MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Sporkaganza]

SOSburb - Chapter 3

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Well, fine, Koizumi. Fine, Mister Smug. Fine. You guess you'll just have to kowtow to her like always. It's not as if it's difficul-

Oh, someone else is pestering you. And it's... that's weird.

-- spectralSnowflake [SS] has begun pestering ordinaryHuman [OH] --

SS: pr0ceed cauti0usly
OH: ...
OH: what, that's it?
SS: yes
OH: ...
OH: for once, you pester me and not the other way around
OH: and that's all you have to say?
SS: yes
OH: ...
OH: is that really it?
SS: yes
OH: sigh
OH: okay, fine. why should i proceed cautiously?
SS: suzumiya is caprici0us
OH: oh, not you too.
SS: yes me t00
OH: look, i'm gonna try not to piss her off, ok?
OH: jeez, what is it with you people? first koizumi and now you?
SS: yes
SS: asahina has als0 asked me t0 pass a message 0n t0 y0u
OH: ooh, really?
OH: what is it?
SS: it is the same message that i just gave y0u
OH: ...
OH: oh god dammit i hate all of you.
SS: i see
OH: oh i don't really mean that
OH: i'm exaggerating
OH: because i'm angry.
SS: i see
OH: ...
OH: ...
OH: sigh
OH: well, see you later.
SS: yes

-- spectralSnowflake [SS] has ceased pestering ordinaryHuman [OH] --

You really have no idea what her deal is.

Oh, here's Asahina! Even though you're sure she's going to annoy you about the same damn thing you were just warned about twice, it brightens your day anyhow. It's impossible not to be soothed by her balm.

-- temperateTeamaiden [TT] has begun pestering ordinaryHuman [OH] --

TT: Hello Kyon!
OH: Hello, Miss Asahina!
TT: Please, Mikuru is fine!
OH: Oh, no. I wouldn't dream of it.
TT: And you don't have to be all grammatically correct just for me~!
TT: I know you don't use capitalization with anyone else.
OH: Actually, I should type like this all the time.
OH: It's much nicer.
TT: Really~?
OH: no, it's actually a pain.
OH: you're right, why do i bother.
OH: anyway, hey.
TT: Um...
TT: Kyon...
TT: There's something I wanted to tell you.
OH: be careful with haruhi, right?
TT: Huh?
TT: Why would I say that?
OH: nagato told me that you told her to tell me that.
TT: But I didn't... 3=
OH: ... you sure?
OH: i mean
OH: you know as well as i do she doesn't make stuff up.
TT: No, I'm sure...
OH: that's weird...
OH: well, whatever
OH: what did you want to tell me?
TT: I just wanted to tell you not to worry!
OH: worry?
OH: about what?
TT: I know you've been concerned about this SOSburb thing...
TT: I have to admit that it is a little fishy.
TT: But it's just a game, right?
TT: It seems like it could be fun~!!!! =3
TT: So don't worry, okay?
OH: oh...
OH: uh...
OH: thanks
OH: you're good at cheering me up.
TT: *blush*
TT: Oh, don't!
TT: It's nothing, really...
OH: no, i'm serious.
OH: it was great to talk to you.
OH: anyway, catch you later.
TT: bye~! =)

-- temperateTeamaiden [TT] has ceased pestering ordinaryHuman [OH] --

Aw, she blushed! Or, at least she typed "*blush*", which might not mean she actually blushed in real life. Maybe she did though.

Maybe you have a chance with her after all! Not that you'd ever pursue her. She's still way out of your league, and Haruhi would get mad that you were dating a friend. She made this big deal about not dating insiders; she's made her Internet friends out to be this little club almost.

She might not be all that far off the mark. It does all seem to revolve around her most of the time.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I hope it suddenly doesn't seem weird that I have non-pesterlog parts. I think it works well enough as a bridge, but I dunno.

[battlerek]

I realized shortly after writing Mythstuckers 1 that I had just finished an RPF, and I kind of attacked my own brain for a while as a result. But now I've made peace with that because I'm more writing about characters based on the Mythbusters than about the people themselves, which frees me up to do some improvisation, as seen below.

SBURB FICS THAT NEVER WERE

V: Mythstuckers Reloaded

show spoiler

hide spoiler

LAND OF NEON AND ATMOSPHERE

ADAM SAVAGE
-Knight of Heart-

"Well, we already proved one thing by accident - prototyping does, in fact, take metaphorical or philosophical meanings into account. We tried prototyping the Mythbusters logo just so all of our imps would be branded - heh - but as it turns out, while there ARE a few Mythbusters brand imps that I can see from here, I'm actually seeing a lot more Jamie and Grant and so on, and I think that one over there has a blast shield on his arm. So, that might make this a little weird for everybody. But it's still hilarious - all the imps look kind of like LEGO people because of the white block prototyping, so it's more like hey, I'm going to go blow up Minecraft Tory, rather than oh god, I just killed one of my friends and coworkers.

"I admit the kernelsprite itself is a little annoying, though. I mean, I like the guy who narrates the show, but this is just so weird. It's like it breaks the fourth wall or something. Most of the time I have no idea what it's talking about though, so it's just sprouting non-sequiturs, but EVERYTHING IT'S SAID has been accurate so far, one way or another."

-----

NARRATORSPRITE: Meanwhile, Grant finds himself in a bit of a sticky situation!

ADAM: See?! That's EXACTLY what I'm talking about! I'd better get Grant on the line, this sounds like it might be dangerous.

*radio crackle*

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ADAM: Grant? Anything going on? My sprite just said something about you.
GRANT: Well, I just discovered that I have a leak in my Flammenwerfer's fuel tank. What did he say?
ADAM: Something about a sticky situation.
GRANT: Oh. Well, that's nothing big. See, the Flammenwerfer, back when it was in common use, propelled a mixture of tar and gasoline at its target - that way, you light them on fire, but the fuel sticks to them, causing more damage.
ADAM: So you're just covered in gooey, flammable liquid?
GRANT: Pretty much, yeah.
ADAM: Oh, and like that isn't concerning at all.
GRANT: To be honest, it isn't, really. The tank wasn't full, I was just loading it in preparation for when Jamie finishes putting everything in place at my base over here. But the hole means I'll be weaponless for a little while, at least until I can find a solution that doesn't involve me being in just as much dangers as the guys I'm fighting.
ADAM: That's a bit of a relief, I guess. Oh, funny story - entering the game seems to give me all these weird... game powers, I guess.
GRANT: Game powers? Seriously?
ADAM: Well, I have an inventory, for one. It works a little oddly, but I'm sure I'll get used to it. And I've also got some kind of equipment setup thing that means I don't actually have to hold my sword anymore. I can just get it out of thin air whenever I need it.
GRANT: Wow, umm, okay. This myth is looking a little close to confirmation already. You've just proven that SBURB does, indeed, have reality-altering capabilities.
ADAM: Just wait until you get in, man. This is gonna be so awesome. I'm gonna go play around with this stuff for a while. Good luck with your side of the deal.
GRANT: Thanks, you too. Be careful out there!

NARRATORSPRITE: While Adam goes off on a virtual killing spree, Jamie remains as professional as ever.

-----

AMERICAN NAVAL BASE, LOCATION CLASSIFIED

JAMIE HYNEMAN
- ??? of ??? -

"Grant's having some issues with his weapon, but I'm pretty sure that if worst comes to worst I can actually provide some defense once he gets in the game. Grant's been able to pick up and drop stuff all around Adam's army base, so I figure that I might be able to throw one of those aircraft he's got lying around at the Air Force Base he's sitting in. Hopefully the Air Force won't mind, of course."

-----

*radio crackle*

show spoiler

hide spoiler

JAMIE: Hey Tory, Grant's having some issues with his flamethrower's fuel tank. Do you have any suggestions for him? Maybe something he can do just as a quick fix?
TORY: ...
JAMIE: Tory? Do you read?
TORY: ...
TORY: ...zzz...
JAMIE: ...Seriously?

-----

NARRATORSPRITE: Of course, while all team members try to maintain a professional atmosphere at all times, not everyone can be a paragon of tenacity quite like Jamie. Tory has fallen asleep while waiting for his turn at the game!

-----

PROSPIT

TORY BELLECI
-??? of ???-

"Huh? Wow, uh, very gold around here. Like, eye-stunningly gold. Can't say I'm a fan of the attire, either. Ahem... kinda breezy."

-----

NARRATORSPRITE: Tory has just discovered the dreamworld portion of the game! Hopefully, he'll be able to realize what's going on before he accidentally causes even more trouble for the rest of the team! Not that they need any help causing trouble - the game's been on for a whole five minutes, and the team's already starting to get a little bit of Game Lobby Fever!

-----

*radio crackle*

show spoiler

hide spoiler

GRANT: Hey, Adam? Your sprite's acting up again.
ADAM: Can you tell what he's saying? As far as I know he just sort of rambles about whatever's going on at the time. Hyaaaaah!
GRANT: There's no sound, and even if I could read lips -
ADAM: Take that, scoundrel!
GRANT: - even if I could read lips, he's a floating logo. He just seems to bob around when he's saying something.
ADAM: Yeah, he's probably talking about my over-enthusiasm or something. But geez, Grant! This is just like... Neo Tokyo, or something! I feel like I'm fighting the Yakuza in the Japanese Underworld! There's fog everywhere, and...
GRANT: Why Japan, specifically?
ADAM: Well, I dunno, the sword?
GRANT: And you probably fought some Grant imps, too, didn't you?
ADAM: No, it's just... I feel all Samurai-like.
GRANT: You know the Claymore is a scottish weapon, right? Not all swords are Japanese.
ADAM: Well, I'm holding it like a katana, okay? I'm playing samurai.
GRANT: I'm just saying -
ADAM: You don't need to assume everything I do is racist, okay? For your information, I just beheaded a LEGO version of myself. And before that it was Jamie. So no, I'm just in a samurai mood right now.
GRANT: Alright, just sayin'.
ADAM: Good.
GRANT: ...
ADAM: ...
GRANT: ...
ADAM: But seriously, bug Jamie to get you in. I can't wait to find out what crazy world you end up in. THIS IS SO COOL, WHACHAAAA

COMMENTS:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I have no idea how you fill a Flammenwerfer 35's fuel tank, so if it's compressed or something else that would prevent the scenario from making sense then I apologize.

And ugh, this is probably the worst case I've ever had of letting a chapter extend beyond its original capacity. It was supposed to be Grant having flamer issues, Tory falling asleep, then Jamie getting Grant ingame and Grant doing some more prototype experiments, but the samurai warrior exchange felt long enough that I could get away with ending the chapter right there.

I've been on a MASSIVE Golden Sun kick recently (like, by massive I mean I spent the weekend on minecraft making a scale replica, inside and out, of Venus Lighthouse) and I actually have two possible ideas for how a GS crossover would work, so I might do that. It's not the best idea I've ever had though, so I might abandon it, and I do feel like taking a short break from crossovers anyway.

Out of all your sburb fics this one is my favorite. Looking forward to learn what title Jamie gets.

[draconicAlgorithm]

Finally got this finished. I guess it's more Valentine's Day stuff? Ah well.

Wizardstuck: Loony and Crazee

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Luna Lovegood did not exactly have the best sense of direction. It wasn't that she intended to get lost. While she was walking through the hallways of Hogwarts castle, she couldn't help but stare at the paintings, and the paintings in turn reminded her of other things, and soon she found herself daydreaming or contemplating or just simply thinking. When she finally came out of her dreamy state, she often found herself in a part of the castle she wasn't the least bit familiar with.

