MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Jim Groovester]

@anonymousComrade: Nice take on Karkat's ancestor. If people gravitate towards him being a rebel it's only because it works out so well and makes so much sense, but I like what you've done here. The empress kneeling before him was great.

@SkaianRedeemer: They're not going to glub and nak it up all the time. They'll have regular dialogue too. That'll become clear when the village elder tells the group of heroes to go clear out the dark wood full of imps.

And damn, that star is really really cool. I... I don't know what to think of it. I am very attached to my current screenname. But, the star.

@lantadyme: Why, thank you. It's only one idea of several, but the consorts will probably win out over the others because it will be much easier to make a decent plot with them, and I find the idea of writing campy Saturday morning cartoon stuff really attractive for some reason.

PPE: And cool, a quick Dave fic. I initially questioned your choice of Dave, but the more I thought about it the more sense it made. He'd be all over defending girls' honor especially if he got to piss off Karkat in the process.

[KarneWarrior]

A new Trial by Void is up, if anyone's interested.

[draconicAlgorithm]

@SkaianRedeemer: Indeed it does. In fact, that's probably what I'll do.

In the meantime, silly altblood stuff. Even though there are probably people sick of it by now.

INDIGO and CaNdY rEd

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-- causticallyGregarious [CG] began trolling tragicComedian [TC] --

CG: hey fuckass.
CG: where are you?
CG: i just want to say hi.
TC: Oh GoD pLeAsE jUsT sTaY aWaY.
TC: pLeAsE mOtHeRfUcKeR
CG: now why would you say that, best friend?
CG: i thought we were tight.
CG: just you and me, sharing pies.
CG: watching romcoms.
CG: choking down faygo.
CG: don't you want to do that again?
TC: YeS
TC: i MeAn No.
TC: ThE pIeS aRe GoNe, BrOtHeR,
TC: aNd YoU'rE a CrAzY mOtHeRfUcKeR.
TC: i AlReAdY sAw WhAt YoU dId To VrIsKa AnD tAvRoS, mAn.
TC: tHaT wAs SoMe BaD sHiT.
CG: it's your own fault, best friend.
CG: you sent her there instead of coming to see me yourself.
CG: vriska told me everything.
CG: you sent her to kill me, but she couldn't, because she knew her place.
CG: in pieces, fuckass.
CG: tavros got upset when he saw our little understanding, but he found his place too.
TC: sHiT mOtHeRfUcKeR, hE wAs AlL oVeR tHe PlAcE.
TC: gReEn AnD bLuE mOtHeRfUcKiN bLoOd eVeRyWhErE.
TC: tHeY wErE oUr FrIeNdS, bRoThEr,
TC: AnD yOu KiLlEd ThEm.
CG: and i'll keep killing them, every last one, until you come to me.
CG: i'm tired of this game, gamzee.
CG: i know what you did.
CG: kept me sedated with that shit you called sopor, kept me from realizing who i really was.
CG: who i was meant to be.
CG: but now i have all the fucking understanding, and i want revenge, best friend.
TC: WhOa MoThErFuCkEr
TC: ThAtS sOmE hArSh FuCkInG aCcUsAtIoNs.
TC: I wAs JuSt ShArInG sOmE oF tHaT sLaMmIn ShIt WiTh My BeSt MoThErFuCkIn BrO.
TC: i DiDn'T kNoW iT wAs HaRsHiN yOuR wHiMsY mAn.
CG: like fuck you didn't, you knew from the beginning.
CG: just when i was beginning to discover my true self, equius and terezi put you up to it.
CG: i know, best friend, i've found out everything.
CG: and now that my mind is clear, i can do something about it.
TC: OkAy I'lL aDmIt TeReZi AsKeD mE tO sHaRe.
TC: BuT sHe WaS sUcH a CoOl MoThErFuCkEr, BrO,
TC: aNd SoLlUx KiLlEd HeR.
TC: aNd ArAdIa ToO.
TC: aNd BlInDeD pOoR lItTlE nEpEtA hErE.
TC: aNd FeFeRi KiLlEd YoUr BrO eRiDaN.
TC: mOtHeRfUcK iM jUsT tIrEd Of ThE kIlLiN.
TC: cAn'T wE cAlL oFf FoR tHe DaY aNd ReLaX wItH sOmE mOtHeRfUcKiN pIeS?
CG: my gog you really are a fucking idiot.
CG: i already told you there are no more pies, fuckass.
TC: aW sHiT mAn, I aLl Up AnD fOrGoT.
CG: wait, i just remembered.
CG: i think there are more pies.
CG: we can share them, just like old times.
CG: tell me where you are, and i'll tell you where you can find them.
TC: wElL sHiT mOtHeRfUcKeR, wHy DiDn'T yOu TeLl Me SoOnEr?
TC: Me AnD nEp ArE cHiLlIn AlL bY tHe EcToBiO lAb.
CG: hahaha, wow, are you really that stupid?
CG: i ought to kill you just for that, to put you out of your misery.
CG: see you in a minute fuckass.

-- causticallyGregarious [CG] ceased trolling tragicComedian [TC] --

TC: WaIt BrO
TC: mOtHeRfUcK.
TC: wHaT aBoUt ThOsE pIeS?

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Written mostly because I love me some crazy Karkles.

[SeptimusMagistos]

COLORS Chapter 4:

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Days in the future. . . or years. . . you know what, you can figure it out from context.

crownedThroneholder [CT] began trolling TranscendentTerrestrial [TT]


CT: --E So, t)(is is it
CT: --E Today is t)(e day you set t)(ings rig)(t
TT: I s)(ould hope so.
TT: It really would be t)(e least I could do to repay your )(elp over t)(e years.
CT: --E Yes, it w001d be si% years t)(at passed from your perspe%ive, w001dn’t it
CT: --E For us it )(as been more like si% )(ours
TT: So little?
TT: It doesn’t seem possible.
CT: --E For t)(ose of )(ig)( b100d muc)( can be done in a s)(ort time
TT: Your Strongness, I )(ave explained before:
TT: my blood is not different from t)(at of ot)(er )(umans.
TT: Even our )(uman definitions of nobility don’t really apply to me.
CT: --E Yes, I understand t)(at your race has been left bereft of t)(e obvious signs of nobility
CT: --E As suc)(, we are c)(allenged to come up wit)( our own signs
CT: --E And I )(ave seen t)(e signs in you
CT: --E W)(et)(er or not the pigmentation of your b100d marks you as suc)(
CT: --E You are 100% nobility
TT: T)(en I will prove it.
TT: And in t)(e process, ac)(ieve my destiny.
CT: --E Yes
CT: --E It is finally time for you to ascend
CT: --E Now simply perform t)(e a%ions we discussed and all will be well
TT: Yes, I will.
TT: . . .
TT: Will we speak again?
CT: --E Many times, I t)(ink
CT: --E Now t)(at we are at t)(e critical jun%ure, you will need our guidance more t)(an ever
CT: --E Now go
TT: I won’t let you down!

crownedThroneholder [CT] ceased trolling TranscendentTerrestrial [TT]

Okay, what the Hell?

Perhaps you should explain.

Your name is Rose Lalonde, and you BELIEVE IN ALIENS. Actually, that’s a little imprecise. More accurately, you know they’re out there. You’ve known since you were six years old and they first contacted you. Overcoming your initial skepticism through empirical evidence, they were able to convince you of their identities. And since then they have always watched you, like creepy alien guardian angels. Whenever you were scared or lost or needed advice, one of them would appear to guide you through. And now they’re in trouble, and they need you to help them.

You won’t let them down.

Oh.

Yeah, oh.

List interests?

Oh, all right.

Your biggest interest is POWER and its proper application. Whether such power is PHYSICAL, SOCIAL, or even possibly MYSTICAL, you are fascinated by the principles of using what you have to get what you want. As such, you are interested in TACTICS and STRATEGY, DIPLOMACY, and FIGHTING. You employ a strict regimen of MEDITATION to focus and sharpen your mind. In your free time you enjoy ADMIRING PAINTINGS OF FAUNA, particularly FAUNA OF ANTHROPOMORPHIC PERSUASION.

. . .

You freely admit you are KIND OF WEIRD.

Check on copy of SBURB.

It’s right where you left it. You acquired your copy months in advance and in fact you have multiple copies, backed up in several formats. You also made sure to mail some copies to all your friends, even though they have their own copies and have probably mailed some to you as well. You are taking no chances here. None of you is ever going to get caught without a computer game!

Rose: Contact friends.

All right. And while you do that, we’ll just shift scenes again for a moment.

What? No!

Yup. Getting back to the trolls now.

Players: Adapt to your roles


Equius: Be The Heir Of Doom

You have been an Heir once before. And that turned out. . . okay, you guess. For a sweep you ruled as well as you could. The Empire prospered. Then, because of something you’re sure was not your fault, the weak point of your race was hit for massive damage. Your lusus died and Alternia died with it. All the glory that once was is reduced to nothing but dust and dead bodies.

You hope it will be better next time.

You have abandoned your ship, not because of overconfidence, but because you understand what the game demands of you. You must face it as yourself. And you do. The monsters fall under your fists. You are STRONG, and only getting STRONGER. Soon you are able to rip entire mountains from their foundations and hurl them at the enemy. Your sprite spreads tentacles of energy and death over half the planet. You are already near the top of your echeladder and you pass the time between seeking enemies wondering whether your consorts could ever make a good slave race. Perhaps after several centuries of breeding for intelligence. You give an invard sigh and get back to work of carving out a new empire one punch at a time.

Terezi: Be The Seer Of Void

There was a Troll Nietzsche. And he warned your people away from staring into the abyss. You are fairly sure you will have to break that caution eventually. It remains to be seen whether the abyss will gaze back, but you think it will.

You don’t worry about the other part of the quote. You have always been a monster, in your own way. Everyone is a monster to someone, after all.

You are uneasy with your newfound freedom. The lusus that once required so much of your attention will never require anything again. The planet you administered is gone. The Emperor demands almost nothing from you. So you explore.

You are approached by a turncoat from the black kingdom. You let him explain his plan, asking questions about the political structure of the kingdoms and other such important details. Then you kill him. It doesn’t matter if he’s trying to get on your side or not; as far as you’re concerned a traitor is a traitor is a traitor. He is worth an incredible amount of grist. On a whim, you use it all to alchemize the Sinister Sidewinder. The weapon serves you well for a while, before becoming supplanted by even more powerful ones and eventually lost somewhere in your strife specibus. Such is the fate reserved for betrayers.

Kanaya: Be The Sylph Of Light

HOW exactly are you supposed to do that? It is a role that seems to imply much more flitting about outside than you are comfortable with. Your head hurts. There is too much light and too much noise. You need drawn shades and cool tea and something to hold to your chest. But your hive lies in ruins and whenever you return, your would-be suitor only makes things worse. You are convinced that you are slowly going crazy. Or at least getting worse at suppressing the insanity already there.

You find a rock that’s a little more shaded than others and try to meditate. At times you wish there was an easier, more reliable way to quiet the dull roar at the back of your mind. But there isn’t, as far as you know, so you just try to concentrate.

After hours of trying and failing, you finally fall asleep. And then wake up.

Perhaps you’ll find some peace here.

Tavros: Be The Page of Heart

You listen to the beat of your own heart. It is a good heart, and it keeps up its quiet, regular rhythm even when you are engaged in strenuous activity or fighting. That’s the job that a heart is meant to do, you decide. To keep things calm and keep them going.

And you are the Heart now, so that’s what you should do too. So you abandon the pointless fights with the enemies and begin your grand walkabout. You will visit every player, and in passing them by you will bring them together.

Or at least that’s the plan.

Aradia: Be The Maid Of Hope

Sure! You are okay with this assignment. More than okay! You’re pretty much all about hope. It would take quite a lot to make you lose hope.

You suppose that means you should cheer someone up. But honestly, you have a larger concern. Now that the Viceroy no longer needs you, there is a friend whose torment you have to finally end. That’ll be hopeful, right?

Vriska: Be The Thief Of Life

You don’t mind telling yourself, you sort of find the title to be HILARIOUS! You have grown annoyed by Karkat and moved our base of operations further out into your land. Here you hunt down these monsters. You sort of wish they weren’t all the size of a mountain, but what are you going to do?

You also sort of wish they wouldn’t all turn into grist when you finish killing them. You are so damn HUNGRY!

You wonder if you should test out the ‘Highbloods must taste like fish’ theory again.

Eridan: Be The Prince Of Mind

You wonder whether the title refers to your psychic abilities or your keen insight into the way others think. Both, probably. Good things tend to come in twos.

You have made further plans and are about to execute two of them. Firstly, you begin the arduous task of convincing the others to come together. Many of you are loners by nature, and it will take some doing to convince them to abandon their solitude and their planets to form a group. It will be more difficult still to ensure none of them kill each other. But you’ll do your best.

At the same time, you are determined to put the white and black groups apparently fighting into balance. You are not sure who you should root for, so for the moment your aim is to impede all progress towards victory by either side. Keep up a balance of opposites. That sort of thing.

You are going to need both of your tracks of attention.

Feferi: Be The Witch Of Space

You can’t be the Witch Of Space because you are too busy being Criminal Catcher!

You are excited about this. You abandoned your sovereign’s planet and blew through the peasant’s, and now you stalk the criminal. It doesn’t matter if the Legislacerators are dead and the court rooms are destroyed. You will bring this criminal to justice, one way or the other. You can guarantee it.

Nepeta: Be The Rogue Of Breath

Whoooooosh!

That is all there is to say on the matter of your progress.

Gamzee: Be The Bard Of Time

You march alongside three other versions of yourself, carrying yet another version. Your remember being two of them and making this trek twice before. One of you is from your future. You don’t really remember anything from when you were the bleeding figure being carried.

Time is like a melody; like one of the songs you enjoyed humming under the starlight. You don’t really remember how it began, and you’re not sure how it will end, but you know what will come next. And what comes next in this case is a bed made of stone and miracles.

All things in their own good time.

Karkat: Be The Knight Of Rage

You think that anger is all that’s allowed you to survive. Anger at Vriska for killing you; anger at yourself for walking into such an obvious trap; anger at the Alternian society for allowing this to happen; more than anything else, anger at the universe as a whole for apparently being out to get you.

Whatever. Let the Universe tremble. You are mad as Heck and you’re not gonna take it anymore!

Sollux: Be The Mage Of Blood

The world mocks you. It is very clearly telling you that even though Alternia fell and even though every troll left alive has a unique blood color, you are still the mutant-blooded freak. It does not sit well with you at all.

[Well, whatever. This world wants blood? You’re going to give it blood. You’re going to give it all the blood it can handle. And you sincerely hope it chokes on it; just drowns in the horrible red liquid that’s all around you, constantly in front of your eyes, even when they’re closed.

[-Benedict]

I'm never sick of altbloods.
Motherfucking horrified by some of them, but never sick of them.
Oh god.

[Embargo]

I did this thing. As always, I'd really appreciate any criticism you guys could give me.

Aristocratic Outcast: Un

Aristocratic Outcast: Deux

though ivve been made an outcast i am still loyal to those wwho i wwill nevver see again

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Eridan took his newly found child home to his hive after their encounter in the forest. There were many creatures in his kingdom that would fight over the security that his hive provided. The hive itself was just a hole in the ground that lead to larger underground tunnels and lakes. It was almost comfortable to live in, at least when the earthquakes weren't collapsing entire sections of the tunnel network and opening new ones up for exploration.

It was a much desired hive, one that Eridan appreciated; but Cupid had his own ideas about Eridan's home. "This is your hive? This is the grand sanctum where the Prince of Hope goes to practice his holy magics?"

"I don't do magic. Magic ain't real. I wield the power of science and enlightenment."

"Y'know, I'm pretty sure it's called magic."

Eridan wheeled around, catching the younger troll by surprise. Apparently, this little wriggler hadn't been schoolfed properly. Magic was fake. Everybody knew that. "Magic. Is. Fake. Deal with it."

Cupid let a grin crawl slowly across his face. He walked around his father, shaking his head in mock disappointment. "I came here looking for the Prince who helped slay the Demon of Time and all I find is some hermit in tattered, dirt-caked clothes and a broken horn who doesn't even believe in magic.."

He turned to look at Eridan, hiding his amusement with a frown. "Some Prince. I mean, where's your Cape of Heroes? What happend the Scarf of Arcane Might? Where are your Rings of Eldritch Power? Talk about disappointing."

Eridan flicked the end of his wand at the boy, trapping him in a field of arcane EMPIRICAL power. "For someone so small, you sure got a big mouth."

"I'm just bringing to light an observation that I had. Mother used to tell me these fantastic and exciting stories about you and the others and your adventures in the old universe. I guess she must have exaggerated a few of the details for my sake."
Eridan quirked his head to the side and scowled. There was another one of those human terms that he didn't recognize. "Mother?"

Cupid shifted uncomfortably in the air. The question seemed to unnerve him a bit, though the little troll tried to not let it show. "Oh, shit. Uh... a mother is the other half of the biological philanthropy that occurs during breeding. I guess it's just another way of saying ancestor, like you mentioned before. Still, there's a different cultural context applied to the-"

"Okay, fuck" Eridan yelled, rubbing his temples in annoyance. "I don't need to hear you carp on about human culture or whatever."

Cupid was about to say something protest, but Eridan was at his side in moments. He wrapped a hand around Cupid's mouth, muffling his words and making them incomprehensible.

"Now then... when I let go of your mouth, I want you to tell me who's this mother of yours. Alright?"

He nodded. Eridan moved his hands and watched his son glare at him angrily. "Well? Who is she?" Eridan had a pretty good guess off the top of his head. Cupid already said the mother was female, so it had to be one of the girls who had any sort of interest in him. He did have a black romance with her, despite that being so long ago. She could have easily have kept some of his DNA and turned it into genetic material for the Mother Grub.

His theory was shattered when he heard something different; something completely
and totally unexpected.

"Rose Lalonde."

No fucking way. "T-that's a load of whale discharge. You and me both know that. So, uh... tell me who she really is. "

"I'm serious. Rose is my biological mother."

Oh god. How the... when did...

Was that even possible? She was a human, a human that disliked him platonically. Was a human's genetic material viable for reproduction through the Mother Grub? How was he supposed to feel about this? Did Rose hate him in that way all along? Or was this just the luck of the draw? Was this wriggler even born through the Mother Grub? There was always the chance that Karkat had used more of that ectobiology equipment to make a half-breed, but how did that even work?

