MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Sionnan]

Aw, my last thing got overlooked. Suck. But at any rate, I'd like to thank the guys who commented on my fic before last, it's muchly appreciated.

Anyway, here's something new. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore, but I kind of like the idea behind this. More Strider fic. (Brownie points if you catch the musical refs.)

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If you were to ask him how he felt about it, although nobody did because nobody ever had the chance, the only response he wpuld have given you was a tighetning of his mouth and silence.

Because there really wasn't much he could say.

Sure, he thought about it sometimes. How couldn't you?

But the thing was, he was tired. In every sense of the word.

He'd done things, and seen things, and had things done to him that shouldn't happen in a first world country to anyone anymore, but the fact was that was just fucking life, and by the time it came for the curtain call, he felt older than most people twice his age.

But it wasn't like he was a victim. He hadn't been one since he was old enough to swipe cash from his mother's pocketbook when she was too drunk to notice or care. It only got worse over the years, and he graduated from parental thievery to fake online snuff flicks, and in a way that was worse than just going around fucking jacking cars. It definitely felt worse. He wasn't a fan of gratuitous violence and death, but the people that were aware enough of their own fucked up nature were willing to pay a shit ton of money to get whatever was tossed their way.

And as the years went by, he let little pieces of him die off. The first part was the hardest, but by now he could barely remember being old enough to hope for something. After that, it was easy to slowly just let things go. Dignity, self respect, expectations. Once these were gone, or had been reduced to pale reflections, it wasn't hard to find it funny that he hadn't needed them to begin. Humor became tinged with self deprecation, and he realized by the time he was old enough to (legally) drive a car that the world, the real world, was fueled by mishaps and irony.

So really, he was actually kind of looking forward to the last call. If there was one thing he was ever good at, it was delivering when it was too late to make a difference. Just ask Dave, he would be the first to tell you and not even realize it.

On that world, the one covered by the dark, pungent pall of oil, and flecked with the ghostly luminescence of white trees and fireflies, he ascended to his mercy seat. Which was to say that bam, motherfucker, fate was happenin'. It wasn't long before the scent of oil was underscored by the more intimate, coppery sweet tone of blood. But you know what, even though he still had shit to do, a kid to protect, a world to save, he knew what he had to do, and had been doing all along.

He let go.

And he shuffled out of life, just to hide in death awhile.

[Altum]

I caught the reference, Sionnan. Or one of them, anyway! Do you have the Johnny Cash cover?

[Rimbaum]

Ohgod I just know that I'm the only one who's going to get what the hell is going on here IF ANYONE ELSE KNOWS THIS, I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. And continue this just for you. Yes, even if it's only a single person.


BLAR anyways enjoy some LabyrinthStuck.

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No one knows where the gray skinned freaks with horns came from, or how they got to Melusine in the first place. All anyone can rightly figure out is that they're not human. Kethe, one look at any of 'em coulda told you that. Sometimes I wonder what kind of idiots we got running around in the Mirador. And then I see pricks like Thaddeus de Lalage, and even sometimes Felix on one of those days where I just want to strangle him, and I remember how much the whole city's fucked.

Some of 'em are attending a big soiree, trying to introduce themselves to all of the notable names of the Mirador, wizards and annemer alike. Felix has taken up trying to talk to the flash kids, and he's been flirting pretty hard with a couple. But that's Felix. He'll flirt with anything on two legs, whether he's interested or not. And judging by the way he's flirting, I'd say not.

Doesn't stop the flash looking freak with a long scarf from turning this horrible shade of purple, though. And stumbling so badly over his own words it almost hurts to listen. Except, y'know, how I do a worse job of it than he ever would.

I do what I usually do at these parties. Stand in a corner, hope my leg don't fuck with me, and try to keep Felix from getting too drunk. But another of these gray freaks don't give me the chance to stay out of the way. This one's wearing bright red spectacles, and she's got a walking stick. She acts like she's blind, but the way she's moving, I don't buy it for a second.

"Your hair smells nice," she says, leaning up a bit and sniffing at me. Kethe, those teeth look sharp.

I ain't gonna answer her. I just grip my walking stick and hope it don't come to the two of us using ours on each other. Or me having to get out my knife. But she just cackles and grabs me to take a big sniff at my hair.

"Kethe, the fuck's wrong with you?"

"Black licorice and warm copper... What's your name?" The fuck is she going on about? This gal ain't making any sense.

"I asked your name, didn't I? I always heard it was rude not to give an interested lady your name." There goes that cackle and a horrible, sharp toothed grin.

"If you're a lady, then I'm Lord Protector. And seeing as I ain't running Melusine, I guess that don't make you a lady, either."

Her response is just more cackling. "I'll find out who you are, mister Copper Licorice. You're the only one who smells like that in the whole room. You'll be easy to find out." And she walks away, leaving me creeped the fuck out and wishing Felix would say it's okay to leave for the night.

[Sionnan]

@Altum: I do indeed; it was the one that inspired the fic.

[Kerensky287]

@Katrika: These characters are awesome and you should feel awesome. It almost makes me want to try my hand at some OCs... but OCs in fanfics aren't really my thing. I'll just keep doing my crossovers, which are pretty much the next closest thing.

@Sionnan: I didn't miss your last story!! Dang, all you people flying through 3 pages while I'm off at work and everything. Regarding the creepypasta story, I thought you were making a Slender Man reference at first, and I got all excited for a bit, but then you mentioned the teeth... I'm not sure quite WHAT you were referencing (aside from the "It's really the trolls you guys!" overtones) but it was still good. Regarding the newest story... aww, this isn't the end of your Striderbros fics, is it? Are you going to write Ghost Bro or something? I hope you write Ghost Bro.


Anyway, I'm no longer infuriated at the stupid mechanics of backspace so I'll start rewriting (!) the second chapter of Fireflystuck or whatever title you want to pick for it. You know when you write something, then it gets lost, then it ends up much worse the second time around? Yeah, this isn't one of those times. I've actually come up with a bunch of ideas that I would have missed otherwise. Thanks, stupid accidental deletion!

[ArmsAreLoud]

@Katrika: Daaaw. For a guy I am far more vulnerable to the cute than I should be.

[lucidSeraph]

@sionnan: I couldn't wait. Read it anyway. Oh god. So much of this feeds into my headcanon for both Striders, and just. The slow breaking down of things (how did Fitzgerald put it? "All life is a process of breaking down...") evident in this... oh god in the best way. I want to hug him.

[Domoz]

To Skaian Redeemer, Aerodactylus, and anyone else who read that trash I posted.

Geeeez. I'm sorry about all that dumb stuff I posted last night. Some of it was due to exhaustion (I mean who forgets how how to misspell the word "of" honestly), and some of it was entirety my fault (I was so tired when I proofread it I changed some of the stuff so it ended up being wrong, but now that I've gone back and changed it I don't know if my fixes were right, either e_e)

I mean ,writing isn't really my strong suit, but I keep doing it anyways because it's so fun. So I salute you that read my fics, and I hope I didn't turn you off of this story with that last bit, because I love this story and can't stop thinking about it.

/ramble

[JudgeDeadd]

@Graven

Well, you deserve applause for coming up with all these characters. These inter-universe shenanigans were a pleasure to read.

[KarneWarrior]

Homeworld
They told me I was Immortal...

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AnD TurnS OuT, TheY WaS RighT.

Azla was aware first of a growing pain in his gut. Next he was aware of a scalding brightness above him, and then a somewhat less intense light below him. The lower light seemed to shimmer and shift.

Underneath him was sand, gritty and stuck together from pollution. Crawlshell crabs wriggled away from him, digging to their safe havens in the sand. Azla dared not open his eyes. He knew exactly what the light was.

The sun beat down on Azla's prone form. The shafts of burning light made a prision out of Azla's mind. There were heavy hoofbeats nearby, the sound of something dragging something else, something big. But mostly, there was silence. Just the quiet lapping of weak waves on the sand, marking each second as it passed.

He was struck by a thought, a intrusion on his psyche.

WelcomE TO ThE IslE OF ThE DamneD, MatE. HopE YoU LikE WarM WeatheR!
**************************************

FLEET FORUM RECORDS: ON THE SIXTH DAY OF THIRTEENTH PERIGREE.

<Empress++E01>: You allowed her to ~leave~, then?
<Major++D73>: I did, Empre$$. We can't let her know what $$he can do to u$$.
<Empress++E01>: Fair enough. I ~suppose~ I won't have you executed then.
<Major++D73>: Thank you Mi$$tre$$.
<Empress++E01> Hmm? Oh, you didn't ~know~. Poor dear, I've had the dictionary changed.
Execution now only applies to a ~quick~ death. You're still getting culled.
<Major++D73 Now demoted. New Fleet handle TARGET++PRACTICE>
<Empress++E01>: Hmm. Test out the Omega Prototype on him. I ~do~ so love anatomy, ~especially~ first hand. Wait until I arrive, will you?
Oh, and bring me this Iksti girl. I would have a word with her.

END OF LOG

[C20710]

First post ever (and I do mean ever). Hope I did it right. Suisei is my fantroll, and yeah...this is just sort of an intro?

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“What a disgrace. I should cull you myself”, he thought.

The dust settled on the stony earth near Suisei’s feet as the troll girl’s body finished thrashing. Coming to rest on her back, her limbs were askew and unmoving. The dust clotted the cuts and scrapes on her arms and legs, but didn’t fully stop the small streams of blue tracing haphazardly to the ground. Breath escaped her lips in ragged, shallow gasps, signaled by white puffs of steam disappearing in the wind. Her chest fell in with every exhalation, forcing a little more foam out of her mouth. It gathered at the corners of her lips and began to trail down her cheeks before dripping into the dust, turning it a darker shade of grey.

Suisei instinctively scrunched his face up. Look at this fucking mess. How are you supposed to fulfill your destiny if you can’t even do this right? “Fucking appalling”, he said out loud to nobody. Then he turned to look at her. “I’ll deal with you in a minute”, he said, but she didn’t move.

He moved around, trying to ignore the huge legs of the lusus protruding over the top of the canyon nearby; the white silhouette suggesting the shape and size of the figure below. The sight forced a wave of nauseous fear over him, and his body grew heavy and numb in petrified horror. The smell was almost as bad. Almost. At least he didn’t have to fear the dead. His face contorted further into as pure a look of abject revulsion and fearful contempt as troll physiology would allow. He stayed facing it, watching but not staring directly.

Willing his limbs out of ataxic disobedience he snarled “first things first”.

His downward gaze followed a trail of drag marks in the dust to a white sheet, closer to the revolting legs. He edged closer to it, gingerly lifting one foot at a time. As each foot came down the crunchy gravel forced his eyes up, but it did no good. Did one of the legs move? Fear mixed with sight; maybe it did, maybe it didn’t.

A second figure lay on the sheet, expertly tied brown cord digging in at the wrists and ankles. Suisei briefly looked over the nameless corpse. Judging from the pallid grey skin and profuse orange and yellow bruising, it didn’t take a physiciancinerator to know this one was deader than shit, and had been for a while.

He made it to the edge of the sheet nearest the head of the anonymous deceased, walking on the sides of his feet. He looked like a bowlegged funambulist with his arms out for balance, each footfall accompanied by a shallow breath. “This is retarded”, he admonished himself silently.

