MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[mutecebu]

Graven, I liked the experiment. The characterization changed a bunch, but it was interesting.

Also, I started mulling over the Indystuck trolls, and it hit me, and I headesk'd.

The identity of IncognitoInstigator (I'm like 99.9% sure)...
Here's a hint to those who want to figure it out (answer sub-spoilered within):

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By reading one of Graven's other fics, I realized he followed another fandom

The answer:

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Made by the author of Zero Punctuation,
TRILBY: The Art of Theft
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XSpPIBvjN4
oops, wrong link. I mean:
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/cont...zee/artoftheft

[-Benedict]

Graven, I liked the experiment. The characterization changed a bunch, but it was interesting.

Also, I started mulling over the Indystuck trolls, and it hit me, and I headesk'd.

The identity of IncognitoInstigator (I'm like 99.9% sure)...
Here's a hint to those who want to figure it out (answer double-spoilered within):

show spoiler

hide spoiler

By reading one of Graven's other fics, I realized he followed another fandom

The answer:

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hide spoiler

Made by the author of Zero Punctuation,
TRILBY: The Art of Theft
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/cont...zee/artoftheft

ffffffffff how did I not get that? That game was awesome. I guess Yahtzee just has his own corner of my mind he hangs around in, and he has to be kept locked up or else he'd draw dicks all over my cerebellum.

Other things: Cul-de-stuck, Sburb in Hats- super genius forever.

[spaceyPsychologist]

"Son, stop being a bitch and just get outside. You and your trashy hipster stuff makes me so...fishappointed sometimes."

I LOVE YOU

This SO MUCH.

[NateDude]

Cave Stuck
Part 1 of ?

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Open Memo:

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-- machinegunMother [MM] opened memo on board -So wanna play this game?- --
-- machinegunMother [MM] sent out board invites to ALL --
MM: Hi!*
MM: So, has anyone heard of this awesome sounding game!
MM: I guess it would be a good idea to play it to get our minds off what just happened.
-- bulkyBuddy [BB] responded to MEMO --
BB: Alright! This sounds fun!
BB: I like games!
MM: Alright! Balrogs in!
MM: Anyone else!
-- redcappedRobot [RR]responded to MEMO --
RR: ok.
RR: sounds fun i guess.
RR: i mean, seriously, i think its about time for me to relax.
RR: do you know HOW MUCH ive been through in such a short time?
RR: alot.
RR: i am in.
-- nightRogue [NR] responded to MEMO --
NR: Ah.
NR: I have heard of this game, yes.
NR: It supposedly has powers even ballos didn't have.
MM: Woah!!!
RR: shit.
BB: Yay!
MM: alright! is that everyone?
MM: this is going to be fun!
-- machinegunMother [MM] closed memo --

Open Pesterlog:

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-- redcappedRobot [RR] began pestering machinegunMother [MM] --
RR: curly, i have a REALLY bad feeling about this.
RR: ...curly?
MM: Woah, Quote!!
MM: You have no idea what i'm seeing!

Authors Notes:

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First person to figure out which game this is about gets mentioned, somehow, somewhere in the fic.

[PingZing]

Cave Stuck
Part 1 of ?

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Open Memo:

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-- machinegunMother [MM] opened memo on board -So wanna play this game?- --
-- machinegunMother [MM] sent out board invites to ALL --
MM: Hi!*
MM: So, has anyone heard of this awesome sounding game!
MM: I guess it would be a good idea to play it to get our minds off what just happened.
-- bulkyBuddy [BB] responded to MEMO --
BB: Alright! This sounds fun!
BB: I like games!
MM: Alright! Balrogs in!
MM: Anyone else!
-- redcappedRobot [RR]responded to MEMO --
RR: ok.
RR: sounds fun i guess.
RR: i mean, seriously, i think its about time for me to relax.
RR: do you know HOW MUCH ive been through in such a short time?
RR: alot.
RR: i am in.
-- nightRogue [NR] responded to MEMO --
NR: Ah.
NR: I have heard of this game, yes.
NR: It supposedly has powers even ballos didn't have.
MM: Woah!!!
RR: shit.
BB: yay!
MM: alright! is that everyone?
MM: this is going to be fun!
-- machinegunMother [MM] closed memo --

Open Pesterlog:

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-- redcappedRobot [RR] began pestering machinegunMother [MM] --
RR: curly, i have a REALLY bad feeling about this.
RR: ...curly?
MM: Woah, Quote!!
MM: You have no idea what i'm seeing!

Authors Notes:

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First person to figure out which game this is about gets mentioned, somehow, somewhere in the fic.

Oh man, Cave Story. I'm surprised I haven't seen this yet. Or...haven't I? Hm, now I'm not sure...either way, I am eagerly anticipating whatever you do with Misery.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Oh man, Cave Story. I'm surprised I haven't seen this yet. Or...haven't I? Hm, now I'm not sure...either way, I am eagerly anticipating whatever you do with Misery.

It's in IndyStuck.

[PingZing]

That'd explain why I wasn't sure; I haven't really been following Indystuck. Must've scrolled past it and noted it or something.

[apocalypticCritic]

But Indystuck has been in hiatus for a little while.

[ceruleanTresses]

I did a rewrite of this pesterlog with my particular variant of Dead!Karkat (who is sadly not as funny as Creepy Ghast), and also a royal-blue Terezi.