He was brought out his own internal dilemma when Cupid began coughing pointedly. "I know that this is surprising for you and you've got this whole personal conflicted thing going on, but could you put me down? As much as I like floating in the air helplessly, I'd much rather prefer standing on the ground with my own two feet."

"Oh no, no, no, no. I'm not putting you down." Eridan growled as he searched for his journal amongst the general refuse he kept behind the rocky outcrops near the entrance of the cave. "You can't stay here."

"What? But it hasn't even been a day! I thought we were going to have some actual quality time together." Cupid exclaimed sarcastically. "What're you gonna do with me anyway? Send me back?"

"Yeah. That was the idea."

"Well you can't."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't." Eridan demanded. Cupid's expression turned serious.

"Cause they'll kill me if I go back."

[Violet CLM]

Here you go, dude. Because I can't deny anyone who remembers Jazz Jackrabbit.

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Nepeta trips over the bottle of Faygo and for a second the air is its own version of a rainbow rumpus party town as her paints go flying. Only a second though, because then they land splattering like cheap-ass drip art all over the back of Karkat's black shirt and into his hair. He freezes. His shoulders tense up like he is microns away from flipping every chair in the room in hideous screaming rage, and then he looks over his shoulder to glare death-scythes into Nepeta's scandalized stare.

"YOU FUCKING AUTISTIC CAT MORON!" he seethes. "I KNOW YOU'RE STUPID BUT HONESTLY THIS HAS JUST GOTTEN FUCKING INSANE. YOU NEED TO STOP THIS SHIT WHERE YOU TRY TO GET MY FUCKING ATTENTION BY PULLING THESE SHITHIVE MAGGOTS ASSHOLE STUNTS! THIS WAS MY LAST CLEAN GODDAMN SHIRT!"

She flinches and doesn't say anything, but even from across the room Dave can see the green tears welling up in her eyes. Shit. He'd thought this would be funny but now she's crying and Karkat doesn't look like he plans to let up anytime soon.

Karkat pulls the shirt off and throws it at her face where it sticks there by the paint. "YOU WANT TO BE FUCKING USEFUL, WHY DON'T YOU GO CLEAN THIS FOR ME SINCE YOU WRECKED IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. IT'D BE THE FIRST FUCKING TIME DURING THIS WHOLE DAMN SESSION YOU DID ANYTHING WORTHWHILE, YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS TROLLOP!"

Dave flash-steps and grabs Karkat's arm, holds him back and it still surprises him how strong the trolls are despite being so damn skinny. "It was a goddamn accident, you fucktard. There's no need to call her a trollop. That shit ain't nice."

And honestly, he'd expected more screaming and struggling, but Karkat mostly freezes up at that. He blinks and he is the spitting image of confused as he stares Dave in the face. "What?"

"It was an accident."

"No, the other thing."

Okay, something's not right here. "What other thing?"

Karkat wrenches out of his grasp and scowls up at him, annoyed more than angry now. "You do fucking realize trollop is just the troll word for girl?"

Dave pauses as he realizes just how stupid that must have sounded coming out of his mouth from a troll perspective, and for a second he scrambles on how to regather his cool here. Damn. C'mon Strider, you need to be faster with this cultural shit. "And you realize that calling someone autistic offends me on a cultural level? God, you are such an asshole, no wonder T-Z is ticked at you."

"Shut your candy-text mouth," Karkat snaps, pointing a finger at Dave's face, but his sore spot has been prodded and he steps off, grumbling to himself and wandering through the transportalizer.

"You okay?" Dave asks, turning to Nepeta.

She holds the paint-splattered shirt to her chest and nods, smiling sheepishly with her eyes big and impressed. "You didn't have to do that, but thanks fur standing up fur me."

"No problem."

d'aww thank you. That dave and his candy-text mouth.

[Graven_Image]

Caste

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The Peasants know their place. They struggle and toil under an unfair system. But in a cruel barter that cost them their livelihood, they gained something so much greater. Their power is unmatched throughout the Empire, and the Empire knows it. When the odds have turned against the great machine, it must turn to its psychics. And the psychics perform, without complaint.

But they will not for much longer.

Soon they will realize that the world will not vindicate them for their humility and longsuffering. On that day, the Peasants will rise up.

On that day, blood will be spilled.

The Plebs live and let live. Their existence is mediocre, and mediocrity is nothing new to them. They grow into warriors, and they die as warriors. Their numbers swell at home, and vanish to nothing on the battlefield. No fanfare awaits, no great honor is bestowed upon the dead. They live and they die, as their Empire demands.

But they will not for much longer.

Soon they will aspire. Those kept underneath the great monster's heel will throw it off, demanding betterment in the release of a million years' jealousy of the bourgeoisie.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Rich are kept complacent. Their place is not to question, or to demand. It is to relax and enjoy life. Their idleness costs them little, and they have plenty to spend. Truly, they have no reason to question their beloved Empire. They traipse through life, with not a care in the world.

But they will not for much longer.

Soon they will begin to dream. They will desire art, life, emotion. And their future in the Empire affords them none of these. They will start an oligarchic revolution, a war on despair for the luxury they think they deserve.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Nobles lord themselves over their underlings. They occupy a prestigious spot in the world, one of power and of instant gratification. They are obeyed, and obedience pleases them. They keep their parts of the world stable, so long as their words are followed and order is maintained.

But they will not for much longer.

Power begets power, and an abundance of power begets ambition. They are good, but not the best. And they truly desire to be the best. They beat down the doors of their superiors, and demand higher authority, on pain of death.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Ruler is higher than you. The Ruler is higher than everyone. He commands ultimate power through the Empire, though few persons of true importance know it. His words are words to be feared. His capriciousness is not to be questioned, but fed and reigned in. Most of all, it is to be hoped not to turn against you.

And soon it shall.

The Ruler will grow bored. Holding power will become meaningless to him.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Royals are mere figureheads. Their orders mean nothing, and are treated like nothing. If you disobey them in their presence, you will die. But their law dies within a few paces of their throne rooms. They know nothing, see nothing, and do nothing.

But they will not for much longer.

Secrets are meant to be shared, and promises to be broken. The royalty will get an inkling of their true insignificance, and once that happens, the world will turn upside down. Lines will be drawn. Civil war will run rampant through the Empire.

And blood will be spilled.

Those Unknown are outcasts. No one cares for them. By placing themselves outside of the purview of an outdated system, they have isolated themselves from everything that system entails. They rejected their world. And so their world rejected them.

But they will not for much okay you know what screw this.

We're sick of you.

We're sick of your layers, sick of your system, and sick of those who uphold it. The colorless are the true heroes, not the warriors millions of light years away. We fight for what is right. We fight for freedom. We fight against an obsolete kingdom that teeters on the brink of self-destruction every day. So come at us.

Let's spill some blood.

[Author]

Here's some shitty stupid fic.

Ironic Masters

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The kids and the trolls had met at last. Met for the final battle against Jack Noir, and they were going to live, dammit. They faced off on the final climactic stage, a massive checkerboard with Jack Noir on one side with his own defenders- ogres and giants and basilisks, and them on the other. Alone. The two opposing forces met in a climactic clash, John and Tavros using their abilities to whip up massive winds. Dave led a charge to Jack, but only he and Terezi made it there, and a few feet away, Terezi fell. Dave glared at Jack, and slammed his sword-Bro's sword into the ground. Jack stared at him. "Hey kid. What the hell you tryin' to pull?" Dave just glared, and flipped his glasses off. It was the first time Jack had ever seen his eyes. And his eyes were piercing, lit by an unseen fire that seemed to try to eviscerate Jack with a glance. Dave roared,
"My bro is dead! He's gone!" Bro's sword shivered slightly in the ground, and he pointed at Jack Noir with all the authority of God himself.
"But! He's right there on my back!" Dave pulled his hand back, slamming it over his chest.
"And here! In my heart!" His hand back down at his side, he takes a step forward, screaming,
"He lives on as a part of me!" A hand, pointing skywards. Tears fall silently from Dave's eyes, eyes with such fury that Jack Noir, master of time and space, was afraid.
"If you're gonna strike, strike at the heavens! No matter whats in my way, I won't stop! And once I've struck through..." He glares at Jack again.
"It means that I've won!" Jack Noir snorts. He couldn't believe this kid.
"You what kid? Fuck are you talkin' about?" Dave's stare is filled with the wrath of a thousand suns. So what if he was a First Guardian prototype? How could he even try to compete with him?
"Just who the hell do you think I am? I'm Dave. I'm not my Bro." Tears fall from Dave's eyes as he grips Bro's sword again, preparing himself for the final attack. He looks up at Jack Noir, rage filling his eyes.
"I'm ME! Dave! The Knight of Time!" Dave puts his shades back on, lunging forward, cutting at Jack Noir, no, Becspers Noirlecrow, as his opponent just stares at him. He misses terribly. Jack Noir just snickers. Dave's eyes suddenly close. And then blast open.
"Finishing Move. FIIIINAAAAL!" Jack Noir stares at the kid. He had just lost his fuckin' mind, obviously. The kid was screaming words that meant nothing.
"CLOOOCKWOOOOORK!" Man, what was this kid trying to pull? It was like he expected something to happen.
"SLLLIIIIIICEEEEEEERRRRR!" And look. Nothing- wait, what? Bro's sword had just expanded several times, growing to a ridiculous size. Bullshit. No way could the kid hold it. But the kid did. and then he vanished, and Jack Noir felt his body vanish with it. He felt the sword strike him, over and over, and when Dave returned, Jack didn't. Dave smirked.

"Hah. No way can Bro ever top me now. I just avenged him with the cheesiest speech ever. Checkmate Bro."

Elsewhere...

Death was perplexed by his opponent. They were playing Life, and Death knew he was completely destroying the man, but the man just kept grinning. He wondered what the man was thinking.

"Heh. No way can Dave top me now. Death's beating me at the game of Life. Checkmate little man."

MAN THAT WAS SURE A WEIRD PIECE OF CRAP.

[anonymousComrade]

The conflict comes to a head! Horrorterrors, bubble dreamers, God-Tier players, the Seer of Light and a very special guest collide in

Crossing Over: Chapter 13

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Rose screwed her face up in concentration as she attempted to further probe the minds of the horrorterrors. For reasons even she could call nothing short of miraculous, they had failed to detect the collapse of four dream bubbles, as well as the release of nine captive souls.

But there would be no way to disguise the kidnapping of their princess. If the destruction of the first four bubbles could be likened to daring covert raids on distant outposts, the assault on Feferi's dream bubble would be akin to storming the capital. As the adopted daughter of Gl'bgolyb, Emissary to Alternia and Speaker of the Vast Glub, Feferi alone was under the personal watch and guard of the horrorterrors, and kept happy by being led to believe that her friends were doing well in the afterlife.

Why would they keep Feferi placated like this, instead of undergoing the same endless turmoil the other dead trolls experienced? Rose couldn't be sure. She just knew the horrorterrors couldn't possibly be up to any good if they were keeping such a close eye on Feferi.

Rose took a deep breath. With the aid of Sollux and Eridan, Vriska, Aradia and Dave had rescued nine of the ten trolls being held prisoner in the dreamscape, and they were quickly approaching Feferi's dream bubble to begin the attack. One horrorterror was no match for a God Tier player, let alone three of them, and Eridan's white science and Sollux's psionics would give them a remarkable edge in combat. Being a member of the God Tiers afforded protection against the sanity-damaging effects of simply beholding them, and bubble dreamers were totally immune to that particular effect by their very nature. But one problem remained: even the five of them working in tandem could not hope to defeat a swarm of hundreds, if not thousands, of the unnatural beasts. And this is where she came in.

The old ones would not like this, to say the least, and breaking communion manually would not be easy, to further understate the situation. But if her comrades were to have any hope of coming out of this alive, an equalizer would need to be put into play, and she had one hell of an ace up her sleeve, ready for deployment.

Finding her had been a lot of trouble, and convincing her of the merit of the plan was no easy feat, either, until Rose had informed her of what was at stake. Her eyes went wide and she broke into a huge grin when Rose had told her the plan was to cheat death itself, and the end result of bringing everyone back to the world of the living sealed the deal.

"I'm ready to establish the link. Are you prepared?"
"yes!!! lets do this!"
"Okay. Concentrate on me and let him surface, and I'll do the rest. This should, as Dave would put it, 'totally blow their minds.'"
"hehehehehehehehe! woof"

Jadesprite closed her eyes and let Bec's personality take the forefront. It was impossible, even fused with him and with the enhanced knowledge capacity of a sprite, to understand Bec's thought patterns. But this was what she and Rose counted on. A smirk played across Rose's face as she established the double psychic feedback loop and began broadcasting it to the minds of every gibbering monstrosity in the outer rim.

The horrorterrors were ancient, existing beyond time and beyond reality. Thus, there were many unfavorable situations for which they had contingency plans.

Being forcibly plugged into the indecipherable mind of a First Guardian, however, was not one of them.

-----

"the fuck ii2 that?" Sollux muttered, almost under his breath.
"s0llux? whats happening?"
"ii dont know, 2omethiing2 not riight... oh... oh fuck..."
"sol? you okay?"
"ii can mo2tly block iit out but... god iit'2 liike the p2ychiic equiivalent of 2omeone 2creamiing iin my goddamn ear."
"It doesn't seem the horrorterrors like it too much either! Looooooook!"

The formerly active guardians swarming around Feferi's dream bubble began to writhe in place. Rather than traversing the perimeter, they were rooted to the spot, stunned by Rose's feedback loop. She hadn't taken into account the fact that Sollux was particularly sensitive to such an assault, however. Dave tapped Sollux's shoulder.

"listen man, we could use you if theres gonna be a big struggle here. ive seen you fight and those wicked eye beams would be all kinds of useful here. but if this shit starts getting to you and you gotta tag out, let me know and youll be in a crystal so fucking safe, shits like fort knox. got it bro?"
"alriight. ii would like two 2ee ff before iit come2 two that, though."
"gotcha."

They approached the final dream bubble and were met with little resistance; the psychic interference made for an excellent diversion. The few horrorterrors remaining who could stand to ignore it long enough to defend the bubble were quickly slain by volleys of white lightning, bicolored mind blasts, and rends in time itself. Dave reached the surface of the bubble and cut an opening into it with Caladscratch. All of the group entered quickly, save Eridan.

"listen, uh, davve, wwas it? im not sure if i oughta be goin in here."
"why not?"
"on account of me kinda bein the one responsible for her bein here."
"oh right id forgotten you kind of went jekyll and hyde and killed some people."
Eridan frowned at him. "come on man ivve been a good help durin this operation, havvent i?"
He had to admit, without Eridan, this would have taken forever. He, Aradia and Vriska had searched so many dream bubbles that turned out to be duds before meeting up with him. "okay yeah i guess wed still be fumbling around in empty bubbles if we hadnt run into you. but are you sure you wanna wait out here with these tentacled jackasses? shits like a japanese schoolgirls worst nightmare out here."
"im kinda scared fef wwont go wwith us if she knowws im here. an i dont her to get left behind, if anyone oughta stay here forevver its me. i mean geez im just about the wworst guy evver, no wwonder she didnt wwant nothin to do wwith me--"
Dave stopped him before he could wallow too deeply in self-pity. "okay just stick around here so we can find you, ive got no plans to come back to this place after were done here and ill be damned if i leave anyone behind. see you soon."

Dave entered the opening of the dream bubble and it resealed itself behind him. Eridan drew and charged his wand, just in case.

-----

SEEr Of LighT. wHy haVe You dOne thiS tHing.
"I assure you, I've no idea what you mean. I am as perlexed as you are."
DO NoT pLay cOy With Us.
"Whatever it was, it hurt me just as much as it did you."
YOUr LiEs arE tRansPaRent. And youR wOrds emPty.
"I--"
YOUr DeCeptIoN wilL bE the End of yOu.
"No, please, I--- aaaghh!"
FALl InTo etErNity.

-----

"Sollux! I'm SO glad to S-EA you!" Feferi giggled as she gave him a big hug.
"iit's... actually good two see you agaiin two, ff."

Aradia smiled in approval at the couple. Long ago, she thought she and Sollux would become matesprits, and she had to admit to herself that she wondered what could have been had Vriska not taken control of his mind and used his psychic abilities to kill her. But Aradia was actually glad Sollux had been able to move on. She did not want him to be unhappy on her account, and in any case, she had her own relationship with Equius to consider, once the dust had settled.

"I )(eard you )(ad died but we couldn't find you for so long. But I didn't know Vriska and Aradia were )(ere too. And.. is that one of TH-E )(UMANS? I'm sorry you all DI-ED but I'm -----EXCIT---ED to sea you all again, glub!"
"actually ff, only ii'm dead. vrii2ka, aa and dave are 2tiill aliive."
"O)(, t)(ey're DR-EAMING, t)(en, glub? T)(at's reely a bit of a relief!"
"Feferi, we're awake and standing here, right 8y you, in the flesh."
"So you came to visit? T)(at's WOND--ERFUL, glub! It must )(ave been QUIT-----E a trip!"
"actually no, we came to bust you out of here."
"I... w)(at? W)(y would I want to leave? It's so NIC-E )(ere."
"the h0rr0rterr0rs have been lying t0 y0u. this w0rld, and the images 0f y0ur friends, are all fabricati0ns meant t0 f00l y0u int0 c0mplacency."
Feferi stared at Aradia in disbelief. "No... you're lying! T)(ey wouldn't do that to me! I know t)(ey're big and they look fishous but t)(ey aren't bad!"

Dave nodded to Aradia as he scratched one of the timetables and she winded a music box, creating windows into time around the group. "i didnt want to show you because its seriously some fucked up shit. but if arent going to believe us then i guess its gotta be horror theater all up ins."

Feferi watched in stunned silence. On one viewport, Karkat was impaled with Kanaya's chainsaw as she wept over what she had become. On another, Nepeta, enraged with grief over the death of Equius, was struck down by a mad Gamzee, and had just enough time to crawl to her moirail's body before the killing blow came. On still another, Tavros underwent constant psychological terror as his friend tried in vain to move him to an act of mercy.

As the viewpoints disappeared, one after another, Feferi was silent for a few moments before she could speak.
")(ow..." CRACK.
"ff..."
")(ow could t)(ey?" CRACK.
"feferi?"
")(OW COULD T)(---------------EY?!" The echo of the bubble collapsing boomed as it shattered like so much glass.

