MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[Hazel]

Haven't actually got around to writing 15ii, but if it makes anyone feel better, it's because I was distracted by 16. Progress is progress, right?

@PingZing: Hah, thanks for that!

@Adoxographist: I've often wondered about Gamzee's lusus, it's good to see a take on him! Never considered that he might have outright left, though.

Pretty glad, especially since you ruined my life. You know all those people who never shipped or wrote fanfic before Homestuck? I never used to read ongoing fic. Just not much of a multi-chapter person. Now I follow AHIHH and Shipjammed both, and judging by this this thread and the LJ memes, my condition is likely to deteriorate.

Oh well. Off to try and write some Rainbow Drinker one-offs.

[billybobfred]

hey look it is another SBURB crossover fic

Dwarfstuck

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(pesterlog)

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CURRENT uristmcDrunk [CUD] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board HATGLANCED.
CURRENT antiDeforestation [CAD] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CURRENT genericMerchant [CGM] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CURRENT childcareExpert [CCE] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CURRENT fivefingerDiscount [CFD] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CUD: Ye all responded on time, I see. Tha's... unusual. But good.
CGM: Urist, I've heard rumors that this game will destroy all life on the planet.
CAD: What? But the trees! :(
CCE: hehe that sounds pretty awesome if its true
CFD: oh, don't be that way, ulspa
CFD: what about your friends?
CFD: and your charges?
CCE: ooh thats probably bad
CUD: Shu' i'.
CUD: Our astronomers have caugh' sigh' of grea' balls of stone and fire headed straigh' for the plane'.
CUD: So, 'tis true tha' all life on the plane' will be wiped ou'.
CAD: Noooo, the trees! :(
CUD: SHU' I', ACITA!
CUD: Now as I was sayin', i' can' be said fer sure whether this is due to the game.
CUD: Bu' i' doesn' matter.
CUD: Regardless o' why, our only hope now is to ge' into the Medium.
CGM: The medium?
CUD: Oh, fer cryin' ou' loud, Olith.
CUD: Didn' ye read the instructions?
CFD: its a simple three-step process, olith
CFD: step one: your server deploys all the alchemy stuff
CGM: Wait, so my life depends on ULSPA?
CFD: yeah unfortunately but he knows that if you die the game is unwinnable and he's spored
CCE: hehehe its all true but if theres one thing you can depend on me for its saving my own skin
CFD: with that established
CFD: step two: prototype your kernelsprite
CFD: step three: make and use the cruxite entry item
CGM: Hold up, steps two and three are a bit vague, aren't they?
CUD: Damn i', Olith, qui' delayin' the game!
-- CURRENT uristmcDrunk [CUD] sent CURRENT genericMerchant [CGM] the file "quickstartguideforinattentivehumans.txt" --
CUD: Read tha' before ye ask any more questions!
CUD: My life depends on yer quick action!
CUD banned CGM from responding to memo for TEN (10) MINUTES.
CAD: Urist, was that necessary? :?
CUD: Have ye me' Olith? He'll drag an explanation on fer hours if ye le' him.
CUD: And we don' have hours.
CUD: He's already deployed and opened my cruxtruder, and i's showin' 4 minutes.
CUD: I go' to ge' into the Medium ASAP.
CUD ceased responding to memo.
CAD: Oh no! What if she dies? D:
CCE: hehehe if urist gets crushed by a meteor before you get in then its safe to say youre spored for good
CFD: don't worry
CFD: i know olith will come through
CFD: he always did in the past
CAD: Oh? I wasn't aware kobolds were on good terms with humans. e.e
CCE: hehehe oh is that where you got your artifact dagger
CFD: shut it, ulspa
CFD: this isn't the time
CFD ceased responding to memo.
CCE: hehehe i was hoping to get a rise out of her oh well
CCE ceased responding to memo.
CAD: Um. Is. Everyone's gone now. :/
CAD: I guess... I'll just go?
CAD ceased responding to memo.
PAST childcareExpert [PCE] TWENTY MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
??? carcinoGeneticist [?CG] at ?:?? responded to memo.
?CG: OKAY GOBLIN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT.
PCE: hehehe were gonna play a game and ive seen that we cant win without you
?CG: GOG DAMNIT I PLAYED THIS GAME ALREADY.
?CG: TWICE, ACTUALLY!
?CG: I'M NOT FUCKING DOING IT AGAIN.
PCE: hahaha but the meteors are already coming
PCE: hehehehe how else would you have known to take your friends off-planet
PCE: heheh you already know it doesnt matter what you want now
?CG: FUCKING HELL.
PCE: hahaha i know right
PCE: heh better get on it o glorious creator
PCE ceased responding to memo.
?CG: I KNEW IT. I'M CURSED.
??? haikuFanfic [?HF] at ?:?? responded to memo.
?HF: mY fAUlt kArkAt.
?HF: shOUldn't hAvE UsEd A mOddEd gAmE
?CG: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU.
?HF: nEvEr mInd whO I Am
?HF: I jUst wAntEd tO ApOlOgIzE fOr gEttIng yOU IntO thIs yEt AnOthEr tImE
?HF: sO, sOrrY AbOUt thAt.
?HF ceased responding to memo.
?CG: GOD FUCKING DAMN IT.
?CG ceased responding to memo.

>Urist: Enter the medium!

You're working on it! You've alchemized the Cruxite Mug, but you still haven't decided what to prototype. This thing's gonna be giving you advice for your entire adventure.

... Hey, where's it going?

>Urist: Follow that seizure kernel!

Why is it going down here? Nothing's down here but the catacombs!

... Oh, hey. There's a thought.

>Olith: Pester your client.

Why is she running into the mines? She only has two minutes left!

(pesterlog)

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-- genericMerchant [GM] began pestering uristmcDrunk [UD] --
GM: What are you doing?!
GM: ... Oh, right, you left the computer behind, didn't you?
GM: Damn it all.

>Olith: Watch helplessly.

Catacombs... a room labeled with her family name?

Can you do that?

>Urist: Prototype.

You open up the marble coffin. Not much is left, but it's enough.

The STORB cursor appears on it. Seems Olith caught on. You nod, and the coffin is upended, spilling its contents into the kernelsprite. With no time to check the results, you smash the Cruxite Mug against your beloved pet's memorial slab.

With a blinding flash of light, everything vanishes.

>Kobold: Pester your client.

You're having second thoughts. As if there's time for that.

(pesterlog)

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-- fivefingerDiscount [FD] began pestering childcareExpert [CE] --
FD: are you sure getting this guy into our game was a good plan?
FD: he created everything!
FD: twice, if the legends are true!
CE: hehehe i know what youre thinking
CE: ha but i saw it in a dream okay
CE: ohoho you know that means it cant be avoided
FD: you sure it was the prophetic kind of dream?
FD: goblins do have normal dreams as well
CE: ahaha thats funny but you know how i know its true
FD: ugh
FD: i just don't like him at all
FD: he won't stop yelling!
CE: ehehe you get used to it
CE: bwahaha if you think thats bad you should try talking to one of the other fifteen
FD: oh, no, i'm not getting more involved with the gods than i have to
-- fivefingerDiscount [FD] ceased pestering childcareExpert [CE] --

>Urist: Examine Medium.

You can't see it. You're still in your family catacombs.

>Urist: Examine sprite.

Idar's back, it seems. Your loyal war dog has been resurrected by the power of the sprite.

(spritelog)

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URIST: Hello there, boy.
IDARSPRITE: Woof.
IDARSPRITE: It's good to see you again.
URIST: Ye can talk now?
IDARSPRITE: Naturally.
IDARSPRITE: How else would I guide you through the game? pant pant pant
URIST: Righ', of course.
IDARSPRITE: And for my first bit of spritely advice:
IDARSPRITE: You need to get back to your computer.
IDARSPRITE: The elf needs your help.

>Acita: Panic!

You heard that meteor strike! Is Urist okay? (she'd better be or else you're dead!)

(pesterlog)

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-- antiDeforestation [AD] began pestering genericMerchant [GM] --
AD: Hey! What happened? D:
GM: Urist entered the Medium.
AD: :D Yay!
AD: What's it look like? :?
GM: She's deep in the catacombs, and I can't see it from there.
GM: She prototyped her war dog, FYI.
AD: Oh, cool. :)
GM: She's heading back up now.
GM: Oh, wow.
AD: What? :o
GM: The entire fort has been teleported onto an absurdly tall pillar of microcline.
AD: On top of a pillar, huh? :/
GM: I know, I swear that's been done before, even though Urist was the first to enter.
AD: Yeah, I know. :???
AD: Well, I should be getting in too. Later. :)
-- antiDeforestation [AD] ceased pestering genericMerchant [GM] --

Whew, that's a relief!

>Acita: Be pestered by your server.

And hey, Urist is pestering you already!

(pesterlog)

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-- uristmcDrunk [UD] began pestering antiDeforestation --
UD: Well, I'm in.
AD: Yay! :)
UD: I'll be deployin' the alchemy stuff now.

===>

Thud. Thud. Thud. Flutter.

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AD: Holy carp, Urist, watch where you're dropping that stuff! X(
UD: Ahh, calm yerself, Acita.
UD: Yer tree house didn' fall down, did i'?
UD: So we're fine.

>Karkat: Power through the game with two playthroughs' worth of experience and items.

