MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Sporkaganza]

Fucking Wizardstuck, inspiring me to write Homestuck crossovers. FUCK, now there's no way I can't post this crossover-oneshot-which-may-become-something-regular.

SOSburb

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-- ultraDirector [UD] began pestering ordinaryHuman [OH] --

UD: HEY there KYON! :D
OH: hey haruhi, i guess it's tuesday, huh?
UD: WHAT are YOU talking ABOUT now?
OH: alternating caps and no caps for words... you do that on tuesdays
UD: SO you ARE observant FOR once!
UD: MAYBE eventually YOU'LL start SEEING things MY way AND stop BEING such A dumbass!
OH: yeah, whatever... it's just another one of those weird things you do, it's kind of hard not to notice that stuff...
UD: OH yeah RIGHT, you're JUST obsessed WITH me AND you KNOW it KYON!
UD: SO, you READY to PLAY this GAME then?? :DD
OH: you say it like i've already agreed...
OH: sigh
OH: there's no way i'm going to be able to say no to you, same as always.
OH: fine, we'll play... salisbury or whatever it's called
UD: IT'S called SOSBURB moron!!!
OH: sauceburb?
UD: no, STUPID! ess OH ess BURB!
OH: yeah yeah, that thing. so is it today then?
UD: YOU'D better BELIEVE it's TODAY, you DUNCE!
UD: HONESTLY, how THICK can YOU be?
UD: SO, i JUST called YOU here TO let YOU know that WE'RE starting!
UD: YOU know HOW the GAME works, RIGHT?
OH: it's the ring of server players thing, right?
OH: lemme guess... i'm gonna be your server player?
UD: OBVIOUSLY!
UD: DO you THINK i'd TRUST anyone ELSE with THIS much WORK?
UD: ER, i MEAN this MUCH responsibility?
OH: sigh
OH: yeah yeah, fine.
OH: you want me to go tell the rest we're starting this?
UD: ACTUALLY, i ALREADY told THEM all!
UD: SO anyway, I'M going TO go HAVE some BREAKFAST and TAKE a SHOWER,
UD: AND then LATER we CAN get STARTED!
OH: hey wait
UD: CYA!

-- ultraDirector [UD] ceased pestering ordinaryHuman [OH] --

OH: fuck. she's always too fast for me.

I'd do more but it's late and I'm tired and I did this totally spur-of-the-moment. But yeah, expect more later. I think I might make this a series of vignettes.

[battlerek]

@Jim- Another great update.

So since it's valentines I suppose it's a good time to post sappy romantic stuff.

Sincerety

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He was doing it to be ironic, he told himself. Sincerety is for unoriginal losers and idiots. When he went to the doll shop and bought the cutest doll he saw, that was ironic. When he did those favors for bro to get some money to buy that emerald-studded bracelet, he was being ironic. Swallowing his pride and asking Rose to make him sappy valentines card since he doesn't do sappy and romantic? Also ironic. Asking Jade if she'd like to spend the rest of the day with her while carrying a shitload of stupid romantic stuff? Embarassing, but still ironic.Watching that fucking godawful squiddles movie with a straight face? So ironic only certain breeds of dawgs could comprehend the irony.

"Thanks Dave. I had a great time today."

"Yeah. Me too, I guess."

"You didn't have to dump popcorn all over John when he was making that face though."

"Eh, the idiot deserved it."

They were sitting together on top of a hill overlooking the city. A lot of other couples were there too, but Dave didn't pay much attention to them. Fireworks were filling the night sky with red hearts, and the occasional spade if you looked hard enough. It was perfect, romantic, and most of all ironic. But Dave couldn't feel that something was missing...

"YOU KISS THAT GIRL RIGHT NOW!"

"What?"

"YOU KISS THAT GIRL RIGHT NOW MISTER!"

"...."

"DO IT! KISS THAT GIRL!"

"Hey Dave did you hear tha-"

He wrapped his arms around Jade and pressed his lips on hers. They spent a few seconds in each other's arms before he let go.

"Wow."

"Yeah."

Everything Dave did had an element of irony, he told himself. Sincerety after all, is for idiots. Right now he was probably the biggest idiot in the world.

And he couldn't be any happier.

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Happy valentines everyone.

[Ixelrod]

Karkat fiction is the greatest fiction.

[Decay]

LAAAAADIIIIIESS AND GENTLEMEN!!!!

BOOOOOYS AND GIIIIRLLLLLS!

CERULEANTRESSES AND AUTHOR PRESENT TO YOU

BLOOD AND BLOODLESS - Rebooted

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WELL, CHAPTER 12 OF BLOOD AND BLOODLESS WAS A PIECE OF SHIT, AS A RESULT OF BEING WRITTEN BY PAST ME, WHO IS ALSO A PIECE OF SHIT. SO KANAYA IS HELPING ME REBOOT IT.

GA: Karkat I Am Not Sure This Is The Best Idea
CG: SHUT UP, IT'LL BE AWESOME.

KARKATTIUS CRIMONSICKLE AUTHORITARIAT SLOWLY WALKED DOWN THE HALLWAY. ALL THE TROLLS TURNED TO STARE AT HIM, BECAUSE HE WAS JUST SO FUCKING COOL. HE WAS WEARING SUNGLASSES, BUT NOT THE KIND THAT STRIDER WEARS BECAUSE THOSE ARE DUMB. HIS SUNGLASSES CHANGED COLOR AND SHIT, AND HAD SPIKES ON THEM. Kanayarian Leftwinged The Third Passed By Karkattius. She Did Not Approve Of His Sunglasses Because Equius Wore The Same Pair.

CG: KANAYA, THEY ARE NOT STRONGTARD'S FUCKING SUNGLASSES!
GA: You Said You Wanted Me To Help You Write It
GA: That Is What I Am Doing
GA: Helping
CG: THEY ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM SWEATYFUCK'S SUNGLASSES.
CG: Not Really Karkat
CG: HIS SUNGLASSES ARE STUPID SUNGLASSES AND THEY ARE MADE OF SHIT.
GA: I Do Not Agree Karkat
GA: Nepeta Claims That Equius Wears Them Very Daintily
CG: JESUS KANAYA NO, LOOK.
CG: SWEATQUIUS'S GLASSES HAVE SQUARE LENSES, AND ARE FULL OF CRACKS, AND ARE BASICALLY AWFUL IN EVERY WAY.
GA: And Yours Also Do Not Look Like The Ones Belonging To
GA: That Bro Strider Always Speaks of
GA: Clearly They Are Much Different
GA: They Are Not Similar In Any Way Whatsoever Correct
CG: KANAYA, SERIOUSLY, I SAID THEY HAVE SPIKES AND CHANGE COLOR.
CG: THEY ARE JUST THE MOST BADASS SUNGLASSES, OKAY?
GA: Obviously
GA: It Is Not Like You Stole The Captchalogue Code From Striders Old Sunglasses
GA: And I Most Certainly Did Not See You Do That
GA: Because That Never Happened
CG: DAMN STRAIGHT.

SO ANYWAY KARKATTIUS KIND OF GAVE KANAYARIAN A DISMISSIVE YET INTRIGUED GLANCE. HE WASN'T GOING TO BE ALL GAPING LIKE A MOONSTRUCK WIGGLER JUST BECAUSE KANAYARIAN WAS LESS RETARDED THAN THE OTHER TROLLS. HE WAS A TOTAL BADASS, AND BADASSES DON'T WEAR FUCKING DIAMONDS ON THEIR SLEEVES. Kanayarian Leftwing The Third Was Usually Alone At School Because She Did Not Approve Of Karkattius Abominable Blood Color.