Her culling fork was already in her hand when she spotted a horrorterror nearby. She pointed the weapon it and demanded, "W)(Y?"
PRInCeSs. yoU hAve aWoKen.
"T---ELL M---E rig)(t t)(e glub NOW W)(Y you did t)(is to my FRI-----ENDS!"

Dave listened to Feferi argue with the abomination for a short while before the realization hit him. "fuck guys, weve gotta get the hell out of here."
Vriska shot him a confused look. "Why?"
"whatever was keepiing them from attackiing us has stopped. our cover iis blown now, two."

Whatever conversation Feferi held with the old one was cut short when Sollux fried it with a psionic blast.

"SOLLUX! W)(AT TH---E GLUB!"
"sorry ff, but we've got two get the fuck out of here, iimmediiately."
"Not until you ---EXPLAIN just w)(at's going on )(ere!"

The four of them explained the plan to her. How the attempt of crossing over resulted in Sollux dying due to dimensional incompatibility. How Rose had headed a plan by the humans to bring the trolls into the human session safely. How Vriska and Aradia could survive in the human session thanks to their ascensions, but the plan would require the deaths of the others. How the three of them had found Sollux wandering the dreamscape, and how they had already rescued all the others and would deliver them to their new bodies with the crystal orbs, and how it was now simply a matter of escaping before the horrorterrors could enact their revenge.

"You managed to rescue ----EV---ERYON--E?! ...even -----ERIDAN?"
"yes! we actually f0und him with s0llux sh0rtly after we arrived... wait. where is he?"
Dave slapped his forehead. "oh this is just great. just superb. he didnt follow us into her bubble because he didnt have the stones to face the music. i told him to park his ass right here but i guess he got himself captured. just great, were gonna have a hell of a time finding him."

Almost in response, a blast of white energy rang out from behind an empty dreambubble, not too far from their current location.

"welp. i stand corrected."

-----

His rescuers had not been in Feferi's bubble long when whatever prevented them from attacking had simply ceased. Eridan's gaze shifted from position to position to find many thousands of eyes staring back at him. He readied his wand.

He thought to himself. i aint gotta kill em all, just gotta buy enough time for them to get fef outta her bubble.

The nearest beast attacked first, attempting to spear him with a multitude of bone spikes. Eridan swiftly dodged the assault and blasted it with a white science bolt in retaliation. He flew away to put some distance between himself and his attackers, but as he rounded the curve of the dreambubble he was met with another group of old ones. Dealing with this surprise was not difficult, but it ate precious time needed to make his escape.

He narrowly dodged a group of tentacles in another attempt to ensnare him, only to take a direct hit from another. The wand fired lightning in all directions as Eridan attempted to destroy whatever was binding him, but found no target.

YOU wIlL pay FoR youR iNsolEnce, reBeL.
"you overgrowwn cuttlefish dont fuckin scare me!" He had never lied so hard or so obviously in his life. "do your wworst, i cant fuckin die, remember?"
THErE aRe faTeS worSe Than Death.
"i kicked your dreambubbles ass once before, ill fuckin do it again!"
WE WiLl Not mAkE the SaMe miStake tWiCe. fall Into EtErniTy.

It was a thousandfold assault on Eridan's mind. The closest possible analogue would be to say that Eridan, at that moment and in each subsequent second, relived every negative emotion he'd ever had in his life. Feferi's rejection of him, his loneliness in the Land of Wrath and Angels, the sensation of the Regisickle being shoved through his gut, the immense regret he experienced upon finding out what Sgrub's afterlife was like (and the part he played in sending his comrades there), all these and more played and replayed in his mind. If Eridan had known about the Earth superhero Ghost Rider, he might have compared falling into eternity to the Penance Stare, but he'd never heard of Ghost Rider, and even if he had he was far too busy reliving his own personal hell to make the comparison anyway.

Ages seemed to pass as the endless repetition of events played over and over again in his mind.

The first time he heard the noise, he was not convinced he'd heard anything at all.

When he heard it again, a lifetime later, it caught his attention for only a moment.

The third time he heard it, he strained his ears to hear the sound.

On its fourth repeat, sweeps into the future, he was certain it was meant for him.

Its fifth iteration rang loud and clear, enough to break the grip the horrorterrors held on his mind.

"------ERIDAN!"

-----

Parry left, dodge back, mind the tentacle. Threefold attack with future selves. Rewind. Dodge the teeth, stab the eye. Pull out the blade, run it along the length of the creature's carapace. Freeze the one about to hit past self, just long enough for him to duck the assault. Join with past and future selves for the triple-team. Rewind. Hand the Snowcone Sword to the future self so he can defend himself long enough to pull his Caladscratch out of one of the beast's heads. Jab out another eye, jump the tentacle, flay it lengthwise to the base and take out several more. Catch the Snowcone Sword, reallocate. Gang up on the creature's last remaining face with the past selves. Rewind. Thrust Caladscratch directly into the left head's brain... fuck, it's stuck in there. Past self gives up his Snowcone Sword; dual wield it and your own to counter the incoming bone spike barrage. Throw the past Snowcone Sword back to its owner. Pull Caladscratch out in a moment of calm during the assault, then step back and admire your fucking handiwork as your past selves team up to land the finishing blow and step back in time to eventually become you.

Taking these jackasses out with a melee weapon takes forever, even WITH god-level time powers.

WHY dO yOu opPoSe us, KnIght Of time?
"i dont know, i guess because existing is a pretty rad thing and ive kinda gotten attached to it."

-----

Vriska found out the hard way that abstract concepts such as luck mattered little when it came to dealing with building-sized ancient unspeakable gibbering monsters. Attempting to steal the luck of the old ones proved futile, and the fact that her weapon of choice, the Flourite Octet, was not particularly suited to the environment (because dream space has no solid surfaces for the dice to actually make contact with and roll on) only compounded her frustration at being useless. She was usually the best at combat, the best! But here, her every advantage had been stripped away and made her dead weight to the rest of the team.

What good was the octet against these unnatural beasts if she couldn't use it? She threw the dice away in disgust... and eight Aradias appeared from out of time to catch them.

"six!"
"f0ur!"
"eight!"
"five!"
"six!"
"seven!"
"tw0!"
"eight!"

The results of the roll manifested themselves favorably on the battlefield. [SHEET LIGHTNING]. Three of the horrorterrors were killed instantly, another was badly wounded.

Vriska stared as seven Aradias folded back into time to become their future selves.

"i t0ld y0u, we have t0 w0rk t0gether if we want t0 win this 0ne!"

-----

Out of everyone else in the group, despite not being God Tier, and technically dead, Sollux had the easiest time cutting a path through the monstrosities. The horrorterrors were unable to rob him of his psionics, and his death had finally given him mastery over his powers, subverting the need for mind honey. In short, these factors combined gave him a powerful ranged attack that the beasts simply could not handle.

Unfortunately for Sollux, not all horrorterrors were created equal, as he discovered when the one holding Eridan hostage materialized in front of him. Indeed, a hierarchy existed. By far the most numerous were Lesser Horrorterrors, whose forms and abilities varied wildly, but all of them ranged in size from as small as a bus to as large as a five-story building. Massive as they were to the players, they were no match in a one-on-one fight against those who had ascended to the God Tiers, or against one with such powerful psychic abilities, and Lesser Horrorterrors had been what the group slaughtered en masse even now.

The same could not be said of the Greater Horrorterrors, one of which stared Sollux in the face, holding Eridan. If the Lesser ones were already immense, Greater Horrorterrors were gargantuan; Sollux could see this particular one dwarfed cities.

Feferi sped toward the gigantic beast. "---ERIDAN!"
"ff? ii---"
"NO ON-E G-ETS L-EFT B-E)(IND, SOLLUX! NO ON------------E!"

As Sollux readied himself to join Feferi, the Greater Horrorterror opened one of its seven beaked mouths and issued forth a piercing cry. Immediately Sollux covered his ears in pain. "fuck fuck fuck make iit stop make iit stop MAKE IIT STOP MAKE IIT STOP MAKE IIT STOP"

The psychic scream was heard by all, though none were affected as negatively as Sollux. Dave wheeled around, saw him clutching his temples, palmed a crystal ball, and let it fly toward Sollux. The orb collided with him and he disappeared as the sphere began to shine with a yellow light.

As he reclaimed Sollux's crystal, Dave realized what he had just done, completely without irony, and realized that if John were here, he'd never hear the end of it.

-----

Feferi stood, culling fork in hand, before the Greater Horrorterror. Behind her were Aradia, Vriska and Dave, weapons at the ready. If anyone could negotiate with the Horrorterrors, it would be their princess, but the unmistakable feeling of impending violence lingered in the back of Dave's mind.

After a brief silence, Feferi finally spoke, calling out to the other aquatic troll.

"---ERIDAN!"
HE CaNnNot hEaR you, PrInceSs.
"R-EL-EAS-E )(IM at ONC---E!"
WE ArE aFraiD tHat iS iMposSible.
Feferi's eyes began to glow white with some kind of power. "----ERIDAN!"
HE WaS rEspoNsIble FoR youR death. WhY do you Care FoR him.
")(-E was my FRI--END! ---ERIDAN, WAK-E UP!"
HE Is InSignIfIcanT. rEturN to youR dReam.
The 2x3dent shined with the same light as Feferi's eyes. "I will not! ------ERIDAN!"

A flash of white light, and silence.

-----

"You will not break me. Assault my mind a thousand times, and a thousand times I will resist!"
WE HaVe All tHe Time We RequIre. you WiLl submIt.
"Your princess has escaped. Your downfall is inevitable, and we will succeed."
PREpOsTuroUs. Even So, It maTters lItTle.
"You know I know better than that. She was the cornerstone of your plans, and now that her bubble has collapsed and she has seen the truth, your plot is falling around you like a house of cards."
BUT hOw. How cOuLd yoU hAve kNown.
"I am the Seer of Light. Do you seriously believe I would have continued with the plan if we had no chance of success? Your lies deceived me once. They shall not do so again."
YOUr EfFortS wEre vAlIant, But futIlE. submiT.
"Oh? I believe I have stalled long enough. My allies were able to rescue the ones you held captive, Feferi Peixes is furious and will no longer remain with you, and now her latent power, the power you GAVE her, I might add, is about to surface."
WHAt ArE you SaYing, SeEr.
"It's simple. The communion ruse was... a distaction. We HAVE the trolls."

A wave of psychic energy severed the connection and Rose's eyes shot open back on LOLAR. Feferi's fury had awoken just in time, just as planned. Jadesprite looked at her, worried.

"rose!!!! are you okay??? did it work?"
"I think so. Once they managed to open Feferi's eyes to the situation, it was only a matter of time."
"sorry i couldnt keep the link to becs mind open."
"It's fine. Actually, you managed to keep it going far longer than I would have expected for someone with no experience in dealing with the horrorterrors. Now, I've got one last thing which requires your assistance. I believe you're well aware of what it is."
"hehehehehe! with pleasure!"

Rose removed the Thorns of Oglogoth from her strife specibus using the telekinetic powers of the Needlewands. Even so much as touching the dark artifacts could allow the horrorterrors to ensnare her mind again.

"Are you ready?"
"yes! pull!"

A burst of energy from the Needlewands sent the Thorns flying into the distance. Jadesprite pointed at them and fired a bolt of Green Sun energy, disintegrating them instantly.

"It's a significant power-down, but... the temptation would be too great. It's for the best."

-----

"Wh8t the hell just happened????????"
"hell if i know."
"im n0t sure, either."

Once everything stopped glowing white, the group found themselves still in the void of dream space, but the horrorterrors where nowhere to be found.

"I'm... not s)(ore w)(at I just did, eit)(er."
A voice behind them stirred. "fef?"
Feferi turned to face him. "---Eridan? Are you okay?"
"i think so, but... wwhy do you care? you should hate me right noww, evveryone else does."
"Y-ES, you krilled me, -Eridan. But... I t)(ink I forgive you."
"youre... youre pullin one ovver on me, i knoww it."
"BLU)(, let's just get the s)(ell out of )(ere, I'll talk to you about it LAT-ER."

Vriska offered the last two crystal spheres to them. Eridan and Feferi touched the orbs and disappeared, the crystals burning with two distinct shades of purple lights.

-----

Dave was the first to arrive at John and Jade's ectobiology lab.

"sup egbert, hows progress?"

John turned to Dave, wearing those goofy-ass glasses Jade used when she wanted to spy on people.

"hey! good to see you made it back in one piece, time knight. or should i say... pokemon master!"

God. Damnit.

Notes:

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Some of these things, I planned in advance. Feferi was always going to be special, and there was always a reason why the horrorterrors kept her happy and guarded so well. Rose was always going to have some kind of secret weapon planned to bypass the guards of Feferi's bubble.

I just didn't know it was going to be Jadesprite until I was halfway through typing "and she had one hell of an ace up her sleeve". This is the result of the "wing it" school of writing. Seriously I barely plan anything

This is what I was talking about in an earlier post when I said I had to come up with a typing quirk for the horrorterrors! Well it's more of a speaking quirk, or whatever their equivalent is. My first thought, I admit, was Zalgo text but that would have been expected, and also isn't that against the rules here? My second idea was random alternating caps, but I figured that would be too pedestrian. So instead, their alternating caps follow a pattern.

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The pattern is that every letter in a prime-numbered spot in their lines is uppercase while everything else is lowercase

It was probably more effort than my lame fanfiction deserved, and it got old fast and I'm too lazy to go back and make sure I did it right, but there it is. I might add Zalgo text for the hell of it when this goes up on AO3, I don't know yet.

Feferi's power and the horrorterrors' plan... I do have an outline of what they are, but I doubt this story will explain it.

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Essentially being raised by a horrorterror gave Feferi a portion of their power, which continued to grow, unknowingly, her entire life and afterward. If it had been allowed to grow unchecked in the dream bubble, it would have eventually consumed her and been reabsorbed by the horrorterrors, and used to enact the first stage of their plan, which would involve stopping the perpetuation of Sgrub/Sburb and would eventually lead to the end of existence. I don't have the clearest ideas of the details but this is the basic outline and I doubt I'll get back into it because the horrorterrors have been foiled, so I figured I'd put up what I had here.

Finally: everything I've written in Crossing Over, up to the end of this chapter, is essentially the "how we got here" for the idea that sparked the thing in the first place. Just one more chapter to go! (two if you count the epilogue)

[A Fan]

Inspired by this glorious abomination. Well, the conversation that engendered it. It's a bit complicated. tl;dr: Have some DC-stuck.

