MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[ceruleanTresses]

IDK, I don't have a high opinion of my writing, but I put a lot of effort into the stuff I post here and it would be kind of saddening to be hated upon from on high. OH WELL IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN ANYWAY.

Once again I agree with you. I pretty much always think whatever I put up is crap, but I still spend hours trying to make it slightly less crap. Even if it is a silly thing like "BLOOD AND BLOODLESS: Rebooted." (I made poor Author edit the punctuation SO MANY TIMES since I couldn't go in and do it myself, lol. I am a mean person.) And days after the fact I'm still going back and tweaking my songfics. Why do I do this? Because I have no sense of perspective, that's why.

(Your writing is actually good though, so I don't know why you don't have a high opinion of it. )

[lucidSeraph]

IDK, I don't have a high opinion of my writing, but I put a lot of effort into the stuff I post here and it would be kind of saddening to be hated upon from on high. OH WELL IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN ANYWAY.

Once again I agree with you. I pretty much always think whatever I put up is crap, but I still spend hours trying to make it slightly less crap. Even if it is a silly thing like "BLOOD AND BLOODLESS: Rebooted." (I made poor Author edit the punctuation SO MANY TIMES since I couldn't go in and do it myself, lol. I am a mean person.) And days after the fact I'm still going back and tweaking my songfics. Why do I do this? Because I have no sense of perspective, that's why.

(Your writing is actually good though, so I don't know why you don't have a high opinion of it. )

YEAH IDK WHAT KASS' DEAL IS, SHE WRITES BETTER THAN LIKE

ALL THE MFA: FICTION PEOPLE I KNOW

YEAH KASS YOU WRITE BETTER THAN DUDES GETTING THEIR MASTER'S DEGREES SO STOP WHINING.

[SeptimusMagistos]

We're All Doomed

Chapter 10: Idle Paws

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Nepeta crawled through the vents. Of all the trolls, she alone possessed the agility and determination necessary to master the labyrinthine network, bypassing the unnecessarily convoluted passages below and eschewing the need for the clumsy transportalizers that never took you where you wanted them to anyway!

Like any fearsome alien, she could not be deterred from her goal. The mighty feline forged ever onward, always getting closer to what she was seeking. And nothing and no-one could give her pause.

AA: and where d0es the kitty think shes g0ing

Unless of course they could teleport under their own power. Busted!

AC: :33 < uh, hi, aradia!
AC: :33 < *ac just needs to update her shipping wall really quickly!*
AA: equius warned y0u t0 stay put
AA: gamzee is still 0ut here and y0u might get hurt
AC: :33 < *but it would be really quick!
AA: listen t0 y0ur m0irail nepeta
AA: return t0 y0ur pr0per l0cati0n
AC: :33 < *ac ruffles her fur and stretches out her claws!*
AA: nepeta if i have t0 carry y0u back by the scruff 0f y0ur c0llar i will
AC: :33 < *ac backs down in the face of the robot girl’s supurrior pawer*
AA: g00d kitten
AA: n0w c0me 0n
AA: we sh0uld get back

In exchange for swift cooperation, Nepeta didn’t have to suffer the humiliation of being carried by her neck. She was, however, caught within Aradia’s psychic hold as they zipped back to the common rooms. And when Aradia floated them down, resealing the vent entrance as she went through, Nepeta remained suspended in the air.

The pretty little kitty was in a lot of trouble.

AA: equius i f0und nepeta in the duct system

The enormous troll boy turned his head, leaving the half-finished robot aside for a while. Nepeta could feel his eyes bore into her even through his glasses. Considering the silly things were about a quarter of an inch thick, that was saying something.

CT: D --> Nepeta!
CT: D --> How c001d you be so f001ish?
CT: D --> What if something had happened to you?
CT: D --> I w001d never have forgiven myself
AC: :33 < *ac looks down sheepishly, i mean kittishly*
AC: :33 < *she explains that she didn’t mean to worry equius, but she really n33ds some privacy to update her shipping wall!*
CT: D --> Nepeta, no
CT: D --> The clown c001d well be waiting for you
CT: D --> You are perfectly capable of simply remembering your ships of choice until the present predicament has been dealt with
CT: D --> Now promise me you will not leave our quarters again
AC: :33 < *ac doesn’t
CT: D --> Promise, nepeta
CT: D --> I command it
AC: :33 < fine
AC: :33 < i promise
CT: D --> E%cellent
CT: D --> Then I can return to work without further concern for your safety
AA: n0t s0 fast
CT: D --> Oh dear
CT: D --> What is your concern with my intentions
AA: just h0w l0ng have y0u been w0rking with0ut rest
CT: D --> That is not important
CT: D --> I am e%ceptionally STRONG and do not require the same amount of rest normal trolls do
CT: D --> My skills are needed to secure a defensible perimeter
AA: equius we have en0ugh r0b0ts
AA: there are s0 many 0f them n0w we are alm0st getting cr0wded 0ut even th0ugh m0st 0f them are 0utside
AA: if gamzee can take d0wn this many then d0ubling or even quadrupling the number will n0t have much 0f an effect
AA: and y0u need rest just as much as any0ne
CT: D --> Aradia, your concern for my wellbeing is endearing but f001ish
CT: D --> I am perfectly capable of 100king after myself

The robot girl’s red eyes narrowed.

AA: equius i am n0t 0kay with that

One wave of her hand, and the mighty Equius joined his moirail in dangling helplessly in mid-air.

AA: i think its time f0r b0th 0f y0u t0 g0 t0 the r0b0t part pile and relax

Another hand gesture and the two trolls flew across the room. Slowing down just before arriving at their destination, they were let down gently into comfortable positions. Aradia herself followed, setting down by Equius. He sighed in surrender and drew an arm around her shoulder.

AC: :33 < *ac asks if aradia could do the ameowsing thing she does to equius*
AA: yes 0f c0urse
AA: equius i am n0w c0unteracting ninety nine percent of y0ur right arm’s strength
AA: y0u are cleared f0r head scratching

Equius gave a smile. It was a creepy one, to be sure, but very sweet in its own way. His hand, surrounded by Aradia’s psychic shield, descended on Nepeta’s head and he ran his fingers over her hat and past her ears. No bruises to worry about.

Nepeta was happy.

She didn’t worry about being doomed or about Gamzee or whatever other mysterious forces were arraying themselves against the trolls and the humans. When she was like this, she felt completely safe. But not quite at peace. A burning desire to update the shipping wall still burned within her. But with her promise to Equius made, she could do little other than think about shipping.

So think about it she did.

In troll culture shipping carried connotations quite different from those inherent in human worldview. For a human, shipping was something of a guilty pleasure. For a troll, it was a solemn responsibility. The troll romances carried benefits much more immediate than pleasure or reproduction possibilities or even social status. A troll who couldn’t find concupiscient romance would soon be dead by the hand of an imperial drone. A troll who couldn’t find conciliatory romance would quite likely be dead by the hands of other trolls as uncontrolled emotions combined with unmediated conflicts to eventually make a few enemies too many. Shipping became, in the most literal way imaginable, a matter of life and death.

The four romances made the whole thing complex on a purely mathematical level. A human couple was a simple enough thing – once two humans were successfully paired off, the shipper was done. But every troll could have four partners - and possibly more, since a troll could hold multiple ashen relationships and each one held at least two other trolls in various capacities. An uncontrolled ship could create a network of romance that spanned the entire population, connecting every troll to every other troll. A shipper’s task was not only creating stable relationships, but doing so in a way that wouldn’t lead to a geometric increase in the number of people involved. A task made both simpler and more complicated by the fact that only twelve candidates remained. Sixteen if you counted the humans, as more and more trolls seemed to do.

Truly a challenge worthy of the best shipper in all of paradox space.

Nepeta went on to review the quadrants in her mind. The romance situation was still so woefully undeveloped. Didn’t everyone know those things should be settled properly? Hardly anyone seemed to be taking the situation as seriously as it deserved to be taken.

Equius continued scratching her head. It made her feel safe and happy and decided on the quadrant she would update first.

Moirallegiance

In many ways the strangest thing about this aspect of romance was the inherent imbalance. The two parties entering a flushed romance by definition sought and got different things from it. One troll gained an emotional restraint – the kind of person who gave them options other than homicidal rage with which to express their frustrations. The other troll gained a powerful protector to resolve problems which might need a proper application of violence. Moirallegiance was a balance of opposites.

As far as Nepeta was concerned, there simply weren’t enough moirails on this meteor! Come to think of it, her own moirallegiance with Equius was the only truly stable relationship of that sort she could think of. And that was quite a problem, since there were more than a few trolls in need of stabilizing - as well as several who needed some protection.

There had been several relationships active just before the start of the game, but they’d been torn apart - generally by ambitions towards the flushed quadrant. One of the chief difficulties in setting up moirails was all the people who just couldn’t appreciate a good cuddle in a pile or a frank discussion of feelings without wanting to bring kissing into it. That wasn’t what a moirail was for!

Nepeta’s ships just weren’t working out like they should have been. Gamzee<>Karkat had been her best hope, and that had recently gone south. She was considering reinstituting Kanaya<>Vriska now that the former had had her attention captured by the human girl and the latter by the street tough maverick with nothing to lose, but even she had to admit it was a bit of a long shot.

Making the whole thing worse were the various matespritships taking on tasks that would normally be reserved for moraillegiances. The effect Feferi had on Sollux, for instance. Or the way Aradia, while not looking for a moirail of her own, seemed to consider herself close to Nepeta. Such connections were not uncommon, but not exactly required either. Plenty of trolls kept their quadrants separate.

Nepeta was glad that was not the case this time.

But even though it hurt her little shipper heart, Nepeta was coming to the conclusion that no new relationships could be filled until a major social upheaval set things adrift again. But just then…

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CA: hey spiderbitch i havve an issue to take up with you
AG: Ugh.
AG: What do you want, Eridan?
CA: it has come to my attention that you havve been threatenin our human allies
CA: and that furthermore you may be harborin thoughts of aggression against members a our own party
AG: First off, I haven’t 8een threatening anyone.
AG: May8e arranging a little machin8ion, 8ut as you would know if you looked in front of you...
AG: Sometimes death can be for the 8est!
AG: Anyway, what concern is any of this of yours?
CA: not that i havve to tell you but i guess youvve fished it out of me
CA: you wwill not evven think about inflictin harm on the humans
CA: they are our best hope of rescuin ourselvves from this doomed timeline
CA: and you certainly wwill not evven think of retribution against those wwho stop you from inflictin that harm
CA: certainly not my neww moirail
AG: Moirail? Oh, Gog!!!!!!!!
AG: Eridan, are you actually trying to 8rag 8ecause you were finally a8le to fill one of your quadrants when the most pathetic troll in the universe took pity on you?
AG: I am laughing so hard over here!
AG: ::::D
CA: yes wwell at least i succeeded in elicitin some kind a emotional response from him
CA: if i am rememberin right you got rejected in evvery possible quadrant
AG: Wow.
AG: An insult that’s halfway competent!
AG: Looks like Admiral Orphan Duelloser is finally growing a 8rain!
AG: I always said you needed one.
CA: yes wwell i alwways said you wwere a little cerebral marquise can’t control people of noble birth
CA: the thing about being a one trick seapony is that when you fail you need someone there to shoot problems in the face until they go away
CA: only you kid of scared awway anyone who might havve felt inclined to help you
CA: sucks to be you i guess
AG: Watch it, Eridan.
AG: I have more than one trick.
AG: Are you really sure your little glowing stick is enough to take on someone with the power of a god?
CA: you dont havve to be particularly unlucky to havve your party wwhite mage cast somethin on you
CA: remember that and stay awway from those under my protection
AG: Eridan, you are as paaaaaaaathetic as ever!

Well!

Nepeta had to admit she had not seen this one coming, mainly because she didn’t like to think about Eridan. But Eridan certainly needed someone to calm him down, and Tavros could probably use some protection. And admittedly the two boys had been hanging around each other a lot, what with roleplaying and the mysterious club...

Upon reflection, Nepeta decided it worked. Proper planning be damned, sometimes it’s the happy little surprises that really made a shipper’s day.

Of course there had been more to the dialogue than the clumsy declarations of a moirail new to his role. Eridan had, after all, been in an extremely long-lived moirallegiance before, and so would know there was no need to go out and openly threaten anyone who might harm the troll under his protection. Part of it had been bragging, yes. Now that Eridan had finally - finally - gotten someone to not reject him, he would make sure the world knew it. But another part had been flirting. Not content with one victory, Eridan still sought more. He hoped to perhaps reawaken the spark of an old rivalry - to discover romance in another of the elusive troll quadrants.

