT.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat blinked at his monitor as Terezi logged off of Trollian, her trolltag turning grey. He never could understand just what she was thinking, which caused him no end of frustration. He and Terezi had always been friends, as far back as he could remember, and they'd always been tolerant of each other's quirks; Terezi knew Karkat wasn't the "BLUH BLUH HUGE DOUCHE" he wanted everyone to believe he was, and Karkat didn't mind Terezi's obsession with Alternian law (wanting to become a threshecutioner himself) or dragons (because secretly, Karkat thought dragons were pretty rad) or even the way she used smell and taste as a second sight after the accident (okay, he just sort of tolerated that, but he was getting used to it).

But this was a first. Karkat had walked Terezi to her hive on more than one occasion, but she'd never actually asked him to come inside. Now she was openly soliciting a visit from him. What was she planning? It was difficult to tell.

Things were happening so fast. From an early age, Karkat and Terezi openly described themselves as the other's moirail, and if not for recent events, he would have been happy to keep things that way. The way they balanced each other out, in his mind, was perfect. But not long ago, he began to see her differently, and he suspected the feeling was mutual. She teased him more than usual; they spent most of their free time together; their conversations even seemed flirtier. Was it part of growing up? Or had he always felt this way, and just now was becoming aware of it?

These were the questions running through Karkat's mind when he realized he was standing in front of Terezi's tree-hive. He could tell this was her dwelling because several executed scalemates hung from the higher brances. He remembered the first time he saw her hive... at first, the hanging plush dragons weirded him out and their existence completely baffled him, and to be honest, they still kind of did. But now he just wondered where they came from. Did she buy them, or make them, or what? Eh, it didn't matter. Karkat began the long climb up her tree-hive's ladder.

When he arrived at the top of the tree and stood at Terezi's front door, he hesitated, if only slightly. What could be so important to her that she would invite him to her hive? He supposed he'd find out soon enough as he gave three loud knocks to the door.

"K4RK4T? IS TH4T YOU?"
"NO, IT'S THE HIGH LEGISLACERATORS. WE'RE HERE TO ARREST YOU FOR CRIMES AGAINST SANITY. JUST HOW CRACKED DOES YOUR THINK PAN HAVE TO BE TO EVEN LEAVE ALL THESE FUZZY CORPSES HANGING AROUND EVERYWHERE. OF COURSE IT'S ME!"
"H3H3H3! B3 R1GHT TH3R3!"

The door swung open to reveal a dimly-lit living area. "COM3 ON 1N!"

She led him up to what he guessed was her room, where she had several of her scalemates set up for court. He still wasn't sure exactly why she'd brought him here, so he asked.

"TEREZI, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?"
"H3H3! W41T H3R3, 1LL GO G3T TH3 TH1NG 1 W4NT3D TO SHOW YOU."

She went to her closet for about a minute, during which he looked at his surroundings. Of course the room was dimly lit, Terezi would have no use for lighting after the accident that blinded her. She seemed to be taking it in stride, though. Not once did Terezi ever complain about not being able to see, and Karkat guessed it was because she quickly adapted. Her lusus had taught her how to "see" by smelling and tasting colors soon after the incident, and she went on with life like it never happened.

Terezi emerged from the closet holding something behind her back.

"OK4Y, FOUND 1T. HOLD YOUR H4NDS OUT 4ND CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S."
"A GIFT? I GUESS THAT'S NICE, BUT WHY HAVE ME COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TO GET IT?"
"YOULL S33, JUST W41T! YOU W1LL LOV3 1T!"

Karkat did as he was asked, and Terezi deposited something light and fuzzy into his arms. He opened his eyes and found himself clutching... a scalemate? "1 KNOW YOU 4R3NT R34LLY 1NTO SC4L3M4T3S, BUT 1 H4D TH1S ON3 CUSTOM-M4D3 JUST FOR YOU," she told him.

He looked over the plush dragon. It was light grey with yellow button eyes. It held a tiny plastic sickle in its hand, and its belly had Karkat's symbol stitched into it with black thread. "H1S N4M3 1S H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R GR3YGRUMP," she remarked, grinning ear to ear.

Karkat looked at Terezi's smile, then back at the little stuffed dragon in his hands. Clearly this little guy was supposed to be him in scalemate form. If anyone else had presented him with this, right now he'd be furious. He'd swear they were mocking him and he'd unload on them for being so stupid. In all honesty he couldn't be 100% sure Terezi wasn't doing exactly this. But... somehow, he didn't think so. Did she EVER just give her scalemates away? No, this was a special gesture from her. Upon realizing this, Karkat laughed.

"WH4TS SO FUNNY? YOU DON'T L1K3 1T, DO YOU? 1 SHOULD H4V3 KNOWN, YOU GRUMPB34ST!"
"WHAT? NO, I JUST--"
"1V3 B33N K33P1NG TH4T ON3 4ROUND, YOU KNOW! W41T1ING FOR THE R1GHT--"
"TEREZI."
"--TO G1V3 1T TO YOU, 4ND 1 3V3N 1NV1T3 YOU--"
"TEREZI."
"--4ND YOU JUST L4UGH 4T 1T!"
"TEREZI!"
"...WH4T."
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. I DO LIKE IT. THANK YOU."

Terezi's frown immediately turned back to a smile.

"SO YOULL ST4Y 4ROUND FOR 4WH1L3 AND PL4Y?"
"A-HA, THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT! ABSOLUTELY NOT."
"BUT K4RK444444444T--"
"NO WAY, TEREZI. LAST TIME YOU TRICKED ME INTO THIS I WAS HORKING UP SCALEMATE FLUFF FOR DAYS."
"PL33334444S3?"
"...OKAY. BUT JUST THIS ONCE."
"H3H3H3H3H3! OKAY, 1'LL B3 R1GHT B4CK!"

He figured sticking around for a while here meant he didn't have to deal with his lusus back home for a little while longer, so he had no real intention of turning down Terezi's invitation. He just liked to tease her back when he could. Terezi was kind of cute on the rare occasion he could actually get her flustered.

Of course, he was thoroughly and decisively one-upped in that department, forever, when she came back holding a goddamned bucket.

Karkat stared at her, mouth agape. He thought maybe she liked him more than as just a friend recently, but this was a bit crazy, even for her! Almost in response to it, she laughed at him. "H3H3H3! K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL YOU BLUSH1NG 3V3N 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R H3R3! YOU KNOW 1'M NOT TH4T K1ND OF G1RL, LOOK," she said as she popped the lid off of the sordid receptacle. "1T'S JUST P41NT. C4N'T H4V3 A MURD3R SC3N3 W1THOUT A L1TTL3 BLOOD, R1GHT?" Karkat breathed a nearly-inaudible sigh of relief. He'd never hear the end of it now! She HAD to have done this on purpose.

Terezi dabbed a cloth into the red paint ("WHY RED?" "B3C4US3 R3D 1S TH3 T4ST13ST COLOR OF 4LL! >;D"), smudged it around the floor, and placed the "victim" atop the splatter. Now the game was afoot.

Almost immediately, Head Legislacerator Pyrope had a suspect in mind, but evidence needed to be collected. Fortunately for the court, Senator Citrusfoot was no criminal mastermind, and the murder weapon (a short dagger that Karkat was almost certain was actually a papermail unsheather) was found quickly.

Terezi set the orange scalemate atop the stack of boxes meant to serve as a witness stand. "SO... WHY'D YOU DO 1T?"

The dragon sat silently atop its box. "W3 FOUND TH3 KN1F3 BUR13D UND3R YOUR H1V3'S FLOORBO4RDS. W3 KNOW YOU D1D 1T. COOPER4T3, 4ND P3RH4PS YOUR PUN1SHM3NT N33D NOT B3 SO H4RSH!"

The orange plush continued to sit and do nothing. A moment passed. "SO TH4T'S 1T, TH3N. L1M3P4W KN3W 4BOUT YOUR SH1FTY B4CKROOM D34L W1TH TH3 MOB, 4ND YOU H4D TO S1L3NC3 H1M. V3RY W3LL. 1N L1GHT OF YOUR COOP3R4T1ON, TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS W1LL NOT H4ND DOWN A S3NT3NC3 TO YOU."

Karkat swore he thought he saw the doll breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe it was because seeing Terezi performing her insane courtroom drama plays in person was actually really good, as opposed to seeing them in Trollian chatlog form. She could be an actress if not for her passion for law, he thought to himself, though he would never admit it.

"BUT... 1 CANNOT GU4R4NT33 THE THR3SH3CUT1ON3RS W1LL B3 SO L3N13NT!" Terezi grabbed High Threshecutioner Greygrump. "4LL R1S3 FOR TH3 HONOR4BL3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R." Terezi stood up. When Karkat remained seated on the floor, she glared at him until he stood up too. He could play along, just this once.

Terezi sat the grey scalemate next to the drawn picture of His Tyranny. "H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R, WH4T 1S YOUR R3COMM3ND4T1ON?"

Another moment of silence. "OH, V3RY GOOD. 1T W1LL G1V3 TH3 N3W R3CRU1T A CH4NC3 TO T3ST H1S 4C4D3MY TR41N1NG!" Karkat wondered where she was going with this.

"R3CRU1T THR3SH3CUT1ON3R V4NT4S!" Karkat looked at her, startled. "TH3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R H4S SPOK3N! TH3 CONV1CT 1S TO B3 CULL3D, 4ND YOU 4R3 TH3 M4N S3L3CT3D FOR TH3 JOB."

Karkat whispered to her, for reasons he wasn't sure of. "...ME?"
"OF COURS3 YOU, S1LLY! WHO 3LS3?" she whispered back.
"WELL... OKAY. I'LL PLAY YOUR DUMB LITTLE GAME FOR GIRLS, THIS TIME."
"H3H3H3H3."

Something about Terezi calmed Karkat down. He simply could not rage at her the way he would have at anyone else who suggested he take part of this bizarre farce.

Karkat took his sickle from his strife specibus. If he was going to play along, he was going to do it right. He needed to think of a one-liner, something good, something cool. After a few seconds it finally came to him.

He swung in a wide arc, neatly decapitating Citrusfoot. As the doll's head came to a stop on the ground, Karkat spoke, arm still extended from the strike.

"NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO RUN, THE LEGAL SYSTEM IS ALWAYS... ONE STEP A-HEAD."

Almost immediately, Terezi burst into a fit of laughter.

"H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3! 'ON3 ST3P A-H3AD'? SO L444M3!"
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY? FUCK YOU, I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT."
"4H, BUT TH4T'S WHY 1 L1KE YOU, K4RK4T!"

As the night continued, they acted out a few more court cases. It was getting later, but the green Alternian moonlight lit the room well enough. Karkat, strangely enough, was actually beginning to enjoy himself, and began making his pre-kill one-liners as lame as possible on purpose. "LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN... CUT FROM THE TEAM," to a scalemate convicted of poisoning a superior. "REST IN PIECES," he quipped to the one found guilty of killing to drum up interest in his death memorial business. They never failed to make Terezi laugh, and he found he enjoyed her laughter very much.

The night continued like this until, while pacing back and forth interrogating Captain Coconutface about his allegations of treason, Terezi slipped on the red paint used to set up the latest crime scene, and fell next to where Karkat sat on the floor. Immediately he reached to help her.

"HEY... ARE YOU OKAY?"
"Y34H... Y34H, 1 TH1NK SO. 1 GOT P41NT 3V3RYWH3R3 THOUGH >:[ 4LL OV3R TH3 W4LLS, TH3 FLOOR, 4LL OV3R US--"
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. JUST GLAD YOU DIDN'T HURT YOURSELF."

Karkat realized she was sitting in his lap, her back to him... and more importantly, she wasn't getting up.

"ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T HURT?"
"Y3S, 1M F1N3. S33, 1 C4N ST4ND UP 4ND--"
"NO. DON'T."

He wasn't sure what he was saying, or what he was going to say, or even what this was he was feeling. All he knew what that he liked it.

"I'D... I'D LIKE TO STAY LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE, IF YOU DON'T MIND."

What was he saying? What a creepy request!

"H3H3. OK4Y >:]"

And she was going along with it! This wasn't helping him, if anything, Karkat was more confused than ever as he sat in the dark, arms around Terezi.

Almost at once it all clicked.

"TEREZI?" She turned around to face him. "Y3S, K4RK4T?" By God, she was stunning in the Alternian moonlight.

"I THINK..."
"Y3S? >;]"
"I THINK... I WOULD LIKE..."
"Y3333SSSS? >;]"
"I WOULD LIKE US TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS."
">:O >:O >:O >:O"

Terezi stared at him with that shocked expression on her face. His next action was almost a reflex, and upon reflection Karkat was never sure WHY he did it, just that it was something he HAD to do.

His lips met with hers, in the dark room lit only by the moonlight filtered through the blue and purple treetops. Karkat was a creature fueled by rage, or so he would have everyone believe; hell, he often went out of his way just to be a dick to total strangers. But tonight, any fury he harbored against the world was gone, and he wanted nothing more than Terezi's love.

"H3H3. I 4LR34DY KN3W."
"WHAT--- HOW?"
"K4RK4T, 1 COULD 4LMOST T4ST3 TH3 BLOOD RUSH1NG TO YOUR CH33KS A MOM3NT 4GO. YOU W3R3 BLUSH1NG SO H4RD 3V3N 1 COULD S33 1T!"
"HEH. THAT OBVIOUS, HUH?"
"Y34H, 4ND TH4T L1TTL3 STUNT YOU JUST PULL3D R33K3D OF D3SP3R4T1ON. 1F 1 D1DN'T 4LR34DY L1KE YOU 1D BE 4PP4LL3D!"
"SO YOU--"
"Y3S >;]"

This time, she kissed him, and it was Karkat's turn to be surprised. His mind started spinning, how does a guy respond to this? Part of him wanted to run, part of him wanted to stay, part of him was pissed at himself for being such an emotional baby. Eventually, he settled on "fuck it, go along with it. Let's make this shit work. We're making this happen."

When Terezi pulled away from the kiss, she dipped her fingers into the still-wet paint on the floor and draw a heart on Karkat's shirt. "M4T3SPR1T >;]", she breathed into his ear. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at how corny it was, but it was a feeling he wouldn't trade for the world. The two embraced, and stayed that way until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Karkat woke up in the dead of the night, still holding Terezi. Gently, he picked her up and laid her atop her bed, then left for home. He needed to plan out how to sneak back into his own hive; his lusus would be furious if it found out he was out this late, for the musclebeasts would hunt soon.

Karkat looked down at his clothes. He was absolutely covered in Terezi's crime scene. It would take HOURS to wash all of it out.

And not one fuck was given about it that day.

Notes:

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So yeah I ship Karkat/Terezi pretty hard! What of it

This story was inspired almost entirely by a piece of fanart which I uploaded here (NSFW? Honestly I have no idea! How does this even work, if this is seriously offensive I'll remove the link but I don't think it is). I found it posted in a Homestuck thread on /co/ and it is entirely devoid of context for me; I've no idea who drew it, or when it was drawn. I'm told it was drawn before the revelation of Karkat's blood color but that doesn't stop the kind of implications 4chan made about it if you understand the vernacular. But I didn't immediately see things that way because despite hailing from /co/ my mind isn't perpetually in the gutter.

My biggest fear, I've noticed, when I'm writing stuff like this, is that I'll ruin everything by making characters do things they'd never do in canon. Going out of character, for me, seems to be the cardinal sin. Having said that, I'm not sure I was able to do as good a job here as in Knight of Blood. Writing dialogue was actually a bit of a challenge, and not just because I had to go back and check for errant 4s, 1s and 3s in Terezi's dialogue.

Writing Karkat is easy enough. He's a jerk with a heart of gold, you just have to know him really well to get past the "jerk" part. But honestly I don't think I wrote him as enough of a dick here! I think I wrote him too nice, he doesn't seem like enough of a snarky bastard. I figured he'd ease up around someone he considered matesprit material, but being an ass is kind of who Karkat is. So I guess you guys decide.

