TROLLSLUM CAFE IV: Shipping Wars IV: No Hope

[Captain Whosit]

BECAUSE WE JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF SLOPPY TROLL MAKEOUTS I GUESS????

Just some rules and regs, not like anyone reads 'em or follows 'em:

Every where you go, there's places like this; a comfortable place, dimly lit, with coffee and couches and books on the shelves and free wifi and, I don't know, a soup of the day. After the sun comes up they put up the shutters and sell alcohol. It's homey, unless your homelife involves caves and monsters that eat people, which it probablv does, because you're a troll.

It's a good place to have a seat and a cup of coffee, and make a friend, which in your language is the same word as enemy, because... you're a troll.

((And if you are maybe a human, which is a thing that doesn't exist, in another univere pretending to be a troll, maybe this is a good place to roleplay in a casual, social, variably canon setting or try out a new character. Please don't poke the setting too hard and please don't go on any murderous rampages. Honk.

EDIT: Feel free to NPC service when you order something, I can't watch this all the time or reply to every comment. For that matter feel free to assume your troll works here and fill someone's order if you want.

EDIT2: OKAY GUESS WE NEED SOME RULES AFTER ALL.

This is really intended to be a loose social setting for people to fool around and chat and try new characters. It is a not great place for a big brawl in the middle of the room that everyone pretty much has to react to. If you are playing a character who is inevitably going to try and hurt people and provoke this kind of thing, you should really think long and hard about bringing them in here for that reason. If a fight comes up in the course of RP, please take it ''outside' instead of disrupting the whole room. It being in the thread is fine, but it should be set somewhere where new people or people who don't want to be involved can ignore it, please. ))

HAVE FUN!!

Thusly Marshie embarked on the most retarded post ever to be made.

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JUST FOR FUN I WELCOME AND ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO PM ME TO GIVE ME DIFFERENT PICTURES OR QUOTES FOR THEIR TROLL, OR TO HAVE IT REMOVED ENTIRELY. I JUST RAN THROUGH A FEW PAGES OF THE THREAD COLLECTING WHOEVER HAPPENED TO BE ON A PAGE SO YOU WILL NOTICE THAT THIS LIST IS INCREDIBLY INCOMPLETE. IF YOU WANT IN THIS FOR WHATEVER REASON I WELCOME AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO PM ME ALL LIKE "HEY YO I WANT IN ON THIS POST FO SHIZZLE HERE'S A PICTURE AND A QUOTE NOW GO TO TOWN" AND I WILL BE ALL LIKE "YEAH NO PROBLEM BRO I WILL MAKE THIS SHIT HAPPEN."

STARRING

SALOM


PLEASE DON'T HURT HIM

ERRANN


HE HAS STABS

ERISAL


CYBORG ROMANCE SURE IS WEIRD

RIRFIB


HAS SURPRISINGLY NICE LEGS

KESREA


ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES

MITRAH


WELL HIDDEN ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES

AZAZEL


HOW DOES KISMESIS WORK

NETRONN


SECRETLY A SHIPPER

JOREAK


HE’S IN YOUR HEAD

EREBUS


UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF HORRIBLE RAP BATTLES

MISDRA


WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK

LAASYA


EYES THAT WILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL

CHARON


STOP READING BOOKS FOR GIRLS

CHARYB


HANDS OFF THE MASK

SHIVIA


SHE AIN’T DEAD, FOLKS

AVA


QUESTIONABLY SPANISH???

CORAYA


POETRY IS EASY SOCIALIZING IS HARD

AVIGAD


THERE'S ADVENTURE TO BE HAD

ALKIMA


SOME KIND OF FREAK

BRAINBOT


HE IS A DISEMBODIED BRAIN CONTROLLING A WARMACHINE

ROGER


WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT THE HELL

HATYARA


EVERYTHING'S BETTER WITH EXPLODING BULLS

MAZENI


CRUSHING ON EVERYONE AND NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT

Gnor Krens


ALL STITCHED UP


This Guy


SERIOUSLY HATES CLOWNS

Mellivora


BREAKING YOUR DOORS AND STEALING YOUR WOMEN

[lovelyAssistant]

((Because SM told me to post here. XD))

((want me to post the next one?))

