AdultStuck (Text AU. We're back!)

[Nomadic]

Karkat: break into song. dis song right here.

I'd give a better vid, but I dun think he deserves better.
(Get's shot for suggesting karkat do this)

[pimudragonfeline]

There is already a video of that:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkQB-yWMMBw
Also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpL3l3crEug&NR=1

[Godfrey]

>Aradia: Break Into Song




AA: i love the city
GG: i'd love some peace and quiet!
AG: I love my family!
CG: I FUCKING HATE YOU GUYS.
AG: W8!
AA: i love the whole world!
AG: I didn't saaaaaaaay that!

GC: BOOM-D3-Y4D4
TA: b00m de yada
GA: Boom De Yada
CG: NOT YOU TOO-
TC: BOOM-DE-YADA!
CG: AAAAAAAAAAAH! DID ANYONE ELSE GET THAT MESSAGE?

OR: ii love the ocean!
TS: I love knitting things!
CT: I ha+e vampires!
TM: ==# I love lightening!
AA: i love the whole world!
AA: and all it's craziness!

DT: boom-de-yyada
IS: boom de yada
FE: boom-de-yada!!
LE:[|] Boom De Yada, FUCKASS.

EB: i love tornadoes!
FA: I hate arachnids.
TG: i love paradoxes
TT: I talk to giant 'squids'.
CG: FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD!
AA: it's such a brilliant place!

EB: boom-de-yada!
TT: Boom de yada.
TG: boom de yada
GG: boom de yada!!!
CG: FUCK YOU.
GC: BOOM-D3-Y4D4!
TC: BOOM-DE-YADA MOTHERFUCKER!
AG: Boom-de-yada!!!!!!!!
CG: IS NO ONE ELSE SEEING THAT? SERIOUSLY?
GA: Boom De Yada
AA: boom de yada!
TA: b00m de yada
CG: I SWEAR GAMZEE JUST SENT ME A MESSAGE.
FA: Boom de yada.
TM: ==# Boom de yada!
CT: Boom de yada
DM: I'm not doing this.
DT: boom-de-yyada
TS: Boom de yada!
LE: [|] Boom De Yada.
AP: bOOM DE YADA.
CG: THE FUCK, GUYS?
OR: bboom de yada!
FE: boom de yada!!

There is an sudden and awkward silence, both in person and on the chat channels. Aradia turns to Karkat.

CG: WHAT?
AA: we need one more.
CG: WHAT?
CG: NO.
CG: FUCK NO.
AA: come on!
AA: it'll be fun!
AG: You know she won't let us get on with life until you do.
CG: NO.
CG: I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED IN YOUR MUSICAL BULLSHIT.
AA: yes you are.
CG: NO I'M NOT.
GC: Y3S YOU 4R3. >:]
CG: NO I'M FUCKING NOT, AND WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?
EB: come on, karkat! it's fun!
CG: NO!
GA: Just Get It Over With.
CG: NO!
CG: JEGUS.
CG: OKAY.
CG: FINE.
CG: BOOM-DE-FUCKING-YADA.
GG: that didn't sound sincere.
CG: IT WAS SINCERE.
CG: A SINCERE "FUCK YOU".
CG: FUCK ALL OF YOU.
CG: I'M OUT.
CG: I'M GOING HOME.
EB: but we're supposed to discuss the trip!
CG: FUCK YOU, EGBERT. YOU AND YOUR SPIDER.
EB: awwww.
AG: Oh yeah? Well, fuck you and your blind girl!
GC: IT'S NOT WORK1NG, VR1SK4. I ST1LL DON'T CARE.
AG: Awwwwwwww. :::
CG: FUCK OFF.

Karkat walks away from the Court in a huff, leaving down the street. The rest of you just sort of watch him go.

AA: he'll be back.
AG: We don't need him!
GC: Y3S W3 DO. >:[
TG: you do, maybe
TA: s0 we're still d0ing this thing 0r...
TA: did karkat g0 s0mewhere?
TA: guys?
TA: 0h ha ha let's n0t tell the blind people what's g0ing 0n
GC: 1 KNOW WH4T'S GO1NG ON.
TA: what is it?
GC: W3'R3 S3ND1NG K4RK4T OFF TO A F4RM
GC: TO L1V3 W1TH A N1C3 F4M1LY WHO W1LL T4K3 C4R3 OF H1M
GC: FOR3V3R.
GC: 4ND NO.
GC: YOU C4N'T S33 H1M 4G41N.
GC: B3C4US3
GC: 1T'S A S3CR3T PL4C3.
GC: BUT H3'LL B3 H4PPY TH3R3.
TA: ...
TA: y0u tw0 must be the w0rst matesprits ever.

