MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[Jim Groovester]

@Path: Oh, damn. Some of those errors are pretty awful. 'Shaked'? Nice going, Jim. Once I finished writing it I decided to switch the tense from present to past (since I've gotten in the habit of writing in the present from Sapphire of Alternia), and apparently I did a terrible job of proofreading.

Thanks for pointing those out. It's not rude at all; in fact, I appreciate it.

[ceruleanTresses]

@cT: I didn't mean that I'd done a bad job - I'm rather proud of it, really - just that I feel like I need to shower just from the concept alone, let alone the actual act of writing it.

You HAVE to put it in the Voice Acting thread. I have never wanted anything quite as much as I want to hear that voiced.

Also, Erifantine's "i hoped a hope" is incoming. Finishing that is my project for tomorrow, since I got sidetracked by "Spider8itch" today.

[Aerodactylus]

So...I'm just gonna leave this here. Jumping on the crossover bandwagon.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

reluctantPrince [RP] opened memo on board LET’S DO IT.

RP: Alright, so. Is everybody clear how this is working?
insaneMembrane [IM] responded to memo.
IM: Yes. And, just for the record, I want it noted how INSANE I think this is.
adrenalShopaholic [AS] responded to memo.
AS: Noted. Can we please move on now and just DO this? We’ve been talking about it for hours. I’m ready for action!
IM: Oh surprise, surprise.
IM: Have you even stopped to consider how stupid this idea is?
IM: Never split the party, man.
IM: Never.
IM: Split.
IM: The party. Just saying.
xenologicalCentaur [XC] responded to memo.
XC: I am confused.
XC: I was under the impression that a party is a human ritual where many humans gather to partake of delicious food and enjoy each other’s company.
XC: Am I mistaken?
IM: *facepalm*
XC: Oh, I see! You just performed on of those human internet memes, am I correct?
XC: Meem.
XC: Meeeeeeem.
XC: Iiiinternet meeeem. Muh. Meeeeem-muh.
IM: OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT. WE ARE TYPING. THERE IS NO NEED TO PLAY WITH SOUNDS THAT DO NOT EXIST.
critterCaretaker [CC] responded to memo.
CC: Settle down, everyone! Especially you, IM.
IM: Sorry. I’m just a little stressed, I guess.
AS: From what? This plan rocks.
RP: We all agreed that splitting into two teams was the most efficient way to clear the worlds and get to our respective gates.
IM: No, YOU did. I still think it’s an awful idea. Oh, and I want this on the record too, you put me on the team with HIM.
RP: Well, someone has to be.
thermalRider [TR] responded to memo.
TR: Don’t worry about it, man. You’ve got me and BG to back you up!
IM: Great. The moody one and the alien. Fantastic.
barkeatingGenius [BG] responded to memo.
BG: you dshoiuld nmot wortry so myuch im
BG: hew ill be lkittrle rtouble ni teh meidum
TR: Whoa, BG, what’s up with your text? You having trouble with the English alphabet?
BG: noi it ids tihs ciomupter i alchgemiuzesd
BG: claqws adn kewyboasrds do not go togfetehr so wdsell
BG: i wol hazve to crerate somnethign styrdire adn mre uiser friend;y wehn w get morw groist
TR: Ah. Alrighty then.
RP: So everyone got it? We’ll split into two teams of four.
RP: Team one is me, CC, AS, and XC
RP: Team two is IM, BG, TR, and CG
AS: Yes, we get it. Now let’s go!
galaxyConqueror [CG] responded to memo.
CG: FOOLS! WHEN I ESCAPE THIS PRIMITIVE HUMAN GAME CONSTRUCT I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL!
RP banned CG from responding to memo.
RP: And that’s a wrap! Everyone move out!
AS: Let’s do it!

RP closed memo.

At the "meeeem" part, I realized what this was, and I flipped. SO AWESOME.

Edit: Oh god the chumhandles are so perfect. I am pretty sure that you selected literally the best possible chumhandles out of the entire English language.

Oh man, I'm glad you like it. The handles were actually pretty easy, although reluctantPrince was kind of a stroke of genius.

[PumpkinMan]

So...I'm just gonna leave this here. Jumping on the crossover bandwagon.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

reluctantPrince [RP] opened memo on board LET’S DO IT.

RP: Alright, so. Is everybody clear how this is working?
insaneMembrane [IM] responded to memo.
IM: Yes. And, just for the record, I want it noted how INSANE I think this is.
adrenalShopaholic [AS] responded to memo.
AS: Noted. Can we please move on now and just DO this? We’ve been talking about it for hours. I’m ready for action!
IM: Oh surprise, surprise.
IM: Have you even stopped to consider how stupid this idea is?
IM: Never split the party, man.
IM: Never.
IM: Split.
IM: The party. Just saying.
xenologicalCentaur [XC] responded to memo.
XC: I am confused.
XC: I was under the impression that a party is a human ritual where many humans gather to partake of delicious food and enjoy each other’s company.
XC: Am I mistaken?
IM: *facepalm*
XC: Oh, I see! You just performed on of those human internet memes, am I correct?
XC: Meem.
XC: Meeeeeeem.
XC: Iiiinternet meeeem. Muh. Meeeeem-muh.
IM: OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT. WE ARE TYPING. THERE IS NO NEED TO PLAY WITH SOUNDS THAT DO NOT EXIST.
critterCaretaker [CC] responded to memo.
CC: Settle down, everyone! Especially you, IM.
IM: Sorry. I’m just a little stressed, I guess.
AS: From what? This plan rocks.
RP: We all agreed that splitting into two teams was the most efficient way to clear the worlds and get to our respective gates.
IM: No, YOU did. I still think it’s an awful idea. Oh, and I want this on the record too, you put me on the team with HIM.
RP: Well, someone has to be.
thermalRider [TR] responded to memo.
TR: Don’t worry about it, man. You’ve got me and BG to back you up!
IM: Great. The moody one and the alien. Fantastic.
barkeatingGenius [BG] responded to memo.
BG: you dshoiuld nmot wortry so myuch im
BG: hew ill be lkittrle rtouble ni teh meidum
TR: Whoa, BG, what’s up with your text? You having trouble with the English alphabet?
BG: noi it ids tihs ciomupter i alchgemiuzesd
BG: claqws adn kewyboasrds do not go togfetehr so wdsell
BG: i wol hazve to crerate somnethign styrdire adn mre uiser friend;y wehn w get morw groist
TR: Ah. Alrighty then.
RP: So everyone got it? We’ll split into two teams of four.
RP: Team one is me, CC, AS, and XC
RP: Team two is IM, BG, TR, and GC
AS: Yes, we get it. Now let’s go!
galaxyConqueror [GC] responded to memo.
GC: FOOLS! WHEN I ESCAPE THIS PRIMITIVE HUMAN GAME CONSTRUCT I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL!
RP banned GC from responding to memo.
RP: And that’s a wrap! Everyone move out!
AS: Let’s do it!

RP closed memo.

Animorphs? Hope you continue this, it looks good.

[Aerodactylus]

Animorphs? Hope you continue this, it looks good.

I'm glad you liked it, but it was a one time thing. If I was going to write it, I would want it to be funny, and I am terrible at writing funny things.

[Portalboat]

So hey, I tried to write something. I hope it isn't complete fail.

Shooterstuck: Chapter 1: WHAT IT MEANS

show spoiler

hide spoiler

thunk
The wall groaned like a tortured beast.
THUNK.
“A bit more…..” he thought.
thunk.
WHAM.
The door quite literally flew off its hinges as the armor-clad hero entered the room, holstering his well-loved crowbar. The room was like a typical business office, but with numerous high-energy plasma generators installed. In addition, the flooring had been replaced with a dull, blue-green metal. In the background, a dark-energy tunneler pulsed.

