MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[draconicAlgorithm]

@draconicAlgorithm: I'd like it if you would! But of course, the next recap along with the first covers the whole thing if you need it to. What I'd prefer and what I know people need sometimes aren't the same thing. Also: oh yes, Snape is finally in Wizardstuck, I am totally doing fanfic reading tomorrow because I am behind.

Nah, I'll read the whole thing. I actually really like long fanfics. ^^ And that makes two of us. xD

[anonymousComrade]

@anonymousComrade: Aradia with Nia's voice is the most amazing thing ever and this is slowly becoming my headcanon

AA: hail fell0w well met

[Nanakii]

Skaian, aaaaaaa I love your fic so much . So glad I managed to catch these chapters just as they were posted! (I missed the previous chapter update, just happened to check your sig and see them added to it a few days ago).

[Rebbe]

@Rebbe: Thanks a lot! Platonic relationships are always one of my favourite things to capture. I suppose Trollmance gives me the excuse I need that made this a fic instead of a book, it just wouldn't be the same without it! And I'm glad the juggling is coming across well. The notes spilling out of the back of the .doc file thank you as well. I think I really screwed up Feferi's storyline early on (and her forming an auspistice at the same time as Rose is no literary coincidence) and don't plan on letting it happen again! Also, I'm just gonna throw in here that I've loved your fics, especially How Serendipitous!, of course.

Ohh, excellent! A well-planned fic is always a joy to read. And nihihihi, I'll be watching Feferi's storyline closely from now on~

ahsldkfjsaldkfjsd thank you

[Author]

Did somebody quote the Aradia as Nia onto this page?

You asked, Author delivered.

Gurrenstuck - II "Thrust Through The Heavens With Your Spirit!"

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Open Pesterlog

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AC: oh... hi i guess?
NP: Yay!
NP: I was worried that you would not respond for a while there Simon.
NP: You see, I realize that I am not the most amusing person to speak with.
NP: But I do hope we can become friends!
AC: friends...?
AC: i dunno...
AC: Bro might not like that... you being a beast and all...
NP: What are these beasts you and your 'Bro' speak of?
NP: I do not know of any beasts! :(
NP: But I would like to introduce myself to them if I can!
AC: really?
AC: well... i think immortalFury is one of them...
AC: he yells at bro a lot...
NP: Oh! I believe you are speaking of a few of the others in Teppelin!
NP: They are all very nice, and I think you would get along with them!
AC: heh... really?
NP: Oh yes, most certainly!
NP: Oh dear. I have to go now! My father is asking after me!
NP: I will speak with you later Simon!

-- naivePrincess [NP] ceased beasting averseCommander [AC] at 8:46 --

See the future.

You fail at seeing the future! Who the hell do you think you are, trying to jump ahead?

Fine. Install SBurb.

You are now the MANLIEST OF MEN! He is about to do the impossible, start the inevitable! He lifts the disk in the air, and with a power that should reach, breach, and terminate the heavens, he slams the disk into the slot. Strangely, the slot remains unbroken by his supreme manly abilities. He begins setting up a list of players.

Open Memo

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-- Current badassLeader [CBL] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW on board REASON IS FUTILE! --

CBL: ALRIGHT EVERYONE!
CBL: HERE IS THE ORDER OF PLAYERS!
CBL: REMEMBER TO CONNECT TO YOUR SERVER! THEY ARE YOUR LIFELINE! THEY ARE YOUR PARTNER IN MADNESS, ABLE TO FULFILL YOUR INSANE DREAMS! YOU MUST PROTECT THEM, AND BELIEVE IN THE THEM THAT BELIEVES IN YOU!
CBL: SIMON WILL BE MY SERVER PLAYER, OBVIOUSLY! HE IS MY BLOOD BROTHER, AND I MUST REVEAL TO HIM THE TRUE EXTENT OF MY MANLINESS!

Future immortalFury [FIF] began responding to the memo 5 minutes from now.

FIF: Vvery well Kamina.
FIF: But its quite odd how much you obsess ovver your brother.
FIF: You should be worrying about me!
FIF: For I will destroy you, and rend you out of existence!

CBL banned FIF from responding to the memo.

CBL: OKAY AND BESIDES THAT!
CBL: FOREHEAD BOY MUST SERVE KINON!
CBL: AND YOKO SHALL SERVE THAT TWOTONED BASTARD OF A MAN!

-- Current twotonedBastard [CTB] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CTB: who the hell are you calling a bastard Kamina?!??!

-- Current blushingBookworm [CBB] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CBB: Brother... err...
CBB: You do realize you assigned that as your handle correct?
CTB: ...
CTB: Yes I did.
CTB: I have something to do ill be back VERY SOON!
CTB: SO KAMINA YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF MY SISTER!

CTB ceased responding to the memo.

CBL: ALRIGHT! SO ANYWAYS...
CBL: THAT WILL BE THE SIX PLAYERS!
CBL: OF THE FIRST TEAM!
CBL: IN THE FIRST SESSION! AND I WILL BE THE LEADER!