His heart beat so fast it ached, every thump drumming on his inner ear. He grabbed the edge of the sheet and pulled. It felt like a sticky wet fistful of the troll delicacy called cotton candy, and it stretched under the tension, refusing to pull apart. He gagged at the certain knowledge of what it was. And what it wasn’t, was going anywhere near his fucking mouth. Crowding the thought out of his mind, he strained to haul the body to the cliff’s edge, each heave making a scraping sound that echoed off the canyon walls. It sounded like an avalanche on loudspeaker. “I’m so fucking dead. I’m so fucking dead. I’m so fucking dead”.

Fighting an irrational desire to look down, he dragged the body to the cliff’s edge and dropped it. The head made a dull thud as it hit the ground. Terror spurring him on, he grabbed the feet and pulled the body parallel to the ledge.

Suisei flopped down into the rocky dust next to the torso. Fear draining all his strength, adrenaline replacing it, every movement felt as if he were neck-deep in swamp muck. Placing his hands behind his back, he unceremoniously shoved the body over with his feet. The sticky sheet and a loose chunk of grey rock followed it down. A moment later the sheet floated back up, caught like a horizontal sail in the updraft. It fluttered away from him and disappeared back down again. He shivered and wiped his hands on his pants.

To the left, two huge legs withdrew from the top of the cliff and descended into the canyon below, dragging chunks of the cliffside down with them. For a moment, the paralyzing dread loosened its grip on him, and he caved into the senseless compulsion to look down.

Horror filled every corner of his brain at the sight of the nightmarish visage below. All conscious thought dissolved except for the violent urge to get away. He clutched his chest. The nausea was overpowering but his knotted stomach could do nothing. He staggered backwards from the edge, before a rock jutting out of the earth caught his heel and he tumbled to the hard ground, the impact forcing out a cough.

Suisei opened his eyes. In waking, a heavy black ring still narrowed his vision. Cold air filled his nostrils and he scraped the dirt with his fingers. He was glad to feel anything. He turned his head to the body next to him.

The girl lay still. She was nothing but a pathetic wiggler next to this leviathan monstrosity. “I wonder if anybody else on the whole fucking planet has a lusus as unbelievably shitty”, he thought. “I doubt it”.

Pushing off the ground, little stones dug into his hands and stayed there. Drops of silver fell to the earth, sending up tiny plumes of dust. The crippling terror subsided enough that he could approach her without keeling over.

Her breaths were faster and shallower than before. Fumbling with a bandolier of ampoules and syringes, he took out a vial. The one next to it was now nothing but a handful of wet glass smashed against his chest, the contents of the vial seeping into the gashes. Only the silvery fluid, nearly invisible against his skin betrayed the fact that he was wounded.

“Fuck!” He cursed through gritted fangs. “Why did I fucking do that?” Curiosity is the eternal curse of the doctormentors.

Withdrawing an undamaged syringe, he pierced the seal at the top of the unbroken vial and drew out every drop of the fluid within. Kneeling over the girl, he placed two long fingers below her jaw. Faint, but strong enough. There was no need to locate a vein; the blue web was distinctly visible below her skin. He flicked the needle twice and squeezed out just a drop of the antivenin.

The metal point pierced her easily. He plunged the contents of the entire tube into her neck and waited, feeling for a pulse every thirty seconds. Within two minutes it strengthened. After a few more she began to stir.

Her eyelids fluttered groggily. Her head weaved on a rubbery neck, eyes crossing and rolling around in their sockets. He watched until she finally met his gaze with her own and he was sure she was conscious enough to understand.

“I could stomp your fucking throat in right now, if I wanted to. I should too”, he said it flatly, impersonally. It was a casual observation. It was a threat to murder her.

Her eyes were furious but she didn’t move. The muscles of her face were too paralyzed to disclose the full loathing and resentment underneath.

Suisei smirked and snickered inaudibly. “Nobody’s a superstar with that much poison in ‘em”. As he spoke, psychic barbs tried to catch the edges of his consciousness. “I wouldn’t fucking try that if I were you. Don’t think I won’t tranq your ass and walk away”.

The sensation relented and withdrew. “Wise decision”. Suisei took off the bandolier and a worn leather pouch, laying them out beside him. From the pouch he produced two lengths of clear tubing, a roll of white gauze tape, and a peristaltic pump. He dropped the pump onto her stomach which twitched reflexively. One corner of his mouth pulled up. He removed the needle tips from the remaining hypodermics, and hastily rigged the tubing up with a tip at each end.

He stepped over the girl and squatted down, keeping the pump upright between his knees. Putting a loop in one tube, he wound them both around the exposed internal rotor. She didn’t resist when he reached across and pulled her arms over, resting them palm-up down her thighs. Tape in hand he tore off four strips and stuck them to her fingertips before tossing aside the remaining roll. “That’s right girl. Make yourself useful”.

The blue net on her arms exposed her veins and arteries. Meticulously he punctured a vein in one arm, an artery in her other. He tore off two strips from her pinky and ring fingers and taped down the tubing. He looked down at his own wrists; there was no color. Out of the bag came a rubbery yellow tourniquet. Biting into one end, he used his free hand to tie off his right arm. He let it hang beside him until the veins rose to the surface. Taking the tip of the hose leading from her arm between his thumb and index finger, he slid it into his own like thread through the eye of a sewing needle. He ripped off the strip stuck to her index finger and taped down the hose. Only the strip on her middle finger remained. The other corner of Suisei’s mouth tugged his expression into a full smile, lips pulled back over two prominent fangs. If demented hyenas could practice medicine, their bedside manner would have been a little nicer.

Quickly he released the tourniquet and repeated the steps on his other arm, finding an artery this time to match her vein. She was awake and alive, but weak and confused. Her life was in his hands, and in just a moment it would flow through him. This is what he lived for. This was worth it. And there wasn’t a god damn fucking thing she could do to stop him. She was a fighter and she didn’t want to die here, now, like this. Suisei took what he wanted. In a deliberate final gesture, he twirled his index finger and brought it down on the pump’s power button.

The machine’s battery animated the rotor within, making a soft imbalanced whirring as it turned. Royal blue blood seeped from her right arm into his left, and on the other side, a silvery flow into her body slowly turned the faintest shade of pale gunmetal blue.

Her mind began to clear as the countervailing forces purged the remaining toxins from her body. Her eyes stopped rolling lazily as shapeless blurs rediscovered their contours. Her head throbbed along with her strengthening pulse. On every beat a sly, morbid smile widened across the chalky grey face looking down at her.

He leaned across her body, causing the tubes to pull out of the side of the pump as it rolled off her stomach. It continued to whirr dutifully. Resting on his elbows, her head sat between his forearms. He pulled himself up, arms trembling under the force of exertion. He lowered his head down, letting his cheek graze against hers. Her body stiffened in response. “What an alluring name you have”, he whispered to the ground beside her ear.

The girl shoved him hard and he let her. The sticky tape tugged at his skin as he toppled backwards. The prongs pulled out and fell to the ground. He propped himself up hastily on his elbows and grinned, watching as the girl attempted to rise. She sat up, grabbed the tubes and pulled them out, flinging them aside. They skitted across the gravel, kicking up dust. Rising to her feet uneasily, she managed three faltering steps before collapsing to her knees, dislodging the tranquilizer jammed in her neck.

Her livid, vengeful glare spoke before she did. “If we ever meet again…” she choked out hoarsely. “You will beg to die”.

He just laughed. The girl doubled over, propping herself off the ground on hands and knees, shuddering and panting heavily before her elbows buckled and she collapsed into unconsciousness.

Suisei righted himself once more and prepared for the arduous undertaking ahead. Slipping his arms under hers, he began to drag the limp body away. “I think this is the beginning of a harrowing friendship”, he thought to himself, and smiled.

[Embargo]

What?

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- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling torturousGrit[TG] --
CA: wwho are you tryin to convvince wwith this ludicrous poppycock
TG: whut?
CA: magic is NOT REAL
CA: wwhatevver youre doin its not real its somethin else outright entirely
CA: its fancy and impressivve and all but its not the fuckin figmental storybook claptrap you wwanna make out like it is
CA: so howw about you get off your high skyhorse
TG: You're one of the trolls, aren't you?
TG: Or, at least, one who could use a few lessons on proper trolling ettiquette.
CA: haha vvery funny im just flappin my gills off here listenin to you make the wworst wwisecracks ivve evver heard
CA: i don't need any fuckin lessons on ettiquette or wwhatevver cause the blood of nautical nobility is pumped through my aquatic vvascular system
TG: Oh?
TG: I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you as nobility.
TG: Excuse me while I take a moment to unironically bask in your graceful presence.
CA: damn right you wwill
CA: i cant see wwhy the rest of your human friends cant be as reasonable as you
TG: Surely a being so lowly as I cannot be worthy of your favor! In fact, I think this may be a task far beyond my own capabilities.
TG: Your presence is simply too much for one boy to take.
CA: wwhat
TG: My mouth hangs agape as the inner masochist blossoms within me.
TG: Thusly, I lie supine on a bed of flowery roses, taut ropes restricting my weak, human limbs and preventing me from escaping.
CA: wwait wwhat
TG: A single tear filled with hidden joy falls down my pale cheek as I await the punishment duly owed to my horned, royally-blooded , grubfucking master.
CA: wwhat the fuck
TG: False confidence pervades me as I offer a weak grin and challenge you to do your worst. You steady yourself as the overseer's whip cracks loudly.
TG: "Forty fuckin lashes for bein the vvery meanin of insubordinate alien trash" you declare loudly, gripping the handle of the whip tightly within your webbed, troll hands.
CA: alright fuck stop talkin already
CA: howw fuckin disgustin do you gotta be to make somethin as unbelievvablely wwrong as this
CA: i had a misconclusion about you youvve gotta be the wworst alien evver
TG: What? I'm simply showing you how much I respect you and your authority.
TG: You're obviously the pinnacle of life and everyone should be like you.
CA: i think i knoww wwhen faceticious assholes are yankin my fins so stop typin that mound of excerement and listen to your trans-univversal underwwater patriarch
TG: Whatever you say...
CA: my names eridan ampora and dont you forget it
TG: Cool story, fish-boy.
TG: Bye.
CA: no wwait
CA: i got sidetracked by your terrible wwritting that i didn't get to ask you wwhat i wwas meanin to in the first place
CA: tell me howw you did all that fakeyfake magic bullshit
TG: Oh, you want me to teach you magic?
CA: yeah and maybe i could teach you a little about trolls and the wwhole romance thing wwevve got goin on here
TG: Romance? Between us?
TG: No thanks bro.
CA: hang on you just dont get it yet
CA: you hate me and i obvviously hate you so maybe wwe could wwork this out into a proper kismesis
CA: i mean wwe did havve a really good black thing goin on here wwhat wwith all the passivve jabs and human sarcasm or wwhatevver kan wwas spewwin her guts about before
CA: and i guess it does take a bit of showwmanship to try and put off a particularly fowward black suitor wwith roleplay
CA: but i still think wwevve got wwhat it takes to fill this quadrant evven if youre a human
TG: Sounds like you've got this all planned out then.
TG: Well I can't, in good faith, let all the good troll brain cells you spent figuring this out go to waste.
TG: Do you really want to learn magic?
CA: yes revveal your secrets wwizard
TG: Alright then.
TG: Let me teach you a little something about good ol', 100%, unadulterated, honest to betsy human showmanship.
caligulasAquarium's [CA'S] computer exploded.

[Doodled]

While I wouldn't normally A03-bury a recent fic of mine, I did say this would be right around the corner.

