Jury Duty: The Aisleventure {U4GC} {Fin}

[Kíeros]

What a lovely spring day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, all the stereotypical starting items are included, and you have not a care in the world. You walk outside, to get your mail. Let's see... bill, junk, bill, summons, catalogue... summons? It seems that the justice system has decided to ruin you nice day by making you spend all day in a stuffy courthouse. While driving to the courthouse, you figure out the perfect way to get out of you "right". Yes, this plan is perfect. To get out of it, you must...

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Welcome to another entry in the "Up For Grabs Contest". Milking as much humour out of the justice system as possible is very difficult, so the lack of humour will make this even more funny. Just a warning for you legal sticklers out there, I don't have even the background knowledge of a cop show or Ace Attorney to help, so this will completely mangle everything. Just deal with it.

[AvzinElkein]

Realize the letter was addressed to a person with the same name as you, but in the wrong address.

[Masterweaver]

>Exposit on what the heck an aisleventure is.
>Get shanghaied into the jurybox.

[Reecer6]

>Object to everything everyone says, then proclaim the defendant guilty

[Dragon Fogel]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I have the best command for this, which I will be saving for the big finish. Hopefully nobody comes up with it first.

>Drive your car into the courthouse! There's no way they'll let you serve on the jury after that.

[SonicLover]

>Inform the judge that it is against your religion to judge other people

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Wow, an Aisleventure's in this contest? That's a curveball. I wonder how it'll go.

[maxicaxi]

>dance, you are the scavenger king it is you

[OldManRupee]

Change your name to Suzi.

[MrEdwardNigma]

>Exposit on what the heck an aisleventure is.

Also, crash your car. I'm pretty sure getting into an accident is a decent excuse.

[OldManRupee]

I could be wrong here, but as I understand it an Aisleventure is one like "You Are 20 Seconds Away From Being Shot By Firing Squad" and similar adventures, where you are continually trying to get away from impending doom but always on the precipice of failure, and dying multiple times in the process.

[AvzinElkein]

I could be wrong here, but as I understand it an Aisleventure is one like "You Are 20 Seconds Away From Being Shot By Firing Squad" and similar adventures, where you are continually trying to get away from impending doom but always on the precipice of failure, and dying multiple times in the process.

I'm afraid this is incorrect. Aisleventures are basically "one scene, one action, restart until author gets bored." I may be wrong.

[Dfaran]

OldManRupee is sort of right, but not quite. The idea is that each individual suggestion leads to an ending. They're all taken from the same beginning.
SonicLover's Castle of the Four Winds is the original Aisleventure.
You can also check out the one linked in my sig for another example. </shameless self-promotion>

...but really this is Kieros's gig, so it's whatever Kieros says an aisleventure is.

[youdont12know]

GUILTY

[Kíeros]

Realize the letter was addressed to a person with the same name as you, but in the wrong address.

You go up to the court bailiff.
"Excuse me kind sir, but this says 1025 Elm Street, when I live at 1025 Maple Street."
"You just scratched out Maple and Wrote Elm."
"No I didn't..."
"Docket 14. Be there in ten minutes."
**Try that again when your handwriting imitates a typewriter**

>Get shanghaied into the jurybox.

"Hello, I'm not doing Jury duty."
"You're not going to the awesome party?"
"Party?"
"Yes, didn't you know Jury duty was a giant party?"
"No, I did not!"
"Go through those doors, and you can join us!"
"Okay!"
You head through the doors, before realizing that he had lied to you.
**It's not like you've fallen for that before. Oh wait, you have.

>Object to everything everyone says, then proclaim the defendant guilty

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"
"Yes."
"OBJECTION!"
"One more outburst like that and you will be held in contempt of court. Do you under-"
"OBJECTION!"
**Well, at least you will be on the other side of the Jury soon...**

>Drive your car into the courthouse! There's no way they'll let you serve on the jury after that.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"Special Parking Space."
"Here's a $20,000 fine, and here is the case you are reviewing."
**Looks like jury standards are slipping**

>Inform the judge that it is against your religion to judge other people

"I'm sorry, it's against my religion."
"And what religion is that?"
"Um... Hindislachristojudiobuddtaoshintoology?"
You react in astonishment when the judge pulls out a big book of religions.
"Hindislachristojudiobuddtaoshintoology... Nope. Says here that they thrive on judgement. You are juror number six."
**That religion that you want is 'Vodognostashiasufisikhijaniwiccanism'**

>dance, you are the scavenger king it is you

Obviously, ignoring the court and heading to your day job was the best course of action. Until, that is, the court police come and drag you to court in the middle of the third act.
**You still got a standing ovation**

Change your name to Suzi.

