MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Rimbaum]

DON'T ASK QUESTIONS! TAKE COMPLIMENT AND GO!

OKAY. FINE. XD

[Kawa]

Chapter 15: The Final Showdown

...woah.

[Path]

Strange Places, Part II

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Pickle Inspector rounds another corner in the green mansion. It seems to be nothing but thin hallways and sharp bends. He has his sextant in hand, ready. He is not often called into action for Team Sleuth, but he has no choice but to say yes. He rounds a bend, passing a clock with its springs ripped out. He has no idea where everyone is.

He is mostly confident that he is doing his job right. He just has to go look at things. He can do that. He is on a floor full of empty rooms, and he has looked at each of them, including the linen closet in the hallway. He's in front of it now, peering at another poor clock lying on the floor with a footprint through it when there is a sort of pop of air and a slight breeze. He turns his head to see a man appear out of nowhere. He is gaunt and worried, the dark shadows under his eyes made uncomfortably bright by his vivid green tailcoat. One hand holds a white doll full of pins, and an assortment of other pins between his long fingers.

He stumbles as he falls out of nowhere, reorienting himself, and nearly loses his large top hat. He tosses anxious glances over both shoulders and starts as he notices Pickle Inspector. His gaze sneaks back to his doll, then snaps back to Pickle Inspector. They both jump at the sound of someone around the corner, and the man in green pushes a pin into the doll and vanishes.

Die: Skip a timeline where Pickle Inspector is dead.
You reach for the white pin marked "PI". Hmm. You can't seem to find it. You must have dropped it. That doesn't seem like you.

==>
Those footsteps are getting closer.

Die: Go to somebody else's death, then.
You just have to get out of here. You stick a random pin into your voodoo doll.

==>
Oh shit that was your pin. You've never used it before. This is a timeline in which you're dead.

==>

Oh god oh god he's coming for you.

Future Crowbar: Kill him a second time.
Hey, you're going to get the pleasure of this all over again-

Die: Escape! Escape!
You appear back in your own timeline. Pickle Inspector is still there and somebody's coming down the hall. That was pretty terrifying. At least you don't recognize anything else about that timeline. It doesn't look anything like yours.

Future Crowbar: Curse.
Aw dammit. Well, it was a nice thought, anyway.

The air swooshes away, and swooshes right back as the man reappears. Pickle Inspector's long coat waves in the wind. The man in the green suit looks panicked. The footsteps are nearly at the corner. Pickle Inspector opens the door to the linen closet and points in. The green man looks behind him, then at Pickle Inspector, then down to his doll clenched in his spidery fingers.

He rushes into the closet. Pickle Inspector steps in and closes the door silently a moment before the footsteps enter the room. For a few moments, as the footsteps pace around the hall they just vacated, Pickle Inspector and the green man stand together in uncomfortable silence. Belatedly, he realizes that the man is obviously a member of the Felt, whose very mansion he is currently trespassing on. That would make him a dangerous criminal, and a dangerous criminal in very close quarters to Pickle Inspector. He feels a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead at the thought.

He peers out the crack in the door. In the hallway, pacing like a caged panther and wielding all manner of inappropriately illegal playing cards, is the infamous gangster Spades Slick. Pickle Inspector has seen him before, and every time was terrifying. He is rather glad to be out of Spades Slick's sight.

The gangster storms into the room right next to the closet, muttering darkly to himself. Pickle Inspector waits. Beside him, the nervous-looking Felt man shivers, and stares at the closet door. Pickle Inspector regards him curiously and with some pity. If he is a dangerous criminal, he thinks, he seems to be a dangerous criminal who doesn't enjoy what he does.

Spades Slick lets out a frustrated snarl and stalks out into the hallway. The Felt man trembles. Pickle Inspector is rather afraid himself, but the dangerous criminal seems simply pitiful. Pickle Inspector awkwardly steps in front of him, between him and the door, and puts his arms around the fellow's shoulders. The man starts, but after a second, buries his face in Pickle Inspector's chest and continues to shake silently.

They wait, and listen to Spades Slick stomping through clocks his footprints had already shown up on. After perhaps forever, he stalks down another thin angled hallway and disappears into the mansion. Pickle Inspector breathes a sigh of relief and opens the closet door, stepping into the green light and brushing his coat back into order to soothe his still-fearful mind.

He feels a whoosh of air pass him, and when he looks back, there is no-one in the linen closet.

That was the first time Pickle Inspector met Die.

A/N

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Why, WHY would I choose to make this an interactive thing with panels? Modifying all of dead Die's knife-inflicted wounds to be crowbar-inflicted took longer than writing this whole chapter.
Also I don't know if I understand Felt time travel right but OH WELL you get my version

[draconicAlgorithm]

Chapter 15: The Final Showdown

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How does one prepare to fight an omnipotent entity?

One begins with a philosophy session. Certain factions within the troll-human alliance insisted on examining the word ‘omni’ in very close detail. The general consensus was that it would be basically comparable to the word ‘uni’ as in ‘universe’ in a way that would suggest it was not quite as all-encompassing within paradox space as outside it.

But that part had been done a while ago, before the Subcommittee on First Guardians and the Subcommittee of Semantic Linguistics had been suspended along with the rest.

Secondly, one could collect equipment. Ensure that everyone had the proper fraymotifs and all the scattered weaponry was taken out of chests and painstakingly extracted from Gamzee’s crazy modus and properly deployed. Spend most of the remaining grist alchemizing magic wands, proton cannons, power suits, and plentiful supplies of enchanted chalk. Practice with newly discovered abilities. That sort of thing.

That was done shortly before and after the final grand memo. The part after was done in total, eerie silence as no-one wanted to spoil the mood created by their last words.

Thirdly, one could acquire a secret weapon and hide it beyond even a First Guardian’s sight. And this too was done, through a series of agents who didn’t know just what they were doing, why they were doing it, or what part it would all play in their eventual masterstroke.

Once that was all finished, there was little left to do except bait the trap.

Connecting the sessions was difficult enough. The paradox space was, in its own way, kind of touchy about the fact that every possible session was technically happening somewhere at the same time. But being in a different timeline made things a little easier. They were off in an area scheduled for demolition. It was just taking a while.

Somewhere, Kanaya lifted a frog made of gold and crystal spheres and allowed it to stare into infinity; and somewhere else Jade lifted hers. And then those two places were the same place of sorts - or at least allowed a passage to be formed. It was entirely possible for the trolls to step through it and perhaps gain entrance to the universe formed by those born into the universe they themselves had created. It would be a new beginning of sorts.

Except that there weren’t supposed to be beginnings in this place. Only endings. And someone in charge of making sure things went the way they were supposed to was here too, blazing with green lightning so thick it nearly obscured his flawlessly white complexion.

My patience is at an end. I hate to be so inelegant, but the time has come to end this.

Perhaps he expected a verbal response. He got none; only a barrage of white magic, missiles, immaterial projectiles, and particle beams. The suddenness and savagery of the attack staggered even Doc Scratch as he struggled to form his cosmic energies into a shield that could withstand so many different things at once while not hiding the battlefield from his perception. By the time he was finished, his costume was ruffled and even his head was scratched, bleeding pure energy.

A pointless gesture.

CG: SECOND WAVE! GO GO GO!

The second wave went. The psychics opened up. Tavros and Vriska assaulted the First Guardian’s consciousness, flooding it with images and commands. Sollux lashed out with the pain of his mutations. Eridan raised one of the additional wands he’d procured to scream out pure psychic noise of the brain-exploding variety. Those devoid of such abilities compensated by doing whatever they could to assault their opponent’s other senses, be it with flashing light, sound so loud it could be heard from space, or odors that smelled just like the brightest shades of rainbow’s colors.

That bought them several more seconds. It gave Doc Scratch a reasonably strong headache. It did not, however, come close to destroying him. And it made him mad enough to launch a counterattack.

A ribbon of green lightning moving faster than light and with enough punch behind it to pierce a dozen trolls if necessary. Far too powerful to be slowed down by an invisible wall, no matter how finely its creator envisioned it. Too powerful to be stopped with an energy blast of an orange shade. Perhaps even too powerful to be stopped by white magic.

But white and black magics acting in tandem tend to bring out some wonderful synergies.

CG: THIRD WAVE, MAKE YOURSELVES USEFUL ALREADY!

The arrival of the kids meant that the first of the counterattacks was stopped. It made Doc Scratch realize that he had overlooked a variable in this combat. But it also made him believe that the kids themselves were that variable when in reality he should have been looking a little closer to home.

Perhaps right behind him.

The strange sensation of a kind of slow time crept over the First Guardian. Realizing the nature of the effect, he fought it. It is difficult enough for an ordinary player to fight a power of such magnitude. Aradia’s timestop did not hold for more than half a minute.

It expired a second before a redoubled assault with all the firepower it was possible to master hit Doc Scratch.

There are things a First Guardian, particularly one who is good at their job, is not used to. One is being wrong; another is being manipulated; yet another is feeling pain. For this particular First Guardian, all three were coming together in a particularly unpleasant fashion. Whatever self-control he’d regained after reconstituting his writing device was long since gone.

AA: if i can d0 that again we will win

The response to that sentence was swift and brutal. A slicing motion and an attack which was not even green so much as the color of pure emptiness, slicing through the spatial fabric and revealing strange stars underneath.

There was a very long moment.

His senses clear for a second, Doc Scratch could once again feel everything. The smell of sparks coming from Aradia’s body, cut into halves as it was. The look of horror on Equius’s face, expanding slowly, nanosecond by nanosecond. The weapons, being readied for a retributive strike; demanding his attention. All of it very convincing. In its own way, all of it completely real.

Until the end of the moment, which coincided with the instant of his spatial slice tearing through the center of Derse.

The robot body exploded, but it didn’t matter; by now it was only an empty shell anyway. And in any case, the grandeur of the explosion of mere circuitry was easily eclipsed by the explosion of power and light beyond it, as a new god entered the Medium.

Or, shall we say, a goddess.

AA: initiate plan epil0gue!

And then Aradia was gone.

She had a lot of work to do, making herself quietly responsible for every event and effort within the doomed session.

She went back to suggest the idea of a committee to Kanaya, delivering it anonymously. Then, at the right moment, she inserted herself into the Subcommittee of Time, guiding the two versions of Dave and her own past self in an effort to become the center of true power, dispensing predestination-flavored interventions at precisely the right times.

She ensured that the psychically resistant helmets were successfully created and that one went to Tavros, ensuring that John would not ascent to god tiers.

She gave Gamzee a message to pass to Equius, helping the latter to discover his hidden power at exactly the right moment.

She got her hands on a critical object from the human session and ensured it would be transported to exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

And, after doing many other little chores, she came to the last item on her checklist: deploy the Fourth Wave.

The Fourth Wave, naturally, consisted of a god-tiered Aradia riding Bec through time and space and back into the exact moment she left.

Aradia paused exactly long enough to receive a power-up courtesy of Rose and Eridan. The two worked in perfect tandem, guided not by teamwork or mutual admiration, but by the powers of magic/science itself. Whatever force ultimately powered their efforts, it was not exactly part of the game, and if it had goals, they did not necessarily align with either those of paradox space or those of the First Guardians. But whatever ambitions the force might ultimately hold, for the moment it contended itself with providing Aradia with the extra oomph she needed and a splendid light show to boot.

There were two First Guardians on the field now. Theoretically, they were equal in power. But one of them had already taken some punishment - more than he would have allowed himself if he’d known the kind of fight this would be. And the other was aided by magic and time itself. Even if both could move anywhere instantly, Bec could do it just a little bit faster than even that. No matter where Doc Scratch tried to move, Bec was already there, waiting for him with a bite.

Really, at this point the battle should have been all but over. The players held the advantage, both in terms of power and preparation. They could have whittled their enemy down until he was nothing but cosmic dust. Perhaps they would have, had they not, in their excitement, overlooked one very important detail:

They were all doomed.

They were reminded of that fact when Doc Scratch exploded the spatial anomaly that was their gate between the universes.

Bec moved to intercept, ignoring Aradia’s commands - which would not have differed from that in any case. Moving the kids and trolls out of the way, Bec spent a little time as a spatial anomaly himself - and when the wave hit him, he simply disappeared, leaving behind only cosmic dust.

