MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

**Red Pen** · 02-12-2011, 04:48 AM

So here's a thing that's been in my head for a while. The trolls never played Sgrub, and now as they come of age they say their last goodbyes before heading out into the empire.

Very heavy on both Karkat and Gamzee, so expect a lot of swearing.

The End and What Comes After

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CC: -----ERIDAN!
CC: Are you awake??
CA: no fef im typin in my sleep
CC: )(ee )(ee, yea)(, I guess t)(at was a dumb question!
CC: W)(y are you online in the middle of t)(e day, anyway?
CA: wwell off the top a my head id say its probably for the same reason you are
CC: I can't even t)(ink about sleeping, I'm sooooo -EXCIT-ED for tonig)(t!
CC: glub glub! 38)
CA: yeah glub glub
CA: i get that its exciting
CA: im excited too
CC: O)( PL-EAS-E I am at least ten times as -EXCIT-ED as you!
CC: I just want to glub about it to everybody!
CC: It's like our w)(ole lives )(ave been leading up to t)(is
CC: ON-E
CC: -EXCITING
CC: MOM-ENT!!
CC: GLUB!
CC: O)( my gos)(, do you think t)(e s)(ips are in orbit above us RIG)(T NOW?
CA: wwell probably fef i mean they gotta be here tonight
CC: -Eridan, you're the silly guy w)(o lives up top!
CC: Go look out your window RIG)(T NOW and see if you can see t)(em!
CA: come on its fuckin bright out
CC: I know!
CC: But I'm so excited just t)(inking t)(at t)(ey could be above our )(eads at t)(is very moment!
CC: Getting ready to land and take us away into t)(e fleet!
CC: We're adults now -Eridan! I feel so grown up!
CA: me too fef
CA: look at us wwere gonna be the top of the fuckin neww wworld order here
CC: O)( G-E-EZ-E
CA: i mean your empress thing not my genocide thing
CC: 38P You always mean your genocide t)(ing!
CC: It is pretty muc)( t)(e ONLY T)(ING you ever talk about!
CA: wwell this time im talkin about your empress thing
CA: givve me some credit here fef i knoww wwhats important
CC: Ok, sorry! Glub.
CA: glub glub
CA: dont mean im not excited about the rest of it though
CA: wwho wwouldnt get excited im gonna be the best general in the fleet i already knoww that
CC: You sure will!
CA: aint evven wworried about it
CA: im gonna be out there conquerin wworlds like i wwas alwways hatched to
CC: See -Eridan, t)(at is your genocide t)(ing.
CC: You are talking about your genocide t)(ing RIG)(T AFT-ER you said you weren't going to talk about your genocide t)(ing!
CA: wwhy are wwe callin it a thing
CA: it aint really a thing
CC: You called it a t)(ing first!
CA: anywway im goin to be conquerin planets for you fef
CA: buildin up the empire for your empress thing
CC: Well maybe I don't want to build up my empire like t)(at!
CC: I t)(ink t)(ere is probably a better way to go about it!
CA: yeah invvite evveryone in and take all the fun outta bein a wwar hero wwhy dont you
CC: It will still be fun!
CC: You'll just be defending t)(e empire instead of actively expanding it!
CC: T)(at is still fun and important!
CA: wwhatevver
CC: >38( W)(AT WAS T)(AT MIST-ER G-EN-ERAL!!!
CA: wwhatevver you say miss empress
CA: i livve to servve you i guess
CC: )(a )(a t)(at's better! 38)
CC: If you're going to be a really good conquerer t)(en you s)(ould remember t)(at your duty is to your empress!
CC: And t)(at's me!
CC: W)(IC)( IS -EXCITING!!
CA: yeah wwell at least try to start a wwar wwith somebody once in a wwhile
CA: givve me somethin to do
CC: You are terrible!
CC: As your new empress I am making a decree that you )(ave to stop being terrible!
CC: )(-E )(-E
CA: fef i dont think the empress is supposed to giggle wwhen shes givin orders
CC: O)( you don't know anyt)(ing!
CC: I decree t)(at t)( empress must ALWAYS giggle w)(en giving orders! )(A )(A )(A
CA: reel dignified fef
CC: )(ee )(ee glub! 38)
CA: glub glub
CC: Glub glub glub glub glub!
CC: -Eridan I am just clownfis)(ing around wit)( you!
CC: You are going to be a great general and I'm reely glad you're on my side!
CC: I don't t)(ink I would be able to do t)(is wit)(out your seaport.
CA: wwell fef im glad to hear you say that
CA: you can alwways rely on me im selfless like that
CC: Actually t)(ats kind of w)(y I wanted to talk to you today.
CC: I am reely excited!
CC: But I t)(ink I mig)(t also be a little bit scared!
CA: wwait is this gonna be about feelings
CC: Yes -Eridan, you are not t)(e only one w)(o )(as t)(em!
CC: And as my moirail I t)(ink it is your job to listen to me w)(en I )(ave lots of feelings!!
CA: aint it a little early for this
CA: the fuckin suns still up an im tired
CC: We are bot)( too excited to sleep! Glub!
CC: G-ET IN YOUR WAND PIL-E MIST-ER!!
CA: ok wwhatevver go ahead
CC: ok! 38)
CC: I am a little bit scared about growing up.
CC: And about being away from Gl'bgolyb for t)(e first time.
CC: And especially about being t)(e empress!
CC: I don't know if I'm strong enoug)( to overt)(row Is)(izi, or if I'll even do a good job ruling in )(er place!
CC: T)(ese are t)(ings I've been worrying about a lot lately!
CA: fef you knoww wwe got plans for ishizi
CC: But s)(ell be trying to kill me as soon as s)(e knows I'm not with Gl'bgolyb anymore.
CC: W)(at if I board our s)(ip and s)(e's told t)(em all to kill me?? 38(
CC: Or maybe just rigs it to -------EXPLOD----E! 38O
CA: ha see this is wwhy you need me so bad
CA: just rely on me i already thought of evverythin here
CA: made some contacts an called in some favvors
CA: ivve been wworkin on it for a long time
CA: you got allies noww fef i made sure one a those ships wwas on our side
CA: all in secret ishizi doesnt evven knoww
CC: O)( MY GLUB -ERIDAN DID YOU REELY DO T)(AT??
CC: You are amazing! I was so scared w)(enever I t)(oug)(t about it t)(at I couldn't even try to make any plans!
CC: I was just )(oping everyt)(ing would be ok!
CC: AND T)(-EN YOU W-ENT AND DID T)(AT!!! 38D
CA: wwell sure i mean a generals gotta look out for his empress
CC: GLUB!
CC: YOU AR-E T)(E B-EST G-EN-ERAL!!
CC: And t)(e best moirail an empress could ever ask for.
CA: oh yeah
CA: of course
CA: just lookin out for you
CA: like a moirail should
CA: glub
CC: GLUUUUUB! 38DDDDD
CC: You know, it seems like as we get older you're not reely just my moirail anymore.
CA: wwhat
CA: reely
CA: you mean
CC: You are my SUP-ER MOIRAIL!
CC: And my very best friend. 38)
CC: .....
CC: Um, -Eridan?
CA: fef im reel tired an wwe gotta get up early tonight
CA: im gonna go to sleep noww
CC: Awwww, sad glub. 38(
CC: Well I guess I'll see you tonig)(t!
CC: W)(en we'll finally get to see t)(e fleet!
CC: -E-E-E-E--------E T)(IS IS ALL SO -----EXCITING!!!
CA: yeah wwe got our whole livves ahead of us
CA: mornin fef
CC: Morning, -Eridan. 38)

