MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Sporkaganza]

Fine here take it.

Hipster vversus Hipster

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-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling alexandersCollection [AC] --

CA: oh hey
CA: fancy meetin you here in this univverse girl eridan
CA: or me here in this univverse i guess
CA: wwhats up
AC: I'm fine, dude.
AC: And my name is Nerida.
CA: ...
CA: wwhatre you typin like that for
CA: isnt it a pain in the ass to do all that fancy bullshit
AC: No, not really. I'd consider it necessary to satisfy a modicum of decency.
CA: you and your fancy fuckin wwords
AC: You plebe. Wwould you wwatch your mouth?
AC: I could wwipe the floor wwith you.
CA: hey hey ner
CA: comin on a little strong there arent we
AC: Oh, so you just automatically assume I'm hitting on you?
AC: Reel tactful.
AC: Congers, you wwin the awward. You're the savvvviest guy on Alternia.
AC: Fuck you, do you knoww howw many trolls I havve fishing for me?
AC: I'm a prize catch.
AC: I havve wway more class than you evver wwill.
CA: man fuck you im just as highblooded as you are
CA: youre not actin in a manner befittin of a seadwweller
AC: And you are? Look at you, you can't evven be bothered to type properly.
AC: You could take a feww lessons from Equias.
CA: oh my cod you are such a fuckin pretentious hipster bitch
CA: and is that evven a rejection
CA: it sounds like youre just hittin on me some more
CA: oh and on that note fishin for me is pretty much the wworst fish pun in the wworld
CA: did your vversion of feferi teach you that
CA: bet hes a douche
AC: Hey, no wway man.
AC: He's a class act, unlike some people. Rails before pails, forevver.
CA: you really are hittin on me arent you
AC: ...
AC: Yes.
AC: Oh god, I'm so lonely.
AC: Be my kismesis, please. Put me out of my unending misery.
AC: Desperate hipsters deservve each other, yes?
CA: totally
CA:
CA: but just so you knoww
CA: if you didnt do the thing with your vvs and wws
CA: wwouldnt havve gone for it
CA: gotta draww the line somewwhere
AC: Oh, of course. Gotta remind those landdwwellers wwho's in charge here.
CA: swweet
CA: so anywway uh howw does this wwork
CA: ...
CA: er fuck you
CA: i mean uh
CA: shit
AC: Don't wworry, hon. I'vve been in a feww of these before.
AC: Wwe'll make it wwork.
CA: howw many you been in
CA: fuckin vvillage twwo wwheeled devvice
AC: ...
AC: Okay, no, nevver mind. On second thought, evven I'm not this desperate.

-- alexandersCollection [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --

CA: ...
CA: i am
CA: :(
CA: god dam it
CA: ...
CA: wwait does that evven count as a fish pun
CA: thats more like beavvers isnt it

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I know it might seem a little weird to have a version of Eridan who types properly. But I just thought that while the stereotypical hipster douchebag would type like Eridan, the stereotypical hipster bitch usually seems to be a bit more faux-erudite.

Also: Not enough fish puns. I love that carp.

[Katrika]

...ahahaha, that was hilarious!

[DizzySpecibus]

Well, I've started my second multi part fanfic, and this time the star is Tavros!

To Be Of Use

Chapter 1: Games for Girls

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Tavros laughed as he beat Tinkerbull in another game of Fiduspawn. His lusus was always such a good sport about it, just smiling back and congratulating him on his great job. Done with the activity for now, Tavros stood up, rubbing the creases in his clothes flat before looking around his hive with a grin. He didn't know why really, probably just his good mood. As he gathered up the various items that laid about randomly after the exciting game a beeping noise caught his attention.

In the center of the screen Trollian was opened and blinking over the trolltag apocolypseArisen, Aradia, he wondered what his friend may want at this time. Still smiling, he approached the computer before looking at the chat box. Light tapping filled the room as he typed.

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-- apocolypseArisen [AA] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] --
AA: hey tavros, are you there
AT: yES i AM aRADIA. wHAT'S UP?
AA: hello tavros
AA: im sure you know about the flarp sessions me, vriska, and terezi participate in
AT: uMMM, YES i DO. wHAT ABOUT THEM?
AA: well my partner stopped playing once vriska started getting out of hand
AA: even once we cleared this all up she wouldnt join up again would you be interested
AA: would you be interested
AT: rEALLY, ME? aRE YOU SURE IT'S SMART TO ASK ME.
AT: uMMM, i MEAN, IT'S NOT THAT i DON'T WANT TO. bUT, i'M NOT SURE HOW GOOD i'D BE.
AA: tavros of course im sure
AA: i wouldnt ask you otherwise
AT: wELL THEN, UMMM, i'LL TRY AND DO MY BEST.
AT: tHANK YOU aRADIA.
AA: great thank you for being my partner tavros
AA: troll me once youve got this all ready then we can do this
AT: uMMM, OKAY, i'LL DO THAT.
AT: tALK TO YOU LATER aRADIA.
AA: okay bye tavros
-- apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

Tavros nervously rubbed his horns as he thought about what was being asked, and what he had accepted. Had he really just agreed to FLARPing with Aradia against Vriska!? Terezi was really nice, and he trusted her, but Vriska was so cruel, she seemed like the kind that would cheat at a game like this. With a sigh he decided to contact Karkat. It would help his nerves and pass the time while the client downloaded.

First he opened his web browser and went to the FLARP page, before beginning to download the client. As a cute pixel grub crawled across the download bar, Tavros double clicked Karkat's trolltag, carcinoGeneticist, before beginning to chat with him.

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-- adiosToraedor [AT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
AT: uMMM, kARKAT, CAN i TALK WITH YOU?
CG: OH GOG, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
AT: wELL, UMMM, i JUST WANTED YOUR ADVICE ON SOMETHING.
CG: WHAT ADVICE WOULD I POSSIBLY GIVE YOU?
CG: YOU UNINTELLIGENT WIGGLER.
AT: wELL, i JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU ABOUT A CHOICE i MADE.
CG: FINE, WHY THE FUCK NOT. WHAT STUPID FECALBRAINED CHOICE DID YOU MAKE?
AT: i UMMM, AGREED TO flarp WITH aRADIA.
CG: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?
CG: FLARP IS A GAME FOR FUCKING GIRLS!
AT: i DON'T KNOW, aRADIA SEEMED TO REALLY NEED A PARTNER.
CG: WAIT WAIT WAIT. WHY WOULD ARADIA WANT YOU AS A FUCKING PARTNER?
AT: wELL, SHE'S GOING AGAINST VRISKA AND TEREZI WHO'VE MADE A TEAM.
AT: i'M REALLY NOT SURE WHY SHE PICKED ME.
CG: OH, SO NOT ONLY IS YOUR WORTHLESS EXISTENCE PLAYING THIS GAME.
CG: BUT YOU'RE GOING UP AGAINST SPIDERBITCH TOO?
AT: yES
CG: GOD, PLAYING A GAME FOR GIRLS WITH FREAKY ARADIA, SPIDERBITCH, AND TEREZI.
CG: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TALK TO YOU ANYMORE YOU WORTHLESS FUCK.
AT: uMMM, OKAY. i GUESS THAT'S ALRIGHT, flarp IS DONE DOWNLOADING ANYWAY.
CG: GOOD, GO HAVE FUN PLAYING YOUR CHICK GAME.
CG: HOPE VRISKA DOESN'T RIP YOU IN HALF OR SOMETHING.
AT: uMMM, THANKS kARKAT, TALK TO YOU LATER.
-- adiosToreador[AT] stopped trolling carcinoGeneticist[CG] --

Tavros sighed as the conversation ended, that wasn't very reassuring at all. Not wanting to think about the points Karkat had made, Tavros instead focused on the new window that had opened on his computer. It told him that he needed to create a character, who he would RP as while playing. He looked at the different things he needed to fill in. His name, class, Strife Specibus, and his initial stats. He thought for a second before filling these details in, smiling.

Name: Pupa Pan
Class: Boy Skylark
Strife Specibus: lanceKind
Stats
Total Points Allocatable: 20

Tavros looked at the stats window for a second before allocating his points to what he thought would fit his class.

Strength: 4
Agility: 7
Dexterity: 3
Resistance: 6

He grinned at his choices when he saw the Allocatable Points reach 0. That should work, he would be able to run away if he needed to and get beat up if need be. Hopefully he wouldn't have to be beat up, who knew what kind of things would be there to beat him up. Suddenly Tavros wasn't so into the idea of playing, but he had promised Aradia.

The sudden thought of Aradia caused Tavros to remember something, he needed to contact Aradia before starting like he had promised.

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-- adiosToraedor [AT] began trolling apocolypseArisen [AA] --
AT: oKAY aRADIA. i'VE GOT flarp ALL DOWNLOADED, AND MY CHARACTER IS MADE.
AA: so youre all set
AT: yES i AM.
AA: well it so happens that im ready too
AA: click submit on your character then run flarp
AA: youll be entered into the game
AT: oKAY aRADIA
AA: also if anything seems strange contact me immediately
AT: wHY?
AA: because in this game one member of the other team controls your session
AA: and terezi has informed me that its vriska on their team
AA: i fill the role on our team
AT: wAIT, SO VRISKA IS CONTROLLING THE MONSTERS AND STUFF FOR ME?
AT: uMMM, i DON'T THINK i LIKE THIS IDEA.
AT: iT ACTUALLY UMMM, SCARES ME A LOT.
AA: aww tavros dont worry
AA: if she messes with you tell me and ill stop it okay
AT: oKAY aRADIA, i'LL TRUST YOU.
AA: good now click start
AT: oKAY
AT: tALK TO YOU LATER.
AA: i hope you dont have to while we play
-- adiosToraedor [AT] ceased trolling apocolypseArisen [AA] --

Tavros stared at the "start" button on his screen. With Vriska controlling his session he wasn't so sure he wanted to do this anymore. It's one thing to have to fight Vriska, atleast his Agility would get him away, but if she blocks his escape what will he do? Oh man, this was bad. With a deep breath, and a few chants of "yOU CAN DO THIS!", Tavros clicked the button.

Some strange effects happened before he found himself in the middle of a field, a small lance in one hand, and dressed in the clothes his hero Pupa Pan would wear. A small growling behind him made him jump and spin around. A freaky beast growled at him, he had a feeling that any damage he took in this Extreme Roleplay would be reflected on his actual self. Scared, he barely noticed the blinking options of AGGRIEVE OR ABSCOND above his head.

However, when he did, he quickly slapped Abscond before running. As he ran he heard his portable communicator beeping. He glanced at it and audibly groaned.

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-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling adiosToraedor [AT] --
AG: Heeeeeeeey Taaaaaaaavros. Why are you running away like a scared wriggler?
AT: bECAUSE UMMM, THAT THING LOOKS STRONG, AND i DON'T THINK i CAN TAKE IT.
AG: Grow some genetic sacks Taaaaaaaavros!
AG: I swear, if all of our sessions have you picking A8scond constantly, this will just be horri8le for both of us!
AT: wELL THEN, DON'T SUMMON SUCH STRONG MONSTERS. mAYBE SOME OF THOSE LITTLE BEASTS WOULD BE BETTER INSTEAD?
AG: Noooooooo, you won't get stronger off of those. Just fight the stronger ones, you can't run all the time anyway!
AT: aCTUALLY UMMM, SINCE i HAVE A HIGH aGILITY STAT, i CAN.
AG: I should of expected as much from you!
AG: Alw8ys running aw8y and hiding, h8w pathetic can you get Tavros?
AG: Can you be any worse Toraesnore?
AT: tHAT'S NOT TRUE! i CAN FIGHT, i JUST DON'T WANT TO GET ALL BEAT UP!
AG: Looks like I have no choice. I'll just have to make sure you can't escape Taaaaaaaavros!
-- arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling adiosToraedor [AT] --

Tavros began to panic as more and more monsters began to spawn around him, blocking his escape so even when he hit Abscond he couldn't run. Eyes watery, Tavros quickly contacted Aradia as he had been instructed.

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-- adiosToraedor [AT] began trolling apocolypseArisen [AA] --
AT: aRADIA, i REALLY NEED YOUR HELP!
AA: whats the matter tavros
AA: is vriska doing something
AT: yEAH, SHE'S GOT ME SURROUNDED BY A BUNCH OF MONSTERS.
AT: tHEY'RE ALL WAY TO HIGH LEVEL.!
AA: oh jegus
AA: of course vriska would pull something stupid like this
AA: um you have a few options
AA: you can either try to fight them
AT: nO! tHEY'RE SO ABOVE MY LEVEL, i'M ONLY LEVEL 1!
AA: okay okay, calm down
AA: if i can get terezi to cancel her session, we can use a majority rule to close the session
AA: but you need to stay alive long enough for me to do this
AT: i THINK i CAN DO THAT.
AA: good ill do this quick as possible
AT: tHANKS aRADIA.
-- adiosToraedor [AT] ceased trolling apocolypseArisen [AA] --

Even as he breathed a sigh of relief, Tavros noticed the issue. He had to live through this. How would he? He was only level 1 while these beasts ranged from level 3's to horrible level 10's. With all his strength he slammed on the Abscond option, until it weakly blinked, there was a small opening. He ran at the small space between the monsters.

Eyes slammed shut he performed a roll he had no idea he could, and escaped from the hoard. Tavros ran for a few minutes before reaching a cliff. Oh no. Face crestfallen, he was scared of where he stood, there would be no escape. But then light spun around him, and the session ended.

After this Vriska did nothing out of line, that is, until one fateful night when she would repeat the evil that she commited that day. And would throw him off that very cliff that he had absconded too before, and ruin his life. Atleast, for a few sweeps.

[Rimbaum]

Fine here take it.

Hipster vversus Hipster

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-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling alexandersCollection [AC] --

CA: oh hey
CA: fancy meetin you here in this univverse girl eridan
CA: or me here in this univverse i guess
CA: wwhats up
AC: I'm fine, dude.
AC: And my name is Nerida.
CA: ...
CA: wwhatre you typin like that for
CA: isnt it a pain in the ass to do all that fancy bullshit
AC: No, not really. I'd consider it necessary to satisfy a modicum of decency.
CA: you and your fancy fuckin wwords
AC: You plebe. Wwould you wwatch your mouth?
AC: I could wwipe the floor wwith you.
CA: hey hey ner
CA: comin on a little strong there arent we
AC: Oh, so you just automatically assume I'm hitting on you?
AC: Reel tactful.
AC: Congers, you wwin the awward. You're the savvvviest guy on Alternia.
AC: Fuck you, do you knoww howw many trolls I havve fishing for me?
AC: I'm a prize catch.
AC: I havve wway more class than you evver wwill.
CA: man fuck you im just as highblooded as you are
CA: youre not actin in a manner befittin of a seadwweller
AC: And you are? Look at you, you can't evven be bothered to type properly.
AC: You could take a feww lessons from Equias.
CA: oh my cod you are such a fuckin pretentious hipster bitch
CA: and is that evven a rejection
CA: it sounds like youre just hittin on me some more
CA: oh and on that note fishin for me is pretty much the wworst fish pun in the wworld
CA: did your vversion of feferi teach you that
CA: bet hes a douche
AC: Hey, no wway man.
AC: He's a class act, unlike some people. Rails before pails, forevver.
CA: you really are hittin on me arent you
AC: ...
AC: Yes.
AC: Oh god, I'm so lonely.
AC: Be my kismesis, please. Put me out of my unending misery.
AC: Desperate hipsters deservve each other, yes?
CA: totally
CA:
CA: but just so you knoww
CA: if you didnt do the thing with your vvs and wws
CA: wwouldnt havve gone for it
CA: gotta draww the line somewwhere
AC: Oh, of course. Gotta remind those landdwwellers wwho's in charge here.
CA: swweet
CA: so anywway uh howw does this wwork
CA: ...
CA: er fuck you
CA: i mean uh
CA: shit
AC: Don't wworry, hon. I'vve been in a feww of these before.
AC: Wwe'll make it wwork.
CA: howw many you been in
CA: fuckin vvillage twwo wwheeled devvice
AC: ...
AC: Okay, no, nevver mind. On second thought, evven I'm not this desperate.

-- alexandersCollection [AC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] --

CA: ...
CA: i am
CA: :(
CA: god dam it
CA: ...
CA: wwait does that evven count as a fish pun
CA: thats more like beavvers isnt it

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I know it might seem a little weird to have a version of Eridan who types properly. But I just thought that while the stereotypical hipster douchebag would type like Eridan, the stereotypical hipster bitch usually seems to be a bit more faux-erudite.

Also: Not enough fish puns. I love that carp.

I WOULD TOTALLY SHIP THIS.

[Graven_Image]

CA: god dam it
CA: ...
CA: wwait does that evven count as a fish pun
CA: thats more like beavvers isnt it

This made my day. XD

[Sporkaganza]

CA: god dam it
CA: ...
CA: wwait does that evven count as a fish pun
CA: thats more like beavvers isnt it

This made my day. XD

Ha ha ha, that was actually an accident. First I made the pun and was like "Wait shit that's not a fish pun", but then I just rolled with it.

[anonymousComrade]

Got another chapter of Crossing Over cranked out and ready to go

If you like your Vriska in "8luh 8luh huge 8itch" flavor you might not like it, but it you're a fan of more recent "fuck I'm falling down all this character development" Vriska then maybe you will

Also: this isn't complete, not really, see the notes at the end for more on that

Crossing Over: Chapter 12a

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Tavros carefully placed Vriska's barely-alive body onto his rocketchair and blasted off toward the location she broadcasted into his mind. Aradia had given her a solid thrashing, to say the least, but Tavros knew if he just listened to Vriska and got her there on time, everything would be all right, because that's what happens when the hero does things just right.

He flew into the cavern's entrance and found the shelf of rock marked with the sun's iconography almost immediately. He gently picked up Vriska's prone form and placed her face-up directly on the symbol, as she had instructed. This is the part where things got better, right? She was still breathing so they had gotten here in time. He wasn't sure why she had him bring her here but he chalked it up to her knowing more about this than he did.

KILL ME. The thought screamed and echoed through his head in what was clearly her voice but he couldn't possibly believe this was what she wanted.

His hand moved of its own accord. Dipped two fingers in the blue blood that continued to leak from Vriska's weakening body. Spelled out a message in cerulean on the stone floor. K8LL ME.

Every muscle in his arm screamed in protest but he could not resist as the message repeated.

I WON'T M8KE YOU DO IT. PLE8SE. K8LL ME.

He pulled his lance from his specibus. Could he really do this? He hesitated and moved away from Vriska's body until his arm was hijacked again.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YO8 COW8RD K8LL M8 K8LL M8 K8LL M8 K8LL M8 K8LL M8 K8LL M8

Tavros dropped his lance and started crying. He couldn't do this! Vriska paralyzed him, yes, and she made fun of him for it every chance she got, but they were finally starting to become friends, real friends! She had even kissed him earlier! He couldn't do this to her!

But, as strong as she wanted him to be... Tavros found himself unable to kill his friend. He turned and made for the entrance, sobbing wildly.

His heart nearly skipped a beat when he realized who was standing in the entrance of the cave.

"Taaaaaaaavros! Looks like you're in a 8it of a sticky situation!"

But... it couldn't be. He looked back, and Vriska remained sprawled on the rock, bleeding out. Yet, he looked forward, and Vriska stood, talking to him.

She walked toward him. "No, you're not seeing things. That's me 8ack there, 8leeding to death. 8ut I'm also here in front of you."
"uHH,,, HOW? hOW IS THIS HAPPENING,"
"Listen, kid. I can't tell you what to do, 8ecause at some point, you gotta 8e a8le to do this kind of thing on your own. 8ut I will say that this 8n't the last you'll see of me, even if you go through with it."
She picked Tavros's lance off the floor and the memory of what she had done the last time she held it came back to her. But this was no time for that. "So wh8t's it gonna 8e, Pupa? Advance or a8scond?"
"wHAT, DO YOU MEAN? iS KILLING YOU A THING THAT I UM, HAVE TO DO, TO HELP YOU?"
She smiled. "Noooooooow you're finally understanding!" And now she understood as well. She paused slightly. "Haha, I could have explained that 8etter, huh?"
She offered the lance to him. "Advance, or a8scond?"
He only hesitated an instant before taking it. "gUESS i'LL ADVANCE,"

Tavros hovered over the dying Vriska's body. His arm scribbled out "Th8nks, Pupa." on the cavern floor. He closed his eyes, raised the lance high, and right before plunging the tip into her chest, he breathed, "i'M SORRY,"

A splash of blue, and the world shattered like glass around him.

He looked around, bewildered. The rocketchair was gone, but... he could move his legs again? But it didn't matter, because he floated in space. He turned around and saw the other Vriska, the one who had given him real confidence for the first time.

And suddenly, the memories came rushing back. He had died and been reliving Vriska's death on LOMAT, more times than he could or wanted to remember. And she was responsible.

"yOU, KILLED ME,"
"So you do remem8er, then." Her expression dropped into a frown and she looked down, burdened with the memory.
"tHERE ARE UH, A LOT OF THINGS i REMEMBER,"

What could she say to that? Not that long ago, she would have laughed at him, but now she froze. John had gotten to her more than she expected. Instead, she decided to tell him what was happening.

"The humans hatched up a plan to get us aaaaaaaall to their session. N8turally, it failed. They went 8ack to the drawing 8oard, and they came up with something they think will work now.

She palmed the crystal ball Dave had handed her. "Everyone's deeeeeeeead, Tavros. Everyone 8ut the humans, Aradia, and me. 8ut we came to rescue everyone from this place, 8ecause we discovered that the afterlife kiiiiiiiinda 8ites, and no8ody deserves that, not even you!"

A little of the old Vriska was resurfacing. She decided to put a stop to it.

"...especially not you."

She smiled and held out the ball toward Tavros. "Rose made these things. Since you proooooooobably can't travel outside the dreamscape, we'll have to carry you in this. Then the humans will handle the rest."
"iS THAT, UM,---"
"Hahahahahahahaha yeah, it kind of IS like those things from that stupid game you play! Thanks soooooooo much, Tavros. I will never 8e able to unsee it! DXXXX<"
"wELL, EVEN THOUGH YOU KILLED ME, AND i'M STILL KIND OF SCARED OF YOU, AND i'M NOT SURE YOUR PLAN WILL WORK,,,"
"...yeah?"
"i THINK, i AM GOING TO USE THE LITTLE BIT OF REAL CONFIDENCE i HAVE, RIGHT NOW, AND TRUST YOU,"
It was more than she deserved. But it had gone a lot smoother than she'd anticipated. Vriska had forgotten, she reckoned, that Tavros was basically incapable of hate.

He touched the clear crystal sphere and vanished. A brown light burned from within it.

Notes:

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As I noted in the last chapter, the idea of the dream bubbles secretly being terrible hellscapes comes from those sort of disturbing Squiddle gifs that make the rounds in /co/ Homestruck threads occasionally (if you've seen them you know exactly what I'm talking about, they're nothing NSFW but just sort of generally creepy). Also, the idea of rescuing those trapped within them? Pretty much ripped wholesale from Gurren Lagann. Hooray, I am now exposed as a hack forever

Like I said, this is not chapter 12 in its entirety, just the first part, and that's because I'm not sure how to do the rest of it. Tavros was easy to write this much about, and certain other characters will be as well (and due to Eridan's revelations in the last chapter, Feferi's rescue just might get her own chapter), but I don't know if I can write that much about Equius, or Kanaya, or Nepeta, or even Gamzee. So most of the other rescues might be a paragraph, at most.

I'm not gonna throw this chapter up on AO3 until it's complete

Finally: I keep going back and forth on whether this fic is okay or if it totally blows. I still hate chapter 8 in its entirety, and I'm beginning to suspect I just can't write Vriska at all, but... Crossing Over is okay, I guess? I don't know, I can't decide whether it's decent or just awful.

[Graven_Image]

Graven: Compose Ancillary Literature

This has got to be the dumbest thing you've ever done. A side story? For your own forum adventure? Who will want to read this?

You type it out anyway. Lord knows the idea won't go away until you've put it down. Such is your fate, forever enslaved to your own creative genius.

Well, not genius, you guess. That sounds pompous. Let's call it "cunning."

Risen

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>Scene: Be Set.

The hive is silent.

No one has made a sound for two days. Either the occupant has left for the Fleet, or is away on business.

Given that Trolls rarely have business, you decide that that chance is worth taking.

>Enter Name.

Your name is LIETIA GRIMMS. You and your lusus, a GIGANT FORMICID, have found the perfect hive after nearly half a sweep of searching. Here's hoping this one is actually abandoned this time.

>Lietia: Infiltrate.

You open the door. Past the foyer is the recreationblock containing a deactivated TELEVISUAL SET, along with a miniature THERMAL HULL. Inside the hull are stacks and stacks of delicious protein wafers.

Man, if this place is actually abandoned, for real, you are SET FOR FREAKING LIFE.

>Place: Be Not Actually Abandoned, For Real.

You hear a heavy thud upstairs.

Oh no.

>Lietia: Investigate.

You slowly creep upstairs, wary of being violently ousted from a potential home again. Three times bitten, four times shy. Upstairs is the previous owner's respiteblock, mostly bare, but with a serviceable recuperacoon and computer.

A faint glow is coming from the closet.

>Lietia: Open Closet

It's a soulbot, in standby mode.

Looks like the previous owner never got around to using it.

It's not the right model for you, but there aren't any pawn stores for quite a distance. You decide to leave it.

>Time: Pass.

You eventually settle into your new hive, introducing yourself to the locals and making sure not to attract any unwanted attention.

You hear another thump soon enough.

Then another.

And another.

Something is walking downstairs.

>Lietia: Confront.

It's the soulbot, now moving of its own accord. The sign on its chest glows bright magenta.

"Little girl"

Its voice is female, but absolutely emotionless. You've heard that temporary loss of personality can be a side-effect of soulbot use.

"Do you know what the date is"

"...I-It's the... 20067th Sweep of the Empire's Glorious Reign of Terror... 45th Sweep of Dread Empress Peixes's Rule...."

"Right right I know what year it is what's the date"

"The, ah, the Twelfth Bilunar Perigree of the Second Dim Season's Equinox. Why?"

The soulbot looks around, muttering to itself.

"...too early..."

"What?"

"Nevermind" it says, suddenly walking outside. "I have places to go"

>Soulbot: Go Places.

You've got quite a stretch ahead of you.

First you'll need a map. Then you'll need a ship. Then you'll need a weapon...

Hopefully, by the time you get your stuff together, it won't be too late.

[Red Pen]

Part two of that fanfic in which the trolls reached adulthood without ever playing Sgrub. Some of the trolls come across each other again a few weeks into starting their new careers, and get caught up with one another.

Part one was over here!

The End And What Comes After - part two

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- the Ultravires came within hailing range of the Automatech Mark Two --

-- untraceableUsurper [UU] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

UU: I have a message for you, Sollux!
UU: Do not attempt to trace this signal, or guess who I am.
UU: This message is being sent in the utmost seacresea!
UU: I am just an anemonemous ally, fighting for a righteous and EXCITING cause!
TA: hey ff.
UU: Aw, )(ow'd you know it was me? 38/
TA: 2eriiou2ly?
UU: I t)(oug)(t I was being pretty sneaky.
UU: Was it the fis)( puns?
TA: iit wa2 the fi2h pun2.
UU: A)(rg, I just can't stop making t)(ose and t)(ey give me away every time!
UU: I need to tell Eridan, every time you )(ear me make a fis)( pun you )(ave to slap me in t)(e )(ead! T)(at would stop me I bet!
TA: eheh, would he?
UU: )(e )(as to!
UU: )(e is my moirail and it is )(is duty to )(elp me learn to )(ide my identity, even if it means giving me a good )(ard rap across the )(orns. >38(
UU: But I just keep doing it! I can't )(alibut!
TA: uh ff...
UU: I M-EAN )(-ELP IT!!
UU: O)( glub.
TA: iit wa2nt that bad.
TA: you were 2till kind of anonymou2, iif iid never met you before iid have no clue iit wa2 you.
UU: Well duuuuu)(!
TA: ju2t pull back on your quirk a bit and try not two get 2o...
UU: -Excited?
TA: yeah.
UU: It's )(ard not to get -EXCIT-ED!
UU: Wit)( everyt)(ing t)(at's about to )(appen!
TA: you need two be careful though.
TA: no need two make it ea2y for you-know-who two find you before youre ready.
UU: You-know-w)(o?
UU: O)(, )(-ER.
UU: T)(at's rig)(t, I almost forgot t)(at we )(ave to be careful about w)(at we say )(ere!
UU: T)(e Automatec)( )(as t)(hose word filters t)(at screen your conversations.
UU: O)( wow, I'm sorry Sollux! Did I say anyt)(ing incriminating t)(at would get you in trouble?
TA: hey no 2weat.
TA: fiir2t thiing ii diid when they 2howed me two my work2ation wa2 dii2able all the 2urveiillance ii could fiind.
TA: ii mean thii2 ii2 the automatech mark two 2o iim 2ure there2 a ton of 2tuff ii mii22ed
TA: but iif were not 2tupiidly obviiou2 theyre not goiing two catch u2.
UU: Seacurity is pretty tig)(t around t)(ere, )(u)(?
UU: I mean security. S-ECURITY.
TA: heh.
TA: on the AM2? hell ye2.
TA: we de2iigned every 2ecuriity 2y2tem iin the fleet. we are untracable, unhackable, and un2toppable.
UU: Well in t)(at case, I sure am glad I've got a master encryptrooper on t)(e inside! 38)
TA: iive only been an encryptrooper for liike a couple week2 now ff, iim currently the low guy on the totem pole.
TA: ii wouldnt 2ay iim a ma2ter over here.
TA: iin fact iim not 2ure iif iim really goiing two be all that helpful.
UU: Of course you will be )(elpful silly!
UU: You )(ave already been SUP-ER )(-ELPFUL.
TA: not really.
UU: Y-ES REELY. Really. R-EALLY.
TA: iinternet 2mack.
UU: INT-ERN-ET OUC)(! 3XD
UU: But R-EALLY, you are doing so muc)( important stuff!
UU: Like your S-ECR-ET PROJ-ECT?
UU: O)( actually, t)(at was w)(at I messaged you to glub about in t)(e first place!
UU: Before you found me out, you sneakity sneak! >38C
TA: 2o 2orry ii blew your cover.
UU: )(ee )(ee!
UU: Is your Foldspace project done yet? -Eridan is getting really impatient!
TA: well you can tell ed two hold his mu2clebea2t2.
TA: he2 lucky iim doiing thii2 for hiim at all, ii could have pa22ed thii2 off two a 2hitty programmer liike kk and made hiim waiit even longer.
TA: but no, ii deciide two be a niice guy for once.
UU: Sollux!
TA: and all he doe2 for month2 ii2 a2k me why iit2 not done yet.
TA: you know what a22hole thii2 ii2 a lot of work.
TA: ii 2hould have ju2t told hiim two do iit hiim2elf!
UU: Geeze lou-E-EZ-E Sollux, )(-E )(-E!
UU: )(e )(asn't been t)(at bad.
UU: I t)(ink deep down )(e really appreciates all t)(e work you're doing.
TA: 2ure he doe2.
TA: you know ii thiink kk wa2 actually riight about 2omethiing for once.
TA: iim goiing two go my entiire liife beiing unnapreciiated for everythiing ii do.
TA: liike de2tiiny 2lapped a biig 2tamp on my forehead 2ayiing plea2e iignore.
UU: Gruuuumpy! 38P
UU: I am only asking because it is just so sad to watc)( )(im pace around the s)(ip and be all mopey with not)(ing to do. We can't get started until you finis)(!
UU: And -Eridan is getting worried about keeping in contact wit)( you.
UU: T)(e Ultravires can only stay wit)(in )(ailing distance of t)(e Automatec)( for so long before people start to get suspicious!
TA: relax ff, of cour2e iive got thii2.
TA: iive had two put the fiinii2hiing touche2 on iit iin 2ecret but iim almo2t done.
TA: iive got a couple people beta te2tiing iit for me already.
TA: iill get the code two you iin the next couple of day2.
UU: T)(anks Sollux, t)(at's a big rereef!
UU: I guess I s)(ould let you off the )(ook now, t)(at was all I needed to know.
UU: And you are probably pretty busea with your important encryptrooper weirk!
TA: ff read what you ju2t wrote.
UU: O)( GLUB GLUB GLUB
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: T)(-E INT-ERN-ET PAIN! 38'C
UU: I really need to work on t)(is!
TA: well
TA: iim actually ju2t doiing 2ome bu2ywork riight now.
TA: iif you wanted two 2tay on and chat
TA: you know, two practiice the fii2h pun thiing
TA: ii could hang around and 2mack you on occa2iion.
UU: I would really appreciate t)(at, Sollux. 38)
UU: LOOK, T)(IS IS M-E APPR-ECIATING YOU!
UU: )(ee )(ee )(ee glub!
TA: 2crew de2tiiny, con2iider me fully appreciiated.
UU: T)(at's t)(e rig)(t attitide, I like w)(at I'm )(erring!
TA: ff...
UU: I mean, um...
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: O)( nooooooooooo!