This ends now.

AA: yes i guess it d0es
AA: i really thought we w0uld be g0ne by n0w

Doc Scratch turned around, beholding the manner of his demise.

If one needs to get something through Paradox space quickly, the best way is usually through the use of a Scratch or the services of a First Guardian, or perhaps a god-tiered Space player. If one needs something moved slowly, however, there are few better ways to go than a Horrorterror relay. Of course, getting them to cooperate properly can be difficult - but the combined efforts of a recognized ally with a lifetime’s experience in dealing with them and a powerful psychic with great empathy are just about enough, even if the object that needs to be moved is very large, unwieldy, and dangerous.

The last Horrorterror in the relay had thrown its load to its final destination and was now fleeing the stretch of space all the others had fled, as quickly as possible. It knew it had to get away or be destroyed.

The Tumor had only a few seconds left on its timer, after all.

AA: I supp0se my timing was a little bit 0ff

Well, perhaps we can get back to the main plot now.

And then the universe exploded.

THE END

A/N

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Oviously, this was a very important chapter, and I tried something new with the stylized action. It would help if someone mentioned whether it was clear what was happening at all times or if I need to tweak it to make things more obvious.

Holy... wow. That was awesome. You did really great with all the action, and to me, everything was really easy to see and understand. Great job. Just great. The only thing I hate about it is the fact that it means the story is over.

[Rimbaum]

Strange Places, Part II

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Pickle Inspector rounds another corner in the green mansion. It seems to be nothing but thin hallways and sharp bends. He has his sextant in hand, ready. He is not often called into action for Team Sleuth, but he has no choice but to say yes. He rounds a bend, passing a clock with its springs ripped out. He has no idea where everyone is.

He is mostly confident that he is doing his job right. He just has to go look at things. He can do that. He is on a floor full of empty rooms, and he has looked at each of them, including the linen closet in the hallway. He's in front of it now, peering at another poor clock lying on the floor with a footprint through it when there is a sort of pop of air and a slight breeze. He turns his head to see a man appear out of nowhere. He is gaunt and worried, the dark shadows under his eyes made uncomfortably bright by his vivid green tailcoat. One hand holds a white doll full of pins, and an assortment of other pins between his long fingers.

He stumbles as he falls out of nowhere, reorienting himself, and nearly loses his large top hat. He tosses anxious glances over both shoulders and starts as he notices Pickle Inspector. His gaze sneaks back to his doll, then snaps back to Pickle Inspector. They both jump at the sound of someone around the corner, and the man in green pushes a pin into the doll and vanishes.

Die: Skip to Pickle Inspector's death.
You reach for the white pin marked "PI". Hmm. You can't seem to find it. You must have dropped it. That doesn't seem like you.

==>
Those footsteps are getting closer.

Die: Skip to somebody else's death, then.
You just have to get out of here. You stick a random pin into your voodoo doll.

==>
Oh shit that was your pin. You've never used it before.

==>

Oh god oh god he's coming for you.

Future Crowbar: Kill him a second time.
Hey, you're going to get the pleasure of this all over again-

Die: Escape! Escape!
You appear back in the past. Pickle Inspector is still there and somebody's coming down the hall.

Future Crowbar: Curse.
Aw dammit. Well, it was a nice thought, anyway.

The air swooshes away, and swooshes right back as the man reappears. Pickle Inspector's long coat waves in the wind. The man in the green suit looks panicked. The footsteps are nearly at the corner. Pickle Inspector opens the door to the linen closet and points in. The green man looks behind him, then at Pickle Inspector, then down to his doll clenched in his spidery fingers.

He rushes into the closet. Pickle Inspector steps in and closes the door silently a moment before the footsteps enter the room. For a few moments, as the footsteps pace around the hall they just vacated, Pickle Inspector and the green man stand together in uncomfortable silence. Belatedly, he realizes that the man is obviously a member of the Felt, whose very mansion he is currently trespassing on. That would make him a dangerous criminal, and a dangerous criminal in very close quarters to Pickle Inspector. He feels a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead at the thought.

He peers out the crack in the door. In the hallway, pacing like a caged panther and wielding all manner of inappropriately illegal playing cards, is the infamous gangster Spades Slick. Pickle Inspector has seen him before, and every time was terrifying. He is rather glad to be out of Spades Slick's sight.

The gangster storms into the room right next to the closet, muttering darkly to himself. Pickle Inspector waits. Beside him, the nervous-looking Felt man shivers, and stares at the closet door. Pickle Inspector regards him curiously and with some pity. If he is a dangerous criminal, he thinks, he seems to be a dangerous criminal who doesn't enjoy what he does.

Spades Slick lets out a frustrated snarl and stalks out into the hallway. The Felt man trembles. Pickle Inspector is rather afraid himself, but the dangerous criminal seems simply pitiful. Pickle Inspector awkwardly steps in front of him, between him and the door, and puts his arms around the fellow's shoulders. The man starts, but after a second, buries his face in Pickle Inspector's chest and continues to shake silently.

They wait, and listen to Spades Slick stomping through clocks his footprints had already shown up on. After perhaps forever, he stalks down another thin angled hallway and disappears into the mansion. Pickle Inspector breathes a sigh of relief and opens the closet door, stepping into the green light and brushing his coat back into order to soothe his still-fearful mind.

He feels a whoosh of air pass him, and when he looks back, there is no-one in the linen closet.

That was the first time Pickle Inspector met Die.

A/N

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hide spoiler

Why, WHY would I choose to make this an interactive thing with panels? Modifying all of dead Die's knife-inflicted wounds to be crowbar-inflicted took longer than writing this whole chapter.
Also I don't know if I understand Felt time travel right but OH WELL you get my version

Pffffft... I am liking this so far! I sense some interesting dynamics about to brew between Die and PI.

[Path]

I sense some interesting dynamics about to brew between Die and PI.

Your shipping sense is tingling?

[Zuki]

Are alternate sessions still a thing?

I need you to know that I need more of this.

And that I want to know more about these kids.

[Megafire]

Strange Places, Part II

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Pickle Inspector rounds another corner in the green mansion. It seems to be nothing but thin hallways and sharp bends. He has his sextant in hand, ready. He is not often called into action for Team Sleuth, but he has no choice but to say yes. He rounds a bend, passing a clock with its springs ripped out. He has no idea where everyone is.

He is mostly confident that he is doing his job right. He just has to go look at things. He can do that. He is on a floor full of empty rooms, and he has looked at each of them, including the linen closet in the hallway. He's in front of it now, peering at another poor clock lying on the floor with a footprint through it when there is a sort of pop of air and a slight breeze. He turns his head to see a man appear out of nowhere. He is gaunt and worried, the dark shadows under his eyes made uncomfortably bright by his vivid green tailcoat. One hand holds a white doll full of pins, and an assortment of other pins between his long fingers.

He stumbles as he falls out of nowhere, reorienting himself, and nearly loses his large top hat. He tosses anxious glances over both shoulders and starts as he notices Pickle Inspector. His gaze sneaks back to his doll, then snaps back to Pickle Inspector. They both jump at the sound of someone around the corner, and the man in green pushes a pin into the doll and vanishes.

Die: Skip to Pickle Inspector's death.
You reach for the white pin marked "PI". Hmm. You can't seem to find it. You must have dropped it. That doesn't seem like you.

==>
Those footsteps are getting closer.

Die: Skip to somebody else's death, then.
You just have to get out of here. You stick a random pin into your voodoo doll.

==>
Oh shit that was your pin. You've never used it before.

==>

Oh god oh god he's coming for you.

Future Crowbar: Kill him a second time.
Hey, you're going to get the pleasure of this all over again-

Die: Escape! Escape!
You appear back in the past. Pickle Inspector is still there and somebody's coming down the hall.

Future Crowbar: Curse.
Aw dammit. Well, it was a nice thought, anyway.

The air swooshes away, and swooshes right back as the man reappears. Pickle Inspector's long coat waves in the wind. The man in the green suit looks panicked. The footsteps are nearly at the corner. Pickle Inspector opens the door to the linen closet and points in. The green man looks behind him, then at Pickle Inspector, then down to his doll clenched in his spidery fingers.

He rushes into the closet. Pickle Inspector steps in and closes the door silently a moment before the footsteps enter the room. For a few moments, as the footsteps pace around the hall they just vacated, Pickle Inspector and the green man stand together in uncomfortable silence. Belatedly, he realizes that the man is obviously a member of the Felt, whose very mansion he is currently trespassing on. That would make him a dangerous criminal, and a dangerous criminal in very close quarters to Pickle Inspector. He feels a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead at the thought.

He peers out the crack in the door. In the hallway, pacing like a caged panther and wielding all manner of inappropriately illegal playing cards, is the infamous gangster Spades Slick. Pickle Inspector has seen him before, and every time was terrifying. He is rather glad to be out of Spades Slick's sight.

The gangster storms into the room right next to the closet, muttering darkly to himself. Pickle Inspector waits. Beside him, the nervous-looking Felt man shivers, and stares at the closet door. Pickle Inspector regards him curiously and with some pity. If he is a dangerous criminal, he thinks, he seems to be a dangerous criminal who doesn't enjoy what he does.

Spades Slick lets out a frustrated snarl and stalks out into the hallway. The Felt man trembles. Pickle Inspector is rather afraid himself, but the dangerous criminal seems simply pitiful. Pickle Inspector awkwardly steps in front of him, between him and the door, and puts his arms around the fellow's shoulders. The man starts, but after a second, buries his face in Pickle Inspector's chest and continues to shake silently.

They wait, and listen to Spades Slick stomping through clocks his footprints had already shown up on. After perhaps forever, he stalks down another thin angled hallway and disappears into the mansion. Pickle Inspector breathes a sigh of relief and opens the closet door, stepping into the green light and brushing his coat back into order to soothe his still-fearful mind.

He feels a whoosh of air pass him, and when he looks back, there is no-one in the linen closet.

That was the first time Pickle Inspector met Die.

A/N

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Why, WHY would I choose to make this an interactive thing with panels? Modifying all of dead Die's knife-inflicted wounds to be crowbar-inflicted took longer than writing this whole chapter.
Also I don't know if I understand Felt time travel right but OH WELL you get my version

I don't think anybody understands Felt time travel right.

[C20710]

I am just having way too much trouble wrapping up Ambush. I might have to leave it and come back to it. Frustrating.
In the meantime, I have a different, much longer, fic for you. I'm not sure how many parts it'll be, but we'll see!

In Strange Places, Part I

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Pickle Inspector picks another wilted leaf off the sad plant on his desk. He plucks it, looks at it for a few minutes, and adds it to the growing pile of dead leaves in his waste paper basket. Soon there will be more dead leaf than plant. He is not a good gardener. But he loves plants. He has something colourful in his office and he likes that, even if most of the leaves are more brown than green.

He smiles at it fondly for another minute before considering tea. He has not considered it for long when there is an urgent knocking at his door, soft and rapid. He answers the door himself before remembering Problem Sleuth's reminder that a real detective lets his visitors let themselves in, to show how busy and important he is. Pickle Inspector always forgets that part. Otherwise he thinks he is a pretty okay detective.

He opens the door to a rare sight- something at his eye level. It is not another person's eyes, however, but the top of an extremely tall top hat. Pickle Inspector's gaze slowly travels down, passing over the stitched number and curved brim. Eventually he runs out of hat and meets eyes. They're staring up at him, through him, as if he wasn't there at all; violet shadows smudge beneath the man's eyes. He wears entirely green; green suit with long tails, shoes, spats, hat, bow-tie. His hand remains in the knocking position for a moment, frozen, before he pulls it back, clasping a white doll in both hands, tight to his chest. He is thin, his shoulders sharp and protruding. He looks as if he will shatter into a hundred pieces if he is so much as touched.

His name is Die, and it is the third time Pickle Inspector has met him.

Dead plants and tea? Is this inspired by anything in particular or...

[-Benedict]

Chapter 15: The Final Showdown

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How does one prepare to fight an omnipotent entity?

One begins with a philosophy session. Certain factions within the troll-human alliance insisted on examining the word ‘omni’ in very close detail. The general consensus was that it would be basically comparable to the word ‘uni’ as in ‘universe’ in a way that would suggest it was not quite as all-encompassing within paradox space as outside it.