You'd love to, really. But a new game means a new echeladder and a new grist cache. You did keep your items, and you do have meta-game experience to work with, but everything else starts at zero. You plan to prototype your sprite with a Perfectly Generic Object or something equally weak as soon as you can.

But you can't do that yet. That conniving goblin that got you into this fucking game again somehow convinced you to take the stupid elf as your server player, and she's done nothing useful at all.

>Karkat: Help your client, then.

Eh. May as well.

(pesterlog)

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-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering fivefingerDiscount [FD] --
CG: OKAY KOBOLD, LISTEN UP.
CG: I'VE PLAYED THIS GAME TWICE, SO I KNOW HOW IT FUCKING WORKS.
CG: SO YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME WHEN I GIVE YOU ADVICE.
FD: okay, i guess
CG: GOOD. NOW I'VE DEPLOYED THE ALCHEMY SHIT, SO START MAKING YOUR CRUXITE THING SO YOU CAN GET INTO THE MEDIUM.

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Yes, it is Dwarf Fortress. And yes, Karkat has to play the game again. Yes, this is because it's based on my Homestuck mod which adds trolls.

Mayyyybe that was a dumb idea? (the part with me in it was definitely a dumb idea but i could not resist)

DF veterans might be able to figure out how I named the characters! no prizes for doing so except the pride of being awesome

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Hazel: Mwhahaha, my swath of destruction widens! Urm.... I mean... I'm very sorry for the loss of your free time. Ahem.

@billybobfred: More Dwarf Fortress! I have to stop getting distracted by games. If it wasn't a busy long weekend for me and my friend we'd be back at Aperture. It's just not good for the output! Anyway, back to your fic: I'm a little surprised you're only going with so few Dwarf characters but I'm sure you know what you're doing. Interesting to see Karkat in this one, we'll have to see where it goes!

[Jim Groovester]

@Adoxographist: That was... he just runs away? But that's not what Gamzee needs. That was great, nice job.

@anonymousComrade: I don't know why you keep beating yourself up but I think it's funny when you do because you're always so dramatic about it. Now that I'm done being a terrible person, that was good. I'm right in thinking that Karkat wasn't being a jerk to Terezi because that's just how troll romance works, right?

@battlerek: Thanks, man. That line was supposed to be PS being a badass. I actually didn't mean for it to be funny, but I guess I kind of overdid it. No problem though.

@SkaianRedeemer: Thanks. It means a lot that you're still reading; I was worried that you stopped because the fic started suddenly sucking and I couldn't figure out why. So, thanks for easing my mind.

And thanks for the heads up about the TvTropes recommended link. That's really good news and makes me glad. YES. FUCK YES. HELL FUCKING YES.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Jim Groovester: Nope, I'm still here, I just mean it when I say I don't have any free time (I am also running out of ways to make jokes about it). I'd read one here in the time you would write two. I suppose the only times I had trouble with it were 1) When HB was being described as an Angel of Death. I followed the metaphor just fine but it wasn't immediately clear why "angels". 2) I am still not sure which Felt are dead. The brief gunfight with Quarters, Matchsticks and Fin just suddenly ends with a Score Sheet and I couldn't work out who was being counted (especially since it wasn't clear if Trace being hit earlier actually did kill him, though it did trigger a Score Sheet). Without a clearer sign, I just assume you meant Quarters and Matchsticks ala the Intermission. But neither threw me from the fic.

[potatomato]

Guys - I'm writing a Hanna is Not a Boy's Name/Homestuck crossover. I don't usually post my fics on the fora so they just kind of sit around in google docs or something, but I was considering putting it up here, if there's any interest?

YES. Do this.

please.

[Superstar]

This really isn't fanfiction in the sense that this is containing homestuck etc. This is fanfiction in the sense of taking a Fan of homestuck, and well.. you'll just have to read it i guess.

I had one condition when i was typing this, I had to keep typing and not stop to think about what i was typing. If you read it out loud like a rushed story or something dramatic it might be funny, who knows. (I did spellcheck and grammar check afterwards)

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Couples, they’re always around my school, always making out and generally making social rejects (that’s me folks) feel really REALLY sad. It’s not so depressing after 3 years, at least that’s what I tell myself. I’m now a senior of high school, and still no girlfriend (91RL3FR13Nd)…. I really couldn’t get any more pathetic sweet Gog.

So yea, anyways, today was like any other day really, get up, eat breakfast, shower (gotta get clean yo) go to school. Oh yea, learning to be a cook. How’s that going you’d ask? Not so good. Let’s just say I don’t burn things, I just can’t mesh ingredients at all. It’s unique to have a horseradish egg omelet. I really don’t know what I was thinking. So yea, back to the story… thing.

I finally got on the bus. Albeit I was in a daze, what with the horseradish actually having been wasabi, which I still don’t understand. Suffice it to say, I couldn’t see anything. There were a few couples, a few people arguing, and some just hating each other, par for the course. Gog it is so noisy. Got to school, eyes cleared. Been reading Homestuck for a while now, got to the quadrants.

Mysterious thing quadrants, they’re not hard to understand. But you know, I’ve always seen love and feelings as quadrants. I mean Jegus, you see hate relationships that magically work, and sometimes longer than actual love ones do. You see spitefriends, ye see regularfriends who balance you out and oh my Gog did I just type (speak if you are reading this out ^ Loud Do it. Do it now) in an accent.

So anyways, school was going regularly, except. I was noticing things a lot more, noticing spitefriends even if they weren’t showing it, hatelovers just between the looks they shared. Lord even lovers who never shared a single look with each other or looked at each other’s backs at all, I KNEW what they were. Seriously, it was bugging me. It wasn’t like I looked at the person and knew; I just looked above their heads and knew. Now see this wouldn’t be an issue, except it was gosh darn creepy, I hate knowing this much about OTHER people’s relationships.

Best Friend walks up to me, her name’s Katie. Lots of Katie’s at my school, about 6 to be exact. It’s kind of scary really. Now she looks at me, and all I see is love. Cue Blush, Cue Running away. Normally with that kind of information I’d act. But, the fact I KNEW? Yea, no I’m running.

So cut the day short here, got home. Walked in to my house, and immediately went to dad. Now see, Dad was a recluse, much like me, which meant his Google skills were truly pro.

“Uh Dad?” Dad looks over, concern on his face. He’s got a scrubby beard, the kind of person who only shaves every week. He makes himself presentable, works online and sometimes clients want a webcam chat. Still, you can tell he works at home, and loves taking it easy. “What’s up kiddo?” Gah! Kiddo!? Really? I know we’ve been through this before but! Oh this isn’t the time!!!

“I uh” Oh jeeze how do I put this… “is it normal to know exactly what who feels for who? Even if it’s a secret? Or they don’t even know themselves?”

Dad just gets the hugest smile on his face. Oh Gog this can’t be good. He jumps up, fistsbumps the air (I don’t even know how you DO THAT! So awesome) and just hugs me like a crazy man “Kiddo it’s not normal. But I can tell you what it is. Want me to tell you?”

My mouth is just gaping, because I have no idea why this man is dragging this out. I also might be having a mental breakdown and really just want a bloody answer.

“You son, have shipper vision”
……
“Ah. So, that explains why I keep seeing diamonds, hearts, spades, and clubs…”
…… Gog dammit.

[Jim Groovester]

@SkaianRedeemer: Well,

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1) I wanted to put down Grim Reaper, since that would be the most appropriate metaphor for what I wanted HB to look like, but I don't think any of the carapeople or trolls know about that so that doesn't work. The next best thing I could think of was an angel, since trolls do know what those are and that they are scary demons and PS would (maybe) know about them from exposure.

2) The score cards are for Trace and Fin. PS needed to make sure they couldn't use trails to follow him to the SoA. He doesn't need to kill them for that to happen, but he doesn't care enough about their well-being to try a non-lethal solution. If Trace and Fin do survive, it's because the Felt are hard to kill/cheating bastards. Regardless, they're dead or on the brink of death, so they can't follow PS, so that's mission accomplished. And Matchsticks and Quarters will be fine because it's their job to soak up bullets, or at least that's what I figure their job is.

I'll note it down that it wasn't completely clear what was happening and look for ways to clarify. Probably just some dialogue between Matchsticks and Quarters after PS disengages would be enough.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@SkaianRedeemer: Well,

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1) I wanted to put down Grim Reaper, since that would be the most appropriate metaphor for what I wanted HB to look like, but I don't think any of the carapeople or trolls know about that so that doesn't work. The next best thing I could think of was an angel, since trolls do know what those are and that they are scary demons and PS would (maybe) know about them from exposure.

2) The score cards are for Trace and Fin. PS needed to make sure they couldn't use trails to follow him to the SoA. He doesn't need to kill them for that to happen, but he doesn't care enough about their well-being to try a non-lethal solution. If Trace and Fin do survive, it's because the Felt are hard to kill/cheating bastards. Regardless, they're dead or on the brink of death, so they can't follow PS, so that's mission accomplished. And Matchsticks and Quarters will be fine because it's their job to soak up bullets, or at least that's what I figure their job is.

I'll note it down that it wasn't completely clear what was happening and look for ways to clarify. Probably just some dialogue between Matchsticks and Quarters after PS disengages would be enough.

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1. I definitely follow that as you've put it, but as it's phrased in-fic, the connection isn't so flowing, unfortunately. But it's not that much of a problem.