InJUSTICE

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gentrysCreed [GC] began trolling clockworkGuardian [CG]

GC: 6| What's going on?
CG: What d0 y0u mean?
GC: 6| Did you JUST send Nepeta into the game? Her hive disappeared!
CG: Y0u aren't 0kay with that?
GC: 6| Heck no! I was supposed to get your present back from her once she was done with the paint job!
GC: 6| And then we were going to join the game together, as co-leaders. Remember?
CG: Are y0u really that fucking dense? Her hive was ab0ut to crush y0u int0 a n0ble blue paste.
CG: It was my resp0nsibility t0 make sure that didn't happen.
CG: A resp0nsibility that I've fulfilled brilliantly, like always. This kind 0f elab0rate balancing act is what I was hatched f0r.
GC: 6| You knew this was going to happen! You were planning it all along! >:(
GC: 6| You're playing us all for chumps. I know a manipulative jerk when I see one!
CG: Y0u're right. This was always the plan.
CG: It had t0 g0 this way.
GC: 6| No! It had to go the way we said it would. I was going to give you the present I made for you! Me! It's completely unJUST for Nepeta to get all the credit! D:<
GC: 6| I was going to give it to you so you'd know that I didn't mean what happened.
GC: 6| And then we could go back to being friends again!
CG: Were we ever really friends? I'm pretty sure I th0ught you were creepy and ann0ying.
GC: 6| I don't know. I felt like we were, even if you didn't think so.
GC: 6| I guess I'm not very good at acting like a friend. It seems like my friends always get hurt.
GC: 6| JUST like everything I touch gets hurt. >:|
GC: 6| We were friends, though! Why would you have trusted me if you didn't think I was your friend?
CG: I d0n't remember. It d0esn't matter anyway.
GC: 6| Ugh. More of this apathetic baloney. Why can't you JUST scream at me like you used to? JUST once?
CG: Ribbit.
GC: 6| Hehehehehehehehehe, that's not even close to what I meant!
CG: I can't fucking c0ntr0l the ribbits.
CG: I keep having t0 explain that t0 pe0ple. It's getting b0ring.
GC: 6| Hey, you can ribbit if you want. I think I've sort of lost the right to order you around.
CG: Whatever.
GC: 6| So what now? I guess you and Nepeta will co-lead, since she managed to usurp me.
GC: 6| Or, to be more precise, since she managed to fall rump-backwards into the role! >:D
GC: 6| I can't think of a worse person for the job. Her first command is probably going to be “all of you have to roleplay as fliiiiiiiies!” or something equally foolish.
GC: 6| But I guess I can deal with a little bit of inJUSTICE. So I'll JUST enter after you two?
CG: N0.
CG: Y0u're n0t 0n the blue team.
GC: 6| Oh, what the fudge!
CG: Y0u were never g0ing t0 be.
GC: 6| I get it. I finally see now. This is your revenge.
GC: 6| I guess I deserved it.
CG: G0d damn it. It's n0t revenge.
CG: Y0u were always supp0sed t0 be 0n the red team.
CG: Y0u'll believe me after y0u wake up. In the meantime, y0u're just g0ing t0 have t0 deal with it.
GC: 6| What a load of excrement. You've been plotting your vengeance since day one, and I fell for it like a sucker.
GC: 6| I'm not usually the sucker, Vantas. Well played. Hehehehehehehehehe.
CG: Actually, n0.
CG: I've never th0ught ab0ut revenge at all.
GC: 6| But why not?! >:O
GC: 6| I killed you!
CG: I d0n't really give a shit.
GC: 6| ARGH!
GC: 6| You're so infuriating! Why can't you JUST hate me like I deserve? It would be a lot easier that way.
GC: 6| Or at least feel bothered or annoyed or SOMETHING! Like you would have before!
GC: 6| Maybe I should JUST go find a really strong rope,
GC: 6| One that won't fall apart in my hands when I try to knot it,
GC: 6| And hang myself in a fit of remorse!
GC: 6| Because clearly it's up to me to feel emotions for the both of us, you miserable soulless PILWEEF!
CG: 0_0
GC: 6| I hate you! D:<
GC: 6| I hate you I hate you I hate you! Hehehehehehehehehe!
CG: Y0u're getting hysterical.
CG: Try n0t t0 fly 0ff the fucking handle s0 hard. Y0u'll hurt y0urself.
GC: 6| I would have been more careful if I'd known killing you would make you so BORING!
GC: 6| Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
CG: Again, I d0n't give a shit.
GC: 6| I don't want to be on the red team!
GC: 6| It's full of jerks who think I hurt people on purpose. >:(
CG: They need y0u, th0ugh. And it's where y0u need t0 be.
CG: If it's any c0ns0lati0n, I'm 0nly d0ing this t0 keep y0u safe.
CG: S0 st0p acting like a wiggler and get y0ur shit t0gether.
GC: 6| What?! Why would that be consolation? It's JUST more vague spooky foolishness! D:<
GC: 6| You know what, fudge you for me trying to help you!
GC: 6| Fudge the blue team, fudge your conniving, fudge Nepeta's horrible paint job, and fudge you for saving my life!
GC: 6| HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!!!!!

gentrysCreed [GC] ceased trolling clockworkGuardian [CG]

Bluh why did I even do that, I can't write. I can't even write when I'm just rewording a thing that's already written.

A/N

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A couple clarifications since I'm not sure if it's clear in the text: Blue!Terezi got Maroon!Karkat killed with a manipulative prank that went too far, much like canon!Terezi did with John; and the incessant inappropriate giggling is basically her version of Equius's incessant inappropriate sweating, only in response to stress rather than...yeah.

[NateDude]

Cave Stuck
Part 2 of ?

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The Sylph of Cause has entered the Land of Sand and Stone

To say she was shocked was a gross understatement. She looked around, sand and stone everywhere. "Just like before..." she stated to no one in particular.

She went inside, and disconcerningly ogled CHEST SPRITE. Her kids, the mimigas she had raised back in the sand zone, had tossed it in. It just floated there, spazzing out.*

While the children messed with the machinery, she recieved a message.