-- current bitchingBlonde [CBB] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CBB: Heeey no fair~!
CBB: What manly man shall lead the second half then~?
CBL: DAYAKKA, A MAN OF TRUE SPIRIT WILL!
CBL: HIS DETERMINATION AND STRENGTH SHALL LEAD YOU ALL!

-- current tenaciousBarrier [CTB] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CTB: alright im back.
CTB: AND WHAT?!??!?!
CTB: DAYAKKA WILL NOT BE THE MAN TO LEAD THE SECOND TEAM!

-- current prestigiousAegis [CPA] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CPA: that's kind of insulting there Kittan.
CTB: Shut UP Dayakka!
CTB: THAT'S BECAUSE I WILL LEAD THE SECOND TEAM! AND INSTEAD...
CTB: DAYAKKA CAN TAKE MY PLACE! AND YOKO WILL SWAP WITH MY SISTER!
CBL: WELL IF ITS ALL RIGHT WITH YOKO THEN YOUR BADASS LEADER IS FINE WITH IT!

-- current trueCrackshot [CTC] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CTC: I don't care.

CTC ceased responding to the memo.

CBL: THEN IT'S SETTLED!
CBL: TEAM GURREN- LED BY ME WILL BE...
CBL: ME, MY BROTHER, KIYOH, ROSSIU, AND DAYAKKA!

-- current belovedQueen [CBQ] began responding to the memo RIGHT NOW --

CBQ: Aren't you forgetting about meeee oh fearless leader? <3
CBL: RON!??!?!
CBL: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BELOVEDQUEEN!?!??!!
CBQ: I told you you could call me that if you like!
CBL: I THOUGHT THAT WAS A JOKE!
CBQ: Oh Kamina...
CBQ: You should know by now,
CBQ: I never joke! <3
CBL: FINE!
CBL: LEERON IS ALSO ON MY TEAM!
CBL: THE ORDER IS THAT I WILL SERVE MY BELOVED LITTLE BROTHER!
CBL: MY BLOOD BROTHER WILL SERVE KINON!
CBL: KINON WILL SERVE ROSSIU!
CBL: ROSSIU WILL SERVE LEERON!
CBL: AND THAT IS ALL!

CBL ceased responding to the memo.

CBQ: I guess that means that I'll be serving you? <3

CBL began responding to the memo.
CBL banned CBQ from responding to the memo.
CBL ceased responding to the memo.
FBQ began responding to the memo 5 minutes from now.

FBQ: I take it that means yeeeessss! <3

FBQ ceased responding to the memo.[

CTB: Why the hell is my team still here? TEAM KITTAN, REMOVEYOURSELVES!

CTB ceased responding to the memo.
CPA ceased responding to the memo.
CBB ceased responding to the memo.

Be the naivePrincess.

You cannot be the naivePrincess! She has yet to go beyond the impossible and kick reason to the curb!

Well if you're gonna bitch about it, be the averseCommander.

Fuck you too. You are now SIMON. He's installing SBurb as well. His eyebrow is slightly raised as he watches the installation features.

"Transforming Soffits? Readying the Maelstrom Cannon? Aligning the Great Dimensional Rift? What have I gotten myself into..."

Part 2. My favorite part is the memo exchange between BL and BQ.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Nanakii: Haha, glad you're caught up! This thread sure is faster than it used to be, huh?

[Miss Prince]

@Skaian: There is something immensely satisfying about Aradia getting a blackout on her romance card. I suspected Feferi was gunning for a conciliatory quadrant with Aradia, but I wasn't sure which one until now. And Vriska and Aradia's argument morphing the way it did, ahahaha. I loved that whole scene so much.

For what it's worth, I think all the hookups make sense happening close together. It stands to reason that seeing other people dealing with their relationships would prompt someone into action regarding their own.

[Masterly]

I get the feeling once Vriska's personal pride and desire to be "the best" really kicks in, she's gonna start applying her powerleveling skills to Hogwarts...it's gonna be scary man.

It's not going to work. Because Vriska doesn't understand the most powerful force in the universe. Love.

(heehee, I can't even type that with a straight face)

[ceruleanTresses]

New project: adapting "Prologue: What Have I Done?" from Les Mis. Naturally, the role of Valjean will be provided by Ms. Serket. Should be up tonight or tomorrow.

(I don't even have to change some of the lines. "Take an eye for an eye?" PERFECT. This piece could not possibly suit her better.)

[Masterly]

So is Simon going to be the Heir of Spirit, and Kamina the Knight of Soul?

[Nanakii]

Skaian- yeah, this thread moves BLOODY fast, so hard to read or manage to comment on the fics now-a-days! I was excited when I saw those chapters, so awesome

[Author]

Yeah pretty much Masterly.

Spoilering classes here:

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Team One

Simon - Heir of Spirit
Kamina - Knight of Soul
Dayakka - Guardian of Iron
Kinon - Sorceress of Wind
Rossiu - Speaker of Truth
Leeron - Mechanic of Heart

Team Two

Kittan - Page of Power
Yoko - Gunslinger of Charisma
Kiyoh - Thief of Time
Kiyal - Vanguard of Fire
???
???

What? You assumed I would reveal my character choices?
What gave you that ridiculous conception?

