MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[SkaianRedeemer]

Sionnan's back and writing beautiful sadfic! I am a blemish on this page again (aha! I ended up on the wrong page!) Oh well. I can live with that. I come bearing sensationalist tripe!


Whoops, I came up with an idea for a crossover that wasn’t just a fanfic for one universe with the characters swapped about.

And then I wrote a chapter for it that was just a fanfic for one universe with the characters swapped out I am a failure.


the goddamnBatwoman
…began trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] and tumblerTherapist [TT]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

What was going down at the recycling plant was bad enough, but when shots rang out outside Gotham Central itself, the Commissioner knew it was going to be a bad night. He was out of the way of his window with his pistol drawn in a moment's notice – once, he had liked to think that when it came to a firefight, he was simply the best there was. But he knew better now. It was a strange world, and it had done some humbling things to Eridan Ampora over his decades on the force.

"This is Ampora, what's going on?" he hissed into his cell, as soon as he found a number on the ground floor that would pick up.

"Someone opened fire just by the front desk!" called back a panicked officer. "There's seventeen of them, and three lusii!"

"Big ones?"

"Nothing we couldn't handle at first. We've pushed them out the door but they're firing in the windows!"

Eridan had to ponder that. Gotham Central was no normal police station, structurally. Not in this town. He understood the gang trying to get in before attacking, but having lost ground, he couldn't imagine them trying to hold out from outside. The place was a fortress.

"Keep them out, I'll be right down." Eridan tried to shake off the sleep that had been sneaking up on him as he had done his paperwork. Another thing he had learned about this city was that anything could happen, at any time, but usually at night. Unfortunately, the city had decided to do both, and he had been up for nearly thirty hours and counting. It was why he wasn't at the recycling plant, and it was why he was not prepared for what happened next.

The sound of glass breaking in his office behind him caused him to turn, and he did not have time to react further. The invader had fired first, and soon the other guns were silent.

-------------------------------------

"but you know, bats? you're not doing so bad tonight! IN FACT I'D SAY YOU'RE ON A ROLL! aHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!"

The Joker kicked a switch and up-ended an entire roll of recycled paper, which tumbled toward Batwoman at alarming speed. Like virtually everything else in the plant, it had been tinted purple, but that was hardly her immediate concern. She pulled her grapple gun out of her belt and hooked it to an overhead beam, clearing the stampeding roll easily. She swung over toward the Joker, but he had well enough warning to step away.

Batwoman took her in new surroundings, keeping her eyes on her opponent. She knew better than to let the Joker get the drop on her. All around them she could see machines working at the blink of an eye to spritz raw materials with liquid Joker Gas where they would have used plain water. She had no idea how he had planned to smuggle toxic but obviously purple products onto the market, but knowing the Joker, perhaps the point had less to do with the damage and more to do with the purple.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?" asked the Joker, who then started to chuckle. "i mean besides you being dressed up as a bat?"

Batwoman closed on him. He was keeping his arms wide and she could see they were free of weapons or even his usual lethal joy buzzers or needles. The moment's relief from caution proved her undoing, as she was struck in the back of the head by a jarring force. Her cowl, armoured and designed to conceal the shape of her horns, took most of the blow, but she still slumped to the ground. To her side, she saw the ridiculous shadow of a boxing glove affixed to a spring.

"No people skills," said Harlequin. She dropped to her knees, the bells on her hat jangling, and popped the glove back into her gun. "Geeze, Batsy, you're a wreck." To the Joker, she said, "It's like she's all dressed up for a Halloween party but never got an invitation. Smile, Batsy!" She reached over and forced Batwoman's lips into a contorted smile past the cowl. Batwoman shut her eyes: colour had long since flooded her pupils and she was not going to trust the contacts and cowl alone at this range. "You're never gonna get to a party scowling like that."

"of course, we've got our own party to attend, rosie!" The Joker pulled a remote from one of his seemingly infinite pockets and used it to open a door to the high-ceilinged garage that had once accepted recycling trucks. Beyond was nothing short of a hot air balloon, already inflated with the Joker's sneering grin stretched across it. "A PARTY FOR THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING CITY!"