2. I knew that's who he was going for, but something (and now I wish I had made a note...) made me think PS was confident his victims were un-Stich-ably dead. I did follow your meat shield idea for Matchsticks and Quarters, but since the fight just dropped off, I couldn't be sure. But you've got me on the right page now, so there shouldn't be any more trouble on that front.

By the way, I just remembered the scene with Problem Sleuth in his bunker, listening to Snowman and Crowbar. Really liked that one.

[anonymousComrade]

@anonymousComrade: I don't know why you keep beating yourself up but I think it's funny when you do because you're always so dramatic about it. Now that I'm done being a terrible person, that was good. I'm right in thinking that Karkat wasn't being a jerk to Terezi because that's just how troll romance works, right?

Exactly right, redrom being based on pity is something I'm trying to keep in mind when I write fic now (that and the fact that blackrom exists at all, I mean damn, I've pretty much ignored it in everything), so his last words to Terezi in that story make him sound like a jackass to us, but to them it's heartbreaking.

Also good to see you enjoy my fits of self-loathing! There's a bit of truth in most of it but yeah I do kind of exaggerate for effect a lot. But, if I really hated everything I've ever written as much as I claim to I wouldn't have started posting here in the first place.

[A Fan]

This really isn't fanfiction in the sense that this is containing homestuck etc. This is fanfiction in the sense of taking a Fan of homestuck, and well.. you'll just have to read it i guess.

I had one condition when i was typing this, I had to keep typing and not stop to think about what i was typing. If you read it out loud like a rushed story or something dramatic it might be funny, who knows. (I did spellcheck and grammar check afterwards)

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Couples, they’re always around my school, always making out and generally making social rejects (that’s me folks) feel really REALLY sad. It’s not so depressing after 3 years, at least that’s what I tell myself. I’m now a senior of high school, and still no girlfriend (91RL3FR13Nd)…. I really couldn’t get any more pathetic sweet Gog.

So yea, anyways, today was like any other day really, get up, eat breakfast, shower (gotta get clean yo) go to school. Oh yea, learning to be a cook. How’s that going you’d ask? Not so good. Let’s just say I don’t burn things, I just can’t mesh ingredients at all. It’s unique to have a horseradish egg omelet. I really don’t know what I was thinking. So yea, back to the story… thing.

I finally got on the bus. Albeit I was in a daze, what with the horseradish actually having been wasabi, which I still don’t understand. Suffice it to say, I couldn’t see anything. There were a few couples, a few people arguing, and some just hating each other, par for the course. Gog it is so noisy. Got to school, eyes cleared. Been reading Homestuck for a while now, got to the quadrants.

Mysterious thing quadrants, they’re not hard to understand. But you know, I’ve always seen love and feelings as quadrants. I mean Jegus, you see hate relationships that magically work, and sometimes longer than actual love ones do. You see spitefriends, ye see regularfriends who balance you out and oh my Gog did I just type (speak if you are reading this out ^ Loud Do it. Do it now) in an accent.

So anyways, school was going regularly, except. I was noticing things a lot more, noticing spitefriends even if they weren’t showing it, hatelovers just between the looks they shared. Lord even lovers who never shared a single look with each other or looked at each other’s backs at all, I KNEW what they were. Seriously, it was bugging me. It wasn’t like I looked at the person and knew; I just looked above their heads and knew. Now see this wouldn’t be an issue, except it was gosh darn creepy, I hate knowing this much about OTHER people’s relationships.

Best Friend walks up to me, her name’s Katie. Lots of Katie’s at my school, about 6 to be exact. It’s kind of scary really. Now she looks at me, and all I see is love. Cue Blush, Cue Running away. Normally with that kind of information I’d act. But, the fact I KNEW? Yea, no I’m running.

So cut the day short here, got home. Walked in to my house, and immediately went to dad. Now see, Dad was a recluse, much like me, which meant his Google skills were truly pro.

“Uh Dad?” Dad looks over, concern on his face. He’s got a scrubby beard, the kind of person who only shaves every week. He makes himself presentable, works online and sometimes clients want a webcam chat. Still, you can tell he works at home, and loves taking it easy. “What’s up kiddo?” Gah! Kiddo!? Really? I know we’ve been through this before but! Oh this isn’t the time!!!

“I uh” Oh jeeze how do I put this… “is it normal to know exactly what who feels for who? Even if it’s a secret? Or they don’t even know themselves?”

Dad just gets the hugest smile on his face. Oh Gog this can’t be good. He jumps up, fistsbumps the air (I don’t even know how you DO THAT! So awesome) and just hugs me like a crazy man “Kiddo it’s not normal. But I can tell you what it is. Want me to tell you?”

My mouth is just gaping, because I have no idea why this man is dragging this out. I also might be having a mental breakdown and really just want a bloody answer.

“You son, have shipper vision”
……
“Ah. So, that explains why I keep seeing diamonds, hearts, spades, and clubs…”
…… Gog dammit.

My favorite part of this story is the implication that I will one day learn how to fistbunp the very air. I look forward to that day.
Also, a most enjoyable story.

[The Cool]

i dont know what i want more
the ability to fistbump the air
or MOTHERFUCKING SHIPPER VISION

[draconicAlgorithm]

WARNING: This story contains magical girl transformations and crossdressing. The author is not responsible for any side effects of reading said story, including headaches, nausea, and temporary or permanent blindness.

Kore Wa Troll Desu Ka?

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-- carcinoGenetecist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --

CG: WHY AM I DOING THIS.
CG: THIS IS COMPLETELY IDIOTIC.
GG: karkat, i told you, this chainsaw will help you defeat jack!
GG: now just buck up and be a man and say the pretty words
CG: JADE, THIS CHAINSAW IS PINK.
CG: FUCKING PINK.
CG: ALSO MY STRIFE SPECIBUS IS NOT ALLOCATED FOR CHAINSAWS.
GG: god, karkat, stop being such a fuckass about this!!!
GG: i told you, it doesn't need to be in your strife specibus to use!
CG: THEN GET KANAYA TO USE IT.
CG: SHE AT LEAST KNOWS HOW TO WIELD THE FUCKING THINGS.
GG: kanaya isn't the leader!
GG: you have to use it, to beat jack!
GG: seriously, karkat, just try it once!
GG: and if it doesn't work, i'll leave you alone
CG: JEGUS FUCK, FINE, I'LL TRY IT.

Karkat glared daggers at the screen for a long moment, trying to communicate how much hedid not want to do this through sheer force of willpower. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Finally, he sighed and stood up, leaving his husktop lying on the floor. Instead, he turned his gaze to the aforementioned chainsaw, sitting about a foot away. It was freshly alchemized—somehow, Jade had come up with it and sent him the code, which he alchemized himself. Now he was sitting alone in his respite block on the meteor. In case this went as badly as his digestive sac was telling him it was going to, he wanted to at least be alone where no one could see him.

He picked up the chainsaw in one hand. It wasn't too light, but it wasn't too heavy, either. He could probably wield it decently if he had to. It was no sickle, but it would do. He set it down once more to type something on his computer.

CG: SO, WHAT WERE THE WORDS AGAIN?
GG: jeez karkat, i told you once!

Karkat blinked as he read over the incantation yet again, attempting to sound out the words as he read them. Then, he scowled.

CG: AND IT STILL MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE.
GG: and i told you, it's because they're in another language!
GG: now quit dawdling and say them!

He scowled, but he finally picked up the chainsaw again. He glanced at the words on the screen once more, steeled himself for the worse, and began.

"Nomobuyo, yoshi, hashitawa, dokeda, gunmicha, de, ribura!" As soon as he began to speak, he started to feel something in the air around him awaken. The weapon hummed under his touch, as if recognizing him as someone worthy of wielding its full potential. As the syllables drew on, it began to glow bright pink. The glow spread, up his arms and through his chest to the rest of his body. A warm, tingling sensation accompanied it, one that made him feel empowered and ready for anything.

He thought that was it. He was horribly, horribly wrong.

All at once, his entire world turned a soft, pastel pink, accented by bright light. For a brief second, he realized that he was no longer wearing anything, but this was quickly remedied. Ribbons materialized out of nothing, tugging themselves in place around him without any obvious thought of his own comfort. He was pushed and pulled in what seemed to be every direction at once, and he had no time to respond. Then, with tiny pops, the ribbons congealed into proper clothing, if one could even call it that—white gloves, slippers similar to those worn by ballerinas, a pink dress covered in bows and lace and frill—and soon, after a button hat appeared on his head, the pink faded and he was left standing alone in his respite block. The blade of the chainsaw glowed with letters spelling KARKAT, but even that darkened soon enough.

For a moment, power and confidence coursed through him. He suddenly felt as though he could do anything, defeat anyone, and come back with nothing more than a smug grin on his face. He was unbeatable, untouchable, and…

Oh gog, he was wearing a dress. Not just a dress, a frilly fucking pink dress and white hose that reached half way up his thighs and slippers and gloves and oh gog why were the trailing ends of the bow tied around his waist so fucking long—

CG: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, HARLEY, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IN THE MOST PAINFUL WAY I CAN THINK OF, AND I'M GOING TO DRAG IT OUT UNTIL YOU BEG FOR ME TO JUST END YOUR LIFE.
CG: YOU JUST HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW MUCH PAIN YOU HAVE BROUGHT UPON YOURSELF.
CG: NO IDEA.
GG: aw karkat, i think you look adorable! :D
CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU SADISTIC EXCUSE FOR A SENTIENT CREATURE.