A Hand in Holding Hands
recap2 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, recap1, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11a, 11b, 12a, 12b)

If you need a full recap, start at recap1!

Intro

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Close up on a strange, green-purple maggot-esque thing lying on a table in a small puddle of its own sticky, viscous coating. A series of hard, black legs sprout from its left side, raised erect and seemingly incapable of touching the table on account of the maggot's absurd girth. The maggot's exoskeleton appears semi-transparent or perhaps stretched beyond reasonable limits, as it is possible to see several organs pressed up against the outermost edge. Two extended antenna sprout from its head and droop off the edge of the table and out of sight.

Suddenly, two of the maggot's legs snap downward, like switches, and one of the maggot's organs suddenly phosphoresces in the shape of a digital "6". Sound begins to filter out of the creature's mouth.

KANAYA: Hi, you've reached Kanaya Maryam. I'm off speculating on the ephemeral and intangible nature of our existence. Please leave a message.

The maggot's leftmost leg clicks down on its own and then shoots back up to the sound of an electric "boop!"

VRISKA [speaking very deeply]: Uh… hello, yes. Hello Miss Maryam. This is… Detective Everybody, down at the station. The lab station, that's, uh, monitoring the lab, to make sure everything is safe! And… it's not. Miss Maryam. It's just not. We've got your friend Eridan here and… he's dead! Becau— we killed him, because he was so, uh, pathetic… that we had to shoot him, to keep him from being even more pathetic, and desperate. So if you wanna come down and ID the body, you'll want to hurry and, like, leave your transportalizer unlocked, and… definitely leave your chainsaw behind where… absolutely no one will try to get its captcha code in an effort to make dice that transform into tiny robotic spiders. Uhh… Anyway, this is DE, down at, lab security! Bye!

The maggot's leg clicks again and the number on its side decrements to "5".

TEREZI: Kanaya, this is the T-Star, the T-Star Runner and—

NEPETA: We need more costumes!

TEREZI: Hey!

NEPETA: Oh, sorry… *the adorable yellow wedge thing interrupts Homestar to say "Medly me medle meh!"* Which means "we need more costumes!"

TEREZI: Yeah, we were kind of hoping to pull together a Cheat Commandos reunion.

NEPETA: I GET TO HAVE A GUN!

TEREZI: So they don't really wear much so it's an easy job! But we might be talking about Equius here so pack STRONG thread if you're up to it.

EQUIUS: I was told that I get to portray a Blue laser of some sort and I find the combination of hemospectrum and projectile weapon more than sufficient.

TEREZI: I'm not sure what he's talking about but bear with me. Anyway, [she slips back into her lisping character] gimme that beep, you old broomstick!

NEPETA: BlaaaaaaaarghI'm Crack Stu—

The machine cuts her off with a click and a beep, then cuts to "4".

TAVROS: oH,,, uH,,, hI KANAYA, THIS IS TAVROS AND,,, dO YOU STILL HAVE UH,,, mY LEGS? bECAUSE I GAVE THEM TO YOU FOR,,, FOR SIZING OVER A WEEK AGO, aND I COULD REALLY,,, USE,,, MY LEGS, kANAYA . I mean, no hurry! I really appreciate the help and the idea of having pants THAT FIT again. But I'd kind of like them back! I need them to get around but i,,, SUPPOSE,,, YOU CAN KEEP THEM, lIKE, iF YOU WANT, iF THAT,,, HELPS? And could you ask Nepeta why she gave me an old camcorder and some of Gamzee's face paint because… I-I don't think she was speaking English and… [he begins to talk fast] you know what, nevermind, seeyouatthemeeting.

He hangs up abruptly, and the machine switches over to Message #3.

KANAYA: Hi Kanaya, this is going to be Past Kanaya. I'm here with the De-Canonized Characters' Support Group and… [distant wailing] …just wanted to leave a message to check with Karkat and Sollux about whether the Humans exist in this idealized, fourth-wall-breaching AU. Because we could really use Rose's help here, or any actual psychologist. People aren't taking being de-canonized as well as I might have hoped and—

GAMZEE: I'M AN ABOMINATION!!

GAMZEE: and i'm coming to your house after—

We hear the a sound of a heavy slap.

KANAYA: No murdering!

GAMZEE: But…

KANAYA: What did I just say? What did I just say?

GAMZEE: W-w need... uh… sOlIdArItY.

KANAYA: SOLIDARITY!

We hear the sound of footsteps travelling away from the phone.

KANAYA: We need to stick together! I mean… we've all got new backstories we don't understand, a-and who knows where we stand in… like… i-in the grand scheme of things any more. I-it's h-hard being non-canon! It's hard and nobody understands!

Her breath catches and she sniffles into the phone for a brief moment.

KANAYA: Sigh… make quiche tonight. Or the eggs are going to go bad. Lorraine, I think. Okay, s-see you tonight.

The maggot switches over to message #2.

KARKAT: All right Kan, you've gotta fucking level with me. YOU FUCKING LEVEL WITH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE! Is there, or is there not, a conspiracy with all you Homestar Runner cosplayers to drive me up the fucking wall? Because… I'm thinking there is. Gamzee just came in here with a black and an orange scalemate and shouted about how he was going to "stack 'em to the heavens" and how they "look different, but"… "taste the same". And now you're leaving me messages again summarizing, gog fucking help me, this fucking fanfic again. Don't think I don't know how this works! I mean, first it's Nepeta, then it's you, then it's Terezi. It's gonna be Terezi, isn't it? Or… no. No, this is her idea! Isn't it? Well, tell her I'm on to her! I'm on her like a fucking crazy… revengey… uh… well this is coming out wrong, but she's in for it!

A thumping sound comes over the machine, and the shuffling of papers.

KARKAT: …Buuuut I did it anyways. I better hear a fucking grateful 'thank you' once this is all over because I swear! J-just, one thing, Kan. One thing. Tell me you nuts aren't getting off on this placid crap. Especially you. I mean, you're allowed to crush on Rose if you want. I mean, she's okay, but fanfiction? About yourself? Look, I'm emailing you the damn summary, and you should all thank me for it. I should have said it over the phone so your machine could choke on it.

NEPETA: I helped! Karkat! Karkat, tell her I helped.

KARKAT: Yeah, Nepeta helped too. She drew me up a fucking graph of all the relationships.

NEPETA: He told me to draw up a shipping grid! So I did and then he said "NO STUPID, OF THE ACTUAL RELATIONSHIPS IN THE FIC." And I don't think he knows what shipping is, Kanaya.

KARKAT: She ships fic Gamzee with our Eridan.

NEPETA: Heheheheh.

KARKAT: Look, just read the damn file, would you?

Main Recap

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Having just had her suggestion rejected by Vriska where we left off, Rose ran more-or-less smack into Eridan. Their fight over whether she should be working for him was ultimately interrupted by Terezi. She, still shaken from her fight with Dave, had decided to reassert her self confidence through RANDOM ACTS OF JUSTICE, here demonstrated by tripping Feferi for no good reason. To keep Eridan from overreacting to the trip, Rose interposed herself and discovered that she might just hold his ASHEN CONFIDENCE after all.

The conversation that followed caused many of the details of Feferi’s recent weird OBSESSION with Aradia to come to bear, along with Karkat’s apparent but misread order to STOP THE TWO OF THEM FROM TALKING. Feferi stormed out at the news and Sollux followed after explaining the situation. He also mentioned that he and Aradia have only recently officially broken off whatever STILL AMBIGUOUS RELATIONSHIP they had before her DEATH. This was much easier to HANDWAVE before she HUGGED HIM in CANON before BLOWING UP, making the author feel SUPER BAD at the time.

Afterward, Rose confronted Terezi on her behaviour, only getting tripped in turn. When she refused to stay down, Terezi experienced a CHANGE IN COLLAPSING AND EXPANDING VASCULAR SYSTEM and agreed to reach out and consider some of Rose’s suggestions and Human ideas instead of letting Dave’s rejection fester on her. Calmed down, Rose stuck around long enough to see Eridan and Tavros make up, Rose’s conversations with both having made Eridan aware of Tavros’ earlier worries. They then shared their FIRST KISS, much to the chagrin of Vriksa (who was only contained by John) and to the outright destruction of Nepeta’s HEALTHY BLOOD PRESSURE. This also proved to the amusement of Rose’s NOT-SO-PERSONAL PERSONAL DEMON, on hand to finger the undeserved burst of PRIDE she had in that little smooch.

Finally getting a chance to talk to Kanaya, Rose concluded (erroneously) that the source of her earlier DISCOMFORT was related to the fact that, like Tavros, Eridan and not-quite-Vriksa, Kanaya is MOULTING. Though she did not go into details, it would appear that for female Trolls this involves large patches of affected skin, closer to the insectoid full-body moult. These patches prove quite PAINFUL, instead of the male’s constant dandruff problem, because WHAT THE HELL, NATURE. Rose attempted to comfort her but discovered to her distress that she did not know how to do so, because every GESTURE OF COMFORT she could imagine seemed to put her too far into one QUADRANT or another, upsetting their undecided relationship. To make matters worse, Rose had earlier mentioned that she was considering auspisticing for Vriska, and only then realized that that had made Kanaya JEALOUS. Deciding that she had done nothing but ruin things and with Kanaya just as deadlocked with indecision, Rose fled the room.

Knowing she would certainly run into her HORRORTERROR in her moment of weakness, Rose decided to taunt it ahead of time. This proved to be a mistake, and the Horrorterror pressed a fraction of its FULL POWER onto Rose by appearing in all of its forms at once. Rose’s physical body could barely keep up with her mind and she lost track of IMPORTANT DEDUCTIONS, losing them entirely when Vriska appeared, fresh from her conversation with John. Anyone who worked out that driving Rose to the brink of sanity and then throwing her directly into contact with Vriska was part of a plan to get her to go BERZERK and OPEN THE UNIVERSE again gets a cookie. They’re vanilla. I know some people don’t like chocolate so I made vanilla.

Fortunately for Dave and Aradia, Vriska was not in the mood to fight. It would appear that John had turned her on to the idea of HATING Eridan again, and she was willing to give Rose a shot as well. Rose was less forgiving, and demanded that she perform two TASKS: get a moirail at Level 99 (these critical sections of the fic were written before GOD TIERS were introduced, and so God Tiers DO NOT EXIST in this AU) and also to APOLOGIZE to Aradia for killing her, to remove her as a hated temptation. Vriska revealed that she thought Kanaya was still her moirail, and was only briefly upset when she learned otherwise, to Rose’s irritation. Ultimately, Vriska agreed. Left to her own devices, Rose wisely decided to avoid the Horrorterror by slinking through the ACCESS TUNNELS and UNUSED HALLS of the lab from now on.

Still upset and growing worse, Kanaya left her room not long after and turned to her best recourse: her LEADER, Karkat. There, and in more detail in the chapter that followed, we learned that the actual source of her recent trepidation was a plan that she, Karkat and several others devised. The plan was simply that she would force herself to decide on her and Rose’s QUADRANT before the day was out, a plan that caused her a great deal of stress and was now spoiled. Excusing himself, Karkat took Kanaya aside to comfort her in private. Meanwhile, Sollux and Feferi talked about the trouble with Aradia and Terezi. Feferi found Sollux’s THEORY that she wanted to break up with him to be just plain silly, but did not ultimately tell him a thing. On the roof of the lab, Dave and Aradia met up and eventually talked about the fight with Terezi, ending with them using a rare moment of calm to go some kind of coolkid DATE.