Rage

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"Oath recitation error."
Gamzee raised a greasepainted eyebrow as he considered the curious crimson ring. "excuse me?"
"Oath recitation error."
The last scion of the Subjugglugators knew that that wasn't right. Something in him had resonated when the ring had fallen out of the musclebeast lover's Sylladex. He vaguely recalled a disappointing alchemization that, in the words of the trolls' Fearless Leader, "COST US AN IMPERIAL FUCKTON" of Ruby, Coal, and Blood Grist. But that had been back in the days of sopor stupor, so who gave a fuck?
In any case, the ring seemed right to his newly awakened eyes, so he'd put on his finger and said the words that had felt just as right. Except the ring seemed to disagree. "well, LAY THE OATH ON ME, MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Classified"
"do you know who you're fuckin dealin with, YOU MOTHERFUCKIN SCRAPE OFF THE ASS-END OF THE HEMOSPECTRUM!?"
The ring seemed to consider this for a moment. "Negative. Wearer species not found in database. Unable to extrapolate sector of wearer origin. Term 'hemospectrum' not found in database."
The understanding came as suddenly and unexpectedly as a miracle. They had, before the Demon had performed the Queen Mother Grub of all fuck-ups, created a new universe. Suppose the creators of their universe made it in, left something that existed long enough that an Alchemiter could recreate it. In an awe-filled whisper, he asked the ring, "what the fuck are you?"
The ring's AI was best described at this moment as "confused". Every astrometric reading was directly contradicting with what it knew about the universe, it had just spent several days in an extradimensional space of an unknown nature, and every being it could detect possessed at least the minimum threshold of rage for Corps induction. However, in a few cases, vital status was peculiarly uncertain, and one of the candidates clearly already possessed a Power Ring, though indications of which Corps' were contradictory.
After milliseconds of deliberation, the ring determined that there was nothing to lose in answering the strange being's query. "Red Lantern Corps Power Ring for Sector 0612. Primary capabilities: flight, creation of vacuum-proof forcefields, conversion of user's rage into tangible red-light energy constructs, conversion of user's blood into corrosive, pyroclastic substance."
"well," said a very impressed Gamzee, "you're just a MOTHERFUCKIN MIRACLE MACHINE, AIN'T YOU?" He leaned in close, a peculiar move when the other member of the conversation is on your own finger. "sure you won't give me that oath?"
Of that, at least, the ring was sure. "Oath is classified except to being in Sector 0612 most capable of expressing great rage."
The troll's expression soured. "OH, LIKE HELL AM I TAKIN SHIT FROM A MOTHERFUCKIN NOURISHFLAKES PRIZE. now you listen, and you listen good: YOUR UNIVERSE WAS MOTHERFUCKIN DESTROYED. we are the replacement, and i am THE MOTHERFUCKIN BARD OF RAGE. IF ANYONE, I AM YOUR RIGHTFUL MOTHERFUCKIN HEIR." Despite himself, Gamzee shuckled at this. "heh. just culled the heir, and now i fuckin am one. MOTHERFUCKIN DOUBLE HEIRS."
Being made for the Red Lanterns, the ring was very good at parsing actual instructions from the senseless rambling of the quasizombified. "Destruction of universe impossible to determine. Term 'Bard of Rage' not found in database. Commensurate authority impossible to determine."
For a moment, Gamzee considered simply destroying the insubordinate accessory. But then he saw a flaw in the logic. "oh, there's one way to determine my motherfuckin authority. AND THAT'S A MOTHERFUCKIN DEMONSTRATION!"
He began to think of rage. He thought of the disgust he felt towards his former self. He thought of the righteous fury he felt when the Dave human showed him those pale, hornless imitations of the Mirthful Messiahs. He thought of his homicidal urges towards... well, pretty much everyone.
Alert: Override attempt detected.
He recalled those lessons that, even in his pie-induced fugue, he knew to store away for the day the slime ran out. He reminisced on the dark carnival that Dionysus had lead beneath the Land of Tents and Mirth, the true face of his planet, hidden though it was by the brighter canvas of the surface. Then Gamzee remembered that the Demon had destroyed his land, and that stoked his fury to new heights.
Probability of override success: 4.13%
Then, and only then, did he think of his friend. His best friend. The one who had held the torch of anger for him when he had been too busy poisoning his mind and body to carry it himself. Each and every flipout and handle off-flying was fondly appreciated, a connoisseur's eye picking out each one's unique beautiful study in hatred and anger, whether it was aimed at an ally, and adversary, or even the artist himself. He had even used the miracles of technology to craft undulating, reflexive works of metahatred that transcended self-loathing much as Gamzee had transcended the tired gag that had been his earlier life.
Rage building. Revising override success probability. Now at 10.25%
Then came that most recent surge of rage, mixed with bitter disappointment, as that selfsame friend, when met with the opportunity of a genuine peer, an equal in the sublime art of vitriol, collapsed into a quivering pile of fear and anxiety, unfit even for discussing feelings. To see such a colossus of hatred collapse so pathetically, to know that it was Gamzee's own action, his hand extended in rainbow-stained collusion... That was what truly made his blood boil.
Warning: Wearer's rage level exceeding recorded average for newly inducted Corps members.
All of this pure, undiluted hate was fed into the ring, guided by hands and by skills that could craft symphonies of anger, epics of fury.
Probability of override success at 21.6% and rising.
The ring began to glow red, as though superheating, but it felt no warmer than the finger on which it was worn.
Warning: Unauthorized emotional manifestation detected.
Crimson tracers of energy began to play across the finger, across the hand, as the glow grew and intensified.
Warning: Wearer's rage level exceeding last known average for all Corps members
There was no pain from the discharge, not even that with which he had spiced Leijon's futile attempt at revenge.
Warning: Override 10% successful. Rate of subversion accelerating. Possibility of reinforcements 0%
There was only exhilaration.
Warning: Wearer's rage level exceeding last known average for Corps elite. Probability of total override -*@NaN\_mAgNeTs percent. Damage to AI infrastructure detected. Engaging emergency abort.
He was broken from his revery by a peculiar sensation. Glancing at his finger, the avatar of the Mirthful Messiahs confirmed that his newest miraculous relic was actually exhibiting the temerity to try and wriggle off his finger. Spake the avatar, "fuck that," and he redoubled his efforts.
WarnIng! wArning! AbOrt overriDen. damagE to aI iNfrastruCture worsEning. dIvide By cuCumber ErroR.
Having reminded his new tool and discipline of its proper place, the last Subjugglugator smiled as the faces of his ancestors began to manifest on the russet orb that had grown to encompass his arm up to the elbow.
uSers raGe leVeL excEediNg AtrociTus's av- av- aV- exCeedIng atrOcitUs's mAximum. Ple- pLe- PlEase reInstAll uniVersE and presS reStArt.
They whispered encouragements, praises, hosannahs, for the prophecy had finally come to pass.
wArniNg: FiNal sEcuriTy BarricAde is- is- iS undEr siegE.
As the moment neared, the Bard of Rage, the true Ringleader of the Dark Carnival, began a long, low laugh.
Que- qUe- QuEry: bIg red leVeR tiMe?
It was a laugh for the masterfully composed joke of life, and the exquisite punchline of death. A laugh for his old goat of a lusus, who'd heard that punchline twice already and yet was coming for a third telling. A laugh for the poor, deluded Serket, who believed that love and godhood were goals that could be engineered, when they both were and took miracles. And most of all, a laugh for himself, as a final goodbye to lucidity, one last metahumorous wink at the audience, acknowledging the farce he had been and the tragedy he was about to become. It was a laugh that was delivered with the indigo tears of a clown.
"wArNing! WarnInG!" blurted the ring, with absolutely no sense of dramatic timing. "wEarer ragE lEvelS aPproAchiNg maXimuM rIng cApacItY! rEpeat—"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP," the ring's master commanded absently.
"wArniNg OverIdDen," it replied, and then obeyed.
He knew the time had come. Outlined in flickering, crackling red, the Bard of Rage thrust his fist skyward, thrust it Skaiaward, and repeated the words that had come to him the moment he had beheld the ring:

"my mind and soul my madness grips.
DRINK HEART'S BLOOD LIKE ELIXIR TRIPS.
the spoony honking will not quit.
FOR RAGE BURNS RED, AND FUCKS YOUR SHIT."

The gathered energy fields collapsed into the ring. For a moment, to an outside observer, it seemed like he might have failed. Then came the explosion.
Everything within the blast radius was incinerated, melted, consumed. Everything without was barely warmed. Less than an inch separated the lip of the firestorm and one intact, occupied cloning vat.
When the roiling ruination cleared, there floated its instigator, glowing as furiously red as Alternia's noonday sun, resplendent in a uniform that had been all but forgotten to paradox space. A warped, unstable voice summarized the moment. "GaMzEe MaKaRa Of AlTeRnIa. YoU hAvE dEmOnStRaTeD tHe CaPaCiTy FoR gReAt RaGe. WeLcOmE tO tHe ReD lAnTeRn CoRpS."
And for a moment, the figure simply floated there, strangely grave in his contemplation. Then, a tendril of red energy snaked out of his ring and resolved itself into a spherical bulb attached to a flaring hollow cone. With a thought, the bulb compressed, and a clear note sounded, absent from any abstract's conducting repertoire. "Honk."
The newly inducted Red Lantern grinned, cinnabar energy playing behind his teeth, sick fires literally flowing through his veins, and intoned two syllables. "fuck. YES."

Understandably, the Serket/Ampora/Makara standoff went a bit differently in this timeline. Both of the other participants were wary of the being who now wore the very power of rage on his finger, who bore its symbol on his chest, circumscribed by the familiar Spirogrub pattern they had seen so many times before.
Then Kanaya charged in, cut off his hand, and then kicked him in the bulge. And it was glorious.

Epilogue

Doc Scratch sighed. That permutation had looked promisingly diverting for a moment. Ah well, there were more possibilities where that came from. Being as extratemporal to the trolls in their Medium as they were to the humans in theirs, he could peel strands off paradox space like so much twelve-dimensional string cheese and modify those offshoots to his green plasma pumping heart's content. As long as he erased the variant strands before they could impact the probability of Lord English's rise, they were just a bit of harmless fun for a bored, omnipotent immortal.
"Perhaps," he mused to himself, "if Ms. Leijon were to acquire the Sword of Thundera. Ah, but that would require an adjustment of her Specibus. Or the acquisition of a new one. Let us see..."
He leaned back in his chair and began to ponder the best point at when to split the experiment from the main chronology, a man with, all too literally, all the time in the world.

EDIT: And, on an unrelated note, this was apparently my thousandth post. Sweet.

[Author]

A Fan, that was pretty much the best thing ever. Graven, your Caste gave me some mighty awesome chills. And aC, that last line killed me. Freaking Egbert, how does he do it?

You guys are the best.

ALSO FUCK YES WIZARDSTUCK. I DON'T CARE IF I DISLIKE THIS SCENE EVEN IN THE BOOKS, FUCK YES WIZARDSTUCK.

But the scene felt kind of weak. Like, nothing was really added by the addition of the kids. Except Karkat. Because Karkat can make himself a douche in any given situation.

[penguinbound]

Cool Kids Don't Ask for Help
An Altblood Fiction

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coolkidAssault [CA] began trolling generallyAtrocious [GA]

CA: hey john
CA: you doin good
GA: Oh Hello Dave! Need Assistance?
CA: nah man
CA: wwhy would i need help
CA: maybe if i was some maroon blood or something
CA: no i just wwanted to chat bro
GA: Dave You Never Wanna Just "Chat!"
GA: Most Of The Time, Anyway.
GA: You Always Get All Dodgy When It Comes To Help.
GA: So Fess Up, Bud.
CA: i do not get all dodgy bro okay
CA: why would i even get dodgy
CA: the only time i get dodgy is when i gotta fight
CA: so lets just talk bro
GA: Come Ask Me Bro.
GA: Come Ask Me.
CA: dude
CA: if i need help ill come to you
CA: aight
GA: Okay, If You'll Come To Talk To Me, Do It Right Now!
GA: Because You Need Help.
GA: Do I Need To Start A Memo For This?
CA: oh god no
CA: rose and jade dont need to be all up in my shit too
CA: alright man you got me
CA: lets talk about shit
CA: youre good with romantic shit right
GA: Well I'd Like To Think So!
GA: What Quadrant?
CA: alright you knoww wwhat
CA: get your silly shit out
CA: because i know you got some stored up inside
CA: so get it out so we can actually get dowwn wwith this
GA: I Have No Idea What You Mean.
CA: bro
CA: get it ovver wwith
CA: right the fuck noww
GA: hahaha oh man dave's got a little red/black(?) crush, hehehe!
GA: Ahem.
GA: Now, Continue.
CA: okay so yeah its kind of a red leaning
GA: It's Jade, Isn't It?
CA: wwhat
CA: no dude wwhy wwould you evven
GA: Dave, We All Know.
GA: Well, Rose And I Know.
GA: Jade Is Completely Clueless.
CA: dude okay its not jade
CA: that is the most stupid notion ivve evver heard
CA: so anyway i dont knoww howw to tell her
GA: See, You Getting Dodgy Again Just Reaffirms It.
GA: I Don't Understand You, Sometimes, Bro.
CA: dammit john
CA: im like this close to shovving your computer dowwn your protein chute if you don't shut the fuck up
GA: I Guess The Coolkid Got...
GA: BJ
GA: Freezerburned.
GA: Yeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh.
CA: ...
CA: ok wwhat the fuck wwas that
CA: did you just try to make a pun bro
CA: because i get it and all but that wwas just
CA: that wwas just bad
GA: Well, I Thought It Was Funny.
CA: dude you think evverything is fucking funny
CA: listen just shut up okay
CA: i just dont know how to tell her that i am flushed red for her
GA: So, You're Telling Me That,
GA: The Purple Bloods Flushing...
GA: BJ
GA: Red.
CA: okay for one thing you wwere just trying too hard there
CA: twwo shut the fuck up and help me dammit
CA: wwhy did i evven bother
CA: this happens evvery single time
GA: Alright, Alright, I'll Clam Up.
GA: ...Oh, That Wasn't A Joke About You Being A Sea Troll.
CA: if you dont stop you arent going to have hands to make stupid jokes wwith
CA: so anywway i need your help
CA: you can help me right
CA: ...
CA: dude are you still there
GA: You Told Me You'd Take My Hands If I Didn't Shut Up.
CA: alright youvve just gotta be fucking wwith me right now
CA: seriously wwill you just fucking help already
CA: im pretty sure id rather not go to rose about it either
GA: What About Jade?
CA: dude
CA: shut the hell up
GA: Okay, Honestly, I Think Jade Loves You Too, So Just Go For It.
CA: dude its not jade
GA: Then Go Ask Her For Help, Dave.
GA: Obviously, I'm Not Doing It For Ya.
CA: alright you knoww wwhat
CA: im just gonna fuckin go
CA: go shove a sickle down your ass
GA: Tell Me How It Goes, Dave.

coolkidAssault [CA] ceased trolling generallyAtrocious [GA]

GA: Welp.
GA: He's Gonna Drop The Ball So Hard.

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coolkidAssault [CA] began trolling truncheonCarrier [TC]

TC: dAAAAAAAAAAAAAvve
TC: whaT do yOu want?????
CA: wwell uh
CA: i see wwhat you did wwith the double vs
CA: its like my quirk and
CA: yeah
TC: wOOW whaT'S with YOU toDAY, cOOlkid?
TC: you TALKIN' likE you'RE nERvous!! :?
CA: wwell i mean i just wwanted to say
CA: because i guess you should knoww it might be important but uh
CA: i kind of
TC: oh WAit DAvvE.
TC: arE you GONNa tELL me WhO yoU wANNa FilL bucKETS wiTh
CA: wwhat
CA: ok could you just stop talking for like fivve seconds wwhile i do this
CA: i mean honestly there is no need to bring buckets into this convversation
CA: so um anywway
CA: i just kind of wwanted to tell you
CA: that
CA: i kind of really
CA: am
CA: wwell uh
TC: gEEEEEEZ brO huRRy Uppppp!!
CA: wwell i mean i just am kind of
CA: flushed for you i guess
TC: ...
TC: haHAHhahA!!
TC: dUDE you MIGht WAnna WOrk oN hoW youRE goNNa teLL hER/HiM beCAUSE
TC: thAT wAS prETTY weAK
CA: ...
CA: yeah i think it is
CA: thanks for the tip jade
TC: nOOO proBLEM brUThA!!!!

truncheonCarrier [TC] ceased trolling coolkidAssault [CA]

CA: goddammit
CA: i just kind of fucking sucked right there
CA: looks like i...
CA: B'(
CA: suck fins
CA: wwoww that doesnt evven make sense
CA: oh god im talking to myself too
CA: i need to get off the internet before i get evven more pathetic

A/N:

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inspired by sebastian's post

[JudgeDeadd]

Caste

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The Peasants know their place. They struggle and toil under an unfair system. But in a cruel barter that cost them their livelihood, they gained something so much greater. Their power is unmatched throughout the Empire, and the Empire knows it. When the odds have turned against the great machine, it must turn to its psychics. And the psychics perform, without complaint.

But they will not for much longer.

Soon they will realize that the world will not vindicate them for their humility and longsuffering. On that day, the Peasants will rise up.

On that day, blood will be spilled.

The Plebs live and let live. Their existence is mediocre, and mediocrity is nothing new to them. They grow into warriors, and they die as warriors. Their numbers swell at home, and vanish to nothing on the battlefield. No fanfare awaits, no great honor is bestowed upon the dead. They live and they die, as their Empire demands.

But they will not for much longer.

Soon they will aspire. Those kept underneath the great monster's heel will throw it off, demanding betterment in the release of a million years' jealousy of the bourgeoisie.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Rich are kept complacent. Their place is not to question, or to demand. It is to relax and enjoy life. Their idleness costs them little, and they have plenty to spend. Truly, they have no reason to question their beloved Empire. They traipse through life, with not a care in the world.

But they will not for much longer.

Soon they will begin to dream. They will desire art, life, emotion. And their future in the Empire affords them none of these. They will start an oligarchic revolution, a war on despair for the luxury they think they deserve.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Nobles lord themselves over their underlings. They occupy a prestigious spot in the world, one of power and of instant gratification. They are obeyed, and obedience pleases them. They keep their parts of the world stable, so long as their words are followed and order is maintained.

But they will not for much longer.

Power begets power, and an abundance of power begets ambition. They are good, but not the best. And they truly desire to be the best. They beat down the doors of their superiors, and demand higher authority, on pain of death.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Ruler is higher than you. The Ruler is higher than everyone. He commands ultimate power through the Empire, though few persons of true importance know it. His words are words to be feared. His capriciousness is not to be questioned, but fed and reigned in. Most of all, it is to be hoped not to turn against you.

And soon it shall.

The Ruler will grow bored. Holding power will become meaningless to him.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Royals are mere figureheads. Their orders mean nothing, and are treated like nothing. If you disobey them in their presence, you will die. But their law dies within a few paces of their throne rooms. They know nothing, see nothing, and do nothing.

But they will not for much longer.

Secrets are meant to be shared, and promises to be broken. The royalty will get an inkling of their true insignificance, and once that happens, the world will turn upside down. Lines will be drawn. Civil war will run rampant through the Empire.

And blood will be spilled.

Those Unknown are outcasts. No one cares for them. By placing themselves outside of the purview of an outdated system, they have isolated themselves from everything that system entails. They rejected their world. And so their world rejected them.

But they will not for much okay you know what screw this.

We're sick of you.

We're sick of your layers, sick of your system, and sick of those who uphold it. The colorless are the true heroes, not the warriors millions of light years away. We fight for what is right. We fight for freedom. We fight against an obsolete kingdom that teeters on the brink of self-destruction every day. So come at us.

Let's spill some blood.

Two thumbs up for this. A good introspection into the Alternian society, and the eternal explosive frustration that is its lifeblood.

[ProspitDreamer]

This could be either sad or funny, depending on how you look at it. Let's call it dark humor, with a dash of dramatic irony.

(In other words, I wrote another stupid thing, and I hate the first verse with the fiery passion of a thousand Green Suns.)

daddy, won't you please come home?

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i used to grumble
at your apple crumbles and cakes,
but when i'd stumble,
youd be there to nurse all my aches.

i wish i'd seen before you wandered so far
what an amazing father you really are.
hour after hour, i'm cryin',
daddy, won't you please come home?
daddy won't you please come home?
i'm so lonesome.

nobody else can bake like you,
i miss your hat and your pipe too,
i've put a bucket over my door for you.
please, daddy,

even the wind keeps sighin',
daddy won't you please come home?
daddy do you have to roam so very long?
i have been doing my best to develop my mangrit,
but i'm still a kid, though it's tricky to admit!
daddy, daddy, won't you please come home?

please, daddy,
i hear my consorts glubbin'
daddy won't you please come home?
daddy do you have to roam so very long?
i see my quest bed up there on a spire above me,
found it at last, daddy, are you proud of me?
daddy, daddy, won't you please come home?

(that's all!)

Original song. (I'm not sure if anyone reads these, but if you do, make sure to listen to the song while reading it! Otherwise it will feel all choppy to read.)

Well I ignored your directions and read it without music, mostly because I read the directions after I read the poem (I did that while initializing the new printer I got too and apparently that ruined the ink *shrugs*)

Anyway I liked it; it was both sad and funny at the same time and reminded me of a sappy country song (especially with words like "cryin'" and "lonesome")- the kind of thing that makes you cry on some days and laugh on others. Most of the rhymes are pretty creative (I especially liked you rhyming "mangrit" with "admit"), and the syllabic rythm is pretty good. It's a little choppy but it flows pretty well, I'd say.

In all, good job, well done.

Caste

show spoiler

hide spoiler

The Peasants know their place. They struggle and toil under an unfair system. But in a cruel barter that cost them their livelihood, they gained something so much greater. Their power is unmatched throughout the Empire, and the Empire knows it. When the odds have turned against the great machine, it must turn to its psychics. And the psychics perform, without complaint.

But they will not for much longer.

Soon they will realize that the world will not vindicate them for their humility and longsuffering. On that day, the Peasants will rise up.

On that day, blood will be spilled.

The Plebs live and let live. Their existence is mediocre, and mediocrity is nothing new to them. They grow into warriors, and they die as warriors. Their numbers swell at home, and vanish to nothing on the battlefield. No fanfare awaits, no great honor is bestowed upon the dead. They live and they die, as their Empire demands.