[battlerek]

@Everyone in this thread:

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I saw this pic last night, and realized that its story must be told.

Dad and Seahorsedad vs. Whale Nazis

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The world as we know it is doomed. A nefarious army is gathering in an underwater fortress, to listen to a speech made by their wicked master.

"The time of the land-dwellers is finished! It is time for we, the master race, to rise!"

"Heil Whale Hitler!"

"Our mighty army shall swarm the world, destroying the unclean, un whalish races! Those who shall remain will be enslaved, forever servants of the master race!"

"Heil Whale Hitler!"

"Now, my brothers! Let us rise to the surface and take what is rightfully ours!"

"Heil Whale Hi-"

A massive explosion rocks the fortress. A man among men and a seahorse among seahorses crashes through the ceiling and lands in the middle of the Nazi Whale army. Whale Hitler does his best to mask his terror, but cannot control his trembling.

"Dad and Seahorse dad! I thought you were killed when I set fire to the orphanage!"

"It'll take more than that to kill us, Whale Hitler!"

"NEIGH NEIGH! ENOUGH TALK! LET'S KILL THESE FUKKIN WHALES! NEIGH NEIGH!"

"Couldn't have said it any better, partner."

The Nazi Whales attacked in waves. Though they outnumbered Dad and Seahorse Dad 20 to 1 they were slaughtered. Dad's well-aimed cakes decimated them by the dozen, while Seahorse Dad's neighing was enough to cause many to drop dead through sheer terror. When he ran out of cakes Dad resorted to good old fashioned fisticuffs, and with each tail swipe Seahorse Dad killed 2 nazi whales. By the time whale hitler ran out of mooks Dad's fists and Seahorse Dad's tail were caked in blood.

"Mercy! Please! I'll do anything if you spare me!"

"You don't deserve mercy, Whale Hitler!"

"DAMN RIGHT! LET'S KILL HIM ALREADY, NEIGH, NEIGH!"

Whale Hitler attempted to swim away, but he didn't realize that Seahorse Dad was the fastest Seahorse in the sea. Dad jumped off Seahorse Dad and tackled Whale Hitler, then beat him to death with his mighty fists.

"That ends the Whale Nazi threat once and for all."

"NEIGH! NEIGH! I'M A SEAHORSE!"

And so the two fathers returned to their homes, confident that the nazi ceteacan menace would never threaten their children again. Well, dad was, seahorse dad joined him because he really likes to kill whales.

[CandyLemon]

@Jim: At the moment this is what happens when I first get on the computer in the morning:

>Check for Homestuck update
>Check for Sapphire of Alternia update
>Actually read Homestuck update
>Read Sapphire of Alternia update

Basically I'm addicted, so keep on cranking that thing out

[Jim Groovester]

@battlerek: That was the best thing I have ever read.

@CandyLemon: You got it! I'm always happy to know I'm somehow involved in people's morning computer habits.

[penguinbound]

Will to Survive
Chapter 3: Sick Fires

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I woke up to heat. A lot of heat. In fact, the first thing I got to see was flames and smoke. It was a warm welcome... oh god that was horrible. Anyway, I quickly stood up, and looked around for a way out, that wouldn't leave me with third degree burns. I didn't see any. "2hiit, of cour2e II'd wake up IIn the miiddle of a goddamn fiire," I stumbled forward for a minute, avoiding a fallen branch that had a small ember on it. "Could II land iin a fuckiing niice fiield of gra22? Nooo, of cour2e not, becau2e that would be two niice for me." I was tempted to blast this entire forest, but if any of the others were in here, I could hit them, and oh man, that would be... horrible.

The was a loud, shrill beep. Trollian? I cursed. Repeatedly.

OPEN PESTERLOG:

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centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
cT: D --> Sollu%
cT: D --> Sollu%, you will answer me
tA: oh, yeah, hey, 2orry ii diidn't re2pond earliier, ii am ju2t beiing ha22led by fiire.
tA: k11nd of not that fun.
cT: D --> You should be sorry, keeping me waiting
cT: D --> Do you know if anyone else is alive
cT: D --> More importantly, is Nepeta okay, and are any of the highb100ds alright
tA: ii just woke the fuck up, equiiu2.
tA: why would ii know?
cT: D --> How dare you speak like that too me
cT: D --> Why do lowb100ds have to make everything such an issue
cT: D --> Now, if Nepeta, Gamzee, or Feferi talk to you, respond back to me
cT: D --> That is simple enough for a lowb100d, correct
--twinArmageddon's computer has been crushed by debris--
cT: D --> ...
cT: D --> This might put a damper on the plan
cT: D --> Thank you for messing up, Sollu%

---
OPEN PESTERLOG:

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centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]
cT: D --> Karkat
cG: I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, FUCK OFF.
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]
cT: Well, then

---
OPEN PESTERLOG:

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centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]
cT: D --> Kanaya
cT: D --> You will be more helpful than the others, I e%pect
gA: Equius I Must Ask A Favor Of You
gA: Because This Is A Very Debilitating Problem
cT: D --> You will help me first, and then I might help you
gA: Very Well I Suppose
cT: D --> Now, have you seen or talked to Nepeta, Feferi, or Gamzee
gA: Ive Talked To Gamzee
cT: D --> E%cellent, where is he
gA: I Believe He Said
gA: iM iN sOmE cAvE oR sOmE sHiT
gA: That Was Also Annoying To Type
cT: D --> Now, I believe you had something to deal with
gA: Yes
gA: I Have Lost My Left Foot
gA: I Am In Extreme Pain Both From Having Gotten Caught Under Some Rocks And Having To Remove The Trapped Foot
gA: I Was Wondering If You Could Make Me A Foot
gA: If We Should Encounter Of Course
gA: Would You Do That For Me
cT: D --> Yes, I may be able to do that
cT: D --> It depends on how much resources I have
cT: D --> And, of course, if we meet
gA: Thank You Equius
gA: Ill Contact You If I Encounter Nepeta
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

And, so, there I was, leaning against a rock, pale jade tears staining my face and clothes, and incredible, unbelieveable pain jolting through my body. I had managed to get some cloth out and contain the wound, which was hard with the shaking of my hands, but I managed too. I wanted to desperately move on, find someone else who could help me. I would gladly see Equius, if it meant help. It wasn't a very big part of my leg missing, just from the ankle down, but it completely shot my chances of victory against some random creature that might want a serving or two of Troll meat.

I placed my hand on the next rock, and hesitantly hopped forward, biting down hard when a torrent of pain erupted. I checked Trollian once more, and saw that no one new had come on. I looked ahead, trying to see if there were more supports for me, and if anything could potentially hurt me more. This would be a long journey.

I don't think I'm doing a very good job on most of the trolls... :c

[Megafire]

I am loving Wizardstuck and Kcutsemoh definitely looks interesting.

Keep up the good work!

[Summergale]

Even In Death

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TG: rose
TG: come on rose you need to keep your shit together
TT: And I am. It is being perfectly kept together.
TG: bullshit its been three goddamn months and you havent even left your house
TG: nevermind leaving your land
TT: I am fine. I have never been better.
TG: come on thats a lie and we both know it
TG: just
TG: im worried about you okay

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] has ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

You're okay. Dave's wrong. You're fine. John's not dead.

After all, you hear him. You see him. Look, there he is, sitting on the edge of your windowsill. You sit on the other side of that window and talk to him. It's so nice to talk.
"Hello John," you say. "How are you?"
I'm fine, he replies casually. His arms are folded behind his head and he's smiling, just like you always liked. Been flying around LOWAS a bit, talking to the salamanders. They're really cute once you get used to them!
Then he laughs that adorable dorky laugh of his, and you press a hand to the chilly glass. It's bright outside, and you admire the way the light plays through his hair. The way the technicolor rain spots and flecks his suit.

You decide to play your violin to him. Yes. He'll like that, you think. You pick up the violin and begin to play a song the two of you know, and smile as John begins to sing along. His voice isn't the best in the world, but it's his. It's unique. He never comes inside, but that's okay. Maybe he just likes the rain and sunlight outside. You know you used to like it too, but you don't feel like going outside much any more. And anyway, John's here. Why would you ever need to leave?

"I'll stay with you, if you like," you tell him. "I don't have to leave."
You lower the violin and put it down, and John opens one eye as he stops singing. Sure, okay! he says with a laugh, before a frown flutters across his face. But doesn't Dave need you?
"Dave doesn't need me, John."

"I just need you."
I can stay.

You press yourself to the glass and whisper something, very quietly.
"[color=#b536da]I love you, John."

Author's Notes

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A redone version of my old fic on pretty much the same subject, mostly because I love the idea of an unhinged Rose and also the fact that I didn't like the old version as much. Also I love most of the older Evanescence songs, so uh... watch out I guess?

Anyway, Rose doesn't quite feel in-character here but I guess it's okay. I don't often do second person.

[ceruleanTresses]

I made some more Les Homestuckerables. Vriska is the Valjean. It's her.

Wh8t Have I Done?

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Wh8t have I done?
Oh Jegus, wh8t have I done?
I sta88ed him str8 through the heart,
I finished what I'd 8egun.
He was always so weak,
He was always too l8,
All I'd wanted to hear was the cry of his h8
Or may8e his pity, I don't even know!
Now he'll never 8e mine, my lover or my foe.

Was there another way to go?
If so, I guess I'll never know.
This was just a game that could never 8e won,
Had to throw down the dice when it stopped 8eing fun,
And I know that it had to 8e done.
Fuck, I know that it had to 8e done!

So why did I allow that 8oy
To touch my heart and fuck it up?
This death should feel like any other!
I've killed trolls 8efore
To s8 my mother.
So why should I 8e tearing up?
How can it 8e
That I feel sick for having killed
The 8oy who never h8ed me?

Take an eye for an eye!
Turn your heart into stone!
This is all I have lived for!
This is all I have knoooooooown!

I kissed him and I 8roke his 8ack.
I wanted red, I wanted 8lack.
I thought that ending him would free me!
I feel my guilt inside me like a knife.
So does this mean I have a soul?
That I am weak?
Am I—a killer all my life—
Just one more sentimental freak?