Terezi is another story. I'm so afraid I didn't get her right at all and now I fully expect people to be like "oh so THAT'S why she didn't have any dialogue in Knight of Blood, the throat injury was just a clever write-around to cover for the fact that this dude couldn't write conversation to save his own life". I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on myself, I tend to do that if you haven't noticed! But I still think there's a lot of room for improvement.

There were a few things that didn't make the cut! One bit that still makes me chuckle to myself when I think about it was one line of Karkat dialouge: "...THIS STUFF IS LIKE AN INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH APHRODISIAC FOR YOU, ISN'T IT?" I cut it because I couldn't really work it into the story without it becoming less "d'awwwww" and more "cue bass grove", if you catch my drift. Another bit I cut for being just plain awful: at one point, Karkat was going to look into Terezi's eyes (like he was going to ask her to take off her glasses and everything) and be all "hey your eyes are actually beautiful". But I realized that THIS IS STUPID because he's basically saying "hey I think those useless burnt-out solid red orbs that you can't see a damn thing out of are kickin' rad! It sure is swell that you went and got yourself blinded" and that would be a horrible thing to say! Or would it? Ha ha, my crippling uncertainty about my work makes me my own harshest critic!

Re: shipping: I don't ship the kids because I am constantly reminded, through their actions, that they are 13 years old. I ship the trolls because I constantly forget they are 6 solar sweeps. Perhaps trolls grow up quicker! That would work in my favor, but that is a cop-out.

Re: fanfiction writing in general: yeah. I still think fanfic writing is all kinds of lame. But now, I think it's a lameness I can revel in, instead of being repulsed by it. (This is the part where you all start chanting "ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US")

Finally: holy shit this fic is pretty long now that I look at it. Now I'm wondering if it's just chock full of useless bullshit that could be trimmed and not harm the story in any way. But I'll leave that for you readers to decide.

just one thing, "Gently, he picked her up and laid her atop her bed". Trolls don't have beds, they have recuperacoons

aside from that, I liked it. You had the characters near enough, and I'm a sucker for happy endings. .

[Twigwise]

I wish I had the patience to comment on all of the amazing fics. Alas, I do not. So all I can say is OH MY GOG YOU PEOPLE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH creepy/cracking Gamzee and rainbow-drinker Kanaya and more PS fics and awwwww I think my brain is going to explode This thread is awesome~~

[Zampanó]

Originally posted by Red Pen
So here is a thing I wrote about what might have led Gamzee to believe that he is two clowns.

Monochrome

This is really excellent. I liked the bulk of the pacing, the descent into homicidal rage is laid out carefully without being too explicit. Staying in Gamzee's perspective is a neat trick, especially in the King fight. You get the outline of the action without getting sidetracked and the reader can fill in the details (which is always a good feature). Cool idea, well executed. Good job.

Originally posted by anonymousComrade
It is finished.
[...]

Legislacerator

You were right. This fic is adorable. Be less insecure, and write more. Really. Truly. Karkat's first pun warmed my heart. Next stop: fish puns?!? Please?






I have my own fic started,
Part 1

Part 2

Part 3
and I would really appreciate any comments about this. I’m pretty satisfied with part three but would like some feedback. All responses are appreciated.

[Path]

@emesis bring it

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Also emesis after our knife fight is over, let me know if you ever do trades. Will write for doodles.

[apocalypticCritic]

@ anonymousComrade: I knew the fanart you were basing this story on before I read your notes. As a KarTer shipper, I loved the image.

And I loved your fic. Never stop.

@ Jim: Oh God minific thanks are awesome. Also that was hilarious.

[Zampanó]

Originally posted by Red Pen
So here is a thing I wrote about what might have led Gamzee to believe that he is two clowns.

Monochrome

This is really excellent. I liked the bulk of the pacing, the descent into homicidal rage is laid out carefully without being too explicit. Staying in Gamzee's perspective is a neat trick, especially in the King fight. You get the outline of the action without getting sidetracked and the reader can fill in the details (which is always a good feature). Cool idea, well executed. Good job.

Originally posted by anonymousComrade
It is finished.
[...]

Legislacerator

You were right. This fic is adorable. Be less insecure, and write more. Really. Truly. Karkat's first pun warmed my heart. Next stop: fish puns?!? Please?



I have my own fic started and linked in my sig, and I would really appreciate any comments about it. I’m pretty satisfied with part three but would like some feedback; all responses are appreciated. The forum ate a copy of this post, so apologies in advance for an inadvertent double post.

[Wigmund]

Damn, everyone is great.

The Hunt

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Open Memo

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CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY
CAC: :33 < *ac cl33ns her whiskers after a series of successful hunts*
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo
CCG: GOG FUCKING DAMMIT NEPETA! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT OPENING ROLEPLAYING MEMOS!
CCG: WE CAN'T HAVE YOU AND TEREZI CROWDING UP THIS PLACE WITH YOUR STUPID GIRLY BEAST LEAVINGS!
CAC: :33 < *ac gets up and reassures her mate that he should not worry about anyone else ruining their fun*
CCG: MATE? NEPETA, STOP THAT FUCKING SHIT RIGHT NOW AND
CCG: ...
CCG: WAIT
CCG: ...
CCG: WHY SHOULD I NOT WORRY ABOUT ANYONE ELSE RUINING OUR FUN?
CCG: NEPETA
CAC: :33 < *ac wipes her face with a paw, smiles at her karkitty and wonders what he wants to talk about*
CCG: NEPETA, WHAT DID YOU DO?
CAC: :PP < *ac rubs her belly after a day of good eats*
CCG: OH
CCG: FUCK
CCG: NEPETA, PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU DIDN'T DO THAT. PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T GO CRAZY.
CAC: :33 < *ac recalls that she didn't go craz33, she just remempurred her true natpurr*
CCG: OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 9 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PAT: uH, hEY THERE,
CCG: OH GOD TAVROS, WHAT DO YOU WANT
PAT: i, uMM, wAS JUST WONDERING IF I SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE, uH, gROWLING NOISES I HEAR NEARBY,
CCG: FUCK YES YOU SHOULD BE DUMBFUCK! WHERE ARE YOU? I'LL SEND A MESSAGE TO MY STUPID FUCKING PAST SELF TO GO FIND YOU.
CAC: :33 < yes, pl33se tell us your purrent location. you pawsitively n33d to tell us
PAT: wELL, uH, i AM CURRENTLY AT VRISKA'S HIVE AND I
PAT: :33 < *the young calf no longer n33ds any help*
CCG: ...
CAC: :PP < *ac licks her chops and remembers the flavor of b33f*
PAT: >:33 < it is a lovely taste. pity the chocolate sauce doesn't go well with it
CAC: DDX < *ac remembers the taste of the sauce and wonders why the bull had such nasty tasting blood*
CCG: OH GOD, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS ALL AN ELABORATE JOKE.
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 8 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PAG: Taaaaaaaavros, where are you?
PAG: This is the l8st memo you responded to, so you 8etter show your f8ce so I c8n find you.
PAG: >::::(
PAT: >:]] < I, uH, aM IN YOUR HIVE
PAG: Hmmmmmmmm
PAG: You just couldn’t st8y away from me.
CCG: FUCKING HELL VRISKA! CAN’T YOU SEE THAT YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO TAVROS?
PAG: Shut up K8rk8t. You’re just soooooooo je8lous th8t the 8oy skyl8rk is getting all of this.
PAG: You refused me, now you’re regretting your decision.
CCG: OH FUCK IT, GO HAVE FUN WITH TAVROS
PAG: I will, we will h8ve so much fun!!!!!!!!
PAG: In f8ct, I c8n’t wait to show him how much I appreci8 his loy8lty to me.
PAG: XPP < bluh, spiders taste nasty
CAC: :(( < I know, but the blueberry marinade did mask the bitterness
PAT: :33 < *the bull kitty dances in joy at the knowledge that her next meal will come to her*
CAC: ;33 < pity it was our 33siest m33l to catch
CCG: I THINK I’M GOING TO BE SICK
CAC: :oo < oh no!
PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] 4 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PCA: hey, I am so fuckin lonely here on lowwaa
PCA: came somebody come here and keep me company
CAC: >:II < go play with the fish girl, she wants to see you
PCA: fef? I knew she would finally admit her true feelins for me
PCA: excuse me cause I am headin through the gate right now
PCA disconnected from the memo
PCA reconnected 3:50 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PCA: :33 < fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads
CAC: XDD < we eats them up. YUM!
CCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M COMPLETELY FINE WITH YOU EATING THAT DOUCHEBAG
CCG: I WISH YOU HAD CHOKED ON HIM THOUGH
CAC: :((
PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 3 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PCC: oh nooooo
CCG: OH GOD, RUN FEFERI. DON’T TELL US WHERE YOU ARE AND JUST RUN
PCC: it is T—ERRIBL—E KARKRAB! I just found –Eridan’s body.
CCG: PLEASE RUN, PLEASE DO IT FOR SOLLUX
PCC: why should I karkat? Nepeta’s right here, she can tell me what happened
CCG: FUCK
PCC: :33 < D-ELICIOUS
CAC: X33 < two fishy m33ls in one day. today is so gr33t!
PCA: :OO < two fishy m33ls? i better find a good hiding place
PCC: >:]] < there's a lovely bush right next to the nasty fish boy's body
PCA: X33 < thank you future me!
CAC: :33 < karkitty?
CCG: OH GOG, SORRY I'VE BEEN BUSY LOSING MY LAST MEAL
PAT: :OO < oh noooo, i better bring you something to eat when I come visit
CAC: ;33 < don't worry, i have
CCG: UUGGHHH
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 5 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PTC: HoNk HoNk MoThErFuCkErS
PTC: WhAt KiNd Of MiRaClEs ArE tAkInG pLaCe HeRe?
CAC: :33 < the best kind
PTC: FuCkInG aWeSoMe, I wAs SiTtInG hErE iN mY hIvE aNd I wAs FuCkInG bOrEd So I dEcIdEd To SeE wHaT mY bEsT fUcKiNg FrIeNdS wErE uP tO
PAT: >:33 < so you are in your tent all alone?
PTC: YeAh
PTC: WaIt, WhY aRe YoU tAlKiNg LiKe ThE kItTy GiRl TaVrOs?
CAC: :33 < turn around and find out
PTC: WhY? WhAt ThE fUcK iS bEhInD mE?
CCG: RUN GAMZEE, GET OUT OF YOUR HORN PILE AND RUN YOU STUPID FUCK
PTC: HoNk
PTC: :33 < honk, little goat tasted funny
CCG: NONONONO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!
CAC: :33 < but it is karkitty
CCG: OH GOG, PLEASE NO...PLEASE DON'T RESPOND TO THIS MEMO ANYONE.
CCG: JUST RUN AWAY. HIDE YOURSELVES. DON'T RESPOND AND RUN.
CCG: HIDE FROM THE FUCKING INSANE AUTISTIC CAVE GIRL.
PAST twinArmaggedons [PTA] 2 HOURS AGO responded to the memo[/color]
CCG: OH GOD SOLLUX PLEASE DON'T. PLEASE RUN. RUN YOU FUCKING FOOL.
PTA: 2he fuckiing kiilled and ate FF. ii wiill fiind her and kiill her KK.
CCG: NO YOU WON'T BECAUSE HER CURRENT SELF OPENED THE MEMO.
CCG: I HOPE THAT MEANT YOU ARE HIDING SOMEWHERE SAFE.
CCG: DON'T WORRY ABOUT FEFERI SOLLUX, WE'LL RESURRECT HER ONCE THIS CRAZY SHIT IS ALL OVER
CAC: >:PP < you have to have a body to kiss to do that
CCG: OH GOG
CAC: :33 < i have been so hungry for so long
PTA: where the fuck are you NP?
CAC: >:33 < where are you?
PTA: ii'm on LOBAF and ii
PTA: 8|| < taste like mustard
CAC: X)) < it's true!
CCG: I SWEAR NEPETA, WHEN I SEE YOU I'M GOING TO FUCKING GUT YOU.
CCG: I WILL GUT YOU AND NEVER KISS YOUR CORPSE
CCG: I WILL PIN IT TO THE WALLS AND THEY WILL BE COVERED IN BLOOD
CAC: :(( < karkitty...
CAC: ;33 < are you talking about a shipping wall?
CCG: AUIEORJOER)*#K#KFG!
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] 6 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PGA: Greetings Karkat and Nepetas
CCG: OH GOD, PLEASE KANAYA.
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU FOUND A SAFE PLACE AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO TELL US WHERE IT IS.
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE SAFE SO WE CAN FIND A WAY TO HELP EVERYONE THAT NEPETA KILLED.
PGA: I Apologize Karkat But I Am Unable To Do That
CCG: OH GOG
PGA: I Have Been Following This Memo For Some Time And I Decided That I Had To See What I Could Do To Help Tavros And Vriska
CCG: FUCK YOU DIDN'T. YOU DIDN'T TRAVEL TO VRISKA'S HIVE.
PGA: Unfortunately That Is True
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME NEPETA LEFT ALREADY PLEASE...
CCG: OH FUCK
PGA: She Is Right In Front Of Me
PGA: Unfortunately I Do Not Have The Reflexes To Retrieve My Lipstick Before She Attacks Me So I Am Going To Spend My Final Moments To Tell You That I Cherished Our Friendship
CCG: KANAYA...
PGA: You Were The Best Moirail I Could Have Asked For Karkat Thank You
PGA: And Goodbye
CCG: NONONONOFUCKNONONOGOGDAMMITNEPETA!
PGA: :(( < i am sorry karkitty, pl33se f33l better knowing that i killed her quickly
CCG: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING PSYCHOTIC BITCH!
CAC: >:II < i am not a bitch
CAC: >:33 < i am a queen
CCG: FUCK YOU ALL THE SAME
PAT: :((
PAG: :((
PCA: :((
PCC: :((
PTA: :((
PGA: :((
CCG: I WISH I COULD FUCKING BAN YOU SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE MOCKED LIKE THIS
CCG: YOU ARE A FUCKING MONSTER
PAST apocalypseArisen [PAA] 7 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
CCG: OH GOG ARADIA, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO FIX ALL OF THIS
PAA: there is n0thing that can be d0ne f0r this timeline
CCG: OH FUCK NO
PAA: it is d00med
CCG: PLEASE NO
PAA: i will leave n0w and make sure it never happened
CCG: ARADIA PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!
PAA has disconnected from the memo
CCG: OH GOG, I'M GOING TO DIE
CCG: THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR
CCG: DAMN YOU NEPETA
CCG: FUCKING DAMN YOU
PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 1 HOUR AGO responded to the memo
CCG: TEREZI, PLEASE
CCG: PLEASE DON'T
PGC: DON'T WH4T K4RKL3S?
CCG: DON'T LET NEPETA KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.
PGC: WHY SHOULDN'T 1? TH3 POUNC3LOR H4S B33N 4CT1NG OUT OF L1N3 4ND SH3 MUST 4NSW3R TO TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 4ND H1S MOST HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY FOR H3R 4CT1ONS
CAC: >:33 < *ac would like to point out to the honorable tyranny that the legislacerator is responding to this memo from one hour in the past while the pouncelor is the one who just created it*
PGC: H3H3H3H3
PGC: W3LL PL4Y3D N3P3T4
PGC: W3LL PL4Y3D
CCG: OH GOG, NOT TEREZI. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME TEREZI. NOT LIKE THIS
CCG: I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I DID TO YOU TEREZI, JUST DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
PGC: K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL 4 R41NBOW 1N TH3 D4RKN3SS
CCG: TEREZI RUN. I'M IN MY HIVE ON LOPAH. IF YOU CAN MAKE IT HERE WE CAN MAKE A STAND AGAINST NEPETA
PGC: 1 4M SORRY, 1T'S TOO L4T3 FOR TH4T K4RK4T V4NT4S
PGC: 1 W1LL JUST L3T YOU KNOW TH4T TRULY 3NJOY3D OUR T1M3 TOG3TH3R
PGC: TH4NK YOU
CCG: NO...FUCK NO
PGC: :(( < awww, i guess we'll need to update the shipping wall
CAC: ;33 < not now
PGC: XDD < purrcisely!
CAC: :?? < *ac ponders who is left*
CAC: :DD < oh wait, it's time to find out what caused all of this in the furst place
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 11 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PCT: D--> nepeta, you must cease this f001ishness
PCT: D--> it is most unbecoming of you to do this
PCT: D--> you have distracted me with this obno%ous memo during a critical fight
PCT has disconnected from the memo
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK
CCG: DID YOU KILL EQUIUS?
PAST arsenicCatnip [PAC] 11 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PAC: DD: < oh no! a nasty ogre killed equius
CCG: WHAT
PAC: :(( < he stopped fighting for some reason and the ogre killed him
PAC: :,(( < i killed the ogre, but equius won't get up
CAC: :33 < ac
PAC: :?? < yes future me?
CAC: >:33 < don't kiss him
PAC: DD: < why? dont we want him back?
CAC: >:]] < taste his blood
PAC: DD: < what
PAT: :33 < do it, it tasted so good
PAG: XDD < yes, equius would have wanted it this way
PCA: :PP < you must take his strength
PCC: :33 < he would have wanted you to become stronger
PAC: :(( < but...but i cant i cant eat him
PTC: :33 < just taste his blood
PTA: :33 < do it and efurything will become cl33rer
PGA: :33 < do it
PGC: :33 < yes, do it
PAC: :(( < well...okay, if it's alright with efuryone else...
CCG: OH FUCK, DON'T DO IT NEPETA!
CCG: DON'T TASTE HIS BLOOD!
CCG: PLEASE DON'T
CAC: >:]] < too late karkitty
PAC: :|| < i f33l...
CAC: :?? < yes?
PAC: :|| < i f33l...
CAC: :DD < yes?
PAC: >:33 < good
CCG: OH GOG
CAC: :33 < and it will feel so much better later
CAC: :33 < i have left the you the path you should hunt along
PAC: XDD < yes, you did didn't you?
CAC: >:33 < now go enjoy yourself
CAC: :33 < all of the past mes, enjoy yourselves
PAT has disconnected from the memo
PAG has disconencted from the memo
PCA has disconnected from the memo
PCC has disconnected from the memo
PTC has disconnected from the memo
PTA has disconnected from the memo
PGA has disconnected from the memo
PGC has disconnected from the memo
PAC has disconnected from the memo
CAC: >:33 < now it is just you and me karkitty
CCG: FUCK YOU
CAC: :33 < hmmm
CAC: ;33 < that is an interesting suggestion
CCG: HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? FUCK OFF AND DIE
CAC: :(( < i cannot do that karkitty
CAC: :33 < i n33d to give you your surprise
CCG: FUCK OFF AND...
CCG: OH GOD I JUST HEARD SOMETHING IN MY HIVE
CCG: OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK
CAC: :33 < where is karkitty?
CCG attempted to disconnect from the memo
- ACTION DENIED! -
CCG: OH GOG WHY CAN'T I DISCONNECT?
CAC: :33 < why would you want to do that?
CCG: OH FUCK
CAC: >:33 < where is my karkitty?
CCG: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
CAC: >:33
CCG: OH GOG WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HIDING?
CCG: GAAAAHHHH! FUCK THE LIGHTS WENT OUT
CCG: OH GOG IT'S TOO DARK
CCG: OHGOGOHGOGOHFUCK
CAC: :33 < *ac stalks through the dark caves*
CCG: OH GOG WHERE'S MY CLOSET?
CAC: :33 < *she closes in on the one she has chosen*
CCG: FUCK DOOR WON'T LOCK
CAC: :33 < *ac listens to the panicked breathing of her chosen, she wants to calm him down so much*
CCG: FUCKFUCKFUCK LOCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT DOOR
CAC: >:33 < look up karkitty
CCG: AJGDAUREOR#OFKAMD
CCG has disconnected from the memo
CAC: >:DD < now we can be together furever

