MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Kerensky287]

Also you don't need to do that much research, I am just obsessive and weird

I guess I'm obsessive and weird too because I feel like I have to go over a ton of any material I'm doing fanstuff about, just so I have a feel for how the characters tend to talk.

[lucidSeraph]

Also you don't need to do that much research, I am just obsessive and weird

I guess I'm obsessive and weird too because I feel like I have to go over a ton of any material I'm doing fanstuff about, just so I have a feel for how the characters tend to talk.

Man we can be obsessive and weird together.

[Kassiopeia]

same here, I always reread a bunch of pesterlogs before going in
(probably why I like writing Jack so much, don't have to worry so much about authenticity of voice)

[Wigmund]

I just bullshit and that shows up when I try to write characters like Vriska or Dave.

[slakensColin]

I realized shortly after writing Mythstuckers 1 that I had just finished an RPF, and I kind of attacked my own brain for a while as a result. But now I've made peace with that because I'm more writing about characters based on the Mythbusters than about the people themselves, which frees me up to do some improvisation, as seen below.

SBURB FICS THAT NEVER WERE

V: Mythstuckers Reloaded

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LAND OF NEON AND ATMOSPHERE

ADAM SAVAGE
-Knight of Heart-

"Well, we already proved one thing by accident - prototyping does, in fact, take metaphorical or philosophical meanings into account. We tried prototyping the Mythbusters logo just so all of our imps would be branded - heh - but as it turns out, while there ARE a few Mythbusters brand imps that I can see from here, I'm actually seeing a lot more Jamie and Grant and so on, and I think that one over there has a blast shield on his arm. So, that might make this a little weird for everybody. But it's still hilarious - all the imps look kind of like LEGO people because of the white block prototyping, so it's more like hey, I'm going to go blow up Minecraft Tory, rather than oh god, I just killed one of my friends and coworkers.

"I admit the kernelsprite itself is a little annoying, though. I mean, I like the guy who narrates the show, but this is just so weird. It's like it breaks the fourth wall or something. Most of the time I have no idea what it's talking about though, so it's just sprouting non-sequiturs, but EVERYTHING IT'S SAID has been accurate so far, one way or another."

-----

NARRATORSPRITE: Meanwhile, Grant finds himself in a bit of a sticky situation!

ADAM: See?! That's EXACTLY what I'm talking about! I'd better get Grant on the line, this sounds like it might be dangerous.

*radio crackle*

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ADAM: Grant? Anything going on? My sprite just said something about you.
GRANT: Well, I just discovered that I have a leak in my Flammenwerfer's fuel tank. What did he say?
ADAM: Something about a sticky situation.
GRANT: Oh. Well, that's nothing big. See, the Flammenwerfer, back when it was in common use, propelled a mixture of tar and gasoline at its target - that way, you light them on fire, but the fuel sticks to them, causing more damage.
ADAM: So you're just covered in gooey, flammable liquid?
GRANT: Pretty much, yeah.
ADAM: Oh, and like that isn't concerning at all.
GRANT: To be honest, it isn't, really. The tank wasn't full, I was just loading it in preparation for when Jamie finishes putting everything in place at my base over here. But the hole means I'll be weaponless for a little while, at least until I can find a solution that doesn't involve me being in just as much dangers as the guys I'm fighting.
ADAM: That's a bit of a relief, I guess. Oh, funny story - entering the game seems to give me all these weird... game powers, I guess.
GRANT: Game powers? Seriously?
ADAM: Well, I have an inventory, for one. It works a little oddly, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. And I've also got some kind of equipment setup thing that means I don't actually have to hold my sword anymore. I can just get it out of thin air whenever I need it.
GRANT: Wow, umm, okay. This myth is looking a little close to confirmation already. You've just proven that SBURB does, indeed, have reality-altering capabilities.
ADAM: Just wait until you get in, man. This is gonna be so awesome. I'm gonna go play around with this stuff for a while. Good luck with your side of the deal.
GRANT: Thanks, you too. Be careful out there!

NARRATORSPRITE: While Adam goes off on a virtual killing spree, Jamie remains as professional as ever.

-----

AMERICAN NAVAL BASE, LOCATION CLASSIFIED

JAMIE HYNEMAN
- ??? of ??? -

"Grant's having some issues with his weapon, but I'm pretty sure that if worst comes to worst I can actually provide some defense once he gets in the game. Grant's been able to pick up and drop stuff all around Adam's army base, so I figure that I might be able to throw one of those aircraft he's got lying around at the Air Force Base he's sitting in. Hopefully the Air Force won't mind, of course."

-----

*radio crackle*

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JAMIE: Hey Tory, Grant's having some issues with his flamethrower's fuel tank. Do you have any suggestions for him? Maybe something he can do just as a quick fix?
TORY: ...
JAMIE: Tory? Do you read?
TORY: ...
TORY: ...zzz...
JAMIE: ...Seriously?

-----

NARRATORSPRITE: Of course, while all team members try to maintain a professional atmosphere at all times, not everyone can be a paragon of tenacity quite like Jamie. Tory has fallen asleep while waiting for his turn at the game!

-----

PROSPIT

TORY BELLECI
-??? of ???-

"Huh? Wow, uh, very gold around here. Like, eye-stunningly gold. Can't say I'm a fan of the attire, either. Ahem... kinda breezy."

-----

NARRATORSPRITE: Tory has just discovered the dreamworld portion of the game! Hopefully, he'll be able to realize what's going on before he accidentally causes even more trouble for the rest of the team! Not that they need any help causing trouble - the game's been on for a whole five minutes, and the team's already starting to get a little bit of Game Lobby Fever!

-----

*radio crackle*

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GRANT: Hey, Adam? Your sprite's acting up again.
ADAM: Can you tell what he's saying? As far as I know he just sort of rambles about whatever's going on at the time. Hyaaaaah!
GRANT: There's no sound, and even if I could read lips -
ADAM: Take that, scoundrel!
GRANT: - even if I could read lips, he's a floating logo. He just seems to bob around when he's saying something.
ADAM: Yeah, he's probably talking about my over-enthusiasm or something. But geez, Grant! This is just like... Neo Tokyo, or something! I feel like I'm fighting the Yakuza in the Japanese Underworld! There's fog everywhere, and...
GRANT: Why Japan, specifically?
ADAM: Well, I dunno, the sword?
GRANT: And you probably fought some Grant imps, too, didn't you?
ADAM: No, it's just... I feel all Samurai-like.
GRANT: You know the Claymore is a scottish weapon, right? Not all swords are Japanese.
ADAM: Well, I'm holding it like a katana, okay? I'm playing samurai.
GRANT: I'm just saying -
ADAM: You don't need to assume everything I do is racist, okay? For your information, I just beheaded a LEGO version of myself. And before that it was Jamie. So no, I'm just in a samurai mood right now.
GRANT: Alright, just sayin'.
ADAM: Good.
GRANT: ...
ADAM: ...
GRANT: ...
ADAM: But seriously, bug Jamie to get you in. I can't wait to find out what crazy world you end up in. THIS IS SO COOL, WHACHAAAA

COMMENTS:

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I have no idea how you fill a Flammenwerfer 35's fuel tank, so if it's compressed or something else that would prevent the scenario from making sense then I apologize.

And ugh, this is probably the worst case I've ever had of letting a chapter extend beyond its original capacity. It was supposed to be Grant having flamer issues, Tory falling asleep, then Jamie getting Grant ingame and Grant doing some more prototype experiments, but the samurai warrior exchange felt long enough that I could get away with ending the chapter right there.

I've been on a MASSIVE Golden Sun kick recently (like, by massive I mean I spent the weekend on minecraft making a scale replica, inside and out, of Venus Lighthouse) and I actually have two possible ideas for how a GS crossover would work, so I might do that. It's not the best idea I've ever had though, so I might abandon it, and I do feel like taking a short break from crossovers anyway.

You have no idea how awesome this is to me.
I LOVE mythbusters and this just brings back so many memories.
You sir, are awesome.

[anonymousComrade]

My process goes something like

1) Read a post here or on /co/
2) Suddenly, inspiration
3) Inner voice screams at me, "damnit! don't you write a fanfic about this anonymousComrade!"
4) Try to resist
5) Do it anyway
6) Maybe get a basic idea where the plot is going
7) Wing it

Anyway! Here comes
Crossing Over: Chapter 9

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Karkat found Terezi in the computer room, doing nothing in particular. He touched her shoulder as he sat down next to her.