Last of all, Rose bumped into Gamzee, still talking to Terezi like he had promised to do earlier on, and found them both being WEIRDOS together. Terezi appeared to have calmed down immensely and seemed downright happy again, and they were able to console Rose through the POWER OF SOAP OPERA and FOOD FIGHTS.

Elsewhere, the Strider-Medigo date had gone foul with the arrival of Jack Noir. Fighting him off with their future and past selves, Dave and Aradia were forced to contend with his abilities to simulate TELEPORTATION and to PULL THE POWERS OF OTHERS THROUGH TIME ITSELF. Overcoming a series of the Troll’s old lusii, they escaped with major damage to Aradia’s arm. While repairing it, they kissed and Rose got a chance to jibe Dave for it

When the others arrived the next official morning, Rose and Kanaya had another chance to talk, heckle-assisted by Karkat. Kanaya ultimately kissed Rose on the cheek and took the leap to invite Rose to the FLUSHED QUADRANT. Thrilled, Jade pulled Rose aside the first chance she got to talk about it, learning about Rose’s new friendship with Gamzee and Terezi in the process. Not long after, Rose had a close encounter with Jade’s newest friend, Nepeta, who took the liberty of occupying their laps uninvited. Aradia and Equius soon arrived on scene, sharing a HATING-ARGUMENT about whether or not she was cheating on him with Dave, which she played for all it was worth, to Nepeta’s distress. Nepeta tried to explain that Equius “really likes” Aradia, but further complaints were cut off by the clearly more urgent need to update her SHIPPING WALL at hints of DaveAradia.

Karkat then took the opportunity to lecture the other Trolls about how they had been sticking to one side of the QUADRANTS, boasting that he had partners on both the HATE and the PITY side. When Terezi arrived to remind him that their relationship was not in good shape, and when Dave pointed out that he had no Hate-partner he knew of, Karkat maintained his claim. He then brought up the Troll's old archnemesis, the EMPRESS, and the Trolls were reminded of their old existence as WOULD-BE REBELS (while this was originally just backstory, it arrived just in time for the CANON MURDERSTRAVAGANZA in the Lab to begin. Thus it also serves optimally as an explanation for the Troll’s UNITY in this AU. I'll take what I can get, thanks). Rose bothered Karkat about why he was so annoyed about relationships and concluded it had something to do with the lack of IMPERIAL DRONES. Inspired, Karkat decided to continue the practice of DRONES at least for one generation, using a Troll in place: Sollux, who accepted the role only begrudgingly.

At that point, point of view switched temporarily to Vriska. Attempting to fulfil Rose’s second TASK (apologizing to Aradia) she began to tail the Maid of Time, waiting for an opportunity and her own gumption to build up. Eavesdropping as an excuse to not go through with it, she picked up that Feferi was truly bothered by the idea of TROLL FRIENDSHIPS, but that Sollux was still friends with Karkat (which Feferi knows) and Aradia (which she does not).

Similarly, Vriska discovered that Terezi's fight with Dave was upsetting her ability to TRUST her new friends. As Gamzee had long been friends with Karkat, Terezi asked him outright if he was "actually interested in [her]" for any of their free quadrants. Terezi's worry was that his should-be temporary friendship, as expected for Trolls, was just leading her to another dead-end long-term friendship, like with Dave. This made even Gamzee feel awkward, so she took it back and felt awful for not considering him as a friend when she remembered her promise to Rose. Vriska also found that Gamzee, unlike the other Trolls, has a second special TONE OF VOICE, entirely in under case, which might seem EERILY FAMILIAR but did not seem to frighten Terezi in the slightest. That's right: now that A03 has colour support, the author has gone MAD WITH POWER and is making the tones a PLOT POINT. We in the recap department would like to apologize to anyone reading via A03-generated downloads.

We also learned that Vriska still carries a torch for John but does not act on it because of the irritating balancing act she’s been going through trying to keep Tavros in her life as well.

When Jade began to watch a DVD of ONE OF MY OTHER FICS (oh, no, wait, I mean "a DVD of the Squiddles"), Vriska's ran into Equius and Aradia. Equius had worked out about Aradia’s true relationship with Dave and had arrived to gloat and flirt, to Dave’s obvious disgust. Feferi arrived in the middle of the conversation, and was goaded into revealing her secret ASHEN CRUSH on the couple that had built up from Sollux’s stories of a younger Aradia. She made a point of approaching the new relationship with a mature professionalism she felt was lacking with some of the others. Soon after, Vriska ended up in an argument with Aradia, where she discovered to her shock that Aradia had – intentionally or accidentally – helped her be a better person by murdering her, and concluded that they had been moirails “all along.” This craftily bypassed Rose’s FIRST TASK by fulfilling the OTHER and left Aradia confounded.

Vriska snatched up Eridan and demanded Rose fill her side of the bargain by becoming their auspistice, though she had to first confront a moulting-enraged Kanaya to do so. Rose ultimately agreed. The Eighteenth Conversation pesterlog ended here, with a terrified Past Rose learning of the Troll's true VIOLENT NATURES, implying the emotional gap she's travelled so far to fall for Kanaya, and may yet have to go to be an even passable auspistice.

The last chapter ended with Vriska giving Eridan the promise that he was going to get just about as much hating as he truly deserves (to his triumphant delight), and several cryptic hints about Vriska's plans, left yet unexplained.

Shipping Grid
AC: :33 < here is the shipping grid kanaya!
AC: :33 < *ac used circles to show who are furrends because it is apparently so impurrtant!*
AC: :33 < *and she split some of the symbols apart where someone broke up!*
AC: :33 < *slash, slash, slash, slash!*
AC: :33 < oh no, wait, that's the opposite of slash
AC: :33 < my meowstake!

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AC: :33 < *ac found all of our symbols in tenebrais' grid on the furst romspec thread and so wants to say thank you!*
AC: :33 < *it saved her lots of time!*

Outro

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The machine cuts over to Message #1.

ERIDAN: Hey Kan, this is Eridan. I was just calling to see if, uh, whether we were friends or… more than just friends. See, I sometimes forget what's real and what's just in my head! So, give me a call back and we can discuss this over a bowl of Troll Special K or… if you're feelin' a little caliginous… a bowl of broken glass. I mean, I'm flexible! I'll see you at tomorrow's meeting I guess. Or maybe I'll… [he puts on a deep, "sexy" voice] see you tomorroww.

The maggot's legs snap back into place.

Easter Egg

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Karkat can be seen at his desk, hunched over something before him. Terezi, still in her Homestar cosplay, appears from offscreen right.

KARKAT: Hey, what did I say about bugging me rig— gog dammit, you found a beanie cap. You could not be a bigger dork right now.

TEREZI: What'cha doin', Karkat?

KARKAT: [He hunches in her way to prevent her from seeing.] Preparing for the fucking inevitable is what I'm doing.

TEREZI: Karkat?

KARKAT: What?

TEREZI: [She grins] Spin my buzzer.

KARKAT: Your what?

TEREZI: My buzzer! Give it a spin!

Terezi leans slightly forward and down. Hesitant, Karkat shoots Terezi a look but reaches out with a pencil and flips her hat's propeller.

TEREZI: [singing] Doot-doot doo doo doot-doo! Doot-doot doo doo—

KARKAT: [cutting her off] So… now you're singing the opening bars of Sunslammer?

TEREZI: Noooo! Not singing! When you spin my buzzer, it plays 'Sunslammer' by "Beatfox" Peale original 'Sunsetter' by "Radiation" Fox!

KARKAT: Uh huh.

TEREZI: I also gots me some 'Heir Conditioning'!

KARKAT: Yeah. And does it cut out after about fifty seconds?

TEREZI: Yeah, pretty much.

Author's Note

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Personally I'm quite fond of the mental picture of Nepeta pondering if an alternate universe version of herself is friends with Gamzee. She would take it very seriously.

Speaking of the kitty, I totally forgot that my original plan was to hide a relationship in the grid to see if anyone would notice, and then blame Nepeta for it. The relationship was Feferi&Karkat (a circle) to represent her respect for him as a General, but I dropped it considering Feferi's anti-friend stance. Respect isn't necessarily friendship! And then I considering making it a triangle...

DAT INTRO...

I'm sorry, I forgot how to read or type fanfictionery.

Because my mind has been blown out of its head.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Katrika: Well I'll just join those that are glad you got it out of your head!

@Sionnan: oh nooooooo not a death fic not right now

@Domoz: Just keep writing and improving on it as you go, you'll do fine!

@KarneWarrior: Great, more Homeworld!

[Graven_Image]

What?

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- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling torturousGrit[TG] --
CA: wwho are you tryin to convvince wwith this ludicrous poppycock
TG: whut?
CA: magic is NOT REAL
CA: wwhatevver youre doin its not real its somethin else outright entirely
CA: its fancy and impressivve and all but its not the fuckin figmental storybook claptrap you wwanna make out like it is
CA: so howw about you get off your high skyhorse
TG: You're one of the trolls, aren't you?
TG: Or, at least, one who could use a few lessons on proper trolling ettiquette.
CA: haha vvery funny im just flappin my gills off here listenin to you make the wworst wwisecracks ivve evver heard
CA: i don't need any fuckin lessons on ettiquette or wwhatevver cause the blood of nautical nobility is pumped through my aquatic vvascular system
TG: Oh?
TG: I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you as nobility.
TG: Excuse me while I take a moment to unironically bask in your graceful presence.
CA: damn right you wwill
CA: i cant see wwhy the rest of your human friends cant be as reasonable as you
TG: Surely a being so lowly as I cannot be worthy of your favor! In fact, I think this may be a task far beyond my own capabilities.
TG: Your presence is simply too much for one boy to take.
CA: wwhat
TG: My mouth hangs agape as the inner masochist blossoms within me.
TG: Thusly, I lie supine on a bed of flowery roses, taut ropes restricting my weak, human limbs and preventing me from escaping.
CA: wwait wwhat
TG: A single tear filled with hidden joy falls down my pale cheek as I await the punishment duly owed to my horned, royally-blooded , grubfucking master.
CA: wwhat the fuck
TG: False confidence pervades me as I offer a weak grin and challenge you to do your worst. You steady yourself as the overseer's whip cracks loudly.
TG: "Forty fuckin lashes for bein the vvery meanin of insubordinate alien trash" you declare loudly, gripping the handle of the whip tightly within your webbed, troll hands.
CA: alright fuck stop talkin already
CA: howw fuckin disgustin do you gotta be to make somethin as unbelievvablely wwrong as this
CA: i had a misconclusion about you youvve gotta be the wworst alien evver
TG: What? I'm simply showing you how much I respect you and your authority.
TG: You're obviously the pinnacle of life and everyone should be like you.
CA: i think i knoww wwhen faceticious assholes are yankin my fins so stop typin that mound of excerement and listen to your trans-univversal underwwater patriarch
TG: Whatever you say...
CA: my names eridan ampora and dont you forget it
TG: Cool story, fish-boy.
TG: Bye.
CA: no wwait
CA: i got sidetracked by your terrible wwritting that i didn't get to ask you wwhat i wwas meanin to in the first place
CA: tell me howw you did all that fakeyfake magic bullshit
TG: Oh, you want me to teach you magic?
CA: yeah and maybe i could teach you a little about trolls and the wwhole romance thing wwevve got goin on here
TG: Romance? Between us?
TG: No thanks bro.
CA: hang on you just dont get it yet
CA: you hate me and i obvviously hate you so maybe wwe could wwork this out into a proper kismesis
CA: i mean wwe did havve a really good black thing goin on here wwhat wwith all the passivve jabs and human sarcasm or wwhatevver kan wwas spewwin her guts about before
CA: and i guess it does take a bit of showwmanship to try and put off a particularly fowward black suitor wwith roleplay
CA: but i still think wwevve got wwhat it takes to fill this quadrant evven if youre a human
TG: Sounds like you've got this all planned out then.
TG: Well I can't, in good faith, let all the good troll brain cells you spent figuring this out go to waste.
TG: Do you really want to learn magic?
CA: yes revveal your secrets wwizard
TG: Alright then.
TG: Let me teach you a little something about good ol', 100%, unadulterated, honest to betsy human showmanship.
caligulasAquarium's [CA'S] computer exploded.