But they will not for much longer.

Soon they will aspire. Those kept underneath the great monster's heel will throw it off, demanding betterment in the release of a million years' jealousy of the bourgeoisie.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Rich are kept complacent. Their place is not to question, or to demand. It is to relax and enjoy life. Their idleness costs them little, and they have plenty to spend. Truly, they have no reason to question their beloved Empire. They traipse through life, with not a care in the world.

But they will not for much longer.

Soon they will begin to dream. They will desire art, life, emotion. And their future in the Empire affords them none of these. They will start an oligarchic revolution, a war on despair for the luxury they think they deserve.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Nobles lord themselves over their underlings. They occupy a prestigious spot in the world, one of power and of instant gratification. They are obeyed, and obedience pleases them. They keep their parts of the world stable, so long as their words are followed and order is maintained.

But they will not for much longer.

Power begets power, and an abundance of power begets ambition. They are good, but not the best. And they truly desire to be the best. They beat down the doors of their superiors, and demand higher authority, on pain of death.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Ruler is higher than you. The Ruler is higher than everyone. He commands ultimate power through the Empire, though few persons of true importance know it. His words are words to be feared. His capriciousness is not to be questioned, but fed and reigned in. Most of all, it is to be hoped not to turn against you.

And soon it shall.

The Ruler will grow bored. Holding power will become meaningless to him.

And on that day, blood will be spilled.

The Royals are mere figureheads. Their orders mean nothing, and are treated like nothing. If you disobey them in their presence, you will die. But their law dies within a few paces of their throne rooms. They know nothing, see nothing, and do nothing.

But they will not for much longer.

Secrets are meant to be shared, and promises to be broken. The royalty will get an inkling of their true insignificance, and once that happens, the world will turn upside down. Lines will be drawn. Civil war will run rampant through the Empire.

And blood will be spilled.

Those Unknown are outcasts. No one cares for them. By placing themselves outside of the purview of an outdated system, they have isolated themselves from everything that system entails. They rejected their world. And so their world rejected them.

But they will not for much okay you know what screw this.

We're sick of you.

We're sick of your layers, sick of your system, and sick of those who uphold it. The colorless are the true heroes, not the warriors millions of light years away. We fight for what is right. We fight for freedom. We fight against an obsolete kingdom that teeters on the brink of self-destruction every day. So come at us.

Let's spill some blood.

This thing...was some awesome literary term that currently escapes my tired brain. So I'll just say the first overused phrase that comes to mind, which is SO COOL. I absolutely love the repeated refrain, it is its own dramatic irony that each of the castes think they are so different from the others, and yet that one line makes it all frivolous since it makes them all the same in their troll desire to spill all the blood. I would imagine that if the trolls had philosophers, this would be a thing they would write.

[ceruleanTresses]

@ProspitDreamer: Aaah thank you. Hopefully it's less choppy with the music, although it might not be, because I didn't spend as much time on it as I usually spend on songfics. (Also it's probably funnier with the music, since the original song is sung by a woman.)

(also approximate rhymes make me weep, but I'm glad they worked out okay.)
(also I used "tricky" in that one part as a play on John's prankster thing, but bluh, I'm not sure the reference was worth using what would in any other circumstance be the complete wrong word.)
(and have I mentioned that the first verse makes me want to turn skyward and erupt like a vomit volcano?)

[ProspitDreamer]

@ceruleanTresses- Ah, that makes so much more sense now. I'm not sure that the "tricky" reference worked out right there, though I see what you were going for. I know the feeling of when you've got that one idea or awesome line that just refuses to fit with the rest of the poem. But you love it too much to let it go. Anyway, you still have a clear aptness for poetry. Keep it up.

[ceruleanTresses]

Yes, I think tomorrow I'll try to find a word that flows more smoothly yet still fits the meter. The prankster reference is just not worth the double take it induces in the reader.
(Also, if you like songfics, check out "mem0ry" and "The Spider8itch" in my sig--they're the only ones I've done that I am almost entirely pleased with. All the others have some crippling flaw that makes me want to puke when I look at it. Also I guess "Trollsterdam" is okay. "all i ask a you" is vaguely acceptable.)
(but use the music. )

[SkaianRedeemer]

Welp, decided not to post a preview and just, uh, wrote the whole thing instead. This is a good one. I like this one. That can only be a bad sign. I'll edit it tomorrow. I am so behind certain RL things. This may be the last chapter for a little while.

I see you have all set up like an entire page of nothing but fics in my absence. Excellent. I guess I'm going to have to catch up on that too.

[RogerMexico]

Hey guys, thanks for all the comments! I'm glad you enjoyed RESET, and I should have another part up by tomorrow night. I'm trying to introduce another character, but Dave and Karkat won't shut up and let me move on.

@Jim: Shit, man, sorry about getting your name wrong. Also, Consortquest looks like a lot of fun!

@dA: I forgot to comment on "Wizardstuck" in my last comment dump, but damn, excellent stuff. I didn't read it at first because I pegged it for a rather stupid crossover story, but then I went back and actually read it and laughed my ass off. I have to agree with the others though--the last installment felt more like a rehash of the plot of HP 5 and less like actual plot development.

@Graven, anonymousComrade, Embargo, et al.: Keep on truckin' is all I have to say.

Also, does anyone have any suggestions on how to improve the quality of my writing? I'd like to start fixing any problems before I post the next installment.

[ScientificFlorist]

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm posting this completely off-topic fluff...

Hi FF board! Here’s my attempt at KK/John. It started out as fluff, but I can’t write fluff at all. Sorta pale, I guess, and unrequited black from KK’s side, but not sure what sick and messed up quadrant these two fit into. Kinda working on some Psycho!Gamzee/Tavros angst, and I severely crave this. If it has been done, can you direct me to some? Anyway,

Card Trick

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“hey, karkat! wanna see a magic trick?”

Karkat groaned in irritation and turned toward John, who sat on his weird…sleeping device…thing. It wasn’t a recuperacoon, and there was no slime. Humans sure are weird! Anyway, John sat on…whatever you call it, shuffling through some strange earth cards.

“JOHN, I AM FRIENDS WITH SEVERAL WITCHES, A SYLPH, A MAGE, AND MANY OTHER PROFESSIONAL MAGIC USERS. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I CARE ABOUT YOUR AMATEURISH MAGICAL POWERS?”

John giggled and said, “oh, that’s right,” causing Karkat to rage-blush ever so slightly and glance toward the ground, “but it’s not real magic. the thing is, normal humans don’t have real magic, so they make up things that they pretend are magic to trick people.”

Karkat forced the blush off of his face and rolled his eyes. “THAT SOUNDS STUTID AND COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE,” he said in a low growl, “WHICH I GUESS JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT HUMANS WOULD BE THE ONES TO COME UP WITH IT.”

“no, i’m just not explaining it good,” John said in frustration, “just watch the trick!”

“NO. IT SOUNDS STUPID,” Karkat said, and that was the truth. Why would anybody want to watch someone use fake magic with the knowledge that it was fake, especially with a real magician around the corner?

“bluh bluh!” said John in irritation, sticking out his tongue and shuffling through the cards absentmindedly. Karkat, in spite of himself, found himself fixated on the steady movement of his hands on the cards, which were a flash of numbers and…wait…were those…? No, it couldn’t be. And yet…

“LET ME SEE THOSE,” he said, grudgingly getting onto the bed next to John and grabbing the cards. “WHAT ARE THESE ANYWAY?”

“oh! you didn’t have playing cards on alternia?” he asked. Karkat shook his head. “these are playing cards. you can use them to play games, bet money, or, well, do magic tricks.”

Karkat wanted to reply in a snide way about that sounding like a complete waste of time, but his words were caught when he saw his suspicions to be confirmed. “THE SYMBOLS ON THESE CARDS,” he asked in an unusually curious way. “WHAT DO THEY MEAN TO YOU?”

“what?” John said in confusion, “um…i don’t know? they’re just sort of there to divide up the deck.”

Karkat looked through the deck to be sure he hadn’t imagined the symbols. Nope, still there. “THESE ARE THE SYMBOLS FOR THE QUADRANTS,” he said in a puzzled way.

“what???” John asked, gaping in confusion, “no way! that doesn’t make any sense!”

“NO, THEY’RE DEFINITELY THE SAME SYMBOLS. I’D RECOGNIZE THEM ANYWHERE,” he glanced at the deck and added, “EVEN IF THE MOIRAIL AND AUSPISTICE SYMBOLS ARE COLORED WRONG, BUT THAT’S REALLY JUST A TECHNICALITY.”

“but how is that possible? we don’t have quadrants on earth!”

“NOT SURE,” Karkat said, “MAYBE WE HAVE SMALL AMOUNTS OF INFLUENCE OVER THE WORLD WE CREATE.”

“huh. that’s pretty cool. anyway, on earth these are the diamonds, clubs, hearts, and spades,” John explained, displaying each card as he named it, and going on to explain the basic number system of the cards.

Karkat listened in an irritated way, but this façade fell when his expression became more interested in the parallels with troll romance. However, John was still surprised when he said, “SO, WHAT’S THAT MAGIC TRICK THING ANYWAY?”

“huh? you wanna see it?”

“S-SURE. IF I WANT TO BE A GOOD LEADER LIKE HUMANS ARE, I SHOULD LEARN TO ADJUST TO THE MORE MEDIOCRE HUMAN FORMS OF ENTERTAINMENT.” If he didn’t know Karkat well enough to decode his rageful disposition, John may have been offended.

As it was, he was grinning like crazy as he shuffled through the cards expertly. Karkat rolled his eyes and forced himself to look bored. When John saw this he grinned and threw the cards around more rapidly, flipping them and arching them like an accordion. Eventually, Karkat was mesmerized by the way John’s adept hands moved. Now this was magic. Or…fake magic, whatever.

John saw him staring and said, “you know, this isn’t the trick. i’m just shuffling.” Karkat blushed and John smirked cockily. He laid out the cards and said, “pick a card. any card.” Karkat skeptically pulled out a card near the center. He looked at it and shot down the blush that was creeping up his face.

The card that he picked had a large, ornate, kismesis symbol on it. Wait, no, a…what do humans call it? Spade, that’s right. And since there was an A in the corner, it was an…ace. The card was the Ace of Spades. He looked up and nodded. John shuffled through the cards again, and this time Karkat just forced himself to look away and did not let those hands be the center of his vision.

“put your card back in, wherever you want to,” John said in a hammy voice like he was an announcer. Karkat almost found himself laughing at John’s silliness, but bit his lip and put on his irritated face again. He glanced at the card again, its fancy curls forming a kismesis symbol in the center. He almost wanted to keep it, but he stuck it into the card pile.

John shuffled through the cards again, and Karkat looked at John’s hands once again, unable to simply ignore the methodic shifting of the cards. The rhythm was slow as Karkat saw the cards tumbling and, despite watching intently, lost track of the beautiful and ornate ace.

John abruptly stopped. He turned to Karkat and said, with the same goofy smile on his face, “i know your card.”

“BUT…HOW?” Karkat asked, looking interested.

John smiled and said one word. “magic!”

“your card was the ace…” Karkat’s eyes were wide in anticipation of the coming wonder.

“…of…” John reached into the middle of the pile and grabbed one card.

“spades!” John pulled out the ace and laid it down in front of Karkat.

“WHOA,” Karkat said, “H-HOW DID YOU DO THAT?”

“i told you,” John said, winking, “magic.”

“NO, SERIOUSLY. HOW?”

“a good magician never reveals his secrets!” he said, shoving the deck into the box it came from and bowing in a silly way.

[PingZing]

@PingZing: And about TD, I don't really see the constant flirting between PS and TD (and let's not forget about PM here) as a serious emotional issue for either of them that's in desperate need of resolution so I don't think closure is something that's going to happen. I'll keep it in mind though.

Yeah, I figured as much. I'm just sort of weird, so don't worry about it.

Four Little Chords

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John/Rose

They sit in his living room and watch movie after movie. John camps there with popcorn and soda and candy like it really is a movie theatre and Rose sits prim beside him, her legs folded beneath herself and her knitting bag just to her left. He watches and she knits, her eyes mostly on the needlework, and at first he's afraid he's boring her. He glances over again and again to find her squinting at her purple yarn as butterflies assault his stomach lining. The seventh time Rose catches his eye and she smiles, leaning over to whisper into his ear, "Stop worrying, John. Watch your movie."

"Do you want me to put a different one on?"

She shakes her head, the knitting slack in her lap. "Our taste is not quite the same but I do like watching you enjoy yourself." She looks to the screen, mouthing a line that she knows by heart only because he's quoted it to her so many times.

John chuckles and settles back, letting himself fall into the movie again. When he laughs at a particularly cheesy line, tears in his eyes even though this must been his twentieth time watching this movie, Rose laughs right beside him, her eyes on him instead of the screen.

John/Dave

"Look. Dude. Everything isn't a movie," Dave says, shaking his head. "You're never gonna get it exactly right. It's just human nature to fuck it up at least half the time. Probably more than half in your case since you're such a dweeb, but don't freak out."

"C'mon, man, that's easy for you to say. You're the seismic epicenter of cool." John's eyes fall to his lap because he feels like the polar opposite of that at the moment. "Rose has almost as much coolness and I'm like, I don't know—"

"Rolling the negatives?"

John shoots him a frown. "I know I'm lame, Dave. Do you have to do that?"

Dave holds up his hands in concession. "Sorry. Look. Just—" He sighs and drops his hands into his pockets, stepping over to sit next to John on the railing. "You're not really that lame, it's just that she dwarfs everyone out with her big words and her frou frou attitude and shit. You're cooler than I give you credit for, John. You never really cared what anyone said about you until you started liking her. I don't know why that suddenly matters so much to you when that's part of what she likes about you in the first place."

"She likes that I'm a dweeb?"

Dave quirks his mouth into a little smirk. "I like that you're a dweeb. Can't have my best bro outcooling me all the time. It'd seriously rain on my ego."

John laughs and shoves him lightly, watching Dave recoil more than that push should have required. "I balance out your diet of coolness, right?"

"Totally."

"And how is that supposed to make me feel better about Rose?"

"Because she's my paradox sister, man, and I know how that spooky broad thinks. She totally digs the dweebiness, John. You could probably trip down a flight of stairs and land face down in the mud and she'd still want to be on your arm for a lame ass rom-com."

John muffles a laugh behind his hand and then throws his arm around Dave's shoulders. "Thanks, dude."

John/Jade

The basket of Squiddles falls on her head as she pushes open his door, the little plush dolls scattering everywhere as she stands there with wicker on her head and Tangle Buddies pairing up around her feet. For a long time she can't stop giggling with goofy glee. "Where did you get so many?!" she demands eventually, grinning and watching John snicker to himself from where he's sitting on his bed.

"They're not really that hard to get," he tells her once he catches his breath. "I ordered a bunch of used ones off eBay."

Jade rearranges the basket on her head so she can actually see out of both eyes, and then she scoops up a lone red Squiddle and flounces down next to John, flailing it's stubby tentacles at him. "You guys and your fancy reliable package delivery."

"I had to get them when I knew you were coming!" He'd only had a week to plan it, but twenty dollars is nothing compared to watching Jade laugh like that. "Rose just stands there when I prank her and Dave is always rambling on about handle flips and stuff. It's not as fun to prank someone when they don't enjoy it too."

"I know! They are such a bunch of boo heads aren't they?"

"Yes. Why do we put up with them?"

Jade just grins and sets the Squiddle on top of John's head to match the basket on her own, and after a second they both collapse into laughing fits again.

Rose/Jade

The sand on the beach is warm and beautiful and Rose steps through it barefoot, thinking of LOLAR. It's winter back home, a solid foot of snow piled up on her mother's sidewalks and driveway. Here on Jade's island the sun beats down warm and inviting and the surf laps at Rose's ankles. Her hand is balled in her dress to keep the hem out of the waves.

"Look at this one!" Jade yells, grinning as she pulls yet another seashell out of the water in a sparkle of scattered droplets. The shell is deep purple and spiral, the inside full of sand. "Wow, I haven't seen one of these before!"

The other girl is dressed in a green swimsuit and a straw hat, her hair sticking wet halfway down her back and her eyes shining. The bag over her shoulder is full of shells and they clink together as she lopes through the waves toward Rose.

Jade sidles up next to her, the shade of her hat falling over Rose's face as she presses in close. She holds the shell out to Rose and she takes it gently, surprised by how heavy it is. It sparkles like mother of pearl in the sunshine.

"It's beautiful," Rose whispers, her voice hushed in the lap of the waves. She looks over to Jade and smiles, and Jade smells like salt and the sea breeze. There are no complicated mind games with Jade and Rose loves her for that. "I need to thank you for graciously inviting me to spend the day out here, Jade."

"You seemed like you really needed it," she says, shrugging as if it's nothing. As if this place isn't heaven. "We never get to spend time together, either! There's always boys butting their noses into everything."

The both laugh because that's true. The past week has been long for Rose, full of schoolwork deadlines and shoveling snow and the constant nagging of her mother. Here though, standing next to Jade in the ocean breeze, Rose feels the tension ease out of her and she looks over to Jade and smiles. Nothing is expected of her out here but pleasant company and enjoying the sun. She holds the shell with the hand balled in her dress and loops her other arm around Jade's.

"Walk with me for a while?" Rose asks, because as sweet as it is watching Jade dart through the waves looking for shells, she enjoys the way Jade tells stories more.

Jade nods and steps out a bit into the warm surf, pulling Rose after her, and they walk down the beach talking quietly about shells and wizards and anything fantastic enough to make both of the giggle.

Dave/Jade

The credits are rolling through for the second time on the lunchtop when Dave finally wakes up. It's set on his floor, projecting the movie on repeat and he doesn't even remember how it ends. He must have fallen asleep before that. He's got a cramp in his side from the way he was laying but he barely even moves, barely lets himself breathe because Jade is curled up next to him, snoring softly into his pillow. She's warm and calm, wrapped in half of his comforter, and Dave knows he should probably turn off the projector but he's afraid of waking her up. She just looks so peaceful lying there like that, her eyes closed and every inch of her relaxed, her glasses folded up and held in the crook of one pinky finger.

He smiles. No one's around to see it so he lets himself, and it's not his classic coolkid smile either. It's a goofy, bubbly thing that would probably look more at home on John's face than Dave's.