Show pesterlog:

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-- infinitePower [II] began pestering machinegunMother [MM] --

IP: so..hot..
MM: Hmm?
IP: the...pain...
IP: never...dead...
IP: always...dead...
MM: Who is this?
IP: i...know all...
IP: i...see all...
IP: i...am eternal...
IP: the pain...it hurts so much...
MM: I...Oh my...
MM: Not you, no, it can't be you.
MM: It cant be it be it cant be it cant be it cant be
MM: Get out of our lives!!
IP: foolish...robot...
IP: the power...of the red crystal...is eternal...
-- infinitePower [II] ceased pestering machinegunMother [MM] --

When her kids came up to her, screaming, she was angry. Her kids huddled behind her as the wooden, chesty monster came up to them, and she pulled out her gun and pressed the trigger


Show Pesterlog:

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-- bulkyBuddy [BB] began pestering nightRogue [NR] --
BB: Um, misery?
NR: Yes, balrog?
BB: Could you, uh, be my server?
NR: Why me? Now, while i don't entirely disagree with your choice, i may have mistreated you back when we were under the command of all those who had the crown.
NR: So, may i ask why?
BB: ...well, um...
NR: I take it that the meteor is already in view?
BB: ....yes.
NR: Sigh.
NR: I'll initiate the connection.
-- nightRogue [NR] ceased pestering bulkyBuddy --

Authors Notes:

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This is going all the way to the end.
All the way.

Also, if it wasn't obvious, the white text guy is

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The doctor.

I considered it being ballos, but decided against it seeing as the doctor was the main enemy throughout most of the game, and ballos was a suprise ending.

[Embargo]

Bluh why did I even do that, I can't write. I can't even write when I'm just rewording a thing that's already written.

Answering your quote is a quote from Dave, except fix'd.

TG: is there even any other way to write a fic
TG: fuckin doubt it

[anonymousComrade]

Finally, chapter 12 is complete. The other parts of it (as well as previous chapters) can be found in my sig.

Crossing Over: Chapter 12d

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Karkat parried Kanaya's chainsaw with the inside curve of the Regisickle, the only weapon in his specibus capable of taking the brunt of such a powerful assault without being torn asunder. Sparks flew from where sickle met power tool as Karkat used all of his strength to keep the steel teeth of the saw from ripping into his flesh. Every muscle in his body screamed in protest as he pushed her back yet again, leaving a moment for him to strike.

He couldn't bring himself to take the opening.

"DAMNIT, KANAYA, STOP THIS! AS YOUR LEADER, AS YOUR ALLY, AS YOUR GODDAMNED *FRIEND* I AM ORDERING YOU TO STAND THE FUCK DOWN!"
"Do You Not See What I Am Trying To Do, Karkat?"

Their weapons clashed again, the Regisickle bucking against the chainsaw's motorized blades.

"HOW IS DRAINING EVERYONE FUCKING DRY GOING TO SAVE US?!"
"Because I Finally Understand. My Transformation Into A Rainbow Drinker Has Brought Me The Gift Of Immortality. It Is A Gift I Must Pass On If We Are To Survive As A Race."

Another pushback from Karkat.

"THAT'S BULLSHIT! HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED THAT NOBODY YOU FUCKING DRANK FROM HAS GOTTEN UP YET?"
"It Is Only A Matter Of Time Before They Will Rise Up."
"THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME!"
"You Are A Danger To The New Order. The Most Prudent Course Of Action Is To Eliminate The Threat."
"DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF, KANAYA?! OH MY GOD, YOU'VE FUCKING LOST IT!"
"On The Contrary, I Believe My Plan Is Quite Sound."

Kanaya slung the chainsaw overhead and attempted to bring it down on Karkat, only for steel to meet blackened steel yet again. She was beginning to tire of this.

"Why Do You Resist Me So?"
"OKAY, LET'S PRETEND, FOR ONE SECOND, THAT MY THINK PAN COLLAPSES INTO ITSELF AND I GO ALONG WITH YOUR INSANE PLAN, AND IT WORKS. NOW WE'VE GOT TWELVE BLOODSUCKERS RUNNING AROUND THE STATION, GREAT, WE'RE ALL FUCKING SHAMBLING MOCKERIES OF LIFE BUT AT LEAST WE'RE UP AND ABOUT."

Another pushback, still managing to create distance between the two but this time noticably weaker.

"WE CAN'T EXACTLY DRAIN EACH OTHER, BECAUSE THE BLOOD OF OTHER RAINBOW DRINKERS ISN'T ANY GOOD. SO WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO THEN?"
"I Have Given The Matter Full Consideration, And Come To The Conclusion That The Ectobiology Lab Would More Than Suffice For Our Purposes."
His jaw dropped into an expression of horror. If this monster seriously suggested that they feed off of wrigglers... she may look and speak like her, but she was truly Kanaya Maryam no longer.

He gripped the scythe tighter as rage boiled within him. Another assault with the chainsaw from above. His sickle met the saw in another power struggle, but the sound of rending metal hinted that the Regisickle could not stand up to another beating. After a short time of tangling with the vicious rotating teeth, the Regisickle shattered in Karkat's hand like the Clawsickle and Homes Smell You Later before it had. He dodged the falling chainsaw, but not before a glancing blow left bright red streaks in his arm.

As he examined his wound in a panic, Kanaya advanced on him. She pulled the saw back to deliver the killing blow.

"I'm Sorry Karkat. Truly I Am. I Wish Things Did Not Have To Be This Way."

But he had one last trick up his sleeve.

"NO. *I'M* SORRY. SORRY I COULDN'T SAVE YOU."

Kanaya dropped her chainsaw and staggered back with the force of the blow. She looked down to examine what had hit her and was greeted with the sight of Karkat's original training sickle lodged in her chest.

She fell over, dead, as the world around them shattered like glass.

Karkat was sort of bewildered by what had just happened until the memories came flooding back. Gamzee and Eridan had gone insane and started killing. He and Sollux managed to stop Eridan while Vriska and Terezi fought and defeated Gamzee. Sollux had died trying to cross over to the humans' session. The humans had come up with a plan to get the surviving trolls over there safely. He had met with, briefly fought, and accidently killed an undead Kanaya. And then he and Terezi died in each other's arms.

"haha wow, we didnt even have to interfere for this jackass to break his own dream bubble."

He turned around to find a group staring back at him... and among them was the Dave human?