A single green bordered window adorned the blank background of the computer on the desk. The title of it was “SBURB CLIENT” with a divided house for an icon. Suddenly, another window popped up. This one appeared to be some kind of messaging program, as new messages were appearing every couple of seconds or so.

VIEW PESTERLOG

show spoiler

hide spoiler

superlativeAntiprivateer opened memo on board LET'S NOT DIE
SA: Is anyone currently viewing this message?
SA: If someone is, I would recommend you to connect to the address 156.723.213:27015.
SA: You being able to even read this memo would mean that you are destined to become part of our ‘chain’, so to speak.
SA: And given that we have our entire chain established except for one, and from what I have understood from the Chozo writings I have found on this planet, a meteoroid is en route to your position.
SA: A rather large one, at that.
SA: So if you would prefer not to die a horrible flaming death, then I would suggest you would respond.
SA: Whoever you are.

The hero in question looked out the window. Sure enough, there was a telltale glow of a ‘rather large meteoroid’ above the bleak skies of City 17. He quickly typed out a message to respond to the memo, but was greeted with another window. It was yelling ‘THIS HANDLE IS NOT VALID’ at him, at quite loudly at that. He fuddled over the keyboard. “What was it, what was it……Ah! Alt, Tab!”

He hammered on those buttons and brought up another tan window. Being the only other program on the screen, he hastily tabbed over to ‘Pesterchum 2.5’ and looked over the window. He would enter his usual username, but that also didn’t seen to be valid. He reflected on past events and came up with the title “gratuitousFreedomfighter”. Thankfully this one was confirmed.

VIEW PESTERLOG

show spoiler

hide spoiler

gratuitousFreedomfighter joined the memo
GA: Okay I got your message!
GA: Now is there anyway we can save my ass and possibly remove the meteor!
GA: Because I worked my ass of for those people down there and I’d rather not see it go to waste.
GA: Although they never DID thank me, so they can all burn in hell for what I care.
SA: You’re rambling.
SA: Let’s proceed with the ‘saving your ass’ part, yes?

[Miss Prince]

Thanks Miss Prince, that does help. Kanaya's line should probably be... let's think here... I'll go more direct. Reformatting the lines there and about:

GA: I Suppose If Genuine They Would Have Made Useful Allies Since They Would Have Been Able To Infiltrate The Fleet Ahead Of Us
GA: But The Princess Was Willing To Account For Our Feelings When It Came To Our Personal Lives
GA: Highly Unusual Of Her But
GA: Appreciated

Yeah, that's much clearer. Thumbs up!

[PingZing]

@pretty much everyone - You are all amazing and I wish I had time to actually go back and respond to everything individually. Alas, free time is at a premium, so I'll have to settle for generalized "HEY GUYS YOU'RE AWESOME".

Also, I bring storeez. Chapter 3 of Candlelight and Clockwork ahoy.

Previous Chapters:

Chapter 1: Rose
Chapter 2: Dave


Candlelight, Clockwork & the Evening Breeze

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Rose’s eyes read the scene in front of her the way she reads her books or sheet music. She examines each element, ferreting out minute details, then assembles each into a coherent whole, drawing inferences all the while.

There in the corner is the Viceroy’s salamancer plush haphazardly discarded and looking forlorn. Dave lies sprawled and asleep on the bed, his arms and legs askew like a great spider, albeit with half the requisite limbs. John is sitting on the chair beside the bed, grinning sheepishly, having apparently swapped places with Dave. Lying on the bedside table, deceptively innocuous, are Dave’s shades; the meaning of which is not lost on Rose. She turns to John and raises a single eyebrow weighty with inquisitive significance, meaning packed tightly into the subtle gesture.

John shrugs, still smiling and says “He needed it more than I did.”

Rose frowns. Perhaps the weighty significance of her raised eyebrow wasn’t communicated quite so effectively after all. “John, I find myself continually surprised and impressed by your apparently-unconscious charisma.”

John tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean?” he asks.

Rose shakes her head and smiles. “John what you’ve accomplished is nothing short of miraculous. Do you realize the significance of what you’ve done in a short time?” she says.

John blinks, looks at Dave, looks back at Rose and shakes his head.

“Uhh, nope, can’t say I see what you’re talking about Rose!”

Rose walks over to John’s chair and rests her hand on the seat-back next to his shoulder. John looks up at her as she explains, “Dave never takes his sunglasses off. Have you ever wondered why?”

John shrugs. “Because he’s ironic and badass?” he says.

“As much as he’d like us to believe that, no. All signs indicate that he wears them as a form of defense, to distance himself from others. Behind his shades, he’s safe. Without them, he feels vulnerable,” she says. “That he trusts you enough to take them off—and go to sleep no less!—in your presence speaks volumes,” she finishes, smiling.

John turns back to Dave and watches thoughtfully for a moment. “You really think so?” he finally asks.

“Absolutely, John. You’re a good friend.”

John is silent for a moment, and a broad smile slowly spreads across his face. “Thanks.”

Rose’s face drops into a disapproving frown as she turns to look directly at John. “It occasionally strikes me that you are perhaps too good a friend. As touching as this act of selflessness is, the fact remains that you are ill and we are attempting to speed your recovery by allowing you bed rest. Bed rest that you seem to have convinced Dave to take in your stead,” she says, crossing her arms. “Are you aware of the ramifications of your actions?”

“Uh…I don’t think I follow.”

“With Dave asleep, our ingenious plan to nurse you back to health in a timely manner is doomed to failure. You see, this entire operation hinged on our taking no more than an hour of real time through the use of stable time loops. But with Sir Slumber here asleep,” Rose waves a hand at Dave, “It appears our options are somewhat limited.”

“Come on, I thought you’d have this shit together by now Rose,” comes Dave’s voice.

John and Rose start, and look to the bed. No, Dave is still asleep.

“No no, wrong impossibly handsome asshole. Over here.”

John and Rose turn to the doorway to find Dave leaning nonchalantly—successfully this time—against the doorframe. His arms are crossed and the Timetables float in front of him, whirring quietly. He’s changed out of the long sleeves and jeans that the sleeping Dave is currently wearing. Instead he’s attired in an extraordinarily comfortable-looking red suit.

“As if sleeping would slow me down at all. Leave Princess Helen over there asleep for a while, I’ll pick up the time-traveling slack,” Dave says.

John’s eyes have gone wide and he looks between sleeping Dave and the Dave in the doorway. Back to the sleeper. Back to the doorway. His mouth slowly forms an “o” of incredulity.

“You all right there, bro? Or is the concentrated coolness too much for you?” Dave says.

“That…is soooo coooool! So you’re a future Dave, right?” John asks, leaning forward. “What’s the future like?”

Dave banishes the Timetables to his sylladex. “Goddammit Egbert, I just woke up like five minutes ago. For me, it feels like maybe ten minutes ago we were sitting around shooting the shit in this very room. But for him,” Doorway-Dave points at sleeping-Dave, “It’ll be like, ten hours before he stops macking on the Sandman. C’mon man, this isn’t fucking rocket surgery—keep up.”

John looks up at the ceiling and appears lost in thought for a moment. He counts on his fingers for a moment before looking back down and frowning. “Wait a minute. If you’ve been around for ten hours, and we go back at the end of every hour…does that mean there are ten Daves running around?” he asks.

“Yep. Ten of ya’ll, it’s one hell of a clone party up in here right now.” Dave says.

The other two stare at Dave as if he’s suddenly transformed into a particularly horrific Outer God.

“Whoa, what is it? Am I fucking glowing or some awesome shit?” Dave asks. “I knew it, two of me in the same room together was just too much for the universe to handle.”

“Dave, while I was intellectually aware of the fact that you hailed from Texas…hearing you actually speak in a region-specific dialect has, I admit, caught me off guard. I imagine John’s reaction is for a similar reason,” Rose answers, crossing her arms and grinning.

