Alabaster: The Doomed Session [NSFW] - On Her Majesty's Service
THE DOOMED SESSION
"Doomed" does not always refer to the fate Skaia has for alternate timelines and those who fall outside of its plans. The most selfish, arrogant and depraved trolls in all paradox space will explore the many senses of the word; many innocents will share their dark destiny.
Does this game think you're a pansy? Oh yeah, dude, it's the ultrasecret absolutely unfathomable adventure, you can't stand too much blood. Oh gog, you're so afraid.
You resolutely select the most shocking amount of content, the DOUBLE RAINBOW EXTREME censorship level. This game will learn how much of a man you are.
And now this. You will have nothing of this pretentious, nonsensical babble the most traditionalist idiots are calling dignified language. All these foreign-sounding words like bathtubs or safes just give you headache. You are a modern man, you are young, you are the real deal, and the world will know about it.
You proudly select the LOWEST BLOOD language level.
Since the parameters have been modified, no one will be allowed to name you. And that’s alright by you. No naming is the right way to do it. You will not stand being named by some random guy. You aren’t the average troll kid. You are the hype thing, you are the sports thing, you are the sexy thing.
Your name is VAMUIN IKENGA.
You have a large variety of INTERESTS, all of them being the most POPULAR AND STYLISH THINGS EVER. You are mainly an AWESOME SURFER, but you’re also good at ALTERNIAN FOOTBALL, WILD SKATEBOARDING, BASKETBALL, BASEBALL, and MUSCLEBEAST DECAPITATEBALL. You organize CRAZY PARTIES where you invite everyone you know and don’t know, and also MORE TIGHT PARTIES with only the most popular and beautiful young persons.
Your muscular, tall and handsome body, DEEPLY TANNED by moonburn naps every night and ultraviolet sessions every day, displays TATTOOS and PIERCINGS, but NOT TOO MUCH, because the last thing you desire is to not be wanted or accepted everywhere, by everyone. That is also why you know ALTERNATIVE MUSIC, but don’t listen to it frequently, and that’s the very reason you don’t allow yourself to PAINT or to SING or to PLAY VIDEOGAMES everyday.
GLOBETROTTING is pretty rare amongst the young trolls, but you traveled all around the world, mainly because it impresses everyone. You tried all kind of jobs and you like to think and claim you were always astounding at it. You trained well in order to join the ALTERNIAN ARMY someday, like all adults in your species. You seduced myriads of magnificent trolls.
You are a HIGH LEVEL PSIONIC. You are as strong as one can get without being a freak. You have the most stylish lusus. You have A LOT OF FRIENDS, because being ill with friendship is quite the hype thing these days. And of course, ALL OF YOUR ROMANCE QUADRANTS ARE FILLED. You are NOT PARTICULARLY LOYAL to them, however, because you’re just too cool to be the man of only four trolls.
You are also NINE SWEEPS OLD because there is no way the most awesome of awesome awesomies can't do the bucket thing. No. Way. In. Hell. And ALL PEOPLE YOU WILL EVER MEET will be nine sweeps old too.
Furthermore, you are THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE BLOOD WITHOUT BEING SOME KIND OF FISHY FREAK. Aquatic fauna just isn't sexy enough.
You have just installed a new pirated game, but you have not launched it yet. Your trolltag is righteousPornstar and yo°u like to° indicate yo°ur magnificent nipple piercing because, co°me o°n, it's just that aweso°me!
Oh, it's this little pervert. This is not good pailing material. Whatever. You are currently lacking someone to impress, and his conversations are always pretty funny, yet pretty disturbing.
magicalPaws [MP] began trolling righteousPornstar [RP]
RP: C==) I tho°ught I had specified, like, many times, that this nickname isn't that great, dude
MP: bubut its cute!
RP: C==) Whatever. Anyway, why didn't yo°u come at the party. I tell y°ou, it was epic
MP: goldie wanted not me to go!
RP: C==) We had lapdancers and a lo°t o°f scarabs and all the best things
RP: C==) We had video°games and hella no°stalgic so°ngs and To°zy's lusus made the craziest things with his no°se
RP: C==) And I go°t laid like eight times in the day
MP: i don't gnow what is a lalapdancer begause I am young you gnow. but I am sure it was a lot of fufun; what flavor were the scarabs? I like cottoncandy scarabs!
RP: C==) Co°tton candy? Dude, ho°w o°ld are yo°u again? We are, like, no°t do°ing any o°f this crap.
RP: C==) Gro°wn-up tro°lls have meatstuffed scarabs and that's abo°ut it
MP: i am young enough to be cute and lovable you gnow this ^o^
MP: i am sure goldie would have liked the scarabs though. he is just SO stubboborn!
RP: C==) Yo°u sho°uld man up man, yo°ur lusus is to°tally invasive
MP: i'm just a little grub i do what my lusus tell me
RP: C==) Anyway continue to° pretend you're two° sweeps o°ld if yo°u like after all less aweso°me people must exist to°o°
MP: I am very awesome. i am cutawesome. it is like, cute and awesome at the same titime. you should try it. I think you need to relax and let the grugrub in you speak up once in a while ^^
RP: C==) O°n my side, I'll be busy do°ing the mo°st aweso°me things. Shit is go°nna be so° aweso°merest man yo°u do°n't even kno°w. To°night I'm go°nna hunt so°me beasts, do° you want me to keep yo°u so°me fur. I heard yo°u were like deep into° the furry thing.
MP: uh oh ~
RP: C==) What
MP: my diaper is full of poo poo now, i have to change it ^^
MP: it's begause I was suddenly happy!
