MSPA Fanfiction V: We're Going to Need More Wands

[mutecebu]

Graven... I refresh the fanfic page more often than the main site, hoping for new Indystuck. I like it.
EDIT: @lantadyme, I just read Mind Your Manners. MAN I love your stuff. Probably my favorite 1-shot of all time. That was a great use of somewhat depressing adversity without becoming too angsty, had character growth, and positive events, and Sollux was somehow adorable here. I love Terezi, and it was nice to get inside her head - you did it really well. I agree, seeing Sollux instead of KK was a nice touch. It's also a nice change of pace from fics based off the recent updates.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Kass: Adorable! And yet still frightening in an underlying sort of way.

@Layra: Ohhhh boy.

@SeptimusMagistos:

AA: karkat are y0u still m0ving
CG: OF COURSE I'M STILL MOVING I'M THE ONLY ONE STILL ALIVE ON THIS ROCK!
CG: THEY ALL JUST WENT NUTS AND STARTED KILLING EACH OTHER!!
CG: ...
CG: OKAY, I'M CALMING DOWN AND COMING TO THE REALIZATION THAT YOU'RE NOT STRIDER.
AA: karkat, n0 0ne else is m0ving
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
AA: n0t even jack
AA: i made sure of it
CG: YOU WHAT
AA: youre 0ut 0f place karkat
AA: i think
AA: its time

carcinoGeneticist has blocked apocalypseArisen!

AA: y0u st0p m0ving

The Trollian network has timed out, reconnecting in 0:59.
The Trollian network has timed out, reconnecting in 0:59.
The Trollian network has timed out, reconnecting in 0:59.

[Layra]

Of course Nepeta goes crazy. I mean, come on, her theme song is titled

Walls Covered In Blood

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He finds her crouched upon a vat, scanning the floor below. All he can see of her are her luminous eyes, but he knows she's swishing her hips to make her fake tail sway. Even during the height of the game she could never act appropriately, and now she is only getting worse.
"CT!" she exclaims. "The mighty mother cat is hunting!"
"Nepeta, get down from there at once! This is no time to be fooling around."
"She hasn't hunted anything in hours! Her kitties must be starving by now!"
Something glints in the dark. Her claws. She must have had them out to hunt. There is nothing to hunt on this rock, but she likes to pretend. This was why she could never live in a lawnring in a proper respite block. She has no proper conception of culling, only that of hunting, of predation. She has never even thought to find a more productive outlet for her impulses than simply killing and eating innocent creatures. And wearing their pelts! How utterly revolting.
But now is not the time for that. Now there are more important matters. "Several trolls have started culling sprees, according to our leader." he reports to her.
She blinks. "Culling?" The word sounds heavy on her tongue, and he realizes how slow her speech is. Normally she chatters like a charging hoofbeast, but now her voice is languorous, dripping. "AC is confused. Culling? she asks, Each other? She bats a paw at CT to get him to explain."
"Lord Ampora has," he trails off and gulps. "Lord Ampora has murdered our Empress." He wipes something off of his face, and he can't tell if it's sweat or tears. "Our Empress is dead, and the next in line also culled Kanaya and destroyed the Matriorb. Vriska has culled Tavros, and Lord Makara is threatening to finish the rest of us."
Nepeta's eyes go vacant, her gaze wandering into the distance. She lifts a hand to her mouth and absently licks one of her claws. "Trolls are hunting other trolls?" He glares at her.
"Nepeta!" She focuses back on him. "Come. Our leader has summoned us. We must advise and support him in this crisis."
"But CT, AC has other things she must do!"
He almost reprimands her for such blatant insubordination, but the lights of her eyes and the sheen of her claws are joined by rows of teeth.
"Nepeta, come down here."
No response, but the teeth part, the shadows coil and tense, her pupils grow impossibly large.
"Nepeta?"
Equius, I haven't killed anything in hours.

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:33

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Alternate last line: "Equius, I have to update my shipping wall."

Ah, yes, more trolls out for Karkat's blood. By my count this only leaves Sollux, Terezi, and God-tiered Aradia before every living creature in the universe is officially trying to kill him.

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I think my favorite part of the "Nepeta goes crazy and kills everyone" scenario is that, in accordance to her character description, she'll take them back to her cave and EAT THEM, and from time to time, WEAR THEIR PELTS FOR FUN.

Future Karkat. Future Karkat somehow attempts to kill Current Karkat. We must make this happen somehow.

Also, I don't think it has happened yet but it needs to happen, a fic where Rose says, and without irony or intentional humor, "I'll never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

[Kerensky287]

So, I've encountered a bit of a conundrum. My reviewstorms seem pretty well-received in general and I do actually like doing them, but there are a couple of problems:

1) I'm still on page 76 of Thread 4. I currently have THIRTY-TWO pages to go. That's more than twice as many pages as I had to work through (ie. before I "broke even", as I thought of it) when I started reviewing.
2) As I've said before, reviewing takes a very long time. Reading a fanfic usually takes around 5-10 minutes, depending on length, but then I have to comment on them, and I do take great pains in trying to find things the author can improve on. So that's another 5-10 minutes per fic. I usually do 3 pages per day, and I'd estimate that there are 3-4 fics per page on average. So that's about 10 fics to work through, at around 15 minutes each. That's 150 minutes, or 2.5 hours per post.
3) I want to write more of my own stuff. I've wanted to start a series of related-ish one-shots for a while, and I have a bunch of other story ideas I want to write in addition to continuing Sburb Fortress (maybe. I dunno, it's not panning out like I thought it would). I've never timed myself writing a story but I estimate 30 minutes to an hour for a chapter/short story. So if I want to do both, that's at least 3 hours down the drain.
4) I work 40 hours a week in addition to other errands that I need to run. I'm in a new city and I don't know anybody, so I have no real social responsibilities at the moment, but that's part of the "errand" stuff - looking into ways to meet people. So shortly, I (hopefully) will have even less time to do that sort of writing.

In summary, I want to keep doing the big ol' review things, but I can't even come close to keeping up (This thread has gotten 7 pages in TWO DAYS, and I count no less than 6 fics on this page alone) and even maintaining my current working rate is a pretty big drain on my resources.

So my question is this: how many of you guys actually do look through the review posts? Do any of you read criticism related to stories that aren't your own? Be totally honest, too. If a lot of people make a lot of use out of them I'll probably try to keep at it, maybe 2 pages a day or something, but if I don't get much of a response I'll probably stop.

And don't say something like "If it's that much work it's okay if you stop", because I ENJOY doing them, and if I wasn't doing that, I'd be playing TF2 or just doing my own writing, so it's not like there's a lot of productivity I'd be missing out on. If other people enjoy them too, then it's win-win and I'll try to keep it up. But if only like 2 people care then I'll probably stop because I don't feel like I'm making any sort of dent in the workload, and there's plenty more I can do to fill in the space.

(Not doing a page tonight by the way, I've got a bit of an early start and I have other stuff that needs doing before I hit the hay.)

So yeah, thanks in advance.


EDIT: Oh yeah, and Some Kind of Monster (eB's fic that I requested sent to me) is less explicitly horrifying than the other one that I went all "oh no" over but what's left to the imagination is actually worse, in a way. The quality of work is as good as it's ever been but I agree with the decision to remove it from the thread. :/ No offense meant!

[SkaianRedeemer]

I do tend to read them, Kerensky, because they remind me of the fics I was reading at the time and I think that's nifty. So I suppose I don't even mind you being behind, so long as you're working at a pace that works for you.

[Kassiopeia]

I always read your reviews, Kerensky! BUT if it is a huge amount of work, perhaps you could begin from the start of this thread, so you've got less of a backlog to catch up on?

[DJ-P0N3]

@Kerensky
You bet I checked on the comment dump.
I loved it!
It was great!
Kass has a good idea.

[NateDude]

@Kass: Adorable! And yet still frightening in an underlying sort of way.

@Layra: Ohhhh boy.

@SeptimusMagistos:

AA: karkat are y0u still m0ving
CG: OF COURSE I'M STILL MOVING I'M THE ONLY ONE STILL ALIVE ON THIS ROCK!
CG: THEY ALL JUST WENT NUTS AND STARTED KILLING EACH OTHER!!
CG: ...
CG: OKAY, I'M CALMING DOWN AND COMING TO THE REALIZATION THAT YOU'RE NOT STRIDER.
AA: karkat, n0 0ne else is m0ving
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
AA: n0t even jack
AA: i made sure of it
CG: YOU WHAT
AA: youre 0ut 0f place karkat
AA: i think
AA: its time

carcinoGeneticist has blocked apocalypseArisen!

AA: y0u st0p m0ving

The Trollian network has timed out, reconnecting in 0:59.
The Trollian network has timed out, reconnecting in 0:59.
The Trollian network has timed out, reconnecting in 0:59.

Hopy shit, This needs to be a full fic RIGHT NOW!

[-Benedict]

Kerensky, comment dumping the fanfic thread is an amazingly awesome thing to do- people do pages at a time in the art threads, but this is all kinds of lots of work. Please continue to be awesome. (and maybe get to hkgs derp derp derp no rush)

EDIT: also whoa, Skaian, is that Aradia going crazy? Because it looks like Aradia going crazy. -er.

[SeptimusMagistos]

Misunderstanding:

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Tavros tended to feel very uneasy around Feferi.

Her blood was part of it. Like so many other trolls, Tavros largely ignored both the blood colors and the caste system that came with them. It didn’t matter to him whether someone’s blood was red or blue. But Feferi was different, of course. She was the Heir Designate, meaning she could quite possibly become the leader of all trolls everywhere. Naturally, Tavros found that a little intimidating.

Still, he could have dealt with that. Tavros was very good at overlooking differences. As far as he was concerned, if someone wanted to be his friend, he would be a friend right back. That’s why even the most savage of Alternian creatures would pal around with Tavros instead of killing him horribly.

And Feferi seemed to want to be his friend very much. She was always happy and excited about everything, and almost never angry (a rare feat indeed in troll culture). She admired his animal friends and told him about her own pets. It was all very interesting and friendly. Except for the culling.

To hear Feferi tell it, she was very enthusiastic about culling. She did it herself and encouraged others to do it. When she became the ruler, she would make culling the cornerstone of her policy.

As a crippled low-blood of questionable usefulness, Tavros found that a bit unnerving.

Like this one time…

“Hey there Tavros!” the Heir Designate flashed a smile with a million sharp, pointy teeth.

“Uhhh, hey there, Feferi,” Tavros tried to give a smile of his own. Even he had to admit it was forced.

“Aw, you look so sad in your little wheelchair. I wonder: do you want some culling?”

“N-no. Of course not. No culling necessary here. Uhhh, it’s not like there is going to be much call for culling now that only twelve of us are left, right?”

“Of course there is! That just means that culling has become more important than ever!”

“Oh. Well, I can assure you that I need no culling whatsoever.”

“No, no, someone really should cull you. Vriska certainly isn’t going to get the job done!”

“Oh,” the boy felt his face grow fainter.

“Oh, you don’t look so good! Why, if you don’t get better soon, I might just have to cull you myself!”

“Uhhhh, there’s no need. I’m actually fine. See?” Tavros drew himself tall and straight in his chair, trying to look like the picture of health.

“Heh. Well, all right, if you think so. But I’ll be watching you, just in case you need some good culling,” Feferi winked and then skipped off with a laugh.

Tavros hurriedly wheeled himself off. Clearly he had to find some way to show Feferi he was alright. But how?

Maybe Kanaya would know.

[Decker]

HELLO THREAD. I BRING YOU A TALE OF SAPPY VAMPIRE SHENANIGANS. PLEASE ENJOY.

Hearts And Arrows

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This is all his own fault for falling asleep in the lab. He had tried to keep vigil for his friends, but the rage and exhaustion had overcome him, and he dozed off on the floor. He dreamt restlessly of wriggling tentacular masses and grinning beaked maws and, if he was very lucky, he saw Kanaya and Feferi perish over and over again, waves of green and purple spilling into nebulae of dark abominations and cycling back again in slow motion.

He was woken by a soft, liquid sound, unidentifiable and almost inaudible, but infinitely disturbing. Sollux is still unconscious beside him, angular but warm, and most importantly, breathing. The sound continues, and he sits up as stealthily as he can, reaching for the comfortable weight of his sickle. As he looks around he feels a sudden jolt of horror, almost before he can process what he's seen. Kanaya and Feferi's bodies are missing.

He crawls out from under the desk, sickle clutched between his teeth, and tries not to grunt in disgust as he feels his hand skid on a slippery trail of liquid. Blood. The metallic smell is everywhere in the air, and here is a spattering of green, and here is a dark trail of purple across the floor, meandering as though some beast of prey has dragged Feferi away. The trail continues round behind a pillar, and he realises to his horror that this is the source of the strange noise, and that it is unmistakeably the sound of feeding.

He has never been so scared in his entire life. On the other hand, the longer he listens the more quickly the fear is replaced by boiling anger. At least two of his friends are dead, at least two are homicidal maniacs, his supposed girlfriend is probably off fawning over some dead human douchebag right now, and now he's got a hungry space monster to deal with? Fuck that.

He storms round the corner with a snarl, brandishing his sickle in the most intimidating way he can manage. In retrospect, he should have given some thought to the fact that though both bodies are missing, the trail of blood was entirely magenta, because rather than some godawful clawed monstrosity, hunched over Feferi's corpse is-

"Kanaya? What in the ass-grabbing name of almighty fuck are you doing?"

"Karkat," she whispers. She looks hurt, but one look at those gentle eyes tells him something here is definitely, unquestionably, wrong beyond the telling of it. Her pupils are black and swollen and there is a magenta smear on her lower eyelid. Blood is streaked down her cheeks and her mouth is stained all over, as though she's been gorging on cherries. She gives him one long, apologetic look before dipping her neck again and lapping at the edge of the gaping hole in Feferi's torso.

"Oh my fucking god," says Karkat, his eyes widening. For a moment he can only stand there, his sickle held limply at his side. He isn't sure whether he wants to greet Kanaya joyfully or go and throw up quietly in a corner. After whole seconds of inaction, he settles for trying to pull her bodily away from Feferi. She surrenders her grip with little protest, her arms flailing weakly before she falls on top of him, bearing them both to the floor.

"S-sorry," she murmurs, gazing down at him with an expression halfway between stunned surprise and the anxiously apologetic Kanaya he knows so well.

"Oh, that's okay then," he says, "As long as you're sorry, I guess we can all laugh it off! Sorry Feferi, looks like I landed face-first on a major artery, haha whoops."

"Ha ha?" she says, head on one side.

"Yeah, ha fucking ha. Really hysterical how you died and everything, great- great fucking punchline, Fef's douchebag ex-boyfriend turning out to be a fucking murderous psychopath, I thought that was so funny, you don't even know. And Gamzee, well, he's just a laugh a minute, ha, ha, ha, honk, ohh, god..."

Karkat collapses on the floor, his body convulsing, racked with what might be either heaving sobs or hoarse-throated laughter.

"Please let me explain myself," she says, touching his shoulder lightly, "I can't say I know exactly what's happened to me - I just woke up and I was so terribly hungry, and..."

"And what? You thought hey, that dead chick sure looks tasty, I guess I'll just go sink my fucking fangs in?"

"Um, sort of like that I guess," says Kanaya in a small voice, "She just... smelled... really good."

Karkat falls back to the tiles again, holding one arm over his face and howling. "She smelled really good? She- and you don't know what's happened to you? I thought you loved those fucking books. You're a rainbow-drinker, Kanaya, god help us all."

"Don't be ridiculous, Karkat," she says, sitting back and hugging her knees with a surprising amount of dignity for a girl streaked in royal purple from nose to breastbone. "Rainbow drinkers are mythological creatures."

"So are fucking angels," he says, "So are imps and basilisks. Magic was supposed to be fake, wasn't it? You know, that fake, non-functional, completely made-up wand you made for Eridan? Yeah?"

"Yes," says Kanaya, shuffling nervously, "I must concede I made a horrible mistake there."

"Haven't we all," says Karkat, before adding, "I mean, apart from me, I'm your glorious leader who never - you know, all that."

"Yes, I know," she says, "I would never even consider suggesting your fallibility, oh magnanimous one."

Karkat sits up and wipes his eyes on his sleeve, his composure restored and the dark circles round his eyes only slightly stained with tears.

"Well. What the fuck are we going to do with you."

Kanaya flinches a little. "It's all right, Karkat, I think I can probably keep control of myself. The initial ravening has faded. Believe me, I considered simply removing myself from the fray, but I thought the sudden evanescence of my corpse might cause more trouble than my continued presence in my current state, and also, I'm not entirely certain that I can actually, you know, die."

"What?" says Karkat, "Sorry, give me a moment to hack through that overgrown fucking wordthicket, are you telling me you thought about killing yourself?"

"Well you can't imagine I was awfully happy about being suddenly really, really keen on the idea of drinking Feferi's blood, can you?"

"Oh, god," says Karkat, pulling her towards him as though she is a particularly truculent sack of potatoes, and wrapping his arms around her shoulders in what may be the most ungainly hug she has ever experienced. "You stupid fucking undead moron."

"Karkat," she says after a moment, "I... I'm still a little hungry."

"You can't wait till Eridan gets back? Turn him into the Prince of fucking Snacks for you."

"It's quite urgent," she says, with an apologetic smile and a faint green blush of shame. "Maybe you ought to look away? If it's any consolation I - I don't think Feferi would mind awfully."

"Makes it more overwhelmingly disturbing, if anything," says Karkat, "I'm excited for you to drink my fluids, Kanaya! Glub fucking glub."

"There's no need to be crude," says Kanaya, "I will be very respectful. And it's better than hurting you or Sollux. I could never forgive myself if any of you came to harm." There's a note of genuine fear in her voice, and she seems to be worrying compulsively at her sleeve with one fang.

"Yeah, but I'm the leader, and I say nobody else is chewing on Fef," he says, and why must his voice crack in the middle of such a ridiculous speech? "She - she's suffered enough, all right?"

"I'm not unaware of the indecency of the situation," says Kanaya. She tries to wipe the blood from her face, but there's a horrendous quantity already on her sleeves, and the pigment stains like a dye, criss-crossing her face in shades of berry-purple.

"Here," says Karkat, and reaches out to dab a particularly egregious streak from her nose. "You look like fucking Gamzee got caught in the rain or something." To his complete horror, she starts sniffling at his touch, and a green tear wells up and runs down her cheek. Oh dear god. Has he made two whole girls cry in the last hour? He really is a sterling fucking diplomat.

"It's OK, Karkat," she says, seeing the look on his face. She wipes her eyes and brings out her usual half-smile. "Just... please believe that I don't want to take anything more from Feferi than has already been taken, any more than you do."

"Well, shit," he says, "Look, just... fucking bite me, all right?"

"That's absurd," she says, "It's simply not an option. I wouldn't even know how, and besides, the risks are too great."

"I'm not having you nibbling Sollux when I'm not around," he says, "Just do it. Least if I die I'm out of this fucking place."

She shakes her head vehemently, but he notices with some alarm that she is already leaning in towards him, her mouth slightly open, and two white fangs showing longer and sharper than before. He stares determinedly upwards, the possibility of eye contact in this moment striking him as the one thing that could make the situation any more awkward. He feels her lips brush against his neck in a way which is quite disconcertingly pleasant, before she pulls back suddenly.

"Are you certain that you are okay with this, Karkat?" she says, "It's just that you've gone silent."

"No, no, I'm fine, uh, aren't those ceiling tiles fucking fascinating, what a really interesting shade of oh my god this is really weird what are you doing - "

Karkat would never under any form of torture admit that he had, in fact, read and enjoyed certain of Kanaya's romance novels. Most of them glossed over the actual sensation of the bite of the smouldering rainbow-drinker heroine in a flourish of sugary metaphors, all of which now strikes him as complete barefaced bullshit. There are certainly no fireworks or blossoming flowers or beautiful sunsets in Karkat's mind. If nothing else, it is extremely painful, and having Kanaya snuggled up so close would be embarrassing enough if she wasn't running her fingers through his hair in a manner that strikes him as, to say the least, inappropriate.

She pulls away after less than a minute, leaving Karkat feeling as though he may never move his neck again. She is smiling softly, and there is a rosebud stain of red on her lips. Karkat is about to say something about how it's strange that he used to worry so much about everyone finding out about his mutant blood, and how much things have changed, but before he can get the words out Kanaya is kissing him on the mouth.

She sighs gently and settles into his arms contentedly, and he almost doesn't have the heart to push her away, but the taste of his own blood is just too unsettling. Besides, he's never really kissed anyone like this before and he'd always kind of hoped that when the time came it would be Terezi. Not that anyone can ever know that.

"Kanaya," he says, shaking her by the shoulders, "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

She jumps back, blinking. "I-I do apologise," she squeaks, "I didn't mean anything by it, I don't know what I was doing, I, er... I am so sorry, this was completely inappropriate. You and Terezi are already-"

"Yeah, let me know if you've got any idea what's going on there," he says, "Like she's not all over that self-important human asshole like he's made of rainbows or whatever. But. Yeah."

"Shall we make an agreement to forget that this ever happened?" says Kanaya, her gaze fixed on what is evidently a particularly fascinating scrap of robotic debris.

"Already forgetting," he says, "I mean it's not like my feelings for you or whatever would even fall into that quadrant anyway, not that there's got to be a goddamn quadrant involved or anything, it only ever fucks things up more than they already are, I mean, look around us..."

"Karkat," she says quietly, gesturing at the ground beside him, "A matter for your consideration."

He glances down. Finger-painted in the dust on the floor-tile between their legs is a small pink diamond.

"I realise this isn't really the traditional sort of time to begin formulating conciliatory pairings, but I just thought, in case something terrible were to happen, I would be honoured-"

She looks up at him, biting her lip.

"You know what? I think once we get to the point where you're drinking my blood, you don't even have to ask," he says. She smiles, and for a second Karkat may almost be persuaded to admit the possibility that their miserable existence isn't quite so futile as all that.

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"Did you draw that in my blood?"

"I had to improvise with the materials at hand."

A/N

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The title is actually a red herring - the "hearts and arrows" effect is a property of certain cuts of diamond

Also, this was absolutely inspired by Dehgan and arcaneCalligramancer's fantastic work, and I hope I haven't followed too closely in their footsteps! I also hope the blood and kissins in this doesn't make it too intense for the forum - it will be up on AO3 soon enough, so I can switch it out for a link if it makes anyone uncomfortable.

It was quite a touching story. And then I opened the last spoiler. And then I laughed.
Great job.

[-Benedict]

Oh hey hilarious cuttlefishCuller and adorable rainbow drinker Kanaya I somehow missed. Where have you been during all the sadfic? Don't you know that awesome and funny is the best thing?

[Quephry]

Once again you guys have made a wonderful new thread

[Vethica]

So I wrote a sonnet about the most recent updates! I couldn't find a separate poetry thread, though, so I hope the fanfiction thread is the right place for it. If not let me know. ANYWAY sonnet time~

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A ghost girl who came back to life – and how;
A boy humiliated, crippled, dead;
A KO’d nerd who’s lost two girlfriends now;
A scared ex-leader, crying tears of red.

A plucky catgirl – whereabouts unknown;
A meddler now out of her friends’ hair;
A lawyer solving this case on her own;
A jerk who made us love her and despair.

A blue-blood purist who has yet to act;
A mad clown who’s run out of sopor slime;
A lonely tool who finally went and cracked;
A future Empress cut down in her prime.

And... Rufio? Wait what is going on –
HI GUYS LOL J/K let’s get back to John.

[JudgeDeadd]

So my question is this: how many of you guys actually do look through the review posts? Do any of you read criticism related to stories that aren't your own? Be totally honest, too. If a lot of people make a lot of use out of them I'll probably try to keep at it, maybe 2 pages a day or something, but if I don't get much of a response I'll probably stop.

I'm a regular reader, though, frankly, I only read reviews for the works I've read

[morpheoMancer]

So I wrote a sonnet about the most recent updates! I couldn't find a separate poetry thread, though, so I hope the fanfiction thread is the right place for it. If not let me know. ANYWAY sonnet time~

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A ghost girl who came back to life – and how;
A boy humiliated, crippled, dead;
A KO’d nerd who’s lost two girlfriends now;
A scared ex-leader, crying tears of red.

A plucky catgirl – whereabouts unknown;
A meddler now out of her friends’ hair;
A lawyer solving this case on her own;
A jerk who made us love her and despair.

A blue-blood purist who has yet to act;
A mad clown who’s run out of sopor slime;
A lonely tool who finally went and cracked;
A future Empress cut down in her prime.

And... Rufio? Wait what is going on –
HI GUYS LOL J/K let’s get back to John.

[-Benedict]

So my question is this: how many of you guys actually do look through the review posts? Do any of you read criticism related to stories that aren't your own? Be totally honest, too. If a lot of people make a lot of use out of them I'll probably try to keep at it, maybe 2 pages a day or something, but if I don't get much of a response I'll probably stop.

I read all the reviews and all of the fics. All of them. I eat fanfics like Andrew eats readers' souls.
WHICH IS TO SAY I EAT THEM IN QUITE A LARGE VOLUME.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@spacetimeCounselor: SeptimusMagistos was right. It was probably her turn. Crazy Eridan, Gamzee, Equius, Nepeta... Besides, Karkat was getting on her nerves. It's hard to be a God of Time, observing and operating every split second. It's hard and no one understands. ...Now no one has to. 0_0

@SeptimusMagistos: I like the idea of these two. Or maybe it's just the awkward Tavros. Whichever, I still like it.

[Layra]

Come to think of it, homicidal Fef would have certainly been possible. She suddenly reveals that by "culling", she meant "culling" all along, and that she's very disappointed with her subjects.
And of course Kanaya going nuts with the chainsaw would have been equal parts gory and hilariously camp.
Too bad they're dead.

[SeptimusMagistos]

I maintain that the worst potential outcome would be Tavros going insane. Sure, semi-pacifistic Tavros who fights reluctantly isn't a big threat. Tavros using his powers to their fullest extent...well, for one thing he can control animals, Dersians, and First Guardians. What is Bec Noir again? Oh, that's right.

And if Tavros's death was anything at all like Aradia's...and he's listening to the voice of HB, who's become enraged about all of this...

[H-Waters]

Another revision. Criticism, please. Original here, 1st revision here.

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A man was just strolling on the open space of New Comicon. His name was Rich Warwick. he hated New Comicon, but his girlfriend, who liked comics, persuaded him to come. They were to meet somewhere, after lunch. Unfortunately, Rich did not remember where exactly. Then, he happened over a very small stall. The stall had nothing on it, and the man who owned the stall was sitting on the floor. Rich moved himself to have a beter look at the strange man. He had a gigantic beard, and was shouting, "Criticism here! Criticism here! No Fees!" So Rich inquired, "Criticim, eh? Tell me what you think about Homestuck." It was one of the things that his girlfriend babbled about. And so the strange man answered, "Homestuck has little Humor. It is not supposed to be Like That. Homestuck belongs to the realm of Serious Webcomics. Andrew Hussie Planned It as Such. Also, Homestuck and Problem Sleuth are Two Distinct Webcomics. It shoudln't be compared to Each Other, as some people dooo..." "Maybe you just read that from the internet," the normal man interrupted. Offended, the strange man shooed him away.

After a tour of New Comicon, he was ready to eat lunch outside. But there was a blockade at the exit. All of them were fans of a certain webcomic which garnered criticism after it ended. It was because Garret, the one who created the webcomic, had shown several other people in the webcomic world with a bad light. But the fans, in their idiocity, ignored all that, and bashed several people who didn't like what Garret did. It was normal fandom behavior. What bothered Rich the most was what was written on the placards. They all said one thing. 'End.' Rich said, "What the hell is this?" Almost immediately, the fans said in a hideous chorus, "We are not letting any haters of our webcomics pass!" Rich replied, "I don't hate your webcomic! I don't even know what webcomic it is!" But the fans looked at him with hateful eyes. Rich tried to move his way through the fans. It was futile, since everybody was as rigid as a stone. "I will tell the police about this." Rich hurried to the entrance of New Comicon, but he didn't seem to find it. Even after thirty minutes of running around, the entrance was still gone, and he was getting hungry by the minute. Then, a sudden blackout came. Rich ran through the shocked crowd, bumping over several people, and hurting a few, in the process. By that time, he forgot about his girlfriend. He was now worried about lunch. And a truck came into view...

"Ahhh...!" CRASH!

"Where am I?"
"You're in the world of Alternia. Right now the mess is about to begin. You may call this a sort of hell, because it is."
"What mess?"
"Oh, it's still too early to know about that."
"Who are you?"
"I'm just a wandering angel. You may call me Martin. I have some tasks for you."
"Ooh, tasks. What are they, and by whose orders?"
"You are to find Andrew Hussie, and apologize to the man who gives criticism. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you who ordered you to do these."
"Why am I here? Who is this Hussie guy? Tell me."
"You'll see, soon enough."
"Hmph. Are there any word creatures around that could kill me?"
"Well, there's the trolls and their lusus. But I'm sure, at this point of time, they won't harm you."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Forgot about the musclebeasts. Look out for them."
"Musclebeasts?"
"Yes, musclebeasts. I could show you who they are."
"No thank you."
"Wait, where are you going?"
"There must be a way to get out of here."
"Unfortunately, there isn't. You're trapped until the trolls finish...oh."
"Finish what?"
"Nothing. Well, got to go now. Goodbye."
"Wait, wait..."
And Martin disappeared in a flash. Rich was left wondering about many things, in the mysterious world of Alternia.

[P_equals_NP]

okay guys here's my first non-ironic fanfic. it basically is still ironic though because it was supposed to be an ironic joke at first but i kept prolonging the punchline in favour of playing out my homestuck fantasies a bit longer until it turns into more of a terrible scum fanfic that i pulled out of my distended anus on one particularly constipated day

JADE AND KARKAT COMEDY BUT NOT REALLY FANFIC

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CG: JADE THERE IS SOME VERY URGENT BUSINESS I HAVE RIGHT THE FUCK NOW
CG: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING
GG: hello karkles!
CG: HELLO JADE
CG: AND SHUT THE FUCK UP I HAVE SOME URGENT BUSINESS TO DEAL WITH HERE
GG: wait before you start that
GG: can i ask you something for a second??
CG: ONLY IF ITS SOME MOMENTARY SHIT
CG: THIS SHIT IS FUCKING URGENT
GG: why did th
CG: NO NO DAMMIT NOT MORE OF THE SHITTY ASS JOKES
GG: wait but you didnt let m
CG: NO NO SHUT THE FUCK UP DAMMIT IM TRYING TO TALK
GG: fine fine ill ju
CG: NO DAMMIT
GG: LISTEN TO THE PUNCLINE FUCKASS!
CG: ...
GG: ...
GG: ...
GG: PASSWORD FUCKASS
CG: WHAT NO THIS IS URGEN-
GG: I SAID PASSWORD YOU SACK OF SHIT KARKAT
CG: BU-
GG: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE A FUCKING PASSWORD YOU ASS BACKWARDS TROLL
CG: I JUS-
GG: FUCCKKKK MY HEADACHE IS COMING BACK
CG: IM-
GG: AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GG: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GG: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
CG: I LOVE YOU JADE
GG: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
GG: yay! you just gave me the password! now how hard was that?
CG: WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF ASS SHIT PASSWORD IS THAT YOU STUPID HUMAN SHIT
CG: YOU RETARDED WIGGLER PAILFUCKER
CG: YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCKASS
CG: HOW CAN YOU EVEN BE SO STUPID I MEAN
CG: I GO THROUGH ALL THAT WORK AND
GG: hushhhh karkless
GG: ily2

TG: Yeah hush dude.
TG: Only dreams now.

[egregiousBass]

The Ballad

Why did nobody comment on this? :o

I always love me some shady mafia tactics, and Deuce with Casey is gold. Maybe even better than Deuce with Sollux. I spotted "Had went" somewhere, but that's the only problem I remember seeing.

EDIT: Oh yeah, and Some Kind of Monster (eB's fic that I requested sent to me) is less explicitly horrifying than the other one that I went all "oh no" over but what's left to the imagination is actually worse, in a way. The quality of work is as good as it's ever been but I agree with the decision to remove it from the thread. :/ No offense meant!

My biggest fear when I wrote that was botching the subject with crappy writing, so I'm glad it isn't, by yours and kass' accounts. I'm also glad that I did implications well.

So no offense taken. Yours is the kind of reaction I wanted to provoke =P

(but only 'provoke' insofar as it's sollicited.)

Edit: @ The above:
You do realise the obvious nonsequitur in that chatlog, right? It's a chat program. You can't interrupt eachother midsentence.
It's a thing I see quite often, as well as this kind of formatting:

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GC: 1 H4V3 4LL MY THOUGHTS SORT3D
GC: 1N 4DV4NCE, SO 1 GU3SS 1'LL PR3SS
GC: 3NT3R 4T TH3 3ND OF 3V3RY L1N3
GC: >:?

[Walliard]

So I wrote a sonnet about the most recent updates! I couldn't find a separate poetry thread, though, so I hope the fanfiction thread is the right place for it. If not let me know. ANYWAY sonnet time~

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A ghost girl who came back to life – and how;
A boy humiliated, crippled, dead;
A KO’d nerd who’s lost two girlfriends now;
A scared ex-leader, crying tears of red.

A plucky catgirl – whereabouts unknown;
A meddler now out of her friends’ hair;
A lawyer solving this case on her own;
A jerk who made us love her and despair.

A blue-blood purist who has yet to act;
A mad clown who’s run out of sopor slime;
A lonely tool who finally went and cracked;
A future Empress cut down in her prime.

And... Rufio? Wait what is going on –
HI GUYS LOL J/K let’s get back to John.

You are the best.

[-Benedict]

Edit: @ The above:
You do realise the obvious nonsequitur in that chatlog, right? It's a chat program. You can't interrupt eachother midsentence.
It's a thing I see quite often, as well as this kind of formatting:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

GC: 1 H4V3 4LL MY THOUGHTS SORT3D
GC: 1N 4DV4NCE, SO 1 GU3SS 1'LL PR3SS
GC: 3NT3R 4T TH3 3ND OF 3V3RY L1N3
GC: >

AAAAAAAAAAA I knooooow! It bothers me SO MUCH, and it happens ALL THE TIME, and I keep being too polite to point it out. Thank you for pointing this out to people.