MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Katrika]

Just going to say.

I love Red Dead Aries.

[QRQD]

@C2710:

I agree with your second point, but I strongly disagree with your first one. Using a thesaurus is a good idea at times, but often - as in the case of your first example - it does nothing but make a sentence more frustrating to read. It doesn't really make it clearer, in fact it's usually more difficult to read.

I don't write, but I do read a lot, and nothing is more frustrating than a sentence which is collapsing under the weight of its own verbosity.

Sorry if this reads a little harshly, but I couldn't really think of a way to word it better.

Also, if you rely on a thesaurus too much you'll end up looking foolish when you use a word that's listed in it incorrectly and someone calls you out on it.

[C20710]

@C2710:

I agree with your second point, but I strongly disagree with your first one. Using a thesaurus is a good idea at times, but often - as in the case of your first example - it does nothing but make a sentence more frustrating to read. It doesn't really make it clearer, in fact it's usually more difficult to read.

I don't write, but I do read a lot, and nothing is more frustrating than a sentence which is collapsing under the weight of its own verbosity.

Sorry if this reads a little harshly, but I couldn't really think of a way to word it better.

/blush

Maybe. I actually talk like that irl though so I appreciate it when others do the same. At any rate, I don't see it as difficult to read...I might have cut the word "haphazardly" on a second pass to make it less verbose as you suggested. Still, not being an authority on the subject by any meaningful standard, I defer to anyone with the experience needed to make that judgement. I *will* keep your suggestion in mind, just fyi, and by all means, be just as harsh with me as you feel the situation warrants.

Are there any other criticisms you could give me in a similarly forceful manner?

[mienrose]

@C2710:

I agree with your second point, but I strongly disagree with your first one. Using a thesaurus is a good idea at times, but often - as in the case of your first example - it does nothing but make a sentence more frustrating to read. It doesn't really make it clearer, in fact it's usually more difficult to read.

I don't write, but I do read a lot, and nothing is more frustrating than a sentence which is collapsing under the weight of its own verbosity.

Sorry if this reads a little harshly, but I couldn't really think of a way to word it better.

Also, if you rely on a thesaurus too much you'll end up looking foolish when you use a word that's listed in it incorrectly and someone calls you out on it.

Seconded. Thesaurus digging is RISKY and I wouldn't recommend it unless you really desperately need a word you don't already have. (In an MSPA context - thesaurusing can be handy for Rose dialogue, because she talks like she's going to collapse under the weight of her own verbosity all the time. I'd avoid it in straight prose though.)

And actually kA I like the way you use words already! I especially like your focus on the image of blood rushing through the body in the first paragraph. I think you have some interesting ideas!

I'm going to make the opposite suggestion to C20710 (this is a risk of asking for crit, critics always disagree about everything) and suggest that you experiment with toning down your use of language a little. Although it's very satisfying to write extremes of emotion and to convey them in an extreme way, the danger of going too far is that you can alienate your reader - they get so lost in the style that they lose track of the actual feelings you want to describe. A phrase like 'hearts, pierced by spears of despair and swords of woe leaked their lives out to the oceans, never dying but locked into their own perpetual end, beating their last second after second with no end in sight' is a tough read with all those subclauses and images; sometimes simpler words are stronger.

It's a balance, of course - 'and then Karkat was sad ' doesn't convey much of anything. I used to practice writing the same scene twice, trying to write it completely differently each time, just to see what I could get out of it. Setting yourself challenges like that isn't a bad way to teach yourself new things.

Hope this was useful. Keep at it, you - I'm interested to see what else you can do.

[QRQD]

@C2710:

I agree with your second point, but I strongly disagree with your first one. Using a thesaurus is a good idea at times, but often - as in the case of your first example - it does nothing but make a sentence more frustrating to read. It doesn't really make it clearer, in fact it's usually more difficult to read.

I don't write, but I do read a lot, and nothing is more frustrating than a sentence which is collapsing under the weight of its own verbosity.

Sorry if this reads a little harshly, but I couldn't really think of a way to word it better.