In a way, though, this had its own advantages. She had accidentally explored more of the castle than many other students, and, anymore, she rarely truly got lost. She only ended up in places that were not her original destination.

That evening, however, was one of the few times she did. She had planned upon going to the library to sit in silence and finish reading her new copy of The Quibbler, but along the way, a painting of a horned creature reminded her of the new students. She had been meaning for some time to ask them if they were, in fact, crumplehorned snorkaks, or if they perhaps knew of any. Even if these rumors turned out to be untrue, she still wanted to check and see if they truly drank the blood of virgins and summoned weapons from no where and made relationships based on hate...

As she contemplated all of this, her legs kept moving, propelling her on through the endless labyrinth of hallways in the castle. Finally, after a memory of seeing some of the odd new students actually eating at dinner, she came to and realized where she was. It most certainly was not near the library. From the stark walls and the shadowy ambience, she would have guessed she was somewhere near the dungeons. Unfortunately, she was also lost.

Luna didn't panic. Her general calm disposition pervaded even into situations such as these, and so she only shrugged to herself and looked around for someone who might be able to point her in the right direction.

At first, when she looked in all directions, she saw not a soul. It almost appeared as though this part of the castle was mostly unused, which was not entirely unsurprising. Rather than waiting around for someone to show up, she picked a direction and began to walk in it. Surely she would bump into someone before long.

She was quite right. The first corner she turned, she bumped into someone else going in the opposite direction. She nearly lost her balance when a hand grabbed hold of her arm, steadying her.

"Whoa, sugar tits," a deep but whimsical voice said from above her. "Gotta be watchin' yourself when you be walking around these motherfuckin' corners or you'll right up scare the fuck outta some motherfucker worse than honk from a horn, ya dig?" Most girls might be immediately put off by the amount of vulgarity in the odd statement, but Luna was merely intrigued. She looked up in order to get a better look at the speaker.

She recognized him instantly as one of the new students. His gray skin and horns proclaimed that well enough. He was tall as well, a good foot taller than she, with gangly arms and legs that seemed almost too long for him. In spite of his height, he slumped some, and on his face was an expression of general good humor. Perhaps the strangest thing about him was the face paint he wore, giving him the guise of a clown in her eyes. A black-haired, orange-horned clown, but a clown nonetheless. He also wore the colors and crest of Slytherin, which in and of itself seemed weird to her. He simply didn't look the Slytherin type.

"Sorry for bumping into you," she said aloud once she had fully taken stock of his appearance and gleaned all she could from it. "I'm afraid I wasn't looking very closely at where I was going."

"It's alright, gettin' all caught up in the miracles all around us does that to a motherfucker, am I right?" She couldn't help but smile at the combination of his voice and his words. He seemed nice enough, anyway.

"My name is Luna. Luna Lovegood," she said, deciding it was as good a time as any to introduce herself.

"Name's Gamzee. Quite the motherfuckin' name ya got there, Luna. Sounds like a motherfuckin' miracle." The human girl just smiled.

"Thank you. To be honest, I'm afraid that I'm lost. Would you happen to know the direction to the library?" Her inquiry was met with a sheepish grin.

"I would love to help you out with all this findin' your way shit, but I haven't been able to find my own motherfuckin' way, let alone yours. All these turns and curves be gettin' me nothin' more than confused up in the old thinkpan." He shrugged.

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to be lost together, then," Luna replied. "Actually, I was a bit curious about you and your species, and I was wondering if you would mind asking some questions."

"Shoot, motherfucker," he said with a grin. Once they had established that they would walk together, both set off in the direction that Gamzee had originally been going in.

"Well, I had been meaning to ask if you were a crumplehorned snorkak," she said.

"Heh, well, if I knew what one of them motherfuckers were, I'd fuckin tell you," he said, looking puzzled. "I guess I could be, though, since you be all up and knowin' more about 'em than me. I know for a fact that I'm a fuckin' troll, though."

"You don't look like a troll," Luna replied. "Trolls are large and scary looking. You might be tall, but you're not particularly scary."

"Heh, you're not very much scary yourself, sis," he said. "If you're not all up with callin' me a motherfuckin' troll, you can be callin' me one of your snarklehorned crumplehats." She smiled in response to the garbled name.

"Crumplehorned snorkaks. To be honest, I think that fits you far better."

The two meandered for a time, both lost and neither truly caring. Luna enjoyed talking to Gamzee. He was silly and a little jumbled, but he had a good heart, and he didn't laugh at her oddities. He certainly had enough of his own. Their walk through the castle finally came to an end when they reached the door to the library, which Luna recognized immediately.

"I suppose this is where we part," she said, reluctantly.

"Yeah, I still gotta be gettin' around to findin' the Sly dorms some now and then," Gamzee replied in a roundabout way, though Luna had begun to understand what he was trying to say a bit better. "Seeya—"

"Gamzee!" He was cut off by a female voice. Luna turned to see another crumplehorned snorkak—no, troll—walking briskly down the hallway. Like Gamzee, she wore the uniform of a Slytherin, though her horns were much shorter and she wore red sunglasses. Luna also noticed that she walked with a cane, though she didn't appear to need it.

"I've been sniffing all over for you!" She said once she had caught up with them. "By the way, who's your friend?"

"My name is Luna," the human girl said politely. "Gamzee was just bringing me back to the library." The troll snorted.

"Really? Gamzee? He's got the worst sense of direction of anyone I've ever smelled!" Even as she said it, though, she grinned broadly, as though something was immensely funny. "Thanks for looking after him, Luna. You seem pretty cool, for a human. Don't worry, I'll escort him back to the dorm." For all she was rather loud, Luna was beginning to like her.

"I'll leave him in your capable hands, then, miss...?"

"Pyrope. Terezi Pyrope, at your service." She made a sort of mock bow, still grinning.

"Terezi then. Although, I have something I would like to give him, if you don't mind." Terezi's smirk got even wider, if that was possible.

"Be my guest."

"Huh?" Gamzee said, sounding confused. "What the fuck would you be wantin' to—" He began, but Luna grabbed hold of his silver and green tie, yanking it until his head was down to her level. Then, she gave him a peck on the cheek, ignoring the fact that his face paint got on her lips.

"That's my thank you," she said, releasing him. She smiled. "Be seeing you around!" With that, she turned and entered the library. Gamzee just stared with a shocked look on his face until a deep purple blush started to form on his cheeks.

"... Motherfuckin' miracles, man," he said finally. Terezi laughed.

"Miracles alright! C'mon, you big dope, let's get back to the Common Room." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led the still-blushing juggalo along, grinning like a madman all the way.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I HAVE NO REGRETS

This is my Wizardstuck OTP, just sayin'.

Also, I realize that Luna's depicted as a bit more forceful here, but to be honest, her character was never developed that much, and I'm taking a bit of creative liberties. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.

[Sporkaganza]

Finally got this finished. I guess it's more Valentine's Day stuff? Ah well.

Wizardstuck: Loony and Crazee

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Luna Lovegood did not exactly have the best sense of direction. It wasn't that she intended to get lost. While she was walking through the hallways of Hogwarts castle, she couldn't help but stare at the paintings, and the paintings in turn reminded her of other things, and soon she found herself daydreaming or contemplating or just simply thinking. When she finally came out of her dreamy state, she often found herself in a part of the castle she wasn't the least bit familiar with.

In a way, though, this had its own advantages. She had accidentally explored more of the castle than many other students, and, anymore, she rarely truly got lost. She only ended up in places that were not her original destination.

That evening, however, was one of the few times she did. She had planned upon going to the library to sit in silence and finish reading her new copy of The Quibbler, but along the way, a painting of a horned creature reminded her of the new students. She had been meaning for some time to ask them if they were, in fact, crumplehorned snorkaks, or if they perhaps knew of any. Even if these rumors turned out to be untrue, she still wanted to check and see if they truly drank the blood of virgins and summoned weapons from no where and made relationships based on hate...

As she contemplated all of this, her legs kept moving, propelling her on through the endless labyrinth of hallways in the castle. Finally, after a memory of seeing some of the odd new students actually eating at dinner, she came to and realized where she was. It most certainly was not near the library. From the stark walls and the shadowy ambience, she would have guessed she was somewhere near the dungeons. Unfortunately, she was also lost.

Luna didn't panic. Her general calm disposition pervaded even into situations such as these, and so she only shrugged to herself and looked around for someone who might be able to point her in the right direction.

At first, when she looked in all directions, she saw not a soul. It almost appeared as though this part of the castle was mostly unused, which was not entirely unsurprising. Rather than waiting around for someone to show up, she picked a direction and began to walk in it. Surely she would bump into someone before long.

She was quite right. The first corner she turned, she bumped into someone else going in the opposite direction. She nearly lost her balance when a hand grabbed hold of her arm, steadying her.

"Whoa, sugar tits," a deep but whimsical voice said from above her. "Gotta be watchin' yourself when you be walking around these motherfuckin' corners or you'll right up scare the fuck outta some motherfucker worse than honk from a horn, ya dig?" Most girls might be immediately put off by the amount of vulgarity in the odd statement, but Luna was merely intrigued. She looked up in order to get a better look at the speaker.

She recognized him instantly as one of the new students. His gray skin and horns proclaimed that well enough. He was tall as well, a good foot taller than she, with gangly arms and legs that seemed almost too long for him. In spite of his height, he slumped some, and on his face was an expression of general good humor. Perhaps the strangest thing about him was the face paint he wore, giving him the guise of a clown in her eyes. A black-haired, orange-horned clown, but a clown nonetheless. He also wore the colors and crest of Slytherin, which in and of itself seemed weird to her. He simply didn't look the Slytherin type.

"Sorry for bumping into you," she said aloud once she had fully taken stock of his appearance and gleaned all she could from it. "I'm afraid I wasn't looking very closely at where I was going."

"It's alright, gettin' all caught up in the miracles all around us does that to a motherfucker, am I right?" She couldn't help but smile at the combination of his voice and his words. He seemed nice enough, anyway.

"My name is Luna. Luna Lovegood," she said, deciding it was as good a time as any to introduce herself.

"Name's Gamzee. Quite the motherfuckin' name ya got there, Luna. Sounds like a motherfuckin' miracle." The human girl just smiled.

"Thank you. To be honest, I'm afraid that I'm lost. Would you happen to know the direction to the library?" Her inquiry was met with a sheepish grin.

"I would love to help you out with all this findin' your way shit, but I haven't been able to find my own motherfuckin' way, let alone yours. All these turns and curves be gettin' me nothin' more than confused up in the old thinkpan." He shrugged.

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to be lost together, then," Luna replied. "Actually, I was a bit curious about you and your species, and I was wondering if you would mind asking some questions."

"Shoot, motherfucker," he said with a grin. Once they had established that they would walk together, both set off in the direction that Gamzee had originally been going in.

"Well, I had been meaning to ask if you were a crumplehorned snorkak," she said.

"Heh, well, if I knew what one of them motherfuckers were, I'd fuckin tell you," he said, looking puzzled. "I guess I could be, though, since you be all up and knowin' more about 'em than me. I know for a fact that I'm a fuckin' troll, though."

"You don't look like a troll," Luna replied. "Trolls are large and scary looking. You might be tall, but you're not particularly scary."

"Heh, you're not very much scary yourself, sis," he said. "If you're not all up with callin' me a motherfuckin' troll, you can be callin' me one of your snarklehorned crumplehats." She smiled in response to the garbled name.

"Crumplehorned snorkaks. To be honest, I think that fits you far better."

The two meandered for a time, both lost and neither truly caring. Luna enjoyed talking to Gamzee. He was silly and a little jumbled, but he had a good heart, and he didn't laugh at her oddities. He certainly had enough of his own. Their walk through the castle finally came to an end when they reached the door to the library, which Luna recognized immediately.