RP: C==) To°o° much info°rmatio°n here dude.
MP: it's okay it's natural for little grubs like me to lose control when they are happypy!
MP:thank you ~
RP: C==) Later I'm go°nna try the mo°st sweet, undergro°und games. So° undergro°und it's under the wo°rld. You don't get any mo°re undergro°und than this
MP: oOOOoooooOoooh what is it what is it tell me
RP: C==) Yeah, it's co°o°l, dude, it's, like, the kind of thing I do°. Yo°u will even be able to° smell the vamuiny aweso°meness in you°r fur
MP:...uh oh ~
MP: wee wee ! I have to change it again ! that's begause I was excited!
RP: C===) Dude.
RP: C==) I like yo°u and it's co°o°l by me, but
RP: C==) Could yo°u sto°p speaking abo°ut diapers
MP: you always make me sosoil myself it is so fun to talk with you!
RP: C==) O°h hella sweet Go°g
RP: C==) Yo°u're pretending, right, man? This is no°t really what is happening right no°w?
RP: C==) Hell I do°n't even want to° kno°w
MP: okay then ^_^
MP: but seriously what is this game it sounds very exciting
MP: uh oh ~ ......
MP: not just kidding this time teeheehee
RP: C==) The thing is these games are fo°r gro°wn-ups so° as lo°ng as yo°u're pretending to° be a larva you're no°t sweet eno°ugh to° play it.
MP: I am so very sweet ! at least tell me about it? pwease pwease pretty pweaaaaaaaaase?
RP: C==) No°
MP: pleaseplease please please please please please
RP: C==) No°
RP: C==) ... O°kay.
MP: yyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss ^o^ !!!!
RP: C==) The first o°ne is the last Vo°rebo°x game, it's so° EPIC it hurts.
RP: C==) Yes
RP: C==) Yes Gin
RP: C==) I'm talking abou°t Caremusclebeast IV
MP: goldie doesn't believe it!
MP: you are so lucky!
MP: I still don't gnow how to read the letters on the buttons you gnow! it is hard to play when you're a little grub ;_;
RP: C==) Yo°u're really go°ing to°o° further into° it fo°r me, dude.
RP: C==) I'll see yo°u later, o°kay? I have, yo°u kno°w, hunting to° do°
MP: what is the other!
MP: you said "first one"
MP: i'm young but not stupipid!
MP: you promised you'd tell meeeee
MP: if you don't tell me, well i'll tell on you!
MP: to ALL your quadrants!
RP: C==) O°h fuck. Why o°f all sweet things Go°ldie is desperately trying to° teach yo°u, maths is the o°nly thing yo°u can keep into° yo°ur head
MP: i am a little genius grub
MP: and that little genius grub wants to gnow!
MP: it's tickling my horn!!!
MP: that's begause i'm dying of cucuriosity!
RP: C==) Dude, that little aweso°mely genius grub wo°uldn't dare to° blackmail me
MP: MAYBE HE WOULD if you were mean to me ! I mean, him!
RP: C==) O°kay, dude, yo°u wanted it, yo°u go°t it no°w and there’s no° co°ming back.
MP: i am running out of diapepers!
MP: hehehehe just kidding ^^
RP: C==) I'll actually describe the who°le three magnificent games to° yo°u and yo°u wo°n't get to play any o°f them
MP: why !
RP: C==) O°kay, maybe Caremusclebeast. If yo°u're co°ming to° my next crazy day!
MP: ok i'll try to persuade goldie!
MP: or i'll sneak out !
MP: covered in fur he won't gnow it's me!
RP: C==) Because the two° o°ther are multi and I do°n't want to get all Game O°ver o°n me because I was sweet eno°ugh to trust yo°u with guarding my back
RP: C==) Actually playing with yo°u may be o°ne o°f the unaweso°mest things I can think abo°ut, you kno°w
MP: ooOooooooh but I can guard your baback! and your frofront! I can guard you all over! but okay for now just tell me (begause you will change your minmind when you realise how great i am)
MP: i'm so cutawesome. you'll see.
RP: C==) O°kay, the seco°nd o°ne is a Massively Multimassacre O°nline Raveno°us Panic Game. It's really sweet and it go°t aweso°me ninja pirates.
RP: C==) Do°n't remember the name, do°n't care.
MP: NINJA PIRATES ! Can they be pandas too ?
RP: C==) Dude? Why da hell wo°uld they be pandas?
RP: C==) Anyway the third o°ne is the mo°st undergro°und thing, like I said. There is o°nly o°ne co°py of it if I'm right, I go°t it right befo°re it was erased fro°m the AWW.
MP: Oooh you are so great
RP: C==) No° idea what it is, but I hacked in it in o°rder to° get Debug Mo°de and special co°nfiguration menu
MP: yesssss you are the best hacker everrrr jujust like you always tell me
RP: C==) Exactly man. I'm so° aweso°me I'm aweso°mely explo°ding o°f aweso°meness everyday.
MP: when i'm a grown up i want to be just like you i think. is that a sisilly dream for a little grub?
RP: C==) No°, it's a great dream, and maybe yo°u'll nearly manage to° realize it, yo°u kno°w? It wo°uld be sweet
MP: Sectra says that i should always pursue my dreams!
RP: C===) She is right. Yo°u kno°w, dude, yo°u're cute when yo°u're like that.
MP: i'm just a little grub with soiled diapers ! it's the way I am! cutawesome!