Kissmessitude

By far the most dangerous of troll romances. The tamer relations of this nature could be simple rivalries, perhaps even ones not unfriendly. But the truly burning caliginous romances - the ones that rose to the top of the slurry - were necessarily one step away from platonic hate. To be a kismesis was to walk a razor’s edge where a single mistake could mean one of the romantic partners would end up slitting the other’s throat.

Eridan was not the only one to seek such relationship with Vriska, of course, even if he was the one who approached it more directly. Every troll left alive had some grievance to settle with her, even if it was just a grudge over a friend of a friend. Nepeta herself was angry at her over all the trolls she’d killed or injured. And it was a short walk from platonic hate to romantic one.

But the difficulty with Vriska and blackrom was never the lack of suitors. It was the speed with which such conflicts escalated with her. If Eridan ever succeeded in getting her to hate him back, Nepeta was willing to give them about fourteen hours before one of them killed the other. Same thing with Aradia, only with time cut down to about twelve minutes. Vriska had a great deal of difficulty with the concept of hating someone without doing much about it. And when trolls had things done to them, they tended to do them right back.

Which is why Nepeta’s favorite ship was Terezi<}< Vriska. Terezi was the only one in their group who truly understood the true subtleties of black romance. Where the other trolls would use force, Terezi was the only one who could match Vriska with manipulation - without the use of psychic powers. It would be a duel in the shadows of the mind, and it would be so exciting oh yessssssss!

As for the other trolls, her ships were in chaos! Ever since the doom thing, everyone had been getting all mixed up. Eridan was acting calmly and hardly creepy at all! And Equius was getting all caught up in his commissions and positions. And timid little Tavros was standing up to people. And all of this on top of Gamzee doing a total perspective flip and becoming everyone’s largest threat. Still, she thought that perhaps Karkat and Kanaya could get something going with the way the Glorious Leader was growing more and more upset with the Chief Organizer’s activities. Perhaps if a few people were to mention how much they loved the committees, the conflict could escalate. Nepeta wondered idly if she had some favors to trade.

And in the meantime she listened in on another conversation as Eridan was intercepted by someone else.

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GC: COM1NG ON JUST 4 L1TTL3 STRONG, 3R1D4N?
GC: TH4T H4S 4LW4YS B33N YOUR PROBL3M.
CA: i basically havve no use for your opinion
CA: wwhy wwould you bother me
GC: W3LL B3C4US3 1 H4V3 B33N WH3R3 YOU 4R3!
GC: M1NUS TH3 CR33PY 4DV4NC3S, OF COURS3.
GC: BUT 1 H4V3 4LSO TR13D TO G3T 1NTO 4 SP4T W1TH VR1SK4.
GC: TH3 3XCH4NG3 W4S NOT P4RT1CUL4RLY 4DV4NT4G3OUS FOR 4NYON3.
CA: wwhat is your point
GC: TH3 PO1NT 1S TH4T VR1SK4 N33DS TO B3 H4NDL3D W1TH 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 F1N3SS3!
GC: OTH3RW1S3 YOU 4ND H3R R34LLY W1LL 3ND UP DU3L1NG
GC: 4ND TH3N ON3 OF YOU W1LL B3 D34D.
CA: look just back off
CA: this is my business and i wwont have you gettin mixed into it
CA: unless you also wwant a taste of my wwand
GC: OH, 3R1D4N!
GC: 1 4M D3F1N1T3LY NOT 1NT3R3ST3D!
CA: i dont care if youre interested or not
CA: i wwill not hesitate to go through you
CA: if that is wwhat it takes to keep hope alive
GA: Perhaps I Could Be Of Some Assistance
CA: sure kan
CA: wwait do you mean assist me or her
GA: Both Of You I Think
GA: This Situation Is Rather Easily Resolved
GA: I Have Some Logs Concerning Vriska You Should Both Take A Look At
GC: 1 SM3LL 4 PLOT H4TCH1NG! >:]
GA: Something Of That Nature May Indeed Be Happening
GA: Ensuring There Is No Need For Anyone To Have Grand Duels
GA: Especially Over The Matter Of Whether More Duels Are Appropriate

Kanaya’s timely intervention was normalizing things. And that brought Nepeta to her next quadrant:

Auspisticism

An auspistice had two functions: preventing black infidelities and defusing platonic hate. The value of first was obvious; kissmessitude was torrid enough without any additional complications. The second quite simply prevented the formation of rivalries which, instead of providing genetic material, would simply end with someone dead. They certainly could have used a good auspistice back in the Flarping days. Perhaps if Kanaya had gotten involved, it would have all worked out. Kanaya was the best auspistice. The best.

While Nepeta had never been part of an ashen romance herself, she’d watched Equius go through several. Generally it began with one of his neighbors somehow insulting him. Where a normal noble might respond with a campaign of elaborate vengeance, Equius tended to simply chuck things out the window until the offending party sought out a mediator.

Nepeta loved her moirail, but she had to admit he had no sense of subtlety!

Of course, not every ashen romance ended up being such a short tryst, though many did. A number could grow into stable relationships, every bit as important as a moirallegiance. But the same factors which were making it difficult to get a stable kissmessitude going interfered with auspistism also. These days conflicts were mostly getting resolved by Karkat yelling the conflicting parties into line, which was not proper ashen romance at all!

Nepeta wanted to fume about that a while longer, but noticed an even graver situation:

Equius had stopped scratching her head.

She turned to chastise her moirail for that offense, before noticing he wasn’t doing much of anything anymore. His eyes were closed and the pose in which he was slumped over the pile was uncharacteristically relaxed, bereft of the casual tension that was generally visible even when he tried to rest.

The cause of the relaxation was immediately apparent. Aradia’s lips were by Equius’s ear, gently humming one of her fraymotifs. Although fairly upbeat in its normal incarnation, when slowed down about nine times it made a passable lullaby. It was all very sweet and a great example of what made so many long for the fourth and final quadrant.

Matespritship

It was not often given to trolls to feel happy. Anything that allowed that emotion to be experienced, even if only occasionally, was immensely valuable. A truly good matespritship - one as red as the petals of a thornflower, or better yet as red as the blood of a very handsome mutant - was certainly such a thing. A matesprit could provide things for a troll that even a moirail could not. And all that was required in return was a total surrender of every principle troll psychology rested on. All one had to do was make themselves completely vulnerable to someone else. A very wise woman in one of Karkat’s much touted romantic comedies compared the process to two needlebeasts getting close to each other. It was possible - but only provided both were willing to expose their soft underbellies. How different from kissmessitude, which was more like the same needlebeasts charging at each other with their spiny hides held at maximum prickliness!

And yet, in spite of its difficulties, the nectar of matespritship was very sweet. Perhaps it was understandable why it was the one quadrant that seemed to be getting taken seriously aboard this meteor.

Nepeta went over the ships in her brain.

Aradia<3Equius? Well, duh! You might as well doubt Equius<>Nepeta! The black flips had grown less frequent as Aradia got to know Equius better and discovered that underneath some of his idiosyncrasies he really was very sweet, which Nepeta could have told her if she’d just asked!

Feferi<3Sollux seemed to be established fact. But perhaps it would be good to just give it a listen with her cute little ears:

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CC: And just w)(at do you t)(ink you’re up to?
TA: Not now, FF.
TA: ii appreciiate the interest but there ii2 two much work to be done.
CC: Work, work, work.
CC: T)(at’s all you seem to be up to lately.
CC: More so than before!
TA: our iimpendiing demii2e proviide2 uniique opportuniitiie2 for ATH programmiing
TA: ii am tryiing to take advantage of that.
CC: Well, be careful not to ex)(aust yourself.
CC: --Equius is not t)( only one around )(ere w)(o is exceptionally STRONG you know!
CC: And even )(e got thrown onto a pile.
TA: you 2eem very happy about that thought.
CC: I am ----EXCIT----ED about it!!!
TA: of cour2e you are.
TA: but the thiing about thii2 ii2 that a2 much as Eridan need2 two 2hut up about hope
TA: he ii2 ba2iically riight.
TA: fiightiing jack was one thiing
TA: but wiith what we know now ii thiink we miight be able two take on metaphy2iic2.
TA: and ii ju2t want two make 2ure we are a2 prepared a2 we could be
TA: becau2e ii want two protect you.
CC: AWW!
CC: T)(at is so SW--EET!
CC: Don’t worry about it
CC: I will be protecting you right back!!
CC: I t)(ink that we can ALL protect eac)( other now!
CC: GLUB!!! 38)
TA: glub.

And then, the one she dreaded the most. Karkat<3Terezi. Was it still valid?

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GC: H3H.
CG: WHAT.
GC: K4N4Y4 H4S B33N CLU31NG M3 1NTO SOM3 PR3TTY 1NT3R3ST1NG TH1NGS!
GC: 1F YOU KN3W WH4T TH3Y W3R3 YOU WOULD B3 L4UGH1NG SO H4RD.
CG: SURE. RUB IT IN WHY DON’T YOU.
GC: 3XCUS3 M3?
CG: LET’S ALL MAKE FUN OF KARKAT AND HOW HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING!
CG: I SWEAR, I’M LOSING CONTROL HERE.
CG: AND IT’S NOT EVEN TO KANAYA.
CG: IT’S MORE TO THIS CRAZY AMORPHOUS POWER STRUCTURE WITH NO CENTER.
CG: ALL THESE BULLSHIT COMMITTEES USING PREDESTINATION TO BACK UP THEIR AUTHORITY
CG: SO THAT I CAN’T EVEN GET THE GAMZEE HUNT GOING UNTIL ONE OF THE RAPPING ASSHOLES CHECKS IN AND TELLS ME TO.
CG: OH, AND LET’S NOT FORGET THAT WE’RE ALL STILL FUCKING DOOMED OVER HERE!
CG: SO EVEN IF WE GET GAMZEE IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE SOMETHING ELSE KILLS US OR WE’RE ERASED FROM EXISTENCE OR SOMETHING.
GC: W3LL!
GC: LOOK WHO’S SUDD3NLY MR. N3G4T1V3.
CG: NO, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.
CG: NONE OF YOUR STUPID LITTLE NICKNAMES.
CG: THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THIS BETTER AND YOU ARE DESPICABLE FOR TRYING.
GC: PL34S3, K4RK4T!
GC: YOU 4CT 4S THOUGH 1 C4M3 H3R3 TO CH33R YOU UP.
GC: FOR YOUR 1NFORM4T1ON TH4T W4S NOT MY 1NT3NT1ON 4T 4LL!
GC: 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS TH4T 1 H4V3 GL34M3D MY P4RT 1N TH3 MYST3R1OUS PL4N TH4T W1LL S4V3 OUR SORRY 4SS3S!
GC: 4ND NOW TH3 S33R OF M1ND H4S SOM3 M1ND S331NG TO DO!
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
CG: THEY TOLD YOU ABOUT THE PLAN?
CG: NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE PLAN YET!
CG: THIS IS JUST FUCKING GREAT.
GC: R3L4X, K4RKL3S.
GC: TH3R3 1S PL3NTY OF ROOM 1N TH3 PL4N FOR 3V3RYON3.
GC: 1T 1S MY ROL3 TO S33 C3RT41N TH1NGS.
GC: 1T 1S SOLLUX’S ROL3 TO M4K3 4 C3RT41N P13C3 OF COD3.
GC: 1T 1S F3F3R1 4ND T4VROS’S ROL3 TO D1SCUSS C3RT41N 4RR4NG3M3NTS W1TH TH3 HORRORT3RRORS.
GC: 3V3RYON3 G3TS 4 P4RT!
CG: YEAH, WELL, WHAT’S MY PART SUPPOSED TO BE?
GC: 1SN’T 1T CL34R?
GC: YOUR ROL3 1S TO B3 ADOR4BLOODTH1RSTY L1K3 ALW4YS
GC: 4ND Y3LL 4T 3V3RYON3 1N3FF3CTU4LLY!
CG: STFU!
GC: Y3S, JUST L1K3 TH4T! >:D
GC: YOU W1LL T4K3 TO TH1S PL4N VERY W3LL.
GC: 1 C4N GU4R4NT33 1T!