Of course. He'd almost forgotten about her goggles that let her see different places through space. He ripped the hat off his head and threw it to the ground, stomping on it viciously. Then, he realized she had typed more.

GG: okay, as funny as this is, i was actually being serious!
GG: i know it looks ridiculous, but this outfit does make you stronger
GG: it gives you 100 times the courage, and 10 million times the defense!
CG: I DON'T CARE IF IT MAKES ME SHOOT RAINBOWS OUT OF MY FUCKING HORNS
CG: I AM NOT WEARING THIS THING IN FRONT OF ANYONE ELSE.
GG: not even for terezi?
CG: ESPECIALLY NOT FOR TEREZI
GG: heehee, too bad she's coming to see you!
CG: WHAT

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

It was at that moment that Karkat heard a knock at the door of his respite block.

"Oh, Karkles! I have a question for you!" He realized that he must have forgotten to lock the door, because soon enough it was opening on its own.

Oh shit.

"Karkat, I—" Terezi began, and then she paused mid sentence. He just stared at her, his eyes impossibly huge and terrified, and she took a long, deep sniff. Once she finished, a calculating, positively devious smile crawled across her black lips.

"I can explain!" Karkat said quickly.

"I'm sure you can," Terezi replied slowly. "But I'm not sure that I want to hear it." With a cackling laugh, she left the room and shut the door behind her. Karkat thumped down on the floor, painfully aware of the fact that the skirt of the dress settled almost prettily around him.

Dear sweet jegus. Magical chainsaw or not, he was NEVER going to live this down.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Ahaha, yeah. I started watching the anime Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka? with one of my friends today, and it involves the main character (who is both male and a zombie) going through a transformation sequence into a magical girl outfit. Subsequently, I couldn't get this idea out of my head.

This is probably why I shouldn't watch anime...

[newbonomicon]

it involves the main character (who is both male and a zombie) going through a transformation sequence into a magical girl outfit.

Japan sounds like a very scary place.

[penguinbound]

Trial & Error
Chapter 1: A Spark of Failure
For convenient reference, the main characters and their handles-
BC: Blair
DE: Skip
FG: Henry
HI: Garrison

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Blair leaned in towards the screen. "Oh, shit." The three others in the room looked back at him. "Welp. We can't use that fridge again." Blair leaned back in his chair, sighing. The other three mumbled curses and returned back to their computers.

BC: why would you even
BC: that was our fridge
BC: it had all of our foodstuffs
BC: we're going to die now.
YY: ooooooh stop being so OVERDRAMATIC
YY: you arent going to DIE because of something like that
YY: ok well just SLIGHTLY
BC: what
BC: how do you just slightly die
YY: thats a really FREAKIN good question
YY: tell me the answer NOW please
BC: what x2 combo
BC: you said it first
BC: shouldn't you know what it means?
YY: i have no idea what youre TALKING about
YY: but if you dont MIND i have a game to get back too

Blair smashed his face into the desk. He heard one of the three behind him jump a bit. Why was she so difficult? He frowned, and watched her flip over an Imp, and slash it, making it explode into grist. "Guys, oh my god, oh god, fuck, god guys!" Skip flipped around in his chair. The attention was on him.

"We lost Tony."

The other three rushed to the computer. On screen a blond haired teen lay still, black liquids staining his clothing, and red spilled across his face. The room filled with a voice.

Test Subject #002 has been DESTROYINATED. Congragulations, you all suck.

"Dammit, Skip. Now we won't even get a fridge for a day and a half." Everyone turned back to their computers.

BC: um
BC: fuck it i can be blunt
BC: your friend tony died
YY: aww HOW
BC: skip didn't do his job right or something
YY: :c
BC: no you can't make that sad face
BC: that's not
BC: no that's unfair
YY: but BUT
YY: tonyyyyyyyy was a great GUYYYY
YY: why would you KILL him?!
BC: no we didn't
BC: oh fuck i feel guilty see what you make me do?!
BC: you can't do this
BC: ...wait dont just run at the salamander
BC: ...

Test Subject #001 has been HORRIBLY MUDERIFIED. Way to FUCK UP.

"Dammit, Blair!"

He turned around. Everyone was looking at him. Skip was frowning, but the other two were angry. "They're going to penalize us big time," Henry grumbled, and flipped Blair off. "God, let's try to do some-"

Test Subject #003 has been VAPORIZED. Hahahahahaha.

"How come no one can do anything right?" Garrison grumbled, and then froze up. "Oh god Roxy d-" the teen on his screen was stomped on by a Giclops.

Test Subject #004 has been TERMILIMINATED. What are you guys even doing, hahaha.

"...Welp."

"Oh... kay."

"What now?"

"We die of starvation."

Everyone went silent.

"Do you guys remember how we got into this mess?" Blair leaned back in his chair, and flipped the switch on his screen.

"Yeah," Skip said, following suit. There were faint tear lines down his cheeks. "God, why did we do this?"

"Cause, we're retarded." Garrison grumbled.

Five Hours Earlier...

The idea of the game was simple enough. Blair ran a hand through his wavy black hair. "I don't quite get the concept." The other three nodded in agreement. The man in front of them blinked.

"It's quite simple, really," he pulled out a disc. "We're testing a new type of gameplay for SBurb, an alternative to standard fare. Basically, there are four Players. They will play the game. Then, there are four Controllers, they're task is to act as the Server, but all they can do in game is adjust the environment, talk to them, and help them as much as possible. There are certain things Players can do at points in the game. They can alter the Controller's environment. To keep them alive."

"Wait, so we're going to have to keep four people alive, and if they all die, we die?" Skip spoke up.

"Oh heavens no. See, if all four players die, four more will be placed in for them. You will never die, and if need be we shall simply place items in for you. Is that understood?" The four boys nodded.

"Good. I'll be back in a few seconds to lead you to your room. You'll have a bit to talk to your first four players. I'll be back." The man left the room. There was silence for a moment.

"So-did anyone else get that?" Henry spoke. His right eyebrow was quirked, and hid beneath his blond hair.

"It's simple, as he said. There are four players, they play the game normally. Then there's us, we control their environment, like in SBurb, but we don't play the part of the game where we run around in lands and junk. There are times when the players will be able to give us stuff to keep us alive to help them. We'll be safe in a room with computers, and they'll be in trouble."

"...Why do people still let them make this game?" Garrison mumbled.

..::..

BC: hey
YY: oh who are YOU
BC: you can call me blair
BC: i'll be keeping you alive today
YY: oh BOY

DE: Hello. I am Skip. Today will be the day you do not die.
XX: ...What is your problem

FG: ok im going to make this fast
FG: im going to make sure you dont go off and die when you play this game
FG: got it?
ZZ: ssssssure dawg
ZZ: whatever you sssssay.
ZZ: namesssss Jasssson brah.
FG: henry

HI: I'm Garrison and if you say one word i'mma just let you die right here and now
HI: I'm going to keep you alive but i want you to know im not takin any back sass
HI: You do what i say or this wont work
HI: Got it
HI: ...
HI: You can speak now
AA: um...... I'm Roxy.... <:(

Currently

"Why is the robot voice so freakin' mean?" Blair asked outloud. There was a mechanical laughing after he asked.

"Oh god, that thing better not Glados out on us," Skip sighed, mopping his forehead. "Worst gaming session. The worst." Everyone continued the silence after that. Then, the robot spoke up.

Prepare your fingers to speak to the four new victims presented to you. Try not to make their deaths too painful. Hahahaha.

It cut out again.

"Well boys, let's try it again." Garrison barked, and about faced to his computer screen. Blair grimaced. Maybe this time would go better?

[The Cool]

Trial & Error
Chapter 1: A Spark of Failure
For convenient reference, the main characters and their handles-
BC: Blair
DE: Skip
FG: Henry
HI: Garrison

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Blair leaned in towards the screen. "Oh, shit." The three others in the room looked back at him. "Welp. We can't use that fridge again." Blair leaned back in his chair, sighing. The other three mumbled curses and returned back to their computers.

BC: why would you even
BC: that was our fridge
BC: it had all of our foodstuffs
BC: we're going to die now.
YY: ooooooh stop being so OVERDRAMATIC
YY: you arent going to DIE because of something like that
YY: ok well just SLIGHTLY
BC: what
BC: how do you just slightly die
YY: thats a really FREAKIN good question
YY: tell me the answer NOW please
BC: what x2 combo
BC: you said it first
BC: shouldn't you know what it means?
YY: i have no idea what youre TALKING about
YY: but if you dont MIND i have a game to get back too

Blair smashed his face into the desk. He heard one of the three behind him jump a bit. Why was she so difficult? He frowned, and watched her flip over an Imp, and slash it, making it explode into grist. "Guys, oh my god, oh god, fuck, god guys!" Skip flipped around in his chair. The attention was on him.

"We lost Tony."

The other three rushed to the computer. On screen a blond haired teen lay still, black liquids staining his clothing, and red spilled across his face. The room filled with a voice.

Test Subject #002 has been DESTROYINATED. Congragulations, you all suck.

"Dammit, Skip. Now we won't even get a fridge for a day and a half." Everyone turned back to their computers.

