MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Rio]

Four Leaf Clover

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The city of Skaia, circa 1920's, is a booming place. Business is good, despite the prohibition, and between Winona Quentin, and Peter Simmons, its a fairly safe place, and poverty is rather sparse. Of course, much like Saint Petersburg, Skaia is a paradise on one side, and the devil's masquerade on the other. The Midnight Crew and the Felt terrorize in the shadows, extort and murder freely, and Simmons can do little to stop them. But rumor has it that a new gang is on the rise, but no one knows who they are...

Winona Quentin flipped through the newspaper. Her husband, Warren, was already off at work, but today was her day off, officially. She never actually took a break. Her days off were just the average day, only at home instead. She had to investigate the recent crimes, connect them to organizations- where they petty groups or big name mobsters?- and then consult Peter. Then there was organizing the city- She adored Wilbur Vandyke, and he had so many aspirations, but the current state of the city was not something he could handle. Besides, she also ran charity events that had to be done.

Taking a sip from her mug of coffee, she scanned articles. A murder solved thanks to a mister Archie Dawson, Paige Malloy and Wilbur Vandyke are engaged- Winona remembered hearing about that. They were a sweet couple- trolls have made a recovery since the wars of Alternia, and new planets have been discovered... Of course the news only reported the good things. No one bought if the news was bad, because no one wanted to believe Skaia had it's shadows. Sighing, Winona tossed the paper aside. She had work to do, and sitting around reading was not going to get it done.


Elsewhere in the city, a troll girl stood at the door, clad in a red skirt, sweater, shoes and white gloves. Her curved ram-like horns prevented her from grabbing a hat, but that was okay. What wasn't okay was the fact that her friend had insisted on going out as a group, but no one was ready. Well, maybe the blue-clad witch was. The bespectacled troll girl sauntered over. Yup. She was.

“Hello, Aradia,” she said.

“Vriska,” Aradia replied in a similar manner.

Since the incident, the two had been strained. Since the other incident, however, they had been forced to put their grudge aside and work together. Still, it was awkward for the two.

“Are the others ready yet?” Aradia asked before Vriska could say anything. Her voice gave a hollow feeling, and with recent events, it was understandable. All of the trolls were effected by that.

“Actually, Karkat decided on a change of plans.” Vriska smiled. Aradia almost shuddered.


The Midnight Crew were not nice people. Even Clubs Deuce was a devil, and everyone knew it. And they were busy, very busy. But with the city being what it is, they had a hard time establishing their rightful place. Quinton and Simmons and the Felt were bad enough for their business, but this new group? No one knew anything about them, not even what they looked like. They didn't even have a name, yet they were raking in business like no other. And the Crew was not happy.

As the four gathered round the table, Slick's scowl worsened.

“More and more signs of these upstarts have been showing up all over the place,” he growled. “Just last night I found a red gear by one of my marks.”

Droog leaned back.

“If they're doing our jobs before we get there, what are we gonna do?” Clubs asked, peeking over the table.

“We could always ambush them,” Hearts said.

“Exactly.” Slick grinned.


Nightfall. The time when Winona stepped down and the crime lords stepped up. Speakeasies, mobsters, prostitutes, and thugs stepped out of the shadows, and cops tried desperately to find them. Walking down the lit sidewalk, Aradia adjusted her prim red sweater. As far as anyone was concerned, she was a respectable young woman who was out too late. They wouldn't think that if they knew what she was hiding in that sweater of hers.

Down an alley was a very well hidden door- the texture was that of the brick wall it lay in. As Aradia turned, she fished out a dime with 10 holes in the shape of a star. Someone peaked out when she knocked, and she showed them. The door slid open, and down the stairs into a tunnel she went. The doorman didn't ask what a girl her age was doing here. It wasn't his job.

As she entered the grandiose room, she saw Diamonds Droog by the bar. Oh no, she wasn't going near him. She was going to stay a bit, do what she had to do, and leave. She wasn't going to get involved with a criminal like him. Something whispered at the back of her mind, alerting her that the shadow man's eyes were settled firmly on her.

Any other good news you want to share? She thought, scowling some.

Not at all.

With an air of indifference- or perhaps it was pride- Aradia found herself a seat, and listened to the music.

Droog, meanwhile, watched the red clad girl enter. There just wasn't something right about that girl. She was calm, collected, and had that look in her eyes that he knew all too well. She had killed before. And she was more than willing to kill again. Hell, thats probably why she was there.

All that was left to arrive was the target.

Notes

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1). Yes I'm aware that this currently has no flow to it at all. I apologize for that. I will likely edit it sometime or another.
2). This is why you don't read Lackadasiy Cats and Homestuck in the same morning.
3). The kids are going to have Underground nicknames/titles, probably relating to their title in the comic/game. I'm more than willing to take suggestions for these.
4). I have far too many plot bunnies.
5). That beginning paragraph is more for my benefit than yours. Sorry.

this sounds like it could be interesting. can't wait for a followup.

I hope I can properly deliver.

[anonymousComrade]

Wow, people actually like Crossing Over

It's incredible, I hated this fic after writing the first two chapters but I posted and continued writing it anyway because there's no point in writing and not sharing, and you gotta finish what you start, right?

Having said this, I no longer remember why I was beating myself up for planning a "sappy cop-out happy ending" seeing how that was the reason the damn thing existed in the first place (wrote the ending first, remember?)

Anyway I'm finally starting to get into this, I think. For once, I don't think this is utter garbage. This probably means it actually is but I'll let you be the judge of that!

In which we break away from the utterly depressing and something good happens for once:
Crossing Over: Chapter 5

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Terezi stirred from her slumber. The dream bubbles were not a pleasant place when one stayed in them for too long, but going without sleep simply wasn't an option sometimes. Her body could only function so long without it, after all.

She had somehow managed to contact her fallen friends while asleep. But something was horribly wrong. They were suffering, she was certain, but why? They seemed happy on the surface, but a closer look revealed otherwise. The most burning question seemed to be, why couldn't she find all of them? Eridan (OH W3LL, she thought) and Sollux (OH NO >:[, she thought) weren't with Feferi's group in the dream bubble, but surely they would want to have Sollux if he could be found; hell, even Gamzee was with them in the dream bubble, seemingly reverted back to how he was before his insanity-fueled rampage. And come to think of it, where was Aradia?

Terezi's computer bleeped. Speak of the devil...

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

AA: hi terezi!
GC: W41T WH4T
GC: 1MPOSS1BL3
GC: YOUR3 D34D!!!
GC: HOW 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG TO M3?
AA: rum0rs 0f my death have been greatly exaggerated 0u0
AA: n0 wait that l00ks stupid
GC: BUT YOU 3XPLOD3D
GC: 1 W4S H3R3! 1 S4W 1T H4PP3N!
GC: D1D EQU1US M4K3 4 B4CKUP ROBOT OR SOM3TH1NG
AA: haha n0
AA: i am alive and flesh and bl00d!
AA: i wanted t0 tell y0u that the humans have a plan
AA: they have n0t given up 0n y0u all!
AA: 0n the c0ntrary, they are w0rking harder than ever t0 help y0u 0ut!
AA: and i am g0ing t0 sh0w y0u
AA: turn 0n y0ur viewp0rt, i want t0 sh0w y0u s0mething

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

Terezi turned on the Trollian viewport and was amazed. Just as she said, Aradia was a living, organic creature once again, but more importantly, she was decked out in... full god-tier gear? And she was standing next to... but how?!

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

GC: VR1SK4!!!!!
GC: 4R3 YOU TH3R3???
GC: 4 SHOCK1NG D3V3LOPM3NT H4S TAK3N PL4C3
GC: VR1SK4
GC: 4R3 YOU TH3R3 VR1SK4?

Vriska rolled over and found the source of the irritating beeping noise in her room was her computer. She had no time for Terezi's bullshit right now.

AG: 8luh, what?
GC: CH3CK 1T OUT
GC: LOOK 4T YOUR CHUMPROLL
GC: NOT1C3 ANYTH1NG... AWRY????
AG: Other than the fact that almost everyone is deeeeeeeeaaaaaaaad? Not really.
AG: ...W8 just a daaaaaaaamned minute.
AG: The hell is Aradia doing logged in?
GC: NOT JUST TH4T, LOOK 4T H3R V13WPORT!
AG: God Tier?! How... th8t's impossi8le!!!!!!!!
GC: 4ND TH4T'S NOT 4LL!
GC: ZOOM OUT 4 B1T!!!

Vriska zoomed out Trollian's viewport to get a better view of Aradia's surroundings, and immediately recognized the figure she stood next to.

AG: That's... th8t's...
GC: D4V3 FUCK1NG STR1D3R!!!
AG: But you can't cross universes! I thought we made TH8T pretty d8mned clear!
GC: K4RK4T H4S TO S33 TH1S
GC: 1LL B3 B4CK

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

-----

Despite his best efforts at imagining having to sit through Little Monsters with an unironically excited John, Caladscratch was not hurtling through any part of Dave's body at any speed, let alone anything that could even generously be called supersonic.

In the back of his mind, he knew this was stupid. You die on your quest bed on the top of your echeladder with a living dreamself, and then you merge with your dreamself, ascend to the God Tiers, and become stronger for it. John had done it and he turned out okay. Vriska had done the same thing over in the trolls' session.

So why was it so hard to kill himself, knowing that suicide would actually power him up?

"it must be difficult, having t0 make that decisi0n y0urself."

Dave wheeled around, Caladscratch at the ready. Standing behind him was... no way, it can't be. Yet there she stood, her very existence defying logic.

"how the hell did you get here? you guys cant exist in our universe without shutting down."
"n0rmally, yes, thats c0rrect. its n0t s0 much a pr0blem f0r a g0d tier player, th0ugh."
"god tier? well that explains the fairy costume i guess. guess that means youre vriska?"
"haha, n0. th0ugh i d0 kn0w her! my name is aradia!"
"ah, youre the one who exploded, and was also a robot. and now youre god tier. makes perfect sense."
"hehehe, i can see why y0ure kind 0f c0nfused. it is a c0nfusing st0ry! but that's n0t the p0int."

No longer sensing any danger from her, Dave sheathed Caladscratch and took a seat on the quest bed.

"y0u are y0ur sessi0ns time player, are y0u n0t?"
"yeah. knight of time, to be specific."
"then it is g00d we have met this day. i was the maid 0f time f0r my sessi0n, myself."

Aradia sat down beside him.

"y0ur plan requires y0u to ascend t0 the g0d tier. but y0u are hesitating!"
"yeah well the idea of taking a blade to my own jugular is still kind of weirding me out, you see."
"y0u will be the first player in either 0f 0ur sessi0ns t0 c0nsci0usly kill himself 0n his quest bed. the heir was tricked int0 it; t0 say my ascenti0n was accidental w0uld n0t be t00 far fr0m the truth; and the thief..."

Aradia looked at the ground.

"i am n0t pr0ud of what i did. vriska and i were friends, 0nce. well, m0re like rivals."
"yeah?"
"she was resp0nsible for killing me before our sessi0n even began. i wandered alternia as a gh0st for a l0ng time, and i was 0kay with it. i was 0kay with a l0t of things, actually. equius br0ught me back t0 life by giving me a r0b0tic b0dy, and i was 0kay with that, t00. but when i saw vriska in pers0n f0r the first time..."

She closed her eyes, burdened with the memory.

"i was n0t 0kay with it. a mindless, firey rage c0nsumed me, and in my wrath, i beat her t0 death. i d0 n0t kn0w h0w she managed to cling to life l0ng en0ugh t0 make it t0 her quest bed, but it must have been ag0nizing. i have heard it was a sl0w and painful death. i d0 n0t kn0w h0w i will face her, but it is vital t0 the missi0n that i d0."

Dave swore he saw a single pair of crimson tears fall from her eyes before she stood up.

"but im rambling." She extended her hand as if she expected Dave to give her something.
"what? do i have something you want?"
"yes! y0ur blade! since i am here, surely i cann0t expect y0u to be 0kay with killing y0urself!"
"so youre going to do the job for me, then? thanks... i guess?"
"its n0 pr0blem. it is an awful tall 0rder to ask a b0y to kill himself, even if he gets superp0wers f0r d0ing so!" Aradia smiled at him.

Dave nodded and handed Caladscratch to her.

"will i feel it? is this like when those lying doctors tell you 'oh just turn your head and you won't feel a thing' and then BAM the needles in and theres no disguising the fact that theres a full inch of metal in your forearm?"
"y0u sh0uldnt! 0ne strike t0 the center of y0ur chest sh0uld d0 it, instantly and painlessly."
"well alright then lets get this shit over with. wait, what about my stuff? will i need to come back here for it?"
"y0ure a dersian, right? d0nt w0rry, ill take care 0f it. maid 0f time, remember?"
"okay. see you on the other side."

He laid atop his quest bed and closed his eyes.

For one very brief instant, Dave felt a pressure in his chest as the point plunged into his heart. Then, stillness.

-----

In their dream bubble, Dave's dead selves from doomed timelines realized something big was happening when they started disappearing one by one.