-- the Themis came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3 W3LL LOOK WHO 1 FOUND
GC: W3 M33T 4G41N K4RK4T V4NT4S
GC: OR SHOULD 1 S4Y
GC: M1ST3R YUMMY GR33N1SH B4N4N4 >:]
CG: OH THANK GOD, IT'S SOMEBODY SANE.
CG: THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOU HAD STARTED TROLLING ME.
GC: 4DM1T 1T K4RK4T YOU M1SS3D M3
CG: THE SAD THING IS I THINK I DID.
CG: LOOK AT YOUR CHUMPROLL AND TELL ME THE ONLY OTHER FAMILIAR SCREEN NAME YOU SEE.
GC: 4D1OSTOR34DOR?
CG: ADIOSTOREADOR.
CG: FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS MY SOCIAL CIRCLE HAS CONSISTED EXCLUSIVELY OF TAVROS NITRAM.
GC: H3H3
GC: I W4S JUST T4LK1NG TO H1M!
GC: H3 S33MS 4 L1TTL3 B1T LON3LY
GC: H4V3 YOU B33N 4VO1D1NG H1M?
CG: HE'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET.
CG: AVOIDING HIM ISN'T THE ISSUE, IT'S HARD ENOUGH JUST BEING AWAKE WHEN HE IS.
GC: W3LL 1 S3NT G4MM3RS H1S W4Y SO HOP3FULLY H3 W1LL H4V3 SOM3BODY TO T4LK TO FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3
CG: "GAMMERS"
GC: G4444MZ3RS!!
CG: OK, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK.
GC: W3LL H3S 4ROUND H3R3 TOO
GC: TH3 BL4CK C4TH3DR4L 1S ST4Y1NG CLOS3 TO TH3 TH3MIS WH1L3 W3 WORK ON 4N 1MPORT4NT C4S3
GC: 1 C4NT T3LL YOU 4LL TH3 D3T41LS DU3 TO 3V3RYTH1NG B31NG H1GHLY S3CR3T1V3 BUT TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS 4R3 H3LP1NG US TR4CK DOWN OUR CR1M1N4L
CG: THAT MUST BE GREAT FOR YOU, HAVING A BUNCH OF PSYCHOTIC BERSERKERS AT YOUR BECK AND CALL. TEREZI PYROPE'S FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE.
GC: TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS DO NOT T3LL TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS WH4T TO DO K4RK4T!
GC: TH3Y 4R3 SORT OF T3CHN1C4LLY 4 R3L1G1OUS ORG4N1Z4T1ON 4ND 1T WOULD B3 H1GHLY 1N4PPROPR14T3
GC: SOM3T1MES W3 JUST SORT OF
GC: SUGG3ST P3OPL3 TH3 3MP1R3 WOULD B3 B3TT3R OFF W1THOUT
GC: 4ND 1T SUR3 WOULD B3 CONV3N13NT 1F WH4T3V3R CH4OT1C FORC3S TH3Y S3RV3 W4NT3D TH3 S4M3 TH1NG >;]
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE PLATONIC BULGE BUMPING SOUL BUDDIES WITH THE SUBJUGGLATORS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT.
CG: I MEAN COME ON, EVERYTHING THEY DO IS LEGAL.
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 TH31R 4CT1ONS 4R3 GU1D3D BY D1V1N3 1NT3RV3NT1ON
GC: 4ND NOT 4T 4LL B3C4US3 TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS H4VE SOME K1ND OF D34L WITH TH3M, WH3R3 DO TH3S3 F1LTHY RUMORS 3V3N COM3 FROM
CG: ........
GC: 1 4M CH4NG1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT NOW
GC: 4R3 YOU H4V1NG LOTS OF FUN 4T BOOT C4MP?
CG: STUFF THE BLUE BLOOD SLANG UP YOUR SEEDFLAP, IT'S A FODDERMILL, AND I AM HAVING A FUCKING BLAST.
GC: FODD3RM1LL SOUNDS STUP1D
CG: BETTER THAN YOUR CONKSUCK BOOT CAMP.
CG: FODDERMILL IS SO MUCH MORE BADASS, BOOT CAMP SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING WIGGLERS DO ARTS AND CRAFTS AT OVER THEIR SWELTERPERIGEE VACATIONS.
GC: OK C4LL 1T WH4T3V3R YOU W4NT K4RK4T 1 DON'T C4R3
GC: 1T DO3SNT SOUND V3RY B4D4SS TO M3 >:P
CG: WELL IT IS.
CG: IT IS TOTALLY BADASS.
CG: I'M A REMORSELESS KILLER NOW, I COULD CUT YOU TO RIBBONS IN TEN SECONDS FLAT AND THERE'S NOT A THING YOU COULD DO TO STOP ME.
GC: YOU 4R3 TH4T B4D4SS 4FT3R ONLY 4 COUPL3 OF W33KS K4RK4T?
GC: W3LL CL34RLY 1 H4V3 P1CK3D TH3 WRONG PROF3SS1ON!
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: YEAH LAUGH IT UP.
CG: IF YOU WERE THE ENEMY YOU'D BE SO TERRIFIED OF ME RIGHT NOW.
GC: C4NT 4 G1RL L4UGH OUT OF F34R OF YOUR B4D4SS4RY
CG: NOT WHEN SHE'S YOU SHE CAN'T.
GC: H3H3H3 1 JUST C4NT H3LP 1T K4RK4T
GC: YOU 4R3 SOOOOO B4D4SS 1 JUST C4NT T4K3 1T
CG: OH HA HA HA.
GC: K4RK4T C4N YOU T34CH M3 TH3 S3CR3T TO B31NG B4D4SS
CG: THE SECRET IS SHUT THE HELL UP. SHUT THE HELL UP IS THE SECRET.
GC: 1 4M 3NL1GHT3N3D
CG: LOOK, I'M BADASS JUST FOR BEING HERE. THE TRAINING REGIMEN FOR THRESHICUTIONERS IS INTENSE. I'VE BATTLED IT OUT WITH TROLLS TWICE MY SIZE DOWN HERE. THEY'RE DEAD, I'M NOT, BADASS EQUALS ME.
CG: IF I MAKE IT OUT OF BASIC TRAINING ALIVE
CG: WHICH I WILL.
CG: I WILL HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE CALLED ONE OF THE MOST DEADLY MEMBERS OF OUR SOCIETY.
CG: IF I MAKE IT THROUGH MY FIRST BATTLE ALIVE
CG: WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, I WILL.
CG: I WILL BE SO HIGH UP ON THE PEDESTAL OF BADASSARY THAT YOU'LL NEED A FUCKING STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF ME.
CG: WAIT, NO. I'LL BE SO HIGH UP YOU'LL NEED A STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF THE PEOPLE I'VE KILLED.
CG: I WILL BE SO FAR ABOVE YOU THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL EVEN KNOW I EXIST IS BY THE TRAIL OF CARNAGE I LEAVE BEHIND.
CG: THRESHICUTIONERS
CG: ARE
CG: BADASS.
GC: 1 4M PR3SS3D 4G41NST MY SCR33N JUST T4K1NG 1N 4LL YOUR 4M4Z1NG B4D4SS4RY
GC: 1T T4ST3S L1K3 M3T4L
CG: IT TASTES LIKE A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN YOU PSYCHO.
CG: STOP LICKING EVERYTHING I TYPE, IT'S DISGUSTING.
GC: 1TS D3L1C1OUS
CG: OH GOD YOU'RE STILL LICKING IT.
GC: K4RK4T WHY DO YOU H4V3 TO TYP3 3V3RYTH1NG 1N GR4Y???
GC: SUCH 4 WOND3RFUL SLURRY OF FL4VORS ON MY SCR33N 4ND TH3R3 1S K4RK4T V4NT4S W1TH H1S BOR1NG GUNM3T4L GR4Y
GC: YOUR T3XT WOULD T4ST3 SO MUCH B3TT3R 1F 1T W4S 4 BR1GHT3R COLOR DONT YOU TH1NK
GC: M4YB3.......
GC: 4 YUMMY B4N4N4 COLOR?? >8D
CG: NO.
CG: FUCK THAT.
CG: FUCK THAT WITH SOMETHING SHARP AND POINTED, I AM NOT SATISFYING YOUR SICK LICKING FETISH WITH BANANA YELLOW TEXT.
GC: BUT WH4TS TH3 PO1NT OF B31NG GR4Y 4NYMOR3
GC: TH3 S3CR3T 1S OUT
GC: K4RK4T H4S B4N4N4 BLOOD 4ND H3 1S 4 S3LF1SH M34N13F4C3 WHO W1LL NOT SH4R3 1T
CG: I LIKE THE COLOR GRAY.
GC: JUST SHOW 1T TO M3 ONC3
GC: PL34S3 K4RK4T 1 H4V3 B33N SO GOOD 4BOUT R3SP3CT1NG YOUR PR1V4CY 4ND L3TT1NG YOU PL4Y YOUR 4NONYM1TY G4M3
GC: 1 COULD H4V3 TR1CK3D YOU 1NTO SHOW1NG M3 4 HUNDR3D D1FF3R3NT W4YS BUT 1 D1D NOT
CG: BULLSHIT, IF YOU COULD HAVE YOU WOULD HAVE.
GC: YOU R34LLY TH1NK SO >:]
CG: YOU WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY.
GC: >:] >:] >:]
CG: THERE'S NO WAY YOU WERE JUST RESPECTING MY PRIVACY.
GC: >8] >8] >8]
CG: OK STOP WITH THE FACE.
CG: YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
GC: >8D >8D >8D >8D
GC: >:P
GC: JUST SHOW M3 ON3 T1M3 4ND YOU W1LL N3V3R 3V3R H34R M3 4SK 4BOUT 1T 4G41N
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO S33 YOU WR1T3 1N GR33N1SH B4N4N4
GC: 1T H4S B33N MY L1F3LONG DR34M TO S33 YOU TYP3 1N YOUR BLOOD COLOR
GC: 1 TOO 4M 1N 4 V3RY D3M4ND1NG C4R33R K4RK4T
GC: 1 COULD B3 ON3 B4D C4S3 4W4Y FROM B31NG D3VOUR3D BY H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY
GC: WOULD YOU D3NY 4 POOR L3G1SL4C3R4TOR H3R L1F3LONG DR34M
CG: LIKE I BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. ARE THEY EVEN LETTING YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN CASES YET?
GC: W3LL NO
GC: 1 4M JUST OBS3RV1NG TH3 M4ST3RS 4T WORK 4ND TR4NSCR1B1NG COURT R3CORDS FOR TH3M
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 TO WORK MY W4Y UP JUST L1K3 YOU
CG: OH RIGHT, THEY'RE LETTING THE BLIND LEETSPEAKER WRITE OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS.
CG: THERE GOES MY FAITH IN OUR COURT SYSTEM.
GC: Karkat, I'll have you know that I am fully capable of writing coherently when I need to.
GC: >;]
CG: WHOA
CG: WHOA
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!!!
GC: JUST DO 1T YOU KNOW 1T W1LL SHUT M3 UP
GC: YOU DONT N33D TO B3 SC4R3D 1T W1LL B3 SO MUCH 34S13R TH4N 4 BLOOD T3ST
CG: OH MY GOD, I AM NOT SCARED OF MY BLOOD.
GC: JUST SC4R3D OF SHOW1NG 1T
GC: SOLLUX TOLD M3 HOW YOU W3R3 4CT1NG WH3N TH3Y TOOK YOUR BLOOD 1 KNOW YOU W3R3 CRY1NG L1K3 4 W1GGL3R
CG: I WAS NOT!
GC: SOME B4D4SS THR3SH1CUT1ON3R YOU AR3 B4N4N4M4N
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF MY BLOOD!
CG: I'VE BLED PLENTY OF TIMES IN BASIC TRAINING. MY GROSS YELLOW BLOOD HAS BEEN OFFERED UP TO THE GODS OF SWEATY FODDERMILL COMBAT SO MUCH THEY'VE GOT A RUNNING TAB WITH ME.
CG: BLOOD IS NOT A BIG DEAL.
GC: SO SHOW M3!
CG: I
CG: JUST
CG: FUCK.
CG: FINE.
CG: THIS IS WHAT MY BLOOD LOOKS LIKE.
CG: I'LL WAIT PATIENTLY WHILE YOU MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MONITOR.
GC: K4RK4T..........
GC: TH1S COLOR T4ST3S L1K3 YUCKY CH3M1C4LS!
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: THAT IS A BANANA. IT LOOKS LIKE A BANANA, THEREFORE YOUR MAGICAL SYNESTHESIA POWERS SHOULD SAY IT SMELLS AND TASTES LIKE A BANANA .
CG: DO YOU JUST ARBITRARILY DECIDE THIS CRAP OR IS THERE SOME WHEEL YOU SPIN THAT TELLS YOU WHAT FLAVOR YOU'RE SLOBBERING ON?
GC: MY NOS3 4ND MY TONGU3 4LW4YS KNOW TH3 TRUTH K4RK4T
GC: 4ND TH3 TRUTH 1S TH4T YOU H4V3 YUCKY BLUCKY CH3M1C4L FL4VOR3D BLOOD
CG: AND YOU WONDERED WHY I NEVER WANTED TO SHOW IT TO YOU.
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 D1D WOND3R TH4T
GC: 4ND 1 ST1LL DO!
GC: YOUR BLOOD 1S P3RF3CTLY NORM4L K4RK4T 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU W3R3 H1D1NG 1T
CG: I WAS HIDING IT BECAUSE THAT'S PRIVATE AND I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.
GC: V3333RY SUSP1C1OUS >:/
GC: 1 C4N S33 1 W1LL H4V3 TO PURSU3 TH1S C4S3 W1TH 4LL OF MY SK1LL
CG: OK NO SHUT UP.
CG: I WAS JUST HIDING IT BECAUSE
CG: IT'S
CG: KIND OF CLOSE TO SOLLUX'S BLOOD COLOR.
GC: 444444ND???
CG: AND HE HAS ALL THOSE PSIONIC POWERS. I FELT LIKE A FREAK, HAVING ALMOST THE EXACT SAME BLOOD COLOR AND NO POWERS AT ALL.
CG: IT WAS JUST EASIER TO HIDE IT.
GC: 4444W K4RKL3S
CG: DON'T CALL ME KARKLES.
GC: LOTS OF Y3LLOW BLOODS DONT H4V3 POW3RS 1T 1S NO B1G D34L
GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 YOU 4 FR34K
CG: OH THANK GOD I HAVE TEREZI'S APPROVAL.
CG: I SHOULD HAVE TOLD EVERYONE SWEEPS AGO, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
GC: 1T 1S T4ST1NG L1K3 D1SGUST1NG CH3M1CALS TH4T M4K3S YOU 4 FR34K!!! >8D
CG: .........
CG: I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW.
GC: H4H4H4
GC: SOM3BODY SUR3 1S S3NS3T1V3 4BOUT H1S BLOOD
CG: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN INSANE PSYCHO FREAK.
CG: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
GC: WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y K4RK4T
GC: 1T W4S N1C3 T4LK1NG TO YOU TOO
GC: 1 W1LL SM3LL YOU 4G41N WH3N YOU G3T BOR3D OF T4VROS

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3!






-- the Black Cathedral came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] logged on to server: Public Network of Mirthful Communion --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

TC: AwWw dAmN My bRoThEr i tHiNk yOu kNoW WhAt tHiS MeAnS.
AT: i THINK I AM INDEED AWARE OF, tHE THING THAT THIS MEANS,
TC: AiN'T No sToPpIn iT MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: GeTtIn mY HaRsH On aLl uP In hErE, yOu tHiNk yOu cAn bRiNg iT?
AT: cONSIDER IT BROUGHT,
AT: tHE THING THAT I AM BRINGING,
TC: ThEn...
TC: ShIpS PaSsInG!
AT: sLAM BATTLE!
TC: RoUnD OnE!
AT: sUDDEN DEATH!
TC: GrOoVe?
AT: yOUR SHIP, aND CURRENT EVENTS THEREIN, i GUESS,
AT: sO WE CAN GET CAUGHT UP WITH,
AT: hOW THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING,
TC: I'M DoWn wItH ThAt, MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: ShAdE?
AT: uH, lIGHT!
TC: AwWwWwWwWw yEeEeEeEeEaH
TC: AiN'T SeEn yOu iN A WhIlE, bRo, AlLoW Me tO ReCiTe
TC: WhAt's aLl bEeN GoInG DoWn wHiLe i bEeN In fLiGhT
TC: LiKe a mOtHeRfUcKiN, kItE, bRo!
TC: AnD ThIs sHiT Is tIgHt.
TC: HoW'S A ShIp tHaT BiG EvEn sTaY At tHaT HeIgHt?
TC: So wHaTeVeR, iT'S AiGhT. GoNnA ChIlL FoR A MiNuTe.
TC: YoU SeEn tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl, BeCaUsE FuCk bRo, I'M In iT!
TC: AnD ThEy cAlL Me tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN AcOlYtE
TC: LiKe a rItE, mOtHeRfUcKeR, tHaT'S My mOtHeRfUcKiN RiGhT.
TC: ThEy sAy fUcK It mAkArA, hEaR WhAt wE Up aNd sAiD,
TC: YoU AiN'T GoT No fOcUs iN YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd,
TC: UpTiGhT, mAkE Me wRiTe oUt tHaT ShIt i mIsReAd.
TC: PrIeStS AnD DeAcOnS
TC: AlL Be sPeAkIn
TC: 'bOuT ThE SpItE I AuGhTtA BrEd.
TC: DoN'T EvEn kNoW HoW To gEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn sPiTe!
TC: BuT ThEy gOt tHiS FiRe iN Em lIkE ThEy'rE GoNnA IgNiTe.
TC: SeE ThE LiGhT, mOtHeRfUcKeR, bUrNiNg mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRiGhT.
TC: I SaY BrOtHeR I AiN'T SeEiN It.
TC: ThEy bE AlL, yOu gOtTa bE BeIn iT.
TC: WaNnA StAy a lAuGhSsAsSiN, dOn't bE GeTtIn sChOoLfEd
TC: BuT A SuBjUgGlAtOr kNoWs wHaT'S In hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd.
TC: GeT ThE JoKe, ClEaR ThE SmOkE, aNd fInD SoMe fUcKiN InSiGhT.
TC: GrAy aNd wHiTe, QuIt tHe sHiT AnD GeT YoUr hEaD! On! rIgHt!
TC: GaMzEe oUt.
AT: oH WOW, tHAT SOUNDS KIND OF,
AT: uNPLEASANT,
AT: tHAT THEY TELL YOU OFF LIKE THAT,
TC: NaH, iT'S ChIlL. :o)
TC: AiN'T NoBoDy's fAuLt bUt mInE I ZoNe oUt lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: I MeAn, FuCk, SpAcE Is jUsT ToO ChIlL, bRo! i cAn't hElP JuSt sTaRiN OuT At tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN StArS.
TC: AlL FuCkIn tWiNkLiN AnD ShIt tIl yOu tHiNk yOu cAn jUsT SoRt oF ReAcH OuT AnD MoThErFuCkIn tOuCh eM.
TC: MaKeS It rEaL HaRd tO PaY AtTeNtIoN To wHaT EvErYbOdY'S Up aNd sAyInG!
AT: i'VE NOTICED, tHOUGH,
AT: tHAT YOU DON'T REALLY ZONE OUT AS MUCH, wHEN WE'RE DOING SLAM POETRY,
TC: WeLl fUcK, bRoThEr, I GuEsS I DoN'T!
AT: sO MAYBE IT WOULD HELP, uH, kEEP YOU FOCUSED,
AT: iF YOU PRETENDED THAT,
AT: i GUESS, yOU WERE THROWING DOWN SOME STRICT BEATS WITH EVERYONE YOU TALKED TO,
AT: aND YOU HAD TO PAY ATTENTION, sO YOU COULD CALL THEM OUT WITH YOUR, uH, sICK BURNS,
AT: aND THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD REMEMBER, tHE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAID TO YOU AND, nOT GET YELLED AT,
TC: MoThErFuUuUuUuCk tAvRoS, tHaT Is wIcKeD BiTcHiN!
AT: iS THAT A GOOD THING OR, a BAD THING,
TC: I DuNnO BrOtHeR, i tHiNk tHaT MiGhT MoThErFuCkIn wOrK!
TC: HoNk! :o)
AT: gLAD TO HELP,
TC: BuUuUuUuUuUt
TC: YoU AiN'T OfF ThE MoThErFuCkInG HoOk, BrO!
TC: I MeAn sUrE YoU GoT ThE BrAiNs bUt cAn yOu sLaM?
AT: oH YOU KNOW I AM CAPABLE OF SLAMMING,
TC: I SaId cAn yOu mOtHeR
TC: FuCkInG
TC: SlAm????
AT: i CAN SLAM, iF YOU GIVE ME A GROOVE,
TC: SaMe.
TC: AnD YoUr sHaDe iS
TC: FrEeStYyYyYyYyLe!
AT: oOOOOH GAMZEE, yOU'RE GONNA REGRET THAT DECISION,
AT: wHEN I FREESTYLE RHYMES WITHOUT MAD SUPERVISION,
AT: (THAT'S REFERRING TO THE FREESTYLE THING, bY THE WAY,)
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS AND I'M HERE TO SAY,
AT: wAIT, lET ME, uH, mAKE A REVISION,
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS, cAVALREAPER IN THE MAKING,
AT: mY SKILLS ARE BEING HONED AND MY ENEMIES ARE QUAKING,
AT: aND, uH, sHAKING, tOO, tHEY'RE ALSO DOING THAT,
AT: gOT MY LANCE AT THE READY AND MY HELMET, tHAT'S A HAT,
AT: aND INSTEAD OF PRACTICING ON THAT DUMMY I MADE,
AT: i'M FACING REAL OPPONENTS AND I'M NOT AFRAID,
AT: oF THE OPPONENTS,
AT: wAIT,
AT: uH,
AT: oK SO, eVEN THOUGH THEY MOCK ME IN THE BARRACKS AND SAY,
AT: tAVROS NITRAM, yOU AREN'T GONNA LAST ANOTHER DAY,
AT: yOU'RE DEAD FROM THE WAIST,
AT: aND WE'LL POUND YOU INTO PASTE,
AT: lITTLE CRIPPLE, sAY YOUR PRAYERS,
AT: aND SAY THEM IN HASTE,
AT: tHEY AIN'T HALF AS BAD AS VRISKA, sO I LOOKED AT THEM AND SAID
AT: bETTER DEAD FROM THE WAIST, tHAN DEAD IN THE HEAD,
TC: DaAaAaAaAaMn! :oO
AT: uH, tHANKS,
AT: sO ANYWAY, i'M NOT AFRAID, aND I DON'T YIELD,
AT: wHO'S PASTE WHEN I FACE THEM ON THE TRAINING FIELD???
AT: (iT'S THEM AND NOT ME,)
AT: i GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS, i'M AT A DISADVANTAGE,
AT: bUT I'M GAINING SOME RESPECT, aND I THINK I'M GONNA MANAGE,
AT: tHAT DIDN'T REALLY RHYME,
AT: bUT, uH,
AT: tAVROS OUT,
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE YoU GoT ThAt sHiT NaIlEd dOwN!
AT: iT WASN'T EASY, tO BEGIN WITH,
AT: bUT I THINK EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT A, uH, vALUABLE ASSET I WOULD BE, tO THE RANKS OF THE CAVALREAPERS,
AT: aND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE SAYING THAT IF I MAKE IT THROUGH BASIC TRAINING, i MIGHT BE FITTED WITH SOME PROSTHETICS,
TC: MoThErFuCkInG ChIlL, bRo!
TC: HoNk! :oD
AT: i'VE MOSTLY JUST BEEN REMEMBERING THE THINGS YOU SAID,
AT: aBOUT TELLING MYSELF WHAT TO BE,
AT: aND I THINK I JUST DECIDED, tO TELL MYSELF I WAS GOING TO BE,
AT: wHATEVER I WANTED TO BE,
AT: aND NOT LET ANYONE SAY THAT I COULDN'T,
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S WORKING,
TC: WaIt, DiD I AlL MoThErFuCkInG TeLl yOu tHaT?
TC: ShIt bRo, I ThOuGhT ThAt wAs rUfIo!
AT: rUFIO IS JUST A FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,
AT: bUT SOMETIMES I FORGET THAT TOO, sO THAT'S OK,
TC: HaHaHaHa!
AT: hEY GAMZEE,
AT: dO YOU THINK THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE MEETING UP OUT THERE,
AT: wHO AREN'T CATCHING UP WITH EACH OTHER IN THE FORM OF, uH, sLAM BATTLES?
TC: WhO'D EvEn aLl wAnT To mOtHeRfUcKiN Do tHaT? ThEy'd jUsT Be mIsSiN OuT On tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg fUn!
TC: HoOoOoNk! :o)
AT: hA HA, i KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,
AT: tHIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE,
AT: sPEAKING OF WHICH,,,,,,,
AT: aRE YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO?
TC: TaVrOs mY MoThErFuCkIn bRoThEr, I WaS HaTcHeD ReAdY.
TC: BrEaK OuT ThE BeAtS AnD LeT'S TeAr tHiS ShIt uP.
AT: oK, i GUESS I CAN GO FIRST THIS TIME,
TC: SlAm bAtTlE!
AT: rOUND TWO!
TC: SuDdEn dEaTh!
AT: gROOVE?
TC: MoThErFuCkIn cAnDy.
AT: sHADE?
TC: OrAaAaAnGe! >:o)
AT: yOU'RE MAKING ME RHYME WITH ORANGE?
AT: aND HERE I THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE ME SOMETHING DIFFICULT, >}:)
TC: YoU TaLk bIg bRoThEr, BuT I WaNt tO SeE YoU SlAm iT!
AT: yOU WANT ME TO SLAM IT,
AT: oH, i CAN SLAM IT,
AT: hERE I GO,,,,,,,,,

-- the Black Cathedral is not longer within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] has been disconnected! --

AT: aWWWW,






-- twinArmageddons [TA] launched the program Fold2pace~ATH --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: te2tiing one two
TA: te2tiing one two
TA: nothiing2 goiing two explode thii2 tiime?
TA: good

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: well
AA: this is a thing
TA: oh hell ye2!
AA: 0_0
TA: iit actually worked thii2 tiime!
TA: you 2ee thii2 aa?
TA: thii2 ii2 me
TA: talkiing two you
TA: from halfway acro22 the galaxy.
TA: ii thiink that de2erve2 a hell ye2.
AA: i supp0se
AA: even th0ugh it is basically just the inevitable 0utc0me 0f s0mething y0ve been trying t0 d0 f0r m0nths anyway
AA: all y0u are celebrating is the absence 0f failure
TA: 2ome people call that 2uce22.
TA: that2 been a word for a whiile now, you 2hould probably look iit up.
AA: i am 0nly stating a fact
TA: well now youre goiing to state a hell ye2.
TA: 2ay iit wiith me aradiia
TA: hell
TA: ye2.
AA: hell yes
AA: y0u are c0mpetent in acc0mplishing tasks that are well within y0ur capabilities
AA: g00d j0b
TA: oh fuck you aa.
TA: go 2iit iin the gloom and doom corner whiile ii get the re2t of the guiinea piig2 iin here.
AA: 0_0
AA: 0kay

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AG: A8out time!
AG: Woooooooow Sollux, I was starting to think you were never going to finish!
AG: I've 8een so 8ored just waiting on you and your stupid project.
AG: When I agreed to 8e your awesome test su8ject I didn't think there would 8e so much waiting!
TA: ok look, thii2 2tuff ii2 voliitiile and iit take2 tiime.
TA: thii2 tiime la2t week fold2pace wa2 explodiing every computer ii ran iit on.
AG: Whaaaaaaaatever.
TA: iim pretty 2ure ii fiixed that bug, but that2 why were runniing the2e te2t2.
CT: D--> Hel100 again, Aradia
AA: hey
AG: Oh geeze.
CT: D--> Have you given any thought to
CT: D--> What I said to you previously
CT: D--> Upon leaving Alternia
AA: n0 n0t really
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> If you do
CT: D--> Happen to think of that particular e%clamation I made
CT: D--> Please recall that it was said in the heat of the moment
CT: D--> And that perhaps I did not mean
CT: D--> Quite what I thought I meant
CT: D--> When I said it
AA: 0_0
CT: D--> It would be highly scandalous and inappropriate to pursue such a thing
CT: D--> So very inappropriate
AG: Uuuuuuuugh. XXXXP
CT: D--> And despite any
CT: D--> Desires
CT: D--> We may or may not harbor
TA: oh god thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2.
CT: D--> I think it w001d be for the best if we simply forgot the wh001e thing occurred
AA: sure
CT: D--> Unless of course you would rather
CT: D--> Not forget
AA: n0 its fine i pretty much f0rg0t it already
CT: D--> Ah
AG: Here's a crazy idea! You guys should listen to this crazy idea I just had!
AG: My crazy idea is that we 8an all discussion about towel8oy's gross love life from this server 8efore Vriska hurls!
AG: Let's vote on it! All in favor?
TA: Aye.
AG: AAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE.
AA: i d0nt care either way
CT: D--> I don't think you have the authority to do that
AG: My vote counts as eight. Motion passed!
CT: D--> Fiddlesticks
TA: ok real quiick before thii2 conver2atiion traiin get2 any further off the raiil2 and cra2he2 iintwo 2tupiidtown
TA: there ii2 actually 2tuff we need two get done here.
AG: Fine, oh fearless leader, we're listening.
AG: It's a8out time some8ody actually explained what the 8ig deal is with this secret Foldspace thing.
TA: iill try to dumb iit down for you.
AG: >::::|
TA: It will 8e easy for me 8ecause I am a stuuuuuuuupid iiiiiiiidiot 2TOP THAT
AG: Stop what, Sollux????????
TA: Stop 8eing 8asically the 8est at everything and also really smart and 8eautiful!!!!!!!!
AA: vriska
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?
AG: I can't help it if Sollux thinks I'm 8eautiful.
TA: equiiu2 hiit her for me.
CT: D--> I do not take orders from you, lowb100d
TA: You're right, I am pretty much the worst!!!!!!!! Vriska is so much 8etter than me AT BEIING AN ENOURMOU2 BIITCH which is what I would have said if I didn't think she was soooooooo awesome VRII2KA II 2WEAR you are simply the 8est there is!!!!!!!!
AA: equius hit her f0r me
AG: OW!!!!!!!!
AG: You guys suuuuuuuuck.
AG: Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.
TA: you know what, you dont have two be here.
TA: none of you have two be here, ii could be doiing thii2 entiire thiing by my2elf!
TA: ii dont need you moron2!
AA: s0llux
AA: y0u were explaining ab0ut f0ldspace
AA: this is s0mething the 0thers sh0uld kn0w
TA: fiine, whatever.
TA: alriight iidiiot2 and aradiia, lii2ten up.
TA: thii2 i2 fold2pace. iit2 a remote 2erver that ho2t2 a 2iimple chat cliient.
TA: but the thiing ii2, ii 2et iit up u2iing 2ome of the recycled mechaniic2 from that game aa and ii were workiing on a whiile ago.
AG: The one you scrapped when you found out it would destroy the world?
AG: Way to go, 8y the way, how's it feel to 8e the guy who almost caused the apocalypse?
TA: aradiia.
AA: equius
AG: OW
CT: D--> Perhaps you should stop hitting yourself
AG: OH TH8T 8N'T 8VEN F8IR!!!!!!!!
TA: 2hut up, you cant keep your braiin two your2elf 2o you dont get two talk anymore.
AG: DXXXX
TA: the fold2pace 2erver ii2 2et up iin a diimen2iion out2iide of our normal realiity, and iit 2ort of fold2 2pace around iit2elf 2o iit2 everywhere at once.
TA: we can acce22 iit from any poiint iin 2pace, allowiing for iin2tantaneou2 communiicatiion over long dii2tance2. that2 how ii can talk two you from the AM2 and aa can talk all the way from alterniia.
TA: iit2 totally priivate and can tran2miit any me22age you want two 2end, any place you want two 2end iit. perfect for makiing plan2 for the uprii2iing.
TA: a2 long a2 ii can keep iit from fryiing our computer2 and other unfortunate 2iide effect2.
TA: whiich ii2 where you guy2 come iin.
TA: and 2iince were goiing two have two deal wiith thii2 eventually iim ju2t goiing two addre22 iit riight now.
TA: our dev team for thii2 ii2 ba2iically the perfect 2torm of people who hate each other.
AA: 0_0
TA: well maybe not aradiia
TA: but you get iit.
TA: iif we want two get thii2 done iin tiime for ff2 biig uprii2iing were goiing two have two put that 2hiit a2iide for a whiile and try two be ciiviil.
TA: vrii2ka thii2 mean2 you.
AG: I'm not the one hitting people with their own ro8ot arms.
AG: Why are those two even here, anyway? When you asked me to 8eta test for you I thought this was gonna 8e just you and me!
TA: ii told you, thii2 program warp2 2pace.
TA: iit2 volatiile a2 hell.
TA: and iif iit turn2 out were all beiing bombarded by co2miic radiiatiion ju2t by u2iing iit then we need beta te2ter2 who can 2urviive pretty much anythiing.
CT: D--> As someone exceedingly STRONG
CT: D--> I felt it was my duty to v001unteer
CT: D--> Even if it puts me in a position where I must take orders from these two peasantb100ds
AG: Ooooooooh, I get it! You needed me and Equius 8ecause we're the toughest people you know.
AG: I'm flattered.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> This subservient position
CT: D--> Is most
CT: D--> Regrettable
TA: no, ii needed eq becau2e he2 the toughe2t per2on ii know
TA: aa ii2nt exactly vulnerable two thii2 2tuff eiither
TA: but youre mo2tly here becau2e youre expendable
AG: Ooh, some8ody's mad.
AG: Gooooooood Sollux, that was forever ago! Let it go already!
AG: Aradia got over it!
AA: there wasnt really anything t0 get 0ver
AA: it all seems kind 0f petty l00king back 0n it
AG: Seeeeeeee????????
AG: 8esides, you have to let me in on your little Foldspace thing. Eridan has Equius and me working on a SEEEEEEEECRET PROOOOOOOOJECT of our own! :::;)
CT: D--> It's true
CT: D--> For once I can see the sea dweller's p001nt
CT: D--> Our involvement will prove most vital to the cause
TA: oh really?
TA: and what2 your 2ecret project dare ii a2k?
AG: It's a secret, dummy! If we told you it would lose all its 8ig important secrecy!
AG: 8ut what I can tell you is...
AG: We're calling it the IG.
AG: The EEEEEEEEYE GEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
AG: Eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee.
AG: eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee...
AG: That was me whispering it all dramatically just now.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> That was most elegantly whispered
TA: oh yeah real 2cary.
AA: the v0ices already t0ld me ab0ut y0ur pr0ject
AA: and i think it is a spectacularly bad idea
AA: n0t that i can st0p y0u fr0m d0ing it anyway
AG: Killjoy.
AA: i w0uld tell y0u t0 be careful
AA: but i already kn0w that y0u w0nt
AG: Oh hey Sollux! It would 8e great if we could use your stupid Foldspace server thing to work on our project! We would get so much more done if we didn't have to wait around until my ship passed his colony planet.
AG: I am soooooooo sick of waiting around. I have 8een doing all the waiting lately. All of it!
TA: fiine whatever.
TA: let2 turn ff2 biig takeover iintwo our per2onal playground, that2 the be2t iidea.
CT: D--> Naturally we will only use the server for official business
AA: he w0nt
CT: D--> I order you to stop challenging my honesty
CT: D--> Those of our class should be above such
CT: D--> Distasteful
CT: D--> And disrespectful claims
CT: D--> Right Vriska
AG: Suuuuuuuure we are!
CT: D--> Stop agreeing with me insincerely
TA: look ju2t remember that thii2 thiing ii2 2tiill iin beta. u2e iit all you want, but report any problem2 two me 2o ii can fix them before ii declare iit 2afe and let ff run iit.
CT: D--> I 100k forward to the challenge
TA: al2o
TA: do NOT tell anyone about thii2. fold2pace ii2 a 2ecret 2triictly between the four of u2, ed, and ff.
TA: that mean2 no u2iing iit for 2tupiid conver2atiion2 wiith random people.
AG: You got it!
AG: I will 8e so responsible with this, Sollux. You don't have to worry a8out a thing!
TA: iill beliieve that when ii 2ee iit.
TA: well that conclude2 thii2 te2t ii gue22.
TA: anything two add, aa?

-- apocalypseArisen's [AA's] computer exploded! --

TA: welp.
TA: back two tryiing two fiix that.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged off the server --

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged off the server --

CT: D--> Oh dear
CT: D--> ...
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> I suppose now that they are gone
CT: D--> It would hardly hurt our cause if I...
CT: D--> ...

-- centaursTesticle [CT] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AC: :33 < *ac suddenly finds herself pulled off of her favorite shipping furrum and logged on to a strange new catroom!*
AC: :33 < *what is going on here? she says*
AC: :33 < *but wait! her cunning predatory instincts tell her that someone else is here*
AC: :33 < *she flicks her tail and crouches down, ready to pounce*
CT: D--> It has been a while since we spoke, Nepeta
AC: 8DD < EQUIUS!!!!

[Kassiopeia]

@Sporkaganza: that was... that was majestic. Oh man. I kind of want to draw something now.

[KarneWarrior]

That reminds me. I need symbols for Azla and Iksti. Something good, something that looks maybe astrological. It may come up in the story, possibly, but I think I might make a short forum adventure based on TbV.

So yeah, symbols.

[Sporkaganza]

@Sporkaganza: that was... that was majestic. Oh man. I kind of want to draw something now.

Oh man please do!

(Side note: I uploaded what there is so far of SOSburb to Google Documents and linked those files in my signature. I still don't know how to get the formatting to look all nice and pretty in AO3 and it's a pain having to format it in BBCode all the time. All future installments will be linked from there until I can hopefully figure out my AO3 formatting woes.)

[ceruleanTresses]

Part two of that fanfic in which the trolls reached adulthood without ever playing Sgrub. Some of the trolls come across each other again a few weeks into starting their new careers, and get caught up with one another.

Part one was over here!

The End And What Comes After - part two

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- the Ultravires came within hailing range of the Automatech Mark Two --

-- untraceableUsurper [UU] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

UU: I have a message for you, Sollux!
UU: Do not attempt to trace this signal, or guess who I am.
UU: This message is being sent in the utmost seacresea!
UU: I am just an anemonemous ally, fighting for a righteous and EXCITING cause!
TA: hey ff.
UU: Aw, )(ow'd you know it was me? 38/
TA: 2eriiou2ly?
UU: I t)(oug)(t I was being pretty sneaky.
UU: Was it the fis)( puns?
TA: iit wa2 the fi2h pun2.
UU: A)(rg, I just can't stop making t)(ose and t)(ey give me away every time!
UU: I need to tell Eridan, every time you )(ear me make a fis)( pun you )(ave to slap me in t)(e )(ead! T)(at would stop me I bet!
TA: eheh, would he?
UU: )(e )(as to!
UU: )(e is my moirail and it is )(is duty to )(elp me learn to )(ide my identity, even if it means giving me a good )(ard rap across the )(orns. >38(
UU: But I just keep doing it! I can't )(alibut!
TA: uh ff...
UU: I M-EAN )(-ELP IT!!
UU: O)( glub.
TA: iit wa2nt that bad.
TA: you were 2till kind of anonymou2, iif iid never met you before iid have no clue iit wa2 you.
UU: Well duuuuu)(!
TA: ju2t pull back on your quirk a bit and try not two get 2o...
UU: -Excited?
TA: yeah.
UU: It's )(ard not to get -EXCIT-ED!
UU: Wit)( everyt)(ing t)(at's about to )(appen!
TA: you need two be careful though.
TA: no need two make it ea2y for you-know-who two find you before youre ready.
UU: You-know-w)(o?
UU: O)(, )(-ER.
UU: T)(at's rig)(t, I almost forgot t)(at we )(ave to be careful about w)(at we say )(ere!
UU: T)(e Automatec)( )(as t)(hose word filters t)(at screen your conversations.
UU: O)( wow, I'm sorry Sollux! Did I say anyt)(ing incriminating t)(at would get you in trouble?
TA: hey no 2weat.
TA: fiir2t thiing ii diid when they 2howed me two my work2ation wa2 dii2able all the 2urveiillance ii could fiind.
TA: ii mean thii2 ii2 the automatech mark two 2o iim 2ure there2 a ton of 2tuff ii mii22ed
TA: but iif were not 2tupiidly obviiou2 theyre not goiing two catch u2.
UU: Seacurity is pretty tig)(t around t)(ere, )(u)(?
UU: I mean security. S-ECURITY.
TA: heh.
TA: on the AM2? hell ye2.
TA: we de2iigned every 2ecuriity 2y2tem iin the fleet. we are untracable, unhackable, and un2toppable.
UU: Well in t)(at case, I sure am glad I've got a master encryptrooper on t)(e inside! 3
TA: iive only been an encryptrooper for liike a couple week2 now ff, iim currently the low guy on the totem pole.
TA: ii wouldnt 2ay iim a ma2ter over here.
TA: iin fact iim not 2ure iif iim really goiing two be all that helpful.
UU: Of course you will be )(elpful silly!
UU: You )(ave already been SUP-ER )(-ELPFUL.
TA: not really.
UU: Y-ES REELY. Really. R-EALLY.
TA: iinternet 2mack.
UU: INT-ERN-ET OUC)(! 3XD
UU: But R-EALLY, you are doing so muc)( important stuff!
UU: Like your S-ECR-ET PROJ-ECT?
UU: O)( actually, t)(at was w)(at I messaged you to glub about in t)(e first place!
UU: Before you found me out, you sneakity sneak! >38C
TA: 2o 2orry ii blew your cover.
UU: )(ee )(ee!
UU: Is your Foldspace project done yet? -Eridan is getting really impatient!
TA: well you can tell ed two hold his mu2clebea2t2.
TA: he2 lucky iim doiing thii2 for hiim at all, ii could have pa22ed thii2 off two a 2hitty programmer liike kk and made hiim waiit even longer.
TA: but no, ii deciide two be a niice guy for once.
UU: Sollux!
TA: and all he doe2 for month2 ii2 a2k me why iit2 not done yet.
TA: you know what a22hole thii2 ii2 a lot of work.
TA: ii 2hould have ju2t told hiim two do iit hiim2elf!
UU: Geeze lou-E-EZ-E Sollux, )(-E )(-E!
UU: )(e )(asn't been t)(at bad.
UU: I t)(ink deep down )(e really appreciates all t)(e work you're doing.
TA: 2ure he doe2.
TA: you know ii thiink kk wa2 actually riight about 2omethiing for once.
TA: iim goiing two go my entiire liife beiing unnapreciiated for everythiing ii do.
TA: liike de2tiiny 2lapped a biig 2tamp on my forehead 2ayiing plea2e iignore.
UU: Gruuuumpy! 38P
UU: I am only asking because it is just so sad to watc)( )(im pace around the s)(ip and be all mopey with not)(ing to do. We can't get started until you finis)(!
UU: And -Eridan is getting worried about keeping in contact wit)( you.
UU: T)(e Ultravires can only stay wit)(in )(ailing distance of t)(e Automatec)( for so long before people start to get suspicious!
TA: relax ff, of cour2e iive got thii2.
TA: iive had two put the fiinii2hiing touche2 on iit iin 2ecret but iim almo2t done.
TA: iive got a couple people beta te2tiing iit for me already.
TA: iill get the code two you iin the next couple of day2.
UU: T)(anks Sollux, t)(at's a big rereef!
UU: I guess I s)(ould let you off the )(ook now, t)(at was all I needed to know.
UU: And you are probably pretty busea with your important encryptrooper weirk!
TA: ff read what you ju2t wrote.
UU: O)( GLUB GLUB GLUB
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: T)(-E INT-ERN-ET PAIN! 38'C
UU: I really need to work on t)(is!
TA: well
TA: iim actually ju2t doiing 2ome bu2ywork riight now.
TA: iif you wanted two 2tay on and chat
TA: you know, two practiice the fii2h pun thiing
TA: ii could hang around and 2mack you on occa2iion.
UU: I would really appreciate t)(at, Sollux. 3
UU: LOOK, T)(IS IS M-E APPR-ECIATING YOU!
UU: )(ee )(ee )(ee glub!
TA: 2crew de2tiiny, con2iider me fully appreciiated.
UU: T)(at's t)(e rig)(t attitide, I like w)(at I'm )(erring!
TA: ff...
UU: I mean, um...
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: O)( nooooooooooo!