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY MAN, TELL ME YOU'RE STILL ONLINE.
CG: PLEASE BE ONLINE PLEASE BE ONLINE PLEASE BE ONLINE
TA: well 2omebody2 flyiing off the handle more than u2ual twoday.
CG: SHUT UP.
CG: I AM FLIPPING MY SHIT HERE.
TA: a2 alway2.
TA: what, diid you thiink ii wa2 gonna leave wiithout 2ayiing goodbye?
TA: ii wa2 goiing two do iit twoniight karkat, iim not that horriible a friiend.
TA: although ii gue22 iif you were expectiing me two ju2t di22appear wiithout a word then maybe ii am that horriible a friiend...
CG: OK NO STOP.
TA: god karkat ii wa2 going two talk two you twoniight before ii left ii 2wear ii wa2!
CG: JUST STOP, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR DEPRESSION BULLSHIT.
CG: THIS IS A SERIOUS FUCKING ISSUE THAT I AM LEGITIMATELY FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT.
TA: what, you 2uddenly thiink youre going two faiil epiically at beiing a thre2hicutioner?
TA: 2eriou2ly kk nobody fail2 at that.
TA: iit2 pretty much the ea2iie2t thiing you can do that2 not the cavalreaper2.
CG: NO.
CG: NO, DO NOT EVEN GO THERE, THRESHICUTIONERS ARE AWESOME AND I WILL BE GREAT AT IT, END OF STORY.
CG: A WHOLE LOT GREATER THAN WHATEVER IDIOTIC THING YOU'RE PLANNING TO BE.
TA: you only wi2h you had the wiicked programmiing 2kiill2 two be an encryptrooper, kk.
TA: youre going two be planet2ide hackiing aliien2 up with your 2iickle
TA: whiile ii siit comfortably iin a shiip and hack fleet2 up wiith my computer.
CG: AND WHO GETS TO BE THE HERO THEN, SMARTASS?
CG: HERE'S A HINT.
CG: IT'S ME.
CG: WHEN THEY'RE HANDING OUT MEDALS NOBODY EVER GIVES ONE TO THE GUY WHO JUST SAT AT HIS FUCKING COMPUTER.
CG: YOU WROTE A VIRUS, BIG WHOOP.
CG: I CARVED RIVERS OF BLOOD THROUGH THE RANKS OF A HOSTILE ALIEN RACE.
CG: THAT MAKES ME BETTER THAN YOU FOREVER.
TA: 2ure you are kk.
TA: and who2 viru2 do you thiink kept that hostiile aliien race from carpet bombiing you from orbiit?
TA: 2uperiioriity 2ecured.
CG: LOOK, WE NEED ENCRYPTROOPERS LIKE WE NEED REFUSEDISPOSERS.
CG: IT'S NECESSARY. THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT FUCKING DIFFICULT.
TA: you cant do iit.
CG: I COULD, I JUST WANT TO BE THE ONE GETTING THE MEDALS.
CG: I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR LIFE OF BEING UNAPPRECIATED, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET ABOUT AS MUCH CREDIT AS TROLL CHEWBACCA.
TA: ok thii2 conver2atiion ii2 gettiing 2tupiid.
TA: what wa2 2o iimportant that you had two me22age me and fliip your 2hiit about iit at two iin the afternoon?
CG: I AM STILL FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT IT.
CG: THAT DIDN'T STOP BEING A THING THAT WAS HAPPENING.
TA: 2o what are you fliipiing your 2hiit about?
CG: THE SHIPS ARE COMING TONIGHT!
TA: 2eriiou2ly kk?
TA: weve all known about thii2 forever, iit2 not liike ii2 new2.
CG: THAT WASN'T IT, MORON, LET ME FINISH.
CG: THE SHIPS, AND CONSEQUENTLY THE RECRUITINATORS, ARE COMING TONIGHT.
CG: AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO OUT THERE AND TAKE A PHYSICAL.
TA: youre not goiing two get culled kk.
TA: they only do that iif there2 2omethiing wrong wiith you, youll be fiine.
TA: ii mean ii miight, but youre pretty much the defiiniition of normal, 2o
CG: NO.
CG: SHUT UP.
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP, I'M NOT DONE YET.
CG: I'M FLIPPING MY SHIT BECAUSE THERE'S A BLOOD TEST.
TA: oh god kk eheheheheh.
CG: IT ISN'T FUNNY, YOU ARE A HORRIBLE FRIEND.
CG: I'M TERRIFIED OVER HERE.
TA: iit kiind of ii2 though.
CG: I MEAN I GUESS I ALWAYS KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN EVENTUALLY BUT IT'S ONLY REALLY SINKING IN RIGHT NOW.
CG: SOMEBODY IS GOING TO STICK A NEEDLE IN MY ARM AND MY BLOOD IS GOING TO BE OUT THERE FOR ALL OF ALTERNIA TO GAWK AT.
CG: AND I THINK I WOULD RATHER BE CULLED; IT WILL PROBABLY BE LESS HORRIFYING.
TA: eheheheh your blood thiing!
TA: ii dont even get why you have thii2 ob2e22iion wiith hiidiing iit ii mean iit2 not liike iit really matter2 what color you are.
TA: 2hiit ii can't even remember the la2t tiime ii thought about my blood color.
CG: WELL I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I STOPPED THINKING ABOUT MINE.
CG: TRY SHOWING A LITTLE SENSITIVITY HERE, DOUCHEBAG.
TA: ahahaha 2top beiing 2o 2en2iitiive kk!
TA: iit2 a repugnant qualiity!
CG: SURE, GO AHEAD AND LAUGH WHILE I GET MYSELF CULLED TO AVOID THE HUMILIATION.
CG: WE BOTH KNOW YOU'LL BE BEATING YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT LATER ANYWAY, DROWNING IN THE CRUSHING GUILT OF LETTING ME DIE.
TA: low blow, kk, not cool.
TA: anyway youre going two have two ju2t giive iit up and 2how 2omebody eventually.
TA: you can get away wiith iit here but there2 no way theyre goiing two let you be anonymou2 iin the fleet.
CG: SOLLUX I CAN'T DO THIS. I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS.
CG: I DON'T WANT TO BE A THRESHICUTIONER ANYMORE, I'LL JUST STAY ON ALTERNIA FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
TA: dont be 2tupiid, ii know you want thiis more than anythiing.
TA: ju2t go for iit, no one ii2 goiing two care what color your blood ii2. 2how everybody and get iit over wiith and go on wiith your liife.
CG: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
TA: 2ure kk, it2 hard. haviing a crippliing fear of your own blood and growiing up.
CG: I'M NOT AFRAID OF IT YOU NOOKSNIFFER, I JUST DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE IT.
TA: iit2 hard and nobody under2tand2.
CG: OH FUCK YOU.
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M EVEN TALKING TO ANYONE ABOUT THIS, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
CG: I DON'T NEED ANY CONDESCENDING ADVICE, I'M JUST GOING TO GO AND WALLOW IN THE FLIPPED SHIT PILE.
TA: waiit kk!
TA: look ii gue22 iim not all that great at motiivatiional 2peeche2.
TA: one of the many thiing2 iim not great at.
TA: iin fact wow ii really botched thii2 up, you were really freaking out here and all ii diid wa2 laugh at you.
CG: WHOA OK NO BACK IT UP.
TA: 2orry kk, ii can't beliieve you even talk two me 2ometiime2.
CG: BACK IT UP, IT'S NOT TIME FOR THE PITY PARTY.
CG: THE PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED, ALL THE INVITATIONS WERE LOST IN THE MAIL AND SOMEBODY POISONED THE PUNCH.
TA: that 2ure 2ound2 liike a typiical piity party.
CG: NO, LOOK.
CG: I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP HERE BY TELLING ME IT'S NO BIG DEAL WHAT COLOR BLOOD I HAVE.
CG: BUT THAT ISN'T EVEN THE PART THAT MATTERS. I'VE BEEN HIDING IT SO LONG IT'S SORT OF BECOME THIS OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE THING.
TA: 2ort of?
TA: kk iit ii2 textbook ob2e22iive compul2ive. do not even kiid your2elf.
CG: OK, SO IT IS ENTIRELY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE.
CG: THE POINT IS THAT REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT IT ACTUALLY MATTERS
CG: I DON'T THINK I'M CAPABLE OF SHOWING MY BLOOD WITHOUT FLIPPING OUT AND HAVING SOME KIND OF FUCKING PSYCHOTIC EPISODE.
CG: AND I DON'T WANT TO START OFF MY CAREER AS A THRESHICUTIONER WITH A PSYCHOTIC EPISODE.
CG: I AM KIND OF FREAKING OUT JUST THINKING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
TA: calm down a 2econd.
CG: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
TA: kk 2eriieou2ly.
TA: take a deep breath or 2omethiing.
CG: I CAN'T DO THIS.
TA: thii2 ii2 pretty much ju2t a mental block you have two get around. iif you hiide your blood and they fiind out later, theyll cull you 2o fa2t you wont even feel iit.
TA: ii mean 2eriiou2ly, they 2end 2ubjuggulator2 after people for 2hiit liike that.
TA: 2o you pretty much ju2t have two force your2elf two get iit out iin the open.
CG: WAIT, HIDE MY BLOOD?
CG: FOR A BLOOD TEST? HOW ON ALTERNIA WOULD I EVEN DO THAT, DON'T BE AN IDIOT.
TA: youre the iidiiot, iit ii2 totally po22iible two fake out a blood te2t.
CG: OH RIGHT, I'LL JUST MAGICALLY CHANGE MY BLOOD COLOR WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING, THAT'S BRILLIANT.
CG: AND BY BRILLIANT I MEAN STUPID.
TA: there2 drug2 you can take two change your blood color, a22hole.
TA: get 2choolfed, oh my god.
CG: WHAT.
CG: REALLY?
TA: ...oh my god.
CG: WHY WAS THAT NOT THE VERY FIRST THING OUT OF YOUR UGLY OVERBITE THE MINUTE I TOLD YOU I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE BLOOD TEST?
TA: oh my god kk ii diidnt mean two tell you that!
TA: you 2eriou2ly cant take chromomiine, iit ii2 iillegal a2 fuck.
CG: CHROMOMINE, HUH?
TA: god dammiit why diid ii 2ay that!
TA: iim 2o 2tupiid!
TA: you dont know what that 2hiit doe2 two you.
TA: there wa2 a red-blooded guy iin my neiighborhood who wa2 taking iit two make hi2 blood look yellow, that2 how ii found out about iit iin the fiir2t place.
TA: you want me two de2criibe all the way2 iin whiich iit wa2 2lowly kiilliing hiim?
TA: ii mean 2opor only rot2 your miind, thii2 2tuff leave2 your braiin alone and rot2 the re2t of you.
CG: OK STOP IT, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
CG: IT WAS JUST A QUESTION, DON'T GO OFF ON SOME RANT ABOUT IT.
CG: I GET IT, I AM NO LONGER EVEN CONSIDERING IT, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
TA: ii gue22.
TA: eheh, not liike you could get iit anyway.
TA: ii doubt you know a dealer and the only one2 who can buy iit legally are iindiigo2 and up.
CG: SEE, WHY WERE YOU EVEN WORRIED?
CG: THIS HAS BEEN YET ANOTHER EPISODE OF "SOLLUX MAKES A HUGE FUCKING DEAL OUT OF SOMETHING STUPID."
TA: tune iin next week two 2ee kk get hii2 a22 handed two hiim by the mothergrubbiing ma2ter encryptrooper.
CG: FUCK THAT, THRESHICUTIONERS BEAT ENCRYPTROOPERS EVERY TIME.
TA: briing iit, biig2hot.
TA: ii'll be coveriing your 2orry a22 from orbiit.
CG: GREAT, BECAUSE I'LL BE THE ONE WITH THE MEDAL SO SHINY YOU CAN SEE IT FROM SPACE.
CG: ANYWAY, THIS CONVERSATION HAS BEEN A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.
CG: I SHOULD BE IN MY RECUPERACOON RIGHT NOW RESTING UP FOR THE RECRUITINATORS AND SO SHOULD YOU.
TA: what, youre not 2tiill fliippiing your 2hiit about the whole blood thiing?
CG: NO, I
CG: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
CG: I JUST HAVE TO SHOW IT THIS ONE TIME AND THEN IT'LL BE OVER.
TA: whatever you 2ay, kk.
TA: weve got the 2ame recruiitiing outpo2t, 2o ii can alway2 be there two hold your hand iif you cluckbea2t out liike a wiiggler.
CG: SOLLUX.
CG: SINCE WE'LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN AFTER TONIGHT, I WANT TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP ON A HIGH NOTE.
CG: FUCK.
CG: YOU.
TA: eheheheheheh!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