Ha! Leave it to those two to go through a redrom that sounded exactly like a blackrom to an untrained ear. Much as she disliked the pairing, she was forced to acknowledge it for the moment, even if only as an obstacle to be overcome.

Kanaya was carefully left out of the calculations. At some point a dedicated shipper learned to recognize an unpredictable variable. If anyone at all could tell where Kanaya’s read affections lay at this point, it certainly wasn’t Nepeta!

The really big question on the table right now was the question of Tavros. Whyever did that boy have to give Nepeta so much trouble? She’d had her heart set on Tavros<3Dave. But then Tavros had come up to her personally and asked her to paint him with Jade.

Now, normally Nepeta would just inform him that the shipping wall bent for no man, not even one bearing a pretty little cat-eared sailor’s cap. But the enthusiasm he showed for the idea made Nepeta acknowledge the possibility of the Tavros<3Jade ship. And the associated ships he’d suggested made for an auspicious arrangement.

Most importantly, he was actually putting in the work. So many trolls had a tendency to just sort of rush at romance and fall back if rebuffed. And Tavros did his fair share of that in that case, of course. But then he somehow got right back up and went to doing the things humans liked. Perhaps somewhere deep down he understood that shipping was mostly work. Hard work, but oh so rewarding!

It was decided then: Tavros would have another person in his flotilla. And she was ready to fire a full broadside, oh yesssss!

Nepeta retrieved a mobile computing device from her inventory. She had found it in one of the chests, most likely relieving a thief of his or her loot stash. Of all the games trolls played on this meteor, that one was perhaps the silliest. Still, it gave her opportunities like this. Because the thing that made this particular PDA so special was that it belonged to Tavros. And the silly boy forgot to log off!

Nepeta ran through his recent conversations. She did not feel even a little bit guilty. That was just what Tavros got for inviting people to join his cause. He should have learned that trolls did not make good subordinates!

Specifically, she zipped down Tavros’s conversations with Jade or about Jade. She awwed at her rejection of his first advance, which was very kind by roll standards. She bristled at the verbal lambasting he received from Vriska afterward. Scrolling through his conversations she could see some progress, even if it mostly came in the form of discussing the cultural implications of Pupa Pan as compared with some mysterious human legend of Peter Pan. Pretty good at overcoming the unfamiliarity; pretty good at building a friendship; hopeless at making positive progress in the flushed quadrant. Clearly he needed a helping paw.

Casually, Nepeta rifled through the contents of the folder marked as ‘Private.’ Again, she didn’t feel bad. If Tavros really wanted to keep files private, he should have just done what she did and marked the folder ‘Equius’s Art.’

Poetry. This would do.

Preparing to go through with her plan, Nepeta skipped a day or so into the future. She figured it was only fair to give Tavros’s strategy that much to keep building up confidence. But after that...

View Pesterlog:

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adiosToreador [AT] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

AT: hELLO, jADE,
GG: hi tavros!
GG: whats up :)
AT: mANY THINGS ARE,
AT: bUT ONE IS, i THINK, mORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OTHER,
GG: oh okay
GG: we can talk about that one first then!
AT: yES, tHAT IS GOOD,
AT: wE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS THING AS FRIENDS,
AT: bECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS NOW, rIGHT,
GG: i think so yeah!
GG: i think our becoming a friendship is definitely a thing that has happened :p
AT: yES, tHAT IS FUNNY,
AT: bECAUSE THAT IS DEFINITELY HOW I TALK,
AT: aND IT IS HILARIOUS,
GG: wait was that sincere or sarcastic?
AT: oH, iT WAS DEFINITELY SINCERE,
AT: eVERYBODY KNOWS THAT I, tAVROS, aM ALWAYS VERY SINCERE,
AT: aND HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT OF PLAYFUL IRONY,
GG: hm. . . . . .
GG: i guess thats true!
AT: oF COURSE IT IS,
AT: aND, uHHH, i HAVE ALSO BEEN WORKING ON CONFIDENCE,
AT: lEARNING WHAT IT IS FOR,
AT: aND WHAT IS A PROPER AMOUNT OF IT TO HAVE,
AT: wITHOUT USING FAKE CONFIDENCE,
AT: aND I THINK ALL OF THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT,
AT: oR AT LEAST IT MUST BE, sINCE I NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT IT,
AT: eVEN WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE IN NO MOOD FOR A PHILOSOPHY SESSION,
GG: wow are you okay tavros?
GG: you sound kind of strange today!
AT: yES, uHHH, i SOUND STRANGE BECAUSE I AM NERVOUS,
AT: iT IS NORMAL TO SOUND STRANGE IN SUCH A CASE, yES,
GG: i suppose it is
GG: maybe you should take a moment to compose yourself?
AT: oKAY, yES, i HAVE TAKEN A MOMENT TO DO THAT,
AT: aND I AM NOW A LOT CALMER AND WILL NO LONGER SOUND WEIRD,
GG: well that’s good :)
AT: yES, tHAT IS A NICE FACE YOU ARE MAKING,
AT: i HOPE YOU WILL STILL BE MAKING THAT FACE WHEN I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT TO,
GG: im sure i will!
AT: aLL RIGHT,
AT: dO YOU REMEMBER THE CONVERSATION WE HAD,
AT: wHERE I CONFESSED ABOUT MY RED FEELINGS FOR YOU,
AT: eVEN IF I DID IT IN A REALLY STUPID WAY,
AT: lIKE I SOMETIMES DO, bECAUSE I CAN BE VERY STUPID ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT,
AT: aND WOULD DO BETTER TO FOLLOW MY FRIENDS ADVICE,
GG: . . . . . .
GG: yes?
AT: i WANTED TO ASK, hOPEFULLY WITHOUT BEING TOO FORWARD,
AT: oR ASSUMING YOUR AGREEMENT,
AT: iF YOU WOULD ALLOW ME TO COURT YOU IN TRADITIONAL HUMAN WAYS,
AT: pLACING YOU UNDER NO OBLIGATION, oF COURSE,
AT: bUT HOPEFULLY SHOWING YOU MORE OF MY FEELINGS,
AT: aND INSTEAD OF ASSUMING YOU WILL AUTOMATICALLY RECIPROCATE THEM,
AT: sERIOUSLY WHO EVEN DOES THAT,
AT: wILL POSSIBLY WORK TO SLOWLY AWAKEN SUCH FEELINGS WITHIN YOU,
AT: wHICH IS HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO GO, i THINK,
GG: hmm. . . . . .
GG: okay
AT: rEALLY,
GG: i dont see why not
GG: and you seem to be approaching this in a much better way!
GG: even if you do still seem very nervous
GG: although i guess thats understandable
AT: pURRFECT,
GG: what?
AT: wHAT,
GG: never mind
GG: but i should warn you
GG: if you are trying to try to court me
GG: you should be on your best form!
AT: oH, i HAVE FORM,
AT: eVEN THOUGH YOU REALLY WOULD NOT THINK IT FROM LOOKING AT HOW I ACT,
AT: i MEAN, rEALLY,
GG: :D
GG: okay
GG: show me what youve got!
AT: i BELIEVE THAT IN HUMAN ROMANCE IT IS TRADITIONAL TO OFFER A PRETTY GIRL POETRY,
AT: bECAUSE I CAN’T THINK OF A GOOD WAY TO GET FLOWERS OR CHOCOLATES TO WHERE YOU ARE WITHOUT AN ALCHEMITER,
AT: aND I HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE THAT TO NOT BE ROMANTIC,
GG: no no poetry is fine!
GG: only. . . .
GG: can it not be about how deadly your planet is?
AT: nO, tHAT WOULD BE A TERRIBLE IDEA,
AT: tHE POETRY IS ABOUT YOU,
GG: ooh! :D
GG: okay, shoot!!!
AT: yOUR FLOWERS ARE LIKE RAINBOWS,
AT: bUT STILL, tHEIR LEAVES ARE GREEN
AT: aND DIAMONDS MAY BE PRISMATIC,
AT: bUT THEY CAN’T MATCH YOUR HAIR’S SHEEN,
AT: aND THEY’RE NOT AS TOUGH AS YOU,
AT: aND NOT HALF AS BRIGHT AS YOUR EYES,
AT: yOUR HEART CAN MAKE THE DIAMONDS MELT,
AT: bECAUSE I THINK YOU’RE VERY NICE,
AT: a GENTLE LADY OF THE GARDEN,
AT: sURROUNDED BY PRETTY FLOWERS,
AT: aND WITH THE SUNLIGHT STREAMING DOWN,
AT: yOUR BEAUTY’s GREATER THAN YOUR POWERS,
AT: aND THAT IS WHY MY HEART THROBS CRIMSON,
AT: aND WHY I’M SAD WE ARE APART,
AT: sO, IF IT’S NOT PRESUMPTIOUS, mAYBE,
AT: i HOPE ONE DAY TO WIN YOUR HEART,
AT: mAYBE TODAY I’LL MAKE A START,
GG: not bad!
GG: but i hope you understand if i dont immediately swoon and do whatever it is you trolls do that involves a bucket!
AT: nO, oF COURSE NOT,
AT: bUT I JUST THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE NICE TO SECURE SOME KIND OF A BOND,
AT: tHAT I, tAVROS NITRAM, cAN LATER EXPAND ON,
GG: well I dont want to promise anything
GG: but if you want to send me some more poetry later i wont say no! ;)
AT: oKAY,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

Feeling smug and self-satisfied, Nepeta gave a little smile and curled closer to Equius. She would sleep for now. But when she woke up? Oh, she would help hurry along the hunt for Gamzee, whatever the snooty Subcommittee of Time had to say about it. And then she would update her shipping wall so hard it would be scorched!

Oh, yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

[Decker]

IDK, I don't have a high opinion of my writing, but I put a lot of effort into the stuff I post here and it would be kind of saddening to be hated upon from on high. OH WELL IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN ANYWAY.

Once again I agree with you. I pretty much always think whatever I put up is crap, but I still spend hours trying to make it slightly less crap. Even if it is a silly thing like "BLOOD AND BLOODLESS: Rebooted." (I made poor Author edit the punctuation SO MANY TIMES since I couldn't go in and do it myself, lol. I am a mean person.) And days after the fact I'm still going back and tweaking my songfics. Why do I do this? Because I have no sense of perspective, that's why.

(Your writing is actually good though, so I don't know why you don't have a high opinion of it. )

A lot of people are their own harshest critic.

[lantadyme]

You guys should all be proud of your writing. You are all amazing and even if you're not producing stuff you're happiest with right now, you are learning from it. You will get better.

[scintillatingMoniker]

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4

THE KOLLOSAL KONCLUSION TO KARKAT'S KROSSDRESSING KHRONICLE

after never updating it for like three months or something

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turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: OH GREAT IT'S YOU.
TG: sup
CG: JUST WHAT I FUCKING NEEDED.
CG: YOU HAVE A HABIT OF SHOWING UP AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME.
TG: i know right
TG: its almost like i have a time machine or something
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
TG: i couldnt help but notice your little convo earlier
CG: WHICH ONE.
CG: THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE WAS A COMPLETE MORON AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE KEEPING IT TOGETHER?
TG: yeah that one
CG: ALRIGHT SMARTASS BE MORE SPECIFIC.
TG: lemme think
TG: you were talking about some kind of secret
TG: terezi and vriska could never hear about it right?
CG: WHAT? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YO
CG: OH FUCK NO.
TG: oh fuck yes
TG: i know all about it
TG: you like the frilly shit
TG: i know how it goes
CG: GODDAMNIT.
CG: HOW DID YOU EVEN READ THAT?
TG: i can still read your memos
TG: duh
CG: THIS IS THE WORST KEPT SECRET EVER.
CG: I BLAME GAMZEE.
CG: ONCE AGAIN, HE IS THE CAUSE OF ALL OF MY FUCKING PROBLEMS.
CG: WHY DO I EVEN SOCIALIZE WITH HIM.
TG: clown fetish
CG: ALRIGHT MORE STRANGE SEXUAL JOKES.
CG: PROBABLY SOME SHALLOW ATTEMPT AT HIDING AN OBVIOUS REDROM YOU'VE GOT FOR SOMEONE IN OUR SESSION.
TG: haha what
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT.
CG: I DON'T EVEN CARE JUST DON'T TELL TEREZI.
TG: kay
TG: what about vriska?
CG: YOU HATE HER.
TG: yeah
TG: but i also like fucking with you
CG: ALRIGHT FINE, RESPECIFYING.
CG: DON'T TELL TEREZI OR VRISKA.
TG: kay
TG: im just gonna go ahead and not tell them
CG: DON'T.
TG: im not werent you listening
TG: god
CG: NO REALLY.
CG: BECAUSE IF YOU DO THEN THE BARRIER BETWEEN OUR UNIVERSES WILL COME CRASHING DOWN AGAINST THE FORCE OF MY INCOMPREHENCIBLE RAGE.
TG: i didnt realize you felt that way about me
CG: WHAT.
TG: <}
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT STOP.
TG: hahahaha kidding dumbass
CG: UGH.
TG: kay, finished
CG: FINISHED WHAT.
TG: finished not telling
CG: OH FUCK YOU.
TG: chill
TG: i only not told terezi
CG: I HATE YOU.
TG: we can spit acid into eachothers noses later
TG: or whatever the fuck you guys do
CG: NOT LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.
CG: JUST FUCK OFF.
TG: kay
TG: kinda busy anyway manipulating the laws of time
TG: you know, no biggy
TG: cya later
TG: or maybe cya earlier
TG: who fuckin knows