((Sure, thanks!))



Drinks in hand Ferros walks over to the low-blood's table and, probably to Asriel's horror, takes a seat riiight next to him.

Coffee. Black.

He puts the cup down on the table and grins. Again.

So what makes you drop anchor in this port, my friend?

((Ferros is having so much fun hounding this poor guy ))

((...I think I love him. I think Azriel is well on his way to hating the guy enough to qualify for kismesis. /))



Azriel tries (and fails) to contain his horror, but takes the coffee - without touching the seadweller's hand.

><th-thanks.>< He takes a deep swig of coffee, praying that the extra energy will be enough to let him run the fuck away... or tear this guy apart if when he attacks. [color="#dc2d01"><]i came because... well Γuck, i guess i wanted to get some coΓΓee. so uh, thanks.[/color]

[scintillatingMoniker]

((Alunas should be in that post.

With the caption "ENTIRELY HARMLESS"))

[Mr. Flax]

((Perhaps someone could create an updated version some other time. I would take a crack at it, but I'm rather tired right now))

[Captain Whosit]

((I guess PM me requests since it's in my frickin' post now.... I'll deal with it as soon as I'm able to.))

[Jub3r7]

Verum walks up to the sea-dweller.

hMmmm... youseem familiar..
dO iknow you?..

[lovelyAssistant]

I C. Well, do not mention it. After all, what are friends for?

Ferros leers suggestively before taking a long drink. Clearing his throat he offers a hand over to Azriel.

I am Ferros. And what may I Call you, sir?

Friends?
What on gog's green Alternia...?

Azriel oh so carefully reaches out and, watching the seadweller like a hawkbeast, says, ><the name's azriel. azriel vicham.>< Oh gog this is a terrible idea...

[DarkParable]

[[Looks like we're-a derpin' this way now. Copypaste'd!]]

Cannel drifts in and out of consciousness, and Aella watches over him carefully in case something happens to go batshit insane while he tries to sleep. Not too soon after, Aella drifts off as well, the lack of anything particularly exciting weighing her eyelids down until she's as far gone as Cannel is.

The land is silent and still, save the blustery winds that draw fresh particles of snow across the landscape. Cannel stands at the mouth of a large cavern, gripping his torch in hand, a mysterious map clenched firmly in the other. There are echoes of deep, dark howls coming from the seemingly endless expanse of snow and caves, so he knows he must move quickly and as silently as possible.

A beast approaches from behind, footfalls padded by the heavy drifts that sit upon the cold-kissed ground. He notices at almost the very last moment before the beast strikes, leaping high into the air and bringing his arc welder down in a blaze of sparks, a flash of heat.

Cannel brings his fist down onto the bar, cracking the heavy oaken top, wood splintering as if it were mere cardboard. The cracking and seemingly-existant beast frighten him awake, and he recoils from the fractured bar as if it were going to attack him.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

[lovelyAssistant]

[[Looks like we're-a derpin' this way now. Copypaste'd!]]

Cannel drifts in and out of consciousness, and Aella watches over him carefully in case something happens to go batshit insane while he tries to sleep. Not too soon after, Aella drifts off as well, the lack of anything particularly exciting weighing her eyelids down until she's as far gone as Cannel is.

The land is silent and still, save the blustery winds that draw fresh particles of snow across the landscape. Cannel stands at the mouth of a large cavern, gripping his torch in hand, a mysterious map clenched firmly in the other. There are echoes of deep, dark howls coming from the seemingly endless expanse of snow and caves, so he knows he must move quickly and as silently as possible.

A beast approaches from behind, footfalls padded by the heavy drifts that sit upon the cold-kissed ground. He notices at almost the very last moment before the beast strikes, leaping high into the air and bringing his arc welder down in a blaze of sparks, a flash of heat.

Cannel brings his fist down onto the bar, cracking the heavy oaken top, wood splintering as if it were mere cardboard. The cracking and seemingly-existant beast frighten him awake, and he recoils from the fractured bar as if it were going to attack him.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

><jegus!>< Azriel whips around to face the source of the screaming. The formerly-unconscious blueblood seems to have awoken.