RP: C==) ... Right. There is still... so°me... wo°rk to° do° in o°rder to° get yo°u really sweet, guy, but if yo°u keep listen to me, yo°u'll keep getting better. Since I'm totally the hella best.
RP: C==) Later dude.
MP: i'm going to play with gogoldie!
MP: it's called "hide the rattle"
MP: you'll never guess how it's played!
RP: C==) Later dude
RP: C==) Later
MP: ^o^ !!!
RP: C==) Byyyyyyyye
Great idea. You don't even remember having this trolltag in your list, but this dude cannot be worse than MP. Time to do some subtle recruitment.
righteousPornstar [RP] began trolling geneticalCarcinologist [GC]
RP: C==) Hey dude.
RP: C==) Do° I kno°w yo°u fro°m anywhere?
GC: PROBABLY FROM YOUR FUCKING DAYTIME FANTASIES.
GC: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
RP: C==) Dude, do°n't kn°ow. Be sweet while we figure this o°ut.
RP: C==) Oh dude!
GC: BE... WHAT?
RP: C==) Yo°u're, like, graduatedCrucifixio°n, aren't yo°u?
RP: C==) Haven't spo°ke to° yo°u in ages!
GC: ...WHAT WAS YOU TROLLTAG AGAIN?
RP: C==) Yo°u had ano°ther name to°o°, do°n't remember
RP: C==) I never changed it, man, it's so° unco°o°l to° change tro°lltag
RP: C===) I go°t yo°u no°w.
RP: C===) Yo°u're the girl o°bsessed with law o°r so°mething
RP: C===) Wanted to° be a legiso°mething
GC: LEGISCALATOR, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
RP: C===) Aweso°me baby ho°w is this thing go°ing?
GC: AND YEAH, JUST SO I CAN MAKE SURE STALKERS LIKE YOU CAN SUFFER. ]:-C
GC: IT'S GOING FINE, I GUESS. YOU STILL HAVENT TOLD ME WHO YOU ARE?
RP: C===) Yo°u do°n't remember me? We met at a party!
RP: C====) I was all, eh, why the funny green glasses
RP: C=====) Why the cane, girl
GC: OH NO.
RP: C======) Lo°o°ked aweso°me tho°ugh
GC: YOU'RE THAT DOUCHE WITH THE DYED HAIR AND THE NIPPLE RING?
RP: C=======) Yeah baby yeah that's me all the way!
RP: C=======) I'll take yo°u o°n a trip I'll take yo°u o°n my bo°ard!
RP: C========) I'll take yo°u all o°ver the wo°o°o°o°o°o°rld
GC: OH GOD. I DON'T WANT TO GO ON YOUR "BOARD." I'VE HEARD TERRIBLE THINGS ABOUT HOW TINY IT IS.
RP: C=======) Anyway are yo°u go°o°d at games by any chance
RP: C========) Lo°o°k at it man
RP: C=========) It's aweso°me
GC: I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING LOOK. JEGUS FUCK.
RP: C=========) What are yo°u talking abo°ut dude it's o°nly my bo°ard!
RP: C=========) Ho°nest
RP: C=========) Whatever what about the game?
GC: I'M NOT GOOD AT GAMES IF I HAVE TO PLAY THEM WITH YOU.
RP: C=====) This isn't an o°rdinary game girl this is the mo°st undergro°und game. This thing is so° tightly undergro°und it's under o°ur who°le so°lar system
GC: IN THAT CASE, WHY DON'T YOU GO UNDERGROUND AND NEVER COME BACK UP! D-:[
RP: C=======) I am undergro°und dude!
RP: C========) I am the undergro°underest
RP: C======) Whatever why did yo°u change yo°ur nickname the o°ther o°ne lo°o°ked amazing
GC: I CHANGED IT BECAUSE I KEPT GETTING HARASSED BY A CERTAIN DOUCHEBAG.
RP: C=========) Yo°u don't type the same way to°o° it was sweet befo°re
GC: WELL, IF YOU FUCKING IN5I57...
RP: C==========) No°w yo°u lo°o°k angry and no°t in a sweet way *fo°ndles hair*
RP: C===========) What is yo°ur name again
GC: VHA7AS. GARKA7. WHY DOE5 I7 MA77ER?
RP: C============) That's hella strange, I do°n't remember yo°ur name being that befo°re
RP: C=================) But it's tight, baby, to°tally
RP: C============================) Tight as my pants
GC: WHA7. EW!
GC: WHY ARE YOU EVEN 7ALKING 7O ME, YOU 5ICK 5ON OF A BI7CH?
RP: C=========) O°kay, o°kay
RP: C=======): I'm lo°o°king fo°r players dude
RP: C=====) It's a six-players game
RP: C===============) The mo°st sweet tight undergro°und aweso°me game
RP: C========) I sto°le it o°n the server o°f so°me twinPo°rn guy o°r so°mething
RP: C========) Do°n't even remember his name
GC: YEAH, COUN7 ME OU7. 7HERE'5 NO WAY IN HELL I'M 7HA7 BORED, BULGEBI7ER.
GC: BE5IDE5, I'M PRE77Y 5URE I KNOW 7HA7 GUY...
GC: 5O, YEAH, FUCK OFF. )-:[
RP: C=======) Really? This is the kind o°f unco°o°l guy who° really do°esn't kno°w anyo°ne yo°u kno°w
GC: WELL, I RECOGNIZE 7HE NAME. HE'5 ONE OF MY BE57 FRIEND5. |-:[
RP: C=======) Really?
RP: C==========) Do° yo°u have a pic o°r so°mething?
