MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Embargo]

My internet was out last night. It makes me do stupid things.

Cul-De-Stuck Part 1 of ??

show spoiler

hide spoiler

SHOW PESTERLOG

show spoiler

hide spoiler

---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:27---
E HEY $OCKHEAD
E R U READY FOR THE BE$T $CAM OF ALL TIME???!?
E I suppose I am just as prepared as I ever will be, Eddy.
E Though I am dubious as to whether this can legitimately be called a scam.
E In all truthfulness this is just a video game. Nothing convoluted about it.
E JUST LIKE U $OCKHEAD U DONT THINK OF THE BIG PICTURE!!!!
E I will admit that I had little trouble with setting up the Wifi net but honestly Eddy, they have to buy the game from someone else. You aren't making any money.
E BLAH BLAH BLAH U KEEP TALKING ALL THAT BUT U DONT $EE THE BEAUTY OF IT $OCKHEAD!
E THEY PAY U$ FOR THE INTERNET$
E WE PLAY THE GAME
E AND KA-CHING
E $WIMMING IN JAWBREAKER$ BY NOON TOMORROW, DD!
E Whatever you say, Eddy.
E $O $ET UP THAT TALKY BOARD THING AND GET EVERYONE$ ATTENTION OKAY
E Just for the sake of avoiding an argument, I'll go along with this, Eddy, but I have a bad feeling about this.
E WHATEVER
E U WHINER
---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:43---
E This cannot possibly end well.
E C[

SHOW MESSAGEBORD

show spoiler

hide spoiler

---eagerDiscoveries [eD] opened the board High Speed WiFi and Daisy Chain sBurb Linkage for Only 50 Cents!---
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] sent out a mass invitation to the friendslist "Cul-De-Sac"---
E I suppose all I need to do then is wait?
---kineticVehicle [kV] joined the messageboard---
KV: whats this about that game, dork?
KV: wait your taking too long give me the version in english, sockhead
E I have set up a high-tech system of personal servers for the cul-de-sac to use while playing he game, because my calculations oh alright then Kevin.
---naturallyZesty [nZ] joined the messageboard---
NZ: Like, hey guys, whats, up?
E sBurb is rumored to take up quite a bit of computer space, correct Kevin?
E Oh uh hello Naz;;
KV: sup, Naz?
NZ: Oh, like, this game just looks like a total, blast! You know?
KV: right on.
E Right well as I was saying it is supposed to be more efficient to link your "session" of sBurb with other sessions to acheive maximum pleasure whilst playing the game!
E And I have set up a series of high-power computers that will, in effect, give us the greatest session ever!
---jauntyNaturalistics [jN] joined the messageboard---
---plantKarma [pK] joined the message board---
JN: geedoubledthis sure looks likefun!
PK: [ ]
KV: oh man not this kid.
PK: [> ]
NZ: Uh, like, I have to, agree with Plank on this, Kev!
NZ: No need to be, a jerk!
E Um yes well you see it takes quite a substantial amount of energy to run these generators for the computers.
---smilingRadiance [sR] joined the messageboard---
SR: hiya double deeeee.
E Oh well er hello Sarah.
---jovialManicures [jM] joined the messageboard---
JM: wait*sarah*you*didnt*wait*for*me!!!!
KV: not the fairy holy crud
KV: you really know how to set up a board, dork
E This game is something you all want to play, I thought it only prudent if you were all invited!
PK: [BV ]
E I actually have no idea what that means.
JN: Planksays get the show ontheroad doubled!!!
E Oh alright then.
E You see-
---eatingDragons [eD] joined the messageboard---
E 8] hi GUYS!!!!!!
PK: [>:1 ]
E Oh dear.
KV: this is LAME
KV: im out of here
---kineticVehicle [kV] left the messageboard---
NZ: Kev, like, wait up!
---naturallyZesty [nZ] left messageboard---
E Oh never mind I will merely tell you all outside.
E My apologies for my rudeness, Ed, Sarah, Jimmy, Johnny and Plank.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned everyone from responding to the messageboard---
E Messy messy messy.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned self from responding to messageboard---

A/N

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Yeah. I may do more with this, I may not. I don't think I got the character voices done very well, but inspiration for stupid things strikes at two in the morning so...

FUUUUUUUU

I was always meaning to get to this crossover, but the words never seemed to come out right. Also, this is great and you are great.

Moar plz.

[Decker]

My internet was out last night. It makes me do stupid things.

Cul-De-Stuck Part 1 of ??

show spoiler

hide spoiler

SHOW PESTERLOG

show spoiler

hide spoiler

---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:27---
E HEY $OCKHEAD
E R U READY FOR THE BE$T $CAM OF ALL TIME???!?
E I suppose I am just as prepared as I ever will be, Eddy.
E Though I am dubious as to whether this can legitimately be called a scam.
E In all truthfulness this is just a video game. Nothing convoluted about it.
E JUST LIKE U $OCKHEAD U DONT THINK OF THE BIG PICTURE!!!!
E I will admit that I had little trouble with setting up the Wifi net but honestly Eddy, they have to buy the game from someone else. You aren't making any money.
E BLAH BLAH BLAH U KEEP TALKING ALL THAT BUT U DONT $EE THE BEAUTY OF IT $OCKHEAD!
E THEY PAY U$ FOR THE INTERNET$
E WE PLAY THE GAME
E AND KA-CHING
E $WIMMING IN JAWBREAKER$ BY NOON TOMORROW, DD!
E Whatever you say, Eddy.
E $O $ET UP THAT TALKY BOARD THING AND GET EVERYONE$ ATTENTION OKAY
E Just for the sake of avoiding an argument, I'll go along with this, Eddy, but I have a bad feeling about this.
E WHATEVER
E U WHINER
---earningDough [eD] began pestering eagerDiscoveries [eD] at 14:43---
E This cannot possibly end well.
E C[

SHOW MESSAGEBORD

show spoiler

hide spoiler

---eagerDiscoveries [eD] opened the board High Speed WiFi and Daisy Chain sBurb Linkage for Only 50 Cents!---
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] sent out a mass invitation to the friendslist "Cul-De-Sac"---
E I suppose all I need to do then is wait?
---kineticVehicle [kV] joined the messageboard---
KV: whats this about that game, dork?
KV: wait your taking too long give me the version in english, sockhead
E I have set up a high-tech system of personal servers for the cul-de-sac to use while playing he game, because my calculations oh alright then Kevin.
---naturallyZesty [nZ] joined the messageboard---
NZ: Like, hey guys, whats, up?
E sBurb is rumored to take up quite a bit of computer space, correct Kevin?
E Oh uh hello Naz;;
KV: sup, Naz?
NZ: Oh, like, this game just looks like a total, blast! You know?
KV: right on.
E Right well as I was saying it is supposed to be more efficient to link your "session" of sBurb with other sessions to acheive maximum pleasure whilst playing the game!
E And I have set up a series of high-power computers that will, in effect, give us the greatest session ever!
---jauntyNaturalistics [jN] joined the messageboard---
---plantKarma [pK] joined the message board---
JN: geedoubledthis sure looks likefun!
PK: [ ]
KV: oh man not this kid.
PK: [> ]
NZ: Uh, like, I have to, agree with Plank on this, Kev!
NZ: No need to be, a jerk!
E Um yes well you see it takes quite a substantial amount of energy to run these generators for the computers.
---smilingRadiance [sR] joined the messageboard---
SR: hiya double deeeee.
E Oh well er hello Sarah.
---jovialManicures [jM] joined the messageboard---
JM: wait*sarah*you*didnt*wait*for*me!!!!
KV: not the fairy holy crud
KV: you really know how to set up a board, dork
E This game is something you all want to play, I thought it only prudent if you were all invited!
PK: [BV ]
E I actually have no idea what that means.
JN: Planksays get the show ontheroad doubled!!!
E Oh alright then.
E You see-
---eatingDragons [eD] joined the messageboard---
E 8] hi GUYS!!!!!!
PK: [>:1 ]
E Oh dear.
KV: this is LAME
KV: im out of here
---kineticVehicle [kV] left the messageboard---
NZ: Kev, like, wait up!
---naturallyZesty [nZ] left messageboard---
E Oh never mind I will merely tell you all outside.
E My apologies for my rudeness, Ed, Sarah, Jimmy, Johnny and Plank.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned everyone from responding to the messageboard---
E Messy messy messy.
---eagerDiscoveries [eD] banned self from responding to messageboard---

A/N

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Yeah. I may do more with this, I may not. I don't think I got the character voices done very well, but inspiration for stupid things strikes at two in the morning so...

FUUUUUUUU

I was always meaning to get to this crossover, but the words never seemed to come out right. Also, this is great and you are great.

Moar plz.

As soon as I saw the title, I knew what it was.

[KarneWarrior]

After doing this log with Nepeta, I want to see a full-sized RvB-Homestuck crossover.

