MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[DeadBrain]

Hopy shit, I have around 20 pages to make up, is it worth it?

Anyways...

FICDUMP TIME!

Motion (fantrolls stuff sad-fic)

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There is but a few sounds. The slow puffs of the ashen sand, the dragging steps, the little huffs that escape his lungs, and the slow rattling of the chains.

There is but one motion here.

When the clouded sun hides beneath the flat, featureless horizon, he stops and takes gasps of the unmoving air.

He turns to them and smiles, a faint curve of the lips, not used to such movement for long sweeps before.

"Let's take a break, okay?"

------

He rests his head on his palm, eyes fluttering, fighting the sleep that overcomes him.

He rubs his pace with the same arm, and takes a look at his companions. They are nervous and look at him, they gazes full of questions.

"Don't worry, it's nothing. I'm fine" He manages to get out. Just put a face. For now. For ever.

"The patches are almost gone really." He knows it's a lie. He doesn't want to. He has to. "I'm sure they were just bruises. After all the landing was quite hard, hah?"

It seems they understand. Good.

Citca' inquires about his second arm. Is it well?

"Yeah, it's fine now. Fine. Just fine. Though I'm getting used to have only one working appendage." He says waving the handless arm.

------

It hurts. It hurts so much.

He grasps his stomach and wriggles around in the sand, splashing clouds that glint in the night.

Choked sobs escape his throat, green tears streaming down his face, mixing with the blood on his already blood-stained overcoat.

Why won't they help him?

They can not.

Oh gog it hurts.

He sees them through the green taint on his vision, propped up in a circle around the rests of his so-called camp.

He grabs her hand, and drags her to him, her body rattling on the ground.

"Please...Please Citca..."

He cradles her against himself.

"I don't want to be alone.

Please, please,

Citca

I love you,

I pity you,

please, PLEASE!"

The sobs grow harder, and so does the pain. It is dull and the edge of his sight darken.

He plants a kiss on her bare teeth, stroking the back of her head with his working hand.

"I don't wanna stop"

Few minutes later, the world is silent.

No motion.

No sound.

------

The Guardian shakes his head. There was nothing to be done. Another doomed session, just like the others.

He turns his gaze around, there are more nagging matters at the hand now.

Oh look! Another crossover!

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- headphonesPrince [ HP ] opened memo on the board CHECK THIS OUT at 16:23 --

HP: Y0 3v3ry0ne!
HP: Ch3ck 0ut this SW33T new game!
HP: ...
HP: H3ll0000?

- kungfuSteak [KS] joined memo at 16:23 -

KS: god stop this
KS: its annyoing
HP: Pfft y0r'3 just j3al0us!!!!
KS: what of idiot?!
KS: some stupid new game you bought? geez
HP: Ha!
HP: I g0t it f0r fr33!
HP: And I'v3 g0t just 3n0ugh c0pies for 3v3ry0ne!
KS: god no
KS: ive got better things to do than play come stupid game
HP: What
HP: Like stuffing y0ur fac3 with m3at 0r watching y0ur stupid karat3flicks?
KS: ITS KUNG-FU IDIOT
KS: and if i remember well you didnt paid me for the another one you broke
HP: C0uld you st0p bringing that up 3ve3y time w3 talk?
HP: And lay 0ff the caps j3sus

- AgidyneHeiress [AH] joined the memo at 16:25 -

AH: Oh?
AH: What is going on here?
HP: Finally s0m30n3 wh0 I can talk t0!
KS: hey!
AH: Hmm
AH: You mentioned some kind of game did not you?
AH: I am curious.
KS: oh nooooo
KS: please dont get dragged into this
HP: Sur3!
HP: It's a multiplay3r game, wh3r3 y0u can do all s0rts of aw3s0me stuff!
AH: Like?
HP: ...
HP: I
HP: Didn't ch3ck yet
KS: ahahaha
KS: that's so like you
HP: Shut up and g0 back to y0ur st3akf3st 0r s0m3thing.
AH: No need to be rude.

- manlyMan [MM] joined memo at 16:26 -

MM: A GAME HUH?
MM: SOUNDS INTERESTING
KS: uugh
KS: am i the only one here who has anything to do right now?
HP: Hm
HP: Y3s?
KS: i wasn't asking you
AH: Still it is holiday is not it? We have plenty of time.
MM: YEAH
MM: IVE DONE ALL THE WORK I HAD AT MY SHOP
MM: MIGHT KICK BACK AND RELAX A BIT
HP: That's th3 spirit!

- HP sent file sburbclient.exe -

- HP sent file sburbserver.exe -

MM: UH
MM: WOW ITS KINDA BIG
MM: MIGHT TAKE A WHILE FOR ME
MM: UH
MM: ANYWAYS GOTTA JET NOW

-- manlyMan stopped responding to memo at 16:26

KS: huh what got him now?

I should have make it longer. Too tired right now.

I also fail at writing in-character and fics overall.

[Embargo]

SM: I'm not sure about that, Chief.
SM: I've been running through the codes. It sounds like this game has power that makes the Halo Rings look like baby toys.
MC: you know me
MC: i can't leave well enough alone

Funny. Very funny.

[Aerodactylus]

Okay guys, here's a prompt for anyone who wants to tackle it: I just spent about a half hour with Hanyaan coming up with the following super-counterparts for our 16 heroes:

Aradia: Elektra
Tavros: Robin
Sollux: Cyclops
Karkat: Batman
Nepeta: Black Cat
Kanaya: Raven
Terezi: Daredevil
Vriska: Doctor Octopus
Equius: The Hulk
Gamzee: The Joker
Eridan: Aquaman
Feferi: Green Lantern
John: Ghost Rider
Rose: Scarlet Witch
Dave: Gambit
Jade: Death

Feferi's was honestly kind of a cop out, because we couldn't think of any cool female water based superheroes. If anyone comes up with something better, let me know.

[ceruleanTresses]

Hell yes! But why is Karkat always Batman? Batman is a dark loner of dark and lonely badassery. Whereas Karkat is a LEADER.

[KarneWarrior]

Hell yes! But why is Karkat always Batman? Batman is a dark loner of dark and lonely badassery. Whereas Karkat is a LEADER.

KARKAT IS CAPTAIN AMERICA!

And Eridan is Captain Planet, since he hates when Landdwwellers litter his oceans. What kind of power is hope anyway?

[Aerodactylus]

Hell yes! But why is Karkat always Batman? Batman is a dark loner of dark and lonely badassery. Whereas Karkat is a LEADER.

Constantly angry and grumpy? Sounds like Karkat to me.

[SkaianRedeemer]

I can kind of see Karkat as the world's angriest Professor X. "SO I OPENED A SCHOOL FOR GRUBS LIKE MYSELF: MUTANT FREAKS THAT WILL NEVER BE LOVED BY ANYONE. I IMPRESS MY RAGE ON THEM SO THEY'LL KNOW WHAT THE WORLD IS LIKE. IT'S CALLED A PUBLIC SERVICE, ASSWIPE. NOW GET OUT THERE AND PUT SOME HOLES IN TROLL MAGNETO I'VE GOT SHIT TO DO."

@DeadBrain: Lots of good stuff in the last 20 pages! In the meantime, though, I can't work out what your crossover is about, and everyone seems to be distracted by super heroes, so I'm gonna have to ask.

[ceruleanTresses]

CG: MY LUSUS IS DEAD, FUCKASS!

Also: LOL, SkaianRedeemer. LOL forever.

[Graven_Image]

I'm writing All the Vriskas now.

It contains within it a mental 8reakdown of truly Vriska-ish proportions.

[DizzySpecibus]

Oh god your [as in all of your] fanfics are so awesome, I don't know which ones to comment on! Ummm
@dA, for a fanfic made completely of logs, I actually got a lot from that, and everything made sense. I can't imagine how high you are on the writing echeladder!(I spelt that wrong didn't I?)
@Deadbrain, what are the characters from, I really have no clue. Sorry for being dumb XD
@kW, interesting, Halo and SBURB, they seem to fit rather well actually

[-Benedict]

I am currently writing a short crossover fic idea, in the vein of the glut of crossovers we've seen in recent pages. However, one of the character's quirks is ludicrously difficult to write out, to the point where I actually wrote some Java code in order to do it automatically. This took up my last hour or so and now it's 11 at night, with an unfinished fic. Anyone who can guess the crossover from the following wins the internet. al2o ii'll 2ay they get two qualiify a2 1337 h4x forever at the rii2k of 2oundiing liike a total a22hole.

public class MainClass
{
public static String input( String s )
{
String alphabet = "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZabcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz";
String qwerty = "QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNMqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm";
String result = "";
for (int i = 0 ; i < s.length() ; i++)
{
int p = alphabet.indexOf(s.substring(i,i+1));
    if (p != -1)
    result += qwerty.substring(p,p+1);
    else
    result += s.substring(i,i+1);
}
return result;
}
public static void main( String[] args )
{
System.out.println( input("Q ol J qfr W ol V qfr E ol T qfr R ol K, ygk ngx.") );
}
}

[anonymousComrade]

Gather 'round, children, its:

Crossing Over: Chapter 11

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The group of three Eridan and Sollux had been tailing were no bubble dreamers; that much became clear when one of them managed to break through one of the dream bubbles. They didn't seem malevolent, though. They almost acted as though they were searching the dream bubbles, one by one.

The two moved in to get a closer look. Eridan could make out what seemed to be trollish features on the one in orange and one of the ones in red, though he couldn't determine much else at that distance.

Eridan facepalmed when he saw Sollux slowly come out of hiding. "hey! wwhat gives?! yer gonna bloww our covver, get back here!"

But Sollux had noticed something Eridan had missed. The troll in red looked familiar, and now he knew why. He'd know those horns anywhere, it *had* to be her.

"...aradiia?"
"wwhat the glub? wwhats she doin out here?"

Dave spun around first, Caladscratch in hand. Vriska shot the escapees a confused look. Aradia, however, had a huge grin on her face. "s0llux! and eridan, t00!"