CAC closed memo

[draconicAlgorithm]

It is finished.

I hate you all for giving me the itch for writing fanfiction, and by "hate" I mean "secretly love" because I am enjoying writing fanfic more than I ever thought possible. Mostly because I love writing and I haven't done any real writing since high school. Thanks for that I guess!

This story takes place in the trolls' universe, after Terezi was blinded but before Sgrub. It is my personal headcanon for the Karkat/Terezi "incident", no matter how lame it is, and it was actually inspired by fanart as you'll see later!

I actually think Knight of Blood was better than this, but maybe you guys will like it anyway

Enough of the backstory, you can read my notes afterward if you want to know any of that

Legislacerator

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-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3Y K4RK4T
CG: WHAT.
GC: COM3 TO MY H1V3, 1V3 GOT SOM3TH1NG 1 W4NT TO SHOW YOU >;]
CG: ...WHAT.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat blinked at his monitor as Terezi logged off of Trollian, her trolltag turning grey. He never could understand just what she was thinking, which caused him no end of frustration. He and Terezi had always been friends, as far back as he could remember, and they'd always been tolerant of each other's quirks; Terezi knew Karkat wasn't the "BLUH BLUH HUGE DOUCHE" he wanted everyone to believe he was, and Karkat didn't mind Terezi's obsession with Alternian law (wanting to become a threshecutioner himself) or dragons (because secretly, Karkat thought dragons were pretty rad) or even the way she used smell and taste as a second sight after the accident (okay, he just sort of tolerated that, but he was getting used to it).

But this was a first. Karkat had walked Terezi to her hive on more than one occasion, but she'd never actually asked him to come inside. Now she was openly soliciting a visit from him. What was she planning? It was difficult to tell.

Things were happening so fast. From an early age, Karkat and Terezi openly described themselves as the other's moirail, and if not for recent events, he would have been happy to keep things that way. The way they balanced each other out, in his mind, was perfect. But not long ago, he began to see her differently, and he suspected the feeling was mutual. She teased him more than usual; they spent most of their free time together; their conversations even seemed flirtier. Was it part of growing up? Or had he always felt this way, and just now was becoming aware of it?

These were the questions running through Karkat's mind when he realized he was standing in front of Terezi's tree-hive. He could tell this was her dwelling because several executed scalemates hung from the higher brances. He remembered the first time he saw her hive... at first, the hanging plush dragons weirded him out and their existence completely baffled him, and to be honest, they still kind of did. But now he just wondered where they came from. Did she buy them, or make them, or what? Eh, it didn't matter. Karkat began the long climb up her tree-hive's ladder.

When he arrived at the top of the tree and stood at Terezi's front door, he hesitated, if only slightly. What could be so important to her that she would invite him to her hive? He supposed he'd find out soon enough as he gave three loud knocks to the door.

"K4RK4T? IS TH4T YOU?"
"NO, IT'S THE HIGH LEGISLACERATORS. WE'RE HERE TO ARREST YOU FOR CRIMES AGAINST SANITY. JUST HOW CRACKED DOES YOUR THINK PAN HAVE TO BE TO EVEN LEAVE ALL THESE FUZZY CORPSES HANGING AROUND EVERYWHERE. OF COURSE IT'S ME!"
"H3H3H3! B3 R1GHT TH3R3!"

The door swung open to reveal a dimly-lit living area. "COM3 ON 1N!"

She led him up to what he guessed was her room, where she had several of her scalemates set up for court. He still wasn't sure exactly why she'd brought him here, so he asked.

"TEREZI, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?"
"H3H3! W41T H3R3, 1LL GO G3T TH3 TH1NG 1 W4NT3D TO SHOW YOU."

She went to her closet for about a minute, during which he looked at his surroundings. Of course the room was dimly lit, Terezi would have no use for lighting after the accident that blinded her. She seemed to be taking it in stride, though. Not once did Terezi ever complain about not being able to see, and Karkat guessed it was because she quickly adapted. Her lusus had taught her how to "see" by smelling and tasting colors soon after the incident, and she went on with life like it never happened.

Terezi emerged from the closet holding something behind her back.

"OK4Y, FOUND 1T. HOLD YOUR H4NDS OUT 4ND CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S."
"A GIFT? I GUESS THAT'S NICE, BUT WHY HAVE ME COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TO GET IT?"
"YOULL S33, JUST W41T! YOU W1LL LOV3 1T!"

Karkat did as he was asked, and Terezi deposited something light and fuzzy into his arms. He opened his eyes and found himself clutching... a scalemate? "1 KNOW YOU 4R3NT R34LLY 1NTO SC4L3M4T3S, BUT 1 H4D TH1S ON3 CUSTOM-M4D3 JUST FOR YOU," she told him.

He looked over the plush dragon. It was light grey with yellow button eyes. It held a tiny plastic sickle in its hand, and its belly had Karkat's symbol stitched into it with black thread. "H1S N4M3 1S H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R GR3YGRUMP," she remarked, grinning ear to ear.

Karkat looked at Terezi's smile, then back at the little stuffed dragon in his hands. Clearly this little guy was supposed to be him in scalemate form. If anyone else had presented him with this, right now he'd be furious. He'd swear they were mocking him and he'd unload on them for being so stupid. In all honesty he couldn't be 100% sure Terezi wasn't doing exactly this. But... somehow, he didn't think so. Did she EVER just give her scalemates away? No, this was a special gesture from her. Upon realizing this, Karkat laughed.

"WH4TS SO FUNNY? YOU DON'T L1K3 1T, DO YOU? 1 SHOULD H4V3 KNOWN, YOU GRUMPB34ST!"
"WHAT? NO, I JUST--"
"1V3 B33N K33P1NG TH4T ON3 4ROUND, YOU KNOW! W41T1ING FOR THE R1GHT--"
"TEREZI."
"--TO G1V3 1T TO YOU, 4ND 1 3V3N 1NV1T3 YOU--"
"TEREZI."
"--4ND YOU JUST L4UGH 4T 1T!"
"TEREZI!"
"...WH4T."
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. I DO LIKE IT. THANK YOU."

Terezi's frown immediately turned back to a smile.

"SO YOULL ST4Y 4ROUND FOR 4WH1L3 AND PL4Y?"
"A-HA, THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT! ABSOLUTELY NOT."
"BUT K4RK444444444T--"
"NO WAY, TEREZI. LAST TIME YOU TRICKED ME INTO THIS I WAS HORKING UP SCALEMATE FLUFF FOR DAYS."
"PL33334444S3?"
"...OKAY. BUT JUST THIS ONCE."
"H3H3H3H3H3! OKAY, 1'LL B3 R1GHT B4CK!"

He figured sticking around for a while here meant he didn't have to deal with his lusus back home for a little while longer, so he had no real intention of turning down Terezi's invitation. He just liked to tease her back when he could. Terezi was kind of cute on the rare occasion he could actually get her flustered.

Of course, he was thoroughly and decisively one-upped in that department, forever, when she came back holding a goddamned bucket.

Karkat stared at her, mouth agape. He thought maybe she liked him more than as just a friend recently, but this was a bit crazy, even for her! Almost in response to it, she laughed at him. "H3H3H3! K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL YOU BLUSH1NG 3V3N 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R H3R3! YOU KNOW 1'M NOT TH4T K1ND OF G1RL, LOOK," she said as she popped the lid off of the sordid receptacle. "1T'S JUST P41NT. C4N'T H4V3 A MURD3R SC3N3 W1THOUT A L1TTL3 BLOOD, R1GHT?" Karkat breathed a nearly-inaudible sigh of relief. He'd never hear the end of it now! She HAD to have done this on purpose.

Terezi dabbed a cloth into the red paint ("WHY RED?" "B3C4US3 R3D 1S TH3 T4ST13ST COLOR OF 4LL! >;D"), smudged it around the floor, and placed the "victim" atop the splatter. Now the game was afoot.

Almost immediately, Head Legislacerator Pyrope had a suspect in mind, but evidence needed to be collected. Fortunately for the court, Senator Citrusfoot was no criminal mastermind, and the murder weapon (a short dagger that Karkat was almost certain was actually a papermail unsheather) was found quickly.

Terezi set the orange scalemate atop the stack of boxes meant to serve as a witness stand. "SO... WHY'D YOU DO 1T?"

The dragon sat silently atop its box. "W3 FOUND TH3 KN1F3 BUR13D UND3R YOUR H1V3'S FLOORBO4RDS. W3 KNOW YOU D1D 1T. COOPER4T3, 4ND P3RH4PS YOUR PUN1SHM3NT N33D NOT B3 SO H4RSH!"

The orange plush continued to sit and do nothing. A moment passed. "SO TH4T'S 1T, TH3N. L1M3P4W KN3W 4BOUT YOUR SH1FTY B4CKROOM D34L W1TH TH3 MOB, 4ND YOU H4D TO S1L3NC3 H1M. V3RY W3LL. 1N L1GHT OF YOUR COOP3R4T1ON, TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS W1LL NOT H4ND DOWN A S3NT3NC3 TO YOU."

Karkat swore he thought he saw the doll breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe it was because seeing Terezi performing her insane courtroom drama plays in person was actually really good, as opposed to seeing them in Trollian chatlog form. She could be an actress if not for her passion for law, he thought to himself, though he would never admit it.

"BUT... 1 CANNOT GU4R4NT33 THE THR3SH3CUT1ON3RS W1LL B3 SO L3N13NT!" Terezi grabbed High Threshecutioner Greygrump. "4LL R1S3 FOR TH3 HONOR4BL3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R." Terezi stood up. When Karkat remained seated on the floor, she glared at him until he stood up too. He could play along, just this once.

Terezi sat the grey scalemate next to the drawn picture of His Tyranny. "H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R, WH4T 1S YOUR R3COMM3ND4T1ON?"

Another moment of silence. "OH, V3RY GOOD. 1T W1LL G1V3 TH3 N3W R3CRU1T A CH4NC3 TO T3ST H1S 4C4D3MY TR41N1NG!" Karkat wondered where she was going with this.

"R3CRU1T THR3SH3CUT1ON3R V4NT4S!" Karkat looked at her, startled. "TH3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R H4S SPOK3N! TH3 CONV1CT 1S TO B3 CULL3D, 4ND YOU 4R3 TH3 M4N S3L3CT3D FOR TH3 JOB."

Karkat whispered to her, for reasons he wasn't sure of. "...ME?"
"OF COURS3 YOU, S1LLY! WHO 3LS3?" she whispered back.
"WELL... OKAY. I'LL PLAY YOUR DUMB LITTLE GAME FOR GIRLS, THIS TIME."
"H3H3H3H3."

Something about Terezi calmed Karkat down. He simply could not rage at her the way he would have at anyone else who suggested he take part of this bizarre farce.

Karkat took his sickle from his strife specibus. If he was going to play along, he was going to do it right. He needed to think of a one-liner, something good, something cool. After a few seconds it finally came to him.

He swung in a wide arc, neatly decapitating Citrusfoot. As the doll's head came to a stop on the ground, Karkat spoke, arm still extended from the strike.

"NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO RUN, THE LEGAL SYSTEM IS ALWAYS... ONE STEP A-HEAD."

Almost immediately, Terezi burst into a fit of laughter.

"H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3! 'ON3 ST3P A-H3AD'? SO L444M3!"
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY? FUCK YOU, I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT."
"4H, BUT TH4T'S WHY 1 L1KE YOU, K4RK4T!"

As the night continued, they acted out a few more court cases. It was getting later, but the green Alternian moonlight lit the room well enough. Karkat, strangely enough, was actually beginning to enjoy himself, and began making his pre-kill one-liners as lame as possible on purpose. "LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN... CUT FROM THE TEAM," to a scalemate convicted of poisoning a superior. "REST IN PIECES," he quipped to the one found guilty of killing to drum up interest in his death memorial business. They never failed to make Terezi laugh, and he found he enjoyed her laughter very much.

The night continued like this until, while pacing back and forth interrogating Captain Coconutface about his allegations of treason, Terezi slipped on the red paint used to set up the latest crime scene, and fell next to where Karkat sat on the floor. Immediately he reached to help her.

"HEY... ARE YOU OKAY?"
"Y34H... Y34H, 1 TH1NK SO. 1 GOT P41NT 3V3RYWH3R3 THOUGH >:[ 4LL OV3R TH3 W4LLS, TH3 FLOOR, 4LL OV3R US--"
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. JUST GLAD YOU DIDN'T HURT YOURSELF."

