MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Author]

Aftermath - I

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The maid's eyes flickered over the screen. She wasn't surprised by Empress' first act, per se, more confused. She couldn't quite grasp the concept of her sheer, undeniable hatred of their saviors.

Oh whoops. Ex-saviors. Apparently the Empress had created a law that decreed all other species illegal. Most of the trolls agreed, after all, other species were what had destroyed their first world, right?

The maid's eyes blinked as she scans over the document.

"...No prisoners? That's a surprise..."

After all, the empire virtually functioned on slaves. The Lusus were originally descended from slaves after all. The maid continues reading the document, and her vein pulses.

"All members of the empire are to be drafted? Refusals will result in culling?"

That was against everything the empire stood for. The point of having an empire was to prevent all those inside the hemospectrum from causing massive civil wars. After all, the empire allowed trolls to focus their attention on other enemies. The maid had always thought that was how the empire worked. That, combined with the refusal to take slaves, was almost too much for the maid to bear. Why would the empress decree such ludicrous laws?

She smiled sadly. No matter what, the empress couldn't possibly contact her, force her into service, make her use her talents for purposes she didn't approve of. She had only been in contact with a few people, and none of them would ever allow her location to become disclosed.

The maid looked around her surroundings, grinning. Trophies hung everywhere, marks of her accomplishments. An ankh here, a fiery crown there... it was the small touches that made her feel at home. Without those items from her adventures, she would never have believed that she lived here. As she scansnedthe room, her eyes fell on a sword. A black sword, to be precise. She shuddered, her memories of that game long buried. She turned back to her computer, and grinned as she notices a message. But the three letters in that message chilled her to the bone.

Run.

The maid jumped up closing her laptop, tucking into the bag she kept at her side at all times. She glanced around her cave, realizing she could only afford to take one trophy. She hesitated momentarily, before grabbing the one thing that truly mattered. Her ancestor's armor set - a chestplate and shoulderpads that near cost her life to obtain. She also grabbed the black sword, after all; some memories are too painful to forget. The maid turns towards her cave door, walking toward it, when it flew off its hinges toward her. A legislacerator - junior, by the looks of her bright red coat, stepped in, flanked on one side by four threshecutioners, on the other by four cavalreapers. One of the cavalreapers looked rather unhappy to be there. The legislacerator stepped forward, and unrolled a scroll.

"Aradia Megido, Maid of Time, Leader of the Decadent Remnant, you are hereby charged with treason against the Empress, and shall be brought before her immediately. So says the Decree of the Heir Apparent, Eridan Ampora, that you must be brought to justice for your crimes."

Aradia smiled.
"Is this what it's come to Terezi? Dragging me in against my wishes?" Terezi sighed heavily, fiddling awkwardly with her sunglasses.
"You know I don't like this anymore than you do Aradia. These claims are ridiculous, you haven't done anything other than not show up for the draft. And you had reasons for that. But, nevertheless, I'm forced to take you in. Are you going to come quietly?"

The threshicutioners and cavalreapers readied their weapons grimly. They had all heard of the prowess of the Decadent Remnant. Hell, their Lieutenant was an ex-member and he had laughed when he'd heard about what they were doing, and was asked if he wanted to come along.

"The fucking hell you think I am? Insane?" The man's cool amber eyes glanced back at his squad. "I know Megido. If you're taking her in, it's not because you beat her, or because she was tired. It's because she let you."

Aradia smiled at all of them, politely saying, "If you would give me a second to put on my armor, I'll be ready to leave."

A few moments later, she stepped forward again, and everyone outside, apart from the Legislacerator, bowed their heads before her. She was wearing the armor of the Guardian of Aries after all. She looked at them all, before grinning widely and asking, "Well gentleman? Shall we?"

A/N:

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Wow I think this is the first time I've written anything I've personally considered decent.

THEREFORE EVERYONE ELSE WILL THINK IT'S TERRIBLE.

[Embargo]

Yeah I did another thing. I hate it so, so much. Not only did I have to rewrite it like twice because I wasn't satisfied with it, but then I started burning out. I've got this red!Rose thing coming in a second. Just gotta look it over a couple hundred times.

Here you go I guess.

