MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Kerensky287]

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I swore to myself that my last one was it

Yet here I am, writing more of this garbage

Haha, watch this get Jossed WHILE I write it

Inspired by recent developments, I give you:

Rogue of Heart

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Nepeta had been drifting in and out of consciousness for a few minutes when she heard him. Her recognition of the voice's owner made her snap to attention.

"GOD DAMNIT, NOT--- FUCK FUCK FUCK BOTH OF THEM ARE DEAD! THAT SHITFUCKER KILLED THE BOTH OF THEM! AND IT'S MY FAULT... I SENT HIM HERE TO DIE LIKE THE DUMBASS I AM AND SHE FOLLOWED HIM. GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!"

She turned to her left. Karkat stood facing towards Equius's corpse at the purple blood trail that led off into the distance. At least she had managed that much against the Bard of Rage before he had broken nearly every bone in her body with a single swing of the Deuce Clubs.

It seemed Nepeta's OTP was not to be after all. But she was a shipper to the very end, and she had one last thing to say before shuffling off this mortal coil.

"*the gr33viously injured kitty wishes to make one final statement to karkitty befur her time runs out*"
"N-NEPETA? OH THANK GOD, THAT BASTARD MANAGED TO LEAVE SOMEONE ALIVE!"

Karkat knelt down at her body. She was bleeding heavily but as long as there was still a chance she could be saved...

"*she looks at him with a furlorn expurresion on her face* i don't think i'm gonna make it ("
"DON'T... DON'T SAY THAT, YOU'RE HURT BUT--"
"*she admires karkitty for his ability to stay pawsitive even when things are this bad*"
"NEPETA! DAMN YOU, DON'T YOU DIE ON ME TOO!"
"*she wonders if he would mind doing her one last purrsonal favor*"

Karkat felt solely responsible for the entirety of the current situation on the asteroid. If he could do anything for a dying friend, he would do it.

"WHAT IS IT?"
"*the injured kitt--* no. i have a very impurrtant request. its a bit selfish, but i hope its okay."
"DEAR GOD, YES. I'VE FUCKED THINGS UP SO BADLY HERE. NAME IT."
"please, karkitty... kiss me. just once, so i can feel what its like."

He had known Nepeta had a crush on him for a long time, and he'd always neatly sidestepped the issue. But now he only felt sympathy for the dying girl. Karkat's lips met Nepeta's in a long, slow, passionate kiss. He felt she at least deserved that. Nepeta sighed with content.

"*the deathly injured--*, no, *i* thank you. that was purrfect."
"NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO FACE THE END ALONE. IT WAS THE ABSOLUTE VERY LEAST I COULD DO FOR YOU."
"you... you know i had a thing for you, right?"
"...YEAH. I KNEW. I'M SORRY I KEPT YOUR HOPES UP LIKE THAT FOR SO LONG. IT WASN'T FAIR TO YOU."
"its okay. just purromise me one last thing?"
"ANYTHING."
"keep terezi safe, okay? i would hate it if the one true purring got ruined over this."

Karkat's eyes started watering. A shipper to the end, Nepeta was. He nodded to her, and she smiled back, sighed, closed her eyes, and breathed her last.

He took his sickle from its strife specibus. Nepeta was annoying sometimes, but she deserved better than this.

The bastard would pay.

Notes:

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I swear I can write something that doesn't at least imply Karkat/Terezi! I can quit anytime I want! I just don't want to

Writing Nepeta was a bit of a challenge! All watching the dialogue, looking for places to put cat puns in. Speaking of, I kept her doing that because I figured that's part of who she is. But I made her consciously drop the roleplaying because I figured from her point of view, shit was as real as shit can get.

Also I managed not to write a damn novel this time! So congrats to me on that I suppose

"You swore you'd stop writing Karkat/Terezi fanfiction.

But addiction is a powerful thing."

This is an okay addiction to have. I hope it does not get kicked to the curb immediately. I hope it has a day, at least. But as we all know, hope is pretty much lost at this point.


I guess what I'm trying to say is good job on this, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

[Mister Tambourine Man]

Is anyone taking requests? I just thought of something that might make an interesting story...

Hit me.

Okay.

Rose is about to set out for the Green Sun, when her mother steps in, warning against Rose's current course of action. Rose disagrees, an argument begins, and things degenerate into violence.

I hope that's not too bad. And you can thank Paul Simon for giving me the idea...

[DJ-P0N3]

Is anyone taking requests? I just thought of something that might make an interesting story...

Hit me.

Okay.

Rose is about to set out for the Green Sun, when her mother steps in, warning against Rose's current course of action. Rose disagrees, an argument begins, and things degenerate into violence.

I hope that's not too bad. And you can thank Paul Simon for giving me the idea...

Its definitely something I can work with.
I just need to get a fic or two out of the way.
((Both of which are almost done too))
Then I can get on this ASAP.

[Mister Tambourine Man]

Is anyone taking requests? I just thought of something that might make an interesting story...

Hit me.

Okay.

Rose is about to set out for the Green Sun, when her mother steps in, warning against Rose's current course of action. Rose disagrees, an argument begins, and things degenerate into violence.

I hope that's not too bad. And you can thank Paul Simon for giving me the idea...

Its definitely something I can work with.
I just need to get a fic or two out of the way.
((Both of which are almost done too))
Then I can get on this ASAP.

Thank you.

[draconicAlgorithm]

@ anonymousComrade: ;-; Nepetaaaaa. That was adorable. And seriously, don't stop the Karkat/Terezi. You write it too well. :]

Oh, and yeah. Have some more Harry Potter shenanigans.

Wizardstuck > Enter Castle

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Apparently, no one thought it fit to tell any of the new "transfer" students that the train didn't bring them directly to the castle. Nor did anyone tell them that they would be making the rest of the trip by boat, over a lake that contained a giant squid. And, to top it all off, it was pouring down rain. Needless to say, Karkat was not happy.

"Look, I don't fucking understand why we have to take these stupid little boats that look like they'll capsize with the slightest breeze, not to mention that it's fucking raining, when we've got some perfectly fine carriages over there we could take instead." Karkat was doing his best to try to talk sense into the lumbering behemoth that was the human named Hagrid, but it wasn't going so well.

"Sorreh, but orders 're orders. The Headmaster want me ter take yer wit' the rest er the firs' years, 'n' tha' means we go by the Lake." Karkat felt his blood pressure skyrocketing. They were going to go through that mess because some gogdamn stupid fucking headmaster—

"Oh, lighten up Karkat! I'm EXCITED about crossing the lake!" Slowly, he turned to Feferi, who had chosen this inopportune moment to voice her opinion. His mouth was in a snarl and one eye twitched as though it was having an epileptic fit.

"Feferi," he began as calmly as he could (which for Karkat really wasn't very calm at all), "unlike you, not everyone is a water-loving fish freak. I am wet. I am tired. And I do not. Want to. Cross. A. Fucking. Lake." Predictably, Feferi was completely undeterred.

"But there's a giant squid in the lake!" She gushed with excitement. The angry expression dropped from Karkat's face instantly, and there was nothing he could do but facepalm.

"... Alright. Whatever. Let's just get this fucking horrible ship wreck of a day over with."

And so, the kids and trolls boarded the boats.

Only four could fit to a boat. They broke up into groups, predictably ones that were similar to their seating arrangements on the train. Once they, and the first years, were all settled into their makeshift vessels, the voyage began. Had they not been so wet and tired, they might have been amazing that the boats began moving on their own, as if propelled by magic, but just then, they were simply glad that they didn't have to row themselves.

Feferi, as might be expected, could barely contain her excitement. She completely ignored the others on her boat (even Sollux) to look down into the murky depths of the lake. It had been so long since she had a good swim! And there was a giant squid down there somewhere, too! Oh, she was so excited, she could hardly stand it! Finally, she gave in and started taking off her robes until she was down to her black pants and her usual black tank top. She tossed the extra clothes at Sollux, who caught them clumsily.

"Wait, wait, Fef, where the fuck are you going?" Eridan said. Sollux turned to her.

"Whoa, FF, you're not going thwimming, are you?"

"Of course!" She replied with a grin. "I just can't stand it anymore—I've gotta make like a fish and swim! Sea you guys on the other side!" And with that, she dove headfirst into the water. Hagrid, who had a boat all to himself due to his enormous size, noticed the splash and immediately began bellowing.

"Man o'erboard! Dun worry, I'll—"

"Don't worry about her, she probably did that on purpose," Karkat growled from his boat with Terezi, Kanaya, and Gamzee. "She's got fucking gills. She'll be fine." Hagrid blinked, looking fairly confused.

"Well, er, I guess tha's a'right then."

About half way across the lake, Tavros began to realize that his legs felt funny. At first, it was just an odd tingling sensation, like just after Equius had attached them and he was still getting used to feeling again. Eventually, the tingling went away, but it left another, familiar feeling that brought with it a sense of dread.

He couldn't feel them anymore.

"Uhhh, Equius?" The other troll, who had been having a conversation with Nepeta, turned to him with a frown.

"What, brown blood."

"It's my, uhhh, legs. I can't really, uhhh, feel them."

"What?" Equius stood instantly, rocking the boat and warranting a cry from Vriska to sit the fuck down, but it quickly righted itself. Equius didn't seem to notice. He was too busy checking Tavros's legs. At first, he was simply moving them, testing the joints, and then he easily lifted up a sputtering Tavros by the back of his robes to check the mechanisms where the robotics joined with troll flesh. Unfortunately, this had the side effect of looking like he was doing something very strange to Tavros's ass, but he finally gave up, setting the other troll down in a huff.

"There is absolutely no reason they should be malfunctioning," he announced, though he didn't sound pleased. "Have you tried moving them?"

"Uhhh, yeah," Tavros said, a little shakily. He hadn't particularly liked being held up in the air while being groped, even if it was for a legitimate reason. "They, uhhh, don't move at all."

"Don't tell me you're paralyzed again! Jegus, Tavros, you're so pathetic." Vriska sneered, which only served to make Tavros even more uncomfortable about the situation. It was then that the boat struck dry land, jolting them all in their seats. The other three managed to climb out, but, with his legs not functioning, Tavros found that impossible. Equius grabbed him once more by the back of his robes and set him down on the shore. For half a second, he actually managed to balance with absolutely no feeling in his legs, only to fall over in a heap.

"This is, uhhh, very disheartening."

"Wha' seems ter be the problem?" Hagrid had apparently seen Tavros falling over and had come to investigate. The rest of the kids and trolls came as well, even Feferi, who was dripping wet after her dive in the lake.

"His robotic limbs appear to have ceased functioning," Equius said matter-of-factly. Hagrid gave him a look like that seemed to suggest he didn't quite follow.

"Er, if they're like one o' them mechanical contraptions muggles use, then they don' work on school grounds. Bu' if they're 'is legs... It might be best ter go see Dumbledore 'bout i'. I'll take yer there once I hand these kids off'n to McGonagall." The giant lumbered off, leaving Tavros laying in the dirt.

"Poor Tavros! You just don't have any luck with legs, do you?" Nepeta bent down and helped him up to a half-standing position before draping his arms over her shoulders and lifting him up. She grinned. "I'll help you out for meow!"

"Nepeta, that is unnecessary, I can—" Equius began, but Nepeta cut him off.

"No, I want to help! Besides, I'm used to carrying Pounce around like this." Equius looked as though he was going to continue arguing, but he sighed instead.

"Alright, but I will be coming to see this Dumbledore myself."

"That makes two of us, fuckass." Karkat came up behind them, looking wet and pissed. "I've had enough of this fucking bullshit."

"For once, I agree with you, gutter blood," Equius replied. "This lack of mechanical function is preposterous."

"Then shut the fuck up and let's go," Karkat growled. Being called a "gutter blood" apparently didn't improve his mood, either.

True to his word, Hagrid led the four of them to Dumbledore while the rest of the group meandered after the first years at Karkat's instruction (albeit reluctantly). The four soon found themselves staring at a statue of a gargoyle. Hagrid seemed about to speak when the petrified beast leaped out of the way of its own accord, revealing a set of stairs. Climbing down those stairs was a man that looked like he had stepped out of one of Rose's wizard fanfictions. He was also the oldest human any of the trolls had ever seen, with a long beard and wrinkles around his twinkling eyes. He looked down at them through half moon spectacles perched upon his ample nose.

"And what seems to be the matter here?" He asked. They all stared dumbly for a moment, a bit taken aback, before Tavros finally spoke from his place on Nepeta's back.

"My, uhhh, legs don't work." The old man nodded sagely.

"I see. And is that a regular occurence?"

"I, uhhh, not really."

"I should hope not!" Equius said. "My robotic designs are built to withstand most tension, and it certainly takes a great deal to break them. I tested them myself."

"I'm sure you did," Dumbledore replied. "Although, I do believe I know the cause of the problem. There's an enchantment over the castle, you see. It keeps any electrical devices, and apparently robotic limbs, from working. If I had known of young Tavros's predicament, I would have made arrangements, but for now, I can only offer him a chair that will allow him mobility." He waved a hand, and, indeed, a chair did appear. It looked a lot like Tavros's old wheelchair, except that it didn't have wheels. It simply floated in midair. Nepeta carefully lowered Tavros into it. He was surprised to find that it was quite comfortable.