Karkat realized she was sitting in his lap, her back to him... and more importantly, she wasn't getting up.

"ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T HURT?"
"Y3S, 1M F1N3. S33, 1 C4N ST4ND UP 4ND--"
"NO. DON'T."

He wasn't sure what he was saying, or what he was going to say, or even what this was he was feeling. All he knew what that he liked it.

"I'D... I'D LIKE TO STAY LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE, IF YOU DON'T MIND."

What was he saying? What a creepy request!

"H3H3. OK4Y >:]"

And she was going along with it! This wasn't helping him, if anything, Karkat was more confused than ever as he sat in the dark, arms around Terezi.

Almost at once it all clicked.

"TEREZI?" She turned around to face him. "Y3S, K4RK4T?" By God, she was stunning in the Alternian moonlight.

"I THINK..."
"Y3S? >;]"
"I THINK... I WOULD LIKE..."
"Y3333SSSS? >;]"
"I WOULD LIKE US TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS."
">:O >:O >:O >:O"

Terezi stared at him with that shocked expression on her face. His next action was almost a reflex, and upon reflection Karkat was never sure WHY he did it, just that it was something he HAD to do.

His lips met with hers, in the dark room lit only by the moonlight filtered through the blue and purple treetops. Karkat was a creature fueled by rage, or so he would have everyone believe; hell, he often went out of his way just to be a dick to total strangers. But tonight, any fury he harbored against the world was gone, and he wanted nothing more than Terezi's love.

"H3H3. I 4LR34DY KN3W."
"WHAT--- HOW?"
"K4RK4T, 1 COULD 4LMOST T4ST3 TH3 BLOOD RUSH1NG TO YOUR CH33KS A MOM3NT 4GO. YOU W3R3 BLUSH1NG SO H4RD 3V3N 1 COULD S33 1T!"
"HEH. THAT OBVIOUS, HUH?"
"Y34H, 4ND TH4T L1TTL3 STUNT YOU JUST PULL3D R33K3D OF D3SP3R4T1ON. 1F 1 D1DN'T 4LR34DY L1KE YOU 1D BE 4PP4LL3D!"
"SO YOU--"
"Y3S >;]"

This time, she kissed him, and it was Karkat's turn to be surprised. His mind started spinning, how does a guy respond to this? Part of him wanted to run, part of him wanted to stay, part of him was pissed at himself for being such an emotional baby. Eventually, he settled on "fuck it, go along with it. Let's make this shit work. We're making this happen."

When Terezi pulled away from the kiss, she dipped her fingers into the still-wet paint on the floor and draw a heart on Karkat's shirt. "M4T3SPR1T >;]", she breathed into his ear. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at how corny it was, but it was a feeling he wouldn't trade for the world. The two embraced, and stayed that way until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Karkat woke up in the dead of the night, still holding Terezi. Gently, he picked her up and laid her atop her bed, then left for home. He needed to plan out how to sneak back into his own hive; his lusus would be furious if it found out he was out this late, for the musclebeasts would hunt soon.

Karkat looked down at his clothes. He was absolutely covered in Terezi's crime scene. It would take HOURS to wash all of it out.

And not one fuck was given about it that day.

Notes:

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So yeah I ship Karkat/Terezi pretty hard! What of it

This story was inspired almost entirely by a piece of fanart which I uploaded here (NSFW? Honestly I have no idea! How does this even work, if this is seriously offensive I'll remove the link but I don't think it is). I found it posted in a Homestuck thread on /co/ and it is entirely devoid of context for me; I've no idea who drew it, or when it was drawn. I'm told it was drawn before the revelation of Karkat's blood color but that doesn't stop the kind of implications 4chan made about it if you understand the vernacular. But I didn't immediately see things that way because despite hailing from /co/ my mind isn't perpetually in the gutter.

My biggest fear, I've noticed, when I'm writing stuff like this, is that I'll ruin everything by making characters do things they'd never do in canon. Going out of character, for me, seems to be the cardinal sin. Having said that, I'm not sure I was able to do as good a job here as in Knight of Blood. Writing dialogue was actually a bit of a challenge, and not just because I had to go back and check for errant 4s, 1s and 3s in Terezi's dialogue.

Writing Karkat is easy enough. He's a jerk with a heart of gold, you just have to know him really well to get past the "jerk" part. But honestly I don't think I wrote him as enough of a dick here! I think I wrote him too nice, he doesn't seem like enough of a snarky bastard. I figured he'd ease up around someone he considered matesprit material, but being an ass is kind of who Karkat is. So I guess you guys decide.

Terezi is another story. I'm so afraid I didn't get her right at all and now I fully expect people to be like "oh so THAT'S why she didn't have any dialogue in Knight of Blood, the throat injury was just a clever write-around to cover for the fact that this dude couldn't write conversation to save his own life". I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on myself, I tend to do that if you haven't noticed! But I still think there's a lot of room for improvement.

There were a few things that didn't make the cut! One bit that still makes me chuckle to myself when I think about it was one line of Karkat dialouge: "...THIS STUFF IS LIKE AN INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH APHRODISIAC FOR YOU, ISN'T IT?" I cut it because I couldn't really work it into the story without it becoming less "d'awwwww" and more "cue bass grove", if you catch my drift. Another bit I cut for being just plain awful: at one point, Karkat was going to look into Terezi's eyes (like he was going to ask her to take off her glasses and everything) and be all "hey your eyes are actually beautiful". But I realized that THIS IS STUPID because he's basically saying "hey I think those useless burnt-out solid red orbs that you can't see a damn thing out of are kickin' rad! It sure is swell that you went and got yourself blinded" and that would be a horrible thing to say! Or would it? Ha ha, my crippling uncertainty about my work makes me my own harshest critic!

Re: shipping: I don't ship the kids because I am constantly reminded, through their actions, that they are 13 years old. I ship the trolls because I constantly forget they are 6 solar sweeps. Perhaps trolls grow up quicker! That would work in my favor, but that is a cop-out.

Re: fanfiction writing in general: yeah. I still think fanfic writing is all kinds of lame. But now, I think it's a lameness I can revel in, instead of being repulsed by it. (This is the part where you all start chanting "ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US")

Finally: holy shit this fic is pretty long now that I look at it. Now I'm wondering if it's just chock full of useless bullshit that could be trimmed and not harm the story in any way. But I'll leave that for you readers to decide.

Oh man, if I didn't already ship Karkat/Terezi, this would have converted me. It was that good.

I totally understand you being unsure of yourself, though, because I'm that way a lot too. The only thing you can do is come out of your shell and just post. Everyone here is really nice, and no one will totally rip on you and your story. :3

[DeadBrain]

Damn, everyone is great.

The Hunt

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Open Memo

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CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY
CAC: :33 < *ac cl33ns her whiskers after a series of successful hunts*
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo
CCG: GOG FUCKING DAMMIT NEPETA! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT OPENING ROLEPLAYING MEMOS!
CCG: WE CAN'T HAVE YOU AND TEREZI CROWDING UP THIS PLACE WITH YOUR STUPID GIRLY BEAST LEAVINGS!
CAC: :33 < *ac gets up and reassures her mate that he should not worry about anyone else ruining their fun*
CCG: MATE? NEPETA, STOP THAT FUCKING SHIT RIGHT NOW AND
CCG: ...
CCG: WAIT
CCG: ...
CCG: WHY SHOULD I NOT WORRY ABOUT ANYONE ELSE RUINING OUR FUN?
CCG: NEPETA
CAC: :33 < *ac wipes her face with a paw, smiles at her karkitty and wonders what he wants to talk about*
CCG: NEPETA, WHAT DID YOU DO?
CAC: :PP < *ac rubs her belly after a day of good eats*
CCG: OH
CCG: FUCK
CCG: NEPETA, PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU DIDN'T DO THAT. PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T GO CRAZY.
CAC: :33 < *ac recalls that she didn't go craz33, she just remempurred her true natpurr*
CCG: OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 9 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PAT: uH, hEY THERE,
CCG: OH GOD TAVROS, WHAT DO YOU WANT
PAT: i, uMM, wAS JUST WONDERING IF I SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE, uH, gROWLING NOISES I HEAR NEARBY,
CCG: FUCK YES YOU SHOULD BE DUMBFUCK! WHERE ARE YOU? I'LL SEND A MESSAGE TO MY STUPID FUCKING PAST SELF TO GO FIND YOU.
CAC: :33 < yes, pl33se tell us your purrent location. you pawsitively n33d to tell us
PAT: wELL, uH, i AM CURRENTLY AT VRISKA'S HIVE AND I
PAT: :33 < *the young calf no longer n33ds any help*
CCG: ...
CAC: :PP < *ac licks her chops and remembers the flavor of b33f*
PAT: >:33 < it is a lovely taste. pity the chocolate sauce doesn't go well with it
CAC: DDX < *ac remembers the taste of the sauce and wonders why the bull had such nasty tasting blood*
CCG: OH GOD, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS ALL AN ELABORATE JOKE.
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 8 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PAG: Taaaaaaaavros, where are you?
PAG: This is the l8st memo you responded to, so you 8etter show your f8ce so I c8n find you.
PAG: >:::
PAT: >:]] < I, uH, aM IN YOUR HIVE
PAG: Hmmmmmmmm
PAG: You just couldn’t st8y away from me.
CCG: FUCKING HELL VRISKA! CAN’T YOU SEE THAT YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO TAVROS?
PAG: Shut up K8rk8t. You’re just soooooooo je8lous th8t the 8oy skyl8rk is getting all of this.
PAG: You refused me, now you’re regretting your decision.
CCG: OH FUCK IT, GO HAVE FUN WITH TAVROS
PAG: I will, we will h8ve so much fun!!!!!!!!
PAG: In f8ct, I c8n’t wait to show him how much I appreci8 his loy8lty to me.
PAG: XPP < bluh, spiders taste nasty
CAC: ( < I know, but the blueberry marinade did mask the bitterness
PAT: :33 < *the bull kitty dances in joy at the knowledge that her next meal will come to her*
CAC: ;33 < pity it was our 33siest m33l to catch
CCG: I THINK I’M GOING TO BE SICK
CAC: o < oh no!
PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] 4 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PCA: hey, I am so fuckin lonely here on lowwaa
PCA: came somebody come here and keep me company
CAC: >:II < go play with the fish girl, she wants to see you
PCA: fef? I knew she would finally admit her true feelins for me
PCA: excuse me cause I am headin through the gate right now
PCA disconnected from the memo
PCA reconnected 3:50 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PCA: :33 < fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads
CAC: XDD < we eats them up. YUM!
CCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M COMPLETELY FINE WITH YOU EATING THAT DOUCHEBAG
CCG: I WISH YOU HAD CHOKED ON HIM THOUGH
CAC: (
PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 3 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PCC: oh nooooo
CCG: OH GOD, RUN FEFERI. DON’T TELL US WHERE YOU ARE AND JUST RUN
PCC: it is T—ERRIBL—E KARKRAB! I just found –Eridan’s body.
CCG: PLEASE RUN, PLEASE DO IT FOR SOLLUX
PCC: why should I karkat? Nepeta’s right here, she can tell me what happened
CCG: FUCK
PCC: :33 < D-ELICIOUS
CAC: X33 < two fishy m33ls in one day. today is so gr33t!
PCA: :OO < two fishy m33ls? i better find a good hiding place
PCC: >:]] < there's a lovely bush right next to the nasty fish boy's body
PCA: X33 < thank you future me!
CAC: :33 < karkitty?
CCG: OH GOG, SORRY I'VE BEEN BUSY LOSING MY LAST MEAL
PAT: :OO < oh noooo, i better bring you something to eat when I come visit
CAC: ;33 < don't worry, i have
CCG: UUGGHHH
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 5 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PTC: HoNk HoNk MoThErFuCkErS
PTC: WhAt KiNd Of MiRaClEs ArE tAkInG pLaCe HeRe?
CAC: :33 < the best kind
PTC: FuCkInG aWeSoMe, I wAs SiTtInG hErE iN mY hIvE aNd I wAs FuCkInG bOrEd So I dEcIdEd To SeE wHaT mY bEsT fUcKiNg FrIeNdS wErE uP tO
PAT: >:33 < so you are in your tent all alone?
PTC: YeAh
PTC: WaIt, WhY aRe YoU tAlKiNg LiKe ThE kItTy GiRl TaVrOs?
CAC: :33 < turn around and find out
PTC: WhY? WhAt ThE fUcK iS bEhInD mE?
CCG: RUN GAMZEE, GET OUT OF YOUR HORN PILE AND RUN YOU STUPID FUCK
PTC: HoNk
PTC: :33 < honk, little goat tasted funny
CCG: NONONONO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!
CAC: :33 < but it is karkitty
CCG: OH GOG, PLEASE NO...PLEASE DON'T RESPOND TO THIS MEMO ANYONE.
CCG: JUST RUN AWAY. HIDE YOURSELVES. DON'T RESPOND AND RUN.
CCG: HIDE FROM THE FUCKING INSANE AUTISTIC CAVE GIRL.
PAST twinArmaggedons [PTA] 2 HOURS AGO responded to the memo[/color]
CCG: OH GOD SOLLUX PLEASE DON'T. PLEASE RUN. RUN YOU FUCKING FOOL.
PTA: 2he fuckiing kiilled and ate FF. ii wiill fiind her and kiill her KK.
CCG: NO YOU WON'T BECAUSE HER CURRENT SELF OPENED THE MEMO.
CCG: I HOPE THAT MEANT YOU ARE HIDING SOMEWHERE SAFE.
CCG: DON'T WORRY ABOUT FEFERI SOLLUX, WE'LL RESURRECT HER ONCE THIS CRAZY SHIT IS ALL OVER
CAC: >:PP < you have to have a body to kiss to do that
CCG: OH GOG
CAC: :33 < i have been so hungry for so long
PTA: where the fuck are you NP?
CAC: >:33 < where are you?
PTA: ii'm on LOBAF and ii
PTA: 8|| < taste like mustard
CAC: X)) < it's true!
CCG: I SWEAR NEPETA, WHEN I SEE YOU I'M GOING TO FUCKING GUT YOU.
CCG: I WILL GUT YOU AND NEVER KISS YOUR CORPSE
CCG: I WILL PIN IT TO THE WALLS AND THEY WILL BE COVERED IN BLOOD
CAC: ( < karkitty...
CAC: ;33 < are you talking about a shipping wall?
CCG: AUIEORJOER)*#K#KFG!
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] 6 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PGA: Greetings Karkat and Nepetas
CCG: OH GOD, PLEASE KANAYA.
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU FOUND A SAFE PLACE AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO TELL US WHERE IT IS.
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE SAFE SO WE CAN FIND A WAY TO HELP EVERYONE THAT NEPETA KILLED.
PGA: I Apologize Karkat But I Am Unable To Do That
CCG: OH GOG
PGA: I Have Been Following This Memo For Some Time And I Decided That I Had To See What I Could Do To Help Tavros And Vriska
CCG: FUCK YOU DIDN'T. YOU DIDN'T TRAVEL TO VRISKA'S HIVE.
PGA: Unfortunately That Is True
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME NEPETA LEFT ALREADY PLEASE...
CCG: OH FUCK
PGA: She Is Right In Front Of Me
PGA: Unfortunately I Do Not Have The Reflexes To Retrieve My Lipstick Before She Attacks Me So I Am Going To Spend My Final Moments To Tell You That I Cherished Our Friendship
CCG: KANAYA...
PGA: You Were The Best Moirail I Could Have Asked For Karkat Thank You
PGA: And Goodbye
CCG: NONONONOFUCKNONONOGOGDAMMITNEPETA!
PGA: ( < i am sorry karkitty, pl33se f33l better knowing that i killed her quickly
CCG: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING PSYCHOTIC BITCH!
CAC: >:II < i am not a bitch
CAC: >:33 < i am a queen
CCG: FUCK YOU ALL THE SAME
PAT: (
PAG: (
PCA: (
PCC: (
PTA: (
PGA: (
CCG: I WISH I COULD FUCKING BAN YOU SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE MOCKED LIKE THIS
CCG: YOU ARE A FUCKING MONSTER
PAST apocalypseArisen [PAA] 7 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
CCG: OH GOG ARADIA, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO FIX ALL OF THIS
PAA: there is n0thing that can be d0ne f0r this timeline
CCG: OH FUCK NO
PAA: it is d00med
CCG: PLEASE NO
PAA: i will leave n0w and make sure it never happened
CCG: ARADIA PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!
PAA has disconnected from the memo
CCG: OH GOG, I'M GOING TO DIE
CCG: THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR
CCG: DAMN YOU NEPETA
CCG: FUCKING DAMN YOU
PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 1 HOUR AGO responded to the memo
CCG: TEREZI, PLEASE
CCG: PLEASE DON'T
PGC: DON'T WH4T K4RKL3S?
CCG: DON'T LET NEPETA KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.
PGC: WHY SHOULDN'T 1? TH3 POUNC3LOR H4S B33N 4CT1NG OUT OF L1N3 4ND SH3 MUST 4NSW3R TO TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 4ND H1S MOST HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY FOR H3R 4CT1ONS
CAC: >:33 < *ac would like to point out to the honorable tyranny that the legislacerator is responding to this memo from one hour in the past while the pouncelor is the one who just created it*
PGC: H3H3H3H3
PGC: W3LL PL4Y3D N3P3T4
PGC: W3LL PL4Y3D
CCG: OH GOG, NOT TEREZI. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME TEREZI. NOT LIKE THIS
CCG: I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I DID TO YOU TEREZI, JUST DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
PGC: K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL 4 R41NBOW 1N TH3 D4RKN3SS
CCG: TEREZI RUN. I'M IN MY HIVE ON LOPAH. IF YOU CAN MAKE IT HERE WE CAN MAKE A STAND AGAINST NEPETA
PGC: 1 4M SORRY, 1T'S TOO L4T3 FOR TH4T K4RK4T V4NT4S
PGC: 1 W1LL JUST L3T YOU KNOW TH4T TRULY 3NJOY3D OUR T1M3 TOG3TH3R
PGC: TH4NK YOU
CCG: NO...FUCK NO
PGC: ( < awww, i guess we'll need to update the shipping wall
CAC: ;33 < not now
PGC: XDD < purrcisely!
CAC: ? < *ac ponders who is left*
CAC: D < oh wait, it's time to find out what caused all of this in the furst place
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 11 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PCT: D--> nepeta, you must cease this f001ishness
PCT: D--> it is most unbecoming of you to do this
PCT: D--> you have distracted me with this obno%ous memo during a critical fight
PCT has disconnected from the memo
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK
CCG: DID YOU KILL EQUIUS?
PAST arsenicCatnip [PAC] 11 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PAC: D < oh no! a nasty ogre killed equius
CCG: WHAT
PAC: ( < he stopped fighting for some reason and the ogre killed him
PAC: :,(( < i killed the ogre, but equius won't get up
CAC: :33 < ac
PAC: ? < yes future me?
CAC: >:33 < don't kiss him
PAC: D < why? dont we want him back?
CAC: >:]] < taste his blood
PAC: D < what
PAT: :33 < do it, it tasted so good
PAG: XDD < yes, equius would have wanted it this way
PCA: :PP < you must take his strength
PCC: :33 < he would have wanted you to become stronger
PAC: ( < but...but i cant i cant eat him
PTC: :33 < just taste his blood
PTA: :33 < do it and efurything will become cl33rer
PGA: :33 < do it
PGC: :33 < yes, do it
PAC: ( < well...okay, if it's alright with efuryone else...
CCG: OH FUCK, DON'T DO IT NEPETA!
CCG: DON'T TASTE HIS BLOOD!
CCG: PLEASE DON'T
CAC: >:]] < too late karkitty
PAC: :|| < i f33l...
CAC: ? < yes?
PAC: :|| < i f33l...
CAC: D < yes?
PAC: >:33 < good
CCG: OH GOG
CAC: :33 < and it will feel so much better later
CAC: :33 < i have left the you the path you should hunt along
PAC: XDD < yes, you did didn't you?
CAC: >:33 < now go enjoy yourself
CAC: :33 < all of the past mes, enjoy yourselves
PAT has disconnected from the memo
PAG has disconencted from the memo
PCA has disconnected from the memo
PCC has disconnected from the memo
PTC has disconnected from the memo
PTA has disconnected from the memo
PGA has disconnected from the memo
PGC has disconnected from the memo
PAC has disconnected from the memo
CAC: >:33 < now it is just you and me karkitty
CCG: FUCK YOU
CAC: :33 < hmmm
CAC: ;33 < that is an interesting suggestion
CCG: HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? FUCK OFF AND DIE
CAC: ( < i cannot do that karkitty
CAC: :33 < i n33d to give you your surprise
CCG: FUCK OFF AND...
CCG: OH GOD I JUST HEARD SOMETHING IN MY HIVE
CCG: OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK
CAC: :33 < where is karkitty?
CCG attempted to disconnect from the memo
- ACTION DENIED! -
CCG: OH GOG WHY CAN'T I DISCONNECT?
CAC: :33 < why would you want to do that?
CCG: OH FUCK
CAC: >:33 < where is my karkitty?
CCG: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
CAC: >:33
CCG: OH GOG WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HIDING?
CCG: GAAAAHHHH! FUCK THE LIGHTS WENT OUT
CCG: OH GOG IT'S TOO DARK
CCG: OHGOGOHGOGOHFUCK
CAC: :33 < *ac stalks through the dark caves*
CCG: OH GOG WHERE'S MY CLOSET?
CAC: :33 < *she closes in on the one she has chosen*
CCG: FUCK DOOR WON'T LOCK
CAC: :33 < *ac listens to the panicked breathing of her chosen, she wants to calm him down so much*
CCG: FUCKFUCKFUCK LOCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT DOOR
CAC: >:33 < look up karkitty
CCG: AJGDAUREOR#OFKAMD
CCG has disconnected from the memo
CAC: >D < now we can be together furever