But that part had been done a while ago, before the Subcommittee on First Guardians and the Subcommittee of Semantic Linguistics had been suspended along with the rest.

Secondly, one could collect equipment. Ensure that everyone had the proper fraymotifs and all the scattered weaponry was taken out of chests and painstakingly extracted from Gamzee’s crazy modus and properly deployed. Spend most of the remaining grist alchemizing magic wands, proton cannons, power suits, and plentiful supplies of enchanted chalk. Practice with newly discovered abilities. That sort of thing.

That was done shortly before and after the final grand memo. The part after was done in total, eerie silence as no-one wanted to spoil the mood created by their last words.

Thirdly, one could acquire a secret weapon and hide it beyond even a First Guardian’s sight. And this too was done, through a series of agents who didn’t know just what they were doing, why they were doing it, or what part it would all play in their eventual masterstroke.

Once that was all finished, there was little left to do except bait the trap.

Connecting the sessions was difficult enough. The paradox space was, in its own way, kind of touchy about the fact that every possible session was technically happening somewhere at the same time. But being in a different timeline made things a little easier. They were off in an area scheduled for demolition. It was just taking a while.

Somewhere, Kanaya lifted a frog made of gold and crystal spheres and allowed it to stare into infinity; and somewhere else Jade lifted hers. And then those two places were the same place of sorts - or at least allowed a passage to be formed. It was entirely possible for the trolls to step through it and perhaps gain entrance to the universe formed by those born into the universe they themselves had created. It would be a new beginning of sorts.

Except that there weren’t supposed to be beginnings in this place. Only endings. And someone in charge of making sure things went the way they were supposed to was here too, blazing with green lightning so thick it nearly obscured his flawlessly white complexion.

My patience is at an end. I hate to be so inelegant, but the time has come to end this.

Perhaps he expected a verbal response. He got none; only a barrage of white magic, missiles, immaterial projectiles, and particle beams. The suddenness and savagery of the attack staggered even Doc Scratch as he struggled to form his cosmic energies into a shield that could withstand so many different things at once while not hiding the battlefield from his perception. By the time he was finished, his costume was ruffled and even his head was scratched, bleeding pure energy.

A pointless gesture.

CG: SECOND WAVE! GO GO GO!

The second wave went. The psychics opened up. Tavros and Vriska assaulted the First Guardian’s consciousness, flooding it with images and commands. Sollux lashed out with the pain of his mutations. Eridan raised one of the additional wands he’d procured to scream out pure psychic noise of the brain-exploding variety. Those devoid of such abilities compensated by doing whatever they could to assault their opponent’s other senses, be it with flashing light, sound so loud it could be heard from space, or odors that smelled just like the brightest shades of rainbow’s colors.

That bought them several more seconds. It gave Doc Scratch a reasonably strong headache. It did not, however, come close to destroying him. And it made him mad enough to launch a counterattack.

A ribbon of green lightning moving faster than light and with enough punch behind it to pierce a dozen trolls if necessary. Far too powerful to be slowed down by an invisible wall, no matter how finely its creator envisioned it. Too powerful to be stopped with an energy blast of an orange shade. Perhaps even too powerful to be stopped by white magic.

But white and black magics acting in tandem tend to bring out some wonderful synergies.

CG: THIRD WAVE, MAKE YOURSELVES USEFUL ALREADY!

The arrival of the kids meant that the first of the counterattacks was stopped. It made Doc Scratch realize that he had overlooked a variable in this combat. But it also made him believe that the kids themselves were that variable when in reality he should have been looking a little closer to home.

Perhaps right behind him.

The strange sensation of a kind of slow time crept over the First Guardian. Realizing the nature of the effect, he fought it. It is difficult enough for an ordinary player to fight a power of such magnitude. Aradia’s timestop did not hold for more than half a minute.

It expired a second before a redoubled assault with all the firepower it was possible to master hit Doc Scratch.

There are things a First Guardian, particularly one who is good at their job, is not used to. One is being wrong; another is being manipulated; yet another is feeling pain. For this particular First Guardian, all three were coming together in a particularly unpleasant fashion. Whatever self-control he’d regained after reconstituting his writing device was long since gone.

AA: if i can d0 that again we will win

The response to that sentence was swift and brutal. A slicing motion and an attack which was not even green so much as the color of pure emptiness, slicing through the spatial fabric and revealing strange stars underneath.

There was a very long moment.

His senses clear for a second, Doc Scratch could once again feel everything. The smell of sparks coming from Aradia’s body, cut into halves as it was. The look of horror on Equius’s face, expanding slowly, nanosecond by nanosecond. The weapons, being readied for a retributive strike; demanding his attention. All of it very convincing. In its own way, all of it completely real.

Until the end of the moment, which coincided with the instant of his spatial slice tearing through the center of Derse.

The robot body exploded, but it didn’t matter; by now it was only an empty shell anyway. And in any case, the grandeur of the explosion of mere circuitry was easily eclipsed by the explosion of power and light beyond it, as a new god entered the Medium.

Or, shall we say, a goddess.

AA: initiate plan epil0gue!

And then Aradia was gone.

She had a lot of work to do, making herself quietly responsible for every event and effort within the doomed session.

She went back to suggest the idea of a committee to Kanaya, delivering it anonymously. Then, at the right moment, she inserted herself into the Subcommittee of Time, guiding the two versions of Dave and her own past self in an effort to become the center of true power, dispensing predestination-flavored interventions at precisely the right times.

She ensured that the psychically resistant helmets were successfully created and that one went to Tavros, ensuring that John would not ascent to god tiers.

She gave Gamzee a message to pass to Equius, helping the latter to discover his hidden power at exactly the right moment.

She got her hands on a critical object from the human session and ensured it would be transported to exactly the right place at exactly the right time.

And, after doing many other little chores, she came to the last item on her checklist: deploy the Fourth Wave.

The Fourth Wave, naturally, consisted of a god-tiered Aradia riding Bec through time and space and back into the exact moment she left.

Aradia paused exactly long enough to receive a power-up courtesy of Rose and Eridan. The two worked in perfect tandem, guided not by teamwork or mutual admiration, but by the powers of magic/science itself. Whatever force ultimately powered their efforts, it was not exactly part of the game, and if it had goals, they did not necessarily align with either those of paradox space or those of the First Guardians. But whatever ambitions the force might ultimately hold, for the moment it contended itself with providing Aradia with the extra oomph she needed and a splendid light show to boot.

There were two First Guardians on the field now. Theoretically, they were equal in power. But one of them had already taken some punishment - more than he would have allowed himself if he’d known the kind of fight this would be. And the other was aided by magic and time itself. Even if both could move anywhere instantly, Bec could do it just a little bit faster than even that. No matter where Doc Scratch tried to move, Bec was already there, waiting for him with a bite.

Really, at this point the battle should have been all but over. The players held the advantage, both in terms of power and preparation. They could have whittled their enemy down until he was nothing but cosmic dust. Perhaps they would have, had they not, in their excitement, overlooked one very important detail:

They were all doomed.

They were reminded of that fact when Doc Scratch exploded the spatial anomaly that was their gate between the universes.

Bec moved to intercept, ignoring Aradia’s commands - which would not have differed from that in any case. Moving the kids and trolls out of the way, Bec spent a little time as a spatial anomaly himself - and when the wave hit him, he simply disappeared, leaving behind only cosmic dust.

This ends now.

AA: yes i guess it d0es
AA: i really thought we w0uld be g0ne by n0w

Doc Scratch turned around, beholding the manner of his demise.

If one needs to get something through Paradox space quickly, the best way is usually through the use of a Scratch or the services of a First Guardian, or perhaps a god-tiered Space player. If one needs something moved slowly, however, there are few better ways to go than a Horrorterror relay. Of course, getting them to cooperate properly can be difficult - but the combined efforts of a recognized ally with a lifetime’s experience in dealing with them and a powerful psychic with great empathy are just about enough, even if the object that needs to be moved is very large, unwieldy, and dangerous.

The last Horrorterror in the relay had thrown its load to its final destination and was now fleeing the stretch of space all the others had fled, as quickly as possible. It knew it had to get away or be destroyed.

The Tumor had only a few seconds left on its timer, after all.

AA: I supp0se my timing was a little bit 0ff

Well, perhaps we can get back to the main plot now.

And then the universe exploded.

THE END

A/N

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Obviously, this was a very important chapter, and I tried something new with the stylized action. It would help if someone mentioned whether it was clear what was happening at all times or if I need to tweak it to make things more obvious.

Vuh... but... oh. Right. Doomed. I really, really should have seen that coming. The biggest thing about this fic was that is was supremely cathartic- so much came together in so many satisfying ways before the end that I have no regrets about reading it.

[SeptimusMagistos]

I really feel like I should hold on to this for another day or so.

But what the heck.