BC: um
BC: fuck it i can be blunt
BC: your friend tony died
YY: aww HOW
BC: skip didn't do his job right or something
YY: :c
BC: no you can't make that sad face
BC: that's not
BC: no that's unfair
YY: but BUT
YY: tonyyyyyyyy was a great GUYYYY
YY: why would you KILL him?!
BC: no we didn't
BC: oh fuck i feel guilty see what you make me do?!
BC: you can't do this
BC: ...wait dont just run at the salamander
BC: ...

Test Subject #001 has been HORRIBLY MUDERIFIED. Way to FUCK UP.

"Dammit, Blair!"

He turned around. Everyone was looking at him. Skip was frowning, but the other two were angry. "They're going to penalize us big time," Henry grumbled, and flipped Blair off. "God, let's try to do some-"

Test Subject #003 has been VAPORIZED. Hahahahahaha.

"How come no one can do anything right?" Garrison grumbled, and then froze up. "Oh god Roxy d-" the teen on his screen was stomped on by a Giclops.

Test Subject #004 has been TERMILIMINATED. What are you guys even doing, hahaha.

"...Welp."

"Oh... kay."

"What now?"

"We die of starvation."

Everyone went silent.

"Do you guys remember how we got into this mess?" Blair leaned back in his chair, and flipped the switch on his screen.

"Yeah," Skip said, following suit. There were faint tear lines down his cheeks. "God, why did we do this?"

"Cause, we're retarded." Garrison grumbled.

Five Hours Earlier...

The idea of the game was simple enough. Blair ran a hand through his wavy black hair. "I don't quite get the concept." The other three nodded in agreement. The man in front of them blinked.

"It's quite simple, really," he pulled out a disc. "We're testing a new type of gameplay for SBurb, an alternative to standard fare. Basically, there are four Players. They will play the game. Then, there are four Controllers, they're task is to act as the Server, but all they can do in game is adjust the environment, talk to them, and help them as much as possible. There are certain things Players can do at points in the game. They can alter the Controller's environment. To keep them alive."

"Wait, so we're going to have to keep four people alive, and if they all die, we die?" Skip spoke up.

"Oh heavens no. See, if all four players die, four more will be placed in for them. You will never die, and if need be we shall simply place items in for you. Is that understood?" The four boys nodded.

"Good. I'll be back in a few seconds to lead you to your room. You'll have a bit to talk to your first four players. I'll be back." The man left the room. There was silence for a moment.

"So-did anyone else get that?" Henry spoke. His right eyebrow was quirked, and hid beneath his blond hair.

"It's simple, as he said. There are four players, they play the game normally. Then there's us, we control their environment, like in SBurb, but we don't play the part of the game where we run around in lands and junk. There are times when the players will be able to give us stuff to keep us alive to help them. We'll be safe in a room with computers, and they'll be in trouble."

"...Why do people still let them make this game?" Garrison mumbled.

..::..

BC: hey
YY: oh who are YOU
BC: you can call me blair
BC: i'll be keeping you alive today
YY: oh BOY

DE: Hello. I am Skip. Today will be the day you do not die.
XX: ...What is your problem

FG: ok im going to make this fast
FG: im going to make sure you dont go off and die when you play this game
FG: got it?
ZZ: ssssssure dawg
ZZ: whatever you sssssay.
ZZ: namesssss Jasssson brah.
FG: henry

HI: I'm Garrison and if you say one word i'mma just let you die right here and now
HI: I'm going to keep you alive but i want you to know im not takin any back sass
HI: You do what i say or this wont work
HI: Got it
HI: ...
HI: You can speak now
AA: um...... I'm Roxy.... <

Currently

"Why is the robot voice so freakin' mean?" Blair asked outloud. There was a mechanical laughing after he asked.

"Oh god, that thing better not Glados out on us," Skip sighed, mopping his forehead. "Worst gaming session. The worst." Everyone continued the silence after that. Then, the robot spoke up.

Prepare your fingers to speak to the four new victims presented to you. Try not to make their deaths too painful. Hahahaha.

It cut out again.

"Well boys, let's try it again." Garrison barked, and about faced to his computer screen. Blair grimaced. Maybe this time would go better?

Ooh!
I'mma be watching this one.

[Mirdan]

@ draconic:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Have you seen this? It was done for the Schoolstuck fan adventure, and was the first thing that came to mind when I read that story. Except with Karkat and not John.

[potatomato]

WARNING: This story contains magical girl transformations and crossdressing. The author is not responsible for any side effects of reading said story, including headaches, nausea, and temporary or permanent blindness.

Kore Wa Troll Desu Ka?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- carcinoGenetecist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --

CG: WHY AM I DOING THIS.
CG: THIS IS COMPLETELY IDIOTIC.
GG: karkat, i told you, this chainsaw will help you defeat jack!
GG: now just buck up and be a man and say the pretty words
CG: JADE, THIS CHAINSAW IS PINK.
CG: FUCKING PINK.
CG: ALSO MY STRIFE SPECIBUS IS NOT ALLOCATED FOR CHAINSAWS.
GG: god, karkat, stop being such a fuckass about this!!!
GG: i told you, it doesn't need to be in your strife specibus to use!
CG: THEN GET KANAYA TO USE IT.
CG: SHE AT LEAST KNOWS HOW TO WIELD THE FUCKING THINGS.
GG: kanaya isn't the leader!
GG: you have to use it, to beat jack!
GG: seriously, karkat, just try it once!
GG: and if it doesn't work, i'll leave you alone
CG: JEGUS FUCK, FINE, I'LL TRY IT.

Karkat glared daggers at the screen for a long moment, trying to communicate how much hedid not want to do this through sheer force of willpower. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Finally, he sighed and stood up, leaving his husktop lying on the floor. Instead, he turned his gaze to the aforementioned chainsaw, sitting about a foot away. It was freshly alchemized—somehow, Jade had come up with it and sent him the code, which he alchemized himself. Now he was sitting alone in his respite block on the meteor. In case this went as badly as his digestive sac was telling him it was going to, he wanted to at least be alone where no one could see him.

He picked up the chainsaw in one hand. It wasn't too light, but it wasn't too heavy, either. He could probably wield it decently if he had to. It was no sickle, but it would do. He set it down once more to type something on his computer.

CG: SO, WHAT WERE THE WORDS AGAIN?
GG: jeez karkat, i told you once!

Karkat blinked as he read over the incantation yet again, attempting to sound out the words as he read them. Then, he scowled.

CG: AND IT STILL MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE.
GG: and i told you, it's because they're in another language!
GG: now quit dawdling and say them!

He scowled, but he finally picked up the chainsaw again. He glanced at the words on the screen once more, steeled himself for the worse, and began.

"Nomobuyo, yoshi, hashitawa, dokeda, gunmicha, de, ribura!" As soon as he began to speak, he started to feel something in the air around him awaken. The weapon hummed under his touch, as if recognizing him as someone worthy of wielding its full potential. As the syllables drew on, it began to glow bright pink. The glow spread, up his arms and through his chest to the rest of his body. A warm, tingling sensation accompanied it, one that made him feel empowered and ready for anything.

He thought that was it. He was horribly, horribly wrong.

All at once, his entire world turned a soft, pastel pink, accented by bright light. For a brief second, he realized that he was no longer wearing anything, but this was quickly remedied. Ribbons materialized out of nothing, tugging themselves in place around him without any obvious thought of his own comfort. He was pushed and pulled in what seemed to be every direction at once, and he had no time to respond. Then, with tiny pops, the ribbons congealed into proper clothing, if one could even call it that—white gloves, slippers similar to those worn by ballerinas, a pink dress covered in bows and lace and frill—and soon, after a button hat appeared on his head, the pink faded and he was left standing alone in his respite block. The blade of the chainsaw glowed with letters spelling KARKAT, but even that darkened soon enough.

For a moment, power and confidence coursed through him. He suddenly felt as though he could do anything, defeat anyone, and come back with nothing more than a smug grin on his face. He was unbeatable, untouchable, and…

Oh gog, he was wearing a dress. Not just a dress, a frilly fucking pink dress and white hose that reached half way up his thighs and slippers and gloves and oh gog why were the trailing ends of the bow tied around his waist so fucking long—

CG: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, HARLEY, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IN THE MOST PAINFUL WAY I CAN THINK OF, AND I'M GOING TO DRAG IT OUT UNTIL YOU BEG FOR ME TO JUST END YOUR LIFE.
CG: YOU JUST HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW MUCH PAIN YOU HAVE BROUGHT UPON YOURSELF.
CG: NO IDEA.
GG: aw karkat, i think you look adorable!
CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU SADISTIC EXCUSE FOR A SENTIENT CREATURE.

Of course. He'd almost forgotten about her goggles that let her see different places through space. He ripped the hat off his head and threw it to the ground, stomping on it viciously. Then, he realized she had typed more.

GG: okay, as funny as this is, i was actually being serious!
GG: i know it looks ridiculous, but this outfit does make you stronger
GG: it gives you 100 times the courage, and 10 million times the defense!
CG: I DON'T CARE IF IT MAKES ME SHOOT RAINBOWS OUT OF MY FUCKING HORNS
CG: I AM NOT WEARING THIS THING IN FRONT OF ANYONE ELSE.
GG: not even for terezi?
CG: ESPECIALLY NOT FOR TEREZI
GG: heehee, too bad she's coming to see you!
CG: WHAT

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

It was at that moment that Karkat heard a knock at the door of his respite block.

"Oh, Karkles! I have a question for you!" He realized that he must have forgotten to lock the door, because soon enough it was opening on its own.

Oh shit.