/blush

Maybe. I actually talk like that irl though so I appreciate it when others do the same. At any rate, I don't see it as difficult to read...I might have cut the word "haphazardly" on a second pass to make it less verbose as you suggested. Still, not being an authority on the subject by any meaningful standard, I defer to anyone with the experience needed to make that judgement. I *will* keep your suggestion in mind, just fyi, and by all means, be just as harsh with me as you feel the situation warrants.

Are there any other criticisms you could give me in a similarly forceful manner?

No worries, I tend to overuse complex language as well. It's just important to toe the line between using your vocabulary and obfuscating what you're actually trying to say.

Also I have an odd, irrational hatred for thesauruses.

[C20710]

No worries, I tend to overuse complex language as well. It's just important to toe the line between using your vocabulary and obfuscating what you're actually trying to say.

Also I have an odd, irrational hatred for thesauruses.

Blood oozed through crevices of black bone, seeping through channels eroded by centuries of an unrelenting current.

Would this meet with your approval? I ask as much for myself as for Blood (remember Blood? lol)

[Author]

Author -This story intrigues and frustrates me. Because I don't know what's going on yet, but really want to.
I don't really know how I feel about your Tavros. I'm having a hard time picturing him speaking forcefully and haltingly at the same time. It just...doesn't...make sense. Minor problem though.

Frustrating people is fun.

But yes, me and Tavros have issues. It's mostly because I meant for him to be more assertive, like Vriska wanted him to be. I am not good at writing future Tavros.

Soooo, setting explanation time!

Aftermath - What the Fuck Is Going On?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Post SBurb, the Trolls rebuilt Alternia, keeping in close contact with the humans as they went. That was seven sweeps ago. Fourteen years ago. The trolls rebuilt society, and the humans helped. Everyone was in awe of both groups. After all, the trolls had survived not one, but two sessions. And the humans beat Jack Noir, the greatest fighter anyone had ever met. So they complied with both groups wishes.

Until the humans vanished. Went back to Earth. And that's when Feferi slit the throat of the previous empress.

After Feferi took control, she decided 'not' to abolish the hemospectrum like she promised, due to deliberation between her advisors. In fact, she didn't follow through with any of her previous ideas, because of her advisors. Feferi instead took the trolls to war. Most of the SGrub players sure as hell didn't comply with it. Specifically Aradia, Sollux, Karkat, Kanaya, Nepeta, and Equius. These six led a revolution against Feferi, with most of the Lowblooded Spectrum. The guerrilla warfare was insane, grew to a ridiculous level before finally crashing in the final battle. The Battle of Vestiges. There was a reason they called it that, too. Feferi had somehow, somehow, managed to get the Imperial Drones on her side. Actively on her side in fact, and they fought for her. So Aradia, the Maid of Time, took action as well. She froze Time for just the opponents, and let her men slaughter the Imperial Drones, and take a third of the army to town. When time was unfrozen, Feferi's army was shocked by the sheer devastation that Aradia's men had caused. Of course, Aradia won. And then...

She surrendered. She made a list of demands, tossed them at Feferi, and fled. Feferi and her army were shocked, but Aradia's army wasn't. Because Aradia became a legend. The girl who had taken on the Empress, and won.

And who doesn't like a legend?

Okay I think I covered most of the basic points. The rest are plot points.

Like Tavros' new badassery.

[kaoticAntagonist]

wow, thanks for the help. i think i will try to rewrite it and see if i can't make it more about karkat this time.

[A Fan]

Feedback time!

EDIT: Oh Gog, why is this a page topper...

Because it is awesome fun times. I'm eager to see more, but I do have a question; why is Redblood crying at the end there? Didn't quite understand that.

As noted in the story, Redblood wasn't crying, and anyone who suggests otherwise might wake up to find a sickle lodged in his/her brain. However, if tears were present, which they weren't, it would be out of both relief and certain less-than-pleasant memories that have yet to be touched upon in the story. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go be less of a good writer for a bit, at least until my characters stop threatening to kill me. (I wonder if Andrew ever has this problem...)

[C20710]

wo, thanks for the help. i think i will try to rewrite it and see if i can't make it more about karkat this time.

Hooray for writing newbie solidarity? Maybe a little presuming on my part...

[QRQD]

Blood oozed through crevices of black bone, seeping through channels eroded by centuries of an unrelenting current.

Would this meet with your approval? I ask as much for myself as for Blood (remember Blood? lol)

That does read much more naturally, yeah, though i'd drop the "an" that comes third from last. I'm not really an expert on writing though, just a reader who knows what he likes and what he doesn't, so I'm not sure you should be seeking my approval.

And, oh, right, there was a fanfic buried somewhere in this debate on language. I may as well address that while I'm ranting.

@kA: I really like the approach that this fic takes with trying to get inside Karkat's head, but it was bogged down a little by the incredibly flowery prose. I would recommend editing out some of the more unnecessary imagery (such as the line about "spears of despair and swords of woe"), especially since you're writing for the typically blunt, unsubtle Karkat. Also, go back over your punctuation - your sentences tend to run on a little and your commas occasionally seem oddly placed.

Once again, I'm not an author, editor, or anything else even approaching qualified to give out this advice. I'm just an engineering student who reads a lot. My advice is probably embarrassingly amateurish, so please take it with a grain of salt.

[Path]

I agree with your second point, but I strongly disagree with your first one. Using a thesaurus is a good idea at times, but often - as in the case of your first example - it does nothing but make a sentence more frustrating to read. It doesn't really make it clearer, in fact it's usually more difficult to read.

Seconded. Thesaurus digging is RISKY and I wouldn't recommend it unless you really desperately need a word you don't already have. (In an MSPA context - thesaurusing can be handy for Rose dialogue, because she talks like she's going to collapse under the weight of her own verbosity all the time. I'd avoid it in straight prose though.)

Um why is everyone assuming that a thesaurus gives you bigger words? I keep one open when I write because I find myself using mundane words over and over again. It's not that I need the meaning of a word; I never use a word in a fic that I don't thoroughly know and actually use in conversation. What happens with me is, I get one word in my head and go "augh I want to stop saying "goon", but I JUST CAN'T", so okay, what are my options here?
According to thesaurus.com, I've got
bozo, bruiser, dope, gorilla, hood, hooligan, jerk, lummox, moron, nincompoop, ninny, sap, strong-arm, thug, tough guy
So then I just go "Okay, which of these would be known to my character?", and then "Which of those would he be likely to use given his speech patterns?"
Problem Sleuth would probably use bozo, dope, moron, thug, tough guy.
Spades Slick would probably use most of the same language, but place an insult in front or several of them thrown together in a stream of profanity.
Hysterical Dame might use hooligan, lummox, etc.

So basically I can only argue for the thesaurus, with the caveat that nobody should ever write a word they don't have a good understanding of already, and that you can't just grab any synonym and have it fit.

[QRQD]

Um why is everyone assuming that a thesaurus gives you bigger words?

Also I have an odd, irrational hatred for thesauruses.

That's it, really.

I focused on bigger because that's the trap writers can fall into really easily, although really the point is that you shouldn't use a thesaurus as a crutch while writing. You obviously don't though, so good for you.

[C20710]

Um why is everyone assuming that a thesaurus gives you bigger words? I keep one open when I write because I find myself using mundane words over and over again. It's not that I need the meaning of a word; I never use a word in a fic that I don't thoroughly know and actually use in conversation. What happens with me is, I get one word in my head and go "augh I want to stop saying "goon", but I JUST CAN'T", so okay, what are my options here?
According to thesaurus.com, I've got
bozo, bruiser, dope, gorilla, hood, hooligan, jerk, lummox, moron, nincompoop, ninny, sap, strong-arm, thug, tough guy
So then I just go "Okay, which of these would be known to my character?", and then "Which of those would he be likely to use given his speech patterns?"
Problem Sleuth would probably use bozo, dope, moron, thug, tough guy.
Spades Slick would probably use most of the same language, but place an insult in front or several of them thrown together in a stream of profanity.
Hysterical Dame might use hooligan, lummox, etc.

So basically I can only argue for the thesaurus, with the caveat that nobody should ever write a word they don't have a good understanding of already, and that you can't just grab any synonym and have it fit.

pssst. Thank you.

That's exactly the thesaurus' proper use. I don't always remember all the words I know, you know? I can't think of any reason to limit your writing by all your memory yeilds in a given session.

That said, if you're depending on a thesaurus to compensate for lack of content then you've got a bigger problem than wordy prose.

In my humblest of opinions.

[Embargo]

Oh gog, I just came up with an IDEA. If I wasn't studying for the SAT right now, I'd post a pesterfic between red!Rose and green!John.

Blood oozed through crevices of black bone, seeping through channels eroded by centuries of an unrelenting current.

Would this meet with your approval? I ask as much for myself as for Blood (remember Blood? lol)

That does read much more naturally, yeah, though i'd drop the "an" that comes third from last. I'm not really an expert on writing though, just a reader who knows what he likes and what he doesn't, so I'm not sure you should be seeking my approval.

And, oh, right, there was a fanfic buried somewhere in this debate on language. I may as well address that while I'm ranting.

@kA: I really like the approach that this fic takes with trying to get inside Karkat's head, but it was bogged down a little by the incredibly flowery prose. I would recommend editing out some of the more unnecessary imagery (such as the line about "spears of despair and swords of woe"), especially since you're writing for the typically blunt, unsubtle Karkat. Also, go back over your punctuation - your sentences tend to run on a little and your commas occasionally seem oddly placed.

Once again, I'm not an author, editor, or anything else even approaching qualified to give out this advice. I'm just an engineering student who reads a lot. My advice is probably embarrassingly amateurish, so please take it with a grain of salt.

Oh and this.

[ceruleanTresses]

Regarding the thesaurus, I'd like to note that it's an incredibly useful resource for songfics. When you want to convey a particular idea, it's really helpful for finding an appropriate word with the right number of syllables.

Speaking of songfics...

Trollsterdam

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alive
oh im done with dying
and at last im in control
i knew if i only waited
one day id come into my role

im free
oh no more relying
on commands i cant control
ive been chained
and i have been shattered
its only now that i feel whole

and time is on my side
its on my side now
no longer at sea
theres room to breathe
im alive and im free

before
oh my hope was waning
and i saw no chance of release
i know i was dead on the surface
but I was screaming underneath

but time is on my side
its on my side now
its my turn to choose
im my own muse
oh im alive and im free

watched myself fade
again and again
but i know im done with dying
done with my ghosts
done with my chains
done with obeying!

i own the sky
and im ready to fly
theres no one to rule me!
servant to fate
i took the abuse
till you came along and you cut me loose
you came along and you cut me loose
you came along and you cut me loose :)

Original song.

A/N

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In case it's not clear, the "you" is in fact Jack Noir. The smiley is one of amusement rather than affection.

[Summergale]

Just going to add my own two cents to the thesaurus topic: they are an absolute godsend when it comes to trolltags and chumhandles, you have no idea.

[lucidSeraph]

/ignores debate

hey guys i wrote more Purple Dave.

Haunted
Or, Seraph couldn't think of a cleverer title.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

In Which David Lalonde Discovers His Mother's Death, And Reacts To This News.

Hosted on AO3

[Cathartes]

Author -This story intrigues and frustrates me. Because I don't know what's going on yet, but really want to.
I don't really know how I feel about your Tavros. I'm having a hard time picturing him speaking forcefully and haltingly at the same time. It just...doesn't...make sense. Minor problem though.

Frustrating people is fun.

But yes, me and Tavros have issues. It's mostly because I meant for him to be more assertive, like Vriska wanted him to be. I am not good at writing future Tavros.

Soooo, setting explanation time!

Aftermath - What the Fuck Is Going On?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Post SBurb, the Trolls rebuilt Alternia, keeping in close contact with the humans as they went. That was seven sweeps ago. Fourteen years ago. The trolls rebuilt society, and the humans helped. Everyone was in awe of both groups. After all, the trolls had survived not one, but two sessions. And the humans beat Jack Noir, the greatest fighter anyone had ever met. So they complied with both groups wishes.

Until the humans vanished. Went back to Earth. And that's when Feferi slit the throat of the previous empress.

After Feferi took control, she decided 'not' to abolish the hemospectrum like she promised, due to deliberation between her advisors. In fact, she didn't follow through with any of her previous ideas, because of her advisors. Feferi instead took the trolls to war. Most of the SGrub players sure as hell didn't comply with it. Specifically Aradia, Sollux, Karkat, Kanaya, Nepeta, and Equius. These six led a revolution against Feferi, with most of the Lowblooded Spectrum. The guerrilla warfare was insane, grew to a ridiculous level before finally crashing in the final battle. The Battle of Vestiges. There was a reason they called it that, too. Feferi had somehow, somehow, managed to get the Imperial Drones on her side. Actively on her side in fact, and they fought for her. So Aradia, the Maid of Time, took action as well. She froze Time for just the opponents, and let her men slaughter the Imperial Drones, and take a third of the army to town. When time was unfrozen, Feferi's army was shocked by the sheer devastation that Aradia's men had caused. Of course, Aradia won. And then...

She surrendered. She made a list of demands, tossed them at Feferi, and fled. Feferi and her army were shocked, but Aradia's army wasn't. Because Aradia became a legend. The girl who had taken on the Empress, and won.

And who doesn't like a legend?

Okay I think I covered most of the basic points. The rest are plot points.

Like Tavros' new badassery.

Something that kind of bugs me is why on earth Feferi would go back on her word to abolish the hemospectrum. I'm having trouble believing she would send the Empire to war without a very good reason. She spent her entire life promoting peace, so I doubt she would change her mind just because her advisors said to. Is there some sort of threat facing the trolls that she has to send them to war? I just have trouble believing she's suddenly evil for no real reason. Maybe it will be explained later. I think this could be a very good fic, or else I wouldn't bother addressing this. The writing is very good!

[smerker]

Cant Help Loving That Morail Mine

Headstuck forever. So happy it exists!!!!!!!!

[Twigwise]

My internet was out last night. It makes me do stupid things.

Cul-De-Stuck Part 1 of ??

show spoiler

hide spoiler

SHOW PESTERLOG

show spoiler

hide spoiler

---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:27---
ED: HEY $OCKHEAD
ED: R U READY FOR THE BE$T $CAM OF ALL TIME???!?
ED: I suppose I am just as prepared as I ever will be, Eddy.
ED: Though I am dubious as to whether this can legitimately be called a scam.
ED: In all truthfulness this is just a video game. Nothing convoluted about it.
ED: JUST LIKE U $OCKHEAD U DONT THINK OF THE BIG PICTURE!!!!
ED: I will admit that I had little trouble with setting up the Wifi net but honestly Eddy, they have to buy the game from someone else. You aren't making any money.
ED: BLAH BLAH BLAH U KEEP TALKING ALL THAT BUT U DONT $EE THE BEAUTY OF IT $OCKHEAD!
ED: THEY PAY U$ FOR THE INTERNET$
ED: WE PLAY THE GAME
ED: AND KA-CHING
ED: $WIMMING IN JAWBREAKER$ BY NOON TOMORROW, DD!
ED: Whatever you say, Eddy.
ED: $O $ET UP THAT TALKY BOARD THING AND GET EVERYONE$ ATTENTION OKAY
ED: Just for the sake of avoiding an argument, I'll go along with this, Eddy, but I have a bad feeling about this.
ED: WHATEVER
ED: U WHINER
---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:43---
ED: This cannot possibly end well.
ED: C[:(

SHOW MESSAGEBORD

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---eagerDiscoveries [eD] opened the board High Speed WiFi and Daisy Chain sBurb Linkage for Only 50 Cents!---
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] sent out a mass invitation to the friendslist "Cul-De-Sac"---
ED: I suppose all I need to do then is wait?
---kineticVehicle [kV] joined the messageboard---
KV: whats this about that game, dork?
KV: wait your taking too long give me the version in english, sockhead
ED: I have set up a high-tech system of personal servers for the cul-de-sac to use while playing he game, because my calculations oh alright then Kevin.
---naturallyZesty [nZ] joined the messageboard---
NZ: Like, hey guys, whats, up?
ED: sBurb is rumored to take up quite a bit of computer space, correct Kevin?
ED: Oh uh hello Naz;;
KV: sup, Naz?
NZ: Oh, like, this game just looks like a total, blast! You know?
KV: right on.
ED: Right well as I was saying it is supposed to be more efficient to link your "session" of sBurb with other sessions to acheive maximum pleasure whilst playing the game!
ED: And I have set up a series of high-power computers that will, in effect, give us the greatest session ever!
---jauntyNaturalistics [jN] joined the messageboard---
---plantKarma [pK] joined the message board---
JN: geedoubledthis sure looks likefun!
PK: [:D ]
KV: oh man not this kid.
PK: [>:( ]
NZ: Uh, like, I have to, agree with Plank on this, Kev!
NZ: No need to be, a jerk!
ED: Um yes well you see it takes quite a substantial amount of energy to run these generators for the computers.
---smilingRadiance [sR] joined the messageboard---
SR: hiya double deeeee.
ED: Oh well er hello Sarah.
---jovialManicures [jM] joined the messageboard---
JM: wait*sarah*you*didnt*wait*for*me!!!!
KV: not the fairy holy crud
KV: you really know how to set up a board, dork
ED: This game is something you all want to play, I thought it only prudent if you were all invited!
PK: [BV ]
ED: I actually have no idea what that means.
JN: Planksays get the show ontheroad doubled!!!
ED: Oh alright then.
ED: You see-
---eatingDragons [eD] joined the messageboard---
ED: 8] hi GUYS!!!!!!
PK: [>:1 ]
ED: Oh dear.
KV: this is LAME
KV: im out of here
---kineticVehicle [kV] left the messageboard---
NZ: Kev, like, wait up!
---naturallyZesty [nZ] left messageboard---
ED: Oh never mind I will merely tell you all outside.
ED: My apologies for my rudeness, Ed, Sarah, Jimmy, Johnny and Plank.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned everyone from responding to the messageboard---
ED: Messy messy messy.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned self from responding to messageboard---

A/N

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Yeah. I may do more with this, I may not. I don't think I got the character voices done very well, but inspiration for stupid things strikes at two in the morning so...

[lantadyme]

hey guys i wrote more Purple Dave.

Haunted
Or, Seraph couldn't think of a cleverer title.

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hide spoiler

In Which David Lalonde Discovers His Mother's Death, And Reacts To This News.

Hosted on AO3

Yay, more purple!Dave. Postmodernism isn't really my thing but I love your voice for him.

[Metaflare]

My internet was out last night. It makes me do stupid things.

Cul-De-Stuck Part 1 of ??

show spoiler

hide spoiler

SHOW PESTERLOG

show spoiler

hide spoiler

---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:27---
E HEY $OCKHEAD
E R U READY FOR THE BE$T $CAM OF ALL TIME???!?
E I suppose I am just as prepared as I ever will be, Eddy.
E Though I am dubious as to whether this can legitimately be called a scam.
E In all truthfulness this is just a video game. Nothing convoluted about it.
E JUST LIKE U $OCKHEAD U DONT THINK OF THE BIG PICTURE!!!!
E I will admit that I had little trouble with setting up the Wifi net but honestly Eddy, they have to buy the game from someone else. You aren't making any money.
E BLAH BLAH BLAH U KEEP TALKING ALL THAT BUT U DONT $EE THE BEAUTY OF IT $OCKHEAD!
E THEY PAY U$ FOR THE INTERNET$
E WE PLAY THE GAME
E AND KA-CHING
E $WIMMING IN JAWBREAKER$ BY NOON TOMORROW, DD!
E Whatever you say, Eddy.
E $O $ET UP THAT TALKY BOARD THING AND GET EVERYONE$ ATTENTION OKAY
E Just for the sake of avoiding an argument, I'll go along with this, Eddy, but I have a bad feeling about this.
E WHATEVER
E U WHINER
---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:43---
E This cannot possibly end well.
E C[

SHOW MESSAGEBORD

show spoiler

hide spoiler

---eagerDiscoveries [eD] opened the board High Speed WiFi and Daisy Chain sBurb Linkage for Only 50 Cents!---
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] sent out a mass invitation to the friendslist "Cul-De-Sac"---
E I suppose all I need to do then is wait?
---kineticVehicle [kV] joined the messageboard---
KV: whats this about that game, dork?
KV: wait your taking too long give me the version in english, sockhead
E I have set up a high-tech system of personal servers for the cul-de-sac to use while playing he game, because my calculations oh alright then Kevin.
---naturallyZesty [nZ] joined the messageboard---
NZ: Like, hey guys, whats, up?
E sBurb is rumored to take up quite a bit of computer space, correct Kevin?
E Oh uh hello Naz;;
KV: sup, Naz?
NZ: Oh, like, this game just looks like a total, blast! You know?
KV: right on.
E Right well as I was saying it is supposed to be more efficient to link your "session" of sBurb with other sessions to acheive maximum pleasure whilst playing the game!
E And I have set up a series of high-power computers that will, in effect, give us the greatest session ever!
---jauntyNaturalistics [jN] joined the messageboard---
---plantKarma [pK] joined the message board---
JN: geedoubledthis sure looks likefun!
PK: [ ]
KV: oh man not this kid.
PK: [> ]
NZ: Uh, like, I have to, agree with Plank on this, Kev!
NZ: No need to be, a jerk!
E Um yes well you see it takes quite a substantial amount of energy to run these generators for the computers.
---smilingRadiance [sR] joined the messageboard---
SR: hiya double deeeee.
E Oh well er hello Sarah.
---jovialManicures [jM] joined the messageboard---
JM: wait*sarah*you*didnt*wait*for*me!!!!
KV: not the fairy holy crud
KV: you really know how to set up a board, dork
E This game is something you all want to play, I thought it only prudent if you were all invited!
PK: [BV ]
E I actually have no idea what that means.
JN: Planksays get the show ontheroad doubled!!!
E Oh alright then.
E You see-
---eatingDragons [eD] joined the messageboard---
E 8] hi GUYS!!!!!!
PK: [>:1 ]
E Oh dear.
KV: this is LAME
KV: im out of here
---kineticVehicle [kV] left the messageboard---
NZ: Kev, like, wait up!
---naturallyZesty [nZ] left messageboard---
E Oh never mind I will merely tell you all outside.
E My apologies for my rudeness, Ed, Sarah, Jimmy, Johnny and Plank.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned everyone from responding to the messageboard---
E Messy messy messy.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned self from responding to messageboard---

A/N

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Yeah. I may do more with this, I may not. I don't think I got the character voices done very well, but inspiration for stupid things strikes at two in the morning so...

OH
MY
GOD

ITS LIKE MY CHILDHOOD ALL OVER AGAIN :D

[Author]

My internet was out last night. It makes me do stupid things.

Cul-De-Stuck Part 1 of ??