It's...

This is good. We have wrought something good today.

That was truly some Torturous Grit you laid down there, Embargo. Unironic brofist.

[phoenix713]

My friend wants me to post this for her, since she doesn't have an account. The original can be found here: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&se...nding#/d39ky0f

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Liberation Pending
by ~corpseSilencer

I am trapped
Trapped in this fear and anger
I wish I could release myself
But the demons are wrapping
Their cold digits around me.

Everyone around me
All of them
They cower away
I can sense their fear
It hurts a soul they don't believe I have.

I just killed one
He would have worshipped me
And now I have his blood staining my hands
And his smiling corpse in front of me
Screaming out a million words in deafening silence

One whiff of the still air
She is in the ducts
I do not want to hurt her
Trust me, I do not
But my body no longer listens to me.

Something recently snapped inside
And then part of me realized
Something just is not right
They never liked me
Why not kill them?

I am trapped in this demonic psychotic body
I cannot move
I cannot protest
As each minute passes I am more compressed than before
I am running out of air.

I am wishing this to be over
It will never end, my body assures me
You will kill every being you have ever loved
Every being you have ever cared about
Is it bad that I am glad some are already dead?

I cry out for help
But my body does not allow it past my lips
Help me!
Help me!
I am drowning in blood!

I watch from blank, glassy eyes
As blood starts pouring down
My own blood
I whimper
The body is rejecting itself now.

They are all going to die
I know it now
It is clear
I am scared that I have no say in my actions
The darkness is closing in on me.

I will be forever lost at this point
Forever to be a murderer hated by
Those I have secretly kept close
I never cared about their insults –
Was it the pies? Maybe…

Everything is slipping now…
. My chest hurts…
It hurts so bad…
I want this over…
My last wish, thank Gog, was granted

[Sionnan]

@Kerensky: the creepypasta was in the very beginning of the fic, where it has a little > in front of it. Also, re: Striderbros ending: hell naw. This is like, the third or fourth time I've killed off Bro since I've started here, all the way back in thread III. But doing ghost!Bro would be interesting- I'll have to see if anything pops up for a good fic idea.

@lucidSeraph: yaaaaay peer pressure works! I'm glad that despite it's brevity, the fic worked for you. Also, I'm glad that some really clunky sentences didn't kill the enjoyment for you, because damn. I need to get time to proofread before I hit the submit button. And yes, Bro is just a really... sad guy. :<

[Embargo]

What?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling torturousGrit[TG] --
CA: wwho are you tryin to convvince wwith this ludicrous poppycock
TG: whut?
CA: magic is NOT REAL
CA: wwhatevver youre doin its not real its somethin else outright entirely
CA: its fancy and impressivve and all but its not the fuckin figmental storybook claptrap you wwanna make out like it is
CA: so howw about you get off your high skyhorse
TG: You're one of the trolls, aren't you?
TG: Or, at least, one who could use a few lessons on proper trolling ettiquette.
CA: haha vvery funny im just flappin my gills off here listenin to you make the wworst wwisecracks ivve evver heard
CA: i don't need any fuckin lessons on ettiquette or wwhatevver cause the blood of nautical nobility is pumped through my aquatic vvascular system
TG: Oh?
TG: I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you as nobility.
TG: Excuse me while I take a moment to unironically bask in your graceful presence.
CA: damn right you wwill
CA: i cant see wwhy the rest of your human friends cant be as reasonable as you
TG: Surely a being so lowly as I cannot be worthy of your favor! In fact, I think this may be a task far beyond my own capabilities.
TG: Your presence is simply too much for one boy to take.
CA: wwhat
TG: My mouth hangs agape as the inner masochist blossoms within me.
TG: Thusly, I lie supine on a bed of flowery roses, taut ropes restricting my weak, human limbs and preventing me from escaping.
CA: wwait wwhat
TG: A single tear filled with hidden joy falls down my pale cheek as I await the punishment duly owed to my horned, royally-blooded , grubfucking master.
CA: wwhat the fuck
TG: False confidence pervades me as I offer a weak grin and challenge you to do your worst. You steady yourself as the overseer's whip cracks loudly.
TG: "Forty fuckin lashes for bein the vvery meanin of insubordinate alien trash" you declare loudly, gripping the handle of the whip tightly within your webbed, troll hands.
CA: alright fuck stop talkin already
CA: howw fuckin disgustin do you gotta be to make somethin as unbelievvablely wwrong as this
CA: i had a misconclusion about you youvve gotta be the wworst alien evver
TG: What? I'm simply showing you how much I respect you and your authority.
TG: You're obviously the pinnacle of life and everyone should be like you.
CA: i think i knoww wwhen faceticious assholes are yankin my fins so stop typin that mound of excerement and listen to your trans-univversal underwwater patriarch
TG: Whatever you say...
CA: my names eridan ampora and dont you forget it
TG: Cool story, fish-boy.
TG: Bye.
CA: no wwait
CA: i got sidetracked by your terrible wwritting that i didn't get to ask you wwhat i wwas meanin to in the first place
CA: tell me howw you did all that fakeyfake magic bullshit
TG: Oh, you want me to teach you magic?
CA: yeah and maybe i could teach you a little about trolls and the wwhole romance thing wwevve got goin on here
TG: Romance? Between us?
TG: No thanks bro.
CA: hang on you just dont get it yet
CA: you hate me and i obvviously hate you so maybe wwe could wwork this out into a proper kismesis
CA: i mean wwe did havve a really good black thing goin on here wwhat wwith all the passivve jabs and human sarcasm or wwhatevver kan wwas spewwin her guts about before
CA: and i guess it does take a bit of showwmanship to try and put off a particularly fowward black suitor wwith roleplay
CA: but i still think wwevve got wwhat it takes to fill this quadrant evven if youre a human
TG: Sounds like you've got this all planned out then.
TG: Well I can't, in good faith, let all the good troll brain cells you spent figuring this out go to waste.
TG: Do you really want to learn magic?
CA: yes revveal your secrets wwizard
TG: Alright then.
TG: Let me teach you a little something about good ol', 100%, unadulterated, honest to betsy human showmanship.
caligulasAquarium's [CA'S] computer exploded.

It's...

This is good. We have wrought something good today.

That was truly some Torturous Grit you laid down there, Embargo. Unironic brofist.

*bunp*

Good to know it wasn't terribad. I saw your purple!dave and was liek "I should does a fic about this!"

[lucidSeraph]

But doing ghost!Bro would be interesting- I'll have to see if anything pops up for a good fic idea.

DREAM!BUBBLE BRO GOES AND HANGS OUT WITH FELT!DAVE AND THAT DAVE THAT GOT KILLED BY THE DRACONIAN DIGNITARY AND ALSO DAVESPRITE

THEY PLAY SUPER SMASH BROS

BUT ARE INTERRUPTED BY DREAM JADE, WHO WANTS ALL THE BUTLERS

AND THEY DO SO, IRONICALLY... EXCEPT THEN THEY ALSO GET INTERRUPTED BY FOUR MILLION ARADIAS AND ALSO BOTH DREAM SOLLUXES AND Y'KNOW WHAT, ALL THE DEAD CHARACTERS, ALL OF THEM.

THEN DEATH SHOWS UP WITH SOME TEA AND A BOX OF BOARD GAMES.


Okay no seriously Sionnan, I would like to see a Dream Bubble Bro encountering the three known Dead Daves, maybe looking at how Dave's perspective has changed (since I think the first Dead Dave, Davesprite, and Felt Dave have very different characters, which are all different than Alpha!Dave, via way of character dev. Davesprite, for instance, probably doesn't look too kindly on puppets thanks to his own sprite...)

[mutecebu]

But doing ghost!Bro would be interesting- I'll have to see if anything pops up for a good fic idea.

DREAM!BUBBLE BRO GOES AND HANGS OUT WITH FELT!DAVE AND THAT DAVE THAT GOT KILLED BY THE DRACONIAN DIGNITARY AND ALSO DAVESPRITE

THEY PLAY SUPER SMASH BROS

BUT ARE INTERRUPTED BY DREAM JADE, WHO WANTS ALL THE BUTLERS

AND THEY DO SO, IRONICALLY... EXCEPT THEN THEY ALSO GET INTERRUPTED BY FOUR MILLION ARADIAS AND ALSO BOTH DREAM SOLLUXES AND Y'KNOW WHAT, ALL THE DEAD CHARACTERS, ALL OF THEM.

THEN DEATH SHOWS UP WITH SOME TEA AND A BOX OF BOARD GAMES.


Okay no seriously Sionnan, I would like to see a Dream Bubble Bro encountering the three known Dead Daves, maybe looking at how Dave's perspective has changed (since I think the first Dead Dave, Davesprite, and Felt Dave have very different characters, which are all different than Alpha!Dave, via way of character dev. Davesprite, for instance, probably doesn't look too kindly on puppets thanks to his own sprite...)

Okay, that all-caps fic was pretty good in a minimalistic way. I actually want to see some fan art of them playing SSB now.

What if not-Dream!John was there, killed by noir on the quest bed, while Dream!John frollics about all god-tier. You could also break out Hass.

Actually... I'd venture to say that the bubbles are outside of the normal time flow. Dream Jade must have been dead for a long time, at least Dream Jade's stuffed corpse was around for a long time before it got prototyped. Yet she mentions that she hung out with all her friends for a long time, even though the characters didn't start dropping like flies until recently. So, I'd say yah, she's probably out there in her own bubble, able to visit Felt!Dave.

And I so dearly hope Mom and Dad don't join the party...

What?