"Karkat, I—" Terezi began, and then she paused mid sentence. He just stared at her, his eyes impossibly huge and terrified, and she took a long, deep sniff. Once she finished, a calculating, positively devious smile crawled across her black lips.

"I can explain!" Karkat said quickly.

"I'm sure you can," Terezi replied slowly. "But I'm not sure that I want to hear it." With a cackling laugh, she left the room and shut the door behind her. Karkat thumped down on the floor, painfully aware of the fact that the skirt of the dress settled almost prettily around him.

Dear sweet jegus. Magical chainsaw or not, he was NEVER going to live this down.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Ahaha, yeah. I started watching the anime Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka? with one of my friends today, and it involves the main character (who is both male and a zombie) going through a transformation sequence into a magical girl outfit. Subsequently, I couldn't get this idea out of my head.

This is probably why I shouldn't watch anime...

This is getting fanart.

[Superstar]

@draconicAlgorithm

That... That is awesome, oh man that made me laugh so hard. If i'd had milk it'd be up my nose right now.

[A Fan]

WARNING: This story contains magical girl transformations and crossdressing. The author is not responsible for any side effects of reading said story, including headaches, nausea, and temporary or permanent blindness.

Kore Wa Troll Desu Ka?

show spoiler

hide spoiler

-- carcinoGenetecist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG] --

CG: WHY AM I DOING THIS.
CG: THIS IS COMPLETELY IDIOTIC.
GG: karkat, i told you, this chainsaw will help you defeat jack!
GG: now just buck up and be a man and say the pretty words
CG: JADE, THIS CHAINSAW IS PINK.
CG: FUCKING PINK.
CG: ALSO MY STRIFE SPECIBUS IS NOT ALLOCATED FOR CHAINSAWS.
GG: god, karkat, stop being such a fuckass about this!!!
GG: i told you, it doesn't need to be in your strife specibus to use!
CG: THEN GET KANAYA TO USE IT.
CG: SHE AT LEAST KNOWS HOW TO WIELD THE FUCKING THINGS.
GG: kanaya isn't the leader!
GG: you have to use it, to beat jack!
GG: seriously, karkat, just try it once!
GG: and if it doesn't work, i'll leave you alone
CG: JEGUS FUCK, FINE, I'LL TRY IT.

Karkat glared daggers at the screen for a long moment, trying to communicate how much hedid not want to do this through sheer force of willpower. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Finally, he sighed and stood up, leaving his husktop lying on the floor. Instead, he turned his gaze to the aforementioned chainsaw, sitting about a foot away. It was freshly alchemized—somehow, Jade had come up with it and sent him the code, which he alchemized himself. Now he was sitting alone in his respite block on the meteor. In case this went as badly as his digestive sac was telling him it was going to, he wanted to at least be alone where no one could see him.

He picked up the chainsaw in one hand. It wasn't too light, but it wasn't too heavy, either. He could probably wield it decently if he had to. It was no sickle, but it would do. He set it down once more to type something on his computer.

CG: SO, WHAT WERE THE WORDS AGAIN?
GG: jeez karkat, i told you once!

Karkat blinked as he read over the incantation yet again, attempting to sound out the words as he read them. Then, he scowled.

CG: AND IT STILL MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE.
GG: and i told you, it's because they're in another language!
GG: now quit dawdling and say them!

He scowled, but he finally picked up the chainsaw again. He glanced at the words on the screen once more, steeled himself for the worse, and began.

"Nomobuyo, yoshi, hashitawa, dokeda, gunmicha, de, ribura!" As soon as he began to speak, he started to feel something in the air around him awaken. The weapon hummed under his touch, as if recognizing him as someone worthy of wielding its full potential. As the syllables drew on, it began to glow bright pink. The glow spread, up his arms and through his chest to the rest of his body. A warm, tingling sensation accompanied it, one that made him feel empowered and ready for anything.

He thought that was it. He was horribly, horribly wrong.

All at once, his entire world turned a soft, pastel pink, accented by bright light. For a brief second, he realized that he was no longer wearing anything, but this was quickly remedied. Ribbons materialized out of nothing, tugging themselves in place around him without any obvious thought of his own comfort. He was pushed and pulled in what seemed to be every direction at once, and he had no time to respond. Then, with tiny pops, the ribbons congealed into proper clothing, if one could even call it that—white gloves, slippers similar to those worn by ballerinas, a pink dress covered in bows and lace and frill—and soon, after a button hat appeared on his head, the pink faded and he was left standing alone in his respite block. The blade of the chainsaw glowed with letters spelling KARKAT, but even that darkened soon enough.

For a moment, power and confidence coursed through him. He suddenly felt as though he could do anything, defeat anyone, and come back with nothing more than a smug grin on his face. He was unbeatable, untouchable, and…

Oh gog, he was wearing a dress. Not just a dress, a frilly fucking pink dress and white hose that reached half way up his thighs and slippers and gloves and oh gog why were the trailing ends of the bow tied around his waist so fucking long—

CG: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, HARLEY, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU IN THE MOST PAINFUL WAY I CAN THINK OF, AND I'M GOING TO DRAG IT OUT UNTIL YOU BEG FOR ME TO JUST END YOUR LIFE.
CG: YOU JUST HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA HOW MUCH PAIN YOU HAVE BROUGHT UPON YOURSELF.
CG: NO IDEA.
GG: aw karkat, i think you look adorable!
CG: GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU SADISTIC EXCUSE FOR A SENTIENT CREATURE.

Of course. He'd almost forgotten about her goggles that let her see different places through space. He ripped the hat off his head and threw it to the ground, stomping on it viciously. Then, he realized she had typed more.

GG: okay, as funny as this is, i was actually being serious!
GG: i know it looks ridiculous, but this outfit does make you stronger
GG: it gives you 100 times the courage, and 10 million times the defense!
CG: I DON'T CARE IF IT MAKES ME SHOOT RAINBOWS OUT OF MY FUCKING HORNS
CG: I AM NOT WEARING THIS THING IN FRONT OF ANYONE ELSE.
GG: not even for terezi?
CG: ESPECIALLY NOT FOR TEREZI
GG: heehee, too bad she's coming to see you!
CG: WHAT

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

It was at that moment that Karkat heard a knock at the door of his respite block.

"Oh, Karkles! I have a question for you!" He realized that he must have forgotten to lock the door, because soon enough it was opening on its own.

Oh shit.

"Karkat, I—" Terezi began, and then she paused mid sentence. He just stared at her, his eyes impossibly huge and terrified, and she took a long, deep sniff. Once she finished, a calculating, positively devious smile crawled across her black lips.

"I can explain!" Karkat said quickly.

"I'm sure you can," Terezi replied slowly. "But I'm not sure that I want to hear it." With a cackling laugh, she left the room and shut the door behind her. Karkat thumped down on the floor, painfully aware of the fact that the skirt of the dress settled almost prettily around him.

Dear sweet jegus. Magical chainsaw or not, he was NEVER going to live this down.

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Ahaha, yeah. I started watching the anime Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka? with one of my friends today, and it involves the main character (who is both male and a zombie) going through a transformation sequence into a magical girl outfit. Subsequently, I couldn't get this idea out of my head.

This is probably why I shouldn't watch anime...

This needs to be cross-posted into the cross-dressing thread. Or I will be cross.

[draconicAlgorithm]

@ newbonomicon: You didn't know that already?

@ Mirdan: Oh my god, yes. No, no I have not seen that. Thank you for showing it to me.

@ potatomato: I'll be honest, half of my motivation for writing that was in hopes that someone would be inspired to draw fanart.

@ Superstar: xD Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.

@ A Fan: ... Okay, I'll go do that.

[Katrika]

Scratch

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I’ve got an itch I cannot scratch
I’m very curious, it’s true
And what I’m wondering is this
Is there an us from me and you?
It sometimes seems that we’re a match
I know that’s vague, it’s all I know
I used to dream that we would kiss
Before I saw you play in snow.

What happens when you pull the switch
Reset the world, reset your mind
Perhaps it goes without a hitch
What happens to me and my kind?

I’ve heard you scratch your records, boy
And trap yourself in weird time shit
You draw the brightest comic fun
You’re chockfull of ironic wit
I care for you, beneath the coy
Beneath your cool, you’re cooler yet
Besides, your eyes taste like the sun
Why you hide them, I’ll never get.

What happens when you pull the switch
Reset the world, reset your mind
Perhaps it goes without a hitch
What happens to me and my kind?

[MoraicTrochee]

Wrote this for draconicAlgorithm for the Easter exchange and figured I should post it here too.

THE SPECIFICATIONS:

1. Something with a pairing would be cool. My favorites are Karkat Terezi, Dave Jade, Karkat Jade, Eridan Nepeta, and Karkat Kanaya
2. Interaction between a troll and a kid. I don't care which ones, but I'd love to see some interesting ones. :3
4. Something involving one or more characters and a spring/Easter/troll equivalent tradition they have. This is probably better suited for a fic, but I'm cool with anything, really.

Here goes!!

Easter For Jade

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I.
(Dave)

It is unreal how steady your hands are. What can you say, you are as chill as an ice cube that decided to pack up its frozen ass and move to Alaska. Fucking abominable snowmen are bowing down to you, and what wouldn’t a Klondike Bar do to be as chill as FUCK you just broke another egg. Nobody saw that.