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

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gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GC: OH K4444RK4444T.
CG: DID YOU JUST TYPE EIGHT FOURS THEN.
GC: 1T W4S FOUR 34CH >:[
CG: FOUR PLUS FOUR EQUALS EIGHT.
GC: SHUT UP YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34NT TO DO.
CG: RIGHT SORRY.
CG: THE DAVE HUMAN HAS JUST BEEN FUCKING WITH ME AND I'M KIND OF PARANOID.
GC: 4BOUT WH4T?
CG: NOTHING.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
GC: L1TTL3 SHY, M1SS V4NT4S?
CG: WHAT.
GC: >;]
CG: OH FUCK HE WAS BEING SERIOUS.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: FUCK.
CG: FUCK.
GC: WHY D1DNT YOU W4NT TO T3LL M3? >:?
CG: UGH.
CG: IT'S WEIRD? IT'S WRONG? IT'S CREEPY?
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T'S 4DOR4BL3 >:]
CG: THAT'S EVEN WORSE.
GC: H3H3H3H3
GC: COM3 ON K4RK4T WHY WOULD 1 3V3N C4R3?
GC: 1'V3 DON3 W31RD3R TH1NGS 4ND YOU DON'T C4R3.
CG: ACTUALLY I THINK THE COURTROOM ROLEPLAYING IS EQUAL PARTS PATHETIC AND CREEPY AS HELL.
GC: H3Y!
CG: THE POINT REMAINS THAT I'M FRIGGIN PATHETIC.
CG: MORE THAN THE COURTROOM THING.
CG: I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW PATHETIC I AM.
CG: THERE.
CG: NOW CAN WE FORGET ABOUT THIS?
GC: NO.
GC: 3SP3C14LLY NOT NOW TH4T YOU'VE 1NSULT3D MY COURTROOM >:[
CG: ALRIGHT FINE GO AHEAD.
GC: K4RK4T.
GC: 1NC4S3 YOU H4V3NT NOT1C3D YOUR SOC14L GROUP 1NCLUD3S 4 P3RV3RT3D H1GHBLOOD WHO SW34TS TOO MUCH, 4 GHOST ROBOT, 4 CR1PPL3D K1D WHO W4NTS TO B3 PUP4 P4N, 4 K1LL3R SP1D3RTROLL 3TC. 3TC.
GC: W34R1NG G3ND3R 1N4PROPR14T3 CLOTH1NG 1S TH3 L34ST W31RD TH1NG H3R3
GC: L1GHT3N UP, 4SSHOL3! H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: ...UH. THANKS. I GUESS.
GC: YOU'R3 W3LCOM3 >:]
CG: OH. ONE THING.
CG: EVERYONE BUT VRISKA KNOWS.
GC: SO?
CG: DON'T TELL HER.
CG: PLEASE.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3 4LR1GHT. >:P
CG: THANKS.
CG: PHEW.
CG: GLAD THAT'S OVER WITH.
GC: W41T.
CG: WHAT?
GC: SHOW M3 WH3R3 YOU H1D3 WH3N YOU DO 1T.
CG: ...WHY?
GC: 1 W4NN4 PL4Y DR3SSUP >:]
CG: ...
CG: FINE.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: COME ON THEN.
CG: LET'S GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

[Decker]

I posted two things over in the Pail Day exchange thread.

If anyone is interested

[ceruleanTresses]

We're All Doomed

Chapter 10: Idle Paws

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Nepeta crawled through the vents. Of all the trolls, she alone possessed the agility and determination necessary to master the labyrinthine network, bypassing the unnecessarily convoluted passages below and eschewing the need for the clumsy transportalizers that never took you where you wanted them to anyway!

Like any fearsome alien, she could not be deterred from her goal. The mighty feline forged ever onward, always getting closer to what she was seeking. And nothing and no-one could give her pause.

AA: and where d0es the kitty think shes g0ing

Unless of course they could teleport under their own power. Busted!

AC: :33 < uh, hi, aradia!
AC: :33 < *ac just needs to update her shipping wall really quickly!*
AA: equius warned y0u t0 stay put
AA: gamzee is still 0ut here and y0u might get hurt
AC: :33 < *but it would be really quick!
AA: listen t0 y0ur m0irail nepeta
AA: return t0 y0ur pr0per l0cati0n
AC: :33 < *ac ruffles her fur and stretches out her claws!*
AA: nepeta if i have t0 carry y0u back by the scruff 0f y0ur c0llar i will
AC: :33 < *ac backs down in the face of the robot girl’s supurrior pawer*
AA: g00d kitten
AA: n0w c0me 0n
AA: we sh0uld get back

In exchange for swift cooperation, Nepeta didn’t have to suffer the humiliation of being carried by her neck. She was, however, caught within Aradia’s psychic hold as they zipped back to the common rooms. And when Aradia floated them down, resealing the vent entrance as she went through, Nepeta remained suspended in the air.

The pretty little kitty was in a lot of trouble.

AA: equius i f0und nepeta in the duct system

The enormous troll boy turned his head, leaving the half-finished robot aside for a while. Nepeta could feel his eyes bore into her even through his glasses. Considering the silly things were about a quarter of an inch thick, that was saying something.

CT: D --> Nepeta!
CT: D --> How c001d you be so f001ish?
CT: D --> What if something had happened to you?
CT: D --> I w001d never have forgiven myself
AC: :33 < *ac looks down sheepishly, i mean kittishly*
AC: :33 < *she explains that she didn’t mean to worry equius, but she really n33ds some privacy to update her shipping wall!*
CT: D --> Nepeta, no
CT: D --> The clown c001d well be waiting for you
CT: D --> You are perfectly capable of simply remembering your ships of choice until the present predicament has been dealt with
CT: D --> Now promise me you will not leave our quarters again
AC: :33 < *ac doesn’t
CT: D --> Promise, nepeta
CT: D --> I command it
AC: :33 < fine
AC: :33 < i promise
CT: D --> E%cellent
CT: D --> Then I can return to work without further concern for your safety
AA: n0t s0 fast
CT: D --> Oh dear
CT: D --> What is your concern with my intentions
AA: just h0w l0ng have y0u been w0rking with0ut rest
CT: D --> That is not important
CT: D --> I am e%ceptionally STRONG and do not require the same amount of rest normal trolls do
CT: D --> My skills are needed to secure a defensible perimeter
AA: equius we have en0ugh r0b0ts
AA: there are s0 many 0f them n0w we are alm0st getting cr0wded 0ut even th0ugh m0st 0f them are 0utside
AA: if gamzee can take d0wn this many then d0ubling or even quadrupling the number will n0t have much 0f an effect
AA: and y0u need rest just as much as any0ne
CT: D --> Aradia, your concern for my wellbeing is endearing but f001ish
CT: D --> I am perfectly capable of 100king after myself

The robot girl’s red eyes narrowed.

AA: equius i am n0t 0kay with that

One wave of her hand, and the mighty Equius joined his moirail in dangling helplessly in mid-air.

AA: i think its time f0r b0th 0f y0u t0 g0 t0 the r0b0t part pile and relax

Another hand gesture and the two trolls flew across the room. Slowing down just before arriving at their destination, they were let down gently into comfortable positions. Aradia herself followed, setting down by Equius. He sighed in surrender and drew an arm around her shoulder.

AC: :33 < *ac asks if aradia could do the ameowsing thing she does to equius*
AA: yes 0f c0urse
AA: equius i am n0w c0unteracting ninety nine percent of y0ur right arm’s strength
AA: y0u are cleared f0r head scratching

Equius gave a smile. It was a creepy one, to be sure, but very sweet in its own way. His hand, surrounded by Aradia’s psychic shield, descended on Nepeta’s head and he ran his fingers over her hat and past her ears. No bruises to worry about.

Nepeta was happy.

She didn’t worry about being doomed or about Gamzee or whatever other mysterious forces were arraying themselves against the trolls and the humans. When she was like this, she felt completely safe. But not quite at peace. A burning desire to update the shipping wall still burned within her. But with her promise to Equius made, she could do little other than think about shipping.

So think about it she did.

In troll culture shipping carried connotations quite different from those inherent in human worldview. For a human, shipping was something of a guilty pleasure. For a troll, it was a solemn responsibility. The troll romances carried benefits much more immediate than pleasure or reproduction possibilities or even social status. A troll who couldn’t find concupiscient romance would soon be dead by the hand of an imperial drone. A troll who couldn’t find conciliatory romance would quite likely be dead by the hands of other trolls as uncontrolled emotions combined with unmediated conflicts to eventually make a few enemies too many. Shipping became, in the most literal way imaginable, a matter of life and death.

The four romances made the whole thing complex on a purely mathematical level. A human couple was a simple enough thing – once two humans were successfully paired off, the shipper was done. But every troll could have four partners - and possibly more, since a troll could hold multiple ashen relationships and each one held at least two other trolls in various capacities. An uncontrolled ship could create a network of romance that spanned the entire population, connecting every troll to every other troll. A shipper’s task was not only creating stable relationships, but doing so in a way that wouldn’t lead to a geometric increase in the number of people involved. A task made both simpler and more complicated by the fact that only twelve candidates remained. Sixteen if you counted the humans, as more and more trolls seemed to do.

Truly a challenge worthy of the best shipper in all of paradox space.

Nepeta went on to review the quadrants in her mind. The romance situation was still so woefully undeveloped. Didn’t everyone know those things should be settled properly? Hardly anyone seemed to be taking the situation as seriously as it deserved to be taken.

Equius continued scratching her head. It made her feel safe and happy and decided on the quadrant she would update first.

Moirallegiance

In many ways the strangest thing about this aspect of romance was the inherent imbalance. The two parties entering a flushed romance by definition sought and got different things from it. One troll gained an emotional restraint – the kind of person who gave them options other than homicidal rage with which to express their frustrations. The other troll gained a powerful protector to resolve problems which might need a proper application of violence. Moirallegiance was a balance of opposites.

As far as Nepeta was concerned, there simply weren’t enough moirails on this meteor! Come to think of it, her own moirallegiance with Equius was the only truly stable relationship of that sort she could think of. And that was quite a problem, since there were more than a few trolls in need of stabilizing - as well as several who needed some protection.

There had been several relationships active just before the start of the game, but they’d been torn apart - generally by ambitions towards the flushed quadrant. One of the chief difficulties in setting up moirails was all the people who just couldn’t appreciate a good cuddle in a pile or a frank discussion of feelings without wanting to bring kissing into it. That wasn’t what a moirail was for!

Nepeta’s ships just weren’t working out like they should have been. GamzeeKarkat had been her best hope, and that had recently gone south. She was considering reinstituting KanayaVriska now that the former had had her attention captured by the human girl and the latter by the street tough maverick with nothing to lose, but even she had to admit it was a bit of a long shot.

Making the whole thing worse were the various matespritships taking on tasks that would normally be reserved for moraillegiances. The effect Feferi had on Sollux, for instance. Or the way Aradia, while not looking for a moirail of her own, seemed to consider herself close to Nepeta. Such connections were not uncommon, but not exactly required either. Plenty of trolls kept their quadrants separate.

Nepeta was glad that was not the case this time.

But even though it hurt her little shipper heart, Nepeta was coming to the conclusion that no new relationships could be filled until a major social upheaval set things adrift again. But just then…

View Conversation:

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CA: hey spiderbitch i havve an issue to take up with you
AG: Ugh.
AG: What do you want, Eridan?
CA: it has come to my attention that you havve been threatenin our human allies
CA: and that furthermore you may be harborin thoughts of aggression against members a our own party
AG: First off, I haven’t 8een threatening anyone.
AG: May8e arranging a little machin8ion, 8ut as you would know if you looked in front of you...
AG: Sometimes death can be for the 8est!
AG: Anyway, what concern is any of this of yours?
CA: not that i havve to tell you but i guess youvve fished it out of me
CA: you wwill not evven think about inflictin harm on the humans
CA: they are our best hope of rescuin ourselvves from this doomed timeline
CA: and you certainly wwill not evven think of retribution against those wwho stop you from inflictin that harm
CA: certainly not my neww moirail
AG: Moirail? Oh, Gog!!!!!!!!
AG: Eridan, are you actually trying to 8rag 8ecause you were finally a8le to fill one of your quadrants when the most pathetic troll in the universe took pity on you?
AG: I am laughing so hard over here!
AG: :::
CA: yes wwell at least i succeeded in elicitin some kind a emotional response from him
CA: if i am rememberin right you got rejected in evvery possible quadrant
AG: Wow.
AG: An insult that’s halfway competent!
AG: Looks like Admiral Orphan Duelloser is finally growing a 8rain!
AG: I always said you needed one.
CA: yes wwell i alwways said you wwere a little cerebral marquise can’t control people of noble birth
CA: the thing about being a one trick seapony is that when you fail you need someone there to shoot problems in the face until they go away
CA: only you kid of scared awway anyone who might havve felt inclined to help you
CA: sucks to be you i guess
AG: Watch it, Eridan.
AG: I have more than one trick.
AG: Are you really sure your little glowing stick is enough to take on someone with the power of a god?
CA: you dont havve to be particularly unlucky to havve your party wwhite mage cast somethin on you
CA: remember that and stay awway from those under my protection
AG: Eridan, you are as paaaaaaaathetic as ever!

Well!

Nepeta had to admit she had not seen this one coming, mainly because she didn’t like to think about Eridan. But Eridan certainly needed someone to calm him down, and Tavros could probably use some protection. And admittedly the two boys had been hanging around each other a lot, what with roleplaying and the mysterious club...

Upon reflection, Nepeta decided it worked. Proper planning be damned, sometimes it’s the happy little surprises that really made a shipper’s day.

Of course there had been more to the dialogue than the clumsy declarations of a moirail new to his role. Eridan had, after all, been in an extremely long-lived moirallegiance before, and so would know there was no need to go out and openly threaten anyone who might harm the troll under his protection. Part of it had been bragging, yes. Now that Eridan had finally - finally - gotten someone to not reject him, he would make sure the world knew it. But another part had been flirting. Not content with one victory, Eridan still sought more. He hoped to perhaps reawaken the spark of an old rivalry - to discover romance in another of the elusive troll quadrants.

Kissmessitude

By far the most dangerous of troll romances. The tamer relations of this nature could be simple rivalries, perhaps even ones not unfriendly. But the truly burning caliginous romances - the ones that rose to the top of the slurry - were necessarily one step away from platonic hate. To be a kismesis was to walk a razor’s edge where a single mistake could mean one of the romantic partners would end up slitting the other’s throat.

Eridan was not the only one to seek such relationship with Vriska, of course, even if he was the one who approached it more directly. Every troll left alive had some grievance to settle with her, even if it was just a grudge over a friend of a friend. Nepeta herself was angry at her over all the trolls she’d killed or injured. And it was a short walk from platonic hate to romantic one.

But the difficulty with Vriska and blackrom was never the lack of suitors. It was the speed with which such conflicts escalated with her. If Eridan ever succeeded in getting her to hate him back, Nepeta was willing to give them about fourteen hours before one of them killed the other. Same thing with Aradia, only with time cut down to about twelve minutes. Vriska had a great deal of difficulty with the concept of hating someone without doing much about it. And when trolls had things done to them, they tended to do them right back.

Which is why Nepeta’s favorite ship was Terezi<}< Vriska. Terezi was the only one in their group who truly understood the true subtleties of black romance. Where the other trolls would use force, Terezi was the only one who could match Vriska with manipulation - without the use of psychic powers. It would be a duel in the shadows of the mind, and it would be so exciting oh yessssssss!

As for the other trolls, her ships were in chaos! Ever since the doom thing, everyone had been getting all mixed up. Eridan was acting calmly and hardly creepy at all! And Equius was getting all caught up in his commissions and positions. And timid little Tavros was standing up to people. And all of this on top of Gamzee doing a total perspective flip and becoming everyone’s largest threat. Still, she thought that perhaps Karkat and Kanaya could get something going with the way the Glorious Leader was growing more and more upset with the Chief Organizer’s activities. Perhaps if a few people were to mention how much they loved the committees, the conflict could escalate. Nepeta wondered idly if she had some favors to trade.

And in the meantime she listened in on another conversation as Eridan was intercepted by someone else.

View Conversation:

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GC: COM1NG ON JUST 4 L1TTL3 STRONG, 3R1D4N?
GC: TH4T H4S 4LW4YS B33N YOUR PROBL3M.
CA: i basically havve no use for your opinion
CA: wwhy wwould you bother me
GC: W3LL B3C4US3 1 H4V3 B33N WH3R3 YOU 4R3!
GC: M1NUS TH3 CR33PY 4DV4NC3S, OF COURS3.
GC: BUT 1 H4V3 4LSO TR13D TO G3T 1NTO 4 SP4T W1TH VR1SK4.
GC: TH3 3XCH4NG3 W4S NOT P4RT1CUL4RLY 4DV4NT4G3OUS FOR 4NYON3.
CA: wwhat is your point
GC: TH3 PO1NT 1S TH4T VR1SK4 N33DS TO B3 H4NDL3D W1TH 4 L1TTL3 MOR3 F1N3SS3!
GC: OTH3RW1S3 YOU 4ND H3R R34LLY W1LL 3ND UP DU3L1NG
GC: 4ND TH3N ON3 OF YOU W1LL B3 D34D.
CA: look just back off
CA: this is my business and i wwont have you gettin mixed into it
CA: unless you also wwant a taste of my wwand
GC: OH, 3R1D4N!
GC: 1 4M D3F1N1T3LY NOT 1NT3R3ST3D!
CA: i dont care if youre interested or not
CA: i wwill not hesitate to go through you
CA: if that is wwhat it takes to keep hope alive
GA: Perhaps I Could Be Of Some Assistance
CA: sure kan
CA: wwait do you mean assist me or her
GA: Both Of You I Think
GA: This Situation Is Rather Easily Resolved
GA: I Have Some Logs Concerning Vriska You Should Both Take A Look At
GC: 1 SM3LL 4 PLOT H4TCH1NG! >:]
GA: Something Of That Nature May Indeed Be Happening
GA: Ensuring There Is No Need For Anyone To Have Grand Duels
GA: Especially Over The Matter Of Whether More Duels Are Appropriate

Kanaya’s timely intervention was normalizing things. And that brought Nepeta to her next quadrant:

Auspisticism

An auspistice had two functions: preventing black infidelities and defusing platonic hate. The value of first was obvious; kissmessitude was torrid enough without any additional complications. The second quite simply prevented the formation of rivalries which, instead of providing genetic material, would simply end with someone dead. They certainly could have used a good auspistice back in the Flarping days. Perhaps if Kanaya had gotten involved, it would have all worked out. Kanaya was the best auspistice. The best.

While Nepeta had never been part of an ashen romance herself, she’d watched Equius go through several. Generally it began with one of his neighbors somehow insulting him. Where a normal noble might respond with a campaign of elaborate vengeance, Equius tended to simply chuck things out the window until the offending party sought out a mediator.

Nepeta loved her moirail, but she had to admit he had no sense of subtlety!

Of course, not every ashen romance ended up being such a short tryst, though many did. A number could grow into stable relationships, every bit as important as a moirallegiance. But the same factors which were making it difficult to get a stable kissmessitude going interfered with auspistism also. These days conflicts were mostly getting resolved by Karkat yelling the conflicting parties into line, which was not proper ashen romance at all!

Nepeta wanted to fume about that a while longer, but noticed an even graver situation:

Equius had stopped scratching her head.

She turned to chastise her moirail for that offense, before noticing he wasn’t doing much of anything anymore. His eyes were closed and the pose in which he was slumped over the pile was uncharacteristically relaxed, bereft of the casual tension that was generally visible even when he tried to rest.

The cause of the relaxation was immediately apparent. Aradia’s lips were by Equius’s ear, gently humming one of her fraymotifs. Although fairly upbeat in its normal incarnation, when slowed down about nine times it made a passable lullaby. It was all very sweet and a great example of what made so many long for the fourth and final quadrant.

Matespritship

It was not often given to trolls to feel happy. Anything that allowed that emotion to be experienced, even if only occasionally, was immensely valuable. A truly good matespritship - one as red as the petals of a thornflower, or better yet as red as the blood of a very handsome mutant - was certainly such a thing. A matesprit could provide things for a troll that even a moirail could not. And all that was required in return was a total surrender of every principle troll psychology rested on. All one had to do was make themselves completely vulnerable to someone else. A very wise woman in one of Karkat’s much touted romantic comedies compared the process to two needlebeasts getting close to each other. It was possible - but only provided both were willing to expose their soft underbellies. How different from kissmessitude, which was more like the same needlebeasts charging at each other with their spiny hides held at maximum prickliness!

And yet, in spite of its difficulties, the nectar of matespritship was very sweet. Perhaps it was understandable why it was the one quadrant that seemed to be getting taken seriously aboard this meteor.

Nepeta went over the ships in her brain.

AradiaEquius? Well, duh! You might as well doubt EquiusNepeta! The black flips had grown less frequent as Aradia got to know Equius better and discovered that underneath some of his idiosyncrasies he really was very sweet, which Nepeta could have told her if she’d just asked!

FeferiSollux seemed to be established fact. But perhaps it would be good to just give it a listen with her cute little ears:

View Conversation:

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CC: And just w)(at do you t)(ink you’re up to?
TA: Not now, FF.
TA: ii appreciiate the interest but there ii2 two much work to be done.
CC: Work, work, work.
CC: T)(at’s all you seem to be up to lately.
CC: More so than before!
TA: our iimpendiing demii2e proviide2 uniique opportuniitiie2 for ATH programmiing
TA: ii am tryiing to take advantage of that.
CC: Well, be careful not to ex)(aust yourself.
CC: --Equius is not t)( only one around )(ere w)(o is exceptionally STRONG you know!
CC: And even )(e got thrown onto a pile.
TA: you 2eem very happy about that thought.
CC: I am ----EXCIT----ED about it!!!
TA: of cour2e you are.
TA: but the thiing about thii2 ii2 that a2 much as Eridan need2 two 2hut up about hope
TA: he ii2 ba2iically riight.
TA: fiightiing jack was one thiing
TA: but wiith what we know now ii thiink we miight be able two take on metaphy2iic2.
TA: and ii ju2t want two make 2ure we are a2 prepared a2 we could be
TA: becau2e ii want two protect you.
CC: AWW!
CC: T)(at is so SW--EET!
CC: Don’t worry about it
CC: I will be protecting you right back!!
CC: I t)(ink that we can ALL protect eac)( other now!
CC: GLUB!!! 3
TA: glub.

And then, the one she dreaded the most. KarkatTerezi. Was it still valid?

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GC: H3H.
CG: WHAT.
GC: K4N4Y4 H4S B33N CLU31NG M3 1NTO SOM3 PR3TTY 1NT3R3ST1NG TH1NGS!
GC: 1F YOU KN3W WH4T TH3Y W3R3 YOU WOULD B3 L4UGH1NG SO H4RD.
CG: SURE. RUB IT IN WHY DON’T YOU.
GC: 3XCUS3 M3?
CG: LET’S ALL MAKE FUN OF KARKAT AND HOW HE DOESN’T KNOW ANYTHING!
CG: I SWEAR, I’M LOSING CONTROL HERE.
CG: AND IT’S NOT EVEN TO KANAYA.
CG: IT’S MORE TO THIS CRAZY AMORPHOUS POWER STRUCTURE WITH NO CENTER.
CG: ALL THESE BULLSHIT COMMITTEES USING PREDESTINATION TO BACK UP THEIR AUTHORITY
CG: SO THAT I CAN’T EVEN GET THE GAMZEE HUNT GOING UNTIL ONE OF THE RAPPING ASSHOLES CHECKS IN AND TELLS ME TO.
CG: OH, AND LET’S NOT FORGET THAT WE’RE ALL STILL FUCKING DOOMED OVER HERE!
CG: SO EVEN IF WE GET GAMZEE IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE SOMETHING ELSE KILLS US OR WE’RE ERASED FROM EXISTENCE OR SOMETHING.
GC: W3LL!
GC: LOOK WHO’S SUDD3NLY MR. N3G4T1V3.
CG: NO, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.
CG: NONE OF YOUR STUPID LITTLE NICKNAMES.
CG: THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THIS BETTER AND YOU ARE DESPICABLE FOR TRYING.
GC: PL34S3, K4RK4T!
GC: YOU 4CT 4S THOUGH 1 C4M3 H3R3 TO CH33R YOU UP.
GC: FOR YOUR 1NFORM4T1ON TH4T W4S NOT MY 1NT3NT1ON 4T 4LL!
GC: 1T JUST SO H4PP3NS TH4T 1 H4V3 GL34M3D MY P4RT 1N TH3 MYST3R1OUS PL4N TH4T W1LL S4V3 OUR SORRY 4SS3S!
GC: 4ND NOW TH3 S33R OF M1ND H4S SOM3 M1ND S331NG TO DO!
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
CG: THEY TOLD YOU ABOUT THE PLAN?
CG: NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THE PLAN YET!
CG: THIS IS JUST FUCKING GREAT.
GC: R3L4X, K4RKL3S.
GC: TH3R3 1S PL3NTY OF ROOM 1N TH3 PL4N FOR 3V3RYON3.
GC: 1T 1S MY ROL3 TO S33 C3RT41N TH1NGS.
GC: 1T 1S SOLLUX’S ROL3 TO M4K3 4 C3RT41N P13C3 OF COD3.
GC: 1T 1S F3F3R1 4ND T4VROS’S ROL3 TO D1SCUSS C3RT41N 4RR4NG3M3NTS W1TH TH3 HORRORT3RRORS.
GC: 3V3RYON3 G3TS 4 P4RT!
CG: YEAH, WELL, WHAT’S MY PART SUPPOSED TO BE?
GC: 1SN’T 1T CL34R?
GC: YOUR ROL3 1S TO B3 ADOR4BLOODTH1RSTY L1K3 ALW4YS
GC: 4ND Y3LL 4T 3V3RYON3 1N3FF3CTU4LLY!
CG: STFU!
GC: Y3S, JUST L1K3 TH4T! >
GC: YOU W1LL T4K3 TO TH1S PL4N VERY W3LL.
GC: 1 C4N GU4R4NT33 1T!

Ha! Leave it to those two to go through a redrom that sounded exactly like a blackrom to an untrained ear. Much as she disliked the pairing, she was forced to acknowledge it for the moment, even if only as an obstacle to be overcome.

Kanaya was carefully left out of the calculations. At some point a dedicated shipper learned to recognize an unpredictable variable. If anyone at all could tell where Kanaya’s read affections lay at this point, it certainly wasn’t Nepeta!

The really big question on the table right now was the question of Tavros. Whyever did that boy have to give Nepeta so much trouble? She’d had her heart set on TavrosDave. But then Tavros had come up to her personally and asked her to paint him with Jade.

Now, normally Nepeta would just inform him that the shipping wall bent for no man, not even one bearing a pretty little cat-eared sailor’s cap. But the enthusiasm he showed for the idea made Nepeta acknowledge the possibility of the TavrosJade ship. And the associated ships he’d suggested made for an auspicious arrangement.

Most importantly, he was actually putting in the work. So many trolls had a tendency to just sort of rush at romance and fall back if rebuffed. And Tavros did his fair share of that in that case, of course. But then he somehow got right back up and went to doing the things humans liked. Perhaps somewhere deep down he understood that shipping was mostly work. Hard work, but oh so rewarding!

It was decided then: Tavros would have another person in his flotilla. And she was ready to fire a full broadside, oh yesssss!

Nepeta retrieved a mobile computing device from her inventory. She had found it in one of the chests, most likely relieving a thief of his or her loot stash. Of all the games trolls played on this meteor, that one was perhaps the silliest. Still, it gave her opportunities like this. Because the thing that made this particular PDA so special was that it belonged to Tavros. And the silly boy forgot to log off!

Nepeta ran through his recent conversations. She did not feel even a little bit guilty. That was just what Tavros got for inviting people to join his cause. He should have learned that trolls did not make good subordinates!

Specifically, she zipped down Tavros’s conversations with Jade or about Jade. She awwed at her rejection of his first advance, which was very kind by roll standards. She bristled at the verbal lambasting he received from Vriska afterward. Scrolling through his conversations she could see some progress, even if it mostly came in the form of discussing the cultural implications of Pupa Pan as compared with some mysterious human legend of Peter Pan. Pretty good at overcoming the unfamiliarity; pretty good at building a friendship; hopeless at making positive progress in the flushed quadrant. Clearly he needed a helping paw.

Casually, Nepeta rifled through the contents of the folder marked as ‘Private.’ Again, she didn’t feel bad. If Tavros really wanted to keep files private, he should have just done what she did and marked the folder ‘Equius’s Art.’

Poetry. This would do.

Preparing to go through with her plan, Nepeta skipped a day or so into the future. She figured it was only fair to give Tavros’s strategy that much to keep building up confidence. But after that...

View Pesterlog:

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adiosToreador [AT] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

AT: hELLO, jADE,
GG: hi tavros!
GG: whats up
AT: mANY THINGS ARE,
AT: bUT ONE IS, i THINK, mORE IMPORTANT THAN ANY OTHER,
GG: oh okay
GG: we can talk about that one first then!
AT: yES, tHAT IS GOOD,
AT: wE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS THING AS FRIENDS,
AT: bECAUSE WE ARE FRIENDS NOW, rIGHT,
GG: i think so yeah!
GG: i think our becoming a friendship is definitely a thing that has happened
AT: yES, tHAT IS FUNNY,
AT: bECAUSE THAT IS DEFINITELY HOW I TALK,
AT: aND IT IS HILARIOUS,
GG: wait was that sincere or sarcastic?
AT: oH, iT WAS DEFINITELY SINCERE,
AT: eVERYBODY KNOWS THAT I, tAVROS, aM ALWAYS VERY SINCERE,
AT: aND HAVE NO UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT OF PLAYFUL IRONY,
GG: hm. . . . . .
GG: i guess thats true!
AT: oF COURSE IT IS,
AT: aND, uHHH, i HAVE ALSO BEEN WORKING ON CONFIDENCE,
AT: lEARNING WHAT IT IS FOR,
AT: aND WHAT IS A PROPER AMOUNT OF IT TO HAVE,
AT: wITHOUT USING FAKE CONFIDENCE,
AT: aND I THINK ALL OF THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT,
AT: oR AT LEAST IT MUST BE, sINCE I NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT IT,
AT: eVEN WHEN MY FRIENDS ARE IN NO MOOD FOR A PHILOSOPHY SESSION,
GG: wow are you okay tavros?
GG: you sound kind of strange today!
AT: yES, uHHH, i SOUND STRANGE BECAUSE I AM NERVOUS,
AT: iT IS NORMAL TO SOUND STRANGE IN SUCH A CASE, yES,
GG: i suppose it is
GG: maybe you should take a moment to compose yourself?
AT: oKAY, yES, i HAVE TAKEN A MOMENT TO DO THAT,
AT: aND I AM NOW A LOT CALMER AND WILL NO LONGER SOUND WEIRD,
GG: well that’s good
AT: yES, tHAT IS A NICE FACE YOU ARE MAKING,
AT: i HOPE YOU WILL STILL BE MAKING THAT FACE WHEN I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT TO,
GG: im sure i will!
AT: aLL RIGHT,
AT: dO YOU REMEMBER THE CONVERSATION WE HAD,
AT: wHERE I CONFESSED ABOUT MY RED FEELINGS FOR YOU,
AT: eVEN IF I DID IT IN A REALLY STUPID WAY,
AT: lIKE I SOMETIMES DO, bECAUSE I CAN BE VERY STUPID ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT,
AT: aND WOULD DO BETTER TO FOLLOW MY FRIENDS ADVICE,
GG: . . . . . .
GG: yes?
AT: i WANTED TO ASK, hOPEFULLY WITHOUT BEING TOO FORWARD,
AT: oR ASSUMING YOUR AGREEMENT,
AT: iF YOU WOULD ALLOW ME TO COURT YOU IN TRADITIONAL HUMAN WAYS,
AT: pLACING YOU UNDER NO OBLIGATION, oF COURSE,
AT: bUT HOPEFULLY SHOWING YOU MORE OF MY FEELINGS,
AT: aND INSTEAD OF ASSUMING YOU WILL AUTOMATICALLY RECIPROCATE THEM,
AT: sERIOUSLY WHO EVEN DOES THAT,
AT: wILL POSSIBLY WORK TO SLOWLY AWAKEN SUCH FEELINGS WITHIN YOU,
AT: wHICH IS HOW THIS IS SUPPOSED TO GO, i THINK,
GG: hmm. . . . . .
GG: okay
AT: rEALLY,
GG: i dont see why not
GG: and you seem to be approaching this in a much better way!
GG: even if you do still seem very nervous
GG: although i guess thats understandable
AT: pURRFECT,
GG: what?
AT: wHAT,
GG: never mind
GG: but i should warn you
GG: if you are trying to try to court me
GG: you should be on your best form!
AT: oH, i HAVE FORM,
AT: eVEN THOUGH YOU REALLY WOULD NOT THINK IT FROM LOOKING AT HOW I ACT,
AT: i MEAN, rEALLY,
GG:
GG: okay
GG: show me what youve got!
AT: i BELIEVE THAT IN HUMAN ROMANCE IT IS TRADITIONAL TO OFFER A PRETTY GIRL POETRY,
AT: bECAUSE I CAN’T THINK OF A GOOD WAY TO GET FLOWERS OR CHOCOLATES TO WHERE YOU ARE WITHOUT AN ALCHEMITER,
AT: aND I HAVE BEEN LED TO BELIEVE THAT TO NOT BE ROMANTIC,
GG: no no poetry is fine!
GG: only. . . .
GG: can it not be about how deadly your planet is?
AT: nO, tHAT WOULD BE A TERRIBLE IDEA,
AT: tHE POETRY IS ABOUT YOU,
GG: ooh!
GG: okay, shoot!!!
AT: yOUR FLOWERS ARE LIKE RAINBOWS,
AT: bUT STILL, tHEIR LEAVES ARE GREEN
AT: aND DIAMONDS MAY BE PRISMATIC,
AT: bUT THEY CAN’T MATCH YOUR HAIR’S SHEEN,
AT: aND THEY’RE NOT AS TOUGH AS YOU,
AT: aND NOT HALF AS BRIGHT AS YOUR EYES,
AT: yOUR HEART CAN MAKE THE DIAMONDS MELT,
AT: bECAUSE I THINK YOU’RE VERY NICE,
AT: a GENTLE LADY OF THE GARDEN,
AT: sURROUNDED BY PRETTY FLOWERS,
AT: aND WITH THE SUNLIGHT STREAMING DOWN,
AT: yOUR BEAUTY’s GREATER THAN YOUR POWERS,
AT: aND THAT IS WHY MY HEART THROBS CRIMSON,
AT: aND WHY I’M SAD WE ARE APART,
AT: sO, IF IT’S NOT PRESUMPTIOUS, mAYBE,
AT: i HOPE ONE DAY TO WIN YOUR HEART,
AT: mAYBE TODAY I’LL MAKE A START,
GG: not bad!
GG: but i hope you understand if i dont immediately swoon and do whatever it is you trolls do that involves a bucket!
AT: nO, oF COURSE NOT,
AT: bUT I JUST THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE NICE TO SECURE SOME KIND OF A BOND,
AT: tHAT I, tAVROS NITRAM, cAN LATER EXPAND ON,
GG: well I dont want to promise anything
GG: but if you want to send me some more poetry later i wont say no!
AT: oKAY,

adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

Feeling smug and self-satisfied, Nepeta gave a little smile and curled closer to Equius. She would sleep for now. But when she woke up? Oh, she would help hurry along the hunt for Gamzee, whatever the snooty Subcommittee of Time had to say about it. And then she would update her shipping wall so hard it would be scorched!