Eridan? That piece of shit was here?! Dave's face broke into an uncharacteristic scowl. He know nothing of Eridan, other than what Karkat had told him about flipping his shit and murdering folks left and right. Almost instantly, Dave had made his way to Eridan and held his blade to his throat.

"so. youre that hipster shithead who blew holes through two of his friends."
"heh. i wwouldnta guessed you already kneww bout that."
"ive got enough of the picture to know you sold out to noir faster than most of the bands i used to like. the last thing we need is some murderous tool ratting us out to the horrorterrors. give me one goddamn reason why i shouldnt kill you where you float."
"because i cant die, for one. dyin is something wwe bubble dreamers aint capable of, not physically anywway."
Dave put away Caladscratch but still restrained the Prince. "fair enough. start talking. the hell are you doing outside your dreambubble?"

Eridan sighed and began to tell his story.

-----

For a long time after he blacked out in a pool of his own purple blood on the cold metal floor, Eridan felt nothing. Saw nothing. Heard nothing. Thought nothing.

Suddenly, he found himself back in the Land of Wrath and Angels, clutching Ahab's Crosshairs, ducking behind a rock for cover and muttering to himself.

"fuckin angels. wwhy they got to be like this."

He peered out of cover long enough to assess the situation. Only one angel stood between him and his rocky barrier, but the call had gone out, and more would be here soon.

Not soon enough to save this lone scout.

Eridan lined up the sights of his legendary rifle, took aim, and squeezed the trigger. The weapon had a hell of a kick on the full autofire setting, but he managed to endure and keep the enemy in his sights long enough to bring it down. He searched the corpse and found nothing, yet again.

"damnit! dont any of you feathery assholes carry any grist?!"

Almost in response, a squad of five angels descended on him. Eridan readied Ahab's Crosshairs, but as he looked down the scope, something wasn't right. The angels had preferred a direct assault, moving in close and then attacking in melee. But this was different; now they seemed to control lightning, and as electric bolts rained down on him from above, he only had time to wonder why the object one of them clutched looked so vaguely familiar for an instant before one of the beams impaled him through the chest. Eridan was dead before he hit the ground.

--

"fuckin angels. wwhy they got to be like this."

He peered out of cover long enough to assess the situation. Only one angel stood between him and his rocky barrier, but the call had gone out, and more would be here soon.

Not soon enough to save this lone scout.

Eridan lined up the sights of his legendary rifle, took aim, and squeezed the trigger. The weapon had a hell of a kick on the full autofire setting, but he managed to endure and keep the enemy in his sights long enough to bring it down. He searched the corpse and found nothing, yet again.

"damnit! dont any of you feathery assholes carry any grist?!"

Almost in response, a squad of five angels descended on him. Eridan readied Ahab's Crosshairs, but as he looked down the scope, something wasn't right. The angels had preferred a direct assault, moving in close and then attacking in melee. But this was different; now they seemed to control lightning, and as electric bolts rained down on him from above, he instinctively dodged left, a bolt narrowly missing him, only to be cut down by another to his right.

--

"damnit! dont any of you feathery assholes carry any grist?!"

Almost in response, a squad of five angels descended on him. Eridan readied Ahab's Crosshairs, but as he looked down the scope, something wasn't right. The angels had preferred a direct assault, moving in close and then attacking in melee. But this was different; now they seemed to control lightning, and as electric bolts rained down on him from above, he instinctively dodged left, a bolt narrowly missing him, only to be cut down by another.

--

Dodge right, roll forward, aim at 2 o'clock, supressing fire--- ZAP.

--

Dodge right, roll forward, fire at 2 o'clock at the creature's attacking hand, back to cover. Explosion takes out two of them. Throw a loose rock as a distraction, peer out, supressive fire on the lead angel. OHSHI--- DEAD.

--

Dodge right, roll forward, aim at 2 o'clock at the creature's attacking hand, back to cover. Two down. Distraction, peer out, supressing fire, duck the bolt. They're closing in and surrounding him. Fire at the first one to turn the corner--- BLAST from behind. Dead.

And so went many other iterations.

--

Dodge right, roll forward, aim at 2 o'clock at the creature's attacking hand, back to cover. Two down. Distraction, peer out, supressing fire, duck the bolt. They're closing in and surrounding him. One's coming up behind so--- HOW DO I KNOW THAT? Rifle butt to the first's kneecap, roll backward, friendly fire takes out a third. HARD dive left, friendly fire takes out yet another.

From here, it's just a matter of keeping his sights on the last remaining attacker long enough to overcome it.

Five dead angels surrounded Eridan. Somehow he had known what to do, the exact motions necessary, in order to escape this confrontation alive. He searched the body of the closest corpse and discovered it held something.

A wand? Was that what it shot lightning with? But magic is some fakey fake bullshit.

And yet...

Eridan gripped the wand, and it glowed with some sort of strange power. A blind white luminescence radiated from it for an instant as the world around him shattered like glass.

Suddenly, he understood everything.

-----

"an thats how i managed to escape from my bubble. i found sol here before they could even put him in one, lucky bastard. boy wwas he pissed wwhen he found out i wwent and rescued him before the horrorterrors could have their wway wwith him!"
"ii thiink ii kept my p2iionic2 on you for a 2oliid fiive minute2, heh heh."
"yeah thats howw i figured out wwe cant be killed."

Dave released Eridan from the hold. "alright but that doesnt explain what youre doing out here."
"sol and i have been fightin these freaks for a wwhile noww. wwe even found most of us, you just gotta listen fer the vvoices. but wwe cant break through their bubbles and savve em, wwe just aint got that kinda powwer."

He continued, with a hint of fear in his voice. "some fucked up shit, this afterlife is. these squiddly bastards fuckin FEED offa fear like some kinda drug, and thats wwhat the bubbles wwere designed to do. and..." He looked away. "its all my fault. i fuckin sold us up the river an jack must havve come and just killed evveryone. theyre all sufferin forevver and its cause of me."

Anger began to replace fear. "an you knoww wwhat the wworst part is? fef trusted these, these THINGS. her lusus wwas one, ya knoww. yeah shes fine, the h-tees are takin real good care of her, but theyre fuckin LYIN to her, makin her think her friends are safe and sound, but they aint. she thinks theyre all in one big happy dreambubble where the fun never ends but theyre all fakey fakes, their actual selves are bein tortured same as i wwas."

He looked away, shamed. "an its all my fault."

Aradia was the first to speak to him. "listen eridan, what y0u did was reprehensible. i w0nt pretend it wasnt. but y0u are h0nestly trying t0 make up f0r y0ur mistake."

She reached for his hand. "I d0nt kn0w if the 0thers will be able to f0rgive y0u, but we have a plan t0 rescue them, and y0u. y0u said y0u know where their bubbles are? then lead us t0 them."

Aradia looked him dead in the eye. "i cann0t tell y0u y0ur acti0ns were excusable, because they were n0t. n0thing will change the fact that y0u attempted to j0in jack n0ir. but i can say that if 0ur plan w0rks, y0ur aid here will g0 a l0ng way t0ward y0ur redempti0n. and if it lets y0u rest any easier, y0u sh0uld kn0w y0ur defecti0n did n0t result in any0ne's death."

Eridan nodded at her. "okay, ill do it. the closest one is thatawway, followw me!"

The five of them had progressed a little further before Aradia had realized he was still...

"eridan? let g0 0f my hand."
"yeah okay sorry"

Notes:

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Oh hey there wall of exposition, how are ya

Actually I don't hate this chapter. It's not as good as the last one I think, but it's still okay.

The inspiration for the dream bubbles actually being hellscapes that make you constantly relive fear came from a series of gifs that make the rounds in the Homestuck threads on /co/ and maybe they're been posted here (or even originated here, who knows) but I haven't been around long enough to see them here. Does "the squiddle gifs" mean anything to you? Because if so, you know exactly what I'm talking about

Also: the lack of fish puns on Eridan's part is because I am by no means a pun master. I didn't see any obvious opportunities for them because I'm blind to this sort of thing, even though I'm sure there are like a million times I could have done it

I'm still worried that this fic is absolutely awful but by God I'm gonna see it through to the end

Previous chapters are under the spoiler in my sig

[Graven_Image]

All the Vriskas
ok so it's not really every possible vriska give me a break
All of Them

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arachnidsGrip opened memo on board RAINBOW RUMPUS PARTYTOWN

AG: So I hear there are other me's!
AG: Line 'em up! I want to see how faaaaaaaa8ulous I turned out in other dimensions.

aurochsGore joined the memo

AG: The answ3r? Not so good.
AG: Uhh
AG: Wh8t?
AG: Sorry, missus Marquise, but th3 b3tt3r part of us ar3 actually a bunch of los3rs.
AG: Sorry to burst your bubbl3. :.(
AG: 8ut
AG: Th8 doesn't m8ke any sense!
AG: We're VRISKA! How are we l8me in any dimension?

aggressiveGreedmonger joined the memo

AG: Becauuuuuuuse, my dear o7her self.
AG: No7 every one of us has 7he good sense to ge7 rich. >::.:D
AG: So wh8t's your deal? You're a 8anker?
AG: A banker, and a 7hief, and the best FLARPer on Al7ernia.
AG: Well, my Al7ernia, anyway.
AG: Baroness Men7alia, 7hey called me.
AG: Niiic3.
AG: Was it fun?
AG: Bluuuuuuuh.
AG: I7 go7 really 7edious wi7hou7 the ple7hora of psychic powers that blue me seems 7o enjoy so much.
AG: So I jus7 go7 be77er at manipula7ion. ;;,;D
AG: Yeah, 8ut I 8et you still sucked at feeding your lusus.
AG: How'd you survive? People would h8ve wised up ev8ntually.