[Graven_Image]

This is a mirror. Into it we look, and we see ourselves, from a troll's perspective.

This is highly experimental. I'm not sure how it will work. But here goes.

Not So Different

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]

EB: hi vriska!
AG: Oh, hey there, John.
AG: Can this w8? i was about to check out this castle and see if my lusus is here.
EB: your spider isn't here!
AG: Oh........
AG: Dang it!
AG: Do you know where she is?
EB: yeah, she's in another castle. don't worry, you'll find her later.
AG: Argh, how much later????????
EB: in a while! man, settle down.
EB: i am telling you that you will find them after a little more questing around in your awesome orange godhood.
EB: so why don't you relax and talk to me for a while?
AG: Well........
AG: Ok, I guess so.
EB: why don't you have your hood up, by the way?
AG: *shrug*
EB: you look great with the hood up.
EB: and anyway, we should be showing a little pride as the only ones to make god tier, don't you think?
AG: Pfft.
AG: I don't know if it is much of a major accomplishment, honestly.
EB: Vriska, are you mad at me?
AG: Um........ no?
EB: then what's the matter?
AG: I guess I just miss my lusus. I was hoping she would 8e here, but apparently I won't see her for another few hours or whatever?
AG: If that is what you see in the future, then I guess there's no fighting it. 8luh.
EB: i still find it a little hard to understand the sentimentality you attach to these monsters.
EB: it just seems so strange to me.
EB: but hey, that's alien culture for you.
AG: Yeah, I know.
AG: I guess you just have to think of them the way you think of your........ Guardians? Parents?
EB: yeah, sort of.
EB: except i never liked mine that much. :\
EB: even after I prototyped him, things were pretty awkward between us! i spent most of my adventure avoiding him. hah.
AG: That........
AG: Is too 8ad.
EB: vriska.
EB: are you sure you're not mad at me?
AG: No!!!!!!!!
AG: Why would I 8e mad at you, John?
EB: because I tricked you into getting killed!
AG: Oh. Right.
AG: I actually almost forgot a8out that!
EB: would it help if i said i was sorry?
AG: Why would you need to apologize though?
AG: I mean, I admit I was pretty confused about it at first, seeing my dead 8ody in the cloud and all........
AG: 8ut in the end, you did it to help me, didn't you?
AG: Really, I should pro8a8ly be thanking you!
AG: Uh...
AG: Are you there?
EB: yeah, i'm here.
EB: sorry, i wasn't sure what to say for a moment.
EB: i am just so incredibly relieved you aren't angry with me!
AG: Heh. I really don't know what reason I would have to be angry!
AG: I mean, aside from the deception involved, but I kinda understand why you did that.
AG: And in any case, you did give me a choice.
EB: yeah, i did.
EB: i don't know, vriska. you'd be surprised how often people resent it when you try to help them!
EB: but see, you really get it. that's why you're special.
AG: *Shruuuuuuuug*
EB: <3
AG: So...
AG: Is that what you wanted to talk to me a8out?
EB: yeah
EB: well
EB: not exactly.
AG: Then what is it?
EB: i know how this is probably going to sound, especially to a troll.
EB: but i just fought someone.
EB: and i didn't kill them!
AG: You didn't?
AG: Who was it? You mean like, your kismesis?
EB: not exactly.
AG: Oh yeah, Dave mentioned that he was in trou8le, and then had to go.
AG: It m8de me a little worried! Are you guys under attack or something?
EB: i'm not sure what his deal is. i haven't seen him in a while.
EB: but we're not under attack.
EB: not yet, at least.
AG: Oh.
AG: Well, then...
AG: Who did you fight?
EB: she was a friend.
EB: someone from our team.
AG: Why did you spare her?
EB: it's a little complicated.
AG: Well, did you like each other or something?
EB: yeah.
EB: but really, that's not why i fought her THEN let her go. she was more than a match for me, and i could have just avoided her or flown away or whatever.
EB: the truth is i beat her because i thought i wanted to, and sort of felt like I finally had to.
AG: Uh...
AG: Why did you have to?
EB: because enough was enough! you don't even know how frustrating it was to have to play this game with her!
EB: i used to really like her and always wanted to help her out, so she might actually do some good in the game.
EB: but she was just sooo obsessed with her evil magic. she wouldn't change!
EB: and when she tried to change, it was too little and too late.
EB: always late.
EB: latey latey laaaate.
EB: she couldn't help me when i really needed her to.
EB: so when I saw she was actually trying to KILL me, NOW of all times...
EB: i just got SO CONFUSED. i'm still a bit screwed up thinking about it.
EB: so i fought her, chickened out, and let her get away.
EB: and I'm pretty sure she's still out there waiting for me.
AG: Woooooooow.
AG: You're right, John. That does not sound good.
EB: i know!
EB: i know our races are completely different. and i really hate the idea of you thinking worse of me because of this.
EB: but i don't have anyone else to talk to about it!
AG: You don't?
AG: What about your other friends?
AG: I 8et Dave would listen.
AG: Or what about Jade? She's pretty nice, isn't she?
EB: no no no!
EB: i mean, yeah, they're fine. but i can't talk to them!
AG: Why not?
EB: for one thing, they would probably just be pissed off at me for letting rose go.
EB: and more importantly, there's no way I could tell them how I really feel about it.
AG: Well, how do you feel?
EB: disgusted!! i should have killed her!
EB: if any of my friends knew that, they would think i'm a psycho!
AG: Oh........
AG: I guess I understand. I mean, I'm trying to, with the cultural difference and all.
EB: do you?
AG: Like, humans are more peaceful sissies, right? Kind of like Terrons or something, which is an wimpy race of aliens from a troll tv show.
EB: We aren't wimps, you dope!
AG: Oh, I know, that's not what I meant! 8ut I am guessing you all have to 8e nice to make it in your world, and have to not fight, and not beat people up and stuff, right?
EB: uh, yeah...
EB: let's say close enough!
AG: 8ut I think that no matter what alien culture you are from, letting a menace like that go is still wrong!
AG: And it sounds like you do too.
EB: yeah, see.
EB: this is where our cultures clash, I think.
EB: it would be difficult to explain exactly how mercy is viewed on our planet with all the nuance involved.
EB: it just isn't the black and white thing trolls seem to think it is!
AG: Well, you could try. I'm listening.
EB: on my world, i would be completely villified for killing her! she wasn't hurting anyone up to that point. she managed actually help! in fact, the amount of disdain i had for her her would be considered unhealthy by most other humans.
EB: i had every reason to let her go. and yet...
EB: i feel bad about it like i'm a coward, just like she was.
EB: and the fact that I feel bad is why i'm sort of freaking out right now!
AG: I think if you feel bad, it just means you've got a sense of duty. Which is good, right?
EB: no. that's not how it works.
EB: i'm supposed to be just fine with it.
EB: this was sort of like a test, and i'm afraid i might be failing.
AG: How was it like a test?
EB: Well, it was the first time I showed mercy to someone.
AG: Ok.
EB: wait, ok, that's not really true. what I meant was, it was the first time i let someone go that i really had an interest in killing.
AG: So........
AG: You just fought other people, that you didn't care about finishing off?
EB: yes. sort of a lot, actually. but there was a really good reason for that!
AG: Hm. How many?
AG: Or... Do i want to know........
EB: oh, it doesn't matter. probably a few hundred.
AG: Uhhhhhhhh.
AG: Holy shit.
EB: god, i know how this sounds! but I had to make him happy. my dad i mean. i've basically been playing this role as a fighting student my whole life. it's what he said I had to do.
AG: I guess that's why you didn't get along with him?
EB: hell yes.
AG: I see.
AG: Still, that is a LOT of fighting. Jegus.
EB: yeah, but I never felt anything about it. it was just normal life for me.
AG: But then you finally fought someone you liked, and...
AG: Not so cool anymore?
EB: yeah. OH!
EB: ok, that's not quite right. she's the second person i wanted to kill that i didn't.
EB: man, I always forget about her!
AG: Uhhhhhhhh.
EB: i guess she wound up saving me, so we're even.
EB: oh, also, TECHNICALLY i attempted to make up with the first girl around the same time.
EB: but I just wound up making her mad! oops, hahahaha.
AG: ...
EB: but man. that was years ago.
EB: i think i had a really juvenile attitude about right and wrong back then. i think i was trying too hard?
EB: i was always really obsessed with being the best at stuff, and i guess i was trying to be precocious in that respect as well, and prove to everyone how mature i was.
EB: but i was such a confused kid! i didn't know anything about what mercy really means. i was trying to fake it, and it caused me nothing but problems.
AG: I guess I had no idea how different we really were.
AG: What I'm hearing is seriously scaring the shit out of me!
EB: yeah, i know. i wish we didn't have to be so different. i'm just trying to be honest with you, because like i said, i have nowhere else to go.
AG: Ok, well, I appreciate the honesty.
AG: So... if mercy isn't exactly wrong, then what is it?
AG: What do you mean by "what mercy really means"?
EB: i guess i have to admit i don't actually know that much about trolls either!
EB: other than that you are all pretty angry and vitriolic and seem to be angrier, and think showing mercy totally sucks.
EB: i really have no clue what it means to grow up as a troll, though.
EB: but i do know what it means grow up as a human, and what's expected of us.
AG: What does it mean?
EB: When a human comes of age, you better believe it means their more destructive impulse will get brought into line.
EB: it's what we do as a race. we're really good diplomats, and that was how we run our planet. or... used to.
EB: the ones that don't learn to play nice? they're better off in jail, away from all the friendly people.
EB: and the reality is, it won't be long until they are. that's just life for us.
AG: That sounds terrible!
AG: I would like to be culturally sensitive, 8ut I wish it didn't have to 8e like that for you.
AG: I have started to really like you guys!
EB: well, thanks vriska. that's nice of you to say. but let's face it, it doesn't fucking matter anymore, since our whole race was wiped out!
EB: maybe for the best, when you think about it.
AG: ::::(
EB: but at least paradox space gave us some purpose before wiping us out, right?
EB: at least we got the chance to create you guys, and all those twinkly stars you used to look up at.
AG: Yeah, that's true.
EB: so because we got that chance, it means we'll never actually get to come of age and enter human society, and see if we can "get wise".
EB: but that doesn't mean we stop growing up!
EB: i think the game knows it's always gonna be played by kids, and it always rigs it so they enter right around the cusp of sexual maturity, whatever the race is.
EB: which kinda makes sense, since if they succeed, they've got their whole lives ahead of them to do whatever the hell they're going to do in their universe, like start repopulating and whatnot.
EB: that means the game also knows it's got to deal with all these damn kids who are coming of age while playing it!
EB: i really think how successfully they mature is tied to success in the game. It challenges the players in all the ways they need to be challenged to grow, which is different for every individual, and VERY different for every race.
EB: i don't think we were so hot at that aspect of the game. in fact, i'm sure we were quite awful. hell, even i wasn't that great at it! i actually just kinda fell ass backwards into the god tier, TBH.
AG: Hehe... Yeah, me too. ::::)
EB: but what really gets me is this didn't even occur to me until just now, while I was sitting around thinking about it.
EB: it was so obvious!
AG: What?
EB: that was why the game merged our two teams into one.
EB: it knew as we came of age, we'd have to learn not to kill each other.
EB: so it just provided the stage. one big team. no red vs blue. it was so simple! all we had to do was what we were naturally inclined to. it might have worked out better for us.
AG: Uh...
AG: I don't really see how keeping people around that h8 you would help you play the game 8etter!
EB: yeah, you'd think that would be counter productive! but then again, maybe not.
EB: if we really did take the one-team thing seriously, and started helping each other, maybe it would have meant more god tiers?
EB: maybe all of us would have made it!
EB: damn, can you imagine? we would have breezed through the game even faster, killed the king without a sweat. maybe claimed the reward before slick even showed up?
EB: or if he did, maybe we could have beaten him then and there instead of scurrying off like cowards.
EB: in retrospect we failed at this so spectacularly, i am amazed and kind of ashamed.
EB: it turns out that the only one of us with the brains not to kill anyone was already dead! hah. And boy, i'm really glad for that.
AG: Dead?
EB: yeah, she was a ghost, and then became a robot. then she became a THOUSAND robots. Then slick killed them all but one. then she blew up.
EB: oh, and she also had that exact bizarre laptop you're using right now. how weird is that?
AG: Gosh...
AG: Your team is so crazy!
EB: not crazy enough, apparently!
EB: actually, this is probably dave's fault.
AG: How?
EB: when it comes down to it, he was probably too sissy a leader! he never did manage to get the two teams to work together toward the same goal. it might have gone much better otherwise.
EB: he was just so obnoxious and "cool" and obsessed with leading. he wouldn't shut up! so we all just ignored him.
AG: Huh...
AG: Yeah, I can see how that could 8e true.
EB: he pretty much guaranteed the whole team stayed apart, but in the end i think we paid for it.
EB: it wasn't natural! pretty fitting, really, since he's kind of a freak himself. he doesn't even have parents, the weirdo.
EB: i really doubt he would have handled it as a leader if we ever started paying attention to him.
EB: he likes to pretend he's all leaderly, but I know he hasn't got it in him. i have a sense for these things.
EB: he'd be so pissed if he heard me say this, but I think he'd cut it better as a troll than as a human.
AG: You probably mean that as an insult, but I think it is a nice compliment!
AG: 8ut...
AG: I won't tell him you said it, heheheh.