Chapter 16: epil0gue

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hide spoiler

AA: exactly as planned
TG: really?
AA: hell n0!
AA: i can n0t believe we actually g0t away with that!
TG: that guy was never our real ‘adversary’ was he
AA: n0pe!
AA: d0nt get me wr0ng he was still an enemy!
AA: and a very p0werful and clever 0ne t00
AA: but he wasnt the reas0n we were in danger
AA: the 0ne we really had t0 f00l was the timeline itself!
TT: I suppose when one needs to fool the very forces of destiny a bit of theatrics is in order.
TT: That said, was it really necessary to cut things quite so close?
AA: yeah well when 0ne can travel thr0ugh time and space h0wever 0ne pleases cl0se d0esnt really have the same meaning!
AA: the 0nly real p0int 0f danger was when the expl0si0n hit
AA: 0nce Bec survived that we c0uld always take y0u all back t0 the m0ment the gate still existed and get 0ut 0f there
GA: It Was Exhilirating
GA: But I Think I Would Not Want To Experience That Again
GA: Are You Confident We Will Be Left Alone From Now On
AA: c0mpletely p0sitive!
AA: We were all there until juuust bef0re the expl0si0n hit
AA: And even afterward we had s0me0ne t0 take the fall f0r us!
AA: g00d j0b 0n the r0b0ts by the way equius!
AA: they were very lifelike
CT: D --> Since their main job was to be vaporized I was able to skip most of the details that w001d normally stop a robot from 100king alive
CT: D --> But I think the paint job was the real reason they su%eeded in f001ing anyone
AC: :33 < *Mr. Zahaak w001d be surprised and purple%ed at what his meowrail can do when she really concentrates!*
GC: 4ND TH3 3NCH4NT3D CH4LK H3LP3D 4 LOT W1TH T3XTUR3S!
GC: THOS3 AR3 4LW4YS TR1CKY.
TG: im just shocked there was enough magic in the universe to let us draw something convincing
TT: I think you really underestimate your talents, Dave.
TT: Perhaps if you took some time to learn about perspective and shading, your art would improve.
CT: D --> I suppose I c001d help with that
CT: D --> We will need artists to replace the lost masterpieces of Alternia
TG: no offense but you and your freaky art can just stay the hell away from me
CT: D --> Perhaps that c001d be arranged
CT: D --> After you serve the penalty for getting three demerits, that is
CG: OH HELL YES!
CG: NOW WE’RE TALKING.
TG: so whats the penalty here
TG: do i have to write lines
TG: or stand in the corner wearing a hat declaring that i am not the king of cool
TG: all evidence to the contrary
CG: YEAH YOU WISH.
CG: THE PENALTY IS THAT YOU HAVE TO LIE IN EQUIS’S FREAKISH ROBOT PART PILE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.
TG: lame
CT: D --> For five hours
TG: what
CG: IT USED TO BE FIVE MINUTES BUT THE COMMITTEE HELD A VOTE TO INCREASE THE PENALTY JUST BEFORE I CONTACTED YOU.
TG: okay what the hell everyone
TG: i think i speak for all present when i say it was just too good an opportunity to miss
TG: et tu dave
TG: he who lives by irony dies by irony dude
TG: you know that
AG: can we stop discussing 8usiness for a minute?
AG: we just kicked the White Text Guy’s 8utt!
AG: I say this calls for a cele8r8ion!
TC: MoRe cAkE AnD FaYgO CoMiNg tHe mOtHeRfUcK Up!
TC: jUsT LeT Me sEe iF I CaN FiGuRe tHiS MoDuS OuT
EB: oh yeah!
EB: let’s hear it for the Committee of Survival!
AT: hOORAY,
GG: hooray!!
CC: )(OORAY!!!
GA: We Made A Pretty Good Team
GA: When We Get To The Universe You Created I Envision The Government System As Neither A Democracy Nor A Monarchy But A Pure Bureaucracy
GA: Under This System Leaders Would Be Appointed By A Committee Whose Members Would Themselves Be Appointed By Appropriate Committees
GA: A System Whose Authority Comes From The System Itself If You Will
EB: well we can discuss government systems later
EB: but we’re not going to that universe!
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
EB: in fact we already destroyed the door to it!
CG: WHY?!
CG: JOHN, OF ALL THE FUCKED-UP THINGS YOU HUMANS HAVE DONE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS ONE?
CG: IT LITERALLY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!
GG: it makes perfect sense!
GG: it will give the universe a chance to grow on its own
TT: It’s what happened in our case, and you must admit that worked out to within acceptable parameters.
TT: Besides which, we are not quite certain that all of you have given up on your ambitions of becoming tyrants of a new world.
TT: Since you outnumber us, it would be difficult for us to stop you.
CG: THAT’S FUCKED UP!
TT: Tell me I’m wrong.
CG: . . .
CA: so wwhat then
CA: wwe spend the rest of our livves here?
TT: Of course not.
TT: As it happens, there is a large asteroid still scheduled to enter a portal and crash back to Earth.
TT: Our guardians are already upon it and we will be joining them shortly.
CG: SO WE’RE GOING BACK TO YOUR PLANET?
CG: THE ONE WITH THE INSANELY SMALL SUN AND FUCKING SWINGS AND ALL THE WEIRD SHIT?
EB: yup!
CG: YEAH.
CG: YEAH, OKAY, I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
TA: oh plea2e KK!
TA: you were all about that place.
TA: you 2hould have 2een hiim cry about how he would never get there.
EB: snicker.
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
CG: JUST. . . SHUT THE HELL UP, SOLLUX.
CG: LET ME ENJOY THIS.
GG: aww! :)
GA: Oh
AG: What is it?
GA: The Card With The Matriorb Has Unlocked Itself
GA: I Believe We Have Found Our Destination
CC: )(OORAY!
CC: )(OP---E! 38D
CC: Look, ----Eridan, it’s )(ope!
CC: You like )(ope, right?
CA: hope has not exactly been a scarce resource lately
CA: in case you havvent noticed
CA: . . .
CA: but yeah
CA: i am feelin pretty fuckin hopeful right noww
AT: i THINK THAT MAYBE WE ALL ARE,
AT: bECAUSE RIGHT NOW I AM FEELING SO CONFIDENT ITS LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING,
AT: iT IS LIKE I DONT EVEN NEED RUFIO OR ANYTHING TO MAKE ME THIS CONFIDENT,
CG: ORDINARILY I WOULD TELL YOU BOTH WHERE TO SHOVE YOUR CONFIDENCE AND YOUR HOPE.
CG: BUT JUST FOR TODAY YOU GET A PASS.
CG: TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.
CG: WE’VE GOT A NEW HOME.
GA: And I Suppose We Can Repopulate It
GA: You Know
GA: In Due Time
AC: :33 < *and i sneaked in some ectobiology equipment
AC: :33 < just in case some of us want to do repopulating outside of the species!*
CG: WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?
GC: NOT 4LL TH3 WORLD, K4RKL3S!
GC: 1N F4CT, MOST OF TH3 P3OPL3 AL1V3 L1K3 YOU!
GC: SOM3 MOR3 TH4N OTH3RS. >:D
TT: Oh brave new world that has such people in it.
TT: :)
GG: hee hee hee!
AT: wOW,
GA: My Only Concern Is That Some Members Of Our Party May Try To Start Repopulating Before The Proper Time
CT: D --> Indeed
CT: D --> Such 100d behavior w001d be una%eptable
AG: He’s just saying that 8ecause he hasn’t realized his girlfriend is capa8le of
AG: *ahem*
AG: repopulating again. ::::)
CT: D --> I will not have such implications made about me
CT: D --> Or such base motives ascribed to my person
AA: and are y0u sure the th0ught never cr0ssed y0ur mind?
AA: c0mpletely sure?
CT: D --> I. . .
CT: D --> That is, of course not!
CT: D --> Now e%cuse me while I go find a towel
AA: ill help y0u l00k!
CT: D --> That is. . . wholly unnecessary
GA: I Think I May Need To Start A Committee For This
GA: Or Against It As The Case May Be
CA: not that this isnt hilarious
CA: but havve you thought about howw wwe are gettin to the asteroid
GG: grandpa’s going to pick us up!
CA: oh okay
CA: but howw
GG: look up, silly! :p
CA: oh wwoww
TA: that ii2 a biig fuckiing boat.
TT: It will come in handy where we are going.
CG: WHICH IS WHERE SPECIFICALLY?
TT: I believe Acapulco is the traditional destination for those who faked their deaths using time travel.
TG: oh hell yes!
AT: tIME TO GO, i THINK,
AT: fOR ALL OF US,
AT: wE’LL GO TOGETHER,
EB: charge!!!

They charged.

And it was anything but a disaster.

[Megafire]

Fuck the hell yes.

[draconicAlgorithm]

I really feel like I should hold on to this for another day or so.

But what the heck.

Chapter 16: epil0gue

show spoiler

hide spoiler

AA: exactly as planned
TG: really?
AA: hell n0!
AA: i can n0t believe we actually g0t away with that!
TG: that guy was never our real ‘adversary’ was he
AA: n0pe!
AA: d0nt get me wr0ng he was still an enemy!
AA: and a very p0werful and clever 0ne t00
AA: but he wasnt the reas0n we were in danger
AA: the 0ne we really had t0 f00l was the timeline itself!
TT: I suppose when one needs to fool the very forces of destiny a bit of theatrics is in order.
TT: That said, was it really necessary to cut things quite so close?
AA: yeah well when 0ne can travel thr0ugh time and space h0wever 0ne pleases cl0se d0esnt really have the same meaning!
AA: the 0nly real p0int 0f danger was when the expl0si0n hit
AA: 0nce Bec survived that we c0uld always take y0u all back t0 the m0ment the gate still existed and get 0ut 0f there
GA: It Was Exhilirating
GA: But I Think I Would Not Want To Experience That Again
GA: Are You Confident We Will Be Left Alone From Now On
AA: c0mpletely p0sitive!
AA: We were all there until juuust bef0re the expl0si0n hit
AA: And even afterward we had s0me0ne t0 take the fall f0r us!
AA: g00d j0b 0n the r0b0ts by the way equius!
AA: they were very lifelike
CT: D --> Since their main job was to be vaporized I was able to skip most of the details that w001d normally stop a robot from 100king alive
CT: D --> But I think the paint job was the real reason they su%eeded in f001ing anyone
AC: :33 < *Mr. Zahaak w001d be surprised and purple%ed at what his meowrail can do when she really concentrates!*
GC: 4ND TH3 3NCH4NT3D CH4LK H3LP3D 4 LOT W1TH T3XTUR3S!
GC: THOS3 AR3 4LW4YS TR1CKY.
TG: im just shocked there was enough magic in the universe to let us draw something convincing
TT: I think you really underestimate your talents, Dave.
TT: Perhaps if you took some time to learn about perspective and shading, your art would improve.
CT: D --> I suppose I c001d help with that
CT: D --> We will need artists to replace the lost masterpieces of Alternia
TG: no offense but you and your freaky art can just stay the hell away from me
CT: D --> Perhaps that c001d be arranged
CT: D --> After you serve the penalty for getting three demerits, that is
CG: OH HELL YES!
CG: NOW WE’RE TALKING.
TG: so whats the penalty here
TG: do i have to write lines
TG: or stand in the corner wearing a hat declaring that i am not the king of cool
TG: all evidence to the contrary
CG: YEAH YOU WISH.
CG: THE PENALTY IS THAT YOU HAVE TO LIE IN EQUIS’S FREAKISH ROBOT PART PILE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.
TG: lame
CT: D --> For five hours
TG: what
CG: IT USED TO BE FIVE MINUTES BUT THE COMMITTEE HELD A VOTE TO INCREASE THE PENALTY JUST BEFORE I CONTACTED YOU.
TG: okay what the hell everyone
TG: i think i speak for all present when i say it was just too good an opportunity to miss
TG: et tu dave
TG: he who lives by irony dies by irony dude
TG: you know that
AG: can we stop discussing business for a minute?
AG: we just kicked the White Text Guy’s butt!
AG: I say this calls for a cele8r8ion!
TC: MoRe cAkE AnD FaYgO CoMiNg tHe mOtHeRfUcK Up!
TC: jUsT LeT Me sEe iF I CaN FiGuRe tHiS MoDuS OuT
EB: oh yeah!
EB: let’s hear it for the Committee of Survival!
AT: hOORAY,
GG: hooray!!
CC: )(OORAY!!!
GA: We Made A Pretty Good Team
GA: When We Get To The Universe You Created I Envision The Government System As Neither A Democracy Nor A Monarchy But A Pure Bureaucracy
GA: Under This System Leaders Would Be Appointed By A Committee Whose Members Would Themselves Be Appointed By Appropriate Committees
GA: A System Whose Authority Comes From The System Itself If You Will
EB: well we can discuss government systems later
EB: but we’re not going to that universe!
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
EB: in fact we already destroyed the door to it!
CG: WHY?!
CG: JOHN, OF ALL THE FUCKED-UP THINGS YOU HUMANS HAVE DONE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS ONE?
CG: IT LITERALLY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!
GG: it makes perfect sense!
GG: it will give the universe a chance to grow on its own
TT: It’s what happened in our case, and you must admit that worked out to within acceptable parameters.
TT: Besides which, we are not quite certain that all of you have given up on your ambitions of becoming tyrants of a new world.
TT: Since you outnumber us, it would be difficult for us to stop you.
CG: THAT’S FUCKED UP!
TT: Tell me I’m wrong.
CG: . . .
CA: so wwhat then
CA: wwe spend the rest of our livves here?
TT: Of course not.
TT: As it happens, there is a large asteroid still scheduled to enter a portal and crash back to Earth.
TT: Our guardians are already upon it and we will be joining them shortly.
CG: SO WE’RE GOING BACK TO YOUR PLANET?
CG: THE ONE WITH THE INSANELY SMALL SUN AND FUCKING SWINGS AND ALL THE WEIRD SHIT?
EB: yup!
CG: YEAH.
CG: YEAH, OKAY, I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
TA: oh plea2e KK!
TA: you were all about that place.
TA: you 2hould have 2een hiim cry about how he would never get there.
EB: snicker.
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
CG: JUST. . . SHUT THE HELL UP, SOLLUX.
CG: LET ME ENJOY THIS.
GG: aww!
GA: Oh
AG: What is it?
GA: The Card With The Matriorb Has Unlocked Itself
GA: I Believe We Have Found Our Destination
CC: )(OORAY!
CC: )(OP---E! 38D
CC: Look, ----Eridan, it’s )(ope!
CC: You like )(ope, right?
CA: hope has not exactly been a scarce resource lately
CA: in case you havvent noticed
CA: . . .
CA: but yeah
CA: i am feelin pretty fuckin hopeful right noww
AT: i THINK THAT MAYBE WE ALL ARE,
AT: bECAUSE RIGHT NOW I AM FEELING SO CONFIDENT ITS LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING,
AT: iT IS LIKE I DONT EVEN NEED RUFIO OR ANYTHING TO MAKE ME THIS CONFIDENT,
CG: ORDINARILY I WOULD TELL YOU BOTH WHERE TO SHOVE YOUR CONFIDENCE AND YOUR HOPE.
CG: BUT JUST FOR TODAY YOU GET A PASS.
CG: TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.
CG: WE’VE GOT A NEW HOME.
GA: And I Suppose We Can Repopulate It
GA: You Know
GA: In Due Time
AC: :33 < *and i sneaked in some ectobiology equipment
AC: :33 < just in case some of us want to do repopulating outside of the species!*
CG: WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?
GC: NOT 4LL TH3 WORLD, K4RKL3S!
GC: 1N F4CT, MOST OF TH3 P3OPL3 AL1V3 L1K3 YOU!
GC: SOM3 MOR3 TH4N OTH3RS. >
TT: Oh brave new world that has such people in it.
TT:
GG: hee hee hee!
AT: wOW,
GA: My Only Concern Is That Some Members Of Our Party May Try To Start Repopulating Before The Proper Time
CT: D --> Indeed
CT: D --> Such 100d behavior w001d be una%eptable
AG: He’s just saying that 8ecause he hasn’t realized his girlfriend is capa8le of
AG: *ahem*
AG: repopulating again. :::
CT: D --> I will not have such implications made about me
CT: D --> Or such base motives ascribed to my person
AA: and are y0u sure the th0ught never cr0ssed y0ur mind?
AA: c0mpletely sure?
CT: D --> I. . .
CT: D --> That is, of course not!
CT: D --> Now e%cuse me while I go find a towel
AA: ill help y0u l00k!
CT: D --> That is. . . wholly unnecessary
GA: I Think I May Need To Start A Committee For This
GA: Or Against It As The Case May Be
CA: not that this isnt hilarious
CA: but havve you thought about howw wwe are gettin to the asteroid
GG: grandpa’s going to pick us up!
CA: oh okay
CA: but howw
GG: look up, silly!
CA: oh wwoww
TA: that ii2 a biig fuckiing boat.
TT: It will come in handy where we are going.
CG: WHICH IS WHERE SPECIFICALLY?
TT: I believe Acapulco is the traditional destination for those who faked their deaths using time travel.
TG: oh hell yes!
AT: tIME TO GO, i THINK,
AT: fOR ALL OF US,
AT: wE’LL GO TOGETHER,
EB: charge!!!