-- the Themis came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3 W3LL LOOK WHO 1 FOUND
GC: W3 M33T 4G41N K4RK4T V4NT4S
GC: OR SHOULD 1 S4Y
GC: M1ST3R YUMMY GR33N1SH B4N4N4 >:]
CG: OH THANK GOD, IT'S SOMEBODY SANE.
CG: THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOU HAD STARTED TROLLING ME.
GC: 4DM1T 1T K4RK4T YOU M1SS3D M3
CG: THE SAD THING IS I THINK I DID.
CG: LOOK AT YOUR CHUMPROLL AND TELL ME THE ONLY OTHER FAMILIAR SCREEN NAME YOU SEE.
GC: 4D1OSTOR34DOR?
CG: ADIOSTOREADOR.
CG: FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS MY SOCIAL CIRCLE HAS CONSISTED EXCLUSIVELY OF TAVROS NITRAM.
GC: H3H3
GC: I W4S JUST T4LK1NG TO H1M!
GC: H3 S33MS 4 L1TTL3 B1T LON3LY
GC: H4V3 YOU B33N 4VO1D1NG H1M?
CG: HE'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET.
CG: AVOIDING HIM ISN'T THE ISSUE, IT'S HARD ENOUGH JUST BEING AWAKE WHEN HE IS.
GC: W3LL 1 S3NT G4MM3RS H1S W4Y SO HOP3FULLY H3 W1LL H4V3 SOM3BODY TO T4LK TO FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3
CG: "GAMMERS"
GC: G4444MZ3RS!!
CG: OK, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK.
GC: W3LL H3S 4ROUND H3R3 TOO
GC: TH3 BL4CK C4TH3DR4L 1S ST4Y1NG CLOS3 TO TH3 TH3MIS WH1L3 W3 WORK ON 4N 1MPORT4NT C4S3
GC: 1 C4NT T3LL YOU 4LL TH3 D3T41LS DU3 TO 3V3RYTH1NG B31NG H1GHLY S3CR3T1V3 BUT TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS 4R3 H3LP1NG US TR4CK DOWN OUR CR1M1N4L
CG: THAT MUST BE GREAT FOR YOU, HAVING A BUNCH OF PSYCHOTIC BERSERKERS AT YOUR BECK AND CALL. TEREZI PYROPE'S FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE.
GC: TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS DO NOT T3LL TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS WH4T TO DO K4RK4T!
GC: TH3Y 4R3 SORT OF T3CHN1C4LLY 4 R3L1G1OUS ORG4N1Z4T1ON 4ND 1T WOULD B3 H1GHLY 1N4PPROPR14T3
GC: SOM3T1MES W3 JUST SORT OF
GC: SUGG3ST P3OPL3 TH3 3MP1R3 WOULD B3 B3TT3R OFF W1THOUT
GC: 4ND 1T SUR3 WOULD B3 CONV3N13NT 1F WH4T3V3R CH4OT1C FORC3S TH3Y S3RV3 W4NT3D TH3 S4M3 TH1NG >;]
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE PLATONIC BULGE BUMPING SOUL BUDDIES WITH THE SUBJUGGLATORS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT.
CG: I MEAN COME ON, EVERYTHING THEY DO IS LEGAL.
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 TH31R 4CT1ONS 4R3 GU1D3D BY D1V1N3 1NT3RV3NT1ON
GC: 4ND NOT 4T 4LL B3C4US3 TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS H4VE SOME K1ND OF D34L WITH TH3M, WH3R3 DO TH3S3 F1LTHY RUMORS 3V3N COM3 FROM
CG: ........
GC: 1 4M CH4NG1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT NOW
GC: 4R3 YOU H4V1NG LOTS OF FUN 4T BOOT C4MP?
CG: STUFF THE BLUE BLOOD SLANG UP YOUR SEEDFLAP, IT'S A FODDERMILL, AND I AM HAVING A FUCKING BLAST.
GC: FODD3RM1LL SOUNDS STUP1D
CG: BETTER THAN YOUR CONKSUCK BOOT CAMP.
CG: FODDERMILL IS SO MUCH MORE BADASS, BOOT CAMP SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING WIGGLERS DO ARTS AND CRAFTS AT OVER THEIR SWELTERPERIGEE VACATIONS.
GC: OK C4LL 1T WH4T3V3R YOU W4NT K4RK4T 1 DON'T C4R3
GC: 1T DO3SNT SOUND V3RY B4D4SS TO M3 >:P
CG: WELL IT IS.
CG: IT IS TOTALLY BADASS.
CG: I'M A REMORSELESS KILLER NOW, I COULD CUT YOU TO RIBBONS IN TEN SECONDS FLAT AND THERE'S NOT A THING YOU COULD DO TO STOP ME.
GC: YOU 4R3 TH4T B4D4SS 4FT3R ONLY 4 COUPL3 OF W33KS K4RK4T?
GC: W3LL CL34RLY 1 H4V3 P1CK3D TH3 WRONG PROF3SS1ON!
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: YEAH LAUGH IT UP.
CG: IF YOU WERE THE ENEMY YOU'D BE SO TERRIFIED OF ME RIGHT NOW.
GC: C4NT 4 G1RL L4UGH OUT OF F34R OF YOUR B4D4SS4RY
CG: NOT WHEN SHE'S YOU SHE CAN'T.
GC: H3H3H3 1 JUST C4NT H3LP 1T K4RK4T
GC: YOU 4R3 SOOOOO B4D4SS 1 JUST C4NT T4K3 1T
CG: OH HA HA HA.
GC: K4RK4T C4N YOU T34CH M3 TH3 S3CR3T TO B31NG B4D4SS
CG: THE SECRET IS SHUT THE HELL UP. SHUT THE HELL UP IS THE SECRET.
GC: 1 4M 3NL1GHT3N3D
CG: LOOK, I'M BADASS JUST FOR BEING HERE. THE TRAINING REGIMEN FOR THRESHICUTIONERS IS INTENSE. I'VE BATTLED IT OUT WITH TROLLS TWICE MY SIZE DOWN HERE. THEY'RE DEAD, I'M NOT, BADASS EQUALS ME.
CG: IF I MAKE IT OUT OF BASIC TRAINING ALIVE
CG: WHICH I WILL.
CG: I WILL HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE CALLED ONE OF THE MOST DEADLY MEMBERS OF OUR SOCIETY.
CG: IF I MAKE IT THROUGH MY FIRST BATTLE ALIVE
CG: WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, I WILL.
CG: I WILL BE SO HIGH UP ON THE PEDESTAL OF BADASSARY THAT YOU'LL NEED A FUCKING STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF ME.
CG: WAIT, NO. I'LL BE SO HIGH UP YOU'LL NEED A STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF THE PEOPLE I'VE KILLED.
CG: I WILL BE SO FAR ABOVE YOU THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL EVEN KNOW I EXIST IS BY THE TRAIL OF CARNAGE I LEAVE BEHIND.
CG: THRESHICUTIONERS
CG: ARE
CG: BADASS.
GC: 1 4M PR3SS3D 4G41NST MY SCR33N JUST T4K1NG 1N 4LL YOUR 4M4Z1NG B4D4SS4RY
GC: 1T T4ST3S L1K3 M3T4L
CG: IT TASTES LIKE A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN YOU PSYCHO.
CG: STOP LICKING EVERYTHING I TYPE, IT'S DISGUSTING.
GC: 1TS D3L1C1OUS
CG: OH GOD YOU'RE STILL LICKING IT.
GC: K4RK4T WHY DO YOU H4V3 TO TYP3 3V3RYTH1NG 1N GR4Y???
GC: SUCH 4 WOND3RFUL SLURRY OF FL4VORS ON MY SCR33N 4ND TH3R3 1S K4RK4T V4NT4S W1TH H1S BOR1NG GUNM3T4L GR4Y
GC: YOUR T3XT WOULD T4ST3 SO MUCH B3TT3R 1F 1T W4S 4 BR1GHT3R COLOR DONT YOU TH1NK
GC: M4YB3.......
GC: 4 YUMMY B4N4N4 COLOR?? >8D
CG: NO.
CG: FUCK THAT.
CG: FUCK THAT WITH SOMETHING SHARP AND POINTED, I AM NOT SATISFYING YOUR SICK LICKING FETISH WITH BANANA YELLOW TEXT.
GC: BUT WH4TS TH3 PO1NT OF B31NG GR4Y 4NYMOR3
GC: TH3 S3CR3T 1S OUT
GC: K4RK4T H4S B4N4N4 BLOOD 4ND H3 1S 4 S3LF1SH M34N13F4C3 WHO W1LL NOT SH4R3 1T
CG: I LIKE THE COLOR GRAY.
GC: JUST SHOW 1T TO M3 ONC3
GC: PL34S3 K4RK4T 1 H4V3 B33N SO GOOD 4BOUT R3SP3CT1NG YOUR PR1V4CY 4ND L3TT1NG YOU PL4Y YOUR 4NONYM1TY G4M3
GC: 1 COULD H4V3 TR1CK3D YOU 1NTO SHOW1NG M3 4 HUNDR3D D1FF3R3NT W4YS BUT 1 D1D NOT
CG: BULLSHIT, IF YOU COULD HAVE YOU WOULD HAVE.
GC: YOU R34LLY TH1NK SO >:]
CG: YOU WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY.
GC: >:] >:] >:]
CG: THERE'S NO WAY YOU WERE JUST RESPECTING MY PRIVACY.
GC: >8] >8] >8]
CG: OK STOP WITH THE FACE.
CG: YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
GC: >8D >8D >8D >8D
GC: >:P
GC: JUST SHOW M3 ON3 T1M3 4ND YOU W1LL N3V3R 3V3R H34R M3 4SK 4BOUT 1T 4G41N
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO S33 YOU WR1T3 1N GR33N1SH B4N4N4
GC: 1T H4S B33N MY L1F3LONG DR34M TO S33 YOU TYP3 1N YOUR BLOOD COLOR
GC: 1 TOO 4M 1N 4 V3RY D3M4ND1NG C4R33R K4RK4T
GC: 1 COULD B3 ON3 B4D C4S3 4W4Y FROM B31NG D3VOUR3D BY H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY
GC: WOULD YOU D3NY 4 POOR L3G1SL4C3R4TOR H3R L1F3LONG DR34M
CG: LIKE I BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. ARE THEY EVEN LETTING YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN CASES YET?
GC: W3LL NO
GC: 1 4M JUST OBS3RV1NG TH3 M4ST3RS 4T WORK 4ND TR4NSCR1B1NG COURT R3CORDS FOR TH3M
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 TO WORK MY W4Y UP JUST L1K3 YOU
CG: OH RIGHT, THEY'RE LETTING THE BLIND LEETSPEAKER WRITE OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS.
CG: THERE GOES MY FAITH IN OUR COURT SYSTEM.
GC: Karkat, I'll have you know that I am fully capable of writing coherently when I need to.
GC: >;]
CG: WHOA
CG: WHOA
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!!!
GC: JUST DO 1T YOU KNOW 1T W1LL SHUT M3 UP
GC: YOU DONT N33D TO B3 SC4R3D 1T W1LL B3 SO MUCH 34S13R TH4N 4 BLOOD T3ST
CG: OH MY GOD, I AM NOT SCARED OF MY BLOOD.
GC: JUST SC4R3D OF SHOW1NG 1T
GC: SOLLUX TOLD M3 HOW YOU W3R3 4CT1NG WH3N TH3Y TOOK YOUR BLOOD 1 KNOW YOU W3R3 CRY1NG L1K3 4 W1GGL3R
CG: I WAS NOT!
GC: SOME B4D4SS THR3SH1CUT1ON3R YOU AR3 B4N4N4M4N
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF MY BLOOD!
CG: I'VE BLED PLENTY OF TIMES IN BASIC TRAINING. MY GROSS YELLOW BLOOD HAS BEEN OFFERED UP TO THE GODS OF SWEATY FODDERMILL COMBAT SO MUCH THEY'VE GOT A RUNNING TAB WITH ME.
CG: BLOOD IS NOT A BIG DEAL.
GC: SO SHOW M3!
CG: I
CG: JUST
CG: FUCK.
CG: FINE.
CG: THIS IS WHAT MY BLOOD LOOKS LIKE.
CG: I'LL WAIT PATIENTLY WHILE YOU MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MONITOR.
GC: K4RK4T..........
GC: TH1S COLOR T4ST3S L1K3 YUCKY CH3M1C4LS!
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: THAT IS A BANANA. IT LOOKS LIKE A BANANA, THEREFORE YOUR MAGICAL SYNESTHESIA POWERS SHOULD SAY IT SMELLS AND TASTES LIKE A BANANA .
CG: DO YOU JUST ARBITRARILY DECIDE THIS CRAP OR IS THERE SOME WHEEL YOU SPIN THAT TELLS YOU WHAT FLAVOR YOU'RE SLOBBERING ON?
GC: MY NOS3 4ND MY TONGU3 4LW4YS KNOW TH3 TRUTH K4RK4T
GC: 4ND TH3 TRUTH 1S TH4T YOU H4V3 YUCKY BLUCKY CH3M1C4L FL4VOR3D BLOOD
CG: AND YOU WONDERED WHY I NEVER WANTED TO SHOW IT TO YOU.
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 D1D WOND3R TH4T
GC: 4ND 1 ST1LL DO!
GC: YOUR BLOOD 1S P3RF3CTLY NORM4L K4RK4T 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU W3R3 H1D1NG 1T
CG: I WAS HIDING IT BECAUSE THAT'S PRIVATE AND I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.
GC: V3333RY SUSP1C1OUS >:/
GC: 1 C4N S33 1 W1LL H4V3 TO PURSU3 TH1S C4S3 W1TH 4LL OF MY SK1LL
CG: OK NO SHUT UP.
CG: I WAS JUST HIDING IT BECAUSE
CG: IT'S
CG: KIND OF CLOSE TO SOLLUX'S BLOOD COLOR.
GC: 444444ND???
CG: AND HE HAS ALL THOSE PSIONIC POWERS. I FELT LIKE A FREAK, HAVING ALMOST THE EXACT SAME BLOOD COLOR AND NO POWERS AT ALL.
CG: IT WAS JUST EASIER TO HIDE IT.
GC: 4444W K4RKL3S
CG: DON'T CALL ME KARKLES.
GC: LOTS OF Y3LLOW BLOODS DONT H4V3 POW3RS 1T 1S NO B1G D34L
GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 YOU 4 FR34K
CG: OH THANK GOD I HAVE TEREZI'S APPROVAL.
CG: I SHOULD HAVE TOLD EVERYONE SWEEPS AGO, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
GC: 1T 1S T4ST1NG L1K3 D1SGUST1NG CH3M1CALS TH4T M4K3S YOU 4 FR34K!!! >8D
CG: .........
CG: I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW.
GC: H4H4H4
GC: SOM3BODY SUR3 1S S3NS3T1V3 4BOUT H1S BLOOD
CG: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN INSANE PSYCHO FREAK.
CG: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
GC: WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y K4RK4T
GC: 1T W4S N1C3 T4LK1NG TO YOU TOO
GC: 1 W1LL SM3LL YOU 4G41N WH3N YOU G3T BOR3D OF T4VROS

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3!






-- the Black Cathedral came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] logged on to server: Public Network of Mirthful Communion --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

TC: AwWw dAmN My bRoThEr i tHiNk yOu kNoW WhAt tHiS MeAnS.
AT: i THINK I AM INDEED AWARE OF, tHE THING THAT THIS MEANS,
TC: AiN'T No sToPpIn iT MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: GeTtIn mY HaRsH On aLl uP In hErE, yOu tHiNk yOu cAn bRiNg iT?
AT: cONSIDER IT BROUGHT,
AT: tHE THING THAT I AM BRINGING,
TC: ThEn...
TC: ShIpS PaSsInG!
AT: sLAM BATTLE!
TC: RoUnD OnE!
AT: sUDDEN DEATH!
TC: GrOoVe?
AT: yOUR SHIP, aND CURRENT EVENTS THEREIN, i GUESS,
AT: sO WE CAN GET CAUGHT UP WITH,
AT: hOW THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING,
TC: I'M DoWn wItH ThAt, MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: ShAdE?
AT: uH, lIGHT!
TC: AwWwWwWwWw yEeEeEeEeEaH
TC: AiN'T SeEn yOu iN A WhIlE, bRo, AlLoW Me tO ReCiTe
TC: WhAt's aLl bEeN GoInG DoWn wHiLe i bEeN In fLiGhT
TC: LiKe a mOtHeRfUcKiN, kItE, bRo!
TC: AnD ThIs sHiT Is tIgHt.
TC: HoW'S A ShIp tHaT BiG EvEn sTaY At tHaT HeIgHt?
TC: So wHaTeVeR, iT'S AiGhT. GoNnA ChIlL FoR A MiNuTe.
TC: YoU SeEn tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl, BeCaUsE FuCk bRo, I'M In iT!
TC: AnD ThEy cAlL Me tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN AcOlYtE
TC: LiKe a rItE, mOtHeRfUcKeR, tHaT'S My mOtHeRfUcKiN RiGhT.
TC: ThEy sAy fUcK It mAkArA, hEaR WhAt wE Up aNd sAiD,
TC: YoU AiN'T GoT No fOcUs iN YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd,
TC: UpTiGhT, mAkE Me wRiTe oUt tHaT ShIt i mIsReAd.
TC: PrIeStS AnD DeAcOnS
TC: AlL Be sPeAkIn
TC: 'bOuT ThE SpItE I AuGhTtA BrEd.
TC: DoN'T EvEn kNoW HoW To gEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn sPiTe!
TC: BuT ThEy gOt tHiS FiRe iN Em lIkE ThEy'rE GoNnA IgNiTe.
TC: SeE ThE LiGhT, mOtHeRfUcKeR, bUrNiNg mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRiGhT.
TC: I SaY BrOtHeR I AiN'T SeEiN It.
TC: ThEy bE AlL, yOu gOtTa bE BeIn iT.
TC: WaNnA StAy a lAuGhSsAsSiN, dOn't bE GeTtIn sChOoLfEd
TC: BuT A SuBjUgGlAtOr kNoWs wHaT'S In hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd.
TC: GeT ThE JoKe, ClEaR ThE SmOkE, aNd fInD SoMe fUcKiN InSiGhT.
TC: GrAy aNd wHiTe, QuIt tHe sHiT AnD GeT YoUr hEaD! On! rIgHt!
TC: GaMzEe oUt.
AT: oH WOW, tHAT SOUNDS KIND OF,
AT: uNPLEASANT,
AT: tHAT THEY TELL YOU OFF LIKE THAT,
TC: NaH, iT'S ChIlL. )
TC: AiN'T NoBoDy's fAuLt bUt mInE I ZoNe oUt lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: I MeAn, FuCk, SpAcE Is jUsT ToO ChIlL, bRo! i cAn't hElP JuSt sTaRiN OuT At tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN StArS.
TC: AlL FuCkIn tWiNkLiN AnD ShIt tIl yOu tHiNk yOu cAn jUsT SoRt oF ReAcH OuT AnD MoThErFuCkIn tOuCh eM.
TC: MaKeS It rEaL HaRd tO PaY AtTeNtIoN To wHaT EvErYbOdY'S Up aNd sAyInG!
AT: i'VE NOTICED, tHOUGH,
AT: tHAT YOU DON'T REALLY ZONE OUT AS MUCH, wHEN WE'RE DOING SLAM POETRY,
TC: WeLl fUcK, bRoThEr, I GuEsS I DoN'T!
AT: sO MAYBE IT WOULD HELP, uH, kEEP YOU FOCUSED,
AT: iF YOU PRETENDED THAT,
AT: i GUESS, yOU WERE THROWING DOWN SOME STRICT BEATS WITH EVERYONE YOU TALKED TO,
AT: aND YOU HAD TO PAY ATTENTION, sO YOU COULD CALL THEM OUT WITH YOUR, uH, sICK BURNS,
AT: aND THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD REMEMBER, tHE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAID TO YOU AND, nOT GET YELLED AT,
TC: MoThErFuUuUuUuCk tAvRoS, tHaT Is wIcKeD BiTcHiN!
AT: iS THAT A GOOD THING OR, a BAD THING,
TC: I DuNnO BrOtHeR, i tHiNk tHaT MiGhT MoThErFuCkIn wOrK!
TC: HoNk! )
AT: gLAD TO HELP,
TC: BuUuUuUuUuUt
TC: YoU AiN'T OfF ThE MoThErFuCkInG HoOk, BrO!
TC: I MeAn sUrE YoU GoT ThE BrAiNs bUt cAn yOu sLaM?
AT: oH YOU KNOW I AM CAPABLE OF SLAMMING,
TC: I SaId cAn yOu mOtHeR
TC: FuCkInG
TC: SlAm????
AT: i CAN SLAM, iF YOU GIVE ME A GROOVE,
TC: SaMe.
TC: AnD YoUr sHaDe iS
TC: FrEeStYyYyYyYyLe!
AT: oOOOOH GAMZEE, yOU'RE GONNA REGRET THAT DECISION,
AT: wHEN I FREESTYLE RHYMES WITHOUT MAD SUPERVISION,
AT: (THAT'S REFERRING TO THE FREESTYLE THING, bY THE WAY,)
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS AND I'M HERE TO SAY,
AT: wAIT, lET ME, uH, mAKE A REVISION,
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS, cAVALREAPER IN THE MAKING,
AT: mY SKILLS ARE BEING HONED AND MY ENEMIES ARE QUAKING,
AT: aND, uH, sHAKING, tOO, tHEY'RE ALSO DOING THAT,
AT: gOT MY LANCE AT THE READY AND MY HELMET, tHAT'S A HAT,
AT: aND INSTEAD OF PRACTICING ON THAT DUMMY I MADE,
AT: i'M FACING REAL OPPONENTS AND I'M NOT AFRAID,
AT: oF THE OPPONENTS,
AT: wAIT,
AT: uH,
AT: oK SO, eVEN THOUGH THEY MOCK ME IN THE BARRACKS AND SAY,
AT: tAVROS NITRAM, yOU AREN'T GONNA LAST ANOTHER DAY,
AT: yOU'RE DEAD FROM THE WAIST,
AT: aND WE'LL POUND YOU INTO PASTE,
AT: lITTLE CRIPPLE, sAY YOUR PRAYERS,
AT: aND SAY THEM IN HASTE,
AT: tHEY AIN'T HALF AS BAD AS VRISKA, sO I LOOKED AT THEM AND SAID
AT: bETTER DEAD FROM THE WAIST, tHAN DEAD IN THE HEAD,
TC: DaAaAaAaAaMn! O
AT: uH, tHANKS,
AT: sO ANYWAY, i'M NOT AFRAID, aND I DON'T YIELD,
AT: wHO'S PASTE WHEN I FACE THEM ON THE TRAINING FIELD???
AT: (iT'S THEM AND NOT ME,)
AT: i GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS, i'M AT A DISADVANTAGE,
AT: bUT I'M GAINING SOME RESPECT, aND I THINK I'M GONNA MANAGE,
AT: tHAT DIDN'T REALLY RHYME,
AT: bUT, uH,
AT: tAVROS OUT,
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE YoU GoT ThAt sHiT NaIlEd dOwN!
AT: iT WASN'T EASY, tO BEGIN WITH,
AT: bUT I THINK EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT A, uH, vALUABLE ASSET I WOULD BE, tO THE RANKS OF THE CAVALREAPERS,
AT: aND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE SAYING THAT IF I MAKE IT THROUGH BASIC TRAINING, i MIGHT BE FITTED WITH SOME PROSTHETICS,
TC: MoThErFuCkInG ChIlL, bRo!
TC: HoNk! D
AT: i'VE MOSTLY JUST BEEN REMEMBERING THE THINGS YOU SAID,
AT: aBOUT TELLING MYSELF WHAT TO BE,
AT: aND I THINK I JUST DECIDED, tO TELL MYSELF I WAS GOING TO BE,
AT: wHATEVER I WANTED TO BE,
AT: aND NOT LET ANYONE SAY THAT I COULDN'T,
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S WORKING,
TC: WaIt, DiD I AlL MoThErFuCkInG TeLl yOu tHaT?
TC: ShIt bRo, I ThOuGhT ThAt wAs rUfIo!
AT: rUFIO IS JUST A FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,
AT: bUT SOMETIMES I FORGET THAT TOO, sO THAT'S OK,
TC: HaHaHaHa!
AT: hEY GAMZEE,
AT: dO YOU THINK THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE MEETING UP OUT THERE,
AT: wHO AREN'T CATCHING UP WITH EACH OTHER IN THE FORM OF, uH, sLAM BATTLES?
TC: WhO'D EvEn aLl wAnT To mOtHeRfUcKiN Do tHaT? ThEy'd jUsT Be mIsSiN OuT On tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg fUn!
TC: HoOoOoNk! )
AT: hA HA, i KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,
AT: tHIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE,
AT: sPEAKING OF WHICH,,,,,,,
AT: aRE YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO?
TC: TaVrOs mY MoThErFuCkIn bRoThEr, I WaS HaTcHeD ReAdY.
TC: BrEaK OuT ThE BeAtS AnD LeT'S TeAr tHiS ShIt uP.
AT: oK, i GUESS I CAN GO FIRST THIS TIME,
TC: SlAm bAtTlE!
AT: rOUND TWO!
TC: SuDdEn dEaTh!
AT: gROOVE?
TC: MoThErFuCkIn cAnDy.
AT: sHADE?
TC: OrAaAaAnGe! >)
AT: yOU'RE MAKING ME RHYME WITH ORANGE?
AT: aND HERE I THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE ME SOMETHING DIFFICULT, >}
TC: YoU TaLk bIg bRoThEr, BuT I WaNt tO SeE YoU SlAm iT!
AT: yOU WANT ME TO SLAM IT,
AT: oH, i CAN SLAM IT,
AT: hERE I GO,,,,,,,,,

-- the Black Cathedral is not longer in hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] has been disconnected! --

AT: aWWWW,






-- twinArmageddons [TA] launched the program Fold2pace~ATH --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: te2tiing one two
TA: te2tiing one two
TA: nothiing2 goiing two explode thii2 tiime?
TA: good

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: well
AA: this is a thing
TA: oh hell ye2!
AA: 0_0
TA: iit actually worked thii2 tiime!
TA: you 2ee thii2 aa?
TA: thii2 ii2 me
TA: talkiing two you
TA: from halfway acro22 the galaxy.
TA: ii thiink that de2erve2 a hell ye2.
AA: i supp0se
AA: even th0ugh it is basically just the inevitable 0utc0me 0f s0mething y0ve been trying t0 d0 f0r m0nths anyway
AA: all y0u are celebrating is the absence 0f failure
TA: 2ome people call that 2uce22.
TA: that2 been a word for a whiile now, you 2hould probably look iit up.
AA: i am 0nly stating a fact
TA: well now youre goiing to state a hell ye2.
TA: 2ay iit wiith me aradiia
TA: hell
TA: ye2.
AA: hell yes
AA: y0u are c0mpetent in acc0mplishing tasks that are well within y0ur capabilities
AA: g00d j0b
TA: oh fuck you aa.
TA: go 2iit iin the gloom and doom corner whiile ii get the re2t of the guiinea piig2 iin here.
AA: 0_0
AA: 0kay

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AG: A8out time!
AG: Woooooooow Sollux, I was starting to think you were never going to finish!
AG: I've 8een so 8ored just waiting on you and your stupid project.
AG: When I agreed to 8e your awesome test su8ject I didn't think there would 8e so much waiting!
TA: ok look, thii2 2tuff ii2 voliitiile and iit take2 tiime.
TA: thii2 tiime la2t week fold2pace wa2 explodiing every computer ii ran iit on.
AG: Whaaaaaaaatever.
TA: iim pretty 2ure ii fiixed that bug, but that2 why were runniing the2e te2t2.
CT: D--> Hel100 again, Aradia
AA: hey
AG: Oh geeze.
CT: D--> Have you given any thought to
CT: D--> What I said to you previously
CT: D--> Upon leaving Alternia
AA: n0 n0t really
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> If you do
CT: D--> Happen to think of that particular e%clamation I made
CT: D--> Please recall that it was said in the heat of the moment
CT: D--> And that perhaps I did not mean
CT: D--> Quite what I thought I meant
CT: D--> When I said it
AA: 0_0
CT: D--> It would be highly scandalous and inappropriate to pursue such a thing
CT: D--> So very inappropriate
AG: Uuuuuuuugh. XXXXP
CT: D--> And despite any
CT: D--> Desires
CT: D--> We may or may not harbor
TA: oh god thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2.
CT: D--> I think it w001d be for the best if we simply forgot the wh001e thing occurred
AA: sure
CT: D--> Unless of course you would rather
CT: D--> Not forget
AA: n0 its fine i pretty much f0rg0t it already
CT: D--> Ah
AG: Here's a crazy idea! You guys should listen to this crazy idea I just had!
AG: My crazy idea is that we 8an all discussion about towel8oy's gross love life from this server 8efore Vriska hurls!
AG: Let's vote on it! All in favor?
TA: Aye.
AG: AAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE.
AA: i d0nt care either way
CT: D--> I don't think you have the authority to do that
AG: My vote counts as eight. Motion passed!
CT: D--> Fiddlesticks
TA: ok real quiick before thii2 conver2atiion traiin get2 any further off the raiil2 and cra2he2 iintwo 2tupiidtown
TA: there ii2 actually 2tuff we need two get done here.
AG: Fine, oh fearless leader, we're listening.
AG: It's a8out time some8ody actually explained what the 8ig deal is with this secret Foldspace thing.
TA: iill try to dumb iit down for you.
AG: >::::|
TA: It will 8e easy for me 8ecause I am a stuuuuuuuupid iiiiiiiidiot 2TOP THAT
AG: Stop what, Sollux????????
TA: Stop 8eing 8asically the 8est at everything and also really smart and 8eautiful!!!!!!!!
AA: vriska
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?
AG: I can't help it if Sollux thinks I'm 8eautiful.
TA: equiiu2 hiit her for me.
CT: D--> I do not take orders from you, lowb100d
TA: You're right, I am pretty much the worst!!!!!!!! Vriska is so much 8etter than me AT BEIING AN ENOURMOU2 BIITCH which is what I would have said if I didn't think she was soooooooo awesome VRII2KA II 2WEAR you are simply the 8est there is!!!!!!!!
AA: equius hit her f0r me
AG: OW!!!!!!!!
AG: You guys suuuuuuuuck.
AG: Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.
TA: you know what, you dont have two be here.
TA: none of you have two be here, ii could be doiing thii2 entiire thiing by my2elf!
TA: ii dont need you moron2!
AA: s0llux
AA: y0u were explaining ab0ut f0ldspace
AA: this is s0mething the 0thers sh0uld kn0w
TA: fiine, whatever.
TA: alriight iidiiot2 and aradiia, lii2ten up.
TA: thii2 i2 fold2pace. iit2 a remote 2erver that ho2t2 a 2iimple chat cliient.
TA: but the thiing ii2, ii 2et iit up u2iing 2ome of the recycled mechaniic2 from that game aa and ii were workiing on a whiile ago.
AG: The one you scrapped when you found out it would destroy the world?
AG: Way to go, 8y the way, how's it feel to 8e the guy who almost caused the apocalypse?
TA: aradiia.
AA: equius
AG: OW
CT: D--> Perhaps you should stop hitting yourself
AG: OH TH8T 8N'T 8VEN F8IR!!!!!!!!
TA: 2hut up, you cant keep your braiin two your2elf 2o you dont get two talk anymore.
AG: DXXXX
TA: the fold2pace 2erver ii2 2et up iin a diimen2iion out2iide of our normal realiity, and iit 2ort of fold2 2pace around iit2elf 2o iit2 everywhere at once.
TA: we can acce22 iit from any poiint iin 2pace, allowiing for iin2tantaneou2 communiicatiion over long dii2tance2. that2 how ii can talk two you from the am2 and aa can talk all the way from alterniia.
TA: iit2 totally priivate and can tran2miit any me22age you want two 2end, any place you want two 2end iit. perfect for makiing plan2 for the uprii2iing.
TA: a2 long a2 ii can keep iit from fryiing our computer2 and other unfortunate 2iide effect2.
TA: whiich ii2 where you guy2 come iin.
TA: and 2iince were goiing two have two deal wiith thii2 eventually iim ju2t goiing two addre22 iit riight now.
TA: our dev team for thii2 ii2 ba2iically the perfect 2torm of people who hate each other.
AA: 0_0
TA: well maybe not aradiia
TA: but you get iit.
TA: iif we want two get thii2 done iin tiime for ff2 biig uprii2iing were goiing two have two put that 2hiit a2iide for a whiile and try two be ciiviil.
TA: vrii2ka thii2 mean2 you.
AG: I'm not the one hitting people with their own ro8ot arms.
AG: Why are those two even here, anyway? When you asked me to 8eta test for you I thought this was gonna 8e just you and me!
TA: ii told you, thii2 program warp2 2pace.
TA: iit2 volatiile a2 hell.
TA: and iif iit turn2 out were all beiing bombarded by co2miic radiiatiion ju2t by u2iing iit then we need beta te2ter2 who can 2urviive pretty much anythiing.
CT: D--> As someone exceedingly STRONG
CT: D--> I felt it was my duty to v001unteer
CT: D--> Even if it puts me in a position where I must take orders from these two peasantb100ds
AG: Ooooooooh, I get it! You needed me and Equius 8ecause we're the toughest people you know.
AG: I'm flattered.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> This subservient position
CT: D--> Is most
CT: D--> Regrettable
TA: no, ii needed eq becau2e he2 the toughe2t per2on ii know
TA: aa ii2nt exactly vulnerable two thii2 2tuff eiither
TA: but youre mo2tly here becau2e youre expendable
AG: Ooh, some8ody's mad.
AG: Gooooooood Sollux, that was forever ago! Let it go already!
AG: Aradia got over it!
AA: there wasnt really anything t0 get 0ver
AA: it all seems kind 0f petty l00king back 0n it
AG: Seeeeeeee????????
AG: 8esides, you have to let me in on your little Foldspace thing. Eridan has Equius and me working on a SEEEEEEEECRET PROOOOOOOOJECT of our own! :::
CT: D--> It's true
CT: D--> For once I can see the sea dweller's p001nt
CT: D--> Our involvement will prove most vital to the cause
TA: oh really?
TA: and what2 your 2ecret project dare ii a2k?
AG: It's a secret, dummy! If we told you it would lose all its 8ig important secrecy!
AG: 8ut what I can tell you is...
AG: We're calling it the IG.
AG: The EEEEEEEEYE GEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
AG: Eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee.
AG: eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee...
AG: That was me whispering it all dramatically just now.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> That was most elegantly whispered
TA: oh yeah real 2cary.
AA: the v0ices already t0ld me ab0ut y0ur pr0ject
AA: and i think it is a spectacularly bad idea
AA: n0t that i can st0p y0u fr0m d0ing it anyway
AG: Killjoy.
AA: i w0uld tell y0u t0 be careful
AA: but i already kn0w that y0u w0nt
AG: Oh hey Sollux! It would 8e great if we could use your stupid Foldspace server thing to work on our project! We would get so much more done if we didn't have to wait around until my ship passed his colony planet.
AG: I am soooooooo sick of waiting around. I have 8een doing all the waiting lately. All of it!
TA: fiine whatever.
TA: let2 turn ff2 biig takeover iintwo our per2onal playground, that2 the be2t iidea.
CT: D--> Naturally we will only use the sever for official business
AA: he w0nt
CT: D--> I order you to stop challenging my honesty
CT: D--> Those of our class should be above such
CT: D--> Distasteful
CT: D--> And disrespectful claims
CT: D--> Right Vriska
AG: Suuuuuuuure we are!
CT: D--> Stop agreeing with me insincerely
TA: look ju2t remember that thii2 thiing ii2 2tiill iin beta. u2e iit all you want, but report any problem2 two me 2o ii can fix them before ii declare iit 2afe and let ff run iit.
CT: D--> I 100k forward to the challenge
TA: al2o
TA: do NOT tell anyone about thii2. fold2pace ii2 a secret striictly between the four of u2, ed, and ff.
TA: that mean2 no u2iing iit for 2tupiid conver2atiion2 wiith random people.
AG: You got it!
AG: I will 8e so responsible with this, Sollux. You don't have to worry a8out a thing!
TA: iill beliieve that when ii 2ee iit.
TA: well that conclude2 thii2 te2t ii gue22.
TA: anything two add, aa?

-- apocalypseArisen's [AA's] computer exploded! --

TA: welp.
TA: back two tryiing two fiix that.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged off the server --

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged off the server --

CT: D--> Oh dear
CT: D--> ...
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> I suppose now that they are gone
CT: D--> It would hardly hurt our cause if I...
CT: D--> ...

-- centaursTesticle [CT] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AC: :33 < *ac suddenly finds herself pulled off of her favorite shipping furrum and logged on to a strange new catroom!*
AC: :33 < *what is going on here? she says*
AC: :33 < *but wait! her cunning predatory instincts tell her that someone else is here*
AC: :33 < *she flicks her tail and crouches down, ready to pounce*
CT: D--> It has been a while since we spoke, Nepeta
AC: 8DD < EQUIUS!!!!

These are soooo good! You really have a handle on the characters!

[DizzySpecibus]

Wow, Red Pen, these are amazing! Can't wait for the next part : D

[Miss Prince]

Part two of that fanfic in which the trolls reached adulthood without ever playing Sgrub. Some of the trolls come across each other again a few weeks into starting their new careers, and get caught up with one another.

Part one was over here!

