Woah, that was a long one.
You sure this is the right place?
Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏᴜʀ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀs?
No, no! I'm just saying.
This is like, the least prepared Earth I have ever seen. They must be a couple of thousand years behind home.
What are they even going to do, throw rocks at us?
Aᴘᴘᴇᴀʀᴀɴᴄᴇs ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ ᴅᴇᴄᴇɪᴠɪɴɢ.
Well you can colour me deceived, if this is a trap then it's a bloody good one. They don't even have any defence satellites!
Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟ sᴛɪʟʟ ʙᴇ Tʜᴇ Tʀᴏʟʟᴋɪɴ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ.
Well that's hardly a surprise is it? They're literally everywhere.
Cᴇᴀsᴇ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs. Cᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴀs ᴏʀᴅᴇʀᴇᴅ.
Yeah ok fine, I'm going. Could do with a bit of a holiday anyway.
Not that this is going to take particularly long.
...well come on then, you heard the man! Let's make some noise!
Your name is Robert Walker, and you should really be asleep.
In your line of work (as a fireman) you are used to napping through the dawn hours (though really you haven't needed nearly as much sleep recently as you used to) and working through the night, ever prepared to be woken at early hours to deal with an emergency.
Usually when you are woken early it is by your pager and to deal with something important, like a fire.
This morning it's your alarm clock.
The thing shouldn't even be going off because obviously you wouldn't set your alarm clock to go off one hour after you go to sleep and also because it's meant to stop automatically after about thirty seconds, but it doesn't show any sign of shutting up any time soon.
You should probably do something about that.
Here's the obligatory bullshit about how it's my first adventure and my art is awful and I should just stop now and kill myself etc etc etc
I've got bits of this planned out but there are also some pretty big gaps in what I want to do which is presumably where you come in. All the stuff I have ideas about are mainly around the beginning and end so hopefully I shouldn't end up railroading you too much.
I'm no Hussie and this isn't the only iron that I'm attempting to cook at the moment so one or two updates a week is probably all you should expect, then if I do more it's a pleasant suprise rather than a disappointment. Obviously things should come a little faster at the beginning because I have a lot of stuff already drawn out and I just have to do some copying and pasting.
I actually wasn't even planning to start this for another couple of weeks or so but I've suddenly found myself with a little bit more free time than usual and I decided to just post this out of boredom instead of waiting. I'd probably just end up waiting and not actually ending up in a more appropriate starting place anyway.
Well I guess that's all I need to say, give me some commands!
You walk over to the cabinet upon which rests your alarm clock, for some reason deciding to bring along one of your fire axes.
You've never actually needed to use one of these on the job which is why they are hung on the wall, why you think they will be appropriate for dealing with a faulty clock you don't know.
You try pressing the button to manually stop it from ringing but it just ignores you and keeps on making a racket.
Despite having already established that it is the alarm clock, you turn around and check your fire alarm anyway.
It's not ringing and besides it makes a completely different noise, but you learned on the job that you can't be too careful.
Except when checking a fire alarm that you already know certainly isn't ringing, you guess that probably could be taken as slightly too careful.
Alright, enough is enough! You do the obvious and unplug the clock from the wall.
This has about as much effect as pressing the button; none at all. The clock doesn't contain any batteries and now isn't recieving any power but it's still ringing all on its own.
While you hold the infuriating device and hope against hope that it will shut itself off, you try to calm yourself by examining the posters on the far wall.
They were both given to you by a friend, the same friend that gave you this alarm clock actually, and to be honest you aren't incredibly fond of them. It would be rude to turn down a gift however, and besides, it's better than a blank wall.
The one on the right is for some game he's interested in. You aren't really that sure of the details but you're pretty certain it's not going to come out for another couple of months. He's probably going to try and rope you in to play it with him despite the fact that you are universally terrible at all video games.
You are secretly quite thankful that the both of you run quite obscure computers and it'll probably take him a while to port the game over to what you're running, which bring us over to the other poster; an advert for "COAT-OS", a highly specialised operating system for the type of computer the both of you have to run. It was programmed completely by your friend who is pretty good at computers and mechanics and things like that, and to be honest you think this poster is not a very good advert.
It's more creepy than appealing, now that you look at it, and it doesn't really contain any useful information at all.
Still, you couldn't tell that to your friend, it would be rude and he takes criticism badly.
In other words no, this isn't an adventure about SBURB
You attempt to out-stare the poster. Neither of you ever need to blink.
This could end up going on for quite some time.
You briefly contemplate the Cybernetic Implants that allow you to hold your own in a staring contest against an opponent without eyes.
Or more accurately, Cybernetic Body. Really it could be argued that most of the rest of your body is the implant.
You are made of SAND (Wasn't it obvious?). This is what makes you such a good fireman and is why you generally don't really need an axe; your heavy sand fists are generally enough to break down any door that needs breaking.
Your conciousness is stored in the metal half of your face and wirelessly communicates with the manacles on your limbs to hold your body in shape and stop you from collapsing into a pile on the floor through the power of nanotechnology. They also rather conveniently colour you in as if you weren't made of sand, but you can drop the illusion at any time.
Your left eye is a green glass ball and it's what you see out of, the right one is purely decorative.
You could explain just what happened to put you into this regrettable state but those are painful memories that you'd rather not relive right now.
And besides, that would be far too easy.
You decide you have wasted enough time ogling posters and remeniscing and just stick the alarm clock in the bucket.
This is something of an improvement.
You did briefly entertain thoughts of smashing it with an axe but you already hung it back up because you felt silly carrying an axe around your apartment. And anyway, the clock was a gift. You can't just break gifts. It would be rude.
While the muted sound of ringing is now tolerable this is hardly a permanent solution. The clock isn't recieving any power and yet it still insists that it's time for you to get up, you really need to find some way of fixing it or perhaps just silencing it without breaking it.
You decide to consult the papers on your desk for advice, despite the fact that they're your papers and you know they don't contain any.
It's mostly boring stuff like bills, a shopping list and a bank statement, nothing really worth mentioning.
You tend to fold bits of the sheets you are done with into quarters and draw on them when you're bored, which if you are filling in paperwork means all the time. This one is a picture of you and your very best friend, although as he's also basically your only friend that's not as much as a compliment as it sounds. Sometimes you wish your friend wasn't quite so difficult to draw, even if he's only a stick person. And on this one it looks like a picture of an alien invasion or something else equally stupid that couldn't possibly ever happen. You're not really the world's greatest artist so you aren't exactly certain any more of exactly what it was meant to be when you were drawing it.
You then try plugging your alarm clock into your head which has about as much success as you might expect, considering that data isn't transferred through the electrical cord.
You decide to stop messing around and just ask your friend to fix it for you. Admittedly this is probably just what you should have done straight away without any prompting at all, you're hopeless at dealing with machines.
You activate your computer.
Your vision is replaced by a loading screen.
There's probably a way to do this without blocking out your only eye and making yourself completely blind but you don't know what it is.
You find yourself on the desktop, made up mostly of a background that you are sure took your friend no more than five minutes to draw (but you can't ask him in case he didn't!) that you also don't know how to change and a bunch of completely unlabeled icons.
You're sure the guy who wrote the operating system thought that all of the labels were totally self explanatory but you don't actually have a clue what half of them do, in fact you can't even remember which one opens his chat program.