They charged.

And it was anything but a disaster.

... I love you so much right now. So much.

YOU WIN EVERYTHING.

[Graven_Image]

I really feel like I should hold on to this for another day or so.

But what the heck.

Chapter 16: epil0gue

show spoiler

hide spoiler

AA: exactly as planned
TG: really?
AA: hell n0!
AA: i can n0t believe we actually g0t away with that!
TG: that guy was never our real ‘adversary’ was he
AA: n0pe!
AA: d0nt get me wr0ng he was still an enemy!
AA: and a very p0werful and clever 0ne t00
AA: but he wasnt the reas0n we were in danger
AA: the 0ne we really had t0 f00l was the timeline itself!
TT: I suppose when one needs to fool the very forces of destiny a bit of theatrics is in order.
TT: That said, was it really necessary to cut things quite so close?
AA: yeah well when 0ne can travel thr0ugh time and space h0wever 0ne pleases cl0se d0esnt really have the same meaning!
AA: the 0nly real p0int 0f danger was when the expl0si0n hit
AA: 0nce Bec survived that we c0uld always take y0u all back t0 the m0ment the gate still existed and get 0ut 0f there
GA: It Was Exhilirating
GA: But I Think I Would Not Want To Experience That Again
GA: Are You Confident We Will Be Left Alone From Now On
AA: c0mpletely p0sitive!
AA: We were all there until juuust bef0re the expl0si0n hit
AA: And even afterward we had s0me0ne t0 take the fall f0r us!
AA: g00d j0b 0n the r0b0ts by the way equius!
AA: they were very lifelike
CT: D --> Since their main job was to be vaporized I was able to skip most of the details that w001d normally stop a robot from 100king alive
CT: D --> But I think the paint job was the real reason they su%eeded in f001ing anyone
AC: :33 < *Mr. Zahaak w001d be surprised and purple%ed at what his meowrail can do when she really concentrates!*
GC: 4ND TH3 3NCH4NT3D CH4LK H3LP3D 4 LOT W1TH T3XTUR3S!
GC: THOS3 AR3 4LW4YS TR1CKY.
TG: im just shocked there was enough magic in the universe to let us draw something convincing
TT: I think you really underestimate your talents, Dave.
TT: Perhaps if you took some time to learn about perspective and shading, your art would improve.
CT: D --> I suppose I c001d help with that
CT: D --> We will need artists to replace the lost masterpieces of Alternia
TG: no offense but you and your freaky art can just stay the hell away from me
CT: D --> Perhaps that c001d be arranged
CT: D --> After you serve the penalty for getting three demerits, that is
CG: OH HELL YES!
CG: NOW WE’RE TALKING.
TG: so whats the penalty here
TG: do i have to write lines
TG: or stand in the corner wearing a hat declaring that i am not the king of cool
TG: all evidence to the contrary
CG: YEAH YOU WISH.
CG: THE PENALTY IS THAT YOU HAVE TO LIE IN EQUIS’S FREAKISH ROBOT PART PILE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.
TG: lame
CT: D --> For five hours
TG: what
CG: IT USED TO BE FIVE MINUTES BUT THE COMMITTEE HELD A VOTE TO INCREASE THE PENALTY JUST BEFORE I CONTACTED YOU.
TG: okay what the hell everyone
TG: i think i speak for all present when i say it was just too good an opportunity to miss
TG: et tu dave
TG: he who lives by irony dies by irony dude
TG: you know that
AG: can we stop discussing business for a minute?
AG: we just kicked the White Text Guy’s butt!
AG: I say this calls for a cele8r8ion!
TC: MoRe cAkE AnD FaYgO CoMiNg tHe mOtHeRfUcK Up!
TC: jUsT LeT Me sEe iF I CaN FiGuRe tHiS MoDuS OuT
EB: oh yeah!
EB: let’s hear it for the Committee of Survival!
AT: hOORAY,
GG: hooray!!
CC: )(OORAY!!!
GA: We Made A Pretty Good Team
GA: When We Get To The Universe You Created I Envision The Government System As Neither A Democracy Nor A Monarchy But A Pure Bureaucracy
GA: Under This System Leaders Would Be Appointed By A Committee Whose Members Would Themselves Be Appointed By Appropriate Committees
GA: A System Whose Authority Comes From The System Itself If You Will
EB: well we can discuss government systems later
EB: but we’re not going to that universe!
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
EB: in fact we already destroyed the door to it!
CG: WHY?!
CG: JOHN, OF ALL THE FUCKED-UP THINGS YOU HUMANS HAVE DONE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS ONE?
CG: IT LITERALLY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!
GG: it makes perfect sense!
GG: it will give the universe a chance to grow on its own
TT: It’s what happened in our case, and you must admit that worked out to within acceptable parameters.
TT: Besides which, we are not quite certain that all of you have given up on your ambitions of becoming tyrants of a new world.
TT: Since you outnumber us, it would be difficult for us to stop you.
CG: THAT’S FUCKED UP!
TT: Tell me I’m wrong.
CG: . . .
CA: so wwhat then
CA: wwe spend the rest of our livves here?
TT: Of course not.
TT: As it happens, there is a large asteroid still scheduled to enter a portal and crash back to Earth.
TT: Our guardians are already upon it and we will be joining them shortly.
CG: SO WE’RE GOING BACK TO YOUR PLANET?
CG: THE ONE WITH THE INSANELY SMALL SUN AND FUCKING SWINGS AND ALL THE WEIRD SHIT?
EB: yup!
CG: YEAH.
CG: YEAH, OKAY, I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
TA: oh plea2e KK!
TA: you were all about that place.
TA: you 2hould have 2een hiim cry about how he would never get there.
EB: snicker.
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
CG: JUST. . . SHUT THE HELL UP, SOLLUX.
CG: LET ME ENJOY THIS.
GG: aww!
GA: Oh
AG: What is it?
GA: The Card With The Matriorb Has Unlocked Itself
GA: I Believe We Have Found Our Destination
CC: )(OORAY!
CC: )(OP---E! 38D
CC: Look, ----Eridan, it’s )(ope!
CC: You like )(ope, right?
CA: hope has not exactly been a scarce resource lately
CA: in case you havvent noticed
CA: . . .
CA: but yeah
CA: i am feelin pretty fuckin hopeful right noww
AT: i THINK THAT MAYBE WE ALL ARE,
AT: bECAUSE RIGHT NOW I AM FEELING SO CONFIDENT ITS LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING,
AT: iT IS LIKE I DONT EVEN NEED RUFIO OR ANYTHING TO MAKE ME THIS CONFIDENT,
CG: ORDINARILY I WOULD TELL YOU BOTH WHERE TO SHOVE YOUR CONFIDENCE AND YOUR HOPE.
CG: BUT JUST FOR TODAY YOU GET A PASS.
CG: TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.
CG: WE’VE GOT A NEW HOME.
GA: And I Suppose We Can Repopulate It
GA: You Know
GA: In Due Time
AC: :33 < *and i sneaked in some ectobiology equipment
AC: :33 < just in case some of us want to do repopulating outside of the species!*
CG: WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?
GC: NOT 4LL TH3 WORLD, K4RKL3S!
GC: 1N F4CT, MOST OF TH3 P3OPL3 AL1V3 L1K3 YOU!
GC: SOM3 MOR3 TH4N OTH3RS. >
TT: Oh brave new world that has such people in it.
TT:
GG: hee hee hee!
AT: wOW,
GA: My Only Concern Is That Some Members Of Our Party May Try To Start Repopulating Before The Proper Time
CT: D --> Indeed
CT: D --> Such 100d behavior w001d be una%eptable
AG: He’s just saying that 8ecause he hasn’t realized his girlfriend is capa8le of
AG: *ahem*
AG: repopulating again. :::
CT: D --> I will not have such implications made about me
CT: D --> Or such base motives ascribed to my person
AA: and are y0u sure the th0ught never cr0ssed y0ur mind?
AA: c0mpletely sure?
CT: D --> I. . .
CT: D --> That is, of course not!
CT: D --> Now e%cuse me while I go find a towel
AA: ill help y0u l00k!
CT: D --> That is. . . wholly unnecessary
GA: I Think I May Need To Start A Committee For This
GA: Or Against It As The Case May Be
CA: not that this isnt hilarious
CA: but havve you thought about howw wwe are gettin to the asteroid
GG: grandpa’s going to pick us up!
CA: oh okay
CA: but howw
GG: look up, silly!
CA: oh wwoww
TA: that ii2 a biig fuckiing boat.
TT: It will come in handy where we are going.
CG: WHICH IS WHERE SPECIFICALLY?
TT: I believe Acapulco is the traditional destination for those who faked their deaths using time travel.
TG: oh hell yes!
AT: tIME TO GO, i THINK,
AT: fOR ALL OF US,
AT: wE’LL GO TOGETHER,
EB: charge!!!

They charged.

And it was anything but a disaster.

Was that Bob and George.

Tell me that was Bob and George you sneaked in there.

[SeptimusMagistos]

Was that Bob and George.

Tell me that was Bob and George you sneaked in there.

So it was. It seemed appropriate to the situation.

[TinCanHitman]

I really feel like I should hold on to this for another day or so.

But what the heck.