"I suppose this is where we part," she said, reluctantly.

"Yeah, I still gotta be gettin' around to findin' the Sly dorms some now and then," Gamzee replied in a roundabout way, though Luna had begun to understand what he was trying to say a bit better. "Seeya—"

"Gamzee!" He was cut off by a female voice. Luna turned to see another crumplehorned snorkak—no, troll—walking briskly down the hallway. Like Gamzee, she wore the uniform of a Slytherin, though her horns were much shorter and she wore red sunglasses. Luna also noticed that she walked with a cane, though she didn't appear to need it.

"I've been sniffing all over for you!" She said once she had caught up with them. "By the way, who's your friend?"

"My name is Luna," the human girl said politely. "Gamzee was just bringing me back to the library." The troll snorted.

"Really? Gamzee? He's got the worst sense of direction of anyone I've ever smelled!" Even as she said it, though, she grinned broadly, as though something was immensely funny. "Thanks for looking after him, Luna. You seem pretty cool, for a human. Don't worry, I'll escort him back to the dorm." For all she was rather loud, Luna was beginning to like her.

"I'll leave him in your capable hands, then, miss...?"

"Pyrope. Terezi Pyrope, at your service." She made a sort of mock bow, still grinning.

"Terezi then. Although, I have something I would like to give him, if you don't mind." Terezi's smirk got even wider, if that was possible.

"Be my guest."

"Huh?" Gamzee said, sounding confused. "What the fuck would you be wantin' to—" He began, but Luna grabbed hold of his silver and green tie, yanking it until his head was down to her level. Then, she gave him a peck on the cheek, ignoring the fact that his face paint got on her lips.

"That's my thank you," she said, releasing him. She smiled. "Be seeing you around!" With that, she turned and entered the library. Gamzee just stared with a shocked look on his face until a deep purple blush started to form on his cheeks.

"... Motherfuckin' miracles, man," he said finally. Terezi laughed.

"Miracles alright! C'mon, you big dope, let's get back to the Common Room." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led the still-blushing juggalo along, grinning like a madman all the way.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I HAVE NO REGRETS

This is my Wizardstuck OTP, just sayin'.

Also, I realize that Luna's depicted as a bit more forceful here, but to be honest, her character was never developed that much, and I'm taking a bit of creative liberties. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.

BEST THING.

Crossover ships are my favorite crack ships.

[Doodled]

Finally got this finished. I guess it's more Valentine's Day stuff? Ah well.

Wizardstuck: Loony and Crazee

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Luna Lovegood did not exactly have the best sense of direction. It wasn't that she intended to get lost. While she was walking through the hallways of Hogwarts castle, she couldn't help but stare at the paintings, and the paintings in turn reminded her of other things, and soon she found herself daydreaming or contemplating or just simply thinking. When she finally came out of her dreamy state, she often found herself in a part of the castle she wasn't the least bit familiar with.

In a way, though, this had its own advantages. She had accidentally explored more of the castle than many other students, and, anymore, she rarely truly got lost. She only ended up in places that were not her original destination.

That evening, however, was one of the few times she did. She had planned upon going to the library to sit in silence and finish reading her new copy of The Quibbler, but along the way, a painting of a horned creature reminded her of the new students. She had been meaning for some time to ask them if they were, in fact, crumplehorned snorkaks, or if they perhaps knew of any. Even if these rumors turned out to be untrue, she still wanted to check and see if they truly drank the blood of virgins and summoned weapons from no where and made relationships based on hate...

As she contemplated all of this, her legs kept moving, propelling her on through the endless labyrinth of hallways in the castle. Finally, after a memory of seeing some of the odd new students actually eating at dinner, she came to and realized where she was. It most certainly was not near the library. From the stark walls and the shadowy ambience, she would have guessed she was somewhere near the dungeons. Unfortunately, she was also lost.

Luna didn't panic. Her general calm disposition pervaded even into situations such as these, and so she only shrugged to herself and looked around for someone who might be able to point her in the right direction.

At first, when she looked in all directions, she saw not a soul. It almost appeared as though this part of the castle was mostly unused, which was not entirely unsurprising. Rather than waiting around for someone to show up, she picked a direction and began to walk in it. Surely she would bump into someone before long.

She was quite right. The first corner she turned, she bumped into someone else going in the opposite direction. She nearly lost her balance when a hand grabbed hold of her arm, steadying her.

"Whoa, sugar tits," a deep but whimsical voice said from above her. "Gotta be watchin' yourself when you be walking around these motherfuckin' corners or you'll right up scare the fuck outta some motherfucker worse than honk from a horn, ya dig?" Most girls might be immediately put off by the amount of vulgarity in the odd statement, but Luna was merely intrigued. She looked up in order to get a better look at the speaker.

She recognized him instantly as one of the new students. His gray skin and horns proclaimed that well enough. He was tall as well, a good foot taller than she, with gangly arms and legs that seemed almost too long for him. In spite of his height, he slumped some, and on his face was an expression of general good humor. Perhaps the strangest thing about him was the face paint he wore, giving him the guise of a clown in her eyes. A black-haired, orange-horned clown, but a clown nonetheless. He also wore the colors and crest of Slytherin, which in and of itself seemed weird to her. He simply didn't look the Slytherin type.

"Sorry for bumping into you," she said aloud once she had fully taken stock of his appearance and gleaned all she could from it. "I'm afraid I wasn't looking very closely at where I was going."

"It's alright, gettin' all caught up in the miracles all around us does that to a motherfucker, am I right?" She couldn't help but smile at the combination of his voice and his words. He seemed nice enough, anyway.

"My name is Luna. Luna Lovegood," she said, deciding it was as good a time as any to introduce herself.

"Name's Gamzee. Quite the motherfuckin' name ya got there, Luna. Sounds like a motherfuckin' miracle." The human girl just smiled.

"Thank you. To be honest, I'm afraid that I'm lost. Would you happen to know the direction to the library?" Her inquiry was met with a sheepish grin.

"I would love to help you out with all this findin' your way shit, but I haven't been able to find my own motherfuckin' way, let alone yours. All these turns and curves be gettin' me nothin' more than confused up in the old thinkpan." He shrugged.

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to be lost together, then," Luna replied. "Actually, I was a bit curious about you and your species, and I was wondering if you would mind asking some questions."

"Shoot, motherfucker," he said with a grin. Once they had established that they would walk together, both set off in the direction that Gamzee had originally been going in.

"Well, I had been meaning to ask if you were a crumplehorned snorkak," she said.

"Heh, well, if I knew what one of them motherfuckers were, I'd fuckin tell you," he said, looking puzzled. "I guess I could be, though, since you be all up and knowin' more about 'em than me. I know for a fact that I'm a fuckin' troll, though."

"You don't look like a troll," Luna replied. "Trolls are large and scary looking. You might be tall, but you're not particularly scary."

"Heh, you're not very much scary yourself, sis," he said. "If you're not all up with callin' me a motherfuckin' troll, you can be callin' me one of your snarklehorned crumplehats." She smiled in response to the garbled name.

"Crumplehorned snorkaks. To be honest, I think that fits you far better."

The two meandered for a time, both lost and neither truly caring. Luna enjoyed talking to Gamzee. He was silly and a little jumbled, but he had a good heart, and he didn't laugh at her oddities. He certainly had enough of his own. Their walk through the castle finally came to an end when they reached the door to the library, which Luna recognized immediately.

"I suppose this is where we part," she said, reluctantly.

"Yeah, I still gotta be gettin' around to findin' the Sly dorms some now and then," Gamzee replied in a roundabout way, though Luna had begun to understand what he was trying to say a bit better. "Seeya—"

"Gamzee!" He was cut off by a female voice. Luna turned to see another crumplehorned snorkak—no, troll—walking briskly down the hallway. Like Gamzee, she wore the uniform of a Slytherin, though her horns were much shorter and she wore red sunglasses. Luna also noticed that she walked with a cane, though she didn't appear to need it.

"I've been sniffing all over for you!" She said once she had caught up with them. "By the way, who's your friend?"

"My name is Luna," the human girl said politely. "Gamzee was just bringing me back to the library." The troll snorted.

"Really? Gamzee? He's got the worst sense of direction of anyone I've ever smelled!" Even as she said it, though, she grinned broadly, as though something was immensely funny. "Thanks for looking after him, Luna. You seem pretty cool, for a human. Don't worry, I'll escort him back to the dorm." For all she was rather loud, Luna was beginning to like her.

"I'll leave him in your capable hands, then, miss...?"

"Pyrope. Terezi Pyrope, at your service." She made a sort of mock bow, still grinning.

"Terezi then. Although, I have something I would like to give him, if you don't mind." Terezi's smirk got even wider, if that was possible.

"Be my guest."

"Huh?" Gamzee said, sounding confused. "What the fuck would you be wantin' to—" He began, but Luna grabbed hold of his silver and green tie, yanking it until his head was down to her level. Then, she gave him a peck on the cheek, ignoring the fact that his face paint got on her lips.

"That's my thank you," she said, releasing him. She smiled. "Be seeing you around!" With that, she turned and entered the library. Gamzee just stared with a shocked look on his face until a deep purple blush started to form on his cheeks.

"... Motherfuckin' miracles, man," he said finally. Terezi laughed.

"Miracles alright! C'mon, you big dope, let's get back to the Common Room." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led the still-blushing juggalo along, grinning like a madman all the way.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I HAVE NO REGRETS

This is my Wizardstuck OTP, just sayin'.

Also, I realize that Luna's depicted as a bit more forceful here, but to be honest, her character was never developed that much, and I'm taking a bit of creative liberties. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.

*whistles*

That's awesome.

To put it lightly.

[spaceyPsychologist]

Finally got this finished. I guess it's more Valentine's Day stuff? Ah well.

Wizardstuck: Loony and Crazee

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Luna Lovegood did not exactly have the best sense of direction. It wasn't that she intended to get lost. While she was walking through the hallways of Hogwarts castle, she couldn't help but stare at the paintings, and the paintings in turn reminded her of other things, and soon she found herself daydreaming or contemplating or just simply thinking. When she finally came out of her dreamy state, she often found herself in a part of the castle she wasn't the least bit familiar with.

In a way, though, this had its own advantages. She had accidentally explored more of the castle than many other students, and, anymore, she rarely truly got lost. She only ended up in places that were not her original destination.

That evening, however, was one of the few times she did. She had planned upon going to the library to sit in silence and finish reading her new copy of The Quibbler, but along the way, a painting of a horned creature reminded her of the new students. She had been meaning for some time to ask them if they were, in fact, crumplehorned snorkaks, or if they perhaps knew of any. Even if these rumors turned out to be untrue, she still wanted to check and see if they truly drank the blood of virgins and summoned weapons from no where and made relationships based on hate...

As she contemplated all of this, her legs kept moving, propelling her on through the endless labyrinth of hallways in the castle. Finally, after a memory of seeing some of the odd new students actually eating at dinner, she came to and realized where she was. It most certainly was not near the library. From the stark walls and the shadowy ambience, she would have guessed she was somewhere near the dungeons. Unfortunately, she was also lost.

Luna didn't panic. Her general calm disposition pervaded even into situations such as these, and so she only shrugged to herself and looked around for someone who might be able to point her in the right direction.

At first, when she looked in all directions, she saw not a soul. It almost appeared as though this part of the castle was mostly unused, which was not entirely unsurprising. Rather than waiting around for someone to show up, she picked a direction and began to walk in it. Surely she would bump into someone before long.