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-- torturousGrit [TG] began pestering turntableTinkerer [TT] --
TG: Hello.
TT: nak nak nak
TG: Hmm...
TG: She must still be asleep.
TT: THEGLASSESARETALKINGITOLDTHEMANDTHEYSAIDIWASCRAZYB UTIKNEW
TG: I may decide to arbitrarily blow up Rosie's shades while you're wearing them if this continues. Consider that a warning.
TT:
TT: DOOF
TT: uh...
TT: sup
TG: Glad to see you aren't dead.
TG: Yet.
TT: well that isnt at all more of your condescending cagey bullshit
TT: care to tell me what the fuck just went down
TG: You took a little nap while your alternate self battled against the horde of enemies that swarmed you. Orange Bird Rose took off like a feathered motherfucker would after that.
TG: Oh and John appeared from out fucking nowhere and shot at an imp.
TT: so he managed to get in without any problems
TG: Yeah.
TT: awesome
TT: did he get in ok was he hurt
TT: dont tell me that this guy fell asleep after he got in and got schooled by a bunch of fucking imps
TG: Your concern, while embarassingly showcasing your romantic aspirations for a certain member of our group, is completely unneccessary.
TG: John entered just in time and is currently dicking around his planet.
TT: shut up
TT: im just worried you ass
TT: but just in case he did fuck up i should probably pester him
TG: There's no need for that. Your future self is taking care of that as we speak.
TT: oh wierd time shits involved
TT: then were good my future self and by proxy i have everything under control
TG: So...
TG: How'd the nap go?
TT: it went fine
TT: i just explored the endless nightmarish mindfuck that is your room
TT: seriously what kind of creep hangs mutilated dolls from the ceiling and writes meow all over the walls
TG: Don't pretend like you're any better,
TG: especially when you act like you hate those ridiculous foam smuppets your brother hoards when you actually love them obssessively.
TG: That's right. I've seen the ironic skeletons in your closet, and they look hideous.
TT: you...
TT: you really went there
TT: i cant believe you really went there i thought you said you would never speak of that ever
TG: Yeah, sorry.
TG: Lets reapply the terms of our previous agreement. I would rather not-
TG: Fuck, I don't even have the energy for this. Can we just agree not to go ahead and tell the others about our embarassing shit?
TT: yeah sure
TG: Oh shit, I forgot to ask you, did you ever take off your glasses and look into the sky?
TT: dont even talk to me about that
TG: The experience can be pretty damn jarring at first.
TT: jarring that shit was horrifying
TT: nothing but a sea of writhing lively tentacles coiling around each other and screaming
TT: i very nearly tossed my lunch at the sight you inconsiderate douche why would you make me see something so horrible
TG: Its not what you saw that matters, but what you heard.
TG: Are you sure all you heard were screams?
TT: i think so
TT: but i did hear something else too
TG: ...
TG: Well? What else did you hear?
TT: more fucking screams
TG: Ha
TG: Ha
TG: Motherfucking
TG: Ha
TG: But seriously, what did you hear?
TT: i guess i heard them ask for help
TT: though it was hard to make out from all the unintelligable mindrape
TG: It takes a while to get used to communing with the horrorterrors.
TG: Just give it some time and I'm sure you'll get over the mildly disconcerting mental probing.
TT: you may enjoy getting your ears perved up by a bunch of horrorassholes who live in some fucked up dimension outside the boundaries of mortal comprehension but i dont
TT: keep your tentacled fuckbuddies away from me
TG: Its not that simple. Our fates, at least in this session, are linked.
TG: Their survival is dependant on our success.
TG: We must accept the assistance of our eccentric allies with open arms if we hope to battle against our common foe who threatens the existence of...
TG: Well...
TG: Everything.
TG: Helping them IS helping us.
TT: fine whatever
TG: If it makes you feel any better, you can think of them as those Squiddles things that John loves. Lord knows the resemblance is pretty fucking uncanny.
TG: He might even get a kick out of hearing that you've cuddlefucked with a squiddleterror.
TT: screw you lalonde
TG: In all seriousness, it's important that you commune with them.
TG: I'm already on a secret James Motherfucking Bond mission, and you've yet to play your part in this plan I've concocted.
TT: what do they want from me
TG: The goal here is to give me a destination and its general direction from here.
TG: They'll teach you about places no mortal has ever gone or will go, and through that I'll know where not to go.
TG: The result should be something akin to a map.
TG: It'll be a painfully shitty map, but a map nevertheless.
TT: so wheres the destination
TG: The source of the First Guardian's power.
TT: right the green sun
TT: or rather i forgot
TT: any chance youd explain to me what exactly this thing is
TG: It grants First Guardians their powers while at the same time being a useless piece of shit just chilling, ironically mind you, out there in the middle of an ever expanding void.
TG: That's all it really is.
TT: so lets just go there and do whatever you were gonna do
TT: i mean its just a stupid ball of fire i would think even a bunch of retarded squids could point us in its direction and bam
TT: we make shit happen
TG: Unfortunately, shit will not be happening. The Furthest Ring is more fucked up than you could possibly imagine.
TG: Concepts like space and time don't really work the same over there.
TT: its never easy with you is it
TT: whatever let me go get that map from those wanton wriggling squiddlefuckers so we can fly over there
TG: Er... no one is flying over there but me.
TT: uuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh
TT: ok whatever
TT: then what happens
TG: We'll find out once John and Jade get their shit together. Honestly.
TG: They make dicking around look like a motherfucking olympic sport.
TT: right you sent jade on some quest
TT: what is it with you getting girls to do your shit for you anyway
TT: pretty lame if you ask me
TG: Shut up! I could probably do all this stuff by myself if I was the Seer of Time.
TG: You've got like, a million Roses prancing around LOCAR doing nothing. Tell them to pick up some of this slack.
TT: ill have you know that everything i do is part of a carefully coordinated series of events that ive seen go down before hand in my mind
TG: Wait. If that's true than can't you just see where the is? You can pretty much see everything that happens in our timeline, right?
TT: not really
TT: while i technically know what everyone did and will do a lot of my memory is kept blank
TT: there are carefully constucted gaps in my vision so as to not royally fuck up the timeline
TT: knowing certain things ahead of time could change things that were are and will be important
TT: even one mistep could turn this into another doomed offshoot which is no good
TG: Okay...
TG: Anyway, Jade should be getting The Tumor soon so we can put the rest of the plan in motion. \
TT: whats the tumor even do
TG: Well, it's supposed to be some sort of bomb in the center of Skaia, thusly key to our whole operation.
TG: You'll get the map, Jade'll get me the bomb, and I'll fly over to the .
TG: And in my glorious sacrifice I will have destroyed the source of Jack's power and, esssentially, neuter the motherfucker.
TT: sacrifice is not an option here dave
TT: in fact this plan fucking sucks what kind of retard decides to take a bomb and personally fly it into a sun
TG: No way. I made this plan, so its amazing.
TG: The lies pouring from your mouth are so heretical that I refuse to acknowledge them any longer.
TG: Also, I'm not really going to die. Its just my dreamself.
TG: That asshole is going to take a one-way trip to hell while I chill over here and watch the fireworks.
TT: oh right i forgot about dreamselves
TT: i guess the plan isnt so bad if youre just sending your dreamself
TG: Faith, Rosie. You've gotta have it.
TT: dont call me rosie
TG: Whatever.
TT: so when should i start helping you facilitate your dream suicide
TG: Whenever you feel up to being molested by a sea of naughty suction-cupped feelers swaying all the way across the sky.
TT: uh right so i wont be doing that any time soon
TT: oh wait fuck i can see my future self coming back to this room in a little while
TT: shes got this pained expression on her face and...
TT: did she just collapse on the floor
TT: i think shes sleeping
TG: Yeah...
TG: I think that might be John's patron troll's doing.
TT: whos that
TG: You know, the one trying really hard to get in his pants; the manipulative one.
TT: wait do you mean vriska
TT: shes definitely not trying to do that at all
TG: Wait... don't tell me you're jealous.
TG: I can't believe you of all people...
TG: This is just fucking rich.
TT: im not jealous fuck you
TT: you cant even see me so how would you know if i was
TG: I can feel the heat of your face flushing red from all the way over here.
TT: your planet is the land of light and heat so how would you even know you fucking liar
TG: Believe what you will, but you know its true.
TT: welp
TT: the conversation suddenly stopped being about me lets talk about you
TT: which one is your patron troll
TT: wait fuck dont tell me its the creepy one with the horse fetish
TT: you guys would get along so frighteningly well its not even funny
TG: Oh, my patron troll pestering me right now.
TT: time to clear the blast zone
TT: a million bloody horse dicks are landing in t minus 5
TT: 4
TG: Do you really think I was talking about Equius?
TT: 3
TG: Because if so,
TT: 2
TG: You're an idiot.
TT: 1
-- turntableTinkerer [TT] ceased pestering torturousGrit [TG] --