AT: hELP,
TC: WhAt iS Up, My mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRoThEr?
TC: SuRe iS EaRlY FoR YoU To bE AlL Up aNd aBoUt, I CaN StIlL SeE ThE SuN SeTtInG.
TC: YoU EvEr wAtCh tHe sUn sEt oUt oVeR ThE OcEaN? HoW DoEs iT EvEn mAkE AlL ThOsE MoThErFuCkInG CoLoRs?
AT: i, uHH, dON'T REALLY KNOW THE, sCIENTIFIC REASON,
AT: bUT I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY, gOING TO TELL ME IT'S MIRACLES,
TC: WhOoOoOoAh
TC: YoU AlL WeNt aNd rEaD My mOtHeRfUcKiNg tHiNk pAn, BrO!
AT: iT WAS MOSTLY JUST LOGIC, bECAUSE, uM,
AT: yOU USUALLY SAY IT'S MIRACLES,
AT: aND I GUESS I JUST, kIND OF KNOW WHEN TO EXPECT IT,
TC: ThAt sHiT'S A PrEtTy cHiLl mOtHeRfUcKiNg tRiCk!
TC: HoNk! :o)
TC: So wHaT DiD YoU WaNt mE To bE AlL Up aNd hElPiNg yOu wItH?
AT: wELL,
AT: i WAS IN MY RECUPERACOON, uH, sLEEPING I GUESS,
AT: bECAUSE THE RECRUITINATORS ARE COMING TONIGHT,
TC: ThAt wAs aLl bEiNg tOnIgHt?
AT: yES,
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE, uH, wELL RESTED, iF I WANT TO BE A CAVALREAPER AND NOT GET CULLED,
AT: aND THE NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS, sORT OF, cRAWLING OVER TO MY COMPUTER,
AT: aGAINST MY WILL,
AT: aND VRISKA WAS MESSAGING ME AND SAYING, sHE LOVED ME,
AT: aND SHE HAD TO TELL ME, bEFORE I GOT CULLED FOR BEING CRIPPLED,
AT: aND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY SO I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING,
AT: wHICH MADE HER ANGRY, i THINK, bECAUSE SHE BLOCKED ME AND, uH, lOGGED OFF,
AT: aND NOW I'M KIND OF FEARING FOR MY LIFE,
TC: HoW DoEs tHaT EvEn wOrK, aLl tHoSe cOlOrS?
TC: LiKe tHeY'Re aLl jUsT MaDe oUtTa pUrE MoThErFuCkInG LiGhT.
AT: i DON'T THINK YOU'RE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE, uM, sTARING AT IT LIKE THAT,
TC: OoOoOoH SoRrY MoThErFuCkEr, I SpAcEd fOr a mInUtE ThErE! WhAt's tHaT ShIt yOu wErE AlL Up aNd sHaRiNg?
AT: iT'S FINE, i CAN JUST WAIT WHILE YOU SCROLL UP AND READ WHAT I WROTE,
TC: AwWw mY BrO, hArSh. :o(
TC: I DoN'T KnOw wHaT To eVeN Be dOiNg aBoUt aLl tHaT.
AT: i THOUGHT, yOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T,
AT: sO I GUESS I JUST, wANTED TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT,
AT: iT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER BECAUSE, i WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER ANYMORE AFTER TONIGHT,
AT: oNE WAY OR ANOTHER,
AT: i HOPE I DON'T GET CULLED BECAUSE, i'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY JOUSTING A LOT AND I THINK I HAVE A LOT OF, uH, sKILL,
AT: aND YOU DON'T REALLY NEED LEGS TO RIDE A MOUNT,
AT: sO SHE'S PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT THAT,
TC: If yOuR MoThErFuCkInG JoUsTiNg iS As sLiCk aS YoUr bEaTs, I WoUlDn't wOrRy aBoUt iT, mY MoThErFuCkEr.
AT: i'M PRETTY GOOD AT IT,
TC: HoNk. :o)
AT: hA HA, hONK, }:o)
AT: yOU'RE RIGHT, i SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
AT: i GUESS, nOW THAT I'M AWAKE,
AT: i SHOULD GET PACKED AND, uH, mAKE SURE I HAVE EVERYTHING,
AT: hAVE YOU PACKED YET,
TC: FuCk, My bRoThEr, I FoRgOt iT WaS EvEn tOnIgHt!
TC: It's cHiLl tHoUgH, sUbJuGgUlAtOrS DoN'T GeT To bE HaViNg aLl tHoSe mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAtErIaL PoSsEsSiOnS.
TC: JuSt tHe sHiRtS On oUr bAcKs, MoThErFuCkEr!
AT: oH YEAH, i FORGOT THAT WAS WHAT YOU WANTED TO BE,
AT: eVEN THOUGH I REALLY CAN'T SEE YOU AS A SUBJUGGULATOR, aT ALL,
AT: aRE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO CHANGE YOUR, uH, mIND, tO,
AT: aNYTHING AT ALL THAT ISN'T THAT THING,
TC: HaHaHaHaHa!
AT: yOU COULD, cOME WITH ME AND BE A CAVALREAPER,
TC: YoU DoN'T ChOoSe tHe sUbJuGgUlAtOrS, mOtHeRfUcKeR.
TC: SuBjUgGuLaToRs cHoOsE YoU.
TC: It's sOmEtHiNg dEeP DoWn iNsIdE YoU, lIkE A MoThErFuCkInG CaLlInG. TeLlS YoU WhO YoU ArE.
TC: MiRaClEs, My bRoThEr, HoW DoEs iT EvEn kNoW?
AT: wELL I THINK IT'S PROBABLY NICE TO KNOW, eXACTLY WHO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE,
TC: GrEaTeSt mIrAcLe oF AlL, mY MoSt hEsItAnT MoThErFuCkEr. :o)
AT: rUFIO IS KIND OF LIKE THAT, i GUESS,
AT: eXCEPT I DON'T THINK HE REALLY KNOWS WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE BECAUSE, i JUST MADE HIM UP,
TC: WeLl fUcK BrO, mAyBe hE'S YoUr wAy oF TeLlInG YoUrSeLf wHaT To mOtHeRfUcKiNg bE!
TC: WhAt's hE SaYiNg?
AT: iF HE WAS A REAL PERSON, wHO COULD ACTUALLY TALK TO ME,
AT: i THINK HE WOULD SAY, nOT TO WORRY ABOUT BEING CULLED, oR ABOUT WHAT VRISKA THINKS
AT: aND TO JUST HAVE FUN AND DO MY BEST,
AT: bECAUSE MY BEST IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD, iN THAT PARTICULAR AREA,
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE RuFiO Is a mOtHeRfUcKeR WhO'S ScHoOlFeD AlL Up aNd aBoUt wHaT He's mOtHeRfUcKiNg sAyInG.
TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk! :o)
AT: hONK,
TC: HoOoOoOoOoOnK!
AT: oK, yOU WIN,
TC: CaN'T BeAt mE In a hOnK-OfF, bRoThEr.
TC: WhOoOoOoOoOoAh
AT: uM, wHOA WHAT,
TC: SuN'S DoWn, MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: AnD I Am sEeInG ThE WiCkEd mIrAcLeS, aLl tHe wAy aCrOsS ThE SkY.
TC: ThAt sHiT AiN'T StArS, iT'S ThE ShIpS ThAt tAkE Us oUt tO WhErE ThE MaGiC HaPpEnS.
AT: iS THAT A SPECIFIC PLACE, oR, aRE YOU BEING METAPHORICAL,
TC: NaH, mAgIc's eVeRyWhErE Up iN ThIs bItCh. :o)
AT: oH, oK HAHA,
AT: uH GAMZEE,
AT: i ACTUALLY ALSO AM TALKING TO YOU,
AT: tO SAY GOODBYE, i GUESS,
AT: yOU'RE A REALLY GREAT FRIEND AND, i'LL TRY TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN, bUT,
AT: yOU CAN'T REALLY CHAT LIKE THIS, mOST OF THE TIME, wHEN YOU'RE OUT IN THE EMPIRE,
AT: uNLESS YOU'RE STATIONED ON THE SAME SHIP, oR, uH, tHE SAME PLANET I GUESS,
AT: aND WE PROBABLY WON'T BE,
AT: sO I WANT TO SAY THAT I REALLY VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP,
AT: bECAUSE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SOMEONE I COULD TALK TO, aND, nOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS,
AT: aND I'LL MISS YOU,
AT: sO,
AT: uHHHHH,
AT: gAMZEE,
AT: aRE YOU STILL THERE,
TC: Oh hEy, I FoRgOt wE WeRe eVeN AlL Up aNd tAlKiNg!
AT: hAHA, tHAT'S OK,
TC: I'Ll mIsS YoU ToO, mOtHeRfUcKeR.
TC: BuT ThIs aIn't rEaLlY GoOdByE! I JuSt gOt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg fEeLiNg aBoUt tHaT ShIt.
TC: I GoTtA Go, KaRkAt's bEeN AlL Up aNd tRoLlInG Me. gUeSs hE WaNtS To aLl bE SaYiNg hIs gOoDbYeS ToO.
TC: HoNk! :o)
AT: hOOOOOONK, }:'o)