CAC closed memo

...

Holy S t

That is all I have to say about this.

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can'trespondnepetawillkillmecan'trespondnepetawill killmecan'trespondnepetawillkillmecan'trespondnepe tawillkillmecan'trespondne

[DJ-P0N3]

@Wigmund

Okay see that was pretty creepy.
Unexepcted but'/klf,F
:33 < It was a purrfect fanfic Wigmund.

[draconicAlgorithm]

Damn, everyone is great.

The Hunt

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Open Memo

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CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW opened a memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY
CAC: :33 < *ac cl33ns her whiskers after a series of successful hunts*
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo
CCG: GOG FUCKING DAMMIT NEPETA! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT OPENING ROLEPLAYING MEMOS!
CCG: WE CAN'T HAVE YOU AND TEREZI CROWDING UP THIS PLACE WITH YOUR STUPID GIRLY BEAST LEAVINGS!
CAC: :33 < *ac gets up and reassures her mate that he should not worry about anyone else ruining their fun*
CCG: MATE? NEPETA, STOP THAT FUCKING SHIT RIGHT NOW AND
CCG: ...
CCG: WAIT
CCG: ...
CCG: WHY SHOULD I NOT WORRY ABOUT ANYONE ELSE RUINING OUR FUN?
CCG: NEPETA
CAC: :33 < *ac wipes her face with a paw, smiles at her karkitty and wonders what he wants to talk about*
CCG: NEPETA, WHAT DID YOU DO?
CAC: :PP < *ac rubs her belly after a day of good eats*
CCG: OH
CCG: FUCK
CCG: NEPETA, PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU DIDN'T DO THAT. PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN'T GO CRAZY.
CAC: :33 < *ac recalls that she didn't go craz33, she just remempurred her true natpurr*
CCG: OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK
PAST adiosToreador [PAT] 9 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PAT: uH, hEY THERE,
CCG: OH GOD TAVROS, WHAT DO YOU WANT
PAT: i, uMM, wAS JUST WONDERING IF I SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE, uH, gROWLING NOISES I HEAR NEARBY,
CCG: FUCK YES YOU SHOULD BE DUMBFUCK! WHERE ARE YOU? I'LL SEND A MESSAGE TO MY STUPID FUCKING PAST SELF TO GO FIND YOU.
CAC: :33 < yes, pl33se tell us your purrent location. you pawsitively n33d to tell us
PAT: wELL, uH, i AM CURRENTLY AT VRISKA'S HIVE AND I
PAT: :33 < *the young calf no longer n33ds any help*
CCG: ...
CAC: :PP < *ac licks her chops and remembers the flavor of b33f*
PAT: >:33 < it is a lovely taste. pity the chocolate sauce doesn't go well with it
CAC: DDX < *ac remembers the taste of the sauce and wonders why the bull had such nasty tasting blood*
CCG: OH GOD, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS ALL AN ELABORATE JOKE.
PAST arachnidsGrip [PAG] 8 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PAG: Taaaaaaaavros, where are you?
PAG: This is the l8st memo you responded to, so you 8etter show your f8ce so I c8n find you.
PAG: >:::
PAT: >:]] < I, uH, aM IN YOUR HIVE
PAG: Hmmmmmmmm
PAG: You just couldn’t st8y away from me.
CCG: FUCKING HELL VRISKA! CAN’T YOU SEE THAT YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO TAVROS?
PAG: Shut up K8rk8t. You’re just soooooooo je8lous th8t the 8oy skyl8rk is getting all of this.
PAG: You refused me, now you’re regretting your decision.
CCG: OH FUCK IT, GO HAVE FUN WITH TAVROS
PAG: I will, we will h8ve so much fun!!!!!!!!
PAG: In f8ct, I c8n’t wait to show him how much I appreci8 his loy8lty to me.
PAG: XPP < bluh, spiders taste nasty
CAC: ( < I know, but the blueberry marinade did mask the bitterness
PAT: :33 < *the bull kitty dances in joy at the knowledge that her next meal will come to her*
CAC: ;33 < pity it was our 33siest m33l to catch
CCG: I THINK I’M GOING TO BE SICK
CAC: o < oh no!
PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] 4 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PCA: hey, I am so fuckin lonely here on lowwaa
PCA: came somebody come here and keep me company
CAC: >:II < go play with the fish girl, she wants to see you
PCA: fef? I knew she would finally admit her true feelins for me
PCA: excuse me cause I am headin through the gate right now
PCA disconnected from the memo
PCA reconnected 3:50 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PCA: :33 < fish heads, fish heads, rolly polly fish heads
CAC: XDD < we eats them up. YUM!
CCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M COMPLETELY FINE WITH YOU EATING THAT DOUCHEBAG
CCG: I WISH YOU HAD CHOKED ON HIM THOUGH
CAC: (
PAST cuttlefishCuller [PCC] 3 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PCC: oh nooooo
CCG: OH GOD, RUN FEFERI. DON’T TELL US WHERE YOU ARE AND JUST RUN
PCC: it is T—ERRIBL—E KARKRAB! I just found –Eridan’s body.
CCG: PLEASE RUN, PLEASE DO IT FOR SOLLUX
PCC: why should I karkat? Nepeta’s right here, she can tell me what happened
CCG: FUCK
PCC: :33 < D-ELICIOUS
CAC: X33 < two fishy m33ls in one day. today is so gr33t!
PCA: :OO < two fishy m33ls? i better find a good hiding place
PCC: >:]] < there's a lovely bush right next to the nasty fish boy's body
PCA: X33 < thank you future me!
CAC: :33 < karkitty?
CCG: OH GOG, SORRY I'VE BEEN BUSY LOSING MY LAST MEAL
PAT: :OO < oh noooo, i better bring you something to eat when I come visit
CAC: ;33 < don't worry, i have
CCG: UUGGHHH
PAST terminallyCapricious [PTC] 5 HOURS AGO responded to memo
PTC: HoNk HoNk MoThErFuCkErS
PTC: WhAt KiNd Of MiRaClEs ArE tAkInG pLaCe HeRe?
CAC: :33 < the best kind
PTC: FuCkInG aWeSoMe, I wAs SiTtInG hErE iN mY hIvE aNd I wAs FuCkInG bOrEd So I dEcIdEd To SeE wHaT mY bEsT fUcKiNg FrIeNdS wErE uP tO
PAT: >:33 < so you are in your tent all alone?
PTC: YeAh
PTC: WaIt, WhY aRe YoU tAlKiNg LiKe ThE kItTy GiRl TaVrOs?
CAC: :33 < turn around and find out
PTC: WhY? WhAt ThE fUcK iS bEhInD mE?
CCG: RUN GAMZEE, GET OUT OF YOUR HORN PILE AND RUN YOU STUPID FUCK
PTC: HoNk
PTC: :33 < honk, little goat tasted funny
CCG: NONONONO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!
CAC: :33 < but it is karkitty
CCG: OH GOG, PLEASE NO...PLEASE DON'T RESPOND TO THIS MEMO ANYONE.
CCG: JUST RUN AWAY. HIDE YOURSELVES. DON'T RESPOND AND RUN.
CCG: HIDE FROM THE FUCKING INSANE AUTISTIC CAVE GIRL.
PAST twinArmaggedons [PTA] 2 HOURS AGO responded to the memo[/color]
CCG: OH GOD SOLLUX PLEASE DON'T. PLEASE RUN. RUN YOU FUCKING FOOL.
PTA: 2he fuckiing kiilled and ate FF. ii wiill fiind her and kiill her KK.
CCG: NO YOU WON'T BECAUSE HER CURRENT SELF OPENED THE MEMO.
CCG: I HOPE THAT MEANT YOU ARE HIDING SOMEWHERE SAFE.
CCG: DON'T WORRY ABOUT FEFERI SOLLUX, WE'LL RESURRECT HER ONCE THIS CRAZY SHIT IS ALL OVER
CAC: >:PP < you have to have a body to kiss to do that
CCG: OH GOG
CAC: :33 < i have been so hungry for so long
PTA: where the fuck are you NP?
CAC: >:33 < where are you?
PTA: ii'm on LOBAF and ii
PTA: 8|| < taste like mustard
CAC: X)) < it's true!
CCG: I SWEAR NEPETA, WHEN I SEE YOU I'M GOING TO FUCKING GUT YOU.
CCG: I WILL GUT YOU AND NEVER KISS YOUR CORPSE
CCG: I WILL PIN IT TO THE WALLS AND THEY WILL BE COVERED IN BLOOD
CAC: ( < karkitty...
CAC: ;33 < are you talking about a shipping wall?
CCG: AUIEORJOER)*#K#KFG!
PAST grimAuxiliatrix [PGA] 6 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PGA: Greetings Karkat and Nepetas
CCG: OH GOD, PLEASE KANAYA.
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU FOUND A SAFE PLACE AND YOU AREN'T GOING TO TELL US WHERE IT IS.
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE SAFE SO WE CAN FIND A WAY TO HELP EVERYONE THAT NEPETA KILLED.
PGA: I Apologize Karkat But I Am Unable To Do That
CCG: OH GOG
PGA: I Have Been Following This Memo For Some Time And I Decided That I Had To See What I Could Do To Help Tavros And Vriska
CCG: FUCK YOU DIDN'T. YOU DIDN'T TRAVEL TO VRISKA'S HIVE.
PGA: Unfortunately That Is True
CCG: PLEASE TELL ME NEPETA LEFT ALREADY PLEASE...
CCG: OH FUCK
PGA: She Is Right In Front Of Me
PGA: Unfortunately I Do Not Have The Reflexes To Retrieve My Lipstick Before She Attacks Me So I Am Going To Spend My Final Moments To Tell You That I Cherished Our Friendship
CCG: KANAYA...
PGA: You Were The Best Moirail I Could Have Asked For Karkat Thank You
PGA: And Goodbye
CCG: NONONONOFUCKNONONOGOGDAMMITNEPETA!
PGA: ( < i am sorry karkitty, pl33se f33l better knowing that i killed her quickly
CCG: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING PSYCHOTIC BITCH!
CAC: >:II < i am not a bitch
CAC: >:33 < i am a queen
CCG: FUCK YOU ALL THE SAME
PAT: (
PAG: (
PCA: (
PCC: (
PTA: (
PGA: (
CCG: I WISH I COULD FUCKING BAN YOU SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO BE MOCKED LIKE THIS
CCG: YOU ARE A FUCKING MONSTER
PAST apocalypseArisen [PAA] 7 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
CCG: OH GOG ARADIA, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING TO FIX ALL OF THIS
PAA: there is n0thing that can be d0ne f0r this timeline
CCG: OH FUCK NO
PAA: it is d00med
CCG: PLEASE NO
PAA: i will leave n0w and make sure it never happened
CCG: ARADIA PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!
PAA has disconnected from the memo
CCG: OH GOG, I'M GOING TO DIE
CCG: THIS IS SO FUCKING UNFAIR
CCG: DAMN YOU NEPETA
CCG: FUCKING DAMN YOU
PAST gallowsCalibrator [PGC] 1 HOUR AGO responded to the memo
CCG: TEREZI, PLEASE
CCG: PLEASE DON'T
PGC: DON'T WH4T K4RKL3S?
CCG: DON'T LET NEPETA KNOW WHERE YOU ARE.
PGC: WHY SHOULDN'T 1? TH3 POUNC3LOR H4S B33N 4CT1NG OUT OF L1N3 4ND SH3 MUST 4NSW3R TO TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TOR 4ND H1S MOST HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY FOR H3R 4CT1ONS
CAC: >:33 < *ac would like to point out to the honorable tyranny that the legislacerator is responding to this memo from one hour in the past while the pouncelor is the one who just created it*
PGC: H3H3H3H3
PGC: W3LL PL4Y3D N3P3T4
PGC: W3LL PL4Y3D
CCG: OH GOG, NOT TEREZI. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME TEREZI. NOT LIKE THIS
CCG: I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I DID TO YOU TEREZI, JUST DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
PGC: K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL 4 R41NBOW 1N TH3 D4RKN3SS
CCG: TEREZI RUN. I'M IN MY HIVE ON LOPAH. IF YOU CAN MAKE IT HERE WE CAN MAKE A STAND AGAINST NEPETA
PGC: 1 4M SORRY, 1T'S TOO L4T3 FOR TH4T K4RK4T V4NT4S
PGC: 1 W1LL JUST L3T YOU KNOW TH4T TRULY 3NJOY3D OUR T1M3 TOG3TH3R
PGC: TH4NK YOU
CCG: NO...FUCK NO
PGC: ( < awww, i guess we'll need to update the shipping wall
CAC: ;33 < not now
PGC: XDD < purrcisely!
CAC: ? < *ac ponders who is left*
CAC: D < oh wait, it's time to find out what caused all of this in the furst place
PAST centaursTesticle [PCT] 11 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PCT: D--> nepeta, you must cease this f001ishness
PCT: D--> it is most unbecoming of you to do this
PCT: D--> you have distracted me with this obno%ous memo during a critical fight
PCT has disconnected from the memo
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK
CCG: DID YOU KILL EQUIUS?
PAST arsenicCatnip [PAC] 11 HOURS AGO responded to the memo
PAC: D < oh no! a nasty ogre killed equius
CCG: WHAT
PAC: ( < he stopped fighting for some reason and the ogre killed him
PAC: :,(( < i killed the ogre, but equius won't get up
CAC: :33 < ac
PAC: ? < yes future me?
CAC: >:33 < don't kiss him
PAC: D < why? dont we want him back?
CAC: >:]] < taste his blood
PAC: D < what
PAT: :33 < do it, it tasted so good
PAG: XDD < yes, equius would have wanted it this way
PCA: :PP < you must take his strength
PCC: :33 < he would have wanted you to become stronger
PAC: ( < but...but i cant i cant eat him
PTC: :33 < just taste his blood
PTA: :33 < do it and efurything will become cl33rer
PGA: :33 < do it
PGC: :33 < yes, do it
PAC: ( < well...okay, if it's alright with efuryone else...
CCG: OH FUCK, DON'T DO IT NEPETA!
CCG: DON'T TASTE HIS BLOOD!
CCG: PLEASE DON'T
CAC: >:]] < too late karkitty
PAC: :|| < i f33l...
CAC: ? < yes?
PAC: :|| < i f33l...
CAC: D < yes?
PAC: >:33 < good
CCG: OH GOG
CAC: :33 < and it will feel so much better later
CAC: :33 < i have left the you the path you should hunt along
PAC: XDD < yes, you did didn't you?
CAC: >:33 < now go enjoy yourself
CAC: :33 < all of the past mes, enjoy yourselves
PAT has disconnected from the memo
PAG has disconencted from the memo
PCA has disconnected from the memo
PCC has disconnected from the memo
PTC has disconnected from the memo
PTA has disconnected from the memo
PGA has disconnected from the memo
PGC has disconnected from the memo
PAC has disconnected from the memo
CAC: >:33 < now it is just you and me karkitty
CCG: FUCK YOU
CAC: :33 < hmmm
CAC: ;33 < that is an interesting suggestion
CCG: HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? FUCK OFF AND DIE
CAC: ( < i cannot do that karkitty
CAC: :33 < i n33d to give you your surprise
CCG: FUCK OFF AND...
CCG: OH GOD I JUST HEARD SOMETHING IN MY HIVE
CCG: OHFUCKOHFUCKOHFUCK
CAC: :33 < where is karkitty?
CCG attempted to disconnect from the memo
- ACTION DENIED! -
CCG: OH GOG WHY CAN'T I DISCONNECT?
CAC: :33 < why would you want to do that?
CCG: OH FUCK
CAC: >:33 < where is my karkitty?
CCG: FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
CAC: >:33
CCG: OH GOG WHERE ARE YOU? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU HIDING?
CCG: GAAAAHHHH! FUCK THE LIGHTS WENT OUT
CCG: OH GOG IT'S TOO DARK
CCG: OHGOGOHGOGOHFUCK
CAC: :33 < *ac stalks through the dark caves*
CCG: OH GOG WHERE'S MY CLOSET?
CAC: :33 < *she closes in on the one she has chosen*
CCG: FUCK DOOR WON'T LOCK
CAC: :33 < *ac listens to the panicked breathing of her chosen, she wants to calm him down so much*
CCG: FUCKFUCKFUCK LOCK YOU PIECE OF SHIT DOOR
CAC: >:33 < look up karkitty
CCG: AJGDAUREOR#OFKAMD
CCG has disconnected from the memo
CAC: >D < now we can be together furever

CAC closed memo

... It probably says something about my character when I say that I was laughing through that whole thing. But really, we should all remember one very important thing.

There can only be one. :33

[Kawa]

Damn you Wigmuuuund!!

[Author]

And with that fic, my shipping of KanayaKarkat is now dead solid.

Also, Crazy!Nepeta is the awesomest Nepeta.

[morpheoMancer]

It is finished.

I hate you all for giving me the itch for writing fanfiction, and by "hate" I mean "secretly love" because I am enjoying writing fanfic more than I ever thought possible. Mostly because I love writing and I haven't done any real writing since high school. Thanks for that I guess!

This story takes place in the trolls' universe, after Terezi was blinded but before Sgrub. It is my personal headcanon for the Karkat/Terezi "incident", no matter how lame it is, and it was actually inspired by fanart as you'll see later!

I actually think Knight of Blood was better than this, but maybe you guys will like it anyway

Enough of the backstory, you can read my notes afterward if you want to know any of that

Legislacerator

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-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3Y K4RK4T
CG: WHAT.
GC: COM3 TO MY H1V3, 1V3 GOT SOM3TH1NG 1 W4NT TO SHOW YOU >;]
CG: ...WHAT.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat blinked at his monitor as Terezi logged off of Trollian, her trolltag turning grey. He never could understand just what she was thinking, which caused him no end of frustration. He and Terezi had always been friends, as far back as he could remember, and they'd always been tolerant of each other's quirks; Terezi knew Karkat wasn't the "BLUH BLUH HUGE DOUCHE" he wanted everyone to believe he was, and Karkat didn't mind Terezi's obsession with Alternian law (wanting to become a threshecutioner himself) or dragons (because secretly, Karkat thought dragons were pretty rad) or even the way she used smell and taste as a second sight after the accident (okay, he just sort of tolerated that, but he was getting used to it).

But this was a first. Karkat had walked Terezi to her hive on more than one occasion, but she'd never actually asked him to come inside. Now she was openly soliciting a visit from him. What was she planning? It was difficult to tell.

Things were happening so fast. From an early age, Karkat and Terezi openly described themselves as the other's moirail, and if not for recent events, he would have been happy to keep things that way. The way they balanced each other out, in his mind, was perfect. But not long ago, he began to see her differently, and he suspected the feeling was mutual. She teased him more than usual; they spent most of their free time together; their conversations even seemed flirtier. Was it part of growing up? Or had he always felt this way, and just now was becoming aware of it?

These were the questions running through Karkat's mind when he realized he was standing in front of Terezi's tree-hive. He could tell this was her dwelling because several executed scalemates hung from the higher brances. He remembered the first time he saw her hive... at first, the hanging plush dragons weirded him out and their existence completely baffled him, and to be honest, they still kind of did. But now he just wondered where they came from. Did she buy them, or make them, or what? Eh, it didn't matter. Karkat began the long climb up her tree-hive's ladder.

When he arrived at the top of the tree and stood at Terezi's front door, he hesitated, if only slightly. What could be so important to her that she would invite him to her hive? He supposed he'd find out soon enough as he gave three loud knocks to the door.

"K4RK4T? IS TH4T YOU?"
"NO, IT'S THE HIGH LEGISLACERATORS. WE'RE HERE TO ARREST YOU FOR CRIMES AGAINST SANITY. JUST HOW CRACKED DOES YOUR THINK PAN HAVE TO BE TO EVEN LEAVE ALL THESE FUZZY CORPSES HANGING AROUND EVERYWHERE. OF COURSE IT'S ME!"
"H3H3H3! B3 R1GHT TH3R3!"

The door swung open to reveal a dimly-lit living area. "COM3 ON 1N!"

She led him up to what he guessed was her room, where she had several of her scalemates set up for court. He still wasn't sure exactly why she'd brought him here, so he asked.

"TEREZI, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?"
"H3H3! W41T H3R3, 1LL GO G3T TH3 TH1NG 1 W4NT3D TO SHOW YOU."

She went to her closet for about a minute, during which he looked at his surroundings. Of course the room was dimly lit, Terezi would have no use for lighting after the accident that blinded her. She seemed to be taking it in stride, though. Not once did Terezi ever complain about not being able to see, and Karkat guessed it was because she quickly adapted. Her lusus had taught her how to "see" by smelling and tasting colors soon after the incident, and she went on with life like it never happened.

Terezi emerged from the closet holding something behind her back.

"OK4Y, FOUND 1T. HOLD YOUR H4NDS OUT 4ND CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S."
"A GIFT? I GUESS THAT'S NICE, BUT WHY HAVE ME COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TO GET IT?"
"YOULL S33, JUST W41T! YOU W1LL LOV3 1T!"

Karkat did as he was asked, and Terezi deposited something light and fuzzy into his arms. He opened his eyes and found himself clutching... a scalemate? "1 KNOW YOU 4R3NT R34LLY 1NTO SC4L3M4T3S, BUT 1 H4D TH1S ON3 CUSTOM-M4D3 JUST FOR YOU," she told him.

He looked over the plush dragon. It was light grey with yellow button eyes. It held a tiny plastic sickle in its hand, and its belly had Karkat's symbol stitched into it with black thread. "H1S N4M3 1S H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R GR3YGRUMP," she remarked, grinning ear to ear.

Karkat looked at Terezi's smile, then back at the little stuffed dragon in his hands. Clearly this little guy was supposed to be him in scalemate form. If anyone else had presented him with this, right now he'd be furious. He'd swear they were mocking him and he'd unload on them for being so stupid. In all honesty he couldn't be 100% sure Terezi wasn't doing exactly this. But... somehow, he didn't think so. Did she EVER just give her scalemates away? No, this was a special gesture from her. Upon realizing this, Karkat laughed.

"WH4TS SO FUNNY? YOU DON'T L1K3 1T, DO YOU? 1 SHOULD H4V3 KNOWN, YOU GRUMPB34ST!"
"WHAT? NO, I JUST--"
"1V3 B33N K33P1NG TH4T ON3 4ROUND, YOU KNOW! W41T1ING FOR THE R1GHT--"
"TEREZI."
"--TO G1V3 1T TO YOU, 4ND 1 3V3N 1NV1T3 YOU--"
"TEREZI."
"--4ND YOU JUST L4UGH 4T 1T!"
"TEREZI!"
"...WH4T."
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. I DO LIKE IT. THANK YOU."

Terezi's frown immediately turned back to a smile.

"SO YOULL ST4Y 4ROUND FOR 4WH1L3 AND PL4Y?"
"A-HA, THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT! ABSOLUTELY NOT."
"BUT K4RK444444444T--"
"NO WAY, TEREZI. LAST TIME YOU TRICKED ME INTO THIS I WAS HORKING UP SCALEMATE FLUFF FOR DAYS."
"PL33334444S3?"
"...OKAY. BUT JUST THIS ONCE."
"H3H3H3H3H3! OKAY, 1'LL B3 R1GHT B4CK!"

He figured sticking around for a while here meant he didn't have to deal with his lusus back home for a little while longer, so he had no real intention of turning down Terezi's invitation. He just liked to tease her back when he could. Terezi was kind of cute on the rare occasion he could actually get her flustered.

Of course, he was thoroughly and decisively one-upped in that department, forever, when she came back holding a goddamned bucket.

Karkat stared at her, mouth agape. He thought maybe she liked him more than as just a friend recently, but this was a bit crazy, even for her! Almost in response to it, she laughed at him. "H3H3H3! K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL YOU BLUSH1NG 3V3N 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R H3R3! YOU KNOW 1'M NOT TH4T K1ND OF G1RL, LOOK," she said as she popped the lid off of the sordid receptacle. "1T'S JUST P41NT. C4N'T H4V3 A MURD3R SC3N3 W1THOUT A L1TTL3 BLOOD, R1GHT?" Karkat breathed a nearly-inaudible sigh of relief. He'd never hear the end of it now! She HAD to have done this on purpose.

Terezi dabbed a cloth into the red paint ("WHY RED?" "B3C4US3 R3D 1S TH3 T4ST13ST COLOR OF 4LL! >;D"), smudged it around the floor, and placed the "victim" atop the splatter. Now the game was afoot.

Almost immediately, Head Legislacerator Pyrope had a suspect in mind, but evidence needed to be collected. Fortunately for the court, Senator Citrusfoot was no criminal mastermind, and the murder weapon (a short dagger that Karkat was almost certain was actually a papermail unsheather) was found quickly.

Terezi set the orange scalemate atop the stack of boxes meant to serve as a witness stand. "SO... WHY'D YOU DO 1T?"

The dragon sat silently atop its box. "W3 FOUND TH3 KN1F3 BUR13D UND3R YOUR H1V3'S FLOORBO4RDS. W3 KNOW YOU D1D 1T. COOPER4T3, 4ND P3RH4PS YOUR PUN1SHM3NT N33D NOT B3 SO H4RSH!"

The orange plush continued to sit and do nothing. A moment passed. "SO TH4T'S 1T, TH3N. L1M3P4W KN3W 4BOUT YOUR SH1FTY B4CKROOM D34L W1TH TH3 MOB, 4ND YOU H4D TO S1L3NC3 H1M. V3RY W3LL. 1N L1GHT OF YOUR COOP3R4T1ON, TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS W1LL NOT H4ND DOWN A S3NT3NC3 TO YOU."

Karkat swore he thought he saw the doll breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe it was because seeing Terezi performing her insane courtroom drama plays in person was actually really good, as opposed to seeing them in Trollian chatlog form. She could be an actress if not for her passion for law, he thought to himself, though he would never admit it.

"BUT... 1 CANNOT GU4R4NT33 THE THR3SH3CUT1ON3RS W1LL B3 SO L3N13NT!" Terezi grabbed High Threshecutioner Greygrump. "4LL R1S3 FOR TH3 HONOR4BL3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R." Terezi stood up. When Karkat remained seated on the floor, she glared at him until he stood up too. He could play along, just this once.