A few minutes later, you look up in the sky and see a...Second you, descending onto the ground. She appears to be holding Karkat in her arms.

CG: FUCK YOU.
FAA: hey aradia
CAA: hey
FAA: stable time loop
FAA: you better get going
FAA: you'll be spending a few hours looking for him
FAA: it will be really boring
CAA: okay, okay
CAA: i'm going

You walk off down the street after Karkat, a little bummed and annoyed.

...You are now Future Aradia, you guess. Although now you're current Aradia. Since you came back in time, and...You know what? You are just Aradia.

God this shit is confusing.

CG: CAN WE JUST GET FUCKING STARTED ALREADY? JUST TODAY? JUST ONCE?
EB: fine.
CG: OKAY, NOW OUR FIRST PROBLEM IS, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW, THESE FUCKING IDIOTS RIGHT HERE MULTIPL-
AG: Everyone!

You all look at Vriska, slightly confused. Karkat rolls his eyes.

AG: 8ehold my offspring!

She holds the grub aloft in the air. She looks around, confused and terrified.

Karkat grumbles and smacks his forehead.

8ehold offspring? Y/N

[Cobalt Soul]

DM: I'm not doing this.

Fuck yeah DM is the best character ever.

>Everyone: Behold offspring

[Kisame12]

>Karkat: Hold the grub. You cannot resist the adorableness. Its just not possible.

[Voaha Kuana]

>karkat: just try to ignor vriska save yourself the headache or just yell CAN WE FUCKING START THE FUCKING MEETING ALREADY DAMN IT

[The Long Man]

GENTELMEN!
BEHOLD!
OFFSPRING!!

>Behold offspring
>offspring: be extra adorable.

[Nomadic]

GC: D'awwwww

[fenixPhlame]

There is no words... they should have sent a poet.

[zingo47]

>Vriska: realize what exactly you are doing, and recoil back in your seat before anyone can fully behold your adorable offspring, which is a shame, really- wait, what are you thinking!? You're a cold-blooded killer! Not some simpering- aww, she's so CUTE! GAH, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU.

[Kisuki]

>Terezi: Babies, babies everywhere, exept for you. Be jelly.

[Turrnip]

>Terezi: Babies, babies everywhere, exept for you. Be jelly.

Oh so jelly.

[Ruki]

-> Offspring: Be beheaded.

=> Offspring: I mean beheld!

[Voaha Kuana]

==> vriska resists the urge to go dawwwww over you own beautiful baby grub

[Steel Dragon]

Clubs Deuce: Be the Mafia Busdriver. Also behold offspring.

[Matrix]

>All: Behold glory of Grubaby Jegus

[Wessolf27]

> All: 8ehold the glory of Vriska's offspring

[Nexev]

Kids: Be extremly bored, you ARE teenagers after all.

[wilySubversionist]

>Godfrey: Please gog let Karkat's Nice Family Farm be the Gallifrey's Official Religious (Death) Euphemism for Children.
>Everyone but Karkat: Y!
>Karkat: FUCK N

[Godfrey]

>Kids: Be extremly bored, you ARE teenagers after all.


You bet the Children would be really bored if this meeting involved them.

Thankfully, it does not. There are no children here today.

...

Wait, how was everyone singing earlier when you were doing the...? You have no idea how you did that, in retrospect.

You briefly consider that you might also be the God of Musical Numbers.

>Behold offspring

You (which is still Aradia) make an attempt to resist the offspring!

You fail! Hard! It's just so damn adorable and cute and oh my god look at it wiggle and those are the cutest giant eyes you've ever seen and oh my god oh my god look at that cute little hair and oh my god you are having an CUTENESS ANEURYSM. IT'S TOO MUCH TO HANDLE AWWWWW MY GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWD!

You look around at your friends. They are staring at you, confused.

You suddenly realized you squealed.

AA: uh.


-> Offspring: Be beheaded.