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: HEY, BEST FRIEND.
CG: I SURE AM GLAD TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU.
TC: I'M PrEtTy mOtHeRfUcKiNg gLaD ToO, bEsT FrIeNd!
CG: SHUT UP, FUCKASS, THIS IS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY AND I'M IN A HURRY.
CG: YOU STILL HAVE INDIGO BLOOD, RIGHT?
TC: HaHaHaHa, LaSt i sAw tHaT ShIt!
TC: YoU ThInK It mIgHt hAvE ChAnGeD On mE?
TC: FuCk bRoThEr, ShOuLd i cHeCk?
CG: OH MY GOD.
CG: EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU I REMEMBER HOW ANNOYING YOU ARE.
CG: I OPEN TROLLIAN AND THINK
CG: THERE'S NO WAY HE COULD POSSIBLY BE AS ANNOYING AS I REMEMBER HIM.
CG: AND YOU BLOW MY MIND EVERY TIME.
CG: MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES.
TC: HoNk! :o)
CG: DON'T START WITH THE CLOWN THING, I DON'T WANT MY LAST MEMORIES OF THIS PLANET TO INVOLVE YOUR CREEPY RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT.
TC: SoOoOoOrY, bRo.
CG: OK, I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
CG: I FIGURE YOU OWE IT TO ME FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOU FOR ALL THESE SWEEPS.
TC: WhAtEvEr yOu nEeD, mOtHeRfUcKeR! YoU JuSt nAmE It.
CG: HOLD ON, THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART.
CG: I WANT YOU TO SWEAR ON YOUR FREAKISH CLOWN GODS THAT YOU WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL WHAT I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU.
TC: Ok, MoThErFuCkEr, YoU GoT It.
CG: NO, I WANT TO SEE YOU TYPE IT. SAY, "I SWEAR ON MY FREAKISH CLOWN GODS THAT I WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL WHAT KARKAT VANTAS IS ABOUT TO ASK ME."
TC: ThAt's kInD Of sAcRiLeGiOuS, mOtHeRfUcKeR. I DoN'T ReAlLy fEeL AlL Up aNd cOmFoRtAbLe wItH WoRdInG It aLl lIkE ThAt!
CG: WHATEVER, YOU'LL JUST FORGET LATER ANYWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. NOW LISTEN.
CG: I NEED YOU TO BUY ME SOMETHING.
CG: IT'S CALLED CHROMOMINE.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GC: OH SOLLUX
GC: GU3SS WH3R3 1 4M R1GHT NOW
GC: >:]
TA: at your recruiitiing outpo2t?
GC: CLOOOOS3.....
GC: 4LR1GHT TH4T 1S PR3TTY MUCH 1T 3X4CTLY
GC: BUT 1T 1S NOT TH3 4NSW3R 1 4M LOOK1NG FOR!
TA: ok fiine tz ii giive up. where are you?
GC: 1 4M ST4ND1NG ON TH3 D3CK OF TH3 TH3M1S
GC: TH3 TH3M1S SOLLUX
GC: ON3 OF THE GR34T COURT SH1PS OF TH3 4LTERN14N FL33T
GC: 1T 1S 4M4Z1NG
GC: TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY COLORFUL B4NN3RS HUNG UP 3V3RYWH3R3
GC: 1 COULD JUST ST4ND H3R3 4ND SM3LL 3V3RYTH1NG FOR3V3R!
TA: 2o you diidnt get culled for the bliindne22 thiing then.
GC: OF COURS3 NOT DUMMY
GC: 1 P4SS3D MY 3Y3 3X4M W1TH FLY1NG COLORS
GC: 4ND BY COLORS 1 M34N SM3LLS
TA: yeah ii fiigured you of all people would be fiine.
TA: ii pa22ed my phy2iical two.
TA: ii pretty much went iintwo thi2 thiing thiinkiing ii wa2 goiing two get culled for 2ome 2tupiid mii2take
TA: but about halfway through ii realiized how 2tupiid that wa2 and ju2t went wiith iit.
GC: YOU SUR3 C4N B3 M1ST3R N3G4T1V3 SOM3T1M3S
GC: BUT WHO C4R3S
GC: N3P3T4 W4S 4T MY OUTPOST 4ND SH3 D1D F1N3 TOO
TA: 2he would.
GC: 1 TH1NK TH3 R3CRU1T1N4TORS W3R3 R34LLY 1MPR3SS3D W1TH H3R 4CTU4LLY
GC: 1N TH3 COMB4T T3ST SH3 F1LL3T3D 4 GUY
GC: 3QU1US H4D M3 G1V3 H1M TH3 PL4Y-BY-PL4Y ON H1S HUSKTOP
GC: YOU SHOULD H4V3 T4ST3D H1M GUSH 4BOUT 1T!
TA: gu2h a2 iin...
GC: OH H3H3H3H3H3
GC: GUSH 4S 1N PR41S3 H3R
GC: 1 FORGOT YOU H4V3 TO SP3C1FY W1TH H1M >:\
TA: eew.
GC: BUT W3 4R3 BOTH B34T1NG 4ROUND THE BR1AR
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU KNOW 3X4CTLY WHY 1M T4LK1NG TO YOU >8D
TA: nope, no iidea.
GC: Y3S YOU DO!
GC: 1 H4PP3N TO KNOW TH4T YOU 4ND 4 C3RT41N K4RK4T V4NT4S 4R3 4T TH3 S4M3 OUTPOST
GC: SOOOO....???
TA: no iidea what you want from me here tz eheheheh.
GC: OH YOU TH1NK YOU 4R3 SO FUNNY
TA: you know iit2 funny admiit iit.
TA: you are 2o de2perate two know but you are never goiing two a2k.
GC: T3LL M3 M1ST3R 4PPLEB3RRY BL4ST
TA: tell you what?
TA: ii 2tiill dont know what youre talkiing about.
TA: eheheheheheheheheh!
GC: OK4Y F1N3 1 W1LL 4SK
GC: D1D YOU S33 H1S BLOOD T3ST?????? >:?
TA: maybe.
GC: SOLLUX DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TO US3 OUR V3RY L4ST CONV3RS4T1ON 3V3R TO T34S3 M3 L1K3 TH1S
TA: 2ure ii do.
TA: you diid thii2 two me pretty much my entiire liife, thii2 ii2 my la2t opportuniity two get back at you.
TA: am ii beiing two mean? ii am arent ii.
TA: 2hiit, and thii2 ii2 goiing two be the la2t thiing you ever remember me 2ayiing two you.
TA: way two go, 2ollux.
GC: OH WOULD YOU STOP TH4T
GC: YOU W3R3 DO1NG SO W3LL 1 W4S PROUD OF YOUR T34S1NG PROW3SS
GC: 4FT3R 4LL YOU D1D L34RN FROM TH3 B3ST >;]
TA: heh.
GC: YOU H4V3 DON3 W3LL YOUNG JUMP1NG1NS3CT
GC: R3M3MB3R TO N3V3R US3 YOUR POW3RS FOR 3V1L
GC: UNL3SS SOM3BODY R34LLY D3S3RV3S 1T
TA: can do tz.
GC: NOW T3LL M3 1 4M DY1NG TO KNOW
GC: WH4T
GC: COLOR
GC: 1S
GC: H1S
GC: BLOOD!!!
TA: heh ok ii diid 2ee iit.
TA: for you, tz.
TA: and ii cant beliieve he2 been fliippiing out about iit for all the2e 2weep2.
GC: >:?
TA: iit2 yellow.
GC: Y3LLOW
GC: G1V3 M3 D3T41LS
GC: L3MON Y3LLOW OR YUMMY B4N4N4 Y3LLOW OR YUCKY MUST4RD L1K3 YOU KNOW WHO
TA: a liittle biit briighter than miine, ii gue22 he2 kiind of clo2e two green.
TA: iit2 completely normal, not even a weiird 2hade of iit or anythiing.
GC: W3LL
GC: 1 D1D NOT 3XP3CT TH4T 4T 4LL!
TA: ii know, he made 2uch a biig deal about iit youd thiink iit would at lea2t be 2omethiing weiird.
TA: he wa2 pretty much hyperventiilatiing the whole tiime they were te2tiing iit.
GC: 1 GU3SS H3 W4S JUST US3D TO H1D1NG 1T
GC: 4ND B31NG SP3C14L B3C4US3 NOBODY KN3W
GC: HMMMMMM SOM3TH1NG SM3LLS V3RY F1SHY 4BOUT TH1S
GC: BUT 1T 1S PROB4BLY JUST ON3 OF TH3S3 LOV3LY B4NN3RS
GC: TH4NK YOU SOLLUX 1M GL4D 1 GOT TO F1ND OUT
TA: no problem tz.
TA: my 2hiip2 leaviing now, were probably goiing two get cut off iin a miinute.
GC: QU1CK SOLLUX TH1NK OF TH3 L4ST TH1NG YOU 3V3R W4NT TO S4Y TO M3 4ND S4Y 1T
TA: tz pyrope you are bat2hiit iin2ane.
GC: SOLLUX CAPTOR 1 C4N B4R3LY UND3RST4ND 4 WORD YOU TYP3

AC: :33 < *ac says equius, you had better behave yourself when i'm not there to k33p an eye on you!*
CT: D --> I will do my best, Nepeta

CT: D --> Aradia, i have always harbored certain... feelings for you
AA: i d0nt really care

TC: I'Ll bE AlL SeEiNg yOu aGaIn iN A CoUpLe sWeEpS, mY MoThErFuCkEr. i jUsT KnOw iT. :o)
CG: OH GOD I HOPE NOT.

AG: Has anyone heard if that wimp Tavros got culled or not????????

AT: cOULD EVERYBODY MAYBE NOT TELL VRISKA WHETHER I, uH, gOT CULLED OR NOT,

GA: Hes Fine Vriska You Can Start Breathing Again

CA: gentlemen set course for ishizis starship
CA: fef has a fuckin empire to rule

CC: T)(IS IS SO ------EXCITING!!!

If it's interesting enough I might write some more chapters, I don't know. Also, does anyone remember where the fanon name "Ishizi" came from for the troll empress? I needed a name for her and I remembered seeing that one around.

(I broship Tavros/Gamzee so hard.)

**Hazel** · 02-12-2011, 05:19 AM

I never heard Ishizi before.

I always imagined her name was Tiamat because duh, huge destructive force of nature goddess of chaos and the sea, who sort of had to be killed to make the world. Um, that's the old-fashioned Tiamat naturally, not the dragon goddess that most people are familiar with.

**JudgeDeadd** · 02-12-2011, 05:25 AM

Okay this was a most enjoyable read we just got from Red Pen. It's heartwarming and sad and exciting at the same time to see the trolls issue all those farewells and also ponder whether or not they won't get randomly executed for something minor.

If it's interesting enough I might write some more chapters, I don't know.

would definitely read.

**Caprisaurus** · 02-12-2011, 07:17 AM

Ohhh yessss
Shenanigans indeed

**Kawa** · 02-12-2011, 07:48 AM

I swear to gog I will pistol whip the next person who says "shenanigans"!

**Aldaris** · 02-12-2011, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by Kawa

I swear to gog I will pistol whip the next person who says "shenanigans"!

Shenanigans.

**Kawa** · 02-12-2011, 08:16 AM

*pistol whips Aldaris*

**-Benedict** · 02-12-2011, 08:19 AM

More shenanigans.
All the shenanigans.
All of them.
Double shenanigans, across the sky. Wa wa, oh my gog. Look, it's shenanigans!