"The hell?" Karkat said, looking incredulous. "How the fuck does that work?"

"Magic, my dear boy, as you will find with many things in this castle." Dumbledore simply smiled. "In any case, this chair will move with a thought. Far more convenient than those muggle rolling contraptions, is it not? Madam Pomfrey always keeps several on hand, just in case." And with that, he began walking past them down the hall. "However, if we do not leave soon, I fear that we will all be late to the sorting ceremony. So, let us depart!" He continued on, and soon Tavros, trying out his new chair, followed at a steady pace. Nepeta was not far behind, and then Equius after her, with Hagrid following behind. Karkat just stood still for a moment, raging silently inside about crazy ass wizards and their magic and their fucking castles. Once he got a hold of himself, he began walking after them as well.

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A few notes.

I dropped the quirks and colors because it didn't make as much sense when it wasn't from Harry's POV, and anyway, it would have been super annoying with all this dialogue.

Yes, I did half-ass Hagrid's accent. I don't remember what it's actually supposed to be, but it's all for teh lolz anyway, so I rolled with it.

Poor Tavros. But, that enchantment is a real thing in the books (although only mentioned in passing and never actually elaborated upon), but anyway, I intend to have fun with that magical hoverchair.

Lots of Nepeta and Equius because of updates. ;-;

And I think that's it. Sorting next hopefully. I just figured a transition would be fun.

[SeptimusMagistos]

Chapter 7: Just A Game

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CAC RIGHT NOW opened memo on board Doomed Is Just A Word.

CAC banned PAG from responding to memo.
CAC banned CAG from responding to memo.
CAC banned FAG from responding to memo.
CAC: :33 < *the purrfectly impurrtand pouncelor bangs her gavel
CAC: :33 < bang bang BANG
CAC: :33 < she would like to declare this meeting of the roleplaying subcom-kitty open!*
CAC: :33 < *she now invites all the purrmanent members to check in*
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAT: pRESENT,
CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGG: present!
CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCC: PR-------ESENT!!!
CAC: :33 < *she would now like to ask the special guest members to respawnd*
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAA: ribbit
CAA: i mean present
CURRENT TentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTT: Present.
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCA: present
CAC: :33 < *the pouncelor would like to welcome the new furrhiends*
CAC: :33 < *aradia is an expurrienced roleplayer who has taken a long break!*
CAA: i am excited to be back in the f0ld!
CAC: :33 < *rose is new to the pursuit
CTT: I hope to adapt quickly.
CAC: :33 < *and eridan is reminded that he is here on purrbation
CA: and yet i am still just as hopeful and --EXCIT--ED as anyone
CCC: T)(e c)(ief caretaker would like to warn the wizard that stealing )(her style will result in cruel and unusual pun-IS)(M----ENT!
CCA: the mighty wwizard of wwhite science says brin it on
CCA: he has taken her carp before and he can do it again
CCC: She asks is that so?
CCC: Per)(aps it is time to tuna things up and prepare the battle aquarium!
CAC: :33 < *ac would like to interrupt and say that she appreciates the enthusiasm
CAC: :33 < but we have a lot to get through today, so please keep interruptions to a meownimum
CAA: the pretty peasant girl gr0ans
CAA: she is n0t 0kay with that last pun!
CAC: :33 < *the pouncelor pawnders whether the peasant girl’s suitor knows she is a peasant girl here*
CAA: the peasant girl in turn p0nders whether the p0uncell0r’s 0bject 0f affection is aware 0f his status as such
CAC: :33 < *the pouncelor backs down*
CAC: :33 < *she suggests the boy-skylark begin the adventure*
CAT: oKAY,
CAT: iT IS THE BEGINNING OF THE SCENARIO AND THE PARTY STANDS ON THE ROAD,
CAT: tHAT ENTERS THE WOODS IN ONE DIRECTION,
CAT: aND RETURNS TO THE TOWN IN THE OTHER,
CAT: yOU SEE A GNOME AT THE WOODS ENTRANCE,
CAT: mAYBE HE KNOWS ABOUT THE MAGIC RING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RETRIEVE,
CAT: iS WHAT YOU THINK,
CCA: i grasp him with my scientific powers
CAT: oKAY,
CCA: then i wwring the knowwledge of the ring’s wwherabouts from his pathetic gnomey brain
CAT: i GUESS THAT’S OKAY,
CAT: oKAY, sO HE KNOWS THE RING IS IN THE TOWER OF THE WIZARD OF BLOOD AND WAR TO THE SOUTHEAST,
CCA: i fly towwards the towwer immediately and defeat the sad excuse for a wwizard
CAT: wAIT,
CCA: i then reduce his towwer to rubble and get the ring from the ruins
CCA: vvictorious, i present the ring to the caretaker
CAT: nO, eRIDAN,
CCA: there
CCA: i did all a the wwork so i should gain all a the experience
CCA: is it enough for me to level
CAC: :33 < *there is no experience, eridan!
CCC: Also, t)(ere are no levels!
CCC: NON---E of t)(em!!!
CCC: Glub glub glub!
CCA: wwait wwhat
CAT: wE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD BE OVERLY COMPETITIVE,
CAT: sO WE DECIDED WE WOULD MAYBE TRY A GAME WITHOUT OBVIOUS REWARDS,
CAT: oR POWER RANKS,
CAA: and y0ur class’s p0wers aren’t relevant here
CAA: we all have exactly the same am0unt of p0wer
CAA: regardless 0f whether we wield wizardry 0r just 0ur minds
CCA: but if there are no levvels
CCA: then wwhat is the point
CAT: tHERE IS NO REAL POINT, i DON’T THINK,
CAT: wE JUST PRETEND TO BE OTHER PEOPLE,
CAT: aND SORT OF COLLABORATE TO MAKE A STORY,
CAT: fOR FUN,
CAT: bECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS,
CCC: Come on, -Eridan, you are ----EMBARRASSING us!
CCC: Me and Tavros )(ad to really stick our gills out so that you would be allowed to come )(ere.
CCC: You )(aven’t exactly been very trustwort)(y around roleplaying in t)(e past!
CCA: sorry fef
CCA: i am tryin but it’s hard
CCA: roleplayin is hard and i don’t think i really understand
CAT: iT’S OKAY,
CAT: i THINK WE CAN HELP YOU GET IT,
CAT: iF YOU ARE WILLING TO TRY,
CCA: at this point i wwill try anythin
CAT: oKAY, mAYBE WE CAN RESTART FROM WHEN YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT THE OTHER WIZARD,
CAT: uP UNTIL THEN I THINK YOU WERE DOING KIND OF OKAY,
CAT: aND MAYBE LET SOMEONE ELSE DO SOMETHING,
CAT: bECAUSE IT’S NOT A VERY FUN STORY IF YOU JUST BEAT THE VILLAIN SO EASILY,
AT: i DON’T THINK,
CCA: okay
CAT: rOSE, wHY DON’T YOU TRY SOMETHING,
CAT: i MEAN, iF YOU WANT,
CTT: I would be happy to.
CTT: The Special Investigator is extremely distressed at the news.
CTT: She reaches into her pouch of artifacts collected over a lifetime of study and draws out a number of mystical charms.
CTT: She believes they will shield the party from the blackhearted wizard’s eldritch sight.
CCA: hey
CCC: No, --Eridan, the OT)(---ER wizard!
CCA: oh
CAC: :33 < *the mighty huntress takes her feline form*
CAC: :33 < *she enters the woods, jumping from one tree to another*
CAT: oKAY, sEE, tHIS IS GOOD,
CAT: eVERYONE IS WORKING AS A TEAM AND HAVING FUN,
CAT: wHICH I THINK IS SORT OF WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT,
CCA: i guess i...followw
CCA: is that right
CAA: it is a g00d start
CAA: i think we will all f0ll0w
CAA: while checking carefully f0r traps 0r ambushes
CAT: vERY CLEVER,
CAT: bECAUSE YOU HAVE SUCH A GOOD SCOUT AND YOU ARE BEING SO CAREFUL,
CAT: yOU NOTICE A GROUP OF GOBLINS CAMPED OUT AND WAITING FOR YOU,
CCA: i jump out and use my powwers of science to kill
CCA: some a them
CCA: i guess
CGG: the brave explorer will scamper in-between two bushes
CGG: and fire her gun
CCG: *pew pew*
CAA: the peasant girl n0tices that the g0blins unwisely left a c0ntainer 0f black p0wder near the open flame
CAA: she t0sses an apple t0wards it pushing it int0 the fire and scattering burning embers 0n the creatures
CAC: :33 < *and the feline huntress pounces from a top branch to kill the last one!*
CAC: :33 < *she then drinks his blood, which is delicious*
CTT: The Investigator stands by calmly while watching her party slaughter the enemies.
CTT: Once the gruesome spectacle has run its course, she moves forward to search through the corpses for any special orders or other clues.
CAT: oKAY, yOU DON’T REALLY FIND ANYTHING,
CAT: yOU THINK THAT MAYBE THOSE WEREN’T SPECIAL TROOPS,
CAT: bUT JUST SOME RANDOM HENCHMEN,
CCA: i wwill use my wwhite powwers to givve us the guise of these goblins
CCC: ----Eridan!
CCA: wwas that wwrong
CCC: No!
CCC: T)(at was good!!!!
CAT: oKAY, WITH THESE DISGUISES YOU,
CAT: gET RIGHT INTO THE TOWER EAISLY, i GUESS,
CAT: aND FORTUNATELY FOR YOU, tHE WIZARD IS ON THE FIRST FLOOR,
CAT: wONDERING WHY YOU ARE HERE,
CAT: tHINKING YOU ARE HIS MINIONS,
CAT: aND NOT AN ADVENTURING PARTY,
CCC: The sea enc)(antress sings )(er song, summoning t)(e creatures of the deep to )(elp!
CAT: uHHHH, fEFERI, i HAVE EXPLAINED THIS BEFORE,
CAT: yOU CAN’T SUMMON YOUR SEA FRIENDS LIKE THAT,
CAT: sEA CREATURES TEND NOT TO BE VERY USEFUL ON LAND,
CAT: uHHH, pRESENT COMPANY EXCLUDED,
CCC: FIN------------E!
CGG: before the wizard is alerted the explorer fires her gun at his wand!
CAT: tHAT IS A GOOD IDEA,
CAT: eXCEPT THAT THE BULLET BOUNCESS OFF OF A MAGICAL SHIELD AROUND THE WAND,
CAT: aNY GOOD WIZARD WOULD HAVE ONE OF THOSE, oF COURSE,
CCA: and for unrelated reasons can wwe wwrap this up quickly
CCA: i suddenly remembered something i havve to do
CTT: As you like.
CTT: The inspector pulls an ancient amulet from her bag.
CTT: She suggests that the white wizard join her in matching magics with his darker counterpart.
CCA: gladly
CAT: yOU, uHHHH, lOCK POWERS WITH EACH OTHER,
CAT: aND ARE PRETTY EVENLY MATCHED,
CGG: luckily those two are not the entire party!
CGG: the explorer invites the huntress to join her in keeping minions out of the room
CAC: :33 < *the huntress happily joins her in this pursuit!*
CAA: and i supp0se it is left t0 the peasant t0 chuck s0mething at the dark wizard
CAA: disrupting his c0ncentrati0n and leading him t0 l0se the spell duel
CAT: yES, aLL RIGHT,
CAT: hE IS TURNED TO ASH BY YOUR COMBINED POWERS,
CAT: aND THE RING FALLS TO THE FLOOR,
CAT: gOOD JOB EVERYBODY,
CGG: yay, tavros!
CGG: that was fun!
CCA: holy mackerel!
CCA: is this what you guys havve been doin all along
CAT: wELL, yES,
CAA: pretty much
CCA: wwell i like it
CCA: can wwe do it again sometime
CCC: Y--------ES!!!
CCC: -----ERIDAN, you finally understand the spirit of roleplaying!!!
CCA: i lovve you guys
CCC: Don’t push it ---Eridan!
CCA: yeah okay
CAC: :33 < *good job, everybody
CAC: :33 < *the pouncellor says it is time to say goodbye!
CAC: :33 < s33 you all next time!*

CAC closed memo.

[Dogfish]

umhiI'mnew have some HSAU (???) lesbians?

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"This would go more expediently if you held still," Kara says, pinning back another piece of fabric.

"Sorry," you say sheepishly--or try to, anyway, you end up dissolving into giggles halfway through. "I'm just a little ticklish, I suppose."

She sighs, but it's belied by the mischievous sparkle in her eyes. "Well, I see I have no choice. Has anyone ever told you how troublesome you are to deal with?"

"Maybe not in those exact words." You can't see Dave ever willingly using the word troublesome, for one thing. "But yes."

"I'm spared that burden, then. That's something." She pulls her hands from you then, flushing slightly. "Er. You do realize I'm kidding, right?"

"Yes, that was clear. You don't always have to tip your hand, you know--you were doing quite well before." That feeling of half-forgotten familiarity pricks at the corners of your consciousness--but the mind plays tricks on you, you know. It's a well-known psychological oddity, crossed wires in a place they haven't managed to pinpoint yet. Déjà vu.