She was quite right. The first corner she turned, she bumped into someone else going in the opposite direction. She nearly lost her balance when a hand grabbed hold of her arm, steadying her.

"Whoa, sugar tits," a deep but whimsical voice said from above her. "Gotta be watchin' yourself when you be walking around these motherfuckin' corners or you'll right up scare the fuck outta some motherfucker worse than honk from a horn, ya dig?" Most girls might be immediately put off by the amount of vulgarity in the odd statement, but Luna was merely intrigued. She looked up in order to get a better look at the speaker.

She recognized him instantly as one of the new students. His gray skin and horns proclaimed that well enough. He was tall as well, a good foot taller than she, with gangly arms and legs that seemed almost too long for him. In spite of his height, he slumped some, and on his face was an expression of general good humor. Perhaps the strangest thing about him was the face paint he wore, giving him the guise of a clown in her eyes. A black-haired, orange-horned clown, but a clown nonetheless. He also wore the colors and crest of Slytherin, which in and of itself seemed weird to her. He simply didn't look the Slytherin type.

"Sorry for bumping into you," she said aloud once she had fully taken stock of his appearance and gleaned all she could from it. "I'm afraid I wasn't looking very closely at where I was going."

"It's alright, gettin' all caught up in the miracles all around us does that to a motherfucker, am I right?" She couldn't help but smile at the combination of his voice and his words. He seemed nice enough, anyway.

"My name is Luna. Luna Lovegood," she said, deciding it was as good a time as any to introduce herself.

"Name's Gamzee. Quite the motherfuckin' name ya got there, Luna. Sounds like a motherfuckin' miracle." The human girl just smiled.

"Thank you. To be honest, I'm afraid that I'm lost. Would you happen to know the direction to the library?" Her inquiry was met with a sheepish grin.

"I would love to help you out with all this findin' your way shit, but I haven't been able to find my own motherfuckin' way, let alone yours. All these turns and curves be gettin' me nothin' more than confused up in the old thinkpan." He shrugged.

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to be lost together, then," Luna replied. "Actually, I was a bit curious about you and your species, and I was wondering if you would mind asking some questions."

"Shoot, motherfucker," he said with a grin. Once they had established that they would walk together, both set off in the direction that Gamzee had originally been going in.

"Well, I had been meaning to ask if you were a crumplehorned snorkak," she said.

"Heh, well, if I knew what one of them motherfuckers were, I'd fuckin tell you," he said, looking puzzled. "I guess I could be, though, since you be all up and knowin' more about 'em than me. I know for a fact that I'm a fuckin' troll, though."

"You don't look like a troll," Luna replied. "Trolls are large and scary looking. You might be tall, but you're not particularly scary."

"Heh, you're not very much scary yourself, sis," he said. "If you're not all up with callin' me a motherfuckin' troll, you can be callin' me one of your snarklehorned crumplehats." She smiled in response to the garbled name.

"Crumplehorned snorkaks. To be honest, I think that fits you far better."

The two meandered for a time, both lost and neither truly caring. Luna enjoyed talking to Gamzee. He was silly and a little jumbled, but he had a good heart, and he didn't laugh at her oddities. He certainly had enough of his own. Their walk through the castle finally came to an end when they reached the door to the library, which Luna recognized immediately.

"I suppose this is where we part," she said, reluctantly.

"Yeah, I still gotta be gettin' around to findin' the Sly dorms some now and then," Gamzee replied in a roundabout way, though Luna had begun to understand what he was trying to say a bit better. "Seeya—"

"Gamzee!" He was cut off by a female voice. Luna turned to see another crumplehorned snorkak—no, troll—walking briskly down the hallway. Like Gamzee, she wore the uniform of a Slytherin, though her horns were much shorter and she wore red sunglasses. Luna also noticed that she walked with a cane, though she didn't appear to need it.

"I've been sniffing all over for you!" She said once she had caught up with them. "By the way, who's your friend?"

"My name is Luna," the human girl said politely. "Gamzee was just bringing me back to the library." The troll snorted.

"Really? Gamzee? He's got the worst sense of direction of anyone I've ever smelled!" Even as she said it, though, she grinned broadly, as though something was immensely funny. "Thanks for looking after him, Luna. You seem pretty cool, for a human. Don't worry, I'll escort him back to the dorm." For all she was rather loud, Luna was beginning to like her.

"I'll leave him in your capable hands, then, miss...?"

"Pyrope. Terezi Pyrope, at your service." She made a sort of mock bow, still grinning.

"Terezi then. Although, I have something I would like to give him, if you don't mind." Terezi's smirk got even wider, if that was possible.

"Be my guest."

"Huh?" Gamzee said, sounding confused. "What the fuck would you be wantin' to—" He began, but Luna grabbed hold of his silver and green tie, yanking it until his head was down to her level. Then, she gave him a peck on the cheek, ignoring the fact that his face paint got on her lips.

"That's my thank you," she said, releasing him. She smiled. "Be seeing you around!" With that, she turned and entered the library. Gamzee just stared with a shocked look on his face until a deep purple blush started to form on his cheeks.

"... Motherfuckin' miracles, man," he said finally. Terezi laughed.

"Miracles alright! C'mon, you big dope, let's get back to the Common Room." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led the still-blushing juggalo along, grinning like a madman all the way.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I HAVE NO REGRETS

This is my Wizardstuck OTP, just sayin'.

Also, I realize that Luna's depicted as a bit more forceful here, but to be honest, her character was never developed that much, and I'm taking a bit of creative liberties. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.

Oh my God.

Oh my GOD.

This is now my crossover OTP. Dead serious.

[apocalypticCritic]

I love Gamzee's reaction. Motherfuckin' Miracles.

.... I miss notscary!Gamzee....

Also now I need to update my shipping walls.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@draconicAlgorithm:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Don't eat his pies Luna! oh nooooooooooo

@Kerensky: Just noticed your second edit and I've applied your fixes. Not sure what I was thinking, but I think it's clear between you and spacetimeCounselor that I know nothing about Latin at all. And yes, what you were saying makes sense, thank you! Now get some sleep.

[chumpofshoosh]

I find writing is a good way to deal with insomnia. This super short fic is about Aradia meeting Dave in the afterlife! Enjoy!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You didn't realize how much you missed having a body -- a real body -- until you got one back. Remember how furiously indifferent you were? You sought vengeance, even though you knew it would be counter-productive. Not that you cared; what did it matter anyway, right? It all seems so petty now.

He's crying. You can tell through his shades. Dying is a very confusing affair; you ought to know. But existing for the sole purpose of closing a time loop, only to be discarded like trash as soon as paradox space was done with you? You put your hand on his shoulder to comfort him. He looks up; you smile gently.

And you tell him your theory: as long as you can make decisions, you're still in the game. After all, if paradox space wasn't done with you, it sure as hell isn't done with him, right? He smiles, but only for a split second. With him, you take what you can get.

He's not sure what to do next. You tell him that there's no rush. Here, he's got all the time in the world. He paces, observing his surroundings with a suspicion, not quite sure what to make of the ever-changing walls of the room. Finally, with a concise clarity, he asks:

"How hard is it to find someone?"

You recognize that determined tone of voice. He must want vengeance. Surely the same hollow, lifeless vengeance that consumed you for who knows how long. You ask him carefully if he's sure that he wants to find this person. There's no reply. You grow concerned.

You tell him your experience with vengeance, how it left you every bit as empty as before, and how the only way for you to move on was to forgive her. You talk about how this was the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life, how you were only able to do it recently, and how you regret ever exacting revenge, and oh wow you haven't felt feelings like this in so long. It all comes out in an overwhelming rush, and you simply babble about how if you could take it all back, you would.

Still no response. You can feel the tears preparing themselves; you wipe them away before they get out of control. Why isn't he talking? Has he already gone?

You look up and see him on his couch, asleep, leaning on another human's shoulder -- taller, but with his own pair of sunglasses.

Criticism would be cool, also! I'd like to get better at this sort of thing.

[Doodled]

I find writing is a good way to deal with insomnia. This super short fic is about Aradia meeting Dave in the afterlife! Enjoy!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You didn't realize how much you missed having a body -- a real body -- until you got one back. Remember how furiously indifferent you were? You sought vengeance, even though you knew it would be counter-productive. Not that you cared; what did it matter anyway, right? It all seems so petty now.

He's crying. You can tell through his shades. Dying is a very confusing affair; you ought to know. But existing for the sole purpose of closing a time loop, only to be discarded like trash as soon as paradox space was done with you? You put your hand on his shoulder to comfort him. He looks up; you smile gently.

And you tell him your theory: as long as you can make decisions, you're still in the game. After all, if paradox space wasn't done with you, it sure as hell isn't done with him, right? He smiles, but only for a split second. With him, you take what you can get.

He's not sure what to do next. You tell him that there's no rush. Here, he's got all the time in the world. He paces, observing his surroundings with a suspicion, not quite sure what to make of the ever-changing walls of the room. Finally, with a concise clarity, he asks:

"How hard is it to find someone?"

You recognize that determined tone of voice. He must want vengeance. Surely the same hollow, lifeless vengeance that consumed you for who knows how long. You ask him carefully if he's sure that he wants to find this person. There's no reply. You grow concerned.

You tell him your experience with vengeance, how it left you every bit as empty as before, and how the only way for you to move on was to forgive her. You talk about how this was the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life, how you were only able to do it recently, and how you regret ever exacting revenge, and oh wow you haven't felt feelings like this in so long. It all comes out in an overwhelming rush, and you simply babble about how if you could take it all back, you would.

Still no response. You can feel the tears preparing themselves; you wipe them away before they get out of control. Why isn't he talking? Has he already gone?

You look up and see him on his couch, asleep, leaning on another human's shoulder -- taller, but with his own pair of sunglasses.

Criticism would be cool, also! I'd like to get better at this sort of thing.

I'm having a tad bit of trouble understanding what happened during some parts...

But it's actually very, very promising!

Good, solid step into the world of fanfictionery, I'll say...

[chumpofshoosh]

I'm having a tad bit of trouble understanding what happened during some parts...

But it's actually very, very promising!

Good, solid step into the world of fanfictionery, I'll say...

Now that you mention it, upon further re-reading it IS pretty unclear at parts. Maybe a rewrite is in order? This is what I get for writing at two in the morning haha.

[anonymousComrade]

So uh

I'm reading the last chapter of Crossing Over and oh wow

I don't think I've ever hated anything I've written quite as much as this. When I posted it I was all "this is pretty okay" but now

Now I look back at it and I'm like "well, I don't remember shitting directly on the fanfiction thread, yet that is exactly what I see here"

I think I'm going to rewrite it

You guys deserve better than that garbage

[PingZing]

I find writing is a good way to deal with insomnia. This super short fic is about Aradia meeting Dave in the afterlife! Enjoy!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You didn't realize how much you missed having a body -- a real body -- until you got one back. Remember how furiously indifferent you were? You sought vengeance, even though you knew it would be counter-productive. Not that you cared; what did it matter anyway, right? It all seems so petty now.

He's crying. You can tell through his shades. Dying is a very confusing affair; you ought to know. But existing for the sole purpose of closing a time loop, only to be discarded like trash as soon as paradox space was done with you? You put your hand on his shoulder to comfort him. He looks up; you smile gently.

And you tell him your theory: as long as you can make decisions, you're still in the game. After all, if paradox space wasn't done with you, it sure as hell isn't done with him, right? He smiles, but only for a split second. With him, you take what you can get.

He's not sure what to do next. You tell him that there's no rush. Here, he's got all the time in the world. He paces, observing his surroundings with a suspicion, not quite sure what to make of the ever-changing walls of the room. Finally, with a concise clarity, he asks:

"How hard is it to find someone?"