You lean back in your chair and, once certain that you are still alone, allow yourself to massage your temples in frustration. You pick up another egg and stick in the needle, then carefully make a larger hole at the bottom (it is unreal how steady your hands are). You gently blow out the innards, which glop into the bowl. (Does Jade like scrambled eggs? If not, there had better be someone on this damn asteroid that does, because there hasn’t been this much raw egg to go around since Humpty Dumpty had one too many and fuck this stupid metaphor, just concentrate.) This is basically just as hard as you remember this piece of shit tradition being. Bro was always so damn good at it.

“But why?????”
“Because I fucking say so.”
“But we’re not even Mexican,” you whine, since you are six years old and an idiot.
“Ultimate in irony,” he says.
“But it’s hard! I’m not gonna make any!”
His shades are impassive as always, but the light slants across their lenses as he tips his head down towards you.
“That’s cool.”
You say, “What?”
He says, “That’s cool.”
And because you are six and an idiot, you think you have won.

And then on Easter your world becomes a hell of confetti, and you are utterly without weapons or defense.

A noise startles you out of your reverie and in a flash the eggs and the bowl are under the table like they were never there; your shoulders are angled with the most perfectly casual slump. Egbert comes tromping through the door, all eagerness and wide-eyes.

“Hey Dave!”

You give him a slight nod. “Sup.”

“Where have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you!”

You give him a noncommittal shrug and tilt your head so the lines of light across your lenses shift slightly. “Just chilling.”

“We finally alchemized the books, so Rose is getting ready to do a read-aloud, it’s gonna be so hilarious, dude! You should come!”

Jesus fucking Christ. “Yeah, I cannot wait, there is going to be so much biznasty literary analysis of children’s books up in this joint, seriously put everything on hold until I get there.”

“Okay!” says Egbert.

You almost groan. “No, not okay, that was the most sarcastic piece of shit statement that ever fell out of my mouth. I’m busy. But maybe I’ll stop by later, rock your world with my presence, whatever.”

Egbert spends about five minutes trying to convince you before giving up and leaving with a chipper statement or two. You wait until the lock clicks shut and then return to your task.

Cascarones. Colored eggshells filled with confetti that you smash on people’s heads during Easter. Apparently a Mexican tradition, unless Bro was lying to you to suit his own twisted sense of humor because he just wanted a new way to torture you festively.

But you will readily admit that there was something exhilarating in the ducking and running and the rare landed hit, and even the shocking crunch as an egg slammed into your head, rainbow dots cascading over your face and arms and shoulders, was not without its edge of enjoyment. You imagine that without the guerilla-warfare holiday atmosphere in the Strider household this tradition would actually be pretty damn fun.

And you think again of this morning, sitting sprawled around the ectobiology lab (because Egbert picks the shittiest places to hang out). Somehow Jade and Rose had gotten to talking about Harry Potter and to keep yourself from dying of boredom you made some dumb offhand remark about how much time had passed and it being “practically Easter on this asteroid” and Jade said, “Really?” (eyes bright, so green, impossibly long eyelashes) and you said something half-assed like “Yeah just let me get out my festive bunny fursuit, you know I am all out to be passing out conksucky chocolate eggs like joy is contagious and I’m the fucking bubonic plague” but instead of laughing (such a delighted lightness as she claps her hands) she just said, “I never got to have Easter.”

And you started to make some joke about how she’d missed out on the most fucked-up holiday of all time, bunnies laying eggs, seriously, how high do you have to BE except then you noticed that her mouth had that resigned tremble and you remembered that she spent half her life alone with a dead relative and a dog and suddenly you felt like a piece of shit. Because actually when you think about it for a single damn second, Easter is the best holiday for Jade, who loves chocolate and colors and baby animals and dressing as bunnies and, hell, would probably even have a fantastic time getting a head-full of eggshells and confetti. And you remembered how happy she was when you were playing Christmas together (walked through hours of fucking freezing frost to get only a glimpse of her; too cool to make a fool of yourself in front of her by playing in the snow) and your mind was made up. She wants Easter and god damnit you are going to give this girl Easter.

And so you stood abruptly with some dumb exit line and headed out, trying to think of the best way to alchemize eggs. Because there is only one tradition that you can give to her, but it is going to be the best tradition she never knew she was missing.

You hold the needle steady.

II.
(Karkat)

The fucking coolkid slouches off, but you are still in a bad mood because for some reason everybody only wants to talk about some stupid Earth book for wigglers and how you would totally be a hufflefuck or whatever, so you seize on the seeming distraction.

“What is an Easter,” you ask, “and why do I get the feeling that it will be a giant fucking waste of time?”

Jade has been doing the weird human wobbly lip thing that for some reason makes the space between your shoulders tingle. When you ask, she turns to you with a smile and explains, hands animated. You listen for about thirty seconds to a description of chocolate and apparently reptilian hopbeasts before you cannot contain your commentary.

“This is the stupidest fucking excuse for a holiday I have ever heard of,” you say. “What is the point of looking for an egg, seriously it is like your entire species is genetically brain-dead.”

“Well, you dye them first,” says Jade, a little taken aback. “So they look pretty.”

She seems kinda unhappy so you bite your tongue and mentally swear. Past You is such a dick!

“That’s nice,” you manage. Kanaya and Rose exchange A Significant Look and you want to tell them exactly what you think of their supercilious--
but Jade is leaning closer to you, all soft and inquisitive and you forget what you were going to say.

“Don’t trolls have any kind of tradition like that?”

“Sort of,” you say.

“Really?!” Jade’s eyes are bright and you feel that odd swimming sensation between your shoulders.

“Well, I guess. In the trial caves, there are always some eggs that don’t hatch, and so they get painted with the flowing blood of the grubs that are brutally slain.”

Jade’s face is about five different types of crestfallen. FUCK. You frantically try to think of a way to backtrack. Fuck, are those tears? FUCK FUCK FUCK.

“Oh,” says Jade. “Never mind.”

There is an awkward second or two and then Rose smoothly picks up the conversation about the book again. You try to give Jade a wide smile, but it stretches your face in a painful way and anyway she isn’t looking at you. Kanaya catches a glimpse of your expression and hastily motions for you to stop. Anyone else would get an earful, but you can’t help but hope that maybe she is looking out for you personally, and so—

No, screw that. You’re sure that she’s been waxing pale for Rose. It’s some shade of red, anyway. Whatever. You sit with your arms folded for a few moments and then get up, stomping out of the room dramatically. You look subtly back, but Kanaya has not followed to make sure you’re alright, and Jade’s shoulders are still quivering with unhappiness. FUCK. You kick a wall for a while until Sollux comes out of the adjacent room and tells you to fuck off.

You go into your room and slam the door, which silently clicks shut. Infuriated by the lack of noise, you throw your portable computer against the wall and it breaks. You yell through the wall for Sollux to come fix it, but he doesn’t answer. You yell some more until finally he sticks his head through the door and tells you to fuck off again.

You sit at your desk and pout. You have to admit, though, that mostly you are pissed that Past You made Jade unhappy, even though it was totally normal to criticize such a stupid fucking holiday.

You decide to make a plan of action, since that seems like a leader-y thing to do. Usually you would make a memo, but your computer isn’t really working so well, so you rip some paper out of a stupid giant book you found and make a list. You title it “WAYS TO MAKE JADE HAPPY.” You stare at it. You gnaw at your wooden writing implement. You punch the wall several times, and hear a muted scream of rage from Sollux’s room. You retreat. You return to your desk.

God, you are so fucking bad at this! If only Kanaya were—

You shake your head furiously. No! You refuse to engage in stupid fucking daydreams like a stupid fucking grub. And yet....

You are beating your head against the wall, screaming. The rage is consuming every part of you. And then she appears. She touches your shoulder lightly. The fury drains from your body as your turn and gaze deeply into her soft eyes. Her smooth pale gray skin (Oh wait no fuck that’s totally not the case anymore) Her smooth pale luminescent skin that glows uncomfortably brightly and gives you a serious migraine (fuck fuck fuck) Her smooth pale luminescent skin that glimmers like the.... the stars is.... very star-like. And pale. You lean into her, feeling her calm surround you. She whispers, “My feelings for you are those of the sky/ So drained of color, blushed with lightest pink/ Before the deadly too-red of the sun/Hath stained it with its rays.”

You feel the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. It’s the line that Troll Romeo says to Troll Mercutio after Troll Mercutio has been slain while trying to auspisticize between his moirail and Troll Tybalt. It is the saddest fucking thing in the whole movie, except for the scene after Troll Juliet brutally murders Troll Romeo and then belatedly realizes that her feelings for him were more red than black, and, knowing that she will never fill either concupiscent quadrant with such passion again, chooses to end her life rather than wait for the coming of the Drone.

Suddenly you realize that you have doodled “Karkat Kanaya” like twenty fucking times on this stupid piece of paper. FUCK, nobody can see this. The door opens and, thinking quickly, you shove it into your mouth.

“Hi Karkat!” says John. You glare at him with the hatred of all the Troll Montagues for all the Troll Capulets, but you can’t tell him so because your incredibly scathing greeting is trapped beneath a crumpled piece of paper that is proving difficult to swallow.

“Mmph.”

“I just wanted to let you know that Rose totally figured out how to alchemize Harry Potter books! She is so smart.”

“Mmph mmh.”

“Anyway, you should totally come back to the lab! She is going to do a read-aloud; it will be so great!”

“MMPH MMPHNNG MH.”