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- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling torturousGrit[TG] --
CA: wwho are you tryin to convvince wwith this ludicrous poppycock
TG: whut?
CA: magic is NOT REAL
CA: wwhatevver youre doin its not real its somethin else outright entirely
CA: its fancy and impressivve and all but its not the fuckin figmental storybook claptrap you wwanna make out like it is
CA: so howw about you get off your high skyhorse
TG: You're one of the trolls, aren't you?
TG: Or, at least, one who could use a few lessons on proper trolling ettiquette.
CA: haha vvery funny im just flappin my gills off here listenin to you make the wworst wwisecracks ivve evver heard
CA: i don't need any fuckin lessons on ettiquette or wwhatevver cause the blood of nautical nobility is pumped through my aquatic vvascular system
TG: Oh?
TG: I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you as nobility.
TG: Excuse me while I take a moment to unironically bask in your graceful presence.
CA: damn right you wwill
CA: i cant see wwhy the rest of your human friends cant be as reasonable as you
TG: Surely a being so lowly as I cannot be worthy of your favor! In fact, I think this may be a task far beyond my own capabilities.
TG: Your presence is simply too much for one boy to take.
CA: wwhat
TG: My mouth hangs agape as the inner masochist blossoms within me.
TG: Thusly, I lie supine on a bed of flowery roses, taut ropes restricting my weak, human limbs and preventing me from escaping.
CA: wwait wwhat
TG: A single tear filled with hidden joy falls down my pale cheek as I await the punishment duly owed to my horned, royally-blooded , grubfucking master.
CA: wwhat the fuck
TG: False confidence pervades me as I offer a weak grin and challenge you to do your worst. You steady yourself as the overseer's whip cracks loudly.
TG: "Forty fuckin lashes for bein the vvery meanin of insubordinate alien trash" you declare loudly, gripping the handle of the whip tightly within your webbed, troll hands.
CA: alright fuck stop talkin already
CA: howw fuckin disgustin do you gotta be to make somethin as unbelievvablely wwrong as this
CA: i had a misconclusion about you youvve gotta be the wworst alien evver
TG: What? I'm simply showing you how much I respect you and your authority.
TG: You're obviously the pinnacle of life and everyone should be like you.
CA: i think i knoww wwhen faceticious assholes are yankin my fins so stop typin that mound of excerement and listen to your trans-univversal underwwater patriarch
TG: Whatever you say...
CA: my names eridan ampora and dont you forget it
TG: Cool story, fish-boy.
TG: Bye.
CA: no wwait
CA: i got sidetracked by your terrible wwritting that i didn't get to ask you wwhat i wwas meanin to in the first place
CA: tell me howw you did all that fakeyfake magic bullshit
TG: Oh, you want me to teach you magic?
CA: yeah and maybe i could teach you a little about trolls and the wwhole romance thing wwevve got goin on here
TG: Romance? Between us?
TG: No thanks bro.
CA: hang on you just dont get it yet
CA: you hate me and i obvviously hate you so maybe wwe could wwork this out into a proper kismesis
CA: i mean wwe did havve a really good black thing goin on here wwhat wwith all the passivve jabs and human sarcasm or wwhatevver kan wwas spewwin her guts about before
CA: and i guess it does take a bit of showwmanship to try and put off a particularly fowward black suitor wwith roleplay
CA: but i still think wwevve got wwhat it takes to fill this quadrant evven if youre a human
TG: Sounds like you've got this all planned out then.
TG: Well I can't, in good faith, let all the good troll brain cells you spent figuring this out go to waste.
TG: Do you really want to learn magic?
CA: yes revveal your secrets wwizard
TG: Alright then.
TG: Let me teach you a little something about good ol', 100%, unadulterated, honest to betsy human showmanship.
caligulasAquarium's [CA'S] computer exploded.

Oh man, when TG started yakking, I cracked up. Red!TG's marriage rant was probably my favorite part of Homestuck.

[anonymousComrade]

Good news, everyone! I have snapped out of my funk of self-loathing and doubt to bring you

Crossing Over: Chapter 9 (slightly revised edition)

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Karkat found Terezi in the computer room, doing nothing in particular. He touched her shoulder as he sat down next to her.

"YOU OKAY?"
She glanced up at him. "HOW C4N 1 B3? W3 4RE GO1NG TO D13, R3G4RDL3SS OF WH4T H4PP3NS NOW."
"YEAH. EITHER NOIR MURDERS US, OR WE DO IT OURSELVES. BUT..."
Terezi held both of Karkat's hands in her own. "Y3S?"
"I THINK I CAN FACE THE END, IF I HAVE SOMEONE WITH ME. WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE."
"YOU R34LLY DONT TH1NK TH3 HUM4NS W1LL B3 4BL3 TO PULL 1T OFF, DO YOU?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE. THE LAST DAY OR SO HAS COMPLETELY FUCKED OVER MY ABILITY TO GIVE A DAMN. BUT I DO KNOW ONE THING."
"OH?"

Karkat pulled her close.

"IN THE END... I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE."

Terezi ran her fingers through Karkat's hair and kissed him gently on the neck. They remained in each other's arms for what could never be long enough. Both of them would have given anything for the moment to never end.

Karkat swore under his breath when Trollian bleeped on his terminal.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

EB: karkat? buddy? you there?
EB: rose wants to know what you and terezi are going to do.
EB: god this is awful!
EB: i'm just sitting here casually asking if you've decided whether or not to kill yourselves like some kind of inconsiderate prick!
EB: if this works, i deserve to be socked in the jaw.
EB: in fact, i am giving you permission to do so, right now.
CG: JOHN.
EB: karkat.
CG: TEREZI AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT THERE'S NO POINT IN NOT COMMITTING MUTUAL SUICIDE IN ORDER TO GO ALONG WITH THE MISSION.
CG: GOD, THAT'S A FUCKED UP THING TO TYPE.
CG: BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS
CG: EITHER WE KILL OURSELVES NOW, GOING OUT ON OUR TERMS
CG: OR LEAVE OURSELVES TO WHATEVER THE HELLBEAST HAS PLANNED.
CG: SO WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS.
EB: karkat, i... i don't know what i *can* say.
CG: IF YOU GUYS FUCK THIS UP I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO HAUNT YOU.
CG: CHAINS RATTLING, SPOOKY VOICES IN THE NIGHT, THINGS BEING FLUNG ACROSS THE ROOM BY INVISIBLE FORCES
CG: MULTIHUED BLOOD FLOWING *UP* THE WALLS.
CG: IF THIS DOESN'T WORK, I HOPE YOU LIKE GHOSTBUSTERS AS MUCH AS YOU SAY YOU DO! BECAUSE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THAT MOVIE WILL RETROACTIVELY BECOME YOUR BIOGRAPHY.
CG: THIS IS A PROMISE.
EB: hehehehehe.
EB: then all i can promise you...
EB: is that we will not fail!
CG: THAT'LL BE A FIRST FOR YOU GUYS, THEN.
CG: SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.
EB: see you then, bro!!!

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat's hand rested on his sickle. "MIGHT AS WELL GET THIS OVER WITH."

One quick motion would be all that was needed to end it. The tip of the Regisickle would be driven into Terezi's heart and she would die instantly. Then once more to himself, and it would be over and out of his hands.

Yet, he hesitated.

Terezi smiled and assured him it was okay. "1TS NOT R34LLY TH3 3ND, 4FT3R 4LL," she told him. But even if the humans could wring success from the overwhelming failure that plagued both their sessions, the idea of killing the girl he loved, and then himself, in a twisted murder-suicide meant to pull the rug out from under the horrorterrors, was still some heavy shit. DO IT, he tried to will himself. KILL HER. YOU KILL THAT GIRL THIS INSTANT.

The sickle hit the ground with a heavy thud, ringing out his latest failure as the team leader. He could not bring himself to kill the girl.

Another way of doing this existed. It would cost him the rest of his dignity, but that ship had sailed so long ago, he didn't care anymore.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

CG: CONGRATULATIONS!
AG: ????????
CG: YOU HAVE WON OUR LIFELONG BATTLE OF HUGE ASSHOLE VS SOCIOPATHIC BITCH.
CG: YOU WERE RIGHT. TURNS OUT I *AM* A GIGANTIC FEATHERBEAST SHIT AFTER ALL!
CG: THE HUMANS TRUSTED ME WITH ONE JOB, ONE FUCKING JOB, AND THAT WAS TO KILL MYSELF.
CG: AND I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT BECAUSE I AM AN UTTER FAILURE.
CG: SO CONGRATULATIONS! THE WAR IS OVER! YOU HAVE WON SO MANY MEDALS FOR YOUR VALOR IN BATTLE. ALL OF THEM, IN FACT.
CG: AND NOW I AM ASKING
CG: NO
CG: FUCKING BEGGING YOU
CG: TO COME DOWN HERE AND DO WHAT I CANNOT.
CG: THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU LAUGH AT ME AND GLOAT ABOUT YOUR LATEST VICTORY.
CG: I CAN'T SAY I DON'T DESERVE IT! SO LAUGH AWAY.
CG: I AWAIT YOUR SICK BURNS WITH EAGER ENTHUSIASM.
AG: ...why would I do that? :::
AG: I mean yeah, I know, 8luh 8luh huge 8itch.
AG: 8ut I'm not a fucking s8dist. I don't wax neeeeeeeeaaaaaaaarly as 8lack for you as you seem to think I do.
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA AND NOW EVEN THE SPIDERBITCH IS TAKING PITY ON ME!
CG: WAIT, HOLD ON
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CG: THERE, EIGHT HA'S.
CG: YOUR VICTORY IS SO UTTERLY COMPLETE THAT I AM NOW GOING ALONG WITH YOUR BULLSHIT THEME OF DOING SHIT IN EIGHTS.
CG: NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, CAN WE SKIP THE BULLSHIT AND GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU ROLL YOUR DICE AND OUR HEADS EXPLODE ALREADY?
CG: BECAUSE I THINK I WOULD HONESTLY PREFER THAT EVEN IF THE CURRENT PLAN DIDN'T REQUIRE TEREZI AND I TO DIE.
AG: Daaaaaaaamn, Karkat! You sure are hard on yourself today!
AG: I'm going to 8e honest with you. You're only going to hear this once so you'd 8etter listen up!
AG: You're not that 8ad of a leader. When you spoke, we listened, and not just anyone could say that.
AG: I mean, the game itself tried to keep us working against each other 8ut you were all "MAN, FUCK THAT" and got all twelve of us to work together like one team.
AG: This is no easy feat! I dou8t anyone else could have done it.
AG: Not even me. No8ody would listen to anything I say unless I manipul8ted them into it.
CG: WHATEVER, VRISKA. JUST GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

Vriska arrived in the computer lab, Flourite Octet at the ready. Karkat and Terezi nodded at her, closed their eyes, and embraced, waiting for the inevitable.

His voice lowered to a whisper. "i don't know what comes after this. i don't know if the humans can do what they think they can, or if we're going to be stuck in the dream bubbles forever. i'm fucking terrified, terezi, and that's the truth. but in the end, i can go out fucking smiling, because at least we got to be together, one last goddamn time. i love you, terezi pyrope."
She traced the outline of a heart on his chest. "4nd 1 lov3 you, k4rk4t v4nt4s."

Vriska groaned and halfheartedly rolled the dice. 6. 3. 2. 8. 7. 8. 5. 8. [HEART 8TTACK]. Karkat and Terezi fell to the floor, dead.

-----

Vriska mentally prepared for her part of the mission. Aradia was to escort Dave through the dreamscape, then they would all meet in the Veil and await Rose's signal.

A human boy dressed in a bright red outfit and dark shades materialized in front of her. "cmon, we got places to be." Vriska stepped near him.

A quick scratch of the timetables, and both of them vanished.

and Crossing Over: Chapter 10

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-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TT: It's go time.
TG: roger

-- tentacleTerapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

As the God Tier trio flew through paradox space toward the horrorterrors' dreamscape to play the part of rescuers in thier mission, Aradia realized she needed to address her issues with the only other surviving troll in the universe.

"vriska."
"Wh8t do you want, Megido?"
"i w0uld ask you a questi0n. if y0u arent c0mfortable answering, thats 0kay."
"...Wh8t did you want to know?"
"h0w can y0u stand t0 w0rk with me, kn0wing what i did?"
"...It's nothing. In fact, I'm glaaaaaaaad you did it. If you hadn't, I'd probably be tangle 8uddies with the horrorterrors right now, instead of 8eing a hero."
"but y0u d0nt feel like a her0 right n0w, d0 y0u?"
"'Course I do! I'm one of the three sent to rescue our dead friends from whatever these overgrown squids had in store for us! Why wouldn't I feel like a hero?"
"because i kn0w what y0u did to tavr0s. and m0re imp0rtantly, i kn0w y0u hate y0urself f0r it."