[Graven_Image]

Yeah I did another thing. I hate it so, so much. Not only did I have to rewrite it like twice because I wasn't satisfied with it, but then I started burning out. I've got this red!Rose thing coming in a second. Just gotta look it over a couple hundred times.

Here you go I guess.

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hide spoiler

-- torturousGrit [TG] began pestering turntableTinkerer [TT] --
TG: Hello.
TT: nak nak nak
TG: Hmm...
TG: She must still be asleep.
TT: THEGLASSESARETALKINGITOLDTHEMANDTHEYSAIDIWASCRAZYB UTIKNEW
TG: I may decide to arbitrarily blow up Rosie's shades while you're wearing them if this continues. Consider that a warning.
TT:
TT: DOOF
TT: uh...
TT: sup
TG: Glad to see you aren't dead.
TG: Yet.
TT: well that isnt at all more of your condescending cagey bullshit
TT: care to tell me what the fuck just went down
TG: You took a little nap while your alternate self battled against the horde of enemies that swarmed you. Orange Bird Rose took off like a feathered motherfucker would after that.
TG: Oh and John appeared from out fucking nowhere and shot at an imp.
TT: so he managed to get in without any problems
TG: Yeah.
TT: awesome
TT: did he get in ok was he hurt
TT: dont tell me that this guy fell asleep after he got in and got schooled by a bunch of fucking imps
TG: Your concern, while embarassingly showcasing your romantic aspirations for a certain member of our group, is completely unneccessary.
TG: John entered just in time and is currently dicking around his planet.
TT: shut up
TT: im just worried you ass
TT: but just in case he did fuck up i should probably pester him
TG: There's no need for that. Your future self is taking care of that as we speak.
TT: oh wierd time shits involved
TT: then were good my future self and by proxy i have everything under control
TG: So...
TG: How'd the nap go?
TT: it went fine
TT: i just explored the endless nightmarish mindfuck that is your room
TT: seriously what kind of creep hangs mutilated dolls from the ceiling and writes meow all over the walls
TG: Don't pretend like you're any better,
TG: especially when you act like you hate those ridiculous foam smuppets your brother hoards when you actually love them obssessively.
TG: That's right. I've seen the ironic skeletons in your closet, and they look hideous.
TT: you...
TT: you really went there
TT: i cant believe you really went there i thought you said you would never speak of that ever
TG: Yeah, sorry.
TG: Lets reapply the terms of our previous agreement. I would rather not-
TG: Fuck, I don't even have the energy for this. Can we just agree not to go ahead and tell the others about our embarassing shit?
TT: yeah sure
TG: Oh shit, I forgot to ask you, did you ever take off your glasses and look into the sky?
TT: dont even talk to me about that
TG: The experience can be pretty damn jarring at first.
TT: jarring that shit was horrifying
TT: nothing but a sea of writhing lively tentacles coiling around each other and screaming
TT: i very nearly tossed my lunch at the sight you inconsiderate douche why would you make me see something so horrible
TG: Its not what you saw that matters, but what you heard.
TG: Are you sure all you heard were screams?
TT: i think so
TT: but i did hear something else too
TG: ...
TG: Well? What else did you hear?
TT: more fucking screams
TG: Ha
TG: Ha
TG: Motherfucking
TG: Ha
TG: But seriously, what did you hear?
TT: i guess i heard them ask for help
TT: though it was hard to make out from all the unintelligable mindrape
TG: It takes a while to get used to communing with the horrorterrors.
TG: Just give it some time and I'm sure you'll get over the mildly disconcerting mental probing.
TT: you may enjoy getting your ears perved up by a bunch of horrorassholes who live in some fucked up dimension outside the boundaries of mortal comprehension but i dont
TT: keep your tentacled fuckbuddies away from me
TG: Its not that simple. Our fates, at least in this session, are linked.
TG: Their survival is dependant on our success.
TG: We must accept the assistance of our eccentric allies with open arms if we hope to battle against our common foe who threatens the existence of...
TG: Well...
TG: Everything.
TG: Helping them IS helping us.
TT: fine whatever
TG: If it makes you feel any better, you can think of them as those Squiddles things that John loves. Lord knows the resemblance is pretty fucking uncanny.
TG: He might even get a kick out of hearing that you've cuddlefucked with a squiddleterror.
TT: screw you lalonde
TG: In all seriousness, it's important that you commune with them.
TG: I'm already on a secret James Motherfucking Bond mission, and you've yet to play your part in this plan I've concocted.
TT: what do they want from me
TG: The goal here is to give me a destination and its general direction from here.
TG: They'll teach you about places no mortal has ever gone or will go, and through that I'll know where not to go.
TG: The result should be something akin to a map.
TG: It'll be a painfully shitty map, but a map nevertheless.
TT: so wheres the destination
TG: The source of the First Guardian's power.
TT: right the green sun
TT: or rather i forgot
TT: any chance youd explain to me what exactly this thing is
TG: It grants First Guardians their powers while at the same time being a useless piece of shit just chilling, ironically mind you, out there in the middle of an ever expanding void.
TG: That's all it really is.
TT: so lets just go there and do whatever you were gonna do
TT: i mean its just a stupid ball of fire i would think even a bunch of retarded squids could point us in its direction and bam
TT: we make shit happen
TG: Unfortunately, shit will not be happening. The Furthest Ring is more fucked up than you could possibly imagine.
TG: Concepts like space and time don't really work the same over there.
TT: its never easy with you is it
TT: whatever let me go get that map from those wanton wriggling squiddlefuckers so we can fly over there
TG: Er... no one is flying over there but me.
TT: uuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh
TT: ok whatever
TT: then what happens
TG: We'll find out once John and Jade get their shit together. Honestly.
TG: They make dicking around look like a motherfucking olympic sport.
TT: right you sent jade on some quest
TT: what is it with you getting girls to do your shit for you anyway
TT: pretty lame if you ask me
TG: Shut up! I could probably do all this stuff by myself if I was the Seer of Time.
TG: You've got like, a million Roses prancing around LOCAR doing nothing. Tell them to pick up some of this slack.
TT: ill have you know that everything i do is part of a carefully coordinated series of events that ive seen go down before hand in my mind
TG: Wait. If that's true than can't you just see where the is? You can pretty much see everything that happens in our timeline, right?
TT: not really
TT: while i technically know what everyone did and will do a lot of my memory is kept blank
TT: there are carefully constucted gaps in my vision so as to not royally fuck up the timeline
TT: knowing certain things ahead of time could change things that were are and will be important
TT: even one mistep could turn this into another doomed offshoot which is no good
TG: Okay...
TG: Anyway, Jade should be getting The Tumor soon so we can put the rest of the plan in motion. \
TT: whats the tumor even do
TG: Well, it's supposed to be some sort of bomb in the center of Skaia, thusly key to our whole operation.
TG: You'll get the map, Jade'll get me the bomb, and I'll fly over to the .
TG: And in my glorious sacrifice I will have destroyed the source of Jack's power and, esssentially, neuter the motherfucker.
TT: sacrifice is not an option here dave
TT: in fact this plan fucking sucks what kind of retard decides to take a bomb and personally fly it into a sun
TG: No way. I made this plan, so its amazing.
TG: The lies pouring from your mouth are so heretical that I refuse to acknowledge them any longer.
TG: Also, I'm not really going to die. Its just my dreamself.
TG: That asshole is going to take a one-way trip to hell while I chill over here and watch the fireworks.
TT: oh right i forgot about dreamselves
TT: i guess the plan isnt so bad if youre just sending your dreamself
TG: Faith, Rosie. You've gotta have it.
TT: dont call me rosie
TG: Whatever.
TT: so when should i start helping you facilitate your dream suicide
TG: Whenever you feel up to being molested by a sea of naughty suction-cupped feelers swaying all the way across the sky.
TT: uh right so i wont be doing that any time soon
TT: oh wait fuck i can see my future self coming back to this room in a little while
TT: shes got this pained expression on her face and...
TT: did she just collapse on the floor
TT: i think shes sleeping
TG: Yeah...
TG: I think that might be John's patron troll's doing.
TT: whos that
TG: You know, the one trying really hard to get in his pants; the manipulative one.
TT: wait do you mean vriska
TT: shes definitely not trying to do that at all
TG: Wait... don't tell me you're jealous.
TG: I can't believe you of all people...
TG: This is just fucking rich.
TT: im not jealous fuck you
TT: you cant even see me so how would you know if i was
TG: I can feel the heat of your face flushing red from all the way over here.
TT: your planet is the land of light and heat so how would you even know you fucking liar
TG: Believe what you will, but you know its true.
TT: welp
TT: the conversation suddenly stopped being about me lets talk about you
TT: which one is your patron troll
TT: wait fuck dont tell me its the creepy one with the horse fetish
TT: you guys would get along so frighteningly well its not even funny
TG: Oh, my patron troll pestering me right now.
TT: time to clear the blast zone
TT: a million bloody horse dicks are landing in t minus 5
TT: 4
TG: Do you really think I was talking about Equius?
TT: 3
TG: Because if so,
TT: 2
TG: You're an idiot.
TT: 1
-- turntableTinkerer [TT] ceased pestering torturousGrit [TG] --