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SHOW PESTERLOG

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---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:27---
E HEY $OCKHEAD
E R U READY FOR THE BE$T $CAM OF ALL TIME???!?
E I suppose I am just as prepared as I ever will be, Eddy.
E Though I am dubious as to whether this can legitimately be called a scam.
E In all truthfulness this is just a video game. Nothing convoluted about it.
E JUST LIKE U $OCKHEAD U DONT THINK OF THE BIG PICTURE!!!!
E I will admit that I had little trouble with setting up the Wifi net but honestly Eddy, they have to buy the game from someone else. You aren't making any money.
E BLAH BLAH BLAH U KEEP TALKING ALL THAT BUT U DONT $EE THE BEAUTY OF IT $OCKHEAD!
E THEY PAY U$ FOR THE INTERNET$
E WE PLAY THE GAME
E AND KA-CHING
E $WIMMING IN JAWBREAKER$ BY NOON TOMORROW, DD!
E Whatever you say, Eddy.
E $O $ET UP THAT TALKY BOARD THING AND GET EVERYONE$ ATTENTION OKAY
E Just for the sake of avoiding an argument, I'll go along with this, Eddy, but I have a bad feeling about this.
E WHATEVER
E U WHINER
---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:43---
E This cannot possibly end well.
E C[

SHOW MESSAGEBORD

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---eagerDiscoveries [eD] opened the board High Speed WiFi and Daisy Chain sBurb Linkage for Only 50 Cents!---
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] sent out a mass invitation to the friendslist "Cul-De-Sac"---
E I suppose all I need to do then is wait?
---kineticVehicle [kV] joined the messageboard---
KV: whats this about that game, dork?
KV: wait your taking too long give me the version in english, sockhead
E I have set up a high-tech system of personal servers for the cul-de-sac to use while playing he game, because my calculations oh alright then Kevin.
---naturallyZesty [nZ] joined the messageboard---
NZ: Like, hey guys, whats, up?
E sBurb is rumored to take up quite a bit of computer space, correct Kevin?
E Oh uh hello Naz;;
KV: sup, Naz?
NZ: Oh, like, this game just looks like a total, blast! You know?
KV: right on.
E Right well as I was saying it is supposed to be more efficient to link your "session" of sBurb with other sessions to acheive maximum pleasure whilst playing the game!
E And I have set up a series of high-power computers that will, in effect, give us the greatest session ever!
---jauntyNaturalistics [jN] joined the messageboard---
---plantKarma [pK] joined the message board---
JN: geedoubledthis sure looks likefun!
PK: [ ]
KV: oh man not this kid.
PK: [> ]
NZ: Uh, like, I have to, agree with Plank on this, Kev!
NZ: No need to be, a jerk!
E Um yes well you see it takes quite a substantial amount of energy to run these generators for the computers.
---smilingRadiance [sR] joined the messageboard---
SR: hiya double deeeee.
E Oh well er hello Sarah.
---jovialManicures [jM] joined the messageboard---
JM: wait*sarah*you*didnt*wait*for*me!!!!
KV: not the fairy holy crud
KV: you really know how to set up a board, dork
E This game is something you all want to play, I thought it only prudent if you were all invited!
PK: [BV ]
E I actually have no idea what that means.
JN: Planksays get the show ontheroad doubled!!!
E Oh alright then.
E You see-
---eatingDragons [eD] joined the messageboard---
E 8] hi GUYS!!!!!!
PK: [>:1 ]
E Oh dear.
KV: this is LAME
KV: im out of here
---kineticVehicle [kV] left the messageboard---
NZ: Kev, like, wait up!
---naturallyZesty [nZ] left messageboard---
E Oh never mind I will merely tell you all outside.
E My apologies for my rudeness, Ed, Sarah, Jimmy, Johnny and Plank.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned everyone from responding to the messageboard---
E Messy messy messy.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned self from responding to messageboard---

A/N

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Yeah. I may do more with this, I may not. I don't think I got the character voices done very well, but inspiration for stupid things strikes at two in the morning so...

Oh man fuck yes.

I'll write more Aftermath later. I found out that Requiem Bloodymare is the best game ever.

Yeah. This happens to me a lot. But don't worry, I've got like ten chapters planned out for Aftermath. Next will be more exposition. And then maybe I'll start up an invasion or six.

[mythmonster2]

Cul-de-Stuck.
HELL
FUCKING
YES!