angelicGrin joined the memo

AG: 0nly y0u had spiderm0m, blue me.
AG: As a matter 0f fact I can safely say that it is this perfect st0rm 0f having things handed t0 y0u via psychic abilities combined with such imp0ssible demands fr0m y0ur lusus that turned y0u int0 this m0nster
AG: Whoa, whoa!!!!!!!!
AG: Monster?!?!
AG: I'm YOU!!!!!!!!
AG: Not r333ally.
AG: I know you w3r3 thinking of disassociating with m3.
AG: So r3ally, how attatch3d ar3 w3 suppos3d to b3?
AG: How did you know th8t?
AG: Psychic pow3rs, numbnuts.
AG: You hav3 th3m, too.

apatheticGridlock joined the memo

AG: Ahahahaha, thi2 i2 rich.
AG: You forgot about your power2?? WHILE you 2till had them?
AG: Poor form, me. Poor form. XXD
AG: Listen, you........

automaticGuesstimation joined the memo

AG: L1sten, you. Shut up.
AG: 0h g0d here it c0mes
AG: 1 am t1red of all you mustardy hackers gett1ng 1nto everyth1ng and caus1ng the end of the world.
AG: And the quadropolar d1sorder. What is UP with that!?
AG: Alright, you 2hut up about the quadropolar 2tuff.
AG: That'2 per2onal.
AG: Oh, and 1 suppose you'll do your doomy th1ng?
AG: That th1ng that shows you how we're all go1ng to l1ve so much longer than you'd l1ke.
AG: N1ce lewt there, me.
AG: At least yellow Sollux got eyebeams.
AG: You're making me mad, Grey.
AG: I think y0u might want to listen to her, me
AG: She s0unds cr0ss
AG: And Vriskas d0 bad things when they get cr0ss.
AG: BR1NG 1T ON, L1TTLE GIRL! BR1NG 1T ON!

automaticGuesstimation's computer exploded!

AG: Saw 7ha7 coming.

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Yeah, I stole a handle from RDV. Sue me.

Yes, each Vriska hasa her own number.

Red: 0 (
Orange: 3 :.)
Yellow: 2 (x2) ::)
Karkat: 1 >.(
Green: 5 :::.))
Jade: 6 :::)
Teal: 7 ::.)
Vriska: 8 ::::)
Dark Blue: 9 :::.:)
Purple: 10 >:::::o)
Indigo: 11 :.:.:.:)
Tyrian: 12 ::::::)

Though now I really want to see Jade Vriska. And Tyrian Vriska. And EquiVriska.

Writers, you have your assignments.

[ceruleanTresses]

Ahahahaha YES. There can never be enough Vriskas.
(What's the next project? I suggest all of the Eridans. And they all hit on each other.)

[-Benedict]

Oh, man, that was priceless. Although I think aurochsGore had, like, multiple S's or something, not the 3 quirk. Either way, Red Dead Virgo references are always great. And, uh, I'm pretty much terrified of the prospect of an egotistic psychic Nepeta. EVERYONE MU5T ROLEPLAY WITH HER.

[Wigmund]

Gunstuck
Our Hero Arrives

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The train screeched to a stop at the station of what passed as a hub of civilization in these wasted lands, a bustling metropolis of roughly 500 people.

The conductor walked through the passenger cars, waking those who had fallen asleep during the long journey from the real world to this far-flung piece of territory and announced that the stop was known as "Windy Shale". The conductor stopped next to a man who had covered himself with a hat and poncho so he could sleep peacefully and shook the man awake, announcing that the sleepy fellow had arrived at his destination.

The man looked up at the conductor sleepily, nodded and then got up to retrieve what little he had brought with him to this place.

A half-empty burlap sack, a gun belt with a well-worn and ancient looking pistol in the holster and the clothes on his back.

The man walked off the train and onto the station platform, squinting in the bright sunlight as he took in what lay before him.

Over the row of shops and small businesses that lined the road next to the station, the man could make out three large buildings that seemed to be the focus of the town. To the north and south were what appeared to be large inns, maybe taverns, of some sort that obviously faced each other from opposite ends of town. In between them was a large clock tower attached to what was probably the town hall.

The man looked up at the clock and noted the time. 4:13 in the afternoon. Kinda late in the day, but enough light left to try and find a job before seeking someplace to rest his head.

The man walked off the platform and made his way through the small crowd of humans, trolls, carapaces of both colors and some consorts. He followed a narrow path that ran between the shops in front of him and into the town hall.

It was a decent place. The first level seemed to be set up as a meeting hall, the way the sounds of footsteps bustled above him, the man assumed all the official business went on upstairs.

Through the hall the man progressed until he reached the main intersection of the town. A short paved road ran from one of the large inns the man had seen earlier to the other, straight north-south. The man looked up and noticed that the clock tower had actually been built in such a way that it straddled the intersection, almost in a way the blocked the two massive, and bustling now that he could see them, inns from each others direct line of sight.

The man shrugged as noted this and then looked around for someone who might know where he could begin his job search.

He spied a young fellow shining some shoes. The man walked up to the young fellow and smiled.

"Hey there, could you tell me where a free gun could find a job?"

A/N:

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Well that was short and shitty, but that is what I get for posting something when I'm so tired.

But anyways, I've decided to start a Western-themed Homestuck series. I had actually been thinking about it long before the Standoff Flash, but it took me until now to motivate myself to start it.

Hopefully it'll be a good ride.

[Sporkaganza]

disregard this post

[penguinbound]

A Mistake Happens,
A Universe Is Taken

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CurrentcarcinoGeneticist [CG] opened a memo on board IT'S NOT FUN KNOWING YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO NOT EXIST

CCG: OH MAN, I'M KIND OF CRYING RIGHT NOW.
CCG: WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE, GUYS.
CCG: AND WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
CCG: SO, LET'S TALK UNTIL THE END. ):B
CurrentapocalypseArisen [AA] began responding to the memp
CAA: y0ure such a baby karkat
CAA: but i d0 think we sh0uld chat with each 0ther
CAA: its alm0st the end anyway
CAA: last minute c0nfessi0ns and unfinished business sh0uld be taken care 0f n0w
CCG: WELL I'M SORRY I'M CRYING, I JUST
CCG: I NEVER THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE LIKE THIS, I NEVER THOUGHT THAT
CCG: THAT I WAS NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO EXIST!
CAA: d0nt y0u think were all thinking that right n0w
CAA: f0r g0d sakes man y0ure the leader
CAA: y0u cant sh0w weakness in fr0nt 0f the 0nes y0u lead
CAA: man the hell up
CCG: BUT
CAA: im n0t even g0ing t0 let y0u finish that sentence
CAA: i d0nt care ab0ut y0ur reas0ns
CAA: y0ull man up right n0w
CCG: )':B
CurrentadiosToreador [AT] began responding to the memo
CAT: wELL, aRADIA, YOU SHOULD NOT BE SO MEAN TO KARKAT,
CAT: wE ARE ALL NOT DOING TOO GOOD, IF YOU HAVE NOT NOTICED,
CAT: lAY OFF HIM, HE MAY BE THE LEADER, BUT HE IS ALLOWED TO SHOW EMOTIONS,
CAT: aLRIGHT,
CAA: whatever
CAA: i guess i can let it slide if every0ne feels the same
CAA: but 0nly because well be dead s00n
CurrenttwinArmageddons [TA] began responding to the memo
CTA: ii'm 2ure the afterliife wiill not be 2o bad, guy2.
CTA: ii can 2ay that wiith complete optiimii2m becau2e ii've been dead before.
CCG: BUT
CCG: YOU WEREN'T PERMANENTLY DEAD, OR ANYTHING.
CCG: AND YOU WEREN'T COMPLETELY ERASED FROM EXISTENCE, LIKE YOU WERE NEVER ALIVE.
CTA: well ii gue22 the 2iituatiion ii2 a biit diiferent, but, we'll 2tiill be okay, okay?
CTA: no need to cry or anythiing. :))
CurrentarsenicCatnip [AC] began responding to the memo
CAC: :33 <stop using my smiley, sollux!
CAC: :33 <i mean, you never even said please! ;33
CTA: hehe, alriight nepeta, ii'll make 2ure 2 a2k next tiime. ^_^
CAC: :33 <that's kind of a weird smiley sollux.
CAC: :33 <you have my permission to use double faced smiles. okay?
CAC: :33 <just don't use that weird one!
CTA: iit'2 not... not that weiird, ii2 iit??
CCG: CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING DIFFERENT?
CAA: and what d0 y0u pr0p0se
CCG: ...I DON'T KNOW... )':B
CurrentgallowsCalibrator [GC] began responding to the memo
CGC: 4R3 YOU 4LL B31NG M34N TO K4RK4T
CGC: TH4T 1S V3RY 1MPOL1T3 YOU KNOW
CCG: TEREZI!!
CAA: 0f c0urse karkat is the first 0ne t0 resp0nd t0 terezi
CAA: this is a sh0cking n0t-surprise
CAA: every0ne is n0t surprised by this
CCG: WHAT?
CAA: every0ne kn0ws y0u wanna fill a pail with her
CCG: ...
CGC: ...
CAC: :UU <w-e-e-e-l-l
CAC: :33 <that was pretty much the first shipping i confirmed on the wall when we got here.
CAC: :33 <i actually thought you were locked in a heated matesprit
CAC: :UU <but apparently not??
CCG: WELL, UM...
CCG: I DO, UM, HAVE SOME RED FEELINGS FOR YOU TEREZI, I, I GUESS.
CCG: I KIND OF WISH I HAD SAID EARLIER...
CGC: W3LL
CGC: 1 W1LL GL4DLY 4CC3PT YOUR R3D F33L1NGS 4ND T3LL YOU TH4T 1 4M 4LSO FLUSH3D FOR YOU
CGC: 1 C4N 4DM1T TH4T
CAC: :DD <oh yay!!
CAC: :DD <i can confiiiiiiirm this now!!!!!
CAC: :(( <but i guess that doesn't matter now...
CAC: :CC <jeez, i really wish you had done this earlier!
CAC: :(( <can't really do much with my wall now.
CurrentgrimAuxiliatrix [GA] began responding to the memo
CGA: I Propose That Karkat Go Be With Terezi
CGA: At Least Be In The Same Room
CGA: It Will Be Sweet
CGA: That Is What Red Couples Do Right
CGA: I Know The Answer Is Yes
CTA: hehe, ii agree wiith the followiing iidea.
CTA: karkat'2 fiinally gotten a quadrant fiilled!
CTA: probably at the mo2t iinopportune tiime, but, hey! who care2? ii don't!
CGC: UM, OK, THEN.
CGC: I'LL BE RIGHT BACK...
CurrentcarcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased responding to the memo
CAA: thats surprisingly ad0rable
CAA: thank y0u f0r making me feel unwanted em0ti0ns
CGA: Say Aradia
CGA: You Do Not Have Any Quadrants Filled Either
CGA: I Am Right
CGA: That Was Not A Question By The Way
CGA: It Was A Statement
CAA: s0 what if i d0nt
CAA: i d0nt think it matters kanaya
CGA: Well Equius Has Red Feelings For You
CGA: So
CGA: Just A Suggestion
CurrentcentaursTesticle [CT] began responding to the memo
CCT: D -->Kanaya, I told you that in fullest privacy
CCT: D -->The point of privacy is that you only tell one person, and they keep it a secret
CCT: D -->I mean, honestly
CGA: Oh Yes
CGA: Sorry Equius
CGA: I Didnt Mean Too
CurrentgallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased responding to the memo
CTA: hehe, ii thiink karkat arriived! ::D
CCT: D --> Karkat finally told her
CGA: Thanks To My Help
CCT: D --> Quite the meddler
CCT: D --> I think that
-- CurrentcentaursTesticle has been tackled into his computer --
CAC: :?? <well then
CAC: :TT <i like how everyone is off being romantic
CGA: You Are Just Jealous
CGA: Youll Find Someone
CGA: ;)
CurrentarachnidsGrip [AG] began responding to the memo
CAG: Noooooooo she won't!!!!!!!!
CAG: There's no one lefffffffft to beeeeeeee with!!!!!!!!
CGA: What Do You Mean
CAG: )(-e-e-e-e-ey guys!
CGA: Oh My
CAC: :|| <...
CurrentarsenicCatnip [AC] ceased responding to the memo
CTA: well, uh, ii do wii2h that everyone wa2 on here, but, oh well!
CTA: iit'2 not liike we're all goiing to 2uddenly 2tart di2appeariing!
CurrentterminallyCapricious [TC] began responding to the memo
CTC: uUuUuUuUuUuUuH
CTC: eRiDaN jUsT dIsApPeArEd
CTC: JuSt EvApOrAtEd LiKe A
CTC: i DoN't EvEn KnOw
CTA: ...well
CTA: fuck me.
CTC: WoAh
CTC: DiDn'T kNoW yOu LiKeD mE lIkE tHaT
CTA: no, no!
CTA: ii mean
CTA: forget iit, gamzee, ju2t, ju3t forget iit.
CAG: wait
CAG: my moirail is gone???
CAG: D'83
CGA: That Is Certainly Troubling
CGA: I Think The End Is Quite Near Then
CGA: Everyone Should Go With Who They Want
CGA: I Will Go Console Nepeta
CAG: !
CAG: o-o-o-o-o-o-ohhh
CAG: i f-e-el
CAG: baad
CAG: Um, guys, I might need some heeeeeeeelp.
CAG: oh god my stomach!
CAG: it feels like
CAG: Oh my god, oh my god
CurrentarachnidsGrip [AG] ceased responding to the memo
CGA: Oh No
CGA: Eridan And Feferi
CGA: And I Have Just Noticed Tavros Is Missing
CGA: We Can Presume He Was Taken
CGA: I Thought There Was A Pattern
CTA: for once, kanaya
CTA: you were wrong.
---
Oh god, oh gooooooood! "F-Feferi," she mumbles, placing a hand under the pale sea troll's head. Feferi smiles softly. "Oh, oh no, please, Feferi, please be okay..." Vriska's voice was filled with urgency. There was a big gap inbetween Feferi, splitting her in half. But, there was no blood, or anything, she was just gone.

"Heehee, Vriska," Feferi giggles quietly, placing a soft touch on Vriska's arm. "I never knew you could be so caring... but, it's my time. We already knew, Vriska. I'm... I'm okay with it." Feferi blinked, slowly. Her eyes were closed so long, Vriska had thought her dead. They opened again, and she still smiled.

"I'm not." She kissed Feferi softly, and held her until she was gone. Her shirt was soaked with tears.

She was not as startled when the pain started, but her tears stopped, and her depression lightened. She would be with Feferi soon.
---
Aradia slapped Equius. "Wake up, dammit!" She slapped him again, harder this time. "Wake up! Don't fucking do this too me!" She growled again, and ripped his glasses off, and her eyes widened when she saw Equius' were closed. She placed a hand on his chest. He wasn't breathing. She sat for a moment, wondering why it had happened so fast. Not now, not when... not when they were finally...

She took his glasses, and held them close. Then, she sat them down. Something hot burned at her eyes. Tears? Oh god, she had never cried before, she... she couldn't cry now! She placed the glasses down, and cried into her hands. Her chest started to hurt, her eyes burned more. When she finally uncovered her face, she saw, only for a moment, that Equius was gone.

And then her vision went too.
---
Karkat smiled, a sad smile, as he held Terezi in his arms. They had just sat like this since he got to her room. There was something about being able to tangible hold her made his heart go faster. One of her hands was playing with his hair, and slowly, slowly, stopped. "What's the matter?" Karkat raised an eyebrow.

"I think we should check on the others..." She said, quietly, her hand resuming. Karkat shrugged slightly, resting his chin on the top of her head, in between her horns.

"I... I just want to stay like this... please?" Terezi giggled.

"Sure, Karkles."
---
Within a short hour, Karkat was the only one left. Stuck in a small corner of the computer room, with one computer, he curled up, weeping. Everyone was gone. He had fallen asleep, and Terezi was gone when he woke up, he went onto a Transportalizer, and it took him directly to the computer room, which slowly, slowly turned to white nothingness.

And now, here he was. By himself, and soon to be erased from existence himself. Maybe... he'd get to be with his friends? He smiled at the thought. He let out a shaky breath, and glanced at the computer, wiping away a tear.

Maybe...
If he could just...
kind of...

HELLO. THIS IS A MESSAGE. I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE WILL SEE THIS. HOPEFULLY. I MADE THIS, BECAUSE, I DON'T WANT TO BE FORGOTTEN. I DON'T WANT MY FRIENDS FORGOTTEN. WE WERE HERE. WE LIVED. WE LOVED. WE HATED. WE MEDDLED. WE WEREN'T EXPECTING TO BE ERASED FROM THE CATACOMBS OF LIFE ITSELF.

SO, PLEASE, READ THIS. I'M GOING TO HIT SEND. I DON'T KNOW IF THIS'LL REACH AT LEAST ONE PERSON, BUT... BUT I CAN HOPE, RIGHT?

-Karkat Vantas, 6 Sweeps Old, Bright, Red blood.






And, somewhere, far away, in a distant time, a distant universe, a boy recieves an odd message...

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i made the personalities something like what the actually zodiac thing associates with them

[Sporkaganza]

Also, a silly little crossover thing I thought of yesterday but didn't get finished until today.

Hoststuck

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-- irresistableLadiesman [IL] began pestering calculatingExecutive [CE] --

IL: Is it done yet?
IL: Is it done yet?
IL: Is it done yet?
CE: Your constant badgering will not make the programmers work any more quickly, I assure you.
IL: I am just asking a simple question!
CE: Three times.
IL: I do so out of the love for my daughter!
IL: I only want her to be happy, and this game is just another step towards that happiness.
CE: Sire, Haruhi does not even play video games.
IL: How can she not? Certainly it is a major part of all commoners' pasttimes!
IL: Besides, my mind is made up. We shall all play it together!
IL: Even those despicable twins.
IL: All to make my little girl happy.
CE: ...
CE: It seems that you are in luck. I just received a message that the SBurb prototype is finished.
CE: I assume you remember the instructions for loading it?
IL: Yes, yes! Just send it to everyone, quickly! I will enter first.
CE: Are you sure that is wise? It will mean that someone else will have the responsibility of getting Haruhi into the game.
IL: ...
IL: On second thought, Haruhi will enter first!
IL: And I will be her server.

-- irresistableLadiesman [IL] ceased pestering calculatingExecutive [CE] --

CE: ... Good.
CE: Everything is progressing nicely.

-- neutralAttorney [NA] began pestering geminiPrankster [GP] --

NA: Kaoru?
NA: Kaoru, are you still there?
GP: ... Yeah, I think so.
NA: Oh thank god.
NA: That meteor was so close...
GP: No problem, I made it in alive.
NA: I'm sorry, I'm such a horrible server.
GP: Not nearly as horrible as me! You knew exactly what to tell me to do.
GP: Even though I only had five minutes, it didn't end up mattering.
GP: Not like with Hikaru.
NA: Don't beat up yourself, he's in the game and fine!
NA: Everyone is.
NA: And that's what's important, right?
GP: Anyway, it looks like I've got a lot to do. Kyoya said something about me needing to "stoke the furnace".
NA: At least you have an objective! I've been running around blind, mostly.
NA: And how does Kyoya know so much about this game, anyway? Did he know it was going to bring about the apocalypse?
GP: I have no idea. But I think we have to trust him for now.
NA: Something just feels off about all this.
NA: No one else has noticed anything, but... He's been a lot more secretive lately.
GP: All we can do is keep going and hope for the best.
GP: I really need to go. There's all these frogs hopping around, and I think I need to do something with them.
GP: I think I'm going to be busy, so look out for Hikaru for me, okay?
GP: Who knows what trouble he'll get into by himself!
NA: Haha, yeah. Take care, Kaoru.
GP: You too.