Oh, yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

Good god that looks like it was a lot of work! Work well invested! Troll romance shenanigans are always fun, and I love your interpretation of troll shipping.

[Kassiopeia]

(Your writing is actually good though, so I don't know why you don't have a high opinion of it. )

YEAH IDK WHAT KASS' DEAL IS, SHE WRITES BETTER THAN LIKE

ALL THE MFA: FICTION PEOPLE I KNOW

YEAH KASS YOU WRITE BETTER THAN DUDES GETTING THEIR MASTER'S DEGREES SO STOP WHINING.

DAAAA GUYS
I wasn't fishing for compliments I just didn't want to look like I was being all OH NO NOBODY CAN MAKE MEAN COMMENTS ON MY PERFECT MAGICAL WORKS, MY PRECIOUS EGO CANNOT TAKE IT~~~

but thx

anyway I should probably write some more fic sometime. Still falling down all this original nonsense though.

e: Decker you know how much I love that Karkat/Terezi one! I am honoured and delighted to have had some part in beta-ing

[Jeep-Eep]

A concept that I fiddled with for the Battletech crossover.

The humans cause their troll session.

Really.

The trolls would be in communication with the humans before the reckoning ( and thus, the Vast Glub. They would not have a session yet. How the trolls would communicate with the humans before their own session (as well as few other mechanics and snippets) will be explained in a spoilered section below. Critique, if you please.

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They emailed the Sburb (or whatever you'd call their version) to their trolls allowing them to throw together a semi-stable version of it (pretty much just the crudest compatibility layer for the code that would work) that could run under Troll OSes, allowing them to escape the reckoning from the 6/12 session and causing a near simultaneous reckoning that was lost in the ongoing apocalypse of the first. This varient wouldn't be nearly as stable as Sollux's (their coder would not be nearly as skillful) version, but it would work, after a fashion. The trolls would be in contact with them in two... parts of the timeline, for lack of better terminology. One after they had entered the Session, one before. The humans would interface with the latter after their own ascent and later, in attempt to save both themselves and the trolls, would give the trolls the code. I'm playing withe the idea of having them be one session, human and troll, both causing the other in the usual Weird Time Shit you get in SBurb sessions. There wouldn't be many trolls. At least 4, more likely six.

Also, characters:
GeriatricSolamha
Trueborn Mechwarrior Abtakha* of Clan Goliath Scorpion (originally Ghost Bear.) A true badass, even by Clan standards...at least when he's not tripping out on scorpion-analog venom. Not many bondsmen**taken by the Scorpions become members of that clan's warrior caste. Not many maintain even second-line status after reaching solahma age (35+). He did both. He's a seeker, basically a archaeologist/knight errant on a quest after an item of importance from the old Star League***. He's the guy who'd discover their version of SBurb on a data core in an old and very remote and very secret Star League outpost next to what looked like a temple with a froglike statue on top. The outpost was established right before the Amaris Coup**** and it's location was lost in the resulting chaos of Kerensky's campaign against the Usurper. The team at the base died of starvation after the bases' hydroponic farms failed and the local life proved inedible. GS only learned of its' location in a scorpion venom vision (I'm thinking that it may actually have been planted by a troll psi as a suggestion to his altered mind.) If I use that "one bispecies session'' idea, his server player would be a troll, forcing the players to give them the beta to prevent a doomed timeline. His name reflects his advanced age of....52. By clan standards, that's ancient though.

SecondchanceSnakeeater
Clan Blood Spirit, failed Aerospace pilot now in training as a Protomech***** pilot. The name refers to his status as a washout aeropilot and his reassignment. He's already had Enhanced Imaging implants to interface with his vehical. Bitter, not much of a talker, already has something of the god complex that many of those that pilot Protomechs, although it is only apparent when he's in the machine.

SeldomSerpent
Clan Star Adder, Elemental female. A member of a 'liberal' (meaning better toward freebirths and lower castes) crusader clan. Gets along fairly well with SpectralUrsine. Much as their two clans feud, she hates SecondchanceSnakeeater. I'm thinking that they'd be infuriated by a shipping-obsessed female troll who mistakes their relationship for Blackrom and tries to act as a auspice to them. When they learned exactly what she was hoping them to do (hook up, for the dense), they both unite against this common foe in a chorus of screams of 'chalcas' (a clan term meaning 'unclanlike', howls of disgust and threats of bloody retribution for that insult. Her screen name reflects that she is a member of a comparatively small group in her clan; Clan Star adder is noted for having a much lower proportion of Elementals and other infantry in it's touman (military arm) than most.

*Abtahka: A warrior captured but then accepted into his new Clan as a warrior.
**Bondsman: a Clan prisoner taken during combat, of any caste or rank. A Bondsman is considered a member of the Laborer caste until freed or promoted back to active service.
*** http://www.sarna.net/wiki/Star_League
****http://www.sarna.net/wiki/Amaris_Coup
*****http://www.sarna.net/wiki/ProtoMech

[draconicAlgorithm]

We're All Doomed

Chapter 10: Idle Paws

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hahahano

This was just so adorable. x33 An excellent Valentine's Day update!

[Sionnan]

I know I've said it before, but I'll reiterate. I would be incredibly uncomfortable with Hussie reading my stuff, for a variety of reasons, not least of which is that he's had way more experience than me in this whole writing biznasty, and honestly I feel like I'm clumsily fumbling with his ideas and characters like a highschool prom date. Plus, haah, I am very well aware of some of my srs bzns tendencies, spelling errors, and downright stupid or cliche turns of phrases. So yeah, massive embarrassment.

But that said? I am very proud of us as a forum. Out of all of the places I've been, this has been one of the most creative, talented, diverse sections in a fandom I've ever been in. And I am proud to be associated with you guys.

[Aerodactylus]

I know I've said it before, but I'll reiterate. I would be incredibly uncomfortable with Hussie reading my stuff, for a variety of reasons, not least of which is that he's had way more experience than me in this whole writing biznasty, and honestly I feel like I'm clumsily fumbling with his ideas and characters like a highschool prom date. Plus, haah, I am very well aware of some of my srs bzns tendencies, spelling errors, and downright stupid or cliche turns of phrases. So yeah, massive embarrassment.

But that said? I am very proud of us as a forum. Out of all of the places I've been, this has been one of the most creative, talented, diverse sections in a fandom I've ever been in. And I am proud to be associated with you guys.

What Sionnan said.

I'll add that, despite rarely disliking what I write (and sometimes actually enjoying it), I still admit to having none of the knowledge about Hussie's stuff that he does, so it'd be kind of awkward if he ever read it (ohgod I turned Aradia into a necromancer aaaaaa...)

[scintillatingMoniker]

I don't post or look her as often as I probably should but I agree too.

...Although in my case it's more the fact that I've decided Karkat is a crossdresser for no real reason and I can't write Gamzee to save my life.

[revri]

Is this the right thread to be posting in if I want to ask for help on a fic? If not, could some one direct me to the right thread?

Ok. So.

Besides a few school assignments, my writing experience with fiction is little to none. Seriously, I don't even RP on the regular basis because of my ridiculous shyness, and even when I do it's usually just the occasional dickery of posting in dear_mun on LiveJournal. I always take notes on my ideas for fic, have them all in order to the smallest details- but when it's time to write the damn thing I'm like "lol hi there blank screen."

So I want to know, form all your forum folks, how do crank out your first draft? How do you get started? What is your process?

[draconicAlgorithm]

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4

THE KOLLOSAL KONCLUSION TO KARKAT'S KROSSDRESSING KHRONICLE

after never updating it for like three months or something

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turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: OH GREAT IT'S YOU.
TG: sup
CG: JUST WHAT I FUCKING NEEDED.
CG: YOU HAVE A HABIT OF SHOWING UP AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME.
TG: i know right
TG: its almost like i have a time machine or something
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
TG: i couldnt help but notice your little convo earlier
CG: WHICH ONE.
CG: THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE WAS A COMPLETE MORON AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE KEEPING IT TOGETHER?
TG: yeah that one
CG: ALRIGHT SMARTASS BE MORE SPECIFIC.
TG: lemme think
TG: you were talking about some kind of secret
TG: terezi and vriska could never hear about it right?
CG: WHAT? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YO
CG: OH FUCK NO.
TG: oh fuck yes
TG: i know all about it
TG: you like the frilly shit
TG: i know how it goes
CG: GODDAMNIT.
CG: HOW DID YOU EVEN READ THAT?
TG: i can still read your memos
TG: duh
CG: THIS IS THE WORST KEPT SECRET EVER.
CG: I BLAME GAMZEE.
CG: ONCE AGAIN, HE IS THE CAUSE OF ALL OF MY FUCKING PROBLEMS.
CG: WHY DO I EVEN SOCIALIZE WITH HIM.
TG: clown fetish
CG: ALRIGHT MORE STRANGE SEXUAL JOKES.
CG: PROBABLY SOME SHALLOW ATTEMPT AT HIDING AN OBVIOUS REDROM YOU'VE GOT FOR SOMEONE IN OUR SESSION.
TG: haha what
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT.
CG: I DON'T EVEN CARE JUST DON'T TELL TEREZI.
TG: kay
TG: what about vriska?
CG: YOU HATE HER.
TG: yeah
TG: but i also like fucking with you
CG: ALRIGHT FINE, RESPECIFYING.
CG: DON'T TELL TEREZI OR VRISKA.
TG: kay
TG: im just gonna go ahead and not tell them
CG: DON'T.
TG: im not werent you listening
TG: god
CG: NO REALLY.
CG: BECAUSE IF YOU DO THEN THE BARRIER BETWEEN OUR UNIVERSES WILL COME CRASHING DOWN AGAINST THE FORCE OF MY INCOMPREHENCIBLE RAGE.
TG: i didnt realize you felt that way about me
CG: WHAT.
TG: <}
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT STOP.
TG: hahahaha kidding dumbass
CG: UGH.
TG: kay, finished
CG: FINISHED WHAT.
TG: finished not telling
CG: OH FUCK YOU.
TG: chill
TG: i only not told terezi
CG: I HATE YOU.
TG: we can spit acid into eachothers noses later
TG: or whatever the fuck you guys do
CG: NOT LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.
CG: JUST FUCK OFF.
TG: kay
TG: kinda busy anyway manipulating the laws of time
TG: you know, no biggy
TG: cya later
TG: or maybe cya earlier
TG: who fuckin knows

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

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gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GC: OH K4444RK4444T.
CG: DID YOU JUST TYPE EIGHT FOURS THEN.
GC: 1T W4S FOUR 34CH >:[
CG: FOUR PLUS FOUR EQUALS EIGHT.
GC: SHUT UP YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34NT TO DO.
CG: RIGHT SORRY.
CG: THE DAVE HUMAN HAS JUST BEEN FUCKING WITH ME AND I'M KIND OF PARANOID.
GC: 4BOUT WH4T?
CG: NOTHING.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
GC: L1TTL3 SHY, M1SS V4NT4S?
CG: WHAT.
GC: >;]
CG: OH FUCK HE WAS BEING SERIOUS.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: FUCK.
CG: FUCK.
GC: WHY D1DNT YOU W4NT TO T3LL M3? >
CG: UGH.
CG: IT'S WEIRD? IT'S WRONG? IT'S CREEPY?
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T'S 4DOR4BL3 >:]
CG: THAT'S EVEN WORSE.
GC: H3H3H3H3
GC: COM3 ON K4RK4T WHY WOULD 1 3V3N C4R3?
GC: 1'V3 DON3 W31RD3R TH1NGS 4ND YOU DON'T C4R3.
CG: ACTUALLY I THINK THE COURTROOM ROLEPLAYING IS EQUAL PARTS PATHETIC AND CREEPY AS HELL.
GC: H3Y!
CG: THE POINT REMAINS THAT I'M FRIGGIN PATHETIC.
CG: MORE THAN THE COURTROOM THING.
CG: I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW PATHETIC I AM.
CG: THERE.
CG: NOW CAN WE FORGET ABOUT THIS?
GC: NO.
GC: 3SP3C14LLY NOT NOW TH4T YOU'VE 1NSULT3D MY COURTROOM >:[
CG: ALRIGHT FINE GO AHEAD.
GC: K4RK4T.
GC: 1NC4S3 YOU H4V3NT NOT1C3D YOUR SOC14L GROUP 1NCLUD3S 4 P3RV3RT3D H1GHBLOOD WHO SW34TS TOO MUCH, 4 GHOST ROBOT, 4 CR1PPL3D K1D WHO W4NTS TO B3 PUP4 P4N, 4 K1LL3R SP1D3RTROLL 3TC. 3TC.
GC: W34R1NG G3ND3R 1N4PROPR14T3 CLOTH1NG 1S TH3 L34ST W31RD TH1NG H3R3
GC: L1GHT3N UP, 4SSHOL3! H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: ...UH. THANKS. I GUESS.
GC: YOU'R3 W3LCOM3 >:]
CG: OH. ONE THING.
CG: EVERYONE BUT VRISKA KNOWS.
GC: SO?
CG: DON'T TELL HER.
CG: PLEASE.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3 4LR1GHT. >:P
CG: THANKS.
CG: PHEW.
CG: GLAD THAT'S OVER WITH.
GC: W41T.
CG: WHAT?
GC: SHOW M3 WH3R3 YOU H1D3 WH3N YOU DO 1T.
CG: ...WHY?
GC: 1 W4NN4 PL4Y DR3SSUP >:]
CG: ...
CG: FINE.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: COME ON THEN.
CG: LET'S GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

I just read all of these. Crossdressing Karkat is now my headcanon. Forever. :3

Also, I found it funny that when you posted the second one, people were freaking out because someone killed Gamzee. xD

@revri: I usually start out with the first thing that comes to my mind. Even if it's totally cliche, dumb, etc. The beginning is definitely the hardest part, though, so don't feel bad about it. You can always go back and edit it later, and sometimes even that "dumb" intro will grow on you and you'll use it anyway. xD

[Domoz]

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Is this the right thread to be posting in if I want to ask for help on a fic? If not, could some one direct me to the right thread?