John bursts out laughing. “You…you…oh my god, you said “ya’ll”! Oh man, I can’t believe…Dave…oh geez, haha!”

Dave raises a single eyebrow. “Shit, I thought ya’ll,” Dave draws out the word, “Had something better than that to be surprised about. Jegus. Anyway, we need to get a move on some time soon, or we’ll break the time loop and doom ourselves forever. Let’s amscray.” Dave turns and beckons for the other two to follow him.

John and Rose exchange a glance. John mouths “Ya’ll” and Rose snickers. The two of them follow Dave out into the hallway. Dave pushes aside a black curtain blocking the rest of the hallway from view, and John squints as the psychedelic pastel lights of Rose’s planet infiltrate his retinas. All at once his headache returns and it’s all he can do to keep his eyes open a crack. His balance wavers and he catches himself on the wall. Dave and Rose turn to look at the sound and John waves them off.

“I’m fine,” he says with his eyes opened a crack. He aims for eye contact, but the headache and searing light throw off his aim and he just about makes nose contact.

Dave and Rose exchange a momentary glance before Dave strides forward, grabs John around his midsection, and bodily heaves the sick boy over his shoulders in a fireman’s carry.

“Problem solved,” Dave says, ignoring John’s weak protests. “Hey, shut up back there or I’ll drop you.”

John shuts up. Dave resumes walking toward their destination and Rose follows, a thoughtful expression warring for dominance with a bemused one on her face.

“Thanks Dave,” John says eventually, “I owe you one.”

Dave snorts. “No you don’t. This is payback for earlier in the room.”

“Payback? You mean when I gave you a h—”

“Yeah. Now don’t mention it,” Dave says, interrupting John before he can spill the beans and ruin his image forever.

Rose speaks up, “As intrigued as I am in your cryptic non-descriptions, I feel the need to inquire—where precisely is it that you’re leading us, Dave?”

Dave grunts. “Relax, I’ve got a handle on this time shit, okay? We just gotta find some place we weren’t an hour ago or so. I dunno about ya’ll,” John snickers again, and Dave ignores him, “But I remember walking this hallway an hour ago, and I don’t remember seeing us appear, so we must not. Didn’t. Will not. Whatever, fuck.”

“You know, I think the most difficult aspect of time travel is with regards to the vocabulary. The English language simply doesn’t have the appropriate tenses to describe it accurately,” Rose muses.

“Yeah? I think if you’re in a situation complicated enough to need it, you’ve probably screwed up royally somewhere. Like, more royally than two kings playing polo and wearing monocles on white steeds. But that’s not important, we’re here,” says Dave.

Rose looks around. “Looks like any other room in this labyrinth to me.”

“Labyrinth huh? You saying this is anything less than architectural perfection? Are you implying I am not the Leonardo da Vinci of building design?” Dave demands. "Besides, I've seen John's house, it ain't much better."

Rose clutches her heart. “Shocking accusations! I would never imply such a thing about your skills as an industrial engineer, Dave. Perish the thought,” she says.

“Of course you wouldn’t, you know I’m just that incredible,” Dave says. “Anyway, enough screwing around. I need to focus for this next part, because using these things to transport more than one person at a time is kind of a giant pain in the ass.”

“Can’t you alchemize a set of turntables more suited to the task?” Rose asks.

“See, that’s why you’re our Seer, Rose. Always full of insight and innovative new ideas,” Dave grumbles.

Rose responds with a flat stare.

“Seriously though, future me doesn’t have a set, and I’ve tried. We don’t have enough grist for anything I can come up with. Get off my back, Lalonde. Being the Time guy is hard, and nobody understands, so we’re stuck with these pieces of shit for now.”

“Spare me your melodrama Strider, and let’s just get this over with,” Rose says with a sigh.

“Of course, I was just waiting on ya’ll anyway,” Dave pointedly ignores Rose’s snort of amusement and continues, “You still alive back there, bro? Didn’t think you were capable of being quiet for this long.”

Rose leans to the side to get a better view of the boy slung over Dave’s back. “He appears to have fallen asleep, Dave.”

“Shit, that didn't take long. Guess he's related to Harley after all.” Dave shrugs his left shoulder and brings the Timetables to bear. “Anyway, let’s get started. For this to actually work at all, we’re going to need to make actual, physical contact.”

“O such horror! Howsoever shall I cope?” Rose says, pretending to cower. She moves to Dave’s side and places a hand on his shoulder. “Will this suffice?”

“That’ll do. Relish the contact, who knows when you’ll get another chance to touch something this amazing?” says Dave.

“I’ll make sure to take a mental snapshot and enshrine it in my memory forevermore,” says Rose. “Now if you’re quite finished, I’d prefer to get this over with.”

“All right then. Let’s make this happen.”

“Let’s do this,” says Rose through gritted teeth.

“Didn’t I tell you to relax, Lalonde? I do this all the…” Dave puts his hands on the Timetables with a flourish. “…time.”

The three kids—one slung over another’s shoulder, another with her face set and fingers digging into her friend’s shoulder—disappear, and are instantly claimed by the now-distant waters of exactly one hour ago.

Notes

show spoiler

hide spoiler

This was SUPPOSED to be the last chapter, but it just kept getting longer and longer and the kids just kept talking and I guess it's going to be four chapters now.

I hope the time-shenanigans weren't too hard to follow as described. I've had the idea in my head since I started writing this, but haven't had a good place to have it explained until now.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Yeah, just going to echo what X15 hinted at by reminding everyone that A03's down for six hours minimum tomorrow, so don't nobody go rolling out any big plans for the place from six to midnight UTC.

PingZing: Still adorable, still in character, and of course, you get the gold star for being the first person I've seen in four threads actually give Dave a southern accent, or at least the first person after I forgot. By the way, "I owe you one." is missing its colour tag, I know they're pests to find.

[PingZing]

PingZing: Still adorable, still in character, and of course, you get the gold star for being the first person I've seen in four threads actually give Dave a southern accent, or at least the first person after I forgot. By the way, "I owe you one." is missing its colour tag, I know they're pests to find.

Argh, thank you. Fixed. And yeah, virtually my entire family is from Texas. Made it hard not to include, really.

Oh, also, since it's on my mind! I intended to read your HiHH preview critically, got sucked into the story and wound up just enjoying it. So uh, take from that what you will. I didn't have a hard time following the WAS, but I actually enjoy that whenever it crops up with regards to the trolls, so there you go.

Which is, incidentally, the primary reason I've been so reluctant to write them. Hm.

[battlerek]

@Jim Groovester I am loving the Sapphire of Alternia. It's one of the best fics I've read in a while, and it has Problem Sleuth!

I'm hoping for a cameo of everyone's beloved unkillable final boss. Hope he'll make an apperance.

And now here's another short fanfic, this time with the kids.

Fridays

show spoiler

hide spoiler

It was a little known fact, but Dave enjoyed a good friday morning spent lying around being a useless piece of shit all day. Sometimes you just needed a break from being cool personified. So right now he was lying under a tree, hands folded under his head, listening to some songs. He even had a nice, cool bottle of apple juice with him. Nothing could make this morning any better, unless something really cool fell out of the sky and landed on his lap. With his luck it just might happen. Yep, nothing could make this day any better.

Rose spent her fridays knitting. Knitting, knitting, knitting. She would knit quilts, scarves, mufflers, mittens, even ridiculously tacky ascots if she was feeling whimsical. This friday though, was best spent knitting outside. The weather was great, and it felt good to go for a walk every now and then. She was even considering writing another chapter of Complacency of the Learned, but not after she'd finished knitting an ushanka. Spiffy russian hats took priority over verbiose fantasy novels.