You recognize that determined tone of voice. He must want vengeance. Surely the same hollow, lifeless vengeance that consumed you for who knows how long. You ask him carefully if he's sure that he wants to find this person. There's no reply. You grow concerned.

You tell him your experience with vengeance, how it left you every bit as empty as before, and how the only way for you to move on was to forgive her. You talk about how this was the hardest thing you ever had to do in your life, how you were only able to do it recently, and how you regret ever exacting revenge, and oh wow you haven't felt feelings like this in so long. It all comes out in an overwhelming rush, and you simply babble about how if you could take it all back, you would.

Still no response. You can feel the tears preparing themselves; you wipe them away before they get out of control. Why isn't he talking? Has he already gone?

You look up and see him on his couch, asleep, leaning on another human's shoulder -- taller, but with his own pair of sunglasses.

Criticism would be cool, also! I'd like to get better at this sort of thing.

I didn't have any trouble following it personally. The end made me smile--it's just the sort of happy ending that feels good for a poor Doomed Dave.

I want to say that your Aradia voice felt off--I interpreted her as a more confident person less prone to rambling monologues. On the other hand, given how little exposure we've had to live Aradia, your interpretation may very well be accurate!

[Rimbaum]

Finally got this finished. I guess it's more Valentine's Day stuff? Ah well.

Wizardstuck: Loony and Crazee

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Luna Lovegood did not exactly have the best sense of direction. It wasn't that she intended to get lost. While she was walking through the hallways of Hogwarts castle, she couldn't help but stare at the paintings, and the paintings in turn reminded her of other things, and soon she found herself daydreaming or contemplating or just simply thinking. When she finally came out of her dreamy state, she often found herself in a part of the castle she wasn't the least bit familiar with.

In a way, though, this had its own advantages. She had accidentally explored more of the castle than many other students, and, anymore, she rarely truly got lost. She only ended up in places that were not her original destination.

That evening, however, was one of the few times she did. She had planned upon going to the library to sit in silence and finish reading her new copy of The Quibbler, but along the way, a painting of a horned creature reminded her of the new students. She had been meaning for some time to ask them if they were, in fact, crumplehorned snorkaks, or if they perhaps knew of any. Even if these rumors turned out to be untrue, she still wanted to check and see if they truly drank the blood of virgins and summoned weapons from no where and made relationships based on hate...

As she contemplated all of this, her legs kept moving, propelling her on through the endless labyrinth of hallways in the castle. Finally, after a memory of seeing some of the odd new students actually eating at dinner, she came to and realized where she was. It most certainly was not near the library. From the stark walls and the shadowy ambience, she would have guessed she was somewhere near the dungeons. Unfortunately, she was also lost.

Luna didn't panic. Her general calm disposition pervaded even into situations such as these, and so she only shrugged to herself and looked around for someone who might be able to point her in the right direction.

At first, when she looked in all directions, she saw not a soul. It almost appeared as though this part of the castle was mostly unused, which was not entirely unsurprising. Rather than waiting around for someone to show up, she picked a direction and began to walk in it. Surely she would bump into someone before long.

She was quite right. The first corner she turned, she bumped into someone else going in the opposite direction. She nearly lost her balance when a hand grabbed hold of her arm, steadying her.

"Whoa, sugar tits," a deep but whimsical voice said from above her. "Gotta be watchin' yourself when you be walking around these motherfuckin' corners or you'll right up scare the fuck outta some motherfucker worse than honk from a horn, ya dig?" Most girls might be immediately put off by the amount of vulgarity in the odd statement, but Luna was merely intrigued. She looked up in order to get a better look at the speaker.

She recognized him instantly as one of the new students. His gray skin and horns proclaimed that well enough. He was tall as well, a good foot taller than she, with gangly arms and legs that seemed almost too long for him. In spite of his height, he slumped some, and on his face was an expression of general good humor. Perhaps the strangest thing about him was the face paint he wore, giving him the guise of a clown in her eyes. A black-haired, orange-horned clown, but a clown nonetheless. He also wore the colors and crest of Slytherin, which in and of itself seemed weird to her. He simply didn't look the Slytherin type.

"Sorry for bumping into you," she said aloud once she had fully taken stock of his appearance and gleaned all she could from it. "I'm afraid I wasn't looking very closely at where I was going."

"It's alright, gettin' all caught up in the miracles all around us does that to a motherfucker, am I right?" She couldn't help but smile at the combination of his voice and his words. He seemed nice enough, anyway.

"My name is Luna. Luna Lovegood," she said, deciding it was as good a time as any to introduce herself.

"Name's Gamzee. Quite the motherfuckin' name ya got there, Luna. Sounds like a motherfuckin' miracle." The human girl just smiled.

"Thank you. To be honest, I'm afraid that I'm lost. Would you happen to know the direction to the library?" Her inquiry was met with a sheepish grin.

"I would love to help you out with all this findin' your way shit, but I haven't been able to find my own motherfuckin' way, let alone yours. All these turns and curves be gettin' me nothin' more than confused up in the old thinkpan." He shrugged.

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to be lost together, then," Luna replied. "Actually, I was a bit curious about you and your species, and I was wondering if you would mind asking some questions."

"Shoot, motherfucker," he said with a grin. Once they had established that they would walk together, both set off in the direction that Gamzee had originally been going in.

"Well, I had been meaning to ask if you were a crumplehorned snorkak," she said.

"Heh, well, if I knew what one of them motherfuckers were, I'd fuckin tell you," he said, looking puzzled. "I guess I could be, though, since you be all up and knowin' more about 'em than me. I know for a fact that I'm a fuckin' troll, though."

"You don't look like a troll," Luna replied. "Trolls are large and scary looking. You might be tall, but you're not particularly scary."

"Heh, you're not very much scary yourself, sis," he said. "If you're not all up with callin' me a motherfuckin' troll, you can be callin' me one of your snarklehorned crumplehats." She smiled in response to the garbled name.

"Crumplehorned snorkaks. To be honest, I think that fits you far better."

The two meandered for a time, both lost and neither truly caring. Luna enjoyed talking to Gamzee. He was silly and a little jumbled, but he had a good heart, and he didn't laugh at her oddities. He certainly had enough of his own. Their walk through the castle finally came to an end when they reached the door to the library, which Luna recognized immediately.

"I suppose this is where we part," she said, reluctantly.

"Yeah, I still gotta be gettin' around to findin' the Sly dorms some now and then," Gamzee replied in a roundabout way, though Luna had begun to understand what he was trying to say a bit better. "Seeya—"

"Gamzee!" He was cut off by a female voice. Luna turned to see another crumplehorned snorkak—no, troll—walking briskly down the hallway. Like Gamzee, she wore the uniform of a Slytherin, though her horns were much shorter and she wore red sunglasses. Luna also noticed that she walked with a cane, though she didn't appear to need it.

"I've been sniffing all over for you!" She said once she had caught up with them. "By the way, who's your friend?"

"My name is Luna," the human girl said politely. "Gamzee was just bringing me back to the library." The troll snorted.

"Really? Gamzee? He's got the worst sense of direction of anyone I've ever smelled!" Even as she said it, though, she grinned broadly, as though something was immensely funny. "Thanks for looking after him, Luna. You seem pretty cool, for a human. Don't worry, I'll escort him back to the dorm." For all she was rather loud, Luna was beginning to like her.

"I'll leave him in your capable hands, then, miss...?"

"Pyrope. Terezi Pyrope, at your service." She made a sort of mock bow, still grinning.

"Terezi then. Although, I have something I would like to give him, if you don't mind." Terezi's smirk got even wider, if that was possible.

"Be my guest."

"Huh?" Gamzee said, sounding confused. "What the fuck would you be wantin' to—" He began, but Luna grabbed hold of his silver and green tie, yanking it until his head was down to her level. Then, she gave him a peck on the cheek, ignoring the fact that his face paint got on her lips.

"That's my thank you," she said, releasing him. She smiled. "Be seeing you around!" With that, she turned and entered the library. Gamzee just stared with a shocked look on his face until a deep purple blush started to form on his cheeks.

"... Motherfuckin' miracles, man," he said finally. Terezi laughed.

"Miracles alright! C'mon, you big dope, let's get back to the Common Room." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led the still-blushing juggalo along, grinning like a madman all the way.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I HAVE NO REGRETS

This is my Wizardstuck OTP, just sayin'.

Also, I realize that Luna's depicted as a bit more forceful here, but to be honest, her character was never developed that much, and I'm taking a bit of creative liberties. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.

*jaw drops* dammit, now you're gonna make me ship Gamzee/Luna


unrelated: Kerensky, where on earth did you pick up the phrase "fuck me sideways"? One of my favorite characters in a book uses that all the time, usually as part of a longer phrase, "fuck me sideways til I cry."

If you know who I'm talking about, then dammit, I'm gonna find a way to make a crossover with Homestuck happen.

Edit: OH SCREW IT I'M GONNA DO IT ANYWAYS EVEN IF NO ONE BUT ME GETS IT

Doctrine of Labyrinths/Homestuck crossover, here I come.

[Path]

And ugh, this is probably the worst case I've ever had of letting a chapter extend beyond its original capacity. It was supposed to be Grant having flamer issues, Tory falling asleep, then Jamie getting Grant ingame and Grant doing some more prototype experiments, but the samurai warrior exchange felt long enough that I could get away with ending the chapter right there.

First- awesome! Honestly listening to your Adam and Narratorsprite are my favourite things- you have a knack for making me hear their voices perfectly. *thumbs up*
Second- Haha, who has been plotting for weeks on making a samurai-flavoured Sburb session? (It was me.) I have hefty plans for the Black Empress, the Black Shogun, and Jack the Ronin, which means I'll have to find some new jobs for my Agents.

SS: asahina has als0 asked me t0 pass a message 0n t0 y0u
OH: ooh, really?
OH: what is it?
SS: it is the same message that i just gave y0u
OH: ...

The hand. It's reaching for the forehead, and.... there, facepalm. Anyhow, I love those two...

I hope it suddenly doesn't seem weird that I have non-pesterlog parts. I think it works well enough as a bridge, but I dunno.

I think it fits a lot better than not having it, actually.

[Megafire]

Okay, how did I miss Kcutsemoh chapter 3?

Awesome stuff, by the way.

GAH I CAN'T KEEP UP!

[Hazel]

I cannot keep up with this thread. Four-five pages in a day or so? Wow.

Anyway, I am glad that my fic got some good response. I did feel it was a lot more interesting than my previous Homestuck efforts. I feel like I'm getting my sea legs back, so to speak. I've been out of practice.

@SkaianRedeemer: I had a lot of fun with the little computing details, even though I haven't worked with command line prompts in an age. I'm glad you noticed.

@Sionnan: Thanks. I realize that the sibling-like dynamic is pretty creepy when you take it alongside being parents to two children, even if it is ectobiologically. But, John and Jade's ecto-parents grew up apparently as siblings too, so I felt it wasn't too creepy for Homestuck.

@ceruleanTresses: Thank you! This is my favorite comment. Am I allowed to pick favorites? I love working with format, and chat format is great because it allows you to produce all these little manipulations, like the unsynchronized lines. I'm also glad you liked Bro's characterization, because he's a really hard character to get a handle on!

[quixoticKinetics]

Finally got this finished. I guess it's more Valentine's Day stuff? Ah well.