CG: OKAY CAN WE NOT GO THERE.
GA: I Am Sorry Karkat
GA: I Thought We Were Roleplaying
GA: Like What Vriska And Nepeta Do
CG: WE ARE, JUST IF WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT HIS BLOOD COLOR THEN LET'S FOCUS ON HOW IT MAKES HIM IMMUNE TO VAMPIRES.
CG: I MEAN I GET THAT IT'S JUST A STORY, BUT I'M PRETTY SENSITIVE ABOUT THAT.
GA: I Am Really Truly Sorry
GA: I Will Get A Notorized Letter And Everything
GA: If Only To Apologize To You For What I Had My Character Say In The Story
CG: I CAN'T TELL WHETHER YOU'RE BEING SARCASTIC.
GA: Sorry
GA: It Happens When I Show Emotion Sometimes
GA: I Blame Those Movies You Forced Me To Watch
GA: Why Exactly Did The Troll Always Get The Other Troll Anyways
CG: BECAUSE THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT!
GA: But It Made No Sense
CG: YOU JUST DON'T GET THE NUANCES.
CG: THE PROTAGONISTS HAVE TO FILL THEIR QUADRANTS BECAUSE IT'S FATED.
GA: What About The Movie Where The One Troll Did Risque Things With Many Other Trolls
GA: And The Other Trolls Always Found Matesprits Afterwards
GA: And It Was Because Of Mind Trickery
CG: OKAY, YES, BUT THAT ONE WAS EXPLORING ALL THE SUBTLETIES OF COURTSHIP.
GA: I Still Felt Awkward Watching That With You
GA: They Showed So Many Risque Objects
CG: I'LL ADMIT THAT THE PAIL SHOT WAS A BIT MUCH.
CG: BUT THEY WERE GOING FOR REALISM.
GA: I Understand That But It Was Truly Unnecessary
CG: NOTHING ABOUT MY ROMCOMS IS UNNECESSARY. THEY ARE METICULOUSLY CRAFTED EXPLORATIONS OF THE TROLL PSYCHE AND THEY ARE FUCKING AWESOME.
GA: I Also Dont Understand Why You Demanded Eridan Watch It As Well
GA: You Were Just Encouraging Him
CG: ERIDAN NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO FUCKING INTERPRET SOCIAL CUES.
CG: THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN A GOOD ROMCOM FOR EDUCATING THE ROMANTICALLY RETARDED.
GA: But You Also Showed Him A Movie Where The Main Character Was Oblivious To Everyones Needs
GA: Except Those Of The Object Of His Flushed Affections
GA: What If He Used That Character As A Role Model Karkat
GA: What Would You Do
CG: OKAY, THAT WAS MAYBE NOT THE BEST CHOICE OF MOVIES...
GA: But This Is Completely Beside The Point

Kanayarian Had A Secret That She Did Not Want Others To Know About. She Had Many Such Secrets, But This Was The Most Secretive Of Them, And She Particularly Did Not Want The Manly Karkattius To Discover It. KARKATTIUS COULD TELL THAT KANAYARIAN WAS BEING SECRETIVE, BECAUSE HE WAS INCREDIBLY PERCEPTIVE. BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS, WHICH WAS UNUSUAL FOR HIM BECAUSE HE USUALLY KNEW ANYTHING HE WANTED TO KNOW. NORMALLY IF SOMEONE TRIED TO KEEP A SECRET FROM KARKATTIUS, HE WOULD JUST REMOVE HIS SUNGLASSES AND GIVE THEM A GLOWERING GLARE WHILE RUNNING HIS FINGER ALONG THE BLADE OF THE LACRYMOSE CRESCENT OF WAXING RETRIBUTION. But Kanayarian Was Far Too Strongwilled To Succumb To Karkattiuss Glare. AND HE WOULDN'T DO THAT TO HER ANYWAY BECAUSE HE HAD MORE RESPECT FOR HER THAN THAT. Kanayarian The Leftwinged Quickly Departed From The Hallway Of Corridorlikeness, Making Her Way Swiftly Towards Her Secret Place Of Secretive Secrets.

GA: Karkat Why Do You Keep Adding Punctuation To My Parts
GA: Its Disrespectful
CG: KANAYA, YOU'RE MY MORAIL AND I CARE ABOUT YOU, BUT YOUR QUIRK IS FUCKING AWFUL FOR PROSE.

KARKATTIUS TURNED INVISIBLE, BECAUSE HE COULD DO THAT, AND FOLLOWED HER SILENTLY. Kanayarian Did Not Notice Karkattius, Because She Could Not Sense Invisible People. But She Could Sense A Soul Of True Charisma Following Her. She Walked Quickly To Her Secret Place With Secrets In It, And Gently Touched A Picture Of A Boy That Had Been Taken Hundred Of Years Before, Wondering Why Nobody Had Ever Come To Take His Place KARKATTIUS OBSERVED WHILE LEANING INVISIBLY AGAINST A PILLAR, LOOKING FUCKING BADASS, OR AT LEAST HE WOULD HAVE IF HE WEREN'T INVISIBLE. HE WAS WEARING A LEATHER JACKET.

GA: Karkat
GA: Kanayarian Cant Even See Karkattius
GA: Why Does He Need A Leather Jacket
CG: HE WAS WEARING THE LEATHER JACKET BEFORE HE TURNED INVISIBLE.
CG: IT IS PART OF HIS FUCKING AWESOME ENSEMBLE AS THE THRESHECUTIONER GENERAL.
CG: I THOUGHT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD APPRECIATE MY USE OF FASHION HERE.
GA: Okay Fine

Kanayarian Whispered To Herself Where Have You Gone Orphaner What Will You Do She Quietly Sobbed To The Picture Because It Made Her Very Sad That She Had Not Seen Her Friend For So Long

CG: HAHAHA ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
CG: ERIDAN'S GODAWFUL FUCKSTUPID FLARP ELF?
GA: Karkat
GA: If You Are Going To Make Fun Of Eridans Roleplaying
GA: I Feel Obliged To Remind You That Were Writing Fanfiction About You And Your Obsession With Trollight
CG: OKAY FIRST OF ALL.
CG: YOU ARE TOTALLY NOT GIVING ME ENOUGH FUCKING CREDIT HERE.
CG: TROLLIGHT IS A BRILLIANT EXPLORATION OF THE COMPLEX DYNAMICS OF SUPERNATURAL INTERSPECIES ROMANCE.
CG: AND THIS ISN'T FANFICTION. THIS IS
CG: UM.
CG: A FURTHER EXPLORATION OF THE TROLLIGHT UNIVERSE, BUT IN A COMPLETELY ORIGINAL WAY WITH OUR OWN FUCKING AWESOME CHARACTERS.
GA: So Its Fanfiction
CG: GODDAMMIT NO IT'S NOT, SHUT UP!
GA: Alright

ANYWAY KARKATTIUS COULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE KANAYARIAN WAS PINING AFTER ORPHANER DUALSHIT, BECAUSE DOUCHESCAR IS JUST THE WORST CHARACTER EVER. HE HAS NO FUCKING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. ALL HE DOES IS GO AROUND DRESSED IN A RIDICULOUS OUTFIT AND MAKE UP COOL POWERS TO HAVE. Kanayarian Shivered Slightly In The Cold She Said I Know You Are There Karkattius. KARKATTIUS SAID, "I KNOW YOU KNOW,” BECAUSE NOTHING EVER TOOK HIM BY SURPRISE. HE HAD BEEN EXPECTING THIS ALL ALONG. HE STOPPED BEING INVISIBLE, WITH THIS REALLY COOL VISUAL RIPPLING EFFECT. Kanayarian Wondered How Karkattius Knew Because He Was Invisible And She Thought That Rainbow Drinkers Could Only Have One Ability.