[Tenebrais]

Hmm, not bad. An interesting insight. I think there are some points where you tried to stick to the original text too hard to make sense (eg the parts about Aradia) but it works pretty well overall.

Also makes me curious to imagine a session where the humans created the trolls' universe and are watching from the Veil rather than the other way round, with all other things being equal.

[SeptimusMagistos]

So, I was reading Red Dead Virgo.

I had a complete list of all the trolls, their blood colors, and a 12-sided die.

And next thing you know I had this:

COLORS

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Be the mutant-blooded freak

CT:--E No

Oh, yes, of course that would be silly. Giving precedence to the mutant-bloods would make no sense at all. Naturally we’ll start at the top, as we should.

You are now EMPEROR EQUIUS.

You are perched firmly on top of the blood hierarchy. You and you alone possess the noblest of blood colors ever since you pounded your predecessor into fishpaste one solar sweep ago.

Since your ascension onto the throne, you have been very busy with GALACTIC CONQUEST. Under your exceedingly firm guidance, the Alternian fleet has never been STRONGER or its soldiers more vicious or its reach longer. You are determined to ensure that under your rule Alternia should finally finish its aeons-long task of taking control of the galaxy.

You have many qualities that make you perfect for this role. As befits one of your bloodline, you are INCREDIBLY STRONG, enough to easily lift a whale if you have to. You are also possessed of considerable intellect, which you have always dedicated to WARGAMING in order to become the best strategist ever.

The only thing holding you back is your FORMER LUSUS. Once she offered you protection. But now all she offers is a constant threat to your rule. She has the potential to shelter another Heir Designate who could one day rise up to challenge your right to hold the throne just as you yourself did to the previous Empress. Worse yet, should your loyal vassal ever stumble in feeding her, she could initiate the VAST GLUB, undoing the work of centuries.

For this reason you have returned the Imperial Flagship to the home world, just as you do every quarter sweep in order to ensure everything is kept in check. And, though you probably shouldn’t admit it, to check in with some old friends. Royalty should be above such things, but you’ve never been able to shake off your SENTIMENTAL ATTACHMENTS quite as well as you should have.

But enough descriptions! It is time to get down to business.

crownedThroneholder [CT] began trolling galleonCemetery [GC]

CT: --E Greetings, subordinate
CT: --E I )(ope my dispatch)( fins you well
GC: A COURSE IT DOES MY KINGFISH. >8]
GC: I HAVVE TO FINISH SINKIN THIS SHIP TO FEED YOUR LUSUS
GC: AND THEN MAYBE WWE CAN DISCUSS SOMETHIN MORE PLEASANT FOR A MOMENT!
CT: --E I wis)( you would be a little less callous w)(en discussing t)(ose w)(o die to feed its )(unger
CT: --E T)(e loss of Imperial citizens, even ones of low b100d, brings me no enjoyment
GC: ENJOYMENT DOESN’T ENTER INTO IT!
GC: IT IS THEIR DUTY TO DIE, JUST AS IT IS MY DUTY TO KILL THEM, AND JUST AS IT IS YOUR DUTY TO SANCTION THE KILLINGS!
GC: DOESN’T REALLY MATTER WWHAT ANY A US WWANT.
GC: WWE ARE ALL RULED BY DUTY.
GC: EVVEN YOU.
CT: --E I suppose you are rig)(t as always
CT: --E You are to be commended on your dedication
Tormented Anarchist [TA] has joined the pesterlogue
TA: hey there Emperoor Asshoole
TA: still giving oout hoonoors to thoose whoo slaughter the loow BLOODS foor yoou i see
TA: that’s just fucking typical
CT: --E Such 100d language is uncalled for
TA: ooh my goog are yoou being fucking serioous here
TA: i just circumvented yoour best proogrammers too hack directly intoo yoour rooyal terminal and yoou are upset because i am swearing?
TA: that’s just fucking stupid
GC: I HATE TO AGREE WWITH THE DISSIDENT BUT IT REALLY SORT OF IS!
CT: --E )(001d your tongue, Most Loyal Viceroy
CT: --E T)(is is a matter between myself and t)(ose w)(o would challenge my dominion
GC: FINE.
GC: BUT IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO PULL YOUR ROYAL KEISTER OUT A THE FIRE, YOU KNOWW WWHERE TO FIND ME! >8D
galleonCemetery [GC]ceased trolling crownedThroneholder [CT]
TA: ooh what noow my Emperoor are we gooing too have fisticuffs at dawn?
TA: soorry noot fucking interested
TA: goot better things too doo with my time
TA: like maybe sabootage yoour empire oone coomputer at a time
TA: let’s see yoou coonquer the fucking galaxy when yoou have too ploot oout hyperspace coourses with a fucking prootractoor
CT: --E If you ever wis)( to make a proper challenge, rest assured I will face you as I face anyone w)(o questions my rig)(t to r001.
CT: --E But until t)(en I )(ave not)(ing more to say to a coward w)(o )(ides be)(ind )(is codes
CT: --E Rest assured I )(ave ot)(er servants
CT: --E T)(ey are not as ent)(usiastic as Terezi, but t)(eir special skills w001d make it easy for them to find you, mutant-b100ded freak
CT: --E And at least one )(as now been dispatched
TA: whatever
CT’s computer failed to explode.
CT: --E 100ks like the Computer Security Corps is to be commended too, e)(?
TA: goo fuck yourself
Tormented Anarchist [TA] ceased trolling crownedThroneholder [CT]


Be the mutant-blooded freak.