Batwoman smiled. Give the supervillains enough time and they'll always tell. Harlequin, her gloved hands still on Batwoman's face, noticed at once.

"…Uh-o—" was all she managed before Batwoman tossed out a batarang, which knocked the remote out of the Joker's hands. Batwoman then landed a fist straight at the base of Harlequin's ribs, but though she reeled, she was flexible enough to kick Batwoman across the face in return without even standing. Adrenaline wasted, she had a harder time getting back to her feet. Batwoman was not so disadvantaged. As the Joker made his break for the blimp, cackling, she was hot on his tail.

Batwoman felt another impact from behind, this one poorly aimed and hitting on the back of the knee. She faltered, and rounded to grab the glove and yank the gun out of Harlequin's hands before doing anything else. She tossed it far aside.

"I got her, Mr. J!" Harlequin called eagerly toward the Joker, to no response. She continued to stare in a happy smile after him. "Y'know," Harlequin said as she got to her feet, one hand still clutching her gut. "I was serious before, you really need help. Some kind of animal-based repressed memory sort of condition. You're a real psychopomp." Batwoman raised an eyebrow. "Why don't you try talkin' to a shrink?" Harlequin suddenly bolted toward Batwoman, and vaulted over her with a handspring. Landing opposite her opponent, Harlequin struck Batwoman with a roundhouse. "Oh yeah! Like me!"

Her roundhouse twisted into a second, but that one stopped short, caught in her opponent's hand. "I Think" Batwoman said, "You're A Little Out Of Practice" She hefted Harlequin by the ankle by virtue of her Trollish strength and height, and handcuffed her there to a nearby beam, upside-down. "I'll Be Sure To Think About The Psychopomp Suggestion"

"You don't have to be so rough, you know!" Harlequin called after her, as she walked off. "You might give a girl the impression you don't like hanging around with her any more! Eh?" Harlequin harrumphed at the silence, and then bent up on upper body strength in hopes of reaching the cuffs. It took two attempts, but she eventually reached it and extracted on of the lock picks from under her hood.

"Freeze!" shouted a cop, part of a group that had approached in Batwoman's wake. "Hands up!"

Harlequin turned her head back, looking at the cops upside-down. "Y'know, technically they are," she said.

Meanwhile, Batwoman hung on her reserve grapple, dangling in the air above the police barricade. The Joker and his balloon had escaped through a hole he had blown in the roof, and it had been all she could do to catch hold. She had almost cleared the gap between them when he returned to the side.

"y'know, i just came up with the best game for my party! we'll call it 'splat!'" He pulled out a giant pair of novelty scissors that had just apparently been lying there in the basket. "WHOEVER GETS BATWOMAN FALLING THROUGH THEIR ROOF WINS A PRIZE! eeeaH-hAhAhAhA!"

Batwoman deflected the scissors from her cable with another batarang and they went tumbling past. The Joker, as though he had already forgotten she was a threat, turned away. "[COLOR=#2B0057]careful with those!" he shouted. "ONE HOLE AND WE'LL ALL BE SOMEONE'S 'PRIZE'! heheheHEHEhe" He slammed his hand onto a nearby tank, which Batwoman figured must be full of more Joker Gas. She pulled up over the edge of the basket, though the Joker kept her back to her until the last moment, when he turned about and attempted to spray her with the trick flower pinned to his lapel. She ducked to one side. Sure enough, the liquid spurted from the flower began to melt away a side of the basket. Once the flower had been filled with off-brand soda, but Batwoman had long since learned not to count on that being the case.

"What Was That You Said About Holes" she asked. The Joker gave an innocent shrug, but Batwoman could not help but notice the balloon's heading: straight toward the river. Nonchalantly, she reached into her belt and tossed a batarang straight up into the air. It cut through the balloon twice, before returning just above her hand, as they had begun to plunge.

"w-WhAt ArE YOU DOING?" the Joker shouted.