Still, you've been having strange dreams lately. Dreams that are only partially accounted for by your own subconscious preoccupations--and yes, by the way, you are perfectly aware of those desires. You don't need your own mind to explain them to you, and you would prefer that it refrain from trying. But this? This goes deeper than the strange warmth that suffuses you as Kara fusses with your dress, hair brushing against the back of your neck. Loathe as you are to admit the possibility of supernatural influences into your life, there is a quality to these dreams that leads you to believe they can't be explained away by science or psychology. They're too clear, too sharp, too elaborate, even for you.

"You're thinking again," Kara observes. "I'm told it's an uncouth habit in a young lady. You might want to stop." She lifts her eyebrows at that, and you bite your lip, hearing the silent question behind it.

You aren't nearly ready to broach the subject of your dreams with her; whatever your strange remembrances, you and she have only known each other for a few weeks now. You get along uncommonly well for such a short acquaintance, true, but yours is still a burgeoning friendship, and it's fragile. You opt for the half-truth instead. "My apologies," you say, "it's just that you're so uncommonly distracting. I can hardly help drifting off once in a while."

It comes out rather . . . less jocular than you would like. At least Kara blushes prettily. "You're quite the flatterer." It's too serious, too low, especially the way she closes her eyes afterward. "I suppose that makes you particularly suited for this role."

Oh. Yes. Yes. The role, the play. Actors and actresses, all in their proper places. "You see me as a sultry and sarcastic seductress who runs a detective agency on the side. I think I'll take that as a compliment."

If all the world's a stage, you've just torched your script.

You will have to learn the trick of thinking before you speak--you're certainly quick with the witty repartee, but here that may be as much a flaw as it is a strength. "You should." You watch Kara watch you in the mirror; after a moment, her eyes drift away. "By the way, you seem to have a lot of interest in your own costuming. Am I right in thinking that extends to the arena of fashion in general?"

She has a talent for ad-libbing, you have to admit. That was a skillful topic change. "You might be."

"I have a--proposition, then." There's a deliberateness to her tone; she's picking her words carefully. "I don't just do this for drama club--you may have gathered that. I actually have some original designs that I'd like to try making, but I need a model, and I was wondering if you would be . . . amenable?"

Well, that's something, at least. And here you were wondering how best to make your overture. "Certainly. That sounds enjoyable."

"I thought so, too. I'm glad you agree." And she smiles, almost impishly. "I admit, the pleasure of your company was a large part of what impelled me to make the offer."

Your eyebrows fly up.

It's not an unpleasant thing to hear from her, but it's unexpectedly direct, and you say so.

Her smile widens. "I've recently been convinced that a little directness has its advantages," she says. "I trust that you concur with me on this?"

This is part of a larger thing that I like to call HOUSERULES.exe, but I've been having structural pains with it lately, and I liked this enough to let it stand on its own.

[Twigwise]

@ anonymousComrade: ;-; Nepetaaaaa. That was adorable. And seriously, don't stop the Karkat/Terezi. You write it too well. :]

Oh, and yeah. Have some more Harry Potter shenanigans.

Wizardstuck > Enter Castle

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Apparently, no one thought it fit to tell any of the new "transfer" students that the train didn't bring them directly to the castle. Nor did anyone tell them that they would be making the rest of the trip by boat, over a lake that contained a giant squid. And, to top it all off, it was pouring down rain. Needless to say, Karkat was not happy.

"Look, I don't fucking understand why we have to take these stupid little boats that look like they'll capsize with the slightest breeze, not to mention that it's fucking raining, when we've got some perfectly fine carriages over there we could take instead." Karkat was doing his best to try to talk sense into the lumbering behemoth that was the human named Hagrid, but it wasn't going so well.

"Sorreh, but orders 're orders. The Headmaster want me ter take yer wit' the rest er the firs' years, 'n' tha' means we go by the Lake." Karkat felt his blood pressure skyrocketing. They were going to go through that mess because some gogdamn stupid fucking headmaster—

"Oh, lighten up Karkat! I'm EXCITED about crossing the lake!" Slowly, he turned to Feferi, who had chosen this inopportune moment to voice her opinion. His mouth was in a snarl and one eye twitched as though it was having an epileptic fit.

"Feferi," he began as calmly as he could (which for Karkat really wasn't very calm at all), "unlike you, not everyone is a water-loving fish freak. I am wet. I am tired. And I do not. Want to. Cross. A. Fucking. Lake." Predictably, Feferi was completely undeterred.

"But there's a giant squid in the lake!" She gushed with excitement. The angry expression dropped from Karkat's face instantly, and there was nothing he could do but facepalm.

"... Alright. Whatever. Let's just get this fucking horrible ship wreck of a day over with."

And so, the kids and trolls boarded the boats.

Only four could fit to a boat. They broke up into groups, predictably ones that were similar to their seating arrangements on the train. Once they, and the first years, were all settled into their makeshift vessels, the voyage began. Had they not been so wet and tired, they might have been amazing that the boats began moving on their own, as if propelled by magic, but just then, they were simply glad that they didn't have to row themselves.

Feferi, as might be expected, could barely contain her excitement. She completely ignored the others on her boat (even Sollux) to look down into the murky depths of the lake. It had been so long since she had a good swim! And there was a giant squid down there somewhere, too! Oh, she was so excited, she could hardly stand it! Finally, she gave in and started taking off her robes until she was down to her black pants and her usual black tank top. She tossed the extra clothes at Sollux, who caught them clumsily.

"Wait, wait, Fef, where the fuck are you going?" Eridan said. Sollux turned to her.

"Whoa, FF, you're not going thwimming, are you?"

"Of course!" She replied with a grin. "I just can't stand it anymore—I've gotta make like a fish and swim! Sea you guys on the other side!" And with that, she dove headfirst into the water. Hagrid, who had a boat all to himself due to his enormous size, noticed the splash and immediately began bellowing.

"Man o'erboard! Dun worry, I'll—"

"Don't worry about her, she probably did that on purpose," Karkat growled from his boat with Terezi, Kanaya, and Gamzee. "She's got fucking gills. She'll be fine." Hagrid blinked, looking fairly confused.

"Well, er, I guess tha's a'right then."

About half way across the lake, Tavros began to realize that his legs felt funny. At first, it was just an odd tingling sensation, like just after Equius had attached them and he was still getting used to feeling again. Eventually, the tingling went away, but it left another, familiar feeling that brought with it a sense of dread.

He couldn't feel them anymore.

"Uhhh, Equius?" The other troll, who had been having a conversation with Nepeta, turned to him with a frown.

"What, brown blood."

"It's my, uhhh, legs. I can't really, uhhh, feel them."

"What?" Equius stood instantly, rocking the boat and warranting a cry from Vriska to sit the fuck down, but it quickly righted itself. Equius didn't seem to notice. He was too busy checking Tavros's legs. At first, he was simply moving them, testing the joints, and then he easily lifted up a sputtering Tavros by the back of his robes to check the mechanisms where the robotics joined with troll flesh. Unfortunately, this had the side effect of looking like he was doing something very strange to Tavros's ass, but he finally gave up, setting the other troll down in a huff.

"There is absolutely no reason they should be malfunctioning," he announced, though he didn't sound pleased. "Have you tried moving them?"

"Uhhh, yeah," Tavros said, a little shakily. He hadn't particularly liked being held up in the air while being groped, even if it was for a legitimate reason. "They, uhhh, don't move at all."

"Don't tell me you're paralyzed again! Jegus, Tavros, you're so pathetic." Vriska sneered, which only served to make Tavros even more uncomfortable about the situation. It was then that the boat struck dry land, jolting them all in their seats. The other three managed to climb out, but, with his legs not functioning, Tavros found that impossible. Equius grabbed him once more by the back of his robes and set him down on the shore. For half a second, he actually managed to balance with absolutely no feeling in his legs, only to fall over in a heap.

"This is, uhhh, very disheartening."

"Wha' seems ter be the problem?" Hagrid had apparently seen Tavros falling over and had come to investigate. The rest of the kids and trolls came as well, even Feferi, who was dripping wet after her dive in the lake.

"His robotic limbs appear to have ceased functioning," Equius said matter-of-factly. Hagrid gave him a look like that seemed to suggest he didn't quite follow.

"Er, if they're like one o' them mechanical contraptions muggles use, then they don' work on school grounds. Bu' if they're 'is legs... It might be best ter go see Dumbledore 'bout i'. I'll take yer there once I hand these kids off'n to McGonagall." The giant lumbered off, leaving Tavros laying in the dirt.

"Poor Tavros! You just don't have any luck with legs, do you?" Nepeta bent down and helped him up to a half-standing position before draping his arms over her shoulders and lifting him up. She grinned. "I'll help you out for meow!"

"Nepeta, that is unnecessary, I can—" Equius began, but Nepeta cut him off.

"No, I want to help! Besides, I'm used to carrying Pounce around like this." Equius looked as though he was going to continue arguing, but he sighed instead.

"Alright, but I will be coming to see this Dumbledore myself."

"That makes two of us, fuckass." Karkat came up behind them, looking wet and pissed. "I've had enough of this fucking bullshit."

"For once, I agree with you, gutter blood," Equius replied. "This lack of mechanical function is preposterous."

"Then shut the fuck up and let's go," Karkat growled. Being called a "gutter blood" apparently didn't improve his mood, either.

True to his word, Hagrid led the four of them to Dumbledore while the rest of the group meandered after the first years at Karkat's instruction (albeit reluctantly). The four soon found themselves staring at a statue of a gargoyle. Hagrid seemed about to speak when the petrified beast leaped out of the way of its own accord, revealing a set of stairs. Climbing down those stairs was a man that looked like he had stepped out of one of Rose's wizard fanfictions. He was also the oldest human any of the trolls had ever seen, with a long beard and wrinkles around his twinkling eyes. He looked down at them through half moon spectacles perched upon his ample nose.

"And what seems to be the matter here?" He asked. They all stared dumbly for a moment, a bit taken aback, before Tavros finally spoke from his place on Nepeta's back.

"My, uhhh, legs don't work." The old man nodded sagely.

"I see. And is that a regular occurence?"

"I, uhhh, not really."

"I should hope not!" Equius said. "My robotic designs are built to withstand most tension, and it certainly takes a great deal to break them. I tested them myself."

"I'm sure you did," Dumbledore replied. "Although, I do believe I know the cause of the problem. There's an enchantment over the castle, you see. It keeps any electrical devices, and apparently robotic limbs, from working. If I had known of young Tavros's predicament, I would have made arrangements, but for now, I can only offer him a chair that will allow him mobility." He waved a hand, and, indeed, a chair did appear. It looked a lot like Tavros's old wheelchair, except that it didn't have wheels. It simply floated in midair. Nepeta carefully lowered Tavros into it. He was surprised to find that it was quite comfortable.

"The hell?" Karkat said, looking incredulous. "How the fuck does that work?"

"Magic, my dear boy, as you will find with many things in this castle." Dumbledore simply smiled. "In any case, this chair will move with a thought. Far more convenient than those muggle rolling contraptions, is it not? Madam Pomfrey always keeps several on hand, just in case." And with that, he began walking past them down the hall. "However, if we do not leave soon, I fear that we will all be late to the sorting ceremony. So, let us depart!" He continued on, and soon Tavros, trying out his new chair, followed at a steady pace. Nepeta was not far behind, and then Equius after her, with Hagrid following behind. Karkat just stood still for a moment, raging silently inside about crazy ass wizards and their magic and their fucking castles. Once he got a hold of himself, he began walking after them as well.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

A few notes.

I dropped the quirks and colors because it didn't make as much sense when it wasn't from Harry's POV, and anyway, it would have been super annoying with all this dialogue.

Yes, I did half-ass Hagrid's accent. I don't remember what it's actually supposed to be, but it's all for teh lolz anyway, so I rolled with it.

Poor Tavros. But, that enchantment is a real thing in the books (although only mentioned in passing and never actually elaborated upon), but anyway, I intend to have fun with that magical hoverchair.

Lots of Nepeta and Equius because of updates. ;-;

And I think that's it. Sorting next hopefully. I just figured a transition would be fun.

Oh, this is wonderful~~ I can't wait for the sorting, this should be priceless! Nice job remembering the "no electronics" enchantment, too. Most people forget that!

Oh man the enchanted stairs Dave and Tavros and enchanted fucking stairs muahahahaha.

[Rimbaum]

@ anonymousComrade: ;-; Nepetaaaaa. That was adorable. And seriously, don't stop the Karkat/Terezi. You write it too well. :]

Oh, and yeah. Have some more Harry Potter shenanigans.

Wizardstuck > Enter Castle

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Apparently, no one thought it fit to tell any of the new "transfer" students that the train didn't bring them directly to the castle. Nor did anyone tell them that they would be making the rest of the trip by boat, over a lake that contained a giant squid. And, to top it all off, it was pouring down rain. Needless to say, Karkat was not happy.

"Look, I don't fucking understand why we have to take these stupid little boats that look like they'll capsize with the slightest breeze, not to mention that it's fucking raining, when we've got some perfectly fine carriages over there we could take instead." Karkat was doing his best to try to talk sense into the lumbering behemoth that was the human named Hagrid, but it wasn't going so well.