Normally Jade's fridays were spent gardening. This friday, however, was being spent searching her cabinets for old clothes. She'd made it her duty to help the local community whenever she could, and the thrift store always needed more donations. While she rummaged through a chest she found an old dress that hadn't seen the light of day in a while. Curious, she put it on to see if it still fit her. It was tight in a few places, but it fit her well, and after choosing a few clothes to donate left for the thrift store.

Friday was family day for the Egberts. Dad as always baked his beloved son a cake, but when he found his son running off to escape the machinations of a loving paternal figure and the evils of the dread batterwitch, he soon gave chase. Soon the streets were red with strawberry icing, and for every pastry John narrowly dodged 2 more would strike a bystander foolish enough to get in the way of a loving father. Through narrow alleys, crowded plazas and busy markets father chased son in a battle of speed and well-thrown cakes.

Dave's day was perfect. Hours of relaxation energized him, and he was eager to go back home and write some ironic raps. He even had some leftover apple juice that he could drink on the way home, which was always a plus. And to make this day even better than it was already, something really cool did fall from the sky and landed on him. Well, a girl in heavy armor crashing down on you was pretty painful, but no one can deny that it was really cool.

Rose finished her ushanka early, so she got down to writing a new chapter of Complacency of the Learned. In fact, she didn't just write a new chapter, she managed to work out some plot holes that've been bothering her for a while, and finished writing a detailed backstory for Zazzerpan that would explain his motivations and actions. A shame some incosiderate douche splashed his apple juice on her manuscript.

Jade flew back home after a fruitful day spent donating old things. It was still quite a surprise that her old iron lass dress fit her, and an even bigger surprise that it was still fully functional. The day would've ended real well, if a random pie hadn't hit her in the face and made her lose control of the dress' propulsion systems. At least she landed on something soft.

John had done his best to evade his father's cakes, but he'd reached the end of the line. He was tired from all the running, and he knew that his father's next throw would see his face covered in cake. Accepting his fate like a man, he closed his eyes and waited for the end. Dad lifted the cake up and threw it at his son, but he had swung his cake too high, and hit some flying robot bird or something like that. Alas, he was out of cakes, so he walked towards his son, gave him a hug while he whispered how proud he is of him, and took John to a fancy steakhouse.

All in all, it was a good friday.

[Graven_Image]

So...I'm just gonna leave this here. Jumping on the crossover bandwagon.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

reluctantPrince [RP] opened memo on board LET’S DO IT.

RP: Alright, so. Is everybody clear how this is working?
insaneMembrane [IM] responded to memo.
IM: Yes. And, just for the record, I want it noted how INSANE I think this is.
adrenalShopaholic [AS] responded to memo.
AS: Noted. Can we please move on now and just DO this? We’ve been talking about it for hours. I’m ready for action!
IM: Oh surprise, surprise.
IM: Have you even stopped to consider how stupid this idea is?
IM: Never split the party, man.
IM: Never.
IM: Split.
IM: The party. Just saying.
xenologicalCentaur [XC] responded to memo.
XC: I am confused.
XC: I was under the impression that a party is a human ritual where many humans gather to partake of delicious food and enjoy each other’s company.
XC: Am I mistaken?
IM: *facepalm*
XC: Oh, I see! You just performed on of those human internet memes, am I correct?
XC: Meem.
XC: Meeeeeeem.
XC: Iiiinternet meeeem. Muh. Meeeeem-muh.
IM: OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT. WE ARE TYPING. THERE IS NO NEED TO PLAY WITH SOUNDS THAT DO NOT EXIST.
critterCaretaker [CC] responded to memo.
CC: Settle down, everyone! Especially you, IM.
IM: Sorry. I’m just a little stressed, I guess.
AS: From what? This plan rocks.
RP: We all agreed that splitting into two teams was the most efficient way to clear the worlds and get to our respective gates.
IM: No, YOU did. I still think it’s an awful idea. Oh, and I want this on the record too, you put me on the team with HIM.
RP: Well, someone has to be.
thermalRider [TR] responded to memo.
TR: Don’t worry about it, man. You’ve got me and BG to back you up!
IM: Great. The moody one and the alien. Fantastic.
barkeatingGenius [BG] responded to memo.
BG: you dshoiuld nmot wortry so myuch im
BG: hew ill be lkittrle rtouble ni teh meidum
TR: Whoa, BG, what’s up with your text? You having trouble with the English alphabet?
BG: noi it ids tihs ciomupter i alchgemiuzesd
BG: claqws adn kewyboasrds do not go togfetehr so wdsell
BG: i wol hazve to crerate somnethign styrdire adn mre uiser friend;y wehn w get morw groist
TR: Ah. Alrighty then.
RP: So everyone got it? We’ll split into two teams of four.
RP: Team one is me, CC, AS, and XC
RP: Team two is IM, BG, TR, and GC
AS: Yes, we get it. Now let’s go!
galaxyConqueror [GC] responded to memo.
GC: FOOLS! WHEN I ESCAPE THIS PRIMITIVE HUMAN GAME CONSTRUCT I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL!
RP banned GC from responding to memo.
RP: And that’s a wrap! Everyone move out!
AS: Let’s do it!

RP closed memo.

MY CHILDHOOD ALSO

So hey, I tried to write something. I hope it isn't complete fail.

Shooterstuck: Chapter 1: WHAT IT MEANS

show spoiler

hide spoiler

thunk
The wall groaned like a tortured beast.
THUNK.
“A bit more…..” he thought.
thunk.
WHAM.
The door quite literally flew off its hinges as the armor-clad hero entered the room, holstering his well-loved crowbar. The room was like a typical business office, but with numerous high-energy plasma generators installed. In addition, the flooring had been replaced with a dull, blue-green metal. In the background, a dark-energy tunneler pulsed.

A single green bordered window adorned the blank background of the computer on the desk. The title of it was “SBURB CLIENT” with a divided house for an icon. Suddenly, another window popped up. This one appeared to be some kind of messaging program, as new messages were appearing every couple of seconds or so.

VIEW PESTERLOG

show spoiler

hide spoiler

superlativeAntiprivateer opened memo on board LET'S NOT DIE
SA: Is anyone currently viewing this message?
SA: If someone is, I would recommend you to connect to the address 156.723.213:27015.
SA: You being able to even read this memo would mean that you are destined to become part of our ‘chain’, so to speak.
SA: And given that we have our entire chain established except for one, and from what I have understood from the Chozo writings I have found on this planet, a meteoroid is en route to your position.
SA: A rather large one, at that.
SA: So if you would prefer not to die a horrible flaming death, then I would suggest you would respond.
SA: Whoever you are.

The hero in question looked out the window. Sure enough, there was a telltale glow of a ‘rather large meteoroid’ above the bleak skies of City 17. He quickly typed out a message to respond to the memo, but was greeted with another window. It was yelling ‘THIS HANDLE IS NOT VALID’ at him, at quite loudly at that. He fuddled over the keyboard. “What was it, what was it……Ah! Alt, Tab!”

He hammered on those buttons and brought up another tan window. Being the only other program on the screen, he hastily tabbed over to ‘Pesterchum 2.5’ and looked over the window. He would enter his usual username, but that also didn’t seen to be valid. He reflected on past events and came up with the title “gratuitousFreedomfighter”. Thankfully this one was confirmed.

VIEW PESTERLOG

show spoiler

hide spoiler

gratuitousFreedomfighter joined the memo
GA: Okay I got your message!
GA: Now is there anyway we can save my ass and possibly remove the meteor!
GA: Because I worked my ass of for those people down there and I’d rather not see it go to waste.
GA: Although they never DID thank me, so they can all burn in hell for what I care.
SA: You’re rambling.
SA: Let’s proceed with the ‘saving your ass’ part, yes?

This is not fail at all. This is complete win, and I am happy to be a part of it.

