Just going to say.
I love Red Dead Aries.
Just going to say.
I love Red Dead Aries.
Fanfic and Trolls:
I agree with your second point, but I strongly disagree with your first one. Using a thesaurus is a good idea at times, but often - as in the case of your first example - it does nothing but make a sentence more frustrating to read. It doesn't really make it clearer, in fact it's usually more difficult to read.
I don't write, but I do read a lot, and nothing is more frustrating than a sentence which is collapsing under the weight of its own verbosity.
Sorry if this reads a little harshly, but I couldn't really think of a way to word it better.
Also, if you rely on a thesaurus too much you'll end up looking foolish when you use a word that's listed in it incorrectly and someone calls you out on it.
Last edited by QRQD; 02-23-2011 at 10:02 AM. Reason: added that last sentence there
Maybe. I actually talk like that irl though so I appreciate it when others do the same. At any rate, I don't see it as difficult to read...I might have cut the word "haphazardly" on a second pass to make it less verbose as you suggested. Still, not being an authority on the subject by any meaningful standard, I defer to anyone with the experience needed to make that judgement. I *will* keep your suggestion in mind, just fyi, and by all means, be just as harsh with me as you feel the situation warrants.
Are there any other criticisms you could give me in a similarly forceful manner?
And actually kA I like the way you use words already! I especially like your focus on the image of blood rushing through the body in the first paragraph. I think you have some interesting ideas!
I'm going to make the opposite suggestion to C20710 (this is a risk of asking for crit, critics always disagree about everything) and suggest that you experiment with toning down your use of language a little. Although it's very satisfying to write extremes of emotion and to convey them in an extreme way, the danger of going too far is that you can alienate your reader - they get so lost in the style that they lose track of the actual feelings you want to describe. A phrase like 'hearts, pierced by spears of despair and swords of woe leaked their lives out to the oceans, never dying but locked into their own perpetual end, beating their last second after second with no end in sight' is a tough read with all those subclauses and images; sometimes simpler words are stronger.
It's a balance, of course - 'and then Karkat was sad ' doesn't convey much of anything. I used to practice writing the same scene twice, trying to write it completely differently each time, just to see what I could get out of it. Setting yourself challenges like that isn't a bad way to teach yourself new things.
Hope this was useful. Keep at it, you - I'm interested to see what else you can do.
Frustrating people is fun.
But yes, me and Tavros have issues. It's mostly because I meant for him to be more assertive, like Vriska wanted him to be. I am not good at writing future Tavros.
Soooo, setting explanation time!
Aftermath - What the Fuck Is Going On?
Okay I think I covered most of the basic points. The rest are plot points.
Like Tavros' new badassery.
wow, thanks for the help. i think i will try to rewrite it and see if i can't make it more about karkat this time.
Last edited by kaoticAntagonist; 02-23-2011 at 11:52 AM.
Theme Song- By Traikan
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Sigspoiler of spoilsigging:
And, oh, right, there was a fanfic buried somewhere in this debate on language. I may as well address that while I'm ranting.
@kA: I really like the approach that this fic takes with trying to get inside Karkat's head, but it was bogged down a little by the incredibly flowery prose. I would recommend editing out some of the more unnecessary imagery (such as the line about "spears of despair and swords of woe"), especially since you're writing for the typically blunt, unsubtle Karkat. Also, go back over your punctuation - your sentences tend to run on a little and your commas occasionally seem oddly placed.
Once again, I'm not an author, editor, or anything else even approaching qualified to give out this advice. I'm just an engineering student who reads a lot. My advice is probably embarrassingly amateurish, so please take it with a grain of salt.
Last edited by QRQD; 02-23-2011 at 11:42 AM.
According to thesaurus.com, I've got
bozo, bruiser, dope, gorilla, hood, hooligan, jerk, lummox, moron, nincompoop, ninny, sap, strong-arm, thug, tough guy
So then I just go "Okay, which of these would be known to my character?", and then "Which of those would he be likely to use given his speech patterns?"
Problem Sleuth would probably use bozo, dope, moron, thug, tough guy.
Spades Slick would probably use most of the same language, but place an insult in front or several of them thrown together in a stream of profanity.
Hysterical Dame might use hooligan, lummox, etc.
So basically I can only argue for the thesaurus, with the caveat that nobody should ever write a word they don't have a good understanding of already, and that you can't just grab any synonym and have it fit.
Last edited by QRQD; 02-23-2011 at 12:07 PM. Reason: I need to think, then post. I've got this backward.
That's exactly the thesaurus' proper use. I don't always remember all the words I know, you know? I can't think of any reason to limit your writing by all your memory yeilds in a given session.
That said, if you're depending on a thesaurus to compensate for lack of content then you've got a bigger problem than wordy prose.
In my humblest of opinions.
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Regarding the thesaurus, I'd like to note that it's an incredibly useful resource for songfics. When you want to convey a particular idea, it's really helpful for finding an appropriate word with the right number of syllables.
Speaking of songfics...
Last edited by ceruleanTresses; 02-23-2011 at 02:46 PM.
Stuff I done wrote
Just going to add my own two cents to the thesaurus topic: they are an absolute godsend when it comes to trolltags and chumhandles, you have no idea.
hey guys i wrote more Purple Dave.
Or, Seraph couldn't think of a cleverer title.
Last edited by lucidSeraph; 02-23-2011 at 03:52 PM.
Last edited by Cathartes; 02-23-2011 at 03:56 PM.
If romart people want to draw me, my character is here! Done by TimeChaser, thanks a ton!
Headstuck forever. So happy it exists!!!!!!!!Originally Posted by ceruleanTresses
My internet was out last night. It makes me do stupid things.
Cul-De-Stuck Part 1 of ??
Better stretch my legs... Sure has been a while.
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I'll write more Aftermath later. I found out that Requiem Bloodymare is the best game ever.
Yeah. This happens to me a lot. But don't worry, I've got like ten chapters planned out for Aftermath. Next will be more exposition. And then maybe I'll start up an invasion or six.
Last edited by Author; 02-23-2011 at 04:53 PM.
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