"Sorreh, but orders 're orders. The Headmaster want me ter take yer wit' the rest er the firs' years, 'n' tha' means we go by the Lake." Karkat felt his blood pressure skyrocketing. They were going to go through that mess because some gogdamn stupid fucking headmaster—

"Oh, lighten up Karkat! I'm EXCITED about crossing the lake!" Slowly, he turned to Feferi, who had chosen this inopportune moment to voice her opinion. His mouth was in a snarl and one eye twitched as though it was having an epileptic fit.

"Feferi," he began as calmly as he could (which for Karkat really wasn't very calm at all), "unlike you, not everyone is a water-loving fish freak. I am wet. I am tired. And I do not. Want to. Cross. A. Fucking. Lake." Predictably, Feferi was completely undeterred.

"But there's a giant squid in the lake!" She gushed with excitement. The angry expression dropped from Karkat's face instantly, and there was nothing he could do but facepalm.

"... Alright. Whatever. Let's just get this fucking horrible ship wreck of a day over with."

And so, the kids and trolls boarded the boats.

Only four could fit to a boat. They broke up into groups, predictably ones that were similar to their seating arrangements on the train. Once they, and the first years, were all settled into their makeshift vessels, the voyage began. Had they not been so wet and tired, they might have been amazing that the boats began moving on their own, as if propelled by magic, but just then, they were simply glad that they didn't have to row themselves.

Feferi, as might be expected, could barely contain her excitement. She completely ignored the others on her boat (even Sollux) to look down into the murky depths of the lake. It had been so long since she had a good swim! And there was a giant squid down there somewhere, too! Oh, she was so excited, she could hardly stand it! Finally, she gave in and started taking off her robes until she was down to her black pants and her usual black tank top. She tossed the extra clothes at Sollux, who caught them clumsily.

"Wait, wait, Fef, where the fuck are you going?" Eridan said. Sollux turned to her.

"Whoa, FF, you're not going thwimming, are you?"

"Of course!" She replied with a grin. "I just can't stand it anymore—I've gotta make like a fish and swim! Sea you guys on the other side!" And with that, she dove headfirst into the water. Hagrid, who had a boat all to himself due to his enormous size, noticed the splash and immediately began bellowing.

"Man o'erboard! Dun worry, I'll—"

"Don't worry about her, she probably did that on purpose," Karkat growled from his boat with Terezi, Kanaya, and Gamzee. "She's got fucking gills. She'll be fine." Hagrid blinked, looking fairly confused.

"Well, er, I guess tha's a'right then."

About half way across the lake, Tavros began to realize that his legs felt funny. At first, it was just an odd tingling sensation, like just after Equius had attached them and he was still getting used to feeling again. Eventually, the tingling went away, but it left another, familiar feeling that brought with it a sense of dread.

He couldn't feel them anymore.

"Uhhh, Equius?" The other troll, who had been having a conversation with Nepeta, turned to him with a frown.

"What, brown blood."

"It's my, uhhh, legs. I can't really, uhhh, feel them."

"What?" Equius stood instantly, rocking the boat and warranting a cry from Vriska to sit the fuck down, but it quickly righted itself. Equius didn't seem to notice. He was too busy checking Tavros's legs. At first, he was simply moving them, testing the joints, and then he easily lifted up a sputtering Tavros by the back of his robes to check the mechanisms where the robotics joined with troll flesh. Unfortunately, this had the side effect of looking like he was doing something very strange to Tavros's ass, but he finally gave up, setting the other troll down in a huff.

"There is absolutely no reason they should be malfunctioning," he announced, though he didn't sound pleased. "Have you tried moving them?"

"Uhhh, yeah," Tavros said, a little shakily. He hadn't particularly liked being held up in the air while being groped, even if it was for a legitimate reason. "They, uhhh, don't move at all."

"Don't tell me you're paralyzed again! Jegus, Tavros, you're so pathetic." Vriska sneered, which only served to make Tavros even more uncomfortable about the situation. It was then that the boat struck dry land, jolting them all in their seats. The other three managed to climb out, but, with his legs not functioning, Tavros found that impossible. Equius grabbed him once more by the back of his robes and set him down on the shore. For half a second, he actually managed to balance with absolutely no feeling in his legs, only to fall over in a heap.

"This is, uhhh, very disheartening."

"Wha' seems ter be the problem?" Hagrid had apparently seen Tavros falling over and had come to investigate. The rest of the kids and trolls came as well, even Feferi, who was dripping wet after her dive in the lake.

"His robotic limbs appear to have ceased functioning," Equius said matter-of-factly. Hagrid gave him a look like that seemed to suggest he didn't quite follow.

"Er, if they're like one o' them mechanical contraptions muggles use, then they don' work on school grounds. Bu' if they're 'is legs... It might be best ter go see Dumbledore 'bout i'. I'll take yer there once I hand these kids off'n to McGonagall." The giant lumbered off, leaving Tavros laying in the dirt.

"Poor Tavros! You just don't have any luck with legs, do you?" Nepeta bent down and helped him up to a half-standing position before draping his arms over her shoulders and lifting him up. She grinned. "I'll help you out for meow!"

"Nepeta, that is unnecessary, I can—" Equius began, but Nepeta cut him off.

"No, I want to help! Besides, I'm used to carrying Pounce around like this." Equius looked as though he was going to continue arguing, but he sighed instead.

"Alright, but I will be coming to see this Dumbledore myself."

"That makes two of us, fuckass." Karkat came up behind them, looking wet and pissed. "I've had enough of this fucking bullshit."

"For once, I agree with you, gutter blood," Equius replied. "This lack of mechanical function is preposterous."

"Then shut the fuck up and let's go," Karkat growled. Being called a "gutter blood" apparently didn't improve his mood, either.

True to his word, Hagrid led the four of them to Dumbledore while the rest of the group meandered after the first years at Karkat's instruction (albeit reluctantly). The four soon found themselves staring at a statue of a gargoyle. Hagrid seemed about to speak when the petrified beast leaped out of the way of its own accord, revealing a set of stairs. Climbing down those stairs was a man that looked like he had stepped out of one of Rose's wizard fanfictions. He was also the oldest human any of the trolls had ever seen, with a long beard and wrinkles around his twinkling eyes. He looked down at them through half moon spectacles perched upon his ample nose.

"And what seems to be the matter here?" He asked. They all stared dumbly for a moment, a bit taken aback, before Tavros finally spoke from his place on Nepeta's back.

"My, uhhh, legs don't work." The old man nodded sagely.

"I see. And is that a regular occurence?"

"I, uhhh, not really."

"I should hope not!" Equius said. "My robotic designs are built to withstand most tension, and it certainly takes a great deal to break them. I tested them myself."

"I'm sure you did," Dumbledore replied. "Although, I do believe I know the cause of the problem. There's an enchantment over the castle, you see. It keeps any electrical devices, and apparently robotic limbs, from working. If I had known of young Tavros's predicament, I would have made arrangements, but for now, I can only offer him a chair that will allow him mobility." He waved a hand, and, indeed, a chair did appear. It looked a lot like Tavros's old wheelchair, except that it didn't have wheels. It simply floated in midair. Nepeta carefully lowered Tavros into it. He was surprised to find that it was quite comfortable.

"The hell?" Karkat said, looking incredulous. "How the fuck does that work?"

"Magic, my dear boy, as you will find with many things in this castle." Dumbledore simply smiled. "In any case, this chair will move with a thought. Far more convenient than those muggle rolling contraptions, is it not? Madam Pomfrey always keeps several on hand, just in case." And with that, he began walking past them down the hall. "However, if we do not leave soon, I fear that we will all be late to the sorting ceremony. So, let us depart!" He continued on, and soon Tavros, trying out his new chair, followed at a steady pace. Nepeta was not far behind, and then Equius after her, with Hagrid following behind. Karkat just stood still for a moment, raging silently inside about crazy ass wizards and their magic and their fucking castles. Once he got a hold of himself, he began walking after them as well.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

A few notes.

I dropped the quirks and colors because it didn't make as much sense when it wasn't from Harry's POV, and anyway, it would have been super annoying with all this dialogue.

Yes, I did half-ass Hagrid's accent. I don't remember what it's actually supposed to be, but it's all for teh lolz anyway, so I rolled with it.

Poor Tavros. But, that enchantment is a real thing in the books (although only mentioned in passing and never actually elaborated upon), but anyway, I intend to have fun with that magical hoverchair.

Lots of Nepeta and Equius because of updates. ;-;

And I think that's it. Sorting next hopefully. I just figured a transition would be fun.

AGHSLFKJSFJFSDLJKFSDFFFFFF ILU

[Wigmund]

@ anonymousComrade: ;-; Nepetaaaaa. That was adorable. And seriously, don't stop the Karkat/Terezi. You write it too well. :]

Oh, and yeah. Have some more Harry Potter shenanigans.

Wizardstuck > Enter Castle

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Apparently, no one thought it fit to tell any of the new "transfer" students that the train didn't bring them directly to the castle. Nor did anyone tell them that they would be making the rest of the trip by boat, over a lake that contained a giant squid. And, to top it all off, it was pouring down rain. Needless to say, Karkat was not happy.

"Look, I don't fucking understand why we have to take these stupid little boats that look like they'll capsize with the slightest breeze, not to mention that it's fucking raining, when we've got some perfectly fine carriages over there we could take instead." Karkat was doing his best to try to talk sense into the lumbering behemoth that was the human named Hagrid, but it wasn't going so well.

"Sorreh, but orders 're orders. The Headmaster want me ter take yer wit' the rest er the firs' years, 'n' tha' means we go by the Lake." Karkat felt his blood pressure skyrocketing. They were going to go through that mess because some gogdamn stupid fucking headmaster—

"Oh, lighten up Karkat! I'm EXCITED about crossing the lake!" Slowly, he turned to Feferi, who had chosen this inopportune moment to voice her opinion. His mouth was in a snarl and one eye twitched as though it was having an epileptic fit.

"Feferi," he began as calmly as he could (which for Karkat really wasn't very calm at all), "unlike you, not everyone is a water-loving fish freak. I am wet. I am tired. And I do not. Want to. Cross. A. Fucking. Lake." Predictably, Feferi was completely undeterred.

"But there's a giant squid in the lake!" She gushed with excitement. The angry expression dropped from Karkat's face instantly, and there was nothing he could do but facepalm.

"... Alright. Whatever. Let's just get this fucking horrible ship wreck of a day over with."

And so, the kids and trolls boarded the boats.

Only four could fit to a boat. They broke up into groups, predictably ones that were similar to their seating arrangements on the train. Once they, and the first years, were all settled into their makeshift vessels, the voyage began. Had they not been so wet and tired, they might have been amazing that the boats began moving on their own, as if propelled by magic, but just then, they were simply glad that they didn't have to row themselves.

Feferi, as might be expected, could barely contain her excitement. She completely ignored the others on her boat (even Sollux) to look down into the murky depths of the lake. It had been so long since she had a good swim! And there was a giant squid down there somewhere, too! Oh, she was so excited, she could hardly stand it! Finally, she gave in and started taking off her robes until she was down to her black pants and her usual black tank top. She tossed the extra clothes at Sollux, who caught them clumsily.

"Wait, wait, Fef, where the fuck are you going?" Eridan said. Sollux turned to her.

"Whoa, FF, you're not going thwimming, are you?"

"Of course!" She replied with a grin. "I just can't stand it anymore—I've gotta make like a fish and swim! Sea you guys on the other side!" And with that, she dove headfirst into the water. Hagrid, who had a boat all to himself due to his enormous size, noticed the splash and immediately began bellowing.

"Man o'erboard! Dun worry, I'll—"

"Don't worry about her, she probably did that on purpose," Karkat growled from his boat with Terezi, Kanaya, and Gamzee. "She's got fucking gills. She'll be fine." Hagrid blinked, looking fairly confused.

"Well, er, I guess tha's a'right then."

About half way across the lake, Tavros began to realize that his legs felt funny. At first, it was just an odd tingling sensation, like just after Equius had attached them and he was still getting used to feeling again. Eventually, the tingling went away, but it left another, familiar feeling that brought with it a sense of dread.

He couldn't feel them anymore.

"Uhhh, Equius?" The other troll, who had been having a conversation with Nepeta, turned to him with a frown.

"What, brown blood."

"It's my, uhhh, legs. I can't really, uhhh, feel them."

"What?" Equius stood instantly, rocking the boat and warranting a cry from Vriska to sit the fuck down, but it quickly righted itself. Equius didn't seem to notice. He was too busy checking Tavros's legs. At first, he was simply moving them, testing the joints, and then he easily lifted up a sputtering Tavros by the back of his robes to check the mechanisms where the robotics joined with troll flesh. Unfortunately, this had the side effect of looking like he was doing something very strange to Tavros's ass, but he finally gave up, setting the other troll down in a huff.

"There is absolutely no reason they should be malfunctioning," he announced, though he didn't sound pleased. "Have you tried moving them?"

"Uhhh, yeah," Tavros said, a little shakily. He hadn't particularly liked being held up in the air while being groped, even if it was for a legitimate reason. "They, uhhh, don't move at all."

"Don't tell me you're paralyzed again! Jegus, Tavros, you're so pathetic." Vriska sneered, which only served to make Tavros even more uncomfortable about the situation. It was then that the boat struck dry land, jolting them all in their seats. The other three managed to climb out, but, with his legs not functioning, Tavros found that impossible. Equius grabbed him once more by the back of his robes and set him down on the shore. For half a second, he actually managed to balance with absolutely no feeling in his legs, only to fall over in a heap.

"This is, uhhh, very disheartening."

"Wha' seems ter be the problem?" Hagrid had apparently seen Tavros falling over and had come to investigate. The rest of the kids and trolls came as well, even Feferi, who was dripping wet after her dive in the lake.

"His robotic limbs appear to have ceased functioning," Equius said matter-of-factly. Hagrid gave him a look like that seemed to suggest he didn't quite follow.

"Er, if they're like one o' them mechanical contraptions muggles use, then they don' work on school grounds. Bu' if they're 'is legs... It might be best ter go see Dumbledore 'bout i'. I'll take yer there once I hand these kids off'n to McGonagall." The giant lumbered off, leaving Tavros laying in the dirt.

"Poor Tavros! You just don't have any luck with legs, do you?" Nepeta bent down and helped him up to a half-standing position before draping his arms over her shoulders and lifting him up. She grinned. "I'll help you out for meow!"

"Nepeta, that is unnecessary, I can—" Equius began, but Nepeta cut him off.

"No, I want to help! Besides, I'm used to carrying Pounce around like this." Equius looked as though he was going to continue arguing, but he sighed instead.

"Alright, but I will be coming to see this Dumbledore myself."

"That makes two of us, fuckass." Karkat came up behind them, looking wet and pissed. "I've had enough of this fucking bullshit."

"For once, I agree with you, gutter blood," Equius replied. "This lack of mechanical function is preposterous."

"Then shut the fuck up and let's go," Karkat growled. Being called a "gutter blood" apparently didn't improve his mood, either.

True to his word, Hagrid led the four of them to Dumbledore while the rest of the group meandered after the first years at Karkat's instruction (albeit reluctantly). The four soon found themselves staring at a statue of a gargoyle. Hagrid seemed about to speak when the petrified beast leaped out of the way of its own accord, revealing a set of stairs. Climbing down those stairs was a man that looked like he had stepped out of one of Rose's wizard fanfictions. He was also the oldest human any of the trolls had ever seen, with a long beard and wrinkles around his twinkling eyes. He looked down at them through half moon spectacles perched upon his ample nose.

"And what seems to be the matter here?" He asked. They all stared dumbly for a moment, a bit taken aback, before Tavros finally spoke from his place on Nepeta's back.

"My, uhhh, legs don't work." The old man nodded sagely.

"I see. And is that a regular occurence?"

"I, uhhh, not really."

"I should hope not!" Equius said. "My robotic designs are built to withstand most tension, and it certainly takes a great deal to break them. I tested them myself."

"I'm sure you did," Dumbledore replied. "Although, I do believe I know the cause of the problem. There's an enchantment over the castle, you see. It keeps any electrical devices, and apparently robotic limbs, from working. If I had known of young Tavros's predicament, I would have made arrangements, but for now, I can only offer him a chair that will allow him mobility." He waved a hand, and, indeed, a chair did appear. It looked a lot like Tavros's old wheelchair, except that it didn't have wheels. It simply floated in midair. Nepeta carefully lowered Tavros into it. He was surprised to find that it was quite comfortable.

"The hell?" Karkat said, looking incredulous. "How the fuck does that work?"

"Magic, my dear boy, as you will find with many things in this castle." Dumbledore simply smiled. "In any case, this chair will move with a thought. Far more convenient than those muggle rolling contraptions, is it not? Madam Pomfrey always keeps several on hand, just in case." And with that, he began walking past them down the hall. "However, if we do not leave soon, I fear that we will all be late to the sorting ceremony. So, let us depart!" He continued on, and soon Tavros, trying out his new chair, followed at a steady pace. Nepeta was not far behind, and then Equius after her, with Hagrid following behind. Karkat just stood still for a moment, raging silently inside about crazy ass wizards and their magic and their fucking castles. Once he got a hold of himself, he began walking after them as well.

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A few notes.

I dropped the quirks and colors because it didn't make as much sense when it wasn't from Harry's POV, and anyway, it would have been super annoying with all this dialogue.

Yes, I did half-ass Hagrid's accent. I don't remember what it's actually supposed to be, but it's all for teh lolz anyway, so I rolled with it.

Poor Tavros. But, that enchantment is a real thing in the books (although only mentioned in passing and never actually elaborated upon), but anyway, I intend to have fun with that magical hoverchair.

Lots of Nepeta and Equius because of updates. ;-;

And I think that's it. Sorting next hopefully. I just figured a transition would be fun.

Nepeta has to kill most of Hagrid's fiercest beasts and use their blood to paint a grand shipping wall on the side of Hogwarts.

[draconicAlgorithm]

@twinTempo: Thank you! ^^ I intend for it to be. Maybe some surprises for who goes where? (even though most of them were predicted. >>) And yes, there shall be stair shenanigans. :]

@Rimbaum: ilu2 lol, thanks.

@Wigmund: Hahaha, yes.

Chapter 7: Just A Game

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CAC RIGHT NOW opened memo on board Doomed Is Just A Word.

CAC banned PAG from responding to memo.
CAC banned CAG from responding to memo.
CAC banned FAG from responding to memo.
CAC: :33 < *the purrfectly impurrtand pouncelor bangs her gavel
CAC: :33 < bang bang BANG
CAC: :33 < she would like to declare this meeting of the roleplaying subcom-kitty open!*
CAC: :33 < *she now invites all the purrmanent members to check in*
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAT: pRESENT,
CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGG: present!
CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCC: PR-------ESENT!!!
CAC: :33 < *she would now like to ask the special guest members to respawnd*
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAA: ribbit
CAA: i mean present
CURRENT TentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTT: Present.
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCA: present
CAC: :33 < *the pouncelor would like to welcome the new furrhiends*
CAC: :33 < *aradia is an expurrienced roleplayer who has taken a long break!*
CAA: i am excited to be back in the f0ld!
CAC: :33 < *rose is new to the pursuit
CTT: I hope to adapt quickly.
CAC: :33 < *and eridan is reminded that he is here on purrbation
CA: and yet i am still just as hopeful and --EXCIT--ED as anyone
CCC: T)(e c)(ief caretaker would like to warn the wizard that stealing )(her style will result in cruel and unusual pun-IS)(M----ENT!
CCA: the mighty wwizard of wwhite science says brin it on
CCA: he has taken her carp before and he can do it again
CCC: She asks is that so?
CCC: Per)(aps it is time to tuna things up and prepare the battle aquarium!
CAC: :33 < *ac would like to interrupt and say that she appreciates the enthusiasm
CAC: :33 < but we have a lot to get through today, so please keep interruptions to a meownimum
CAA: the pretty peasant girl gr0ans
CAA: she is n0t 0kay with that last pun!
CAC: :33 < *the pouncelor pawnders whether the peasant girl’s suitor knows she is a peasant girl here*
CAA: the peasant girl in turn p0nders whether the p0uncell0r’s 0bject 0f affection is aware 0f his status as such
CAC: :33 < *the pouncelor backs down*
CAC: :33 < *she suggests the boy-skylark begin the adventure*
CAT: oKAY,
CAT: iT IS THE BEGINNING OF THE SCENARIO AND THE PARTY STANDS ON THE ROAD,
CAT: tHAT ENTERS THE WOODS IN ONE DIRECTION,
CAT: aND RETURNS TO THE TOWN IN THE OTHER,
CAT: yOU SEE A GNOME AT THE WOODS ENTRANCE,
CAT: mAYBE HE KNOWS ABOUT THE MAGIC RING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RETRIEVE,
CAT: iS WHAT YOU THINK,
CCA: i grasp him with my scientific powers
CAT: oKAY,
CCA: then i wwring the knowwledge of the ring’s wwherabouts from his pathetic gnomey brain
CAT: i GUESS THAT’S OKAY,
CAT: oKAY, sO HE KNOWS THE RING IS IN THE TOWER OF THE WIZARD OF BLOOD AND WAR TO THE SOUTHEAST,
CCA: i fly towwards the towwer immediately and defeat the sad excuse for a wwizard
CAT: wAIT,
CCA: i then reduce his towwer to rubble and get the ring from the ruins
CCA: vvictorious, i present the ring to the caretaker
CAT: nO, eRIDAN,
CCA: there
CCA: i did all a the wwork so i should gain all a the experience
CCA: is it enough for me to level
CAC: :33 < *there is no experience, eridan!
CCC: Also, t)(ere are no levels!
CCC: NON---E of t)(em!!!
CCC: Glub glub glub!
CCA: wwait wwhat
CAT: wE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD BE OVERLY COMPETITIVE,
CAT: sO WE DECIDED WE WOULD MAYBE TRY A GAME WITHOUT OBVIOUS REWARDS,
CAT: oR POWER RANKS,
CAA: and y0ur class’s p0wers aren’t relevant here
CAA: we all have exactly the same am0unt of p0wer
CAA: regardless 0f whether we wield wizardry 0r just 0ur minds
CCA: but if there are no levvels
CCA: then wwhat is the point
CAT: tHERE IS NO REAL POINT, i DON’T THINK,
CAT: wE JUST PRETEND TO BE OTHER PEOPLE,
CAT: aND SORT OF COLLABORATE TO MAKE A STORY,
CAT: fOR FUN,
CAT: bECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS,
CCC: Come on, -Eridan, you are ----EMBARRASSING us!
CCC: Me and Tavros )(ad to really stick our gills out so that you would be allowed to come )(ere.
CCC: You )(aven’t exactly been very trustwort)(y around roleplaying in t)(e past!
CCA: sorry fef
CCA: i am tryin but it’s hard
CCA: roleplayin is hard and i don’t think i really understand
CAT: iT’S OKAY,
CAT: i THINK WE CAN HELP YOU GET IT,
CAT: iF YOU ARE WILLING TO TRY,
CCA: at this point i wwill try anythin
CAT: oKAY, mAYBE WE CAN RESTART FROM WHEN YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT THE OTHER WIZARD,
CAT: uP UNTIL THEN I THINK YOU WERE DOING KIND OF OKAY,
CAT: aND MAYBE LET SOMEONE ELSE DO SOMETHING,
CAT: bECAUSE IT’S NOT A VERY FUN STORY IF YOU JUST BEAT THE VILLAIN SO EASILY,
AT: i DON’T THINK,
CCA: okay
CAT: rOSE, wHY DON’T YOU TRY SOMETHING,
CAT: i MEAN, iF YOU WANT,
CTT: I would be happy to.
CTT: The Special Investigator is extremely distressed at the news.
CTT: She reaches into her pouch of artifacts collected over a lifetime of study and draws out a number of mystical charms.
CTT: She believes they will shield the party from the blackhearted wizard’s eldritch sight.
CCA: hey
CCC: No, --Eridan, the OT)(---ER wizard!
CCA: oh
CAC: :33 < *the mighty huntress takes her feline form*
CAC: :33 < *she enters the woods, jumping from one tree to another*
CAT: oKAY, sEE, tHIS IS GOOD,
CAT: eVERYONE IS WORKING AS A TEAM AND HAVING FUN,
CAT: wHICH I THINK IS SORT OF WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT,
CCA: i guess i...followw
CCA: is that right
CAA: it is a g00d start
CAA: i think we will all f0ll0w
CAA: while checking carefully f0r traps 0r ambushes
CAT: vERY CLEVER,
CAT: bECAUSE YOU HAVE SUCH A GOOD SCOUT AND YOU ARE BEING SO CAREFUL,
CAT: yOU NOTICE A GROUP OF GOBLINS CAMPED OUT AND WAITING FOR YOU,
CCA: i jump out and use my powwers of science to kill
CCA: some a them
CCA: i guess
CGG: the brave explorer will scamper in-between two bushes
CGG: and fire her gun
CCG: *pew pew*
CAA: the peasant girl n0tices that the g0blins unwisely left a c0ntainer 0f black p0wder near the open flame
CAA: she t0sses an apple t0wards it pushing it int0 the fire and scattering burning embers 0n the creatures
CAC: :33 < *and the feline huntress pounces from a top branch to kill the last one!*
CAC: :33 < *she then drinks his blood, which is delicious*
CTT: The Investigator stands by calmly while watching her party slaughter the enemies.
CTT: Once the gruesome spectacle has run its course, she moves forward to search through the corpses for any special orders or other clues.
CAT: oKAY, yOU DON’T REALLY FIND ANYTHING,
CAT: yOU THINK THAT MAYBE THOSE WEREN’T SPECIAL TROOPS,
CAT: bUT JUST SOME RANDOM HENCHMEN,
CCA: i wwill use my wwhite powwers to givve us the guise of these goblins
CCC: ----Eridan!
CCA: wwas that wwrong
CCC: No!
CCC: T)(at was good!!!!
CAT: oKAY, WITH THESE DISGUISES YOU,
CAT: gET RIGHT INTO THE TOWER EAISLY, i GUESS,
CAT: aND FORTUNATELY FOR YOU, tHE WIZARD IS ON THE FIRST FLOOR,
CAT: wONDERING WHY YOU ARE HERE,
CAT: tHINKING YOU ARE HIS MINIONS,
CAT: aND NOT AN ADVENTURING PARTY,
CCC: The sea enc)(antress sings )(er song, summoning t)(e creatures of the deep to )(elp!
CAT: uHHHH, fEFERI, i HAVE EXPLAINED THIS BEFORE,
CAT: yOU CAN’T SUMMON YOUR SEA FRIENDS LIKE THAT,
CAT: sEA CREATURES TEND NOT TO BE VERY USEFUL ON LAND,
CAT: uHHH, pRESENT COMPANY EXCLUDED,
CCC: FIN------------E!
CGG: before the wizard is alerted the explorer fires her gun at his wand!
CAT: tHAT IS A GOOD IDEA,
CAT: eXCEPT THAT THE BULLET BOUNCESS OFF OF A MAGICAL SHIELD AROUND THE WAND,
CAT: aNY GOOD WIZARD WOULD HAVE ONE OF THOSE, oF COURSE,
CCA: and for unrelated reasons can wwe wwrap this up quickly
CCA: i suddenly remembered something i havve to do
CTT: As you like.
CTT: The inspector pulls an ancient amulet from her bag.
CTT: She suggests that the white wizard join her in matching magics with his darker counterpart.
CCA: gladly
CAT: yOU, uHHHH, lOCK POWERS WITH EACH OTHER,
CAT: aND ARE PRETTY EVENLY MATCHED,
CGG: luckily those two are not the entire party!
CGG: the explorer invites the huntress to join her in keeping minions out of the room
CAC: :33 < *the huntress happily joins her in this pursuit!*
CAA: and i supp0se it is left t0 the peasant t0 chuck s0mething at the dark wizard
CAA: disrupting his c0ncentrati0n and leading him t0 l0se the spell duel
CAT: yES, aLL RIGHT,
CAT: hE IS TURNED TO ASH BY YOUR COMBINED POWERS,
CAT: aND THE RING FALLS TO THE FLOOR,
CAT: gOOD JOB EVERYBODY,
CGG: yay, tavros!
CGG: that was fun!
CCA: holy mackerel!
CCA: is this what you guys havve been doin all along
CAT: wELL, yES,
CAA: pretty much
CCA: wwell i like it
CCA: can wwe do it again sometime
CCC: Y--------ES!!!
CCC: -----ERIDAN, you finally understand the spirit of roleplaying!!!
CCA: i lovve you guys
CCC: Don’t push it ---Eridan!
CCA: yeah okay
CAC: :33 < *good job, everybody
CAC: :33 < *the pouncellor says it is time to say goodbye!
CAC: :33 < s33 you all next time!*

CAC closed memo.

Also, this was adorable. I haven't read the rest, but I want to. I liked that it was stand alone, too. Although, Eridan's having to leave early makes me kind of nervous. :x

[X15lm204]

@ anonymousComrade: ;-; Nepetaaaaa. That was adorable. And seriously, don't stop the Karkat/Terezi. You write it too well. :]

Oh, and yeah. Have some more Harry Potter shenanigans.

Wizardstuck > Enter Castle

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Apparently, no one thought it fit to tell any of the new "transfer" students that the train didn't bring them directly to the castle. Nor did anyone tell them that they would be making the rest of the trip by boat, over a lake that contained a giant squid. And, to top it all off, it was pouring down rain. Needless to say, Karkat was not happy.

"Look, I don't fucking understand why we have to take these stupid little boats that look like they'll capsize with the slightest breeze, not to mention that it's fucking raining, when we've got some perfectly fine carriages over there we could take instead." Karkat was doing his best to try to talk sense into the lumbering behemoth that was the human named Hagrid, but it wasn't going so well.

"Sorreh, but orders 're orders. The Headmaster want me ter take yer wit' the rest er the firs' years, 'n' tha' means we go by the Lake." Karkat felt his blood pressure skyrocketing. They were going to go through that mess because some gogdamn stupid fucking headmaster—

"Oh, lighten up Karkat! I'm EXCITED about crossing the lake!" Slowly, he turned to Feferi, who had chosen this inopportune moment to voice her opinion. His mouth was in a snarl and one eye twitched as though it was having an epileptic fit.

"Feferi," he began as calmly as he could (which for Karkat really wasn't very calm at all), "unlike you, not everyone is a water-loving fish freak. I am wet. I am tired. And I do not. Want to. Cross. A. Fucking. Lake." Predictably, Feferi was completely undeterred.

"But there's a giant squid in the lake!" She gushed with excitement. The angry expression dropped from Karkat's face instantly, and there was nothing he could do but facepalm.

"... Alright. Whatever. Let's just get this fucking horrible ship wreck of a day over with."

And so, the kids and trolls boarded the boats.

Only four could fit to a boat. They broke up into groups, predictably ones that were similar to their seating arrangements on the train. Once they, and the first years, were all settled into their makeshift vessels, the voyage began. Had they not been so wet and tired, they might have been amazing that the boats began moving on their own, as if propelled by magic, but just then, they were simply glad that they didn't have to row themselves.

Feferi, as might be expected, could barely contain her excitement. She completely ignored the others on her boat (even Sollux) to look down into the murky depths of the lake. It had been so long since she had a good swim! And there was a giant squid down there somewhere, too! Oh, she was so excited, she could hardly stand it! Finally, she gave in and started taking off her robes until she was down to her black pants and her usual black tank top. She tossed the extra clothes at Sollux, who caught them clumsily.

"Wait, wait, Fef, where the fuck are you going?" Eridan said. Sollux turned to her.

"Whoa, FF, you're not going thwimming, are you?"

"Of course!" She replied with a grin. "I just can't stand it anymore—I've gotta make like a fish and swim! Sea you guys on the other side!" And with that, she dove headfirst into the water. Hagrid, who had a boat all to himself due to his enormous size, noticed the splash and immediately began bellowing.

"Man o'erboard! Dun worry, I'll—"

"Don't worry about her, she probably did that on purpose," Karkat growled from his boat with Terezi, Kanaya, and Gamzee. "She's got fucking gills. She'll be fine." Hagrid blinked, looking fairly confused.

"Well, er, I guess tha's a'right then."

About half way across the lake, Tavros began to realize that his legs felt funny. At first, it was just an odd tingling sensation, like just after Equius had attached them and he was still getting used to feeling again. Eventually, the tingling went away, but it left another, familiar feeling that brought with it a sense of dread.

He couldn't feel them anymore.

"Uhhh, Equius?" The other troll, who had been having a conversation with Nepeta, turned to him with a frown.

"What, brown blood."

"It's my, uhhh, legs. I can't really, uhhh, feel them."

"What?" Equius stood instantly, rocking the boat and warranting a cry from Vriska to sit the fuck down, but it quickly righted itself. Equius didn't seem to notice. He was too busy checking Tavros's legs. At first, he was simply moving them, testing the joints, and then he easily lifted up a sputtering Tavros by the back of his robes to check the mechanisms where the robotics joined with troll flesh. Unfortunately, this had the side effect of looking like he was doing something very strange to Tavros's ass, but he finally gave up, setting the other troll down in a huff.

"There is absolutely no reason they should be malfunctioning," he announced, though he didn't sound pleased. "Have you tried moving them?"

"Uhhh, yeah," Tavros said, a little shakily. He hadn't particularly liked being held up in the air while being groped, even if it was for a legitimate reason. "They, uhhh, don't move at all."

"Don't tell me you're paralyzed again! Jegus, Tavros, you're so pathetic." Vriska sneered, which only served to make Tavros even more uncomfortable about the situation. It was then that the boat struck dry land, jolting them all in their seats. The other three managed to climb out, but, with his legs not functioning, Tavros found that impossible. Equius grabbed him once more by the back of his robes and set him down on the shore. For half a second, he actually managed to balance with absolutely no feeling in his legs, only to fall over in a heap.

"This is, uhhh, very disheartening."

"Wha' seems ter be the problem?" Hagrid had apparently seen Tavros falling over and had come to investigate. The rest of the kids and trolls came as well, even Feferi, who was dripping wet after her dive in the lake.

"His robotic limbs appear to have ceased functioning," Equius said matter-of-factly. Hagrid gave him a look like that seemed to suggest he didn't quite follow.

"Er, if they're like one o' them mechanical contraptions muggles use, then they don' work on school grounds. Bu' if they're 'is legs... It might be best ter go see Dumbledore 'bout i'. I'll take yer there once I hand these kids off'n to McGonagall." The giant lumbered off, leaving Tavros laying in the dirt.

"Poor Tavros! You just don't have any luck with legs, do you?" Nepeta bent down and helped him up to a half-standing position before draping his arms over her shoulders and lifting him up. She grinned. "I'll help you out for meow!"

"Nepeta, that is unnecessary, I can—" Equius began, but Nepeta cut him off.

"No, I want to help! Besides, I'm used to carrying Pounce around like this." Equius looked as though he was going to continue arguing, but he sighed instead.

"Alright, but I will be coming to see this Dumbledore myself."

"That makes two of us, fuckass." Karkat came up behind them, looking wet and pissed. "I've had enough of this fucking bullshit."

"For once, I agree with you, gutter blood," Equius replied. "This lack of mechanical function is preposterous."

"Then shut the fuck up and let's go," Karkat growled. Being called a "gutter blood" apparently didn't improve his mood, either.

True to his word, Hagrid led the four of them to Dumbledore while the rest of the group meandered after the first years at Karkat's instruction (albeit reluctantly). The four soon found themselves staring at a statue of a gargoyle. Hagrid seemed about to speak when the petrified beast leaped out of the way of its own accord, revealing a set of stairs. Climbing down those stairs was a man that looked like he had stepped out of one of Rose's wizard fanfictions. He was also the oldest human any of the trolls had ever seen, with a long beard and wrinkles around his twinkling eyes. He looked down at them through half moon spectacles perched upon his ample nose.

"And what seems to be the matter here?" He asked. They all stared dumbly for a moment, a bit taken aback, before Tavros finally spoke from his place on Nepeta's back.

"My, uhhh, legs don't work." The old man nodded sagely.

"I see. And is that a regular occurence?"

"I, uhhh, not really."

"I should hope not!" Equius said. "My robotic designs are built to withstand most tension, and it certainly takes a great deal to break them. I tested them myself."

"I'm sure you did," Dumbledore replied. "Although, I do believe I know the cause of the problem. There's an enchantment over the castle, you see. It keeps any electrical devices, and apparently robotic limbs, from working. If I had known of young Tavros's predicament, I would have made arrangements, but for now, I can only offer him a chair that will allow him mobility." He waved a hand, and, indeed, a chair did appear. It looked a lot like Tavros's old wheelchair, except that it didn't have wheels. It simply floated in midair. Nepeta carefully lowered Tavros into it. He was surprised to find that it was quite comfortable.

"The hell?" Karkat said, looking incredulous. "How the fuck does that work?"

"Magic, my dear boy, as you will find with many things in this castle." Dumbledore simply smiled. "In any case, this chair will move with a thought. Far more convenient than those muggle rolling contraptions, is it not? Madam Pomfrey always keeps several on hand, just in case." And with that, he began walking past them down the hall. "However, if we do not leave soon, I fear that we will all be late to the sorting ceremony. So, let us depart!" He continued on, and soon Tavros, trying out his new chair, followed at a steady pace. Nepeta was not far behind, and then Equius after her, with Hagrid following behind. Karkat just stood still for a moment, raging silently inside about crazy ass wizards and their magic and their fucking castles. Once he got a hold of himself, he began walking after them as well.

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A few notes.

I dropped the quirks and colors because it didn't make as much sense when it wasn't from Harry's POV, and anyway, it would have been super annoying with all this dialogue.

Yes, I did half-ass Hagrid's accent. I don't remember what it's actually supposed to be, but it's all for teh lolz anyway, so I rolled with it.

Poor Tavros. But, that enchantment is a real thing in the books (although only mentioned in passing and never actually elaborated upon), but anyway, I intend to have fun with that magical hoverchair.

Lots of Nepeta and Equius because of updates. ;-;

And I think that's it. Sorting next hopefully. I just figured a transition would be fun.

Nepeta has to kill most of Hagrid's fiercest beasts and use their blood to paint a grand shipping wall on the side of Hogwarts.

...

Cannot stop picturing HermionePurrmione♠MalfoyMeowfoy doodles
Nepeta will not, of course, have yet explained to them the troll romance system. Of course, it'll only get worse when they learn what Blackrom is.
The only question is which of them goes for the Unforgivables first.

[SeptimusMagistos]

Also, this was adorable. I haven't read the rest, but I want to. I liked that it was stand alone, too. Although, Eridan's having to leave early makes me kind of nervous. :x

Don't worry too much. He's just going to run somewhere and make sure his wand can't be snapped like a twig by anyone getting in a lucky shot. With Noir gone, my Eridan is just a little bit more stable than the canon one.

[Portalboat]

Krensky. YOU *MUST* continue Mythstuckers.

[Jim Groovester]

Chapter 7: Just A Game

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CAC RIGHT NOW opened memo on board Doomed Is Just A Word.