**Metaflare** · 02-12-2011, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by Red Pen

Also, does anyone remember where the fanon name "Ishizi" came from for the troll empress? I needed a name for her and I remembered seeing that one around.

I think that was me, when I made the first fic with the Empress in it. It was a different name, but it still started with an I and sounded vaguely egyptian.

Also Red I

that fic forever. You absolutely nailed everyone's personalities.

**KarneWarrior** · 02-12-2011, 09:26 AM

Originally Posted by Red Pen

So here's a thing that's been in my head for a while. The trolls never played Sgrub, and now as they come of age they say their last goodbyes before heading out into the empire.

Very heavy on both Karkat and Gamzee, so expect a lot of swearing.

The End and What Comes After

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CC: -----ERIDAN!
CC: Are you awake??
CA: no fef im typin in my sleep
CC: )(ee )(ee, yea)(, I guess t)(at was a dumb question!
CC: W)(y are you online in the middle of t)(e day, anyway?
CA: wwell off the top a my head id say its probably for the same reason you are
CC: I can't even t)(ink about sleeping, I'm sooooo -EXCIT-ED for tonig)(t!
CC: glub glub! 3

CA: yeah glub glub
CA: i get that its exciting
CA: im excited too
CC: O)( PL-EAS-E I am at least ten times as -EXCIT-ED as you!
CC: I just want to glub about it to everybody!
CC: It's like our w)(ole lives )(ave been leading up to t)(is
CC: ON-E
CC: -EXCITING
CC: MOM-ENT!!
CC: GLUB!
CC: O)( my gos)(, do you think t)(e s)(ips are in orbit above us RIG)(T NOW?
CA: wwell probably fef i mean they gotta be here tonight
CC: -Eridan, you're the silly guy w)(o lives up top!
CC: Go look out your window RIG)(T NOW and see if you can see t)(em!
CA: come on its fuckin bright out
CC: I know!
CC: But I'm so excited just t)(inking t)(at t)(ey could be above our )(eads at this very moment!
CC: Getting ready to land and take us away into the fleet!
CC: We're adults now -Eridan! I feel so grown up!
CA: me too fef
CA: look at us wwere gonna be the top of the fuckin neww wworld order here
CC: O)( G-E-EZ-E
CA: i mean your empress thing not my genocide thing
CC: 38P You always mean your genocide t)(ing!
CC: It is pretty muc)( t)(e ONLY T)(ING you ever talk about!
CA: wwell this time im talkin about your empress thing
CA: givve me some credit here fef i knoww wwhats important
CC: Ok, sorry! Glub.
CA: glub glub
CA: dont mean im not excited about the rest of it though
CA: wwho wwouldnt get excited im gonna be the best general in the fleet i already knoww that
CC: You sure will!
CA: aint evven wworried about it
CA: im gonna be out there conquerin wworlds like i wwas alwways hatched to
CC: See -Eridan, t)(at is your genocide thing.
CC: You are talking about your genocide t)(ing RIG)(T AFT-ER you said you weren't going to talk about your genocide t)(ing!
CA: wwhy are wwe callin it a thing
CA: it aint really a thing
CC: You called it a t)(ing first!
CA: anywway im goin to be conquerin planets for you fef
CA: buildin up the empire for your empress thing
CC: Well maybe I don't want to build up my empire like t)(at!
CC: I t)(ink t)(ere is probably a better way to go about it!
CA: yeah invvite evveryone in and take all the fun outta bein a wwar hero wwhy dont you
CC: It will still be fun!
CC: You'll just be defending t)(e empire instead of actively expanding it!
CC: T)(at is still fun and important!
CA: wwhatevver
CC: >38( W)(AT WAS T)(AT MIST-ER G-EN-ERAL!!!
CA: wwhatevver you say miss empress
CA: i livve to servve you i guess
CC: )(a )(a t)(at's better! 3

CC: If you're going to be a really good conquerer t)(en you s)(ould remember t)(at your duty is to your empress!
CC: And t)(at's me!
CC: W)(IC)( IS -EXCITING!!
CA: yeah wwell at least try to start a wwar wwith somebody once in a wwhile
CA: givve me somethin to do
CC: You are terrible!
CC: As your new empress I am making a decree that you )(ave to stop being terrible!
CC: )(-E )(-E
CA: fef i dont think the empress is supposed to giggle wwhen shes givin orders
CC: O)( you don't know anyt)(ing!
CC: I decree t)(at t)( empress must ALWAYS giggle w)(en giving orders! )(A )(A )(A
CA: reel dignified fef
CC: )(ee )(ee glub! 3

CA: glub glub
CC: Glub glub glub glub glub!
CC: -Eridan I am just clownfis)(ing around with you!
CC: You are going to be a great general and I'm reely glad you're on my side!
CC: I don't t)(ink I would be able to do t)(is wit)(out your seaport.
CA: wwell fef im glad to hear you say that
CA: you can alwways rely on me im selfless like that
CC: Actually t)(ats kind of w)(y I wanted to talk to you today.
CC: I am reely excited!
CC: But I t)(ink I mig)(t also be a little bit scared!
CA: wwait is this gonna be about feelings
CC: Yes -Eridan, you are not t)(e only one w)(o )(as t)(em!
CC: And as my moirail I t)(ink it is your job to listen to me w)(en I )(ave lots of feelings!!
CA: aint it a little early for this
CA: the fuckin suns still up an im tired
CC: We are bot)( too excited to sleep! Glub!
CC: G-ET IN YOUR WAND PIL-E MIST-ER!!
CA: ok wwhatevver go ahead
CC: ok! 3

CC: I am a little bit scared about growing up.
CC: And about being away from Gl'bgolyb for the first time.
CC: And especially about being t)(e empress!
CC: I don't know if I'm strong enoug)( to overt)(row Is)(izi, or if I'll even do a good job ruling in )(er place!
CC: T)(ese are t)(ings I've been worrying about a lot lately!
CA: fef you knoww wwe got plans for ishizi
CC: But s)(ell be trying to kill me as soon as s)(e knows I'm not with Gl'bgolyb anymore.
CC: W)(at if I board our s)(ip and s)(e's told t)(em all to kill me?? 38(
CC: Or maybe just rigs it to -------EXPLOD----E! 38O
CA: ha see this is wwhy you need me so bad
CA: just rely on me i already thought of evverythin here
CA: made some contacts an called in some favvors
CA: ivve been wworkin on it for a long time
CA: you got allies noww fef i made sure one a those ships wwas on our side
CA: all in secret ishizi doesnt evven knoww
CC: O)( MY GLUB -ERIDAN DID YOU REELY DO T)(AT??
CC: You are amazing! I was so scared w)(enever I t)(oug)(t about it t)(at I couldn't even try to make any plans!
CC: I was just )(oping everyt)(ing would be ok!
CC: AND T)(-EN YOU W-ENT AND DID T)(AT!!! 38D
CA: wwell sure i mean a generals gotta look out for his empress
CC: GLUB!
CC: YOU AR-E T)(E B-EST G-EN-ERAL!!
CC: And t)(e best moirail an empress could ever ask for.
CA: oh yeah
CA: of course
CA: just lookin out for you
CA: like a moirail should
CA: glub
CC: GLUUUUUB! 38DDDDD
CC: You know, it seems like as we get older you're not reely just my moirail anymore.
CA: wwhat
CA: reely
CA: you mean
CC: You are my SUP-ER MOIRAIL!
CC: And my very best friend. 3

CC: .....
CC: Um, -Eridan?
CA: fef im reel tired an wwe gotta get up early tonight
CA: im gonna go to sleep noww
CC: Awwww, sad glub. 38(
CC: Well I guess I'll see you tonig)(t!
CC: W)(en we'll finally get to see the fleet!
CC: -E-E-E-E--------E T)(IS IS ALL SO -----EXCITING!!!
CA: yeah wwe got our whole livves ahead of us
CA: mornin fef
CC: Morning, -Eridan. 3

caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: HEY MAN, TELL ME YOU'RE STILL ONLINE.
CG: PLEASE BE ONLINE PLEASE BE ONLINE PLEASE BE ONLINE
TA: well 2omebody2 flyiing off the handle more than u2ual twoday.
CG: SHUT UP.
CG: I AM FLIPPING MY SHIT HERE.
TA: a2 alway2.
TA: what, diid you thiink ii wa2 gonna leave wiithout 2ayiing goodbye?
TA: ii wa2 goiing two do iit twoniight karkat, iim not that horriible a friiend.
TA: although ii gue22 iif you were expectiing me two ju2t di22appear wiithout a word then maybe ii am that horriible a friiend...
CG: OK NO STOP.
TA: god karkat ii wa2 going two talk two you twoniight before ii left ii 2wear ii wa2!
CG: JUST STOP, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR DEPRESSION BULLSHIT.
CG: THIS IS A SERIOUS FUCKING ISSUE THAT I AM LEGITIMATELY FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT.
TA: what, you 2uddenly thiink youre going two faiil epiically at beiing a thre2hicutioner?
TA: 2eriou2ly kk nobody fail2 at that.
TA: iit2 pretty much the ea2iie2t thiing you can do that2 not the cavalreaper2.
CG: NO.
CG: NO, DO NOT EVEN GO THERE, THRESHICUTIONERS ARE AWESOME AND I WILL BE GREAT AT IT, END OF STORY.
CG: A WHOLE LOT GREATER THAN WHATEVER IDIOTIC THING YOU'RE PLANNING TO BE.
TA: you only wi2h you had the wiicked programmiing 2kiill2 two be an encryptrooper, kk.
TA: youre going two be planet2ide hackiing aliien2 up with your 2iickle
TA: whiile ii siit comfortably iin a shiip and hack fleet2 up wiith my computer.
CG: AND WHO GETS TO BE THE HERO THEN, SMARTASS?
CG: HERE'S A HINT.
CG: IT'S ME.
CG: WHEN THEY'RE HANDING OUT MEDALS NOBODY EVER GIVES ONE TO THE GUY WHO JUST SAT AT HIS FUCKING COMPUTER.
CG: YOU WROTE A VIRUS, BIG WHOOP.
CG: I CARVED RIVERS OF BLOOD THROUGH THE RANKS OF A HOSTILE ALIEN RACE.
CG: THAT MAKES ME BETTER THAN YOU FOREVER.
TA: 2ure you are kk.
TA: and who2 viru2 do you thiink kept that hostiile aliien race from carpet bombiing you from orbiit?
TA: 2uperiioriity 2ecured.
CG: LOOK, WE NEED ENCRYPTROOPERS LIKE WE NEED REFUSEDISPOSERS.
CG: IT'S NECESSARY. THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT FUCKING DIFFICULT.
TA: you cant do iit.
CG: I COULD, I JUST WANT TO BE THE ONE GETTING THE MEDALS.
CG: I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR LIFE OF BEING UNAPPRECIATED, BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO GET ABOUT AS MUCH CREDIT AS TROLL CHEWBACCA.
TA: ok thii2 conver2atiion ii2 gettiing 2tupiid.
TA: what wa2 2o iimportant that you had two me22age me and fliip your 2hiit about iit at two iin the afternoon?
CG: I AM STILL FLIPPING MY SHIT ABOUT IT.
CG: THAT DIDN'T STOP BEING A THING THAT WAS HAPPENING.
TA: 2o what are you fliipiing your 2hiit about?
CG: THE SHIPS ARE COMING TONIGHT!
TA: 2eriiou2ly kk?
TA: weve all known about thii2 forever, iit2 not liike ii2 new2.
CG: THAT WASN'T IT, MORON, LET ME FINISH.
CG: THE SHIPS, AND CONSEQUENTLY THE RECRUITINATORS, ARE COMING TONIGHT.
CG: AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO OUT THERE AND TAKE A PHYSICAL.
TA: youre not goiing two get culled kk.
TA: they only do that iif there2 2omethiing wrong wiith you, youll be fiine.
TA: ii mean ii miight, but youre pretty much the defiiniition of normal, 2o
CG: NO.
CG: SHUT UP.
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP, I'M NOT DONE YET.
CG: I'M FLIPPING MY SHIT BECAUSE THERE'S A BLOOD TEST.
TA: oh god kk eheheheheh.
CG: IT ISN'T FUNNY, YOU ARE A HORRIBLE FRIEND.
CG: I'M TERRIFIED OVER HERE.
TA: iit kiind of ii2 though.
CG: I MEAN I GUESS I ALWAYS KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN EVENTUALLY BUT IT'S ONLY REALLY SINKING IN RIGHT NOW.
CG: SOMEBODY IS GOING TO STICK A NEEDLE IN MY ARM AND MY BLOOD IS GOING TO BE OUT THERE FOR ALL OF ALTERNIA TO GAWK AT.
CG: AND I THINK I WOULD RATHER BE CULLED; IT WILL PROBABLY BE LESS HORRIFYING.
TA: eheheheh your blood thiing!
TA: ii dont even get why you have thii2 ob2e22iion wiith hiidiing iit ii mean iit2 not liike iit really matter2 what color you are.
TA: 2hiit ii can't even remember the la2t tiime ii thought about my blood color.
CG: WELL I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I STOPPED THINKING ABOUT MINE.
CG: TRY SHOWING A LITTLE SENSITIVITY HERE, DOUCHEBAG.
TA: ahahaha 2top beiing 2o 2en2iitiive kk!
TA: iit2 a repugnant qualiity!
CG: SURE, GO AHEAD AND LAUGH WHILE I GET MYSELF CULLED TO AVOID THE HUMILIATION.
CG: WE BOTH KNOW YOU'LL BE BEATING YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT LATER ANYWAY, DROWNING IN THE CRUSHING GUILT OF LETTING ME DIE.
TA: low blow, kk, not cool.
TA: anyway youre going two have two ju2t giive iit up and 2how 2omebody eventually.
TA: you can get away wiith iit here but there2 no way theyre goiing two let you be anonymou2 iin the fleet.
CG: SOLLUX I CAN'T DO THIS. I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS.
CG: I DON'T WANT TO BE A THRESHICUTIONER ANYMORE, I'LL JUST STAY ON ALTERNIA FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
TA: dont be 2tupiid, ii know you want thiis more than anythiing.
TA: ju2t go for iit, no one ii2 goiing two care what color your blood ii2. 2how everybody and get iit over wiith and go on wiith your liife.
CG: YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
TA: 2ure kk, it2 hard. haviing a crippliing fear of your own blood and growiing up.
CG: I'M NOT AFRAID OF IT YOU NOOKSNIFFER, I JUST DON'T WANT ANYONE TO SEE IT.
TA: iit2 hard and nobody under2tand2.
CG: OH FUCK YOU.
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M EVEN TALKING TO ANYONE ABOUT THIS, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
CG: I DON'T NEED ANY CONDESCENDING ADVICE, I'M JUST GOING TO GO AND WALLOW IN THE FLIPPED SHIT PILE.
TA: waiit kk!
TA: look ii gue22 iim not all that great at motiivatiional 2peeche2.
TA: one of the many thiing2 iim not great at.
TA: iin fact wow ii really botched thii2 up, you were really freaking out here and all ii diid wa2 laugh at you.
CG: WHOA OK NO BACK IT UP.
TA: 2orry kk, ii can't beliieve you even talk two me 2ometiime2.
CG: BACK IT UP, IT'S NOT TIME FOR THE PITY PARTY.
CG: THE PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED, ALL THE INVITATIONS WERE LOST IN THE MAIL AND SOMEBODY POISONED THE PUNCH.
TA: that 2ure 2ound2 liike a typiical piity party.
CG: NO, LOOK.
CG: I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING TO HELP HERE BY TELLING ME IT'S NO BIG DEAL WHAT COLOR BLOOD I HAVE.
CG: BUT THAT ISN'T EVEN THE PART THAT MATTERS. I'VE BEEN HIDING IT SO LONG IT'S SORT OF BECOME THIS OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE THING.
TA: 2ort of?
TA: kk iit ii2 textbook ob2e22iive compul2ive. do not even kiid your2elf.
CG: OK, SO IT IS ENTIRELY OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE.
CG: THE POINT IS THAT REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT IT ACTUALLY MATTERS
CG: I DON'T THINK I'M CAPABLE OF SHOWING MY BLOOD WITHOUT FLIPPING OUT AND HAVING SOME KIND OF FUCKING PSYCHOTIC EPISODE.
CG: AND I DON'T WANT TO START OFF MY CAREER AS A THRESHICUTIONER WITH A PSYCHOTIC EPISODE.
CG: I AM KIND OF FREAKING OUT JUST THINKING ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
TA: calm down a 2econd.
CG: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
TA: kk 2eriieou2ly.
TA: take a deep breath or 2omethiing.
CG: I CAN'T DO THIS.
TA: thii2 ii2 pretty much ju2t a mental block you have two get around. iif you hiide your blood and they fiind out later, theyll cull you 2o fa2t you wont even feel iit.
TA: ii mean 2eriiou2ly, they 2end 2ubjuggulator2 after people for 2hiit liike that.
TA: 2o you pretty much ju2t have two force your2elf two get iit out iin the open.
CG: WAIT, HIDE MY BLOOD?
CG: FOR A BLOOD TEST? HOW ON ALTERNIA WOULD I EVEN DO THAT, DON'T BE AN IDIOT.
TA: youre the iidiiot, iit ii2 totally po22iible two fake out a blood te2t.
CG: OH RIGHT, I'LL JUST MAGICALLY CHANGE MY BLOOD COLOR WHEN NO ONE'S LOOKING, THAT'S BRILLIANT.
CG: AND BY BRILLIANT I MEAN STUPID.
TA: there2 drug2 you can take two change your blood color, a22hole.
TA: get 2choolfed, oh my god.
CG: WHAT.
CG: REALLY?
TA: ...oh my god.
CG: WHY WAS THAT NOT THE VERY FIRST THING OUT OF YOUR UGLY OVERBITE THE MINUTE I TOLD YOU I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE BLOOD TEST?
TA: oh my god kk ii diidnt mean two tell you that!
TA: you 2eriou2ly cant take chromomiine, iit ii2 iillegal a2 fuck.
CG: CHROMOMINE, HUH?
TA: god dammiit why diid ii 2ay that!
TA: iim 2o 2tupiid!
TA: you dont know what that 2hiit doe2 two you.
TA: there wa2 a red-blooded guy iin my neiighborhood who wa2 taking iit two make hi2 blood look yellow, that2 how ii found out about iit iin the fiir2t place.
TA: you want me two de2criibe all the way2 iin whiich iit wa2 2lowly kiilliing hiim?
TA: ii mean 2opor only rot2 your miind, thii2 2tuff leave2 your braiin alone and rot2 the re2t of you.
CG: OK STOP IT, THAT'S DISGUSTING.
CG: IT WAS JUST A QUESTION, DON'T GO OFF ON SOME RANT ABOUT IT.
CG: I GET IT, I AM NO LONGER EVEN CONSIDERING IT, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
TA: ii gue22.
TA: eheh, not liike you could get iit anyway.
TA: ii doubt you know a dealer and the only one2 who can buy iit legally are iindiigo2 and up.
CG: SEE, WHY WERE YOU EVEN WORRIED?
CG: THIS HAS BEEN YET ANOTHER EPISODE OF "SOLLUX MAKES A HUGE FUCKING DEAL OUT OF SOMETHING STUPID."
TA: tune iin next week two 2ee kk get hii2 a22 handed two hiim by the mothergrubbiing ma2ter encryptrooper.
CG: FUCK THAT, THRESHICUTIONERS BEAT ENCRYPTROOPERS EVERY TIME.
TA: briing iit, biig2hot.
TA: ii'll be coveriing your 2orry a22 from orbiit.
CG: GREAT, BECAUSE I'LL BE THE ONE WITH THE MEDAL SO SHINY YOU CAN SEE IT FROM SPACE.
CG: ANYWAY, THIS CONVERSATION HAS BEEN A HUGE WASTE OF TIME.
CG: I SHOULD BE IN MY RECUPERACOON RIGHT NOW RESTING UP FOR THE RECRUITINATORS AND SO SHOULD YOU.
TA: what, youre not 2tiill fliippiing your 2hiit about the whole blood thiing?
CG: NO, I
CG: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
CG: I JUST HAVE TO SHOW IT THIS ONE TIME AND THEN IT'LL BE OVER.
TA: whatever you 2ay, kk.
TA: weve got the 2ame recruiitiing outpo2t, 2o ii can alway2 be there two hold your hand iif you cluckbea2t out liike a wiiggler.
CG: SOLLUX.
CG: SINCE WE'LL PROBABLY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN AFTER TONIGHT, I WANT TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP ON A HIGH NOTE.
CG: FUCK.
CG: YOU.
TA: eheheheheheh!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