You are now Karkat, and you just had the best and quickest idea for dealing with this wiggler problem. You deploy HOLMES SMELL YA LATER and begin to approach the baby.

Vriska looks at you, raising an eyebrow.

You blink.

CG: UH.
AG: What are you doing?
CG: I GUESS I DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH.
AG: What?
CG: NOTHING. STUPID IDEA.

You put away your weapons and sigh. No, Karkat. Now is not the time to become a grub murderer.


>Karkat: Hold the grub. You cannot resist the adorableness. Its just not possible.

You observe the grub, which seems to be squeaking and looking about the room. It's eyes meets yours.

There's is a brief, uncomfortable moment. It...She looks at you and cocks her head to the side.

You continue to glare at it.

...



.......


................

..............................


.................................................. ..............



That...That is the most goddamn fucking adorable little shitheaded fuckass creature that you've ever seen. Holy fucking shit. That's at least up there with Dave's little pink thing.

Your HEART has been SLAIN.

Figuratively speaking.

>All: Behold glory of Grubaby Jegus

You all (except for Dave, Jade, and DJ, who all seems variously annoyed with this turn of events) BATHE IN THE GLORY and MAJESTY of GRUBABY SHE-JEGUS. The DOTING FATHER begins to SING a BEAUTIFUL and NONSENSICAL HYMN that involve mostly GIBBERISH and THE WORD EMERALD.

At least one of you suspects a ZILLYHOO may have sneaked in there as well, but that was probably by accident.

John is suddenly highfived by someone. He blinks, confused, and looks aside at...Clubs Deuce, of all people.

He leaps back and screams a little. Vriska lowers the baby and glares at him.

EB: sorry.
EB: you look like someone i used to know.

CD shrugs. He tells you that he gets that a lot.

AG: You're kind of interrupting something here!

CD apologizes. He just wanted to be part of the moment! If it's any consolation, that is the cutest thing he's ever seen. Is it edible?

EB: uh...
EB: okay.
EB: you're...from the carapace town, aren't you?

CD nods enthusiastically.

EB: okay then.
EB: what are you doing here?

I came with the bus, he replied.

EB: the bus?
EB: oh, you mean out front!
EB: i was wondering where that came from...
GA: That Would Be My Fault
CG: OH HERE WE GO.
GA: I Anticipated That We Would Agree To Contact The Carapace People At The Next Meeting
GA: So I Got In Contact With One Of Their Mayor's Aides
GA: She Sent The Bus Ahead Of Time
GA: It Was Well Timed
AG: You're meddling again!
AA: that was very forward thinking of you, kanaya!
GA: Thank You
CG: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW?
GA: I Guessed
GA: That's All
CG: YOU'VE GOT TO BE LYI-
EB: so! uh...aren't you with Jack's...uh...gang?

CD shakes his head. He used to work for Jack, yes. And he sort of misses it. But he works for the Mayor now, and he doesn't insult him nearly as often! It's a much better working environment for the up and coming carapace person. And might he add that it is an honor to meet you oh windy god person.

EB: uh...i'm honored, i guess. Er...my name is john egbert! and this is, uh, my wife...matesprit...person, vriska sekret!

Oh! says Club Deuce. The hot and creepy spider lady! they all know of her as well.

AG: Yes! 8ow 8efore my glory!
EB: honey.
AG: ...Or not.
EB: and this is aradia, our resident time god.
AA: pleased to meet you!
EB: and this over here is D-

Clubs Deuce shakes his head. He doesn't have a good memory for names and just wanted to meet the gods. Also you are paying him by the hour. Time is a factor.