"Mister Kaleb Roark?"
"It's Suzi."
"Suzi?"
"Suzi."
"Okay, Mister Suzi Roark, Will you be a fair judge of this trial?"
"No?"
**Not so fast, BuckoSuzi.**

Also, crash your car. I'm pretty sure getting into an accident is a decent excuse.

"Sir, do you know what speed you were going at when your car ran into the wall?"
"Mnmpt (No)"
"It was 185kph."
"Mhptg gnhpm grtmnph? (Is that fast?)"
"You are lucky to be alive."
**At least being in a coma is a valid excuse. Now to pay of the thousands in medical bills**

GUILTY

"In breaking news, the jury of the Schwarzenegger V EMA case has determined in the shortest decision ever that video games do have no artistic value, and therefore, are obscene and can be legally banned. Gamers around the world are protesting the rash decision lead by the alleged gamer, Suzi Roark. He was unavailable for comments when leaving the courtroom."
**Too bad you love gaming. Now you can never play games again!**
---------------------------------------------
What a lovely spring day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining, all the stereotypical starting items are included, and you have not a care in the world. You walk outside, to get your mail. Let's see... bill, junk, bill, summons, catalogue... summons? It seems that the justice system has decided to ruin you nice day by making you spend all day in a stuffy courthouse. While driving to the courthouse, you figure out the perfect way to get out of you "right". Yes, this plan is perfect. To get out of it, you must...

show spoiler

hide spoiler

>Exposit on what the heck an aisleventure is.

OldManRupee is sort of right, but not quite. The idea is that each individual suggestion leads to an ending. They're all taken from the same beginning.
SonicLover's Castle of the Four Winds is the original Aisleventure.
You can also check out the one linked in my sig for another example. </shameless self-promotion>

...but really this is Kieros's gig, so it's whatever Kieros says an aisleventure is.

And that is what I say it is. That is just a more eloquent way than I would have put it.

I have the best command for this, which I will be saving for the big finish. Hopefully nobody comes up with it first.

I wait with bated breath.

Wow, an Aisleventure's in this contest? That's a curveball. I wonder how it'll go.

I did an Aisleventure because that was the first thing that popped into my mind when reading this prompt.

[Pharmacy]

>Make a shiv out of paper and shank someone.

[Dragon Fogel]

>Hire an actor to impersonate you.

[SonicLover]

>Skip town

[Reecer6]

>Realize you are in a Phoneix Wright Game, object to everything everyone says, then proclaim the defendant guilty

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Even though I've never played one of the games, Rarely will objectioning to everything cause you to get a penalty. In fact, it's more helpful than carefully examining the testimonies!

[Masterweaver]

>Be abducted by aliens and turned into a pig before ending up on a farm in india.

It could happen.

[AvzinElkein]

Find out that you didn't have anything else to do anyway, and go without complaints.

[Kíeros]

>Make a shiv out of paper and shank someone.

On your way to the courthouse, you fold up one of your Important Business Papers into a shiv.
That went over as well as you thought it would.
**Aw man, you didn't even get to shoa him your stabs.**

>Hire an actor to impersonate you.

Yes. Your personal trained twin would work perfectly in this situation.
"He lLo. I Am mo-mosT cer t ainleeeeee SuSuSuSuSuSu roark,"
**At least they didn't catch on for two minutes.**

>Skip town

Just drive past the courthouse and no-one will be the wiser.
Until you get the speeding ticket half a mile from the courthouse.
**Don't break the law near a courthouse, especially near one that you are avoiding**

>Realize you are in a Phoneix Wright Game, object to everything everyone says, then proclaim the defendant guilty

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"
"Yes."
"OBJECTION!"
"One more outburst like that and you will be held in contempt of court. Do you under-"
"OBJECTION!"
**Well, at least you will be on the other side of the Jury soon...**

>Be abducted by aliens and turned into a pig before ending up on a farm in india.

It could happen.

While driving along, you see a weird sight in one eye.
Oh. Must be those aliens. Whoops.
Unfortunately, pig is too good for you.
You are now a dungbeetle.
**Where are those revered?**

Find out that you didn't have anything else to do anyway, and go without complaints.

You have a merry day, deal with a few cases, and have an enjoyable time.
Then you realize you forgot to get your medicine that you desperately needed.
WHOOPS!
**WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR POSSESSIONS IDENTIFIED? Y/N**

[Masterweaver]

>Play sburb.

[AvzinElkein]

Tell them you have a medical condition, complete with a (real, not forged!) doctor's note.

[Reecer6]

>Tell the judge that you are already in trial in which an alien blind girl is judge

[Goodguy3]

>Throw Gnocchi at everybody!