CT:--E No

The thing about royalty is that you’re not done with them until they’re done with you!

crownedThroneholder [CT] began trolling conjurationAbjurer [CA]

CT: --E . . .
CT: --E )(ello
CA: no need two be 2o hesiitant
CA: you can say hii two an old friiend wiithout gettiing weird about iit for once
CT: --E T)(ings are not as t)(ey used to be
CT: --E I s)(ould not be continuing our association
CT: --E It is most improper
CA: hey my blood 2orry b100d iisnt that bad
CA: and anyway what2 the poiint of beiing the emperor iif you cant just do what you want every once iin a whiile am ii riight
CT: --E I don’t know anymore
CT: --E You and Terezi )(ave always offered suc)( different perspectives
CT: --E S)(e speaks of duty
CT: --E You speak of privilege
CT: --E And bot)( of you are always so convincing
CT: --E But one of you must be wrong
CT: --E I wis)( I knew w)(ic)( one
CA: not nece22ariily
CA: ii mean look at me
CA: balance of opposiites iis what iim all about here even iif iit hurt2 my head
CA: ii thiink there mu2t be a way two balance thiing2 2o that you can rule liike you actually want two and not just how you thiink you should
CA: or sh001d iif youd rather
CT: --E You are a good friend, Eridan
CT: --E W001d t)(at you )(ad been born into a )(ig)(er b100d caste
CT: --E You w001d )(ave made a fine noble
CA: a2 long a2 we are dreamiing about thiing2 that arent true ii would have preferred two have made a fiine wiizard
CA: 2peakiing of whiich ii know you dont FLARP the3e day2 but kanaya’2 been telliing me about a brand new game
CA: 2omethiing very priivate wiith no low-bloods allowed
CA: ju2t the arii2tocracy
CA: ii thought maybe youd want two check iit out
CT: --E T)(at sounds promising
CT: --E . . .
CT: --E If t)(is turns out to be a good game
CT: --E I will )(ave some strings p001ed so t)(at you are allowed to play
CA: you realiize ii am now iinviinciible
CA: ii could walk out iin the 2treet and 2tart handiing out revolutiion flyers and no one could do anythiing two me
CA: becau2e iif they triied ii would reveal two the world the terriible 2ecret
CA: the 2ecret that Hii2 2trongne22 Emperor Equiiu2 iis ju2t a biig 2ofty
CT: --E It’s been good to talk to you
CT: --E I will do so again before I leave

crownedThroneholder [CT] ceased trolling conjurationAbjurer [CA]

Be the mutant blooded freak now?

Yes, it looks like we have permission to leave. Let’s see what the cyberterrorist is up to, shall we?

Your name is Sollux Captor and you are in a world of trouble.

Not that that’s anything new. Your freakish MUTANT BLOOD means that you will be culled on sight by any loyal citizen of the empire. So what choice did you have except to throw in your lot with the not-so-loyal ones?

As a result, you tend to spend your free time planning and executing SUBVERSIVE ACTIVITIES meant to bring down the government of Alternia. While logically you know the system as a whole is at fault, you have kind of FIXATED on the Emperor in particular as your target, particularly since he seems to take you as a serious threat instead of a mere nuisance as his predecessor had. Sometimes you are afraid that you have formed and UNHEALTHY CALIGINOUS ATTACHMENT to him and in such moments you know you should think of other things. But addiction is a powerful thing, and revolution is the only drug that will satisfy you.

You are surrounded by various COMPUTING MACHINERY and HACKING IMPLEMENTS meant to help you bring down the system from the inside. In your darker moments you admit that you are chipping away at a mountain. A lifetime of work would hinder the Empire slightly at best.

That is, unless you count your SECRET WEAPON. . .

Tormented Anarchist [TA] began trolling Arboreal Gourmet [AG]

TA: where are yoou?
AG: ::::D < *You advance into the forest, even though you know it’s a 8ad idea!
AG: ::::D < *Your every step is like a cavalcade of muscle8easts over each and every twig.
AG: ::::D < *You grow ever more nervous and just want to get out of here.
AG: ::::D < *8ut what’s this?
AG: ::::D < *It’s too l8!
AG: ::::D < *You are caught within my weeeeeeee8!
TA: noo
TA: yoou are caught within mine
TA: because my web stretches noot between twoo branches in a stupid little foorest but across the entire galaxy
TA: and it has soome pretty juicy flies in it tonight
AG: ::::D < *Are you really going to go through with it?
AG: ::::D < *We could still 8ack down
AG: ::::D < *No one would ever know you actually tried to assassin8 the emperor!
TA: doont wimp oout oon me noow vriska
TA: i swear i can make yoou hurt moore than the legislaceratoors ever could
AG: ::::D < *Ha!
AG: ::::D < *AG is 8rave and ferocious and has courage 8fold!
AG: ::::D < *8ut even she has to admit this is a pretty radical plan!
TA: thats the idea fuckass
TA: we decapitate the empire in oone bloow
TA: noo moore emperoor Dooucheface
TA: noo moore vicerooy Murderhappy
TA: moost impoortantly noo moore THE RIFT'S CARBUNCLE too suppress the psychics
TA: the empire will either fall oor reform
TA: noo third choice
AG: ::::D < *Okay, okay
AG: ::::D < *Just one more question????????
TA: shoooot
AG: ::::D < *Why are you going in anyway?
AG: ::::D < *I would think you would let the Emperor 8lunder into the trap on his own!
TA: there are three reasoons foor that
TA: exactly three and noot eight like yoou want there too be
TA: the first is because if i doont goo yoou woont goo
TA: and i need yoou too because yoou have soomehoow managed too foorm coonnectioons with the blue BLOODs
TA: despite being a murderoous bitch
TA: oor maybe because oof that
TA: and i will need them too talk it up to the fucking tyrant soo that he will think its poosh
TA: secoond because if neither oof us gooes he and his croonies might achieve soome kind oof success in there
TA: hes a toough bastard
TA: soo ill be there persoonally too make sure the oonly reward hell be winning is death
AG: ::::D < *I think you may be overestimating your 8attle skills!
AG: ::::D < *He would squish you just like that!!!!!!!!
TA: soo be it then
TA: ive goot too try
AG: ::::D < *And reason 8-5?
TA: i want too goo soomewhere where my BLOOD is noot the BLOOD oof a freak
AG: ::::D < *Aww!
AG: ::::D < *That is so stupidly adora8le!
AG: ::::D < *Of course you realize once we are away from the civilized world and in the throes of the game
AG: ::::D < *All 8ets are off!
AG: ::::D < *If you get too close to me, you might just 8ecome my prey!
TA: ooh oon my list oof things too woorry aboout yoou arent even oon it
TA: soo shut up and get ready too play this game!
AG: ::::D : ::::D : ::::D : ::::D : ::::D : ::::D : ::::D : ::::D

Tormented Anarchist [TA] ceased trolling Arboreal Gourmet [AG]

Be the murderous bitch.

Sure! ::::D

Your name is Vriska Serket and you love being WILD!

You and your dangerous lusus are shunned by the troll society. You don’t care, though, because it means you get to live in the FOREST OF DOOM AND DEATH, and what could be cooler than that?

Your lusus subsists on INNOCENT PASSERBY, and occasionally the NOT SO INNOCENT PASSERBY. You tend to let stomach juices do the sorting out. When the supply of trolls draws low, you can make do with WILD ANIMALS, but that’s just not as satisfying!

Aside from hunting and generally being awesome, you often engage in EXTREME ROLEPLAYING GAMES. You have turned your entire forest into a delightfully deadly level to draw in players from all over Alternia. Most end up trapped in your webs, but you occasionally let a party get away with a small fraction of the loot you collect from the fallen. Keeps the players flowing in, you know? All in all, it is GREAT FUN.