Candlelight, Clockwork & the Evening Breeze

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Rose’s eyes read the scene in front of her the way she reads her books or sheet music. She examines each element, ferreting out minute details, then assembles each into a coherent whole, drawing inferences all the while.

There in the corner is the Viceroy’s salamancer plush haphazardly discarded and looking forlorn. Dave lies sprawled and asleep on the bed, his arms and legs askew like a great spider, albeit with half the requisite limbs. John is sitting on the chair beside the bed, grinning sheepishly, having apparently swapped places with Dave. Lying on the bedside table, deceptively innocuous, are Dave’s shades; the meaning of which is not lost on Rose. She turns to John and raises a single eyebrow weighty with inquisitive significance, meaning packed tightly into the subtle gesture.

John shrugs, still smiling and says “He needed it more than I did.”

Rose frowns. Perhaps the weighty significance of her raised eyebrow wasn’t communicated quite so effectively after all. “John, I find myself continually surprised and impressed by your apparently-unconscious charisma.”

John tilts his head to the side. “What do you mean?” he asks.

Rose shakes her head and smiles. “John what you’ve accomplished is nothing short of miraculous. Do you realize the significance of what you’ve done in a short time?” she says.

John blinks, looks at Dave, looks back at Rose and shakes his head.

“Uhh, nope, can’t say I see what you’re talking about Rose!”

Rose walks over to John’s chair and rests her hand on the seat-back next to his shoulder. John looks up at her as she explains, “Dave never takes his sunglasses off. Have you ever wondered why?”

John shrugs. “Because he’s ironic and badass?” he says.

“As much as he’d like us to believe that, no. All signs indicate that he wears them as a form of defense, to distance himself from others. Behind his shades, he’s safe. Without them, he feels vulnerable,” she says. “That he trusts you enough to take them off—and go to sleep no less!—in your presence speaks volumes,” she finishes, smiling.

John turns back to Dave and watches thoughtfully for a moment. “You really think so?” he finally asks.

“Absolutely, John. You’re a good friend.”

John is silent for a moment, and a broad smile slowly spreads across his face. “Thanks.”

Rose’s face drops into a disapproving frown as she turns to look directly at John. “It occasionally strikes me that you are perhaps too good a friend. As touching as this act of selflessness is, the fact remains that you are ill and we are attempting to speed your recovery by allowing you bed rest. Bed rest that you seem to have convinced Dave to take in your stead,” she says, crossing her arms. “Are you aware of the ramifications of your actions?”

“Uh…I don’t think I follow.”

“With Dave asleep, our ingenious plan to nurse you back to health in a timely manner is doomed to failure. You see, this entire operation hinged on our taking no more than an hour of real time through the use of stable time loops. But with Sir Slumber here asleep,” Rose waves a hand at Dave, “It appears our options are somewhat limited.”

“Come on, I thought you’d have this shit together by now Rose,” comes Dave’s voice.

John and Rose start, and look to the bed. No, Dave is still asleep.

“No no, wrong impossibly handsome asshole. Over here.”

John and Rose turn to the doorway to find Dave leaning nonchalantly—successfully this time—against the doorframe. His arms are crossed and the Timetables float in front of him, whirring quietly. He’s changed out of the long sleeves and jeans that the sleeping Dave is currently wearing. Instead he’s attired in an extraordinarily comfortable-looking red suit.

“As if sleeping would slow me down at all. Leave Princess Helen over there asleep for a while, I’ll pick up the time-traveling slack,” Dave says.

John’s eyes have gone wide and he looks between sleeping Dave and the Dave in the doorway. Back to the sleeper. Back to the doorway. His mouth slowly forms an “o” of incredulity.

“You all right there, bro? Or is the concentrated coolness too much for you?” Dave says.

“That…is soooo coooool! So you’re a future Dave, right?” John asks, leaning forward. “What’s the future like?”

Dave banishes the Timetables to his sylladex. “Goddammit Egbert, I just woke up like five minutes ago. For me, it feels like maybe ten minutes ago we were sitting around shooting the shit in this very room. But for him,” Doorway-Dave points at sleeping-Dave, “It’ll be like, ten hours before he stops macking on the Sandman. C’mon man, this isn’t fucking rocket surgery—keep up.”

John looks up at the ceiling and appears lost in thought for a moment. He counts on his fingers for a moment before looking back down and frowning. “Wait a minute. If you’ve been around for ten hours, and we go back at the end of every hour…does that mean there are ten Daves running around?” he asks.

“Yep. Ten of ya’ll, it’s one hell of a clone party up in here right now.” Dave says.

The other two stare at Dave as if he’s suddenly transformed into a particularly horrific Outer God.

“Whoa, what is it? Am I fucking glowing or some awesome shit?” Dave asks. “I knew it, two of me in the same room together was just too much for the universe to handle.”

“Dave, while I was intellectually aware of the fact that you hailed from Texas…hearing you actually speak in a region-specific dialect has, I admit, caught me off guard. I imagine John’s reaction is for a similar reason,” Rose answers, crossing her arms and grinning.

John bursts out laughing. “You…you…oh my god, you said “ya’ll”! Oh man, I can’t believe…Dave…oh geez, haha!”

Dave raises a single eyebrow. “Shit, I thought ya’ll,” Dave draws out the word, “Had something better than that to be surprised about. Jegus. Anyway, we need to get a move on some time soon, or we’ll break the time loop and doom ourselves forever. Let’s amscray.” Dave turns and beckons for the other two to follow him.

John and Rose exchange a glance. John mouths “Ya’ll” and Rose snickers. The two of them follow Dave out into the hallway. Dave pushes aside a black curtain blocking the rest of the hallway from view, and John squints as the psychedelic pastel lights of Rose’s planet infiltrate his retinas. All at once his headache returns and it’s all he can do to keep his eyes open a crack. His balance wavers and he catches himself on the wall. Dave and Rose turn to look at the sound and John waves them off.

“I’m fine,” he says with his eyes opened a crack. He aims for eye contact, but the headache and searing light throw off his aim and he just about makes nose contact.

Dave and Rose exchange a momentary glance before Dave strides forward, grabs John around his midsection, and bodily heaves the sick boy over his shoulders in a fireman’s carry.

“Problem solved,” Dave says, ignoring John’s weak protests. “Hey, shut up back there or I’ll drop you.”

John shuts up. Dave resumes walking toward their destination and Rose follows, a thoughtful expression warring for dominance with a bemused one on her face.

“Thanks Dave,” John says eventually, “I owe you one.”

Dave snorts. “No you don’t. This is payback for earlier in the room.”

“Payback? You mean when I gave you a h—”

“Yeah. Now don’t mention it,” Dave says, interrupting John before he can spill the beans and ruin his image forever.

Rose speaks up, “As intrigued as I am in your cryptic non-descriptions, I feel the need to inquire—where precisely is it that you’re leading us, Dave?”

Dave grunts. “Relax, I’ve got a handle on this time shit, okay? We just gotta find some place we weren’t an hour ago or so. I dunno about ya’ll,” John snickers again, and Dave ignores him, “But I remember walking this hallway an hour ago, and I don’t remember seeing us appear, so we must not. Didn’t. Will not. Whatever, fuck.”

“You know, I think the most difficult aspect of time travel is with regards to the vocabulary. The English language simply doesn’t have the appropriate tenses to describe it accurately,” Rose muses.

“Yeah? I think if you’re in a situation complicated enough to need it, you’ve probably screwed up royally somewhere. Like, more royally than two kings playing polo and wearing monocles on white steeds. But that’s not important, we’re here,” says Dave.

Rose looks around. “Looks like any other room in this labyrinth to me.”

“Labyrinth huh? You saying this is anything less than architectural perfection? Are you implying I am not the Leonardo da Vinci of building design?” Dave demands. "Besides, I've seen John's house, it ain't much better."