"YOU OKAY?"
She glanced up at him. "HOW C4N 1 B3? W3 4RE GO1NG TO D13, R3G4RDL3SS OF WH4T H4PP3NS NOW."
"YEAH. EITHER NOIR MURDERS US, OR WE GO ON OUR OWN TERMS. BUT..."
Terezi held both of Karkat's hands in her own. "Y3S?"
"I THINK I CAN FACE THE END, IF I HAVE SOMEONE WITH ME. WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE, TEREZI."
"YOU R34LLY DONT TH1NK TH3 HUM4NS W1LL B3 4BL3 TO PULL 1T OFF, DO YOU?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE. THE LAST DAY OR SO HAS COMPLETELY FUCKED OVER MY ABILITY TO GIVE A DAMN. BUT I DO KNOW ONE THING."
"OH?"

Karkat pulled her close and held her tightly.

"IN THE END... I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE."
Terezi ran her fingers through Karkat's hair and kissed him gently on the neck. "1 LOV3 YOU, K4RKL3S."
Any other time, he never would have considered it. But if he couldn't admit it now, then when? "I LOVE YOU TOO, TEREZI."

They remained in each other's arms for what felt like eternity. Both of them would have given anything for the moment to never end.

Karkat swore under his breath when Trollian bleeped on his terminal.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

EB: karkat? buddy? you there?
EB: rose wants to know what you and terezi are going to do.
EB: god this is awful!
EB: i'm just sitting here casually asking if you've decided whether or not to kill yourselves like some kind of inconsiderate prick!
EB: if this works, i deserve to be socked in the jaw.
EB: in fact, i am giving you permission to do so, right now.
CG: JOHN.
EB: karkat.
CG: TEREZI AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT THERE'S NO POINT IN NOT COMMITTING MUTUAL SUICIDE IN ORDER TO GO ALONG WITH THE MISSION.
CG: GOD, THAT'S A FUCKED UP THING TO TYPE.
CG: BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS
CG: EITHER WE KILL OURSELVES NOW, GOING OUT ON OUR TERMS
CG: OR LEAVE OURSELVES TO WHATEVER THE HELLBEAST HAS PLANNED.
CG: SO WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS.
EB: karkat, i... i don't know what i *can* say.
CG: IF YOU GUYS FUCK THIS UP I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO HAUNT YOU.
CG: CHAINS RATTLING, SPOOKY VOICES IN THE NIGHT, THINGS BEING FLUNG ACROSS THE ROOM BY INVISIBLE FORCES
CG: MULTIHUED BLOOD FLOWING *UP* THE WALLS
CG: IF THIS DOESN'T WORK, I HOPE YOU LIKE GHOSTBUSTERS AS MUCH AS YOU SAY YOU DO! BECAUSE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THAT MOVIE WILL RETROACTIVELY BECOME YOUR BIOGRAPHY.
CG: THIS IS A PROMISE.
EB: hehehehehe.
EB: then all i can promise you...
EB: is that we will not fail!
CG: THAT'LL BE A FIRST FOR YOU GUYS, THEN.
CG: SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.
EB: see you then, bro!!!

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat's hand rested on his sickle. "MIGHT AS WELL GET THIS OVER WITH."

One quick motion would be all that was needed to end it. The tip of the Regisickle would be driven into Terezi's heart and she would die quickly and painlessly. Then once more to himself, and it would be over and out of his hands.

Yet, he hesitated.

Terezi smiled and assured him it was okay. "1TS NOT R34LLY TH3 3ND, 4FT3R 4LL," she told him. But even if the humans could wring success from the overwhelming failure that plagued both their sessions, the idea of killing the girl he loved, and then himself, in a twisted murder-suicide meant to pull the rug out from under the horrorterrors, was still some heavy shit. DO IT, he tried to will himself. KILL HER. YOU KILL THAT GIRL THIS INSTANT.

The sickle hit the ground with a heavy thud, ringing out his latest failure as the team leader. He could not bring himself to kill the girl.

There was another way of going about this. It would cost him the rest of his dignity, but that ship had sailed so long ago he didn't care anymore.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

CG: CONGRATULATIONS!
AG: ????????
CG: YOU HAVE WON OUR LIFELONG BATTLE OF HUGE ASSHOLE VS SOCIOPATHIC BITCH.
CG: YOU WERE RIGHT. TURNS OUT I *AM* A GIGANTIC FEATHERBEAST SHIT AFTER ALL!
CG: THE HUMANS TRUSTED ME WITH ONE JOB, ONE FUCKING JOB, AND THAT WAS TO KILL MYSELF.
CG: AND I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT BECAUSE I AM AN UTTER FAILURE.
CG: SO CONGRATULATIONS! THE WAR IS OVER! YOU HAVE WON SO MANY MEDALS FOR YOUR VALOR IN BATTLE. ALL OF THEM, IN FACT.
CG: AND NOW I AM ASKING
CG: NO
CG: FUCKING BEGGING YOU
CG: TO COME DOWN HERE AND DO WHAT I CANNOT.
CG: THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU LAUGH AT ME AND GLOAT ABOUT YOUR LATEST VICTORY.
CG: I CAN'T SAY I DON'T DESERVE IT! SO LAUGH AWAY.
CG: I AWAIT YOUR SICK BURNS WITH EAGER ENTHUSIASM.
AG: ...why would I do that? ::::(
AG: I mean yeah, I know, 8luh 8luh huge 8itch.
AG: 8ut I'm not a fucking sadist. I don't wax nearly as 8lack for you as you seem to think I do.
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA AND NOW EVEN THE SPIDERBITCH IS TAKING PITY ON ME!
CG: WAIT, HOLD ON
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CG: THERE, EIGHT HA'S.
CG: NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, CAN WE SKIP THE BULLSHIT AND GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU ROLL YOUR DICE AND OUR HEADS EXPLODE ALREADY?
CG: BECAUSE I THINK I WOULD HONESTLY PREFER THAT EVEN IF THE CURRENT PLAN DIDN'T REQUIRE TEREZI AND I TO DIE.
AG: Daaaaaaaamn, Karkat! You sure are hard on yourself today!
AG: I'm going to 8e honest with you. You're only going to hear this once so you'd 8etter listen up!
AG: You're not that 8ad of a leader. When you spoke, we listened, and not just anyone could say that.
AG: I mean, the game itself tried to keep us working against each other 8ut you were all "MAN, FUCK THAT" and got all twelve of us to work together like one team.
AG: This is no easy feat! I dou8t anyone else could have done it, except me, o8viously.
CG: WHATEVER, VRISKA. JUST GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

Vriska arrived in the computer lab, Flourite Octet at the ready. Karkat and Terezi nodded at her, closed their eyes, and embraced, waiting for the inevitable.

His voice lowered to a whisper. "i love you, terezi pyrope."
She traced the outline of a heart on his chest. "1 lov3 you, k4rk4t v4nt4s."

Vriska halfheartedly rolled the dice. 6. 3. 2. 8. 7. 8. 5. 8. [HEART 8TTACK]. Karkat and Terezi fell to the floor, dead.

-----

Vriska made ready for her part of the mission. Aradia was to escort Dave through the dreamscape, then they would all meet in the Veil and await Rose's signal.

A human boy dressed in a bright red outfit and dark shades materialized in front of her. "cmon, we got places to be." Vriska stepped near him.

A quick scratch of the timetables, and both of them vanished.

Notes:

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Subverted, sort of! More like assisted mutual suicide

Okay, that's kind of a cop-out. I did originally have Karkat going through with it himself, but I don't know, it just didn't seem like it was enough.

As much as I was leading up to this moment, I still don't really feel satisfied with it, but if experience has taught me anything it's that hating my own writing is par for the course. But at least it wasn't shoehorned in like Karkat's confrontation with vampire Kanaya in the last chapter.

Also I think I wrote Vriska really out of character there but I can't think of another exchange that works

Things do stop being horribly depressing eventually, I swear!

[Dermonster]

Loveing all the fics.
SO MANY. SO GOOD.