Your only problem is those players who don’t know when to say when.

Creepy Ghast [CG] began trolling Arboreal Gourmet [AG]

CG: I AM GOING TO HAUNT THE FRIG OUT OF YOU!
AG: ::::( < *Oh my 8od, will you shut up already!
AG: ::::( < *You have been digested months ago, just give it a rest!
CG: NO I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE IT A REST!
CG: YOU FED ME TO YOUR SPOONY LUSUS!
CG: AND I’M PRETTY SURE YOU HAD AN ARM TOO, SO THAT’S DOUBLY MESSED UP!
AG: ::::D < *If it makes you feel any 8etter, you were delicious!
CG: THE SECOND YOU LOSE YOUR PIECE OF EXCREMENT GHOST REPELLING TALISMAN I AM GOING TO COME DOWN THERE AND SERIOUSLY TRUCK YOU UP MYSELF!
AG: ::::D < *I have never lost anything!
AG: ::::D < *Not possessions and not games!
AG: ::::D < *Oh, and also guess what?
AG: ::::D < *Fuck you!
AG: ::::D < *HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!
CG: FRIG YOU TOO!
CG: NO, DUCK YOU!
CG: . . .
CG: I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!

Creepy Ghast [CG] ceased trolling Arboreal Gourmet [AG]

Begin the plot.

Oh, you are just loving this! Sure, this might be a bit of a gamble, but you loooooooove gambling! And if you succeed, you will gain such wonderful prey of yes!

You wonder if the highest of nobility taste like fish.

In any case, it’s time for you to get the ball rolling on this.

Arboreal Gourmet [AG] began trolling apologeticTitan [AT]

AG: ::::D < *8aron scaredy cat has walked into a trap!
AG: ::::D < *The walls are closing in
AG: ::::D < *He pulls himself out just in time, 8ut what’s this?
AG: ::::D < *A giant spider has dropped from the ceiling!
AG: ::::D < *It is the end of our hero!
AT: iF YOUR LUSUS TRIED TO EAT ME,
AT: i THINK I WOULD PROBABLY SQUISH IT,
AT: iF WE’RE BEING REALISTIC,
AT: aND THEN I WOULD FEEL VERY SORRY FOR KILLING A FOREST CREATURE,
AT: sO LET’S NOT DO THAT, oKAY,
AG: ::::D < *You are no fun!
AG: ::::D < *Mark my pretty little words, I will taste you one day
AG: ;;;;D < *One way or another!
AT: oKAY, tHAT MADE ME FEEL SORT OF BAD TO THINK ABOUT,
AT: jUST STAY IN YOUR FOREST LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO, aND I THINK THERE WILL BE NO NEED FOR ANYONE TO GET TASTED,
AT: eXCEPT FOR THOSE WHO GO INTO IT, oF COURSE,
AG: ::::D < *8ut if AG did thaaaaaaaat
AG: ::::D < *she couldn’t invite you to play a game!
AT: iF YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME GAME AS LAST TIME,
AT: tHEN I WILL ADMIT THAT EVERYONE IS SUPER EXCITED FOR IT,
AT: aND YOU WILL BE ALLOWED TO PLAY EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT NOBLE,
AT: wHICH I THINK IS OKAY, bECAUSE IT IS YOUR GAME, aFTER ALL,
AT: aND ALSO BECAUSE NOT NOBLE PEOPLE CAN BE VERY FUN,
AT }:)
AG: ::::D < *Does that include meeeeeeee?
AT: nOT, rEALLY,
AT: sORRY,
AG: ::::D < *8ut you will play with me anyway?
AT: yES,
AT: sEND THE GAME OVER, aND THEN WE CAN ALL PLAY,
AT: aLL OF US WHO ARE GOING TO, i MEAN,
AG: ::::D < *good enough for me!
AG: ::::D < *coming right up!

Arboreal Gourmet [AG] ceased trolling apologeticTitan [AT]

[SkaianRedeemer]

I am so totally supposed to be working this week and not wasting time on forums and writing fic, and I just pop in to see you've declared Aradia "all the redshirts" and wanted to say that this is the best idea.

@Tenebrais: Well, there is Kcutsemoh but since it's still so young I'm not sure you're going to get what you want out of it. It's still a good fic.

[Path]

Uh, this was an odd crossover idea, mostly for C2's sake, who introduced me to the source material.

Sburb With Hats

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- fearfulFriend [FF] began pestering unchainedEnjoyment [UE] --

[FF] Caaaaaaarl! What are you doing?
[UE] Who, me?
[FF] Yes you! What are you doing to your poor consorts?
[UE] I'm not doing anything.
[FF] Carl, I'm your server player! I can see everything you do!
[UE] Well that's uncomfortable
[FF] And it's horrifying, Carl!
[UE] Probably to some people
[FF] If there's any people left!
[UE] Well I don't see any.
[FF] Those imps were one thing, Carl
[UE] Many things, actually
[FF] But your consorts were just trying to help you!
[UE] Oh
[UE] Well, that was a mistake
[FF] Carl!
[UE] They should have told me.
[FF] They did!
[UE] They should have been more outspoken about it.
[FF] They were screaming it at you the whole time!
[UE] I really must get my hearing checked.
[FF] Carl you fed them to the other consorts!
[UE] I'm sure I'd remember that
[FF] And then you hunted down and ate those consorts!
[UE] Oh! Yes, that
[UE] That does sound a little familiar
[FF] It was three minutes ago Carl!
[UE] And I'd better get my memory checked while I'm at it
[FF] Where's your sprite?
[UE] Pardon me?
[FF] Your sprite, Carl, where's your kernelsprite?
[UE] I have no idea.
[FF] What did you do to it, Carl
[UE] Me? Nothing
[FF] Carl
[UE] My denizen, on the other hand
[FF] You fed it to your denizen?!
[UE] I wouldn't say "fed" exactly
[FF] Carl
[FF] No, wait
[FF] I don't want to know
[UE] That's probably for the best
[UE] So! What have you been up to?
[FF] You're my server player, Carl! You should already know that!
[UE] Oh, right
[FF] You put my bed on the roof
[UE] That's an odd place for it
[FF] And then you put my fireplace on top of it
[UE] That must make sleeping tricky
[FF] And burned down my whole building!
[UE] Oops
[FF] I had to start completely from scratch!
[UE] Builds character!
[FF] I'll never reach the first gate now
[UE] Oh, I'm sure you'll find a way
[FF] ...
[FF] What are you doing, Carl
[FF] Oh god, I can see the cursor
[UE] Surprise!
[FF] What are you carrying?
[UE] A miracle
[FF] Carl
[UE] In the palm of my hand
[FF] CARL!
[UE] One friend to another
[FF] What is that, Carl
[UE] You just hate surprises, don't you?
[FF] Yes!
[UE] You probably shook all your Christmas presents before you opened them
[UE] Oh fine. Let's rip the paper off.
[FF] ...
[FF] It's a pile of dead consorts
[FF] Carl why would you do this?
[UE] I'm your server player!
[UE] And what does the server player do
[FF] Carl
[UE] They build up!
[FF] Carl!
[UE] And since your building is sadly destroyed
[FF] That was your fault, Carl!
[UE] We'd better make the most of what we have.
[FF] Carl have you been killing my consorts
[UE] Oh no
[FF] Carl?
[UE] Oh, yes
[FF] Carl!
[UE] I'm sorry, I thought you wanted it that way
[FF] What?
[UE] I thought you wanted to get up to the gate
[FF] Carl!
[UE] Well, I brought them all this way
[UE] So I might as well put them in a good spot
[FF] Carl...
[UE] Waste not want not
[FF] Who would want a pile of deceased tadpole people?
[UE] I must have read your Christmas list wrong
[FF] What did you think it said?
[UE] "Pile of dead frog people"
[UE] "Check"
[FF] Carl, how could you
[UE] Fairly easily
[FF] I was their chosen one
[UE] I'm sure there's another race of tadpoles
[FF] I was going to bring peace to their people!
[UE] Well, we brought them to pieces, anyhow
[FF]... puns?
[UE] It's an expression of humour!
[UE] Humour is joy
[FF] Carl
[UE] And aren't we having fun?

-- fearfulFriend [FF] ceased pestering unchainedEnjoyment [UE] --

[DJ-P0N3]

OH GOD I LOVE YOU PATH

[ceruleanTresses]

COLORS

That was pretty great! My favorite part was the Tyrian!Equius/Yellow!Eridan pesterlog, because they felt really in character and their behavior fit how I imagine their different upbringings would have changed them. Although JungleVriska was awesome too! I love the idea of her turning her forest into a FLARP level.

(My head-altcanon of Dead!Karkat still has him being really depressing though--I mean, imagine Karkat without the capacity for anger. It would be like a lobotomy or something. I'm considering writing something with that premise to go with my Karkatbot/Spiderpeta sillies.)