"how many times did we watch him, knowing he was so close yet he just stood there and took a damn chainsaw through the chest?"
"At le8st three!"
"thats wwhat i always liked about kar, the guy aint got it in him to be givvin up."

Eridan?! That smug asshole was here?! Karkat immediately dove for him. "YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! I *DID* FUCKING KILL YOU, BUT GODDAMNIT I'LL DO IT AGAIN! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD, ASSHOLE!" Aradia and Vriska had to restrain him while Eridan stepped back.

Aradia was the first to speak to him. "eridan has much t0 answer f0r, karkat, and he kn0ws it. but he has als0 been a great help in l0cating the dream bubbles 0f 0ur fallen friends. what he did in life was reprehensible, but his aid here has been invaluable."
"a2 much a2 ii hate two admiit iit kk, 2he2 riight. thii2 douchebag kept me from ever 2eeiing the iin2iide of a horrorterror world, so ii gue22 ii've got two hand iit two hiim for that."

Karkat stared at his friend in disbelief. Sollux was aligning himself with Eridan, even after everything that had happened?

Eridan spoke again. "listen kar, i knoww i fucked up somethin fierce. i aint askin for your forgivveness cause i dont think i deservve it. but at least gimme a chance to fix some of this shit i caused myself."

Kanaya's body stirred behind Karkat. He turned, not believing what he saw.

"What... What Just Happened? Am I Dead Again?"

The memories of what she had become in unlife, and what she had done in the dream bubble, began to return to her. "Oh... Oh My." What kind of monster had she become, and what could she do to ensure it never happened again?

"I Am Finding That I Am Harboring A Certain Level Of Disgust At Myself For What I Had Become Recently."

So... they were trapped in a horrorterror dreambubble. Except not anymore because he'd "broken the cycle"? And Kanaya was there too except she wasn't herself, but now she's better because he... killed her? And now Sollux is working with Eridan, who's a good guy now and working with the God Tier trolls and apparently the humans? Oh yeah, there was that plan of theirs to consider. Karkat's hand slowly went to his forehead, a puzzled expression on his face. Even knowing about the plan beforehand, he suddenly understood jack shit.

"I-I'M SORRY, I DON'T FOLLOW. JUST THINKING ABOUT TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED IS GIVING ME A HEADACHE."
"I Believe I Am Experiencing a Similar Predicament. At The Very Least, I Am Certain The Urges To Feast On The Blood Of The Living Have At Least Left Me, So I Suppose I Should Be Thankful For That."
"long story short, were here to bust you guys out of horrorterror prison."
"Actually, 8esides Feferi, you two are the last ones we've found. We've already rescued everyone else."
Vriska took two of the crystal orbs from a pouch at her side. "Yeah, we're pretty awesome! Here, gra8 these so we can finish the job and get the hell out of here."
Karkat turned to Kanaya. "ARE YOU GONNA BE OKAY? I DON'T WANT YOU FALLING THE FUCK APART ON ME."
"Yes... Given Enough Time To Think And Sort This All Out, I Believe I Shall Be Fine."

The spirits of the two dead trolls touched the crystal balls and vanished. From one, a jade green light shone. From the other, a bright red flame burned.

"fefs bubble is gonna be tough to crack. theyre constantly patrolling the area because they think of her as the daughter of glybgolyb, so she gets all kinds a special treatment. you cant miss it, just look fer the one theyre swwarmin around."

The group flew toward their final destination and prepared for battle.

Notes:

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Every time I start hating this fic and wondering whether or not I should just drop it and pretend it never existed, someone tells me "hey, this is actually pretty good." I don't know if I believe them, but I think Crossing Over is sort of okay, at least, instead of outright hating it.

Anyway this is the final part of chapter 12! It's a hell of a lot longer than I originally planned, and then it ended up being a lot shorter. At first, I wanted all 10 dead trolls in their own dream bubbles. Then I wrote Tavros's part and that ended up being longer than the paragraph I'd originally intended to write. Okay, no big deal, that's the first one I wrote about, gotta establish a backdrop here, there's no way I can write that much about the other trolls.

Oh God I was so wrong

So I just went with multiple trolls inhabiting the same bubble after that. Kind of a lame way of going about it but this chapter drags on long enough as it is.

This final part isn't quite what I'd like it to be, but it suffices for my purposes. In this story, the horrorterrors set up the dream bubbles for dead Sburb/Sgrub players and then purposely run them through terrible situations on repeat, because they feed off the negative energy that generates, or something equally contrived. The problem is, the bubbles aren't perfect, and if the loop is broken by the dreamer managing to overcome the situation, the bubble collapses and the dreamer is freed, which is how Eridan broke out of his and Karkat managed to do it without interference from the rescue team. Of course, some of the dreamers (Nepeta, Kanaya, Terezi) aren't the center of the dream bubbles, they're just sort of being used by the horrorterrors, which is (even worse)/(a huge cop-out) (circle one). Only Feferi isn't constantly under siege from the horrorterrors, because her lusus was one of them, and as such they consider her "one of us" or something like that. The loyalty they have to her (and hers to them, as she believes they are not lying to her and she and her friends are indeed having fun in this afterlife instead of being constantly terrified) is going to be an interesting obstacle to overcome in the next chapter, I think.

I still think this chapter was kind of boring, which is a shame because it should have been exciting, but we're getting to the end, which is the idea that inspired this thing in the first place, and it's what I really wanted to write, so it should be decent, at least.

[Embargo]

Uh... yeah, no purple!Dave. But I did do something else.