Chapter 16: epil0gue

show spoiler

hide spoiler

AA: exactly as planned
TG: really?
AA: hell n0!
AA: i can n0t believe we actually g0t away with that!
TG: that guy was never our real ‘adversary’ was he
AA: n0pe!
AA: d0nt get me wr0ng he was still an enemy!
AA: and a very p0werful and clever 0ne t00
AA: but he wasnt the reas0n we were in danger
AA: the 0ne we really had t0 f00l was the timeline itself!
TT: I suppose when one needs to fool the very forces of destiny a bit of theatrics is in order.
TT: That said, was it really necessary to cut things quite so close?
AA: yeah well when 0ne can travel thr0ugh time and space h0wever 0ne pleases cl0se d0esnt really have the same meaning!
AA: the 0nly real p0int 0f danger was when the expl0si0n hit
AA: 0nce Bec survived that we c0uld always take y0u all back t0 the m0ment the gate still existed and get 0ut 0f there
GA: It Was Exhilirating
GA: But I Think I Would Not Want To Experience That Again
GA: Are You Confident We Will Be Left Alone From Now On
AA: c0mpletely p0sitive!
AA: We were all there until juuust bef0re the expl0si0n hit
AA: And even afterward we had s0me0ne t0 take the fall f0r us!
AA: g00d j0b 0n the r0b0ts by the way equius!
AA: they were very lifelike
CT: D --> Since their main job was to be vaporized I was able to skip most of the details that w001d normally stop a robot from 100king alive
CT: D --> But I think the paint job was the real reason they su%eeded in f001ing anyone
AC: :33 < *Mr. Zahaak w001d be surprised and purple%ed at what his meowrail can do when she really concentrates!*
GC: 4ND TH3 3NCH4NT3D CH4LK H3LP3D 4 LOT W1TH T3XTUR3S!
GC: THOS3 AR3 4LW4YS TR1CKY.
TG: im just shocked there was enough magic in the universe to let us draw something convincing
TT: I think you really underestimate your talents, Dave.
TT: Perhaps if you took some time to learn about perspective and shading, your art would improve.
CT: D --> I suppose I c001d help with that
CT: D --> We will need artists to replace the lost masterpieces of Alternia
TG: no offense but you and your freaky art can just stay the hell away from me
CT: D --> Perhaps that c001d be arranged
CT: D --> After you serve the penalty for getting three demerits, that is
CG: OH HELL YES!
CG: NOW WE’RE TALKING.
TG: so whats the penalty here
TG: do i have to write lines
TG: or stand in the corner wearing a hat declaring that i am not the king of cool
TG: all evidence to the contrary
CG: YEAH YOU WISH.
CG: THE PENALTY IS THAT YOU HAVE TO LIE IN EQUIS’S FREAKISH ROBOT PART PILE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.
TG: lame
CT: D --> For five hours
TG: what
CG: IT USED TO BE FIVE MINUTES BUT THE COMMITTEE HELD A VOTE TO INCREASE THE PENALTY JUST BEFORE I CONTACTED YOU.
TG: okay what the hell everyone
TG: i think i speak for all present when i say it was just too good an opportunity to miss
TG: et tu dave
TG: he who lives by irony dies by irony dude
TG: you know that
AG: can we stop discussing business for a minute?
AG: we just kicked the White Text Guy’s butt!
AG: I say this calls for a cele8r8ion!
TC: MoRe cAkE AnD FaYgO CoMiNg tHe mOtHeRfUcK Up!
TC: jUsT LeT Me sEe iF I CaN FiGuRe tHiS MoDuS OuT
EB: oh yeah!
EB: let’s hear it for the Committee of Survival!
AT: hOORAY,
GG: hooray!!
CC: )(OORAY!!!
GA: We Made A Pretty Good Team
GA: When We Get To The Universe You Created I Envision The Government System As Neither A Democracy Nor A Monarchy But A Pure Bureaucracy
GA: Under This System Leaders Would Be Appointed By A Committee Whose Members Would Themselves Be Appointed By Appropriate Committees
GA: A System Whose Authority Comes From The System Itself If You Will
EB: well we can discuss government systems later
EB: but we’re not going to that universe!
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
EB: in fact we already destroyed the door to it!
CG: WHY?!
CG: JOHN, OF ALL THE FUCKED-UP THINGS YOU HUMANS HAVE DONE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS ONE?
CG: IT LITERALLY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!
GG: it makes perfect sense!
GG: it will give the universe a chance to grow on its own
TT: It’s what happened in our case, and you must admit that worked out to within acceptable parameters.
TT: Besides which, we are not quite certain that all of you have given up on your ambitions of becoming tyrants of a new world.
TT: Since you outnumber us, it would be difficult for us to stop you.
CG: THAT’S FUCKED UP!
TT: Tell me I’m wrong.
CG: . . .
CA: so wwhat then
CA: wwe spend the rest of our livves here?
TT: Of course not.
TT: As it happens, there is a large asteroid still scheduled to enter a portal and crash back to Earth.
TT: Our guardians are already upon it and we will be joining them shortly.
CG: SO WE’RE GOING BACK TO YOUR PLANET?
CG: THE ONE WITH THE INSANELY SMALL SUN AND FUCKING SWINGS AND ALL THE WEIRD SHIT?
EB: yup!
CG: YEAH.
CG: YEAH, OKAY, I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
TA: oh plea2e KK!
TA: you were all about that place.
TA: you 2hould have 2een hiim cry about how he would never get there.
EB: snicker.
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
CG: JUST. . . SHUT THE HELL UP, SOLLUX.
CG: LET ME ENJOY THIS.
GG: aww!
GA: Oh
AG: What is it?
GA: The Card With The Matriorb Has Unlocked Itself
GA: I Believe We Have Found Our Destination
CC: )(OORAY!
CC: )(OP---E! 38D
CC: Look, ----Eridan, it’s )(ope!
CC: You like )(ope, right?
CA: hope has not exactly been a scarce resource lately
CA: in case you havvent noticed
CA: . . .
CA: but yeah
CA: i am feelin pretty fuckin hopeful right noww
AT: i THINK THAT MAYBE WE ALL ARE,
AT: bECAUSE RIGHT NOW I AM FEELING SO CONFIDENT ITS LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING,
AT: iT IS LIKE I DONT EVEN NEED RUFIO OR ANYTHING TO MAKE ME THIS CONFIDENT,
CG: ORDINARILY I WOULD TELL YOU BOTH WHERE TO SHOVE YOUR CONFIDENCE AND YOUR HOPE.
CG: BUT JUST FOR TODAY YOU GET A PASS.
CG: TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.
CG: WE’VE GOT A NEW HOME.
GA: And I Suppose We Can Repopulate It
GA: You Know
GA: In Due Time
AC: :33 < *and i sneaked in some ectobiology equipment
AC: :33 < just in case some of us want to do repopulating outside of the species!*
CG: WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?
GC: NOT 4LL TH3 WORLD, K4RKL3S!
GC: 1N F4CT, MOST OF TH3 P3OPL3 AL1V3 L1K3 YOU!
GC: SOM3 MOR3 TH4N OTH3RS. >
TT: Oh brave new world that has such people in it.
TT:
GG: hee hee hee!
AT: wOW,
GA: My Only Concern Is That Some Members Of Our Party May Try To Start Repopulating Before The Proper Time
CT: D --> Indeed
CT: D --> Such 100d behavior w001d be una%eptable
AG: He’s just saying that 8ecause he hasn’t realized his girlfriend is capa8le of
AG: *ahem*
AG: repopulating again. :::
CT: D --> I will not have such implications made about me
CT: D --> Or such base motives ascribed to my person
AA: and are y0u sure the th0ught never cr0ssed y0ur mind?
AA: c0mpletely sure?
CT: D --> I. . .
CT: D --> That is, of course not!
CT: D --> Now e%cuse me while I go find a towel
AA: ill help y0u l00k!
CT: D --> That is. . . wholly unnecessary
GA: I Think I May Need To Start A Committee For This
GA: Or Against It As The Case May Be
CA: not that this isnt hilarious
CA: but havve you thought about howw wwe are gettin to the asteroid
GG: grandpa’s going to pick us up!
CA: oh okay
CA: but howw
GG: look up, silly!
CA: oh wwoww
TA: that ii2 a biig fuckiing boat.
TT: It will come in handy where we are going.
CG: WHICH IS WHERE SPECIFICALLY?
TT: I believe Acapulco is the traditional destination for those who faked their deaths using time travel.
TG: oh hell yes!
AT: tIME TO GO, i THINK,
AT: fOR ALL OF US,
AT: wE’LL GO TOGETHER,
EB: charge!!!

They charged.

And it was anything but a disaster.

Well. That's... damn, That was an excellent way to transition these two chapters.

I've silently enjoyed the whole thing, but I'm going to give you an extra clap or three just for that.

[Rimbaum]

I sense some interesting dynamics about to brew between Die and PI.

Your shipping sense is tingling?

Not necessarily shipping... It could be anything from awkward sort-of friendship all the way on up to a romance of some variety. But whatever it is... it will be Interesting.

[Nox]

I really feel like I should hold on to this for another day or so.

But what the heck.

Chapter 16: epil0gue

show spoiler

hide spoiler

AA: exactly as planned
TG: really?
AA: hell n0!
AA: i can n0t believe we actually g0t away with that!
TG: that guy was never our real ‘adversary’ was he
AA: n0pe!
AA: d0nt get me wr0ng he was still an enemy!
AA: and a very p0werful and clever 0ne t00
AA: but he wasnt the reas0n we were in danger
AA: the 0ne we really had t0 f00l was the timeline itself!
TT: I suppose when one needs to fool the very forces of destiny a bit of theatrics is in order.
TT: That said, was it really necessary to cut things quite so close?
AA: yeah well when 0ne can travel thr0ugh time and space h0wever 0ne pleases cl0se d0esnt really have the same meaning!
AA: the 0nly real p0int 0f danger was when the expl0si0n hit
AA: 0nce Bec survived that we c0uld always take y0u all back t0 the m0ment the gate still existed and get 0ut 0f there
GA: It Was Exhilirating
GA: But I Think I Would Not Want To Experience That Again
GA: Are You Confident We Will Be Left Alone From Now On
AA: c0mpletely p0sitive!
AA: We were all there until juuust bef0re the expl0si0n hit
AA: And even afterward we had s0me0ne t0 take the fall f0r us!
AA: g00d j0b 0n the r0b0ts by the way equius!
AA: they were very lifelike
CT: D --> Since their main job was to be vaporized I was able to skip most of the details that w001d normally stop a robot from 100king alive
CT: D --> But I think the paint job was the real reason they su%eeded in f001ing anyone
AC: :33 < *Mr. Zahaak w001d be surprised and purple%ed at what his meowrail can do when she really concentrates!*
GC: 4ND TH3 3NCH4NT3D CH4LK H3LP3D 4 LOT W1TH T3XTUR3S!
GC: THOS3 AR3 4LW4YS TR1CKY.
TG: im just shocked there was enough magic in the universe to let us draw something convincing
TT: I think you really underestimate your talents, Dave.
TT: Perhaps if you took some time to learn about perspective and shading, your art would improve.
CT: D --> I suppose I c001d help with that
CT: D --> We will need artists to replace the lost masterpieces of Alternia
TG: no offense but you and your freaky art can just stay the hell away from me
CT: D --> Perhaps that c001d be arranged
CT: D --> After you serve the penalty for getting three demerits, that is
CG: OH HELL YES!
CG: NOW WE’RE TALKING.
TG: so whats the penalty here
TG: do i have to write lines
TG: or stand in the corner wearing a hat declaring that i am not the king of cool
TG: all evidence to the contrary
CG: YEAH YOU WISH.
CG: THE PENALTY IS THAT YOU HAVE TO LIE IN EQUIS’S FREAKISH ROBOT PART PILE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.
TG: lame
CT: D --> For five hours
TG: what
CG: IT USED TO BE FIVE MINUTES BUT THE COMMITTEE HELD A VOTE TO INCREASE THE PENALTY JUST BEFORE I CONTACTED YOU.
TG: okay what the hell everyone
TG: i think i speak for all present when i say it was just too good an opportunity to miss
TG: et tu dave
TG: he who lives by irony dies by irony dude
TG: you know that
AG: can we stop discussing business for a minute?
AG: we just kicked the White Text Guy’s butt!
AG: I say this calls for a cele8r8ion!
TC: MoRe cAkE AnD FaYgO CoMiNg tHe mOtHeRfUcK Up!
TC: jUsT LeT Me sEe iF I CaN FiGuRe tHiS MoDuS OuT
EB: oh yeah!
EB: let’s hear it for the Committee of Survival!
AT: hOORAY,
GG: hooray!!
CC: )(OORAY!!!
GA: We Made A Pretty Good Team
GA: When We Get To The Universe You Created I Envision The Government System As Neither A Democracy Nor A Monarchy But A Pure Bureaucracy
GA: Under This System Leaders Would Be Appointed By A Committee Whose Members Would Themselves Be Appointed By Appropriate Committees
GA: A System Whose Authority Comes From The System Itself If You Will
EB: well we can discuss government systems later
EB: but we’re not going to that universe!
CG: WAIT, WHAT?
EB: in fact we already destroyed the door to it!
CG: WHY?!
CG: JOHN, OF ALL THE FUCKED-UP THINGS YOU HUMANS HAVE DONE WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS ONE?
CG: IT LITERALLY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!
GG: it makes perfect sense!
GG: it will give the universe a chance to grow on its own
TT: It’s what happened in our case, and you must admit that worked out to within acceptable parameters.
TT: Besides which, we are not quite certain that all of you have given up on your ambitions of becoming tyrants of a new world.
TT: Since you outnumber us, it would be difficult for us to stop you.
CG: THAT’S FUCKED UP!
TT: Tell me I’m wrong.
CG: . . .
CA: so wwhat then
CA: wwe spend the rest of our livves here?
TT: Of course not.
TT: As it happens, there is a large asteroid still scheduled to enter a portal and crash back to Earth.
TT: Our guardians are already upon it and we will be joining them shortly.
CG: SO WE’RE GOING BACK TO YOUR PLANET?
CG: THE ONE WITH THE INSANELY SMALL SUN AND FUCKING SWINGS AND ALL THE WEIRD SHIT?
EB: yup!
CG: YEAH.
CG: YEAH, OKAY, I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
TA: oh plea2e KK!
TA: you were all about that place.
TA: you 2hould have 2een hiim cry about how he would never get there.
EB: snicker.
CG: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
CG: JUST. . . SHUT THE HELL UP, SOLLUX.
CG: LET ME ENJOY THIS.
GG: aww!
GA: Oh
AG: What is it?
GA: The Card With The Matriorb Has Unlocked Itself
GA: I Believe We Have Found Our Destination
CC: )(OORAY!
CC: )(OP---E! 38D
CC: Look, ----Eridan, it’s )(ope!
CC: You like )(ope, right?
CA: hope has not exactly been a scarce resource lately
CA: in case you havvent noticed
CA: . . .
CA: but yeah
CA: i am feelin pretty fuckin hopeful right noww
AT: i THINK THAT MAYBE WE ALL ARE,
AT: bECAUSE RIGHT NOW I AM FEELING SO CONFIDENT ITS LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING,
AT: iT IS LIKE I DONT EVEN NEED RUFIO OR ANYTHING TO MAKE ME THIS CONFIDENT,
CG: ORDINARILY I WOULD TELL YOU BOTH WHERE TO SHOVE YOUR CONFIDENCE AND YOUR HOPE.
CG: BUT JUST FOR TODAY YOU GET A PASS.
CG: TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT.
CG: WE’VE GOT A NEW HOME.
GA: And I Suppose We Can Repopulate It
GA: You Know
GA: In Due Time
AC: :33 < *and i sneaked in some ectobiology equipment
AC: :33 < just in case some of us want to do repopulating outside of the species!*
CG: WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME?
GC: NOT 4LL TH3 WORLD, K4RKL3S!
GC: 1N F4CT, MOST OF TH3 P3OPL3 AL1V3 L1K3 YOU!
GC: SOM3 MOR3 TH4N OTH3RS. >
TT: Oh brave new world that has such people in it.
TT:
GG: hee hee hee!
AT: wOW,
GA: My Only Concern Is That Some Members Of Our Party May Try To Start Repopulating Before The Proper Time
CT: D --> Indeed
CT: D --> Such 100d behavior w001d be una%eptable
AG: He’s just saying that 8ecause he hasn’t realized his girlfriend is capa8le of
AG: *ahem*
AG: repopulating again. :::
CT: D --> I will not have such implications made about me
CT: D --> Or such base motives ascribed to my person
AA: and are y0u sure the th0ught never cr0ssed y0ur mind?
AA: c0mpletely sure?
CT: D --> I. . .
CT: D --> That is, of course not!
CT: D --> Now e%cuse me while I go find a towel
AA: ill help y0u l00k!
CT: D --> That is. . . wholly unnecessary
GA: I Think I May Need To Start A Committee For This
GA: Or Against It As The Case May Be
CA: not that this isnt hilarious
CA: but havve you thought about howw wwe are gettin to the asteroid
GG: grandpa’s going to pick us up!
CA: oh okay
CA: but howw
GG: look up, silly!
CA: oh wwoww
TA: that ii2 a biig fuckiing boat.
TT: It will come in handy where we are going.
CG: WHICH IS WHERE SPECIFICALLY?
TT: I believe Acapulco is the traditional destination for those who faked their deaths using time travel.
TG: oh hell yes!
AT: tIME TO GO, i THINK,
AT: fOR ALL OF US,
AT: wE’LL GO TOGETHER,
EB: charge!!!