Also PATH! PATH! AHAHAHAHHAA! PATH YOU ARE A GENIUS!

[SeptimusMagistos]

(My head-altcanon of Dead!Karkat still has him being really depressing though--I mean, imagine Karkat without the capacity for anger. It would be like a lobotomy or something. I'm considering writing something with that premise to go with my Karkatbot/Spiderpeta sillies.)

Well, I saw you come up with that, so I thought I'd go in a different direction. I don't know how I'm going to explain the fact that Karkat being dead has removed his ability to swear, but it's pretty much going to make him the angriest ghost ever.

[Jim Groovester]

@SeptimusMagistos: I can't help but read Sollux's typing quirk literally. The result makes him sound Scottish.

[Dermonster]

After doing this log with Nepeta, I want to see a full-sized RvB-Homestuck crossover.

I did a bit of this a while ago but I don't think anyone noticed. Bits of Gulchstuck.

also oh my god path pfffft hahahahaha

[ceruleanTresses]

(My head-altcanon of Dead!Karkat still has him being really depressing though--I mean, imagine Karkat without the capacity for anger. It would be like a lobotomy or something. I'm considering writing something with that premise to go with my Karkatbot/Spiderpeta sillies.)

Well, I saw you come up with that, so I thought I'd go in a different direction. I don't know how I'm going to explain the fact that Karkat being dead has removed his ability to swear, but it's pretty much going to make him the angriest ghost ever.

Oh yeah, I should have mentioned that! Karkat having to use fake swears is freaking hilarious. Is this Karkat the Time player, or does he have a different role?

[Sporkaganza]

SOSburb: Chapter 9

In which I shamelessly add in references to yet another series.

[raequiem]

Happy five-hundred-fifty-fifth post to me,
Happy five-hundred-fifty-fifth post to me
Happy five-hundred-oh-screw-this.

This is pretty much the only ~*speshul postcount*~ post I'm ever gonna do unless/until I get to 5555. In case you didn't realize, I have a thing for fives.

This fic, however, deals with the magic number of three.

Decisions, Decisions

show spoiler

hide spoiler

It's too much, Rose decides. Just too much to bear.

It was one thing when she was watching some shitty movie with John, because that at least started out with a bunch of other people crowded around the TV and who cares if some of them got bored and wandered off, it was still a group thing, even when it ended up as just the two of them and it was getting late and she was laying her head on his shoulder and he had his arm around hers, and the credits started to roll and she turned to him to say something but forgot because god his eyes are blue. And then she had to get up get out before she did something monumentally stupid like kiss him no no no bad thought worst idea. So she smiled and shook out her skirt as she stood and thanked him for the evening and swept out of the room before he could open his mouth ask her to stay come on one more movie what could it hurt everything, that's what, one more second could ruin fucking everything, so just shut up.

And it was another, completely unrelated thing when she was discussing fashion with Kanaya, because that's what they both love and anyway clothes are a perfectly normal interest for teenage girls to share and bond over, except for when talking about clothes became let's-model-some-clothes-I-have-the-perfect-dress-for-you, and without too much warning she was in a sleek black number with buttons all up the back, facing the mirror with Kanaya's head just visible behind her own shoulder, bent in concentration as she fastened each button, and every skim of her fingertips over bare skin left Rose breathless, until it was done and Kanaya rested her hand on Rose's shoulders, her smile peeking out, and whispered "You look beautiful". That's the moment when Rose had to shrug the hands off without seeming like she was doing so, and go dig through her bag, because "I knit a wrap that would go with this, let me just see if I can find it" seemed like a better escape than "if you touch me one more time I will kiss you senseless" and anyway that seemed like not much of a threat at all and dammit dammit dammit not helping.

That's the heart of the problem, really. Indecision, and an inability to commit to either option until a clear choice can be made. It would be an interesting case study in just about anyone but herself. And every moment she spends with either just compounds the issue, because they are both so wonderful and so perfect and she loves them both so much that the idea of saying no, seeing blue or gold eyes fill with shining or emerald tears, is much too painful to consider.

Sitting on the couch alone with her book, she's just fine. Sitting on the couch and having John flop down on her right is moderately uncomfortable. Sitting on the couch with John on her right and Kanaya casually settling in on her left enters the realm of torture. Sitting on the couch, with John on the right oh-so-subtly stretching and draping an arm around her, and Kanaya tucking her feet under her skirt in a way that causes her to lean against Rose, is the proverbial last straw.