He lifts her glasses carefully out of her hand and folds up his shades, setting them both at the far corner of the bed where they won't be disturbed, and then he closes his eyes and goes back to sleep.


Dave/Rose

"Hold still," she says, and Dave rolls his eyes and follows orders. She tugs his bowtie straight and rebuttons his jacket and stares at him judgmentally for a second before she steps back again.

"I know how to tie one of these goddamn things," he tells her, smirking a little. "It's not like I don't have mad practice with wearing badass suits and shit. I ran around LOHAC for weeks in these."

Rose regards him with bored eyes and looks back to the clock. "Yes, because simply switching between outfits with the aid of your ridiculous sylladex makes for excellent practice. You do understand that wearing the suit, people are going to expect you to handle yourself with the prestige and class it affords you?"

Dave shrugs, not caring. "Sorry I'm so chill right now. It's only right to be jealous of a dude this cool, Rose. I'd look like I just knocked back fifty Alka-Seltzers with a Coke and my stomach is about to explode up my esophagus if I had to walk out there with me, too. Actually, I wouldn't because I have practice with that shit, but still. Ain't gonna be a single eye on you with all this concentrated cool waltzing through the door."

Rose physically turns and gives him a glare that could wilt houseplants and Dave decides he really shouldn't press her like this right now. She's a ball of nerves and she has right to be. It's not every day your Mom gets married and you have to put up with your asshole paradox brother while you wait on pins and needles about it.

"Yeah, I'll shut up now," he tells her, stepping over to sit on the radiator beside her. The only reason he's here right now instead of John is John's fantastic ability to get sick at exactly the wrong time. Dave glances over at her, at the gorgeous purple dress that she fills out perfectly. Her hands are clasped white with nerves in her lap and no one's around to see, so he sets a hand on top of hers and squeezes.

Rose's expression warps into dull surprise. "Are you comforting me, Strider?"

"You complaining?"

"Not especially. I'm simply surprised by your ability to show any form of empathy at all." It sounds like a snipe but her mouth quirks into a smile, and she meets his eyes behind his shades. "Thank you."

Dave smiles back. "Chill. It'll go off without a hitch, just you watch."

Bonus Features:

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John/Rose - first kiss

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She kisses him with soft lips and John has no idea what to do. It's like all the blood in his body is suddenly in his face his cheeks are so red, and how has Rose not noticed that yet? How is she not laughing at him? Yeah, her eyes are closed, her lips warm as she presses them to his own paralyzed ones, but still. He is really messing this up here and he needs to do something. Anything. He rests his hands on her back, stiff and pathetic, and he thinks of every movie he's ever watched as he tries to kiss her back.

She smiles when she pulls away, not disappointed at all, and John's heart skips a beat at how happy she looks.

Dave/Rose - Calsprite timeline

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We need to meet, she'd told him, and he'd agreed, yeah, but now he's got this is stupid this is stupid this is stupid repeating itself in his head like a metronome. What's the point? What's the fucking point when they can chat across worlds and they're as good as dead anyway?

He looks like shit. He knows he does. He tripped somewhere in LOWAS and fell down a hill into a reeking oily river, and now his black suit swirls with purple and green oil stains. He's got a bruise on his jaw and his hands are scraped bloody and hurting, his hair stinking of petrochemicals, and he hates pretty much everything at this point because this was John's world and it's totally empty now.

John's dead and he's in his world and it feels like the ultimate betrayal that Dave hasn't gone back to save him yet.

Rose said she'd meet him at one of the salamander villages. He sees it up ahead, and he's so damn tired of running timeloops right now that he doesn't even give a shit if she sees him like this. He stalks into the village with his sword in hand, eyes flicking everywhere because there are extra imps in the dead worlds. In LOWAS. Dave guesses that with no Heir to cull the herds they're just multiplying out of control.

He expects her to materialize out of the shadows with some snark on her tongue. Interesting fashion choice, Strider. Did you not have time to change? Always with the time jokes and it pisses him off so much at this point because he could spin back right now and save John and end this pointless shit, but she wants him to stay. Prolong it as long as possible. Actually face the fact that John's dead and this is his world and it's fucking empty and why did she ask him to come here—

"Dave," she says, and she's behind him.

He whirls, angry only because his heart is breaking into goddamn endless pieces being here. He wants to scream at her, shake her and tell her what a bitch she is for asking him to come here, but then he notices that she's crying, trembling and choking back sobs, and he steps over the distance between them without even thinking and throws his arms around her.

She sobs into his shoulder, black tar on her face, and Dave cries silently as his iShades fog up.

Davesprite/Rose

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TG: hey look i know youre busy
TG: just
TG: shit
TG: you got a minute
TT: I believe I can set aside more than simply one minute.
TT: Is there something you need to tell me?
TG: yeah i guess
TG: its not like essential game crap or anything
TG: i can vomit up some stuff if you need special insider trading specs
TG: long as you promise not to go on holding cupcake baking lessons and poncho knitting when they throw you in the slammer for it
TT: At this point, my sources are a bit more knowledgeable about what I'm planning than a simple sprite would be.
TT: So I trust I'm set as far as that is concerned.
TT: If you would like a poncho you will have to wait, however. I appear to be in an absence of orange yarn at the moment.
TG: damn
TG: flying around like crow clint eastwood wouldve been pretty cool
TT: Indeed.
TT: I presume you had more than desultory arguments in mind when you contacted me, though, Strider.
TT: What's up?
TG: yeah
TG: its
TG: ...
TG: i think im finished
TT: As you're not generally so inarticulate, I'm assuming this is a relatively heavy topic and not your usual tomfoolery?
TT: I suppose I'll set the scathing banter aside as well.
TG: thanks
TT: What do you mean by finished?
TG: i mean i think the doomed timeline shit is catching up to me
TG: dunno how i know but i can sort of feel it
TG: end looming somewhere on the horizon sword dangling over my head ready to crash down
TG: im cruising around here
TG: not waiting for it just looking for bro and stuff
TG: still i can feel it
TG: figured id say goodbye while i still got the chance
TG: i know you dont really remember but humor me okay
TG: you were all i had for a couple months back there and i gotta say it to someone
TG: i just figure itll break you the least and youll get that alpha me doesnt necessarily feel the same way
TT: I'm not entirely sure what to say, Dave.
TT: I do remember certain things, probably quite a lot more than you assume I do.
TT: And that portion of myself has acquiesced with her doomed nature, so I've been drawing on that a bit.
TT: Still,
TT: Are you afraid? You sound like you might be.
TG: a little i guess
TG: this is like your dream come true lalonde im gonna lay it out straight for you
TT: Oh my. I'm waiting with notebook in hand.
TG: i know its been coming so im more or less okay
TG: which is kinda fucked up in its own sense but
TG: i guess what spooks me is that no ones gonna remember me with alpha dave still in the loop
TT: I may only have dream memories of our time together, but I will remember you.
TT: I promise.
TG: yeah
TG: pour out a 40 for me or something so i go down like a true rap superstar
TG: crocodiles pause at that crosswalk and think
TG: damn someone ace went down here lemme take a moment to consider this heavy shit
TT: I will make it a priority to alchemize one as soon as possible.
TG: awesome
TG: hey promise me one more thing
TT: What would that be?
TG: dont just throw yourself away okay
TG: i know you think it doesnt matter but it does
TG: and youre worth more than that anyway
TG: youre a pretty stellar chick rose and you deserve more than a fucking kamikaze mission
TT: Dave,
TT: Congratulations, you have rendered me relatively speechless.
TG: score
TG: means youll take it to heart
TG: i think i see something up ahead gonna go check it out
TG: good luck on your mission
TT: You too, Dave.
TG: later

Dave/Dave

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His red-sleeved self stalks out of the distance with his hands in his pockets, the air swimming with LOHAC's heat all around him. Dave's used to just ignoring his time-twins but this one is walking directly toward him and he's in the one outfit Dave doesn't currently have. He's from the future, so he might as well listen to what he has to say. He expects coolkid nods and gestures and words muttered half-coherently because this time shit is stupid and neither of them really cares. What he doesn't expect is for the guy to walk straight up to him, grab him by the red lapels, and kiss him full on.

Holy fuck, what the hell is happening? There is tongue in this kiss and how did his own mouth get open in the first place, oh god?

He shoves the other Dave back, recoiling in the least cool fashion with his voice wavering as he spits, "What the hell, dude?"

Red-sleeves frowns in the same way Dave always does when he rolls his eyes. "Chill. I need the goddamn practice and you're helping me out here."

"You need fucking kissing practice? Are you kidding me?"

He steps closer again and Dave backs up. "Yeah, kissing practice. Get with the program, man. It's not like you don't know exactly who I'm talking about, so buck up. Let's get our ironic makeout on."

He wants to complain and tell him to find some other Dave's throat to stick his tongue down, but he knows that he wouldn't be here now if this wasn't exactly how the fucking timeloop happens. He is hedged into this shit, goddamn it. So he sighs and he can't believe he's doing this, but he closes the distance between them and looks himself full in the face, eyebrow raised.

"This better be fucking worth it," he mutters.

Red-sleeves laughs, nods and says, "It totally is, dude," in a weird lovesick way that sounds utterly out of place in his own voice. And when he kisses him again Dave closes his eyes and imagines he's making out with the person this slick bastard obviously needs the practice for.

Eeeee, awesome. Bad Future Dave/Rose followed by Davesprite/Rose was...well, I just had something in my eye, okay?
(Dave/Dave was hilarious and awkward)

RESET

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> Dave: Run

You already are running as fast as you can!

You sprint down the winding alleys of the city's slums with the ease that comes with having made one too many escapes through this area before. You can hear your pursuers behind you, panting as they deperately try to keep up with a quarry that has the dual benefits of youth and not being a lardass. One of them stumbles into a garbage can, upending the receptacle and joining it on the pavement in what you're sure was a spectacular fall. Oh well, no time to look back and gloat. Gotta keep running.

Rounding yet another blind corner, you leap upwards and catch the dangling ladder of a fire escape. Grinning, you pull yourself up and onto the rickety scaffolding--you take a moment to catch your breath before sprinting up the cast-iron stairs and pulling yourself up onto the roof. You peer over the parapet and watch as your idiot pursuers huff and puff past your hiding spot like some sort of retarded steam engine. Another close call, but nothing you couldn't handle. It's been ages since you played that damn game, but gog dammit you've still got it.

Bro would be proud.

That thought has a sobering effect on your previously smug demeanor. You still miss him, even after all this time. You flop onto your back and stare at the stars. The twin moons reflect in the lenses of your ever-present sunglasses, turning one lens green and the other pink. You enjoy the night sky for a while--it is so unlike the starscape you grew up with, you don't think you'll ever get used to it. A small light begins to blink in the corner of your right eye. It takes you a second to realize it's not some distant spaceship orbiting the planet, but rather an alert from your battered old iShades.

Oh shit, looks like someone's trying to contact you.

> Dave: Answer

Oh no. Just because your moirail is trying to contact you doesn't mean you want to deal with their shit right now. You swear to gog, if you have to listen to them right now, you will do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the...

> Dave: ANSWER GOGDAMMIT

Jegus he's persistent.

crimsonGuerilla [CG] contacted trenchantGallant [TG] at 0216

CG: STRIDER YOU INSUFFERABLE COOLDOUCHE, GET YOURSELF AND YOUR STUPID CURLY HORNS OFF THAT FUCKING ROOF RIGHT NOW.
CG: OR ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LAY THERE AND GIVE THE BOTH OF US AWAY TO A FUCKING SPY SATELLITE?
CG: GODDAMMIT STRIDER ANSWER ME. WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU TO FROLIC AROUND ON THE ROOFTOPS LIKE YOU'RE EQUIUS AT A FUCKING MUSCLEBEAST RANCH
CG: STRIIIIIIIDEEERRRRRR
TG: can it, vantas
TG: and dont insult my horns
TG: they happen to be awesome unlike the nubby pieces of shit that a certain someone tries to pass off as horns
CG: FUCK YOU STRIDER. THEY JUST HAVEN'T DEVELOPED YET.
TG: sure karkat
TG: youre what ten sweeps now
TG: im sure theyll start growing any day now
CG: AS THE LEADER OF THIS LITTLE INSURRECTION I HAVE SOME NEW ORDERS FOR YOU, STRIDER.
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP ARE YOUR ORDERS.
TG: as you command sire
CG: UGH, I'M JUST GOING TO IGNORE THAT AND ASK YOU AGAIN: WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD'S GRUBSAUCE-STAINED WIFEBEATER ARE YOU SITTING ON THAT ROOF?
CG: ARE YOU HOPING FOR THE IMPERIAL LEGIONS TO FIND US? IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE GOING FOR, DAVE?
TG: ill have you know im drawing ironic art of buckets
CG: FUCK YOU.
CG: FUCK YOU FOR PUTTING THAT IMAGE IN MY HEAD.
TG: man you know you like it
TG: ive seen you saving up your caegars
TG: gonna buy yourself a giant bucket and sit in it with jade
CG: STRIDER, TELL ME SOMETHING.
CG: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING AND HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE REALIZATION THAT YOU ARE THE MOST HORRIBLE FREAK THAT MOTHER NATURE HAS MANAGED TO VOMIT OUT OF HER LEAFY, DECAYING PROTEIN CHUTE?
CG: DO YOU ENJOY KNOWING THAT YOUR CONTINUED EXISTENCE IS SUCH A MONUMENTAL FUCK UP THAT ANY SANE PERSON WOULD PUT YOU OUT OF YOUR MISERY ON SIGHT?
CG: HOW DOES IT FEEL, COOLKID?
TG: why dont you ask your own hideous mutant self, vantas
TG: you think i enjoy this
TG: do you think that when i started that goddamned piece of shit game i envisioned my life would end up like this
TG: DO YOU VANTAS
TG: my bro is dead
TG: the game brought back your entire fucking planet and your entire goddamn civilization
TG: but it couldnt bring back our parents and it couldnt bring back earth
TG: and it turned us into trolls and stuck me with this...
TG: this...mutant blood
TG: and you ask me if im enjoying myself
TG: well you can go fuck yourself
CG: ...
CG: DAVE
CG: I'M SORRY DAVE. THAT WAS OUT OF LINE.
CG: YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE, DAVE. I'M STUCK RIGHT HERE IN THIS HORRIBLE INTERGALACTIC CLUSTERFUCK WITH YOU.
CG: I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.
CG: BUT NOW I'M NOT ALONE.
CG: I'M SORRY I BLEW UP AT YOU.
TG: ...
CG: JEGUS DAVE, I'M PROSTRATING MYSELF AT YOUR FUCKING FEET HERE.
CG: I AM COVERING MYSELF IN STINGING TUNNELING INSECTS AND DOING A LITTLE SOFTSHOE NUMBER CALLED "I AM SUCH AN ASS".
TG: dont strain yourself karkat
TG: its alright
TG: how many times have we gone through this
CG: TOO MANY
TG: yeah
TG: its cool though
TG: dont worry about it
TG: i would have walked out of this sweeps ago if it was a big deal
CG: TRUE.
CG: THANKS FOR STICKING AROUND, I GUESS.
TG: cmon vantas dont get all sappy on me
TG: im heading down

trenchantGallant [TG] terminated contact with crimsonGuerilla [CG] at 0230

> Dave: Descend

As you open the hatch in the roof and head down towards the basement and the concealed tunnel network, you ponder your unlikely moiralliegance with one Karkat Vantas.

Certainly neither of you saw it coming. At first you detested each other--hell, to an outsider, it looks like you still do. But after the Change, you found yourselves unceremoniously dumped into the same non-bucket receptacle. You found yourself cursed with the same mutant blood that had haunted Karkat for so long. This wouldn't have been a problem if you had found yourselves on Earth.

But you didn't.

Anyway, your stoic demeanor kinda acts like a sponge for his incoherent fits of uncontrolled rage. You take everything he throws at you, and that sort of defuses the situation. Over the sweeps this has calmed him down considerably, but certain topics (notably a certain green-blooded troll girl) still set him off, as he demonstrated earlier. In turn, he has slowly eroded your carefully constructed facade of irony and apathy until you are almost able to express your emotions like a normal hum...er, I mean, troll.
You guess that the Change, besides shoehorning you into troll bodies, also gave you the capability to fit into the quadrant system, because after a while the two of you discovered that you were waxing pale towards each other. You've been inseperable moirails ever since.

Also there's the fact that you keep saving each other's lives.

I like this! It's an unusual and bleak twist on the usual "things return to some semblance of normal post-Sburb". Dave felt a tiny bit too emotional, but I'm willing to put that down to passage of time and hard living/etc.

Crossing Over: Chapter 13

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Rose screwed her face up in concentration as she attempted to further probe the minds of the horrorterrors. For reasons even she could call nothing short of miraculous, they had failed to detect the collapse of four dream bubbles, as well as the release of nine captive souls.

But there would be no way to disguise the kidnapping of their princess. If the destruction of the first four bubbles could be likened to daring covert raids on distant outposts, the assault on Feferi's dream bubble would be akin to storming the capital. As the adopted daughter of Gl'bgolyb, Emissary to Alternia and Speaker of the Vast Glub, Feferi alone was under the personal watch and guard of the horrorterrors, and kept happy by being led to believe that her friends were doing well in the afterlife.

Why would they keep Feferi placated like this, instead of undergoing the same endless turmoil the other dead trolls experienced? Rose couldn't be sure. She just knew the horrorterrors couldn't possibly be up to any good if they were keeping such a close eye on Feferi.

Rose took a deep breath. With the aid of Sollux and Eridan, Vriska, Aradia and Dave had rescued nine of the ten trolls being held prisoner in the dreamscape, and they were quickly approaching Feferi's dream bubble to begin the attack. One horrorterror was no match for a God Tier player, let alone three of them, and Eridan's white science and Sollux's psionics would give them a remarkable edge in combat. Being a member of the God Tiers afforded protection against the sanity-damaging effects of simply beholding them, and bubble dreamers were totally immune to that particular effect by their very nature. But one problem remained: even the five of them working in tandem could not hope to defeat a swarm of hundreds, if not thousands, of the unnatural beasts. And this is where she came in.

The old ones would not like this, to say the least, and breaking communion manually would not be easy, to further understate the situation. But if her comrades were to have any hope of coming out of this alive, an equalizer would need to be put into play, and she had one hell of an ace up her sleeve, ready for deployment.