They charged.

And it was anything but a disaster.

OK, this is basically the best thing ever. This currently holds my vote as best Homestuck Story EVER! It's also eternally in my head-cannon.

Now, no matter what happens in the main story and who dies, to me their will always be this version of the characters living out their lives in peace. They have won, their story is done, and nothing was lost in the process.

[SeptimusMagistos]

OK, this is basically the best thing ever. This currently holds my vote as best Homestuck Story EVER! It's also eternally in my head-cannon.

Now, no matter what happens in the main story and who dies, to me their will always be this version of the characters living out their lives in peace. They have won, their story is done, and nothing was lost in the process.

That is basically the reason I wrote this.

So thanks.

[Megafire]

I sense some interesting dynamics about to brew between Die and PI.

Your shipping sense is tingling?

Not necessarily shipping... It could be anything from awkward sort-of friendship all the way on up to a romance of some variety. But whatever it is... it will be Interesting.

With capital I?

[Embargo]

@Septawesome loved the ending. Great story as a whole. Though the ending in the 15th chapter seemed too abrupt. Though I guess that was the intent.

[Summergale]

psst. ending two has enough ships in it that you could call it a dock okay

Nascent

show spoiler

hide spoiler

apocalypseArisen [AA] opened trans-universal memo on board a plea for help.

AA: hello :)
AA: you may not know this version of me
AA: i am from the alpha alternian session
AA: the prime session of our spawned universe is doomed to be barren
AA: and this incipisphere is about to collapse thanks to the demons influence
AA: i have a plan to combat this!
AA: but i need help
ambiguousAbscondant [AA2] responded to memo.
AA2: about to collapse?
AA2: how?
AA: its basically ceasing to exist
AA: along with everyone in it
AA: but first where is my jade self
AA: there must be one
AA: anyone?
auspiciousAggressor [AA3] responded to memo.
AA3: that would be me
AA: okay
AA: any other aradias hiding in the woodwork
AA: come on out now :)
aeonianAsendancy [AA4] responded to memo.
AA4: present and accounted for
absoluteAnarchy [AA5] responded to memo.
AA5: heeeeeeeere!
affrontedAcatour [AA6] responded to memo.
AA6: what do you want :|
ardentAffiance [AA7] responded to memo.
AA7: hey, uh, i'm here if you need me!
airyAccourter [AA8] responded to memo.
AA8: haha, whats up? :D
acopicAdvice [AA9] responded to memo.
AA9: ready and waiting.
almightyArbiter [AA10] responded to memo.
AA10: here if you need me to dispense justice! >:)
alphanumericAutomaton [AA11] responded to memo.
AA11: accepting input.
agrarianAmbush [AA12] responded to memo.
AA12: i'm here!!

AA: perfect.
AA: here's what i need...

show spoiler

hide spoiler

The first sign that something is happening is the way everybody in the lab suddenly feels weightless. There's a few startled yells and curses as they lift gently into the air, and then one by one the trolls and humans vanish. Karkat is the last to go, staring dumbfounded at disintegrating desks and melting monitors. He grabs the floor as if attempting to stay in this decomposing world, but it dissolves into ash beneath his palms. He'd thought the meteor would last longer than this; that it wouldn't go so quickly as the rest of the session had. He clearly remembers looking through one of the lab's viewports and seeing the world he had become so attached to simply melting away. Each of the planets had already disintegrated, and apparently now had the Veil. The troll can only give a frightened whimper before he too is swallowed by paradox space.

-----------------

thought i got rid of you punk
not quite.
th' hell do ya think yer doin' anyway
nevermind, don't care
c'mere
hey!
get off of m-- ah!

-----------------

A clear blue sky greets Karkat when he opens his eyes. Airy clouds drift slowly along the lower edge of his vision, and the wind ruffles his hair. He can feel the warmth of a gentle sun upon his skin. In short, he has no fucking clue where he is. Karkat scrambles into a sitting position and realises that he's in a field somewhere. The other trolls - all of them, he notices; even those who were dead - are all sitting in the field as well. They've splintered into little groups; the humans are off to the side, Nepeta and Equius are presumably roleplaying (Equius doesn't seem to be doing it too well, as evidenced by Nepeta's expression), and he catches sight of Gamzee lying on his back staring at the sky, swallowed in the grass.

Aradia's missing. that thought lances through him, sharp and clear, forcing Karkat to stand up and look around.

There. A glimpse of red in the shade of a tree. He makes his way over and she looks up.
"Karkat?" she whispers, struggling to sit up for a reason he can't quite see. "It worked! Oh, it worked..." Her voice fades into a mumble and Karkat is quick to kneel down.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Something's definitely wrong. "I asked you a question, Megido!"
She pulls her hand away from her side. Rust-red blood runs down her side and Karkat swears.

"It's okay. We made it."
"Fuck, I'll get Feferi, o-or Jade, or-"
"No, no. Leave them. They're busy."

The world spins and Aradia gasps, feeling once more the sting of a phantom blade in her side. She's dying again. She told Sollux - told Dave, even - that she wouldn't, and here she is bleeding out in a new world. Karkat swears and runs to the others, practically tripping over his own feet. Her alternate selves, worlds that never should have been, are there. Nobody else sees them but her, a whole spectrum of curl-horned troll girls.

"Aradia!" Sollux cries out, rushing to her side. His words fall on dull ears as Aradia stares at nothing before glancing back at him.
"I'm okay. Don't cry," she adds. They're all trying to help. "...The demon got me when we were crossing over."

The next minutes pass in a blur, a whirl of movement. Someone picks her up. her hood slides off her head and someone brushes her hair from her face. They lay her down somewhere warm, and she feels cloth and hands pressing against her side. She tries to protest but all that comes out is a whisper. Sollux's face swims into sight above her, all worry and concern. She can see his eyes from this angle, behind his glasses. They're red and blue, just like they should be. So that bit worked too, she thinks.

She's feeling weaker and weaker. Sollux's lips move, but it's too quiet for her to really notice. She's so tired. She just wants to sleep.
Aradia!
Aradia, don't go to sleep, okay?
Please!

Ending 1

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Slowly, the world fades away.

Aradia's okay with that. What she isn't okay with is how terrified Sollux and the others look. They shout, someone shakes her shoulder and they're almost begging her.
Aradia, no! Stay with us!

She stands in a void. Her doppelgangers, her alternate selves, stand around her smiling. A whole spectrum of curl-horned troll girls. They welcome her and she smiles, as they all link hands and the void around them whitens. They'll be okay. The new world will be fine without them. Consider it a gift, Aradia thinks.

They hold the corpsemourn the next day. It turns out Aradia had restored a perfect blend of Earth and Alternia, with no mention of Sburb or Sgrub at all. It's beautiful and it's theirs, a second chance at the world. Everyone's talking quietly.

She watches from the shadows and smiles. Yeah, they'll be okay. This little nascent world will never have to fear the demon.

Ending 2

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Aradia clings to life. She has no intention of ever dying again. That's what she told everyone, and she meant it. She claws herself back from the brink of death.

The next day finds her sitting in the meadow where they arrived, enjoying the warmth of a sun that won't burn her skin. Sollux approaches quietly, before sitting beside her with a smile.
"Healing okay?" he asks. She just nods. There are other humans and trolls on the planet, brought from Earth and Alternia before the game happened. Sollux and Aradia watch them for a while, children running and playing in the grass while their parents try not to join in.

"We've settled in pretty well," she says quietly. "Everything's looking good."
Carefully, Aradia takes Sollux's hand. He blushes, but she doesn't care, settling against him comfortably. Eventually Sollux raises a question.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you do all... all thith?"

She thinks for a moment. Stares at the world around them; grass and sky and happy people and everything she's ever wanted on a planet.
"Because we deserve this. Everyone deserves this."

Everyone's happy, and this incipient world is perfectly safe. The demon will not touch this world.

She has friends who will make sure of that.

[lantadyme]

Strange Places, Part II

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Pickle Inspector rounds another corner in the green mansion. It seems to be nothing but thin hallways and sharp bends. He has his sextant in hand, ready. He is not often called into action for Team Sleuth, but he has no choice but to say yes. He rounds a bend, passing a clock with its springs ripped out. He has no idea where everyone is.