She stands, forgotten book tumbling from her lap. Can't even make excuses, her only thought is go go got to get out of here can't take it the two of them oh goood... She knows her face is as white as a sheet, knows her hands are shaking and her steps are stiff, but it's like watching another person flee the room and half-run down the hall and into her own bedroom, and she only feels like she's back inside her own skin when she shuts the door and collapses to her knees and pulls a pillow off the bed to hug to her chest and bury her face in and just cry from the sheer mess she's making of it all.

~~~~~

Rose has cleaned herself up a bit, and she's continually knitting and ripping the same three rows of scarf over and over. Why did she abandon her book, stupid stupid dumb. It's harder to lose herself in yarn and needles, although not impossible. She's avoiding her own writing like the plague - it tends too far into introspection, and the last place she wants to be right now is inside her own head.

She's winding her yarn back into a ball when there's a quiet tap on the door. "Rose?"

The yarn drops from numb hands, tangling in her lap. Dammit. She shoves the mess under her pillow and breathes deep. "Who is it?"

"John. And Kanaya. Can we come in?"

NO. No no no no no "...yes..." DAMMIT. Rose settles herself in the exact center of her bed, arms wrapped around her knees, eyes wary as the sources of her frustration enter the room. They settle on either side of her, not too close. Small blessings.

Kanaya looks at John over Rose's head. "Do you want to start, or shall I?"

He clears his throat. Rose turns to face him, peeking over her folded arms. "Well, Rose, me and Kanaya have been talking, because we noticed that you were... well..."

"Avoiding us."

"Both of us. And we were wondering why, until-"

"Until we realized what was going on."

"Right. And so we talked, and decided... damn, I can't do this part."

Kanaya sighs, but when Rose turns to her she's smiling. "Rose, you have been struggling with a decision that you never had to make."

There's a poignant silence. "I'm not sure I know what you're talking about. I-"

"Rose." She turns back to John, and his warm hands slip under her chin and her eyes flutter shut and he's kissing her, and his lips are soft and slightly chapped and he tastes sweet, so sweet, and he's warm and wonderful and perfect. He pulls away and drops his hands to let cooler, softer ones take their place, turning her head to be met with cool, soft, full lips and the tiniest prick of gentle fangs and Kanaya tastes spicy and exotic and indescribable and perfect.

The cool hands drop away and Rose just sits there, eyes closed, savoring the moment that can't possibly be real. But when she finally gathers the courage to open her eyes they're still there, blue and gold eyes bright, cheeks flushed red and green, and all she can squeak out is,

"Oh."

And then,

"Oh."

She takes a breath to steady herself, blinking hard a few times. "So, the two of you decided - what? That you can share?"

"Basically, yes." Kanaya wraps her arms around Rose's waist, leaning into her just hard enough that she, in turn, has to lean into John. He chuckles and wraps an arm around Rose's shoulders.

"We figured it was the best solution."

Wrapped up in her two loves, Rose can't help but laugh. "I can certainly live with this!"

show spoiler

hide spoiler

It's hard, being a shipper and reconciling your OTPs. It's hard and nobody understands.

Ngl, I've been trying to write this for a while, which is why it has little to no reference to Vampnaya.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

But I think we could easily add Vriska and have a wonderful OT4, what do you guys think?

[Tenebrais]

I am so totally supposed to be working this week and not wasting time on forums and writing fic, and I just pop in to see you've declared Aradia "all the redshirts" and wanted to say that this is the best idea.

@Tenebrais: Well, there is Kcutsemoh but since it's still so young I'm not sure you're going to get what you want out of it. It's still a good fic.

Going to have to follow that one.

In the meantime I gave a different pesterlog the same treatment, contrasting the characters more than the cultures.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

TG: hey
AA: hi?
TG: fuck i never said hi to you
TG: all that time i was moping in the lab
TG: guess i wasnt in a good mood
TG: hi aradia my names dave
AA: 0h n0
AA: y0ure a fan 0f my website arent y0u
AA: wh0 gave y0u my tr0lltag
AA: als0 what was y0ur fav0urite thing i dug up?
AA: and what did y0u like ab0ut it?
AA: als0...
AA: a/s/l?
TG: ugh
TG: thirteen a boy and a place very close to you
TG: hell
TG: i could visit you right now if you want
AA: 0h y0ure a human
AA: 0nly humans say theyre 13 i d0nt kn0w why y0u use that age
TG: well its about the same age as you
TG: which is five now
TG: right
AA: y0u d0nt make sense
AA: g00dbye
TG: following the way time spins should be easy for people like us
TG: let alone things like units
TG: im thirteen years old
TG: one year is a bit less than half a sweep
AA: 0kay
TG: look either its true
TG: or im just messing with you
TG: whats the harm
AA: s0 13=1/2?
AA: very funny
AA: this is a waste 0f time
AA: d0 y0u think im made 0f it?
TG: heh
TG: well you are
AA: what
TG: maid of time
TG: while im the knight of it
TG: you probably dont think we have much in common
TG: but we do
AA: 0kay
AA: im g0ing t0 cl0se my cr0sbyt0p
TG: yeah thats what you did the first time
TG: so i guess ill wait for you to figure out you wont this time
AA: um
AA: what
AA: 0_0
TG: aradia whats up
AA: i remember this
AA: i remember closing my cr0sbyt0p and never talking t0 y0u again
AA: but im still talking
AA: whats g0ing 0n?
TG: well yeah you remember that
TG: this is a memory
AA: its a dream
AA: im asleep
AA: 0r am i
AA: what is g0ing 0n here?
[color=#e00707]TG: come to the windowv
AA: why?
TG: im waiting outside
AA: i d0nt believe you
TG: take a look
AA: i d0nt see you
TG: yeah cause im behind you
AA: 0h 0kay
AA: l00ks like y0ure a s0ldier
TG: yeah
AA: 0kay
AA: my skirt isnt like this any m0re
AA: it t0re when i died
AA: 0h
AA: im a gh0st
AA: i remember that
AA: h0w did i die
TG: try to remember
AA: i cant
AA: wait i wasnt dead
AA: i came back
TG: are you sure
AA: yes and i was playing sgrub
AA: and then i want t0 sleep at s0me p0int
AA: which is why im asleep now
AA: but if im dreaming then why am i n0t a dream self
TG: yeah
TG: think about that
AA: wait
AA: i wasnt really alive
AA: i had a ridicul0us r0b0tic b0dy
TG: yeah
TG: i kind of like it but okay
AA: and i went to standby
AA: r0se said id reach g0d tier
AA: 0r i guess sh0w me why i w0uldnt
AA: did it w0rk
AA: is this part 0f the pr0cess
TG: sorry no
AA: s0 this is just a p0intless dream
TG: n0t exactly
AA: wait
AA: i started up again
AA: 0h
AA: s0 im dead
AA: deader
TG: yeah
AA: this isnt a dream 0r a mem0ry
AA: ive m0ved 0n
TG: sort of
TG: this is the afterlife
TG: but its a bubble
TG: which the living can see in dreams if they do it right
TG: and its also your memory
TG: thats how the bubbles always start
TG: either a memory of the dead or one of the dreamer
TG: but once you know its not a memory it doesnt matter anymore
AA: 0kay
AA: whats happening 0ver there then
AA: is this a visi0n
TG: yeah this really happened
AA: i d0nt remember it
TG: cause this isnt your memory
TG: its alpha aradia
TG: the one who didnt shut down or whatever
AA: 0h
AA: shes lucky
AA: s0 r0se tricked me
TG: did she
TG: didnt you ask for this
AA: i w0uld have liked t0 kn0w if picking 0ne 0pti0n w0uld have resulted in terminati0n
AA: i d0nt mind dying
AA: but i w0uld have preferred s0me warning
AA: i supp0se r0se was always like that
AA: is that my lusus dead there
TG: well duh
AA: is it f0r real
AA: did this happen
AA: is reality even s0mething that can be described meaningfully can i ask that t00
TG: yes shut up
TG: yes you can ask and yes reality means something
TG: and yes your lusus is dead
AA: 0h
AA: what went wr0ng
TG: nothing
TG: this is how it goes
AA: what is she d0ing
AA: alpha me
TG: whatever youd be doing there if you were her
AA: i am her
TG: yeah i know
AA: im n0t sure
TG: would you be upset
AA: p0ssibly
AA: im n0t sure if i c0uld grieve
AA: my c0nditi0n left me unable t0 feel str0ngly f0r a l0ng time
AA: im glad i can again
TG: thats cool
TG: its just you dont have to
AA: 0kay
AA: am i talking t0 s0me0ne
TG: whod you be talking to now
AA: pr0bably
AA: y0u actually
TG: i guess i was helping you through this
AA: were y0u
AA: w0uld y0u d0 that
TG: what kind of guy do you take me for
TG: no id leave you crying over your rats dead body
TG: of course id fucking help you
TG: you were helping me werent you
AA: was i?
TG: yeah
TG: we all need each others help
TG: living and dead
TG: alpha aradia still has a long way to go
TG: shes wastes her mortality
TG: people like us have to be careful with it
TG: sure were going to all die hundreds of times before were done
TG: its what the master we serve demands it
TG: but dying pointlessly is stupid
AA: is that what i am
AA: a p0intless sacrifice
TG: yeah pretty much
AA: what ab0ut the 0ther dead aradias
TG: theyre here too
TG: in their own bubbles
TG: you could join them probably
AA: 0_0
AA: i think im having en0ugh tr0uble already
AA: just being 0ne me again
TG: alright whatever
AA: i d0nt understand th0ugh
AA: why are y0u here
AA: why are y0u sh0wing me this
TG: im not showing you im just visiting
TG: it plays back all your thoughts and memories and shit
TG: like the coulds on skaia
AA: but
AA: if im seeing all 0f this
AA: c0uldnt i d0 s0mething ab0ut it
AA: 0r even st0p it happening?
AA: i d0nt kn0w
AA: i want t0 keep helping my friends
AA: what d0 i d0
TG: nothing
TG: this isnt your business any more
TG: might as well move on
AA: where are we n0w
TG: my apartment
TG: before the meteor hit it
AA: 0h s0 this is the human planet
AA: its different t0 h0w i imagined
TG: what were you thinking
AA: its less subdued
AA: i imagined s0mething much quieter
AA: a l0t 0f pe0ple living in small buildings
AA: never leaving 0r saying a w0rd t0 each 0ther in pers0n
TG: that sounds fucking boring
AA: 0_0
TG: though that sounds like some parts of the planet
AA: can we g0 there t00
TG: ill put in a good word with your bubble about it
AA: thank y0u
AA: s0 what d0 i d0 n0w ive g0ne bey0nd the veil
TG: heres where you go get your haunt on
AA: isnt that what ive been d0ing this wh0le time
TG: nah just kidding
TG: i guess you could figure out all that stuff about existence you always wanted to know
TG: if youre up for shit like that
TG: oh right there are people here too
TG: some youll know some you wont
TG: there is plenty of time for whatever you want really
TG: enough time to know time doesnt really mean anything
AA: d0esnt it
TG: time is like a game
TG: just one game in a whole cupboard of them
TG: were the best at it
TG: noobs fucking clamoring to kiss our hands
TG: but other people are better at other games
TG: and when all the games are over everyone about the same
TG: and you dont know how much fun you were having til its over
TG: or maybe you werent having fun at all
TG: then you just laugh at what a stupid shit you where
AA: ha
AA: ha
AA: i think y0u had a better laugh in mind