Great, now there's another potential threat.

[AdmiralIronclad]

Friends?
What on gog's green Alternia...?

Azriel oh so carefully reaches out and, watching the seadweller like a hawkbeast, says, ><the name's azriel. azriel vicham.>< Oh gog this is a terrible idea...

Ferros takes Azriel's hand and gives it a long, firm (yet cold and clammy) shake.

A pleasure to make your acquaintance, mister Vicham. It is so nice to make new friends, do you not Concur? I am sure we will get along.. Swimmingly.

He holds the handshake for a liiittle too long before finally letting go.

Are you quite alright, mister Vicham? You look tense.

[ApocRenegade]

Karthis enters the new thread tentatively. She somewhat fears the new title because she knows that she'll end up flirting with the first green blood that talks to her

Hey, it's Mr. Merman! Wonder what brings that salty dog 'ere? Yo ho.

[AdmiralIronclad]

Verum walks up to the sea-dweller.

hMmmm... youseem familiar..
dO iknow you?..

((Sorry! Didn't see your post. Tricksy yellow text.))

Ferros (mercifully) turns his predatory gaze from Azriel and to the newcomer.

My deepest apologies, I do not C-m to recognise you. Are you are perhaps one of my many FLARPing rivals?

[lovelyAssistant]

Ferros takes Azriel's hand and gives it a long, firm (yet cold and clammy) shake.

A pleasure to make your acquaintance, mister Vicham. It is so nice to make new friends, do you not Concur? I am sure we will get along.. Swimmingly.

He holds the handshake for a liiittle too long before finally letting go.

Are you quite alright, mister Vicham? You look tense.

((have I mentioned that I love you?))

The seadweller's words draw his attention away from the blueblood. Azriel looks somewhat queasy, and pulls his hand away from Ferros' with just a little too much force.

><new Γriends, right. yeah, good times.><

He takes another hasty swig of his coffee, already feeling the welcome jitters.

><i'm Γine, god. just hanging out, you know, with my new Γ-Γriend, heh.><

Oh, this really was a bad idea.

[AdmiralIronclad]

((have I mentioned that I love you?))

The seadweller's words draw his attention away from the blueblood. Azriel looks somewhat queasy, and pulls his hand away from Ferros' with just a little too much force.

><new Γriends, right. yeah, good times.

He takes another hasty swig of his coffee, already feeling the welcome jitters.

><i'm Γine, god. just hanging out, you know, with my new Γ-Γriend, heh.

Oh, this really was a bad idea.

((The feeling's mutual. ))

Yes. Perhaps a toast is in order? To new friends.

He raises his glass, reaching over to chink it against Azriel's cup before gulping the rest of his drink down.

Drink up, Chum. You do C-m to enjoy that brackish, brown liquid.

[Jub3r7]

My deepest apologies, I do not C-m to recognise you. Are you are perhaps one of my many FLARPing rivals?

fLarp... FLARP. tHat word it hurtsmy head..

mEmories flooding back, but They disappear too quickly..

Ow... My head is hurting...
What's...going..on.

Where am I? Some kind of Cafe, it seems.
Oh, hello there, sea-dweller. Do I know you? You seem awfully familiar. :P

((You've unlocked... Verum's third personality?))
((Also his awkwardness seems to have more of an effect on the thread than anything else.))

[lovelyAssistant]

((The feeling's mutual. ))

Yes. Perhaps a toast is in order? To new friends.

He raises his glass, reaching over to chink it against Azriel's cup before gulping the rest of his drink down.

Drink up, Chum. You do C-m to enjoy that brackish, brown liquid.

((*updates shipping chart*
Azriel Ferros ?
LA AI
:P))

Azriel stares at his mug with rather wild eyes before managing a shaky grin and downing the rest of the drink.

><yeah. to new Γriends.><



He feels a contented smile spread across his face. The caffeine has the double effect of dulling the roar of voices in his head and making him feel so awake and alive and fast and deadly... If this Ferros breathes wrong, he's dead. Yeah. Dead.