Vriska gasped. So Aradia really had been snooping around in the dream bubbles, then. Pupa had probably told her himself!

"y0ur self-l0athing ab0ut it has been apparent since i first reestablished c0ntact. but im rambling."

Aradia looked away for a brief moment, sighed, and continued.

"i am truly s0rry f0r what i did t0 y0u, vriska. y0u may have killed my 0riginal self but things eventually w0rked 0ut f0r me. the cycle 0f revenge sh0uld have ended, yet i gave in t0 mindless fury when we sh0uld have been w0rking t0gether t0 0vercome sgrub."
"Yeah, well... like I said. If you hadn't, I'd never 8e in the God Tiers."
"vriska!!! st0p this at 0nce!" Aradia began shouting at her. "y0u are m0st definitely n0t 0kay with this! what i did was h0rrible. y0u cant p0ssibly f0rgive me s0 easily, n0t the vriska i kn0w!"

Vriska closed her eyes and sighed to herself before answering. "Listen, Megido. I'm going to 8e 100% honest here, so you'd better listen *8ut good*. Yeah, you threw me 8round like a fucking ragdoll. Yeah, dying SUCKED. HARD. 8ut I hijacked your 8oyfriend's mind and 8lew the hell out of you, your hive AND your lusus, and th8t's not even counting the endless list of things I did to other people!"

Was... was her voice breaking? She couldn't let anyone see that! Clearly these feelings of regret were John's fault, damn his human emotions, and she was soooooooo going to chew him out for it later. But the words just wouldn't stop coming!

"So don't come crying to ME a8out what YOU did was unaccepta8le, 8ecause after all the kids I fed to my lusus? The way I manipul8ted Sollux to kill you? How I 8linded Terezi? Paralyzed Tavros and ran him through with his own lance before throwing him into the a8yss?!?!?!?! That no-holds-8arred 8eatdown you delivered to me on LOMAT..."

She jabbed her finger hard into Aradia's chest for emphasis as she struggled with every fiber of her being against the tears beginning to form in her eyes. "I fucking DESERVED it!!!!!!!!"

To say Aradia was shocked by the revelation that Vriska was even capable of remorse would be a gross understatement.

She extended a hand to Vriska. "if that is h0w y0u feel, lets make things right. t0gether."
"...okay." Vriska gripped Aradia's hand in a strong handshake.

Dave laughed to himself, making sure neither of them could hear it. Crazy broads and their horseshit.

-----

"oh nooooooo," Jade remarked for the hundredth time, as the preview function of the ectobiology lab predicted another compatibility failure. Things were not going well, to say the least. In order to bring the trolls here, their dreambubble selves would need new physical bodies to reside in. However, all attempts to make them via ectobiology had been a resounding failure. They were thankful for the kit's preview screen, as it meant they didn't have to watch endless test subjects fail to adapt to the environment and die in front of them. But if it was to be believed, no recombination of the trolls' genetics would allow them to survive in the kids' session.

"i think we've tried just about everything, jade, and nothing's working. looks like we're going to have to go with plan b."
"plan b? you mean--"
"yep. we're going to have to start over on genetic combining, and I don't know if they'll be happy with the results, but at least that'll produce host bodies guaranteed to be capable of surviving here."
"okay!!! let's get started then!"

-----

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TG: okay rose the troll ladies and i are at the threshold to the outer rim
TG: well be breaching shortly
TG: dodging the things that should not be
TG: tearing through dreambubbles looking for these guys
TG: i gotta say
TG: this is probably the worst first date ive ever been on
TG: im starting to think therell be no sloppy interspecies makeouts at all
TT: Good to know you're treating this mission with the importance I expected from you.
TG: man you dont even know
TG: we got this shit locked up
TG: shit is in the safe deposit box
TG: all fucking snug and secure
TG: were talking blastproof doors and ten feet of solid concrete
TG: secret entrances and armed guards
TG: a password only two people in the world know and they each only know half of it
TT: How I wish I had your confidence.
TT: I'll start my part immediately, then. Best of luck, Strider.
TG: same to you lalonde
TG: say hi to fluthulu for me

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

Rose captchalogued her hubtopband and prepared for what, as far as she was concerned, would be her final communion with the horrorterrors. It was a hell of a bridge to burn, but burn it must, if the plan were to have any hope of success.

-----

Eridan and Sollux drifted aimlessly through the dreamscape. The horrorterrors, for whatever reason, had seemingly given up on them, though they were certain it was only a matter of time until the attacks resumed.

Eridan squinted into the distance. Something was moving out there. Two... no, three somethings, to be exact.

"sol. you seein wwhat im seein here?"

Unsure of what they could be, Eridan and Sollux decided to follow them. After all, if more of the group had managed to break out of their prisons, their best chances of evading the old ones would be sticking together.

Notes:

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Chapter 9 isn't that revised and I'm still not 100% happy with it, but I'm starting to suspect it's because chapter 8 was the textbook definition of "phoned in." Seriously I ought to go back and rewrite an encounter with vampire Kanaya that makes some goddamn sense and isn't contrived as all hell

It's a little better. Not quite as groanworthy in my eyes, still not perfect, but I think it'll do.

Chapter 10, though? I... I actually enjoyed this. I took Vriska's pangs of regret shown earlier in canon and just fucking ran with it, and now she and Aradia stand a good chance of becoming friends after the ordeal is over. I would worry that the exchange between them isn't quite in character but I'm so happy with the way it turned out that I don't fucking care.

Also: Eridan is a good guy now?! What the hell?! We'll see what the Prince's deal is soon enough, I promise

[Sionnan]

But doing ghost!Bro would be interesting- I'll have to see if anything pops up for a good fic idea.

DREAM!BUBBLE BRO GOES AND HANGS OUT WITH FELT!DAVE AND THAT DAVE THAT GOT KILLED BY THE DRACONIAN DIGNITARY AND ALSO DAVESPRITE

THEY PLAY SUPER SMASH BROS

BUT ARE INTERRUPTED BY DREAM JADE, WHO WANTS ALL THE BUTLERS

AND THEY DO SO, IRONICALLY... EXCEPT THEN THEY ALSO GET INTERRUPTED BY FOUR MILLION ARADIAS AND ALSO BOTH DREAM SOLLUXES AND Y'KNOW WHAT, ALL THE DEAD CHARACTERS, ALL OF THEM.

THEN DEATH SHOWS UP WITH SOME TEA AND A BOX OF BOARD GAMES.


Okay no seriously Sionnan, I would like to see a Dream Bubble Bro encountering the three known Dead Daves, maybe looking at how Dave's perspective has changed (since I think the first Dead Dave, Davesprite, and Felt Dave have very different characters, which are all different than Alpha!Dave, via way of character dev. Davesprite, for instance, probably doesn't look too kindly on puppets thanks to his own sprite...)

Oh snap. This sounds actually really cool. HHHNNNRGH I DON'T THINK I CAN RESIST THE TEMPTATION. Hell, you gave me all of the set up, after all. Because lollll playing SSB in the afterlife on the futon.

"Man, what the fuck are you doing over there, get offa the cloud."

"That is not me up there. That's me in the Felt suit."

"Fuckin' word up, yo."

"Holy shit it is so hard to tell who's ass I'm supposed to be kicking."

"That's because you're old and your eyes are going. You need some Vitamin- HEY."

"You are within easy arms length, boy, and I have been playing video games with one hand longer than you've been alive."

"That is NOT something I ever wanted to know about you."

WOW IT REALLY IS IRRESISTIBLE. LIKE CRACK.

[SeptimusMagistos]

Speculating on dream bubles is fun! Here's mine:

Somewhere in the Void, Equius is making out with one or more Aradias while successfully drinking milk and painting a beautiful work of art. Later on he might fight a robot and not get sweaty at all. He will never need another towel.

The only downside is that every time he successfully gets an arrow to leave the bow, it pops the bubble and he has to start all over again.

Every. Single. GODDAMN. TIME!!!

[anonymousComrade]

Just wait until Crossing Over gets around to my speculation on dream bubbles

Oh man

Oh man

[Doodled]

Good news, everyone! I have snapped out of my funk of self-loathing and doubt to bring you

Crossing Over: Chapter 9 (slightly revised edition)

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hide spoiler

Karkat found Terezi in the computer room, doing nothing in particular. He touched her shoulder as he sat down next to her.

"YOU OKAY?"
She glanced up at him. "HOW C4N 1 B3? W3 4RE GO1NG TO D13, R3G4RDL3SS OF WH4T H4PP3NS NOW."
"YEAH. EITHER NOIR MURDERS US, OR WE DO IT OURSELVES. BUT..."
Terezi held both of Karkat's hands in her own. "Y3S?"
"I THINK I CAN FACE THE END, IF I HAVE SOMEONE WITH ME. WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE."
"YOU R34LLY DONT TH1NK TH3 HUM4NS W1LL B3 4BL3 TO PULL 1T OFF, DO YOU?"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE. THE LAST DAY OR SO HAS COMPLETELY FUCKED OVER MY ABILITY TO GIVE A DAMN. BUT I DO KNOW ONE THING."
"OH?"

Karkat pulled her close.

"IN THE END... I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE."

Terezi ran her fingers through Karkat's hair and kissed him gently on the neck. They remained in each other's arms for what could never be long enough. Both of them would have given anything for the moment to never end.

Karkat swore under his breath when Trollian bleeped on his terminal.

-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

EB: karkat? buddy? you there?
EB: rose wants to know what you and terezi are going to do.
EB: god this is awful!
EB: i'm just sitting here casually asking if you've decided whether or not to kill yourselves like some kind of inconsiderate prick!
EB: if this works, i deserve to be socked in the jaw.
EB: in fact, i am giving you permission to do so, right now.
CG: JOHN.
EB: karkat.
CG: TEREZI AND I HAVE DECIDED THAT THERE'S NO POINT IN NOT COMMITTING MUTUAL SUICIDE IN ORDER TO GO ALONG WITH THE MISSION.
CG: GOD, THAT'S A FUCKED UP THING TO TYPE.
CG: BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS
CG: EITHER WE KILL OURSELVES NOW, GOING OUT ON OUR TERMS
CG: OR LEAVE OURSELVES TO WHATEVER THE HELLBEAST HAS PLANNED.
CG: SO WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS.
EB: karkat, i... i don't know what i *can* say.
CG: IF YOU GUYS FUCK THIS UP I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO HAUNT YOU.
CG: CHAINS RATTLING, SPOOKY VOICES IN THE NIGHT, THINGS BEING FLUNG ACROSS THE ROOM BY INVISIBLE FORCES
CG: MULTIHUED BLOOD FLOWING *UP* THE WALLS.
CG: IF THIS DOESN'T WORK, I HOPE YOU LIKE GHOSTBUSTERS AS MUCH AS YOU SAY YOU DO! BECAUSE AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, THAT MOVIE WILL RETROACTIVELY BECOME YOUR BIOGRAPHY.
CG: THIS IS A PROMISE.
EB: hehehehehe.
EB: then all i can promise you...
EB: is that we will not fail!
CG: THAT'LL BE A FIRST FOR YOU GUYS, THEN.
CG: SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE.
EB: see you then, bro!!!

-- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

Karkat's hand rested on his sickle. "MIGHT AS WELL GET THIS OVER WITH."