Wizardstuck: Loony and Crazee

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Luna Lovegood did not exactly have the best sense of direction. It wasn't that she intended to get lost. While she was walking through the hallways of Hogwarts castle, she couldn't help but stare at the paintings, and the paintings in turn reminded her of other things, and soon she found herself daydreaming or contemplating or just simply thinking. When she finally came out of her dreamy state, she often found herself in a part of the castle she wasn't the least bit familiar with.

In a way, though, this had its own advantages. She had accidentally explored more of the castle than many other students, and, anymore, she rarely truly got lost. She only ended up in places that were not her original destination.

That evening, however, was one of the few times she did. She had planned upon going to the library to sit in silence and finish reading her new copy of The Quibbler, but along the way, a painting of a horned creature reminded her of the new students. She had been meaning for some time to ask them if they were, in fact, crumplehorned snorkaks, or if they perhaps knew of any. Even if these rumors turned out to be untrue, she still wanted to check and see if they truly drank the blood of virgins and summoned weapons from no where and made relationships based on hate...

As she contemplated all of this, her legs kept moving, propelling her on through the endless labyrinth of hallways in the castle. Finally, after a memory of seeing some of the odd new students actually eating at dinner, she came to and realized where she was. It most certainly was not near the library. From the stark walls and the shadowy ambience, she would have guessed she was somewhere near the dungeons. Unfortunately, she was also lost.

Luna didn't panic. Her general calm disposition pervaded even into situations such as these, and so she only shrugged to herself and looked around for someone who might be able to point her in the right direction.

At first, when she looked in all directions, she saw not a soul. It almost appeared as though this part of the castle was mostly unused, which was not entirely unsurprising. Rather than waiting around for someone to show up, she picked a direction and began to walk in it. Surely she would bump into someone before long.

She was quite right. The first corner she turned, she bumped into someone else going in the opposite direction. She nearly lost her balance when a hand grabbed hold of her arm, steadying her.

"Whoa, sugar tits," a deep but whimsical voice said from above her. "Gotta be watchin' yourself when you be walking around these motherfuckin' corners or you'll right up scare the fuck outta some motherfucker worse than honk from a horn, ya dig?" Most girls might be immediately put off by the amount of vulgarity in the odd statement, but Luna was merely intrigued. She looked up in order to get a better look at the speaker.

She recognized him instantly as one of the new students. His gray skin and horns proclaimed that well enough. He was tall as well, a good foot taller than she, with gangly arms and legs that seemed almost too long for him. In spite of his height, he slumped some, and on his face was an expression of general good humor. Perhaps the strangest thing about him was the face paint he wore, giving him the guise of a clown in her eyes. A black-haired, orange-horned clown, but a clown nonetheless. He also wore the colors and crest of Slytherin, which in and of itself seemed weird to her. He simply didn't look the Slytherin type.

"Sorry for bumping into you," she said aloud once she had fully taken stock of his appearance and gleaned all she could from it. "I'm afraid I wasn't looking very closely at where I was going."

"It's alright, gettin' all caught up in the miracles all around us does that to a motherfucker, am I right?" She couldn't help but smile at the combination of his voice and his words. He seemed nice enough, anyway.

"My name is Luna. Luna Lovegood," she said, deciding it was as good a time as any to introduce herself.

"Name's Gamzee. Quite the motherfuckin' name ya got there, Luna. Sounds like a motherfuckin' miracle." The human girl just smiled.

"Thank you. To be honest, I'm afraid that I'm lost. Would you happen to know the direction to the library?" Her inquiry was met with a sheepish grin.

"I would love to help you out with all this findin' your way shit, but I haven't been able to find my own motherfuckin' way, let alone yours. All these turns and curves be gettin' me nothin' more than confused up in the old thinkpan." He shrugged.

"Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to be lost together, then," Luna replied. "Actually, I was a bit curious about you and your species, and I was wondering if you would mind asking some questions."

"Shoot, motherfucker," he said with a grin. Once they had established that they would walk together, both set off in the direction that Gamzee had originally been going in.

"Well, I had been meaning to ask if you were a crumplehorned snorkak," she said.

"Heh, well, if I knew what one of them motherfuckers were, I'd fuckin tell you," he said, looking puzzled. "I guess I could be, though, since you be all up and knowin' more about 'em than me. I know for a fact that I'm a fuckin' troll, though."

"You don't look like a troll," Luna replied. "Trolls are large and scary looking. You might be tall, but you're not particularly scary."

"Heh, you're not very much scary yourself, sis," he said. "If you're not all up with callin' me a motherfuckin' troll, you can be callin' me one of your snarklehorned crumplehats." She smiled in response to the garbled name.

"Crumplehorned snorkaks. To be honest, I think that fits you far better."

The two meandered for a time, both lost and neither truly caring. Luna enjoyed talking to Gamzee. He was silly and a little jumbled, but he had a good heart, and he didn't laugh at her oddities. He certainly had enough of his own. Their walk through the castle finally came to an end when they reached the door to the library, which Luna recognized immediately.

"I suppose this is where we part," she said, reluctantly.

"Yeah, I still gotta be gettin' around to findin' the Sly dorms some now and then," Gamzee replied in a roundabout way, though Luna had begun to understand what he was trying to say a bit better. "Seeya—"

"Gamzee!" He was cut off by a female voice. Luna turned to see another crumplehorned snorkak—no, troll—walking briskly down the hallway. Like Gamzee, she wore the uniform of a Slytherin, though her horns were much shorter and she wore red sunglasses. Luna also noticed that she walked with a cane, though she didn't appear to need it.

"I've been sniffing all over for you!" She said once she had caught up with them. "By the way, who's your friend?"

"My name is Luna," the human girl said politely. "Gamzee was just bringing me back to the library." The troll snorted.

"Really? Gamzee? He's got the worst sense of direction of anyone I've ever smelled!" Even as she said it, though, she grinned broadly, as though something was immensely funny. "Thanks for looking after him, Luna. You seem pretty cool, for a human. Don't worry, I'll escort him back to the dorm." For all she was rather loud, Luna was beginning to like her.

"I'll leave him in your capable hands, then, miss...?"

"Pyrope. Terezi Pyrope, at your service." She made a sort of mock bow, still grinning.

"Terezi then. Although, I have something I would like to give him, if you don't mind." Terezi's smirk got even wider, if that was possible.

"Be my guest."

"Huh?" Gamzee said, sounding confused. "What the fuck would you be wantin' to—" He began, but Luna grabbed hold of his silver and green tie, yanking it until his head was down to her level. Then, she gave him a peck on the cheek, ignoring the fact that his face paint got on her lips.

"That's my thank you," she said, releasing him. She smiled. "Be seeing you around!" With that, she turned and entered the library. Gamzee just stared with a shocked look on his face until a deep purple blush started to form on his cheeks.

"... Motherfuckin' miracles, man," he said finally. Terezi laughed.

"Miracles alright! C'mon, you big dope, let's get back to the Common Room." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and led the still-blushing juggalo along, grinning like a madman all the way.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I HAVE NO REGRETS

This is my Wizardstuck OTP, just sayin'.

Also, I realize that Luna's depicted as a bit more forceful here, but to be honest, her character was never developed that much, and I'm taking a bit of creative liberties. Hope you enjoyed it anyway.

....Oh god, now I ship it too. Way to go.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Okay, how did I miss Kcutsemoh chapter 3?

Oh for... well, thanks for that, Megafire, I guess this thread is moving too fast because I'm in the same boat as you!

[Graven_Image]

Kcutsemoh is amazing, if a bit hard to spell. Every time I see X15's name in the "latest post" block, my heart jumps bit with hope.

[X15lm204]

Holy wow, glad to see I made such an impression. I'd get right on writing chapter 4 if I didn't have 4 exams in the next two days. Starting in...oh boy, 31 minutes. Wish me luck, I guess.

(yet somehow the prospect of writing a sollux/feferi log and a john/kanaya log seems more daunting)

[Graven_Image]

You know that thing I talked about happening whenever I saw your name making the latest post? That happened right now.

But good luck on exams, man. Exams trump internet.

[SkaianRedeemer]

While I wouldn't normally A03-bury a recent fic of mine, I did say this would be right around the corner.

A Hand in Holding Hands
recap2 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, recap1, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11a, 11b, 12a, 12b)

If you need a full recap, start at recap1!

Intro

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Close up on a strange, green-purple maggot-esque thing lying on a table in a small puddle of its own sticky, viscous coating. A series of hard, black legs sprout from its left side, raised erect and seemingly incapable of touching the table on account of the maggot's absurd girth. The maggot's exoskeleton appears semi-transparent or perhaps stretched beyond reasonable limits, as it is possible to see several organs pressed up against the outermost edge. Two extended antenna sprout from its head and droop off the edge of the table and out of sight.

Suddenly, two of the maggot's legs snap downward, like switches, and one of the maggot's organs suddenly phosphoresces in the shape of a digital "6". Sound begins to filter out of the creature's mouth.

KANAYA: Hi, you've reached Kanaya Maryam. I'm off speculating on the ephemeral and intangible nature of our existence. Please leave a message.

The maggot's leftmost leg clicks down on its own and then shoots back up to the sound of an electric "boop!"

VRISKA [speaking very deeply]: Uh… hello, yes. Hello Miss Maryam. This is… Detective Everybody, down at the station. The lab station, that's, uh, monitoring the lab, to make sure everything is safe! And… it's not. Miss Maryam. It's just not. We've got your friend Eridan here and… he's dead! Becau— we killed him, because he was so, uh, pathetic… that we had to shoot him, to keep him from being even more pathetic, and desperate. So if you wanna come down and ID the body, you'll want to hurry and, like, leave your transportalizer unlocked, and… definitely leave your chainsaw behind where… absolutely no one will try to get its captcha code in an effort to make dice that transform into tiny robotic spiders. Uhh… Anyway, this is DE, down at, lab security! Bye!

The maggot's leg clicks again and the number on its side decrements to "5".

TEREZI: Kanaya, this is the T-Star, the T-Star Runner and—

NEPETA: We need more costumes!

TEREZI: Hey!

NEPETA: Oh, sorry… *the adorable yellow wedge thing interrupts Homestar to say "Medly me medle meh!"* Which means "we need more costumes!"

TEREZI: Yeah, we were kind of hoping to pull together a Cheat Commandos reunion.

NEPETA: I GET TO HAVE A GUN!

TEREZI: So they don't really wear much so it's an easy job! But we might be talking about Equius here so pack STRONG thread if you're up to it.

EQUIUS: I was told that I get to portray a Blue laser of some sort and I find the combination of hemospectrum and projectile weapon more than sufficient.

TEREZI: I'm not sure what he's talking about but bear with me. Anyway, [she slips back into her lisping character] gimme that beep, you old broomstick!

NEPETA: BlaaaaaaaarghI'm Crack Stu—

The machine cuts her off with a click and a beep, then cuts to "4".

TAVROS: oH,,, uH,,, hI KANAYA, THIS IS TAVROS AND,,, dO YOU STILL HAVE UH,,, mY LEGS? bECAUSE I GAVE THEM TO YOU FOR,,, FOR SIZING OVER A WEEK AGO, aND I COULD REALLY,,, USE,,, MY LEGS, kANAYA . I mean, no hurry! I really appreciate the help and the idea of having pants THAT FIT again. But I'd kind of like them back! I need them to get around but i,,, SUPPOSE,,, YOU CAN KEEP THEM, lIKE, iF YOU WANT, iF THAT,,, HELPS? And could you ask Nepeta why she gave me an old camcorder and some of Gamzee's face paint because… I-I don't think she was speaking English and… [he begins to talk fast] you know what, nevermind, seeyouatthemeeting.

He hangs up abruptly, and the machine switches over to Message #3.