He is mostly confident that he is doing his job right. He just has to go look at things. He can do that. He is on a floor full of empty rooms, and he has looked at each of them, including the linen closet in the hallway. He's in front of it now, peering at another poor clock lying on the floor with a footprint through it when there is a sort of pop of air and a slight breeze. He turns his head to see a man appear out of nowhere. He is gaunt and worried, the dark shadows under his eyes made uncomfortably bright by his vivid green tailcoat. One hand holds a white doll full of pins, and an assortment of other pins between his long fingers.

He stumbles as he falls out of nowhere, reorienting himself, and nearly loses his large top hat. He tosses anxious glances over both shoulders and starts as he notices Pickle Inspector. His gaze sneaks back to his doll, then snaps back to Pickle Inspector. They both jump at the sound of someone around the corner, and the man in green pushes a pin into the doll and vanishes.

Die: Skip to Pickle Inspector's death.
You reach for the white pin marked "PI". Hmm. You can't seem to find it. You must have dropped it. That doesn't seem like you.

==>
Those footsteps are getting closer.

Die: Skip to somebody else's death, then.
You just have to get out of here. You stick a random pin into your voodoo doll.

==>
Oh shit that was your pin. You've never used it before.

==>

Oh god oh god he's coming for you.

Future Crowbar: Kill him a second time.
Hey, you're going to get the pleasure of this all over again-

Die: Escape! Escape!
You appear back in the past. Pickle Inspector is still there and somebody's coming down the hall.

Future Crowbar: Curse.
Aw dammit. Well, it was a nice thought, anyway.

The air swooshes away, and swooshes right back as the man reappears. Pickle Inspector's long coat waves in the wind. The man in the green suit looks panicked. The footsteps are nearly at the corner. Pickle Inspector opens the door to the linen closet and points in. The green man looks behind him, then at Pickle Inspector, then down to his doll clenched in his spidery fingers.

He rushes into the closet. Pickle Inspector steps in and closes the door silently a moment before the footsteps enter the room. For a few moments, as the footsteps pace around the hall they just vacated, Pickle Inspector and the green man stand together in uncomfortable silence. Belatedly, he realizes that the man is obviously a member of the Felt, whose very mansion he is currently trespassing on. That would make him a dangerous criminal, and a dangerous criminal in very close quarters to Pickle Inspector. He feels a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead at the thought.

He peers out the crack in the door. In the hallway, pacing like a caged panther and wielding all manner of inappropriately illegal playing cards, is the infamous gangster Spades Slick. Pickle Inspector has seen him before, and every time was terrifying. He is rather glad to be out of Spades Slick's sight.

The gangster storms into the room right next to the closet, muttering darkly to himself. Pickle Inspector waits. Beside him, the nervous-looking Felt man shivers, and stares at the closet door. Pickle Inspector regards him curiously and with some pity. If he is a dangerous criminal, he thinks, he seems to be a dangerous criminal who doesn't enjoy what he does.

Spades Slick lets out a frustrated snarl and stalks out into the hallway. The Felt man trembles. Pickle Inspector is rather afraid himself, but the dangerous criminal seems simply pitiful. Pickle Inspector awkwardly steps in front of him, between him and the door, and puts his arms around the fellow's shoulders. The man starts, but after a second, buries his face in Pickle Inspector's chest and continues to shake silently.

They wait, and listen to Spades Slick stomping through clocks his footprints had already shown up on. After perhaps forever, he stalks down another thin angled hallway and disappears into the mansion. Pickle Inspector breathes a sigh of relief and opens the closet door, stepping into the green light and brushing his coat back into order to soothe his still-fearful mind.

He feels a whoosh of air pass him, and when he looks back, there is no-one in the linen closet.

That was the first time Pickle Inspector met Die.

Pff, I am enjoying this so far. You bend that time travel to your will, man. No one really understands it so you can do whatever is most awesome.

[Rimbaum]

With capital I?

Oh hell yes.


Here, have a Black Queen/Jack Noir fic.


Making A Mark Part 1

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He's staring at you. You just stare right back. It's a silent battle of wills, a fight to see who will back down first. He always loses. It's just a flickering glance away before he goes back to staring with his ever-present snarl, or to pretending he has better things to do. But you both know exactly who broke down first. Nothing even has to be said.

This time, however... This time, he's holding up well. A Courtyard Droll comes around, asking his boss what the next job to be done is. Without even breaking eye contact, he orders the Droll to do some meaningless task. It will keep the tiny little thing busy for a while, at least.

You smirk. This is different. It's enjoyable, on some level, to see him managing to hold his ground. You're always testing him. Testing him to see if he has what it really takes. He may hate you for it, but some day, he'll have a position worthy of making people remember him. Serve under him.

"So, Jack. Have you thought about my offer yet?"

He snarls. Well, even worse than he already was. So easy to get a reaction from him. So easy to see him trip up over his own hatred. You need to see more of that. "It's a shame, really. What's your title, again? What do they call you in other timelines, other sessions? Soveriegn Slayer, Spades Slick, even one where we were lovers, and they called you the Sinister Sovereign... Never by your real name. No one remembers you as just Jack Noir. Maybe this time, you'll have that chance? Make your mark on the game, Jack."

You hold out a playing card. Ace of Spades. His card, his symbol. "Make your mark. Leave this behind, and be known as something more. Something better." You tear the card in half, and hand it to him. Still, his eyes never leave yours.

You turn to walk away. Leave him to his decision. Leave him with this one victory, to encourage him. Maybe he will make his mark, and be remembered by his real name. But most likely, he'll fail. And when he does, you'll be there to watch, and laugh.

[SeptimusMagistos]

psst. ending two has enough ships in it that you could call it a dock okay

Nascent

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apocalypseArisen [AA] opened trans-universal memo on board a plea for help.

AA: hello
AA: you may not know this version of me
AA: i am from the alpha alternian session
AA: the prime session of our spawned universe is doomed to be barren
AA: and this incipisphere is about to collapse thanks to the demons influence
AA: i have a plan to combat this!
AA: but i need help
ambiguousAbscondant [AA2] responded to memo.
AA2: about to collapse?
AA2: how?
AA: its basically ceasing to exist
AA: along with everyone in it
AA: but first where is my jade self
AA: there must be one
AA: anyone?
auspiciousAggressor [AA3] responded to memo.
AA3: that would be me
AA: okay
AA: any other aradias hiding in the woodwork
AA: come on out now
aeonianAsendancy [AA4] responded to memo.
AA4: present and accounted for
absoluteAnarchy [AA5] responded to memo.
AA5: heeeeeeeere!
affrontedAcatour [AA6] responded to memo.
AA6: what do you want :|
ardentAffiance [AA7] responded to memo.
AA7: hey, uh, i'm here if you need me!
airyAccourter [AA8] responded to memo.
AA8: haha, whats up?
acopicAdvice [AA9] responded to memo.
AA9: ready and waiting.
almightyArbiter [AA10] responded to memo.
AA10: here if you need me to dispense justice! >
alphanumericAutomaton [AA11] responded to memo.
AA11: accepting input.
agrarianAmbush [AA12] responded to memo.
AA12: i'm here!!

AA: perfect.
AA: here's what i need...

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The first sign that something is happening is the way everybody in the lab suddenly feels weightless. There's a few startled yells and curses as they lift gently into the air, and then one by one the trolls and humans vanish. Karkat is the last to go, staring dumbfounded at disintegrating desks and melting monitors. He grabs the floor as if attempting to stay in this decomposing world, but it dissolves into ash beneath his palms. He'd thought the meteor would last longer than this; that it wouldn't go so quickly as the rest of the session had. He clearly remembers looking through one of the lab's viewports and seeing the world he had become so attached to simply melting away. Each of the planets had already disintegrated, and apparently now had the Veil. The troll can only give a frightened whimper before he too is swallowed by paradox space.

-----------------

thought i got rid of you punk
not quite.
th' hell do ya think yer doin' anyway
nevermind, don't care
c'mere
hey!
get off of m-- ah!

-----------------

A clear blue sky greets Karkat when he opens his eyes. Airy clouds drift slowly along the lower edge of his vision, and the wind ruffles his hair. He can feel the warmth of a gentle sun upon his skin. In short, he has no fucking clue where he is. Karkat scrambles into a sitting position and realises that he's in a field somewhere. The other trolls - all of them, he notices; even those who were dead - are all sitting in the field as well. They've splintered into little groups; the humans are off to the side, Nepeta and Equius are presumably roleplaying (Equius doesn't seem to be doing it too well, as evidenced by Nepeta's expression), and he catches sight of Gamzee lying on his back staring at the sky, swallowed in the grass.

Aradia's missing. that thought lances through him, sharp and clear, forcing Karkat to stand up and look around.

There. A glimpse of red in the shade of a tree. He makes his way over and she looks up.
"Karkat?" she whispers, struggling to sit up for a reason he can't quite see. "It worked! Oh, it worked..." Her voice fades into a mumble and Karkat is quick to kneel down.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Something's definitely wrong. "I asked you a question, Megido!"
She pulls her hand away from her side. Rust-red blood runs down her side and Karkat swears.

"It's okay. We made it."
"Fuck, I'll get Feferi, o-or Jade, or-"
"No, no. Leave them. They're busy."

The world spins and Aradia gasps, feeling once more the sting of a phantom blade in her side. She's dying again. She told Sollux - told Dave, even - that she wouldn't, and here she is bleeding out in a new world. Karkat swears and runs to the others, practically tripping over his own feet. Her alternate selves, worlds that never should have been, are there. Nobody else sees them but her, a whole spectrum of curl-horned troll girls.

"Aradia!" Sollux cries out, rushing to her side. His words fall on dull ears as Aradia stares at nothing before glancing back at him.
"I'm okay. Don't cry," she adds. They're all trying to help. "...The demon got me when we were crossing over."

The next minutes pass in a blur, a whirl of movement. Someone picks her up. her hood slides off her head and someone brushes her hair from her face. They lay her down somewhere warm, and she feels cloth and hands pressing against her side. She tries to protest but all that comes out is a whisper. Sollux's face swims into sight above her, all worry and concern. She can see his eyes from this angle, behind his glasses. They're red and blue, just like they should be. So that bit worked too, she thinks.

She's feeling weaker and weaker. Sollux's lips move, but it's too quiet for her to really notice. She's so tired. She just wants to sleep.
Aradia!
Aradia, don't go to sleep, okay?
Please!

Ending 1

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Slowly, the world fades away.

Aradia's okay with that. What she isn't okay with is how terrified Sollux and the others look. They shout, someone shakes her shoulder and they're almost begging her.
Aradia, no! Stay with us!

She stands in a void. Her doppelgangers, her alternate selves, stand around her smiling. A whole spectrum of curl-horned troll girls. They welcome her and she smiles, as they all link hands and the void around them whitens. They'll be okay. The new world will be fine without them. Consider it a gift, Aradia thinks.

They hold the corpsemourn the next day. It turns out Aradia had restored a perfect blend of Earth and Alternia, with no mention of Sburb or Sgrub at all. It's beautiful and it's theirs, a second chance at the world. Everyone's talking quietly.

She watches from the shadows and smiles. Yeah, they'll be okay. This little nascent world will never have to fear the demon.

Ending 2

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Aradia clings to life. She has no intention of ever dying again. That's what she told everyone, and she meant it. She claws herself back from the brink of death.

The next day finds her sitting in the meadow where they arrived, enjoying the warmth of a sun that won't burn her skin. Sollux approaches quietly, before sitting beside her with a smile.
"Healing okay?" he asks. She just nods. There are other humans and trolls on the planet, brought from Earth and Alternia before the game happened. Sollux and Aradia watch them for a while, children running and playing in the grass while their parents try not to join in.

"We've settled in pretty well," she says quietly. "Everything's looking good."
Carefully, Aradia takes Sollux's hand. He blushes, but she doesn't care, settling against him comfortably. Eventually Sollux raises a question.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you do all... all thith?"

She thinks for a moment. Stares at the world around them; grass and sky and happy people and everything she's ever wanted on a planet.
"Because we deserve this. Everyone deserves this."

Everyone's happy, and this incipient world is perfectly safe. The demon will not touch this world.

She has friends who will make sure of that.

This was very good, especially the rainbow lettering. But there don't seem to be that many ships in ending two.