CAC banned PAG from responding to memo.
CAC banned CAG from responding to memo.
CAC banned FAG from responding to memo.
CAC: :33 < *the purrfectly impurrtand pouncelor bangs her gavel
CAC: :33 < bang bang BANG
CAC: :33 < she would like to declare this meeting of the roleplaying subcom-kitty open!*
CAC: :33 < *she now invites all the purrmanent members to check in*
CURRENT adiosToreador [CAT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAT: pRESENT,
CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGG: present!
CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCC: PR-------ESENT!!!
CAC: :33 < *she would now like to ask the special guest members to respawnd*
CURRENT apocalypseArisen [CAA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAA: ribbit
CAA: i mean present
CURRENT TentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTT: Present.
CURRENT caligulasAquarium [CCA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCA: present
CAC: :33 < *the pouncelor would like to welcome the new furrhiends*
CAC: :33 < *aradia is an expurrienced roleplayer who has taken a long break!*
CAA: i am excited to be back in the f0ld!
CAC: :33 < *rose is new to the pursuit
CTT: I hope to adapt quickly.
CAC: :33 < *and eridan is reminded that he is here on purrbation
CA: and yet i am still just as hopeful and --EXCIT--ED as anyone
CCC: T)(e c)(ief caretaker would like to warn the wizard that stealing )(her style will result in cruel and unusual pun-IS)(M----ENT!
CCA: the mighty wwizard of wwhite science says brin it on
CCA: he has taken her carp before and he can do it again
CCC: She asks is that so?
CCC: Per)(aps it is time to tuna things up and prepare the battle aquarium!
CAC: :33 < *ac would like to interrupt and say that she appreciates the enthusiasm
CAC: :33 < but we have a lot to get through today, so please keep interruptions to a meownimum
CAA: the pretty peasant girl gr0ans
CAA: she is n0t 0kay with that last pun!
CAC: :33 < *the pouncelor pawnders whether the peasant girl’s suitor knows she is a peasant girl here*
CAA: the peasant girl in turn p0nders whether the p0uncell0r’s 0bject 0f affection is aware 0f his status as such
CAC: :33 < *the pouncelor backs down*
CAC: :33 < *she suggests the boy-skylark begin the adventure*
CAT: oKAY,
CAT: iT IS THE BEGINNING OF THE SCENARIO AND THE PARTY STANDS ON THE ROAD,
CAT: tHAT ENTERS THE WOODS IN ONE DIRECTION,
CAT: aND RETURNS TO THE TOWN IN THE OTHER,
CAT: yOU SEE A GNOME AT THE WOODS ENTRANCE,
CAT: mAYBE HE KNOWS ABOUT THE MAGIC RING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RETRIEVE,
CAT: iS WHAT YOU THINK,
CCA: i grasp him with my scientific powers
CAT: oKAY,
CCA: then i wwring the knowwledge of the ring’s wwherabouts from his pathetic gnomey brain
CAT: i GUESS THAT’S OKAY,
CAT: oKAY, sO HE KNOWS THE RING IS IN THE TOWER OF THE WIZARD OF BLOOD AND WAR TO THE SOUTHEAST,
CCA: i fly towwards the towwer immediately and defeat the sad excuse for a wwizard
CAT: wAIT,
CCA: i then reduce his towwer to rubble and get the ring from the ruins
CCA: vvictorious, i present the ring to the caretaker
CAT: nO, eRIDAN,
CCA: there
CCA: i did all a the wwork so i should gain all a the experience
CCA: is it enough for me to level
CAC: :33 < *there is no experience, eridan!
CCC: Also, t)(ere are no levels!
CCC: NON---E of t)(em!!!
CCC: Glub glub glub!
CCA: wwait wwhat
CAT: wE THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD BE OVERLY COMPETITIVE,
CAT: sO WE DECIDED WE WOULD MAYBE TRY A GAME WITHOUT OBVIOUS REWARDS,
CAT: oR POWER RANKS,
CAA: and y0ur class’s p0wers aren’t relevant here
CAA: we all have exactly the same am0unt of p0wer
CAA: regardless 0f whether we wield wizardry 0r just 0ur minds
CCA: but if there are no levvels
CCA: then wwhat is the point
CAT: tHERE IS NO REAL POINT, i DON’T THINK,
CAT: wE JUST PRETEND TO BE OTHER PEOPLE,
CAT: aND SORT OF COLLABORATE TO MAKE A STORY,
CAT: fOR FUN,
CAT: bECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS,
CCC: Come on, -Eridan, you are ----EMBARRASSING us!
CCC: Me and Tavros )(ad to really stick our gills out so that you would be allowed to come )(ere.
CCC: You )(aven’t exactly been very trustwort)(y around roleplaying in t)(e past!
CCA: sorry fef
CCA: i am tryin but it’s hard
CCA: roleplayin is hard and i don’t think i really understand
CAT: iT’S OKAY,
CAT: i THINK WE CAN HELP YOU GET IT,
CAT: iF YOU ARE WILLING TO TRY,
CCA: at this point i wwill try anythin
CAT: oKAY, mAYBE WE CAN RESTART FROM WHEN YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT THE OTHER WIZARD,
CAT: uP UNTIL THEN I THINK YOU WERE DOING KIND OF OKAY,
CAT: aND MAYBE LET SOMEONE ELSE DO SOMETHING,
CAT: bECAUSE IT’S NOT A VERY FUN STORY IF YOU JUST BEAT THE VILLAIN SO EASILY,
AT: i DON’T THINK,
CCA: okay
CAT: rOSE, wHY DON’T YOU TRY SOMETHING,
CAT: i MEAN, iF YOU WANT,
CTT: I would be happy to.
CTT: The Special Investigator is extremely distressed at the news.
CTT: She reaches into her pouch of artifacts collected over a lifetime of study and draws out a number of mystical charms.
CTT: She believes they will shield the party from the blackhearted wizard’s eldritch sight.
CCA: hey
CCC: No, --Eridan, the OT)(---ER wizard!
CCA: oh
CAC: :33 < *the mighty huntress takes her feline form*
CAC: :33 < *she enters the woods, jumping from one tree to another*
CAT: oKAY, sEE, tHIS IS GOOD,
CAT: eVERYONE IS WORKING AS A TEAM AND HAVING FUN,
CAT: wHICH I THINK IS SORT OF WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT,
CCA: i guess i...followw
CCA: is that right
CAA: it is a g00d start
CAA: i think we will all f0ll0w
CAA: while checking carefully f0r traps 0r ambushes
CAT: vERY CLEVER,
CAT: bECAUSE YOU HAVE SUCH A GOOD SCOUT AND YOU ARE BEING SO CAREFUL,
CAT: yOU NOTICE A GROUP OF GOBLINS CAMPED OUT AND WAITING FOR YOU,
CCA: i jump out and use my powwers of science to kill
CCA: some a them
CCA: i guess
CGG: the brave explorer will scamper in-between two bushes
CGG: and fire her gun
CCG: *pew pew*
CAA: the peasant girl n0tices that the g0blins unwisely left a c0ntainer 0f black p0wder near the open flame
CAA: she t0sses an apple t0wards it pushing it int0 the fire and scattering burning embers 0n the creatures
CAC: :33 < *and the feline huntress pounces from a top branch to kill the last one!*
CAC: :33 < *she then drinks his blood, which is delicious*
CTT: The Investigator stands by calmly while watching her party slaughter the enemies.
CTT: Once the gruesome spectacle has run its course, she moves forward to search through the corpses for any special orders or other clues.
CAT: oKAY, yOU DON’T REALLY FIND ANYTHING,
CAT: yOU THINK THAT MAYBE THOSE WEREN’T SPECIAL TROOPS,
CAT: bUT JUST SOME RANDOM HENCHMEN,
CCA: i wwill use my wwhite powwers to givve us the guise of these goblins
CCC: ----Eridan!
CCA: wwas that wwrong
CCC: No!
CCC: T)(at was good!!!!
CAT: oKAY, WITH THESE DISGUISES YOU,
CAT: gET RIGHT INTO THE TOWER EAISLY, i GUESS,
CAT: aND FORTUNATELY FOR YOU, tHE WIZARD IS ON THE FIRST FLOOR,
CAT: wONDERING WHY YOU ARE HERE,
CAT: tHINKING YOU ARE HIS MINIONS,
CAT: aND NOT AN ADVENTURING PARTY,
CCC: The sea enc)(antress sings )(er song, summoning t)(e creatures of the deep to )(elp!
CAT: uHHHH, fEFERI, i HAVE EXPLAINED THIS BEFORE,
CAT: yOU CAN’T SUMMON YOUR SEA FRIENDS LIKE THAT,
CAT: sEA CREATURES TEND NOT TO BE VERY USEFUL ON LAND,
CAT: uHHH, pRESENT COMPANY EXCLUDED,
CCC: FIN------------E!
CGG: before the wizard is alerted the explorer fires her gun at his wand!
CAT: tHAT IS A GOOD IDEA,
CAT: eXCEPT THAT THE BULLET BOUNCESS OFF OF A MAGICAL SHIELD AROUND THE WAND,
CAT: aNY GOOD WIZARD WOULD HAVE ONE OF THOSE, oF COURSE,
CCA: and for unrelated reasons can wwe wwrap this up quickly
CCA: i suddenly remembered something i havve to do
CTT: As you like.
CTT: The inspector pulls an ancient amulet from her bag.
CTT: She suggests that the white wizard join her in matching magics with his darker counterpart.
CCA: gladly
CAT: yOU, uHHHH, lOCK POWERS WITH EACH OTHER,
CAT: aND ARE PRETTY EVENLY MATCHED,
CGG: luckily those two are not the entire party!
CGG: the explorer invites the huntress to join her in keeping minions out of the room
CAC: :33 < *the huntress happily joins her in this pursuit!*
CAA: and i supp0se it is left t0 the peasant t0 chuck s0mething at the dark wizard
CAA: disrupting his c0ncentrati0n and leading him t0 l0se the spell duel
CAT: yES, aLL RIGHT,
CAT: hE IS TURNED TO ASH BY YOUR COMBINED POWERS,
CAT: aND THE RING FALLS TO THE FLOOR,
CAT: gOOD JOB EVERYBODY,
CGG: yay, tavros!
CGG: that was fun!
CCA: holy mackerel!
CCA: is this what you guys havve been doin all along
CAT: wELL, yES,
CAA: pretty much
CCA: wwell i like it
CCA: can wwe do it again sometime
CCC: Y--------ES!!!
CCC: -----ERIDAN, you finally understand the spirit of roleplaying!!!
CCA: i lovve you guys
CCC: Don’t push it ---Eridan!
CCA: yeah okay
CAC: :33 < *good job, everybody
CAC: :33 < *the pouncellor says it is time to say goodbye!
CAC: :33 < s33 you all next time!*

CAC closed memo.

This is delightful. I enjoyed it immensely.

[Rimbaum]

...

Cannot stop picturing HermionePurrmione♠MalfoyMeowfoy doodles
Nepeta will not, of course, have yet explained to them the troll romance system. Of course, it'll only get worse when they learn what Blackrom is.
The only question is which of them goes for the Unforgivables first.

OHGOGYES.

Also, Harry ♦ Ron OTP. You know it to be true.

[draconicAlgorithm]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

hahaha no

...

Cannot stop picturing HermionePurrmione♠MalfoyMeowfoy doodles
Nepeta will not, of course, have yet explained to them the troll romance system. Of course, it'll only get worse when they learn what Blackrom is.
The only question is which of them goes for the Unforgivables first.

butbutbut

I ship Purrmione<3Meowfoy D:

Although, in retrospect, <3- makes so much more sense.

-avvada kedavvra'd-

[Twigwise]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

hahaha no

...

Cannot stop picturing HermionePurrmione♠MalfoyMeowfoy doodles
Nepeta will not, of course, have yet explained to them the troll romance system. Of course, it'll only get worse when they learn what Blackrom is.
The only question is which of them goes for the Unforgivables first.

butbutbut

I ship PurrmioneMeowfoy

Although, in retrospect, - makes so much more sense.

-avvada kedavvra'd-

Stoppit guys, it's one in the morning here and I still have homework to do, I don't have time to go and rewrite all of my Harry Potter fanfiction so it all fits into trollmance!

(I shipped Malfoy-Potter before I even knew what the word "Homosexual" meant >.> )

[SkaianRedeemer]

Troll relationships: making Draco/Hermione make more sense since mid-2010.

I can't believe you wrote that entire roleplaying session, Septimus, loved it.

[apocalypticCritic]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

hahaha no

...

Cannot stop picturing HermionePurrmione♠MalfoyMeowfoy doodles
Nepeta will not, of course, have yet explained to them the troll romance system. Of course, it'll only get worse when they learn what Blackrom is.
The only question is which of them goes for the Unforgivables first.

butbutbut

I ship PurrmioneMeowfoy

Although, in retrospect, - makes so much more sense.

-avvada kedavvra'd-

Stoppit guys, it's one in the morning here and I still have homework to do, I don't have time to go and rewrite all of my Harry Potter fanfiction so it all fits into trollmance!

(I shipped Malfoy-Potter before I even knew what the word "Homosexual" meant >.> )

Not like the concept of homosexuality matters with the whole Trollmance thing.

[Tybian Sothoth]

Hello guys

Just giving a little heads up that I'll be returning to, and hopefully finishing, The Survivor within the next day or so.

I managed to catch myself brainstorming a flurry of ideas for it. Ideas that if I tried to incorporate into the story now, we'd soon see it evolve into a 100+ chapter ordeal, spanning the entire unknown doings of Hivebent.

I have a fairly good grasp on how I would like it to end, but I will keep the exact ending a secret to both you and even me.