><hey Γerros old chum. i'm grabbing myselΓ another coΓΓee. can i grab you something?><

[ApocRenegade]

Drink up indeed lads!

Karthis walks over and sits down next to the fish man. She gets a rum, like always, and begins to chug. Not necessarily trying to start anything, she just knows him and that makes her more comfortable, even if that makes no sense for a pirate.

[AdmiralIronclad]

((*updates shipping chart*
Azriel Ferros ?
LA AI
:P))

Azriel stares at his mug with rather wild eyes before managing a shaky grin and downing the rest of the drink.

><yeah. to new Γriends.><



He feels a contented smile spread across his face. The caffeine has the double effect of dulling the roar of voices in his head and making him feel so awake and alive and fast and deadly... If this Ferros breathes wrong, he's dead. Yeah. Dead.

><hey Γerros old chum. i'm grabbing myselΓ another coΓΓee. can i grab you something?><

How very Cind of you to offer. Perhaps I shall try a Cup of that 'Coffee' also.

Ferros notices the change in Azriel's disposition. It is curious, and somewhat displeasing. Though, the highblood's expression remains the same, a broad and jagged grin.

Yes. I shall take a Coffee. Black.

[AdmiralIronclad]

Drink up indeed lads!

Karthis walks over and sits down next to the fish man. She gets a rum, like always, and begins to chug. Not necessarily trying to start anything, she just knows him and that makes her more comfortable, even if that makes no sense for a pirate.

Greetings again, scoundrel.

He says playfully as Azriel gets the drinks. At least its probably meant playfully. It comes across a little creepy.

I C the tides have brought you back once more?

((EDIT: Feels like I'm failing massively at forum etiquette posting twice in a row. ))

[lovelyAssistant]

How very Cind of you to offer. Perhaps I shall try a Cup of that 'Coffee' also.

Ferros notices the change in Azriel's disposition. It is curious, and somewhat displeasing. Though, the highblood's expression remains the same, a broad and jagged grin.

Yes. I shall take a Coffee. Black.

Azriel mock-salutes Ferros and goes to order. He's almost... whistling. It's rather disturbing. o.o

><hey, two black coΓΓee, okay?>< he tells the barista. He taps his fingers absently on the bar as he waits for the drinks, wishing that he actually owned poison of some sort.

[ApocRenegade]

Haha yes, the tides done it fer sure.

She says that with an amount of sarcasm. She feels like it's fun to mock him subtly, mostly because he's not only a merman, but a flarper who claims to fight pirates. Karthis finds him amusing.

Ya wanna see the boons o' me latest plunderin?

[DarkParable]

Cannel then simply passes out on the broken table.

[[Honestly I have no idea what I just did, but I'm done for tonight. Tomorrow I should be a bit more sane XD]]

[lovelyAssistant]

Cannel then imply passes out on the broken table.

[[Honestly I have no idea what I just did, but I'm done for tonight. Tomorrow I should be a bit more sane XD]]

((G'night!))

Azriel notices the blueblood pass out again from the corner of his eye. One less enemy in the room. Lovely.

His smile fades when he notices the pirate-seeming blueblood over by Ferros. He frowns. Hopefully she doesn't want to be "friends", too.

[AdmiralIronclad]

Haha yes, the tides done it fer sure.

She says that with an amount of sarcasm. She feels like it's fun to mock him subtly, mostly because he's not only a merman, but a flarper who claims to fight pirates. Karthis finds him amusing.

Ya wanna see the boons o' me latest plunderin?

Of Course. I am most Curious to C your ill-gotten gains.

The sarcasm is either lost on him or he is ignoring it completely, he just fixes her with that sharklike look of his.

I am always interested to know what Could someday be mine.

[lovelyAssistant]

The coffee finally shows up, and Azriel pays without really paying attention to the barista before returning to his spot by Ferros.

><here's your coΓΓee,><

he mutters, sliding a mug over to Ferros and trying to avoid the gaze of the blueblood

><hope you like it bitter.><

Nervous once again, Azriel takes a swig of his drink, burning his tongue in the process.

><shit!><