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-- turntableTinkerer [TT] began pestering geniusTinkerer [GT] --
TT: yo
TT: john are you there
TT: please dont tell me you fell asleep again
TT: you could get yourself killed like that
TT: john
TT: god dam it harley
GT: oh hi rose!!!!!!!!
GT: can you believe that i just got into the game?
GT: i cant believe that ive been missing out on all of this cool stuff
GT: the land of frogs and shade is pretty awesome
GT: theres a whole new world to explore and everything!
GT: and these frogs are pretty cute too
TT: jegus fuck john
TT: do you know how long ive been waiting here
TT: you left me here worried while you derped around slept and humored a bunch of really bad trolls
GT: oh im sorry for making you worry rose : '(
GT: i guess i havent really been paying attention my friends as much
GT: all these wierd alien kids keep trolling me and it just took up all my time arguing with them
TT: ugh im sorry too
TT: im just so fucking exhausted
TT: ive been managing the endless clusterfuck that is time and its been killer on me
TT: lets just drop this and talk about you for a sec
TT: ...
TT: not again
TT: johnathan motherfucking harley you have got to be one of the worst boys in all of paradox space
TT: instead of talking to one of your best friends you are leaving me to go dick around with a troll
GT: okay back
GT: vriska mcbossypants was just hurrying me along in the game
GT: heehee :D
TT: okay that has got to stop john
GT: what does?
TT: you talking to vriska
TT: that bitch is psychotic as a fuck
TT: im worried that if you keep talking to her shes going to get you killed
GT: what?
GT: theres no way vriska would do that! shes super nice and is helping me get started with all these quests
TT: no shes not
TT: i can already see you derping around your planet like a frothing idiot hours into the game doing pointless side quests and handing out squiddles left and fucking right
TT: vriskas talking to you and then suddenly you disappear
TT: shoosh then your out of sight stage fucking left
TT: my awesome mind/time powers dont lie john
GT: that could mean anything!
GT: i think you arent giving her a chance to prove how cool she is :\
GT: maybe if you talked to her you would get to know her better
GT: then we could all be the best troll-human friends
TT: christ john this isnt one of your happy-go-retarded afterschool specials
TT: we arent at school learning to shovel mounds of cold mental deficiency down our throats
TT: this is real life and as such this shit is so delirously serious you dont even know john
TT: so drop the derp put your game face on and for gods sakes stop talking to that pretentious spidertroll
GT: cmon rose be nice and talk to her
GT: she will surprise you if you do
GT: i am sure of it ;D
TT: okay okay fine ill talk to her
TT: but until then can you take a break from the obnoxious 8 eyed wonder
TT: im putting my foot down on this john
GT: alright ill tell her that we will talk later
GT: there done
TT: thank you
GT: yeap i guess you could say that we
GT: ...
TT: ...
GT: just
TT: sleuthed
GT: the
TT: motherfucking
GT: problem!
GT: yay shades for everyone
GT: 8) (8
TT: uh oh
TT: shit
GT: what is it?
TT: some pressing future stuff just came up i gotta go
GT: oh...
GT: okay i guess
GT: bye rose
TT: bye
-- turntableTinkerer [TT] ceased pestering geniusTinkerer [GT] --


-- turntableTinkerer [TT] began pestering geniusTinkerer [GT] --
TT: and remember no talking to that octoeyed psychopath
GT: bluuuuuuuuh DX
GT: i get it already!
TT: good
-- turntableTinkerer [TT] ceased pestering geniusTinkerer [GT] --

[battlerek]

So a WHILE ago I posted an exchange between dead Tavros and Feferi. Here's one with an updated crew. I will probably do more. Maybe with Rose eventually meeting her mom or Tavros and Jade or something. I don't know.

Partners Again

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"Aww god fuck this fef why the hell are wwe all dead"

The purple blooded troll boy stood and cried silently into his awful looking scarf. It clashed horribly with his gaudy rings and his purple cape, which had mysteriously reappeared in death. Luckily, the one person who would have commented on his fashion sense had passed on from the dead back onto the living (through clever manipulations of back doors and vampiric loopholes).

"We're not ALL dead, -Eridan! And neit)(er of us would be )(erring if you didn't go and krill me in the first place!"

"Oh my god i cant believve youre still doin the fish pun thing i mean were dead."

"I can do w)(at I want, Eridan! Stop being so groupery all the time!"

"uHHH, fEFERI, mAYBE YOU TWO SHOULD STOP FIGHTING, yOU'RE INTERRUPTING THE GAME,,,"

"aww shut the fuck up tavv and get back to playin games for girls"

"S--E--E? T)(is is w)(y no one likes to be around you! You're so ---EMOTIONAL all t)(e time!"

"M-maybe i wwouldnt be so emotional all the fuckin time if i had a good matesprit fef i mean wwere both dead do you wwanna try for it"

"You're UNB---ELI---EVABL----E, -Eridan!"

Feferi held her head in her hands. Surely this idiot couldn't have really just suggested that again, after he KILLED her? She thought that surely that was a sign that their relationship was dead and gone, but apparently Eridan had less tact than even she was willing to give him.

"X(( < *the noble lion would like to say that this is really getting nowhere and she would like to get back to playing this most inpurresting game!"

"I t)(ink we're done playing the game, Nepeta. I really don't eel up to t)(is rig)(t now."

"( < awww come on one more chance!"

"Tell you w)(at, you come wit)( me and we'll play the game. But I really just need some time away from BOYS."

Together, Nepeta and Feferi stalked off, dissapearing from the shared memory off into one of their respective bubbles. While Eridan at first left a lingering hand outstretched behind her, he slowly retracted it closer to him.

"D --> I must say that was most tactless of you Lord Ampora."

"uHHH, YEAH, eRIDAN I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT'S HOW YOU, UH, DO IT,"

"Just shut up you arent helpin this at all i mean i thought id finally get a chance to be wwith her but its just obvvious that ivve been played like a sap my wwhole life"

"D --> Perhaps you should ree%amine your consciousness. As you said, we are dead now. Relationships have become all but pointless."

"Maybe killin her wwas the best thing ivve evver done"

"aS SOMEONE WHO WAS, UH, KILLED, i HAVE TO SAY THAT i DISAGREE A LITTLE WITH THAT STATEMENT,,,bUT THAT'S KIND OF, UH, BESIDE THE POINT, i THINK i'M GOING TO JOIN dAVE AND MAYBE START SOME, uH, sICK fIRES,"

"D --> I believe I will come and peruse this e%hibition of a most noble and sacred art."