Terezi sat the grey scalemate next to the drawn picture of His Tyranny. "H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R, WH4T 1S YOUR R3COMM3ND4T1ON?"

Another moment of silence. "OH, V3RY GOOD. 1T W1LL G1V3 TH3 N3W R3CRU1T A CH4NC3 TO T3ST H1S 4C4D3MY TR41N1NG!" Karkat wondered where she was going with this.

"R3CRU1T THR3SH3CUT1ON3R V4NT4S!" Karkat looked at her, startled. "TH3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R H4S SPOK3N! TH3 CONV1CT 1S TO B3 CULL3D, 4ND YOU 4R3 TH3 M4N S3L3CT3D FOR TH3 JOB."

Karkat whispered to her, for reasons he wasn't sure of. "...ME?"
"OF COURS3 YOU, S1LLY! WHO 3LS3?" she whispered back.
"WELL... OKAY. I'LL PLAY YOUR DUMB LITTLE GAME FOR GIRLS, THIS TIME."
"H3H3H3H3."

Something about Terezi calmed Karkat down. He simply could not rage at her the way he would have at anyone else who suggested he take part of this bizarre farce.

Karkat took his sickle from his strife specibus. If he was going to play along, he was going to do it right. He needed to think of a one-liner, something good, something cool. After a few seconds it finally came to him.

He swung in a wide arc, neatly decapitating Citrusfoot. As the doll's head came to a stop on the ground, Karkat spoke, arm still extended from the strike.

"NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO RUN, THE LEGAL SYSTEM IS ALWAYS... ONE STEP A-HEAD."

Almost immediately, Terezi burst into a fit of laughter.

"H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3! 'ON3 ST3P A-H3AD'? SO L444M3!"
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY? FUCK YOU, I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT."
"4H, BUT TH4T'S WHY 1 L1KE YOU, K4RK4T!"

As the night continued, they acted out a few more court cases. It was getting later, but the green Alternian moonlight lit the room well enough. Karkat, strangely enough, was actually beginning to enjoy himself, and began making his pre-kill one-liners as lame as possible on purpose. "LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN... CUT FROM THE TEAM," to a scalemate convicted of poisoning a superior. "REST IN PIECES," he quipped to the one found guilty of killing to drum up interest in his death memorial business. They never failed to make Terezi laugh, and he found he enjoyed her laughter very much.

The night continued like this until, while pacing back and forth interrogating Captain Coconutface about his allegations of treason, Terezi slipped on the red paint used to set up the latest crime scene, and fell next to where Karkat sat on the floor. Immediately he reached to help her.

"HEY... ARE YOU OKAY?"
"Y34H... Y34H, 1 TH1NK SO. 1 GOT P41NT 3V3RYWH3R3 THOUGH >:[ 4LL OV3R TH3 W4LLS, TH3 FLOOR, 4LL OV3R US--"
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. JUST GLAD YOU DIDN'T HURT YOURSELF."

Karkat realized she was sitting in his lap, her back to him... and more importantly, she wasn't getting up.

"ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T HURT?"
"Y3S, 1M F1N3. S33, 1 C4N ST4ND UP 4ND--"
"NO. DON'T."

He wasn't sure what he was saying, or what he was going to say, or even what this was he was feeling. All he knew what that he liked it.

"I'D... I'D LIKE TO STAY LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE, IF YOU DON'T MIND."

What was he saying? What a creepy request!

"H3H3. OK4Y >:]"

And she was going along with it! This wasn't helping him, if anything, Karkat was more confused than ever as he sat in the dark, arms around Terezi.

Almost at once it all clicked.

"TEREZI?" She turned around to face him. "Y3S, K4RK4T?" By God, she was stunning in the Alternian moonlight.

"I THINK..."
"Y3S? >;]"
"I THINK... I WOULD LIKE..."
"Y3333SSSS? >;]"
"I WOULD LIKE US TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS."
">:O >:O >:O >:O"

Terezi stared at him with that shocked expression on her face. His next action was almost a reflex, and upon reflection Karkat was never sure WHY he did it, just that it was something he HAD to do.

His lips met with hers, in the dark room lit only by the moonlight filtered through the blue and purple treetops. Karkat was a creature fueled by rage, or so he would have everyone believe; hell, he often went out of his way just to be a dick to total strangers. But tonight, any fury he harbored against the world was gone, and he wanted nothing more than Terezi's love.

"H3H3. I 4LR34DY KN3W."
"WHAT--- HOW?"
"K4RK4T, 1 COULD 4LMOST T4ST3 TH3 BLOOD RUSH1NG TO YOUR CH33KS A MOM3NT 4GO. YOU W3R3 BLUSH1NG SO H4RD 3V3N 1 COULD S33 1T!"
"HEH. THAT OBVIOUS, HUH?"
"Y34H, 4ND TH4T L1TTL3 STUNT YOU JUST PULL3D R33K3D OF D3SP3R4T1ON. 1F 1 D1DN'T 4LR34DY L1KE YOU 1D BE 4PP4LL3D!"
"SO YOU--"
"Y3S >;]"

This time, she kissed him, and it was Karkat's turn to be surprised. His mind started spinning, how does a guy respond to this? Part of him wanted to run, part of him wanted to stay, part of him was pissed at himself for being such an emotional baby. Eventually, he settled on "fuck it, go along with it. Let's make this shit work. We're making this happen."

When Terezi pulled away from the kiss, she dipped her fingers into the still-wet paint on the floor and draw a heart on Karkat's shirt. "M4T3SPR1T >;]", she breathed into his ear. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at how corny it was, but it was a feeling he wouldn't trade for the world. The two embraced, and stayed that way until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Karkat woke up in the dead of the night, still holding Terezi. Gently, he picked her up and laid her atop her bed, then left for home. He needed to plan out how to sneak back into his own hive; his lusus would be furious if it found out he was out this late, for the musclebeasts would hunt soon.

Karkat looked down at his clothes. He was absolutely covered in Terezi's crime scene. It would take HOURS to wash all of it out.

And not one fuck was given about it that day.

Notes:

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So yeah I ship Karkat/Terezi pretty hard! What of it

This story was inspired almost entirely by a piece of fanart which I uploaded here (NSFW? Honestly I have no idea! How does this even work, if this is seriously offensive I'll remove the link but I don't think it is). I found it posted in a Homestuck thread on /co/ and it is entirely devoid of context for me; I've no idea who drew it, or when it was drawn. I'm told it was drawn before the revelation of Karkat's blood color but that doesn't stop the kind of implications 4chan made about it if you understand the vernacular. But I didn't immediately see things that way because despite hailing from /co/ my mind isn't perpetually in the gutter.

My biggest fear, I've noticed, when I'm writing stuff like this, is that I'll ruin everything by making characters do things they'd never do in canon. Going out of character, for me, seems to be the cardinal sin. Having said that, I'm not sure I was able to do as good a job here as in Knight of Blood. Writing dialogue was actually a bit of a challenge, and not just because I had to go back and check for errant 4s, 1s and 3s in Terezi's dialogue.

Writing Karkat is easy enough. He's a jerk with a heart of gold, you just have to know him really well to get past the "jerk" part. But honestly I don't think I wrote him as enough of a dick here! I think I wrote him too nice, he doesn't seem like enough of a snarky bastard. I figured he'd ease up around someone he considered matesprit material, but being an ass is kind of who Karkat is. So I guess you guys decide.

Terezi is another story. I'm so afraid I didn't get her right at all and now I fully expect people to be like "oh so THAT'S why she didn't have any dialogue in Knight of Blood, the throat injury was just a clever write-around to cover for the fact that this dude couldn't write conversation to save his own life". I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on myself, I tend to do that if you haven't noticed! But I still think there's a lot of room for improvement.

There were a few things that didn't make the cut! One bit that still makes me chuckle to myself when I think about it was one line of Karkat dialouge: "...THIS STUFF IS LIKE AN INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH APHRODISIAC FOR YOU, ISN'T IT?" I cut it because I couldn't really work it into the story without it becoming less "d'awwwww" and more "cue bass grove", if you catch my drift. Another bit I cut for being just plain awful: at one point, Karkat was going to look into Terezi's eyes (like he was going to ask her to take off her glasses and everything) and be all "hey your eyes are actually beautiful". But I realized that THIS IS STUPID because he's basically saying "hey I think those useless burnt-out solid red orbs that you can't see a damn thing out of are kickin' rad! It sure is swell that you went and got yourself blinded" and that would be a horrible thing to say! Or would it? Ha ha, my crippling uncertainty about my work makes me my own harshest critic!

Re: shipping: I don't ship the kids because I am constantly reminded, through their actions, that they are 13 years old. I ship the trolls because I constantly forget they are 6 solar sweeps. Perhaps trolls grow up quicker! That would work in my favor, but that is a cop-out.

Re: fanfiction writing in general: yeah. I still think fanfic writing is all kinds of lame. But now, I think it's a lameness I can revel in, instead of being repulsed by it. (This is the part where you all start chanting "ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US")

Finally: holy shit this fic is pretty long now that I look at it. Now I'm wondering if it's just chock full of useless bullshit that could be trimmed and not harm the story in any way. But I'll leave that for you readers to decide.

This was pretty fantastic in almost every way, yeah. I'm actually not sure whether I like this one or the fic made by tentacle all that time ago more. I'll just let them exist simultaneously in my headcanon.

[morpheoMancer]

It is finished.

I hate you all for giving me the itch for writing fanfiction, and by "hate" I mean "secretly love" because I am enjoying writing fanfic more than I ever thought possible. Mostly because I love writing and I haven't done any real writing since high school. Thanks for that I guess!

This story takes place in the trolls' universe, after Terezi was blinded but before Sgrub. It is my personal headcanon for the Karkat/Terezi "incident", no matter how lame it is, and it was actually inspired by fanart as you'll see later!

I actually think Knight of Blood was better than this, but maybe you guys will like it anyway

Enough of the backstory, you can read my notes afterward if you want to know any of that

Legislacerator

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-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3Y K4RK4T
CG: WHAT.
GC: COM3 TO MY H1V3, 1V3 GOT SOM3TH1NG 1 W4NT TO SHOW YOU >;]
CG: ...WHAT.

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat blinked at his monitor as Terezi logged off of Trollian, her trolltag turning grey. He never could understand just what she was thinking, which caused him no end of frustration. He and Terezi had always been friends, as far back as he could remember, and they'd always been tolerant of each other's quirks; Terezi knew Karkat wasn't the "BLUH BLUH HUGE DOUCHE" he wanted everyone to believe he was, and Karkat didn't mind Terezi's obsession with Alternian law (wanting to become a threshecutioner himself) or dragons (because secretly, Karkat thought dragons were pretty rad) or even the way she used smell and taste as a second sight after the accident (okay, he just sort of tolerated that, but he was getting used to it).

But this was a first. Karkat had walked Terezi to her hive on more than one occasion, but she'd never actually asked him to come inside. Now she was openly soliciting a visit from him. What was she planning? It was difficult to tell.

Things were happening so fast. From an early age, Karkat and Terezi openly described themselves as the other's moirail, and if not for recent events, he would have been happy to keep things that way. The way they balanced each other out, in his mind, was perfect. But not long ago, he began to see her differently, and he suspected the feeling was mutual. She teased him more than usual; they spent most of their free time together; their conversations even seemed flirtier. Was it part of growing up? Or had he always felt this way, and just now was becoming aware of it?

These were the questions running through Karkat's mind when he realized he was standing in front of Terezi's tree-hive. He could tell this was her dwelling because several executed scalemates hung from the higher brances. He remembered the first time he saw her hive... at first, the hanging plush dragons weirded him out and their existence completely baffled him, and to be honest, they still kind of did. But now he just wondered where they came from. Did she buy them, or make them, or what? Eh, it didn't matter. Karkat began the long climb up her tree-hive's ladder.

When he arrived at the top of the tree and stood at Terezi's front door, he hesitated, if only slightly. What could be so important to her that she would invite him to her hive? He supposed he'd find out soon enough as he gave three loud knocks to the door.

"K4RK4T? IS TH4T YOU?"
"NO, IT'S THE HIGH LEGISLACERATORS. WE'RE HERE TO ARREST YOU FOR CRIMES AGAINST SANITY. JUST HOW CRACKED DOES YOUR THINK PAN HAVE TO BE TO EVEN LEAVE ALL THESE FUZZY CORPSES HANGING AROUND EVERYWHERE. OF COURSE IT'S ME!"
"H3H3H3! B3 R1GHT TH3R3!"

The door swung open to reveal a dimly-lit living area. "COM3 ON 1N!"

She led him up to what he guessed was her room, where she had several of her scalemates set up for court. He still wasn't sure exactly why she'd brought him here, so he asked.

"TEREZI, WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?"
"H3H3! W41T H3R3, 1LL GO G3T TH3 TH1NG 1 W4NT3D TO SHOW YOU."

She went to her closet for about a minute, during which he looked at his surroundings. Of course the room was dimly lit, Terezi would have no use for lighting after the accident that blinded her. She seemed to be taking it in stride, though. Not once did Terezi ever complain about not being able to see, and Karkat guessed it was because she quickly adapted. Her lusus had taught her how to "see" by smelling and tasting colors soon after the incident, and she went on with life like it never happened.

Terezi emerged from the closet holding something behind her back.

"OK4Y, FOUND 1T. HOLD YOUR H4NDS OUT 4ND CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S."
"A GIFT? I GUESS THAT'S NICE, BUT WHY HAVE ME COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TO GET IT?"
"YOULL S33, JUST W41T! YOU W1LL LOV3 1T!"

Karkat did as he was asked, and Terezi deposited something light and fuzzy into his arms. He opened his eyes and found himself clutching... a scalemate? "1 KNOW YOU 4R3NT R34LLY 1NTO SC4L3M4T3S, BUT 1 H4D TH1S ON3 CUSTOM-M4D3 JUST FOR YOU," she told him.

He looked over the plush dragon. It was light grey with yellow button eyes. It held a tiny plastic sickle in its hand, and its belly had Karkat's symbol stitched into it with black thread. "H1S N4M3 1S H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R GR3YGRUMP," she remarked, grinning ear to ear.

Karkat looked at Terezi's smile, then back at the little stuffed dragon in his hands. Clearly this little guy was supposed to be him in scalemate form. If anyone else had presented him with this, right now he'd be furious. He'd swear they were mocking him and he'd unload on them for being so stupid. In all honesty he couldn't be 100% sure Terezi wasn't doing exactly this. But... somehow, he didn't think so. Did she EVER just give her scalemates away? No, this was a special gesture from her. Upon realizing this, Karkat laughed.

"WH4TS SO FUNNY? YOU DON'T L1K3 1T, DO YOU? 1 SHOULD H4V3 KNOWN, YOU GRUMPB34ST!"
"WHAT? NO, I JUST--"
"1V3 B33N K33P1NG TH4T ON3 4ROUND, YOU KNOW! W41T1ING FOR THE R1GHT--"
"TEREZI."
"--TO G1V3 1T TO YOU, 4ND 1 3V3N 1NV1T3 YOU--"
"TEREZI."
"--4ND YOU JUST L4UGH 4T 1T!"
"TEREZI!"
"...WH4T."
"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. I DO LIKE IT. THANK YOU."

Terezi's frown immediately turned back to a smile.

"SO YOULL ST4Y 4ROUND FOR 4WH1L3 AND PL4Y?"
"A-HA, THAT'S WHAT THIS WAS ABOUT! ABSOLUTELY NOT."
"BUT K4RK444444444T--"
"NO WAY, TEREZI. LAST TIME YOU TRICKED ME INTO THIS I WAS HORKING UP SCALEMATE FLUFF FOR DAYS."
"PL33334444S3?"
"...OKAY. BUT JUST THIS ONCE."
"H3H3H3H3H3! OKAY, 1'LL B3 R1GHT B4CK!"

He figured sticking around for a while here meant he didn't have to deal with his lusus back home for a little while longer, so he had no real intention of turning down Terezi's invitation. He just liked to tease her back when he could. Terezi was kind of cute on the rare occasion he could actually get her flustered.

Of course, he was thoroughly and decisively one-upped in that department, forever, when she came back holding a goddamned bucket.