AA: i am 0ut of practice
TG: itll do
TG: want to go inside?
AA: 0kay
AA: wait
AA: maybe later
AA: i want t0 g0 h0me
AA: its been such a l0ng time
AA: can we d0 that
TG: yeah sounds rad
TG: youve got a visitor
AA: 0h n0
AA: is this wh0 i think it is
TG: jade sorry i took so long
GG: hiiiiiiiiii!!! : D
GG: aradia im so glad i got to meet you!
GG: heehee!
AA: 0h n0
GG: did you watch that squiddles video???
GG: i sent it aaaaaages ago!
AA: n0 y0u still never did
AA: y0u never even t0ld me what it was f0r
GG: really?
GG: im sure i did!
GG: darn!
AA: dave have i g0t this right
AA: this is an eternal punishment f0r my crimes
AA: spending my afterlife with this airheaded girl
TG: yeah you got it
AA: i supp0se it is m0re than i deserve
AA: actually
AA: it d0esnt seem that bad any m0re
TG: well youre not really a ghost any more
AA: is she dead t00?
AA: she l00ks it
TG: yeah
TG: well thats her dreamself technically
AA: what ab0ut y0u
AA: y0u d0nt l00k dead
TG: nah
TG: im alive
TG: and im gonna fucking keep it that way

[Author]

....

PATH

HAVE MY BABIES PATH.

[Path]

It's hard, being a shipper and reconciling your OTPs. It's hard and nobody understands.

At least you chose the perfect solution. Threeway relationship is always the answer.

But I think we could easily add Vriska and have a wonderful OT4, what do you guys think?

Noooooo four gets so COMPLICATED.

Though I guess I ship the Karkat-Jade-Dave-Terezi quadrifecta. It feels different because I usually don't ship Jade/Terezi and Dave/Karkat, so it aligns as two OT3s instead of an OT4.

Oh right, and your fic was completely adorable. So much description, all colour and taste and temperature, tons of things that get overlooked in so much writing. I mean, wow, good job.

[starburst98]

well, it's rather simple. look at this chart someone made in the romantic spec thread.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

[raequiem]

At least you chose the perfect solution. Threeway relationship is always the answer.

My solution to every ship war ever.

Noooooo four gets so COMPLICATED.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. [/stinson]

Oh right, and your fic was completely adorable. So much description, all colour and taste and temperature, tons of things that get overlooked in so much writing. I mean, wow, good job.

adslfafjhpauhf thank youuuuu. I am an overdescriptive sense freak, and I figured Rose would be too.

[Sporkaganza]

It's hard, being a shipper and reconciling your OTPs. It's hard and nobody understands.

At least you chose the perfect solution. Threeway relationship is always the answer.

There's a webcomic where they actually went for the OT3 as the official canon ending. It was absolutely perfect.

[zebtrestalala]

So a WHILE ago I posted an exchange between dead Tavros and Feferi. Here's one with an updated crew. I will probably do more. Maybe with Rose eventually meeting her mom or Tavros and Jade or something. I don't know.

Partners Again

show spoiler

hide spoiler

"Aww god fuck this fef why the hell are wwe all dead"

The purple blooded troll boy stood and cried silently into his awful looking scarf. It clashed horribly with his gaudy rings and his purple cape, which had mysteriously reappeared in death. Luckily, the one person who would have commented on his fashion sense had passed on from the dead back onto the living (through clever manipulations of back doors and vampiric loopholes).

"We're not ALL dead, -Eridan! And neit)(er of us would be )(erring if you didn't go and krill me in the first place!"

"Oh my god i cant believve youre still doin the fish pun thing i mean were dead."

"I can do w)(at I want, Eridan! Stop being so groupery all the time!"

"uHHH, fEFERI, mAYBE YOU TWO SHOULD STOP FIGHTING, yOU'RE INTERRUPTING THE GAME,,,"

"aww shut the fuck up tavv and get back to playin games for girls"

"S--E--E? T)(is is w)(y no one likes to be around you! You're so ---EMOTIONAL all t)(e time!"

"M-maybe i wwouldnt be so emotional all the fuckin time if i had a good matesprit fef i mean wwere both dead do you wwanna try for it"

"You're UNB---ELI---EVABL----E, -Eridan!"

Feferi held her head in her hands. Surely this idiot couldn't have really just suggested that again, after he KILLED her? She thought that surely that was a sign that their relationship was dead and gone, but apparently Eridan had less tact than even she was willing to give him.

"X(( < *the noble lion would like to say that this is really getting nowhere and she would like to get back to playing this most inpurresting game!"

"I t)(ink we're done playing the game, Nepeta. I really don't eel up to t)(is rig)(t now."

"( < awww come on one more chance!"

"Tell you w)(at, you come wit)( me and we'll play the game. But I really just need some time away from BOYS."

Together, Nepeta and Feferi stalked off, dissapearing from the shared memory off into one of their respective bubbles. While Eridan at first left a lingering hand outstretched behind her, he slowly retracted it closer to him.

"D --> I must say that was most tactless of you Lord Ampora."

"uHHH, YEAH, eRIDAN I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW YOU, UH, DO IT,"

"Just shut up you arent helpin this at all i mean i thought id finally get a chance to be wwith her but its just obvvious that ivve been played like a sap my wwhole life"

"D --> Perhaps you should ree%amine your consciousness. As you said, we are dead now. Relationships have become all but pointless."

"Maybe killin her wwas the best thing ivve evver done"

"aS SOMEONE WHO WAS, UH, KILLED, i HAVE TO SAY THAT i DISAGREE A LITTLE WITH THAT STATEMENT,,,bUT THAT'S KIND OF, UH, BESIDE THE POINT, i THINK i'M GOING TO JOIN dAVE AND MAYBE START SOME, uH, sICK fIRES,"

"D --> I believe I will come and peruse this e%hibition of a most noble and sacred art."

"Yeah wwhatever go ahead and do that ill just sit here wwith death and shit and be alone" Eridan said as they walked off. "Forevver"

The passive face of Death stared back at him, methodically stirring a pot of coffee. It had been odd moving to this sort of format for the afterlife, but after all of humanity had died, he had had to switch to the dreambubbles. It was interesting, and it was relieving to know that the door back was a little more secure. Not that that had stopped her, he thought to himself. How Ms. Maryam managed to do it he would never figure out. For now, he just pushed a small cup of tea towards Eridan.

As soon as he took a sip, Eridan's face contorted into a look of pure disgust. It was too bitter, too sweet, too hot, and too cold. He spat it out, staining the black cloak of death with brown coffee stains.

"Shit sorry about that" he mumbled, before pouring all the coffee out onto the floor. The floor of the memory absorbed it all, and a few second later it returned to its white sheen.

"I AM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS MR. AMPORA."

"Yeah wwhatevver you douche just leavve me the hell alone i dont need to be constantly reminded of wwhere i am"

"ERIDAN, MOPING WILL GET YOU NOWHERE. I AT LEAST EXPECTED YOU TO TRY AND ESCAPE FROM THE AFTERLIFE BY NOW OR PUT UP A GOOD ARGUMENT, BUT I AM SORELY DISSAPOINTED."

"Wwait, you can escape from this place"

"WELL, NO, BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ENTERTAINING FOR YOU TO TRY."

Eridan stared into Death's empty eye sockets with an intensity and hatred that would have made even Terezi recoil back, yet the robed figure just sat there, quietly sipping tea and rolling a dice in between his bony fingers.

"Seriously i would have at least expected death to be a little more imposin"

"IMPOSING, MR. AMPORA? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN HOW I PLAY AT BOARD GAMES?"

"Fuck you fuck your boardgames cant a guy just drowwn in his owwn heartwwrenchin emotional state evvery noww and then"

"VERY WELL THEN. I SUPPOSE IF IT'S ALONE THAT YOU WANT IT WILL BE ALONE THAT YOU GET."

With that, Death picked up the game of life, his cup of tea, and his sickle, tucked all but the tea underneath his coat, and stood up from his seat.

"GOOD DAY TO YOU, ERIDAN"

A case as sad as this one was not worth shedding even a single tear of black liquid sorrow over. Eridan had brought everything that had come to him upon himself, and quite frankly it wasn't Death's job to babysit the people in the afterlife, just to watch over them, make sure too many didn't escape, and brew some tea every now and then. When they were good and ready, and their roles had been fulfilled, they would eventually cease to trouble him, but for now he humored most of their requests.

As a door closed behind Death, Eridan realized just how silent the white room was. It wasn't a memory of his, and he doubted it was a memory of Fef, Nep, Tav, or Eq, so it must have been one of those shared communal memories that sometimes invaded his dreams. One of dying in battle, and the hereafter. This was a memory of Death's domain, and that was enough for the robed man to appear in it. But now he wasn't there. Nobody was there. There was only the sound of a coffee pot and a steam pot slowly steaming, and a young sea troll sobbing into his scarf, staining it with tears.

What a drama queen.

Eridan found himself transporting back to the familiar scene of his old home, the familiar rushing of the waters lapping against the walls of the ship. He wished that he could forget the realization that had died, but sadly he was too lost in his melancholy to go back to his blissful unawareness.

Appearing out of nowhere, his lusus floated towards him, the powerful musculature of the sea horse rubbing up against its charge in a fatherly sort of manner. As Eridan turned to face his lusus, he noticed that it had a purpleish sort of hue to it, like that of...his sprite.

"Son. Wwhy are you crying."

"God dammit dad i dont need this shit right noww"

"Did she hurt you again? That bitch of an empress?"

"DAD i dont need you to fight my battles for me for cryin out loud noww let me brood"

"No, Eridan. You brood far too much and it isn't too good for your health. Noww you get out there and go play wwith the other trolls."

"NO DAD I DONT WWANT TO"

"Son, stop being a bitch and just get outside. You and your trashy hipster stuff makes me so...fishappointed sometimes."

"Dad you havve no room to talk about bein a bitch you givve birth"

"...Touche, son."

Eridan stared into his lusus' long face, the stupid thing blowing bubbles into the water as he stared back.

"I missed you dad"

"I missed you too, son."

"So uh i wwas wwonderin since evverybody else has left an all to do there bullshit do you wwanna"

"Hunt ghost wwhales? Fuck yes."

"Just like old times"

"Just like old times, son."

And so Eridan climbed back up on his seahorse dad/lusus, and together they charged out into the misty remains of Eridan's memory. Later, they roasted it up (after all they didn't need to feed Glbg'ylb anymore), and ate until their stomachs were full. As Eridan drifted off into some sort of sleep, he thought to himself "maybe dyins the best thing thats happened to me too"

[Metaflare]

"Son, stop being a bitch and just get outside. You and your trashy hipster stuff makes me so...fishappointed sometimes."

I LOVE YOU

[Domoz]

HNNG

Because bitches love whales