I am reaching, but I fall,
And the walls are closing in,
And I cannot rid my mind
Of the memory of his grin.
I can't take this anymore.
Think I need to talk to John.
The Page of 8reath is gone for good.
Now let another game 8egin!!!!!!!!

Original song. (Pleeeaaase listen to it while you read it cause otherwise it will look stupid. ))

[Megafire]

That was really good, again!

[Author]

I liked it.

And I was there for the last line to be created.
UnfortunatelyAwesomely, throughout that time I ended up:

A.) Co-writing a Reboot of Blood And Bloodlines
B.) Getting Three Fic Ideas
C.) RPing the Trolls and Kids playing D&D.

Heh. Tavros burned Karkat so hard.

I suppose a transcript of our RP is in order.

FUCKHEADS and Dragons

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-- You begin Viewing the memo Dungeons And Dragons RIGHT NOW --
TG: okay karkat what the fuck
TG: you killed the guy who was giving us the quest
CG: MY CHARACTER HAS A SUBPLOT WHERE HE HATES ALL MAGES.
EB: karkat jades a mage.
CG: EXCEPT JADE.
CG: ANYWAY THAT GUY WAS AN ASSHOLE.
GG: karkat he just asked us to go retrieve a phoenix egg!
GG: and we were going that way anyways!
CG: YEAH WELL, WHO IS HE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I'M THE FUCKING LEADER AND I SAY WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY FUCKING PHOENIX EGGS FOR ANY FUCKING USELESS ASSHOLES WHO CAN'T DO ANYTHING FOR THEMSELVES.
EB: karkat this isn't even sburb!
EB: This is DND! Youre suppose to do things for useless assholes!
CG: YEAH WELL, WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT THAT HE NEEDED THE PHOENIX END FOR A SPELL TO SET EVERYONE ON FIRE OR SOMETHING? THEN WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
CG: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WOULD DO.
TT: use our spells to take the phoenix back?
AG: Steal it 8ack?
CG: YOU WOULD HAND THE EGG OVER WITH A STUPID BUCKTOOTHED GRIN AND THEN YOU WOULD BE ON FIRE.
AT: oR YOU KNOW
AT: yOU COULD ALWAYS, uHHH LISTEN TO YOUR DUNGEONMASTER.
CG: YOUR CHARACTERS ARE MY CHARACTER'S FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY AND I AM NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES WITH QUESTS FROM RANDOM HOBOS.
AT: hE WAS KIND OF, uHHH AN UNIMPORTANT NPC
AT: aLSO THE GUARDS HAVE NOTICED THAT KARKATTIUS HAS, uHHH KILLED TWELVE PEOPLE,
AT: aLL UNDER THE PREMISE OF, uHHH THEY WERE MAGES.
CG: FUCK YOU, I TOLD YOU I WAS STEALTHING!
TG: fuck this Stevicus leaves.
CG: OH THANK GOD, THE NOOKSNIFFER OF TIME IS GONE.
AT: uHHH, hE MEANT IN THE GAME,
AT: hE'S, uHHH STILL HERE.
GG: you know karkat, Emerald doesn't like killing! :(
CG: YEAH I KNOW THAT. I WAS JUST PRETENDING I THOUGHT HE WAS GONE SO HE WOULD KNOW I STILL HATE HIM WHEN HIS BACK IS TURNED.
GG: It even says so on her character sheet!
CG: UH
CG: WELL UM
CG: KARKATTIUS DECIDES HE HAS KILLED ENOUGH MAGES TO COMPLETE HIS QUEST OF VENGEANCE.
AT: uHHHH KARKATTIUS IS REVEALED TO BE A, uHHH TOTAL PUSHOVER
AT: aND ALSO, uHHH WHIPPED.
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOUR HORNS ARE STUPID.
TG: dude you just got fucking owned by tavros
TG: TAVROS
AT: hEY RUFIO SAYS MY HORNS ARE, uHHH REALLY IMPRESSIVE
CG: HE STOPPED KILLING MAGES BECAUSE HE WANTED TO, NOT BECAUSE EMERALD SAID SO.
CG: RUFIO DOESN'T EXIST AND NOW YOU ARE EVEN MORE OF A TOOL FOR PRETENDING HE IS.
EB: karkat we're buddies right????????
CG: YEAH, FUCKASS, WE'RE BUDDIES.
EB: well i think you should stop making fun of tavros!
EB: he doesn't seem to enjoy it!
CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR DERPY FACE.
GA: I Believe Eridan Would Love To See That Karkat
GA: He Might Even Bring His Own Bucket
CG: ...I THINK I'M GOING TO VOMIT NOW, WHAT IS EVEN WRONG WITH YOU.
TG: and then he'd be all 'like fuck it'
TG: and try and join in, be all out of place
TG: he'd get all the fuck up right in your damn face
TG: And then he'd sit back and enjoy the show
CG: THIS IS SO AWFUL.
TG: He'd be all like "Damn karkat, you should take it so slow
CG: ALL OF YOU ARE SO AWFUL.
TG: But he's watching intently