I love what you're doing with this.

This isn't bad at all. Who told you these lies?

[A Fan]

I'm working on a continuation to this, and I'm preparing some quotations from Troll Sun Tzu. Is it a bad thing that I'm making his writing quirk a replacement of all sibilants with "tz"?

[Embargo]

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http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread...=1#post4724501

I love what you're doing with this.

This isn't bad at all. Who told you these lies?

Vriska.

[Embargo]

I'm working on a continuation to this, and I'm preparing some quotations from Troll Sun Tzu. Is it a bad thing that I'm making his writing quirk a replacement of all sibilants with "tz"?

Yes >:I

But please do it anyway. I'd love to see how you can top that glorious trollcestor fic you made.

[Graven_Image]

Troll Tzun Tzu is how he'd tzpell it.

Oh god you've infected me.

[Author]

MAN I HATE IT WHEN I GET NINJA'D BY SHIT THAT DOESN'T SUCK.

IT REALLY...



Grinds my gears.

YEEEAAAAAAAAAAH


its funny because Dave is in the Land of Heat and Clockwork.

[Graven_Image]

Actually, Author, yours is pretty good too.

The setting could use a bit more explanation, but that's my only nitpick.

[crash826]

Aftermath - I

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The maid's eyes flicker over the screen. She wasn't surprised by Empress' first act, per se, more confused. She couldn't quite grasp the concept of her sheer, undeniable hatred of their saviors.

Oh whoops. Ex-saviors. Apparently the Empress had created a law that decreed all other species illegal. Most of the trolls agreed, after all, other species were what had destroyed their first world, right?

The maid's eyes blink as she scans over the document.

"...No prisoners? That's a surprise..."

After all, the empire virtually functioned on slaves. The Lusus were originally descended from slaves after all. The maid continues reading the document, and her vein pulses.

"All members of the empire are to be drafted? Refusals will result in culling?"

That was against everything the empire stood for. The point of having an empire was to prevent all those inside the hemospectrum from causing massive civil wars. After all, the empire allowed trolls to focus their attention on other enemies. The maid had always thought that was how the empire worked. That, combined with the refusal to take slaves, was almost too much for the maid to bear. Why would the empress decree such ludicrous laws?

She smiled sadly. No matter what, the empress couldn't possibly contact her, force her into service, make her use her talents for purposes she didn't approve of. She had only been in contact with a few people, and none of them would ever allow her location to become disclosed.