"Yeah wwhatever go ahead and do that ill just sit here wwith death and shit and be alone" Eridan said as they walked off. "Forevver"

The passive face of Death stared back at him, methodically stirring a pot of coffee. It had been odd moving to this sort of format for the afterlife, but after all of humanity had died, he had had to switch to the dreambubbles. It was interesting, and it was relieving to know that the door back was a little more secure. Not that that had stopped her, he thought to himself. How Ms. Maryam managed to do it he would never figure out. For now, he just pushed a small cup of tea towards Eridan.

As soon as he took a sip, Eridan's face contorted into a look of pure disgust. It was too bitter, too sweet, too hot, and too cold. He spat it out, staining the black cloak of death with brown coffee stains.

"Shit sorry about that" he mumbled, before pouring all the coffee out onto the floor. The floor of the memory absorbed it all, and a few second later it returned to its white sheen.

"I AM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS MR. AMPORA."

"Yeah wwhatevver you douche just leavve me the hell alone i dont need to be constantly reminded of wwhere i am"

"ERIDAN, MOPING WILL GET YOU NOWHERE. I AT LEAST EXPECTED YOU TO TRY AND ESCAPE FROM THE AFTERLIFE BY NOW OR PUT UP A GOOD ARGUMENT, BUT I AM SORELY DISSAPOINTED."

"Wwait, you can escape from this place"

"WELL, NO, BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ENTERTAINING FOR YOU TO TRY."

Eridan stared into Death's empty eye sockets with an intensity and hatred that would have made even Terezi recoil back, yet the robed figure just sat there, quietly sipping tea and rolling a dice in between his bony fingers.

"Seriously i would have at least expected death to be a little more imposin"

"IMPOSING, MR. AMPORA? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN HOW I PLAY AT BOARD GAMES?"

"Fuck you fuck your boardgames cant a guy just drowwn in his owwn heartwwrenchin emotional state evvery noww and then"

"VERY WELL THEN. I SUPPOSE IF IT'S ALONE THAT YOU WANT IT WILL BE ALONE THAT YOU GET."

With that, Death picked up the game of life, his cup of tea, and his sickle, tucked all but the tea underneath his coat, and stood up from his seat.

"GOOD DAY TO YOU, ERIDAN"

A case as sad as this one was not worth shedding even a single tear of black liquid sorrow over. Eridan had brought everything that had come to him upon himself, and quite frankly it wasn't Death's job to babysit the people in the afterlife, just to watch over them, make sure too many didn't escape, and brew some tea every now and then. When they were good and ready, and their roles had been fulfilled, they would eventually cease to trouble him, but for now he humored most of their requests.

As a door closed behind Death, Eridan realized just how silent the white room was. It wasn't a memory of his, and he doubted it was a memory of Fef, Nep, Tav, or Eq, so it must have been one of those shared communal memories that sometimes invaded his dreams. One of dying in battle, and the hereafter. This was a memory of Death's domain, and that was enough for the robed man to appear in it. But now he wasn't there. Nobody was there. There was only the sound of a coffee pot and a steam pot slowly steaming, and a young sea troll sobbing into his scarf, staining it with tears.

What a drama queen.

Eridan found himself transporting back to the familiar scene of his old home, the familiar rushing of the waters lapping against the walls of the ship. He wished that he could forget the realization that had died, but sadly he was too lost in his melancholy to go back to his blissful unawareness.

Appearing out of nowhere, his lusus floated towards him, the powerful musculature of the sea horse rubbing up against its charge in a fatherly sort of manner. As Eridan turned to face his lusus, he noticed that it had a purpleish sort of hue to it, like that of...his sprite.

"Son. Wwhy are you crying."

"God dammit dad i dont need this shit right noww"

"Did she hurt you again? That bitch of an empress?"

"DAD i dont need you to fight my battles for me for cryin out loud noww let me brood"

"No, Eridan. You brood far too much and it isn't too good for your health. Noww you get out there and go play wwith the other trolls."

"NO DAD I DONT WWANT TO"

"Son, stop being a bitch and just get outside. You and your trashy hipster stuff makes me so...fishappointed sometimes."

"Dad you havve no room to talk about bein a bitch you givve birth"

"...Touche, son."

Eridan stared into his lusus' long face, the stupid thing blowing bubbles into the water as he stared back.

"I missed you dad"

"I missed you too, son."

"So uh i wwas wwonderin since evverybody else has left an all to do there bullshit do you wwanna"

"Hunt ghost wwhales? Fuck yes."

"Just like old times"

"Just like old times, son."

And so Eridan climbed back up on his seahorse dad/lusus, and together they charged out into the misty remains of Eridan's memory. Later, they roasted it up (after all they didn't need to feed Glbg'ylb anymore), and ate until their stomachs were full. As Eridan drifted off into some sort of sleep, he thought to himself "maybe dyins the best thing thats happened to me too"

D'aww. Eridan and his Dad bonding.

Uh... yeah, no purple!Dave. But I did do something else.