[Doodled]

So, instead of:

1. Doing homework

2. Catching up on this thread

3. Writing more Homestuck/Heavy Rain crossover

I decided to read the last several pages.

Comment explosion:

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@Jim- Another great update.

So since it's valentines I suppose it's a good time to post sappy romantic stuff.

Sincerety

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Happy valentines everyone.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

LAAAAADIIIIIESS AND GENTLEMEN!!!!

BOOOOOYS AND GIIIIRLLLLLS!

CERULEANTRESSES AND AUTHOR PRESENT TO YOU

BLOOD AND BLOODLESS - Rebooted

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I played Kanaya and Tavros. ceruleanTresses was the amazing Karkat.

Good thing I can get life insurance for cheap...

'Cause I'm about to die laughing.

@battlerek: OK, that was really cute. I am noticing a pattern here where I find all this great DaveJade stuff but I still don't even ship it.

I, on the other hand, am completely incapable of playing sappy romance straight and can only come out with something either overly comedic or rather depressing. Here's an attempt at the latter.

He's Purrfect

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I know my Karkitty will rescue me. I know he will.

He's always been there for me. Even when Equius wasn't there Karkat would stand by me, protecting me! I always admired his strength.

I remember we used to compare notes. He used to get so mad when I tried to press a ship he wasn't fond of! "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? FEFERI AND ARADIA HAVE NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO EACH OTHER WHY WOULD THEY END UP AS MATESPRITS RAA RAA BEEP BEEP MEOW." So cute.

I kept up a happy face when he got closer with Terezi. She knew how much I liked him! Surely she would understand she needed to step aside. It pained me to see them floating by in that giant love balloon Terezi made, but I knew there was hope. There was always hope. I just needed to wait; he would come around.

I admit a little, teensy tiny bit of jealousy when he started flirting with Jade. He had known her for what, a few hours? And it wasn't long before he was groveling at her stupid pretty face with her stupid pretty green eyes that he loved so fucking much. Why do trolls have to have boring gray eyes? I should have green eyes, too! But still I was courageous. I had to believe; I am the Rogue of Heart, after all! Love conquers all. It even conquers stupid pretend love.

When Equius died, my mind was filled with hate for the first time. Platonic hate, but hate nonetheless. I needed to kill him; Gamzee HAD to die. But... I failed. I wasn't strong enough. He threw me to the floor. I did not know what he wanted to do next.

All I did know was that Karkat was going to rescue me. Any moment he would swoop in and heroically dropkick the heinous clown, pulling me into his protective grasp and being mine forever, and me his. It was how it was supposed to be.

I waited. It would happen at any moment.

Any moment now.

Awwwwwwwwwwwww. :'(

Argh. Well I guess I haven't any prose lately, so have some short-chapters. EU, I guess.

Double Index No. 4.13.07$001 // No. 2.98.04$001 -- Integration · Troll rev. 2.0: 1 // Beyond Hypertonic Patch A41612 I: How not to begin anything not Integration-related

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Footnotes:

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(1) It should be exceedingly clear I did not make a mistake. Rather, “year” may not mean what you think it means.

*applause*

I Know Who You Are

Woo! First fanfic I've ever finished!

It's a one-shot, sure, but still.

That was great!

I said I wouldn't update this for a while, but I am a lying liar who lies.

Kcutsemoh - Chapter 3
In which pale relationships push all others out of the way.

COLOR TAAAAAAAAGS!!!!!!!!
seriously AO3 ate them like four times
also dave is haaard

Because I had some more unexpected free time, here's another implication of the first chapter that I'm surprised no one commented on:

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And by extension: Tink Noir. This is a thing that will happen.
Ahahahahahahahahahaha

Hehehehe.

We're All Doomed

Chapter 10: Idle Paws

As a Nepeta lover...

I APPROVE.

PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4

THE KOLLOSAL KONCLUSION TO KARKAT'S KROSSDRESSING KHRONICLE

after never updating it for like three months or something

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turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: OH GREAT IT'S YOU.
TG: sup
CG: JUST WHAT I FUCKING NEEDED.
CG: YOU HAVE A HABIT OF SHOWING UP AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME.
TG: i know right
TG: its almost like i have a time machine or something
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
TG: i couldnt help but notice your little convo earlier
CG: WHICH ONE.
CG: THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE WAS A COMPLETE MORON AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE KEEPING IT TOGETHER?
TG: yeah that one
CG: ALRIGHT SMARTASS BE MORE SPECIFIC.
TG: lemme think
TG: you were talking about some kind of secret
TG: terezi and vriska could never hear about it right?
CG: WHAT? I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YO
CG: OH FUCK NO.
TG: oh fuck yes
TG: i know all about it
TG: you like the frilly shit
TG: i know how it goes
CG: GODDAMNIT.
CG: HOW DID YOU EVEN READ THAT?
TG: i can still read your memos
TG: duh
CG: THIS IS THE WORST KEPT SECRET EVER.
CG: I BLAME GAMZEE.
CG: ONCE AGAIN, HE IS THE CAUSE OF ALL OF MY FUCKING PROBLEMS.
CG: WHY DO I EVEN SOCIALIZE WITH HIM.
TG: clown fetish
CG: ALRIGHT MORE STRANGE SEXUAL JOKES.
CG: PROBABLY SOME SHALLOW ATTEMPT AT HIDING AN OBVIOUS REDROM YOU'VE GOT FOR SOMEONE IN OUR SESSION.
TG: haha what
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT.
CG: I DON'T EVEN CARE JUST DON'T TELL TEREZI.
TG: kay
TG: what about vriska?
CG: YOU HATE HER.
TG: yeah
TG: but i also like fucking with you
CG: ALRIGHT FINE, RESPECIFYING.
CG: DON'T TELL TEREZI OR VRISKA.
TG: kay
TG: im just gonna go ahead and not tell them
CG: DON'T.
TG: im not werent you listening
TG: god
CG: NO REALLY.
CG: BECAUSE IF YOU DO THEN THE BARRIER BETWEEN OUR UNIVERSES WILL COME CRASHING DOWN AGAINST THE FORCE OF MY INCOMPREHENCIBLE RAGE.
TG: i didnt realize you felt that way about me
CG: WHAT.
TG: <}
CG: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT STOP.
TG: hahahaha kidding dumbass
CG: UGH.
TG: kay, finished
CG: FINISHED WHAT.
TG: finished not telling
CG: OH FUCK YOU.
TG: chill
TG: i only not told terezi
CG: I HATE YOU.
TG: we can spit acid into eachothers noses later
TG: or whatever the fuck you guys do
CG: NOT LIKE THAT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.
CG: JUST FUCK OFF.
TG: kay
TG: kinda busy anyway manipulating the laws of time
TG: you know, no biggy
TG: cya later
TG: or maybe cya earlier
TG: who fuckin knows