CG: KANAYA, WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS.
CG: KARKATTIUS ISN'T A RAINBOW DRINKER.
CG: KARKATTIUS IS LIKE THE ANTITHESIS OF A RAINBOW DRINKER BECAUSE OF HIS BLOOD.
CG: RAINBOW DRINKERS CAN'T DRINK IT, WHICH IS WHY KARKATTIUS CAN GO AMONG THEM FREELY.
CG: AND IT IS ALSO WHY HE IS UNIQUELY SUITED TO LEAD THEM, BRINGING DISPARATE FACTIONS TOGETHER TO COOPERATE TOWARD A COMMON GOAL.
CG: AND HE CAN HAVE AS MANY POWERS AS HE WANTS, BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING AWESOME.
GA: Oh
GA: I Think I Understand Now
GA: Let Me Change That Last Sentence Then

Kanayarian Wondered How Karkattius Knew Because Even The Most Amazing Of All Threshecutioners Only Spoke Of A Few Powers That He Held In His Possession. KARKATTIUS WOULD NEVER TELL HER BECAUSE HE IS TOO BADASS. BUT HE KNEW, SECRETLY, THAT HE HADN'T ACTUALLY USED A POWER THIS TIME. HE WAS JUST SO FUCKING PERCEPTIVE. Kanayarian Glanced At Karkattius, Asking Him Politely To Leave Her Secret Place. If You Know That, Then You Know This Is The Only Place Where I Can Be Alone She Says. KKARKATTIUS DIDN'T LEAVE BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT WHAT KANAYARIAN REALLY WANTED WAS FOR HIM TO STAY, EVEN IF SHE COULDN'T ADMIT IT TO HERSELF. Kanayarian Turned Around Slowly, And Ran Toward Karkattius Clinging To Him And Crying Jade Colored Tears

GA: Karkat This Feels Really Weird
GA: Were Morails
GA: And Its Awkward To Write Things Like That
CG: JEGUS, KANAYA! GROSS!
CG: I THOUGHT THAT WAS MEANT AS A PALE INTERACTION!
GA: It Didnt Seem Pale
CG: WHO SAYS HUGGING CAN'T BE PALE?
GA: Erm
GA: Everything Ive Read
GA: Your Romantic Comedies
CG: OKAY FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WROTE IT.
CG: SECOND, I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LET YOU HUG ME IF YOU WERE UPSET, WHAT KIND OF FUCKING MORAIL DO YOU THINK I AM.
CG: THIRDLY, YOU ARE COMPLETELY OVERSIMPLIFYING THE ROMCOMS.
CG: LET ME EXPLAIN AGAIN.
GA: No It Is Perfectly Fine
CG: THE ROMCOMS ARE BRILLIANT EXPLORATIONS—AND SOMETIMES SENDUPS—OF ROMANCE IN ALL QUADRANTS.
CG: MOIRALLEGIANCE INCLUDED.
CG: THEY SKILLFULLY HANDLE THE COMPLEX INTERACTIONS BETWEEN THEM.
GA: Alright
GA: Wait But If Karkattius Is Now Morails With Kanayarian
GA: What About Jacob
CG: THIS IS A REBOOT, REMEMBER?
GA: Oh Yes
GA: Sorry
CG: HE IS NOT MORAILS WITH JACOB BECAUSE JACOB IS STUPID.
CG: THERE IS NO REAL DEPTH TO HIS CHARACTER AND HE BASICALLY EXISTS ONLY TO CREATE CONFLICT, SO FUCK HIM.
CG: BESIDES
CG: THAT WAS THE WRONG END OF THE DIAMOND FOR KARKATTIUS.
CG: KARKATTIUS IS TALENTED AS SHIT AT PSYCHOLOGY, BUT HE IS ALSO A BADASS.
CG: A VIOLENT WARFARING BADASS WHO ISN'T AFRAID TO GET HIS SICKLE BLOODY.
GA: Very Well
GA: What Do You Have Karkattius Do Then

KARKATTIUS STROKES KANAYARIAN'S HAIR IN A REALLY BADASS AND MANLY WAY, OFFERING SUPPORT WITHOUT COMPROMISING HIS STOICALNESS.

AT: hEY, uHH, kARKAT, wHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE...
AT: bECAUSE, uHH, IT LOOKS REALLY ODD FROM OVER HERE,
AT: yOU'RE KIND OF, uHH, LEANING OVER A BOOK WITH kANAYA,
AT: aND, sCRIBBLING IN IT,
CG: TAVROS, GO FALL DOWN SOME FUCKING STAIRS OR SOMETHING.
CG: MAYBE YOU'LL BREAK YOUR GODAWFUL HORNS OFF IN THE PROCESS.
CG: BUT OH WAIT, THAT WON'T DO ANY GOOD.
CG: BECAUSE IT WON'T MAKE YOU ANY LESS STUPID.
AT: i DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE,
AT: i THINK I'VE FINALLY, uHH, mASTERED THE NUANCES OF THE STAIRS,
CG: GOOD, THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO WALK UP AND DOWN THEM FOR A FEW HOURS AND LEAVE US ALONE.
GA: wELL, uHH, rUFIO SAYS PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT,
AT: sO i WILL, uHH, gO DO THAT,
GA: Karkat That Was Rather Mean
GA: He Just Asked A Question Of You
CG: WELL, HE SHOULDN'T BE BUTTING IN.
CG: STICKING HIS GREAT BIG STUPID HORNS, WHICH ARE WAY WORSE THAN MY HORNS, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR AWESOME WRITING SESSION.
CG: BUT UGH, FINE. I GUESS I CAN LAY OFF HIM A LITTLE BIT.

Kanayarian Sobbed A Bit Into Karkattius, And Then Looked Up At Him Her Eyes Still Shimmering With Jade Colored Tears, Thank You Karkattius I Have Felt So Alone For So Long But With You I Feel Like I Finally Have Somebody To Talk To. KARKATTIUS SAID, "YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN." Never She Asked? "NEVER,” KARKATTIUS CONFIRMED. “I AM HERE TO PROTECT AND GUIDE YOU, BECAUSE I AM MANLY AND BADASS."

CG: OK, LET'S STOP THERE. I WANT TO END IT ON A HIGH NOTE.
GA: That Story Didnt Really Have Much In The Way Of Genuine Conflict
GA: And I Dont Think It Was Very Well Paced
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING.

So, that was basically the best thing ever written.

[apocalypticCritic]

I think I've seen more cross overs start in this thread than in any others.

Fanfiction V will be forever known as the Cross-Over Fanfic thread. And also Problem Sleuth.

Now someone needs to combine the two and make ProblemStuck.

[Path]

SOSburb

I love you for this. As you can see I have wanted the same thing for awhile.

@Jim: I love how Problem Sleuth's idea of useless doesn't match ours. "Oh, he actually is a Sburbian veteran? A highly respected one? Mobster Kingpin would have been a Prospitian, that's true!" and he's just yawwwwning and walking straight into another, dare I call it, Path trap. I'm saying he's about to get chrono-drubbed, is what I'm saying.

Oh good word, am I becoming a household name? Ahem, hem hem, I have no idea what you're talking about. Pathtrap indeed.

...*chronodrubbings ensue*

[ceruleanTresses]

BLOOD AND BLOODLESS - Rebooted

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WELL, CHAPTER 12 OF BLOOD AND BLOODLESS WAS A PIECE OF SHIT, AS A RESULT OF BEING WRITTEN BY PAST ME, WHO IS ALSO A PIECE OF SHIT. SO KANAYA IS HELPING ME REBOOT IT.

GA: Karkat I Am Not Sure This Is The Best Idea
CG: SHUT UP, IT'LL BE AWESOME.

KARKATTIUS CRIMONSICKLE AUTHORITARIAT SLOWLY WALKED DOWN THE HALLWAY. ALL THE TROLLS TURNED TO STARE AT HIM, BECAUSE HE WAS JUST SO FUCKING COOL. HE WAS WEARING SUNGLASSES, BUT NOT THE KIND THAT STRIDER WEARS BECAUSE THOSE ARE DUMB. HIS SUNGLASSES CHANGED COLOR AND SHIT, AND HAD SPIKES ON THEM. Kanayarian Leftwinged The Third Passed By Karkattius. She Did Not Approve Of His Sunglasses Because Equius Wore The Same Pair.