"what's going on? why are we vanishing?"
"its finally happening. the grand fuckin ascension is going down."
"you mean---"
"yeah. aradia was telling the truth. weve hit the big time now, boys."
"so what does it all mean?"
"it means we're becoming one. we're all gonna merge with alpha dave and get a massive powerup in the process."
"merge? that sounds like some crazy shit to me."
"not really, we were all the same guy already, pretty much. this just makes it official."
"look alive, men! weve been given a second chance at not being tremendous fuckups and getting ourselves killed. alpha dave is going god tier and giving us the ultimate bro hug bump. lets make this one count."
"hell yes. lets make this shit work."

The cry went up simultaneously as all the remaining Daves merged into one single conciousness. "were making this happen!"

-----

Karkat watched the entire thing over Terezi's shoulder, dumbstruck. Vriska was STILL staring in disbelief.

Terezi grinned from ear to ear. He had finally ascended to the God Tier. But more than that, Dave's entire exchange with Aradia had given the surviving trolls something back that they had lost.

Hope, for the future, for a brighter tomorrow.

-----

Dave awoke on the purple satellite of Derse. A gift-wrapped box was placed at the foot of his bed. He checked the card taped to it. "t0 the knight, fr0m the maid. i believe these bel0ng to y0u! c0ngratulati0ns!"

Scribbled out next to the congratulatory remark was a "0u0" face.

His sylladex reequipped, strife specibus reallocated, and inventory recaptchalogued, and wearing a spiffy new bright red outfit marked with the same ten-teethed gear symbol Aradia wore, Dave set out on the journey to reunite with his friends.

Amazing, how quick travel is, when you have God Tier level time powers.

Notes:

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The voices in which I read certain characters is starting to bleed into how I write them, I think.

Dave's voice, to me, works just fine for how he acts (in my mind he's the male created skater voice from Tony Hawk's Underground, which is generic enough for my purposes), but it's my headcanon voice for Aradia that I'm finding is creeping into how I write her, and that's the English voice of Nia from Gurren Lagann, right down to substituting her Antispiral voice in for ghost/Aradiabot. I actually had to go back a few times and write her more like Aradia and less like Nia!

...now that I think about it, half the English cast of Gurren Lagann are my headcanon voices. Karkat is, has been, and will always be Viral; John sort of sounds like post-timeskip Gimmy but different; Jade is post-timeskip Kinon.

GUESS I GOT BRAIN PROBLEMS

[Author]

Welp I finally took things into my own hands.

Gurrenstuck

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The man laughs maniacally as he jumps out of bed, feeling sheer power running through his veins. He storms over to his computer, and slams down into the chair, the righteous power he wields enhanced as his fingers dance across the keyboard.

Open Pesterlog

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-- badassLeader [BL] began pestering averseCommander [AC] at 08:26 --

BL: GREETINGS BLOOD BROTHER!
BL: TODAY IS THE DAY WE BEGIN OUR QUEST INTO THIS GAME! WE WILL FACE DOWN INNUMERABLE CHALLENGES! WE WILL CONQUER INCREDIBLE ENEMIES!
BL: ARE YOU READY?!?!?
AC: well... actually bro, im not.
BL: WHAT?!?!??!
BL: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!
BL: EVERYBODY ELSE IS READY! THEY ARE WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK! TO GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE AND KICK REASON TO THE CURB!
BL: YOU KNOW THAT IS THE WAY TEAM GURREN ROLLS!
AC: well... yeah. but one of those other people...
AC: the ones who said they played a game like this... say its a bad idea. maybe we should listen to them Kamina?
BL: ...
BL: I WILL RESPOND IN A SECOND.

-- badassLeader [BL] ceased pestering averseCommander [AC] at 08:30 --

He fumes in rage at his blood brother. How dare he pretend like he, a man of pure and noble intentions, filled to the brim with the sheer intent of wisdom, and the impassible beliefs of the powers of justice, be questioned? He had told him about this game weeks ago! How they would embark on an epic quest, adventuring to find true spirit, fighting with friends, and dominating this game to the very end!

...Right?

Wait.

Shit. He hadn't informed him.

Open Memo

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-- Current badassLeader [CBL] opened a memo RIGHT NOW on board REASON IS FUTILE! --

CBL: LISTEN UP EVERYONE!
CBL: AND LISTEN GOOD!
CBL: YOUR LEADER, A MAN OF PURE SPIRIT AND SHEER POWER HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!

-- Current immortalFury [CIF] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CIF: My Kamina.
CIF: You surely havve outdone yourself this time!
CIF: Perhaps you should ask for help? Like your friend suggested? Or vvould you prefer to lose?

-- Current badassLeader [CBL] banned Current immortalFury [CIF] from responding to the memo. --

CBL: NOW THAT THAT IS DONE EVERYBODY!
CBL: GET IN HERE! WE NEED TO HAVE A DISCUSSION!

-- Current trueCrackshot [CTC] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CTC: what did you say to Simon?
CBL: NOTHING, I JUST REVEALED TO HIM THE TRUE POWER OF A MAN!
CTC: ...
CTC: That seem's like bullshit Kamina.
CBL: I AM SURPRISED BY YOUR ACCUSATIONS! A REAL MAN NEVER LIES!
CBL: HE FACES HIS MISTAKES HEAD ON, WATCHING THEM PROGRESS AGAINST HIS WISHES, DARING THEM TO FACE HIM HAND TO HAND!
CBL: HE DOES NOT LIE ABOUT THEM!

-- Current twotonedBastard [CTB] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CTB: course Kamna.
CTB: its not like you lied when you FLIRTED WITH MY SISTERS!
CBL: I ASSURE YOU MY FRIEND!
CBL: I NEVER LIE, AND I NEVER FLIRT WITH MY FRIEND'S SIBLINGS! A REAL MAN CAN GET WOMEN ON HIS OWN!

-- Current averseCommander [CAC] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CAC: bro... yoko told me what you said...
CAC: you could have just admitted you didn't tell me about the game...

-- Current connivingPolitician [CCP] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CCP: That would have made a lot more sense Kamina.
CCP: After all, everybody but Simon knew about the game!
CBL: ALRIGHT! EVERYONE SHUT UP FOR A SECOND!
CTB: why?
CTC: I don't want to.
CCP: I do not see the point.
CBL: ALRIGHT! I'VE GOT IT!
CBL: WE ARE TEAM GURREN! WE GO BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE AND KICK REASON TO THE CURB! I AM THE LEADER, A MAN OF TOTAL MASCULINITY WHO EXUDES STRENGTH!
CBL: WE WILL PLAY THIS GAME, AND WE WILL BE THE BEST AT THIS GAME! I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS!

-- Current badassLeader [CBL] left the memo. --
-- Current twotonedBastard [CTB] left the memo. --
-- Current trueCrackshot [CTC] left the memo. --
--Current connivingPolitician [CCP] left the memo. --

CAC: ...
CAC: how did i get into this...?

-- Current averseCommander [CAC] left the memo. --

Be the averse Commander.

You are now SIMON. He sighs at his computer, looking fairly downtrodden. He has no way of getting out of this, and broods for a short time. But, he is receiving a message!

Open Pesterlog

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-- naivePrincess [NP] began trolling averseCommander [AC at 8:42 --

NP: Hello! How are you today?
NP: I was wondering if you would like to have a conversation with me?

Well, now he's all out of ideas. What should he do? Respond? Or ask Kamina what he was talking about?

He hesitates, then begins typing.

FOOOONT TAGSSSS!!!

[Rio]

@anonymousComrade: Aradia with Nia's voice is the most amazing thing ever and this is slowly becoming my headcanon.

@Author: ....All of the internets. ALL OF THEM.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Vriska, you pilweef, if you weren't an irregular point of view I could have split this chapter into 12 and 13, but nooooooo. See that? Seven o's. You don't get an eighth. That's your punishment for forcing this to be one chapter by my stupid standards in a medium that doesn't mind chapters smaller than a page.


A Hand in Holding Hands
Part 12a (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, recap1, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11a, 11b, 12b, recap2)

(I've tossed transcribing Sollux's lisp in this one. I'm sure most of you find that to be a relief, but you never know in a fandom so used to decoding "quirks". I'll cut it from the other chapters, namely the previous, when I go through A03 to colour it.)

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TT: If I can ask, what's the point, from your perspective?
GA: How Do You Mean
TT: I mean, what's the point of auspisticing? I understand the function from the auspisticees' perspective but I don't think I understand the motives of the auspistice.
GA: Oh I See
GA: I Was Thrown By Your Phrasing
GA: Im Not Sure Im Qualified To Answer Something Like That
GA: I Mean I Am Still Very Young
TT: Oh? So your previous auspisticing experiences have yet to strike that magic relationship chord?
TT: If I'm not being too florid.
GA: I Suppose You Could Say That
GA: But The Core Issue Is Not That I Have Not Experienced A Fulfilling Ashen Relationship
GA: But That I Have Never Been In A Serious One At All
TT: Pardon me?
GA: Exactly What I Said
TT: But haven't you said all along that you're the go-to auspistice in your group?
TT: Constantly bogged down by unwanted requests and solicitations?
GA: Thats Correct
GA: But Just Because I Am In Demand Does Not Mean I Have Accepted
TT: Oh Kanaya, no.
TT: For goodness' sake I understand the unrequited crush angle with Vriska but at this point I think it's clear you're taking the virgin thing too far.
GA: The What Thing
TT: A "virgin" is someone who's never had sex, but the term can also be used in reference to someone who has not done any certain thing, and is especially relevant in terms that relate to sex, such as relationships.
GA: Thank You Oh Human Dictionary I Would Be In Your Debt But Im Perfectly Aware Of What The Word Means
GA: I Wasnt Aware I Was Making A Thing Of It How Is This A Thing
TT: You've never filled a single quadrant besides Vriska, have you?
TT: Your invitation to me is the first time you've even come close, isn't it?
GA: Scandal And Lies
GA: Besides I Know For A Fact From My Spying On You That You Are Worse Off Than Me
TT: Yes, very un-virginal for you to be spying on me like that.
GA: Ill Have You Know That My Spying Has Been Pristine Beyond The Actual Act Of Spying
TT: Relax, I think I can trust you that far.
TT: Anyways, I'm not trying to start a dating history competition. I'm just curious about why you chose to turn down what you're describing as almost a cavalcade of kismesisic suitors.
GA: Im Not Sure About Cavalcade But There Have Been At Least Seven
TT: Seven? Really? Who?
GA: Dont Mistake Me Only Some Are From Among Our Number
GA: And Ive Excluded Caligulasaquarium And His Fairly Recent Attempt To Solicit A Mediator For Him And His Imagined Relationship With Vriska.
GA: While She And I Were Still Moirails I Should Point Out
TT: Oh yes, that one I've met.
TT: I sent him a gift.
GA: Oh Yes Of Course
GA: This Side Of The Room Still Smells Like Melted Plastic
TT: So no one from your current peer group?
GA: Actually The First Was Carcinogeneticist and Gallowscalibrator
GA: We Were Three Sweeps Old It Was Not Very Serious
GA: I Suppose My Presence Ensured That In Fact
TT: Ah, childhood relationships. I think Strider once dated a young something in third grade before she left him for another frivolous eight-year-old fling.
TT: He pretends that it doesn't bother him but that it came up at all suggested to me that she might have struck a nerve.
TT: I like to think he watched her go and shed a single tear from under the ridiculous shades he was assuredly already wearing at the time.
GA: You Find This Amusing
GA: Friendship Baffles Me
TT: That's fine, dear. You'll get it.
GA: For Their Part Cg and Gc Stewed In Ignominy For A Few Nights Over Whatever Minute Slight Caused Them To Declare Their Eternal Hatred In The First Place
GA: I Dont Honestly Remember Myself
GA: A Few Days Later Gc Had Sewn Her First Plush
GA: She Was So Excited To Show It Off Online To Our Then Smaller Peer Group That Cg Forgot To Insult Her And It Petered Out From There
GA: I Was Scarcely Involved At All
TT: So were any of the other requests from within your current circle?
GA: Yes From Nepeta The Once
GA: It Was How We Met In Fact
GA: Equius Recommended Me To Her For Just Such A Task But I Turned Her Down
GA: She Soon Lost Interest In The Young Woman As I Understand It
TT: That's fair. I mean, you're only six sweeps old. If our culture's dating habits come even close to one another than real attempts at serious relationships would just be starting. I wasn't expecting an outline of torrid affairs or anything.
GA: Fair Enough
GA: I Suppose Some Of My Earlier Solicitations Might Just Have Been Made Out Of Malice In Fact
TT: Malice?
GA: Older Landed Trolls Seeking A Weak Auspistice To Place Blame On For Their Own Planned Or Active Infidelities
GA: Fortunately I Was No More Interested In Their Company Than I Would Have Been Their Plan
GA: I Suppose If Genuine They Would Have Made Useful Allies Since They Would Have Been Able To Infiltrate The Fleet Ahead Of Us
GA: But The Princess Was Willing To Account For Our Feelings When It Came To Our Personal Lives
GA: Highly Unusual Of Her But
GA: Appreciated
TT: Is it… normal to pair off allies in hopes of grabbing more allies?
GA: Of Course
GA: Whats A Greater Orange Keratin-Rich Root Vegetable Before The Domesticated Musclebeast Than Sex And Its Trimmings
GA: The Former Empress Herself Was Matesprited With A Powerful Warlord In An Effort That Gained Her A Third Of Her Current Fleet
GA: Her Moirail Was A Rival For The Throne That She Subdued More Peaceably
TT: Sounds a good deal like the old monarchies on Earth.
TT: But we're straying. Did you turn down every one of your proposals?
GA: Not Quite
GA: For Four Perigrees In My Fourth And Fifth Sweeps I Was Auspistice For A Couple About Our Age
GA: But I Would Not Say We Were Close Enough Geographically Or Emotionally For Me To Really Feel An Ashen Longing For Them
GA: Or Them For Me
TT: Would you mind if I ask about that?
GA: Not At All
TT: Their names?
GA: Nerida And Taxxon
GA: She A Purple Blooded Landdweller And He A Teal Blooded Desert Type
GA: Taxxon Might Have Very Well Be Considered A Neighbour Of Mine If One Keeps In Mind The Scope Of The Desert
TT: I'll have to use my imagination.
GA: Beyond That Theres Not Much To Tell
GA: Taxxon And I Had Known One Another For Some Time Since We Would Run Into One Another While Trying To Flag Down A Construction Droid Or Two
GA: For All I Know We Crawled Out Of The Nests Together Given Our Age And Locale
TT: I'm afraid I don't understand this part of the process very well but I'll take you at your word and save it for a later question.
GA: Ah Of Course My Fault There
GA: Should I Continue Or Divert
TT: No, continue, I'll keep up.
GA: Gamzee Knew A Troll Who Knew Nerida
GA: Beyond That I Dont Know Much About Her Background
GA: Both Ended Up Inducted In Our Budding Conspiracy And Came To Hate One Another
GA: Nerida Did Not Trust Him To Stay Loyal To Her Or Us Any More Than Any Kismesis Should So She Turned To Feferi Who Directed Her To Me
GA: Taxxon Approved And There Is Not Much More To Say
TT: Was it really that boring?
GA: Not Really
GA: Nevertheless I See No Sense In Retelling The Details And Derailing Our Entire Conversation
TT: But you wouldn't say you felt any deep emotional attachment to the relationship?
GA: No I Suppose I Didnt Even At The Time In Hindsight
GA: Taxxon And Nerida Hated One Another Well Enough But I Just Did Not Fit Into The Equation
GA: Even When Nerida Did Start To Waver Toward Hating Eridan
TT: Another long-lost ally?
GA: Oh No Im Referring To Caligulasaquarium
TT: Oh?
GA: Im Afraid That Part Of The Story Actually Is Just As Dull As I Have Been Casting The Rest
GA: Perhaps If I Had Been More Challenged In Keeping Nerida In Line I Would Have Felt More Involved
GA: But Keeping Her Away From Eridan Took Up The Smaller Part Of A Ten Minute Trolling
GA: Thats About The All Of It
TT: So what is it, then, if I'm not going to get it from a story?
TT: What's the reason someone would want to become an auspistice?

-------------------

(It just so happened that, at the time of that conversation and just several pesters prior, Kanaya was interrupted in her chat by a clatter in the room behind her. Aradia and Equius, who had been long growling at one another over the proper washer to install in one of Aradia's replacement arteries, hit the floor in a passionate embrace. Nepeta scattered, Feferi stayed where she was as though unable to look away, and the rest of the room tried their best to pretend nothing was happening as they kissed and began to roll about in a juvenile contest to determine who was going to spend their lip-lock on top.

Kanaya tried to continue the conversation for a time, explaining to Rose about Nerida and Eridan. The noise proved quite frustrating, but there was nothing she could do at first. That changed when, having settled on their sides, the kismeses began to change their tune. At first Equius' snarls morphed towards contentment. Acceptable. The pleasant murmuring Aradia tried to simulate was also within the spaded bounds. The smiles. Fine. Even the way Equius ran his hand up Aradia's side did not even grate Kanaya any more than the rest. No one said kismeses had to be physically rough with one another. There was no rule and Kanaya was not about to begrudge anyone whatever they might like to do in private, though she would have preferred it stay there. No, it was the way Equius moved up his hand to Aradia's face, and gently stroked her aluminum cheek between kisses, the way the kissing had trickled off to fluttering touches. Most prominent was the way that Nepeta's discontent had trickled away and had been slowly replaced by green flush and trembling hands. That had to stop. Kanaya had turned about in her swivel chair and crossed her arms on the back and then loudly cleared her throat. Her face spoke the rest.

The effect was immediate. Equius looked up past Aradia out of the corner of his eye and saw Kanaya and her Virgo horns caught in silhouetted in the light of her computer monitor. He scurried back, a look of fear on his face quickly masked by a look of sheepish guilt and hyperhydration, and Aradia looked over her shoulder before reacting with her own emotionless brand of worried scuttling. She went at once to her computer and Equius went, hands fumbling, to his tools, where he forgot to install a washer entirely and had to take Aradia's leg apart again later that evening to fix the damage.)

-------------------

GA: Do Humans Derive Pleasure From Dominating Others
TT: Yes, sometimes.
GA: Then "Dominance"
TT: I like it.

-------------------

Vriska ran over her plan in her head a fourth time and was still fairly confident that it was her newest best plan ever. Rose thought she was so smart, but Vriska knew how things were really going on. After all, hadn't Rose just been chased back into the kitchen by Pyrope like a good little pupbeast? If she couldn't get out of chores she wasn't near as good as a manipul8tor as she thought she was. Of course, Vriska had suspected that all along. From the beginning, even! Yes, she was quite sure she had always thought that from the very first moment she saw John's psychoanalyzing talk-friend. She had assumed Rose was his auspistice at first. He with Strider, she had assumed, and it was clear she was terrible at it the way John and Dave got on, at least until Vriska came to understand how humans actually behaved toward one another. Slotting Rose back into that same role suited Vriska just fine. Then she'd be one step away from John and Tavros too. It all worked out in the end! It was p8rfect. Heck, Rose and Eridan might actually be good partners. But what the hell did she care?

All she had to do was to find a moirail and to supplicate in front of the tin can. Easy peasey. Oh, the apology was probably Rose's best move. She knew Vriska would never show weakness in front of another Troll, even a stupid floaty dead one. But Vriska thought differently about it. That was her greatest strength: to be thinking where no one exp8ted! After all, apologizing might be weakness but apologizing to someone who killed you? Talk about rubbing it in their face! It would be the ultimate insult. Passive-aggression was the best thing the Humans had ever invented. Vriska loved it. Maybe the robot wouldn't get it but everyone else would.

All she had to do was say it.

"So, Spinneret and Rufio meet when Spinneret comes to The Land of Never Getting Any Older looking for treasure and they both end up in a fight with the evil Troll Captain Hooken."

Oh gog, Tavros was actually going to do it. He was actually going to summarize the damn book. Vriska scooted her chair further away and curled up tighter around the back as she tried to pretend she wasn't staring holes into Aradia's back. She had tried and tried to get Eridan to piss off about reading the book, but he had never backed down. Good! Vriska didn't want him to back down, like the stupid weenie he had been when she had turned down a sweep ago. But Tavros was another problem. She cast a look in their direction to see Eridan leaning in just a bit further toward Tavros than anyone with any sense of personal space would have allowed. His temple was almost resting against Toreadork's stupid right horn, gogdammit.

"So what does Rufio look like?"

"Oh, I dunno. He's young, he's got a lot of strong muscles and Spinneret says he's handsome to boost his confidence sometimes but he really doesn't think so. But that's okay, because he, uh, he's got all the confidence most of the time."

"So he's a lot like you?"

Vriska gagged, and then gagged again just for good measure, and scooted further away as Tavros began to mumble something embarrassed in his usual chocolate tone. Vriska didn't want to fight Tavros. A while back she had thought she did but now she guessed she had shifted red on him after he had, well… what with the moulting. She felt guilty admitting it to herself, but it wasn't like she was about to say it out loud, considering the circumstances. Of course she had been pissed when he came in a few days ago with the Abbreviated Suffix's arm around his back, what with him already entangled in Gamzee's motherfucking web of diamond miracles, but she had calmed down now. Everything was going to be all right. Besides, it was just the roleplaying getting to her head. She knew that. Who cared what Spinneret felt about Rufio? Beyond for narrative reasons, of course.

Vriska stopped scooting away in spite of her better judgement. After all, they were giving her plenty of excuses, Tavros nervously trying to set his hand to Eridan's leg and jumping back whenever one of them would shift their weight as though each movement was a dreaded rejection that was never going to come. Vriska had to stop because she had come up on Sweatquius's robot shit (yes, she was definitely going to roll with "Sweatquius" the next time she saw him). That put her far too close to Aradia. Vriska bit the inside of her cheek. Well, go on, she thought. Big eyes, wavering tone, tell her you're soooooooo sorry, should never have done it, that you hope you can just talk about and then everything will be…

"Look, I think you've gotten the coding basics," Sollux was saying. Gosh, it sure was hard to focus on Aradia with all these people talking nearby. "So maybe you should actually program a little something, say a high/low number guessing game, or really… anything that isn't staring at Eridan and Tavros like your heart's going to jump out of your chest."

Feferi seemed to curl up along with her smile. "Oh, Sollux, I'm sorry. It's just that Eridan's )(APPY!! But you're right. You're right. He's my ex, he's none of my concern. But he's happy and he's not murderous and I don't have to worry! Don't you see?" The conversation aside, Feferi actually did turn back to the computer to begin to type. "All in a loop, right?"

"Yes, it's called the 'main game loop'. If you're so concerned about how angry he gets, why is this the first I've heard of it?"

"Uh, gross?" Feferi shot him the kind of unoffended glare couples shared. "What, and keep moirailing him behind his back until he's treading water on his own? That's just creepy, Sollux." To her screen she asked: "Is between one and one hun… heh, two hundred fine?"

Sollux replied by leaning over and kissing Feferi just behind the frill. "I'm not saying you should have been some kind of creepy stalker. I know you were fed up with his shit and more power to you. It's just… if you cared so much… I'm just surprised that you've never shown it."

Even Vriska thought that sentiment of his was weird, and she was glad when Feferi smacked him down for it. "What, and carp after him in the middle of the night? Wow, Sollux, first you tell me you're worried I'm going to break up with you and now you're fantasizing me going after Eridan!" She leaned in and touched her forehead to his, but Vriska had the best hearing (the best!) and it wasn't hard to follow them. "Sollux, are we going to have to roleplay this little cheating thing of yours when we're grown up?"

"You're disgusting," he said, and kissed her. Vriska, finding this no more tolerable than her previous lot, turned back to her previous lot to discover that Tavros' hand had found a welcome berth nestled just under Eridan's, his voice lowered from its previous excitement to a sleepy, happy murmur. Fucking dammit, Vriska thought. I'm trapped!

"I'm just saying," Sollux continued as he parted from Feferi. "When Karkat was all flipping the fuck out about…" he glanced over his shoulder and, seeing John still deep in conversation with Dave but still far too close, said instead: "…the Humanth." Feferi nodded understanding. "Well, I talked to you about it, didn't I? It wath on my mind. It'th okay if you don't want to talk to me but thith jutht theemth out of the blue."

"Sollux," she replied, typing again. "What you can Karkat call your moiraility is your own business but I think that makes way more sense than me pining over Eridan after we broke up. I'm not following you."

"What?" Sollux bristled. "Feferi, I wouldn't be interested in Karkat's fucking temper tantrums if he was the last angry Troll on this rock."

"Exactly!" Feferi replied. "That's why you keep him down for us!"

"Really, Captor," Vriska said, finding her voice at last. "It's totally obvious, don't be an ass about it."

"FF," Sollux said, determined in both conviction and his desire to cut Vriska out of the conversation. "KK ii2n't my moiiraiil. he'2 my be2t friiend!"

A look passed over Feferi's face, one of surprise disgust, which she shoved aside decisively and almost at once. It clung to Vriska's face instead, and she showed no care whatsoever in removing it. "Sollux!" she hissed. "…Poor Karkat!"

"What?"

"He's done so much for us and you're just… leading him on like this? I mean, if anyone deserves a moirail! When he was rambling about having a love and a hate even after Terezi showed up, I thought the love was, you know, you."

Sollux raised his palms defensively. "Fef, being friends was his idea! I don't know who the hell he was talking about, I figured he was just being an ass. Maybe he's dating… uh…" Sollux's faulty memory of the Human's names showed again, and all he could manage was: "…the green one, for all I care. That's one of the benefits of being friends. We don't have to talk about shit if we don't wanna." Her face began to screw up again and so Sollux added another sentiment: "That's how we like it."

Feferi swallowed, hard. "Well… if that's how you want it." Vriska was almost aghast. Was that it? Was that all she was going to put him through? "B-but if you ever want to find an actual moirail you know I'll—"

"I know," he said, and patted her hand. "You're the organizational queen."

Feferi nodded with a forced smile and stood up. "I'm gonna… get a drink. Do you mind?"

"Nah, it's okay. See you in a bit."

Feferi scuffled off, faster than she had probably intended, and Sollux watched her leave with a silent groan. He tried to ignore Vriska as he turned back to his computer but she would have nothing of it.

"You are so gross." Vriska could not help it. Her disturbed look from before was easily replaced by a crawling smile.

"Shut the fuck up," he muttered to his computer screen.

"I mean, you've got someone in your life that you care about and you aren't willing to offer them shit! Not even I'm that bad!"

"The Humans do it just fine," Sollux replied, though he was obviously expecting and dreading her counterattack.

"Yeah, the Humans," Vriska said, raising herself up from her slump over the back of her chair. She scooted towards him and the obvious opening he had provided. "With their own standards and their own rules, which they're not completely ignoring like some8ody else I know. Oh hmm… who was that? Oh right!" She reached out to poke him in the cheek with one of her new claws and he swatted her away. "You're crawling over yourself to be at the edges of Karkat's life… forever… or you're just both ready to be The Other Guy, constantly cheatin' on everybody else. Holy cr8p! I am better than you. Wow, Captor. It's not like I was raising the bar very high, I realize. I've been trying." She clasped a hand to her heart and tried to look aghast, but it was so very, very hard. "I've grown up a bit. Just…" Vriska risked a glance over her shoulder, as Sollux was obvious not looking her way. Nothing. She was not getting a rise out of Eridan or Tavros. "…just wow."

Sollux cracked an angry grin. "You know, I was just thinking how sad it's gonna be when I bust down your door one day with a bucket in each hand and you won't have anything for me either way."

"Of course not!" Vriska shot back. "You're hogging all the partners!"

Sollux's grin vanished and he returned to his coding with a fuming energy, and Vriska returned to the storytelling cuddlers in hope that they might have given her a chance to cut in this time. No luck.

"So what's the point of this crown?"

"Well," Tavros said, "it's the one true crown of the Elves, and if they get it back the Elf Prince will have some real symbolic support from the lords."

Eridan peered closer at the screen to read one of Vriska and Tavros' smaller font comments in the margins. "So is it underwater because it's from the ocean or, say, some ocean dwellers?"

"No, uh, a ship sunk."

"Aw."

Holy crap. Vriska couldn't believe it. He's actually paying attention to the story. That was unexpected. She supposed it was all right if Eridan liked the book so long as he was still willing to hate her (in fact, she found the idea of fans surprisingly appealing), but if he ended up insisting on being a part of it she'd rip him a new one. How else was she going to find enough time with Tavros to— Tavros turned his head slightly and kissed Eridan's cheek. Eridan replied with a gentle squeeze of Tavros' hand, a mutual confidence Vriska found alien and disturbing from the both of them. It was a bit too much at once, and she decided to turn her mind back to the real issue at hand: apologizing to the rotting junk Equius had stuffed into the trash can.

"Hey…" she started.

But no one was listening. When she turned back she found Aradia and Sollux still facing their computers, he hunched over and she plugged in, as though nothing in particular was going on. But when Vriska looked closer she saw Sollux's right hand hidden just under the desks, where Aradia had reached out to take it. His expression was haggard, shaken, but he seemed to strengthen as she squeezed his hand tight, and they held it there until he straightened up, his look replaced with a neutral, Trollish determination, and they parted mutually. Vriska's introduction caught in her throat and she stood up instead.

"That's it, I'm getting away from this mushy crap."

"Up yours, Vris," Eridan said with a sleepy wave of his free hand.

"Shut it, wiggler." He didn't know what she was talking about anyways. Vriska decided against talking to John, though she had given it careful thought. John was loads of fun! Sometimes he was a little too fun, and she'd get ideas and creep over towards him with a leading grin just to see how he'd react, but it was always with an infuriating scramble in the opposite direction. Even him. Shit, what was it about her that attracted all of these oily, panicky grubs when things got down to the line? When he had come to talk to her about Tavros and Eridan the other day, he had been a grown-up John, and had taken her totally be surprise. She'd like to talk to him again, now that he had calmed down. But the John talking to Dave was talking about someone named Adam Sandler, and Dave was never fun, so fuck 'em. Vriska decided instead to check out whatever remained of Rose, Gamzee and Terezi's mystery kitchen mess, before they mopped it away forever.

The sound of what could, to deaf ears, be called 'singing' greeted her as she went. "HeRe wE Go a mOp-mOp, HeRe wE Go a mOpPiIiInG…" Gamzee looked up at Vriska as she passed him in the hall. "Wassup, Spider-Man?"

"…N-nothing," Vriska said at last, recovering her momentum after a cautionary step aside, and Gamzee returned to his vacuum.

Vriska continued her deep thinking as she walked. She figured she could get back to her apology as soon as she got back. Maybe doing it would even clear out that lump in her throat that had been hanging there after seeing Aradia clutch Sollux's hand. To be honest, that lump was nothing new and she'd be glad to be rid of it. It had been there for perigrees now, and just swelled from time to time. She had first felt it when she had realized Aradia couldn't be mad at her for killing her, what with her being dead and all. That had not exactly occurred to Vriska at the time. After all, she had never known anyone else she had killed, and it hadn't really occurred to her that they would stop being there after the fact. After all, what was the fun of gloating if no one was listening? But now she could. That was the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that had gotten Vriska to Level 99 so much sooner than all the other Trolls. She had wished there could have been a way to go higher than that, perhaps by ascending to some form of new existence with, she supposed, wings, perhaps? But no, the game didn't do that. She had double checked like, four times (though she would have to admit that doing it more than twice was a little forced). She supposed the Dream body Aradia had put her in was nice enough. She could float now, at least. It didn't really interest her all that often, but she could if she wanted to. That was something, right? And she was getting through her moult like it was nothing at all!

Hell, apologizing didn't strike Vriska as a problem at all any more! Aradia might have killed her, but all it had done was get her past perigrees of stupid moulting in exchange for twelve minutes of dizzying blood loss, a peculiar falling sensation that intensified as she started having trouble breathing, and the feel of a rib about three inches out of place. Vriska was not actually sure if that was worse than moulting, but the point was that Aradia had saved her from doing both. Heck, everything was turning out gr8!

The kitchen and cafeteria just made things better, in Vriska's mind. "Oh… my…" There was toast on the ceiling. Vriska was not sure what impressed her more: that it was there at all or that they had cleaned around it and left it on its own, perhaps having not noticed it at all.

A whirl of brown interrupted her tour, and Vriska snapped up a hand to catch a broom handle headed toward her throat. "H3Y S3RK3T" Terezi greeted, before she yanked the handle free in a single pull.

"What in hell did you three do to this place?" Vriska asked, unperturbed. It wasn't all that bad, she supposed. It wasn't like they had smeared paint all over the place like she would have expected from Pyrope. There just happened to be a few spectacular stand-outs, like the jam wall or the fourth table from the right. Vriska caught sight of Rose over the counter that divided the cafeteria from the kitchen, where she actually was mopping.

"We just cut loose a bit after a bad day," Terezi responded. As she answered, she began to brush the clump of dust and debris she had gathered intentionally in Vriska's direction. Vriska tired to pretend not to notice and headed up to the counter a step ahead. "Not that you'd know anything about that."

Vriska chose to ignore the quip, instead admiring a clown cartoon drawn on the wall entirely out of ketchup (which she suspected might have predated the rest of the party), and caught sight of Feferi fussing about in the fridge. Rose and Terezi were exchanging some story from the night before and laughing, but Vriska's mind got to work. After all, she was nothing if not able to hit the right nerve! As the other girls waved to Feferi as she left, Vriska positioned herself by the entrance to the kitchen from the cafeteria.

"What's the matter, Princess?" she whispered.

Feferi looked up, surprised, as she had cleared her head and nothing was the matter at all, but strange things make catchy openings. Vriska continued.

"They're just a few pals having a friendly chat."

Feferi's eyes widened when she realized what Vriska was getting at to and punched her in the arm before turning her nose up and leaving the room as regally as she could manage. That got the attention in the room back on Vriska. Just as planned.

"What was that?" asked Rose.

"Trouble in paradise again," Vriska said with a smile. "Of course, with Sollux, I guess everything happens in twos."

"What happened?" Terezi asked. Vriska was surprised about the way she said it, almost vulnerable. Guilt?

"Oh, she's just pissed off because Sollux is friends with Karkat." Vriska leaned on the counter. "Like I give a shit." And she didn't.

Well, at least not about Sollux and Karkat. True, when she had been moirails with Terezi, Terezi's four sweep-long friendship with Karkat had driven her insane. What was her moirail doing all the time with that nubby-horned loudmouth? Wasn't she good enough for her? She'd make herself good enough for her. After the fact, when Vriska would talk about it to Kanaya or Tavros and finally to John, Vriska would wonder if maybe her ego had been the problem. But after she had seen Tavros at the end of his date with Eridan, the betrayal skipped right over her ego. "Rose, you pass me a coke?"

Rose hid the surprise she had obviously felt at the news and set on a glare. "I'm not your bartender."

"Pfft, Feferi didn't know about Sollux and Karkat?" Terezi had given up on sweeping trash on Vriska's feet and had moved on to the rest of the room. "That's like the first thing you learn about Karkat: when he gets upset he goes off crying and hugs Sollux's legs."

"And that never bothered you?" Vriska asked.

Terezi shrugged. "We were kids! I guess I figured he'd come for me one day. That's what a matesprit's for, right? I trusted him." Terezi turned back to her work, but Vriska caught her mumbling: "That certainly went well." Catching the scent of her own weakness, Terezi snapped back to alert. "Vriska, do you have a reason for being here?"

"I just said!" Vriska said defensively. She got to her feet and headed to the fridge. "I'm getting a coke." Or a six-times alchemized variant of two month old Faygo. Whichever.

While Vriska was in back, she caught the sound of a jumble of voices and when she returned she found Kanaya there as well. Her former moirail was a mess, still suffering from lack of sleep, but she was aglow with a smile on her face like Vriska had never seen. To be fair, they had only met in person from time to time, but Kanaya had always worn a look of frustration more or less from meeting to parting.

Vriska's mind screwed up at the sight of her. She wanted to talk to her, after what Rose had said the other night, but she knew she would not get the shot. Vriska honestly had not known that Kanaya had dumped her. Maybe… well maybes weren't worth the time they took to ponder, that was clear. Besides, the reason for the smile was obvious and held Kanaya by the arm. Rose. It must have finally happened. Vriska didn't know whether to feel happy or frustrated any more. She hadn't even known about Kanaya's crush before the Humans entered the veil. Maybe that should have been a clue that they had drifted apart.

"Karkat says I'm free to go," Rose explained to Vriska with a smile. Kanaya saw Vriska and pressed her lips together in a fade version of the previous smile, and only nodded in greeting.

"AND TH3 W4RD3N 4GR33S!" Terezi symbolically turned her empty fist at Rose's wrists as though undoing her handcuffs. "Considering you cleaned whatever was in those sinks without knowing if it would melt off your hands."

"It was a clear and present danger, ma'am," Rose replied.

"Besides, The Warden has to agree with Karkat, since she had to 'borrow' his broom to do this job. Good work, soldier!" Terezi concluded, and then began to aggressively sweep at her. "Get! Get! Go 'way!"

The couple fled, leaving Vriska and Terezi alone with Gamzee, who had also arrived to join the chat and now smiled broadly at Vriska without pause or explanation. The unnerved feeling this gave her only intensified over time, so she picked up the pace to leave, but she stalled when the conversation that picked up behind her caught her ear.

Terezi whispered something first and Gamzee replied at full volume, obviously not clueing in to Terezi hint that Vriska was still in the room. "Yeah, he's pretty much my best motherfuckin' friend."

Terezi muttered something (Vriska thought it might have been "…Lucky Karkat", and frustrated at the sounds coming from the main lab, stepped back a touch), but she seemed to decide that Vriska was far enough away to speak normally after that. That was when she really seized Vriska's attention: "Gamzee," she said, her elbows on the counter. "This is gonna seem a bit forward, but pity a poor blind girl, would ya?"

"Whatever you fuckin' want, chica."

"Look," Terezi said, after Vriska had shifted partway into what shadows the corridor provided. "I don't know what you've heard but I know you know Dave and I had a fight."

"Fuck, you were so damn loud I think Jack knows you had a fight."

"H3H3H3… Maybe I scared him?" It was her old evil laugh, at first anyways, but what followed was a different tone. Unconfident, sad, hopeless. A thousand years ago, when they were moirails, that might have worried Vriska (well, maybe. Vriska wasn't entirely sure her past self would have noticed, urm, at all). After they had broken up, she'd have jumped to hear her like this . Now she didn't know how to feel.

"I just…" Terezi said. "I feel real stupid right now, Gamzee."

"S'no problem."

"I know we just sort of started hanging out but… ugh."

"…Fuck, Prosecutor." Vriska stopped her feigned retreat at once. Gamzee's voice was suddenly, though not entirely, clear and focused. Vriska cautiously took a step back toward the kitchen. "if you don't start selling yourself i don't see any point in listening."

But the strangest part was Terezi's lack of reaction, except a tiny, playful giggle. Normally, Terezi only giggled as a warning. It was almost as though she had expected Gamzee to sound like that. When she spoke again it was with a wavering confidence, which only made Vriska more confused. "…I wanted to know if you're actually interested in me, or if… this is like… with Karkat, to you."

A laugh, a snort, and Gamzee's reply came back clear as day: "fUcK, tHaT's A hEaVy LoAd, PrOsEcUtRiX."

What… Vriska took two steps back this time, her cola forgotten entirely.

Gamzee went on: "I mean, don't I get some time or some shit? Isn't that the id—"

"N-no, wait." Terezi said, getting back to her feet by the sound of it. "Forget it. Forget I said anything. I'm in a weird place right now and… you're right!" Sweeping. "I just keep digging myself in. Rose gets to be happy. And that's great for her, but I can't be happy for her because I can't help but think that… everybody's gonna…"

Silence. Vriska shuffled even further back, far enough that she was able to see through the corner of wall separating her from the cafeteria with her vision eightfold. Beyond, she saw that Gamzee had walked about the counter to stand just a few steps from Terezi, where she had stopped working to sit on the edge of a table.

"I don't even feel like myself! I tried and all I did was piss off Feferi and Sollux and Rose… and I told Rose that I'd…" She groaned. "I told her I'd try to respect human ideas. Fuck. Gamzee, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even asked. Look at me, I'm a mess."

"Hey, hey," he said, and stepped forward to offer a hug, which she took even though it ended up leaving a smudge of white paint on the rim of her glasses. "We can still fix that. We'Ve gOt LoTs oF fUcKiNg KeTcHuP."

Terezi laughed. "I think I can do without ketchup for now."

"Do you…" Gamzee held his hands in right angles, up by the side of his head. "Do you want to go get my bro Tavros, and hang scalemates from his horns?"

Terezi's smile grew almost as broad as her eyes lit up bright. "…Yes. ... H3H3H3H3H3… Y3S 1 DO!"

But that was all Vriska got to hear, because just then the sounds that had been coming from the main lab built to a terrible crescendo. It was a horrible sound, born from the uttermost depths of paradox space, and wracked her very soul. For a moment, Vriska was certain she was going to die. The transportalizer was the only way out. She would have to run towards the source of the noise to survive. The sound would be with her every second of the way.

"SQUIDDLE DEE DEE! SQUIDDLE DEE DUM! EVERYONE SING! A SQUIDDLEY SONG!"

Oh good gog. Some of them are actually watching the abomination. Don't go back, Vriska, she thought, positive that in a real emergency she honestly would. They are already lost.

[SkaianRedeemer]

A Hand in Holding Hands
Part 12b (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, recap1, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11a, 11b, 12a, recap2)

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Vriska emerged in the hub room and ran almost straight into Strider.

"W-what…" Vriska tried to bury her stammer. Don't let the coolkid see you bleed! "Was that?"

"Hey Vriska," he said, almost calm. "How're you? Enjoying the Squiddles?" Vriska realized that the 'almost' in his calm came from the fact that he had to shout to communicate it. Regaining her perception, Vriska realized that, in escaping the horrible cartoon, she had run head-first into another of Sweatquius and his Tin Can's Spade-fights. Fantastic. At least I've found Aradia again, Vriska thought. All she had to do was wait for them to leave the two of them alone and them… bam! The perfect apology. She was back on track.

"This entire façade of yours goes against every common deCENTcy and custom of over a thousand years of tradition!" Of course, Equius leaving Aradia alone might take a while. "That you thought I wouldn't see through it at all just shows how little respect you have for me. And how little you deserve mine."

Aradia, it seemed, wasn't even going to dignify him by meeting his eyes. "Yes, goodness knows my r0b0t brain can't outdo a STRONGthought! I thought you might have had a bit of a buried sense of humour about this, but…"

"Humour?" Equius grabbed Aradia by the arm and, despite the clear weight of her body, yanked her not only off her feet but straight into his own body. He didn't even falter, except from where Aradia had deliberately slammed her palm into his shoulder as she landed. "The only humour in this is how, after the cosmic miracle of creatures from two universes coming together to form a new great society, lowb100ds still choose to mate with the low."

Aradia's fist went straight for his jaw but he caught her and got a knee to his gut instead, which only managed to eke a merciless smile onto his face in lieu of pain. Aradia's eyes shone red at Equius, more consistently than Vriska had ever seen even in casual observation, and she assumed she was holding them there to make a point. "I haven't been breeding with him any more than you, but believe me that he'd deserve it a lot more."

Dave was pacing, Vriska realized when it occurred to her that the bleachers might be just as interesting to watch as the field. "Oh please God don't be breeding with him," he was saying under his breath. When he turned back, Vriska found that Aradia and Equius were kissing.

Equius still had the upper hand, with both of her arms held firm and a smile still playing on his lips where they met hers. It was disconcerting in a way, the kismesisic joy he had in their game, but Vriska realized to her intense discomfort that Equius' triumph was capped in how, for once, he was not sweating at all. Dave looked worse now that he had seen them kissing, a tinge of green on his face past the cool shades.

"Dating the robot?" Vriska asked at last.

"I… suppose," Dave said, with an uncharacteristic falter, barely keeping the presence of self he'd need to not look away. Aradia suddenly twisted her arm free and slammed it hard into Equius' ribs. This time he buckled and she grabbed his head and yanked him back up into another kiss. With her in the active role (and Equius once again sweating), Dave finally had to look away.

Vriska waited for just the right amount of time to pass. "…how's the chafing?"

She got a backhanded smack on the shoulder for that, and all Dave got was a laugh in his face. Dave began to pace a short circle about Terezi's transportalizer before returning to Vriska's side. Aradia had broken away from Equius and was continuing her argument with him. She did so while pinning him down to his knees by the shoulder. Dave gave a grunt. "Are they always this… violent?"

"Kismeses?" Vriska asked. "Nah." Equius made some sort of joke insinuating that without him, Aradia wouldn't even be up to Dave's level, which she took with coolkid calm until he started laughing at her for it, and earned himself a smack across the cheek. "Those two, on the other hand…?"

A sigh from behind her drew Vriska's attention, and discovered that the sound of metal against Troll cheek had outright muffled the arrival of Feferi through the central transportalizer. "Hi," Feferi said distantly when she realized Vriska and Dave had looked her way.

"Hey princess," Vriska said. "Left the sing-song cartoon show to come to see Strider's breakfast all over again?"

"You don't know what you're talking about, Serket," Dave said. "Even if I was sick I'd be smoother than that."

"Huh?" Feferi actually bothered to look up at them as she spoke this time. "Oh, no. Jade's show's really INT-ER--ESTING! I was just going to get some pictures of my cephalopods to show them. Are you okay, Dave?"

"Just fuckin' dandy."

"Princess!" Equius appeared to have noticed the new arrival. "I-I apologize for this public display, my kismesis and I will remove our disagreement to a more suitable—"

Feferi waved him down. "It's all right, Equius, I'm just… just heading out."

"Prin—Feferi, wait." Aradia walked over, though she stopped part-way to throw Dave a sheepish look that faded when she saw the uncomfortable look on his face, and she held out an apologetic hand. He took it with a tug that seemed to pull her back to confidence, though Vriska, always aware (always!) couldn't help but notice that Dave was not so instantly forgiving. Feferi looked up at Aradia with what almost looked like fear tickling on the edges of her face. "Look," Aradia said. "I realize that the situation has not exactly been ideal, what with… Terezi and Karkat and all, but if you have something you want to say to me, I'd appreciate it if you would just come out and say it and take it off both our shoulders. Perhaps if the peanut gallery would clear out." She looked directly at Vriska, who just smirked back and stood her ground.

"Ugh, Aradia, I'm sorry," Feferi said. "I know I've been following you like a shark, but it just hasn't been the right time, what with Eridan and Tavros, and then Rose and Kanaya…"

Aradia's eyes shifted blue and she hung her head just slightly. "So this is about relationships."

Feferi half-smiled. "Sollux used to always talk about you and how you used to be. When you came back to your old self I thought… well maybe it was your time to—"

"Ugh…" Aradia interrupted, her eyes an odd shade of puce. "And it is about hooking me up with Sollux. Fef—"

"Noooo! Ugh, you GUYS!" Feferi's tiny fists balled up and shook before she began to pace a small circle of her own. "You're all neck-deep in all your melodrama! I asked Sollux if he wanted to ask you out somehow again and he said no and that was it!" Her speech was rapid, her pacing fast, but to Vriska it was somehow familiar. As Feferi was getting closer to saying what she wanted to say, she was rapidly mounting in her old, vibrant self-confidence. "If I have to be the only grown-up on this entire rock than I will DO IT!!!" Her trident appeared her hand as she slammed down her right fist, chipping the floor below.

She spun back to them, and besides the way she held one arm in the other with the trident now suddenly behind her back, she was otherwise pert and direct. "Aradia," she said with a nod. "Equius," she added, which Equius took with some surprise. "Karkat was right. Hatred and Pity together are a part of Troll pride and I think the way you two can keep hating one another without tearing apart the team is just WOND-ERFUL! But after what happened between Vriska and Rose in the lab I realized that… well, sometimes everybody needs some help." She flashed a nervous grin. "So I was hoping that maybe you might… glub to me if you ever need an auspistice. …That's all."

Aradia's surprise was evident even on her metal frame, and Equius' audible in how he spat out an urgent, overwhelmed response to the fushia-blood asking to do him a favour. "Y-yes!" it sounded like.

"Ugh, Equius…" Aradia started.

"Equius!" Feferi moaned. "I knew what you'd say! If I wanted to ask you—"

Aradia picked it up from there: "…She'd have asked you days ago!" She and Feferi met one another's eyes and Feferi started to laugh. Aradia gave her a moment and with a slight curtsy, replied, "I'd be honoured, princess. Thank you for being… direct, in the end."

"Ugh!" Feferi said, and rapped Aradia's legs with her trident. "What did I just say about bowing?"

Feferi then went on to ask Dave a few teasing questions about his and Aradia's relationship, filling the role of a jealous Human parent fairly well. The chance to exchange insults and wordplay brightened Dave's mood considerably, though he still seemed a touch annoyed, but that was normal for Strider. This in turn brightened Aradia's, as she had been more than aware of how eager he had been to leave prior. Equius just sat there with a dumb grin on his face. Vriska, on the other hand, felt differently.

What the hell? What the hell! She supposed she could sympathize with Feferi. After all, Feferi had stalled her proposal until the last minute to avoid tripping over some other new relationship's thunder, and in a better mood Vriska might have respected her for playing her cards even when things weren't ideal and still winning the pot. But it was hard to sympathise at the moment, considering Feferi had done it at the cost of her own thunder. Her perfect apology, ruined! Bullshit! And that was just the surface of the iceberg. Standing her, listening to Aradia, was all just reminding her of exactly who she was dealing with. The girl that had tortured her with ghosts. The girl that had killed her. Seeing her happy. What on earth was she doing standing here waiting to apologize to her?

Dave excused himself, whispering something to Aradia about his "shift," but when he was gone Vriska discovered that attention had suddenly shifted to her.

"So," said Aradia. "Now if I could just get rid of my second mystery stalker, things will be just fine."

"What, moi?" Vriska asked, mangling the French in a way no speaker on Earth had ever managed. She didn't like the robot's tone. Where did she get off with that kind of backtalk? Just because she was happy. Lucky bitch didn't know how hard it was to even be happy. After all… "Oh, don't mind me. Rose wanted me to apologize to you, for the whole me killing you thing. That's all. She said you were a 'threat to the kismesis' but guess what? Fuck that!"

She stepped forward and jabbed Aradia in the chest with one of her claws. "You were always a parasite, Megido. Leeching off of other people. I made you a better FLARP player while you were still cheating off of dead people. Getting other people to fight your battles. Now you're on your feet and I have to apologize to you? Fuck you, and fuck Rose! You should be thanking ME!"

It was too late to stop now, because Aradia rounded on Vriska in turn. More irritating than anything was the way she did it. Perhaps it was the robotics, or perhaps Aradia really was that calm these days, but she did not raise her volume or react to Vriska's prod. Vriska had been expecting a lunge, at least, but nothing came. "Thank you? Are you insane? Don't think I haven't had my eye on you lately! You're declawed, Vriska, thank goodness. And if you're enjoying it you should be thanking me."

"Uh…" Equius looked back and forth between the two. "Princess?"

Feferi had raised her trident, but she had stalled midway into her new, minutes old auspisticing duties. "I see them, Equius. It's just…"

Aradia continued her counterattack: "When you were laughing your way through Tavros' broken legs I shoved so much guilt into that I'd bet you'd feel it today. And when you didn't learn I served you again, didn't I? Now look at you. Crawling up to do Rose favours, hiding off with John just because someone beats you to a matesprit. If the old Vriska had been here there'd be bodies and I swear John and Karkat would make sure one of them'd be yours."

Vriska snarled back at her. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Don't be an idiot, Vriska, you're only alive because I killed you!"

Feferi outright lowered her trident. "Just listen to them, Equius. This isn't a… hated argument."

"And you," Vriska said, not at all listening to the aquatic Troll to her side. "You wouldn't even be here if I hadn't gotten bored of everyone bitching about you being gone. If it wasn't for me you'd still be floating about, helpless and pathetic!"

And then Vriska gasped, clapping a hand to her mouth before she could say any more. Her eyes were wide as she caught up with what she was saying, what Aradia was saying, and what Feferi had only hinted at. No. Had Aradia realized? No no no no no no no no. Vriska had no way of knowing what the robot was thinking: if Aradia chose not to show her emotions they would not show. Was it possible she had always known? Vriska could barely even say it out loud. "Oh my gog," she tried, but had no breath. She tried again. "Oh my gog… You… You PITY me!"

Aradia was almost certainly hiding her emotions, for her only response was a blink and a quiet: "…Oh no."

"You do! Holy shit. Holy shit! Aradia!" Vriska could not believe it. There was not other explanation! Even though she had been in a moiraility with Terezi at the time, this little wriggler had done it. She had been trying to cut her off from Tavros, from finishing the job. She was always there. It was so clear now. It was disgusting. It was too much.

…It.

Was.

Perfect!!

Stay calm, Vriska, she thought. Hold your face. She tried to mould her shock into a part-smile. "Y-you," Oh, yes, a trembling voice. The tremble was a wonderful touch! "you killed me to stop me from killing people any more!"

Aradia reached up to pinch the bridge of her nose and just said "Oh no…" a second time.

"You did!" Vriska insisted, walking towards Aradia. Feferi and Equius gave her a wide berth. "And I've been trying to get you back to normal for so long…" She held her hands up to her chest and brought out the big, pupbeast eyes she had been preparing for her now-forgotten apology. Her voice quivered perfectly, her smile widened with joy and it was all she could do to keep from laughing past her theatre in uproarious glee at how wonderful this was. "We've been moirails… all along!"

"I…" Aradia was flabberghasted. Vriska could barely contain herself. Had she overcome the computer. "I guess… holy crap. You're right. Oh my gog… Oh my g—"

Before Aradia could say another word of protest, Vriska threw her arms around her neck and hugged her tight, muttering Pale platitudes like "Now I'll never senselessly kill again" and classic lines like "Pity means always having to say you're sorry before you stab someone in the poison removal organ, splattering toxic liquid inside of their abdomen." Troll Flavor Flav said that. Vriska is absolutely positive.

Last of all, Vriska held her bewildered new moirail at arm's length and said: "Happy Full Quadrants, Aradia! It couldn't have happened to a better dead, robotic Troll that I helped create." And then she left before anyone could stop her. She just left them up in her wake, and no one protested, least of all, best of all Aradia. And none of them caught smirk that worked its way onto her face. Get a Level 99 Moirail: Complete. Remove Aradia as a Kismesisic Threat:

…Circumvented.

-------------------------------------

"Where the fuck are we going, spiderbitch?" Eridan asked as he tried to free his horn from Vriska's grasp. Vriska had not stopped grinning since she came for him, and it was throwing him just as much off-balance as she had hoped.

"Yoooooooou'll see," Vriska replied before tossing him onto the lab's transportalizer. The hub was empty save for him when she followed after, Vriska having carefully waited for Feferi to return to watch the animated abomination Jade was running on the main screen. Feferi shot her an odd look as she went, but nothing was said and Vriska assumed the game was still on. Good. Time to make tracks.

She headed over to a corner of the room to where Kanaya's transportalizer lay deactivated. It was easy to tell the difference between a transportalizer that was locked or not, though Sollux had only hacked them control over their own: a few lights were embedded in a sigil pattern on the pad. When they were out, the pad was locked, but that wasn't an obstacle. She stamped her foot down on the pad and lights began to flash intermittently.

"Hey," she said towards the transportalizer. "Someone tell my FLARP server that her quests are done and done!"

The lights went off and then, after a fair pause as Kanaya presumably passed the message on to Rose, went on in full. Vriska grinned to Eridan and gestured that he lead, which out of curiosity he did without question. When Vriska followed she found herself in the strange waiting room that fronted Kanaya's temporary hive for the first time. The door across from them slid open and both Rose and Kanaya stepped through. They were holding half-finished knitting in their hands, complete with plastic needles. Vriska was consciously aware marked Rose as armed, but she wasn't scared. Not Vriska Serket. Not while she was winning.

"What's this about, Vriska?" Rose asked. "You can't possibly be done already."

"Shows you!" Vriska said. "Because I am!"

"You found a moirail?" Rose asked. It seemed from her tone that this was the part she might have just maybe expected. Vriska just grinned at her. "And you apologized to Aradia?"

"Didn't have to!" Vriska said. "Aradia is my moirail! Can't be my kismesis if she's my moirail. Poor unrequited thing. 8ut she'll get all the pity she deserves now, I think."

"Bullshit!" Rose was pushed aside and Kanaya stepped forward. Kanaya? Vriska didn't think she had ever heard her say something like that even in text. The short span of time in which she had gone from standing there to shouting was alarming on a level all its own. "You're lying," Kanaya insisted. "You've never had a pitying thought in your life. I was your moirail for perigrees and what do I get out of it? Almost no 'thank you's, and certainly nothing back from you!" She took her knitting into her inventory by balling it in a fist that she clenched hard. "I've never seen a more unbalanced relationship, I was just too stupid to realize it! And you had the nerve to cling to me all this time! Aradia saw it all; she's not stupid enough to…"

Rose reached out to take her arm but Kanaya pulled it away without even a second thought. With a snap of her wrist, a tube of lipstick appeared in her free hand. "Get out of my room!"

Well, Vriska thought. This is not going according to plan. Vriska and Eridan took a step back, and Vriska discovered to her surprise that she had not instantly drawn her dice. She could not believe herself. Had Aradia really gotten to her? Or was it just because it was Kanaya? "Fussyfangs…" she said as soothingly as she could manage. "…Are you moulting?"

"I think she's right, Kanaya," Rose said, taking a cautious step forward, arms raised up where Kanaya could see them should she turn around. "You're acting just like Tavros was when he had that itch on his leg, remember?" Rose put out a hand and touched Kanaya's saw arm, and her new matesprit rounded on her, though the tube of lipstick – the chainsaw – remained pointed at Vriska.

"No, maybe I'm thinking, Rose!" Kanaya snapped. Vriska waited for the fear to pop into Rose's eyes, but she didn't flinch any more than she had when the lipstick was drawn. Instead she held, whether out of courage, trust or even greater fear, Vriska did not know. "She's treated me like nothing the whole time I knew her! I know that now, I want her out, I want her hurt, I want her…!"

And she stopped, very abruptly indeed, and the lipstick vanished back into her inventory, and weakly she begged: "…Oh Rose…"

Rose's tension began to loosen, and she took her matesprit's hand. "Kan, it is just the moulting. You have nothing against Eridan, and I don't think that you really…" Rose looked up warningly at Vriska, but changed the subject. "Calm," she said. Kanaya's breathing slowed, and Rose took the opening. "Go back inside."

"I want them gone," Kanaya muttered, anger back on her voice.

"I will," Rose insisted, and she set Kanaya free.

Kanaya looked back towards the others, and a bit of her old self peeked through of her own volition. She turned first to Eridan said "…Im Sorry Eridan. Im Not Myself" To Vriska, though there was a longer pause, she said: "Im Sorry For Not Being More Clear With You"

"That's okay," Vriska said. And it was. Vriska didn't think Rose believed her, and wasn't sure if Kanaya did either, but it was. Trolls didn't bruise easily, Vriska Serket less than the rest. She even smiled. "I'm sorry I was a shit moirail."

"I'll believe it if I see it in Aradia," Kanaya said, though she spat it out all at once before she fled back into her own room.

Rose watched her leave, and when she turned back to Vriska it was clear she had no idea what to say to her at all. Vriska, relaxed again, tried a generous route.

"You know," she said, "moulting's really nasty, she really didn't mean any of—"

"Get. Out," Rose snarled, pointing to the transportalizer.

"Ah ah ah!" Vriska grinned back at her. Now that there was no saw a swing from her throat, she found her old energy returning. "Our deal."

"You think I actually believe you?" Rose asked, aghast.

Vriska laughed. "You should! It's true! I couldn't believe it myself!"

Rose faltered (Perfect), and began to make her way back to the office that served as part of Kanaya's room. "I'll… check with Dave in the morning," she said.

"So we're good?" Vriska asked with a tooth smile.

"…Yes," Rose said, and shut the door behind her.

------------------------------

GA: Well I Suppose I Should Say That That Is Hardly The Only Reason Someone Would Become An Auspistice
TT: No, I figured you were just being facetious.
GA: In A Working Relationship One Truly Becomes A Part Of The Kismesis
GA: If The Arts Can Be Trusted Its Quite Unlike Any Other Feeling
GA: But I Wouldnt Know
TT: Interesting!
TT: Tell me, Kanaya.
TT: You've been talking a lot about your allies in the rebellion. I know those aren't friendships, but I have to ask…
TT: Do you ever miss them? Or feel bad about how it all ended?
GA: Im Afraid We Did Not Have Many Allies Remaining After The Princess Abandoned Her Revolution In Favour Of Attempting To Survive Sgrub
GA: Before Our Fifth Sweeps Were Half Over Everyone Was Gone
GA: Even Thats Misleading
GA: I Could Not Have Identified Our Regular Group Ahead Of Time
GA: We Are Simply The Ones That Stayed Together Through One Thread Or Another
TT: Not even based on your smaller circles prior to your interrupted revolution?
GA: No Even Those Were Sundered In Places
TT: What about the kismeses you auspisticed for?
GA: No I Do Not Feel Any Guilt Over Taxxon And Nerida In Particular
GA: They Were Both Dead Long Before We Started Sgrub
TT: Oh dear. What in the world happened? I hope they didn't go after one another.
GA: No They Were Never Really In Any Danger Of Turning On One Another In My Opinion
TT: Then what happened?
GA: I Killed Them
TT: You what?
GA: Well I Suppose Gamzee Killed Nerida But It Was On My Request
TT: You KILLED them?
GA: Yes
TT: WHY?
GA: Well Nerida Was Self Defence Since She Was Going To Kill Me For Killing Taxxon
TT: So you called in a hit.
GA: A Favour
TT: And Taxxon?
GA: I Dont Really Think Youd Understand
TT: TRY ME.
GA: In A Manner Of Speaking I Have Already Told You
GA: Auspistice Is A Black Quadrant
GA: While I Suppose It Is Often Occupied By A Friendly Ally It Still Requires One To Be Immersed In A Passionate Hatred
GA: I Never Felt Any Particular Attachment To The Two As I Have Specified
GA: In The End Killing Him Seemed The Only Fitting Way To Go On
TT: This is unbelievable. I'm not hearing this.
GA: I Was Not Going To Hide It From You
GA: I Realize This Is Not A Particularly Compatible Aspect Of Our Cultures
TT: Goddammit, Kanaya, are you even listening to yourself?
TT: I've been thinking about forming a relationship with you and you've been hiding that you're a MURDERER?
TT: Were there more?
GA: Ive Killed About Four Others
GA: Most About My Age
TT: Oh god.
GA: Yes That Is Why I Was Trying To Get It Out
GA: But You Dont Understand
TT: Oh this should be rich.
GA: No Im Not Making Excuses In Fact Im Certain This Will Only Make Things Worse
TT: What? Why?
GA: In The Name Of Mutual Cultural Understanding
TT: You're honestly still going on about that?
GA: Of Course
GA: I Promised That In Good Faith And Meant It
GA: My Past Does Not Make Me Any Less Honest No Matter What You Might Think
TT: All right, what?
GA: Im Not The Only One Whos Killed Here
GA: This Is Just How Trolls Are
TT: You mean… all of you?
TT: This is just a culturally accepted… THING?
GA: Well
GA: Probably Not Tavros
GA: But Him Aside I Feel It Very Likely That All Of My Companions Weapons Were Bloody Before They Slew Their First Imp
TT: Is that what you're holding up as your defence?
GA: Certainly Not
GA: My Intent Is No Different Than It Ever Was
GA: I Want You To Understand Even If You Dont Accept
TT: …Kanaya, this is unforgivable to me, I hope you know that.
TT: You killed someone that trusted you.
GA: Ah But I Also Showed You An Answer To Your Questions
TT: What?
GA: About Auspisticeship And Friendship
GA: There Are Some That Might Tell You Trolls Have No Friends Because Its Promiscuous
GA: Maybe
GA: I Think Trolls Invest Their Pity In Two Persons Because We Know Its Safe
GA: If You Spread Yourself Between Five Persons Its So Much Easier For You To Lose Someone
GA: Suffering Through Constant Loss At All Turns
GA: If I Felt As Strongly For One Friend As Another What Happens To Me When One Dies Or Both
TT: Good God, Kanaya, that's the fault of the other Trolls! If you stopped them there wouldn't be a problem!
GA: Tell That To An Angry Troll
GA: When You Want Someone Hurt So Bad That Even You Cant Help It…
GA: I Dont Think You Could Understand
GA: To Know What It Means To Want Someone Dead
GA: And To Want Those You Pity Alive
GA: Its A Terrible Balance
TT: I don't think I'd even want to TRY to understand.
TT: Kanaya, you're scaring me!
GA: I Understand
GA: Or At Least Ill Try To
GA: That Leads Me To Auspistice
TT: Please just stop.
GA: No Please Listen
GA: This Is Important
GA: If You Want To Understand Us You Have To Understand This
GA: Auspistice Is How We Protect Ourselves
GA: Auspistices Have A Hand In Holding Two Kismeses Together Where They Can Vent And Dont Want To Kill
GA: The Only Hand
GA: Without It Our Society Fails
TT: Excluding the venting bloodlust, that's what our friends do for us, I've never once felt that was drawing too thin.
TT: Tell me, Kanaya. When Nepeta "lost interest" in that kismesis of hers, and didn't have an auspistice to support her thanks to you… did Nepeta kill her?
GA: I Told You Already That I Dont Know
TT: Unbelievable.
GA: Rose Please
GA: Im Not Trying To Lecture Against You And I Wish You Wouldnt Against Me
GA: If You Want To Revoke Any Of Our Plans I Will Understand
GA: I Will Try To Understand
GA: But If We Are Going To Live Even Near One Another As Trolls And Humans
GA: You Have To Understand What We Were Once
TT: Just "once"?
GA: Certainly Not Now
GA: I Dont Think Wed Hurt One Another Any More
GA: Or At Least Id Like To Believe That
GA: And You Have Nothing To Fear
GA: Things Have Changed And Are Going To Change Further
TT: I'd like to think that.
TT: But Kanaya, this is MONSTEROUS. I don't think you understand even though you're saying you're trying.
GA: Im Saying I Will Try From Here Out
GA: This Conversation Has Always Been Asking A Lot Sometimes That Takes Time
TT: Kanaya
TT: …I need to talk to John.
TT: And I need to not talk to you.
GA: I
GA: I Understand
TT: Thank you.
GA: Im Sorry I Didnt Tell You Sooner Rose
GA: I Leave This In Your Hands Then Ive Told All I Think You Need To Know About Us
GA: One Day Id Like To Think Ill Find The Strength To Be Direct
TT: I hope I find the strength to see through this clear.
GA: Trust Your Leader
TT: I do. I hope I can trust you too.

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]

------------------------------------------

Vriska was elated. She wondered what Eridan was thinking when she turned to him with a devastating smile on her face, what he thought of the metronome tick of her finger before she pressed it to his chest to prod him back towards the transportalizer.

He was imperceptible. "did wwhat i think just happen… happen?" he asked. But she felt confident that he knew. He was better now, better than he had been. He was bigger, and stronger, and sharper too. He knew exactly what was on her mind, and what had just happened. He just couldn't believe how his luck had turned.

Vriska could still hear Rose and Kanaya through the door. Kanaya was sobbing. "Rose, I'm terrible. I just… I just tried to…" and then started to ramble something before Rose shushed her. "Rose, I'm trying to be better," she insisted. "I know you don't…" but she stopped speaking there.

Vriska tossed a look back at the wall, and through it with her eye. Kanaya had slumped down against it and Rose knelt down beside her, her fingers pressed to Kanaya's lips for silence. "Hey. Do you think I would have really started dating you if I wasn't ready for the hard parts? Of course, the more a certain somebody taught me, the more I thought that somebody needed a moirail."

"N-no," Kanaya protested. "I need… I'm sorry Rose."

Rose smiled, a detail that Vriska had trouble working out at first. "It's okay. And besides, I'm sure you're waiting for crazy stuff from me." Kanaya's only reply was to pull Rose down into an awkward, moulter's hug. "We'll get it," Rose whispered, Vriska barely following as she had to stop listening at the time to give a shove towards the platform. "Does the moultinig hurt right now?" Kanaya shook her head. "It's funny," Rose said. "You're gonna be so much taller than me when this is over. It's going to be so weird." And Kanaya let herself laugh into Rose's shoulder.

So someone else is looking after Fussyfangs for a change. Vriska grinned, just a little cockeyed. Who'd have thought it? And Vriska was happy for her! Past her would never believe it. How things had changed. As she stepped through the transportalizer herself, her mind was still on the couple. She thought she heard their names in the split second between places, and hers. Emotion was making her high, and the best change of all was just about to come. Hers.

But the more things change, the more they stay the same, wasn't that how it worked? When she stepped through the transportalizer and found herself alone in the hub room with Eridan, she felt that old familiar feeling pumping through her, filling her with life. And she began to chuckle deep in her throat, and waltzed towards him. The lights were dimmer near the edges of the room and her face fell into shadows as she approached, a surreal and terrifying look. She looked sultry, dangerous. Insane.

"Oh, Ampora," she said, walking up to him until he was trapped between her and the wall. He didn't try to edge out. That's right, she thought as she ran her tongue over her teeth. You get it. She cupped a hand at the base of his jaw and curled her claws towards her in a cutting draw. Obediently, his eyes alight, Eridan leaned forward to match. "We're gonna have so much fun together," Vriska cooed. Then she shoved him hard into the back wall and began to laugh. Hysterically. She couldn't help it. Everything was set. Eridan didn't know what he was in for. Rose?

Rose knew nothing.

Eridan Ampora was left in the shadows alone as Vriska's laughter faded. His senses restored, a laugh began to build on his own lips, the conqueror's laugh that had once been heard day in and out on the Alternian high seas. But even that didn't feel like enough, and so, in the privacy of that public place, he cut loose, pumped his fist and roared in victory: "YEEEEEAAAAAAH!"

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Time. To. Play.

I swear I had that stuff about Troll cultural violence ready long before Andrew updated about it. Stupid canon, being more right, faster than me.

It might be clear now why Aradia/Dave and Rose/Kanaya were newly inserted chapters: too many hookups in a row. Only the ones in this chapter were originally the plan, with those coming later. There are more complicated reasons as to why I didn't want to move them that I'll explain later. Hopefully the hookups-in-a-row it didn't bother anyone, but I felt it was more important that all the pieces get into place before I moved on.

I seriously considered having Equius say "de%cy" but no one would have got it.

You know, I posted this in all versions without the most important footnote of all! The pesterlog in this chapter is more or less a refined version of the original Hand in Holding Hands! Yup, just that. The Aradia and Equius scene was what made me want to do it. I'm sure there are some that would have preferred it to stay at that size but...

[Author]

@anonymousComrade: Aradia with Nia's voice is the most amazing thing ever and this is slowly becoming my headcanon.

@Author: ....All of the internets. ALL OF THEM.

Thanks. I stole Bro's tag from someone else, but all of the others were made up on a whim. :X

See how many you can guess.

SKAIAN I'VE BEEN FUCKING WAITING FOR THIS. <33333

[spaceyPsychologist]

"SQUIDDLE DEE DEE! SQUIDDLE DEE DUM! EVERYONE SING! A SQUIDDLEY SONG!"

Can't say that I expected that. Though, when I hear that in my head it's accompanied by "I just had a friendship aneurysm!"

....All of the internets. ALL OF THEM.

Pretty much what I thought.

[SkaianRedeemer]

"SQUIDDLE DEE DEE! SQUIDDLE DEE DUM! EVERYONE SING! A SQUIDDLEY SONG!"

Can't say that I expected that. Though, when I hear that in my head it's accompanied by "I just had a friendship aneurysm!"

Just because no one cares to read The Dargon Arc doesn't mean I don't get to remind them that it's taking place!


@Author: Well I just hope it holds up to standards!

[draconicAlgorithm]

@Author: Oh my god. Yes. Just... just yes.

@Skaian: I really feel like I should stop being lazy someday and actually read your fic, because it looks really good. :x

Also, Wizardstuck anyone? Fun times with Severus Snape.

Wizardstuck: The Potions Master

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Severus Snape had never liked children. It might have seemed odd to most, even though it was a blatantly obvious fact, but the truth was, there weren't many jobs available for former Deatheaters, turncoat or not. Besides that, he'd done it as a favor for Dumbledore. Even if it meant he'd have to deal with the little monsters nine months out of the year.

Naturally, he, along with all the other teachers, had been made aware of the origins of the new students. The humans were of little interest, but the trolls, he had to admit, somewhat intrigued him. They were in no way related to the beastly trolls that wizards knew of and were, in fact, something like aliens, as preposterous as the claim seemed. Aside from that, they did indeed look like little monsters, what with their gray skin, horns, and sharp teeth.

The way that schedules worked out resulted in Snape getting the chance to meet all these new students on the first day of classes. His morning began with teaching the Ravenclaws, followed by a double class with Slytherins and Gryffindors, and finally the Hufflepuffs after lunch.

He began the first class like he did every year. He purposely chose a difficult potion, well beyond the meager abilities of most of these hooligans, and instructed them to brew it as best they could. The benefit of this was that it gave him an excellent way to gauge general skill and talent. Those with none would concoct some sort of horrible sludge, and those with promise would make something relatively close to the actual potion.

Snape generally enjoyed classes with Ravenclaws more than many of the other houses. A vast majority of the students were the quiet, studious type that varied in ability from being a natural to a decent potion brewer. The four new students appeared to be fairly competent. The short-haired troll, Kanaya Maryam, was excellent with a blade, and the girl Rose Lalonde was familiar with basic potion-making techniques. Both of theirs turned out very good. The other troll girl, Aradia Megido, was a step below, though she seemed able to follow instructions well. The last human, the girl by the name of Jade Harley, surprised him by actually asking questions of him. He found himself explaining techniques and why they were used, and, to his surprise, she seemed not only to understand but also to be generally interested. Her final product was the best of the group (though not perfect, of course), and although she was annoying, Snape could tolerate her. He had had few students who seemed so eager to learn.

The double with Slytherin and Gryffindor went predictably awful. Every year, he pleaded with Dumbledore to stop the double classes, or at least put any two houses together besides those two, but it never actually happened. This year was no different.

To his chagrin, four of his students came into the dungeons wearing sunglasses. All of them were the new students, and three of them were the trolls. He let off Terezi Pyrope when she had explained that she was blind (and had removed the glasses long enough to reveal that her eyes were pupil-less orbs as red as her lenses) and Sollux Captor (for a similar reason, since although he was not blind, his eyes were also pupil-less and equally disturbing). Equius Zahhak had complied with little difficulty, though his command had oddly made the student break out into a sweat, which he mopped up with his robes. Only Dave Strider had posed a problem. When he cheekily refused, Snape removed points from Gryffindor and gave him detention in the dungeon that afternoon. The boy still didn't remove the glasses. He upped the punishment to a week. Finally, Snape left it at that, though he informed him that every day that Dave failed to comply with the dress code, he would receive another month of detention. The boy had simply replied that they would get to know each other real well by the end of the semester, and the subject was dropped.

All the Gryffindors were predictably horrible. Vriska Serket simply threw something together and called it a potion. Snape was quite sure that she had only skimmed the directions and hoped for the best. Nepeta Leijon had appeared to legitimately try in her attempt (in spite of the fact that she began batting the bat tongue around like a cat before finally cutting it up), though it only came out marginally better than Vriska's. Sollux and Dave's were both mediocre at best and barely passable. Also, he noticed after inspecting Vriska's potion that something brushed against the edges of his mind, something attempting to sneak its way in. The something was odd and difficult to identify. It felt, well, alien. He turned sharply and glared at her. She smiled in a way that she no doubt thought was innocent, though the expression was entirely ruined by her fangs.

"I do not suggest trying that again, Miss Serket. Fifty points from Gryffindor," he said aloud, and while there were hushed conversations of people asking what had happened, he didn't elaborate. In the back of his mind, he filed away this information for later. Vriska was apparently a natural Legilimens.

The Slytherins, unfortunately, were nearly equally as bad. Equius broke no less than three knives, two sets of mortar and pestle, and cracked a cauldron before Snape commanded him to simply watch the other students (resulting in another outpouring of sweat). Eridan Ampora succeeded in making his potion explode in his face. Gamzee Makara's attempt was decent, though he had very nearly stuck a finger into the concoction and tasted it himself. The only one with any real promise was the blind troll, oddly enough. She had revealed the fact that she could literally smell colors and shapes early in the class, and this had proved to be to her benefit. Hers was the best of the class, not that any of the others had done particularly well.

The Hufflepuffs were last. Snape did not mind them much either, usually. Most of them were incompetent, but they were quiet, acceptingly incompetent. None of them made much fuss over anything. At least, not until this year, when Karkat Vantas became a member of Hufflepuff.

He complained for much of the beginning of class about anything that came into his head, whether it be how difficult it was to prepare the ingredients to how stupid the assignment and the entire class was. Finally, Snape began deducting points, and although he also complained about not caring about points, he did get quieter. When Snape looked at his potion and deemed it unacceptable, however, he began to rant about the impossibility of the task, and Snape just as quickly sentenced him to a week of detention before walking away and leaving him to fume.

John Egbert, by contrast, seemed quietly crestfallen when Snape informed him that his potion was no good. Snape felt rather like he had just kicked a cute puppy. In his own way, that made John at least as annoying as Karkat.

Tavros Nitram, the troll confined to a floating chair, was no better than the other two. Most of the ingredients seemed to disturb him, and he didn't touch them any longer than he had to. When Snape was checking the contents of his cauldron, he looked relieved to simply be done.

Feferi Peixes, the female troll, was surprisingly adept. She looked confident and even excited as she made the potion, and while it turned out well, Snape could have done without the humming. When he spoke to her, he found her to also be deliriously bubbly and took an instant dislike to her.

Finally, his classes were over for the day, leaving Snape sitting at his desk with his head in his hands, feeling exhausted. At least the Ravenclaws were tolerable. However, he had a feeling he was going to regret giving Dave and Karkat detentions. And they would be arriving for it in less than three hours. It was not going to be a pleasant evening.

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I really do like Snape, though his life sucks. He really shouldn't have given Karkat and Dave a detention on the same day.

On another note, I get the feeling that those two will be getting detentions a lot.

[Rimbaum]

OHGOD poor Snape. I feel so bad for him, doing a Dave/Karkat double detention.

[Path]

@Path: If Problem Sleuth ain't getting beat up he ain't getting anywhere on a case. As metrics for determining where you are on a case go, senseless beatings per diem is one of the more useful ones.

hes like harry dresden then!

As I said earlier in the thread, Harry Dresden is my OTHER favourite detective. Jim's Sleuth is reminding me of him so much it's begun to influence my own writing. Really, I tried to make Problem Sleuth a diplomat, but it's just so easy to give him a real mouth and have him flap it at all the people handing him his ass.

[Doodled]

@Skaian: AUAUAGHAUGHAUGHAUGH /headdesk /headdesk /headdesk

SO MUCH CONTROVERSY IN MY MIND!

Seriously...

I need to read your fic in its entirety...

[Author]

Snape felt rather like he had just kicked a cute puppy. In his own way, that made John at least as annoying as Karkat.

That was the best line in anything ever.

I hate it when you update Wizardstuck.

Because then I have to wait for more Wizardstuck.

[TacticGamer]

What, Vriska?

You can't manipul8 a worthless f8key f8ke wizard?

[Rebbe]

@Red Pen -- nihihihi, I very much enjoyed that! A lot of nice concepts, here. I especially like that the new empress has to overthrow the old one in order to take her place. And Karkat faking his blood test... very nice. Mmm, and the pesterlogs had sharp characterization and were fun to read. I would be very interested in seeing more of this (:

@SeptimusMagistos -- nawww, fable!fic~! Very cute. Interesting and plausible speculation, too. I liiike it. The end had a really nice touch to it, too.

@SkaianRedeemer -- goodness, getting caught up on all of that certainly took an extremely long time! An incredibly enjoyable time, however. Your handling of troll relationships in this is simply fascinating! I love that you're paying equal attention to moirallegiance and auspiticing, since they're my favourite quadrants and yet many people seem to ignore them in favour of hearts and spades. I just... I love the obvious thought that's gone into the framework of this. It's very refreshing.

There's another thing I really like, though I'm having difficult phrasing exactly why. It's that you seem to have a good handle on controlling chaos and juggling so many story/relationship threads and events all at once. The rhythm of your style really enforces this, too, even if it took me a little bit to settle into it.

and also i spent far too much time cracking up hysterically at the funny parts believe you me

[Jim Groovester]

@SkaianRedeemer: Oh, goodness. That was something else. Fantastic work. I wish I could list the parts that I liked best but then I'd have to quote the whole damn thing.

[Sionnan]

Strider fic, inspired by Kerensky's Double Irony fic, with some backstory about Bro's art. It's kind of different from my other stuff, more dialogue heavy than description. This is the first part here. I'll probably have more later when it's not so late.

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"I wanna go."

"And I want a pony." Bro was busy hoovering up the last of the icecream out of the bottom of Dave's bowl before starting on his own, prompting a frown from his brother. Dave decided to let it go, not wanting to get sidetracked.

"No, I'm serious man-" He tried again, trying to sound fairly casual.

"So am I."

"-I want to go to one of these, wait, what?"

"Nothing, keep goin'." Bro waved him on, flipping a fine spray of cold droplets from his spoon.

"You are seriously weird."

"You want to go to one of these conventions because..."

"I dunno, just 'cause."

Bro shot him a look. One that made it clear he had better want to do it for ironic purposes, or he was going to duct tape him to Cal.

Dave grimaced. "So a lot of the fans of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff are doing a panel and shit there. There's been a shit load of them asking me to go, and I'm all playin' it cool and sayin' hell naw, but I seriously want to witness the crazy in person. See what my shitty muse has wrought."

"You do know that shit rubs off. Like, gets into your hair and clothes, and then you bring it home and you can never get it out of the carpet."

"Why you gotta be hatin' on my crazy fans; they sustain my ego."

"Yeah, I know; like a kid needs a peer driven ego that size. And their hive mind saps five intelligence points per round while being in their proximity."

"You're seriously referencing D&D while knocking the ironically challenged. Seriously."

"Most of them probably grew up on D&D, bro."

"Whatever. Hey, we can rake in some sweet dough, man. I can set up an art booth, and they'd pay like, 20 bucks a pop just for some shitty hand drawn thing in pencil. You can't go wrong with that.

"Hah. Sellin' out: the pinnacle of irony." Bro scooped up another melted spoonful of the lowfat dairy treat, dribbling some on his chin.

"Hell yes. Hey, you can even, like, be a guest artist or something."

Bro stopped mowing down on his discount icecream and sent him an impassive stare.

"What?"

"I don't know if that's such- wait, no it would be awesome. I haven't been on the level for years. I can totally be the creepy as fuck invisible elephant in the room."

"... uh, what?"

Bro didn't answer for a second, too engrossed in scraping the bottom of his plastic cup with the spork. Dave could see he was vying for time; fine, he could wait. After all, it was on Bro's dime if this excursion was gonna happen. Finally, Bro fessed up. "Probably three or four years ago. I was a regular commissioned artist for some..." he waved his utensil in the air, "Puppet porn site. I got sick of it after a while, and put up some pretty nasty grim dark shit; you know, Henson with a dash of Saw. For the lulz, man. People flipped the fuck out, like both good and bad. Some people were seriously into that shit, offering to pay obscene amount of money for more panels. And other people just wanted to rip my intestines from my gut. But it got pretty intense for a while."

"Okay, so typical internet bullshit."

"Well, yeah and no. This was the type of place people would be an hero, and honestly, I'm pretty sure my stuff made that place fucking certifiable. So I took off the hell out of there. I haven't really had my stuff associated with webcomics since."

"But you do online art all the time."

"Yeah, like one shot stuff. Splash pages and cover work. And my style's way different now. You would only know it was me if you'd followed my links pretty religiously." He grinned. "So hey, maybe a little cash on the side isn't a bad thing. 'Sides, I gotta use up my vacation days."

"Say what now?"

"Well. More like, I've been working overtime, and only just now I figure out they can't pay me for it. So I get to not show up to work for a while."

"Right. Hence your aggressive lounging routine."

"Hell yes. Work is for chumps, man."

Dave hesitated for a second, then took the plunge. "So we're going?"

"Yeah, why not. I haven't hawked my shit in hardcopy for a decade."

"Holy shit you're old."

"And back then I was cleaning your shit off the back of your legs with baby wipes."

Dave's poker face cracked a little. Him as a baby. Totally not cool.

"Yeah, man," Bro dug the barb in a little further. "I learned real quick a steady diet of eggrolls and chili make for some horrendous baby byproducts, not gonna lie."

"I hate you."

[apocalypticCritic]

Adding a voice to the choir: Wizardstuck is the best thing ever.

Well, except for a good MLT, mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, when the tomatoes are so juicy and the mutton is so tender....

But yeah, other than that, best thing ever.

[Nox]

I get the feeling once Vriska's personal pride and desire to be "the best" really kicks in, she's gonna start applying her powerleveling skills to Hogwarts...it's gonna be scary man.

[X15lm204]

Since I probably won't be able to update for a couple days, I decided to get the second chapter off right away.

Kcutsemoh - Chapter 2
In which concupiscent relationships are juggled like chainsaws.

Now I have to go read
...AHIHH, Wizardstuck, AND a Sionnan Striderfic?!
*begins frothing at the mouth*

[lucidSeraph]

Re: Wizardstuck: Oh man poor Snape. I. can't wait to see this detention.

Strider fic, inspired by Kerensky's Double Irony fic, with some backstory about Bro's art. It's kind of different from my other stuff, more dialogue heavy than description. This is the first part here. I'll probably have more later when it's not so late.

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"I wanna go."

"And I want a pony." Bro was busy hoovering up the last of the icecream out of the bottom of Dave's bowl before starting on his own, prompting a frown from his brother. Dave decided to let it go, not wanting to get sidetracked.

"No, I'm serious man-" He tried again, trying to sound fairly casual.

"So am I."

"-I want to go to one of these, wait, what?"

"Nothing, keep goin'." Bro waved him on, flipping a fine spray of cold droplets from his spoon.

"You are seriously weird."

"You want to go to one of these conventions because..."

"I dunno, just 'cause."

Bro shot him a look. One that made it clear he had better want to do it for ironic purposes, or he was going to duct tape him to Cal.

Dave grimaced. "So a lot of the fans of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff are doing a panel and shit there. There's been a shit load of them asking me to go, and I'm all playin' it cool and sayin' hell naw, but I seriously want to witness the crazy in person. See what my shitty muse has wrought."

"You do know that shit rubs off. Like, gets into your hair and clothes, and then you bring it home and you can never get it out of the carpet."

"Why you gotta be hatin' on my crazy fans; they sustain my ego."

"Yeah, I know; like a kid needs a peer driven ego that size. And their hive mind saps five intelligence points per round while being in their proximity."

"You're seriously referencing D&D while knocking the ironically challenged. Seriously."

"Most of them probably grew up on D&D, bro."

"Whatever. Hey, we can rake in some sweet dough, man. I can set up an art booth, and they'd pay like, 20 bucks a pop just for some shitty hand drawn thing in pencil. You can't go wrong with that.

"Hah. Sellin' out: the pinnacle of irony." Bro scooped up another melted spoonful of the lowfat dairy treat, dribbling some on his chin.

"Hell yes. Hey, you can even, like, be a guest artist or something."

Bro stopped mowing down on his discount icecream and sent him an impassive stare.

"What?"

"I don't know if that's such- wait, no it would be awesome. I haven't been on the level for years. I can totally be the creepy as fuck invisible elephant in the room."

"... uh, what?"

Bro didn't answer for a second, too engrossed in scraping the bottom of his plastic cup with the spork. Dave could see he was vying for time; fine, he could wait. After all, it was on Bro's dime if this excursion was gonna happen. Finally, Bro fessed up. "Probably three or four years ago. I was a regular commissioned artist for some..." he waved his utensil in the air, "Puppet porn site. I got sick of it after a while, and put up some pretty nasty grim dark shit; you know, Henson with a dash of Saw, you know. For the lulz, man. People flipped the fuck out, like both good and bad. Some people were seriously into that shit, offering to pay obscene amount of money for more panels. And other people just wanted to rip my intestines from my gut. But it got pretty intense for a while."

"Okay, so typical internet bullshit."

"Well, yeah and no. This was the type of place people would be an hero, and honestly, I'm pretty sure my stuff made that place fucking certifiable. So I took off the hell out of there. I haven't really had my stuff associated with webcomics since."

"But you do online art all the time."

"Yeah, like one shot stuff. Splash pages and cover work. And my style's way different now. You would only know it was me if you'd followed my links pretty religiously." He grinned. "So hey, maybe a little cash on the side isn't a bad thing. 'Sides, I gotta use up my vacation days."

"Say what now?"

"Well. More like, I've been working overtime, and only just now I figure out they can't pay me for it. So I get to not show up to work for a while."

"Right. Hence your aggressive lounging routine."

"Hell yes. Work is for chumps, man."

Dave hesitated for a second, then took the plunge. "So we're going?"

"Yeah, why not. I haven't hawked my shit in hardcopy for a decade."

"Holy shit you're old."

"And back then I was cleaning your shit off the back of your legs with baby wipes."

Dave's poker face cracked a little. Him as a baby. Totally not cool.

"Yeah, man," Bro dug the barb in a little further. "I learned real quick a steady diet of eggrolls and chili make for some horrendous baby byproducts, not gonna lie."

"I hate you."

PFFFfffffffff. That's all, just. Pffffff.

[draconicAlgorithm]

Just wanted to say that the next Wizardstuck might be a Valentine's Day special if I feel like it.

Also responses.

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@Rimbaum: It'll probably only get worse. :3

@Author: I do love that line. :3 And that makes me feel all warm and tingly inside.

@TacticGamer: Not when he's a legit Occlumens. Yes, I did look up those words.

@Sionnan: Ffff, I just love all your Strider fics. x3

@AC: It's close enough. I'll take it. xD

@Nox: Not as scary as when Gamzee runs out of pies. :x

@X15: Oh jegus this is still so good.

[apocalypticCritic]

Since I probably won't be able to update for a couple days, I decided to get the second chapter off right away.

Kcutsemoh - Chapter 2
In which concupiscent relationships are juggled like chainsaws.

Now I have to go read
...AHIHH, Wizardstuck, AND a Sionnan Striderfic?!
*begins frothing at the mouth*

This made me literally go Awwwww.

Out loud. Fortunately no one is home.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@draconicAlgorithm: I'd like it if you would! But of course, the next recap along with the first covers the whole thing if you need it to. What I'd prefer and what I know people need sometimes aren't the same thing. Also: oh yes, Snape is finally in Wizardstuck, I am totally doing fanfic reading tomorrow because I am behind.

@Doodled: The recaps are here for you and your poor dented desk too, Doodled! Well, okay, I guess they don't have anything for your desk. Maybe I should include some nails and a planer. But if you want to re-read, go for it!

@Rebbe: Thanks a lot! Platonic relationships are always one of my favourite things to capture. I suppose Trollmance gives me the excuse I need that made this a fic instead of a book, it just wouldn't be the same without it! And I'm glad the juggling is coming across well. The notes spilling out of the back of the .doc file thank you as well. I think I really screwed up Feferi's storyline early on (and her forming an auspistice at the same time as Rose is no literary coincidence) and don't plan on letting it happen again! Also, I'm just gonna throw in here that I've loved your fics, especially How Serendipitous!, of course.

@Jim Groovester: Thanks! I feel the same way about a lot of Sapphire of Alternia. You've got a great way of combining the noir with MSPA, and whenever you break into MSPA style I just know it's gonna be good.


Okay, time for bed (ha! Well, I'll try, anyways). Tomorrow: reading!!!