Rose clutches her heart. “Shocking accusations! I would never imply such a thing about your skills as an industrial engineer, Dave. Perish the thought,” she says.

“Of course you wouldn’t, you know I’m just that incredible,” Dave says. “Anyway, enough screwing around. I need to focus for this next part, because using these things to transport more than one person at a time is kind of a giant pain in the ass.”

“Can’t you alchemize a set of turntables more suited to the task?” Rose asks.

“See, that’s why you’re our Seer, Rose. Always full of insight and innovative new ideas,” Dave grumbles.

Rose responds with a flat stare.

“Seriously though, future me doesn’t have a set, and I’ve tried. We don’t have enough grist for anything I can come up with. Get off my back, Lalonde. Being the Time guy is hard, and nobody understands, so we’re stuck with these pieces of shit for now.”

“Spare me your melodrama Strider, and let’s just get this over with,” Rose says with a sigh.

“Of course, I was just waiting on ya’ll anyway,” Dave pointedly ignores Rose’s snort of amusement and continues, “You still alive back there, bro? Didn’t think you were capable of being quiet for this long.”

Rose leans to the side to get a better view of the boy slung over Dave’s back. “He appears to have fallen asleep, Dave.”

“Shit, that didn't take long. Guess he's related to Harley after all.” Dave shrugs his left shoulder and brings the Timetables to bear. “Anyway, let’s get started. For this to actually work at all, we’re going to need to make actual, physical contact.”

“O such horror! Howsoever shall I cope?” Rose says, pretending to cower. She moves to Dave’s side and places a hand on his shoulder. “Will this suffice?”

“That’ll do. Relish the contact, who knows when you’ll get another chance to touch something this amazing?” says Dave.

“I’ll make sure to take a mental snapshot and enshrine it in my memory forevermore,” says Rose. “Now if you’re quite finished, I’d prefer to get this over with.”

“All right then. Let’s make this happen.”

“Let’s do this,” says Rose through gritted teeth.

“Didn’t I tell you to relax, Lalonde? I do this all the…” Dave puts his hands on the Timetables with a flourish. “…time.”

The three kids—one slung over another’s shoulder, another with her face set and fingers digging into her friend’s shoulder—disappear, and are instantly claimed by the now-distant waters of exactly one hour ago.

Business as usual for you, PZ. Cute, in-character, and downright hilarious.

Fridays

show spoiler

hide spoiler

It was a little known fact, but Dave enjoyed a good friday morning spent lying around being a useless piece of shit all day. Sometimes you just needed a break from being cool personified. So right now he was lying under a tree, hands folded under his head, listening to some songs. He even had a nice, cool bottle of apple juice with him. Nothing could make this morning any better, unless something really cool fell out of the sky and landed on his lap. With his luck it just might happen. Yep, nothing could make this day any better.

Rose spent her fridays knitting. Knitting, knitting, knitting. She would knit quilts, scarves, mufflers, mittens, even ridiculously tacky ascots if she was feeling whimsical. This friday though, was best spent knitting outside. The weather was great, and it felt good to go for a walk every now and then. She was even considering writing another chapter of Complacency of the Learned, but not after she'd finished knitting an ushanka. Spiffy russian hats took priority over verbiose fantasy novels.

Normally Jade's fridays were spent gardening. This friday, however, was being spent searching her cabinets for old clothes. She'd made it her duty to help the local community whenever she could, and the thrift store always needed more donations. While she rummaged through a chest she found an old dress that hadn't seen the light of day in a while. Curious, she put it on to see if it still fit her. It was tight in a few places, but it fit her well, and after choosing a few clothes to donate left for the thrift store.

Friday was family day for the Egberts. Dad as always baked his beloved son a cake, but when he found his son running off to escape the machinations of a loving paternal figure and the evils of the dread batterwitch, he soon gave chase. Soon the streets were red with strawberry icing, and for every pastry John narrowly dodged 2 more would strike a bystander foolish enough to get in the way of a loving father. Through narrow alleys, crowded plazas and busy markets father chased son in a battle of speed and well-thrown cakes.

Dave's day was perfect. Hours of relaxation energized him, and he was eager to go back home and write some ironic raps. He even had some leftover apple juice that he could drink on the way home, which was always a plus. And to make this day even better than it was already, something really cool did fall from the sky and landed on him. Well, a girl in heavy armor crashing down on you was pretty painful, but no one can deny that it was really cool.

Rose finished her ushanka early, so she got down to writing a new chapter of Complacency of the Learned. In fact, she didn't just write a new chapter, she managed to work out some plot holes that've been bothering her for a while, and finished writing a detailed backstory for Zazzerpan that would explain his motivations and actions. A shame some incosiderate douche splashed his apple juice on her manuscript.

Jade flew back home after a fruitful day spent donating old things. It was still quite a surprise that her old iron lass dress fit her, and an even bigger surprise that it was still fully functional. The day would've ended real well, if a random pie hadn't hit her in the face and made her lose control of the dress' propulsion systems. At least she landed on something soft.

John had done his best to evade his father's cakes, but he'd reached the end of the line. He was tired from all the running, and he knew that his father's next throw would see his face covered in cake. Accepting his fate like a man, he closed his eyes and waited for the end. Dad lifted the cake up and threw it at his son, but he had swung his cake too high, and hit some flying robot bird or something like that. Alas, he was out of cakes, so he walked towards his son, gave him a hug while he whispered how proud he is of him, and took John to a fancy steakhouse.

All in all, it was a good friday.

Hah! I love how this one starts to fold in on itself after the first few paragraphs. You read it, and it sloooowly gets more and more complex. Nice job.

[Jeep-Eep]

I've got this idea rattling about in my skull for Battletech/homestuck crossover. I'm not quite sure that I'm able to write Clan characters convincingly (I really need to get those source books) but I have a reasonably good idea of them, and a few character ideas.

ViridianEyas (A Truebirth of Clan Jade Falcon, of the Mechwarrior phenotype,from a Buhallin-Hazen sibko. He still hasn't had his Trial of Position, like everyone else here, but you wouldn't guess it by how he postures. I'm thinking he'd butt heads with a haemospectrum obsessed aristocrat troll, who'd treat him like, well, someone lower on the blood ladder than him; having not figured out that he's not dealing with a troll. Crusader and very truebirth supremacist. In other words, a massive jerk, like, well.. the rest of his clan. His SBurb title is Hero of Caste.)

AbyssalEquine (Freebirth of Clan Hells Horses, Elemental Phenotype. Chats from his Freebirth Sibko, bit more of a pleasant person to talk to than the previous guy. Politically, he's a Warden, like much of the lower echelons of that clan. He gets along surprisingly well with VE, given their differences. SBurb title: Foe of Chaos)

ParahMongrel (Truebirth Mechwarrior of Clan Wolf-In-Exile. Better known as the girl who VE hates almost as much as Haemospectrum troll. Warden, like her clan. Something of a snarker, at least by clan reckoning. Likes stirring VE into a frothing rage and does so regularly and with great skill.)

FacetedCartilaginous (Technician Caste of Clan Diamond Shark, AKA L33T Chatterweb skills guy. He's already shown great prowess in making the Chatterweb [Clanner internet] do exactly what he wants. Hated by VE, especially after an incident where, after being insulted by him, VE's entire sibkos' Chatterweb access went down for a week. No one can pin anything on him for that incident. But everyone's fairly certain who's responsible. The time player in their session.)

SpectralUrsine (Clan Ghost Bear, Truebirth Warrior Caste, Elemental phenotype. Better known as the Inner Sphere nerd. Spends as much time possible finding out everything about the Inner sphere that he can [read "Is allowed".] Doesn't get along well with VE.)