The maid looked around her surroundings, grinning. Trophies hung everywhere, marks of her accomplishments. An ankh here, a fiery crown there... it was the small touches that made her feel at home. Without those items from her adventures, she would never believe that she lived her. As she scans the room, her eyes fall on a sword. A black sword, to be precise. She shudders, her memories of that game long buried. She turns back to her computer, and grins as she notices a message. But the three letters in that message chill her to the bone.

Run.

The maid jumped up closing her laptop, tucking into the bag she kept at her side at all times. She glances around her cave, realizing she could only afford to take one trophy. She hesitates momentarily, before grabbing the one thing that truly mattered. Her ancestor's armor set - a chestplate and shoulderpads that near cost her life to obtain. She also grabs the black sword, after all, some memories are too painful to forget. The maid turns towards her cave door, walking towards it, when it flies off its hinges toward her. A legislacerator - junior, by the looks of her bright red coat, stepped in, flanked on one side by four threshecutioners, on the other by four cavalreapers. One of the cavalreapers looked really unhappy to be there. The legislacerator stepped forward, and unrolled a scroll.

"Aradia Megido, Maid of Time, Leader of the Decadent Remnant, you are hereby charged with treason against the Empress, and shall be brought before her immediately. So says the Decree of the Heir Apparent, Eridan Ampora, that you must be brought to justice for your crimes."

Aradia smiled.
"Is this what it's come to Terezi? Dragging me in against my wishes?" Terezi sighed heavily, fiddling awkwardly with her sunglasses.
"You know I don't like this anymore than you do Aradia. These claims are ridiculous, you haven't done anything other than not show up for the draft. And you had reasons for that. But, nevertheless, I'm forced to take you in. Are you going to come quietly?"

The threshicutioners and cavalreapers readied their weapons grimly. They had all heard of the prowess of the Decadent Remnant. Hell, their Lieutenant was an ex-member and he had laughed when he'd heard about what they were doing, and was asked if he wanted to come along.

"The fucking hell you think I am? Insane?" The man's cool amber eyes glanced back at his squad. "I know Megido. If you're taking her in, it's not because you beat her, or because she was tired. It's because she let you."

Aradia smiled at all of them, politely saying, "If you would give me a second to put on my armor, I'll be ready to leave."

A few moments later, she stepped forward again, and everyone outside, apart from the Legislacerator, bowed their heads before her. She was wearing the armor of the Guardian of Aries after all. She looked at them all, before grinning widely and asking, "Well gentleman? Shall we?"

A/N:

Wow I think this is the first time I've written anything I've personally considered decent.

THEREFORE EVERYONE ELSE WILL THINK IT'S AWESOME AND LOVE IT FOREVER.

You should watch out for these typos in A/Ns.

[Author]

Actually, Author, yours is pretty good too.

The setting could use a bit more explanation, but that's my only nitpick.

I meant for it to be vague. Mostly because I wanted to expand more on my main character.

I'm gonna go work on chapter 2.

At Megaflare: GRAH FUCKING TENSES.

Fixed.

[Embargo]

MAN I HATE IT WHEN I GET NINJA'D BY SHIT THAT DOESN'T SUCK.

IT REALLY...



Grinds my gears.

YEEEAAAAAAAAAAH


its funny because Dave is in the Land of Heat and Clockwork.

Yeah, purple!Dave is in the Land of Light and Heat(LOLAH) while red!Rose is in the Land of Clockwork and Rain (LOCAR). I did it purposely like that to:
1. Follow Graven's example (which inspired me in the first place) in his fic "4x4" and
2. Give me the acronym LOCAR.
red!Rose loves cars and has her own little workshop where she supercharges toy cars into awesome RIIIIIIIIIIDGE RACERRRRRRRRRSSS. LOCAR has car in it. Get it?

I thought it was funny >...>

Anyway, I liked it Author. Its just... i didn't understand half of what was going on. It was just too short. Other than that little problem, it was good.

MAEKS LONGER PLS

EDIT: FUUUUUUUU- ninja'd.

[Megafire]

The only problem I had with that chapter, Author, was that you weren't consistent with your tenses. As in, you switched between present and past tense sometimes.

Other than that I really liked it.

I don't mind things being vague at the start, just makes me intrigued.

[Graven_Image]

Has anyone else noticed that we're on page 79? Holy crap. How fast does this thing go?

[Embargo]

Fast?

I don't see it.

[DJ-P0N3]

Fast?

I don't see it.

Because its already gone.

[Embargo]

Fast?

I don't see it.

Because its already gone.

SHOOOOOOOOOSH

[Wigmund]

Has anyone else noticed that we're on page 79? Holy crap. How fast does this thing go?

We went through the last thread in roughly a month. If we speed it up we can get out of this one in roughly the same amount of time.

Which means I should contribute here again. Expect me to actually start the Homestuck Western (Gunstuck) soon, I want to finish fleshing out ideas before I get going on that.

[ceruleanTresses]

I think I'm going with NepetaEquius for the rewrite of "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man," mainly because that is pretty much the only unambiguously successful main-character relationship I can think of . Does that sound good? If anyone has a premise that they think might fit better, let me know and I'll consider it--I could be missing something more ideal.

Edit: Well, one of the only two anyway. I guess there's SolluxFeferi, but I don't think their relationship got as much characterization as NepetaEquius.

(Incidentally, I wasn't familiar with the song until I listened to it just now. It's gorgeous.)

Hmm, and upon further reflection, pre-Sgrub Kanaya/Vriska could also work if I make it unrequited and from Kanaya's point of view. Which do you guys think would be the best premise?

[smerker]

Yay! So happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[C20710]

Aftermath - I

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The maid's eyes flickered over the screen. She wasn't surprised by Empress' first act, per se, more confused. She couldn't quite grasp the concept of her sheer, undeniable hatred of their saviors.

Oh whoops. Ex-saviors. Apparently the Empress had created a law that decreed all other species illegal. Most of the trolls agreed, after all, other species were what had destroyed their first world, right?

The maid's eyes blinked as she scans over the document.

"...No prisoners? That's a surprise..."