The End And What Comes After - part two

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- the Ultravires came within hailing range of the Automatech Mark Two --

-- untraceableUsurper [UU] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

UU: I have a message for you, Sollux!
UU: Do not attempt to trace this signal, or guess who I am.
UU: This message is being sent in the utmost seacresea!
UU: I am just an anemonemous ally, fighting for a righteous and EXCITING cause!
TA: hey ff.
UU: Aw, )(ow'd you know it was me? 38/
TA: 2eriiou2ly?
UU: I t)(oug)(t I was being pretty sneaky.
UU: Was it the fis)( puns?
TA: iit wa2 the fi2h pun2.
UU: A)(rg, I just can't stop making t)(ose and t)(ey give me away every time!
UU: I need to tell Eridan, every time you )(ear me make a fis)( pun you )(ave to slap me in t)(e )(ead! T)(at would stop me I bet!
TA: eheh, would he?
UU: )(e )(as to!
UU: )(e is my moirail and it is )(is duty to )(elp me learn to )(ide my identity, even if it means giving me a good )(ard rap across the )(orns. >38(
UU: But I just keep doing it! I can't )(alibut!
TA: uh ff...
UU: I M-EAN )(-ELP IT!!
UU: O)( glub.
TA: iit wa2nt that bad.
TA: you were 2till kind of anonymou2, iif iid never met you before iid have no clue iit wa2 you.
UU: Well duuuuu)(!
TA: ju2t pull back on your quirk a bit and try not two get 2o...
UU: -Excited?
TA: yeah.
UU: It's )(ard not to get -EXCIT-ED!
UU: Wit)( everyt)(ing t)(at's about to )(appen!
TA: you need two be careful though.
TA: no need two make it ea2y for you-know-who two find you before youre ready.
UU: You-know-w)(o?
UU: O)(, )(-ER.
UU: T)(at's rig)(t, I almost forgot t)(at we )(ave to be careful about w)(at we say )(ere!
UU: T)(e Automatec)( )(as t)(hose word filters t)(at screen your conversations.
UU: O)( wow, I'm sorry Sollux! Did I say anyt)(ing incriminating t)(at would get you in trouble?
TA: hey no 2weat.
TA: fiir2t thiing ii diid when they 2howed me two my work2ation wa2 dii2able all the 2urveiillance ii could fiind.
TA: ii mean thii2 ii2 the automatech mark two 2o iim 2ure there2 a ton of 2tuff ii mii22ed
TA: but iif were not 2tupiidly obviiou2 theyre not goiing two catch u2.
UU: Seacurity is pretty tig)(t around t)(ere, )(u)(?
UU: I mean security. S-ECURITY.
TA: heh.
TA: on the AM2? hell ye2.
TA: we de2iigned every 2ecuriity 2y2tem iin the fleet. we are untracable, unhackable, and un2toppable.
UU: Well in t)(at case, I sure am glad I've got a master encryptrooper on t)(e inside! 3
TA: iive only been an encryptrooper for liike a couple week2 now ff, iim currently the low guy on the totem pole.
TA: ii wouldnt 2ay iim a ma2ter over here.
TA: iin fact iim not 2ure iif iim really goiing two be all that helpful.
UU: Of course you will be )(elpful silly!
UU: You )(ave already been SUP-ER )(-ELPFUL.
TA: not really.
UU: Y-ES REELY. Really. R-EALLY.
TA: iinternet 2mack.
UU: INT-ERN-ET OUC)(! 3XD
UU: But R-EALLY, you are doing so muc)( important stuff!
UU: Like your S-ECR-ET PROJ-ECT?
UU: O)( actually, t)(at was w)(at I messaged you to glub about in t)(e first place!
UU: Before you found me out, you sneakity sneak! >38C
TA: 2o 2orry ii blew your cover.
UU: )(ee )(ee!
UU: Is your Foldspace project done yet? -Eridan is getting really impatient!
TA: well you can tell ed two hold his mu2clebea2t2.
TA: he2 lucky iim doiing thii2 for hiim at all, ii could have pa22ed thii2 off two a 2hitty programmer liike kk and made hiim waiit even longer.
TA: but no, ii deciide two be a niice guy for once.
UU: Sollux!
TA: and all he doe2 for month2 ii2 a2k me why iit2 not done yet.
TA: you know what a22hole thii2 ii2 a lot of work.
TA: ii 2hould have ju2t told hiim two do iit hiim2elf!
UU: Geeze lou-E-EZ-E Sollux, )(-E )(-E!
UU: )(e )(asn't been t)(at bad.
UU: I t)(ink deep down )(e really appreciates all t)(e work you're doing.
TA: 2ure he doe2.
TA: you know ii thiink kk wa2 actually riight about 2omethiing for once.
TA: iim goiing two go my entiire liife beiing unnapreciiated for everythiing ii do.
TA: liike de2tiiny 2lapped a biig 2tamp on my forehead 2ayiing plea2e iignore.
UU: Gruuuumpy! 38P
UU: I am only asking because it is just so sad to watc)( )(im pace around the s)(ip and be all mopey with not)(ing to do. We can't get started until you finis)(!
UU: And -Eridan is getting worried about keeping in contact wit)( you.
UU: T)(e Ultravires can only stay wit)(in )(ailing distance of t)(e Automatec)( for so long before people start to get suspicious!
TA: relax ff, of cour2e iive got thii2.
TA: iive had two put the fiinii2hiing touche2 on iit iin 2ecret but iim almo2t done.
TA: iive got a couple people beta te2tiing iit for me already.
TA: iill get the code two you iin the next couple of day2.
UU: T)(anks Sollux, t)(at's a big rereef!
UU: I guess I s)(ould let you off the )(ook now, t)(at was all I needed to know.
UU: And you are probably pretty busea with your important encryptrooper weirk!
TA: ff read what you ju2t wrote.
UU: O)( GLUB GLUB GLUB
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: T)(-E INT-ERN-ET PAIN! 38'C
UU: I really need to work on t)(is!
TA: well
TA: iim actually ju2t doiing 2ome bu2ywork riight now.
TA: iif you wanted two 2tay on and chat
TA: you know, two practiice the fii2h pun thiing
TA: ii could hang around and 2mack you on occa2iion.
UU: I would really appreciate t)(at, Sollux. 3
UU: LOOK, T)(IS IS M-E APPR-ECIATING YOU!
UU: )(ee )(ee )(ee glub!
TA: 2crew de2tiiny, con2iider me fully appreciiated.
UU: T)(at's t)(e rig)(t attitide, I like w)(at I'm )(erring!
TA: ff...
UU: I mean, um...
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: O)( nooooooooooo!






-- the Themis came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3 W3LL LOOK WHO 1 FOUND
GC: W3 M33T 4G41N K4RK4T V4NT4S
GC: OR SHOULD 1 S4Y
GC: M1ST3R YUMMY GR33N1SH B4N4N4 >:]
CG: OH THANK GOD, IT'S SOMEBODY SANE.
CG: THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOU HAD STARTED TROLLING ME.
GC: 4DM1T 1T K4RK4T YOU M1SS3D M3
CG: THE SAD THING IS I THINK I DID.
CG: LOOK AT YOUR CHUMPROLL AND TELL ME THE ONLY OTHER FAMILIAR SCREEN NAME YOU SEE.
GC: 4D1OSTOR34DOR?
CG: ADIOSTOREADOR.
CG: FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS MY SOCIAL CIRCLE HAS CONSISTED EXCLUSIVELY OF TAVROS NITRAM.
GC: H3H3
GC: I W4S JUST T4LK1NG TO H1M!
GC: H3 S33MS 4 L1TTL3 B1T LON3LY
GC: H4V3 YOU B33N 4VO1D1NG H1M?
CG: HE'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET.
CG: AVOIDING HIM ISN'T THE ISSUE, IT'S HARD ENOUGH JUST BEING AWAKE WHEN HE IS.
GC: W3LL 1 S3NT G4MM3RS H1S W4Y SO HOP3FULLY H3 W1LL H4V3 SOM3BODY TO T4LK TO FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3
CG: "GAMMERS"
GC: G4444MZ3RS!!
CG: OK, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK.
GC: W3LL H3S 4ROUND H3R3 TOO
GC: TH3 BL4CK C4TH3DR4L 1S ST4Y1NG CLOS3 TO TH3 TH3MIS WH1L3 W3 WORK ON 4N 1MPORT4NT C4S3
GC: 1 C4NT T3LL YOU 4LL TH3 D3T41LS DU3 TO 3V3RYTH1NG B31NG H1GHLY S3CR3T1V3 BUT TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS 4R3 H3LP1NG US TR4CK DOWN OUR CR1M1N4L
CG: THAT MUST BE GREAT FOR YOU, HAVING A BUNCH OF PSYCHOTIC BERSERKERS AT YOUR BECK AND CALL. TEREZI PYROPE'S FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE.
GC: TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS DO NOT T3LL TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS WH4T TO DO K4RK4T!
GC: TH3Y 4R3 SORT OF T3CHN1C4LLY 4 R3L1G1OUS ORG4N1Z4T1ON 4ND 1T WOULD B3 H1GHLY 1N4PPROPR14T3
GC: SOM3T1MES W3 JUST SORT OF
GC: SUGG3ST P3OPL3 TH3 3MP1R3 WOULD B3 B3TT3R OFF W1THOUT
GC: 4ND 1T SUR3 WOULD B3 CONV3N13NT 1F WH4T3V3R CH4OT1C FORC3S TH3Y S3RV3 W4NT3D TH3 S4M3 TH1NG >;]
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE PLATONIC BULGE BUMPING SOUL BUDDIES WITH THE SUBJUGGLATORS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT.
CG: I MEAN COME ON, EVERYTHING THEY DO IS LEGAL.
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 TH31R 4CT1ONS 4R3 GU1D3D BY D1V1N3 1NT3RV3NT1ON
GC: 4ND NOT 4T 4LL B3C4US3 TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS H4VE SOME K1ND OF D34L WITH TH3M, WH3R3 DO TH3S3 F1LTHY RUMORS 3V3N COM3 FROM
CG: ........
GC: 1 4M CH4NG1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT NOW
GC: 4R3 YOU H4V1NG LOTS OF FUN 4T BOOT C4MP?
CG: STUFF THE BLUE BLOOD SLANG UP YOUR SEEDFLAP, IT'S A FODDERMILL, AND I AM HAVING A FUCKING BLAST.
GC: FODD3RM1LL SOUNDS STUP1D
CG: BETTER THAN YOUR CONKSUCK BOOT CAMP.
CG: FODDERMILL IS SO MUCH MORE BADASS, BOOT CAMP SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING WIGGLERS DO ARTS AND CRAFTS AT OVER THEIR SWELTERPERIGEE VACATIONS.
GC: OK C4LL 1T WH4T3V3R YOU W4NT K4RK4T 1 DON'T C4R3
GC: 1T DO3SNT SOUND V3RY B4D4SS TO M3 >:P
CG: WELL IT IS.
CG: IT IS TOTALLY BADASS.
CG: I'M A REMORSELESS KILLER NOW, I COULD CUT YOU TO RIBBONS IN TEN SECONDS FLAT AND THERE'S NOT A THING YOU COULD DO TO STOP ME.
GC: YOU 4R3 TH4T B4D4SS 4FT3R ONLY 4 COUPL3 OF W33KS K4RK4T?
GC: W3LL CL34RLY 1 H4V3 P1CK3D TH3 WRONG PROF3SS1ON!
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: YEAH LAUGH IT UP.
CG: IF YOU WERE THE ENEMY YOU'D BE SO TERRIFIED OF ME RIGHT NOW.
GC: C4NT 4 G1RL L4UGH OUT OF F34R OF YOUR B4D4SS4RY
CG: NOT WHEN SHE'S YOU SHE CAN'T.
GC: H3H3H3 1 JUST C4NT H3LP 1T K4RK4T
GC: YOU 4R3 SOOOOO B4D4SS 1 JUST C4NT T4K3 1T
CG: OH HA HA HA.
GC: K4RK4T C4N YOU T34CH M3 TH3 S3CR3T TO B31NG B4D4SS
CG: THE SECRET IS SHUT THE HELL UP. SHUT THE HELL UP IS THE SECRET.
GC: 1 4M 3NL1GHT3N3D
CG: LOOK, I'M BADASS JUST FOR BEING HERE. THE TRAINING REGIMEN FOR THRESHICUTIONERS IS INTENSE. I'VE BATTLED IT OUT WITH TROLLS TWICE MY SIZE DOWN HERE. THEY'RE DEAD, I'M NOT, BADASS EQUALS ME.
CG: IF I MAKE IT OUT OF BASIC TRAINING ALIVE
CG: WHICH I WILL.
CG: I WILL HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE CALLED ONE OF THE MOST DEADLY MEMBERS OF OUR SOCIETY.
CG: IF I MAKE IT THROUGH MY FIRST BATTLE ALIVE
CG: WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, I WILL.
CG: I WILL BE SO HIGH UP ON THE PEDESTAL OF BADASSARY THAT YOU'LL NEED A FUCKING STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF ME.
CG: WAIT, NO. I'LL BE SO HIGH UP YOU'LL NEED A STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF THE PEOPLE I'VE KILLED.
CG: I WILL BE SO FAR ABOVE YOU THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL EVEN KNOW I EXIST IS BY THE TRAIL OF CARNAGE I LEAVE BEHIND.
CG: THRESHICUTIONERS
CG: ARE
CG: BADASS.
GC: 1 4M PR3SS3D 4G41NST MY SCR33N JUST T4K1NG 1N 4LL YOUR 4M4Z1NG B4D4SS4RY
GC: 1T T4ST3S L1K3 M3T4L
CG: IT TASTES LIKE A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN YOU PSYCHO.
CG: STOP LICKING EVERYTHING I TYPE, IT'S DISGUSTING.
GC: 1TS D3L1C1OUS
CG: OH GOD YOU'RE STILL LICKING IT.
GC: K4RK4T WHY DO YOU H4V3 TO TYP3 3V3RYTH1NG 1N GR4Y???
GC: SUCH 4 WOND3RFUL SLURRY OF FL4VORS ON MY SCR33N 4ND TH3R3 1S K4RK4T V4NT4S W1TH H1S BOR1NG GUNM3T4L GR4Y
GC: YOUR T3XT WOULD T4ST3 SO MUCH B3TT3R 1F 1T W4S 4 BR1GHT3R COLOR DONT YOU TH1NK
GC: M4YB3.......
GC: 4 YUMMY B4N4N4 COLOR?? >8D
CG: NO.
CG: FUCK THAT.
CG: FUCK THAT WITH SOMETHING SHARP AND POINTED, I AM NOT SATISFYING YOUR SICK LICKING FETISH WITH BANANA YELLOW TEXT.
GC: BUT WH4TS TH3 PO1NT OF B31NG GR4Y 4NYMOR3
GC: TH3 S3CR3T 1S OUT
GC: K4RK4T H4S B4N4N4 BLOOD 4ND H3 1S 4 S3LF1SH M34N13F4C3 WHO W1LL NOT SH4R3 1T
CG: I LIKE THE COLOR GRAY.
GC: JUST SHOW 1T TO M3 ONC3
GC: PL34S3 K4RK4T 1 H4V3 B33N SO GOOD 4BOUT R3SP3CT1NG YOUR PR1V4CY 4ND L3TT1NG YOU PL4Y YOUR 4NONYM1TY G4M3
GC: 1 COULD H4V3 TR1CK3D YOU 1NTO SHOW1NG M3 4 HUNDR3D D1FF3R3NT W4YS BUT 1 D1D NOT
CG: BULLSHIT, IF YOU COULD HAVE YOU WOULD HAVE.
GC: YOU R34LLY TH1NK SO >:]
CG: YOU WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY.
GC: >:] >:] >:]
CG: THERE'S NO WAY YOU WERE JUST RESPECTING MY PRIVACY.
GC: >8] >8] >8]
CG: OK STOP WITH THE FACE.
CG: YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
GC: >8D >8D >8D >8D
GC: >:P
GC: JUST SHOW M3 ON3 T1M3 4ND YOU W1LL N3V3R 3V3R H34R M3 4SK 4BOUT 1T 4G41N
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO S33 YOU WR1T3 1N GR33N1SH B4N4N4
GC: 1T H4S B33N MY L1F3LONG DR34M TO S33 YOU TYP3 1N YOUR BLOOD COLOR
GC: 1 TOO 4M 1N 4 V3RY D3M4ND1NG C4R33R K4RK4T
GC: 1 COULD B3 ON3 B4D C4S3 4W4Y FROM B31NG D3VOUR3D BY H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY
GC: WOULD YOU D3NY 4 POOR L3G1SL4C3R4TOR H3R L1F3LONG DR34M
CG: LIKE I BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. ARE THEY EVEN LETTING YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN CASES YET?
GC: W3LL NO
GC: 1 4M JUST OBS3RV1NG TH3 M4ST3RS 4T WORK 4ND TR4NSCR1B1NG COURT R3CORDS FOR TH3M
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 TO WORK MY W4Y UP JUST L1K3 YOU
CG: OH RIGHT, THEY'RE LETTING THE BLIND LEETSPEAKER WRITE OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS.
CG: THERE GOES MY FAITH IN OUR COURT SYSTEM.
GC: Karkat, I'll have you know that I am fully capable of writing coherently when I need to.
GC: >;]
CG: WHOA
CG: WHOA
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!!!
GC: JUST DO 1T YOU KNOW 1T W1LL SHUT M3 UP
GC: YOU DONT N33D TO B3 SC4R3D 1T W1LL B3 SO MUCH 34S13R TH4N 4 BLOOD T3ST
CG: OH MY GOD, I AM NOT SCARED OF MY BLOOD.
GC: JUST SC4R3D OF SHOW1NG 1T
GC: SOLLUX TOLD M3 HOW YOU W3R3 4CT1NG WH3N TH3Y TOOK YOUR BLOOD 1 KNOW YOU W3R3 CRY1NG L1K3 4 W1GGL3R
CG: I WAS NOT!
GC: SOME B4D4SS THR3SH1CUT1ON3R YOU AR3 B4N4N4M4N
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF MY BLOOD!
CG: I'VE BLED PLENTY OF TIMES IN BASIC TRAINING. MY GROSS YELLOW BLOOD HAS BEEN OFFERED UP TO THE GODS OF SWEATY FODDERMILL COMBAT SO MUCH THEY'VE GOT A RUNNING TAB WITH ME.
CG: BLOOD IS NOT A BIG DEAL.
GC: SO SHOW M3!
CG: I
CG: JUST
CG: FUCK.
CG: FINE.
CG: THIS IS WHAT MY BLOOD LOOKS LIKE.
CG: I'LL WAIT PATIENTLY WHILE YOU MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MONITOR.
GC: K4RK4T..........
GC: TH1S COLOR T4ST3S L1K3 YUCKY CH3M1C4LS!
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: THAT IS A BANANA. IT LOOKS LIKE A BANANA, THEREFORE YOUR MAGICAL SYNESTHESIA POWERS SHOULD SAY IT SMELLS AND TASTES LIKE A BANANA .
CG: DO YOU JUST ARBITRARILY DECIDE THIS CRAP OR IS THERE SOME WHEEL YOU SPIN THAT TELLS YOU WHAT FLAVOR YOU'RE SLOBBERING ON?
GC: MY NOS3 4ND MY TONGU3 4LW4YS KNOW TH3 TRUTH K4RK4T
GC: 4ND TH3 TRUTH 1S TH4T YOU H4V3 YUCKY BLUCKY CH3M1C4L FL4VOR3D BLOOD
CG: AND YOU WONDERED WHY I NEVER WANTED TO SHOW IT TO YOU.
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 D1D WOND3R TH4T
GC: 4ND 1 ST1LL DO!
GC: YOUR BLOOD 1S P3RF3CTLY NORM4L K4RK4T 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU W3R3 H1D1NG 1T
CG: I WAS HIDING IT BECAUSE THAT'S PRIVATE AND I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.
GC: V3333RY SUSP1C1OUS >:/
GC: 1 C4N S33 1 W1LL H4V3 TO PURSU3 TH1S C4S3 W1TH 4LL OF MY SK1LL
CG: OK NO SHUT UP.
CG: I WAS JUST HIDING IT BECAUSE
CG: IT'S
CG: KIND OF CLOSE TO SOLLUX'S BLOOD COLOR.
GC: 444444ND???
CG: AND HE HAS ALL THOSE PSIONIC POWERS. I FELT LIKE A FREAK, HAVING ALMOST THE EXACT SAME BLOOD COLOR AND NO POWERS AT ALL.
CG: IT WAS JUST EASIER TO HIDE IT.
GC: 4444W K4RKL3S
CG: DON'T CALL ME KARKLES.
GC: LOTS OF Y3LLOW BLOODS DONT H4V3 POW3RS 1T 1S NO B1G D34L
GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 YOU 4 FR34K
CG: OH THANK GOD I HAVE TEREZI'S APPROVAL.
CG: I SHOULD HAVE TOLD EVERYONE SWEEPS AGO, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
GC: 1T 1S T4ST1NG L1K3 D1SGUST1NG CH3M1CALS TH4T M4K3S YOU 4 FR34K!!! >8D
CG: .........
CG: I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW.
GC: H4H4H4
GC: SOM3BODY SUR3 1S S3NS3T1V3 4BOUT H1S BLOOD
CG: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN INSANE PSYCHO FREAK.
CG: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
GC: WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y K4RK4T
GC: 1T W4S N1C3 T4LK1NG TO YOU TOO
GC: 1 W1LL SM3LL YOU 4G41N WH3N YOU G3T BOR3D OF T4VROS

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3!






-- the Black Cathedral came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] logged on to server: Public Network of Mirthful Communion --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

TC: AwWw dAmN My bRoThEr i tHiNk yOu kNoW WhAt tHiS MeAnS.
AT: i THINK I AM INDEED AWARE OF, tHE THING THAT THIS MEANS,
TC: AiN'T No sToPpIn iT MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: GeTtIn mY HaRsH On aLl uP In hErE, yOu tHiNk yOu cAn bRiNg iT?
AT: cONSIDER IT BROUGHT,
AT: tHE THING THAT I AM BRINGING,
TC: ThEn...
TC: ShIpS PaSsInG!
AT: sLAM BATTLE!
TC: RoUnD OnE!
AT: sUDDEN DEATH!
TC: GrOoVe?
AT: yOUR SHIP, aND CURRENT EVENTS THEREIN, i GUESS,
AT: sO WE CAN GET CAUGHT UP WITH,
AT: hOW THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING,
TC: I'M DoWn wItH ThAt, MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: ShAdE?
AT: uH, lIGHT!
TC: AwWwWwWwWw yEeEeEeEeEaH
TC: AiN'T SeEn yOu iN A WhIlE, bRo, AlLoW Me tO ReCiTe
TC: WhAt's aLl bEeN GoInG DoWn wHiLe i bEeN In fLiGhT
TC: LiKe a mOtHeRfUcKiN, kItE, bRo!
TC: AnD ThIs sHiT Is tIgHt.
TC: HoW'S A ShIp tHaT BiG EvEn sTaY At tHaT HeIgHt?
TC: So wHaTeVeR, iT'S AiGhT. GoNnA ChIlL FoR A MiNuTe.
TC: YoU SeEn tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl, BeCaUsE FuCk bRo, I'M In iT!
TC: AnD ThEy cAlL Me tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN AcOlYtE
TC: LiKe a rItE, mOtHeRfUcKeR, tHaT'S My mOtHeRfUcKiN RiGhT.
TC: ThEy sAy fUcK It mAkArA, hEaR WhAt wE Up aNd sAiD,
TC: YoU AiN'T GoT No fOcUs iN YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd,
TC: UpTiGhT, mAkE Me wRiTe oUt tHaT ShIt i mIsReAd.
TC: PrIeStS AnD DeAcOnS
TC: AlL Be sPeAkIn
TC: 'bOuT ThE SpItE I AuGhTtA BrEd.
TC: DoN'T EvEn kNoW HoW To gEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn sPiTe!
TC: BuT ThEy gOt tHiS FiRe iN Em lIkE ThEy'rE GoNnA IgNiTe.
TC: SeE ThE LiGhT, mOtHeRfUcKeR, bUrNiNg mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRiGhT.
TC: I SaY BrOtHeR I AiN'T SeEiN It.
TC: ThEy bE AlL, yOu gOtTa bE BeIn iT.
TC: WaNnA StAy a lAuGhSsAsSiN, dOn't bE GeTtIn sChOoLfEd
TC: BuT A SuBjUgGlAtOr kNoWs wHaT'S In hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd.
TC: GeT ThE JoKe, ClEaR ThE SmOkE, aNd fInD SoMe fUcKiN InSiGhT.
TC: GrAy aNd wHiTe, QuIt tHe sHiT AnD GeT YoUr hEaD! On! rIgHt!
TC: GaMzEe oUt.
AT: oH WOW, tHAT SOUNDS KIND OF,
AT: uNPLEASANT,
AT: tHAT THEY TELL YOU OFF LIKE THAT,
TC: NaH, iT'S ChIlL. )
TC: AiN'T NoBoDy's fAuLt bUt mInE I ZoNe oUt lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: I MeAn, FuCk, SpAcE Is jUsT ToO ChIlL, bRo! i cAn't hElP JuSt sTaRiN OuT At tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN StArS.
TC: AlL FuCkIn tWiNkLiN AnD ShIt tIl yOu tHiNk yOu cAn jUsT SoRt oF ReAcH OuT AnD MoThErFuCkIn tOuCh eM.
TC: MaKeS It rEaL HaRd tO PaY AtTeNtIoN To wHaT EvErYbOdY'S Up aNd sAyInG!
AT: i'VE NOTICED, tHOUGH,
AT: tHAT YOU DON'T REALLY ZONE OUT AS MUCH, wHEN WE'RE DOING SLAM POETRY,
TC: WeLl fUcK, bRoThEr, I GuEsS I DoN'T!
AT: sO MAYBE IT WOULD HELP, uH, kEEP YOU FOCUSED,
AT: iF YOU PRETENDED THAT,
AT: i GUESS, yOU WERE THROWING DOWN SOME STRICT BEATS WITH EVERYONE YOU TALKED TO,
AT: aND YOU HAD TO PAY ATTENTION, sO YOU COULD CALL THEM OUT WITH YOUR, uH, sICK BURNS,
AT: aND THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD REMEMBER, tHE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAID TO YOU AND, nOT GET YELLED AT,
TC: MoThErFuUuUuUuCk tAvRoS, tHaT Is wIcKeD BiTcHiN!
AT: iS THAT A GOOD THING OR, a BAD THING,
TC: I DuNnO BrOtHeR, i tHiNk tHaT MiGhT MoThErFuCkIn wOrK!
TC: HoNk! )
AT: gLAD TO HELP,
TC: BuUuUuUuUuUt
TC: YoU AiN'T OfF ThE MoThErFuCkInG HoOk, BrO!
TC: I MeAn sUrE YoU GoT ThE BrAiNs bUt cAn yOu sLaM?
AT: oH YOU KNOW I AM CAPABLE OF SLAMMING,
TC: I SaId cAn yOu mOtHeR
TC: FuCkInG
TC: SlAm????
AT: i CAN SLAM, iF YOU GIVE ME A GROOVE,
TC: SaMe.
TC: AnD YoUr sHaDe iS
TC: FrEeStYyYyYyYyLe!
AT: oOOOOH GAMZEE, yOU'RE GONNA REGRET THAT DECISION,
AT: wHEN I FREESTYLE RHYMES WITHOUT MAD SUPERVISION,
AT: (THAT'S REFERRING TO THE FREESTYLE THING, bY THE WAY,)
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS AND I'M HERE TO SAY,
AT: wAIT, lET ME, uH, mAKE A REVISION,
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS, cAVALREAPER IN THE MAKING,
AT: mY SKILLS ARE BEING HONED AND MY ENEMIES ARE QUAKING,
AT: aND, uH, sHAKING, tOO, tHEY'RE ALSO DOING THAT,
AT: gOT MY LANCE AT THE READY AND MY HELMET, tHAT'S A HAT,
AT: aND INSTEAD OF PRACTICING ON THAT DUMMY I MADE,
AT: i'M FACING REAL OPPONENTS AND I'M NOT AFRAID,
AT: oF THE OPPONENTS,
AT: wAIT,
AT: uH,
AT: oK SO, eVEN THOUGH THEY MOCK ME IN THE BARRACKS AND SAY,
AT: tAVROS NITRAM, yOU AREN'T GONNA LAST ANOTHER DAY,
AT: yOU'RE DEAD FROM THE WAIST,
AT: aND WE'LL POUND YOU INTO PASTE,
AT: lITTLE CRIPPLE, sAY YOUR PRAYERS,
AT: aND SAY THEM IN HASTE,
AT: tHEY AIN'T HALF AS BAD AS VRISKA, sO I LOOKED AT THEM AND SAID
AT: bETTER DEAD FROM THE WAIST, tHAN DEAD IN THE HEAD,
TC: DaAaAaAaAaMn! O
AT: uH, tHANKS,
AT: sO ANYWAY, i'M NOT AFRAID, aND I DON'T YIELD,
AT: wHO'S PASTE WHEN I FACE THEM ON THE TRAINING FIELD???
AT: (iT'S THEM AND NOT ME,)
AT: i GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS, i'M AT A DISADVANTAGE,
AT: bUT I'M GAINING SOME RESPECT, aND I THINK I'M GONNA MANAGE,
AT: tHAT DIDN'T REALLY RHYME,
AT: bUT, uH,
AT: tAVROS OUT,
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE YoU GoT ThAt sHiT NaIlEd dOwN!
AT: iT WASN'T EASY, tO BEGIN WITH,
AT: bUT I THINK EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT A, uH, vALUABLE ASSET I WOULD BE, tO THE RANKS OF THE CAVALREAPERS,
AT: aND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE SAYING THAT IF I MAKE IT THROUGH BASIC TRAINING, i MIGHT BE FITTED WITH SOME PROSTHETICS,
TC: MoThErFuCkInG ChIlL, bRo!
TC: HoNk! D
AT: i'VE MOSTLY JUST BEEN REMEMBERING THE THINGS YOU SAID,
AT: aBOUT TELLING MYSELF WHAT TO BE,
AT: aND I THINK I JUST DECIDED, tO TELL MYSELF I WAS GOING TO BE,
AT: wHATEVER I WANTED TO BE,
AT: aND NOT LET ANYONE SAY THAT I COULDN'T,
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S WORKING,
TC: WaIt, DiD I AlL MoThErFuCkInG TeLl yOu tHaT?
TC: ShIt bRo, I ThOuGhT ThAt wAs rUfIo!
AT: rUFIO IS JUST A FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,
AT: bUT SOMETIMES I FORGET THAT TOO, sO THAT'S OK,
TC: HaHaHaHa!
AT: hEY GAMZEE,
AT: dO YOU THINK THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE MEETING UP OUT THERE,
AT: wHO AREN'T CATCHING UP WITH EACH OTHER IN THE FORM OF, uH, sLAM BATTLES?
TC: WhO'D EvEn aLl wAnT To mOtHeRfUcKiN Do tHaT? ThEy'd jUsT Be mIsSiN OuT On tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg fUn!
TC: HoOoOoNk! )
AT: hA HA, i KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,
AT: tHIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE,
AT: sPEAKING OF WHICH,,,,,,,
AT: aRE YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO?
TC: TaVrOs mY MoThErFuCkIn bRoThEr, I WaS HaTcHeD ReAdY.
TC: BrEaK OuT ThE BeAtS AnD LeT'S TeAr tHiS ShIt uP.
AT: oK, i GUESS I CAN GO FIRST THIS TIME,
TC: SlAm bAtTlE!
AT: rOUND TWO!
TC: SuDdEn dEaTh!
AT: gROOVE?
TC: MoThErFuCkIn cAnDy.
AT: sHADE?
TC: OrAaAaAnGe! >)
AT: yOU'RE MAKING ME RHYME WITH ORANGE?
AT: aND HERE I THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE ME SOMETHING DIFFICULT, >}
TC: YoU TaLk bIg bRoThEr, BuT I WaNt tO SeE YoU SlAm iT!
AT: yOU WANT ME TO SLAM IT,
AT: oH, i CAN SLAM IT,
AT: hERE I GO,,,,,,,,,

-- the Black Cathedral is not longer within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] has been disconnected! --

AT: aWWWW,






-- twinArmageddons [TA] launched the program Fold2pace~ATH --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: te2tiing one two
TA: te2tiing one two
TA: nothiing2 goiing two explode thii2 tiime?
TA: good

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: well
AA: this is a thing
TA: oh hell ye2!
AA: 0_0
TA: iit actually worked thii2 tiime!
TA: you 2ee thii2 aa?
TA: thii2 ii2 me
TA: talkiing two you
TA: from halfway acro22 the galaxy.
TA: ii thiink that de2erve2 a hell ye2.
AA: i supp0se
AA: even th0ugh it is basically just the inevitable 0utc0me 0f s0mething y0ve been trying t0 d0 f0r m0nths anyway
AA: all y0u are celebrating is the absence 0f failure
TA: 2ome people call that 2uce22.
TA: that2 been a word for a whiile now, you 2hould probably look iit up.
AA: i am 0nly stating a fact
TA: well now youre goiing to state a hell ye2.
TA: 2ay iit wiith me aradiia
TA: hell
TA: ye2.
AA: hell yes
AA: y0u are c0mpetent in acc0mplishing tasks that are well within y0ur capabilities
AA: g00d j0b
TA: oh fuck you aa.
TA: go 2iit iin the gloom and doom corner whiile ii get the re2t of the guiinea piig2 iin here.
AA: 0_0
AA: 0kay

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AG: A8out time!
AG: Woooooooow Sollux, I was starting to think you were never going to finish!
AG: I've 8een so 8ored just waiting on you and your stupid project.
AG: When I agreed to 8e your awesome test su8ject I didn't think there would 8e so much waiting!
TA: ok look, thii2 2tuff ii2 voliitiile and iit take2 tiime.
TA: thii2 tiime la2t week fold2pace wa2 explodiing every computer ii ran iit on.
AG: Whaaaaaaaatever.
TA: iim pretty 2ure ii fiixed that bug, but that2 why were runniing the2e te2t2.
CT: D--> Hel100 again, Aradia
AA: hey
AG: Oh geeze.
CT: D--> Have you given any thought to
CT: D--> What I said to you previously
CT: D--> Upon leaving Alternia
AA: n0 n0t really
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> If you do
CT: D--> Happen to think of that particular e%clamation I made
CT: D--> Please recall that it was said in the heat of the moment
CT: D--> And that perhaps I did not mean
CT: D--> Quite what I thought I meant
CT: D--> When I said it
AA: 0_0
CT: D--> It would be highly scandalous and inappropriate to pursue such a thing
CT: D--> So very inappropriate
AG: Uuuuuuuugh. XXXXP
CT: D--> And despite any
CT: D--> Desires
CT: D--> We may or may not harbor
TA: oh god thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2.
CT: D--> I think it w001d be for the best if we simply forgot the wh001e thing occurred
AA: sure
CT: D--> Unless of course you would rather
CT: D--> Not forget
AA: n0 its fine i pretty much f0rg0t it already
CT: D--> Ah
AG: Here's a crazy idea! You guys should listen to this crazy idea I just had!
AG: My crazy idea is that we 8an all discussion about towel8oy's gross love life from this server 8efore Vriska hurls!
AG: Let's vote on it! All in favor?
TA: Aye.
AG: AAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE.
AA: i d0nt care either way
CT: D--> I don't think you have the authority to do that
AG: My vote counts as eight. Motion passed!
CT: D--> Fiddlesticks
TA: ok real quiick before thii2 conver2atiion traiin get2 any further off the raiil2 and cra2he2 iintwo 2tupiidtown
TA: there ii2 actually 2tuff we need two get done here.
AG: Fine, oh fearless leader, we're listening.
AG: It's a8out time some8ody actually explained what the 8ig deal is with this secret Foldspace thing.
TA: iill try to dumb iit down for you.
AG: >::::|
TA: It will 8e easy for me 8ecause I am a stuuuuuuuupid iiiiiiiidiot 2TOP THAT
AG: Stop what, Sollux????????
TA: Stop 8eing 8asically the 8est at everything and also really smart and 8eautiful!!!!!!!!
AA: vriska
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?
AG: I can't help it if Sollux thinks I'm 8eautiful.
TA: equiiu2 hiit her for me.
CT: D--> I do not take orders from you, lowb100d
TA: You're right, I am pretty much the worst!!!!!!!! Vriska is so much 8etter than me AT BEIING AN ENOURMOU2 BIITCH which is what I would have said if I didn't think she was soooooooo awesome VRII2KA II 2WEAR you are simply the 8est there is!!!!!!!!
AA: equius hit her f0r me
AG: OW!!!!!!!!
AG: You guys suuuuuuuuck.
AG: Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.
TA: you know what, you dont have two be here.
TA: none of you have two be here, ii could be doiing thii2 entiire thiing by my2elf!
TA: ii dont need you moron2!
AA: s0llux
AA: y0u were explaining ab0ut f0ldspace
AA: this is s0mething the 0thers sh0uld kn0w
TA: fiine, whatever.
TA: alriight iidiiot2 and aradiia, lii2ten up.
TA: thii2 i2 fold2pace. iit2 a remote 2erver that ho2t2 a 2iimple chat cliient.
TA: but the thiing ii2, ii 2et iit up u2iing 2ome of the recycled mechaniic2 from that game aa and ii were workiing on a whiile ago.
AG: The one you scrapped when you found out it would destroy the world?
AG: Way to go, 8y the way, how's it feel to 8e the guy who almost caused the apocalypse?
TA: aradiia.
AA: equius
AG: OW
CT: D--> Perhaps you should stop hitting yourself
AG: OH TH8T 8N'T 8VEN F8IR!!!!!!!!
TA: 2hut up, you cant keep your braiin two your2elf 2o you dont get two talk anymore.
AG: DXXXX
TA: the fold2pace 2erver ii2 2et up iin a diimen2iion out2iide of our normal realiity, and iit 2ort of fold2 2pace around iit2elf 2o iit2 everywhere at once.
TA: we can acce22 iit from any poiint iin 2pace, allowiing for iin2tantaneou2 communiicatiion over long dii2tance2. that2 how ii can talk two you from the am2 and aa can talk all the way from alterniia.
TA: iit2 totally priivate and can tran2miit any me22age you want two 2end, any place you want two 2end iit. perfect for makiing plan2 for the uprii2iing.
TA: a2 long a2 ii can keep iit from fryiing our computer2 and other unfortunate 2iide effect2.
TA: whiich ii2 where you guy2 come iin.
TA: and 2iince were goiing two have two deal wiith thii2 eventually iim ju2t goiing two addre22 iit riight now.
TA: our dev team for thii2 ii2 ba2iically the perfect 2torm of people who hate each other.
AA: 0_0
TA: well maybe not aradiia
TA: but you get iit.
TA: iif we want two get thii2 done iin tiime for ff2 biig uprii2iing were goiing two have two put that 2hiit a2iide for a whiile and try two be ciiviil.
TA: vrii2ka thii2 mean2 you.
AG: I'm not the one hitting people with their own ro8ot arms.
AG: Why are those two even here, anyway? When you asked me to 8eta test for you I thought this was gonna 8e just you and me!
TA: ii told you, thii2 program warp2 2pace.
TA: iit2 volatiile a2 hell.
TA: and iif iit turn2 out were all beiing bombarded by co2miic radiiatiion ju2t by u2iing iit then we need beta te2ter2 who can 2urviive pretty much anythiing.
CT: D--> As someone exceedingly STRONG
CT: D--> I felt it was my duty to v001unteer
CT: D--> Even if it puts me in a position where I must take orders from these two peasantb100ds
AG: Ooooooooh, I get it! You needed me and Equius 8ecause we're the toughest people you know.
AG: I'm flattered.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> This subservient position
CT: D--> Is most
CT: D--> Regrettable
TA: no, ii needed eq becau2e he2 the toughe2t per2on ii know
TA: aa ii2nt exactly vulnerable two thii2 2tuff eiither
TA: but youre mo2tly here becau2e youre expendable
AG: Ooh, some8ody's mad.
AG: Gooooooood Sollux, that was forever ago! Let it go already!
AG: Aradia got over it!
AA: there wasnt really anything t0 get 0ver
AA: it all seems kind 0f petty l00king back 0n it
AG: Seeeeeeee????????
AG: 8esides, you have to let me in on your little Foldspace thing. Eridan has Equius and me working on a SEEEEEEEECRET PROOOOOOOOJECT of our own! :::
CT: D--> It's true
CT: D--> For once I can see the sea dweller's p001nt
CT: D--> Our involvement will prove most vital to the cause
TA: oh really?
TA: and what2 your 2ecret project dare ii a2k?
AG: It's a secret, dummy! If we told you it would lose all its 8ig important secrecy!
AG: 8ut what I can tell you is...
AG: We're calling it the IG.
AG: The EEEEEEEEYE GEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
AG: Eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee.
AG: eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee...
AG: That was me whispering it all dramatically just now.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> That was most elegantly whispered
TA: oh yeah real 2cary.
AA: the v0ices already t0ld me ab0ut y0ur pr0ject
AA: and i think it is a spectacularly bad idea
AA: n0t that i can st0p y0u fr0m d0ing it anyway
AG: Killjoy.
AA: i w0uld tell y0u t0 be careful
AA: but i already kn0w that y0u w0nt
AG: Oh hey Sollux! It would 8e great if we could use your stupid Foldspace server thing to work on our project! We would get so much more done if we didn't have to wait around until my ship passed his colony planet.
AG: I am soooooooo sick of waiting around. I have 8een doing all the waiting lately. All of it!
TA: fiine whatever.
TA: let2 turn ff2 biig takeover iintwo our per2onal playground, that2 the be2t iidea.
CT: D--> Naturally we will only use the sever for official business
AA: he w0nt
CT: D--> I order you to stop challenging my honesty
CT: D--> Those of our class should be above such
CT: D--> Distasteful
CT: D--> And disrespectful claims
CT: D--> Right Vriska
AG: Suuuuuuuure we are!
CT: D--> Stop agreeing with me insincerely
TA: look ju2t remember that thii2 thiing ii2 2tiill iin beta. u2e iit all you want, but report any problem2 two me 2o ii can fix them before ii declare iit 2afe and let ff run iit.
CT: D--> I 100k forward to the challenge
TA: al2o
TA: do NOT tell anyone about thii2. fold2pace ii2 a secret striictly between the four of u2, ed, and ff.
TA: that mean2 no u2iing iit for 2tupiid conver2atiion2 wiith random people.
AG: You got it!
AG: I will 8e so responsible with this, Sollux. You don't have to worry a8out a thing!
TA: iill beliieve that when ii 2ee iit.
TA: well that conclude2 thii2 te2t ii gue22.
TA: anything two add, aa?