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

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gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GC: OH K4444RK4444T.
CG: DID YOU JUST TYPE EIGHT FOURS THEN.
GC: 1T W4S FOUR 34CH >:[
CG: FOUR PLUS FOUR EQUALS EIGHT.
GC: SHUT UP YOU KNOW WH4T 1 M34NT TO DO.
CG: RIGHT SORRY.
CG: THE DAVE HUMAN HAS JUST BEEN FUCKING WITH ME AND I'M KIND OF PARANOID.
GC: 4BOUT WH4T?
CG: NOTHING.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
GC: L1TTL3 SHY, M1SS V4NT4S?
CG: WHAT.
GC: >;]
CG: OH FUCK HE WAS BEING SERIOUS.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: FUCK.
CG: FUCK.
GC: WHY D1DNT YOU W4NT TO T3LL M3? >
CG: UGH.
CG: IT'S WEIRD? IT'S WRONG? IT'S CREEPY?
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T'S 4DOR4BL3 >:]
CG: THAT'S EVEN WORSE.
GC: H3H3H3H3
GC: COM3 ON K4RK4T WHY WOULD 1 3V3N C4R3?
GC: 1'V3 DON3 W31RD3R TH1NGS 4ND YOU DON'T C4R3.
CG: ACTUALLY I THINK THE COURTROOM ROLEPLAYING IS EQUAL PARTS PATHETIC AND CREEPY AS HELL.
GC: H3Y!
CG: THE POINT REMAINS THAT I'M FRIGGIN PATHETIC.
CG: MORE THAN THE COURTROOM THING.
CG: I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW PATHETIC I AM.
CG: THERE.
CG: NOW CAN WE FORGET ABOUT THIS?
GC: NO.
GC: 3SP3C14LLY NOT NOW TH4T YOU'VE 1NSULT3D MY COURTROOM >:[
CG: ALRIGHT FINE GO AHEAD.
GC: K4RK4T.
GC: 1NC4S3 YOU H4V3NT NOT1C3D YOUR SOC14L GROUP 1NCLUD3S 4 P3RV3RT3D H1GHBLOOD WHO SW34TS TOO MUCH, 4 GHOST ROBOT, 4 CR1PPL3D K1D WHO W4NTS TO B3 PUP4 P4N, 4 K1LL3R SP1D3RTROLL 3TC. 3TC.
GC: W34R1NG G3ND3R 1N4PROPR14T3 CLOTH1NG 1S TH3 L34ST W31RD TH1NG H3R3
GC: L1GHT3N UP, 4SSHOL3! H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: ...UH. THANKS. I GUESS.
GC: YOU'R3 W3LCOM3 >:]
CG: OH. ONE THING.
CG: EVERYONE BUT VRISKA KNOWS.
GC: SO?
CG: DON'T TELL HER.
CG: PLEASE.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3 4LR1GHT. >:P
CG: THANKS.
CG: PHEW.
CG: GLAD THAT'S OVER WITH.
GC: W41T.
CG: WHAT?
GC: SHOW M3 WH3R3 YOU H1D3 WH3N YOU DO 1T.
CG: ...WHY?
GC: 1 W4NN4 PL4Y DR3SSUP >:]
CG: ...
CG: FINE.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: COME ON THEN.
CG: LET'S GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

This is one of the best things ever...

But doesn't the last pesterlog sound a bit... suggestive?

:P I'm so perverted.

I posted two things over in the Pail Day exchange thread.

If anyone is interested

Beautiful.

Well, I succumbed to the urge to write a fanfic on Valentine's day. But, since I suck at the sappy stuff, and the even somewhat romantic stuff, I made a sadfic. Here, I give you.

Liar

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Nepeta watched from the air ducts as an arrow pierced Equius' leg, a look of utter horror on her face as the strong Blue blood fell to a single knee. As she watched her eyes widened with surprise. Even if she had refused to believe it, Gamzee had really gone insane, he approached Equius with a broken bow, string hanging limply between. Equius simply looked up at him, he didn't move to attack, just watched.

Swirling emotions of fear and anger covering her mind, Nepeta continued to watch as, in the greatest sense of irony she had ever seen, Gamzee used the broken bow's string to choke the strong troll. Intense sorrow filled her as Equius slowly died, losing air before simply falling backwards. The grin on his face disturbed her, but she was able to easily ignore it as anger shrouded her mind. She had to get him back, Gamzee would pay for what he did to her precious Morail!

With a ferocious snarl she leaped from the ducts, attacking Gamzee from above. Her face a mask of surprise and the utmost terror as Gamzee stopped her in midair, broke her arm, then threw her back. Her small frame bounced on the concrete as she hit the ground. Pain shot up her broken arm and bruised back. Green tears leaked from the corners of her eyes, but still, she kept that determined look on her face. Even as Gamzee closed in with his JokerKind and struck her over the head with it. This possibly fatal blow pleased the highblood, as he calmly turned and left as Nepeta temporarily played dead.

With Gamzee gone Nepeta struggled to sit up, blood loss and the sudden concussion making it hard. She crawled over to Equius, sitting infront of him, and heavily slumping forward, too tired to sit erect. With fresh tears rolling down her eyes she pawed at her friend, who she knew was dead. But she refused to believe it. In a quivering voice she spoke.

(> *ac paws at ct playfully, trying to get him to look at her.
(> *ac mews, "wake up sleepyhead, you're okay, really you are." but ct won't get up.
(> *ac's now a bit upset, she scratches at him and cries, "you said you'd be cautious 100% remember! you can't be gone!"
see, I'm not even roleplaying anymore. please Equius, get up. C'mon.
c'mon, I know you wouldn't lie to me, get up!
I don't believe that you would let Gamzee do that, even if he is a highblood.
you wouldn't break a promise to me would you?

A bit upset about all that just happened Nepeta slammed her eyes shut and yelled at Equius' body.

you big liar!

Sobs racked Nepeta's body as she shook Equius and cried out. Rivers of tears escaped her eyes as she sniffled and curled up, head laying on her friend's now still chest.

well, i didn't lie, we'll see eachother again. and i hope you believed it.

With no more tears, and not a single sniffle, Nepeta closed her eyes and drifted to sleep. She was so tired after fighting Gamzee. This rest would be good, she'd be able to catnap for a nice long time, and when she woke up she'd be with Equius. Yep, everything would be just fine, it would all turn out just fine.

Well, I hope that didn't suck. Feedback is always wonderful :3 Thank You for Reading.

EDIT: Colored Nepeta's text and disabled Smileys as recommended.

*takes notes on how to write a sad-fic*

I realized shortly after writing Mythstuckers 1 that I had just finished an RPF, and I kind of attacked my own brain for a while as a result. But now I've made peace with that because I'm more writing about characters based on the Mythbusters than about the people themselves, which frees me up to do some improvisation, as seen below.

SBURB FICS THAT NEVER WERE

V: Mythstuckers Reloaded

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LAND OF NEON AND ATMOSPHERE

ADAM SAVAGE
-Knight of Heart-

"Well, we already proved one thing by accident - prototyping does, in fact, take metaphorical or philosophical meanings into account. We tried prototyping the Mythbusters logo just so all of our imps would be branded - heh - but as it turns out, while there ARE a few Mythbusters brand imps that I can see from here, I'm actually seeing a lot more Jamie and Grant and so on, and I think that one over there has a blast shield on his arm. So, that might make this a little weird for everybody. But it's still hilarious - all the imps look kind of like LEGO people because of the white block prototyping, so it's more like hey, I'm going to go blow up Minecraft Tory, rather than oh god, I just killed one of my friends and coworkers.

"I admit the kernelsprite itself is a little annoying, though. I mean, I like the guy who narrates the show, but this is just so weird. It's like it breaks the fourth wall or something. Most of the time I have no idea what it's talking about though, so it's just sprouting non-sequiturs, but EVERYTHING IT'S SAID has been accurate so far, one way or another."

-----

NARRATORSPRITE: Meanwhile, Grant finds himself in a bit of a sticky situation!

ADAM: See?! That's EXACTLY what I'm talking about! I'd better get Grant on the line, this sounds like it might be dangerous.

*radio crackle*

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ADAM: Grant? Anything going on? My sprite just said something about you.
GRANT: Well, I just discovered that I have a leak in my Flammenwerfer's fuel tank. What did he say?
ADAM: Something about a sticky situation.
GRANT: Oh. Well, that's nothing big. See, the Flammenwerfer, back when it was in common use, propelled a mixture of tar and gasoline at its target - that way, you light them on fire, but the fuel sticks to them, causing more damage.
ADAM: So you're just covered in gooey, flammable liquid?
GRANT: Pretty much, yeah.
ADAM: Oh, and like that isn't concerning at all.
GRANT: To be honest, it isn't, really. The tank wasn't full, I was just loading it in preparation for when Jamie finishes putting everything in place at my base over here. But the hole means I'll be weaponless for a little while, at least until I can find a solution that doesn't involve me being in just as much dangers as the guys I'm fighting.
ADAM: That's a bit of a relief, I guess. Oh, funny story - entering the game seems to give me all these weird... game powers, I guess.
GRANT: Game powers? Seriously?
ADAM: Well, I have an inventory, for one. It works a little oddly, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. And I've also got some kind of equipment setup thing that means I don't actually have to hold my sword anymore. I can just get it out of thin air whenever I need it.
GRANT: Wow, umm, okay. This myth is looking a little close to confirmation already. You've just proven that SBURB does, indeed, have reality-altering capabilities.
ADAM: Just wait until you get in, man. This is gonna be so awesome. I'm gonna go play around with this stuff for a while. Good luck with your side of the deal.
GRANT: Thanks, you too. Be careful out there!