AT: hELP,
TC: WhAt iS Up, My mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRoThEr?
TC: SuRe iS EaRlY FoR YoU To bE AlL Up aNd aBoUt, I CaN StIlL SeE ThE SuN SeTtInG.
TC: YoU EvEr wAtCh tHe sUn sEt oUt oVeR ThE OcEaN? HoW DoEs iT EvEn mAkE AlL ThOsE MoThErFuCkInG CoLoRs?
AT: i, uHH, dON'T REALLY KNOW THE, sCIENTIFIC REASON,
AT: bUT I THINK YOU'RE PROBABLY, gOING TO TELL ME IT'S MIRACLES,
TC: WhOoOoOoAh
TC: YoU AlL WeNt aNd rEaD My mOtHeRfUcKiNg tHiNk pAn, BrO!
AT: iT WAS MOSTLY JUST LOGIC, bECAUSE, uM,
AT: yOU USUALLY SAY IT'S MIRACLES,
AT: aND I GUESS I JUST, kIND OF KNOW WHEN TO EXPECT IT,
TC: ThAt sHiT'S A PrEtTy cHiLl mOtHeRfUcKiNg tRiCk!
TC: HoNk!

)
TC: So wHaT DiD YoU WaNt mE To bE AlL Up aNd hElPiNg yOu wItH?
AT: wELL,
AT: i WAS IN MY RECUPERACOON, uH, sLEEPING I GUESS,
AT: bECAUSE THE RECRUITINATORS ARE COMING TONIGHT,
TC: ThAt wAs aLl bEiNg tOnIgHt?
AT: yES,
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE, uH, wELL RESTED, iF I WANT TO BE A CAVALREAPER AND NOT GET CULLED,
AT: aND THE NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS, sORT OF, cRAWLING OVER TO MY COMPUTER,
AT: aGAINST MY WILL,
AT: aND VRISKA WAS MESSAGING ME AND SAYING, sHE LOVED ME,
AT: aND SHE HAD TO TELL ME, bEFORE I GOT CULLED FOR BEING CRIPPLED,
AT: aND I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY SO I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING,
AT: wHICH MADE HER ANGRY, i THINK, bECAUSE SHE BLOCKED ME AND, uH, lOGGED OFF,
AT: aND NOW I'M KIND OF FEARING FOR MY LIFE,
TC: HoW DoEs tHaT EvEn wOrK, aLl tHoSe cOlOrS?
TC: LiKe tHeY'Re aLl jUsT MaDe oUtTa pUrE MoThErFuCkInG LiGhT.
AT: i DON'T THINK YOU'RE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE, uM, sTARING AT IT LIKE THAT,
TC: OoOoOoH SoRrY MoThErFuCkEr, I SpAcEd fOr a mInUtE ThErE! WhAt's tHaT ShIt yOu wErE AlL Up aNd sHaRiNg?
AT: iT'S FINE, i CAN JUST WAIT WHILE YOU SCROLL UP AND READ WHAT I WROTE,
TC: AwWw mY BrO, hArSh.

(
TC: I DoN'T KnOw wHaT To eVeN Be dOiNg aBoUt aLl tHaT.
AT: i THOUGHT, yOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T,
AT: sO I GUESS I JUST, wANTED TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT,
AT: iT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER BECAUSE, i WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER ANYMORE AFTER TONIGHT,
AT: oNE WAY OR ANOTHER,
AT: i HOPE I DON'T GET CULLED BECAUSE, i'VE BEEN PRACTICING MY JOUSTING A LOT AND I THINK I HAVE A LOT OF, uH, sKILL,
AT: aND YOU DON'T REALLY NEED LEGS TO RIDE A MOUNT,
AT: sO SHE'S PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT THAT,
TC: If yOuR MoThErFuCkInG JoUsTiNg iS As sLiCk aS YoUr bEaTs, I WoUlDn't wOrRy aBoUt iT, mY MoThErFuCkEr.
AT: i'M PRETTY GOOD AT IT,
TC: HoNk.

)
AT: hA HA, hONK, }

)
AT: yOU'RE RIGHT, i SHOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
AT: i GUESS, nOW THAT I'M AWAKE,
AT: i SHOULD GET PACKED AND, uH, mAKE SURE I HAVE EVERYTHING,
AT: hAVE YOU PACKED YET,
TC: FuCk, My bRoThEr, I FoRgOt iT WaS EvEn tOnIgHt!
TC: It's cHiLl tHoUgH, sUbJuGgUlAtOrS DoN'T GeT To bE HaViNg aLl tHoSe mOtHeRfUcKiNg mAtErIaL PoSsEsSiOnS.
TC: JuSt tHe sHiRtS On oUr bAcKs, MoThErFuCkEr!
AT: oH YEAH, i FORGOT THAT WAS WHAT YOU WANTED TO BE,
AT: eVEN THOUGH I REALLY CAN'T SEE YOU AS A SUBJUGGULATOR, aT ALL,
AT: aRE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO CHANGE YOUR, uH, mIND, tO,
AT: aNYTHING AT ALL THAT ISN'T THAT THING,
TC: HaHaHaHaHa!
AT: yOU COULD, cOME WITH ME AND BE A CAVALREAPER,
TC: YoU DoN'T ChOoSe tHe sUbJuGgUlAtOrS, mOtHeRfUcKeR.
TC: SuBjUgGuLaToRs cHoOsE YoU.
TC: It's sOmEtHiNg dEeP DoWn iNsIdE YoU, lIkE A MoThErFuCkInG CaLlInG. TeLlS YoU WhO YoU ArE.
TC: MiRaClEs, My bRoThEr, HoW DoEs iT EvEn kNoW?
AT: wELL I THINK IT'S PROBABLY NICE TO KNOW, eXACTLY WHO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE,
TC: GrEaTeSt mIrAcLe oF AlL, mY MoSt hEsItAnT MoThErFuCkEr.

)
AT: rUFIO IS KIND OF LIKE THAT, i GUESS,
AT: eXCEPT I DON'T THINK HE REALLY KNOWS WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE BECAUSE, i JUST MADE HIM UP,
TC: WeLl fUcK BrO, mAyBe hE'S YoUr wAy oF TeLlInG YoUrSeLf wHaT To mOtHeRfUcKiNg bE!
TC: WhAt's hE SaYiNg?
AT: iF HE WAS A REAL PERSON, wHO COULD ACTUALLY TALK TO ME,
AT: i THINK HE WOULD SAY, nOT TO WORRY ABOUT BEING CULLED, oR ABOUT WHAT VRISKA THINKS
AT: aND TO JUST HAVE FUN AND DO MY BEST,
AT: bECAUSE MY BEST IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD, iN THAT PARTICULAR AREA,
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE RuFiO Is a mOtHeRfUcKeR WhO'S ScHoOlFeD AlL Up aNd aBoUt wHaT He's mOtHeRfUcKiNg sAyInG.
TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk!

)
AT: hONK,
TC: HoOoOoOoOoOnK!
AT: oK, yOU WIN,
TC: CaN'T BeAt mE In a hOnK-OfF, bRoThEr.
TC: WhOoOoOoOoOoAh
AT: uM, wHOA WHAT,
TC: SuN'S DoWn, MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: AnD I Am sEeInG ThE WiCkEd mIrAcLeS, aLl tHe wAy aCrOsS ThE SkY.
TC: ThAt sHiT AiN'T StArS, iT'S ThE ShIpS ThAt tAkE Us oUt tO WhErE ThE MaGiC HaPpEnS.
AT: iS THAT A SPECIFIC PLACE, oR, aRE YOU BEING METAPHORICAL,
TC: NaH, mAgIc's eVeRyWhErE Up iN ThIs bItCh.

)
AT: oH, oK HAHA,
AT: uH GAMZEE,
AT: i ACTUALLY ALSO AM TALKING TO YOU,
AT: tO SAY GOODBYE, i GUESS,
AT: yOU'RE A REALLY GREAT FRIEND AND, i'LL TRY TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOU AS MUCH AS I CAN, bUT,
AT: yOU CAN'T REALLY CHAT LIKE THIS, mOST OF THE TIME, wHEN YOU'RE OUT IN THE EMPIRE,
AT: uNLESS YOU'RE STATIONED ON THE SAME SHIP, oR, uH, tHE SAME PLANET I GUESS,
AT: aND WE PROBABLY WON'T BE,
AT: sO I WANT TO SAY THAT I REALLY VALUE OUR FRIENDSHIP,
AT: bECAUSE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN SOMEONE I COULD TALK TO, aND, nOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS,
AT: aND I'LL MISS YOU,
AT: sO,
AT: uHHHHH,
AT: gAMZEE,
AT: aRE YOU STILL THERE,
TC: Oh hEy, I FoRgOt wE WeRe eVeN AlL Up aNd tAlKiNg!
AT: hAHA, tHAT'S OK,
TC: I'Ll mIsS YoU ToO, mOtHeRfUcKeR.
TC: BuT ThIs aIn't rEaLlY GoOdByE! I JuSt gOt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg fEeLiNg aBoUt tHaT ShIt.
TC: I GoTtA Go, KaRkAt's bEeN AlL Up aNd tRoLlInG Me. gUeSs hE WaNtS To aLl bE SaYiNg hIs gOoDbYeS ToO.
TC: HoNk!