-- apocalypseArisen's [AA's] computer exploded! --

TA: welp.
TA: back two tryiing two fiix that.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged off the server --

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged off the server --

CT: D--> Oh dear
CT: D--> ...
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> I suppose now that they are gone
CT: D--> It would hardly hurt our cause if I...
CT: D--> ...

-- centaursTesticle [CT] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AC: :33 < *ac suddenly finds herself pulled off of her favorite shipping furrum and logged on to a strange new catroom!*
AC: :33 < *what is going on here? she says*
AC: :33 < *but wait! her cunning predatory instincts tell her that someone else is here*
AC: :33 < *she flicks her tail and crouches down, ready to pounce*
CT: D--> It has been a while since we spoke, Nepeta
AC: 8DD < EQUIUS!!!!

I've been jonesin' for some adult!Alternian-fleet-member!trolls since this whole business with ancestors and crazy dangerous troll society came up in canon, and boy does this deliver! All the character interactions are so spot-on; I was grinning like an idiot reading that four-way convo near the end. Ahaha, Sollux getting Aradia to get Equius to get Vriska to hit herself -- that bit could have come straight from Hussie himself!

[Decker]

I wish I could write pesterlogs like you Red Pen, I really do.

[Sporkaganza]

SOSburb (chapter 7)

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I dunno. This kinda feels like a filler chapter. I didn't get to really do anything exciting. I set up one important thing, but that's it. The rest is just fluff. I hope you don't mind fluff!

[Metaflare]

Spork it isn't working unless i make a google account and im too lazy to do that ;-;

[Sporkaganza]

Oh oops hold on I'll figure this out

I think it's a permissions thing?

EDIT: OK, yeah, I fixed it. Now it should work for you.

[Kerensky287]

Part two of that fanfic in which the trolls reached adulthood without ever playing Sgrub. Some of the trolls come across each other again a few weeks into starting their new careers, and get caught up with one another.

Part one was over here!

The End And What Comes After - part two

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-- the Ultravires came within hailing range of the Automatech Mark Two --

-- untraceableUsurper [UU] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

UU: I have a message for you, Sollux!
UU: Do not attempt to trace this signal, or guess who I am.
UU: This message is being sent in the utmost seacresea!
UU: I am just an anemonemous ally, fighting for a righteous and EXCITING cause!
TA: hey ff.
UU: Aw, )(ow'd you know it was me? 38/
TA: 2eriiou2ly?
UU: I t)(oug)(t I was being pretty sneaky.
UU: Was it the fis)( puns?
TA: iit wa2 the fi2h pun2.
UU: A)(rg, I just can't stop making t)(ose and t)(ey give me away every time!
UU: I need to tell Eridan, every time you )(ear me make a fis)( pun you )(ave to slap me in t)(e )(ead! T)(at would stop me I bet!
TA: eheh, would he?
UU: )(e )(as to!
UU: )(e is my moirail and it is )(is duty to )(elp me learn to )(ide my identity, even if it means giving me a good )(ard rap across the )(orns. >38(
UU: But I just keep doing it! I can't )(alibut!
TA: uh ff...
UU: I M-EAN )(-ELP IT!!
UU: O)( glub.
TA: iit wa2nt that bad.
TA: you were 2till kind of anonymou2, iif iid never met you before iid have no clue iit wa2 you.
UU: Well duuuuu)(!
TA: ju2t pull back on your quirk a bit and try not two get 2o...
UU: -Excited?
TA: yeah.
UU: It's )(ard not to get -EXCIT-ED!
UU: Wit)( everyt)(ing t)(at's about to )(appen!
TA: you need two be careful though.
TA: no need two make it ea2y for you-know-who two find you before youre ready.
UU: You-know-w)(o?
UU: O)(, )(-ER.
UU: T)(at's rig)(t, I almost forgot t)(at we )(ave to be careful about w)(at we say )(ere!
UU: T)(e Automatec)( )(as t)(hose word filters t)(at screen your conversations.
UU: O)( wow, I'm sorry Sollux! Did I say anyt)(ing incriminating t)(at would get you in trouble?
TA: hey no 2weat.
TA: fiir2t thiing ii diid when they 2howed me two my work2ation wa2 dii2able all the 2urveiillance ii could fiind.
TA: ii mean thii2 ii2 the automatech mark two 2o iim 2ure there2 a ton of 2tuff ii mii22ed
TA: but iif were not 2tupiidly obviiou2 theyre not goiing two catch u2.
UU: Seacurity is pretty tig)(t around t)(ere, )(u)(?
UU: I mean security. S-ECURITY.
TA: heh.
TA: on the AM2? hell ye2.
TA: we de2iigned every 2ecuriity 2y2tem iin the fleet. we are untracable, unhackable, and un2toppable.
UU: Well in t)(at case, I sure am glad I've got a master encryptrooper on t)(e inside! 3
TA: iive only been an encryptrooper for liike a couple week2 now ff, iim currently the low guy on the totem pole.
TA: ii wouldnt 2ay iim a ma2ter over here.
TA: iin fact iim not 2ure iif iim really goiing two be all that helpful.
UU: Of course you will be )(elpful silly!
UU: You )(ave already been SUP-ER )(-ELPFUL.
TA: not really.
UU: Y-ES REELY. Really. R-EALLY.
TA: iinternet 2mack.
UU: INT-ERN-ET OUC)(! 3XD
UU: But R-EALLY, you are doing so muc)( important stuff!
UU: Like your S-ECR-ET PROJ-ECT?
UU: O)( actually, t)(at was w)(at I messaged you to glub about in t)(e first place!
UU: Before you found me out, you sneakity sneak! >38C
TA: 2o 2orry ii blew your cover.
UU: )(ee )(ee!
UU: Is your Foldspace project done yet? -Eridan is getting really impatient!
TA: well you can tell ed two hold his mu2clebea2t2.
TA: he2 lucky iim doiing thii2 for hiim at all, ii could have pa22ed thii2 off two a 2hitty programmer liike kk and made hiim waiit even longer.
TA: but no, ii deciide two be a niice guy for once.
UU: Sollux!
TA: and all he doe2 for month2 ii2 a2k me why iit2 not done yet.
TA: you know what a22hole thii2 ii2 a lot of work.
TA: ii 2hould have ju2t told hiim two do iit hiim2elf!
UU: Geeze lou-E-EZ-E Sollux, )(-E )(-E!
UU: )(e )(asn't been t)(at bad.
UU: I t)(ink deep down )(e really appreciates all t)(e work you're doing.
TA: 2ure he doe2.
TA: you know ii thiink kk wa2 actually riight about 2omethiing for once.
TA: iim goiing two go my entiire liife beiing unnapreciiated for everythiing ii do.
TA: liike de2tiiny 2lapped a biig 2tamp on my forehead 2ayiing plea2e iignore.
UU: Gruuuumpy! 38P
UU: I am only asking because it is just so sad to watc)( )(im pace around the s)(ip and be all mopey with not)(ing to do. We can't get started until you finis)(!
UU: And -Eridan is getting worried about keeping in contact wit)( you.
UU: T)(e Ultravires can only stay wit)(in )(ailing distance of t)(e Automatec)( for so long before people start to get suspicious!
TA: relax ff, of cour2e iive got thii2.
TA: iive had two put the fiinii2hiing touche2 on iit iin 2ecret but iim almo2t done.
TA: iive got a couple people beta te2tiing iit for me already.
TA: iill get the code two you iin the next couple of day2.
UU: T)(anks Sollux, t)(at's a big rereef!
UU: I guess I s)(ould let you off the )(ook now, t)(at was all I needed to know.
UU: And you are probably pretty busea with your important encryptrooper weirk!
TA: ff read what you ju2t wrote.
UU: O)( GLUB GLUB GLUB
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: T)(-E INT-ERN-ET PAIN! 38'C
UU: I really need to work on t)(is!
TA: well
TA: iim actually ju2t doiing 2ome bu2ywork riight now.
TA: iif you wanted two 2tay on and chat
TA: you know, two practiice the fii2h pun thiing
TA: ii could hang around and 2mack you on occa2iion.
UU: I would really appreciate t)(at, Sollux. 3
UU: LOOK, T)(IS IS M-E APPR-ECIATING YOU!
UU: )(ee )(ee )(ee glub!
TA: 2crew de2tiiny, con2iider me fully appreciiated.
UU: T)(at's t)(e rig)(t attitide, I like w)(at I'm )(erring!
TA: ff...
UU: I mean, um...
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: O)( nooooooooooo!






-- the Themis came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3 W3LL LOOK WHO 1 FOUND
GC: W3 M33T 4G41N K4RK4T V4NT4S
GC: OR SHOULD 1 S4Y
GC: M1ST3R YUMMY GR33N1SH B4N4N4 >:]
CG: OH THANK GOD, IT'S SOMEBODY SANE.
CG: THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOU HAD STARTED TROLLING ME.
GC: 4DM1T 1T K4RK4T YOU M1SS3D M3
CG: THE SAD THING IS I THINK I DID.
CG: LOOK AT YOUR CHUMPROLL AND TELL ME THE ONLY OTHER FAMILIAR SCREEN NAME YOU SEE.
GC: 4D1OSTOR34DOR?
CG: ADIOSTOREADOR.
CG: FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS MY SOCIAL CIRCLE HAS CONSISTED EXCLUSIVELY OF TAVROS NITRAM.
GC: H3H3
GC: I W4S JUST T4LK1NG TO H1M!
GC: H3 S33MS 4 L1TTL3 B1T LON3LY
GC: H4V3 YOU B33N 4VO1D1NG H1M?
CG: HE'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET.
CG: AVOIDING HIM ISN'T THE ISSUE, IT'S HARD ENOUGH JUST BEING AWAKE WHEN HE IS.
GC: W3LL 1 S3NT G4MM3RS H1S W4Y SO HOP3FULLY H3 W1LL H4V3 SOM3BODY TO T4LK TO FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3
CG: "GAMMERS"
GC: G4444MZ3RS!!
CG: OK, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK.
GC: W3LL H3S 4ROUND H3R3 TOO
GC: TH3 BL4CK C4TH3DR4L 1S ST4Y1NG CLOS3 TO TH3 TH3MIS WH1L3 W3 WORK ON 4N 1MPORT4NT C4S3
GC: 1 C4NT T3LL YOU 4LL TH3 D3T41LS DU3 TO 3V3RYTH1NG B31NG H1GHLY S3CR3T1V3 BUT TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS 4R3 H3LP1NG US TR4CK DOWN OUR CR1M1N4L
CG: THAT MUST BE GREAT FOR YOU, HAVING A BUNCH OF PSYCHOTIC BERSERKERS AT YOUR BECK AND CALL. TEREZI PYROPE'S FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE.
GC: TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS DO NOT T3LL TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS WH4T TO DO K4RK4T!
GC: TH3Y 4R3 SORT OF T3CHN1C4LLY 4 R3L1G1OUS ORG4N1Z4T1ON 4ND 1T WOULD B3 H1GHLY 1N4PPROPR14T3
GC: SOM3T1MES W3 JUST SORT OF
GC: SUGG3ST P3OPL3 TH3 3MP1R3 WOULD B3 B3TT3R OFF W1THOUT
GC: 4ND 1T SUR3 WOULD B3 CONV3N13NT 1F WH4T3V3R CH4OT1C FORC3S TH3Y S3RV3 W4NT3D TH3 S4M3 TH1NG >;]
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE PLATONIC BULGE BUMPING SOUL BUDDIES WITH THE SUBJUGGLATORS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT.
CG: I MEAN COME ON, EVERYTHING THEY DO IS LEGAL.
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 TH31R 4CT1ONS 4R3 GU1D3D BY D1V1N3 1NT3RV3NT1ON
GC: 4ND NOT 4T 4LL B3C4US3 TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS H4VE SOME K1ND OF D34L WITH TH3M, WH3R3 DO TH3S3 F1LTHY RUMORS 3V3N COM3 FROM
CG: ........
GC: 1 4M CH4NG1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT NOW
GC: 4R3 YOU H4V1NG LOTS OF FUN 4T BOOT C4MP?
CG: STUFF THE BLUE BLOOD SLANG UP YOUR SEEDFLAP, IT'S A FODDERMILL, AND I AM HAVING A FUCKING BLAST.
GC: FODD3RM1LL SOUNDS STUP1D
CG: BETTER THAN YOUR CONKSUCK BOOT CAMP.
CG: FODDERMILL IS SO MUCH MORE BADASS, BOOT CAMP SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING WIGGLERS DO ARTS AND CRAFTS AT OVER THEIR SWELTERPERIGEE VACATIONS.
GC: OK C4LL 1T WH4T3V3R YOU W4NT K4RK4T 1 DON'T C4R3
GC: 1T DO3SNT SOUND V3RY B4D4SS TO M3 >:P
CG: WELL IT IS.
CG: IT IS TOTALLY BADASS.
CG: I'M A REMORSELESS KILLER NOW, I COULD CUT YOU TO RIBBONS IN TEN SECONDS FLAT AND THERE'S NOT A THING YOU COULD DO TO STOP ME.
GC: YOU 4R3 TH4T B4D4SS 4FT3R ONLY 4 COUPL3 OF W33KS K4RK4T?
GC: W3LL CL34RLY 1 H4V3 P1CK3D TH3 WRONG PROF3SS1ON!
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: YEAH LAUGH IT UP.
CG: IF YOU WERE THE ENEMY YOU'D BE SO TERRIFIED OF ME RIGHT NOW.
GC: C4NT 4 G1RL L4UGH OUT OF F34R OF YOUR B4D4SS4RY
CG: NOT WHEN SHE'S YOU SHE CAN'T.
GC: H3H3H3 1 JUST C4NT H3LP 1T K4RK4T
GC: YOU 4R3 SOOOOO B4D4SS 1 JUST C4NT T4K3 1T
CG: OH HA HA HA.
GC: K4RK4T C4N YOU T34CH M3 TH3 S3CR3T TO B31NG B4D4SS
CG: THE SECRET IS SHUT THE HELL UP. SHUT THE HELL UP IS THE SECRET.
GC: 1 4M 3NL1GHT3N3D
CG: LOOK, I'M BADASS JUST FOR BEING HERE. THE TRAINING REGIMEN FOR THRESHICUTIONERS IS INTENSE. I'VE BATTLED IT OUT WITH TROLLS TWICE MY SIZE DOWN HERE. THEY'RE DEAD, I'M NOT, BADASS EQUALS ME.
CG: IF I MAKE IT OUT OF BASIC TRAINING ALIVE
CG: WHICH I WILL.
CG: I WILL HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE CALLED ONE OF THE MOST DEADLY MEMBERS OF OUR SOCIETY.
CG: IF I MAKE IT THROUGH MY FIRST BATTLE ALIVE
CG: WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, I WILL.
CG: I WILL BE SO HIGH UP ON THE PEDESTAL OF BADASSARY THAT YOU'LL NEED A FUCKING STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF ME.
CG: WAIT, NO. I'LL BE SO HIGH UP YOU'LL NEED A STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF THE PEOPLE I'VE KILLED.
CG: I WILL BE SO FAR ABOVE YOU THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL EVEN KNOW I EXIST IS BY THE TRAIL OF CARNAGE I LEAVE BEHIND.
CG: THRESHICUTIONERS
CG: ARE
CG: BADASS.
GC: 1 4M PR3SS3D 4G41NST MY SCR33N JUST T4K1NG 1N 4LL YOUR 4M4Z1NG B4D4SS4RY
GC: 1T T4ST3S L1K3 M3T4L
CG: IT TASTES LIKE A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN YOU PSYCHO.
CG: STOP LICKING EVERYTHING I TYPE, IT'S DISGUSTING.
GC: 1TS D3L1C1OUS
CG: OH GOD YOU'RE STILL LICKING IT.
GC: K4RK4T WHY DO YOU H4V3 TO TYP3 3V3RYTH1NG 1N GR4Y???
GC: SUCH 4 WOND3RFUL SLURRY OF FL4VORS ON MY SCR33N 4ND TH3R3 1S K4RK4T V4NT4S W1TH H1S BOR1NG GUNM3T4L GR4Y
GC: YOUR T3XT WOULD T4ST3 SO MUCH B3TT3R 1F 1T W4S 4 BR1GHT3R COLOR DONT YOU TH1NK
GC: M4YB3.......
GC: 4 YUMMY B4N4N4 COLOR?? >8D
CG: NO.
CG: FUCK THAT.
CG: FUCK THAT WITH SOMETHING SHARP AND POINTED, I AM NOT SATISFYING YOUR SICK LICKING FETISH WITH BANANA YELLOW TEXT.
GC: BUT WH4TS TH3 PO1NT OF B31NG GR4Y 4NYMOR3
GC: TH3 S3CR3T 1S OUT
GC: K4RK4T H4S B4N4N4 BLOOD 4ND H3 1S 4 S3LF1SH M34N13F4C3 WHO W1LL NOT SH4R3 1T
CG: I LIKE THE COLOR GRAY.
GC: JUST SHOW 1T TO M3 ONC3
GC: PL34S3 K4RK4T 1 H4V3 B33N SO GOOD 4BOUT R3SP3CT1NG YOUR PR1V4CY 4ND L3TT1NG YOU PL4Y YOUR 4NONYM1TY G4M3
GC: 1 COULD H4V3 TR1CK3D YOU 1NTO SHOW1NG M3 4 HUNDR3D D1FF3R3NT W4YS BUT 1 D1D NOT
CG: BULLSHIT, IF YOU COULD HAVE YOU WOULD HAVE.
GC: YOU R34LLY TH1NK SO >:]
CG: YOU WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY.
GC: >:] >:] >:]
CG: THERE'S NO WAY YOU WERE JUST RESPECTING MY PRIVACY.
GC: >8] >8] >8]
CG: OK STOP WITH THE FACE.
CG: YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
GC: >8D >8D >8D >8D
GC: >:P
GC: JUST SHOW M3 ON3 T1M3 4ND YOU W1LL N3V3R 3V3R H34R M3 4SK 4BOUT 1T 4G41N
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO S33 YOU WR1T3 1N GR33N1SH B4N4N4
GC: 1T H4S B33N MY L1F3LONG DR34M TO S33 YOU TYP3 1N YOUR BLOOD COLOR
GC: 1 TOO 4M 1N 4 V3RY D3M4ND1NG C4R33R K4RK4T
GC: 1 COULD B3 ON3 B4D C4S3 4W4Y FROM B31NG D3VOUR3D BY H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY
GC: WOULD YOU D3NY 4 POOR L3G1SL4C3R4TOR H3R L1F3LONG DR34M
CG: LIKE I BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. ARE THEY EVEN LETTING YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN CASES YET?
GC: W3LL NO
GC: 1 4M JUST OBS3RV1NG TH3 M4ST3RS 4T WORK 4ND TR4NSCR1B1NG COURT R3CORDS FOR TH3M
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 TO WORK MY W4Y UP JUST L1K3 YOU
CG: OH RIGHT, THEY'RE LETTING THE BLIND LEETSPEAKER WRITE OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS.
CG: THERE GOES MY FAITH IN OUR COURT SYSTEM.
GC: Karkat, I'll have you know that I am fully capable of writing coherently when I need to.
GC: >;]
CG: WHOA
CG: WHOA
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!!!
GC: JUST DO 1T YOU KNOW 1T W1LL SHUT M3 UP
GC: YOU DONT N33D TO B3 SC4R3D 1T W1LL B3 SO MUCH 34S13R TH4N 4 BLOOD T3ST
CG: OH MY GOD, I AM NOT SCARED OF MY BLOOD.
GC: JUST SC4R3D OF SHOW1NG 1T
GC: SOLLUX TOLD M3 HOW YOU W3R3 4CT1NG WH3N TH3Y TOOK YOUR BLOOD 1 KNOW YOU W3R3 CRY1NG L1K3 4 W1GGL3R
CG: I WAS NOT!
GC: SOME B4D4SS THR3SH1CUT1ON3R YOU AR3 B4N4N4M4N
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF MY BLOOD!
CG: I'VE BLED PLENTY OF TIMES IN BASIC TRAINING. MY GROSS YELLOW BLOOD HAS BEEN OFFERED UP TO THE GODS OF SWEATY FODDERMILL COMBAT SO MUCH THEY'VE GOT A RUNNING TAB WITH ME.
CG: BLOOD IS NOT A BIG DEAL.
GC: SO SHOW M3!
CG: I
CG: JUST
CG: FUCK.
CG: FINE.
CG: THIS IS WHAT MY BLOOD LOOKS LIKE.
CG: I'LL WAIT PATIENTLY WHILE YOU MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MONITOR.
GC: K4RK4T..........
GC: TH1S COLOR T4ST3S L1K3 YUCKY CH3M1C4LS!
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: THAT IS A BANANA. IT LOOKS LIKE A BANANA, THEREFORE YOUR MAGICAL SYNESTHESIA POWERS SHOULD SAY IT SMELLS AND TASTES LIKE A BANANA .
CG: DO YOU JUST ARBITRARILY DECIDE THIS CRAP OR IS THERE SOME WHEEL YOU SPIN THAT TELLS YOU WHAT FLAVOR YOU'RE SLOBBERING ON?
GC: MY NOS3 4ND MY TONGU3 4LW4YS KNOW TH3 TRUTH K4RK4T
GC: 4ND TH3 TRUTH 1S TH4T YOU H4V3 YUCKY BLUCKY CH3M1C4L FL4VOR3D BLOOD
CG: AND YOU WONDERED WHY I NEVER WANTED TO SHOW IT TO YOU.
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 D1D WOND3R TH4T
GC: 4ND 1 ST1LL DO!
GC: YOUR BLOOD 1S P3RF3CTLY NORM4L K4RK4T 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU W3R3 H1D1NG 1T
CG: I WAS HIDING IT BECAUSE THAT'S PRIVATE AND I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.
GC: V3333RY SUSP1C1OUS >:/
GC: 1 C4N S33 1 W1LL H4V3 TO PURSU3 TH1S C4S3 W1TH 4LL OF MY SK1LL
CG: OK NO SHUT UP.
CG: I WAS JUST HIDING IT BECAUSE
CG: IT'S
CG: KIND OF CLOSE TO SOLLUX'S BLOOD COLOR.
GC: 444444ND???
CG: AND HE HAS ALL THOSE PSIONIC POWERS. I FELT LIKE A FREAK, HAVING ALMOST THE EXACT SAME BLOOD COLOR AND NO POWERS AT ALL.
CG: IT WAS JUST EASIER TO HIDE IT.
GC: 4444W K4RKL3S
CG: DON'T CALL ME KARKLES.
GC: LOTS OF Y3LLOW BLOODS DONT H4V3 POW3RS 1T 1S NO B1G D34L
GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 YOU 4 FR34K
CG: OH THANK GOD I HAVE TEREZI'S APPROVAL.
CG: I SHOULD HAVE TOLD EVERYONE SWEEPS AGO, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
GC: 1T 1S T4ST1NG L1K3 D1SGUST1NG CH3M1CALS TH4T M4K3S YOU 4 FR34K!!! >8D
CG: .........
CG: I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW.
GC: H4H4H4
GC: SOM3BODY SUR3 1S S3NS3T1V3 4BOUT H1S BLOOD
CG: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN INSANE PSYCHO FREAK.
CG: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
GC: WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y K4RK4T
GC: 1T W4S N1C3 T4LK1NG TO YOU TOO
GC: 1 W1LL SM3LL YOU 4G41N WH3N YOU G3T BOR3D OF T4VROS

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3!






-- the Black Cathedral came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] logged on to server: Public Network of Mirthful Communion --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

TC: AwWw dAmN My bRoThEr i tHiNk yOu kNoW WhAt tHiS MeAnS.
AT: i THINK I AM INDEED AWARE OF, tHE THING THAT THIS MEANS,
TC: AiN'T No sToPpIn iT MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: GeTtIn mY HaRsH On aLl uP In hErE, yOu tHiNk yOu cAn bRiNg iT?
AT: cONSIDER IT BROUGHT,
AT: tHE THING THAT I AM BRINGING,
TC: ThEn...
TC: ShIpS PaSsInG!
AT: sLAM BATTLE!
TC: RoUnD OnE!
AT: sUDDEN DEATH!
TC: GrOoVe?
AT: yOUR SHIP, aND CURRENT EVENTS THEREIN, i GUESS,
AT: sO WE CAN GET CAUGHT UP WITH,
AT: hOW THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING,
TC: I'M DoWn wItH ThAt, MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: ShAdE?
AT: uH, lIGHT!
TC: AwWwWwWwWw yEeEeEeEeEaH
TC: AiN'T SeEn yOu iN A WhIlE, bRo, AlLoW Me tO ReCiTe
TC: WhAt's aLl bEeN GoInG DoWn wHiLe i bEeN In fLiGhT
TC: LiKe a mOtHeRfUcKiN, kItE, bRo!
TC: AnD ThIs sHiT Is tIgHt.
TC: HoW'S A ShIp tHaT BiG EvEn sTaY At tHaT HeIgHt?
TC: So wHaTeVeR, iT'S AiGhT. GoNnA ChIlL FoR A MiNuTe.
TC: YoU SeEn tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl, BeCaUsE FuCk bRo, I'M In iT!
TC: AnD ThEy cAlL Me tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN AcOlYtE
TC: LiKe a rItE, mOtHeRfUcKeR, tHaT'S My mOtHeRfUcKiN RiGhT.
TC: ThEy sAy fUcK It mAkArA, hEaR WhAt wE Up aNd sAiD,
TC: YoU AiN'T GoT No fOcUs iN YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd,
TC: UpTiGhT, mAkE Me wRiTe oUt tHaT ShIt i mIsReAd.
TC: PrIeStS AnD DeAcOnS
TC: AlL Be sPeAkIn
TC: 'bOuT ThE SpItE I AuGhTtA BrEd.
TC: DoN'T EvEn kNoW HoW To gEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn sPiTe!
TC: BuT ThEy gOt tHiS FiRe iN Em lIkE ThEy'rE GoNnA IgNiTe.
TC: SeE ThE LiGhT, mOtHeRfUcKeR, bUrNiNg mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRiGhT.
TC: I SaY BrOtHeR I AiN'T SeEiN It.
TC: ThEy bE AlL, yOu gOtTa bE BeIn iT.
TC: WaNnA StAy a lAuGhSsAsSiN, dOn't bE GeTtIn sChOoLfEd
TC: BuT A SuBjUgGlAtOr kNoWs wHaT'S In hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd.
TC: GeT ThE JoKe, ClEaR ThE SmOkE, aNd fInD SoMe fUcKiN InSiGhT.
TC: GrAy aNd wHiTe, QuIt tHe sHiT AnD GeT YoUr hEaD! On! rIgHt!
TC: GaMzEe oUt.
AT: oH WOW, tHAT SOUNDS KIND OF,
AT: uNPLEASANT,
AT: tHAT THEY TELL YOU OFF LIKE THAT,
TC: NaH, iT'S ChIlL. )
TC: AiN'T NoBoDy's fAuLt bUt mInE I ZoNe oUt lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: I MeAn, FuCk, SpAcE Is jUsT ToO ChIlL, bRo! i cAn't hElP JuSt sTaRiN OuT At tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN StArS.
TC: AlL FuCkIn tWiNkLiN AnD ShIt tIl yOu tHiNk yOu cAn jUsT SoRt oF ReAcH OuT AnD MoThErFuCkIn tOuCh eM.
TC: MaKeS It rEaL HaRd tO PaY AtTeNtIoN To wHaT EvErYbOdY'S Up aNd sAyInG!
AT: i'VE NOTICED, tHOUGH,
AT: tHAT YOU DON'T REALLY ZONE OUT AS MUCH, wHEN WE'RE DOING SLAM POETRY,
TC: WeLl fUcK, bRoThEr, I GuEsS I DoN'T!
AT: sO MAYBE IT WOULD HELP, uH, kEEP YOU FOCUSED,
AT: iF YOU PRETENDED THAT,
AT: i GUESS, yOU WERE THROWING DOWN SOME STRICT BEATS WITH EVERYONE YOU TALKED TO,
AT: aND YOU HAD TO PAY ATTENTION, sO YOU COULD CALL THEM OUT WITH YOUR, uH, sICK BURNS,
AT: aND THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD REMEMBER, tHE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAID TO YOU AND, nOT GET YELLED AT,
TC: MoThErFuUuUuUuCk tAvRoS, tHaT Is wIcKeD BiTcHiN!
AT: iS THAT A GOOD THING OR, a BAD THING,
TC: I DuNnO BrOtHeR, i tHiNk tHaT MiGhT MoThErFuCkIn wOrK!
TC: HoNk! )
AT: gLAD TO HELP,
TC: BuUuUuUuUuUt
TC: YoU AiN'T OfF ThE MoThErFuCkInG HoOk, BrO!
TC: I MeAn sUrE YoU GoT ThE BrAiNs bUt cAn yOu sLaM?
AT: oH YOU KNOW I AM CAPABLE OF SLAMMING,
TC: I SaId cAn yOu mOtHeR
TC: FuCkInG
TC: SlAm????
AT: i CAN SLAM, iF YOU GIVE ME A GROOVE,
TC: SaMe.
TC: AnD YoUr sHaDe iS
TC: FrEeStYyYyYyYyLe!
AT: oOOOOH GAMZEE, yOU'RE GONNA REGRET THAT DECISION,
AT: wHEN I FREESTYLE RHYMES WITHOUT MAD SUPERVISION,
AT: (THAT'S REFERRING TO THE FREESTYLE THING, bY THE WAY,)
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS AND I'M HERE TO SAY,
AT: wAIT, lET ME, uH, mAKE A REVISION,
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS, cAVALREAPER IN THE MAKING,
AT: mY SKILLS ARE BEING HONED AND MY ENEMIES ARE QUAKING,
AT: aND, uH, sHAKING, tOO, tHEY'RE ALSO DOING THAT,
AT: gOT MY LANCE AT THE READY AND MY HELMET, tHAT'S A HAT,
AT: aND INSTEAD OF PRACTICING ON THAT DUMMY I MADE,
AT: i'M FACING REAL OPPONENTS AND I'M NOT AFRAID,
AT: oF THE OPPONENTS,
AT: wAIT,
AT: uH,
AT: oK SO, eVEN THOUGH THEY MOCK ME IN THE BARRACKS AND SAY,
AT: tAVROS NITRAM, yOU AREN'T GONNA LAST ANOTHER DAY,
AT: yOU'RE DEAD FROM THE WAIST,
AT: aND WE'LL POUND YOU INTO PASTE,
AT: lITTLE CRIPPLE, sAY YOUR PRAYERS,
AT: aND SAY THEM IN HASTE,
AT: tHEY AIN'T HALF AS BAD AS VRISKA, sO I LOOKED AT THEM AND SAID
AT: bETTER DEAD FROM THE WAIST, tHAN DEAD IN THE HEAD,
TC: DaAaAaAaAaMn! O
AT: uH, tHANKS,
AT: sO ANYWAY, i'M NOT AFRAID, aND I DON'T YIELD,
AT: wHO'S PASTE WHEN I FACE THEM ON THE TRAINING FIELD???
AT: (iT'S THEM AND NOT ME,)
AT: i GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS, i'M AT A DISADVANTAGE,
AT: bUT I'M GAINING SOME RESPECT, aND I THINK I'M GONNA MANAGE,
AT: tHAT DIDN'T REALLY RHYME,
AT: bUT, uH,
AT: tAVROS OUT,
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE YoU GoT ThAt sHiT NaIlEd dOwN!
AT: iT WASN'T EASY, tO BEGIN WITH,
AT: bUT I THINK EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT A, uH, vALUABLE ASSET I WOULD BE, tO THE RANKS OF THE CAVALREAPERS,
AT: aND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE SAYING THAT IF I MAKE IT THROUGH BASIC TRAINING, i MIGHT BE FITTED WITH SOME PROSTHETICS,
TC: MoThErFuCkInG ChIlL, bRo!
TC: HoNk! D
AT: i'VE MOSTLY JUST BEEN REMEMBERING THE THINGS YOU SAID,
AT: aBOUT TELLING MYSELF WHAT TO BE,
AT: aND I THINK I JUST DECIDED, tO TELL MYSELF I WAS GOING TO BE,
AT: wHATEVER I WANTED TO BE,
AT: aND NOT LET ANYONE SAY THAT I COULDN'T,
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S WORKING,
TC: WaIt, DiD I AlL MoThErFuCkInG TeLl yOu tHaT?
TC: ShIt bRo, I ThOuGhT ThAt wAs rUfIo!
AT: rUFIO IS JUST A FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,
AT: bUT SOMETIMES I FORGET THAT TOO, sO THAT'S OK,
TC: HaHaHaHa!
AT: hEY GAMZEE,
AT: dO YOU THINK THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE MEETING UP OUT THERE,
AT: wHO AREN'T CATCHING UP WITH EACH OTHER IN THE FORM OF, uH, sLAM BATTLES?
TC: WhO'D EvEn aLl wAnT To mOtHeRfUcKiN Do tHaT? ThEy'd jUsT Be mIsSiN OuT On tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg fUn!
TC: HoOoOoNk! )
AT: hA HA, i KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,
AT: tHIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE,
AT: sPEAKING OF WHICH,,,,,,,
AT: aRE YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO?
TC: TaVrOs mY MoThErFuCkIn bRoThEr, I WaS HaTcHeD ReAdY.
TC: BrEaK OuT ThE BeAtS AnD LeT'S TeAr tHiS ShIt uP.
AT: oK, i GUESS I CAN GO FIRST THIS TIME,
TC: SlAm bAtTlE!
AT: rOUND TWO!
TC: SuDdEn dEaTh!
AT: gROOVE?
TC: MoThErFuCkIn cAnDy.
AT: sHADE?
TC: OrAaAaAnGe! >)
AT: yOU'RE MAKING ME RHYME WITH ORANGE?
AT: aND HERE I THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE ME SOMETHING DIFFICULT, >}
TC: YoU TaLk bIg bRoThEr, BuT I WaNt tO SeE YoU SlAm iT!
AT: yOU WANT ME TO SLAM IT,
AT: oH, i CAN SLAM IT,
AT: hERE I GO,,,,,,,,,

-- the Black Cathedral is not longer within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] has been disconnected! --

AT: aWWWW,






-- twinArmageddons [TA] launched the program Fold2pace~ATH --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: te2tiing one two
TA: te2tiing one two
TA: nothiing2 goiing two explode thii2 tiime?
TA: good

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: well
AA: this is a thing
TA: oh hell ye2!
AA: 0_0
TA: iit actually worked thii2 tiime!
TA: you 2ee thii2 aa?
TA: thii2 ii2 me
TA: talkiing two you
TA: from halfway acro22 the galaxy.
TA: ii thiink that de2erve2 a hell ye2.
AA: i supp0se
AA: even th0ugh it is basically just the inevitable 0utc0me 0f s0mething y0ve been trying t0 d0 f0r m0nths anyway
AA: all y0u are celebrating is the absence 0f failure
TA: 2ome people call that 2uce22.
TA: that2 been a word for a whiile now, you 2hould probably look iit up.
AA: i am 0nly stating a fact
TA: well now youre goiing to state a hell ye2.
TA: 2ay iit wiith me aradiia
TA: hell
TA: ye2.
AA: hell yes
AA: y0u are c0mpetent in acc0mplishing tasks that are well within y0ur capabilities
AA: g00d j0b
TA: oh fuck you aa.
TA: go 2iit iin the gloom and doom corner whiile ii get the re2t of the guiinea piig2 iin here.
AA: 0_0
AA: 0kay