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-- turntableTinkerer [TT] began pestering geniusTinkerer [GT] --
TT: yo
TT: john are you there
TT: please dont tell me you fell asleep again
TT: you could get yourself killed like that
TT: john
TT: god dam it harley
GT: oh hi rose!!!!!!!!
GT: can you believe that i just got into the game?
GT: i cant believe that ive been missing out on all of this cool stuff
GT: the land of frogs and shade is pretty awesome
GT: theres a whole new world to explore and everything!
GT: and these frogs are pretty cute too
TT: jegus fuck john
TT: do you know how long ive been waiting here
TT: you left me here worried while you derped around slept and humored a bunch of really bad trolls
GT: oh im sorry for making you worry rose : '(
GT: i guess i havent really been paying attention my friends as much
GT: all these wierd alien kids keep trolling me and it just took up all my time arguing with them
TT: ugh im sorry too
TT: im just so fucking exhausted
TT: ive been managing the endless clusterfuck that is time and its been killer on me
TT: lets just drop this and talk about you for a sec
TT: ...
TT: not again
TT: johnathan motherfucking harley you have got to be one of the worst boys in all of paradox space
TT: instead of talking to one of your best friends you are leaving me to go dick around with a troll
GT: okay back
GT: vriska mcbossypants was just hurrying me along in the game
GT: heehee
TT: okay that has got to stop john
GT: what does?
TT: you talking to vriska
TT: that bitch is psychotic as a fuck
TT: im worried that if you keep talking to her shes going to get you killed
GT: what?
GT: theres no way vriska would do that! shes super nice and is helping me get started with all these quests
TT: no shes not
TT: i can already see you derping around your planet like a frothing idiot hours into the game doing pointless side quests and handing out squiddles left and fucking right
TT: vriskas talking to you and then suddenly you disappear
TT: shoosh then your out of sight stage fucking left
TT: my awesome mind/time powers dont lie john
GT: that could mean anything!
GT: i think you arent giving her a chance to prove how cool she is :\
GT: maybe if you talked to her you would get to know her better
GT: then we could all be the best troll-human friends
TT: christ john this isnt one of your happy-go-retarded afterschool specials
TT: we arent at school learning to shovel mounds of cold mental deficiency down our throats
TT: this is real life and as such this shit is so delirously serious you dont even know john
TT: so drop the derp put your game face on and for gods sakes stop talking to that pretentious spidertroll
GT: cmon rose be nice and talk to her
GT: she will surprise you if you do
GT: i am sure of it ;D
TT: okay okay fine ill talk to her
TT: but until then can you take a break from the obnoxious 8 eyed wonder
TT: im putting my foot down on this john
GT: alright ill tell her that we will talk later
GT: there done
TT: thank you
GT: yeap i guess you could say that we
GT: ...
TT: ...
GT: just
TT: sleuthed
GT: the
TT: motherfucking
GT: problem!
GT: yay shades for everyone
GT: (8
TT: uh oh
TT: shit
GT: what is it?
TT: some pressing future stuff just came up i gotta go
GT: oh...
GT: okay i guess
GT: bye rose
TT: bye
-- turntableTinkerer [TT] ceased pestering geniusTinkerer [GT] --


-- turntableTinkerer [TT] began pestering geniusTinkerer [GT] --
TT: and remember no talking to that octoeyed psychopath
GT: bluuuuuuuuh DX
GT: i get it already!
TT: good
-- turntableTinkerer [TT] ceased pestering geniusTinkerer [GT] --

I can't help but think of Red Rose as normal rose, but perpetually angry. Or maybe it's just green John getting on her nerves.

[sebastian]

Hivetrek Casting

I might argue for Rose as Data. Methodical, peculiar speaking tone, close friends with John/Picard. Co-starring Mutie as Spot.

I think Rose is better as Spock, and Jade as McCoy.

And if we go TOS then John could make an acceptable Kirk, IMO.

And Dave, I dunno, Scottie?

[QRQD]

I think Rose is better as Spock, and Jade as McCoy.

And if we go TOS then John could make an acceptable Kirk, IMO.

And Dave, I dunno, Scottie?

Dave is CLEARLY the poor, dumb redshirt who dies on every away mission.

[Megafire]

An RvB/Homestuck crossover?

Challenge accepted.

[Path]

Just search this thread for Gulchstuck. I'm not saying don't also write your own version, but there's been a few posted in the last month. (And they were excellent.)

[C20710]

Uh, this was an odd crossover idea, mostly for C2's sake, who introduced me to the source material.

Sburb With Hats

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-- fearfulFriend [FF] began pestering unchainedEnjoyment [UE] --

[FF] Caaaaaaarl! What are you doing?
[UE] Who, me?
[FF] Yes you! What are you doing to your poor consorts?
[UE] I'm not doing anything.
[FF] Carl, I'm your server player! I can see everything you do!
[UE] Well that's uncomfortable
[FF] And it's horrifying, Carl!
[UE] Probably to some people
[FF] If there's any people left!
[UE] Well I don't see any.
[FF] Those imps were one thing, Carl
[UE] Many things, actually
[FF] But your consorts were just trying to help you!
[UE] Oh
[UE] Well, that was a mistake
[FF] Carl!
[UE] They should have told me.
[FF] They did!
[UE] They should have been more outspoken about it.
[FF] They were screaming it at you the whole time!
[UE] I really must get my hearing checked.
[FF] Carl you fed them to the other consorts!
[UE] I'm sure I'd remember that
[FF] And then you hunted down and ate those consorts!
[UE] Oh! Yes, that
[UE] That does sound a little familiar
[FF] It was three minutes ago Carl!
[UE] And I'd better get my memory checked while I'm at it
[FF] Where's your sprite?
[UE] Pardon me?
[FF] Your sprite, Carl, where's your kernelsprite?
[UE] I have no idea.
[FF] What did you do to it, Carl
[UE] Me? Nothing
[FF] Carl
[UE] My denizen, on the other hand
[FF] You fed it to your denizen?!
[UE] I wouldn't say "fed" exactly
[FF] Carl
[FF] No, wait
[FF] I don't want to know
[UE] That's probably for the best
[UE] So! What have you been up to?
[FF] You're my server player, Carl! You should already know that!
[UE] Oh, right
[FF] You put my bed on the roof
[UE] That's an odd place for it
[FF] And then you put my fireplace on top of it
[UE] That must make sleeping tricky
[FF] And burned down my whole building!
[UE] Oops
[FF] I had to start completely from scratch!
[UE] Builds character!
[FF] I'll never reach the first gate now
[UE] Oh, I'm sure you'll find a way
[FF] ...
[FF] What are you doing, Carl
[FF] Oh god, I can see the cursor
[UE] Surprise!
[FF] What are you carrying?
[UE] A miracle
[FF] Carl
[UE] In the palm of my hand
[FF] CARL!
[UE] One friend to another
[FF] What is that, Carl
[UE] You just hate surprises, don't you?
[FF] Yes!
[UE] You probably shook all your Christmas presents before you opened them
[UE] Oh fine. Let's rip the paper off.
[FF] ...
[FF] It's a pile of dead consorts
[FF] Carl why would you do this?
[UE] I'm your server player!
[UE] And what does the server player do
[FF] Carl
[UE] They build up!
[FF] Carl!
[UE] And since your building is sadly destroyed
[FF] That was your fault, Carl!
[UE] We'd better make the most of what we have.
[FF] Carl have you been killing my consorts
[UE] Oh no
[FF] Carl?
[UE] Oh, yes
[FF] Carl!
[UE] I'm sorry, I thought you wanted it that way
[FF] What?
[UE] I thought you wanted to get up to the gate
[FF] Carl!
[UE] Well, I brought them all this way
[UE] So I might as well put them in a good spot
[FF] Carl...
[UE] Waste not want not
[FF] Who would want a pile of deceased tadpole people?
[UE] I must have read your Christmas list wrong
[FF] What did you think it said?
[UE] "Pile of dead frog people"
[UE] "Check"
[FF] Carl, how could you
[UE] Fairly easily
[FF] I was their chosen one
[UE] I'm sure there's another race of tadpoles
[FF] I was going to bring peace to their people!
[UE] Well, we brought them to pieces, anyhow
[FF]... puns?
[UE] It's an expression of humour!
[UE] Humour is joy
[FF] Carl
[UE] And aren't we having fun?