KANAYA: Hi Kanaya, this is going to be Past Kanaya. I'm here with the De-Canonized Characters' Support Group and… [distant wailing] …just wanted to leave a message to check with Karkat and Sollux about whether the Humans exist in this idealized, fourth-wall-breaching AU. Because we could really use Rose's help here, or any actual psychologist. People aren't taking being de-canonized as well as I might have hoped and—

GAMZEE: I'M AN ABOMINATION!!

GAMZEE: and i'm coming to your house after—

We hear the a sound of a heavy slap.

KANAYA: No murdering!

GAMZEE: But…

KANAYA: What did I just say? What did I just say?

GAMZEE: W-w need... uh… sOlIdArItY.

KANAYA: SOLIDARITY!

We hear the sound of footsteps travelling away from the phone.

KANAYA: We need to stick together! I mean… we've all got new backstories we don't understand, a-and who knows where we stand in… like… i-in the grand scheme of things any more. I-it's h-hard being non-canon! It's hard and nobody understands!

Her breath catches and she sniffles into the phone for a brief moment.

KANAYA: Sigh… make quiche tonight. Or the eggs are going to go bad. Lorraine, I think. Okay, s-see you tonight.

The maggot switches over to message #2.

KARKAT: All right Kan, you've gotta fucking level with me. YOU FUCKING LEVEL WITH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE! Is there, or is there not, a conspiracy with all you Homestar Runner cosplayers to drive me up the fucking wall? Because… I'm thinking there is. Gamzee just came in here with a black and an orange scalemate and shouted about how he was going to "stack 'em to the heavens" and how they "look different, but"… "taste the same". And now you're leaving me messages again summarizing, gog fucking help me, this fucking fanfic again. Don't think I don't know how this works! I mean, first it's Nepeta, then it's you, then it's Terezi. It's gonna be Terezi, isn't it? Or… no. No, this is her idea! Isn't it? Well, tell her I'm on to her! I'm on her like a fucking crazy… revengey… uh… well this is coming out wrong, but she's in for it!

A thumping sound comes over the machine, and the shuffling of papers.

KARKAT: …Buuuut I did it anyways. I better hear a fucking grateful 'thank you' once this is all over because I swear! J-just, one thing, Kan. One thing. Tell me you nuts aren't getting off on this placid crap. Especially you. I mean, you're allowed to crush on Rose if you want. I mean, she's okay, but fanfiction? About yourself? Look, I'm emailing you the damn summary, and you should all thank me for it. I should have said it over the phone so your machine could choke on it.

NEPETA: I helped! Karkat! Karkat, tell her I helped.

KARKAT: Yeah, Nepeta helped too. She drew me up a fucking graph of all the relationships.

NEPETA: He told me to draw up a shipping grid! So I did and then he said "NO STUPID, OF THE ACTUAL RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FIC." And I don't think he knows what shipping is, Kanaya.

KARKAT: She ships fic Gamzee with our Eridan.

NEPETA: Heheheheh.

KARKAT: Look, just read the damn file, would you?

Main Recap

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Having just had her suggestion rejected by Vriska where we left off, Rose ran more-or-less smack into Eridan. Their fight over whether she should be working for him was ultimately interrupted by Terezi. She, still shaken from her fight with Dave, had decided to reassert her self confidence through RANDOM ACTS OF JUSTICE, here demonstrated by tripping Feferi for no good reason. To keep Eridan from overreacting to the trip, Rose interposed herself and discovered that she might just hold his ASHEN CONFIDENCE after all.

The conversation that followed caused many of the details of Feferi’s recent weird OBSESSION with Aradia to come to bear, along with Karkat’s apparent but misread order to STOP THE TWO OF THEM FROM TALKING. Feferi stormed out at the news and Sollux followed after explaining the situation. He also mentioned that he and Aradia have only recently officially broken off whatever STILL AMBIGUOUS RELATIONSHIP they had before her DEATH. This was much easier to HANDWAVE before she HUGGED HIM in CANON before BLOWING UP, making the author feel SUPER BAD at the time.

Afterward, Rose confronted Terezi on her behaviour, only getting tripped in turn. When she refused to stay down, Terezi experienced a CHANGE IN COLLAPSING AND EXPANDING VASCULAR SYSTEM and agreed to reach out and consider some of Rose’s suggestions and Human ideas instead of letting Dave’s rejection fester on her. Calmed down, Rose stuck around long enough to see Eridan and Tavros make up, Rose’s conversations with both having made Eridan aware of Tavros’ earlier worries. They then shared their FIRST KISS, much to the chagrin of Vriksa (who was only contained by John) and to the outright destruction of Nepeta’s HEALTHY BLOOD PRESSURE. This also proved to the amusement of Rose’s NOT-SO-PERSONAL PERSONAL DEMON, on hand to finger the undeserved burst of PRIDE she had in that little smooch.

Finally getting a chance to talk to Kanaya, Rose concluded (erroneously) that the source of her earlier DISCOMFORT was related to the fact that, like Tavros, Eridan and not-quite-Vriksa, Kanaya is MOULTING. Though she did not go into details, it would appear that for female Trolls this involves large patches of affected skin, closer to the insectoid full-body moult. These patches prove quite PAINFUL, instead of the male’s constant dandruff problem, because WHAT THE HELL, NATURE. Rose attempted to comfort her but discovered to her distress that she did not know how to do so, because every GESTURE OF COMFORT she could imagine seemed to put her too far into one QUADRANT or another, upsetting their undecided relationship. To make matters worse, Rose had earlier mentioned that she was considering auspisticing for Vriska, and only then realized that that had made Kanaya JEALOUS. Deciding that she had done nothing but ruin things and with Kanaya just as deadlocked with indecision, Rose fled the room.

Knowing she would certainly run into her HORRORTERROR in her moment of weakness, Rose decided to taunt it ahead of time. This proved to be a mistake, and the Horrorterror pressed a fraction of its FULL POWER onto Rose by appearing in all of its forms at once. Rose’s physical body could barely keep up with her mind and she lost track of IMPORTANT DEDUCTIONS, losing them entirely when Vriska appeared, fresh from her conversation with John. Anyone who worked out that driving Rose to the brink of sanity and then throwing her directly into contact with Vriska was part of a plan to get her to go BERZERK and OPEN THE UNIVERSE again gets a cookie. They’re vanilla. I know some people don’t like chocolate so I made vanilla.

Fortunately for Dave and Aradia, Vriska was not in the mood to fight. It would appear that John had turned her on to the idea of HATING Eridan again, and she was willing to give Rose a shot as well. Rose was less forgiving, and demanded that she perform two TASKS: get a moirail at Level 99 (these critical sections of the fic were written before GOD TIERS were introduced, and so God Tiers DO NOT EXIST in this AU) and also to APOLOGIZE to Aradia for killing her, to remove her as a hated temptation. Vriska revealed that she thought Kanaya was still her moirail, and was only briefly upset when she learned otherwise, to Rose’s irritation. Ultimately, Vriska agreed. Left to her own devices, Rose wisely decided to avoid the Horrorterror by slinking through the ACCESS TUNNELS and UNUSED HALLS of the lab from now on.

Still upset and growing worse, Kanaya left her room not long after and turned to her best recourse: her LEADER, Karkat. There, and in more detail in the chapter that followed, we learned that the actual source of her recent trepidation was a plan that she, Karkat and several others devised. The plan was simply that she would force herself to decide on her and Rose’s QUADRANT before the day was out, a plan that caused her a great deal of stress and was now spoiled. Excusing himself, Karkat took Kanaya aside to comfort her in private. Meanwhile, Sollux and Feferi talked about the trouble with Aradia and Terezi. Feferi found Sollux’s THEORY that she wanted to break up with him to be just plain silly, but did not ultimately tell him a thing. On the roof of the lab, Dave and Aradia met up and eventually talked about the fight with Terezi, ending with them using a rare moment of calm to go some kind of coolkid DATE.

Last of all, Rose bumped into Gamzee, still talking to Terezi like he had promised to do earlier on, and found them both being WEIRDOS together. Terezi appeared to have calmed down immensely and seemed downright happy again, and they were able to console Rose through the POWER OF SOAP OPERA and FOOD FIGHTS.

Elsewhere, the Strider-Medigo date had gone foul with the arrival of Jack Noir. Fighting him off with their future and past selves, Dave and Aradia were forced to contend with his abilities to simulate TELEPORTATION and to PULL THE POWERS OF OTHERS THROUGH TIME ITSELF. Overcoming a series of the Troll’s old lusii, they escaped with major damage to Aradia’s arm. While repairing it, they kissed and Rose got a chance to jibe Dave for it

When the others arrived the next official morning, Rose and Kanaya had another chance to talk, heckle-assisted by Karkat. Kanaya ultimately kissed Rose on the cheek and took the leap to invite Rose to the FLUSHED QUADRANT. Thrilled, Jade pulled Rose aside the first chance she got to talk about it, learning about Rose’s new friendship with Gamzee and Terezi in the process. Not long after, Rose had a close encounter with Jade’s newest friend, Nepeta, who took the liberty of occupying their laps uninvited. Aradia and Equius soon arrived on scene, sharing a HATING-ARGUMENT about whether or not she was cheating on him with Dave, which she played for all it was worth, to Nepeta’s distress. Nepeta tried to explain that Equius “really likes” Aradia, but further complaints were cut off by the clearly more urgent need to update her SHIPPING WALL at hints of Dave<3Aradia.

Karkat then took the opportunity to lecture the other Trolls about how they had been sticking to one side of the QUADRANTS, boasting that he had partners on both the HATE and the PITY side. When Terezi arrived to remind him that their relationship was not in good shape, and when Dave pointed out that he had no Hate-partner he knew of, Karkat maintained his claim. He then brought up the Troll's old archnemesis, the EMPRESS, and the Trolls were reminded of their old existence as WOULD-BE REBELS (while this was originally just backstory, it arrived just in time for the CANON MURDERSTRAVAGANZA in the Lab to begin. Thus it also serves optimally as an explanation for the Troll’s UNITY in this AU. I'll take what I can get, thanks). Rose bothered Karkat about why he was so annoyed about relationships and concluded it had something to do with the lack of IMPERIAL DRONES. Inspired, Karkat decided to continue the practice of DRONES at least for one generation, using a Troll in place: Sollux, who accepted the role only begrudgingly.

At that point, point of view switched temporarily to Vriska. Attempting to fulfil Rose’s second TASK (apologizing to Aradia) she began to tail the Maid of Time, waiting for an opportunity and her own gumption to build up. Eavesdropping as an excuse to not go through with it, she picked up that Feferi was truly bothered by the idea of TROLL FRIENDSHIPS, but that Sollux was still friends with Karkat (which Feferi knows) and Aradia (which she does not).

Similarly, Vriska discovered that Terezi's fight with Dave was upsetting her ability to TRUST her new friends. As Gamzee had long been friends with Karkat, Terezi asked him outright if he was "actually interested in [her]" for any of their free quadrants. Terezi's worry was that his should-be temporary friendship, as expected for Trolls, was just leading her to another dead-end long-term friendship, like with Dave. This made even Gamzee feel awkward, so she took it back and felt awful for not considering him as a friend when she remembered her promise to Rose. Vriska also found that Gamzee, unlike the other Trolls, has a second special TONE OF VOICE, entirely in under case, which might seem EERILY FAMILIAR but did not seem to frighten Terezi in the slightest. That's right: now that A03 has colour support, the author has gone MAD WITH POWER and is making the tones a PLOT POINT. We in the recap department would like to apologize to anyone reading via A03-generated downloads.

We also learned that Vriska still carries a torch for John but does not act on it because of the irritating balancing act she’s been going through trying to keep Tavros in her life as well.