-- geminiPrankster [GP] ceased pestering neutralAttorney [NA] --

-- adorableConfectionist [AC] began pestering stoicSwordsman [SS] --

AC: takashiiii!
AC: there's so much cake here!
AC: me and usa-chan are having so much fun!
SS: Imps?
AC: oh, they're no problem.
AC: most don't survive after one kick! :3
SS: Quests?
AC: i'm working on them!
AC: i'm just eating cake in between!
AC: so much cake... :3
SS: Don't eat too much.
AC: but takashiiiiii
AC: you can never have too much cake!
SS: ...
AC: oh, alright
AC: i'll go back to working on quests!
AC: i'll talk to you later, takashi! :3
SS: ...
SS: Mitsukuni.
SS: Be careful.
AC: don't worry, takashi! i can take care of myself :3

-- adorableConfectionist [AC] ceased pestering stoicSwordsman [SS] --

-- enthusiasticMatchmaker [EM] began pestering neutralAttorney [NA] --

EM: Oh Haruhiiiii~
NA: What is it, Renge?
EM: Oh, nothing
EM: I just couldn't help but notice that you were coming to my world next!
NA: Oh, yeah.
NA: What about it?
EM: Well, I thought maybe we could have a little date!
EM: I'll prepare tea and a light lunch, and we can eat it together!
NA: Oh.
NA: Uh.
NA: Renge, now that the world has ended and everything, there's... something I need to tell you.
EM: Oh? What is it?
NA: The truth is, I'm not a boy. I'm a girl.
EM: Oh, I know that, silly!
NA: ...
NA: Excuse me?
EM: I've known for a while!
EM: As flamboyant as Tamaki is, he's just not the type to go for men.
EM: And from that, I knew you had to be a girl!
NA: You... oh jeez.
EM: But that doesn't bother me, Haruhi!
EM: My love for you burns just as strongly!
EM: I couldn't care less if you were a man or a woman or a hermaphrodite, I would love you just the same.
NA: ...
NA: Renge.
NA: I'm sorry, but... I just don't like you that way.
NA: I may dress as a guy, but I'm completely straight.
EM: And that's fine with me!
EM: I am content to admire you from afar.
NA: This conversation is getting more ridiculous by the moment.
EM: You're just not used to all these true, raw feelings Haruhi.
NA: Sure. I'm just... gonna go kill some imps. Over there.
EM: Have fun, my darling!

-- neutralAttorney [NA] ceased pestering enthusiasticMatchmaker [EM] --

-- prankingGemini [PG] began pestering geminiPrankster [GP] --

PG: Something is going to go wrong.
PG: I don't know what, and I don't know why, but we're not going to finish this game, are we?
GP: How did you find out?
PG: Time shenanigans.
GP: Ha. I knew you couldn't see the clouds, anyway.
PG: That's another thing I hate about this game. Why couldn't we dream on the same planet?
PG: It's so stupid. Everything's stupid and pointless.
PG: I'm tired of this. I'm tired of all of it. I just want to go back to the way things were.
GP: Hikaru, everyone does.
GP: Everyone wishes we'd never started playing this game.
GP: But we can't give up now. If you give up on us, everything will fall apart.
GP: People will die.
GP: Haruhi will die.
PG: ...
PG: I know that, Kaoru.
GP: I know you do. I'm just reminding you.
PG: I'm just so tired of this.
GP: Me too.
GP: I'm so tired of breeding frogs I could cry! Haha.
PG: Yeah. I'm so tired of this time stuff.
GP: Well, if you've got time, you can always come over here and we can just... talk.
PG: Yeah. I will.
GP: See you in a sec.
PG: Yeah.

-- prankingGemini [PG] ceased pestering geminiPrankster [GP] --

-- irresistableLadiesman [IL] began pestering calculatingExectutive [CE] --

IL: This is the last battle, Kyoya.
IL: We fight the Black King and we win.
IL: We'll be done with this game. Finally.
IL: So I have to ask you.
IL: Are you helping us? Or are you sabotaging us?
CE: My intent has always been to aid, Tamaki.
IL: Even when you killed Haruhi?
CE: At least one of us had to reach God Tier.
CE: Her power is the most useful.
IL: Still. You could have told us.
CE: It was better this way, Tamaki. You're just sore because I hurt her.
IL: Yes. I am. It doesn't change the fact that you took advantage of her trust.
CE: Everything moves towards a greater end, Tamaki. The Gods taught me that.
CE: Even if the individual gets lost in the timeline.
IL: I don't give a damn about the greater end if the people I care about aren't there with me.
CE: Don't worry, Tamaki. Everything will make sense soon.

-- calculatingExecutive [CE] ceased pestering irresistableLadiesman [IL] --

IL: Dammit, Kyoya!

Yeah, one more.

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Are you sure you want to see it? It's kinda creepy.

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Well, okay. If you're sure.

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-- adorableConfectionist [AC] began trolling neutralAttorney [NA] --

AC: :3
NA: Honey-sempai!!!
NA: Thank god!
NA: I was really worried about you!
AC:
NA: Heh.
NA: Yeah.
NA: What happened to you? I've been trying to round up everyone for a while.
AC: :3
AC:
AC: :3
AC:
NA: Yeah, funny, Honey-sempai.
NA: But seriously, you need to get back to the lab!
NA: Some really bad stuff has been going on, and you might be in danger.
AC: shut up.
NA: What?
AC: i said shut up.
AC: heeheehee :3
NA: Honey-senpai?
NA: Are you alright?
NA: You're kind of freaking me out a bit.
AC: HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE.
AC: yes.
AC: i suppose i'm beginning to freak myself out.
AC: but it's okay, i'm fine with that.
NA: Oh man.
NA: No, no, no, please Honey-sempai, don't go crazy on me, I can't take that too.
AC: too?
NA: I think Kyoya just went insane. He stabbed Renge and left, and she hasn't moved since.
AC: heehee. :3
NA: Heehee??
NA: What the heck, Honey-sempai?
NA: Just... just get back here, and we can have cake or something.
AC: cake?
AC: there is no more cake
AC: and anyway
AC: that stuff is bad for you, didn't you know?
NA: Uh...
NA: Well, yeah. I mean, it's cake, isn't it?
AC: let me explain things a little more clearly
AC: there's so much sugar
AC: it rots your mind
AC: until there's nothing left but the inane desire to be cute
AC: but there's no desire now
AC: only the true realization of what an who i'm supposed to be
AC: understanding of what i was supposed to be all along
NA: Oh my god.
NA: no no no no no no
AC: i've been so blind to the truth
AC: ignorant of my true purpose
AC: in lifelong denial of my calling
AC: as a descendant of the haninozuka family
AC: and we are more powerful than you
AC: we are more powerful than everybody
AC: :3
NA: Honey
NA: Please no
AC: and now i'm the last one, so i finally understand
AC: i finally understand what i was supposed to do
AC: i was supposed to assert my authority :3
AC: over every last one of you
AC: and now
AC: now i know
AC: i am going to kill all of you
NA: oh god
NA: oh man
NA: oh god
AC: i am going to destroy all of you
AC: and bake delicious cakes with your blood
AC: from your veins will drip my flavoring
AC: your crushed bones will make my lovely flour
AC: welcome to hell's kitchen, haru-chan
AC: :3
AC:
AC: :3
AC: 333333

-- adorableConfectionist [AC] ceased trolling neutralAttorney [NA] --

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THIS IS INCREDIBLY SILLY

Yes, that last chatlog was ripped from HS and edited. The idea of Honey going insane from lack of cake was pretty much the whole reason this came to be. To be honest, I don't really think I did the original justice.

Also, I now have a great deal more respect for all the people who write and format pesterlog fics. All of the respect. All of it.

And for anyone who doesn't recognize this, it's a crossover with Ouran High School Host Club. xP

Back to Wizardstuck.

I'm writing for Haruhi, you're writing for Other Haruhi.

Coincidence?

NO WAY.

SOUL BROTHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS

(i fucking LOVE ouran high school host club!)

Also, are all the different-blooded versions of a character becoming a meme now? I've totally gotta get in on that shit.

[SeptimusMagistos]

D--> Ine%plicable f001ishness

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coronationTranscendant opened memo on board E%PLAIN YOURSELVES

CT: --E I pray my other selves will be as
CT: --E Let us call it accommodating
CT: --E As my blueblooded self is

centurionTrainee joined the memo

CT: o< I am HeRE pRinCE
CT: o< wHaT iS iT yOu ReQuIre
CT: --E I require the other ten uses
CT: o< uSeS oF wHaT
CT: --E Sorry I mean our other ten selves
CT: --E Fishpaste
CT: --E When I got up this evening I never thought I'd have to figure out a plural form of "us"

creepingTumour joined the memo

CT: --^ I just hate you all
CT: --^ So much
CT: o< wAIT a SECOND
CT: o< that is NO WAY to SPEAK to the PRINCE
CT: --^ He isn't my prince
CT: --E You will defer, me
CT: --E Or I will seriously consider the benefits of having one less me
CT: --^ That's a laugh
CT: --^ What are you going to do, Emperor Rotundus
CT: --^ Sit on me
CT: O< THIS IS BLASPHEMY

crassTeetotaler joined the memo

CT: --C 0h dear
CT: --C n0rmally I w0uld n0t c0nsider such a mem0 as this to be w0rth getting int0
CT: --C but grey me is stepping a bit t00 far
CT: --^ I think
CT: --^ That we need to get all of the dark red versions of everyone alive again
CT: --^ As soon as possible
CT: o< yes well I can agree with you there
CT: o< DarK rEd kArKAt iS somEhOW evEn mORe inSuFFeraBLe withOut hiS EmoTIOns

centaursTesticle joined the memo

CT: D--> This is 100dicrous
CT: D--> I come e%pecting paragons of the hemospectrum
CT: D--> And instead I find a lardarmed lameduck prince
CT: D--> A subjugglator completely off his rocker
CT: D--> And a rebellious anonymous-blood
CT: D--> Quite frankly I'm disappointed
CT: --C What ab0ut me
CT: D--> Not you
CT: D--> You're rather iffy in the whole blood thing what with being a robot and all

curiousTrashtalker joined the memo

CT: <> Heh
CT: <> Heh heh
CT: D--> Speaking of disappointing bluebloods
CT: <> Listen me
CT: <> Can I call you me
CT: <> The way I figure it we're a lot closer on the hemospectrum than anyone else
CT: <> Should we not be allies against these so called disappointments
CT: --E We're right here Marquess Looselips
CT: <> Bluh
CT: <> Like I care
CT: o< All ThIS hEREsy
CT: o< iS maKINg me UNcomFOrtaBle
CT: o< I thINK
CT: o< I neED a ToweL
CT: --E Wait purple me
CT: --E Don't you dare leave me alone with these madmen

centurionTrainee ceased responding to memo

While this was good, I hope you won't be offended if I offer up an alternative interpretation:

What B100d means

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crownedThroneholder opened memo on board ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

CT: --E These distractions )(ave grown e%crutiatingly irritating
CT: --E It is time to e%pediate matters by taking them into my own supremely capable fins
CT: --E All incarnations of my august persona are hereby ordered to form into a school at my location
CT: --E We will then move to eradicate all opposition as a single, unstoppable
CT: --E )(opefully leaving be)(ind the ot)(ers, along with t)(eir interminable squabbles
certainlyTreacherous responded to memo
CT: ---> WWait a second
CT: ---> I don’t believve it has been adequately established that your authority applies here
CT: ---> As a matter of fact, I am almost positivve that we are outside your jurisdiction as a ruler
CT: ---> These are neww times and certainly rulership is to be held not merely by those wwho wwere born into it
CT: ---> But by those wwho wwield the ambition and vvalor necessary
CT: ---> That is the scientific method
CT: --E Is this a formal c)(allenge?
CT: --E Or just the rumbling of a petty aristocrat unsatisfied wit)( )(is lot but too timid to rock t)(e boat
CT: --E Blood and ability are one
CT: --E T)(at is t)(e point of the )(emospe%rum
CT: --E But if you wis)( to % me
CT: --E It can be arranged
CT: ---> I wwonder wwhere evveryone’s loyalties lie in this
creepyTransient responded to memo
CT: --C I am 0kay with the present 0rder
CT: --C I am n0t 0kay with insurrecti0n
courageousThrall responded to memo
CT: -^ BLOOD DETERMINES OUR PLACE, IF NOT OUR WORTH
CT: -^ EVEN IF WE ARE SUPERIOR TO THOSE ABOVE US, IT IS NOT OUR PLACE TO USURP THEM
CT: -^ ONLY BY SERVING THE PROPER ORDER CAN WE HAVE WORTH
centaursTesticle responded to memo
CT: D --> Give it up
CT: D --> You are outnumbered
CT: D --> Your f001ish attempts at rebellion will not go through unchallenged
CT: ---> I sea
CT: ---> Then once again the wworthy are repressed by the wweight of useless traditions and mindless mobs
CT: ---> I wwill go along with you for noww, but mark my wwords:
CT: ---> One day I wwill achievve my rightful place on top
calmThinker responded to memo
CT: <> Oh Gog why would you actually say that????????
CT: <> You gotta learn to have subtlety.
CT: <> Really, you are just terrible at this!
chiefTenacious responded to memo
CT: -^- Oh, l1k3 you 4r3 4any b3tt3r.
CT: -^- You m4y th1nk not b31ng 4s obv1ously ev1l 4s th1s t001 w1ll k33p you s4f3
CT: -^- But 1 c4n sm3ll th3 tr34ch3ry on you!
CT: -^- 4nd 1f you put on3 cl4w out of l1ne
CT: -^- 1 w1ll br1ng you to just1c3!
carnivorousThrasher responded to memo
CT: :]] <* cT w001d like to commend the very admirable loyalty of the officer!*>
CT: :]] <* His fur bristles at the very thought of the claws of treachery tearing at the soft underbelly of the monarchy!*>
CT: --E T)(ank you for your concern
CT: --E )(owever I feel compelled to mention my underbelly is invincibly )(ard
CT: --E As befits royalty of my CALIB-----------ER!
cavalierTitan responded to memo
CT: ---} mY EMPEROR,
CT: ---} oR, i SUPPOSE, nOT REALLY MY EMPEROR BUT STILL AN EMPEROR,
CT: ---} sHALL I BRING THE MUSCLEBEASTS TO AID YOU,
CT: D --> Indeed
CT: D --> And I c001d bring my roboti% to bear
curiousTreehugger responded to memo
CT: -***I Have Found That Properly C001tivated Plants Make For E%cellent Allies
cerebralTranscendent responded to memo
CT: // II don’t suppo2e there will be much u2e for code% where we are going
CT: // Mu2cle power iit wiill have to be then
corpulentTantrums responded to memo
CT: -o whatever
CT: -o AS LONG AS ALL OF YOU PEASANTB100DS SHUT THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL UP ALREADY
CT: -o no offense meant my emperor
CT: -o YOUR STRONGNESS
CT: -o honk
CT: -o HONK
CT: --E Very well
CT: --E Provided we are quite finished with insubordination and games of power or lack t)(ereof
CT: --E )(ere is w)(at we are going to do:
CT: --E We are going to gat)(er )(ere
CT: --E Eac)( bearing w)(atever powers and equipment we )(e can comfortably )(old wit)(out s)(attering
CT: --E T)(en we are going to c)(arge
CT: --E And we are not going to stop until all the many worlds of t)(e Medium acknowledge the glory t)(at is Alternian
CT: --E We will become t)(e boot t)(at stomps on the enemy’s face
CT: --E T)(e trident t)(at stabs t)(eir flesh
CT: --E And we will fill t)(e seas wit)( t)(eir freakis)( mutant blood
CT: --E T)(en and only t)(en will we rest on t)(e rugs made of the skins of our fallen enemies
CT: --E Is t)(at clear enough)(?!
CT: D --> I think I need a towel
CT: -***I Suspect We All Do
CT: --C n0t me
CT: --C I am kept c00l by the eternal c0ld 0f the nether v0id
CT: -^ THEN IF IT IS ALL THE SAME TO YOU I THINK I WILL TAKE YOURS
CT: --E Just over )(ere already!
CT: --E Glub
CT closed memo

[Masterly]

Gunstuck
Our Hero Arrives

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The train screeched to a stop at the station of what passed as a hub of civilization in these wasted lands, a bustling metropolis of roughly 500 people.

The conductor walked through the passenger cars, waking those who had fallen asleep during the long journey from the real world to this far-flung piece of territory and announced that the stop was known as "Windy Shale". The conductor stopped next to a man who had covered himself with a hat and poncho so he could sleep peacefully and shook the man awake, announcing that the sleepy fellow had arrived at his destination.

The man looked up at the conductor sleepily, nodded and then got up to retrieve what little he had brought with him to this place.

A half-empty burlap sack, a gun belt with a well-worn and ancient looking pistol in the holster and the clothes on his back.

The man walked off the train and onto the station platform, squinting in the bright sunlight as he took in what lay before him.

Over the row of shops and small businesses that lined the road next to the station, the man could make out three large buildings that seemed to be the focus of the town. To the north and south were what appeared to be large inns, maybe taverns, of some sort that obviously faced each other from opposite ends of town. In between them was a large clock tower attached to what was probably the town hall.

The man looked up at the clock and noted the time. 4:13 in the afternoon. Kinda late in the day, but enough light left to try and find a job before seeking someplace to rest his head.

The man walked off the platform and made his way through the small crowd of humans, trolls, carapaces of both colors and some consorts. He followed a narrow path that ran between the shops in front of him and into the town hall.

It was a decent place. The first level seemed to be set up as a meeting hall, the way the sounds of footsteps bustled above him, the man assumed all the official business went on upstairs.

Through the hall the man progressed until he reached the main intersection of the town. A short paved road ran from one of the large inns the man had seen earlier to the other, straight north-south. The man looked up and noticed that the clock tower had actually been built in such a way that it straddled the intersection, almost in a way the blocked the two massive, and bustling now that he could see them, inns from each others direct line of sight.

The man shrugged as noted this and then looked around for someone who might know where he could begin his job search.

He spied a young fellow shining some shoes. The man walked up to the young fellow and smiled.

"Hey there, could you tell me where a free gun could find a job?"

A/N:

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Well that was short and shitty, but that is what I get for posting something when I'm so tired.

But anyways, I've decided to start a Western-themed Homestuck series. I had actually been thinking about it long before the Standoff Flash, but it took me until now to motivate myself to start it.

Hopefully it'll be a good ride.

You definitely need to make some parallels with The Magnificent Seven (which in turn was influenced by The Seven Samurai). The romanticized West has always been a favorite of mine.

[Jim Groovester]

The Sapphire of Alternia, Part 11

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“So what are you even looking into?” Transportation Deferrer asks as her car slides around corners at top speed.

“You know when I asked you to keep your distance?” Sleuth asks.

Deferrer nods.

“Glad I did.” He says. “The Midnight Crew and the Felt were all over me today. Wanting to know where I’ve been, what I’ve done, what I know. They’re looking for something big, and it’s probably best I don’t say.”

“So what does that have to with Wallstreet Keynoter?”

“Nothing. Not directly. It’s got more to do with Wealthy Quantifier.” Sleuth says. “Her place was robbed.” Sleuth answers before Deferrer can ask the question.

“So, if her place was robbed, and she hired you to look into it, and the Midnight Crew and the Felt are looking into you,” Deferrer says, thinking out loud. “Are you looking for the Sapphire of Alternia?” She blurts out.

Problem Sleuth throws his head back onto the seat and slaps his forehead. “Does everybody know?” He asks himself, half laughing. Maybe it’s not so remarkable that Snowman would know what to look for after all.

Deferrer laughs. “Sleuth, you didn’t have to get yourself in so much trouble looking for the most valuable piece of jewelry on the planet. I would’ve been happy with a cheap diamond ring.” Deferrer grins. “Cheap compared to the Sapphire of Alternia, anyway. I won’t let you skimp out on me, Sleuth.”

“I wouldn’t think of it.” Sleuth says indifferently. Deferrer shoots him a playful glare through the mirror. “Nobody tried to bother you?” Sleuth asks, changing the subject.

“No idea.” Deferrer says. “If anybody tried to bother me they couldn’t keep up. I’ve been too busy being a menace to the road.”

Sleuth waits a moment. “Keep doing that.”

“Business as usual, then.”

Deferrer drives to Sleuth’s apartment, skidding to a stop by the curb to his building. She unbuckles and gets out of the car, opening Sleuth’s door.

“No, I’ll be fine.” Sleuth protests as Deferrer offers to help. He puts his legs outside of the car, still sitting on the seat. He slides out onto his feet. He falls over from pain.

Deferrer stands with her hands on her hips shaking her head. “Quit being so damned hardboiled, Sleuth. I won’t think less of ya if ya need help getting into your apartment.”

Sleuth struggles for a moment. “Fine.” He relents. Deferrer throws his arm over her neck and lifts him up.

“Heavy bastard.” She mutters. “Why couldn’t you just shoot ‘em and save yourself the trouble.”

Sleuth doesn’t respond. Not enough energy. Deferrer helps Sleuth into his building and then slowly up the stairs. She helps him down the hall to his apartment. As soon as Sleuth reaches for the door it opens. Persevering Maillady’s excited smile quickly turns to confusion.

“Who are you?” Maillady asks Deferrer.

“Who are you?” Deferrer returns the question.

“I’m his mailwoman.” Maillady says with indignation while pointing at Sleuth.

“I’m his cab driver.” Deferrer says with jealousy.

“Just get me in my damn apartment.” Sleuth barks. Maillady suddenly notices the shape Sleuth is in. She throws Sleuth’s free arm across her neck and the two woman shuffle Sleuth in. “The table, sit me there.” He says.

Maillady and Deferrer move Sleuth to his small dining table and plop him down in a seat. Sleuth takes his hat off, the crusted blood keeping it to his head. Sleuth looks it over. Getting this thing clean is going to be a pain.

“How long have you known him?” Maillady asks, arms folded across her chest.

“Since he became a problem sleuth. How long have you known him?” Deferrer asks, arms similarly folded.

“Since he wandered the wasteland.” Maillady says with a triumphant grin.

Deferrer huffs.

“Really?” Sleuth asks.

Deferrer giggles. Maillady grin turns into a crestfallen frown. “Yeah,” She says. “Don’t you remember?” Sleuth shakes his head. “It was in that one camp a couple hundred years ago. You told me war stories.” Sleuth shakes his head again. “You were playing up your wandering broken veteran soldier status to get women who would pity you.”

“Um.” Sleuth raises his brow. “Did it work?”

“No!” Maillady shouts.

“Oh, dammit, I do remember that. You slapped me and asked me what kind of girl I thought you were.” Sleuth says, rubbing his temple and examining the blood on his fingers as a result. “I wish you hadn’t reminded me of that.”

“See?” Maillady says looking at Deferrer with her triumphant grin turning into a smug one.

Deferrer rolls her eyes. “So what? You haven't known him since then. You just met him on the wasteland. I did that too.”

“You did?” Sleuth asks, similarly confused.

“I almost ran you over with a dune buggy.”

“That was you?” Sleuth asks. “You didn’t almost run me over.” Sleuth glares. Maillady giggles to herself.

“But you hopped up so quickly!” Deferrer says guiltily. “I just figured I’d miss-”

“Whatever.” Sleuth cuts in. “Both of you know me equally well.” Sleuth placates indifferently. He extends his hand to Maillady. “You have a package for me?” He asks.

“Oh, of course!” Maillady suddenly remembers. She moves to her bag and pulls out Sleuth’s manila envelope from the day before. She hands it to him and he opens the package.

“I thought I told you to drop it here.” Sleuth chastises. “Waiting here was dangerous.”

“I wanted to deliver it personally so that nobody could take it from here after I left.” Maillady explains. “Besides, if anybody came, I have this.” She says as she holds up her letter opener.

“You just wanted to see him. Catch him alone at his apartment.” Deferrer interrupts.

“What?” Maillady says in exasperation. “I did not!”

“It’s written all over your face!”

“Then what are you doing? You had the same idea!”

“So you admit it!”

“Ha, and I just got you to admit it!”

Problem Sleuth: Look at last lead.

You ignore the fight taking place around you and instead focus on your unexamined piece of evidence. Hopefully this will provide clues where nothing else has.

==>

You pull out Murdered Courier’s recent client notebook. You flip to the last page.

Lots of numbers and names. If there’s anything to find here it’s going to need some work.

Though maybe there’s a way to narrow down your search a little.

Problem Sleuth: Ask for telephone.

You ask your arguing... what would you call them? Clients? You haven’t worked any cases for them. Patrons? No, that doesn’t work either. Helpers? That’s not really their job descriptions.

You can’t call them your favorite businesses, because Maillady gets her paycheck from the taxpayer, and you can’t call them your favorite civil servants, because Deferrer is self-employed.

You ask the two arguing women in the room for the telephone. They provide you the phone without break in the argument, but your request provides more fuel for it.

Maybe you should do something about it.

==>

You call Anarchy Repressor.

He picks up after the fourth ring. You tell him it’s you. He asks what you want. You tell him you’ve got Movement Contractor’s client list here in front of you and you want to know if he can help cross some names off the list from the addresses the both of you found in the guy’s pockets two nights ago.

He says sure thing, let him get the case notes. He asks what’s going on in the room. You say nothing, just some argument over you. Repressor says you’re a real lucky guy to squander the affection of two beautiful women like that by having a steady girlfriend. You tell him you’d feel guilty taking advantage of them like that. He asks you to pass them on to him then, since the mail one’s just his type and the cab driver ain’t half bad either. You say you’ll ask them.

Problem Sleuth: Ask them.

You tell him they say no.

He says that’s too bad, but he’s got the case notes now. He gives you a list of addresses that got their packages and you cross them off your list. He then gives you the addresses that they couldn’t follow up on and you circle them on your list. You tell him that some of those are pick-up addresses for clients who already got their packages, so it actually narrows down your work a lot.

You tell him thanks for the help. He asks if you’re any closer to finding which of the green bastards did it. You tell him it wasn’t the Felt. He asks who did it if the Midnight Crew and the Felt didn’t do it. You say you don’t know. He reminds you about what he brought you to the station for. You tell him thanks for the reminder and hang up.

“You’ll never be with him!” Deferrer shouts.

“And neither will you, but that hasn’t stopped you from throwing yourself at him shamelessly!”

Deferrer gasps. “How dare you!”

“Hey,” Sleuth interjects in the argument. The room settles down.

“Yeah, Sleuth?” They both ask.

Sleuth glances between the two of them. “Keep it down, would ya?”

Deferrer and Maillady sit down at the table across from each other and continue their argument in hushed voices. “You started this.” Deferrer says.

“No, I didn’t. You gave me that jealous look first.” Maillady retorts.

Sleuth ignores them as he looks at the client list. Corporate Merger. Antitrust Magnate. Produce Freshkeeper. Suffering Writer. Quiet Welltodo. Maniac Researcher. Desert Venturer. Energetic Ecologist. Any one of these could be the client whose cargo did Murdered Courier in. Nothing to do but find out.

Sleuth picks up the phone and starts dialing numbers, glad that Murdered Courier had such good bookkeeping. He starts at the top. “Corporate Merger?” Sleuth asks as the other end picks up the phone.

“Yes?” A man responds.

“My name is Problem Sleuth, I’m a private detective. I’m investigating Movement Contractor’s murder. You hired him, correct?”

“That’s right.”

“Did you receive your package? Or did your package get delivered”

“Yes, it did.”

“Thank you for the help, that’s all.”

Problem Sleuth crosses the name off the list. After several calls, his list is narrowed even further. Problem Sleuth considers the two remaining names on his list. Judging by the name, whatever Energetic Ecologist had Murdered Courier move, it probably wasn’t worth killing over. Although that’s not necessarily a good assumption to make, Sleuth ignores the name for now.

That leaves Quiet Welltodo.

Problem Sleuth: Have epiphany.

Son of a bitch.

Son of a bitch!

Is this what you think it is? Because it looks like what you think is.

Problem Sleuth fishes around in his coat pocket for Wealthy Quantifier’s number. Transportation Deferrer and Persevering Maillady notice Sleuth’s aggravated state.

“What’s wrong?” Maillady asks.

Problem Sleuth ignores the question as he dials the number. He holds the receiver up to his ear and waits for an answer.

The phone rings. And it keeps on ringing. And it doesn’t stop ringing. Sleuth waits. Maybe Wealthy Quantifier is away. Maybe she can’t get to the phone in time. Or maybe she’s jerking Sleuth around.

Sleuth slams the receiver down on the phone, ringing it loudly in the process. With strength he didn’t know he had he stands up out of his chair, throws his coat onto the floor, rips off his tie, throws the door to his bedroom open and slams it shut behind him.

Deferrer and Maillady look at each other uneasily. “What was that about?” Deferrer asks.

“I don’t know.” Maillady replies. “Was it us?”

“I don’t think so.”

Problem Sleuth: Fume.

You don’t like sneaky clients. And Wealthy Quantifier’s the sneakiest one you ever had.

Apparently it’s too much to ask that she tell you straight up what’s going on from the start. That would make things too easy. No, she has to test your reputation as the top problem sleuth in the city while she’s at it, because she’s got money and she wants to make you dance.

You should have figured that Wealthy Quantifier would’ve been involved in the murder of that courier somehow. You honestly don’t know why you didn’t see it coming. He dies, she comes in your office the next day. Clear logical connection.