One quick motion would be all that was needed to end it. The tip of the Regisickle would be driven into Terezi's heart and she would die instantly. Then once more to himself, and it would be over and out of his hands.

Yet, he hesitated.

Terezi smiled and assured him it was okay. "1TS NOT R34LLY TH3 3ND, 4FT3R 4LL," she told him. But even if the humans could wring success from the overwhelming failure that plagued both their sessions, the idea of killing the girl he loved, and then himself, in a twisted murder-suicide meant to pull the rug out from under the horrorterrors, was still some heavy shit. DO IT, he tried to will himself. KILL HER. YOU KILL THAT GIRL THIS INSTANT.

The sickle hit the ground with a heavy thud, ringing out his latest failure as the team leader. He could not bring himself to kill the girl.

Another way of doing this existed. It would cost him the rest of his dignity, but that ship had sailed so long ago, he didn't care anymore.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

CG: CONGRATULATIONS!
AG: ????????
CG: YOU HAVE WON OUR LIFELONG BATTLE OF HUGE ASSHOLE VS SOCIOPATHIC BITCH.
CG: YOU WERE RIGHT. TURNS OUT I *AM* A GIGANTIC FEATHERBEAST SHIT AFTER ALL!
CG: THE HUMANS TRUSTED ME WITH ONE JOB, ONE FUCKING JOB, AND THAT WAS TO KILL MYSELF.
CG: AND I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT BECAUSE I AM AN UTTER FAILURE.
CG: SO CONGRATULATIONS! THE WAR IS OVER! YOU HAVE WON SO MANY MEDALS FOR YOUR VALOR IN BATTLE. ALL OF THEM, IN FACT.
CG: AND NOW I AM ASKING
CG: NO
CG: FUCKING BEGGING YOU
CG: TO COME DOWN HERE AND DO WHAT I CANNOT.
CG: THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU LAUGH AT ME AND GLOAT ABOUT YOUR LATEST VICTORY.
CG: I CAN'T SAY I DON'T DESERVE IT! SO LAUGH AWAY.
CG: I AWAIT YOUR SICK BURNS WITH EAGER ENTHUSIASM.
AG: ...why would I do that? :::
AG: I mean yeah, I know, 8luh 8luh huge 8itch.
AG: 8ut I'm not a fucking s8dist. I don't wax neeeeeeeeaaaaaaaarly as 8lack for you as you seem to think I do.
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHA AND NOW EVEN THE SPIDERBITCH IS TAKING PITY ON ME!
CG: WAIT, HOLD ON
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CG: THERE, EIGHT HA'S.
CG: YOUR VICTORY IS SO UTTERLY COMPLETE THAT I AM NOW GOING ALONG WITH YOUR BULLSHIT THEME OF DOING SHIT IN EIGHTS.
CG: NOW THAT THAT'S OUT OF THE WAY, CAN WE SKIP THE BULLSHIT AND GET TO THE PART WHERE YOU ROLL YOUR DICE AND OUR HEADS EXPLODE ALREADY?
CG: BECAUSE I THINK I WOULD HONESTLY PREFER THAT EVEN IF THE CURRENT PLAN DIDN'T REQUIRE TEREZI AND I TO DIE.
AG: Daaaaaaaamn, Karkat! You sure are hard on yourself today!
AG: I'm going to 8e honest with you. You're only going to hear this once so you'd 8etter listen up!
AG: You're not that 8ad of a leader. When you spoke, we listened, and not just anyone could say that.
AG: I mean, the game itself tried to keep us working against each other 8ut you were all "MAN, FUCK THAT" and got all twelve of us to work together like one team.
AG: This is no easy feat! I dou8t anyone else could have done it.
AG: Not even me. No8ody would listen to anything I say unless I manipul8ted them into it.
CG: WHATEVER, VRISKA. JUST GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

Vriska arrived in the computer lab, Flourite Octet at the ready. Karkat and Terezi nodded at her, closed their eyes, and embraced, waiting for the inevitable.

His voice lowered to a whisper. "i don't know what comes after this. i don't know if the humans can do what they think they can, or if we're going to be stuck in the dream bubbles forever. i'm fucking terrified, terezi, and that's the truth. but in the end, i can go out fucking smiling, because at least we got to be together, one last goddamn time. i love you, terezi pyrope."
She traced the outline of a heart on his chest. "4nd 1 lov3 you, k4rk4t v4nt4s."

Vriska groaned and halfheartedly rolled the dice. 6. 3. 2. 8. 7. 8. 5. 8. [HEART 8TTACK]. Karkat and Terezi fell to the floor, dead.

-----

Vriska mentally prepared for her part of the mission. Aradia was to escort Dave through the dreamscape, then they would all meet in the Veil and await Rose's signal.

A human boy dressed in a bright red outfit and dark shades materialized in front of her. "cmon, we got places to be." Vriska stepped near him.

A quick scratch of the timetables, and both of them vanished.

and Crossing Over: Chapter 10

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-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TT: It's go time.
TG: roger

-- tentacleTerapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

As the God Tier trio flew through paradox space toward the horrorterrors' dreamscape to play the part of rescuers in thier mission, Aradia realized she needed to address her issues with the only other surviving troll in the universe.

"vriska."
"Wh8t do you want, Megido?"
"i w0uld ask you a questi0n. if y0u arent c0mfortable answering, thats 0kay."
"...Wh8t did you want to know?"
"h0w can y0u stand t0 w0rk with me, kn0wing what i did?"
"...It's nothing. In fact, I'm glaaaaaaaad you did it. If you hadn't, I'd probably be tangle 8uddies with the horrorterrors right now, instead of 8eing a hero."
"but y0u d0nt feel like a her0 right n0w, d0 y0u?"
"'Course I do! I'm one of the three sent to rescue our dead friends from whatever these overgrown squids had in store for us! Why wouldn't I feel like a hero?"
"because i kn0w what y0u did to tavr0s. and m0re imp0rtantly, i kn0w y0u hate y0urself f0r it."

Vriska gasped. So Aradia really had been snooping around in the dream bubbles, then. Pupa had probably told her himself!

"y0ur self-l0athing ab0ut it has been apparent since i first reestablished c0ntact. but im rambling."

Aradia looked away for a brief moment, sighed, and continued.

"i am truly s0rry f0r what i did t0 y0u, vriska. y0u may have killed my 0riginal self but things eventually w0rked 0ut f0r me. the cycle 0f revenge sh0uld have ended, yet i gave in t0 mindless fury when we sh0uld have been w0rking t0gether t0 0vercome sgrub."
"Yeah, well... like I said. If you hadn't, I'd never 8e in the God Tiers."
"vriska!!! st0p this at 0nce!" Aradia began shouting at her. "y0u are m0st definitely n0t 0kay with this! what i did was h0rrible. y0u cant p0ssibly f0rgive me s0 easily, n0t the vriska i kn0w!"

Vriska closed her eyes and sighed to herself before answering. "Listen, Megido. I'm going to 8e 100% honest here, so you'd better listen *8ut good*. Yeah, you threw me 8round like a fucking ragdoll. Yeah, dying SUCKED. HARD. 8ut I hijacked your 8oyfriend's mind and 8lew the hell out of you, your hive AND your lusus, and th8t's not even counting the endless list of things I did to other people!"

Was... was her voice breaking? She couldn't let anyone see that! Clearly these feelings of regret were John's fault, damn his human emotions, and she was soooooooo going to chew him out for it later. But the words just wouldn't stop coming!

"So don't come crying to ME a8out what YOU did was unaccepta8le, 8ecause after all the kids I fed to my lusus? The way I manipul8ted Sollux to kill you? How I 8linded Terezi? Paralyzed Tavros and ran him through with his own lance before throwing him into the a8yss?!?!?!?! That no-holds-8arred 8eatdown you delivered to me on LOMAT..."

She jabbed her finger hard into Aradia's chest for emphasis as she struggled with every fiber of her being against the tears beginning to form in her eyes. "I fucking DESERVED it!!!!!!!!"

To say Aradia was shocked by the revelation that Vriska was even capable of remorse would be a gross understatement.

She extended a hand to Vriska. "if that is h0w y0u feel, lets make things right. t0gether."
"...okay." Vriska gripped Aradia's hand in a strong handshake.

Dave laughed to himself, making sure neither of them could hear it. Crazy broads and their horseshit.

-----

"oh nooooooo," Jade remarked for the hundredth time, as the preview function of the ectobiology lab predicted another compatibility failure. Things were not going well, to say the least. In order to bring the trolls here, their dreambubble selves would need new physical bodies to reside in. However, all attempts to make them via ectobiology had been a resounding failure. They were thankful for the kit's preview screen, as it meant they didn't have to watch endless test subjects fail to adapt to the environment and die in front of them. But if it was to be believed, no recombination of the trolls' genetics would allow them to survive in the kids' session.

"i think we've tried just about everything, jade, and nothing's working. looks like we're going to have to go with plan b."
"plan b? you mean--"
"yep. we're going to have to start over on genetic combining, and I don't know if they'll be happy with the results, but at least that'll produce host bodies guaranteed to be capable of surviving here."
"okay!!! let's get started then!"

-----

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

TG: okay rose the troll ladies and i are at the threshold to the outer rim
TG: well be breaching shortly
TG: dodging the things that should not be
TG: tearing through dreambubbles looking for these guys
TG: i gotta say
TG: this is probably the worst first date ive ever been on
TG: im starting to think therell be no sloppy interspecies makeouts at all
TT: Good to know you're treating this mission with the importance I expected from you.
TG: man you dont even know
TG: we got this shit locked up
TG: shit is in the safe deposit box
TG: all fucking snug and secure
TG: were talking blastproof doors and ten feet of solid concrete
TG: secret entrances and armed guards
TG: a password only two people in the world know and they each only know half of it
TT: How I wish I had your confidence.
TT: I'll start my part immediately, then. Best of luck, Strider.
TG: same to you lalonde
TG: say hi to fluthulu for me

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

Rose captchalogued her hubtopband and prepared for what, as far as she was concerned, would be her final communion with the horrorterrors. It was a hell of a bridge to burn, but burn it must, if the plan were to have any hope of success.

-----

Eridan and Sollux drifted aimlessly through the dreamscape. The horrorterrors, for whatever reason, had seemingly given up on them, though they were certain it was only a matter of time until the attacks resumed.

Eridan squinted into the distance. Something was moving out there. Two... no, three somethings, to be exact.

"sol. you seein wwhat im seein here?"

Unsure of what they could be, Eridan and Sollux decided to follow them. After all, if more of the group had managed to break out of their prisons, their best chances of evading the old ones would be sticking together.

Notes:

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Chapter 9 isn't that revised and I'm still not 100% happy with it, but I'm starting to suspect it's because chapter 8 was the textbook definition of "phoned in." Seriously I ought to go back and rewrite an encounter with vampire Kanaya that makes some goddamn sense and isn't contrived as all hell

It's a little better. Not quite as groanworthy in my eyes, still not perfect, but I think it'll do.

Chapter 10, though? I... I actually enjoyed this. I took Vriska's pangs of regret shown earlier in canon and just fucking ran with it, and now she and Aradia stand a good chance of becoming friends after the ordeal is over. I would worry that the exchange between them isn't quite in character but I'm so happy with the way it turned out that I don't fucking care.

Also: Eridan is a good guy now?! What the hell?! We'll see what the Prince's deal is soon enough, I promise

Grandiose! Very grandiose indeed!

Tee hee.