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AG: A8out time!
AG: Woooooooow Sollux, I was starting to think you were never going to finish!
AG: I've 8een so 8ored just waiting on you and your stupid project.
AG: When I agreed to 8e your awesome test su8ject I didn't think there would 8e so much waiting!
TA: ok look, thii2 2tuff ii2 voliitiile and iit take2 tiime.
TA: thii2 tiime la2t week fold2pace wa2 explodiing every computer ii ran iit on.
AG: Whaaaaaaaatever.
TA: iim pretty 2ure ii fiixed that bug, but that2 why were runniing the2e te2t2.
CT: D--> Hel100 again, Aradia
AA: hey
AG: Oh geeze.
CT: D--> Have you given any thought to
CT: D--> What I said to you previously
CT: D--> Upon leaving Alternia
AA: n0 n0t really
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> If you do
CT: D--> Happen to think of that particular e%clamation I made
CT: D--> Please recall that it was said in the heat of the moment
CT: D--> And that perhaps I did not mean
CT: D--> Quite what I thought I meant
CT: D--> When I said it
AA: 0_0
CT: D--> It would be highly scandalous and inappropriate to pursue such a thing
CT: D--> So very inappropriate
AG: Uuuuuuuugh. XXXXP
CT: D--> And despite any
CT: D--> Desires
CT: D--> We may or may not harbor
TA: oh god thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2.
CT: D--> I think it w001d be for the best if we simply forgot the wh001e thing occurred
AA: sure
CT: D--> Unless of course you would rather
CT: D--> Not forget
AA: n0 its fine i pretty much f0rg0t it already
CT: D--> Ah
AG: Here's a crazy idea! You guys should listen to this crazy idea I just had!
AG: My crazy idea is that we 8an all discussion about towel8oy's gross love life from this server 8efore Vriska hurls!
AG: Let's vote on it! All in favor?
TA: Aye.
AG: AAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE.
AA: i d0nt care either way
CT: D--> I don't think you have the authority to do that
AG: My vote counts as eight. Motion passed!
CT: D--> Fiddlesticks
TA: ok real quiick before thii2 conver2atiion traiin get2 any further off the raiil2 and cra2he2 iintwo 2tupiidtown
TA: there ii2 actually 2tuff we need two get done here.
AG: Fine, oh fearless leader, we're listening.
AG: It's a8out time some8ody actually explained what the 8ig deal is with this secret Foldspace thing.
TA: iill try to dumb iit down for you.
AG: >::::|
TA: It will 8e easy for me 8ecause I am a stuuuuuuuupid iiiiiiiidiot 2TOP THAT
AG: Stop what, Sollux????????
TA: Stop 8eing 8asically the 8est at everything and also really smart and 8eautiful!!!!!!!!
AA: vriska
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?
AG: I can't help it if Sollux thinks I'm 8eautiful.
TA: equiiu2 hiit her for me.
CT: D--> I do not take orders from you, lowb100d
TA: You're right, I am pretty much the worst!!!!!!!! Vriska is so much 8etter than me AT BEIING AN ENOURMOU2 BIITCH which is what I would have said if I didn't think she was soooooooo awesome VRII2KA II 2WEAR you are simply the 8est there is!!!!!!!!
AA: equius hit her f0r me
AG: OW!!!!!!!!
AG: You guys suuuuuuuuck.
AG: Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.
TA: you know what, you dont have two be here.
TA: none of you have two be here, ii could be doiing thii2 entiire thiing by my2elf!
TA: ii dont need you moron2!
AA: s0llux
AA: y0u were explaining ab0ut f0ldspace
AA: this is s0mething the 0thers sh0uld kn0w
TA: fiine, whatever.
TA: alriight iidiiot2 and aradiia, lii2ten up.
TA: thii2 i2 fold2pace. iit2 a remote 2erver that ho2t2 a 2iimple chat cliient.
TA: but the thiing ii2, ii 2et iit up u2iing 2ome of the recycled mechaniic2 from that game aa and ii were workiing on a whiile ago.
AG: The one you scrapped when you found out it would destroy the world?
AG: Way to go, 8y the way, how's it feel to 8e the guy who almost caused the apocalypse?
TA: aradiia.
AA: equius
AG: OW
CT: D--> Perhaps you should stop hitting yourself
AG: OH TH8T 8N'T 8VEN F8IR!!!!!!!!
TA: 2hut up, you cant keep your braiin two your2elf 2o you dont get two talk anymore.
AG: DXXXX
TA: the fold2pace 2erver ii2 2et up iin a diimen2iion out2iide of our normal realiity, and iit 2ort of fold2 2pace around iit2elf 2o iit2 everywhere at once.
TA: we can acce22 iit from any poiint iin 2pace, allowiing for iin2tantaneou2 communiicatiion over long dii2tance2. that2 how ii can talk two you from the am2 and aa can talk all the way from alterniia.
TA: iit2 totally priivate and can tran2miit any me22age you want two 2end, any place you want two 2end iit. perfect for makiing plan2 for the uprii2iing.
TA: a2 long a2 ii can keep iit from fryiing our computer2 and other unfortunate 2iide effect2.
TA: whiich ii2 where you guy2 come iin.
TA: and 2iince were goiing two have two deal wiith thii2 eventually iim ju2t goiing two addre22 iit riight now.
TA: our dev team for thii2 ii2 ba2iically the perfect 2torm of people who hate each other.
AA: 0_0
TA: well maybe not aradiia
TA: but you get iit.
TA: iif we want two get thii2 done iin tiime for ff2 biig uprii2iing were goiing two have two put that 2hiit a2iide for a whiile and try two be ciiviil.
TA: vrii2ka thii2 mean2 you.
AG: I'm not the one hitting people with their own ro8ot arms.
AG: Why are those two even here, anyway? When you asked me to 8eta test for you I thought this was gonna 8e just you and me!
TA: ii told you, thii2 program warp2 2pace.
TA: iit2 volatiile a2 hell.
TA: and iif iit turn2 out were all beiing bombarded by co2miic radiiatiion ju2t by u2iing iit then we need beta te2ter2 who can 2urviive pretty much anythiing.
CT: D--> As someone exceedingly STRONG
CT: D--> I felt it was my duty to v001unteer
CT: D--> Even if it puts me in a position where I must take orders from these two peasantb100ds
AG: Ooooooooh, I get it! You needed me and Equius 8ecause we're the toughest people you know.
AG: I'm flattered.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> This subservient position
CT: D--> Is most
CT: D--> Regrettable
TA: no, ii needed eq becau2e he2 the toughe2t per2on ii know
TA: aa ii2nt exactly vulnerable two thii2 2tuff eiither
TA: but youre mo2tly here becau2e youre expendable
AG: Ooh, some8ody's mad.
AG: Gooooooood Sollux, that was forever ago! Let it go already!
AG: Aradia got over it!
AA: there wasnt really anything t0 get 0ver
AA: it all seems kind 0f petty l00king back 0n it
AG: Seeeeeeee????????
AG: 8esides, you have to let me in on your little Foldspace thing. Eridan has Equius and me working on a SEEEEEEEECRET PROOOOOOOOJECT of our own! :::
CT: D--> It's true
CT: D--> For once I can see the sea dweller's p001nt
CT: D--> Our involvement will prove most vital to the cause
TA: oh really?
TA: and what2 your 2ecret project dare ii a2k?
AG: It's a secret, dummy! If we told you it would lose all its 8ig important secrecy!
AG: 8ut what I can tell you is...
AG: We're calling it the IG.
AG: The EEEEEEEEYE GEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
AG: Eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee.
AG: eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee...
AG: That was me whispering it all dramatically just now.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> That was most elegantly whispered
TA: oh yeah real 2cary.
AA: the v0ices already t0ld me ab0ut y0ur pr0ject
AA: and i think it is a spectacularly bad idea
AA: n0t that i can st0p y0u fr0m d0ing it anyway
AG: Killjoy.
AA: i w0uld tell y0u t0 be careful
AA: but i already kn0w that y0u w0nt
AG: Oh hey Sollux! It would 8e great if we could use your stupid Foldspace server thing to work on our project! We would get so much more done if we didn't have to wait around until my ship passed his colony planet.
AG: I am soooooooo sick of waiting around. I have 8een doing all the waiting lately. All of it!
TA: fiine whatever.
TA: let2 turn ff2 biig takeover iintwo our per2onal playground, that2 the be2t iidea.
CT: D--> Naturally we will only use the sever for official business
AA: he w0nt
CT: D--> I order you to stop challenging my honesty
CT: D--> Those of our class should be above such
CT: D--> Distasteful
CT: D--> And disrespectful claims
CT: D--> Right Vriska
AG: Suuuuuuuure we are!
CT: D--> Stop agreeing with me insincerely
TA: look ju2t remember that thii2 thiing ii2 2tiill iin beta. u2e iit all you want, but report any problem2 two me 2o ii can fix them before ii declare iit 2afe and let ff run iit.
CT: D--> I 100k forward to the challenge
TA: al2o
TA: do NOT tell anyone about thii2. fold2pace ii2 a secret striictly between the four of u2, ed, and ff.
TA: that mean2 no u2iing iit for 2tupiid conver2atiion2 wiith random people.
AG: You got it!
AG: I will 8e so responsible with this, Sollux. You don't have to worry a8out a thing!
TA: iill beliieve that when ii 2ee iit.
TA: well that conclude2 thii2 te2t ii gue22.
TA: anything two add, aa?

-- apocalypseArisen's [AA's] computer exploded! --

TA: welp.
TA: back two tryiing two fiix that.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged off the server --

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged off the server --

CT: D--> Oh dear
CT: D--> ...
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> I suppose now that they are gone
CT: D--> It would hardly hurt our cause if I...
CT: D--> ...

-- centaursTesticle [CT] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AC: :33 < *ac suddenly finds herself pulled off of her favorite shipping furrum and logged on to a strange new catroom!*
AC: :33 < *what is going on here? she says*
AC: :33 < *but wait! her cunning predatory instincts tell her that someone else is here*
AC: :33 < *she flicks her tail and crouches down, ready to pounce*
CT: D--> It has been a while since we spoke, Nepeta
AC: 8DD < EQUIUS!!!!

Here comes the Red Pen, plantin' her flag straight down in the middle of the thread and making it hers through sheer character-writin' talent. She has all the character properties, all of 'em, and y'all better get your asses off before she plants some motherfuckin' HOTELS on that shit!

Yeah I dunno I just felt like writing that. Good job.

[-Benedict]

Part two of that fanfic in which the trolls reached adulthood without ever playing Sgrub. Some of the trolls come across each other again a few weeks into starting their new careers, and get caught up with one another.

Part one was over here!

The End And What Comes After - part two

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- the Ultravires came within hailing range of the Automatech Mark Two --

-- untraceableUsurper [UU] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

UU: I have a message for you, Sollux!
UU: Do not attempt to trace this signal, or guess who I am.
UU: This message is being sent in the utmost seacresea!
UU: I am just an anemonemous ally, fighting for a righteous and EXCITING cause!
TA: hey ff.
UU: Aw, )(ow'd you know it was me? 38/
TA: 2eriiou2ly?
UU: I t)(oug)(t I was being pretty sneaky.
UU: Was it the fis)( puns?
TA: iit wa2 the fi2h pun2.
UU: A)(rg, I just can't stop making t)(ose and t)(ey give me away every time!
UU: I need to tell Eridan, every time you )(ear me make a fis)( pun you )(ave to slap me in t)(e )(ead! T)(at would stop me I bet!
TA: eheh, would he?
UU: )(e )(as to!
UU: )(e is my moirail and it is )(is duty to )(elp me learn to )(ide my identity, even if it means giving me a good )(ard rap across the )(orns. >38(
UU: But I just keep doing it! I can't )(alibut!
TA: uh ff...
UU: I M-EAN )(-ELP IT!!
UU: O)( glub.
TA: iit wa2nt that bad.
TA: you were 2till kind of anonymou2, iif iid never met you before iid have no clue iit wa2 you.
UU: Well duuuuu)(!
TA: ju2t pull back on your quirk a bit and try not two get 2o...
UU: -Excited?
TA: yeah.
UU: It's )(ard not to get -EXCIT-ED!
UU: Wit)( everyt)(ing t)(at's about to )(appen!
TA: you need two be careful though.
TA: no need two make it ea2y for you-know-who two find you before youre ready.
UU: You-know-w)(o?
UU: O)(, )(-ER.
UU: T)(at's rig)(t, I almost forgot t)(at we )(ave to be careful about w)(at we say )(ere!
UU: T)(e Automatec)( )(as t)(hose word filters t)(at screen your conversations.
UU: O)( wow, I'm sorry Sollux! Did I say anyt)(ing incriminating t)(at would get you in trouble?
TA: hey no 2weat.
TA: fiir2t thiing ii diid when they 2howed me two my work2ation wa2 dii2able all the 2urveiillance ii could fiind.
TA: ii mean thii2 ii2 the automatech mark two 2o iim 2ure there2 a ton of 2tuff ii mii22ed
TA: but iif were not 2tupiidly obviiou2 theyre not goiing two catch u2.
UU: Seacurity is pretty tig)(t around t)(ere, )(u)(?
UU: I mean security. S-ECURITY.
TA: heh.
TA: on the AM2? hell ye2.
TA: we de2iigned every 2ecuriity 2y2tem iin the fleet. we are untracable, unhackable, and un2toppable.
UU: Well in t)(at case, I sure am glad I've got a master encryptrooper on t)(e inside! 3
TA: iive only been an encryptrooper for liike a couple week2 now ff, iim currently the low guy on the totem pole.
TA: ii wouldnt 2ay iim a ma2ter over here.
TA: iin fact iim not 2ure iif iim really goiing two be all that helpful.
UU: Of course you will be )(elpful silly!
UU: You )(ave already been SUP-ER )(-ELPFUL.
TA: not really.
UU: Y-ES REELY. Really. R-EALLY.
TA: iinternet 2mack.
UU: INT-ERN-ET OUC)(! 3XD
UU: But R-EALLY, you are doing so muc)( important stuff!
UU: Like your S-ECR-ET PROJ-ECT?
UU: O)( actually, t)(at was w)(at I messaged you to glub about in t)(e first place!
UU: Before you found me out, you sneakity sneak! >38C
TA: 2o 2orry ii blew your cover.
UU: )(ee )(ee!
UU: Is your Foldspace project done yet? -Eridan is getting really impatient!
TA: well you can tell ed two hold his mu2clebea2t2.
TA: he2 lucky iim doiing thii2 for hiim at all, ii could have pa22ed thii2 off two a 2hitty programmer liike kk and made hiim waiit even longer.
TA: but no, ii deciide two be a niice guy for once.
UU: Sollux!
TA: and all he doe2 for month2 ii2 a2k me why iit2 not done yet.
TA: you know what a22hole thii2 ii2 a lot of work.
TA: ii 2hould have ju2t told hiim two do iit hiim2elf!
UU: Geeze lou-E-EZ-E Sollux, )(-E )(-E!
UU: )(e )(asn't been t)(at bad.
UU: I t)(ink deep down )(e really appreciates all t)(e work you're doing.
TA: 2ure he doe2.
TA: you know ii thiink kk wa2 actually riight about 2omethiing for once.
TA: iim goiing two go my entiire liife beiing unnapreciiated for everythiing ii do.
TA: liike de2tiiny 2lapped a biig 2tamp on my forehead 2ayiing plea2e iignore.
UU: Gruuuumpy! 38P
UU: I am only asking because it is just so sad to watc)( )(im pace around the s)(ip and be all mopey with not)(ing to do. We can't get started until you finis)(!
UU: And -Eridan is getting worried about keeping in contact wit)( you.
UU: T)(e Ultravires can only stay wit)(in )(ailing distance of t)(e Automatec)( for so long before people start to get suspicious!
TA: relax ff, of cour2e iive got thii2.
TA: iive had two put the fiinii2hiing touche2 on iit iin 2ecret but iim almo2t done.
TA: iive got a couple people beta te2tiing iit for me already.
TA: iill get the code two you iin the next couple of day2.
UU: T)(anks Sollux, t)(at's a big rereef!
UU: I guess I s)(ould let you off the )(ook now, t)(at was all I needed to know.
UU: And you are probably pretty busea with your important encryptrooper weirk!
TA: ff read what you ju2t wrote.
UU: O)( GLUB GLUB GLUB
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: T)(-E INT-ERN-ET PAIN! 38'C
UU: I really need to work on t)(is!
TA: well
TA: iim actually ju2t doiing 2ome bu2ywork riight now.
TA: iif you wanted two 2tay on and chat
TA: you know, two practiice the fii2h pun thiing
TA: ii could hang around and 2mack you on occa2iion.
UU: I would really appreciate t)(at, Sollux. 3
UU: LOOK, T)(IS IS M-E APPR-ECIATING YOU!
UU: )(ee )(ee )(ee glub!
TA: 2crew de2tiiny, con2iider me fully appreciiated.
UU: T)(at's t)(e rig)(t attitide, I like w)(at I'm )(erring!
TA: ff...
UU: I mean, um...
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: O)( nooooooooooo!






-- the Themis came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3 W3LL LOOK WHO 1 FOUND
GC: W3 M33T 4G41N K4RK4T V4NT4S
GC: OR SHOULD 1 S4Y
GC: M1ST3R YUMMY GR33N1SH B4N4N4 >:]
CG: OH THANK GOD, IT'S SOMEBODY SANE.
CG: THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOU HAD STARTED TROLLING ME.
GC: 4DM1T 1T K4RK4T YOU M1SS3D M3
CG: THE SAD THING IS I THINK I DID.
CG: LOOK AT YOUR CHUMPROLL AND TELL ME THE ONLY OTHER FAMILIAR SCREEN NAME YOU SEE.
GC: 4D1OSTOR34DOR?
CG: ADIOSTOREADOR.
CG: FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS MY SOCIAL CIRCLE HAS CONSISTED EXCLUSIVELY OF TAVROS NITRAM.
GC: H3H3
GC: I W4S JUST T4LK1NG TO H1M!
GC: H3 S33MS 4 L1TTL3 B1T LON3LY
GC: H4V3 YOU B33N 4VO1D1NG H1M?
CG: HE'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET.
CG: AVOIDING HIM ISN'T THE ISSUE, IT'S HARD ENOUGH JUST BEING AWAKE WHEN HE IS.
GC: W3LL 1 S3NT G4MM3RS H1S W4Y SO HOP3FULLY H3 W1LL H4V3 SOM3BODY TO T4LK TO FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3
CG: "GAMMERS"
GC: G4444MZ3RS!!
CG: OK, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK.
GC: W3LL H3S 4ROUND H3R3 TOO
GC: TH3 BL4CK C4TH3DR4L 1S ST4Y1NG CLOS3 TO TH3 TH3MIS WH1L3 W3 WORK ON 4N 1MPORT4NT C4S3
GC: 1 C4NT T3LL YOU 4LL TH3 D3T41LS DU3 TO 3V3RYTH1NG B31NG H1GHLY S3CR3T1V3 BUT TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS 4R3 H3LP1NG US TR4CK DOWN OUR CR1M1N4L
CG: THAT MUST BE GREAT FOR YOU, HAVING A BUNCH OF PSYCHOTIC BERSERKERS AT YOUR BECK AND CALL. TEREZI PYROPE'S FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE.
GC: TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS DO NOT T3LL TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS WH4T TO DO K4RK4T!
GC: TH3Y 4R3 SORT OF T3CHN1C4LLY 4 R3L1G1OUS ORG4N1Z4T1ON 4ND 1T WOULD B3 H1GHLY 1N4PPROPR14T3
GC: SOM3T1MES W3 JUST SORT OF
GC: SUGG3ST P3OPL3 TH3 3MP1R3 WOULD B3 B3TT3R OFF W1THOUT
GC: 4ND 1T SUR3 WOULD B3 CONV3N13NT 1F WH4T3V3R CH4OT1C FORC3S TH3Y S3RV3 W4NT3D TH3 S4M3 TH1NG >;]
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE PLATONIC BULGE BUMPING SOUL BUDDIES WITH THE SUBJUGGLATORS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT.
CG: I MEAN COME ON, EVERYTHING THEY DO IS LEGAL.
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 TH31R 4CT1ONS 4R3 GU1D3D BY D1V1N3 1NT3RV3NT1ON
GC: 4ND NOT 4T 4LL B3C4US3 TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS H4VE SOME K1ND OF D34L WITH TH3M, WH3R3 DO TH3S3 F1LTHY RUMORS 3V3N COM3 FROM
CG: ........
GC: 1 4M CH4NG1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT NOW
GC: 4R3 YOU H4V1NG LOTS OF FUN 4T BOOT C4MP?
CG: STUFF THE BLUE BLOOD SLANG UP YOUR SEEDFLAP, IT'S A FODDERMILL, AND I AM HAVING A FUCKING BLAST.
GC: FODD3RM1LL SOUNDS STUP1D
CG: BETTER THAN YOUR CONKSUCK BOOT CAMP.
CG: FODDERMILL IS SO MUCH MORE BADASS, BOOT CAMP SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING WIGGLERS DO ARTS AND CRAFTS AT OVER THEIR SWELTERPERIGEE VACATIONS.
GC: OK C4LL 1T WH4T3V3R YOU W4NT K4RK4T 1 DON'T C4R3
GC: 1T DO3SNT SOUND V3RY B4D4SS TO M3 >:P
CG: WELL IT IS.
CG: IT IS TOTALLY BADASS.
CG: I'M A REMORSELESS KILLER NOW, I COULD CUT YOU TO RIBBONS IN TEN SECONDS FLAT AND THERE'S NOT A THING YOU COULD DO TO STOP ME.
GC: YOU 4R3 TH4T B4D4SS 4FT3R ONLY 4 COUPL3 OF W33KS K4RK4T?
GC: W3LL CL34RLY 1 H4V3 P1CK3D TH3 WRONG PROF3SS1ON!
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: YEAH LAUGH IT UP.
CG: IF YOU WERE THE ENEMY YOU'D BE SO TERRIFIED OF ME RIGHT NOW.
GC: C4NT 4 G1RL L4UGH OUT OF F34R OF YOUR B4D4SS4RY
CG: NOT WHEN SHE'S YOU SHE CAN'T.
GC: H3H3H3 1 JUST C4NT H3LP 1T K4RK4T
GC: YOU 4R3 SOOOOO B4D4SS 1 JUST C4NT T4K3 1T
CG: OH HA HA HA.
GC: K4RK4T C4N YOU T34CH M3 TH3 S3CR3T TO B31NG B4D4SS
CG: THE SECRET IS SHUT THE HELL UP. SHUT THE HELL UP IS THE SECRET.
GC: 1 4M 3NL1GHT3N3D
CG: LOOK, I'M BADASS JUST FOR BEING HERE. THE TRAINING REGIMEN FOR THRESHICUTIONERS IS INTENSE. I'VE BATTLED IT OUT WITH TROLLS TWICE MY SIZE DOWN HERE. THEY'RE DEAD, I'M NOT, BADASS EQUALS ME.
CG: IF I MAKE IT OUT OF BASIC TRAINING ALIVE
CG: WHICH I WILL.
CG: I WILL HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE CALLED ONE OF THE MOST DEADLY MEMBERS OF OUR SOCIETY.
CG: IF I MAKE IT THROUGH MY FIRST BATTLE ALIVE
CG: WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, I WILL.
CG: I WILL BE SO HIGH UP ON THE PEDESTAL OF BADASSARY THAT YOU'LL NEED A FUCKING STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF ME.
CG: WAIT, NO. I'LL BE SO HIGH UP YOU'LL NEED A STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF THE PEOPLE I'VE KILLED.
CG: I WILL BE SO FAR ABOVE YOU THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL EVEN KNOW I EXIST IS BY THE TRAIL OF CARNAGE I LEAVE BEHIND.
CG: THRESHICUTIONERS
CG: ARE
CG: BADASS.
GC: 1 4M PR3SS3D 4G41NST MY SCR33N JUST T4K1NG 1N 4LL YOUR 4M4Z1NG B4D4SS4RY
GC: 1T T4ST3S L1K3 M3T4L
CG: IT TASTES LIKE A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN YOU PSYCHO.
CG: STOP LICKING EVERYTHING I TYPE, IT'S DISGUSTING.
GC: 1TS D3L1C1OUS
CG: OH GOD YOU'RE STILL LICKING IT.
GC: K4RK4T WHY DO YOU H4V3 TO TYP3 3V3RYTH1NG 1N GR4Y???
GC: SUCH 4 WOND3RFUL SLURRY OF FL4VORS ON MY SCR33N 4ND TH3R3 1S K4RK4T V4NT4S W1TH H1S BOR1NG GUNM3T4L GR4Y
GC: YOUR T3XT WOULD T4ST3 SO MUCH B3TT3R 1F 1T W4S 4 BR1GHT3R COLOR DONT YOU TH1NK
GC: M4YB3.......
GC: 4 YUMMY B4N4N4 COLOR?? >8D
CG: NO.
CG: FUCK THAT.
CG: FUCK THAT WITH SOMETHING SHARP AND POINTED, I AM NOT SATISFYING YOUR SICK LICKING FETISH WITH BANANA YELLOW TEXT.
GC: BUT WH4TS TH3 PO1NT OF B31NG GR4Y 4NYMOR3
GC: TH3 S3CR3T 1S OUT
GC: K4RK4T H4S B4N4N4 BLOOD 4ND H3 1S 4 S3LF1SH M34N13F4C3 WHO W1LL NOT SH4R3 1T
CG: I LIKE THE COLOR GRAY.
GC: JUST SHOW 1T TO M3 ONC3
GC: PL34S3 K4RK4T 1 H4V3 B33N SO GOOD 4BOUT R3SP3CT1NG YOUR PR1V4CY 4ND L3TT1NG YOU PL4Y YOUR 4NONYM1TY G4M3
GC: 1 COULD H4V3 TR1CK3D YOU 1NTO SHOW1NG M3 4 HUNDR3D D1FF3R3NT W4YS BUT 1 D1D NOT
CG: BULLSHIT, IF YOU COULD HAVE YOU WOULD HAVE.
GC: YOU R34LLY TH1NK SO >:]
CG: YOU WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY.
GC: >:] >:] >:]
CG: THERE'S NO WAY YOU WERE JUST RESPECTING MY PRIVACY.
GC: >8] >8] >8]
CG: OK STOP WITH THE FACE.
CG: YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
GC: >8D >8D >8D >8D
GC: >:P
GC: JUST SHOW M3 ON3 T1M3 4ND YOU W1LL N3V3R 3V3R H34R M3 4SK 4BOUT 1T 4G41N
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO S33 YOU WR1T3 1N GR33N1SH B4N4N4
GC: 1T H4S B33N MY L1F3LONG DR34M TO S33 YOU TYP3 1N YOUR BLOOD COLOR
GC: 1 TOO 4M 1N 4 V3RY D3M4ND1NG C4R33R K4RK4T
GC: 1 COULD B3 ON3 B4D C4S3 4W4Y FROM B31NG D3VOUR3D BY H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY
GC: WOULD YOU D3NY 4 POOR L3G1SL4C3R4TOR H3R L1F3LONG DR34M
CG: LIKE I BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. ARE THEY EVEN LETTING YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN CASES YET?
GC: W3LL NO
GC: 1 4M JUST OBS3RV1NG TH3 M4ST3RS 4T WORK 4ND TR4NSCR1B1NG COURT R3CORDS FOR TH3M
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 TO WORK MY W4Y UP JUST L1K3 YOU
CG: OH RIGHT, THEY'RE LETTING THE BLIND LEETSPEAKER WRITE OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS.
CG: THERE GOES MY FAITH IN OUR COURT SYSTEM.
GC: Karkat, I'll have you know that I am fully capable of writing coherently when I need to.
GC: >;]
CG: WHOA
CG: WHOA
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!!!
GC: JUST DO 1T YOU KNOW 1T W1LL SHUT M3 UP
GC: YOU DONT N33D TO B3 SC4R3D 1T W1LL B3 SO MUCH 34S13R TH4N 4 BLOOD T3ST
CG: OH MY GOD, I AM NOT SCARED OF MY BLOOD.
GC: JUST SC4R3D OF SHOW1NG 1T
GC: SOLLUX TOLD M3 HOW YOU W3R3 4CT1NG WH3N TH3Y TOOK YOUR BLOOD 1 KNOW YOU W3R3 CRY1NG L1K3 4 W1GGL3R
CG: I WAS NOT!
GC: SOME B4D4SS THR3SH1CUT1ON3R YOU AR3 B4N4N4M4N
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF MY BLOOD!
CG: I'VE BLED PLENTY OF TIMES IN BASIC TRAINING. MY GROSS YELLOW BLOOD HAS BEEN OFFERED UP TO THE GODS OF SWEATY FODDERMILL COMBAT SO MUCH THEY'VE GOT A RUNNING TAB WITH ME.
CG: BLOOD IS NOT A BIG DEAL.
GC: SO SHOW M3!
CG: I
CG: JUST
CG: FUCK.
CG: FINE.
CG: THIS IS WHAT MY BLOOD LOOKS LIKE.
CG: I'LL WAIT PATIENTLY WHILE YOU MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MONITOR.
GC: K4RK4T..........
GC: TH1S COLOR T4ST3S L1K3 YUCKY CH3M1C4LS!
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: THAT IS A BANANA. IT LOOKS LIKE A BANANA, THEREFORE YOUR MAGICAL SYNESTHESIA POWERS SHOULD SAY IT SMELLS AND TASTES LIKE A BANANA .
CG: DO YOU JUST ARBITRARILY DECIDE THIS CRAP OR IS THERE SOME WHEEL YOU SPIN THAT TELLS YOU WHAT FLAVOR YOU'RE SLOBBERING ON?
GC: MY NOS3 4ND MY TONGU3 4LW4YS KNOW TH3 TRUTH K4RK4T
GC: 4ND TH3 TRUTH 1S TH4T YOU H4V3 YUCKY BLUCKY CH3M1C4L FL4VOR3D BLOOD
CG: AND YOU WONDERED WHY I NEVER WANTED TO SHOW IT TO YOU.
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 D1D WOND3R TH4T
GC: 4ND 1 ST1LL DO!
GC: YOUR BLOOD 1S P3RF3CTLY NORM4L K4RK4T 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU W3R3 H1D1NG 1T
CG: I WAS HIDING IT BECAUSE THAT'S PRIVATE AND I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.
GC: V3333RY SUSP1C1OUS >:/
GC: 1 C4N S33 1 W1LL H4V3 TO PURSU3 TH1S C4S3 W1TH 4LL OF MY SK1LL
CG: OK NO SHUT UP.
CG: I WAS JUST HIDING IT BECAUSE
CG: IT'S
CG: KIND OF CLOSE TO SOLLUX'S BLOOD COLOR.
GC: 444444ND???
CG: AND HE HAS ALL THOSE PSIONIC POWERS. I FELT LIKE A FREAK, HAVING ALMOST THE EXACT SAME BLOOD COLOR AND NO POWERS AT ALL.
CG: IT WAS JUST EASIER TO HIDE IT.
GC: 4444W K4RKL3S
CG: DON'T CALL ME KARKLES.
GC: LOTS OF Y3LLOW BLOODS DONT H4V3 POW3RS 1T 1S NO B1G D34L
GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 YOU 4 FR34K
CG: OH THANK GOD I HAVE TEREZI'S APPROVAL.
CG: I SHOULD HAVE TOLD EVERYONE SWEEPS AGO, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
GC: 1T 1S T4ST1NG L1K3 D1SGUST1NG CH3M1CALS TH4T M4K3S YOU 4 FR34K!!! >8D
CG: .........
CG: I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW.
GC: H4H4H4
GC: SOM3BODY SUR3 1S S3NS3T1V3 4BOUT H1S BLOOD
CG: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN INSANE PSYCHO FREAK.
CG: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
GC: WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y K4RK4T
GC: 1T W4S N1C3 T4LK1NG TO YOU TOO
GC: 1 W1LL SM3LL YOU 4G41N WH3N YOU G3T BOR3D OF T4VROS

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3!






-- the Black Cathedral came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] logged on to server: Public Network of Mirthful Communion --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

TC: AwWw dAmN My bRoThEr i tHiNk yOu kNoW WhAt tHiS MeAnS.
AT: i THINK I AM INDEED AWARE OF, tHE THING THAT THIS MEANS,
TC: AiN'T No sToPpIn iT MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: GeTtIn mY HaRsH On aLl uP In hErE, yOu tHiNk yOu cAn bRiNg iT?
AT: cONSIDER IT BROUGHT,
AT: tHE THING THAT I AM BRINGING,
TC: ThEn...
TC: ShIpS PaSsInG!
AT: sLAM BATTLE!
TC: RoUnD OnE!
AT: sUDDEN DEATH!
TC: GrOoVe?
AT: yOUR SHIP, aND CURRENT EVENTS THEREIN, i GUESS,
AT: sO WE CAN GET CAUGHT UP WITH,
AT: hOW THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING,
TC: I'M DoWn wItH ThAt, MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: ShAdE?
AT: uH, lIGHT!
TC: AwWwWwWwWw yEeEeEeEeEaH
TC: AiN'T SeEn yOu iN A WhIlE, bRo, AlLoW Me tO ReCiTe
TC: WhAt's aLl bEeN GoInG DoWn wHiLe i bEeN In fLiGhT
TC: LiKe a mOtHeRfUcKiN, kItE, bRo!
TC: AnD ThIs sHiT Is tIgHt.
TC: HoW'S A ShIp tHaT BiG EvEn sTaY At tHaT HeIgHt?
TC: So wHaTeVeR, iT'S AiGhT. GoNnA ChIlL FoR A MiNuTe.
TC: YoU SeEn tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl, BeCaUsE FuCk bRo, I'M In iT!
TC: AnD ThEy cAlL Me tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN AcOlYtE
TC: LiKe a rItE, mOtHeRfUcKeR, tHaT'S My mOtHeRfUcKiN RiGhT.
TC: ThEy sAy fUcK It mAkArA, hEaR WhAt wE Up aNd sAiD,
TC: YoU AiN'T GoT No fOcUs iN YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd,
TC: UpTiGhT, mAkE Me wRiTe oUt tHaT ShIt i mIsReAd.
TC: PrIeStS AnD DeAcOnS
TC: AlL Be sPeAkIn
TC: 'bOuT ThE SpItE I AuGhTtA BrEd.
TC: DoN'T EvEn kNoW HoW To gEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn sPiTe!
TC: BuT ThEy gOt tHiS FiRe iN Em lIkE ThEy'rE GoNnA IgNiTe.
TC: SeE ThE LiGhT, mOtHeRfUcKeR, bUrNiNg mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRiGhT.
TC: I SaY BrOtHeR I AiN'T SeEiN It.
TC: ThEy bE AlL, yOu gOtTa bE BeIn iT.
TC: WaNnA StAy a lAuGhSsAsSiN, dOn't bE GeTtIn sChOoLfEd
TC: BuT A SuBjUgGlAtOr kNoWs wHaT'S In hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd.
TC: GeT ThE JoKe, ClEaR ThE SmOkE, aNd fInD SoMe fUcKiN InSiGhT.
TC: GrAy aNd wHiTe, QuIt tHe sHiT AnD GeT YoUr hEaD! On! rIgHt!
TC: GaMzEe oUt.
AT: oH WOW, tHAT SOUNDS KIND OF,
AT: uNPLEASANT,
AT: tHAT THEY TELL YOU OFF LIKE THAT,
TC: NaH, iT'S ChIlL. )
TC: AiN'T NoBoDy's fAuLt bUt mInE I ZoNe oUt lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: I MeAn, FuCk, SpAcE Is jUsT ToO ChIlL, bRo! i cAn't hElP JuSt sTaRiN OuT At tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN StArS.
TC: AlL FuCkIn tWiNkLiN AnD ShIt tIl yOu tHiNk yOu cAn jUsT SoRt oF ReAcH OuT AnD MoThErFuCkIn tOuCh eM.
TC: MaKeS It rEaL HaRd tO PaY AtTeNtIoN To wHaT EvErYbOdY'S Up aNd sAyInG!
AT: i'VE NOTICED, tHOUGH,
AT: tHAT YOU DON'T REALLY ZONE OUT AS MUCH, wHEN WE'RE DOING SLAM POETRY,
TC: WeLl fUcK, bRoThEr, I GuEsS I DoN'T!
AT: sO MAYBE IT WOULD HELP, uH, kEEP YOU FOCUSED,
AT: iF YOU PRETENDED THAT,
AT: i GUESS, yOU WERE THROWING DOWN SOME STRICT BEATS WITH EVERYONE YOU TALKED TO,
AT: aND YOU HAD TO PAY ATTENTION, sO YOU COULD CALL THEM OUT WITH YOUR, uH, sICK BURNS,
AT: aND THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD REMEMBER, tHE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAID TO YOU AND, nOT GET YELLED AT,
TC: MoThErFuUuUuUuCk tAvRoS, tHaT Is wIcKeD BiTcHiN!
AT: iS THAT A GOOD THING OR, a BAD THING,
TC: I DuNnO BrOtHeR, i tHiNk tHaT MiGhT MoThErFuCkIn wOrK!
TC: HoNk! )
AT: gLAD TO HELP,
TC: BuUuUuUuUuUt
TC: YoU AiN'T OfF ThE MoThErFuCkInG HoOk, BrO!
TC: I MeAn sUrE YoU GoT ThE BrAiNs bUt cAn yOu sLaM?
AT: oH YOU KNOW I AM CAPABLE OF SLAMMING,
TC: I SaId cAn yOu mOtHeR
TC: FuCkInG
TC: SlAm????
AT: i CAN SLAM, iF YOU GIVE ME A GROOVE,
TC: SaMe.
TC: AnD YoUr sHaDe iS
TC: FrEeStYyYyYyYyLe!
AT: oOOOOH GAMZEE, yOU'RE GONNA REGRET THAT DECISION,
AT: wHEN I FREESTYLE RHYMES WITHOUT MAD SUPERVISION,
AT: (THAT'S REFERRING TO THE FREESTYLE THING, bY THE WAY,)
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS AND I'M HERE TO SAY,
AT: wAIT, lET ME, uH, mAKE A REVISION,
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS, cAVALREAPER IN THE MAKING,
AT: mY SKILLS ARE BEING HONED AND MY ENEMIES ARE QUAKING,
AT: aND, uH, sHAKING, tOO, tHEY'RE ALSO DOING THAT,
AT: gOT MY LANCE AT THE READY AND MY HELMET, tHAT'S A HAT,
AT: aND INSTEAD OF PRACTICING ON THAT DUMMY I MADE,
AT: i'M FACING REAL OPPONENTS AND I'M NOT AFRAID,
AT: oF THE OPPONENTS,
AT: wAIT,
AT: uH,
AT: oK SO, eVEN THOUGH THEY MOCK ME IN THE BARRACKS AND SAY,
AT: tAVROS NITRAM, yOU AREN'T GONNA LAST ANOTHER DAY,
AT: yOU'RE DEAD FROM THE WAIST,
AT: aND WE'LL POUND YOU INTO PASTE,
AT: lITTLE CRIPPLE, sAY YOUR PRAYERS,
AT: aND SAY THEM IN HASTE,
AT: tHEY AIN'T HALF AS BAD AS VRISKA, sO I LOOKED AT THEM AND SAID
AT: bETTER DEAD FROM THE WAIST, tHAN DEAD IN THE HEAD,
TC: DaAaAaAaAaMn! O
AT: uH, tHANKS,
AT: sO ANYWAY, i'M NOT AFRAID, aND I DON'T YIELD,
AT: wHO'S PASTE WHEN I FACE THEM ON THE TRAINING FIELD???
AT: (iT'S THEM AND NOT ME,)
AT: i GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS, i'M AT A DISADVANTAGE,
AT: bUT I'M GAINING SOME RESPECT, aND I THINK I'M GONNA MANAGE,
AT: tHAT DIDN'T REALLY RHYME,
AT: bUT, uH,
AT: tAVROS OUT,
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE YoU GoT ThAt sHiT NaIlEd dOwN!
AT: iT WASN'T EASY, tO BEGIN WITH,
AT: bUT I THINK EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT A, uH, vALUABLE ASSET I WOULD BE, tO THE RANKS OF THE CAVALREAPERS,
AT: aND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE SAYING THAT IF I MAKE IT THROUGH BASIC TRAINING, i MIGHT BE FITTED WITH SOME PROSTHETICS,
TC: MoThErFuCkInG ChIlL, bRo!
TC: HoNk! D
AT: i'VE MOSTLY JUST BEEN REMEMBERING THE THINGS YOU SAID,
AT: aBOUT TELLING MYSELF WHAT TO BE,
AT: aND I THINK I JUST DECIDED, tO TELL MYSELF I WAS GOING TO BE,
AT: wHATEVER I WANTED TO BE,
AT: aND NOT LET ANYONE SAY THAT I COULDN'T,
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S WORKING,
TC: WaIt, DiD I AlL MoThErFuCkInG TeLl yOu tHaT?
TC: ShIt bRo, I ThOuGhT ThAt wAs rUfIo!
AT: rUFIO IS JUST A FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,
AT: bUT SOMETIMES I FORGET THAT TOO, sO THAT'S OK,
TC: HaHaHaHa!
AT: hEY GAMZEE,
AT: dO YOU THINK THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE MEETING UP OUT THERE,
AT: wHO AREN'T CATCHING UP WITH EACH OTHER IN THE FORM OF, uH, sLAM BATTLES?
TC: WhO'D EvEn aLl wAnT To mOtHeRfUcKiN Do tHaT? ThEy'd jUsT Be mIsSiN OuT On tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg fUn!
TC: HoOoOoNk! )
AT: hA HA, i KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,
AT: tHIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE,
AT: sPEAKING OF WHICH,,,,,,,
AT: aRE YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO?
TC: TaVrOs mY MoThErFuCkIn bRoThEr, I WaS HaTcHeD ReAdY.
TC: BrEaK OuT ThE BeAtS AnD LeT'S TeAr tHiS ShIt uP.
AT: oK, i GUESS I CAN GO FIRST THIS TIME,
TC: SlAm bAtTlE!
AT: rOUND TWO!
TC: SuDdEn dEaTh!
AT: gROOVE?
TC: MoThErFuCkIn cAnDy.
AT: sHADE?
TC: OrAaAaAnGe! >)
AT: yOU'RE MAKING ME RHYME WITH ORANGE?
AT: aND HERE I THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE ME SOMETHING DIFFICULT, >}
TC: YoU TaLk bIg bRoThEr, BuT I WaNt tO SeE YoU SlAm iT!
AT: yOU WANT ME TO SLAM IT,
AT: oH, i CAN SLAM IT,
AT: hERE I GO,,,,,,,,,