NARRATORSPRITE: While Adam goes off on a virtual killing spree, Jamie remains as professional as ever.

-----

AMERICAN NAVAL BASE, LOCATION CLASSIFIED

JAMIE HYNEMAN
- ??? of ??? -

"Grant's having some issues with his weapon, but I'm pretty sure that if worst comes to worst I can actually provide some defense once he gets in the game. Grant's been able to pick up and drop stuff all around Adam's army base, so I figure that I might be able to throw one of those aircraft he's got lying around at the Air Force Base he's sitting in. Hopefully the Air Force won't mind, of course."

-----

*radio crackle*

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JAMIE: Hey Tory, Grant's having some issues with his flamethrower's fuel tank. Do you have any suggestions for him? Maybe something he can do just as a quick fix?
TORY: ...
JAMIE: Tory? Do you read?
TORY: ...
TORY: ...zzz...
JAMIE: ...Seriously?

-----

NARRATORSPRITE: Of course, while all team members try to maintain a professional atmosphere at all times, not everyone can be a paragon of tenacity quite like Jamie. Tory has fallen asleep while waiting for his turn at the game!

-----

PROSPIT

TORY BELLECI
-??? of ???-

"Huh? Wow, uh, very gold around here. Like, eye-stunningly gold. Can't say I'm a fan of the attire, either. Ahem... kinda breezy."

-----

NARRATORSPRITE: Tory has just discovered the dreamworld portion of the game! Hopefully, he'll be able to realize what's going on before he accidentally causes even more trouble for the rest of the team! Not that they need any help causing trouble - the game's been on for a whole five minutes, and the team's already starting to get a little bit of Game Lobby Fever!

-----

*radio crackle*

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GRANT: Hey, Adam? Your sprite's acting up again.
ADAM: Can you tell what he's saying? As far as I know he just sort of rambles about whatever's going on at the time. Hyaaaaah!
GRANT: There's no sound, and even if I could read lips -
ADAM: Take that, scoundrel!
GRANT: - even if I could read lips, he's a floating logo. He just seems to bob around when he's saying something.
ADAM: Yeah, he's probably talking about my over-enthusiasm or something. But geez, Grant! This is just like... Neo Tokyo, or something! I feel like I'm fighting the Yakuza in the Japanese Underworld! There's fog everywhere, and...
GRANT: Why Japan, specifically?
ADAM: Well, I dunno, the sword?
GRANT: And you probably fought some Grant imps, too, didn't you?
ADAM: No, it's just... I feel all Samurai-like.
GRANT: You know the Claymore is a scottish weapon, right? Not all swords are Japanese.
ADAM: Well, I'm holding it like a katana, okay? I'm playing samurai.
GRANT: I'm just saying -
ADAM: You don't need to assume everything I do is racist, okay? For your information, I just beheaded a LEGO version of myself. And before that it was Jamie. So no, I'm just in a samurai mood right now.
GRANT: Alright, just sayin'.
ADAM: Good.
GRANT: ...
ADAM: ...
GRANT: ...
ADAM: But seriously, bug Jamie to get you in. I can't wait to find out what crazy world you end up in. THIS IS SO COOL, WHACHAAAA

COMMENTS:

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I have no idea how you fill a Flammenwerfer 35's fuel tank, so if it's compressed or something else that would prevent the scenario from making sense then I apologize.

And ugh, this is probably the worst case I've ever had of letting a chapter extend beyond its original capacity. It was supposed to be Grant having flamer issues, Tory falling asleep, then Jamie getting Grant ingame and Grant doing some more prototype experiments, but the samurai warrior exchange felt long enough that I could get away with ending the chapter right there.

I've been on a MASSIVE Golden Sun kick recently (like, by massive I mean I spent the weekend on minecraft making a scale replica, inside and out, of Venus Lighthouse) and I actually have two possible ideas for how a GS crossover would work, so I might do that. It's not the best idea I've ever had though, so I might abandon it, and I do feel like taking a short break from crossovers anyway.

Ah, hahahaha!

This is the best crossover idea EVER.

Moar! Moar!

My writing procedure is the following:

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1) I poo in my hands.
2) I throw it as hard as possible into the quick reply box
3) If I'm feeling kind, I hit 'go advanced' to check things over (tags and whatnot)
4) Post

Everything I've posted is half-planned and brews up as I write it.

But I just wanted to say that I love everything that's been posted here. I feel terrible because except for that silly thing I posted here for MayorSillyBiscuits, I haven't posted anything here in weeks.

No, you're awesome.

I repeat.

YOU.

ARE.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!

My process goes something like

1) Read a post here or on /co/
2) Suddenly, inspiration
3) Inner voice screams at me, "damnit! don't you write a fanfic about this anonymousComrade!"
4) Try to resist
5) Do it anyway
6) Maybe get a basic idea where the plot is going
7) Wing it

Anyway! Here comes
Crossing Over: Chapter 9

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Karkat found Terezi in the computer room, doing nothing in particular. He touched her shoulder as he sat down next to her.

"YOU OKAY?"
She glanced up at him. "HOW C4N 1 B3? W3 4RE GO1NG TO D13, R3G4RDL3SS OF WH4T H4PP3NS NOW."
"YEAH. EITHER NOIR MURDERS US, OR WE GO ON OUR OWN TERMS. BUT..."
Terezi held both of Karkat's hands in her own. "Y3S?"
"I THINK I CAN FACE THE END, IF I HAVE SOMEONE WITH ME. WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE, TEREZI."
"YOU R34LLY DONT TH1NK TH3 HUM4NS W1LL B3 4BL3 TO PULL 1T OFF, DO YOU?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE. THE LAST DAY OR SO HAS COMPLETELY FUCKED OVER MY ABILITY TO GIVE A DAMN. BUT I DO KNOW ONE THING."
"OH?"

Karkat pulled her close and held her tightly.

"IN THE END... I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE."
Terezi ran her fingers through Karkat's hair and kissed him gently on the neck. "1 LOV3 YOU, K4RKL3S."
Any other time, he never would have considered it. But if he couldn't admit it now, then when? "I LOVE YOU TOO, TEREZI."

They remained in each other's arms for what felt like eternity. Both of them would have given anything for the moment to never end.

Karkat swore under his breath when Trollian bleeped on his terminal.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

EB: karkat? buddy? you there?
EB: rose wants to know what you and terezi are going to do.
EB: god this is awful!
EB: i'm just sitting here casually asking if you've decided whether or not to kill yourselves like some kind of inconsiderate prick!
EB: if this works, i deserve to be socked in the jaw.
EB: in fact, i am giving you permission to do so, right now.
CG: JOHN.
EB: karkat.
CG: TEREZI AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT THERE'S NO POINT IN NOT COMMITTING MUTUAL SUICIDE IN ORDER TO GO ALONG WITH THE MISSION.
CG: GOD, THAT'S A FUCKED UP THING TO TYPE.
CG: BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS
CG: EITHER WE KILL OURSELVES NOW, GOING OUT ON OUR TERMS
CG: OR LEAVE OURSELVES TO WHATEVER THE HELLBEAST HAS PLANNED.
CG: SO WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS.
EB: karkat, i... i don't know what i *can* say.
CG: IF YOU GUYS FUCK THIS UP I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO HAUNT YOU.
CG: CHAINS RATTLING, SPOOKY VOICES IN THE NIGHT, THINGS BEING FLUNG ACROSS THE ROOM BY INVISIBLE FORCES
CG: MULTIHUED BLOOD FLOWING *UP* THE WALLS
CG: IF THIS DOESN'T WORK, I HOPE YOU LIKE GHOSTBUSTERS AS MUCH AS YOU SAY YOU DO! BECAUSE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THAT MOVIE WILL RETROACTIVELY BECOME YOUR BIOGRAPHY.
CG: THIS IS A PROMISE.
EB: hehehehehe.
EB: then all i can promise you...
EB: is that we will not fail!
CG: THAT'LL BE A FIRST FOR YOU GUYS, THEN.
CG: SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.
EB: see you then, bro!!!

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat's hand rested on his sickle. "MIGHT AS WELL GET THIS OVER WITH."

One quick motion would be all that was needed to end it. The tip of the Regisickle would be driven into Terezi's heart and she would die quickly and painlessly. Then once more to himself, and it would be over and out of his hands.