FlaringNeko (Clan Nova Cat, Aerospace phenotype. Aka, the wierdo. Not many of this group like her. VE because she's from a abjured clan and a traitor to the clans in his eyes, everyone else because she's... wellll...out there. Always trying to relate some vision to everyone else. SU and PM humor her. Everyone else tries to block her. Ironically, Haemo-troll treats her and FC with the most respect, much to VE's fury.

[Path]

@battlerek - I like this on the condition that I block out the idea of Jade having a "local community". :P
(Oh Rose, I think you're wonderful.)

[Degulus]

I got ideas for continuation of my SlickFic that I wrote the other day. And I think I've settled on a title for what I hope to be an on going AU. "White Pin"

So without further bullshitting from me:

White Pin Chapter 2: Antlion

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You Wake up. You weren't sure you would. Naw this ain't the first time you got back up... it's all blurred together but, you've been here for weeks. You had such big plans, but it's all you can do to survive. You've got time. Need it to heal. You've got a world to conquer, and it ain't gonna roll over for your broken ass.

You need a new crew. You remember the kid. How eager he was to go through with your plans. You were gonna backstab him eventually, but there was some respect behind that. Maybe that's just nostalgia setting in.

But thinking of him, remembering using those brats for your plans gives you an idea. Gives you something to be optimistic about. Trolls are rather solitary creatures, and everyone but the brats of the species of are out in space somewhere. The brats are tough, but even like this you got hope of taking them one on one.

But the kid... so eager to help you. All his little pals pulling off your master plan... even if they stabbed your back first. You can't take this world on alone, you need a new crew. You might as well try to con some new brats into doing the grunt work.

You can hear the moans of the undead again. They're hunting, maybe you can follow them. Save some brat? That'll get you in good. Having someone owe you their life is a perfect way to get them to do what you need.

The moaning things march for hours, they ignore you, driven to some invisible goal. Your path has led to sandy terrain. Something you're not unfamiliar with, though it feels longer ago than your time with the kid. Maybe having to watch it over again makes it all feel a little more fresh.

You should have been paying more attention, not daydreaming about the damn past. It was such an obvious trap. You climbed a dune, and before you knew it you were sliding down a slope of loose sand on the other side. A gaping maw at the bottom.

Some kid pulled you out. Said his lussus is only supposed to eat the undead. Only reason you ain't dead. The damn thing chewed you up pretty bad, but you weren't it's meal of choice. The kid keeps going on and on about the color of your blood. He reminds you of the kid from so long ago.

He's grinning ear to ear, drags you back to his hive. He's saying a lot of stupid crap you don't understand... crap you don't care about. Shit... you didn't need to get chewed up on top of everything else. Any healing up you got in from wasting weeks in that rotted hive in the tree was wasted. You feel worse than you did when you started.

You slump in a corner. You can't bring yourself to listen to the kid rant. Eventually he gives up on talking to you and rushes over to his computer. He's talking to someone. You can see his expression change every once and a while. You watch him, and try to ignore the pain of your mix of new and reopened wounds.

anarchyNecrolord began trolling conspiracyClownbait

aN: \/\/h/-\t is up in\/ertebrother
cC: God 1 w1sh you wouldn'+ 2ay +ha+ k1nda 2h1+
aN: /-\nd \/\/e're /-\lready off to /-\ steller st/-\rt on this con\/ers/-\tion... perfect.
cC: Fuck you, man. Why do you alway2 go++a rem1nd me of... h1m
aN: Dude... fucking e\/erything re/\/\inds you of /\/\/-\ss/-\cre /\/\/-\k/-\r/-\, th/-\t is not /-\ thing th/-\t's /\/\y fault.
cC: God! D1d you really have to 2ay +he name +oo?
CC: even 1f 1+'2 half 1mpo221ble +o read the way you wr1+e 1+...
aN: Ye/-\h, I h/-\d to s/-\y the fucking n/-\/\/\e, c/-\use you're being /-\n insuffer/-\ble pussy.
aN: No\/\/, ho\/\/ /-\bout you cr/-\\/\/l out of your little terror bunker /-\nd \/\/e h/-\ve a re/-\l con\/ers/-\tion here?
aN: C/-\use I'll tell you /\/\y friend, /-\ fucking /\/\ir/-\cle just h/-\ppened do\/\/n here.
cC: …
cC: +ha+ was on purpo2e
aN: /\/\/-\ybe.
cC: M1racle2 are +he n1ghtmare2 horror+error2
aN: Oh, here \/\/e fucking go
cC: +ha+'s why he loved +hem... +hey were black as h12 2oul
aN: /-\re you done?
cC: +hey 2ay he spent +he final year2 of h12 life u21ng +roll1an to spy on us all... pas+, presen+, and future
cC: Gu1d1ng h1s cul+ +hrough all of h12+ory w1+h a ma221ve memo of pure ev1l
aN: Th/-\t's /-\ thing you s/-\y.
aN: Nobody else s/-\ys th/-\t. You /\/\/-\de it up.
aN: But lets shut up /-\bout th/-\t, c/-\use I'/\/\ /-\ctu/-\lly in /-\ good /\/\ood, /-\nd for so/\/\e god /-\\/\/ful re/-\son I \/\//-\nted to sh/-\re the ne\/\/s \/\/ith you first.
aN: /\/\ostly c/-\use you're the only one online, but th/-\t's /-\ good qu/-\lity to h/-\ve in /-\ best friend.
aN: /-\nyw/-\y, you gott/-\ check this shit out!

The kid turns around... takes a picture of you. You wonder what the fuck he's doing over there.

anarchyNecrolord transferred file “Near_Dead_Red.jpg”

aN: /-\n /-\ctu/-\l red blood! In my hive! C/-\n you believe it?!
cC: Uh... wha+ hell happened +o +h12 guy
aN: Not /-\ clue, /\/\/-\n. Found hi/\/\ in /-\nty's pit.
cC: He'2 got no fuck1ng horn2!
aN: Ye/-\h no shit.
aN: With ho\/\/ b/-\d he's been be/-\t up, there's no \/\//-\y he \/\/ouldn't h/-\ve lost e/\/\, think outside the box, /\/\oron.
cC: 1+'2 an al1en
aN: \/\/h/-\t?
cC: Come on, 1+'2 so obv1ously no+ a +roll!
cC: What k1nda w1ggler do you have +o be to +h1nk th12 hornle22 2hadow th1ng 12 a troll?
aN: Ok, fine, he's not a troll. But the cri/\/\son of the re\/olution runs in his \/eins!
cC: Oh my god, and you th1nk my perfectly reasonable terror of a cult that w1ll de2troy u2 all 12 annoy1ng
cC: 1+'2 bad enough that you +ype w1+h +ha+ absurd exaggera+ed shade of red
cC: You've wa+ched +ha+ mov1e too many +1mes. You're so gonna get culled 1f anyone f1nd2 out you have 1+
cC: Oh wa1t, you've len+ 1+ to everyone you've ever me+, 1n21s+1ng +hey wa+ch +he c1nema+1c wonder
aN: Ho\/\/ can you \/\//-\tch it and not be mo\/ed?! It \/\//-\s the gre/-\test story ever told!
cC: Massacre Makara wa2 dep1c+ed a2 a burn+ ou+ sopor head for half +he mov1e! And wa2n't even +he focu2 of any of the major plo+ +hread2
cC: How can a mov1e 1nclude one of h1story's mo2+ feared +roll2 and dep1c+ h1m a2 something 2o... 21lly!
aN: Bec/-\use /\/\/-\k/-\r/-\ \/\//-\sn't the point, du/\/\bass. \/\/hy the fuck \/\/ould a purple blood be the focus in a mo\/ie n/-\/\/\ed fucking “Red Blood”
cC: And +hat'2 another +hing, wha+ 12 w1+h +ha+ ab2urdly 2hor+ +1+le?
aN: It w/-\s /-\n /-\rtistic choice, /-\nd /-\ brilliant one! Ho\/\/ better to depict such /-\n original concept th/-\n with /-\ short /-\nd completely origin/-\l n/-\/\/\e. No /\/\o\/ie has ever co/\/\e close to /\/\/-\tching it.
aN: I still c/-\n't belie\/e ho\/\/ long he holds up his blood anony/\/\ity. You'd think for sure the I/\/\peri/-\l Drone would h/-\ve c/-\ught on when he picked up his p/-\ils.
aN: But hell no, the cr/-\zy fucker got his genetic /\/\/-\terial into the slurry.
aN: God I en\/y the ne\/\/ tier of the he/\/\ospectru/\/\. \/\/ish I had the red re\/olution in my \/eins.
cC: Van+a2 +he Red wa2 a +o+al urban legend, 1 can'+ bel1eve you th1nk +ha+ movie i2 real.
cC: Jus+ cau2e +hey +hrew 1n a ton of h12+or1cal f1gures l1ke Makara and Pyrope doe2n'+ mag1cally make 1+ a documentary
cC: 1 adm1+ 1+ wa2 an ok mov1e. Bu+ 1+'2 people l1ke you who wave 1t around l1ke banner +ha+ go+ 1+ banned 1n the f1r2t place
cC: There'2 no 2uch th1ng a2 red blood2. Atleast not the br1ght k1nd l1ke Van+a2
cC: And don'+ use your al1en a2 proof. +ha+ obv1ou2ly doe2n'+ coun+
aN: Spe/-\king of, I'/\/\ gonn/-\ go check on hi/\/\. He's le/-\ving a kick/-\ss red puddle in the corner.
aN: /-\nd /-\s b/-\d/-\ss /-\s th/-\t is, he h/-\sn't s/-\id /\/\uch since I dr/-\gged hi/\/\ in.