Karkat stared at her, mouth agape. He thought maybe she liked him more than as just a friend recently, but this was a bit crazy, even for her! Almost in response to it, she laughed at him. "H3H3H3! K4RKL3S, 1 C4N SM3LL YOU BLUSH1NG 3V3N 4LL TH3 W4Y OV3R H3R3! YOU KNOW 1'M NOT TH4T K1ND OF G1RL, LOOK," she said as she popped the lid off of the sordid receptacle. "1T'S JUST P41NT. C4N'T H4V3 A MURD3R SC3N3 W1THOUT A L1TTL3 BLOOD, R1GHT?" Karkat breathed a nearly-inaudible sigh of relief. He'd never hear the end of it now! She HAD to have done this on purpose.

Terezi dabbed a cloth into the red paint ("WHY RED?" "B3C4US3 R3D 1S TH3 T4ST13ST COLOR OF 4LL! >;D"), smudged it around the floor, and placed the "victim" atop the splatter. Now the game was afoot.

Almost immediately, Head Legislacerator Pyrope had a suspect in mind, but evidence needed to be collected. Fortunately for the court, Senator Citrusfoot was no criminal mastermind, and the murder weapon (a short dagger that Karkat was almost certain was actually a papermail unsheather) was found quickly.

Terezi set the orange scalemate atop the stack of boxes meant to serve as a witness stand. "SO... WHY'D YOU DO 1T?"

The dragon sat silently atop its box. "W3 FOUND TH3 KN1F3 BUR13D UND3R YOUR H1V3'S FLOORBO4RDS. W3 KNOW YOU D1D 1T. COOPER4T3, 4ND P3RH4PS YOUR PUN1SHM3NT N33D NOT B3 SO H4RSH!"

The orange plush continued to sit and do nothing. A moment passed. "SO TH4T'S 1T, TH3N. L1M3P4W KN3W 4BOUT YOUR SH1FTY B4CKROOM D34L W1TH TH3 MOB, 4ND YOU H4D TO S1L3NC3 H1M. V3RY W3LL. 1N L1GHT OF YOUR COOP3R4T1ON, TH3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS W1LL NOT H4ND DOWN A S3NT3NC3 TO YOU."

Karkat swore he thought he saw the doll breathe a sigh of relief. Maybe it was because seeing Terezi performing her insane courtroom drama plays in person was actually really good, as opposed to seeing them in Trollian chatlog form. She could be an actress if not for her passion for law, he thought to himself, though he would never admit it.

"BUT... 1 CANNOT GU4R4NT33 THE THR3SH3CUT1ON3RS W1LL B3 SO L3N13NT!" Terezi grabbed High Threshecutioner Greygrump. "4LL R1S3 FOR TH3 HONOR4BL3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R." Terezi stood up. When Karkat remained seated on the floor, she glared at him until he stood up too. He could play along, just this once.

Terezi sat the grey scalemate next to the drawn picture of His Tyranny. "H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R, WH4T 1S YOUR R3COMM3ND4T1ON?"

Another moment of silence. "OH, V3RY GOOD. 1T W1LL G1V3 TH3 N3W R3CRU1T A CH4NC3 TO T3ST H1S 4C4D3MY TR41N1NG!" Karkat wondered where she was going with this.

"R3CRU1T THR3SH3CUT1ON3R V4NT4S!" Karkat looked at her, startled. "TH3 H1GH THR3SH3CUT1ON3R H4S SPOK3N! TH3 CONV1CT 1S TO B3 CULL3D, 4ND YOU 4R3 TH3 M4N S3L3CT3D FOR TH3 JOB."

Karkat whispered to her, for reasons he wasn't sure of. "...ME?"
"OF COURS3 YOU, S1LLY! WHO 3LS3?" she whispered back.
"WELL... OKAY. I'LL PLAY YOUR DUMB LITTLE GAME FOR GIRLS, THIS TIME."
"H3H3H3H3."

Something about Terezi calmed Karkat down. He simply could not rage at her the way he would have at anyone else who suggested he take part of this bizarre farce.

Karkat took his sickle from his strife specibus. If he was going to play along, he was going to do it right. He needed to think of a one-liner, something good, something cool. After a few seconds it finally came to him.

He swung in a wide arc, neatly decapitating Citrusfoot. As the doll's head came to a stop on the ground, Karkat spoke, arm still extended from the strike.

"NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO RUN, THE LEGAL SYSTEM IS ALWAYS... ONE STEP A-HEAD."

Almost immediately, Terezi burst into a fit of laughter.

"H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3! 'ON3 ST3P A-H3AD'? SO L444M3!"
"WHAT'S SO FUNNY? FUCK YOU, I GAVE IT MY BEST SHOT."
"4H, BUT TH4T'S WHY 1 L1KE YOU, K4RK4T!"

As the night continued, they acted out a few more court cases. It was getting later, but the green Alternian moonlight lit the room well enough. Karkat, strangely enough, was actually beginning to enjoy himself, and began making his pre-kill one-liners as lame as possible on purpose. "LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN... CUT FROM THE TEAM," to a scalemate convicted of poisoning a superior. "REST IN PIECES," he quipped to the one found guilty of killing to drum up interest in his death memorial business. They never failed to make Terezi laugh, and he found he enjoyed her laughter very much.

The night continued like this until, while pacing back and forth interrogating Captain Coconutface about his allegations of treason, Terezi slipped on the red paint used to set up the latest crime scene, and fell next to where Karkat sat on the floor. Immediately he reached to help her.

"HEY... ARE YOU OKAY?"
"Y34H... Y34H, 1 TH1NK SO. 1 GOT P41NT 3V3RYWH3R3 THOUGH >:[ 4LL OV3R TH3 W4LLS, TH3 FLOOR, 4LL OV3R US--"
"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. JUST GLAD YOU DIDN'T HURT YOURSELF."

Karkat realized she was sitting in his lap, her back to him... and more importantly, she wasn't getting up.

"ARE YOU SURE YOU AREN'T HURT?"
"Y3S, 1M F1N3. S33, 1 C4N ST4ND UP 4ND--"
"NO. DON'T."

He wasn't sure what he was saying, or what he was going to say, or even what this was he was feeling. All he knew what that he liked it.

"I'D... I'D LIKE TO STAY LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE, IF YOU DON'T MIND."

What was he saying? What a creepy request!

"H3H3. OK4Y >:]"

And she was going along with it! This wasn't helping him, if anything, Karkat was more confused than ever as he sat in the dark, arms around Terezi.

Almost at once it all clicked.

"TEREZI?" She turned around to face him. "Y3S, K4RK4T?" By God, she was stunning in the Alternian moonlight.

"I THINK..."
"Y3S? >;]"
"I THINK... I WOULD LIKE..."
"Y3333SSSS? >;]"
"I WOULD LIKE US TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS."
">:O >:O >:O >:O"

Terezi stared at him with that shocked expression on her face. His next action was almost a reflex, and upon reflection Karkat was never sure WHY he did it, just that it was something he HAD to do.

His lips met with hers, in the dark room lit only by the moonlight filtered through the blue and purple treetops. Karkat was a creature fueled by rage, or so he would have everyone believe; hell, he often went out of his way just to be a dick to total strangers. But tonight, any fury he harbored against the world was gone, and he wanted nothing more than Terezi's love.

"H3H3. I 4LR34DY KN3W."
"WHAT--- HOW?"
"K4RK4T, 1 COULD 4LMOST T4ST3 TH3 BLOOD RUSH1NG TO YOUR CH33KS A MOM3NT 4GO. YOU W3R3 BLUSH1NG SO H4RD 3V3N 1 COULD S33 1T!"
"HEH. THAT OBVIOUS, HUH?"
"Y34H, 4ND TH4T L1TTL3 STUNT YOU JUST PULL3D R33K3D OF D3SP3R4T1ON. 1F 1 D1DN'T 4LR34DY L1KE YOU 1D BE 4PP4LL3D!"
"SO YOU--"
"Y3S >;]"

This time, she kissed him, and it was Karkat's turn to be surprised. His mind started spinning, how does a guy respond to this? Part of him wanted to run, part of him wanted to stay, part of him was pissed at himself for being such an emotional baby. Eventually, he settled on "fuck it, go along with it. Let's make this shit work. We're making this happen."

When Terezi pulled away from the kiss, she dipped her fingers into the still-wet paint on the floor and draw a heart on Karkat's shirt. "M4T3SPR1T >;]", she breathed into his ear. He couldn't help but roll his eyes at how corny it was, but it was a feeling he wouldn't trade for the world. The two embraced, and stayed that way until they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Karkat woke up in the dead of the night, still holding Terezi. Gently, he picked her up and laid her atop her bed, then left for home. He needed to plan out how to sneak back into his own hive; his lusus would be furious if it found out he was out this late, for the musclebeasts would hunt soon.

Karkat looked down at his clothes. He was absolutely covered in Terezi's crime scene. It would take HOURS to wash all of it out.

And not one fuck was given about it that day.

Notes:

show spoiler

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So yeah I ship Karkat/Terezi pretty hard! What of it

This story was inspired almost entirely by a piece of fanart which I uploaded here (NSFW? Honestly I have no idea! How does this even work, if this is seriously offensive I'll remove the link but I don't think it is). I found it posted in a Homestuck thread on /co/ and it is entirely devoid of context for me; I've no idea who drew it, or when it was drawn. I'm told it was drawn before the revelation of Karkat's blood color but that doesn't stop the kind of implications 4chan made about it if you understand the vernacular. But I didn't immediately see things that way because despite hailing from /co/ my mind isn't perpetually in the gutter.

My biggest fear, I've noticed, when I'm writing stuff like this, is that I'll ruin everything by making characters do things they'd never do in canon. Going out of character, for me, seems to be the cardinal sin. Having said that, I'm not sure I was able to do as good a job here as in Knight of Blood. Writing dialogue was actually a bit of a challenge, and not just because I had to go back and check for errant 4s, 1s and 3s in Terezi's dialogue.

Writing Karkat is easy enough. He's a jerk with a heart of gold, you just have to know him really well to get past the "jerk" part. But honestly I don't think I wrote him as enough of a dick here! I think I wrote him too nice, he doesn't seem like enough of a snarky bastard. I figured he'd ease up around someone he considered matesprit material, but being an ass is kind of who Karkat is. So I guess you guys decide.

Terezi is another story. I'm so afraid I didn't get her right at all and now I fully expect people to be like "oh so THAT'S why she didn't have any dialogue in Knight of Blood, the throat injury was just a clever write-around to cover for the fact that this dude couldn't write conversation to save his own life". I don't know, maybe I'm being too hard on myself, I tend to do that if you haven't noticed! But I still think there's a lot of room for improvement.

There were a few things that didn't make the cut! One bit that still makes me chuckle to myself when I think about it was one line of Karkat dialouge: "...THIS STUFF IS LIKE AN INDUSTRIAL-STRENGTH APHRODISIAC FOR YOU, ISN'T IT?" I cut it because I couldn't really work it into the story without it becoming less "d'awwwww" and more "cue bass grove", if you catch my drift. Another bit I cut for being just plain awful: at one point, Karkat was going to look into Terezi's eyes (like he was going to ask her to take off her glasses and everything) and be all "hey your eyes are actually beautiful". But I realized that THIS IS STUPID because he's basically saying "hey I think those useless burnt-out solid red orbs that you can't see a damn thing out of are kickin' rad! It sure is swell that you went and got yourself blinded" and that would be a horrible thing to say! Or would it? Ha ha, my crippling uncertainty about my work makes me my own harshest critic!

Re: shipping: I don't ship the kids because I am constantly reminded, through their actions, that they are 13 years old. I ship the trolls because I constantly forget they are 6 solar sweeps. Perhaps trolls grow up quicker! That would work in my favor, but that is a cop-out.

Re: fanfiction writing in general: yeah. I still think fanfic writing is all kinds of lame. But now, I think it's a lameness I can revel in, instead of being repulsed by it. (This is the part where you all start chanting "ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US")

Finally: holy shit this fic is pretty long now that I look at it. Now I'm wondering if it's just chock full of useless bullshit that could be trimmed and not harm the story in any way. But I'll leave that for you readers to decide.

This was pretty fantastic in almost every way, yeah. I'm actually not sure whether I like this one or the fic made by tentacle all that time ago more. I'll just let them exist simultaneously in my headcanon.

[Graven_Image]

It started as a one-off joke in the Image Manips thread. People liked the idea so much, I couldn't say no.

Zero Punctuation: SBurb BETA

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(Intro)

ZERO
PUNCTUATION!
Reviews SBurb

Well, I suppose you should be thankful I'm doing this at all. I've suddenly become very busy over the past week, and the fact that I'm still doing these videos is probably the most compelling evidence for me being absolutely psychotic thus far seen!

But enough about me.

SBurb is a game by up-and-coming game developer, "Skaianet." Now, the Terminator reference starts out as a nice "oh ha ha look at this, they sound like something from popular culture" thing, but for reasons that will soon become readily apparent, the name of this studio has taken on a very sinister meaning. It is definitely my belief that we as a race have been collectively buggered by an army of unfeeling robots.

At the outset of Sburb, you have to connect to one of your friends and set up a server-client connection. Apparently, there can be a chain of any length of servers and clients, but it eventually has to loop in on itself like an overwrought digital Ouroboros, establishing the set number of players in one "session." This has to happen, or otherwise you'll eventually lose one of your guys to a meteor.

Yeah, you heard me right, a meteor.

I'll let you sit there and chew on that for a moment. Are you done? Good.

Using your client disk apparently sends an outer space rock heading toward your house, a fact which I discovered to my dismay when I wandered away from my home during a lull in the pre-game process whilst searching the recently-flooded streets of Brisbane for a functioning convenience store. It's amazing, when you think about it, how imminent death can kill your appetite.

Oh right, remember that explosion in Brisbane you heard about last Thursday? My bad, sorry guys.

To begin the game, you must run through an incredibly unintuitive series of puzzles that your server starts off by using his copy of the game to physically place a set of massive machines into your home. I also think the servers somehow control the puzzles, because my last one was yelling at a figurine of one of those black imp things you see in these videos until his head exploded. And by that point, yelling at things was no difficulty, I can tell you that much.

Once the last puzzle is finished, you begin the long, torturous process of questing through a randomly-generated level with a randomly-generated class. Being a "Knight of Rage" was all good fun, but I am not exaggerating when I say that having to venture through "The Land of Wrath and Frost" was probably the most torturous experience of my life. It was f***ing cold there.

Apparently, you're allowed to pick what your enemies look like beforehand, and at the time, I thought did an amirable job of it. I made them all look like Team Fortress 2 characters, which I thought was a win-win of introducing both a reasonable challenge and that excellent visual design I continually tongue-bathe in that written column that nobody reads.

Listen to me right now.

DON'T. DO THIS.

You don't want the hassle. Some of the monsters get rocket launchers. Some get miniguns. Some of them sound like that c***, the Scout, and they do not shut up. And this is an incredibly realistic game, mind you! Getting shot in the knee feels like getting shot in the knee! Thank God for health bars, because otherwise I'd probably be a loose pile of offal with bullets sticking out!

So eventually you journey away from the hellish wastes you start out in, and make your way to the hellish wastes your friends start in. But every other teleporter you find sends you back to where you started!

Oh, right, there are teleporters. You'd think I'd be making a bigger deal out of this, but honestly, I think my logic center got left behind somewhere when the meteor hit. This is all just business as usual for me at this point.

I'm fast approaching my self-imposed deadline, so I'll just wrap up with a quick yay or nay. Should you buy this game? NO! In fact, if you see this game in stores, you should take every copy on the shelf and chuck them into the nearest sewer you find! I've been playing this game for a f***ing week and there's still no end in sight! Save yourself the misery and do not play this game.

Now I've got to go. My friends are gabbing at me to help them with another of these increasingly final final bosses. Stay tuned, and see if I continue giving a f*** next week.

(Credits)
Yes, he seriously got the title "Knight of Rage" completely on accident
BEN "YAHTZEE"
CROSHAW

Presented by
THE ESCAPIST
www.escapistmagazine.com

Music
IAN DORSCH

Title Animation
RUSS PITTS

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