Yet, he hesitated.

Terezi smiled and assured him it was okay. "1TS NOT R34LLY TH3 3ND, 4FT3R 4LL," she told him. But even if the humans could wring success from the overwhelming failure that plagued both their sessions, the idea of killing the girl he loved, and then himself, in a twisted murder-suicide meant to pull the rug out from under the horrorterrors, was still some heavy shit. DO IT, he tried to will himself. KILL HER. YOU KILL THAT GIRL THIS INSTANT.

The sickle hit the ground with a heavy thud, ringing out his latest failure as the team leader. He could not bring himself to kill the girl.

There was another way of going about this. It would cost him the rest of his dignity, but that ship had sailed so long ago he didn't care anymore.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

CG: CONGRATULATIONS!
AG: ????????
CG: YOU HAVE WON OUR LIFELONG BATTLE OF HUGE ASSHOLE VS SOCIOPATHIC BITCH.
CG: YOU WERE RIGHT. TURNS OUT I *AM* A GIGANTIC FEATHERBEAST SHIT AFTER ALL!
CG: THE HUMANS TRUSTED ME WITH ONE JOB, ONE FUCKING JOB, AND THAT WAS TO KILL MYSELF.
CG: AND I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT BECAUSE I AM AN UTTER FAILURE.
CG: SO CONGRATULATIONS! THE WAR IS OVER! YOU HAVE WON SO MANY MEDALS FOR YOUR VALOR IN BATTLE. ALL OF THEM, IN FACT.
CG: AND NOW I AM ASKING
CG: NO
CG: FUCKING BEGGING YOU
CG: TO COME DOWN HERE AND DO WHAT I CANNOT.
CG: THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU LAUGH AT ME AND GLOAT ABOUT YOUR LATEST VICTORY.
CG: I CAN'T SAY I DON'T DESERVE IT! SO LAUGH AWAY.
CG: I AWAIT YOUR SICK BURNS WITH EAGER ENTHUSIASM.
AG: ...why would I do that? :::
AG: I mean yeah, I know, 8luh 8luh huge 8itch.
AG: 8ut I'm not a fucking sadist. I don't wax nearly as 8lack for you as you seem to think I do.
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA AND NOW EVEN THE SPIDERBITCH IS TAKING PITY ON ME!
CG: WAIT, HOLD ON
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CG: THERE, EIGHT HA'S.
CG: NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, CAN WE SKIP THE BULLSHIT AND GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU ROLL YOUR DICE AND OUR HEADS EXPLODE ALREADY?
CG: BECAUSE I THINK I WOULD HONESTLY PREFER THAT EVEN IF THE CURRENT PLAN DIDN'T REQUIRE TEREZI AND I TO DIE.
AG: Daaaaaaaamn, Karkat! You sure are hard on yourself today!
AG: I'm going to 8e honest with you. You're only going to hear this once so you'd 8etter listen up!
AG: You're not that 8ad of a leader. When you spoke, we listened, and not just anyone could say that.
AG: I mean, the game itself tried to keep us working against each other 8ut you were all "MAN, FUCK THAT" and got all twelve of us to work together like one team.
AG: This is no easy feat! I dou8t anyone else could have done it, except me, o8viously.
CG: WHATEVER, VRISKA. JUST GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

Vriska arrived in the computer lab, Flourite Octet at the ready. Karkat and Terezi nodded at her, closed their eyes, and embraced, waiting for the inevitable.

His voice lowered to a whisper. "i love you, terezi pyrope."
She traced the outline of a heart on his chest. "1 lov3 you, k4rk4t v4nt4s."

Vriska halfheartedly rolled the dice. 6. 3. 2. 8. 7. 8. 5. 8. [HEART 8TTACK]. Karkat and Terezi fell to the floor, dead.

-----

Vriska made ready for her part of the mission. Aradia was to escort Dave through the dreamscape, then they would all meet in the Veil and await Rose's signal.

A human boy dressed in a bright red outfit and dark shades materialized in front of her. "cmon, we got places to be." Vriska stepped near him.

A quick scratch of the timetables, and both of them vanished.

Notes:

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Subverted, sort of! More like assisted mutual suicide

Okay, that's kind of a cop-out. I did originally have Karkat going through with it himself, but I don't know, it just didn't seem like it was enough.

As much as I was leading up to this moment, I still don't really feel satisfied with it, but if experience has taught me anything it's that hating my own writing is par for the course. But at least it wasn't shoehorned in like Karkat's confrontation with vampire Kanaya in the last chapter.

Also I think I wrote Vriska really out of character there but I can't think of another exchange that works

Things do stop being horribly depressing eventually, I swear!

WAIT WHAT NO GO AWAY TEARS GO AWAY!

*sob*

[DJ-P0N3]

I think I have forgotten how to write decent fanfics.
This is bad.

Cheese Crabs

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Karkat strolled down to the grocery store on a lazy afternoon. The sun overhead was hot and blindingly bright, he had never known it could truly be this bad. He grumbled to himself and swore at Jade under his breath.

"STUPID FUCKASS, WHY DO I HAVE TO GO BUY HER DUMB SNACKS?"

Karkat pondered for a moment what she could have possibly meant by 'Cheese Nips'. He flashed back briefly to the conversation at hand, and how it had forced him into this pickle of a situation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jade had been sitting down on her sofa playing games with Dave. The two were being as competitive as ever with one another and Jade was losing. Dave was simply too good at the game, he knew every move and every hidden power-up. She could button mash, wait out the timer, or even just give up. She just couldn't win.

"so thats five times in a row i won." Dave grinned.

Jade shouted, her face red with embarassment and anger, "Best seven out of ten!"

Dave nodded and got back to the game, Jade looked over at Karkat, whom had been watching rather intently on the game. In fact he had been backseat driving for most of her game.

"Karkles!" She called out, which was utterly unnecessary, considering their close proximity.

"OW MY EAR WHAT?!"

"Go get me some cheese nips if you are going to be a pain in my behind!"

"SOME WHAT?"

"Just go to the store and buy me cheese nip-"

A sound played off the screen, a 'YOU LOSE' popped up.

"A LOT of cheese nips."

She pushed Karkat out of the house and slammed it shut, she then proceeded to return to the game.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Karkat nodded, that was exactly how it had gone down. He entered the gas station and searched the shelves for these 'cheese nips'. He finally found them and decided to see what her fuss was about.

He ripped open a bag and took a single cheese nip, then a single bite and-

-oh god it was the most delicious snackfood he had ever had in his entire life. He snarfed down the entire bag and decided to buy every single bag of cheese nips they had.

He then rushed back to the house and set all the bags out onto the floor, before he ripped them all open, poured them onto the floor, and began to swim in a small ocean of cheese nips. Jade and Dave stared at him, so confused.

Dave smirked, "damn son that is a lot of cheese nips."

Jade smiled and sighed, "Yeah and this-"

A 'YOU WIN' sounded off from the screen.

"Is me kicking your ass Dave." She winked at him.

Dave fumed, "Best 15 out of 24!"

This is even worse.

[Sionnan]

Ugh. This ended up way longer than I wanted it to, and a little weirder than I wanted it to.

Part 2 of that fic thing inspired by Kerensky's Double Irony, which is a lot better than whatever the fuck this is. I seriously recommend you go read it, you'll like it.

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The whole place had the desperate, stale quality of recycled air and thousands of gallons of cleaning fluid that never truly managed to mask the scent of hundreds of bodies crammed together in one spot. Dave, a veteran of city living and the occassional motel room, barely noticed it after a few minutes. The noise was pretty phenomenal for something not a rave, and he kept getting surprised by random weird sounds you normally wouldn't hear going off, like a shrill fake schoolgirl screech, or a bunch of people meowing like cats, or a rousing chorus of proclamations declaring that it was in fact, Sparta. Weird and kind of funny, and really not too different from school, except no one was around to tell them to quiet down and stop trying to fake hump or kill each other.

Dave had to admit he had gotten a little more than he bargained for. He didn't tell his fans online he would show up, but he did make his brother book a table for them in the vendors section. That had been a memorable moment.