Notes:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

To be perfectly clear, since all we have to go on is a log, and Slick's stream of consciousness narration. This story is that Slick put Doc Scratch's pin in Die's Doll and was transported to a timeline where Scratch never existed, and did not meddle in the Trolls lives. And through the missing chain reactions, the Trolls never played Sgurb. A few generations have passed, and the Trolls we know have faded into history. But their effects on the world are still felt.

I'll say up front, if I keep getting ideas for this, I'm going to keep writing them down. The first part was going to be the only part, but I feel there is a lot that can explored here.

[anonymousComrade]

Welp, I've got the itch to write again

I don't want to give away the whole idea but I guess I could say it's being vaguely inspired by a bit of copypasta that goes around on /v/ occasionally, a series of posts made in a Homestuck thread on /co/ last night, and also a thought I had on how getting the trolls or kids to the other group's session could either work or fail spectacularly

Also it's kind of an excuse to write yet another sappy Karkat/Terezi scene! I think it's time I admitted I have a problem

Also also I kind of hope it doesn't become canon in the way it's unfolding in my head, but certain bits of recent updates could foreshadow it I suppose? It would be kind of a cop-out! But I think I would be okay with it, in the end

Enough about my rambling, I probably ought to start actually writing the damn thing

Stay tuned

[Rimbaum]

Oh jegus some ideas... I'm gonna toss a few out there and see what people think/if anyone even recognizes what I'm talking about. Nothing's done yet, just... I have ideas, okay?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Trollsongs that need revised titles:
Let The Monster Rise (Eridan/Feferi?)
At The Opera Tonight (SO MANY TO CHOOSE FROM)
Legal Assassin (either Gamzee or Eridan)
I Didn't Know I'd Love You So Much (Feferi/Sollux) OH GOG WHAT DID I DO?


Just a few cast pesterhandles:
legalAssassin
zydrateDealer
sightlessSoprano
keyboardSamurai (yeah, more a reference to the original stageplay, but still)

EDIT:

*cough*

ii diidn't know ii'd love you 2o muc)(

show spoiler

hide spoiler

ff be 2tiill
there ii2 nothiing you need 2ay
iit can waiit

T)(e furt)(est ring is culling me

2ometiime2 ii got really pii22ed
when the romcom2 ii 2aw were not quiite the way thiing2 were
2omehow ii gue22 ii ju2t knew
but ii diidn't know ii'd love you 2o much
ii diidn't know ii'd love you 2o much
ii diidn't know ii'd love you 2o much
but ii do

Sometimes I'd stay up all day
Wis)(ing to Gog t)(e culled trolls didn't )(ave to die
Sometimes it's not enoug)( time
But I didn't know I'd love you so muc)(
I didn't know I'd love you so muc)(
I didn't know I'd love you so muc)(
but I do

ii diidn't know ii'd love you 2o much

I didn't know I'd love you so muc)(

ii diidn't know ii'd love you 2o muc)(
but ii do

Sollux, go.

ff i will not leave you here
you will live

It's muc)( too late for me, dear
Go and save t)(e ot)(ers for me

we wiill alway2 )(ave eac)( ot)(er iin our tiime of need
ff you're the world two me
Sollux you're t)(e world to me

[Sionnan]

I know I haven't been in here much, but I'm hankering to do some writing. If anybody wants to throw out some ideas for fic's they'd like to see written, I'd like to give writing them a shot. 8D

[Kerensky287]

Battletech crossover

[NotAPumpkin]

I know I haven't been in here much, but I'm hankering to do some writing. If anybody wants to throw out some ideas for fic's they'd like to see written, I'd like to give writing them a shot. 8D

I always though it'd be good to see a fic where Jack Noir finally gets a decent one-liner.
"Just killing some Time."
(show him your stabs, Jack!)
And then reactions.
...
...
...
Am I a terrible person?

(I dunno, is this fic material??? I'm gonna go lurk forever now.)

[egregiousBass]

Do something horrifying with Karkat and Jack.

Alternatively, something with Nepeta and her John?Dersite ship...

[Sionnan]

I know I haven't been in here much, but I'm hankering to do some writing. If anybody wants to throw out some ideas for fic's they'd like to see written, I'd like to give writing them a shot. 8D

I always though it'd be good to see a fic where Jack Noir finally gets a decent one-liner.
"Just killing some Time."
(show him your stabs, Jack!)
And then reactions.
...
...
...
Am I a terrible person?

(I dunno, is this fic material??? I'm gonna go lurk forever now.)

I did a fic like that back in thread IV, where he shot one off at Bro right before he took off. Here it is.

Edit: also, hmmm. Karkat and Jack. Well, define horrifying, I guess? Though I wouldn't mind doing some examination of Jack's stabbity stab stab tendencies hanging around Karkat.

[lucidSeraph]

I know I haven't been in here much, but I'm hankering to do some writing. If anybody wants to throw out some ideas for fic's they'd like to see written, I'd like to give writing them a shot. 8D

HYPOTHETICAL TROLL GUARDIAN SHENANIGANS

STARRING ORPHANER DUALSCAR, WHO HAS ALL THE ROMANCE, ALL OF IT, ALSO ALL THE CONQUERING AND PLANETARY GENOCIDE, and couldn't be more embarrassed by his idiot grandson.

and this is why Eridan didn't get a letter, and also only got a copy of the Crosshairs rather than the real deal. Because damn son, you a disappointment.

[Kassiopeia]

I like to think that Orphaner Dualscar was kind of... a combination of Tony Stark and Old Spice Guy? With a dash of Captain Jack Sparrow in there for PIRACY.

Eridan of course can simply not compete.

[Aerodactylus]

@Rimbaum: Rimbaum...RIMBAUM. OH MY GOD. YEEEESSSSSS. You need to do Zydrate Anatomy, PLEASE. I'm BEGGING you.

I like to think that Orphaner Dualscar was kind of... a combination of Tony Stark and Old Spice Guy? With a dash of Captain Jack Sparrow in there for PIRACY.

Eridan of course can simply not compete.

No, no he doesn't. In fact, I find it hard to believe ANYONE could.