>John, look for armory and grab the BEST HAMMER YOU EVER CREATED
Yeah, that's your first order of business you suppose. Of course, you've got to sneak around that...slime thing your WIFE usually sleeps in. You tried sleeping in it as well once. It didn't turn out well. You started aLtErNaTiNg EvErY mOtHeRfUcKiN lEtTeR.
Then again Vriska told you not to eat the slime.
You start to tiptoe around the RECUPERACOON, very quietly. You are like a motherfucking god-ninja. You are like a gentle spring breeze, wafting quietly around your sleeping beauty oh god you tripped.
You hit the floor with a resounding THUD and probably bruised yourself a little.
You hear something shift and bubble inside the RECUPERACOON. Oh god oh god oh god oh god. You are GOING TO SHIT YOURSELF. On pure ADRENALINE you clamber to your feet and punch the door open, MATURITY ROLLING out the door as it slams against the wall and bounces back on its hinges into the proper closed behind you.
Your heart pounds in your chest. You're pretty sure you heard a cute little yawn in the bedroom.
There is a DOOR TO THE ARMORY in the hallway, as well as some WINDING STAIRS that go up and down and a BATHROOM DOOR. You quickly duck into the armory in the desire to move this shit along.
The FAMILY ARMORY is filled with every hammer you've ever owned, carefully placed on racks that lines the walls. It is a beautiful collection highlighting your SMASHING PROWESS. Lining the center of the floor is your WIFE'S FLARPING EQUIPMENT, stuffed into chests and in the case of clothing hung up on stands.
There is also a bucket lovingly placed on a stand. You...Would prefer not to think about the bucket. You also aren't sure why she'd put that shit in the armory.
Browsing your hammers, you quickly come across the BEST HAMMER YOU EVER CREATED. The amazing, glorious, incredibly powerful and destructive HAMMER OF ZILLYHO-
>Best hammer John has ever created: Be the Wrinklefucker. You never needed Zillyhoo.
...You mean THE WRINKLEFUCKER. Ah, yes, the WRINKLEFUCKER. That really TAKES YOU BACK to the GOOD OLD TIMES, when Earth blew up and you spent all your time in the Medium, making friends and getting stabbed.
Sigh. Now you mostly use the WRINKLEFUCKER to FUCK ACTUAL WRINKLES IN YOUR CLOTHING, so to speak.
You're pretty sure your choice of the nostalgic hammer over the most powerful one will in no way be relevant today.
You quickly exit the ARMORY, placing an ear to the BEDROOM DOOR. It seems pretty quiet now. Perhaps she's still asleep. You silently open the door and tiptoe to the WINDOW, remembering your original objective. Which was quietly smashing said window.
You quietly raise the hammer, preparing to strike...
Suddenly SOMETHING in the slime behind you stirs and grumbles, the slime bubbling like a cauldron filled with...stuff. You turn just into to see a slime-covered troll arm rise out of the slime and grab onto the edge!
OH SHIT! What do you do now?!