)
AT: hOOOOOONK, }:'o)

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: HEY, BEST FRIEND.
CG: I SURE AM GLAD TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU.
TC: I'M PrEtTy mOtHeRfUcKiNg gLaD ToO, bEsT FrIeNd!
CG: SHUT UP, FUCKASS, THIS IS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY AND I'M IN A HURRY.
CG: YOU STILL HAVE INDIGO BLOOD, RIGHT?
TC: HaHaHaHa, LaSt i sAw tHaT ShIt!
TC: YoU ThInK It mIgHt hAvE ChAnGeD On mE?
TC: FuCk bRoThEr, ShOuLd i cHeCk?
CG: OH MY GOD.
CG: EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU I REMEMBER HOW ANNOYING YOU ARE.
CG: I OPEN TROLLIAN AND THINK
CG: THERE'S NO WAY HE COULD POSSIBLY BE AS ANNOYING AS I REMEMBER HIM.
CG: AND YOU BLOW MY MIND EVERY TIME.
CG: MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLES.
TC: HoNk!

)
CG: DON'T START WITH THE CLOWN THING, I DON'T WANT MY LAST MEMORIES OF THIS PLANET TO INVOLVE YOUR CREEPY RELIGIOUS BULLSHIT.
TC: SoOoOoOrY, bRo.
CG: OK, I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
CG: I FIGURE YOU OWE IT TO ME FOR PUTTING UP WITH YOU FOR ALL THESE SWEEPS.
TC: WhAtEvEr yOu nEeD, mOtHeRfUcKeR! YoU JuSt nAmE It.
CG: HOLD ON, THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART.
CG: I WANT YOU TO SWEAR ON YOUR FREAKISH CLOWN GODS THAT YOU WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL WHAT I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU.
TC: Ok, MoThErFuCkEr, YoU GoT It.
CG: NO, I WANT TO SEE YOU TYPE IT. SAY, "I SWEAR ON MY FREAKISH CLOWN GODS THAT I WILL NEVER TELL ANOTHER LIVING SOUL WHAT KARKAT VANTAS IS ABOUT TO ASK ME."
TC: ThAt's kInD Of sAcRiLeGiOuS, mOtHeRfUcKeR. I DoN'T ReAlLy fEeL AlL Up aNd cOmFoRtAbLe wItH WoRdInG It aLl lIkE ThAt!
CG: WHATEVER, YOU'LL JUST FORGET LATER ANYWAY LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. NOW LISTEN.
CG: I NEED YOU TO BUY ME SOMETHING.
CG: IT'S CALLED CHROMOMINE.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

GC: OH SOLLUX
GC: GU3SS WH3R3 1 4M R1GHT NOW
GC: >:]
TA: at your recruiitiing outpo2t?
GC: CLOOOOS3.....
GC: 4LR1GHT TH4T 1S PR3TTY MUCH 1T 3X4CTLY
GC: BUT 1T 1S NOT TH3 4NSW3R 1 4M LOOK1NG FOR!
TA: ok fiine tz ii giive up. where are you?
GC: 1 4M ST4ND1NG ON TH3 D3CK OF TH3 TH3M1S
GC: TH3 TH3M1S SOLLUX
GC: ON3 OF THE GR34T COURT SH1PS OF TH3 4LTERN14N FL33T
GC: 1T 1S 4M4Z1NG
GC: TH3R3 4R3 SO M4NY COLORFUL B4NN3RS HUNG UP 3V3RYWH3R3
GC: 1 COULD JUST ST4ND H3R3 4ND SM3LL 3V3RYTH1NG FOR3V3R!
TA: 2o you diidnt get culled for the bliindne22 thiing then.
GC: OF COURS3 NOT DUMMY
GC: 1 P4SS3D MY 3Y3 3X4M W1TH FLY1NG COLORS
GC: 4ND BY COLORS 1 M34N SM3LLS
TA: yeah ii fiigured you of all people would be fiine.
TA: ii pa22ed my phy2iical two.
TA: ii pretty much went into thi2 thiing thiinkiing ii wa2 goiing two get culled for 2ome 2tupiid mii2take
TA: but about halfway through ii realiized how 2tupiid that wa2 and ju2t went wiith iit.
GC: YOU SUR3 C4N B3 M1ST3R N3G4T1V3 SOM3T1M3S
GC: BUT WHO C4R3S
GC: N3P3T4 W4S 4T MY OUTPOST 4ND SH3 D1D F1N3 TOO
TA: 2he would.
GC: 1 TH1NK TH3 R3CRU1T1N4TORS W3R3 R34LLY 1MPR3SS3D W1TH H3R 4CTU4LLY
GC: 1N TH3 COMB4T T3ST SH3 F1LL3T3D 4 GUY
GC: 3QU1US H4D M3 G1V3 H1M TH3 PL4Y-BY-PL4Y ON H1S HUSKTOP
GC: YOU SHOULD H4V3 T4ST3D H1M GUSH 4BOUT 1T!
TA: gu2h a2 iin...
GC: OH H3H3H3H3H3
GC: GUSH 4S 1N PR41S3 H3R
GC: 1 FORGOT YOU H4V3 TO SP3C1FY W1TH H1M >:\
TA: eew.
GC: BUT W3 4R3 BOTH B34T1NG 4ROUND THE BR1AR
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU KNOW 3X4CTLY WHY 1M T4LK1NG TO YOU >8D
TA: nope, no iidea.
GC: Y3S YOU DO!
GC: 1 H4PP3N TO KNOW TH4T YOU 4ND 4 C3RT41N K4RK4T V4NT4S 4R3 4T TH3 S4M3 OUTPOST
GC: SOOOO....???
TA: no iidea what you want from me here tz eheheheh.
GC: OH YOU TH1NK YOU 4R3 SO FUNNY
TA: you know iit2 funny admiit iit.
TA: you are 2o de2perate two know but you are never goiing two a2k.
GC: T3LL M3 M1ST3R 4PPLEB3RRY BL4ST
TA: tell you what?
TA: ii 2tiill dont know what youre talkiing about.
TA: eheheheheheheheheh!
GC: OK4Y F1N3 1 W1LL 4SK
GC: D1D YOU S33 H1S BLOOD T3ST?????? >

TA: maybe.
GC: SOLLUX DO YOU R34LLY W4NT TO US3 OUR V3RY L4ST CONV3RS4T1ON 3V3R TO T34S3 M3 L1K3 TH1S
TA: 2ure ii do.
TA: you diid thii2 two me pretty much my entiire liife, thii2 ii2 my la2t opportuniity two get back at you.
TA: am ii beiing two mean? ii am arent ii.
TA: 2hiit, and thii2 ii2 goiing two be the la2t thiing you ever remember me 2ayiing two you.
TA: way two go, 2ollux.
GC: OH WOULD YOU STOP TH4T
GC: YOU W3R3 DO1NG SO W3LL 1 W4S PROUD OF YOUR T34S1NG PROW3SS
GC: 4FT3R 4LL YOU D1D L34RN FROM TH3 B3ST >;]
TA: heh.
GC: YOU H4V3 DON3 W3LL YOUNG JUMP1NG1NS3CT
GC: R3M3MB3R TO N3V3R US3 YOUR POW3RS FOR 3V1L
GC: UNL3SS SOM3BODY R34LLY D3S3RV3S 1T
TA: can do tz.
GC: NOW T3LL M3 1 4M DY1NG TO KNOW
GC: WH4T
GC: COLOR
GC: 1S
GC: H1S
GC: BLOOD!!!
TA: heh ok ii diid 2ee iit.
TA: for you, tz.
TA: and ii cant beliieve he2 been fliippiing out about iit for all the2e 2weep2.
GC: >

TA: iit2 yellow.
GC: Y3LLOW
GC: G1V3 M3 D3T41LS
GC: L3MON Y3LLOW OR YUMMY B4N4N4 Y3LLOW OR YUCKY MUST4RD L1K3 YOU KNOW WHO
TA: a liittle biit briighter than miine, ii gue22 he2 kiind of clo2e two green.
TA: iit2 completely normal, not even a weiird 2hade of iit or anythiing.
GC: W3LL
GC: 1 D1D NOT 3XP3CT TH4T 4T 4LL!
TA: ii know, he made 2uch a biig deal about iit youd thiink iit would at lea2t be 2omethiing weiird.
TA: he wa2 pretty much hyperventiilatiing the whole tiime they were te2tiing iit.
GC: 1 GU3SS H3 W4S JUST US3D TO H1D1NG 1T
GC: 4ND B31NG SP3C14L B3C4US3 NOBODY KN3W
GC: HMMMMMM SOM3TH1NG SM3LLS V3RY F1SHY 4BOUT TH1S
GC: BUT 1T 1S PROB4BLY JUST ON3 OF TH3S3 LOV3LY B4NN3RS
GC: TH4NK YOU SOLLUX 1M GL4D 1 GOT TO F1ND OUT
TA: no problem tz.
TA: my 2hiip2 leaviing now, were probably goiing two get cut off iin a miinute.
GC: QU1CK SOLLUX TH1NK OF TH3 L4ST TH1NG YOU 3V3R W4NT TO S4Y TO M3 4ND S4Y 1T
TA: tz pyrope you are bat2hiit iin2ane.
GC: SOLLUX CAPTOR 1 C4N B4R3LY UND3RST4ND 4 WORD YOU TYP3

AC: :33 < *ac says equius, you had better behave yourself when i'm not there to k33p an eye on you!*
CT: D --> I will do my best, Nepeta

CT: D --> Aradia, i have always harbored certain... feelings for you
AA: i d0nt really care

TC: I'Ll bE AlL SeEiNg yOu aGaIn iN A CoUpLe sWeEpS, mY MoThErFuCkEr. i jUsT KnOw iT.

)
CG: OH GOD I HOPE NOT.

AG: Has anyone heard if that wimp Tavros got culled or not????????

AT: cOULD EVERYBODY MAYBE NOT TELL VRISKA WHETHER I, uH, gOT CULLED OR NOT,

GA: Hes Fine Vriska You Can Start Breathing Again

CA: gentlemen set course for ishizis starship
CA: fef has a fuckin empire to rule

CC: T)(IS IS SO ------EXCITING!!!

If it's interesting enough I might write some more chapters, I don't know. Also, does anyone remember where the fanon name "Ishizi" came from for the troll empress? I needed a name for her and I remembered seeing that one around.

(I broship Tavros/Gamzee so hard.)

Chromomine is now headcanon.

Also, I would read any sequels. You definitely have a good plot set up, and I want to see where this goes. Besides, I want to see what hapens when Gamzee is sent to Cull Karkat for faking his blood.

**draconicAlgorithm** · 02-12-2011, 09:38 AM