After all, the empire virtually functioned on slaves. The Lusus were originally descended from slaves after all. The maid continues reading the document, and her vein pulses.

"All members of the empire are to be drafted? Refusals will result in culling?"

That was against everything the empire stood for. The point of having an empire was to prevent all those inside the hemospectrum from causing massive civil wars. After all, the empire allowed trolls to focus their attention on other enemies. The maid had always thought that was how the empire worked. That, combined with the refusal to take slaves, was almost too much for the maid to bear. Why would the empress decree such ludicrous laws?

She smiled sadly. No matter what, the empress couldn't possibly contact her, force her into service, make her use her talents for purposes she didn't approve of. She had only been in contact with a few people, and none of them would ever allow her location to become disclosed.

The maid looked around her surroundings, grinning. Trophies hung everywhere, marks of her accomplishments. An ankh here, a fiery crown there... it was the small touches that made her feel at home. Without those items from her adventures, she would never have believed that she lived here. As she scansnedthe room, her eyes fell on a sword. A black sword, to be precise. She shuddered, her memories of that game long buried. She turned back to her computer, and grinned as she notices a message. But the three letters in that message chilled her to the bone.

Run.

The maid jumped up closing her laptop, tucking into the bag she kept at her side at all times. She glanced around her cave, realizing she could only afford to take one trophy. She hesitated momentarily, before grabbing the one thing that truly mattered. Her ancestor's armor set - a chestplate and shoulderpads that near cost her life to obtain. She also grabbed the black sword, after all; some memories are too painful to forget. The maid turns towards her cave door, walking toward it, when it flew off its hinges toward her. A legislacerator - junior, by the looks of her bright red coat, stepped in, flanked on one side by four threshecutioners, on the other by four cavalreapers. One of the cavalreapers looked rather unhappy to be there. The legislacerator stepped forward, and unrolled a scroll.

"Aradia Megido, Maid of Time, Leader of the Decadent Remnant, you are hereby charged with treason against the Empress, and shall be brought before her immediately. So says the Decree of the Heir Apparent, Eridan Ampora, that you must be brought to justice for your crimes."

Aradia smiled.
"Is this what it's come to Terezi? Dragging me in against my wishes?" Terezi sighed heavily, fiddling awkwardly with her sunglasses.
"You know I don't like this anymore than you do Aradia. These claims are ridiculous, you haven't done anything other than not show up for the draft. And you had reasons for that. But, nevertheless, I'm forced to take you in. Are you going to come quietly?"

The threshicutioners and cavalreapers readied their weapons grimly. They had all heard of the prowess of the Decadent Remnant. Hell, their Lieutenant was an ex-member and he had laughed when he'd heard about what they were doing, and was asked if he wanted to come along.

"The fucking hell you think I am? Insane?" The man's cool amber eyes glanced back at his squad. "I know Megido. If you're taking her in, it's not because you beat her, or because she was tired. It's because she let you."

Aradia smiled at all of them, politely saying, "If you would give me a second to put on my armor, I'll be ready to leave."

A few moments later, she stepped forward again, and everyone outside, apart from the Legislacerator, bowed their heads before her. She was wearing the armor of the Guardian of Aries after all. She looked at them all, before grinning widely and asking, "Well gentleman? Shall we?"

A/N:

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Wow I think this is the first time I've written anything I've personally considered decent.

THEREFORE EVERYONE ELSE WILL THINK IT'S TERRIBLE.

dawwwwww come on now. I like it! Is Aradia Megido gonna have to choke a bitch?? By which I mean Eridan? I get the feeling you've got lots of writing ahead of you with this.

[anonymousComrade]

Chill out AC, it's definitely not as bad as you think it is.

This is a good thing to hear

Gonna have to stick to my guns about not writing Gamzee anymore after this, though

Seriously how does a perpetually stoned dude have the patience to type like that

[A Fan]

Warning: Genre whiplash ahead. Also, trolls apparently don't speak with quirks until their sixth sweep.

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"A poor general demantz to be involved with hitz commandertz' every detzitzion. An adequate general ordertz hitz commandertz to keep him informed. An excellent general trutzttz his commandertz to do their duty, atz they trutzt him to do hitz."
—Troll Sun Tzu, War: Quintetzzentze of Trolldom

Redblood sighed. Though the Sepulchral Fluid Rage could make Trollbert Einstein spin in his cullbox when moving at top speed, hunting down Dualscar would take time. Honkclub's information could only offer the last known position of the Orphaner's ship. From there, it would be up to the trio of assassins to track the effluvion signature to wherever their gilled bounty had hidden himself.
This was a routine aspect of eliminating the High Subjugglugator's undesirables, and as such, neither pilot nor processor would need the Exilarch's input unless a problem arose. This left him with little to do but think. Think, and remember.

"In battle, catzte itz incontzequentzial. Obey only the chain of command. Even the will of the Emperetzz Hertzelf itz letzz important if tzhe itz not your commanding offitzer."
—Troll Sun Tzu, Inditzpentzible Witzdom for the Common Tzoldier, unexpurgated version