“Haha, Karkat, why are you talking so funny? It sounds like you have a mouth full of paper!”

You forcibly eject the idiot from the room. It is almost unfathomable to you that a hate this strong could be unreciprocated, but you guess that is just symptomatic of your generally shitty life.

You finally swallow the damn paper, then go and poke at your computer. It mostly just makes a fizzling sound. You are trying to figure out the best destructive action to embark on next when a light knock sounds on the door.

It is Kanaya. You attempt to resist the urge to hug her and fail spectacularly. She is knocked against the wall. There is a growl from the adjacent room.

“Ow.”

“Sorry,” you mutter, wishing you could punch Past You in the fangs.

“No need to apologize, I was not grievously injured,” she says, brushing off her dress. “Are you feeling all right?”

You swallow hard. There is sincere concern in her eyes.

“Yeah,” you say, playing it cool.

Except then somehow five minutes later you are sitting with her on the floor, angsting and raging about Jade while she comfortingly pats you on the shoulder. It is heaven.

“And then she looked so fucking sad! Her emotional state is completely unpredictable! Humans are so sensitive about normal, healthy things like murder and mass infanticide!”

“Mmn hmm,” says Kanaya soothingly.

You take a deep breath and release it as a garbled string of curses. Kanaya waits patiently.

“Jade really has not been unduly upset,” she says. “She perked up soon after you left.”

“Oh.”

“But I am sure she would be pleased if you were to show that you had embraced her holiday with enthusiasm.”

Suddenly you get a strange feeling of dread in the pit of your ankles. She is exuding pale, that seems obvious, and yet the shade—

She sees something in your look and blushes a delicate green.

“I want to make it perfectly clear,” she says hastily, “that I’m not trying to impose my mediation upon you, or anything like that. I have no vested interest in the well-being of Jade, except as a friend.”

You almost don’t want to ask, but you do. “So I guess you don’t give a fuck about me either, huh?”

You hold your breath and study her face (squinting). Her cheekbones are stained deeply with emerald, visible only slightly through the light that radiates from her.

“No, I do,” she admits, voice barely even a whisper. You wait for the confession of the quadrant, soul dancing.

“It’s just –“ she bursts out suddenly, face pale with the passion of concern, “you’re so attractively unstable!”

Troll Shakespeare couldn’t have penned anything more beautiful. You almost choke with happiness.

It is only because you are deluded with the pinkest of joys that you agree to her plan.

III.
(Dave)

Thankfully, by the time you wait for the empty eggshells to dry, dye them, and fill them with confetti, the Harry Potter Read-Aloud Club has finished their dramatic reenactment. You stand in the corner of the room, suddenly struck by an uncharacteristic bout of uncertainty. Jade is talking to Nepeta and Feferi, laughing a little. You don’t want to pull her away or interrupt, and suddenly you feel incredibly stupid and a little bit out of place, standing there with a brown paper bag full of some fucking stupid cascarones. You are acutely aware of the fact that your dumb joke has left approximately zero impact on her, aware that it is not actually Easter, aware of what a tool you will be if you just walk up to her and interrupt her conversation by smashing her on the head with an egg, and aware of what a fucking idiot you have been.

You push your shades closer, darker, and turn on your heel, leaving the room about as quickly as you entered. You are halfway down the hallway when you hear her calling.

“Hey! Dave!”

And her hand is on your arm and you turn to meet her gaze and your grip on the brown paper bag is slightly sweaty and damp and there is something caught in your throat and she is smiling.

“Sup,” you say.

“Not much, just saw you walking off. ‘Cause you’re too coooool to come say hi, right?”

“You know it,” you say. She is radiating cute. There is too much cute. Like if cute were illegal she would be committed for a triple felony, no lawyer would take the case, most corrupt sleazebag in town would throw up his hands and be like sorry toots, too damn cute, no amount of money can exonerate your adorable ass and oh my god what are you even thinking. You give your head the slightest of shakes.

“You missed the reading, it was so much fun! Rose did all the voices,” she says. “It took a while to get started, mostly because Nepeta kept wanting to go back to the part where McGonagall turns into a cat and because Eridan was being incredibly annoying about magic not being real, but then I think by the end everybody liked it a lot!”

You are relaxing in the wake of her smile and getting ready to unleash the wittiest of ironic quips when suddenly she asks, “What’s in the bag?”

“Easter,” you answer without thinking.

And when she looks at you eager and confused and hopeful, you figure you may as well go for it and pull out the first egg and deck her full on over the head with it. You cheat a little, crumpling the shell with your fingers a split second before it hits her to lessen the shock, but even so she gives a little gasp and stands there mouth agape, hair dripping confetti and eyes astonished.

“What--” she manages to choke out.

You hand her the bag.

“Welcome to Easter, Strider-style,” you tell her. She stares at you for a moment and then looks inside. Realization dawns as she pulls out a few of the cascarones, then brushes some of the brightest bits out of her hair.

“What are--- they have confetti inside? How did you make these?”

You shrug.

“Is this what you did on Easter? You smash these on people’s heads?”

“Yeah, festively shitty times in the Strider ho--”

The second of pain and the raining down of rainbow paper dots causes a catch in your words and you sputter out a couple of curses. She is laughing and laughing, hands clapping with delight.

“Not so cool now, huh?” she grins, green eyes alight, eyelashes impossibly long, and you are lunging for the bag and she is shrieking and wrestling it away and there is confetti everywhere and suddenly she is tangled in your arms and you are looking down at her, out of breath, and something in you says this would be the most perfectly fucking picturesque moment to lean down and kiss her.

IV.

The moment is lost a second later when Karkat unexpectedly barges into the hall wearing a hand-sewn bunny costume.

[arcaneCalligramancer]

MoraicTrochee - yesssssss, that made me grin

[Aloice]

^Agreed with arcaneCalligramancer. That was the best thing (even more so since I ship Dave/Jade furiously)

Anyway now time for my extremely shitty and unfinished fic. I'm just posting it here because I need to give myself an incentive to continue writing (probably out of shame or something).

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He turns the timetables and waits patiently as the fabric of the world swirls around him, bringing him to a new point in time. You can do this, Dave, he tells himself, although he doesn't think that he really needs it. He has gone beyond that final moral horizon, and he's not going to flounder now. If he has survived all three days of intense pressure and time-hopping and Bec Noir and everyone dying in one form of another, this shouldn't be too hard.

She doesn't have to know, though. She doesn't have to know. He's got it all coordinated with Alpha Dave back on LOHAC. If - no, when - he gets injured, he's going to get away using time travel before she can see anything wrong. He's going to find a place to die alone, and Alpha Dave would catch up with Jade soon later, reassuring her that everything is okay and he has just gone to LOHAC for a while to "get his ass some place warm".

It's the perfect plan.

He goes through the Gate and lands on LOFAF, shivering a little as the temperature gap kicks in. Everything's as wet and quiet as if this place should belong in the fucking Devonian Era; Jade isn't here yet. He didn't really expect her to be prompt, but this time it's not because Jade is notoriously unreliable to the point that he has to use her dreambot to slap her awake.

It's because she's too busy kicking ass.

"Dave!" an excited voice calls in the distance.

Well, shit. She is only thirty six seconds late.

Jade emerges from the edge of the Forest, her eyes all lit up as if he has just brought her a whole century's supply of tomato seeds. "Daveeeeee!"

"Hey, Jade." He walks precariously towards her as she sprints towards him, enveloping him in her brand of a bear hug. "Um, Jade, that is just federally uncool. I don't do hugs. Anyways, how did the cloning go?"

She pulls away from him and pouts. "I don't think I have to ever worry about the empty space in my Hall anymore, it's so full of frogs. By the way, Dave, I'm still mad at you for forcing me to light the forge before I could force you to play in the snow."

He should have scowled, but now he merely manages a smile. "I'm too cool for the snow, Jade. I'd rather do the thing they pulled off in Tohono Park, and even that would have to be sixty feet in size."

"Coolness in scale?"

"You got it."

She flashes a look of admiration. "You're the best, Dave."

He winces a little, but again keeps his composure smooth and controlled. Having pulled Caledscratch - or, rather, Caledscratch version IV - out of his strife portfolio, he puts on his serious face and turns to Jade. "Time to go to Echidna."

Her expression sours a little. Wistful. A little disappointed. "Are we not going to spend some time together doing other things?"

"Do you know that you have a mountain of ill jams in your inbox? We can do that later. John and Rose are already on Beat Mesa."

She lowers her head so that he can't see her eyes. "Dave, are you scared of the Scratch?"

"Me? Hell no. You're talking to the guy who can probably survive a First Guardian blast of six incipisphere radii without flinching even once."

"No, Dave, seriously. I promise I won't tell John or Rose or anything."

He sighs. "Jade, we are going to be fine." He counts the seconds as she takes in his words, records the time as she relaxes and tries to take his hand. Every second. Good thing that he can never lose his precision on that.

Every second elapsed is a second taken away from his bank of time. Time of all things running out on the Knight of Time since he's not the right one. He follows Jade as she shows him the path through the dense growths, commenting on this tree or the fluttering wings of that butterfly. She still doesn't know a single thing.

He exhales and hardens his grip on her hand. Bro, if you're still out there somewhere, put this on my tally of irony. Right now, she doesn't really need me... it's me who need her.

Note: Doomed Dave/Jade trying to get the Quills of Echidna. Seriously need to improve the quality of my Strider dialogue