-- the Black Cathedral is not longer within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] has been disconnected! --

AT: aWWWW,






-- twinArmageddons [TA] launched the program Fold2pace~ATH --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: te2tiing one two
TA: te2tiing one two
TA: nothiing2 goiing two explode thii2 tiime?
TA: good

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: well
AA: this is a thing
TA: oh hell ye2!
AA: 0_0
TA: iit actually worked thii2 tiime!
TA: you 2ee thii2 aa?
TA: thii2 ii2 me
TA: talkiing two you
TA: from halfway acro22 the galaxy.
TA: ii thiink that de2erve2 a hell ye2.
AA: i supp0se
AA: even th0ugh it is basically just the inevitable 0utc0me 0f s0mething y0ve been trying t0 d0 f0r m0nths anyway
AA: all y0u are celebrating is the absence 0f failure
TA: 2ome people call that 2uce22.
TA: that2 been a word for a whiile now, you 2hould probably look iit up.
AA: i am 0nly stating a fact
TA: well now youre goiing to state a hell ye2.
TA: 2ay iit wiith me aradiia
TA: hell
TA: ye2.
AA: hell yes
AA: y0u are c0mpetent in acc0mplishing tasks that are well within y0ur capabilities
AA: g00d j0b
TA: oh fuck you aa.
TA: go 2iit iin the gloom and doom corner whiile ii get the re2t of the guiinea piig2 iin here.
AA: 0_0
AA: 0kay

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AG: A8out time!
AG: Woooooooow Sollux, I was starting to think you were never going to finish!
AG: I've 8een so 8ored just waiting on you and your stupid project.
AG: When I agreed to 8e your awesome test su8ject I didn't think there would 8e so much waiting!
TA: ok look, thii2 2tuff ii2 voliitiile and iit take2 tiime.
TA: thii2 tiime la2t week fold2pace wa2 explodiing every computer ii ran iit on.
AG: Whaaaaaaaatever.
TA: iim pretty 2ure ii fiixed that bug, but that2 why were runniing the2e te2t2.
CT: D--> Hel100 again, Aradia
AA: hey
AG: Oh geeze.
CT: D--> Have you given any thought to
CT: D--> What I said to you previously
CT: D--> Upon leaving Alternia
AA: n0 n0t really
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> If you do
CT: D--> Happen to think of that particular e%clamation I made
CT: D--> Please recall that it was said in the heat of the moment
CT: D--> And that perhaps I did not mean
CT: D--> Quite what I thought I meant
CT: D--> When I said it
AA: 0_0
CT: D--> It would be highly scandalous and inappropriate to pursue such a thing
CT: D--> So very inappropriate
AG: Uuuuuuuugh. XXXXP
CT: D--> And despite any
CT: D--> Desires
CT: D--> We may or may not harbor
TA: oh god thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2.
CT: D--> I think it w001d be for the best if we simply forgot the wh001e thing occurred
AA: sure
CT: D--> Unless of course you would rather
CT: D--> Not forget
AA: n0 its fine i pretty much f0rg0t it already
CT: D--> Ah
AG: Here's a crazy idea! You guys should listen to this crazy idea I just had!
AG: My crazy idea is that we 8an all discussion about towel8oy's gross love life from this server 8efore Vriska hurls!
AG: Let's vote on it! All in favor?
TA: Aye.
AG: AAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE.
AA: i d0nt care either way
CT: D--> I don't think you have the authority to do that
AG: My vote counts as eight. Motion passed!
CT: D--> Fiddlesticks
TA: ok real quiick before thii2 conver2atiion traiin get2 any further off the raiil2 and cra2he2 iintwo 2tupiidtown
TA: there ii2 actually 2tuff we need two get done here.
AG: Fine, oh fearless leader, we're listening.
AG: It's a8out time some8ody actually explained what the 8ig deal is with this secret Foldspace thing.
TA: iill try to dumb iit down for you.
AG: >::::|
TA: It will 8e easy for me 8ecause I am a stuuuuuuuupid iiiiiiiidiot 2TOP THAT
AG: Stop what, Sollux????????
TA: Stop 8eing 8asically the 8est at everything and also really smart and 8eautiful!!!!!!!!
AA: vriska
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?
AG: I can't help it if Sollux thinks I'm 8eautiful.
TA: equiiu2 hiit her for me.
CT: D--> I do not take orders from you, lowb100d
TA: You're right, I am pretty much the worst!!!!!!!! Vriska is so much 8etter than me AT BEIING AN ENOURMOU2 BIITCH which is what I would have said if I didn't think she was soooooooo awesome VRII2KA II 2WEAR you are simply the 8est there is!!!!!!!!
AA: equius hit her f0r me
AG: OW!!!!!!!!
AG: You guys suuuuuuuuck.
AG: Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.
TA: you know what, you dont have two be here.
TA: none of you have two be here, ii could be doiing thii2 entiire thiing by my2elf!
TA: ii dont need you moron2!
AA: s0llux
AA: y0u were explaining ab0ut f0ldspace
AA: this is s0mething the 0thers sh0uld kn0w
TA: fiine, whatever.
TA: alriight iidiiot2 and aradiia, lii2ten up.
TA: thii2 i2 fold2pace. iit2 a remote 2erver that ho2t2 a 2iimple chat cliient.
TA: but the thiing ii2, ii 2et iit up u2iing 2ome of the recycled mechaniic2 from that game aa and ii were workiing on a whiile ago.
AG: The one you scrapped when you found out it would destroy the world?
AG: Way to go, 8y the way, how's it feel to 8e the guy who almost caused the apocalypse?
TA: aradiia.
AA: equius
AG: OW
CT: D--> Perhaps you should stop hitting yourself
AG: OH TH8T 8N'T 8VEN F8IR!!!!!!!!
TA: 2hut up, you cant keep your braiin two your2elf 2o you dont get two talk anymore.
AG: DXXXX
TA: the fold2pace 2erver ii2 2et up iin a diimen2iion out2iide of our normal realiity, and iit 2ort of fold2 2pace around iit2elf 2o iit2 everywhere at once.
TA: we can acce22 iit from any poiint iin 2pace, allowiing for iin2tantaneou2 communiicatiion over long dii2tance2. that2 how ii can talk two you from the am2 and aa can talk all the way from alterniia.
TA: iit2 totally priivate and can tran2miit any me22age you want two 2end, any place you want two 2end iit. perfect for makiing plan2 for the uprii2iing.
TA: a2 long a2 ii can keep iit from fryiing our computer2 and other unfortunate 2iide effect2.
TA: whiich ii2 where you guy2 come iin.
TA: and 2iince were goiing two have two deal wiith thii2 eventually iim ju2t goiing two addre22 iit riight now.
TA: our dev team for thii2 ii2 ba2iically the perfect 2torm of people who hate each other.
AA: 0_0
TA: well maybe not aradiia
TA: but you get iit.
TA: iif we want two get thii2 done iin tiime for ff2 biig uprii2iing were goiing two have two put that 2hiit a2iide for a whiile and try two be ciiviil.
TA: vrii2ka thii2 mean2 you.
AG: I'm not the one hitting people with their own ro8ot arms.
AG: Why are those two even here, anyway? When you asked me to 8eta test for you I thought this was gonna 8e just you and me!
TA: ii told you, thii2 program warp2 2pace.
TA: iit2 volatiile a2 hell.
TA: and iif iit turn2 out were all beiing bombarded by co2miic radiiatiion ju2t by u2iing iit then we need beta te2ter2 who can 2urviive pretty much anythiing.
CT: D--> As someone exceedingly STRONG
CT: D--> I felt it was my duty to v001unteer
CT: D--> Even if it puts me in a position where I must take orders from these two peasantb100ds
AG: Ooooooooh, I get it! You needed me and Equius 8ecause we're the toughest people you know.
AG: I'm flattered.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> This subservient position
CT: D--> Is most
CT: D--> Regrettable
TA: no, ii needed eq becau2e he2 the toughe2t per2on ii know
TA: aa ii2nt exactly vulnerable two thii2 2tuff eiither
TA: but youre mo2tly here becau2e youre expendable
AG: Ooh, some8ody's mad.
AG: Gooooooood Sollux, that was forever ago! Let it go already!
AG: Aradia got over it!
AA: there wasnt really anything t0 get 0ver
AA: it all seems kind 0f petty l00king back 0n it
AG: Seeeeeeee????????
AG: 8esides, you have to let me in on your little Foldspace thing. Eridan has Equius and me working on a SEEEEEEEECRET PROOOOOOOOJECT of our own! :::
CT: D--> It's true
CT: D--> For once I can see the sea dweller's p001nt
CT: D--> Our involvement will prove most vital to the cause
TA: oh really?
TA: and what2 your 2ecret project dare ii a2k?
AG: It's a secret, dummy! If we told you it would lose all its 8ig important secrecy!
AG: 8ut what I can tell you is...
AG: We're calling it the IG.
AG: The EEEEEEEEYE GEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
AG: Eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee.
AG: eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee...
AG: That was me whispering it all dramatically just now.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> That was most elegantly whispered
TA: oh yeah real 2cary.
AA: the v0ices already t0ld me ab0ut y0ur pr0ject
AA: and i think it is a spectacularly bad idea
AA: n0t that i can st0p y0u fr0m d0ing it anyway
AG: Killjoy.
AA: i w0uld tell y0u t0 be careful
AA: but i already kn0w that y0u w0nt
AG: Oh hey Sollux! It would 8e great if we could use your stupid Foldspace server thing to work on our project! We would get so much more done if we didn't have to wait around until my ship passed his colony planet.
AG: I am soooooooo sick of waiting around. I have 8een doing all the waiting lately. All of it!
TA: fiine whatever.
TA: let2 turn ff2 biig takeover iintwo our per2onal playground, that2 the be2t iidea.
CT: D--> Naturally we will only use the sever for official business
AA: he w0nt
CT: D--> I order you to stop challenging my honesty
CT: D--> Those of our class should be above such
CT: D--> Distasteful
CT: D--> And disrespectful claims
CT: D--> Right Vriska
AG: Suuuuuuuure we are!
CT: D--> Stop agreeing with me insincerely
TA: look ju2t remember that thii2 thiing ii2 2tiill iin beta. u2e iit all you want, but report any problem2 two me 2o ii can fix them before ii declare iit 2afe and let ff run iit.
CT: D--> I 100k forward to the challenge
TA: al2o
TA: do NOT tell anyone about thii2. fold2pace ii2 a secret striictly between the four of u2, ed, and ff.
TA: that mean2 no u2iing iit for 2tupiid conver2atiion2 wiith random people.
AG: You got it!
AG: I will 8e so responsible with this, Sollux. You don't have to worry a8out a thing!
TA: iill beliieve that when ii 2ee iit.
TA: well that conclude2 thii2 te2t ii gue22.
TA: anything two add, aa?

-- apocalypseArisen's [AA's] computer exploded! --

TA: welp.
TA: back two tryiing two fiix that.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged off the server --

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged off the server --

CT: D--> Oh dear
CT: D--> ...
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> I suppose now that they are gone
CT: D--> It would hardly hurt our cause if I...
CT: D--> ...

-- centaursTesticle [CT] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AC: :33 < *ac suddenly finds herself pulled off of her favorite shipping furrum and logged on to a strange new catroom!*
AC: :33 < *what is going on here? she says*
AC: :33 < *but wait! her cunning predatory instincts tell her that someone else is here*
AC: :33 < *she flicks her tail and crouches down, ready to pounce*
CT: D--> It has been a while since we spoke, Nepeta
AC: 8DD < EQUIUS!!!!

oh my god this is amazing i cant stop laughing over here
iinternet 2mack
O) ( noooooo!
THE SECRET US SHUT THE HELL UP. SHUT THE HELL UP IS THE SECRET.
You're right, I am pretty much the worst!!!!!!!! Vriska is so much 8etter than me AT BEIING AN ENOURMOU2 BIITCH which is what I would have said if I didn't think she was soooooooo awesome VRII2KA II 2WEAR you are simply the 8est there is!!!!!!!!
D--> Perhaps you sh001d stop hitting yourself

AAAAAAAAAAA ASDLLKAJSDKFKJASLDJALSKD

Oh also I somehow missed Unhinged 16. Yessssssss. "I was being horribly manipulative." "Oh."

Red Pen, everything you write is so chock full of win I am almost choking to death on my own laughter.

[billybobfred]

I have a google account, and the link doesn't work.

"Firefox has detected that the server is redirecting the request for this address in a way that will never complete."

>:(

[Sporkaganza]

Fucking fuck I guess I'll just have to do it by hand AGAIN

Or wait lemme try something. Hold on~!

Here, try this link. If this doesn't work will probably kill someone.

[Domoz]

The Pirate and the Empress

2.5/?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Rufio lounges in the crow's nest. He watches as their ship escapes the confines of the bay, and most of the ships following give up and turn back to the docks. He counts the ones left, twelve ships from the looks of it. He watches one ship pull ahead of the rest, barley able to make out the figures of trolls pushing things overboard. He sees one ship, then another, falls behind and turns back. Ten ships now, and one of them still gaining. Rufio leans back onto the mast and grins, all he can do now is watch and pray.

Back below deck, the two girls are having a heated argument.
“Go to sleep!” the Empress hisses, “Why bother? You'll be sleeping forever soon enough!”
Ariel rubs the bridge of her nose and sighs. “Miss Empress, could you please just-”
“Oh no, please, call me Ianthe, I can hardly be considered an Empress while I'm tied up on this dingy.”
Another sigh, “Alright, Ianthe. Could you please keep it down? I'm almost certain you should have a headache of your own to deal with”
The sea dweller falls silent for a moment. Her headache is pretty bad, true, but she's been forced to sit through war councils with far worse; she can certainly antagonize her captor with, even with this pain in her head.
“Oh no, my head is feeling quite alright”, she lies, “But if I were to guess the cause of your headache I'd have to say that perhaps you've begun to comprehend the extreme stupidity of what you've done here”
Ariel gives the Empress a deadpan stare for a moment, before finally muttering the word, “psionics.” Ianthe leans forward with a morbid grin plastered on her face.
“What was that?”
Ariel's stare evolves into a full blown glare. “Psionics”, she repeats, “I've overdone it with my psychic powers and now I've got a headache that hurts like fuck”. She doesn't wait for a response, and instead just turns over on her side and curls up. Ianthe makes a retort anyways, “Oh cheer up, you won't be able to feel your headache when your head is rolling around on the ground”
The red blood is despondent, and after a few more moments of silence, Ianthe butts in once more.
“Oh, ignoring me now, are we? How childish, I expected more from one of Dualscar's crew.”

More quiet. Ariel sits back up and sighs once more. “This isn't going to work. Couldn't you government shits have left us a few of our own recupracoons?”
Before the Empress can respond the red blood climbs back up to the main deck, and when no one is looking into the empty captain's quarters, leaving Ianthe alone.

Still in the crow's nest, Rufio watches as one by one the following ships slacken their sails and turn back. Eventually there are only two ships, their own and a small navy ship, loaded down with cannons. There is an impasse, neither ship is gaining any ground, nor loosing any. The stalemate grows old fast, so Rufio turns his attention to the sky instead, and when that looses it's appeal he peers over the edge of his vantage point to watch his fellow crew members scurry about on deck.

By the time he gets bored of that little attraction, something very important has changed. Rufio finally remembers just what he's supposed to be watching; he looks back up at their follower and notices it's falling behind. He sees their sails slacken, although not by much, and suddenly the wind seems a lot colder than it was the last time he noticed. He looks back up to the sky to find waiting a huge mass of gray building up in the sky, waiting for them to sail into it. Dualscar's ship is the first to make it under the clouds, and Rufio feels the first droplets of rain splash down on his arms.

The wind picks up further, and with it the size of the waves. They grow in intensity until with every pitch and roll of the ship sea water covers everything on deck. The rain picks up even as Dualscar's ship jumps ahead of it's pursuer. The ropes holding the sail strain, and with every moment the fear of them snapping increases. Yet even as some few move to slacken the ropes, Dualscar orders them to stop.
“It's do or die”, he yells, “this is our chance to get away.”

Ianthe knew that this was her chance to get away. She tries to stand up, and finds herself glad that the psychic has left; it would have been embarrassing for anyone to have seen her fall on her face once, much less the six other times she tried.
When she finally is able to stand up straight she makes her way up the stairs. Pushing the door open with her shoulder, the empress peers out.

The deck is covered with pirates, but she figures she can make it into the water if she just waits for an opening and makes a break for it. She eases further out onto the deck.
Quite unexpectedly a huge wave sends the boat near vertical.
Ianthe falls into the back wall, sending a jolt of pain through her spine and into her skull.
The headache redoubles its effort to cause the Empress pain, and succeeds terribly well.

Ianthe decides she may take a nap like the red blood was suggesting, and the floor is looking more comfortable than ever...

A/N

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part is 2.5 because I really should have waited and posted this with the last part instead of making a huge buffoon out of myself.

I couldn't find anyone to beta this part either, so I tried the best I could but am still pretty much flippin out over here
HNnng

[Rebbe]

Here's some of a Vriska thing I've been working on. Warning for blood because it's set right after she loses her arm. I hope my characterization isn't too shoddy. :[

Bite Down: Part 1

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She loses consciousness somewhere after she funnels barked instructions through Tavros to Terezi's stupid lusus. Her vision spots with black, tunnels closing in all around her, and Vriska slips into dead dreamland and collapses to the floor.

It doesn't hold her long. If she were any other troll it would hold her, but Vriska's not any troll. She's the best troll (the best); she's trained herself to sleep as little as possible, in as short increments as she can. Sleep is like clockwork for Vriska because sleeping is the one time she's not watching her back. The one time she's not safe.

Sleeping is when that monster that sits right outside her back door can creep about unnoticed, and Vriska can't even count the number of times she's woken to find herself halfway to that back door, dragged there by tiny mouthless spider minions.

Nice try, spidermom, she always snarks, laughing, but deep inside nothing else in the world sparks terror in her heart like those moments when she is completely and utterly helpless, the spider minions' hairs itching at her skin and her lusus' blue eyes blazing just outside the doorway. Hungry, and never satisfied.

She wakes with a start, face down in her own blue blood and it smells vile. It smells like death and Vriska knows that stink so well. She jerks upright, her head swimming with dizziness and her vision all wrong. Everything looks wrong; flat and lifeless and drained of color. She swallows and shakes her head to clear it, but that only makes the dizziness worse. When she clutches her temples to still the spinning, her palm sticks to the slick blood trailing from her eye and then she remembers—

The explosion of radium and ozone. The flash of blinding white light.

Half blind and bleeding, she sits there and shakes. She's missing an entire arm. She can see it there stiff and lifeless on the floor next to her, but even with cold white reality staring her in the face she has trouble convincing herself it's real. Part of her wonders why the pain isn't so bad but she's been just outside her lusus' jaws so many times, been grazed by the shooting fire venom that laces her fangs, that her nerve endings simply don't feel pain that much anymore.

Vriska makes herself breathe. She stares down at the blood all over her bedroom floor, thick and runny and sopping into the carpet, and she knows she can't stay here. If anyone can smell blood it's her lusus and Vriska knows she doesn't have the strength to fight off minions right now.

Part of her wants to laugh, to stay and watch them boil in through the doors and the windows and bury themselves in blood in a miniature conga line, carrying the arm back to her lusus as a prize. Maybe finally tasting some of her flesh will get the huge demanding spider to calm down with the kidnapping attempts for a while.

But she pushes herself to her feet and leaves her severed arm there. Her knees are trembling and ready to give and she knows she needs to go now if she wants to have enough energy left over to tackle the stairs. She leans hard into the wall, blood streaking along the paint behind her as she walks. Her shoulder is a dull burning sensation but she can't see it. The eye closest to it is lodged with white marble shrapnel and sees nothing, and she can only turn her head so far without sending hot fire through the torn flesh of her shoulder. So she ignores it instead and just walks, leaning against the wall and breathing, counting footstep after footstep as she makes her way slowly to her front door.

It's black with storm clouds outside. The wind is wet and sticky and tearing and Vriska winces at the fat raindrops that slice into her butchered shoulder. She holds her good arm out for balance and sets her feet into the thickening mud, and with the lightning flickering in the background she finds the road that leads toward the bridge over the chasm.

Toward her creepy neighbor's hive.

The last thing she wants is to owe that freak a favor, but maybe she can convince him to let her sleep on his entranceway floor for a few hours. She doesn't think she has the energy left to pull a manipulation whammy on him and his lusus so she'll have to settle for actual talking. Actual talking that takes so much more brain power than she has blood left to concentrate on, but Vriska is the best at persuasion (the best), and it'll have to do.

Her balance is on its teetering edge of collapse as she forces her legs over those last few yards. She leans hard on his doorframe, her vision swimming with black spots again, and she raises one shaking finger to press a smudge of blue blood into his doorbell.

It takes him forever to answer. Vriska wobbles there, her knees threatening to give and her world spinning. It feels like the entire cliff is moving beneath her feet and she rests her forehead against the frame to give her some semblance of stillness. She needs her head in the game here. She needs to be able to think straight and part of her is screaming with anger that her body has betrayed her so entirely.

Nothing is ever easy. Nothing. Why, why why?

The door cracks slowly, the lightning flashing behind her and glinting off his stupid broken glasses, and in the darkness Vriska feels her mouth pull up into a cruel smile. Yeah that's right, thanks for falling right into her web of plans, buddy.

But how does she play this? He's got his mind all twisted up in the blood castes and she can spin a plea off that. She can do that. But is that what will get what she needs right now?

Hey, hey Equius. Heeeeeeeey! Are you just going to stand there and watch me bleed all over your doorstep? Sorry about that by the way, but I need a favor right now. You're higher than me on the blood-totem and all, right? Can I throw myself on your meeeeeeeercies? The words come out all wrong though, none of the honey-smooth suggestion in her voice. Instead she sounds drunk and strangled. Her lips are bleeding, torn up by the explosion, and she can't get them around some of the words. Instead she spits little clouds of blood that shine in the lightning as they splatter against his door.

Oh god, what is wrong with her? Try again. Quick.

Let me in, okay? I'm not really feeling staying at home right now. I know I'm not exactly presentable for a houseguest, but you don't mind, right? Riiiiiiiight? You don't mind helping me out. No no no, she still sounds pathetic and dying, and then her knees do give out. She slides down the slick wood of his doorframe and slumps in a puddle of her useless bloody legs, and the last thing she sees before the black takes over her vision is him stepping outside and crouching down beside to her.

---

It crosses his mind that he could simply not help her. He has never been fond of his neighbor. It's not that she's a bad neighbor, she simply invites all these strange low-bloods over to play the crass, brutal games she's obsessed with—games that paint the hills around their hives with visceral reds and yellows and greens and fill the air with the sweet stink of rotting blood. It doesn't make for the proper upstanding blueblooded neighborhood he really desires.

Still, Equius supposes that if Authour was as ravenous as Vriska's lusus he would be obsessed with the games too. What a difference a few shades of blue to the right makes; a civilized lusus for a troll as civilized as he is.

Pondering the decision, he watches her for a moment. The blood drips steadily from her torn shoulder but it's not streaming as such an injury would at first. Her flesh is already attempting to put itself back together. Her eye is hollow and full of gore, and the skin across the left side of her face is scorched and still peppered with shrapnel. Part of him is truly disgusted by how her obsession with those games has reached around and utterly brutalized her. Disgusted enough that he almost wants to close the door and simply be done with it all.

He's not a monster though. He may be cripplingly STRONG but he would never hurt something on purpose. He goes out of his way to prevent that sort of thing. The thunder crashes in deafening booms and he stoops there next to her as rain splatters across his back and into her black hair.

The floorboards creak behind him and Equius looks over his shoulder to find Aurthour standing quietly in the doorway. The lusus arches an eyebrow, a silent, Well? that Equius knows he doesn't need to answer.

(And this is the scary part, because Nepeta has brought him small animals before, smiling and trusting and telling him he would never learn to control his strength if he didn't practice. He'd stood there next to her with hoprabbits milling around his ankles, quietly terrified, and he had wrung their necks by accident every time.)

He picks her up as if she's made of tissue paper, as if the slightest touch will rip her in two, and he stands again and follows his lusus back into the depths of his hive.

---

Vriska coughs and coughs and coughs and it feels like her lungs are full of tar. She's on her back in the darkness somewhere, on something hard, and her whole body aches. Oh, it aches. Feels like she's fallen down a cliff at a tumble and her eye is just burning with fire. She rolls to her right and curls her knees toward her chest, and after a few moments she finally gets her breath.

She looks up and there are robots everywhere, some finished, most in various states of disrepair or destruction. It stinks of motor oil and they're everywhere and that's not okay. That is so far from okay. Robots are things that creepy creepy creepoids like, creepoids that are not Vriska, and she is not okay with this. Dead glass eyes watch her from every corner of the room and she feels a frightened squeak rising up in her throat. She slips off the worktable she's been lying on and dashes for the door.

She only gets three steps before the vertigo closes in on her again. Black spots invade her tunnel vision and she crashes hard on her knees on the floor. Robot trash is everywhere beneath her one hand and she pushes her forehead into the ground in panicked hope that the dizziness with fade soon. That it will fade and she can get up and out and away from this all. But it doesn't. Even two minutes later she still feels it, and her fingertips are so cold. Her legs are cold and tingling and her eye is full of spinning black spots.

Strong hands are suddenly on her back and she hadn't even heard the footsteps. Vriska lurches away, the squeak finally bubbling out of her throat because there's no way she's letting her lusus get her. There's no way. Spook her with robots, yeah that's fucked up but fine. No eating though. No eating!

It's not her lusus though. She notices it after she's crawled halfway across the room, and what is that thing? It's got a face almost like a troll but all wrong and why is this happening to her? It holds its hands out to calm her down, and when it advances again Vriska doesn't really have the strength to run a second time. It hooks one hand under her knees, one against the small of her back, and it sets her gingerly back on the worktable. And then it doesn't move.

You are going to injure yourself further, he says, not the lusus but a voice she recognizes. Fucking Equius, Vriska realizes as she remembers the slow painful climb up to his hive. Oh. She'd asked him for help. Right.

Why am I so dizzy? What did you doooooooo to me, you creep? What are you doing to me with all these robots? She barks questions and they still sound slurred and broken despite how full of venom they are. Ugh. What is wrong with her?

He doesn't talk at first, coming around to the opposite side of the table as his creepy lusus, and then he bends slightly to look at her shoulder. You've lost an excessive amount of blood. Standing at this time would be in very poor judgment.

Yeah, well fuck you too, she mutters, not caring if she offends him at this point. Her tongue feels like it's twice as big as it should be. And then he touches her shoulder. (Touches her!) She jerks her head over to see what he's doing but she still can't see her shoulder. She can't see it with her eye all ruined like it is. She scowls at his face instead, reaching up with her good hand to slap him away as hard as she can—

But then she sees it in the reflection of his stupid broken glasses. The tangled gore of her shoulder is wrapped up in a clot-cloth, the flesh around it still burnt an ugly blue. It looks like it hurts. It looks like it really hurts, and even looking at it makes Vriska feel a bit sick as she turns away. She's seen worse injuries on the trolls she's fed her lusus, but never in that intimate shade of blue before.

Don't touch me, she says around her swollen tongue and shredded lips. I'm broken up enough, I don't need your stupid hands snapping any more bones.

It's almost funny how quickly his hands fall away, knotting themselves together nervously on the table next to her. He's terrified of hurting her. He frowns down at her with a weird determined guilt in his eyes and Vriska has no idea what he's planning, but something in her knows that she can trust him for at least another night or so. He's obviously taking care of her. Making sure she doesn't bleed out from the gaping wound in her shoulder.

Yeah he's a creep, but she feels a certain cruel pride in knowing she'd picked the right mark, played her cards perfectly, and now she's getting the medical attention she needs. Even half dead she's still the best (the best). Her mouth pulls up into that venomous smile again and she has to drag her gaze away from his eyes before he notices it.

Thanks Equius. Thaaaaaaaanks.

These robots, she mutters, her throat full of gravel. I'm not okay with these robots. Isn't there some other place you can put me?

No. There's no argument in his voice.

Augh, whatever. She wants to plead the point, put some needling whine into her words and lead him around on a leash, but she doesn't trust her mouth to do it right. She doesn't trust it and her head feels so empty, like it's full of radium and ozone and her thoughts are falling apart again. What's the matter with her? Blood loss sucks. She feels all wrong and that creepy lusus is still staring down at her, and Vriska closes her eye and throws her one hand over it, trying to block everything out.

Oooh, I very much enjoyed this. Your style supplements the atmosphere nicely and really helps with understanding just shitty Vriska must feel. I really like all of the hints about her relationship with her mother -- the bit about training herself to not sleep and sometimes being awakened by kidnapping attempts were nice touches. Good job (:

Part two of that fanfic in which the trolls reached adulthood without ever playing Sgrub. Some of the trolls come across each other again a few weeks into starting their new careers, and get caught up with one another.

Part one was over here!

The End And What Comes After - part two

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-- the Ultravires came within hailing range of the Automatech Mark Two --

-- untraceableUsurper [UU] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

UU: I have a message for you, Sollux!
UU: Do not attempt to trace this signal, or guess who I am.
UU: This message is being sent in the utmost seacresea!
UU: I am just an anemonemous ally, fighting for a righteous and EXCITING cause!
TA: hey ff.
UU: Aw, )(ow'd you know it was me? 38/
TA: 2eriiou2ly?
UU: I t)(oug)(t I was being pretty sneaky.
UU: Was it the fis)( puns?
TA: iit wa2 the fi2h pun2.
UU: A)(rg, I just can't stop making t)(ose and t)(ey give me away every time!
UU: I need to tell Eridan, every time you )(ear me make a fis)( pun you )(ave to slap me in t)(e )(ead! T)(at would stop me I bet!
TA: eheh, would he?
UU: )(e )(as to!
UU: )(e is my moirail and it is )(is duty to )(elp me learn to )(ide my identity, even if it means giving me a good )(ard rap across the )(orns. >38(
UU: But I just keep doing it! I can't )(alibut!
TA: uh ff...
UU: I M-EAN )(-ELP IT!!
UU: O)( glub.
TA: iit wa2nt that bad.
TA: you were 2till kind of anonymou2, iif iid never met you before iid have no clue iit wa2 you.
UU: Well duuuuu)(!
TA: ju2t pull back on your quirk a bit and try not two get 2o...
UU: -Excited?
TA: yeah.
UU: It's )(ard not to get -EXCIT-ED!
UU: Wit)( everyt)(ing t)(at's about to )(appen!
TA: you need two be careful though.
TA: no need two make it ea2y for you-know-who two find you before youre ready.
UU: You-know-w)(o?
UU: O)(, )(-ER.
UU: T)(at's rig)(t, I almost forgot t)(at we )(ave to be careful about w)(at we say )(ere!
UU: T)(e Automatec)( )(as t)(hose word filters t)(at screen your conversations.
UU: O)( wow, I'm sorry Sollux! Did I say anyt)(ing incriminating t)(at would get you in trouble?
TA: hey no 2weat.
TA: fiir2t thiing ii diid when they 2howed me two my work2ation wa2 dii2able all the 2urveiillance ii could fiind.
TA: ii mean thii2 ii2 the automatech mark two 2o iim 2ure there2 a ton of 2tuff ii mii22ed
TA: but iif were not 2tupiidly obviiou2 theyre not goiing two catch u2.
UU: Seacurity is pretty tig)(t around t)(ere, )(u)(?
UU: I mean security. S-ECURITY.
TA: heh.
TA: on the AM2? hell ye2.
TA: we de2iigned every 2ecuriity 2y2tem iin the fleet. we are untracable, unhackable, and un2toppable.
UU: Well in t)(at case, I sure am glad I've got a master encryptrooper on t)(e inside! 3
TA: iive only been an encryptrooper for liike a couple week2 now ff, iim currently the low guy on the totem pole.
TA: ii wouldnt 2ay iim a ma2ter over here.
TA: iin fact iim not 2ure iif iim really goiing two be all that helpful.
UU: Of course you will be )(elpful silly!
UU: You )(ave already been SUP-ER )(-ELPFUL.
TA: not really.
UU: Y-ES REELY. Really. R-EALLY.
TA: iinternet 2mack.
UU: INT-ERN-ET OUC)(! 3XD
UU: But R-EALLY, you are doing so muc)( important stuff!
UU: Like your S-ECR-ET PROJ-ECT?
UU: O)( actually, t)(at was w)(at I messaged you to glub about in t)(e first place!
UU: Before you found me out, you sneakity sneak! >38C
TA: 2o 2orry ii blew your cover.
UU: )(ee )(ee!
UU: Is your Foldspace project done yet? -Eridan is getting really impatient!
TA: well you can tell ed two hold his mu2clebea2t2.
TA: he2 lucky iim doiing thii2 for hiim at all, ii could have pa22ed thii2 off two a 2hitty programmer liike kk and made hiim waiit even longer.
TA: but no, ii deciide two be a niice guy for once.
UU: Sollux!
TA: and all he doe2 for month2 ii2 a2k me why iit2 not done yet.
TA: you know what a22hole thii2 ii2 a lot of work.
TA: ii 2hould have ju2t told hiim two do iit hiim2elf!
UU: Geeze lou-E-EZ-E Sollux, )(-E )(-E!
UU: )(e )(asn't been t)(at bad.
UU: I t)(ink deep down )(e really appreciates all t)(e work you're doing.
TA: 2ure he doe2.
TA: you know ii thiink kk wa2 actually riight about 2omethiing for once.
TA: iim goiing two go my entiire liife beiing unnapreciiated for everythiing ii do.
TA: liike de2tiiny 2lapped a biig 2tamp on my forehead 2ayiing plea2e iignore.
UU: Gruuuumpy! 38P
UU: I am only asking because it is just so sad to watc)( )(im pace around the s)(ip and be all mopey with not)(ing to do. We can't get started until you finis)(!
UU: And -Eridan is getting worried about keeping in contact wit)( you.
UU: T)(e Ultravires can only stay wit)(in )(ailing distance of t)(e Automatec)( for so long before people start to get suspicious!
TA: relax ff, of cour2e iive got thii2.
TA: iive had two put the fiinii2hiing touche2 on iit iin 2ecret but iim almo2t done.
TA: iive got a couple people beta te2tiing iit for me already.
TA: iill get the code two you iin the next couple of day2.
UU: T)(anks Sollux, t)(at's a big rereef!
UU: I guess I s)(ould let you off the )(ook now, t)(at was all I needed to know.
UU: And you are probably pretty busea with your important encryptrooper weirk!
TA: ff read what you ju2t wrote.
UU: O)( GLUB GLUB GLUB
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: T)(-E INT-ERN-ET PAIN! 38'C
UU: I really need to work on t)(is!
TA: well
TA: iim actually ju2t doiing 2ome bu2ywork riight now.
TA: iif you wanted two 2tay on and chat
TA: you know, two practiice the fii2h pun thiing
TA: ii could hang around and 2mack you on occa2iion.
UU: I would really appreciate t)(at, Sollux. 3
UU: LOOK, T)(IS IS M-E APPR-ECIATING YOU!
UU: )(ee )(ee )(ee glub!
TA: 2crew de2tiiny, con2iider me fully appreciiated.
UU: T)(at's t)(e rig)(t attitide, I like w)(at I'm )(erring!
TA: ff...
UU: I mean, um...
TA: iinternet 2mack!
UU: O)( nooooooooooo!