CG: KANAYA, THEY ARE NOT STRONGTARD'S FUCKING SUNGLASSES!
GA: You Said You Wanted Me To Help You Write It
GA: That Is What I Am Doing
GA: Helping
CG: THEY ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM SWEATYFUCK'S SUNGLASSES.
CG: Not Really Karkat
CG: HIS SUNGLASSES ARE STUPID SUNGLASSES AND THEY ARE MADE OF SHIT.
GA: I Do Not Agree Karkat
GA: Nepeta Claims That Equius Wears Them Very Daintily
CG: JESUS KANAYA NO, LOOK.
CG: SWEATQUIUS'S GLASSES HAVE SQUARE LENSES, AND ARE FULL OF CRACKS, AND ARE BASICALLY AWFUL IN EVERY WAY.
GA: And Yours Also Do Not Look Like The Ones Belonging To
GA: That Bro Strider Always Speaks of
GA: Clearly They Are Much Different
GA: They Are Not Similar In Any Way Whatsoever Correct
CG: KANAYA, SERIOUSLY, I SAID THEY HAVE SPIKES AND CHANGE COLOR.
CG: THEY ARE JUST THE MOST BADASS SUNGLASSES, OKAY?
GA: Obviously
GA: It Is Not Like You Stole The Captchalogue Code From Striders Old Sunglasses
GA: And I Most Certainly Did Not See You Do That
GA: Because That Never Happened
CG: DAMN STRAIGHT.

SO ANYWAY KARKATTIUS KIND OF GAVE KANAYARIAN A DISMISSIVE YET INTRIGUED GLANCE. HE WASN'T GOING TO BE ALL GAPING LIKE A MOONSTRUCK WIGGLER JUST BECAUSE KANAYARIAN WAS LESS RETARDED THAN THE OTHER TROLLS. HE WAS A TOTAL BADASS, AND BADASSES DON'T WEAR FUCKING DIAMONDS ON THEIR SLEEVES. Kanayarian Leftwing The Third Was Usually Alone At School Because She Did Not Approve Of Karkattius Abominable Blood Color.

CG: OKAY CAN WE NOT GO THERE.
GA: I Am Sorry Karkat
GA: I Thought We Were Roleplaying
GA: Like What Vriska And Nepeta Do
CG: WE ARE, JUST IF WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT HIS BLOOD COLOR THEN LET'S FOCUS ON HOW IT MAKES HIM IMMUNE TO VAMPIRES.
CG: I MEAN I GET THAT IT'S JUST A STORY, BUT I'M PRETTY SENSITIVE ABOUT THAT.
GA: I Am Really Truly Sorry
GA: I Will Get A Notorized Letter And Everything
GA: If Only To Apologize To You For What I Had My Character Say In The Story
CG: I CAN'T TELL WHETHER YOU'RE BEING SARCASTIC.
GA: Sorry
GA: It Happens When I Show Emotion Sometimes
GA: I Blame Those Movies You Forced Me To Watch
GA: Why Exactly Did The Troll Always Get The Other Troll Anyways
CG: BECAUSE THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT!
GA: But It Made No Sense
CG: YOU JUST DON'T GET THE NUANCES.
CG: THE PROTAGONISTS HAVE TO FILL THEIR QUADRANTS BECAUSE IT'S FATED.
GA: What About The Movie Where The One Troll Did Risque Things With Many Other Trolls
GA: And The Other Trolls Always Found Matesprits Afterwards
GA: And It Was Because Of Mind Trickery
CG: OKAY, YES, BUT THAT ONE WAS EXPLORING ALL THE SUBTLETIES OF COURTSHIP.
GA: I Still Felt Awkward Watching That With You
GA: They Showed So Many Risque Objects
CG: I'LL ADMIT THAT THE PAIL SHOT WAS A BIT MUCH.
CG: BUT THEY WERE GOING FOR REALISM.
GA: I Understand That But It Was Truly Unnecessary
CG: NOTHING ABOUT MY ROMCOMS IS UNNECESSARY. THEY ARE METICULOUSLY CRAFTED EXPLORATIONS OF THE TROLL PSYCHE AND THEY ARE FUCKING AWESOME.
GA: I Also Dont Understand Why You Demanded Eridan Watch It As Well
GA: You Were Just Encouraging Him
CG: ERIDAN NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO FUCKING INTERPRET SOCIAL CUES.
CG: THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN A GOOD ROMCOM FOR EDUCATING THE ROMANTICALLY RETARDED.
GA: But You Also Showed Him A Movie Where The Main Character Was Oblivious To Everyones Needs
GA: Except Those Of The Object Of His Flushed Affections
GA: What If He Used That Character As A Role Model Karkat
GA: What Would You Do
CG: OKAY, THAT WAS MAYBE NOT THE BEST CHOICE OF MOVIES...
GA: But This Is Completely Beside The Point

Kanayarian Had A Secret That She Did Not Want Others To Know About. She Had Many Such Secrets, But This Was The Most Secretive Of Them, And She Particularly Did Not Want The Manly Karkattius To Discover It. KARKATTIUS COULD TELL THAT KANAYARIAN WAS BEING SECRETIVE, BECAUSE HE WAS INCREDIBLY PERCEPTIVE. BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS, WHICH WAS UNUSUAL FOR HIM BECAUSE HE USUALLY KNEW ANYTHING HE WANTED TO KNOW. NORMALLY IF SOMEONE TRIED TO KEEP A SECRET FROM KARKATTIUS, HE WOULD JUST REMOVE HIS SUNGLASSES AND GIVE THEM A GLOWERING GLARE WHILE RUNNING HIS FINGER ALONG THE BLADE OF THE LACRYMOSE CRESCENT OF WAXING RETRIBUTION. But Kanayarian Was Far Too Strongwilled To Succumb To Karkattiuss Glare. AND HE WOULDN'T DO THAT TO HER ANYWAY BECAUSE HE HAD MORE RESPECT FOR HER THAN THAT. Kanayarian The Leftwinged Quickly Departed From The Hallway Of Corridorlikeness, Making Her Way Swiftly Towards Her Secret Place Of Secretive Secrets.

GA: Karkat Why Do You Keep Adding Punctuation To My Parts
GA: Its Disrespectful
CG: KANAYA, YOU'RE MY MORAIL AND I CARE ABOUT YOU, BUT YOUR QUIRK IS FUCKING AWFUL FOR PROSE.

KARKATTIUS TURNED INVISIBLE, BECAUSE HE COULD DO THAT, AND FOLLOWED HER SILENTLY. Kanayarian Did Not Notice Karkattius, Because She Could Not Sense Invisible People. But She Could Sense A Soul Of True Charisma Following Her. She Walked Quickly To Her Secret Place With Secrets In It, And Gently Touched A Picture Of A Boy That Had Been Taken Hundred Of Years Before, Wondering Why Nobody Had Ever Come To Take His Place KARKATTIUS OBSERVED WHILE LEANING INVISIBLY AGAINST A PILLAR, LOOKING FUCKING BADASS, OR AT LEAST HE WOULD HAVE IF HE WEREN'T INVISIBLE. HE WAS WEARING A LEATHER JACKET.

GA: Karkat
GA: Kanayarian Cant Even See Karkattius
GA: Why Does He Need A Leather Jacket
CG: HE WAS WEARING THE LEATHER JACKET BEFORE HE TURNED INVISIBLE.
CG: IT IS PART OF HIS FUCKING AWESOME ENSEMBLE AS THE THRESHECUTIONER GENERAL.
CG: I THOUGHT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WOULD APPRECIATE MY USE OF FASHION HERE.
GA: Okay Fine

Kanayarian Whispered To Herself Where Have You Gone Orphaner What Will You Do She Quietly Sobbed To The Picture Because It Made Her Very Sad That She Had Not Seen Her Friend For So Long

CG: HAHAHA ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
CG: ERIDAN'S GODAWFUL FUCKSTUPID FLARP ELF?
GA: Karkat
GA: If You Are Going To Make Fun Of Eridans Roleplaying
GA: I Feel Obliged To Remind You That Were Writing Fanfiction About You And Your Obsession With Trollight
CG: OKAY FIRST OF ALL.
CG: YOU ARE TOTALLY NOT GIVING ME ENOUGH FUCKING CREDIT HERE.
CG: TROLLIGHT IS A BRILLIANT EXPLORATION OF THE COMPLEX DYNAMICS OF SUPERNATURAL INTERSPECIES ROMANCE.
CG: AND THIS ISN'T FANFICTION. THIS IS
CG: UM.
CG: A FURTHER EXPLORATION OF THE TROLLIGHT UNIVERSE, BUT IN A COMPLETELY ORIGINAL WAY WITH OUR OWN FUCKING AWESOME CHARACTERS.
GA: So Its Fanfiction
CG: GODDAMMIT NO IT'S NOT, SHUT UP!
GA: Alright

ANYWAY KARKATTIUS COULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE KANAYARIAN WAS PINING AFTER ORPHANER DUALSHIT, BECAUSE DOUCHESCAR IS JUST THE WORST CHARACTER EVER. HE HAS NO FUCKING CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. ALL HE DOES IS GO AROUND DRESSED IN A RIDICULOUS OUTFIT AND MAKE UP COOL POWERS TO HAVE. Kanayarian Shivered Slightly In The Cold She Said I Know You Are There Karkattius. KARKATTIUS SAID, "I KNOW YOU KNOW,” BECAUSE NOTHING EVER TOOK HIM BY SURPRISE. HE HAD BEEN EXPECTING THIS ALL ALONG. HE STOPPED BEING INVISIBLE, WITH THIS REALLY COOL VISUAL RIPPLING EFFECT. Kanayarian Wondered How Karkattius Knew Because He Was Invisible And She Thought That Rainbow Drinkers Could Only Have One Ability.

CG: KANAYA, WE HAVE BEEN OVER THIS.
CG: KARKATTIUS ISN'T A RAINBOW DRINKER.
CG: KARKATTIUS IS LIKE THE ANTITHESIS OF A RAINBOW DRINKER BECAUSE OF HIS BLOOD.
CG: RAINBOW DRINKERS CAN'T DRINK IT, WHICH IS WHY KARKATTIUS CAN GO AMONG THEM FREELY.
CG: AND IT IS ALSO WHY HE IS UNIQUELY SUITED TO LEAD THEM, BRINGING DISPARATE FACTIONS TOGETHER TO COOPERATE TOWARD A COMMON GOAL.
CG: AND HE CAN HAVE AS MANY POWERS AS HE WANTS, BECAUSE HE'S FUCKING AWESOME.
GA: Oh
GA: I Think I Understand Now
GA: Let Me Change That Last Sentence Then

Kanayarian Wondered How Karkattius Knew Because Even The Most Amazing Of All Threshecutioners Only Spoke Of A Few Powers That He Held In His Possession. KARKATTIUS WOULD NEVER TELL HER BECAUSE HE IS TOO BADASS. BUT HE KNEW, SECRETLY, THAT HE HADN'T ACTUALLY USED A POWER THIS TIME. HE WAS JUST SO FUCKING PERCEPTIVE. Kanayarian Glanced At Karkattius, Asking Him Politely To Leave Her Secret Place. If You Know That, Then You Know This Is The Only Place Where I Can Be Alone She Says. KKARKATTIUS DIDN'T LEAVE BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT WHAT KANAYARIAN REALLY WANTED WAS FOR HIM TO STAY, EVEN IF SHE COULDN'T ADMIT IT TO HERSELF. Kanayarian Turned Around Slowly, And Ran Toward Karkattius Clinging To Him And Crying Jade Colored Tears

GA: Karkat This Feels Really Weird
GA: Were Morails
GA: And Its Awkward To Write Things Like That
CG: JEGUS, KANAYA! GROSS!
CG: I THOUGHT THAT WAS MEANT AS A PALE INTERACTION!
GA: It Didnt Seem Pale
CG: WHO SAYS HUGGING CAN'T BE PALE?
GA: Erm
GA: Everything Ive Read
GA: Your Romantic Comedies
CG: OKAY FIRST OF ALL, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WROTE IT.
CG: SECOND, I WOULD ABSOLUTELY LET YOU HUG ME IF YOU WERE UPSET, WHAT KIND OF FUCKING MORAIL DO YOU THINK I AM.
CG: THIRDLY, YOU ARE COMPLETELY OVERSIMPLIFYING THE ROMCOMS.
CG: LET ME EXPLAIN AGAIN.
GA: No It Is Perfectly Fine
CG: THE ROMCOMS ARE BRILLIANT EXPLORATIONS—AND SOMETIMES SENDUPS—OF ROMANCE IN ALL QUADRANTS.
CG: MOIRALLEGIANCE INCLUDED.
CG: THEY SKILLFULLY HANDLE THE COMPLEX INTERACTIONS BETWEEN THEM.
GA: Alright
GA: Wait But If Karkattius Is Now Morails With Kanayarian
GA: What About Jacob
CG: THIS IS A REBOOT, REMEMBER?
GA: Oh Yes
GA: Sorry
CG: HE IS NOT MORAILS WITH JACOB BECAUSE JACOB IS STUPID.
CG: THERE IS NO REAL DEPTH TO HIS CHARACTER AND HE BASICALLY EXISTS ONLY TO CREATE CONFLICT, SO FUCK HIM.
CG: BESIDES
CG: THAT WAS THE WRONG END OF THE DIAMOND FOR KARKATTIUS.
CG: KARKATTIUS IS TALENTED AS SHIT AT PSYCHOLOGY, BUT HE IS ALSO A BADASS.
CG: A VIOLENT WARFARING BADASS WHO ISN'T AFRAID TO GET HIS SICKLE BLOODY.
GA: Very Well
GA: What Do You Have Karkattius Do Then

KARKATTIUS STROKES KANAYARIAN'S HAIR IN A REALLY BADASS AND MANLY WAY, OFFERING SUPPORT WITHOUT COMPROMISING HIS STOICALNESS.

AT: hEY, uHH, kARKAT, wHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CG: OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE...
AT: bECAUSE, uHH, IT LOOKS REALLY ODD FROM OVER HERE,
AT: yOU'RE KIND OF, uHH, LEANING OVER A BOOK WITH kANAYA,
AT: aND, sCRIBBLING IN IT,
CG: TAVROS, GO FALL DOWN SOME FUCKING STAIRS OR SOMETHING.
CG: MAYBE YOU'LL BREAK YOUR GODAWFUL HORNS OFF IN THE PROCESS.
CG: BUT OH WAIT, THAT WON'T DO ANY GOOD.
CG: BECAUSE IT WON'T MAKE YOU ANY LESS STUPID.
AT: i DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE,
AT: i THINK I'VE FINALLY, uHH, mASTERED THE NUANCES OF THE STAIRS,
CG: GOOD, THEN WHY DON'T YOU GO WALK UP AND DOWN THEM FOR A FEW HOURS AND LEAVE US ALONE.
GA: wELL, uHH, rUFIO SAYS PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT,
AT: sO i WILL, uHH, gO DO THAT,
GA: Karkat That Was Rather Mean
GA: He Just Asked A Question Of You
CG: WELL, HE SHOULDN'T BE BUTTING IN.
CG: STICKING HIS GREAT BIG STUPID HORNS, WHICH ARE WAY WORSE THAN MY HORNS, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR AWESOME WRITING SESSION.
CG: BUT UGH, FINE. I GUESS I CAN LAY OFF HIM A LITTLE BIT.

Kanayarian Sobbed A Bit Into Karkattius, And Then Looked Up At Him Her Eyes Still Shimmering With Jade Colored Tears, Thank You Karkattius I Have Felt So Alone For So Long But With You I Feel Like I Finally Have Somebody To Talk To. KARKATTIUS SAID, "YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN." Never She Asked? "NEVER,” KARKATTIUS CONFIRMED. “I AM HERE TO PROTECT AND GUIDE YOU, BECAUSE I AM MANLY AND BADASS."

CG: OK, LET'S STOP THERE. I WANT TO END IT ON A HIGH NOTE.
GA: That Story Didnt Really Have Much In The Way Of Genuine Conflict
GA: And I Dont Think It Was Very Well Paced
CG: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING.

Hehehehe, THIS time I got to edit it before it went up! I am so much more comfortable with the end product as a result. I'm glad people are getting a kick out of it. Author is damn hilarious.

[Sporkaganza]

SOSburb

I love you for this. As you can see I have wanted the same thing for awhile.

Thanks! You're actually another of the number of different people who inspired me to do this (I'd seen various people expressing their wish to see the SOS Brigade doing their Sburb thing... although will it just be the SOS brigade? to make it an equal male-female ratio i might need to bring someone ridiculous like Taniguchi or something into it. or maybe if i add Tsuruya to the girls, you get both Taniguchi and Kunikida, which makes it four and four?)

I think I'm going to have another snippet of it ready before I go to bed tonight.

[Path]

to make it an equal male-female ratio i might need to bring someone ridiculous like Taniguchi or something into it. or maybe if i add Tsuruya to the girls, you get both Taniguchi and Kunikida, which makes it four and four?)

So it's Nagato-Kyon-Haruhi-Koizumi-Mikuru-Taniguchi-Tsuruya-Kunikida? Eight seems like a good number.

[Sporkaganza]

to make it an equal male-female ratio i might need to bring someone ridiculous like Taniguchi or something into it. or maybe if i add Tsuruya to the girls, you get both Taniguchi and Kunikida, which makes it four and four?)

So it's Nagato-Kyon-Haruhi-Koizumi-Mikuru-Taniguchi-Tsuruya-Kunikida? Eight seems like a good number.

Endless eight, omg lol

I am also debating whether or not to have some sort of equivalent of people from another session coming to troll them or not... I dunno, but if so, the trolls will definitely- OH no wait I'm so dumb. The anti-SOS brigade. There is no way they can possibly not be the trolls. Why did it take me so long to think of that. (I think it's 3 girls and 1 guy though so... uh... fuck it i'll handwave that)

[Path]

Endless eight, omg lol

I am also debating whether or not to have some sort of equivalent of people from another session coming to troll them or not... I dunno, but if so, the trolls will definitely- OH no wait I'm so dumb. The anti-SOS brigade. There is no way they can possibly not be the trolls. Why did it take me so long to think of that. (I think it's 3 girls and 1 guy though so... uh... fuck it i'll handwave that)

The Computer Club, come for revenge?

[lapsusLinguae]

woops

[ArmsAreLoud]

@battlerek: OK, that was really cute. I am noticing a pattern here where I find all this great DaveJade stuff but I still don't even ship it.

I, on the other hand, am completely incapable of playing sappy romance straight and can only come out with something either overly comedic or rather depressing. Here's an attempt at the latter.

He's Purrfect

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I know my Karkitty will rescue me. I know he will.

He's always been there for me. Even when Equius wasn't there Karkat would stand by me, protecting me! I always admired his strength.

I remember we used to compare notes. He used to get so mad when I tried to press a ship he wasn't fond of! "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? FEFERI AND ARADIA HAVE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER WHY WOULD THEY END UP AS MATESPRITS RAA RAA BEEP BEEP MEOW." So cute.

I kept up a happy face when he got closer with Terezi. She knew how much I liked him! Surely she would understand she needed to step aside. It pained me to see them floating by in that giant love balloon Terezi made, but I knew there was hope. There was always hope. I just needed to wait; he would come around.

I admit a little, teensy tiny bit of jealousy when he started flirting with Jade. He had known her for what, a few hours? And it wasn't long before he was groveling at her stupid pretty face with her stupid pretty green eyes that he loved so fucking much. Why do trolls have to have boring gray eyes? I should have green eyes, too! But still I was courageous. I had to believe; I am the Rogue of Heart, after all! Love conquers all. It even conquers stupid pretend love.

When Equius died, my mind was filled with hate for the first time. Platonic hate, but hate nonetheless. I needed to kill him; Gamzee HAD to die. But... I failed. I wasn't strong enough. He threw me to the floor. I did not know what he wanted to do next.

All I did know was that Karkat was going to rescue me. Any moment he would swoop in and heroically dropkick the heinous clown, pulling me into his protective grasp and being mine forever, and me his. It was how it was supposed to be.

I waited. It would happen at any moment.

Any moment now.

[Sporkaganza]

Endless eight, omg lol

I am also debating whether or not to have some sort of equivalent of people from another session coming to troll them or not... I dunno, but if so, the trolls will definitely- OH no wait I'm so dumb. The anti-SOS brigade. There is no way they can possibly not be the trolls. Why did it take me so long to think of that. (I think it's 3 girls and 1 guy though so... uh... fuck it i'll handwave that)

The Computer Club, come for revenge?

Nah, the anti-SOS brigade are a bunch that show up way later in the novels. It's kind of a long story.

Here, have some more

SOSburb, chapter 2

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-- curiousConverser [CC] began pestering ordinaryHuman [OH] --

CC: So, has she finally told you?
OH: yeah, she just did right now.
OH: i still can't believe we're going through with this.
OH: i'm almost certain this game will be bad news.
CC: Ah! Personally, I quite disagree.
CC: I find it to be a most excellent development.
OH: yeah, how so?
OH: i don't see anything excellent about playing some lame RPG.
OH: i don't see why she has to make such a big fuss about it.
CC: You must remember that even seemingly the smallest of developments can seem vastly important to Suzumiya.
CC: Personally, I think this will help curb her capricious behavior.
CC: It's gotten worse lately. Have you noticed?
OH: yeah, i guess.
OH: but so what? it's not like the world begins and ends on her whims.
CC: True, but when she gets agitated, she tends to coerce us into something.
CC: Wouldn't you agree?
OH: well yeah.
OH: ...so, is that all you wanted to talk about?
CC: Not quite.
CC: I just wanted to let you know:
CC: Try not to upset her too much, would you?
OH: what the hell do you mean, upset her?
CC: Well...
CC: I'm trying to think of a way to put it delicately...
CC: Being contrary for the sake of being contrary.
OH: how the hell is that putting it delicately?
OH: and i'm not contrary for the sake of contrariness!
OH: i'm just the only sane one around here!
CC: So the others are insane?
OH: well, not exactly.
OH: but you know... mikuru's nice, but she sometimes doesn't really seem to know what's going on.
OH: tsuruya gets way more excited than is probably healthy.
OH: taniguchi is just such a douche
OH: kunikida is ok but he stands idly by and lets haruhi do her thing
OH: and yuki's just... yuki.
OH: although, i mean, i don't mind it.
OH: she's nice in her own weirdo way.
CC: Anyway, you're getting away from the point.
CC: Just... be nice, would you?
CC: If you don't... who knows what the consequences might be?
OH: ...
CC: Oh, forgive me, that was a bit too melodramatic, wasn't it?
CC: I was just kidding anyway.
OH: ...
OH: sigh
OH: yeah. fine.
CC: See you later.
OH: bye

-- curiousConverser [CC] began pestering ordinaryHuman [OH] --

[ceruleanTresses]

He's Purrfect

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I know my Karkitty will rescue me. I know he will.

He's always been there for me. Even when Equius wasn't there Karkat would stand by me, protecting me! I always admired his strength.

I remember we used to compare notes. He used to get so mad when I tried to press a ship he wasn't fond of! "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? FEFERI AND ARADIA HAVE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER WHY WOULD THEY END UP AS MATESPRITS RAA RAA BEEP BEEP MEOW." So cute.

I kept up a happy face when he got closer with Terezi. She knew how much I liked him! Surely she would understand she needed to step aside. It pained me to see them floating by in that giant love balloon Terezi made, but I knew there was hope. There was always hope. I just needed to wait; he would come around.

I admit a little, teensy tiny bit of jealousy when he started flirting with Jade. He had known her for what, a few hours? And it wasn't long before he was groveling at her stupid pretty face with her stupid pretty green eyes that he loved so fucking much. Why do trolls have to have boring gray eyes? I should have green eyes, too! But still I was courageous. I had to believe; I am the Rogue of Heart, after all! Love conquers all. It even conquers stupid pretend love.

When Equius died, my mind was filled with hate for the first time. Platonic hate, but hate nonetheless. I needed to kill him; Gamzee HAD to die. But... I failed. I wasn't strong enough. He threw me to the floor. I did not know what he wanted to do next.

All I did know was that Karkat was going to rescue me. Any moment he would swoop in and heroically dropkick the heinous clown, pulling me into his protective grasp and being mine forever, and me his. It was how it was supposed to be.

I waited. It would happen at any moment.

Any moment now.

Aaaah that is so depressing and sweet. (And she had her Les Mis music all set up for their dramatic duet, too! Now it will go to waste!)

[apocalypticCritic]

I, on the other hand, am completely incapable of playing sappy romance straight and can only come out with something either overly comedic or rather depressing. Here's an attempt at the latter.

He's Purrfect

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I know my Karkitty will rescue me. I know he will.

He's always been there for me. Even when Equius wasn't there Karkat would stand by me, protecting me! I always admired his strength.

I remember we used to compare notes. He used to get so mad when I tried to press a ship he wasn't fond of! "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? FEFERI AND ARADIA HAVE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER WHY WOULD THEY END UP AS MATESPRITS RAA RAA BEEP BEEP MEOW." So cute.

I kept up a happy face when he got closer with Terezi. She knew how much I liked him! Surely she would understand she needed to step aside. It pained me to see them floating by in that giant love balloon Terezi made, but I knew there was hope. There was always hope. I just needed to wait; he would come around.

I admit a little, teensy tiny bit of jealousy when he started flirting with Jade. He had known her for what, a few hours? And it wasn't long before he was groveling at her stupid pretty face with her stupid pretty green eyes that he loved so fucking much. Why do trolls have to have boring gray eyes? I should have green eyes, too! But still I was courageous. I had to believe; I am the Rogue of Heart, after all! Love conquers all. It even conquers stupid pretend love.

When Equius died, my mind was filled with hate for the first time. Platonic hate, but hate nonetheless. I needed to kill him; Gamzee HAD to die. But... I failed. I wasn't strong enough. He threw me to the floor. I did not know what he wanted to do next.

All I did know was that Karkat was going to rescue me. Any moment he would swoop in and heroically dropkick the heinous clown, pulling me into his protective grasp and being mine forever, and me his. It was how it was supposed to be.

I waited. It would happen at any moment.

Any moment now.

HOW DARE YOU GET SOMETHING IN MY EYE. It looks like I'm crying over this stupid fic and I'm not I just have something in my eye. *sniffle*

It's not even good I mean... I JUST HAVE SOMETHING IN MY EYE, DAMMIT.

((That was supposed to be kinda meanly not-mean. I loved the fic, don't be demoralized.))

[X15lm204]

I said I wouldn't update this for a while, but I am a lying liar who lies.

Kcutsemoh - Chapter 3
In which pale relationships push all others out of the way.

COLOR TAAAAAAAAGS!!!!!!!!
seriously AO3 ate them like four times
also dave is haaard

Because I had some more unexpected free time, here's another implication of the first chapter that I'm surprised no one commented on:

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And by extension: Tink Noir. This is a thing that will happen.
Ahahahahahahahahahaha

[Author]

I said I wouldn't update this for a while, but I am a lying liar who lies.

Kcutsemoh - Chapter 3
In which pale relationships push all others out of the way.

That.

I love this fic so much.

[Aerodactylus]

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!

I'm loving Wizardstuck SO MUCH right now, and Rimbaum, you better write more REPO!stuck. Just saying.

Okay, now I'm going to bed because I have to get up at 7 AM and HANDLE ACID tomorrow.

[Metaflare]

SOSburb

I LOVE YOU

[Rimbaum]

Rimbaum, you better write more REPO!stuck. Just saying.

I do have some things worked out. I guess this isn't really a spoiler, because it'd be introduced in the next chapter (if I ever get around to it), but Nathan is the Thief of Life, and his planet is the Land of Memories and Regret.

I'm not saying what title Mag has just yet, but her planet will be the Land of Music and Iron.



Mad props for anyone who guesses Shilo's title.

[anonymousComrade]

In which I finally use color tags, exposition is made in pesterlog form, the kids' plan is revealed, and the unthinkable asked of the surviving trolls:

I give you
Crossing Over: Chapter 7

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-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

TG: hey
GC: H3Y COOLK1D
GC: N1C3 JOB ON THE ASC3NS1ON BY TH3 W4Y!
TG: haha thanks
TG: rose is yelling at me to get you guys into her discussion thing
TG: tell karkat, your time girl and the crazy spider lady to get their asses in here
TG: weve got a plan and its gonna blow your minds
GC: H3H3 OK4Y

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] RIGHT NOW opened memo on discussion board Operation Jailbreak --

CTT: Is everyone here?
-- CURRENT ectoBiologist [EB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CEB: present!
-- CURRENT turntechGodhead [TG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTG: yo
-- CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [GC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: H3R3
-- CURRENT gardenGnostic [GG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGG: i am here!!
-- CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: WHAT DO YOU SHITHEELS WANT NOW.
-- CURRENT arachnidsGrip [AG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAG: Yeah, I'm here.
-- CURRENT apocalpyseArisen [AA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAA: present
CTT: That's everyone accounted for, then.
CTT: It goes without saying that times have been trying recently. I don't believe I need to go into specifics, as circumstances speak for themselves.
CTT: Having made note of this, let's consider the positives.
CTT: Aradia's presence in our session confirmed a sneaking suspicion I've had for quite some time. That is, that our sessions are linked, and they join at the dreamscape.
CAA: and ive been t0 the dream bubbles
CAA: physically
CTT: Jade and I have been there as well, though not physically. My mind travels there during my communication with the horrorterrors, and Jade finds herself there when she dreams, due to her dreamself having been killed.
CTT: I believe hers is not the only case of this.
CCG: YEAH, ALL OUR DREAMSELVES HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR A WHILE NOW.
CCG: I'VE ONLY MENTIONED THIS A FEW HUNDRED TIMES.
CTT: Jade, and I suspect Karkat and Terezi as well, has been able to make contact with the deceased trolls during dreams. When I first heard of this, I dismissed it as the product of an overactive imagination. No offense to you, of course, Jade.
CGG: none taken!
CTT: But recently, I had her do it again, this time on purpose as I established contact with the old ones. This time, I was able to clearly hear Jade's voice as well as the voices of the departed. This confirmed that dream bubbles are where dead players end up.
CTT: The revelation that the dream bubbles are within our reach led me to formulate a plan, which has seen several revisions though the main course of action, as well as the mission's purpose, remains the same.
CTT: Our mission is clear: we will rescue the spirits of your fallen comrades and resurrect them in our session.
CCG: HAHA SERIOUSLY? THIS IS WHAT YOUR BIG PLAN WAS?
CCG: HOW DO YOU THINK YOU'LL EVEN MANAGE THIS?
CCG: YEAH I'M SURE THE HORRORTERRORS WILL JUST LET YOU WALTZ INTO THE OUTER FUCKING RIM AND TAKE BACK THEIR HOSTAGES!
CCG: I'M SURE THIS IS GOING TO BE EASY, WITH A NAME LIKE HORROR-GODDAMNED-TERRORS THEY'VE GOT TO ALL BE A BUNCH OF FUCKING PUSHOVERS, RIGHT?
CAG: For once I agree with Karkat. How are we possi8ly going to pull this off????????
CTT: John will be staying here, because he has precious experience with ectobiology.
CTT: The outer rim cannot be navigated by normal means, and so it's nearly impossible for any player to do so.
CAA: unless y0ure g0d tier
CAA: for a g0d tier player, finding the way is n0t much 0f a challenge
CTT: Therefore, I propose that three of the four of us who have ascended should travel to the dreamscape. In the meantime, I will commune with the horrorterrors and provide a means of distraction. With two godtiered time players, this should give you more than enough of a window of opportunity for your rescue.
CTT: I have instructed my consorts to craft a number of crystal spheres. Ten, in total. These will serve as vessels for the souls of the fallen long enough for our purposes.
CEB: wait a minute...
CEB: you... you made poke balls?!
CEB: that would be hilarious if this situation weren't so goddamned serious!
CTT: The similarities were not lost on me, either. Rest assured, I resisted the urge to paint their top halves red; they are completely transparent.
CCG: HOLD ON A FUCKING SECOND.
CCG: TEN? BUT THERE ARE EIGHT OF US DEAD, AND TWO OF THEM I'M PRETTY SURE I'D BE OKAY WITH NEVER SEEING AGAIN!
CCG: WELL I SUPPOSE BACKUPS ARE NECESSARY IN CASE SOMEONE FUCKS UP AND LOSES ONE. DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.
CTT: No, there are just enough for the mission. Finding enough of the crystal to make ten of the spheres was a challenge by itself.
CTT: That brings us to your part. Possibly, yours will be the most difficult task of all.
CTT: Obviously, you cannot come to our session existing as you are, with the exception of Aradia and Vriska, as ascending to the God Tiers provides protection against the shift in dimensions.
CTT: However, our plan is to transfer all of you to our session, thus protecting you from Noir.
CCG: I DON'T FOLLOW. WHAT IS IT YOU WANT TEREZI AND I TO DO?
CTT: There's no easy way to say this, so let's get to the point.
CTT: In order to transfer you from your session to ours...
CTT: We will need to find you in the dream bubbles.
CTT: I suspect simply finding you while you dream won't work, as your dream presence isn't, in layman's terms, enough of *you* in one place.
CTT: Therefore...
CTT: In order for the mission to be carried out successfully...
CTT: Karkat and Terezi must die.
CCG: ...WHAT.
CGC: ...WH4T.
CTT: I'm quite aware that this is a lot to ask of you. Especially since you trusted us to get you here safe before, and we utterly failed in every way possible.
CTT: However, I would not ask this of you if I were not completely assured of our success.
CTT: I will not press the matter. If you decide this course of action isn't what you want, I pass no judgment.
CTT: Preparations are nearly complete. I will alert you when we are ready to move.
CTT: I realize this is not a very wide timeframe. But I must ask you to consider your next course of action.
CTT: Do what you think is best.
-- CURRENT tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased responding to memo.

-- CURRENT tentacleTherapist closed memo.

Notes:

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The plot thickens

Also now that I see it actually written up it's kind of over the top! "hurrrr gotta kill yourself to advance" just seems so forced and hamfisted now that I've actually written it out but there it is

Anyway, we're getting to one of the scenes I'm actually kind of excited about writing, in a really kind of morbid sort of way! Fun fact: did you know I'm fond of writing Karkat/Terezi?

And also, what's gonna happen to our God Tier explorers if they run into the mighty wwizard of wwhite science? TUNE IN NEXT TIME, SAME CROSSING OVER TIME, SAME CROSSING OVER CHANNEL

Previous chapters are linked to in my sig, for anyone interested who might have missed them

[Jim Groovester]

Comment responses in spoiler because if you don't read the Sapphire of Alternia you're probably not interested in me rambling about it.

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Wallstreet Keynoter sighs. “You’re right, of course. I may be expecting too much out of you for asking that. I can’t expect you to work miracles anymore.”

WHAT WHAT IS THIS

Well, you see, during Sgrub, Problem Sleuth was the Proselyting Sacrosanct. He was a chaplain. He performed miracles.

Actually, it's what Skaian Redeemer said. He's just an Sgrub veteran who apparently had a very close working relationship with LL and WK. Apparently Problem Sleuth (or whatever he was called) could be relied upon to pull miracles out of his ass. I probably won't elaborate on the details of this too much since that's making too much shit up with the source material.

I've been a jackass author to him recently. But I am completely unapologetic.

This reminds me of a few quotes from the Jim Butcher book Side Jobs, a collection of Dresden short stories. I'm sorry I keep harping on how much your Sleuth reminds me of him but it's about the highest compliment I can pay.

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So, from newlyweds, mead, and Norse-Scandinavian backgrounds, I developed a story using everything from the Dresden Files' story line that had the flimsiest of connections to those base ideas. I put them all together, plopped Harry down in the middle of it, and gleefully watched as it caught fire.

Poor Dresden. I mean, I keep putting the weight of the world on the guy's shoulders- and I feel really bad about it. No really. I'm serious. I feel awful, honestly.
Okay, well. Less "awful" and more "gleeful", but you get the point.

After that, all I had to do was apply his usual streak of luck and cackle madly to myself while typing.

So yeah, your relationship to Sleuth reminds me a little of Butcher's to Dresden.

From what I understand of the Dresden Files, it's hardboiled detective fiction + wizards. Since I'm pulling everything I can remember about hardboiled movies and stories and pouring into this fic, if there are similarities, then I must be getting it right.

@Jim: I love how Problem Sleuth's idea of useless doesn't match ours. "Oh, he actually is a Sburbian veteran? A highly respected one? Mobster Kingpin would have been a Prospitian, that's true!" and he's just yawwwwning and walking straight into another, dare I call it, Path trap. I'm saying he's about to get chrono-drubbed, is what I'm saying.

Heh heh, a Path trap. I'm sure if it's one of those there will only be chronodrubbings. And nothing else.

I'd love to talk about the discrepancy between what Problem Sleuth thinks is useless and what's useful to us, but then I think I'd be giving away too much. Let's just say that I think this was a useful segment and leave it at that.

@Jim- Another great update.

Why, thank you.

I'm just going to drop this here and then catch up on some fics.

And comments:

@Author: I liked both of the things that one thing you just put up. You and cerulean played both of your characters perfectly (and hilariously), and then your Nepeta fic is saddening.

@ArmsAreLoud: Whoops. Guess I should tell you that I liked your sad Nepeta fic instead. It's very tragic.

@battlerek: Dave/Jade fics. Awwww.

@X15lm204: I have no idea where this is going but it's pretty interesting so far.

@anonymousComrade: Karkat and Terezi, you say? Is this going to be some horribly romantic thing where they commit mutual suicide in a gripping display of emotion? Looking forward to it.

[Author]

@Author: I liked both of the things you just put up. You and cerulean played both of your characters perfectly (and hilariously), and then your Nepeta fic is saddening.

I didn't write the amazing NepetaKarkat fic. My only Nepeta fic is "To Purr or Not To Purr".

Wish I did though. And thanks for the compliment! I'll tell CT when she logs in.

[anonymousComrade]

@anonymousComrade: Karkat and Terezi, you say? Is this going to be some horribly romantic thing where they commit mutual suicide in a gripping display of emotion? Looking forward to it.

I don't think I'm capable of the mental feats of strength required to answer this question without coming off as completely fucked up in the head

I mean that sounds exactly like something a crazy person would write, now that someone else is saying it!

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But yeah you're right I totally am gonna write that