Bro had booked a table under, no shit, "Bro Strider. Yes, that is my real name. No, really. Jesus, it's on my birth certificate and everything, do you need a fax or something? You people are so ridiculously insensitive. Yeah, that'd be fine. Okay. Thanks." And he shot Dave a double thumbs up, coupled with a sadistic grin. If he wasn't mistaken, Dave was starting to see that Bro was starting to like messing with the convention registration guys a little too much.

Setting up was really not much of a big deal. He made some shitty word doc sign and propped it up against a blatantly displayed ghetto cash box, reading, "Pre printed prints: 5.00; Hand drawn art: 10.00; Comissioned art: 20.00; Guest art: 30.00 and up." And next to that, a stack of black and white print outs of some SBaHJ art he'd ganked from his own site, mixed in with some stuff he'd made late the night before and printed off. It was magnificent, really. The biggest joke was that Bro, an actually talented web-based artist, wasn't even the main attraction, and better yet that his stuff ran for more money. Rightly so, given that there were some pretty sick one of a kind pieces out to get bought, but it was unlikely Dave's fans would pay much attention to him, which was even greater.

It was just so many layers of irony, administered with a careful hand and a poker face. And of course, plausible deniability if it ever came down to it.

Mostly, they got a lot of weird, sometimes spiteful stares from other con-goers. It was like, "Who're these douchebags?" was written all over their faces. It helped that Bro looked like some random dude who ended up inappropriately appropriating a seat from a vending booth. After an hour of no traffic, and the novelty of the disjointed stares aimed their way, Dave scrawled a hasty "Guest Artist" sign, helpfully pointing a suggestive arrow brother-ward and set that up next to their wares sign. Perfect. Without bothering to secure their stall, they grabbed lunch.

"Do you think anybody's gonna steal our shit?" Dave asked around a mouthful of burger with a fake smoke enhanced flavor. Grody.

His brother grinned around a mouthful of burrito. "Fuck no." He chewed for a few seconds, then added, "Although, I would shed a singly, manly tear over the desparate circumstaces that poor fucker must be in."

Dave shared a smirk. Oh yes. Actually, it would probably make the entire trip worth it to have their stall hijacked, or vandalized, or something. It would make the entire joke that much funnier.

Sadly, although perhaps tellingly, their stall remained unmolested upon their return.

Then it was like the floodgates opened. SBaHJ fans seemed to fall upon them like ninjas (although upon reviewing a con schedule, he saw that the fan panel had just wrapped up, so they were left to their own devices). It took most visitors several bouncing looks between Bro and Dave to figure out if the signs were serious or mixed up or what. Dave would generally take pity on them and ask a, "Hey man, what's happening?" Which generally prompted a soft snort from Bro, a sure sign that Dave had somehow lost points in their coolkid antics. Whatever, dude could go stuff it.

One weird thing did happen. And it wasn't really the cool weird, or the good weird that came along with his ironically challenged fanbase.

It was the genuinely weird weird, the kind where you want to get up from your seat on the bus and find another because the dude near you is freaking you out.

Some tall, stringy dude with baggy clothes and a weird, acrid stench ghosted up to their table. He didn't make eye contact with either Bro or Dave, almost like he was making a point of refusing to, practicedly scanning the untidy piles of crapy MS Paint doodles. When Dave and Bro exchanged a glance, Dave caught the interloper glacing up and sending a furtive, piercing look to Bro, and then withdrawing when Bro moved to return it.

He must have stayed there for five minutes, fingering through the piles, straying to Bro's displayed works to stare fixedly at them, as if trying to somehow see through them. Other people who seemed to want to drift by changed course upon seeing him, or if they dropped by, they left shortly thereafter. There was something legitimately disturbed about the loiterer. Dave supposed it wasn't any surprise when Bro reached over with a surreptitious foot and dragged Dave's chair back away from the table a little bit, just out of arm's reach of someone on the other side.

It was just as the guy was turning away that shit got weird. He spun back, and scuttled to Bro's side of the table, one skinny hand reaching out to fasten on Bro's shirt. Everything seemed to get a little quieter, but thinking back on it, in that crowd it was unlikely anyone noticed the spectacle and stopped talking in shock; more likely, Dave's attention became laser focued on the previously weird but most unthreatening lurker. Although Dave was surprised that the guy didn't end up in a pile of disjointed human parts; his brother only cocked an eyebrow while he was jerked forward, his sharp chin getting brushed by the other guy's breath. They traded a few seconds worth of unreadable stares. Dave was on his feet and leaning over to detach him, while Bro reached under the table to keep him back, when the guy hissed, "Do you want to play a game?"

Bro's face spasmed, and he reached up to knock the guy away, breaking his hold easily. Dave could see a storm gathering on his brother's brow, but he didn't say anything as the guy coughed a laugh, and disappeared into the crowd. There was a few beats of stunned silence on Dave's end, as he looked stoically into the crowd. And then to his brother.

Who was going about stacking up Dave's printouts and securing the cashbox. Dave's heart fell, but he didn't say anything, and he studiously kept his face in its bland calm. Finally, Bro broke the terse silence. "Sorry, hombre, we're hittin' the road."

"Fuck, man, you get freaked out by some spoody motherfucker, and you're takin' off like a beaten dog? What gives?" Dave finally voiced his thoughts, crossing his arms and sending a flat stare at his sibling. Bro only tossed him a cursory glance as he put the tiny little jewelery lock on the cashbox. "Nothing gives, man. We're outta here."

Dave settled into his seat. "I'm staying." He didn't really know how to term it, but Bro's totally uncharacteristic zeal to back down from a confrontation irked him.

"Like fuck you are." Bro was suddenly closer to him, face near his. Dave jerked back in surprise, and then gave him an uncharitable scowl.

"Dude, are you on the rag? You need to chill." He made a show of stretching his legs out under the table, crossing them at the ankles, intent on telegraphing his complete lack of alarm. Which was totally not a great idea, because he fucked over his own center of balance, and ended up on his ass when Bro took the back of his chair and gave it a firm yank up. Dave was on his feet before Bro put the chair back down, stepping into his brother's personal space.

"What. The. Fuck." Standing this close to his brother, with this much indignant rage in his pubertal veins, he could see how much taller and broader Bro was than him. It really didn't help that Bro was evidently not in the mood to fight, and only ducked around him to snatch off the list of services from the front of the table.

"I'll give you the lowdown when we get the fuck out of here, but for now, just put a rocket up your ass, okay?" His voice was low and steady when he spoke, deflating Dave's outrage and replacing it with curiosity.

They were out of the center and in the blinding Texas sun, Bro's loping stride never faltering when he spoke again. It was in his normal, easy tone, and even though the incident was still fresh in his mind, Dave could barely reconcile the Bro here with the Bro at the tables.

"Didn't expect to see that jackoff. Sorry, man," and he turned to shoot a crooked, apologetic grin over his shoulder at Dave. "There's just some shit you don't wanna mess with unless you've got on gloves and a good supply of bleach, you know?"

"No?"

Bro laughed, tossing the cashbox back to Dave, who caught it, and jogged a few paces to catch up with his longer legged brother. "Remember how I was telling you about that puppet site I did some work for a while back?"

"Yeah." That was, like, a week ago, but he dimly recalled it.

"Some of the guys on there were messed up. Seriously messed up. I have no idea how they stayed out of prison. Anyway, he was one of them." He frowned lightly, stopping at a crosswalks to jab at the button. "And he was one of the guys who flipped when I started trolling the place. You know, death threats, emo whining, the whole nine yards."

Yeah, standard typical internet whining wait, "Death threats?"

"Yeah." Bro's head canted, and the sun washed out his shades. "All kinds of nice things. I didn't really put too much stock into it, until he sent me some pictures." The lights changed, and he moved, Dave scrabbling to keep up with him. They were half way across when Bro said, "I don't care if they were fake. The fact that he staged something like it was fucked up enough. And if they weren't fake, there's no way I'd be letting you stay in the same zipcode as that freak."

Dave fought between morbid curiosity, irritation that his brother was treating him like a kid, and a small amount of trepidation.

"Sides." And Bro arched an eyebrow conspiratorially at him. "He grabbed my balls."

[Sporkaganza]

Hey guys

I'm liking writing SOSburb so far, but it is (to borrow a Britishism) a right pain in the arse formatting it all for the forum. I was going to move to AO3 (since it's what the cool kids are using these days; me, I'm an old fart who still uses fanfiction.net), only I didn't know you had to be invited...