When Jade began to watch a DVD of ONE OF MY OTHER FICS (oh, no, wait, I mean "a DVD of the Squiddles"), Vriska's ran into Equius and Aradia. Equius had worked out about Aradia’s true relationship with Dave and had arrived to gloat and flirt, to Dave’s obvious disgust. Feferi arrived in the middle of the conversation, and was goaded into revealing her secret ASHEN CRUSH on the couple that had built up from Sollux’s stories of a younger Aradia. She made a point of approaching the new relationship with a mature professionalism she felt was lacking with some of the others. Soon after, Vriska ended up in an argument with Aradia, where she discovered to her shock that Aradia had – intentionally or accidentally – helped her be a better person by murdering her, and concluded that they had been moirails “all along.” This craftily bypassed Rose’s FIRST TASK by fulfilling the OTHER and left Aradia confounded.

Vriska snatched up Eridan and demanded Rose fill her side of the bargain by becoming their auspistice, though she had to first confront a moulting-enraged Kanaya to do so. Rose ultimately agreed. The Eighteenth Conversation pesterlog ended here, with a terrified Past Rose learning of the Troll's true VIOLENT NATURES, implying the emotional gap she's travelled so far to fall for Kanaya, and may yet have to go to be an even passable auspistice.

The last chapter ended with Vriska giving Eridan the promise that he was going to get just about as much hating as he truly deserves (to his triumphant delight), and several cryptic hints about Vriska's plans, left yet unexplained.

Shipping Grid
AC: :33 < here is the shipping grid kanaya!
AC: :33 < *ac used circles to show who are furrends because it is apparently so impurrtant!*
AC: :33 < *and she split some of the symbols apart where someone broke up!*
AC: :33 < *slash, slash, slash, slash!*
AC: :33 < oh no, wait, that's the opposite of slash
AC: :33 < my meowstake!

show spoiler

hide spoiler

AC: :33 < *ac found all of our symbols in tenebrais' grid on the furst romspec thread and so wants to say thank you!*
AC: :33 < *it saved her lots of time!*

Outro

show spoiler

hide spoiler

The machine cuts over to Message #1.

ERIDAN: Hey Kan, this is Eridan. I was just calling to see if, uh, whether we were friends or… more than just friends. See, I sometimes forget what's real and what's just in my head! So, give me a call back and we can discuss this over a bowl of Troll Special K or… if you're feelin' a little caliginous… a bowl of broken glass. I mean, I'm flexible! I'll see you at tomorrow's meeting I guess. Or maybe I'll… [he puts on a deep, "sexy" voice] see you tomorroww.

The maggot's legs snap back into place.

Easter Egg

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Karkat can be seen at his desk, hunched over something before him. Terezi, still in her Homestar cosplay, appears from offscreen right.

KARKAT: Hey, what did I say about bugging me rig— gog dammit, you found a beanie cap. You could not be a bigger dork right now.

TEREZI: What'cha doin', Karkat?

KARKAT: [He hunches in her way to prevent her from seeing.] Preparing for the fucking inevitable is what I'm doing.

TEREZI: Karkat?

KARKAT: What?

TEREZI: [She grins] Spin my buzzer.

KARKAT: Your what?

TEREZI: My buzzer! Give it a spin!

Terezi leans slightly forward and down. Hesitant, Karkat shoots Terezi a look but reaches out with a pencil and flips her hat's propeller.

TEREZI: [singing] Doot-doot doo doo doot-doo! Doot-doot doo doo—

KARKAT: [cutting her off] So… now you're singing the opening bars of Sunslammer?

TEREZI: Noooo! Not singing! When you spin my buzzer, it plays 'Sunslammer' by "Beatfox" Peale original 'Sunsetter' by "Radiation" Fox!

KARKAT: Uh huh.

TEREZI: I also gots me some 'Heir Conditioning'!

KARKAT: Yeah. And does it cut out after about fifty seconds?

TEREZI: Yeah, pretty much.

Author's Note

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Personally I'm quite fond of the mental picture of Nepeta pondering if an alternate universe version of herself is friends with Gamzee. She would take it very seriously.

Speaking of the kitty, I totally forgot that my original plan was to hide a relationship in the grid to see if anyone would notice, and then blame Nepeta for it. The relationship was Feferi&Karkat (a circle) to represent her respect for him as a General, but I dropped it considering Feferi's anti-friend stance. Respect isn't necessarily friendship! And then I considering making it a triangle...

[Megafire]

That intro alone was absolutely freaking hilarious.

There are way too many question marks in that shipping grid, ah!

[SeptimusMagistos]

We're all doomed

Chapter 11: Efficient Management Paradigm

show spoiler

hide spoiler

CTT RIGHT NOW opened memo on board Doomed Is Just A Word.

CTT: Hello and welcome to the penultimate meeting of the Pink Wiggler Subcommittee.
CTT: Its function is swiftly nearing its end.
CTT: What this suggests to me is that we either succeed in our tasks, rendering our existence as a separate structure unnecessary;
CTT: or else we fail and the timeline’s end brings our sessions to a close.
CTT: Therefore I hope you have some good news for me.
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTG: well the time shit seems to be mostly under control
CTG: i tried to not go as crazy with time loops this time
CTG: we were frankly lucky to end up with only two daves here
CTG: and one of them is orange so we can tell them apart
CTT: I don’t suppose you are willing to be forthcoming with the details of the mysterious plan you have concocted to save us all?
CTG: i keep telling you rose i dont know what the plan is
CTG: whoever the me was who came up with this plan i haven’t become him yet
CTT: In that case I don’t suppose you would be willing to check in when you have?
CTG: i dunno
CTG: lets see
CTG: . . .
CTT: . . .
CTG: . . .
CTT: . . .
CTG: nope doesnt look like it
CTG: god the future me is an asshole
CTT: Or perhaps he just remembers going through this conversation and not receiving a reply.
CTG: see that’s the deal with this weird time shit
CTG: it gives the little asshole within us all an excuse to come out
CTG: just claw his way through our fucking chests and burst into the world
CTG: spraying his asshole confetti all over the place
CTT: Yes. Thank you for that vivid metaphor, Dave.
CTT: Without you, I am not sure how we would come by sufficiently disturbing images to keep from growing bored.
CTT: The Medium clearly has a dearth of such things, requiring your talents to create more.
CTG: its what i do
CTT: If I recall properly at this point in the conversations we are about to be interrupted by the arrival of our friends.
CTT: Let us brace ourselves.
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTG: mission fucking accomplished
CTG: time to crawl off and begin stimulating our autoerogenous shame globes
CTT: Then the ring has been destroyed?
CTG: you know it
CTG: and we didnt even need a wizard to sacrifice himself
CTG: which is kind of a pity i thought we could use the excuse to get rid of CA
CTG: on the bright side there wasnt any need for a pair of hairy little men with homoerotic subcontext
CTG: although i am pretty sure we will find no shortage of that once jade and kanaya get their space thing going
CTG: good job on getting the forge lit by the way
CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGG: yeah rose
CGG: thanks for your advice!
CGG: its kind of sad that all the snow is meling :(
CGG: but!!!
CGG: now all the frogs are running around
CGG: there are so many frogs you would not even believe
CGG: and i have to remember to go and bother the right ones
CTT: I trust they will make fine companions for Prince Kermit.
CTT: Can someone remind me again why we went with that particular moniker?
CTG: irony
CTG: irony
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CEB: because Kermit is awesome!
CTT: Ah, yes.
CTT: I am now reminded why so many of our votes have questionable outcomes.
CTT: To make up for it, please tell me that things are going well, John.
CEB: eh. . .
CEB: define well.
CTT: I would like to hear ‘well’ defined in terms that suggest that we are not about to be wiped out by a cosmic explosion.
CTT: But I am beginning to fear that will not be the case.
CTT: Tell me, John, do we need to accelerate our plans for getting out of this universe?
CTT: And if so, do we need to do it in the next thirty seconds?
CEB: no!
CEB: or at least i don’t think so.
CEB: i got The Tumor out okay.
CEB: but it kind of got lost afterward.
CTT: It got lost?
CEB: kind of, yeah.
CTT: How big was it again?
CEB: it was huge!
CEB: i swear i don’t know where it went, Rose!
CEB: one minute it was there, then i turned my back on it for just a second, and when i turned around again
CEB: it was gone!
CTT: John, you are the worst at this.
CEB: i know.
CTT: The worst, John.
CEB: i know! :(
CGG: i am very disappointed in you john!
CTG: so disappointed
CTT: This is a grave failing.
CTT: I propose an immediate vote of no confidence.
CTT: Yea or nay.
CTG: nay
CGG: nay!!! :D
CTT: Nay.
CTG: hell nay
CTT: The vote fails 0 to 4.
CTT: It would appear our confidence remains with you, John.
CEB: thanks, guys!
CEB: i promise i will find it!
CTT: Don’t worry about it. I have reason to believe it is where it needs to be.
CTT: Concentrate on your other responsibilities, John.
CEB: wait, i almost forgot!
CEB: i found the other ring!
CEB: and also i guess the scepters.
CTG: sweet
CTG: i will be right down to help you guard them
CTG: at least until we can get them to Mount Frogdoom and melt them properly
CTG: still dont know why we cant just use the lava from my land
CTG: but whatever its all good
CTT: Speaking of the volcano, are the traps in place, Jade?
CGG: they are!
CGG: when hephaestus comes over here he is going to get one nasty surprise!
CTG: see this right here
CTG: this is what is so awesome about being human
CTG: while the trolls are sitting around their asteroid
CTG: cuddling and roleplaying and being weird as shit
CTG: we around here are actually accomplishing some objectives
CTG: high five for the homosapiens
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 6:11 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: DAVE YOU ARE FUCKING INFRACTED
FCG: I AM FINALLY FIGURING THIS COMMITTEE BULLSHIT OUT JUST IN TIME FOR IT TO NOT MATTER ANYMORE
FCG: BUT I HAVE JUST ENOUGH TIME TO LET YOU KNOW THAT AS ONE OF THE CO-LEADERS OF THE COMBINED TEAM I HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO PENALIZE PEOPLE FOR VIOLATION OF MEMO ETHICS
FCG: SO TAKE ONE DEMERIT FOR RACIST OVERTONES
FCG: AND ANOTHER FOR BEING DELIBERATELY OBTUSE AND ANNOYING ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS
FCG: AND I GUESS YOU CAN ALL TAKE A DEMERIT FOR FLAGRANT VIOLATIONS OF SAFETY PROTOCOLS.
CTG: oh no
CTG: not the demerits
FCG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
FCG ceased responding to the memo
CTG: seriously though
CTG: weak
CGG: oh noooooooo!
CGG: dave this is a much bigger deal than you think it is!
CTG: whatever
CTG: i can deal with it later
CGG: but you have three demerits
CGG: three of them dave! D:
CTG: later i say
CTG: sorry to rush off but some shenanigans has just come up
CTG: i think by the time i next respond i will be the future dave
CTG: the one who knows the plan
CTG: and i guess i wont tell it to myself
CTG: see ya
CGG: uh, guys?
CGG: the earth is shaking over here!
CGG: i think something is coming!
CEB: oh!
CEB: dave,
CEB: orange dave i mean,
CEB: never mind helping me!
CEB: just stay with jade.
CEB: i will be there soon.
CTT: Try to hold off on joining battle until after he blunders into the traps.
CTT: I will be able to assist as soon as I am finished in the Veil.
CTG: right
CTG: lets kill us a Denizen
Wait. This is not as it should be.
This should not be happening.

CTT closed memo.