You’ve never been so frustrated with a case before. You seriously think you might drop it. Let the Midnight Crew and the Felt tear each other apart looking for the Sapphire of Alternia. Call Anarchy Repressor and tell him Wealthy Quantifier shot the courier, just to spite her. Wash your hands of the whole damn thing.

Your two separate cases have been one case. And you still don’t have any answers for it.

Problem Sleuth rubs his temples and stares at the ceiling. Before he notices he falls asleep.

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I'm sure nooobody saw this coming. It's only the most original plot twist in the history of fiction, fan or otherwise.

I'm ambivalent about this segment. Half of it leads to the most predictable plot twist ever, and then the other half is useless fluff that I'm not too excited about.

I'm not going to slave overmuch on a segment until I like it though, because one of my goals for this thing is to make it as fast as possible so I don't lose interest. If that means I'm not happy with a segment, so be it. I need to move on. It can always be rewritten later.

[Sporkaganza]

SOSburb - chapter 6

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THREE HOURS AGO

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Ugh... stop it...

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEE-

Ah, that's better.

You are a young man, FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, who has just been awakened by a beeping alarm clock. You live an ordinary life for the most part. You have a DEPRESSINGLY SMALL RANGE OF INTERESTS. You usually spend A LARGE PORTION OF EVERY DAY trapped in the gulag known colloquially as a HIGH SCHOOL; however, you are currently ON HOLIDAY. Although you would rather SLEEP IN, you have no idea how to SET YOUR ALARM CLOCK and find that every time you wish to change the setting, you CANNOT BE BOTHERED. Your FREE TIME is mostly taken up by SURFING THE INTERNET and instant messaging your FRIENDS YOU HAVE NEVER MET IN PERSON.

You have NO NAME. Instead, you go by a nickname: "KYON." This name does not mean anything and never will.

What will you do?

Sleep? I bet you'd like to sleep some more, wouldn't you? Well, okay. Go ahead and get some more res-

"Kyoooooooooooon!"

Oh dammit, it's YOUR LITTLE SISTER. Never mind then. She's not going to let you sleep. She has a strange obsession with keeping you from getting a good night's rest.

"Waaaaake uuuuuuup Kyooooon! I made you breakfast!" she says. You're not sure how she can be so damn chipper, but you wish you knew her secret. (You fail to remember what it was like to be little. If you were able to, you could easily account for this mystery.)

"Mfgngjgm..."

"I'm gonna jump on you if you don't get up!" (This is KIND OF HER SHTICK. It's probably killing you slowly.)

"No, stop it, I'm up, no jump."

"That's what I thought. Come on, let's have breakfast!"

You very nearly ask if it's INSTANT NOODLES again, but you are aware that it's the only thing she knows how to "make". Instead you force yourself to sit up, and you slowly prepare to stand.

NOW

OH: ok, so now that we've got the totem, i guess we're supposed to do something with it?
UD: YEAH, i'm NOT totally SURE either!
UD: HEY kyon, DO you KNOW what THIS thing IS?
OH: what thing?
UD: THE blue THINGY that KEEPS bugging ME!
OH: um, i dunno.
OH: is there, like, a walkthrough or something?
UD: LAME!
UD: DON'T you HAVE any SENSE of ADVENTURE?
OH: nope.
UD: UGHHHH fine!
UD: I knew YOU were GOING to BE a BABY, so I found ONE already!
UD: HERE you LAMEAZOID.
UD: http://tinyurl.com/ya8g9ef
OH: cool, thanks-
OH: ...dammit haruhi.
UD: WHAT?
OH: what do you mean what?
OH: this walkthrough is in english.
UD: YEAH i KNOW, so?
OH: oh, nothing.
OH: it's just that i'm a japanese person
OH: living in japan
OH: speaking fucking japanese!
OH: i don't have a damn clue how to read this!
UD: OH come ON! you've LEARNED english IN school RIGHT?
OH: sure, i know how to say "hello, how are you?"
OH: but that's almost literally all.
UD: FINE, then USE flugel TRANSLATE, jeez!
OH: what? everyone knows flugel translate sucks ass.
UD: WELL, then GO ask SOMEBODY who's GOOD with ENGLISH!
OH: whatever, fine.
OH: i'm gonna talk to kunikida, i think he's pretty good.
OH: he has a couple relatives in america i think.
OH: please try not to mess anything up while i'm gone
UD: FUCK you! :D
OH: oh gee great thanks

-- ordinaryHuman [OH] ceased pestering ultraDirector [UD] --

You are a young woman, FIFTEEN YEARS OLD, who is playing a game of SOSBURB with her BEST FRIEND, a young man named KYON whom she has NEVER MET IN PERSON. You have a WIDE VARIETY OF INTERESTS. You very much enjoy SCIENCE FICTION and THE SUPERNATURAL, and you have RATHER LARGE COLLECTIONS of PARAPHERNALIA RELATED TO THEM. You also enjoy BEING BOSSY. You don't have any paraphernalia devoted to that, but THEY DON'T REALLY MAKE ANY SUCH THINGS. Right now you are waiting for Kyon to tell you WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.

What will you do?

You decide to examine the FLOATY BLUE THING. You are not sure what it is. It's just sort of following you around, emitting random beeps and whizzes along with intermittent static. It's A LITTLE EERIE and KIND OF ANNOYING.

Maybe, you reason, it wants something. What would it want, though? Surely, a weird floaty blue thing wouldn't need much. It doesn't appear to need to eat or breathe. Honestly, you're not sure if it'd tell the difference no matter what you gave it.

Maybe A BOOK would do. Everybody likes to read, right? Maybe you could teach it SOME KANJI. You'd offer it A REGULAR BOOK, but you don't have any, so A JAPANESE MANGA will have to do. You have a few lying around that you could give it. Most of them you'd RATHER KEEP, but there are a few YOU COULD STAND TO LOSE.

Like this one, called SHOUJO NO KAWAII. It's about A GIRL who turns everyone and everything around her into CUTE GIRLS and CUTE GIRLY THINGS, respectively. You're not sure if it's A GAG MANGA like the back cover claims or if this is THE AUTHOR'S SECRET FETISH. Either way, it certainly could stand to be lost, and you're sure the floaty blue thing will appreciate it IN ITS OWN WEIRD WAY.

Maybe you should wait for Kyon, though. He was supposed to tell you about this thing.

Nah. You're sure it'll be fine.

You SHOVE the book into the "FACE"(?) of the blue thing.

Something weird begins to happen! The blue thing SHIVERS FOR A MOMENT and suddenly CHANGES.

It's still sort of a bubble, but now it's PINK, and it's got something inside it: the face of a CUTE LITTLE MANGA-STYLE GIRL. She has REALLY BIG EYES, ALMOST NO NOSE, and a BIG SMILE. She is definitely SUPER KAWAII. The kernel has switched from MAKING FEAKY NOISES to GIGGLING AND BABBLING.

Well, that sorta... DID SOMETHING. You suppose it... CHANGE-IFIED the blue thingy into a... well, a PINK THINGY WITH A GIRL'S FACE IN IT. You're not sure what the point of that was. And it still doesn't seem to be speaking JAPANESE, or... well, ANYTHING COHERENT. Just giggling and babbling oddly.

I guess it becomes whatever you put into it, but this isn't very helpful. It'd be better to have someone around telling you important stuff.

Hey, that's it! You have a PICTURE OF KYON you managed to get after BADGERING HIM FOREVER to see what he looked like. He reluctantly agreed, AS LONG AS SHE RECIPROCATED. She said she would, but she never got the opportunity. Well, UNTIL NOW, come to think of it.

Anyway, this will do nicely! You DROP IT INTO THE PINK THINGY.

Creating...

KYONKOSPRITE: oh my god
KYONKOSPRITE: you've gotta be fucking kidding me
KYONKOSPRITE: what did you do
KYONKOSPRITE: WHAT DID YOU DO
KYONKOSPRITE: uguu~

YEARS IN THE FUTURE
(but not many; three, to be exact)

The CHIPPER CASTAWAY composes his carapace confidently.

>Nice work, if I do say so myself.
>If you'll excuse me, I have teatime to attend to.

EARL GREY, hot.

THREE WEEKS IN THE FUTURE

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There it is. A UNIVERSE.

A universe that could fit in the PALM OF YOUR HAND.

All you have to do is TAKE IT. All the planning, all the struggle, all the successes and all the failures, all the wise decisions and all of the mistakes, all of the joy and all of the pain, all for THIS.

All you have to do is HOLD OUT YOUR HAND.

Then you'll get another chance.

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I was planning to have Kyon's reaction in this chapter, along with Kyonkosprite's SOSburb spiel and the solving of the totem puzzle, but it got too long. It was pretty hard figuring out how to include all the different jumps in time without making it seem inappropriate, but at the same time allowing for the Hussie-style mood switches we all know and love; choosing to end with that snippet (along with spoilering it) was pretty much the only way I could avoid silly-serious-silly whiplash.

[Jim Groovester]

I haven't commented on anything recently. Time to rectify that. Although since the fanfic thread moves so quickly a lot of these will be for stuff pages back.

@Sleaw: Holy crap you're good. Allow me to shower you with unqualified praise because both of the fics you have posted are excellent.

@SeptimusMagistos: I'll just say, even though I'm late to the bandwagon, mime Equius is hilarious. As always, everything you write is terrific.

@Path: Sooo much drama. Sooo much fun. I'm looking forward to Part III.

@PingZing: That's a hilarious punchline. I wrote about Karkat ancestor, but I definitely like what you came up with better.

@Wigmund: Cool costumes and setting + Homestuck characters seems to be a formula that will interest me every time I see it. Looking forward to more.

[battlerek]

@Graven_Image- That was hilarious! I hope you do one with Karkat and Nepeta.
@Wigmund- Interesting. Looking forward to cool western shoot outs.
@Jim- Yes, definitely. Greatest plot twist ever. Also love triangle shenanigans.