-- the Themis came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3 W3LL LOOK WHO 1 FOUND
GC: W3 M33T 4G41N K4RK4T V4NT4S
GC: OR SHOULD 1 S4Y
GC: M1ST3R YUMMY GR33N1SH B4N4N4 >:]
CG: OH THANK GOD, IT'S SOMEBODY SANE.
CG: THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IF ANYONE OTHER THAN YOU HAD STARTED TROLLING ME.
GC: 4DM1T 1T K4RK4T YOU M1SS3D M3
CG: THE SAD THING IS I THINK I DID.
CG: LOOK AT YOUR CHUMPROLL AND TELL ME THE ONLY OTHER FAMILIAR SCREEN NAME YOU SEE.
GC: 4D1OSTOR34DOR?
CG: ADIOSTOREADOR.
CG: FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS MY SOCIAL CIRCLE HAS CONSISTED EXCLUSIVELY OF TAVROS NITRAM.
GC: H3H3
GC: I W4S JUST T4LK1NG TO H1M!
GC: H3 S33MS 4 L1TTL3 B1T LON3LY
GC: H4V3 YOU B33N 4VO1D1NG H1M?
CG: HE'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET.
CG: AVOIDING HIM ISN'T THE ISSUE, IT'S HARD ENOUGH JUST BEING AWAKE WHEN HE IS.
GC: W3LL 1 S3NT G4MM3RS H1S W4Y SO HOP3FULLY H3 W1LL H4V3 SOM3BODY TO T4LK TO FOR 4 L1TTL3 WH1L3
CG: "GAMMERS"
GC: G4444MZ3RS!!
CG: OK, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK.
GC: W3LL H3S 4ROUND H3R3 TOO
GC: TH3 BL4CK C4TH3DR4L 1S ST4Y1NG CLOS3 TO TH3 TH3MIS WH1L3 W3 WORK ON 4N 1MPORT4NT C4S3
GC: 1 C4NT T3LL YOU 4LL TH3 D3T41LS DU3 TO 3V3RYTH1NG B31NG H1GHLY S3CR3T1V3 BUT TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS 4R3 H3LP1NG US TR4CK DOWN OUR CR1M1N4L
CG: THAT MUST BE GREAT FOR YOU, HAVING A BUNCH OF PSYCHOTIC BERSERKERS AT YOUR BECK AND CALL. TEREZI PYROPE'S FUCKING DREAM COME TRUE.
GC: TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS DO NOT T3LL TH3 SUBJUGGL4TORS WH4T TO DO K4RK4T!
GC: TH3Y 4R3 SORT OF T3CHN1C4LLY 4 R3L1G1OUS ORG4N1Z4T1ON 4ND 1T WOULD B3 H1GHLY 1N4PPROPR14T3
GC: SOM3T1MES W3 JUST SORT OF
GC: SUGG3ST P3OPL3 TH3 3MP1R3 WOULD B3 B3TT3R OFF W1THOUT
GC: 4ND 1T SUR3 WOULD B3 CONV3N13NT 1F WH4T3V3R CH4OT1C FORC3S TH3Y S3RV3 W4NT3D TH3 S4M3 TH1NG >;]
CG: YOU PEOPLE ARE PLATONIC BULGE BUMPING SOUL BUDDIES WITH THE SUBJUGGLATORS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT.
CG: I MEAN COME ON, EVERYTHING THEY DO IS LEGAL.
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 TH31R 4CT1ONS 4R3 GU1D3D BY D1V1N3 1NT3RV3NT1ON
GC: 4ND NOT 4T 4LL B3C4US3 TH3 L3G3SL4C3R4TORS H4VE SOME K1ND OF D34L WITH TH3M, WH3R3 DO TH3S3 F1LTHY RUMORS 3V3N COM3 FROM
CG: ........
GC: 1 4M CH4NG1NG TH3 SUBJ3CT NOW
GC: 4R3 YOU H4V1NG LOTS OF FUN 4T BOOT C4MP?
CG: STUFF THE BLUE BLOOD SLANG UP YOUR SEEDFLAP, IT'S A FODDERMILL, AND I AM HAVING A FUCKING BLAST.
GC: FODD3RM1LL SOUNDS STUP1D
CG: BETTER THAN YOUR CONKSUCK BOOT CAMP.
CG: FODDERMILL IS SO MUCH MORE BADASS, BOOT CAMP SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING WIGGLERS DO ARTS AND CRAFTS AT OVER THEIR SWELTERPERIGEE VACATIONS.
GC: OK C4LL 1T WH4T3V3R YOU W4NT K4RK4T 1 DON'T C4R3
GC: 1T DO3SNT SOUND V3RY B4D4SS TO M3 >:P
CG: WELL IT IS.
CG: IT IS TOTALLY BADASS.
CG: I'M A REMORSELESS KILLER NOW, I COULD CUT YOU TO RIBBONS IN TEN SECONDS FLAT AND THERE'S NOT A THING YOU COULD DO TO STOP ME.
GC: YOU 4R3 TH4T B4D4SS 4FT3R ONLY 4 COUPL3 OF W33KS K4RK4T?
GC: W3LL CL34RLY 1 H4V3 P1CK3D TH3 WRONG PROF3SS1ON!
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3
CG: YEAH LAUGH IT UP.
CG: IF YOU WERE THE ENEMY YOU'D BE SO TERRIFIED OF ME RIGHT NOW.
GC: C4NT 4 G1RL L4UGH OUT OF F34R OF YOUR B4D4SS4RY
CG: NOT WHEN SHE'S YOU SHE CAN'T.
GC: H3H3H3 1 JUST C4NT H3LP 1T K4RK4T
GC: YOU 4R3 SOOOOO B4D4SS 1 JUST C4NT T4K3 1T
CG: OH HA HA HA.
GC: K4RK4T C4N YOU T34CH M3 TH3 S3CR3T TO B31NG B4D4SS
CG: THE SECRET IS SHUT THE HELL UP. SHUT THE HELL UP IS THE SECRET.
GC: 1 4M 3NL1GHT3N3D
CG: LOOK, I'M BADASS JUST FOR BEING HERE. THE TRAINING REGIMEN FOR THRESHICUTIONERS IS INTENSE. I'VE BATTLED IT OUT WITH TROLLS TWICE MY SIZE DOWN HERE. THEY'RE DEAD, I'M NOT, BADASS EQUALS ME.
CG: IF I MAKE IT OUT OF BASIC TRAINING ALIVE
CG: WHICH I WILL.
CG: I WILL HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO BE CALLED ONE OF THE MOST DEADLY MEMBERS OF OUR SOCIETY.
CG: IF I MAKE IT THROUGH MY FIRST BATTLE ALIVE
CG: WHICH, ONCE AGAIN, I WILL.
CG: I WILL BE SO HIGH UP ON THE PEDESTAL OF BADASSARY THAT YOU'LL NEED A FUCKING STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF ME.
CG: WAIT, NO. I'LL BE SO HIGH UP YOU'LL NEED A STEPLADDER TO CATCH A WHIFF OF THE PEOPLE I'VE KILLED.
CG: I WILL BE SO FAR ABOVE YOU THAT THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL EVEN KNOW I EXIST IS BY THE TRAIL OF CARNAGE I LEAVE BEHIND.
CG: THRESHICUTIONERS
CG: ARE
CG: BADASS.
GC: 1 4M PR3SS3D 4G41NST MY SCR33N JUST T4K1NG 1N 4LL YOUR 4M4Z1NG B4D4SS4RY
GC: 1T T4ST3S L1K3 M3T4L
CG: IT TASTES LIKE A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN YOU PSYCHO.
CG: STOP LICKING EVERYTHING I TYPE, IT'S DISGUSTING.
GC: 1TS D3L1C1OUS
CG: OH GOD YOU'RE STILL LICKING IT.
GC: K4RK4T WHY DO YOU H4V3 TO TYP3 3V3RYTH1NG 1N GR4Y???
GC: SUCH 4 WOND3RFUL SLURRY OF FL4VORS ON MY SCR33N 4ND TH3R3 1S K4RK4T V4NT4S W1TH H1S BOR1NG GUNM3T4L GR4Y
GC: YOUR T3XT WOULD T4ST3 SO MUCH B3TT3R 1F 1T W4S 4 BR1GHT3R COLOR DONT YOU TH1NK
GC: M4YB3.......
GC: 4 YUMMY B4N4N4 COLOR?? >8D
CG: NO.
CG: FUCK THAT.
CG: FUCK THAT WITH SOMETHING SHARP AND POINTED, I AM NOT SATISFYING YOUR SICK LICKING FETISH WITH BANANA YELLOW TEXT.
GC: BUT WH4TS TH3 PO1NT OF B31NG GR4Y 4NYMOR3
GC: TH3 S3CR3T 1S OUT
GC: K4RK4T H4S B4N4N4 BLOOD 4ND H3 1S 4 S3LF1SH M34N13F4C3 WHO W1LL NOT SH4R3 1T
CG: I LIKE THE COLOR GRAY.
GC: JUST SHOW 1T TO M3 ONC3
GC: PL34S3 K4RK4T 1 H4V3 B33N SO GOOD 4BOUT R3SP3CT1NG YOUR PR1V4CY 4ND L3TT1NG YOU PL4Y YOUR 4NONYM1TY G4M3
GC: 1 COULD H4V3 TR1CK3D YOU 1NTO SHOW1NG M3 4 HUNDR3D D1FF3R3NT W4YS BUT 1 D1D NOT
CG: BULLSHIT, IF YOU COULD HAVE YOU WOULD HAVE.
GC: YOU R34LLY TH1NK SO >:]
CG: YOU WANTED TO KNOW SO BADLY.
GC: >:] >:] >:]
CG: THERE'S NO WAY YOU WERE JUST RESPECTING MY PRIVACY.
GC: >8] >8] >8]
CG: OK STOP WITH THE FACE.
CG: YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
GC: >8D >8D >8D >8D
GC: >:P
GC: JUST SHOW M3 ON3 T1M3 4ND YOU W1LL N3V3R 3V3R H34R M3 4SK 4BOUT 1T 4G41N
GC: 1 JUST W4NT TO S33 YOU WR1T3 1N GR33N1SH B4N4N4
GC: 1T H4S B33N MY L1F3LONG DR34M TO S33 YOU TYP3 1N YOUR BLOOD COLOR
GC: 1 TOO 4M 1N 4 V3RY D3M4ND1NG C4R33R K4RK4T
GC: 1 COULD B3 ON3 B4D C4S3 4W4Y FROM B31NG D3VOUR3D BY H1S HONOR4BL3 TYR4NNY
GC: WOULD YOU D3NY 4 POOR L3G1SL4C3R4TOR H3R L1F3LONG DR34M
CG: LIKE I BELIEVE THAT FOR A SECOND. ARE THEY EVEN LETTING YOU HANDLE YOUR OWN CASES YET?
GC: W3LL NO
GC: 1 4M JUST OBS3RV1NG TH3 M4ST3RS 4T WORK 4ND TR4NSCR1B1NG COURT R3CORDS FOR TH3M
GC: 1 W1LL H4V3 TO WORK MY W4Y UP JUST L1K3 YOU
CG: OH RIGHT, THEY'RE LETTING THE BLIND LEETSPEAKER WRITE OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS.
CG: THERE GOES MY FAITH IN OUR COURT SYSTEM.
GC: Karkat, I'll have you know that I am fully capable of writing coherently when I need to.
GC: >;]
CG: WHOA
CG: WHOA
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.
CG: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!!!
GC: JUST DO 1T YOU KNOW 1T W1LL SHUT M3 UP
GC: YOU DONT N33D TO B3 SC4R3D 1T W1LL B3 SO MUCH 34S13R TH4N 4 BLOOD T3ST
CG: OH MY GOD, I AM NOT SCARED OF MY BLOOD.
GC: JUST SC4R3D OF SHOW1NG 1T
GC: SOLLUX TOLD M3 HOW YOU W3R3 4CT1NG WH3N TH3Y TOOK YOUR BLOOD 1 KNOW YOU W3R3 CRY1NG L1K3 4 W1GGL3R
CG: I WAS NOT!
GC: SOME B4D4SS THR3SH1CUT1ON3R YOU AR3 B4N4N4M4N
CG: I AM NOT FUCKING SCARED OF MY BLOOD!
CG: I'VE BLED PLENTY OF TIMES IN BASIC TRAINING. MY GROSS YELLOW BLOOD HAS BEEN OFFERED UP TO THE GODS OF SWEATY FODDERMILL COMBAT SO MUCH THEY'VE GOT A RUNNING TAB WITH ME.
CG: BLOOD IS NOT A BIG DEAL.
GC: SO SHOW M3!
CG: I
CG: JUST
CG: FUCK.
CG: FINE.
CG: THIS IS WHAT MY BLOOD LOOKS LIKE.
CG: I'LL WAIT PATIENTLY WHILE YOU MAKE OUT WITH YOUR MONITOR.
GC: K4RK4T..........
GC: TH1S COLOR T4ST3S L1K3 YUCKY CH3M1C4LS!
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: THAT IS A BANANA. IT LOOKS LIKE A BANANA, THEREFORE YOUR MAGICAL SYNESTHESIA POWERS SHOULD SAY IT SMELLS AND TASTES LIKE A BANANA .
CG: DO YOU JUST ARBITRARILY DECIDE THIS CRAP OR IS THERE SOME WHEEL YOU SPIN THAT TELLS YOU WHAT FLAVOR YOU'RE SLOBBERING ON?
GC: MY NOS3 4ND MY TONGU3 4LW4YS KNOW TH3 TRUTH K4RK4T
GC: 4ND TH3 TRUTH 1S TH4T YOU H4V3 YUCKY BLUCKY CH3M1C4L FL4VOR3D BLOOD
CG: AND YOU WONDERED WHY I NEVER WANTED TO SHOW IT TO YOU.
GC: 4CTU4LLY 1 D1D WOND3R TH4T
GC: 4ND 1 ST1LL DO!
GC: YOUR BLOOD 1S P3RF3CTLY NORM4L K4RK4T 1 DONT KNOW WHY YOU W3R3 H1D1NG 1T
CG: I WAS HIDING IT BECAUSE THAT'S PRIVATE AND I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU.
GC: V3333RY SUSP1C1OUS >:/
GC: 1 C4N S33 1 W1LL H4V3 TO PURSU3 TH1S C4S3 W1TH 4LL OF MY SK1LL
CG: OK NO SHUT UP.
CG: I WAS JUST HIDING IT BECAUSE
CG: IT'S
CG: KIND OF CLOSE TO SOLLUX'S BLOOD COLOR.
GC: 444444ND???
CG: AND HE HAS ALL THOSE PSIONIC POWERS. I FELT LIKE A FREAK, HAVING ALMOST THE EXACT SAME BLOOD COLOR AND NO POWERS AT ALL.
CG: IT WAS JUST EASIER TO HIDE IT.
GC: 4444W K4RKL3S
CG: DON'T CALL ME KARKLES.
GC: LOTS OF Y3LLOW BLOODS DONT H4V3 POW3RS 1T 1S NO B1G D34L
GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 YOU 4 FR34K
CG: OH THANK GOD I HAVE TEREZI'S APPROVAL.
CG: I SHOULD HAVE TOLD EVERYONE SWEEPS AGO, THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
GC: 1T 1S T4ST1NG L1K3 D1SGUST1NG CH3M1CALS TH4T M4K3S YOU 4 FR34K!!! >8D
CG: .........
CG: I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW.
GC: H4H4H4
GC: SOM3BODY SUR3 1S S3NS3T1V3 4BOUT H1S BLOOD
CG: IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE AN INSANE PSYCHO FREAK.
CG: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
GC: WH4T3V3R YOU S4Y K4RK4T
GC: 1T W4S N1C3 T4LK1NG TO YOU TOO
GC: 1 W1LL SM3LL YOU 4G41N WH3N YOU G3T BOR3D OF T4VROS

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

GC: H3H3H3H3H3!






-- the Black Cathedral came within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] logged on to server: Public Network of Mirthful Communion --

-- Acolyte Makara of the Lesser Laughssassins [AMLL] changed their handle to terminallyCapricious [TC] --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling adiosToreador [AT] --

TC: AwWw dAmN My bRoThEr i tHiNk yOu kNoW WhAt tHiS MeAnS.
AT: i THINK I AM INDEED AWARE OF, tHE THING THAT THIS MEANS,
TC: AiN'T No sToPpIn iT MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: GeTtIn mY HaRsH On aLl uP In hErE, yOu tHiNk yOu cAn bRiNg iT?
AT: cONSIDER IT BROUGHT,
AT: tHE THING THAT I AM BRINGING,
TC: ThEn...
TC: ShIpS PaSsInG!
AT: sLAM BATTLE!
TC: RoUnD OnE!
AT: sUDDEN DEATH!
TC: GrOoVe?
AT: yOUR SHIP, aND CURRENT EVENTS THEREIN, i GUESS,
AT: sO WE CAN GET CAUGHT UP WITH,
AT: hOW THE OTHER PERSON IS DOING,
TC: I'M DoWn wItH ThAt, MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: ShAdE?
AT: uH, lIGHT!
TC: AwWwWwWwWw yEeEeEeEeEaH
TC: AiN'T SeEn yOu iN A WhIlE, bRo, AlLoW Me tO ReCiTe
TC: WhAt's aLl bEeN GoInG DoWn wHiLe i bEeN In fLiGhT
TC: LiKe a mOtHeRfUcKiN, kItE, bRo!
TC: AnD ThIs sHiT Is tIgHt.
TC: HoW'S A ShIp tHaT BiG EvEn sTaY At tHaT HeIgHt?
TC: So wHaTeVeR, iT'S AiGhT. GoNnA ChIlL FoR A MiNuTe.
TC: YoU SeEn tHe bLaCk cAtHeDrAl, BeCaUsE FuCk bRo, I'M In iT!
TC: AnD ThEy cAlL Me tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN AcOlYtE
TC: LiKe a rItE, mOtHeRfUcKeR, tHaT'S My mOtHeRfUcKiN RiGhT.
TC: ThEy sAy fUcK It mAkArA, hEaR WhAt wE Up aNd sAiD,
TC: YoU AiN'T GoT No fOcUs iN YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd,
TC: UpTiGhT, mAkE Me wRiTe oUt tHaT ShIt i mIsReAd.
TC: PrIeStS AnD DeAcOnS
TC: AlL Be sPeAkIn
TC: 'bOuT ThE SpItE I AuGhTtA BrEd.
TC: DoN'T EvEn kNoW HoW To gEt tHaT MoThErFuCkIn sPiTe!
TC: BuT ThEy gOt tHiS FiRe iN Em lIkE ThEy'rE GoNnA IgNiTe.
TC: SeE ThE LiGhT, mOtHeRfUcKeR, bUrNiNg mOtHeRfUcKiNg bRiGhT.
TC: I SaY BrOtHeR I AiN'T SeEiN It.
TC: ThEy bE AlL, yOu gOtTa bE BeIn iT.
TC: WaNnA StAy a lAuGhSsAsSiN, dOn't bE GeTtIn sChOoLfEd
TC: BuT A SuBjUgGlAtOr kNoWs wHaT'S In hIs mOtHeRfUcKiN HeAd.
TC: GeT ThE JoKe, ClEaR ThE SmOkE, aNd fInD SoMe fUcKiN InSiGhT.
TC: GrAy aNd wHiTe, QuIt tHe sHiT AnD GeT YoUr hEaD! On! rIgHt!
TC: GaMzEe oUt.
AT: oH WOW, tHAT SOUNDS KIND OF,
AT: uNPLEASANT,
AT: tHAT THEY TELL YOU OFF LIKE THAT,
TC: NaH, iT'S ChIlL. )
TC: AiN'T NoBoDy's fAuLt bUt mInE I ZoNe oUt lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: I MeAn, FuCk, SpAcE Is jUsT ToO ChIlL, bRo! i cAn't hElP JuSt sTaRiN OuT At tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN StArS.
TC: AlL FuCkIn tWiNkLiN AnD ShIt tIl yOu tHiNk yOu cAn jUsT SoRt oF ReAcH OuT AnD MoThErFuCkIn tOuCh eM.
TC: MaKeS It rEaL HaRd tO PaY AtTeNtIoN To wHaT EvErYbOdY'S Up aNd sAyInG!
AT: i'VE NOTICED, tHOUGH,
AT: tHAT YOU DON'T REALLY ZONE OUT AS MUCH, wHEN WE'RE DOING SLAM POETRY,
TC: WeLl fUcK, bRoThEr, I GuEsS I DoN'T!
AT: sO MAYBE IT WOULD HELP, uH, kEEP YOU FOCUSED,
AT: iF YOU PRETENDED THAT,
AT: i GUESS, yOU WERE THROWING DOWN SOME STRICT BEATS WITH EVERYONE YOU TALKED TO,
AT: aND YOU HAD TO PAY ATTENTION, sO YOU COULD CALL THEM OUT WITH YOUR, uH, sICK BURNS,
AT: aND THEN MAYBE YOU WOULD REMEMBER, tHE THINGS THAT PEOPLE SAID TO YOU AND, nOT GET YELLED AT,
TC: MoThErFuUuUuUuCk tAvRoS, tHaT Is wIcKeD BiTcHiN!
AT: iS THAT A GOOD THING OR, a BAD THING,
TC: I DuNnO BrOtHeR, i tHiNk tHaT MiGhT MoThErFuCkIn wOrK!
TC: HoNk! )
AT: gLAD TO HELP,
TC: BuUuUuUuUuUt
TC: YoU AiN'T OfF ThE MoThErFuCkInG HoOk, BrO!
TC: I MeAn sUrE YoU GoT ThE BrAiNs bUt cAn yOu sLaM?
AT: oH YOU KNOW I AM CAPABLE OF SLAMMING,
TC: I SaId cAn yOu mOtHeR
TC: FuCkInG
TC: SlAm????
AT: i CAN SLAM, iF YOU GIVE ME A GROOVE,
TC: SaMe.
TC: AnD YoUr sHaDe iS
TC: FrEeStYyYyYyYyLe!
AT: oOOOOH GAMZEE, yOU'RE GONNA REGRET THAT DECISION,
AT: wHEN I FREESTYLE RHYMES WITHOUT MAD SUPERVISION,
AT: (THAT'S REFERRING TO THE FREESTYLE THING, bY THE WAY,)
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS AND I'M HERE TO SAY,
AT: wAIT, lET ME, uH, mAKE A REVISION,
AT: mY NAME IS TAVROS, cAVALREAPER IN THE MAKING,
AT: mY SKILLS ARE BEING HONED AND MY ENEMIES ARE QUAKING,
AT: aND, uH, sHAKING, tOO, tHEY'RE ALSO DOING THAT,
AT: gOT MY LANCE AT THE READY AND MY HELMET, tHAT'S A HAT,
AT: aND INSTEAD OF PRACTICING ON THAT DUMMY I MADE,
AT: i'M FACING REAL OPPONENTS AND I'M NOT AFRAID,
AT: oF THE OPPONENTS,
AT: wAIT,
AT: uH,
AT: oK SO, eVEN THOUGH THEY MOCK ME IN THE BARRACKS AND SAY,
AT: tAVROS NITRAM, yOU AREN'T GONNA LAST ANOTHER DAY,
AT: yOU'RE DEAD FROM THE WAIST,
AT: aND WE'LL POUND YOU INTO PASTE,
AT: lITTLE CRIPPLE, sAY YOUR PRAYERS,
AT: aND SAY THEM IN HASTE,
AT: tHEY AIN'T HALF AS BAD AS VRISKA, sO I LOOKED AT THEM AND SAID
AT: bETTER DEAD FROM THE WAIST, tHAN DEAD IN THE HEAD,
TC: DaAaAaAaAaMn! O
AT: uH, tHANKS,
AT: sO ANYWAY, i'M NOT AFRAID, aND I DON'T YIELD,
AT: wHO'S PASTE WHEN I FACE THEM ON THE TRAINING FIELD???
AT: (iT'S THEM AND NOT ME,)
AT: i GUESS WHAT I AM SAYING IS, i'M AT A DISADVANTAGE,
AT: bUT I'M GAINING SOME RESPECT, aND I THINK I'M GONNA MANAGE,
AT: tHAT DIDN'T REALLY RHYME,
AT: bUT, uH,
AT: tAVROS OUT,
TC: SoUnDs tO Me lIkE YoU GoT ThAt sHiT NaIlEd dOwN!
AT: iT WASN'T EASY, tO BEGIN WITH,
AT: bUT I THINK EVERYONE CAN SEE WHAT A, uH, vALUABLE ASSET I WOULD BE, tO THE RANKS OF THE CAVALREAPERS,
AT: aND RIGHT NOW THEY'RE SAYING THAT IF I MAKE IT THROUGH BASIC TRAINING, i MIGHT BE FITTED WITH SOME PROSTHETICS,
TC: MoThErFuCkInG ChIlL, bRo!
TC: HoNk! D
AT: i'VE MOSTLY JUST BEEN REMEMBERING THE THINGS YOU SAID,
AT: aBOUT TELLING MYSELF WHAT TO BE,
AT: aND I THINK I JUST DECIDED, tO TELL MYSELF I WAS GOING TO BE,
AT: wHATEVER I WANTED TO BE,
AT: aND NOT LET ANYONE SAY THAT I COULDN'T,
AT: aND I GUESS IT'S WORKING,
TC: WaIt, DiD I AlL MoThErFuCkInG TeLl yOu tHaT?
TC: ShIt bRo, I ThOuGhT ThAt wAs rUfIo!
AT: rUFIO IS JUST A FAKE MADE UP FRIEND,
AT: bUT SOMETIMES I FORGET THAT TOO, sO THAT'S OK,
TC: HaHaHaHa!
AT: hEY GAMZEE,
AT: dO YOU THINK THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE MEETING UP OUT THERE,
AT: wHO AREN'T CATCHING UP WITH EACH OTHER IN THE FORM OF, uH, sLAM BATTLES?
TC: WhO'D EvEn aLl wAnT To mOtHeRfUcKiN Do tHaT? ThEy'd jUsT Be mIsSiN OuT On tHe mOtHeRfUcKiNg fUn!
TC: HoOoOoNk! )
AT: hA HA, i KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN,
AT: tHIS IS THE BEST WAY TO TALK TO SOMEONE,
AT: sPEAKING OF WHICH,,,,,,,
AT: aRE YOU READY FOR ROUND TWO?
TC: TaVrOs mY MoThErFuCkIn bRoThEr, I WaS HaTcHeD ReAdY.
TC: BrEaK OuT ThE BeAtS AnD LeT'S TeAr tHiS ShIt uP.
AT: oK, i GUESS I CAN GO FIRST THIS TIME,
TC: SlAm bAtTlE!
AT: rOUND TWO!
TC: SuDdEn dEaTh!
AT: gROOVE?
TC: MoThErFuCkIn cAnDy.
AT: sHADE?
TC: OrAaAaAnGe! >)
AT: yOU'RE MAKING ME RHYME WITH ORANGE?
AT: aND HERE I THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE ME SOMETHING DIFFICULT, >}
TC: YoU TaLk bIg bRoThEr, BuT I WaNt tO SeE YoU SlAm iT!
AT: yOU WANT ME TO SLAM IT,
AT: oH, i CAN SLAM IT,
AT: hERE I GO,,,,,,,,,

-- the Black Cathedral is not longer within hailing range of Colony world 216 --

-- terminallyCapricious [TC] has been disconnected! --

AT: aWWWW,






-- twinArmageddons [TA] launched the program Fold2pace~ATH --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

TA: te2tiing one two
TA: te2tiing one two
TA: nothiing2 goiing two explode thii2 tiime?
TA: good

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AA: well
AA: this is a thing
TA: oh hell ye2!
AA: 0_0
TA: iit actually worked thii2 tiime!
TA: you 2ee thii2 aa?
TA: thii2 ii2 me
TA: talkiing two you
TA: from halfway acro22 the galaxy.
TA: ii thiink that de2erve2 a hell ye2.
AA: i supp0se
AA: even th0ugh it is basically just the inevitable 0utc0me 0f s0mething y0ve been trying t0 d0 f0r m0nths anyway
AA: all y0u are celebrating is the absence 0f failure
TA: 2ome people call that 2uce22.
TA: that2 been a word for a whiile now, you 2hould probably look iit up.
AA: i am 0nly stating a fact
TA: well now youre goiing to state a hell ye2.
TA: 2ay iit wiith me aradiia
TA: hell
TA: ye2.
AA: hell yes
AA: y0u are c0mpetent in acc0mplishing tasks that are well within y0ur capabilities
AA: g00d j0b
TA: oh fuck you aa.
TA: go 2iit iin the gloom and doom corner whiile ii get the re2t of the guiinea piig2 iin here.
AA: 0_0
AA: 0kay

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- centaursTesticle [CT] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

-- twinArmageddons [TA] invited arachnidsGrip [AG] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AG: A8out time!
AG: Woooooooow Sollux, I was starting to think you were never going to finish!
AG: I've 8een so 8ored just waiting on you and your stupid project.
AG: When I agreed to 8e your awesome test su8ject I didn't think there would 8e so much waiting!
TA: ok look, thii2 2tuff ii2 voliitiile and iit take2 tiime.
TA: thii2 tiime la2t week fold2pace wa2 explodiing every computer ii ran iit on.
AG: Whaaaaaaaatever.
TA: iim pretty 2ure ii fiixed that bug, but that2 why were runniing the2e te2t2.
CT: D--> Hel100 again, Aradia
AA: hey
AG: Oh geeze.
CT: D--> Have you given any thought to
CT: D--> What I said to you previously
CT: D--> Upon leaving Alternia
AA: n0 n0t really
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> If you do
CT: D--> Happen to think of that particular e%clamation I made
CT: D--> Please recall that it was said in the heat of the moment
CT: D--> And that perhaps I did not mean
CT: D--> Quite what I thought I meant
CT: D--> When I said it
AA: 0_0
CT: D--> It would be highly scandalous and inappropriate to pursue such a thing
CT: D--> So very inappropriate
AG: Uuuuuuuugh. XXXXP
CT: D--> And despite any
CT: D--> Desires
CT: D--> We may or may not harbor
TA: oh god thii2 ii2 hiilariiou2.
CT: D--> I think it w001d be for the best if we simply forgot the wh001e thing occurred
AA: sure
CT: D--> Unless of course you would rather
CT: D--> Not forget
AA: n0 its fine i pretty much f0rg0t it already
CT: D--> Ah
AG: Here's a crazy idea! You guys should listen to this crazy idea I just had!
AG: My crazy idea is that we 8an all discussion about towel8oy's gross love life from this server 8efore Vriska hurls!
AG: Let's vote on it! All in favor?
TA: Aye.
AG: AAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE.
AA: i d0nt care either way
CT: D--> I don't think you have the authority to do that
AG: My vote counts as eight. Motion passed!
CT: D--> Fiddlesticks
TA: ok real quiick before thii2 conver2atiion traiin get2 any further off the raiil2 and cra2he2 iintwo 2tupiidtown
TA: there ii2 actually 2tuff we need two get done here.
AG: Fine, oh fearless leader, we're listening.
AG: It's a8out time some8ody actually explained what the 8ig deal is with this secret Foldspace thing.
TA: iill try to dumb iit down for you.
AG: >::::|
TA: It will 8e easy for me 8ecause I am a stuuuuuuuupid iiiiiiiidiot 2TOP THAT
AG: Stop what, Sollux????????
TA: Stop 8eing 8asically the 8est at everything and also really smart and 8eautiful!!!!!!!!
AA: vriska
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?
AG: I can't help it if Sollux thinks I'm 8eautiful.
TA: equiiu2 hiit her for me.
CT: D--> I do not take orders from you, lowb100d
TA: You're right, I am pretty much the worst!!!!!!!! Vriska is so much 8etter than me AT BEIING AN ENOURMOU2 BIITCH which is what I would have said if I didn't think she was soooooooo awesome VRII2KA II 2WEAR you are simply the 8est there is!!!!!!!!
AA: equius hit her f0r me
AG: OW!!!!!!!!
AG: You guys suuuuuuuuck.
AG: Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck.
TA: you know what, you dont have two be here.
TA: none of you have two be here, ii could be doiing thii2 entiire thiing by my2elf!
TA: ii dont need you moron2!
AA: s0llux
AA: y0u were explaining ab0ut f0ldspace
AA: this is s0mething the 0thers sh0uld kn0w
TA: fiine, whatever.
TA: alriight iidiiot2 and aradiia, lii2ten up.
TA: thii2 i2 fold2pace. iit2 a remote 2erver that ho2t2 a 2iimple chat cliient.
TA: but the thiing ii2, ii 2et iit up u2iing 2ome of the recycled mechaniic2 from that game aa and ii were workiing on a whiile ago.
AG: The one you scrapped when you found out it would destroy the world?
AG: Way to go, 8y the way, how's it feel to 8e the guy who almost caused the apocalypse?
TA: aradiia.
AA: equius
AG: OW
CT: D--> Perhaps you should stop hitting yourself
AG: OH TH8T 8N'T 8VEN F8IR!!!!!!!!
TA: 2hut up, you cant keep your braiin two your2elf 2o you dont get two talk anymore.
AG: DXXXX
TA: the fold2pace 2erver ii2 2et up iin a diimen2iion out2iide of our normal realiity, and iit 2ort of fold2 2pace around iit2elf 2o iit2 everywhere at once.
TA: we can acce22 iit from any poiint iin 2pace, allowiing for iin2tantaneou2 communiicatiion over long dii2tance2. that2 how ii can talk two you from the AM2 and aa can talk all the way from alterniia.
TA: iit2 totally priivate and can tran2miit any me22age you want two 2end, any place you want two 2end iit. perfect for makiing plan2 for the uprii2iing.
TA: a2 long a2 ii can keep iit from fryiing our computer2 and other unfortunate 2iide effect2.
TA: whiich ii2 where you guy2 come iin.
TA: and 2iince were goiing two have two deal wiith thii2 eventually iim ju2t goiing two addre22 iit riight now.
TA: our dev team for thii2 ii2 ba2iically the perfect 2torm of people who hate each other.
AA: 0_0
TA: well maybe not aradiia
TA: but you get iit.
TA: iif we want two get thii2 done iin tiime for ff2 biig uprii2iing were goiing two have two put that 2hiit a2iide for a whiile and try two be ciiviil.
TA: vrii2ka thii2 mean2 you.
AG: I'm not the one hitting people with their own ro8ot arms.
AG: Why are those two even here, anyway? When you asked me to 8eta test for you I thought this was gonna 8e just you and me!
TA: ii told you, thii2 program warp2 2pace.
TA: iit2 volatiile a2 hell.
TA: and iif iit turn2 out were all beiing bombarded by co2miic radiiatiion ju2t by u2iing iit then we need beta te2ter2 who can 2urviive pretty much anythiing.
CT: D--> As someone exceedingly STRONG
CT: D--> I felt it was my duty to v001unteer
CT: D--> Even if it puts me in a position where I must take orders from these two peasantb100ds
AG: Ooooooooh, I get it! You needed me and Equius 8ecause we're the toughest people you know.
AG: I'm flattered.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> This subservient position
CT: D--> Is most
CT: D--> Regrettable
TA: no, ii needed eq becau2e he2 the toughe2t per2on ii know
TA: aa ii2nt exactly vulnerable two thii2 2tuff eiither
TA: but youre mo2tly here becau2e youre expendable
AG: Ooh, some8ody's mad.
AG: Gooooooood Sollux, that was forever ago! Let it go already!
AG: Aradia got over it!
AA: there wasnt really anything t0 get 0ver
AA: it all seems kind 0f petty l00king back 0n it
AG: Seeeeeeee????????
AG: 8esides, you have to let me in on your little Foldspace thing. Eridan has Equius and me working on a SEEEEEEEECRET PROOOOOOOOJECT of our own! :::
CT: D--> It's true
CT: D--> For once I can see the sea dweller's p001nt
CT: D--> Our involvement will prove most vital to the cause
TA: oh really?
TA: and what2 your 2ecret project dare ii a2k?
AG: It's a secret, dummy! If we told you it would lose all its 8ig important secrecy!
AG: 8ut what I can tell you is...
AG: We're calling it the IG.
AG: The EEEEEEEEYE GEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
AG: Eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee.
AG: eeeeeeeeye geeeeeeee...
AG: That was me whispering it all dramatically just now.
CT: D--> Yes
CT: D--> That was most elegantly whispered
TA: oh yeah real 2cary.
AA: the v0ices already t0ld me ab0ut y0ur pr0ject
AA: and i think it is a spectacularly bad idea
AA: n0t that i can st0p y0u fr0m d0ing it anyway
AG: Killjoy.
AA: i w0uld tell y0u t0 be careful
AA: but i already kn0w that y0u w0nt
AG: Oh hey Sollux! It would 8e great if we could use your stupid Foldspace server thing to work on our project! We would get so much more done if we didn't have to wait around until my ship passed his colony planet.
AG: I am soooooooo sick of waiting around. I have 8een doing all the waiting lately. All of it!
TA: fiine whatever.
TA: let2 turn ff2 biig takeover iintwo our per2onal playground, that2 the be2t iidea.
CT: D--> Naturally we will only use the server for official business
AA: he w0nt
CT: D--> I order you to stop challenging my honesty
CT: D--> Those of our class should be above such
CT: D--> Distasteful
CT: D--> And disrespectful claims
CT: D--> Right Vriska
AG: Suuuuuuuure we are!
CT: D--> Stop agreeing with me insincerely
TA: look ju2t remember that thii2 thiing ii2 2tiill iin beta. u2e iit all you want, but report any problem2 two me 2o ii can fix them before ii declare iit 2afe and let ff run iit.
CT: D--> I 100k forward to the challenge
TA: al2o
TA: do NOT tell anyone about thii2. fold2pace ii2 a 2ecret 2triictly between the four of u2, ed, and ff.
TA: that mean2 no u2iing iit for 2tupiid conver2atiion2 wiith random people.
AG: You got it!
AG: I will 8e so responsible with this, Sollux. You don't have to worry a8out a thing!
TA: iill beliieve that when ii 2ee iit.
TA: well that conclude2 thii2 te2t ii gue22.
TA: anything two add, aa?

-- apocalypseArisen's [AA's] computer exploded! --

TA: welp.
TA: back two tryiing two fiix that.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] logged off the server --

AG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

-- arachnidsGrip [AG] logged off the server --

CT: D--> Oh dear
CT: D--> ...
CT: D--> Well
CT: D--> I suppose now that they are gone
CT: D--> It would hardly hurt our cause if I...
CT: D--> ...

-- centaursTesticle [CT] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to join server: Fold2pace --

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] logged on to server: Fold2pace --

AC: :33 < *ac suddenly finds herself pulled off of her favorite shipping furrum and logged on to a strange new catroom!*
AC: :33 < *what is going on here? she says*
AC: :33 < *but wait! her cunning predatory instincts tell her that someone else is here*
AC: :33 < *she flicks her tail and crouches down, ready to pounce*
CT: D--> It has been a while since we spoke, Nepeta
AC: 8DD < EQUIUS!!!!

oh good lord this is amazing. Your characterization is fantastic and your Pesterlogs read just as fluidly as the real deal. I am laughing all over the place at these shenanigans! The internet smacks and the bit where Sollux gets Aradia to get Equius to smack Vriska with her roboarm are my favourite bits. Woooooooonderful work c: