>Be the asshole with the horn in his eye.
(AB by poot as usual.)
Unfortunately for you, you succeed.
You are now BAZZALUS YORD you are 7 SWEEPS old and you're basically the grumpiest asshole on alternia. You're pretty sensitive about the HORN STABBING INTO YOUR EYE and tend to get ectremely angry at anyone who so much as stares at it long enough. Seriously it just irks you so much that people don't have anything better to do then stare and point and laugh and... well basically just respond normally to your condition, but still! I mean you're already in constant pain and have to be CONSTANTLY MEDICATED just so you don't pass out. You are quite aware that the universe probably hates you and you've come to accept it. And while we're on the subject of your horns we may as well address something everyone seems to want to ask. "Why didn't you just break it off like the other one?" Well as it turns out, it's really really hard for a 2 sweep old to break a horn off and seeings as your asshole of a lusus broke the one that is broken you didn't really have much say in the matter, you're lucky the one that is broken did break or you'd probably just be dead.
Speaking of your asshole lusus, he's a very large MANTISBEAST who basically attacks you whenever he gets the chance, most people you talk to about him say he's just trying to make you stronger but you're in enough pain as is that you really don't want to deal with a rampaging lusus so you keep him sedated almost constantly. Occasionally you forget to drug his food and he goes berserk, tearing apart your hive and attacking you and anyone who happens to be in the nearby woods you live in. This usually ends in you having to strife with him which usually doesn't end well but you've always managed to come out on top, so that's something at least, right? As it turns out dealing with your lusus has made you a bit stronger then the average troll but you aren't particularly aware of this since you avoid conflict most of the time.
Now that we're on the topic of strifes we may as well talk about your strife specibus which is set to PENKIND. No one told you how strife specibi worked when you were younger so you set it to that on a whim one day and have been stuck with it ever since. But you still manage, you see you study poisons and replaces the ink in your pens with them effectively making them pseudo-syringes. It's doesn't make them that much more effective because it's really hard to stab someone with a pen who doesn't want you to but you make due with what you've got, that or die and you really don't want to die.
Now on to your hobbies I suppose. You enjoy GROWING PLANTS and PLAYING VIDEO GAMES mostly. You have a large garde outside your hive as well as a greenhouse you've filled with various plants you've collected from all over Alternia. Your hive is also overrun by plants as well as some of them seem to grow uncontrollably wherever they please. You don't mind them much what with your ability to CONTROL PLANTS AND MAKE THEM GROW but it makes it hard to have company over sometimes. Nothing says you're a good host like a vine lifting your friend in the air and beating them on the floor. As for the video games you're a fan of RPGS and TACTICAL games but you'll play pretty much anything just to pass the time and get your mind of the pain.
Your fetch modus is the EYE CHART MODUS which is just more evidence that someone somewhere has it out for you. It's pretty simple, pull out a card, read the letters on the back, get the item if you're right, don't get it if you're wrong. Except your eyesight isn't any better then anyone else, it's not like your eye picked up the slack for the other, that's just stupid. No, in fact your sight is arguably worse what with your terrible depth perception but you manage well enough and usually just make sure to keep important small items in your pocket as opposed to your modus.
If you were to play a game of SGRUB you'd be the PRINCE OF PAIN and you'd dwell in THE LAND OF GLASS AND NEEDLES.
Your trolltag is poisonousHorniculturist
and Yoo tolk woth o spooch impodomont thot most pooplo fond fonny... yoo hoto pooplo.