So, invite please? I would really appreciate it!

[Twigwise]

Just gonna drop this BS off.

Yet another crossover fic

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- contradictiveChatterbox [CC] began playing a duet with angelicAssistor [AA] -
CC: …!
CC: ...
AA: oh~!
AA: hey there~!
CC: ….
AA: i wish you would be more specific~!
AA: but i understand thank goodness~.
CC: …!
AA: no i have not contacted him, do you think i should~?
CC: …
AA: he isn’t answering you~?
AA: oh dear~!
CC: …?
AA: oh sure~.
AA: see you later then~.
CC: …
AA: ~
- angelicAssistor [AA] ceased playing in a duet with contradictiveChatterbox [CC] -

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- angelicAssistor [AA] began playing in a duet with travelingTrader [TT] -
AA: hey TT~!
AA: is there a reason you aren’t answering CC~?
AA: hello~?
TT: Oh ho ho!
TT: Forgive me child, but I have been reminiscing with an old friend!
AA: old friend~?
TT: Why yes!
TT: He is always so excited to hear of my travels, he is also one of my first customers!
TT: I just can’t ignore him, its far too rude!
TT: Oh ho ho!
AA: oh alright~.
AA: but if CC messages you again please do answer him, he is still nervous about all this~!
TT: As he should be, children are often afraid of change.
AA: you have a point, but still~
AA: are you sure this is a safe thing for us to do~?
TT: I assure it is as safe as our two homes are!
AA: are you sure~?
AA: in my visions i have seen facts that say otherwise~.
TT: Do you doubt me?
TT: Why would I lie to you?
AA: i know, but they have yet to lie to me before~.
AA: i saw it~!
TT: Oh ho ho!
TT: Remember when you saw that vision of the hero coming to the rescue?
AA: yes i do, but that is different~!
TT: How is it so?
AA: that was a vision that was different~.
AA: i don't know, but it was just under different circumstances that it didn't come true~.
TT: Say what you will little one.
TT: I promise you this is safe.
AA: oh alright~.
AA: thanks~!
- angelicAssistor [AA] ceased playing in a duet with travelingTrader [TT] -
TT: Oh ho ho!
TT: She is so naïve it is almost too cute.

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- angelicAssistor [AA] began playing in a duet with contradictiveChatterbox [CC] -
AA: he said he will talk to you again~!
AA: he was just busy~!
AA: hello~?
AA: CC….~?
AA: hello…..~?
- contradictiveChatterbox [CC] is now taking a breather –
AA: oh god what~.

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If anyone can tell what this is, I will continue it.

Hey wait MSB-
Is there a reason that CC is green and talk-less? Because I think I recognize this crossover >;D
TellmeI'mrightandyou'regoingtocontinuethis


ALSO MYTHSTUCK YESSS

[X15lm204]

...On that note:
Anyone who's used AO3 for a while...
These invite things. How do I got them?

[SeptimusMagistos]

You can get an invite just by signing up and waiting in the queue. The site will eventually send you an invitation.

[DJ-P0N3]

Hey wait MSB-
Is there a reason that CC is green and talk-less? Because I think I recognize this crossover >;D
TellmeI'mrightandyou'regoingtocontinuethis

FFFFFFFFFFF
I THOUGHT NO ONE WOULD GET THIS
DAMMIT
ITS NOT OBVIOUS
DAMN YOU TWINTEMPO
DAMN YOU AND YOUR PONY

FINE
I WILL KEEP IT GOING

[Sporkaganza]

OK, but how does the formatting work then? I don't want to start writing the new chapter and then have to reformat it.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Domoz: omigosh you have the image manip young trolls avata-- I mean, looking forward to more of that fic because it looks like it's gonna be epic. But you should watch it with that avatar. That's just distractadorable.

@Mayor: There's a formspring in-joke I could follow about Trolls discovering snack food but I won't be the one to touch it.

@Sionnan: Loved the description of the con environment, which is to a T. And of course, the creepy guy (who also fits the con environment oh shit I went there), but mostly I loved how all the threads came together in the end. For someone that doesn't normally do multi-parts, you sure can.

@Sporkganza: Fraid I don't have any... or know how they even work. Bluuh. Personally, I have a checklist of to-do steps for converting from forum to A03. Organized, but boring.



Alrighty. This one's not my usual fare. But it came to me 'bout midnight this morning and it's now eleven eastern (and thanks to Lexxy for getting back to me before the day was out after all!), so here's my rather unorthodox contribution to Pail Day:


Suffocation

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A03 Link - Adult OCs in alluded sexual situations, dubcon (Drones).

[X15lm204]

You can get an invite just by signing up and waiting in the queue. The site will eventually send you an invitation.

That's not what I meant - I already have an account on AO3, and apparently members are able to obtain invitations to give out to non-members. My question is how do you get these? I currently have none.

[Doodled]

Why am I suddenly expecting a lot of Ancestor!Troll "AND THEN THEY PORKED" fics?

[Kerensky287]

Part 2 of that fic thing inspired by Kerensky's Double Irony, which is a lot better than whatever the fuck this is.

You stop right there, missy.

That thing I wrote was a half-assed bit of hogwash inspired by something I said to my dog.

Meanwhile, your thing? Real brother relationship. And an awesome look at Bro's "checkered past." I love the way you write the Striders with the hints that Bro used to be a bit of a horror, but has since turned over a new leaf somewhat. It's the "somewhat" that makes it seem so genuine, though.

Makes me want to write some Strider Brothers stuff of my own. Eh, maybe tomorrow.

EDIT: Aww, fuck me sideways, I got quadruple ninja'd or something. It's midnight, SkaianRedeemer! How could you possibly post another fic, you know I HAVE to read it, and I have to get to work in the morning... 0_0

EDIT2: Wow, that was... the most unsettling romantic story I've ever read. Good job. I mean, the entire time I was just wondering why they wouldn't do what they, uh, eventually DID, but when they actually did it it was sort of like... oh, THAT'S why they didn't. Does that make any sense? Anyway, you wrote basically perfectly (the one thing: Hemo=blood, homeo=same. Hemospectrum, not Homeospectrum. Homeo-racist doesn't refer to bloodcolor) and it was a great subversion of the stereotypical V-day fic.

[Graven_Image]

Why am I suddenly expecting a lot of Ancestor!Troll "AND THEN THEY PORKED" fics?

...Because that's the most logical outcome of these events?

[Doodled]

@Domoz: omigosh you have the image manip young trolls avata-- I mean, looking forward to more of that fic because it looks like it's gonna be epic. But you should watch it with that avatar. That's just distractadorable.

@Mayor: There's a formspring in-joke I could follow about Trolls discovering snack food but I won't be the one to touch it.

@Sionnan: Loved the description of the con environment, which is to a T. And of course, the creepy guy (who also fits the con environment oh shit I went there), but mostly I loved how all the threads came together in the end. For someone that doesn't normally do multi-parts, you sure can.

@Sporkganza: Fraid I don't have any... or know how they even work. Bluuh. Personally, I have a checklist of to-do steps for converting from forum to A03. Organized, but boring.



Alrighty. This one's not my usual fare. But it came to me 'bout midnight this morning and it's now eleven eastern (and thanks to Lexxy for getting back to me before the day was out after all!), so here's my rather unorthodox contribution to Pail Day:


Suffocation

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A03 Link - Adult OCs in sexual situations, dubcon (Drones).

Beautiful beautiful BEAUTIFUL!



No-one can hope to beat SR at a fan-fic-off...

He is simply...

The best...

that...

there might be.

*crowd groans*

[Domoz]

GASP WHEEZE

I have to finish this thing before it is sullied by cannon, and even then there's a lot of evidence going against it already.

At witch point I'll say fuck cannon, this is already a lot like an AU anyways.

[Graven_Image]

I think I may have crapped myself right around the time the main character did.

o.o

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Domoz: Well you've got the right attitude for it! Run with it while you can, you never know with these ancestors: Andrew might just not have enough to tell.

@Doodled: Haha, thank you!

I think I may have crapped myself right around the time the main character did.

o.o

@Graven: Is that for me, Graven? You shouldn't have I'm glad it's coming across as intended!