Vitrolus's first memory was of his lusus. This was not uncommon among trolls whose lusus were roughly the size of an adolescent or smaller, but it was still special to Vitrolus because it was, for a time, one of the few things that could indisputably be said to be his. He had endured adolescence in a densely packed communal hivestem, forced to share almost everything with anyone and everyone able to take it. A few other children called the situation barely better than the wriggler trials, and only distinguishable from them because the contenders had pupated.
Amazingly, his aberrant blood color was not known until about halfway through his second sweep. During a particularly chaotic and frenzied contest for a stuffed animal, his opponent had bitten him. Shocked by the sudden focused sharpness of the pain (rather than the somewhat more diffuse variety caused by punches and shoves,) Vitrolus had released the ragged plaything. Rather than gloat, the biter had stared at the drops of crimson coaxed out of her opponent's arm. The hemospectrum was one of the first things on the schoolfeeding menurriculum, and as the young boy himself had already known, nowhere on it was his own blood's hue.
To his astonishment, the girl paused, mouth open, an awkward question clearly on her lips. She then blinked, saw the toy in her hands, misshapen though it was by the earlier struggle, gave her adversary a gloating grin, and toddled away. A hand on Vitrolus's shoulder drew his attention from the twin concerns of his outlier body fluids and the loss of the plushie. He turned and beheld a boy his age, with twice the usual number of horns and eye colors. The new boy smiled. "Hi."
That was the day Vitrolus first met the only people he would ever consider friends. He and Winiel connected immediately, their friendship galvanized by the juvenile crusade against the different that is as universal as John Cussack. Each backed up the other: Vitrolus intimidated those who would try mocking the shy tetracorn, while Winiel simply erased the memory of anyone who discovered the mutant's blood color before it could become long-term.
It was not until both boys were approaching their fourth wriggling day that they encountered another outcast. Some semblance of order was congealing in that portion of the hivestem by then, a mix of cultural schoolfeeding and the unwritten policies that any social group aggregates over time. While trading anecdotes of lusus stupidity, the chums beheld a girl sitting by herself at the base of the hivestem, her bruises and tears the color of the first warnings of dawn.
Vitrolus had wanted to ignore her, but Winiel again taken the initiative, offering the same quiet greeting he had offered his short-tempered friend. Seeing this, some strange mix of jealousy, pity, and camaraderie drew the brighter redblood to the distraught girl. "Hi," he grunted, a grumpy echo of the earlier salutation.
The girl looked up at them, hope warring with confusion and resignation in her expression. She averted her eyes. "You shouldn't talk to me." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Why not?" Winiel had always been the curious one.
"If someone sees you being nice to me, they'll stop talking to you."
Vitrolus shrugged. "They don't talk to us anyway."
"We're freaks," added Winiel, more than a hint of pride in his voice.
"Even freaks shouldn't be with me," muttered the girl, though not with the same conviction as before.
Vitrolus gave this all the consideration he felt it deserved before ruling, "That's stupid." Without a word between them, he and Winiel pulled the girl to her feet. "If you just let them get to you, you've already lost."
Her eyes were still firmly locked on the ground. "But... I'm the lowest there is."
The nub-horned boy gave a snort. "Says who?"
"I checked. Everyone in the stem's got better blood than me." Her tears began flowing anew, like streams of liquid rust. "And- and now that I checked, they all know."
Winiel turned to Vitrolus. "I don't remember anyone asking me about blood. You?"
The other boy bit back a laugh. "Not her."
The young psychic grinned. "Is it OK with you?"
Vitrolus hesitated. Freak solidarity was one thing, the secret of his life was another. And yet, something in that distraught face resonated in him. He nodded, not trusting his voice, and bit his arm. Holding it out before the girl, he simply said, "Look."
She did. Her eyes widened. Her gaze kept moving between his face and his wound, as though the two simply couldn't go together. Finally, still looking shocked, she exclaimed, "It's you!"
Both boys were briefly struck dumb. Neither had thought such a loud sound could've come from someone who'd been so quiet until now. "I'm who?" Vitrolus finally asked.
"You're that boy from... oh, it must have been sweeps ago by now. I thought you were a dream or something!" She turned to Winiel as though just realizing he was there. "And you! You're the other one! With the weird eyes that made my brain itch!"
The psychic chuckled awkwardly "Yeah, I kind of do that."
Half-faded memories came together for Vitrolus. "You- you're that girl who first..." He stopped himself. Really, even the biting had been a dumb idea in so public a place, but she was crying, and Winiel had already gone over! What could he have done?
He started over. "I'm Vitrolus, and the brain-itcher there is Winiel. Who are you?"
She smiled. Even with the tears, it really was a very pretty smile. "Hecate." She gave a small laugh. It was pretty, too. "Can... can I be a freak?"
"I think we can arrange something." The nub-horned boy managed to hold the imperious expression for all of two seconds before all three young trolls burst into laughter.

"Plan for every potzzibility you can think of, and know that you will tztill be fatzed with the unexpected."
—Assembled Teachings of Troll Sun Tzu, trans. Grubtongue

"we have arrived."
Redblood shook himself from the nostalgic revery. To his surprise, he'd managed to lose himself to memory to the point where he hadn't even noticed the landing. "ACKNOWLEDGED." He then realized he hadn't switched the channel to two-way, cursed, did so, and repeated himself. After a moment, he added, "WHERE ARE WE, ANYWAY?"
"according to astr0metrics, the l0cal star 0nly has a registrati0n number. we are 0n its f0urth planet."
"HABITABILITY?"
"t0lerable. it is currently day. 0ptic p0larizati0n is rec0mmended."
"UNDERSTOOD. ALL HANDS, BY WHICH I MEAN BOTH OF YOU, DISEMBARK."
There came from the comm system a quiet "oh dear."
That had been the Hivehead. "WHAT IS IT?" Redblood wasn't sure whether to emphasize annoyance or concern in his tone, and betrayed both.
"thii2 ii2n't good."
"TALK TO ME, WINIEL." If anyone asked later, this was concern for the welfare of a member of a three-troll crew.
Mercifully, there was no pain, no anxiety, no fear in the reply. Only embarrassment. "ii'm 2orry 2 2ay that ii wiill requiire a22ii22tance iin exiitiing the 2hiip."
The captain took a moment to shift mental gears from concerned friend to exasperated commander. "DID YOU LET THE BEES BUILD A HIVE AROUND YOU AGAIN?"
"the body 2eem2 liike 2uch a triiviial concern when the miind ii2 iinterfaciing wiith the hiiveframe."
"YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID LAST TIME." Redblood opened the other channel. "HECATE, PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU MANAGED TO AVOID FUCKING UP GETTING OUT OF THE GODDAMN SHIP."
Graveear answered into her handheld teleweevil. "i am 0utside."
"GOOD. NOW GET BACK IN HERE AND HELP ME FIND THOSE STUPID LOOKING HATS. WE'VE GOT SOME DEBUGGING TO DO IF WE WANT OUR PSION ON THIS LITTLE MURDERDATE."
"ii really am 2orry about thii2."
"APOLOGIES AREN'T REMOVING THE IMPERIAL FUCKTONS OF WAX AND IRATE TRANSISTORS, DOOMGAZE." With that, the Exilarch closed the audio channels and rose from his chair. Anyone who says that he wiped twin trails of pale rose from his eyes en route is a goddamn liar.