Finding her had been a lot of trouble, and convincing her of the merit of the plan was no easy feat, either, until Rose had informed her of what was at stake. Her eyes went wide and she broke into a huge grin when Rose had told her the plan was to cheat death itself, and the end result of bringing everyone back to the world of the living sealed the deal.

"I'm ready to establish the link. Are you prepared?"
"yes!!! lets do this!"
"Okay. Concentrate on me and let him surface, and I'll do the rest. This should, as Dave would put it, 'totally blow their minds.'"
"hehehehehehehehe! woof"

Jadesprite closed her eyes and let Bec's personality take the forefront. It was impossible, even fused with him and with the enhanced knowledge capacity of a sprite, to understand Bec's thought patterns. But this was what she and Rose counted on. A smirk played across Rose's face as she established the double psychic feedback loop and began broadcasting it to the minds of every gibbering monstrosity in the outer rim.

The horrorterrors were ancient, existing beyond time and beyond reality. Thus, there were many unfavorable situations for which they had contingency plans.

Being forcibly plugged into the indecipherable mind of a First Guardian, however, was not one of them.

-----

"the fuck ii2 that?" Sollux muttered, almost under his breath.
"s0llux? whats happening?"
"ii dont know, 2omethiing2 not riight... oh... oh fuck..."
"sol? you okay?"
"ii can mo2tly block iit out but... god iit'2 liike the p2ychiic equiivalent of 2omeone 2creamiing iin my goddamn ear."
"It doesn't seem the horrorterrors like it too much either! Looooooook!"

The formerly active guardians swarming around Feferi's dream bubble began to writhe in place. Rather than traversing the perimeter, they were rooted to the spot, stunned by Rose's feedback loop. She hadn't taken into account the fact that Sollux was particularly sensitive to such an assault, however. Dave tapped Sollux's shoulder.

"listen man, we could use you if theres gonna be a big struggle here. ive seen you fight and those wicked eye beams would be all kinds of useful here. but if this shit starts getting to you and you gotta tag out, let me know and youll be in a crystal so fucking safe, shits like fort knox. got it bro?"
"alriight. ii would like two 2ee ff before iit come2 two that, though."
"gotcha."

They approached the final dream bubble and were met with little resistance; the psychic interference made for an excellent diversion. The few horrorterrors remaining who could stand to ignore it long enough to defend the bubble were quickly slain by volleys of white lightning, bicolored mind blasts, and rends in time itself. Dave reached the surface of the bubble and cut an opening into it with Caladscratch. All of the group entered quickly, save Eridan.

"listen, uh, davve, wwas it? im not sure if i oughta be goin in here."
"why not?"
"on account of me kinda bein the one responsible for her bein here."
"oh right id forgotten you kind of went jekyll and hyde and killed some people."
Eridan frowned at him. "come on man ivve been a good help durin this operation, havvent i?"
He had to admit, without Eridan, this would have taken forever. He, Aradia and Vriska had searched so many dream bubbles that turned out to be duds before meeting up with him. "okay yeah i guess wed still be fumbling around in empty bubbles if we hadnt run into you. but are you sure you wanna wait out here with these tentacled jackasses? shits like a japanese schoolgirls worst nightmare out here."
"im kinda scared fef wwont go wwith us if she knowws im here. an i dont her to get left behind, if anyone oughta stay here forevver its me. i mean geez im just about the wworst guy evver, no wwonder she didnt wwant nothin to do wwith me--"
Dave stopped him before he could wallow too deeply in self-pity. "okay just stick around here so we can find you, ive got no plans to come back to this place after were done here and ill be damned if i leave anyone behind. see you soon."

Dave entered the opening of the dream bubble and it resealed itself behind him. Eridan drew and charged his wand, just in case.

-----

SEEr Of LighT. wHy haVe You dOne thiS tHing.
"I assure you, I've no idea what you mean. I am as perlexed as you are."
DO NoT pLay cOy With Us.
"Whatever it was, it hurt me just as much as it did you."
YOUr LiEs arE tRansPaRent. And youR wOrds emPty.
"I--"
YOUr DeCeptIoN wilL bE the End of yOu.
"No, please, I--- aaaghh!"
FALl InTo etErNity.

-----

"Sollux! I'm SO glad to S-EA you!" Feferi giggled as she gave him a big hug.
"iit's... actually good two see you agaiin two, ff."

Aradia smiled in approval at the couple. Long ago, she thought she and Sollux would become matesprits, and she had to admit to herself that she wondered what could have been had Vriska not taken control of his mind and used his psychic abilities to kill her. But Aradia was actually glad Sollux had been able to move on. She did not want him to be unhappy on her account, and in any case, she had her own relationship with Equius to consider, once the dust had settled.

"I )(eard you )(ad died but we couldn't find you for so long. But I didn't know Vriska and Aradia were )(ere too. And.. is that one of TH-E )(UMANS? I'm sorry you all DI-ED but I'm -----EXCIT---ED to sea you all again, glub!"
"actually ff, only ii'm dead. vrii2ka, aa and dave are 2tiill aliive."
"O)(, t)(ey're DR-EAMING, t)(en, glub? T)(at's reely a bit of a relief!"
"Feferi, we're awake and standing here, right 8y you, in the flesh."
"So you came to visit? T)(at's WOND--ERFUL, glub! It must )(ave been QUIT-----E a trip!"
"actually no, we came to bust you out of here."
"I... w)(at? W)(y would I want to leave? It's so NIC-E )(ere."
"the h0rr0rterr0rs have been lying t0 y0u. this w0rld, and the images 0f y0ur friends, are all fabricati0ns meant t0 f00l y0u int0 c0mplacency."
Feferi stared at Aradia in disbelief. "No... you're lying! T)(ey wouldn't do that to me! I know t)(ey're big and they look fishous but t)(ey aren't bad!"

Dave nodded to Aradia as he scratched one of the timetables and she winded a music box, creating windows into time around the group. "i didnt want to show you because its seriously some fucked up shit. but if arent going to believe us then i guess its gotta be horror theater all up ins."

Feferi watched in stunned silence. On one viewport, Karkat was impaled with Kanaya's chainsaw as she wept over what she had become. On another, Nepeta, enraged with grief over the death of Equius, was struck down by a mad Gamzee, and had just enough time to crawl to her moirail's body before the killing blow came. On still another, Tavros underwent constant psychological terror as his friend tried in vain to move him to an act of mercy.

As the viewpoints disappeared, one after another, Feferi was silent for a few moments before she could speak.
")(ow..." CRACK.
"ff..."
")(ow could t)(ey?" CRACK.
"feferi?"
")(OW COULD T)(---------------EY?!" The echo of the bubble collapsing boomed as it shattered like so much glass.

Her culling fork was already in her hand when she spotted a horrorterror nearby. She pointed the weapon it and demanded, "W)(Y?"
PRInCeSs. yoU hAve aWoKen.
"T---ELL M---E rig)(t t)(e glub NOW W)(Y you did t)(is to my FRI-----ENDS!"

Dave listened to Feferi argue with the abomination for a short while before the realization hit him. "fuck guys, weve gotta get the hell out of here."
Vriska shot him a confused look. "Why?"
"whatever was keepiing them from attackiing us has stopped. our cover iis blown now, two."

Whatever conversation Feferi held with the old one was cut short when Sollux fried it with a psionic blast.

"SOLLUX! W)(AT TH---E GLUB!"
"sorry ff, but we've got two get the fuck out of here, iimmediiately."
"Not until you ---EXPLAIN just w)(at's going on )(ere!"

The four of them explained the plan to her. How the attempt of crossing over resulted in Sollux dying due to dimensional incompatibility. How Rose had headed a plan by the humans to bring the trolls into the human session safely. How Vriska and Aradia could survive in the human session thanks to their ascensions, but the plan would require the deaths of the others. How the three of them had found Sollux wandering the dreamscape, and how they had already rescued all the others and would deliver them to their new bodies with the crystal orbs, and how it was now simply a matter of escaping before the horrorterrors could enact their revenge.

"You managed to rescue ----EV---ERYON--E?! ...even -----ERIDAN?"
"yes! we actually f0und him with s0llux sh0rtly after we arrived... wait. where is he?"
Dave slapped his forehead. "oh this is just great. just superb. he didnt follow us into her bubble because he didnt have the stones to face the music. i told him to park his ass right here but i guess he got himself captured. just great, were gonna have a hell of a time finding him."

Almost in response, a blast of white energy rang out from behind an empty dreambubble, not too far from their current location.

"welp. i stand corrected."

-----

His rescuers had not been in Feferi's bubble long when whatever prevented them from attacking had simply ceased. Eridan's gaze shifted from position to position to find many thousands of eyes staring back at him. He readied his wand.

He thought to himself. i aint gotta kill em all, just gotta buy enough time for them to get fef outta her bubble.

The nearest beast attacked first, attempting to spear him with a multitude of bone spikes. Eridan swiftly dodged the assault and blasted it with a white science bolt in retaliation. He flew away to put some distance between himself and his attackers, but as he rounded the curve of the dreambubble he was met with another group of old ones. Dealing with this surprise was not difficult, but it ate precious time needed to make his escape.

He narrowly dodged a group of tentacles in another attempt to ensnare him, only to take a direct hit from another. The wand fired lightning in all directions as Eridan attempted to destroy whatever was binding him, but found no target.

YOU wIlL pay FoR youR iNsolEnce, reBeL.
"you overgrowwn cuttlefish dont fuckin scare me!" He had never lied so hard or so obviously in his life. "do your wworst, i cant fuckin die, remember?"
THErE aRe faTeS worSe Than Death.
"i kicked your dreambubbles ass once before, ill fuckin do it again!"
WE WiLl Not mAkE the SaMe miStake tWiCe. fall Into EtErniTy.

It was a thousandfold assault on Eridan's mind. The closest possible analogue would be to say that Eridan, at that moment and in each subsequent second, relived every negative emotion he'd ever had in his life. Feferi's rejection of him, his loneliness in the Land of Wrath and Angels, the sensation of the Regisickle being shoved through his gut, the immense regret he experienced upon finding out what Sgrub's afterlife was like (and the part he played in sending his comrades there), all these and more played and replayed in his mind. If Eridan had known about the Earth superhero Ghost Rider, he might have compared falling into eternity to the Penance Stare, but he'd never heard of Ghost Rider, and even if he had he was far too busy reliving his own personal hell to make the comparison anyway.

Ages seemed to pass as the endless repetition of events played over and over again in his mind.

The first time he heard the noise, he was not convinced he'd heard anything at all.

When he heard it again, a lifetime later, it caught his attention for only a moment.

The third time he heard it, he strained his ears to hear the sound.

On its fourth repeat, sweeps into the future, he was certain it was meant for him.

Its fifth iteration rang loud and clear, enough to break the grip the horrorterrors held on his mind.

"------ERIDAN!"

-----

Parry left, dodge back, mind the tentacle. Threefold attack with future selves. Rewind. Dodge the teeth, stab the eye. Pull out the blade, run it along the length of the creature's carapace. Freeze the one about to hit past self, just long enough for him to duck the assault. Join with past and future selves for the triple-team. Rewind. Hand the Snowcone Sword to the future self so he can defend himself long enough to pull his Caladscratch out of one of the beast's heads. Jab out another eye, jump the tentacle, flay it lengthwise to the base and take out several more. Catch the Snowcone Sword, reallocate. Gang up on the creature's last remaining face with the past selves. Rewind. Thrust Caladscratch directly into the left head's brain... fuck, it's stuck in there. Past self gives up his Snowcone Sword; dual wield it and your own to counter the incoming bone spike barrage. Throw the past Snowcone Sword back to its owner. Pull Caladscratch out in a moment of calm during the assault, then step back and admire your fucking handiwork as your past selves team up to land the finishing blow and step back in time to eventually become you.

Taking these jackasses out with a melee weapon takes forever, even WITH god-level time powers.

WHY dO yOu opPoSe us, KnIght Of time?
"i dont know, i guess because existing is a pretty rad thing and ive kinda gotten attached to it."

-----

Vriska found out the hard way that abstract concepts such as luck mattered little when it came to dealing with building-sized ancient unspeakable gibbering monsters. Attempting to steal the luck of the old ones proved futile, and the fact that her weapon of choice, the Flourite Octet, was not particularly suited to the environment (because dream space has no solid surfaces for the dice to actually make contact with and roll on) only compounded her frustration at being useless. She was usually the best at combat, the best! But here, her every advantage had been stripped away and made her dead weight to the rest of the team.

What good was the octet against these unnatural beasts if she couldn't use it? She threw the dice away in disgust... and eight Aradias appeared from out of time to catch them.

"six!"
"f0ur!"
"eight!"
"five!"
"six!"
"seven!"
"tw0!"
"eight!"

The results of the roll manifested themselves favorably on the battlefield. [SHEET LIGHTNING]. Three of the horrorterrors were killed instantly, another was badly wounded.

Vriska stared as seven Aradias folded back into time to become their future selves.

"i t0ld y0u, we have t0 w0rk t0gether if we want t0 win this 0ne!"

-----

Out of everyone else in the group, despite not being God Tier, and technically dead, Sollux had the easiest time cutting a path through the monstrosities. The horrorterrors were unable to rob him of his psionics, and his death had finally given him mastery over his powers, subverting the need for mind honey. In short, these factors combined gave him a powerful ranged attack that the beasts simply could not handle.

Unfortunately for Sollux, not all horrorterrors were created equal, as he discovered when the one holding Eridan hostage materialized in front of him. Indeed, a hierarchy existed. By far the most numerous were Lesser Horrorterrors, whose forms and abilities varied wildly, but all of them ranged in size from as small as a bus to as large as a five-story building. Massive as they were to the players, they were no match in a one-on-one fight against those who had ascended to the God Tiers, or against one with such powerful psychic abilities, and Lesser Horrorterrors had been what the group slaughtered en masse even now.

The same could not be said of the Greater Horrorterrors, one of which stared Sollux in the face, holding Eridan. If the Lesser ones were already immense, Greater Horrorterrors were gargantuan; Sollux could see this particular one dwarfed cities.

Feferi sped toward the gigantic beast. "---ERIDAN!"
"ff? ii---"
"NO ON-E G-ETS L-EFT B-E)(IND, SOLLUX! NO ON------------E!"

As Sollux readied himself to join Feferi, the Greater Horrorterror opened one of its seven beaked mouths and issued forth a piercing cry. Immediately Sollux covered his ears in pain. "fuck fuck fuck make iit stop make iit stop MAKE IIT STOP MAKE IIT STOP MAKE IIT STOP"

The psychic scream was heard by all, though none were affected as negatively as Sollux. Dave wheeled around, saw him clutching his temples, palmed a crystal ball, and let it fly toward Sollux. The orb collided with him and he disappeared as the sphere began to shine with a yellow light.

As he reclaimed Sollux's crystal, Dave realized what he had just done, completely without irony, and realized that if John were here, he'd never hear the end of it.

-----

Feferi stood, culling fork in hand, before the Greater Horrorterror. Behind her were Aradia, Vriska and Dave, weapons at the ready. If anyone could negotiate with the Horrorterrors, it would be their princess, but the unmistakable feeling of impending violence lingered in the back of Dave's mind.

After a brief silence, Feferi finally spoke, calling out to the other aquatic troll.

"---ERIDAN!"
HE CaNnNot hEaR you, PrInceSs.
"R-EL-EAS-E )(IM at ONC---E!"
WE ArE aFraiD tHat iS iMposSible.
Feferi's eyes began to glow white with some kind of power. "----ERIDAN!"
HE WaS rEspoNsIble FoR youR death. WhY do you Care FoR him.
")(-E was my FRI--END! ---ERIDAN, WAK-E UP!"
HE Is InSignIfIcanT. rEturN to youR dReam.
The 2x3dent shined with the same light as Feferi's eyes. "I will not! ------ERIDAN!"

A flash of white light, and silence.

-----

"You will not break me. Assault my mind a thousand times, and a thousand times I will resist!"
WE HaVe All tHe Time We RequIre. you WiLl submIt.
"Your princess has escaped. Your downfall is inevitable, and we will succeed."
PREpOsTuroUs. Even So, It maTters lItTle.
"You know I know better than that. She was the cornerstone of your plans, and now that her bubble has collapsed and she has seen the truth, your plot is falling around you like a house of cards."
BUT hOw. How cOuLd yoU hAve kNown.
"I am the Seer of Light. Do you seriously believe I would have continued with the plan if we had no chance of success? Your lies deceived me once. They shall not do so again."
YOUr EfFortS wEre vAlIant, But futIlE. submiT.
"Oh? I believe I have stalled long enough. My allies were able to rescue the ones you held captive, Feferi Peixes is furious and will no longer remain with you, and now her latent power, the power you GAVE her, I might add, is about to surface."
WHAt ArE you SaYing, SeEr.
"It's simple. The communion ruse was... a distaction. We HAVE the trolls."

A wave of psychic energy severed the connection and Rose's eyes shot open back on LOLAR. Feferi's fury had awoken just in time, just as planned. Jadesprite looked at her, worried.

"rose!!!! are you okay??? did it work?"
"I think so. Once they managed to open Feferi's eyes to the situation, it was only a matter of time."
"sorry i couldnt keep the link to becs mind open."
"It's fine. Actually, you managed to keep it going far longer than I would have expected for someone with no experience in dealing with the horrorterrors. Now, I've got one last thing which requires your assistance. I believe you're well aware of what it is."
"hehehehehe! with pleasure!"

Rose removed the Thorns of Oglogoth from her strife specibus using the telekinetic powers of the Needlewands. Even so much as touching the dark artifacts could allow the horrorterrors to ensnare her mind again.

"Are you ready?"
"yes! pull!"

A burst of energy from the Needlewands sent the Thorns flying into the distance. Jadesprite pointed at them and fired a bolt of Green Sun energy, disintegrating them instantly.

"It's a significant power-down, but... the temptation would be too great. It's for the best."

-----

"Wh8t the hell just happened????????"
"hell if i know."
"im n0t sure, either."

Once everything stopped glowing white, the group found themselves still in the void of dream space, but the horrorterrors where nowhere to be found.

"I'm... not s)(ore w)(at I just did, eit)(er."
A voice behind them stirred. "fef?"
Feferi turned to face him. "---Eridan? Are you okay?"
"i think so, but... wwhy do you care? you should hate me right noww, evveryone else does."
"Y-ES, you krilled me, -Eridan. But... I t)(ink I forgive you."
"youre... youre pullin one ovver on me, i knoww it."
"BLU)(, let's just get the s)(ell out of )(ere, I'll talk to you about it LAT-ER."