TG: And I'm in a bentley
CG: WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN LISTENING TO HERE?!
TG: And Karkat found his bucket once more y'know?
GA: Dave That Was The Worst Rap
GA: Of All Time
CG: YOU HITTING ON ME STRIDER?
TT: I am inclined to agree with Kanaya here, Dave.
CG: IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
TG: sorry i dont swing that way
CG: WANT ME TO POLISH UP MY BULGE FOR YOU?
TG: fuck i dont even use that swing
TG: not really but eridan would watch that as well
TG: hed be all over your creepy bulge polishing shit
CG: LOOK HIS ISSUES ARE REALLY MORE EMOTIONAL THAN SEXUAL AND I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE IT AT THAT.
TG: sure whatever bro
TG: anyways Stevicus stabs Karpussicus in the fucking face
TG: natural twenty
CG: KARKATTIUS KICKS STEVICUS IN THE BALLNUTS OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE.
AT: uHHH KARKATTIUS IS FACE STABBED
AT: kARKAT HE ROLLED, uHHH PERFECTLY
AT: yOU CAN'T RESPOND IMMEDIATELY
AT: bECAUSE YOUR FACE IS KIND OF, uHHH
CG: WELL THAT'S WHAT HE DOES ON HIS TURN.
AT: sTABBED
CG: AND ANYWAY
GG: emerald holds karkattius in her arms!
GG: sobbing quietly over her friend's injury!
CG: I THINK HE JUST TURNED BACK TIME AND REROLLED THE DICE UNTIL HE GOT A TWENTY.
CG: UM.
CG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S OKAY. KARKATTIUS IS FACE STABBED.
GG: She gently touches karkattius face, trying to heal it with her power!
CG: KARKATTIUS SAYS, DON'T WORRY EMERALD, I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS.
AT: uHHHH EMERALD HEALS KARKATTIUS WITH HER, uMMM DRUIDIC POWERS.
TG: and then i stab him in the bone bulge.
GA: Dave You Are Going A Bit Far Now
GA: This Really Isnt Necessary
CG: I AM GOING TO RIP HIS SACKBALLS OFF AND SHOVE THEM IN HIS NOOK.
GA: Who Exactly Are You Trying To Impress Anyways
TG: nobody
TG: its just that karkats getting really worked up about this
CG: YEAH DOUCHEFACE, YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO MAKE JADE SWOON AND FALL INTO YOUR FUCKING BAD BOY ARMS?
TG: and its really fucking funny
AT: uMMM, A DRAGON APPEARS OVERHEAD
CG: OH FUCK YES.
CG: KARKATTIUS KILLS IT.
AT: uMMM, yOU NEED TO ROLL FOR THAT KARKAT.
GG: i thought i explained the rules to you karkat!! </3
GA: Oh My Karkat It Appears That Jade Has Harumphed At You
GA: Whatever Shall You Do
CG: MY CHARACTER HAS A FUCKING AWESOME BASE ATTACK BONUS, ASSHOLE MASTER. IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GONNA MISS.
AT: iTS ACTUALLY, uHHH DUNGEON MASTER
AT: aND uMMM TEN ISNT EXACTLY GREAT
CG: WHATEVER YOU SAY, DUNGEON FUCKER.
AT: dAVES CHARACTER HAS TWENTY FIVE BASE
AT: jOHNS HAS THIRTY TWO
CG: WELL DAVE'S CHARACTER IS FUCKING AWFUL AND SO IS HE.
CG: HE DOESN"T EVEN HAVE ANY RANKS IN LEADERSHIP, WHEREAS I HAVE ALL OF THE RANKS.
AG: ooooooooh 8ut karkat!!!!!!!!
AG: i have all of the ranks!
AG: all of them!!!!!!!!
CG: YOUR RANKS ARE IN STEALTH AND LOCKPICKING, SPIDERBITCH.
CG: I AM THE LEADER, AND A LEADER DOESN'T NEED TO BE ABLE TO HIT THINGS WITH A FUCKING SWORD TO BE EFFECTIVE.
GG: karkat what did i say about language???
GG: if you use it too much it stops being useful!!
GG: <3
CG: A LEADER COMMANDS HIS F--UM, HIS TROOPS TO VICTORY.
AT: wELL KARKATTIUS, uHHH MISSES
AT: sORRY KARKAT.
CG: THE TROOPS ARE INDIVIDUALLY USELESS, BUT UNDER THE LEADER'S MASTERFUL GUIDANCE THEY BECOME AN ELITE FORCE THAT JUST FUCKS EVERYTHING UP ALL THE TIME.
CG: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU AND FUCK THESE DICE.
AT: iTS JUST THE LUCK OF THE DICE.
CG: WHY ARE WE EVEN USING THE FLUORITE OCTET.
TG: because john wanted to play dungeons and dragons
TG: and vriska has all the fucking dice
CG: WELL WE COULD HAVE ALCHEMIZED SOME DICE THAT AREN'T SHIT.
AG: karkat my dice are not shit!!!!!!!!
AG: 8ut your luck sure is! ::::)

Yeah. That took the better part of an hour to colorcode and put in here. And it's now 3:28 AM. I'm gonna go to sleep now... >>

I was John, Jade, Dave, Kanaya, Vriska, and Tavros. Cerulean was Karkat. But she played him better then I played all of them COMBINED.

[Rebbe]

@Author -- this made me laugh so incredibly hard, I do not even.

[lucidSeraph]

@battlerek: Thread over guys, best fic ever

@Author: OMFasj DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS

[KarneWarrior]

The canon players on Pesterchum have to actually make that hapen. Because that was SO FUCKING PERFECT.

[ceruleanTresses]

I suppose a transcript of our RP is in order.

FUCKHEADS and Dragons

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- You begin Viewing the memo Dungeons And Dragons RIGHT NOW --
TG: okay karkat what the fuck
TG: you killed the guy who was giving us the quest
CG: MY CHARACTER HAS A SUBPLOT WHERE HE HATES ALL MAGES.
EB: karkat jades a mage.
CG: EXCEPT JADE.
CG: ANYWAY THAT GUY WAS AN ASSHOLE.
GG: karkat he just asked us to go retrieve a phoenix egg!
GG: and we were going that way anyways!
CG: YEAH WELL, WHO IS HE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I'M THE FUCKING LEADER AND I SAY WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY FUCKING PHOENIX EGGS FOR ANY FUCKING USELESS ASSHOLES WHO CAN'T DO ANYTHING FOR THEMSELVES.
EB: karkat this isn't even sburb!
EB: This is DND! Youre suppose to do things for useless assholes!
CG: YEAH WELL, WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT THAT HE NEEDED THE PHOENIX END FOR A SPELL TO SET EVERYONE ON FIRE OR SOMETHING? THEN WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
CG: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WOULD DO.
TT: use our spells to take the phoenix back?
AG: Steal it 8ack?
CG: YOU WOULD HAND THE EGG OVER WITH A STUPID BUCKTOOTHED GRIN AND THEN YOU WOULD BE ON FIRE.
AT: oR YOU KNOW
AT: yOU COULD ALWAYS, uHHH LISTEN TO YOUR DUNGEONMASTER.
CG: YOUR CHARACTERS ARE MY CHARACTER'S FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY AND I AM NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES WITH QUESTS FROM RANDOM HOBOS.
AT: hE WAS KIND OF, uHHH AN UNIMPORTANT NPC
AT: aLSO THE GUARDS HAVE NOTICED THAT KARKATTIUS HAS, uHHH KILLED TWELVE PEOPLE,
AT: aLL UNDER THE PREMISE OF, uHHH THEY WERE MAGES.
CG: FUCK YOU, I TOLD YOU I WAS STEALTHING!
TG: fuck this Stevicus leaves.
CG: OH THANK GOD, THE NOOKSNIFFER OF TIME IS GONE.
AT: uHHH, hE MEANT IN THE GAME,
AT: hE'S, uHHH STILL HERE.
GG: you know karkat, Emerald doesn't like killing!
CG: YEAH I KNOW THAT. I WAS JUST PRETENDING I THOUGHT HE WAS GONE SO HE WOULD KNOW I STILL HATE HIM WHEN HIS BACK IS TURNED.
GG: It even says so on her character sheet!
CG: UH
CG: WELL UM
CG: KARKATTIUS DECIDES HE HAS KILLED ENOUGH MAGES TO COMPLETE HIS QUEST OF VENGEANCE.
AT: uHHHH KARKATTIUS IS REVEALED TO BE A, uHHH TOTAL PUSHOVER
AT: aND ALSO, uHHH WHIPPED.
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOUR HORNS ARE STUPID.
TG: dude you just got fucking owned by tavros
TG: TAVROS
AT: hEY RUFIO SAYS MY HORNS ARE, uHHH REALLY IMPRESSIVE
CG: HE STOPPED KILLING MAGES BECAUSE HE WANTED TO, NOT BECAUSE EMERALD SAID SO.
CG: RUFIO DOESN'T EXIST AND NOW YOU ARE EVEN MORE OF A TOOL FOR PRETENDING HE IS.
EB: karkat we're buddies right????????
CG: YEAH, FUCKASS, WE'RE BUDDIES.
EB: well i think you should stop making fun of tavros!
EB: he doesn't seem to enjoy it!
CG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR DERPY FACE.
GA: I Believe Eridan Would Love To See That Karkat
GA: He Might Even Bring His Own Bucket
CG: ...I THINK I'M GOING TO VOMIT NOW, WHAT IS EVEN WRONG WITH YOU.
TG: and then he'd be all 'like fuck it'
TG: and try and join in, be all out of place
TG: he'd get all the fuck up right in your damn face
TG: And then he'd sit back and enjoy the show
CG: THIS IS SO AWFUL.
TG: He'd be all like "Damn karkat, you should take it so slow
CG: ALL OF YOU ARE SO AWFUL.
TG: But he's watching intently
TG: And I'm in a bentley
CG: WHAT THE FUCK AM I EVEN LISTENING TO HERE?!
TG: And Karkat found his bucket once more y'know?
GA: Dave That Was The Worst Rap
GA: Of All Time
CG: YOU HITTING ON ME STRIDER?
TT: I am inclined to agree with Kanaya here, Dave.
CG: IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?
TG: sorry i dont swing that way
CG: WANT ME TO POLISH UP MY BULGE FOR YOU?
TG: fuck i dont even use that swing
TG: not really but eridan would watch that as well
TG: hed be all over your creepy bulge polishing shit
CG: LOOK HIS ISSUES ARE REALLY MORE EMOTIONAL THAN SEXUAL AND I'M JUST GOING TO LEAVE IT AT THAT.
TG: sure whatever bro
TG: anyways Stevicus stabs Karpussicus in the fucking face
TG: natural twenty
CG: KARKATTIUS KICKS STEVICUS IN THE BALLNUTS OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU HAVE.
AT: uHHH KARKATTIUS IS FACE STABBED
AT: kARKAT HE ROLLED, uHHH PERFECTLY
AT: yOU CAN'T RESPOND IMMEDIATELY
AT: bECAUSE YOUR FACE IS KIND OF, uHHH
CG: WELL THAT'S WHAT HE DOES ON HIS TURN.
AT: sTABBED
CG: AND ANYWAY
GG: emerald holds karkattius in her arms!
GG: sobbing quietly over her friend's injury!
CG: I THINK HE JUST TURNED BACK TIME AND REROLLED THE DICE UNTIL HE GOT A TWENTY.
CG: UM.
CG: BUT I GUESS THAT'S OKAY. KARKATTIUS IS FACE STABBED.
GG: She gently touches karkattius face, trying to heal it with her power!
CG: KARKATTIUS SAYS, DON'T WORRY EMERALD, I'M GOING TO KICK HIS ASS.
AT: uHHHH EMERALD HEALS KARKATTIUS WITH HER, uMMM DRUIDIC POWERS.
TG: and then i stab him in the bone bulge.
GA: Dave You Are Going A Bit Far Now
GA: This Really Isnt Necessary
CG: I AM GOING TO RIP HIS SACKBALLS OFF AND SHOVE THEM IN HIS NOOK.
GA: Who Exactly Are You Trying To Impress Anyways
TG: nobody
TG: its just that karkats getting really worked up about this
CG: YEAH DOUCHEFACE, YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO MAKE JADE SWOON AND FALL INTO YOUR FUCKING BAD BOY ARMS?
TG: and its really fucking funny
AT: uMMM, A DRAGON APPEARS OVERHEAD
CG: OH FUCK YES.
CG: KARKATTIUS KILLS IT.
AT: uMMM, yOU NEED TO ROLL FOR THAT KARKAT.
GG: i thought i explained the rules to you karkat!! </3
GA: Oh My Karkat It Appears That Jade Has Harumphed At You
GA: Whatever Shall You Do
CG: MY CHARACTER HAS A FUCKING AWESOME BASE ATTACK BONUS, ASSHOLE MASTER. IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GONNA MISS.
AT: iTS ACTUALLY, uHHH DUNGEON MASTER
AT: aND uMMM TEN ISNT EXACTLY GREAT
CG: WHATEVER YOU SAY, DUNGEON FUCKER.
AT: dAVES CHARACTER HAS TWENTY FIVE BASE
AT: jOHNS HAS THIRTY TWO
CG: WELL DAVE'S CHARACTER IS FUCKING AWFUL AND SO IS HE.
CG: HE DOESN"T EVEN HAVE ANY RANKS IN LEADERSHIP, WHEREAS I HAVE ALL OF THE RANKS.
AG: ooooooooh 8ut karkat!!!!!!!!
AG: i have all of the ranks!
AG: all of them!!!!!!!!
CG: YOUR RANKS ARE IN STEALTH AND LOCKPICKING, SPIDERBITCH.
CG: I AM THE LEADER, AND A LEADER DOESN'T NEED TO BE ABLE TO HIT THINGS WITH A FUCKING SWORD TO BE EFFECTIVE.
GG: karkat what did i say about language???
GG: if you use it too much it stops being useful!!
GG:
CG: A LEADER COMMANDS HIS F--UM, HIS TROOPS TO VICTORY.
AT: wELL KARKATTIUS, uHHH MISSES
AT: sORRY KARKAT.
CG: THE TROOPS ARE INDIVIDUALLY USELESS, BUT UNDER THE LEADER'S MASTERFUL GUIDANCE THEY BECOME AN ELITE FORCE THAT JUST FUCKS EVERYTHING UP ALL THE TIME.
CG: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU AND FUCK THESE DICE.
AT: iTS JUST THE LUCK OF THE DICE.
CG: WHY ARE WE EVEN USING THE FLUORITE OCTET.
TG: because john wanted to play dungeons and dragons
TG: and vriska has all the fucking dice
CG: WELL WE COULD HAVE ALCHEMIZED SOME DICE THAT AREN'T SHIT.
AG: karkat my dice are not shit!!!!!!!!
AG: 8ut your luck sure is! :::

*Dies of embarrassment from having something she partially wrote put up in the thread without OBSESSIVELY PROOFREADING IT FOR HOURS*
Oh my god that was so much fun though. I am glad that it can be enjoyed by all.