EDIT: Oh Gog, why is this a page topper...

[Count Loot]

Seriously how does a perpetually stoned dude have the patience to type like that

Motherfucking MiRaClEs, that's how.

On an unrelated note, here's this thing that's been stuck in my head for like a month.

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--paradiseMaiden [PM] began pestering solarTechnician [ST]

PM: I can't believe I'm doing this.
ST: oh hey! you almost never talk to me! whatcha need?
PM: The old hag told me that I had to bring you in to this game she's setting up.
PM: Apparently we need one more player with heavy firepower, so guess who fits that description.
ST: hmm, i dunno, i'm no good at riddles!
PM: ...
PM: You're kidding right? It's you, why else would I bother talking to you?
ST: oh! haha! i guess that makes sense!
ST: but I dunno, i'm pretty busy down here with the reactor and everything!
ST: uh oh, looks like it's acting up again! be right back!

--solarTechnician is now idle!--

ST: okay I'm back! what were we talking about again?
PM: You just agreed to join us with whatever the hag is going on about.
ST: oh right! Is there anything I need to do?
PM: I'll send you the files, and then you have to connect to Alice. She already brought Marisa in, so that means she's next in the chain. Just don't do anything dumb.
ST: can do!

--paradiseMaiden ceased pestering solarTechnician--

Your name is UTSUHO REIUJI, you are a Hell Raven who ate the corpse of a sun god, gaining the power of NUCLEAR FUSION in the process. Unfortunately this made you go SLIGHTLY CRAZY, and you almost destroyed the surface. After getting some sense beaten into you, you were placed in charge of maintaining Gensokyo's first ever NUCLEAR REACTOR. Currently, you are waiting for some new game to arrive on your NITORI BRAND MAGICOMPUTER, a device that lets you talk to all the fun people you met. Your chumhandle is solarTechnician and you tend to talk like a kid on a sugar rush!

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Sorry if it's terrible, but I had to get it out of my head. I may continue it if people are interested, and I find the time to actually work on it.

[Summergale]

ho hum

Red Dead Aries ♈
Part 2

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After that last message, it's nearly a perigee until you hear from her again.

-- ambiguousAbscondant [AA] began trolling twofoldAscendancy [TA] --

AA: s0llux
AA: hejklp
TA: waiit AD what happened?
AA: atatckemd
AA: i can see the oceean from heqere
TA: aradiia.
TA: can you giive me an exact locatiion?
AA: notk resly
TA: you're makiing le22 and le22 2en2e!
TA: lii2ten.
TA: 2tay connected.
TA: ii can pull 2ome 2triing2.
TA: ju2t don't dii2connect, okay?
AA: i ncan tryb
AA: tiredd


Oh fuck.

You're going to have to contact him. This is always a somewhat unpleasant experience, mostly because the guy types like a tool, and never stops trying to entertain. You're pretty sure he wants to be a Jesterminator in the Alternian Fleet. Good luck with that, you think.

After all, by what you can only describe as nothing short of a miracle, he's the best hacker and all-around computer whiz you have ever known.

-- twofoldAscendancy [TA] began trolling technologicalcantabank [TC] --

TA: GZ.
TA: ii need two a2k a favour.
TC: SuRe, WhAt iS A MoThErFuCkEr nEeDiNg?
TC: WaNt tO HeAr a fUnNy jOkE? honk (o:C
TA: look.
TA: thii2 ii2 not a tiime for joke2 and je2termiinator antiic2
TA: thii2 ii2 a tiime for beiing fuckiing 2eriiou2.
TC: MaAaAaN, oKaY. oNlY 'cAuSe yOu'rE GoNnA Be tHe eMpErOr sOoN, yEaH?
TA: good.
TA: iit'2 about aradiia.
TC: WhOaH, tHe cHiCa aLl uP In tHaT MiRaCuLoUs cAnDy rEd bLoOd?
TA: ...je2u2 AD how many diid you tell?
TA: anyway. ii need you two track her huskpad.
TA: you can do that, riight?
TC: MoThErFuCkIn cHiLd's pLaY, bRo. (o:C
TC: YoU JuSt bE GiViNg mE A MoMeNt, YeAh?

TA: aradiia, ii have gamzee helping me now.
TA: hold on.
TA: plea2e.
-- ambiguousAbscondant [AA] is now an idle chum! --
TA: 2hiit!

TA: gamzee!
TA: are you done?
TC: SuRe. I GoT A MaP AnD EvErYtHiNg.
-- technologicalcantabank [TC] sent twofoldAscendancy [TA] file "hOnK.mrc"
TC: CaN I AsK WhAt a mOtHeRfUcKeR Is nEeDiNg tHiS FoR?
TA: ii don't have tiime two explaiin riight now
TA: AD need2 my help, that'2 all ii can 2ay.

-- twofoldAscendancy [TA] ceased trolling technologicalcantabank [TC] --

The moment you see Gamzee's file you swear, several times. Aradia's on a cliff by the ocean. You're a seadweller. This isn't going to end well, but you'll manage. Somehow.

> Be the mutant-blooded girl.

You are now Aradia Megido.

You are currently in the process of bleeding to death. Very, very slowly.
Goddamnit. You aren't sure where you are any more; the blood loss is making you light-headed. You can see the sunsrise from here, painting the horizon in incredible shades of pink and gold.

It's a shame you might not live to see it again. Your huskpad bleeps incessantly somewhere near your left hand, but you don't have the energy to actually do anything about it. Your body elects to remain sprawled in the blood-sticky grass instead. Fuck, it hurts.

> Aradia: Remember how you ended up here.

It's... it's fuzzy. You remember sitting in your hive, and then some FLARPer bursting through your door and starting to shout. He had a really big sword. High-level. He was a blue blood, you think. You saw more of your blood than his.

And then you dragged yourself away. At first you ran, but then other trolls found you. You walked after that, and then as the night began to glow brighter you lost enough blood that you had to crawl here, to the relative shade of a tree.

The sun's almost up. Absently you wonder if being burned to death will hurt, or if it will be less painful than bleeding out.

It might be faster, you suppose.

Author's Notes:

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"cantabank": strolling singer; second-rate musician