GC: YOU'RE FUCKING WEIRD. WHY THE HELL DO YOU WANT A PICTURE, FUCKNU75? o-:[
RP: C==========) Well yo°u kno°w I like to° kno°w sweet peo°ple and he lo°o°ks almo°st go°o°d at hacking
RP: C============) And I like to° kno°w what sweet dudes lo°o°k like dude
GC: HE'5 PRE77Y MUCH FAN7A57IC.
RP: C================) If he lo°o°ks great eno°ugh he co°uld co°me to° my next crazy party
GC: HE WOULDN'7 WAN7 7O GO.
RP: C===================) Everyo°ne want to° go° this stuff is, like, go°o°d times every day
GC: HE'5 NO7 VERY 5OCIAL.
RP: C=====================) Until the sun is do°wn and it's time to° get ho°me
GC: BE5IDE5, YOU'RE 5OR7 OF AN UNREPEN7AN7 DOUCHE.
RP: C==========) So° that's just basically what I said
RP: C========) Do°esn't really kno°w anyo°ne
RP: C======) Beside Kargat Vahtas the vio°lently unco°o°l autistic girl
GC: HE KNOW5 ME. AND WE HAVE O7HER FRIENDS WHO AREN'7 5O OCCUPIED WITH PAIL5NIFFING.
GC: I'M ABOU7 7O GE7 FUCKING VIOLEN7.
RP: C==) O°kay so° it's a no° I guess?
RP: C============) Yes?
RP: C=================) Did yo°u finally change yo°ur mind
RP: C======================) It's so° sweet fro°m yo°u dude!
GC: I7 WA5 A YE5 70 BEING A NO!
RP: C==============================) Babe do°n't wo°rry I kno°w what is like yo°ur lips say no° but yo°ur bo°dy says yes
RP: C==============================) Next party is in two° days Kragta, get ready!
RP: C==============================) I will blo°w yo°ur mind and yo°ur friends mind!
GC: GARKA7, YOU NOOKLICKING A55HA7! AND WE AREN'7 GOING!
RP: C==============================) So° yo°u said last time!
GC: EXAC7LY! HAVE YOU GO77EN 7HE FUCKING PIC7URE YE7?
RP: C==============================) Also°, I'll send yo°u screencaps while we'll be o°wning this game girl and yo°u'll kno°w exactly what yo°u'll be missing
RP: C==) Later babe
GC: FUCKING HELL. BYE, I GUE55.
Sectra is actually a good idea. You still have time for one conversation before THE HUNT, you decide to make it count and to be especially gentle. She is as defenseless and romantically inapt as a baby panda, but she could do a good support player. Healer for tanks or something. Not that a tank like you needs any backup anyway.
righteousPornstar [RP] began trolling unkemptParamour [UP]
RP: C====) Hey hey hey
RP: C=====) And ho°w is this pretty girl to°day?
UP: Hell♥ V♠nny!
RP: C=====) The nickname isn't great, baby, but yo°u can call me like it anyway. Whatever flo°ats yo°ur water-harmonized flo°ating vehicle!
UP: ♥h V♠nny I'm s♥rry but I th♥ught we were cle♠r ab♥ut this!
RP: C======) What baby
UP: Y♥u c♠n't hit ♥n me V♠nny! Never!
RP: C========) Why that?
UP: I g♥t ♠ restr♠ining ♥rder ♠g♠inst y♥u, remember?
RP: C==) O°h yes! I keep fo°rgetting abo°ut that. Unco°o°l, kind o°f
UP: But y♥u're ♠ nice guy V♠nny! Y♥u will st♠y cle♠n! =:-Dффф
RP: C==) O°f co°urse I will. I do°n't want to° have the apprentice Legislacerato°rs after my ass
UP: Y♥ur m♥uth V♠nny!
RP: C==) Quite right baby, I'll try to° keep it aweso°mely clo°se.
UP: T♥ ♠nswer y♥ur first questi♥n I'm very g♥♥d t♥d♠y! I f♥und ♠ new species ♥f m♠ntis. I've verified, it's n♥t in ♠ny b♥♥k! ♠nd it's ♠ brighty blue-green c♥l♥r!
RP: C==) Happy fo°r yo°u…
UP: M♠ybe scientists will c♠ll this ♥ne M♠ntis Sectr♠iis!
RP: C==) Anyway what abo°ut your usual pro°blem?
UP: M♠ybe I've f♥und s♥me♥ne!
RP: C==) Hey, sweetly bro°, babe. Red or black?
UP: Bl♠ck! He's re♠lly int♥ bl♠ck r♥m♠nce! It's his m♠in p♠ssi♥n. But he's interested in ♠ll kinds ♥f qu♠dr♠nts. He w♠tches r♥m♠ntic c♥medies ♠ll night!
RP: C==) Dude lo°o°ks like the girliest fello°w ever
UP: N♥ he's very m♠nly! He gets ♠ngry ♠b♥ut ♠ l♥t ♥f things!
UP: But deep d♥wn he's just the sensitive ♥ne.
RP: C==) Lo°o°ks great… You kno°w what I'll tell yo°u Sectra I'm basically to°tally happy fo°r yo°u, yo°u go°t a aweso°me thing go°ing o°n here girl, do°n't let anyo°ne fuck with yo°u
RP: C==) What's the name o°f the lucky dude
UP: K♠rk♠t V♠nt♠s!
RP: C==) Karkat?
RP: C==) I think I just spo°ke to° the man
RP: C==) And the man is a girl
RP: C==) 5HE 7YPED LIKE 7HI5 OR 5OME7HING
UP: H♠h♠, y♥u were t♠lking t♥ C♥pyc♠t! =XDффф
UP: She's my best friend!
RP: C==) Are yo°u sure? Yo°u never talked to° me about her, dude. I'm, like, sure I'd remember
UP: Sure I did! But every time she w♠s ch♠nging n♠me. ♠nd clothes! ♠nd quirk! S♥ y♥u never kept tr♠ck ♥f her! =XDффф
RP: C==) O°w
UP: She's s♥ funny! You never get b♥red when y♥u're with her!
UP: These d♠ys she's p♠r♥dying K♠rk♠t!
UP: Even if she keeps pretending she’s seri♥us ♠nd being ♥rigin♠l!
UP: Her j♥kes ♠re s♥ silly!
RP: C==) Amazing yeah
RP: C==) Anyway I have so°mething aweso°me to° ask yo°u
RP: C==) I’m go°ing to start the mo°st undergro°und game so°meo°ne yo°u've never had the chance to° never hear abo°ut in yo°ur entire life and yo°ur ancesto°rs' lifes because it's so° undergro°und in a tho°usand years no° o°ne will ever kno°w abo°ut it
UP: Yep! M♥st ♥f g♠mes usu♠lly st♥p being p♥pul♠r ♠fter ♠ th♥us♠nd ye♠rs, V♠nny! =XDффф
RP: C==) Whatever
RP: C==) This is apparently go°ing to° be so°me stuff, like, a six players-sessio°n.
RP: C==) Players will be able to° mo°dify o°ther players' hive and so°mething.
RP: C==) No°nsto°p actio°n will take place, we're apparently go°ing to "co°nfro°nt o°ur inner demo°ns" and basically all this metapho°rical shit
RP: C==) All I kno°w is we're go°ing to° basically o°wn this game
RP: C==) Basically, it will be the mo°st EPIC adventure ever!
RP: C==) And yo°u'll have the unique chance to° jo°in my aweso°me team in o°rder to° win.
RP: C==) Uh. Really?
UP: I trust y♥u V♠nny! Y♥u're kind♠ ♥bsessed, but y♥u're n♥t ♠ b♠d guy. ^^
RP: C==) Babe yo°u're as aweso°me as they go°
RP: C===) Are yo°u sure we can't have little grubs o°r whatever?
UP: Restr♠ining ♥rder V♠nny restr♠ining!
RP: C==) Dude
UP: ♠ls♥ it's n♥t h♥w grubs w♥rk silly!
UP: Y♥u need c♥nt♠iners ♠nd dr♥nes ♠nd m♥thergrub, remember? =:Pффф
RP: C==) Yo°u do°n’t think the aweso°mest o°f aweso°mies do°esn't kno°w ho°w these tight things wo°rk. I never go°t pregnant. Do°n't wo°rry abo°ut me babe
UP: Y♥u c♠n't get pregn♠nt V♠nny... I ♠lre♠dy t♥ld y♥u...
RP: C==) Anyway I need to° get so°me fo°o°d
RP: C==) Then I'll try the game
RP: C==) Later
UP: Byebye! Kisskiss! ^^
RP: C==) Lo°ve yo°u to°o°, I guess
RP: C==) And Sectra?
UP: Yes? ^^
RP: C==) Abo°ut this bo°y.
RP: C==) This time I ho°pe it will wo°rk tight fo°r yo°u
UP: Th♠nk y♥u!
> Yeah, they ca- wait, psychedeliciousRefreshments?
Such an amazing handle cannot go unanswered. TALK TO HIM OR HER.
Originally Posted by HarMegidon
I just am asking why she is selling sausages at a funeral.
Originally Posted by inexpediency
Everyone is a hedgehog...on the inside.
Originally Posted by Tesseract
On a deadness scale of normal to doorknob I would rate her as double doorknob
Originally Posted by Jitka
fuck yeah sodium hexametaphosphate
that is my favorite hexametaphosphate
Malakin:because its actually the truman show just with ponys
crash826:far too much sense
Malakin:think about it
Malakin:it all makes sense
Originally Posted by Catbread
Those sound like some pretty badass park rangers.
Originally Posted by ranasan
Wow... it's like if someone managed to manifest Missingno. from Pokemon Red and Blue into the real world, grind it up into a fine powder and then snort it.
18:21 Girard so I learned something at the barber:
18:22 Daniel ?
18:22 Girard The entirety of England, London in particular, is actually a stage for the biggest production of the musical Oliver ever made.
18:22 Girard England is a giant musical.
18:22 Girard This explains the small children with cockney accents and giant hats who dance in the streets.
18:23 Daniel ...DAMN YOU MARY POPPINS!
18:23 Daniel DAMN YOU TO HELL!
> Yeah, they ca- wait, psychedeliciousRefreshments? Such an amazing handle cannot go unanswered. TALK TO HIM OR HER.
A last quick talk before the hunt can't be so bad...
You don't know this babe, "Bad" or "Bat" if you remember right, as much as you know your cutarded friends Sectra and Ginneo, but unlike Garkat Copycat, you remember her well. You met on some dating site a few days ago and didn't have the chance to explore her magnificent personality yet.
About Ginneo, will the little pervert ever cease to harass you. Seriously. If he's still talking about his fetishes after the hunt, you may need to block the little guy.
Time to get real.
psychedeliciousRefreshments [PR] began trolling righteousPornstar [RP]
PR: Good den to thee, Vamuyn.
RP: C===) Hello° there Bat babe
RP: C===) I was abo°ut to°, yo°u kno°w, destro°y so°me musclebeasts, maybe two° entire triumvirates o°f them, but finally I was like "Hey this chick is talking to° me let's change plans fo°r so°me time".
PR: Thy ynterest pleases me, my dear. Y v-vould send thee a token of apprecyatyon, a pycture of my shynyng vysage, and...other thyngs of myne as v-vell.
RP: C======) Wo°w, o°kay, I was abo°ut to° make yo°u feel yo°u this kind o°f deep appreciatio°n anyway, yo°u kno°w.
RP: C======) Yo°ur pics o°n AdultFiendFinder are unco°o°lly tiny, Bat
RP: C======) I didn't get to° see anything
RP: C======) This stuff is co°ld.
RP: C======) But yo°u had aweso°me eyes anyway, baby, piercing stuff right thro°ugh me.
PR: All yn tyme, dear heart, all yn tyme. Y must have some v-vay of v-veedyng out the ryffraff.
[psychadeliciousRefreshments has sent "bustiere.jpg"]
RP: C==============) O°h sweet aweso°me mo°thergrub o°f Go°g
RP: C==============) Blind Heaven o°r so°mething just o°pened its do°o°r fo°r me!
RP: C==============) O°r no°t so° blind I ho°pe.
PR: Y trust yt v-vas to thy lykyng?
RP: C==============) Yo°u go°t it baby. It was, like, the mo°st fitting and firm answer
RP: C==============) Co°uld yo°u send me mo°re o°f this aweso°meness quickly? I'm go°ing to° get o°ff my hive.
PR: Y v-vould ask for recyprocatyon, my dear. Yt ys rude to keep a lady yn suspense.
RP: C================) O°h sure baby whatever yo°u want
RP: C================) Dude I just realised yo°u already saw mo°st o°f my aweso°meness in my pro°file
RP: C================) Wo°uld shirtless do° the firewo°rks
PR: Oooh, Y v-vould be most apprecyatyve, syr.
RP: C================) O°kay, let me search fo°r the shit which will blo°w yo°u co°mpletely
RP: C================) In the meantime, babe, I wo°uld like yo°u to° explain me the bo°tto°m o°f yo°ur aweso°meness
RP: C================) Ho°w the hell do° yo°u manage to° have this hella white skin?
RP: C================) I mean I'm the best-tanned myself but ho°w
PR: V-vhy, all of my kynd have thys glov-vyng v-vhyte skyn. Y am, you see, a Raynbov-v Drynker.
PR: The hemospectrum ys my v-vyne lyst precedyng the great feast of passyon.
RP: C==================) O°h, I get it, yo°u're a fo°replayer
RP: C==================) I mean ro°leplayer!
RP: C==================) I've played so°me Rainbo°w Drinker: The Mo°ckery befo°re myself
RP: C==================) It's aweso°me girl
RP: C==================) Hella sweety wildness and finally all is always explo°ding!
PR: Oh no, Y v-vould not thynk to sully my hands v-vyth such pursuyts for grubs alone. Y am truly a Raynbov-v Drynker, one of the Chyldren of the Day.
RP: C==============) ... Riiight.
RP: C==============) So°... that's what the aweso°me teeth v-v are fo°r?
RP: C==============) Dude I tho°ught yo°u wanted to° bite me o°r so°mething
PR: That v-vould be...pleasurable, Y belyeve. V-vould thee allov-v yt?
PR: Y am certain thy blood v-vould be sv-veet.
RP: C====================) Wo°w I already lo°ve yo°u babe yo°u're dirty
RP: C====================) O°kay I'll send yo°u THIS!
[righteousPornstar has sent "tightlybodyworkedtrunk.jpg"]
[righteousPornstar has sent "valorousspine.jpg"]
PR: Aaah, good syr, thou art comely yndeed.
PR: Yt v-vould be my honor to fyll receptacles v-vyth you some day.
RP: C=======================) What are yo°u wearing right no°w baby?
PR: Y am v-vearyng my gold sylk gov-vn, v-vhych shov-vs off my fygure excellently, dear heart. And thee?
RP: C========================) O°pen blue shirt and my amazingest bermuda
RP: C=========================) It's really tight baby yo°u co°uldn't believe it!
RP: C==========================) It co°uld be even tighter if yo°u co°uld, like, send me ano°ther pic, because I can't really see ho°w hella magnificent yo°u're glo°wing.
PR: Y belyeve Y shall. One moment, v-vhyle Y capture my v-visage for thee.
[psychedeliciousRefreshments has sent "glowingform.jpg"]
RP: C================================) That's a really co°o°l shape baby, do° yo°u want a new pic o°f aweso°me me fro°m aweso°me no°w?
PR: Y v-vould enjoy that very much.
RP: C================================) And ho°w do° yo°u manage to° take sweet pics like that? I tho°ught yo°u crazy drinker chicks didn't have reflectio°ns o°r, I dunno°, ho°w?
PR: Y...yt ys an Ancyent Secret of the Order of Raynbov-v Drynkers. Do not question yt.
RP: C================================) Wo°w Aweso°me Dude!
RP: C================================) Do° yo°u kno°w so°me sweet Magic then?
PR: Of course. My Power ys ample yndeed.
RP: C================================) What can yo°u do°? I lo°ve aweso°me po°wers...
RP: C================================) Did I talk yo°u abo°ut my sicknasty brutal po°wer?
RP: C================================) It's the mo°st craziestly bro° thing yo°u'll ever see.
RP: C================================) It's called SUNBURN EYES!
PR: My stars. That does sound myghty yndeed.
RP: C================================) It wo°rks with eye co°ntact and baaam
RP: C================================) I can't describe much better the aweso°meness o°f it and also° I'm fo°rgetting to° remo°ve my exo°tic shirt
PR: My ov-vn Pov-ver allov-vs me safe passage ryght through the Hordes of Unquyet Dead that roam our planet by day, and protects me agaynst the Blysteryng Lyght of our Planet's Sun. Y just...prefer not to use yt often, that ys all.
RP: C=================================) Anyway, it's no°w yo°ur turn to°tally remo°ve so°mething
RP: C==================================) O°r sweetly remo°ve everything!
PR: Oh, of course. Hm. Y suppose Y must remove my gov-vn.
PR: Y have...not much on underneath. [; )
RP: C=======================================) O°h no°w yo°u've go°t me baby!
RP: C=======================================) Yo°u go°t me under yo°ur sinister smiling daily So°rcery...
PR: As Y lyke yt, my dear. Submyt to me.
RP: C=========================================) I'm kneeling, o°ffering my tanned neck
RP: C=========================================)And simultaneo°usly taking my bermuda o°ff
RP: C=========================================) It was getting to°o° tight to° be go°o°d anyway and I feel better no°w.
PR: Y run a hand dov-vn thy horn to the base of thy neck.
RP: C===========================================) It's hella aweso°me here girl...
[righteousPornstar has sent "righteousrump.jpg"]
PR: Oh my, syr. Thou art a fyne specymen yndeed.
RP: C===========================================) I kno°w I'm the mo°st aweso°me Ano°dis aro°und here.
RP: C===========================================) But yo°u're no°t bad either
PR: Y bend over thy form and byte ynto thy neck, tastyng thy blood.
RP: C============================================) O°o°o°o°o°o°h yeah baby
PR: My thanks, syr. V-vould thee lyke another pycture?
RP: C============================================) Very much so° I can sho°w to° yo°u the Dark Mo°nument o°f my Integrity
RP: C============================================) What kind o°f aweso°me thing will yo°u sho°w me at the same time?
PR: Hov-v about...all of myself, bare to thy vyev-v?
RP: C================================================= =) It wo°uld glo°w my wo°rld baby!
PR: Y shall send yt.
[psychadeliciousRefreshments has sent "glowingbody.jpg"]
[righteousPornstar has sent "righteousrightiness.jpg"]
You both then proceed to have one of the worst cybersex sessions in the history of paradox space. Luckily, neither you nor your partner have the means to understand how much your traumatizing descriptions of vampire-troll mating are devoid of any kind of technical accuracy, literary talent or spontaneity.
RP: C==) Dude it was so° aweso°me it glo°ws o°ver o°ur pails like a huge festival o°f hellsuns
PR: Y quyte enjoyed myself as v-vell, my dear.
RP: C==) We must to°tally meet each o°ther babe
RP: C==) For real
PR: Most assuredly. And soon.
RP: C==) O°kay I'll tell yo°u...
RP: C==) My schedule is full right no°w and fo°r so°me days again, I'm preparing the best parties and things.
RP: C==) But befo°re meeting we co°uld try ano°ther thing
RP: C==) I am go°ing to° play so°me undergro°und game with special features.
RP: C==) In this yo°u can act o°n o°ther players' enviro°nment and items
RP: C==) I co°uld to°tally be yo°ur thing
RP: C==) O°r yo°u wo°uld be mine whatever flo°ats yo°ur water-harmo°nized whatever.
PR: Oh, hov-v very torryd. Y should love to take part yn thys.
RP: C==) Magnificent!
RP: C==) So° it's a do°mdate baby.
PR: Most definytely, syr.
RP: C==) Subdo°mdate even.
RP: C==) I kno°w kickass Creatures o°f the Day usually sleep during night but yo°u're kind o°f awake here
RP: C==) So° will yo°u be during afternightno°o°n?
PR: Y...sleep v-vhen Y lyke. Do not question yt.
PR: Y shall be av-vake for thee.
RP: C==) Yeah baby real lo°ve and all the shit all the way!
RP: C==) We're go°ing to° blo°w
RP: C==) I really must go° to° the aweso°meness, see yo°u so°o°n!
PR: Adyeu, my dear.
Things are finally looking fine. You think a lot more clearly.
On the downside, the night isn't so young anymore. You couldn't help yourself around this subtle and distinguished (not to mention very much sane) lady, and now it's nearly midnight. You need to go kill something quickly if you want keep some time in order to try your games before daybreak.
You do not totally succeed. You can't find your shirt anymore. Where the hell did you throw it? No time to choose another, since you usually spend a whole hour selecting your clothes.
Furthermore, shirtless hunt is sexier.
Vamuin: Find tentacles.
You easily find your hornet-flavored tentacles all over the respiteblock. You take a break to eat some.
Actually, no. You can't stand the shape. These tentacles are part of a species of little aquatic creatures you don't care about, but it is not the problem here. Vegetarian diet is extremely rare on Alternia. No, you simply dislike any kind of tentacles. You practice, try or at least respect a lot of things in your romance life, but there is dark areas you sincerely believe trollkind was never meant to explore. Ginneo's... thing... is one of them. Tentacles are another. It creeps you so much even without any pailing context, you still find them nightmarish.
So you never touch these sweeties. But you buy them anyway. After all, it's this kind of delicacy which makes the most successful parties.
Time to get some fresh air.
As the sublimest troll ever, you clearly deserve the most grandiose custodian. So of all creatures available to a mighty INDIGO BLOOD, you share a mutualistic link with a majestic GRIFFIN LUSUS, every bit as powerful and condescending as you.
You named your lusus VICTORY, because it sums up precisely the entirety of your life.
You don't get why some people seem to despise you.
Sky is clear, night is calm. Today will be the best day of your life.
> This guy is awesome.
(Also, nice paddle design!)
Originally Posted by zebtrestalala
While this is undeniably messed up, I do enjoy the good art and the humoring characters.
Thank you people! I try my best.
You captchalogue the SICKLEHEAD SHARK inside your SYLLADEX using your usual WAVE MODUS.
The wave modus works as a huge wave going through the entire inventory screen.
One must be very quick and move the surfboard cursor on the card he intends to use...
... then to activate it at the exact right time...
... in order to get the item captchalogued at the desired place.
Since you have the most amazing reflexes, this modus represents no challenge to you. It would be the most boring inventory system ever if there was not an added risk: the wave has one chance in a million to turn into a tsunami and to desintegrate every single item you carry with you.
But such random disaster has clearly no chance to happen.
Besides your collection of paddles in all possible categories, all remaining inside your strife specibus, you are currently the happy possessor of more items than a single page of screen could ever load:
VAMUIN IKENGA’S SYLLADEX
- YOUR ENTIRE COLLECTION OF EXTRA-NEW, RETRO, VINTAGE, UNDERGROUND OR PERSONALIZED SURF BOARDS
You can't have enough boards, even if you keep using only one and if the Tetra-Canalized one never stops to get you angry for some mysterious reason.
- YOUR ENTIRE COLLECTION OF ALTERNIAN FOOTBALLS
One of them is signed by the troll sports legend Joseph Namath!
- YOUR WILD SKATEBOARDING PROTECTION EQUIPMENT
A huge box featuring all of your favorite spiked knee and elbow pads.
- YOUR WILD SKATEBOARDING DESTRUCTION EQUIPMENT
A huge box featuring all of the secondary weapons needed by anyone in order to play the game true to its spirit.
- YOUR ENTIRE COLLECTION OF WILD SKATEBOARDS
One of them is signed by the troll culling legend Anibal Lekter!
- YOUR BASKETBALL EQUIPMENT
A huge box with your basketball clothes and ball.
- YOUR BASEBALL EQUIPMENT
A huge box with your basketball clothes, glove, bat, blades and ball.
- YOUR MUSCLEBEAST DECAPITATEBALL EQUIPMENT
A huge box containing your special rollerskates, a copy of your special cutting doublepaddle and your flamethrower.
- YOUR MODERNISTIC TINY CELLARVA
You never use it, but it is state-of-the-art to give your cellarva number in order to never answer.
- YOUR ALL-NEW QUIRKPOD
Once again, and like a very large proportion of your acquisitions, this item is less about enjoying music and more about being fashionable.
- ONE TON OF "CON HAIR" GEL
For rebellious men.
- ONE TON OF "SCALPFIRE" HAIR BLEACH
You can't stand the heat, baby.
- ONE TON OF "FULL MOON" SPRAY-ON TAN
Because this skin is hot.
- ONE TON OF "HAX" BODY SPRAY
You never know when you need to suppress some flavor.
- ONE TON OF "FRESHY-FRESHY" SPRAY
For your redrom flirts.
- ONE TON OF "MEPHITIC BREATH" SPRAY
For your blackrom flirts.
- ONE TON OF "YOU-LL-NEVER-NEED-ANY-SLEEP-AGAIN" ENERGY PILLS
Not only are you usually awake during the night, but you also spend a lot of days not sleeping. These meds help. You take it every day.
- ONE TON OF "TROLLJAN" PAIL LIDS
Entirely safe for work with.
- THE ENTIRE COLLECTION OF "PAILFUL HUNKS & BUCKET GIRLS" MAGAZINE
Entertainment for adult trolls.
- SIX PACKS OF "GRUBWEISER"
The best beer.
- SIX PACKS OF "ULTRA CORONARY"
The other best beer.
- SIX PACKS OF "FAYGO"
Soda for faygs.
- SIX PACKS OF "RED CULL" ENERGY DRINK
For growned-up trolls.
- TWO BOTTLES OF ALTERNIAN WINE
Some delicacies never hurt.
- WOBANAKAN FRIES
One never know when they will be hungry.
- THREE FULL WARDROBES
Better be ready. You regularly dirt up, rip apart or completely destroy your clothes, and most of the time, you don’t feel like cleaning it anyway. So you always need your entire collection in order to choose well the next way you’ll dress.
- ONE SICKLEHEAD SHARK
This underwater predator is little game compared to your usual preys, but it will do a nice meal nonetheless. Or more accurately, an entire week of nice meals.
Strike a Sexy Pose, then show off your cooking skills.
In spite of your months of training in SIMULTANEOUS POSING-COOKING-RIDING, you feel more comfortable cooking at hive. And you still have work to do before you can return to your beloved lair.
You are heading towards the hunt. You have a lot of favourite destinations, but today, you are late due to your ardent raynbow-roleplay-cybersex and the following badass cliff-dive-fishing. You will only be able to reach the three closest ones within your schedule.
Firstly, to the north is set the FOREST OF RAVAGE. It is the PUISSANT FIREDOGS' territory.
Secondarly, to the east, you can find the MEADOWS OF AGONY. Entire herds of MIGHTY EQUINELATERALS await for preys during the day.
Finally, to the south, the DESERT OF CALAMITY is in your reach. It contains myriads of BRAWNY APOCALIZARDS.
Also, you switched out of Cine Mode. This tends to happen a lot.