Ok. So.

Besides a few school assignments, my writing experience with fiction is little to none. Seriously, I don't even RP on the regular basis because of my ridiculous shyness, and even when I do it's usually just the occasional dickery of posting in dear_mun on LiveJournal. I always take notes on my ideas for fic, have them all in order to the smallest details- but when it's time to write the damn thing I'm like "lol hi there blank screen."

So I want to know, form all your forum folks, how do crank out your first draft? How do you get started? What is your process?

I guess this is the right thread to post in, or it's at least the thread I would post in if I were asking that question.

As for my process, it's basically the same as yours, I'll have all my ideas and write them down (although not terribly organized). Then I start typing, just describing the pictures I get in my head really. When I'm done I go back and reread and edit it until I'm sick of it (an me being who I am will always still have spelling/grammar mistakes) then if it's serious, I'll reread over and over again over the next few days, if it's more a joke fic (ie, most of my fics) I'll just go ahead and post it.

Because even if it is terrible, people can suck it up and get over it, their eye bleeding can't be that bad you pansys.

[lucidSeraph]

Is this the right thread to be posting in if I want to ask for help on a fic? If not, could some one direct me to the right thread?

Ok. So.

Besides a few school assignments, my writing experience with fiction is little to none. Seriously, I don't even RP on the regular basis because of my ridiculous shyness, and even when I do it's usually just the occasional dickery of posting in dear_mun on LiveJournal. I always take notes on my ideas for fic, have them all in order to the smallest details- but when it's time to write the damn thing I'm like "lol hi there blank screen."

So I want to know, form all your forum folks, how do crank out your first draft? How do you get started? What is your process?

Firstly! Here's the writing critique thread. Read the rules there though.

Second, MEIN PROCESS:

1. Get an idea. This usually happens unexpectedly and often when I am sitting on the train going "there is nothing to do on this fucking train." Often, the way I get ideas for fanfic is by going "Okay, what part of X hasn't been explored in canon?" or "So what if we changed element Y, what would that do to the characters?" or, for crossover fic, "So what if Z characters encountered Sburb?"

EXAMPLES:

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For reVisions, I originally was just thinking "wow, we don't see enough of the Guardians in canon!" and also "Bro's age doesn't make any fucking sense" followed by "holy shit, what if TIME SHENANIGANS were involved??? Which led to "fic in which everybody started out as normal humans, but Sburb retroactively changed all their pasts to fit the game; also they get to slowly watch their memories get punched full of holes.

For Violetesence, I'd just read Red Dead Virgo (a famous HS fic about "what if the trolls had different blood colors) and had found some fanart of hypothetical kids from said 'verse. I'd also just RP'd on Dear_Mun with a Red Jade, and was totally enchanted by some artwork of Purple Dave. and then I went okay, so, if Dave were raised as a Lalonde, what would he be like? And then I went OH GOD THE MOST IRONIC BOOK IN EXISTENCE IS HOUSE OF LEAVES, I WILL THEME THE FIC ON THAT

Sometimes, I get stuck for inspiration; this is especially bad with ongoing fic like Violetesence (in fact, I know where I want to go with that one, but I am stuck because I'm waiting for more info from canon re things like Horrorterrors and the Green Sun so I don't get Joss'd like an idiot). Everybody solves this differently - some people I know go for walks, others re-read canon, some look at fanart; me, I roleplay a LOT. Some of the best ideas I have for both Violetesence and reVisions have come out of RPing with friends, ESPECIALLY the former (I have some fantastic scenes planned thanks to a jade Eridan and teal Feferi on Livejournal who are both FUCKING AMAZING roleplayers; the involvement of Brown Vriska is because of my friend Kari and me RPing the characters together)

2. RESEARCH. Lots of people neglect this step. I go back through canon and I read up on the characters/situations I'm writing about. So, for Violetesence, I read a lot of Dave and Rose pesterlogs; for reVisions I did a lot of reading on the Guardians and the base mechanics of Sburb. in some cases, I do outside research - for Violetesence, I spend a lot of time digging through my old literary criticism on House of Leaves, as well as chugging on through Wikipedia articles on all kinds of weird subjects. Doing research lends credibility to your stuff.

3. Browse the fora for a few hours, going "Fuck, I should really be doing actual homework, what kind of miserable failure am I?"

4. Decide that fanfic is more fun than homework, open a few tabs with my compiled research and hammer stuff out. With the research, I try to make certain that I'm matching the voices of the characters well (this is so hard with some of them DAVE, JOHN, GAH,).

when I do my writing, I try to remember the adage that everybody hates: Show, don't tell. Basically, you can go "John was sad that Karkat was dead." or "John bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, then turned away from the grisly scene." Which one gives you more of a sense of what's going on, which one hits harder? It's the one where you show the characters' actions rather than tell how they feel.

5. Read over the fic a few times, check for grammar and spelling errors, then chuck it at my friend Kari and go KARI KARI HELP and then Kari goes IT IS AWESOME and I go WELL OKAY

6. Scream, because I use crazy HTML tags and I have inevitably left one open.

7. Post.

[ceruleanTresses]

Is this the right thread to be posting in if I want to ask for help on a fic? If not, could some one direct me to the right thread?

Ok. So.

Besides a few school assignments, my writing experience with fiction is little to none. Seriously, I don't even RP on the regular basis because of my ridiculous shyness, and even when I do it's usually just the occasional dickery of posting in dear_mun on LiveJournal. I always take notes on my ideas for fic, have them all in order to the smallest details- but when it's time to write the damn thing I'm like "lol hi there blank screen."

So I want to know, form all your forum folks, how do crank out your first draft? How do you get started? What is your process?

Well, most of my stuff is non-serious. But it sounds like you have your plots in order, and it's just a matter of figuring out how to word them? So maybe I can offer advice on that aspect.
I never have any luck trying to start at the beginning and just write something straight through to the end. What I usually do is come up with one or two lines that I like, and build the rest of the fic around them. Once you have a starting point, it's just a matter of connecting other lines to those lines and moving outward. When I get stuck on one part, I'll do a different part that I think will flow more smoothly. Eventually I end up with a complete fic. I hope that helps!

[SeptimusMagistos]

Is this the right thread to be posting in if I want to ask for help on a fic? If not, could some one direct me to the right thread?

Ok. So.

Besides a few school assignments, my writing experience with fiction is little to none. Seriously, I don't even RP on the regular basis because of my ridiculous shyness, and even when I do it's usually just the occasional dickery of posting in dear_mun on LiveJournal. I always take notes on my ideas for fic, have them all in order to the smallest details- but when it's time to write the damn thing I'm like "lol hi there blank screen."

So I want to know, form all your forum folks, how do crank out your first draft? How do you get started? What is your process?

I'll admit I don't usually experience the same problem, but for me it's usually just a matter of finding a place I like and starting off from there. When I have an idea for a dialogue or a scene, I just sort of let the words run away with themselves. Half the time things essentially end up writing themselves.

[Path]

So I want to know, form all your forum folks, how do crank out your first draft? How do you get started? What is your process?

I never take notes and I rarely edit past fixing my tense (I always default back to first person present). I never have any ideas at all until the first line of the fic pops into my head. The way I write, the first sentence always has some key to the whole fic, some way of explaining or understanding the character and what they're going through. If I can get a good first sentence, I never have to think about the rest of it. It just flows from there.

tl;dr- put in as little work as possible and bullshit the rest

[Metaflare]

So I want to know, form all your forum folks, how do crank out your first draft? How do you get started? What is your process?

Tons and tons of bullshit ideas enter my mind, and then I bullshit out a story. Which are bullshit in themselves.

Basically I am a terrible role model and you dont ever want my writing advice

[lantadyme]

Is this the right thread to be posting in if I want to ask for help on a fic? If not, could some one direct me to the right thread?

Ok. So.

Besides a few school assignments, my writing experience with fiction is little to none. Seriously, I don't even RP on the regular basis because of my ridiculous shyness, and even when I do it's usually just the occasional dickery of posting in dear_mun on LiveJournal. I always take notes on my ideas for fic, have them all in order to the smallest details- but when it's time to write the damn thing I'm like "lol hi there blank screen."

So I want to know, form all your forum folks, how do crank out your first draft? How do you get started? What is your process?

I'm not big on writing down ideas. (I need to get better at this if I ever wish to write past short stories, which I do.) If an idea strikes me as good I hold on to it, flag it in my head and let the ideas stew a bit before I even think of starting.

When you sit down the blank page is scary. It's intimidating. You think you can't possibly fill up that space with words, and even if you do the words don't look right. They look like they're not enough to capture the picture in your head. You have to get over that. The picture in your head will always be malleable because it has no written form. You're giving it a written form and you'll lose some of what you want to put into it, but that's okay. That's just the nature of the task.

Put down words. Keep putting down words. When it feels like it's done, stop. Let is sit for a few hours and then go back to it, read it over and edit. You may have to repeat this step many times. I know I do, since I edit for flow and structure and characterization more than typos or tense.

Writing is a weird animal, man. It's scary a lot of the time. It's also a lot of fun.

(Also hearing everyone's writing process is awesome! Thanks for sharing, guys. :3)

[lucidSeraph]

Is this the right thread to be posting in if I want to ask for help on a fic? If not, could some one direct me to the right thread?

Ok. So.

Besides a few school assignments, my writing experience with fiction is little to none. Seriously, I don't even RP on the regular basis because of my ridiculous shyness, and even when I do it's usually just the occasional dickery of posting in dear_mun on LiveJournal. I always take notes on my ideas for fic, have them all in order to the smallest details- but when it's time to write the damn thing I'm like "lol hi there blank screen."

So I want to know, form all your forum folks, how do crank out your first draft? How do you get started? What is your process?

Some other advice, now that I think of it...

I started writing fic more regularly once I got to grad school, because in grad school I pretty much have to write every day no exceptions. Missing deadlines = death, because I am paying a lot of money to go here and I don't want to drop out (Aaaaaaaaaaaaa)

So, set yourself a goal. Make yourself write every day, no exceptions, even if you don't post it and even if it is complete fucking bullshit. Be like AND THEN DAVE AND JADE WENT OUT FOR ICE CREAM AND MADE OUT THE END. Even if it's shit, it'll get you into the writing mood and you'll have to accept your writing even you think it is total shit (90% of writer's block is going "BAWW MY STUFF IS SHIT")

[lantadyme]

So, set yourself a goal. Make yourself write every day, no exceptions, even if you don't post it and even if it is complete fucking bullshit. Be like AND THEN DAVE AND JADE WENT OUT FOR ICE CREAM AND MADE OUT THE END. Even if it's shit, it'll get you into the writing mood and you'll have to accept your writing even you think it is total shit (90% of writer's block is going "BAWW MY STUFF IS SHIT")

This is the best piece of advice a writer can ever take to heart. Write every day. Every day. You do it long enough and words become as second nature as breathing.