-- fearfulFriend [FF] ceased pestering unchainedEnjoyment [UE] --

Awww, Pathy...you're my desert oasis. Anyone reading this has to watch the video first to get the voices. You gotta HEAR it.

This is great. Everything is just awesome. Thank you.

[Path]

Awww, Pathy...you're my desert oasis.

[C20710]

Awww, Pathy...you're my desert oasis.

!

Moirallegiance: My anti(psychotic)-drug.

For real.

Well that's going in my sig.

[A Fan]

@zebtresalala: That... that was a beautiful thing. Both in terms of the heartwarming reunion and the flawless characterization of everyone involved. I also liked the subtle Discworldification (i.e. rendering even more likeable and sympathetic) of Death.

Cave Stuck
Part 1 of ?

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BB: Huzzah!

Fixed.
Seriously, this is a crossover made of awesome and robots. Who are, in turn, made of awesome.

[NateDude]

Cave Stuck
Part 3 of ?

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Open Pesterlog:

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-- nightRogue [NR] began pestering bulkyBuddy [BB] --
NR: Alright, balrog.
NR: I have deployed the devices.
BB: Oh jeeze, misery.
BB: I have no idea what to do!
BB: This all looks really confusing.
NR: Balrog, it is really quite simple.
NR: Jump on the lid of the cruxtruder. The force of your sheer weight should pop the lid. Than, take the dowel and put it in the totem lathe. Make sure to use the pre-punched card that is next to it. Than, take the carved dowel and put it on the alchemiter. If you still have time, throw an inanimate object into the sprite. Than, lastly, destroy the item that the alchemiter creates.
NR: Did you get that?
BB: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh..........
NR: Balrog, even now, you STILL have the brain of a bloodhound.
-- nightRogue [NR] ceased pestering bulkyBuddy [BB] --

Authors Notes:

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As always, feedback and ideas are appreciated. zingPing, i will keep my promise and your name will appear*.

Also, i realised if was stupid to have the doctor already have a chumhandle, but then it hit me. He made it BEFORE he died. Yeah. That is totally not a cop-out at all.

*If i can find a spot to fit it in.

[slakensColin]

listen kar, i knoww i fucked up somethin fierce.

Hanna is not a boys name reference?

Great story by the way!

[Megafire]

Red vs. Blue
The SBURB Chronicles

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-- knowledgableAndroid [KA] began pestering defaultHandle [DH] –

KA: Grif!
KA: I know you’re there Grif.
KA: I can see you on my screen.
KA: Remember?
KA: Answer me!
DH: hey simmons
DH: sup
KA: You know what’s up!
KA: And stop using chat speak.
KA: It’s stupid.
DH: yes mom
DH: i have no idea what youre talking about
KA: Yes, you do!
DH: enlighten me
KA: Why are you Sarge’s Server Player?
KA: I was going to be Sarge’s Server Player!
DH: right
DH: and have him be mine
DH: not gonna happen
KA: Why would you take this from me?
KA: I’ve lived my whole life for this moment!
KA: And you took it from me!
DH: that is so so sad
KA: Shut up.
DH: so sad simmons
KA: Shut the fuck up, Grif.
KA: Please tell me you’re at least doing your Server Player duties.
DH: yeah
DH: i dropped all that stuff just like that blue guy said
DH: that means my jobs done
DH: easiest job ever by the way
KA: No, it’s not.
KA: You’re supposed to build his house up.
DH: haha
DH: very funny simmons
DH: you got me
KA: I’m serious!
KA: Hasn’t Sarge told you anything?
DH: no
KA: Why not?
DH: cause i blocked him
DH: durr
KA: Whaaaaaaat!?
DH: this chat thing is great
DH: coolest thing ever
KA: How did you even figure out how to do that without even knowing how to change your Chumhandle?
DH: i changed my color
DH: hey you whats really awesome
DH: i can drop a toilet on him and theres nothing he can do about it
KA: I can do that with you too.
KA: Just thought I’d mention that.
DH: ha
DH: you wouldnt dare
KA: Watch me.
DH: kissass
KA: Cockbite.

-- knowledgableAndroid [KA] ceased pestering defaultHandle [DH] --

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Well, that's the first Red vs. SBURB scene, I guess.

It's been a long time since I wrote any RvB fic, good for practice.