EB: what?
EB: how are we paying him?
GA: Coupons
EB: for what?
CG: EVERYTHING, DUMBASS.
CG: OUR ECONOMY IS BASED ON COUPONS.
EB: what!
AG: What!!!!!!!!
AA: what.
CG: GEE, HOLY CRAP, THE GODS DON'T KNOW SOMETHING.
CG: THAT IS SO SHOCKING TO US MERE MORTALS.
CG: WE MAY HAVE TO RETHINK OUR ENTIRE BELIEF SYSTEM.
EB: but...coupons?
CG: YES.
CG: GODDAMN COUPONS.
EB: what...where are they even from?
GC: W3'V3 B33N US1NG 4 B4RT3R SYST3M.
GC: WH1CH L3D TO 1OU'S 4ND COUPONS.
GC: 4ND ON3 TH1NG L3D TO 4NOTH3R...
CG: AND WE ENDED UP WITH A GODDAMN ECONOMY BASED ON SHITTY-ASS COUPONS THAT AREN'T BACKED BY ANYTHING EXCEPT THAT A VAGUE SENSE THAT SOMEONE WILL FIND SOMETHING TO BACK IT UP AT SOME POINT.
EB: wow.
EB: we are in trouble.
EB: i hope the Mayor's doing better than us!
GA: It Is Going To Cost Us Half The Coupon Treasury To Keep This Short Person Here For Two Days
GA: So We Will Want To Send People Tonight
EB: what!
CG: THE FUCK? THAT WOULD REQUIRE DAYS OF PLANNING!
GA: Which Is Why I Have Already Done It
TG: are you sure you cant time travel
GA: I Am Just Very Prepared
GA: I Have
GA: In Fact
GA: Already Decided Which Children Would Be Best For The Journey
GA: And Which Of Us We Should Send

Kanaya places a folder on the table and stands back. John and Karkat immediately approach it, opening it and trying to read through the files.

Behind them, Vriska continues to try and quietly coo over a greatly wiggling Emerald, while Aradia laughs. Elsewhere Jade and Dave quietly murmur to themselves, irritated that they went through a stressful nine months to have DJ and yet Vriska has a baby one night without any effort on her part. Terezi looks around at the couples, a little curious and a little bummed that she doesn't know what parenthood feels like.

Sollux just sort of twiddles his thumbs, enjoying himself.


John and Karkat look over the list of names.

EB: ...uh, let's see...there's myself, dave, you, and sollux for the adults...uh...
CG: HMM.
CG: THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME SORT OF PATTERN TO THIS LIST.
EB: well, karkat, i think it's pretty obvious!
CG: YEAH, LIKE YOU'RE SO SMART!
EB: no, see, what i mean is
EB: it's all of the men.
CG: WHAT? SERIOUSLY?
EB: yes.
EB: all of the men.
AG: ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!
EB: thank you baby.
AG: No pro8lem
TG: wait what
TG: seriously
TG: are we going to miss lesbian makeouts
GA: No
GA: Just Female Shenanigans
TG: but those are the best kind of shenanigans
EB: ooookay.
EB: that seems a little weird!
EB: let's look at the list of children.


They both flip the list, and read it.

Kanaya's Carefully Considered List Of Acceptable Children
For Diplomatic Discussions And Visitations
In Carapace Town

feralAncient
problemInquisitor
aggroPaladin
deepseaTyphoon
literaryEmpress
flintlockEnthusiast
constantThinker
technicianMagician
greatEmancipator
hereticProvincial

GA: It Will Be Quite A Bonding Experience
EB: uh...okay...

[Steel Dragon]

GOOD ADVENTURE
BEST UPDATE

also

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GODFREY

IF YOU ARE READING THIS, THEN YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY INTEGRATED EVERY ASPECT OF MY HEADCANON FOR THIS ADVENTURE

ALSO YOU HAVE PLANTED A SEED OF FUTURE HEADCANON WHICH WILL HOPEFULLY BE SIMILARLY INCORPORATED

MY GOG, YOU'VE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING. YOU MUST BE SOME SORT OF FAN-ADVENTURE MASTERMIND

I AM SO, SO PROUD OF YOU

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[fenixPhlame]

Cue 15 pages of the best kind of shenanigans

[Godfrey]

Cue 15 pages of the best kind of shenanigans

LAZY COLOR-LESS BONUS


GG: um
GG: kanaya?
GA: Yes
GG: did...did you turn on...like...romantic music? in the court?
GA: No
AG: Hey, yeah!!!!!!!! And there's, like...mood lighting!
GG: i didn't know the table could turn into a massive heart shaped bed, either!
AA: are you trying to seduce us?
GA: No
GA: Yes
GA: No
GA: Is It Working
GA: Would It Help If I Punched You In The Snout To Establish Sex Appeal

[cautiousCapricorn]

Best Bonus Ever.

Poor Kar, Gamzee is always Fucking with him.

DJ : Establish cuteness AUTHORITY you are a strider dammit!

[Steel Dragon]

this has been the best night ever forever

>Everyone: OOWAAH MAGIC BUS