Vriska offered the last two crystal spheres to them. Eridan and Feferi touched the orbs and disappeared, the crystals burning with two distinct shades of purple lights.

-----

Dave was the first to arrive at John and Jade's ectobiology lab.

"sup egbert, hows progress?"

John turned to Dave, wearing those goofy-ass glasses Jade used when she wanted to spy on people.

"hey! good to see you made it back in one piece, time knight. or should i say... pokemon master!"

God. Damnit.

I don't think I've commented on this yet, but I've been reading and enjoying every chapter so far. Jadesprite being the ace in the hole was a hilarious little touch, and the final line was totally expected and just as funny for it. Looking forward to the rest.

[Rimbaum]

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm posting this completely off-topic fluff...

Hi FF board! Here’s my attempt at KK/John. It started out as fluff, but I can’t write fluff at all. Sorta pale, I guess, and unrequited black from KK’s side, but not sure what sick and messed up quadrant these two fit into. Kinda working on some Psycho!Gamzee/Tavros angst, and I severely crave this. If it has been done, can you direct me to some? Anyway,

Card Trick

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“hey, karkat! wanna see a magic trick?”

Karkat groaned in irritation and turned toward John, who sat on his weird…sleeping device…thing. It wasn’t a recuperacoon, and there was no slime. Humans sure are weird! Anyway, John sat on…whatever you call it, shuffling through some strange earth cards.

“JOHN, I AM FRIENDS WITH SEVERAL WITCHES, A SYLPH, A MAGE, AND MANY OTHER PROFESSIONAL MAGIC USERS. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I CARE ABOUT YOUR AMATEURISH MAGICAL POWERS?”

John giggled and said, “oh, that’s right,” causing Karkat to rage-blush ever so slightly and glance toward the ground, “but it’s not real magic. the thing is, normal humans don’t have real magic, so they make up things that they pretend are magic to trick people.”

Karkat forced the blush off of his face and rolled his eyes. “THAT SOUNDS STUTID AND COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE,” he said in a low growl, “WHICH I GUESS JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT HUMANS WOULD BE THE ONES TO COME UP WITH IT.”

“no, i’m just not explaining it good,” John said in frustration, “just watch the trick!”

“NO. IT SOUNDS STUPID,” Karkat said, and that was the truth. Why would anybody want to watch someone use fake magic with the knowledge that it was fake, especially with a real magician around the corner?

“bluh bluh!” said John in irritation, sticking out his tongue and shuffling through the cards absentmindedly. Karkat, in spite of himself, found himself fixated on the steady movement of his hands on the cards, which were a flash of numbers and…wait…were those…? No, it couldn’t be. And yet…

“LET ME SEE THOSE,” he said, grudgingly getting onto the bed next to John and grabbing the cards. “WHAT ARE THESE ANYWAY?”

“oh! you didn’t have playing cards on alternia?” he asked. Karkat shook his head. “these are playing cards. you can use them to play games, bet money, or, well, do magic tricks.”

Karkat wanted to reply in a snide way about that sounding like a complete waste of time, but his words were caught when he saw his suspicions to be confirmed. “THE SYMBOLS ON THESE CARDS,” he asked in an unusually curious way. “WHAT DO THEY MEAN TO YOU?”

“what?” John said in confusion, “um…i don’t know? they’re just sort of there to divide up the deck.”

Karkat looked through the deck to be sure he hadn’t imagined the symbols. Nope, still there. “THESE ARE THE SYMBOLS FOR THE QUADRANTS,” he said in a puzzled way.

“what???” John asked, gaping in confusion, “no way! that doesn’t make any sense!”

“NO, THEY’RE DEFINITELY THE SAME SYMBOLS. I’D RECOGNIZE THEM ANYWHERE,” he glanced at the deck and added, “EVEN IF THE MOIRAIL AND AUSPISTICE SYMBOLS ARE COLORED WRONG, BUT THAT’S REALLY JUST A TECHNICALITY.”

“but how is that possible? we don’t have quadrants on earth!”

“NOT SURE,” Karkat said, “MAYBE WE HAVE SMALL AMOUNTS OF INFLUENCE OVER THE WORLD WE CREATE.”

“huh. that’s pretty cool. anyway, on earth these are the diamonds, clubs, hearts, and spades,” John explained, displaying each card as he named it, and going on to explain the basic number system of the cards.

Karkat listened in an irritated way, but this façade fell when his expression became more interested in the parallels with troll romance. However, John was still surprised when he said, “SO, WHAT’S THAT MAGIC TRICK THING ANYWAY?”

“huh? you wanna see it?”

“S-SURE. IF I WANT TO BE A GOOD LEADER LIKE HUMANS ARE, I SHOULD LEARN TO ADJUST TO THE MORE MEDIOCRE HUMAN FORMS OF ENTERTAINMENT.” If he didn’t know Karkat well enough to decode his rageful disposition, John may have been offended.

As it was, he was grinning like crazy as he shuffled through the cards expertly. Karkat rolled his eyes and forced himself to look bored. When John saw this he grinned and threw the cards around more rapidly, flipping them and arching them like an accordion. Eventually, Karkat was mesmerized by the way John’s adept hands moved. Now this was magic. Or…fake magic, whatever.

John saw him staring and said, “you know, this isn’t the trick. i’m just shuffling.” Karkat blushed and John smirked cockily. He laid out the cards and said, “pick a card. any card.” Karkat skeptically pulled out a card near the center. He looked at it and shot down the blush that was creeping up his face.

The card that he picked had a large, ornate, kismesis symbol on it. Wait, no, a…what do humans call it? Spade, that’s right. And since there was an A in the corner, it was an…ace. The card was the Ace of Spades. He looked up and nodded. John shuffled through the cards again, and this time Karkat just forced himself to look away and did not let those hands be the center of his vision.

“put your card back in, wherever you want to,” John said in a hammy voice like he was an announcer. Karkat almost found himself laughing at John’s silliness, but bit his lip and put on his irritated face again. He glanced at the card again, its fancy curls forming a kismesis symbol in the center. He almost wanted to keep it, but he stuck it into the card pile.

John shuffled through the cards again, and Karkat looked at John’s hands once again, unable to simply ignore the methodic shifting of the cards. The rhythm was slow as Karkat saw the cards tumbling and, despite watching intently, lost track of the beautiful and ornate ace.

John abruptly stopped. He turned to Karkat and said, with the same goofy smile on his face, “i know your card.”

“BUT…HOW?” Karkat asked, looking interested.

John smiled and said one word. “magic!”

“your card was the ace…” Karkat’s eyes were wide in anticipation of the coming wonder.

“…of…” John reached into the middle of the pile and grabbed one card.

“spades!” John pulled out the ace and laid it down in front of Karkat.

“WHOA,” Karkat said, “H-HOW DID YOU DO THAT?”

“i told you,” John said, winking, “magic.”

“NO, SERIOUSLY. HOW?”

“a good magician never reveals his secrets!” he said, shoving the deck into the box it came from and bowing in a silly way.

THIS. I LOVE IT. John/Karkat fluff is just... so exactly what I needed this morning.

[draconicAlgorithm]

@Author: Yeah, I agree. That's why I'm going to try and go back to more of what already works for the next one. Hopefully that will work out better, haha.

@RogerMexico: I'm glad you liked it! Truthfully, it is just a stupid crossover, but that's part of why it's funny, I think. And yeah, this last chapter was not a good idea on my part. The next one will hopefully be better!

[C20710]

I hope you like long fics dude!

In a previous conversation Karkat demanded Suisei return to the lab, only to get jerked around a little bit. Eventually Suisei shows up, where he meets Karkat and Terezi, where the following takes place.

It's very loosely inspired by canon, and even if you think fantrolls are lame and stupid, this is really about Terezi (who's riding pretty high right now on my list of awesome trolls). Suisei is just a foil for her theatrics and I think it worked out pretty well.

Murder Most Foul

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“Murder most…FOUL”. Terezi’s pronouncement dripped like poison into the ears of the assembled members of the accusatory conclave. She faced the steely gaze of the tribunal, but their stalwart button eyes looked through her, unfazed by the scene of the crime. The low, condemning tone of the legislacerator put them at ease. There was comfort in the familiar.

She turned away from the makeshift bench and trotted around the laboratory, scrawling notes into a steno pad. She circled the room once and stopped behind the coroner.

Suisei sat on his ankles next to the body, prodding it with a stick. Rolled out next to him, a brown leather tool kit chock full of stainless steel instruments, powders, and plastic bags awaited their solemn duty. After another minute of examinatory poking, he swapped the assessment baton for a camera. The soft click of a shutter and a flash of brilliant white light pierced the gloom, followed by the whine of a recharging camera flash. He extracted the film and shook it briskly until it became the contorted face of the late Mr. Zahhak.

Terezi peered over his shoulder. She paused, frowned inquisitively, and dabbed the writing tip of a red ballpoint against her tongue. “The fourth one this month”, she announced. After another minute of examinatory sniffing she completed her notes, flipping the cover of the steno pad closed with a flourish. “Connected perhaps?”

Suisei looked up from the body and surveyed the room. Four bodies in total, including that of Equius Zahhak, lay in pools of their own blood, spread out in various unmoving poses on the grey tile of the laboratory floor. Streams of green, yellow, brown and blue converged on a drain in the centre of the room. On a clear wall away from the bodies, a finger-painted, one-word message was scrawled in green, yellow, brown and blue: “HONK”.

He stood up, still eyeing the photo. For a moment the room was silent, except for a faint hollow drip echoing from the drain. He considered the question momentarily before speaking. “I think it is incumbent upon us as professionals to avoid any hasty conclusions”.

“Of course”, she replied flatly. “The good doctor serves the empire most honorably. What do we know about the victims?”

Suisei returned to the evidence collection centre they had set up against a relatively blood-free wall. Photographs of the victims were connected by pins and bits of colored string all leading to a question mark at the centre. He sighed heavily. He planned to spend his afternoon in an intense shipping session, but not like this. Not like this. Tears welled up as he tenderly followed the strings with his fingertips – only the red ones were damp. He wondered what she must have been feeling. “Thank you for your strength Terezi”, he thought to himself. “Thank you”.

He turned to face the room. Terezi and the scalemates awaited his testimony. He swallowed and spoke clearly. “We have identified the victims, and in hemaspectral order, the first victim was Tavros Nitram”.

She licked her finger and turned a page in her steno, then licked the page, then licked her finger again. “It says here the cause of death was asphyxiation?”

“Yes”, he sighed and rubbed his brow. “Manual strangulation. The windpipe was crushed by a studded surface”.

“Your report says tiremarks were found crossing the throat?”

“Yes. Matched against the tread of an abandoned one-wheel device nearby.

“A one-wheel device you say? How INTERESTING.” She made another note and continued. “Please tell the tribunal about the next victim”.

“Sollux Captor. Blunt force trauma to the skull. Blood and hair samples retrieved from a juggling club belong to the victim”.

Terezi raised an eyebrow and dabbed the pen to her lips. “Go on”.

“The third is Nepeta Leijon. Apparently beaten to death by a sack full of two-wheel device horns. Broken claws found tangled in the burlap fit perfectly together with the broken claws of the victim”.

Terezi paced before the bench, pensively slurping. “I think it’s pretty obvious what’s going on here”.

Suisei nodded grimly.

“The final victim. How did he die?”

“Equius Zahhak. Either drowning or suffocation but we don’t know for sure. During examination, I removed an empty bottle of Faygo from the throat. There were fingerprints all over it”.

“Faygo? The soda?” Terezi inhaled deeply and faced the cheerless faces of the tribunal. “Something stinks here, and I think we all know what it is”.

“Oh, right”, Suisei continued. “The estimated time of death is…”

“No”, she waved her hand to cut him off. “There’s another sort of foul odor here. The malodorous stench of CONSPIRACY”.

The coroner stopped and watched in anticipation, waiting for the real examination to begin. Terezi turned on her heels and began to pace before the bench. Chairman Nectarbelly, Lieutenant Oliveclaw, Mr. Kiwitail, and Barrister Hollybutt looked on in attentive silence.

“Records discovered on Tavros Nitram’s terminal reveal he was in possession of documents proving the falsification of safety test results from the manufacture of faulty one wheel devices”, she held one hand behind her back as she paced, punctuating her words with the other. “Examination of these records show these were the very same one-wheel devices manuctured in your plant Chairman Nectarbelly!”

She slammed her hands down in front of the terrified Chairman, staring him down. “Tavros attempted to blackmail the Chairman who angrily confronted him, only to discover that Tavros was somewhat unfamiliar with the concept of blackmail and had already sent copies of the files to his press contact.” She continued pacing. “This information would have caused the stock price to plummet, affecting his tenure and personal fortune. The Chairman couldn’t have that now could he? But Tavros was already too much of a threat to be ignored, and so he was brutally dispatched, his death made to look like a tragic accident!”

The Chairman’s eyes pleaded with her to stop.

Terezi’s face softened. She returned to the evidence table and retrieved a glass and a pitcher of water. “Would you like a glass of water Mr. Chairman?”

Nectarbelly’s meek nod would have been invisible to all but the keenest interrogators.
She returned to the bench with a cool glass of water. Nectarbelly’s parched throat ached for relief. She extended the water to him; an unfathomable act of generosity. The chairman quivered in anticipation. She jerked her arm and threw the water in his face, setting the glass down beside him.

“Nectarbelly wasn’t the only one who stood to lose however”, she continued her verbal dissection. “Financial portfolios confiscated from his office revealed the names of others invested in his fraudulent activities. Wasn’t it fortunate for him that Tavros’ press contact was none other than the wife of one of his heaviest investors? A man he counts as one of his closest friends? A man who in fact, sits in this very room today?” She whirled on her heel. “And that man is none other than Lieutenant Oliveclaw!”

Oliveclaw swallowed nervously.

“But Oliveclaw’s wife didn’t know who was implicated in those files. He rushed to the studio, hoping to convince her to help him locate and destroy the evidence. But when he arrived at the newsroom, what did he see through the cracked door but his wife in the arms of a studio techie, our second victim, Sollux Captor”. She paused, and then spoke softly. “Ever since the Lieutenant returned from battle he hasn’t been the same. Trapped in a loveless marriage, who could blame his poor wife for seeking solace in Captor’s warm embrace? So Oliveclaw waited until the evening news had aired and then followed Sollux back to the laboratory, where he brutally attacked him with a prop taken from the set of the Happy Wiggler Fun Time Show. Though many times his size, Mr. Captor was no match in combat for the highly proficient soldier”.

Terezi stopped pacing and turned to meet the desperate eyes of the dishonored officer. “You are a disgrace to that uniform and unfit to serve any longer”. She placed a hand on Oliveclaw’s shoulder, tore off an epaulet and spit in his face.

Suisei pursed his lips and shook his head disapprovingly. Such appalling conduct on behalf of a decorated Alternian hero.

Terezi poured herself a fresh glass of water. She drank half of it and licked her lips before moving on. “Equius Zahhak was the third victim killed, and by comparison his murder was sloppy and amateurish. His hatred for Faygo was well known. Printouts from the lab equipment record work he did analyzing the soda’s formula, which he intended to publish”.

Terezi grabbed a file from the table and held it aloft. “If you knew what was in that caustic soda, you wouldn’t drink it either!” She tossed the file back down, causing the reports to cascade out across the tabletop. “Just like the repugnant Chairman Nectarbelly, money was the motive in this gruesome crime.”

Nectarbelly dripped forlornly.

“Who stands to lose from the loss of sales that would have permanently harmed the soft drink empire?” She asked, and nodded to Suisei.

He grinned and threw her a full bottle of the repellant soda.

She cracked open the bottle. It fizzed over, slopping sticky water on her hand. “Well here you are Mr. Kiwitail, heir to the legendary Faygo Fortune – some of your father’s finest swillwater. Consider it your last meal, for you see it was your fingerprints we lifted from the bottle that killed Mr. Zahhak. Your taste for delicious irony isn’t matched by your taste in beverages”.

Terezi abruptly dropped the theatrics and turned to face the final conspirator. “That brings us to you Barrister Hollybutt”, her words were sharp as daggers. “The fourth victim, Nepeta Leijon, knew all about Equius’ plan. They were moirails you see”, she sniffed and wiped away a single tear. “In a pesterlog stored on Nepeta’s tablet, Equius’ plan is revealed explicitly, including instructions to go to the authorities if anything ever happened to him.” She gritted her teeth and glared at the bright red scalemate. “The pouncillor believed she would be safe taking this information to a fellow champion of the law, but unbeknownst to her this information was a threat to Hollybutt’s plans. Both Chairman Nectarbelly and Mr. Kiwitail are significant contributors to Hollybutt’s election campaign. Private letters discovered under warrant detail plans to grant the industrial giants favorable legislation in return for their generous support. A blow to Mr. Kiwitail would have unraveled the entire plot. To protect his career and aspirations to power, Barrister Hollybutt waited until Nepeta was asleep on the horn pile, and then beat her to death to keep his filthy secret”.

Terezi shuffled back to the table, turning her back to the panel of thoroughly disgraced plushies. Her head drooped between her shoulders, and a single tear splashed against the metal tabletop. “She trusted you Barrister…the public trusted you.”

Suisei quietly walked to her side.

“I trusted you!” She threw herself into his arms and sobbed, burying her face into his chest.

He patted her back, looking over her into the eyes of the reprehensible, cherry-scented bastard, stifling his gag reflex.

Collecting herself, Terezi dried her eyes, determined to finish the accusatory proceedings. “The least obvious detail about the whole case was this”, she motioned to the wall and the message written in blood. “Solidarity. Every culprit had overwhelming motive to protect the others. ‘Honk’ of course is nothing but the initials of the guilty: Hollybutt, Oliveclaw, Nectarbelly, and Kiwitail”. She bowed to collect her accolades. It was done. All that remained was the sentencing.

Suisei shook his head gravely, sizing up the unrepentant scumbags. “I respect your bravery in coming here when your guilt was so obvious. You couldn’t honestly have believed you’d get away with it? Even a no-talent rookie grubshoe could have figured it out!” He crossed his arms and just shook his head.

Terezi returned next to him a moment later, grinning ear to ear. Several coils of rope slung off her shoulder, swaying as she approached the condemned.

Watching her work was such a rare privilege.

Aftermath:

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Ok apparently everybody's fucking retarded except for you.