I'd like to note that I very much appreciated and still appreciate the PM's and the constructive criticism throughout the writing process. This experience better sharpened my insight on character development, control, and grammar (>.<), I'll say again that every little bit helped.

I had TONS of fun writing for all of the trolls, and this last string of updates have been that much more effective in causing me to feel a small sense of loss (:'( Equius).

Anyway, I'll be wrapping up The Survivor soon, so stay tuned

[anonymousComrade]

And now for something completely different. If you wanted more KarkatTerezi then you will have to get your fix elsewhere!

Those of you familiar with self-imposed challenges in video games in general (and with such challenges in Final Fantasy Tactics in particular) should like this, I hope!

I submit for your approval:
Self-Imposed Challenge

show spoiler

hide spoiler

GameBRO Forums - Vidya Discussion - Adventure/RPG -> SBURB
The SBURB Straight Character Challenge - Revision 6
Posted by Sburbian on 4/13/2012 (Last edit: 10/25/2012)

Alright guys, we've been playing SBURB for 3 years now. Most of us have beaten it like fifty times and it's barely a challenge anymore, but we still play it just to see what the game throws at us next. If you're a new player, you should definitely get a few complete games under your belt first. But if you're a vet looking for a fresh take on this classic, look no further than the SBURB Straight Character Challenge.

Simply put, this challenge puts your skills to the test in ways you'd never have to deal with normally. For example, in a normal game, most first denizens can be duoed by a hammerkind Soldier and any Space-aspect character. There have been sessions with as few as three players that walked away not just with a victory over the Black Queen, but a total obliteration of Derse's army.

But how do you deal with threats when you only have one set of tools? One Monk of Frost can be an invaluable ally against a Flame Ogre; going up against one with a team composed entirely of them would be suicide if handled in the usual manner. When you're forced to use a team made up of characters with the same class and aspect, it's a different game. Abilities that were previously useless become lifesavers. Methods you'd never try in a "real" game become viable.

THE RULES:
1) Use Winnie the Poop 2's SBURB Hacking Guide to ensure most of your players are assigned the same class and aspect. You are allowed a maximum of eight players. Note that a game requires at least three players to win, and you must have an Heir-class, a Space-aspect, and a Time-aspect for victory. Your Heir must share the common aspect, and your Space- and Time-aspects must share the common class. You may not make an Heir of Time, as that's ludicrously broken and goes against the entire point of this challenge. Heirs of Space are allowed if you're picking a difficult challenge (i.e. Philosophers of Peace, hell I might even allow you to use an Heir of Time on THAT shit)
2) Leave the random worldgen alone. This challenge is supposed to use random worlds.
3) All your characters must use the same strife specibus (though you are allowed to use different weapons for each character). Throw away or sell any specibi dropped from enemies.
4) All of your prototypings must relate to either your characters' class or aspect. For example, if you're doing a Knights of Thunder run then I expect your sprites to become some goddamn variant of electric warriors.
5) Under no circumstances are you allowed to prototype anything related to frogs pre-entry. Doing so means you get the Black King as your final boss instead. Compared to the Black Queen his melee hits like a freight train but he has no ranged attack to speak of and like a third of the HP. If you're doing an easy class/aspect I expect pre-entry double prototypings. If you're doing a REALLY easy class/aspect (fucking Thieves of Light, why don't they ever nerf this bullshit) then I expect at least one of your guys to prototype a fucking harlequin so you end up fighting Noir and don't get to just fucking sleep through your session while it basically wins itself. If you're doing Heirs of Breath then you'd better fucking prototype the First goddamn Guardian AND a harlequin or I swear to God I won't even fucking list your victory on the site.
6) One of your players is allowed to ascend to God Tier, and not your Time-aspect guy or your Heir, either. If you Godtier those guys, or more than one guy, and I find out it's an automatic disqualification. No restrictions on resurrection via dreamselves though, we're using normal rules on that.
7) Try to keep your time shenanigans to a minimum. I'll look the other way if your Time guy uses them to undo a total party kill but I won't be so lenient if he uses them to control the economy of an entire planet.

HOW TO PARTICIPATE:
Post the captchalogue code for your Ultimate Alchemy upon victory in this thread. This'll let me see how you won and what you did, and if there's no funny business you get in the List o' Winners, which is linked to in my sig. There's no limit to how many times you can do this so send me your code for every run you complete, and you'll get a new entry in The List every time.



NEWEST WINNERS:
Name - Weapon, Class/Aspect
------------------------
Sburbian - Axekind, Templars of Earth (my seventh run!)
Winnie the Poop 2 - Bladekind, Ninjas of Fire (congrats on your third run, bro)
BROSIDEN - Fistkind, Philosophers of Clockwork (HIS FIRST RUN AND HE GETS AN ULTRA NOIR ENDING, TRIPLE PROTOTYPED PRE-ENTRY AND DIDN'T EVEN GO GODTIER, HOLY SHIT)
ectoBiologist - Hammerkind, Bards of Law (holy shit this guy is a machine, victory #15 for him)
autonomousArctangent - Fistkind, Monks of Frost (made his game-required players sit out most of the game and powered through with just three monks, which balances out the fact that they were using Jack's fucking chainsaw arm from Madworld as a weapon from practically the beginning)

------------------------------------------------------

Re: The SBURB Straight Character Challenge - Revision 6
Posted by Winnie the Poop 2 on 4/14/2012
You forgot to mention, if you're having trouble remembering low-level stuff because you've been focusing on endgame for the last three years, check out tentacleTherapist's SBURB FAQ. There's a reason people called it the best FAQ for SBURB until VERY recently.

Also, re: the challenge: just finished my first run. G4adxAopiMjnaUel is my code.

------------------------------------------------------

Re: The SBURB Straight Character Challenge - Revision 6
Posted by Omega10 on 4/14/2012

Y699mjo1llawrDFejnCa

There's my first entry

------------------------------------------------------

Re: The SBURB Straight Character Challenge - Revision 6
Posted by Sburbian on 4/14/2012 (Last edit: 4/14/2012)

Also, re: the challenge: just finished my first run. G4adxAopiMjnaUel is my code.

Nice, textbook Soldiers of Thunder run. Had to use your Time player to save your asses a couple times I see, but it's all good.

Y699mjo1llawrDFejnCa

There's my first entry

Nice first run there bro. Not everyone takes up Gunslingers on their first run, especially not Gunslingers of Iron, their movement penalties just aren't newb-friendly at all. Also haha at your prototypings, love how they're all Megaman characters.

EDIT: hahahahahaha nice try bro. I almost didn't catch it but I had a hunch when I realized all of your sprites were based off of Megaman 4 bosses. You threw a bunch of copies of that game at your sprites and one of them turned out to be Toad Man. DQ'd. Go back and do it right if you want to be on the list.

[Kassiopeia]

Comrade, that's awesome. You actually make SBURB sound kind of fun.

[JudgeDeadd]

And now for something completely different. If you wanted more KarkatTerezi then you will have to get your fix elsewhere!

Those of you familiar with self-imposed challenges in video games in general (and with such challenges in Final Fantasy Tactics in particular) should like this, I hope!

I submit for your approval:
Self-Imposed Challenge

show spoiler

hide spoiler

GameBRO Forums - Vidya Discussion - Adventure/RPG -> SBURB
The SBURB Straight Character Challenge - Revision 6
Posted by Sburbian on 4/13/2012 (Last edit: 10/25/2012)

Alright guys, we've been playing SBURB for 3 years now. Most of us have beaten it like fifty times and it's barely a challenge anymore, but we still play it just to see what the game throws at us next. If you're a new player, you should definitely get a few complete games under your belt first. But if you're a vet looking for a fresh take on this classic, look no further than the SBURB Straight Character Challenge.

Simply put, this challenge puts your skills to the test in ways you'd never have to deal with normally. For example, in a normal game, most first denizens can be duoed by a hammerkind Soldier and any Space-aspect character. There have been sessions with as few as three players that walked away not just with a victory over the Black Queen, but a total obliteration of Derse's army.

But how do you deal with threats when you only have one set of tools? One Monk of Frost can be an invaluable ally against a Flame Ogre; going up against one with a team composed entirely of them would be suicide if handled in the usual manner. When you're forced to use a team made up of characters with the same class and aspect, it's a different game. Abilities that were previously useless become lifesavers. Methods you'd never try in a "real" game become viable.

THE RULES:
1) Use Winnie the Poop 2's SBURB Hacking Guide to ensure most of your players are assigned the same class and aspect. You are allowed a maximum of eight players. Note that a game requires at least three players to win, and you must have an Heir-class, a Space-aspect, and a Time-aspect for victory. Your Heir must share the common aspect, and your Space- and Time-aspects must share the common class. You may not make an Heir of Time, as that's ludicrously broken and goes against the entire point of this challenge. Heirs of Space are allowed if you're picking a difficult challenge (i.e. Philosophers of Peace, hell I might even allow you to use an Heir of Time on THAT shit)
2) Leave the random worldgen alone. This challenge is supposed to use random worlds.
3) All your characters must use the same strife specibus (though you are allowed to use different weapons for each character). Throw away or sell any specibi dropped from enemies.
4) All of your prototypings must relate to either your characters' class or aspect. For example, if you're doing a Knights of Thunder run then I expect your sprites to become some goddamn variant of electric warriors.
5) Under no circumstances are you allowed to prototype anything related to frogs pre-entry. Doing so means you get the Black King as your final boss instead. Compared to the Black Queen his melee hits like a freight train but he has no ranged attack to speak of and like a third of the HP. If you're doing an easy class/aspect I expect pre-entry double prototypings. If you're doing a REALLY easy class/aspect (fucking Thieves of Light, why don't they ever nerf this bullshit) then I expect at least one of your guys to prototype a fucking harlequin so you end up fighting Noir and don't get to just fucking sleep through your session while it basically wins itself. If you're doing Heirs of Breath then you'd better fucking prototype the First goddamn Guardian AND a harlequin or I swear to God I won't even fucking list your victory on the site.
6) One of your players is allowed to ascend to God Tier, and not your Time-aspect guy or your Heir, either. If you Godtier those guys, or more than one guy, and I find out it's an automatic disqualification. No restrictions on resurrection via dreamselves though, we're using normal rules on that.
7) Try to keep your time shenanigans to a minimum. I'll look the other way if your Time guy uses them to undo a total party kill but I won't be so lenient if he uses them to control the economy of an entire planet.

HOW TO PARTICIPATE:
Post the captchalogue code for your Ultimate Alchemy upon victory in this thread. This'll let me see how you won and what you did, and if there's no funny business you get in the List o' Winners, which is linked to in my sig. There's no limit to how many times you can do this so send me your code for every run you complete, and you'll get a new entry in The List every time.



NEWEST WINNERS:
Name - Weapon, Class/Aspect
------------------------
Sburbian - Axekind, Templars of Earth (my seventh run!)
Winnie the Poop 2 - Bladekind, Ninjas of Fire (congrats on your third run, bro)
BROSIDEN - Fistkind, Philosophers of Clockwork (HIS FIRST RUN AND HE GETS AN ULTRA NOIR ENDING, TRIPLE PROTOTYPED PRE-ENTRY AND DIDN'T EVEN GO GODTIER, HOLY SHIT)
ectoBiologist - Hammerkind, Bards of Law (holy shit this guy is a machine, victory #15 for him)
autonomousArctangent - Fistkind, Monks of Frost (made his game-required players sit out most of the game and powered through with just three monks, which balances out the fact that they were using Jack's fucking chainsaw arm from Madworld as a weapon from practically the beginning)

------------------------------------------------------

Re: The SBURB Straight Character Challenge - Revision 6
Posted by Winnie the Poop 2 on 4/14/2012
You forgot to mention, if you're having trouble remembering low-level stuff because you've been focusing on endgame for the last three years, check out tentacleTherapist's SBURB FAQ. There's a reason people called it the best FAQ for SBURB until VERY recently.

Also, re: the challenge: just finished my first run. G4adxAopiMjnaUel is my code.

------------------------------------------------------

Re: The SBURB Straight Character Challenge - Revision 6
Posted by Omega10 on 4/14/2012

Y699mjo1llawrDFejnCa

There's my first entry

------------------------------------------------------

Re: The SBURB Straight Character Challenge - Revision 6
Posted by Sburbian on 4/14/2012 (Last edit: 4/14/2012)

Also, re: the challenge: just finished my first run. G4adxAopiMjnaUel is my code.

Nice, textbook Soldiers of Thunder run. Had to use your Time player to save your asses a couple times I see, but it's all good.

Y699mjo1llawrDFejnCa

There's my first entry

Nice first run there bro. Not everyone takes up Gunslingers on their first run, especially not Gunslingers of Iron, their movement penalties just aren't newb-friendly at all. Also haha at your prototypings, love how they're all Megaman characters.

EDIT: hahahahahaha nice try bro. I almost didn't catch it but I had a hunch when I realized all of your sprites were based off of Megaman 4 bosses. You threw a bunch of copies of that game at your sprites and one of them turned out to be Toad Man. DQ'd. Go back and do it right if you want to be on the list.

This is a big mound of overpowering win.

I love how he casually talks about prototyping your planet's First Guardian ahahahaha.

[Graven_Image]

Toad Man.


PFFFFHAHAHAHA