"I Get The Impression…" With a sudden jarring motion, the balloon was snapped up in white coils. "…That You Had Planned For This Contingency"

The Joker's lusus lowered them to the ground, its hideous, distorted smile leering down at them. Batwoman tried not to look up at the creature, into its blind eyes. That face was torn, muscles wasting from disuse, jaw locked and indigo rips carved into its mask. It had barely survived the Joker Gas she had deflected into it, months ago. Better it than every man, woman and child in the Gotham Museum of Art, but if she had ever needed a sign that the Joker still bore some emotion, it was how he had complimented her "art" in between retaliatory blows.

Instead, she ran her thumb up the touch sensor on the butt of one of her guns, and fired a tranquilizer dart into the lusus, at nearly full dosage. It lashed out, spraying water and sand in every direction, laughing hideously as its diseased nerves felt every touch as a tickle. It did not notice the sedatives at once but the Joker did, diving onto its back as it squirmed below it, rasping breath shooting out past its rigid grin as it thrashed in painful laughter. "you've go the sense of humour of a wet mop, Batwoman! YAH!" he shouted to his lusus, who turned back to the water.

Batwoman had fought the Joker and his lusus long enough to know his blood colour, and knew he could outlast her underwater. She grappled for her breathing mask, only to be deliberately smashed by the lusus' tail, its loyalty to its child still obvious after all it had been through. Instead, she grabbed a tracker dart and fired that instead. It clipped on the lusus' tail, but the lusus did not even flinch: too many Trolls tried to use their large-scale lusus to escape, and so Batwoman had long since tipped her darts with a solution to prevent their notice.

She knelt in the sand for a moment as the lusus disappeared, until she finally lost track of it visually. When she took to her feet, she realized they had crash landed not far from the plant, and the police that surrounding it. A familiar silhouette beckoned to her, and she took to her feet.

She tapped a button hidden just under her cowl. "Oracle," she said, not losing the scratch in her voice less she be overheard. "Im Tracking The Jokers Lusus With Dart… 0524. I Need A Minute But Tell Me The Moment He Comes Up For Air For More Than A Breath"

"uH, gOT IT, kANAYA,"

Detective Bullock met her at the perimeter, where she stayed. "Did ye get him?" he asked, clearly not expecting the best.

"Tracking Him As We Speak" she replied. "Harlequin"

Detective Bullock grunted and tossed his head toward a squad car in the back. There, her hood removed, stood Rose Lalonde, hair mussed but otherwise orderly, proper and cooperating.

Rose looked up. "Batwoman," she called. "You were right. Psychopomp's a mythical figure. I was completely off base. I'm going to have to get my lawyer to bring me a copy of the DSM-IV, along with… -snerk-… oh…" She pondered, her face muscles twitching to bury her smile. "…Ovid, perhaps." And then she began to giggle, her prim demeanour almost hiding the motions. Batwoman could look at her unmasked no more than she could the lusus. She had known Rose Lalonde: promising, bright, and almost immune to the stress of her work. She had tried to reach Terezi Pyrope for more than one session in a row, tried to speak in straight lines with John Egbert, or Vantas the cop-killer. Rose had even tried to speak to her own brother, after he had given up his mind to his puppet, with no sign of psychological wear. But when she had tried to speak to John Doe, Rose Lalonde had disappeared forever. Harlequin wore what left of her as a mask stretched taught across her face and personality, far more than the inverse. Harlequin, not Rose, smiled at Batwoman as they pushed her into the car, in hopes of seeing her flinch. Batwoman did not, and she did not look back.

"Every Item In That Plant Is Poisoned" Batwoman cautioned Bullock. "They Will Have To Be Disposed Of Properly And Promptly"

"Well, we've got bigger problems than that," Bullock said. Batwoman could see the rest of the police backup already scrambling to clear the area. "And unless the Joker's got something else up his sleeve, you might want to see this one."

"I Know" Batwoman said. She had got the report from Oracle in the middle of the chase. "Gotham Central Was Just Attacked"

"What, are you a genie or something? Well how about this?" He held up his cell. "This just came straight to me. Maybe it hasn't made its way through your crazy psychic network yet. Whoever it is? Made off with the Commish. He's been kidnapped." He turned around. "Chew on that, will you?" He then counted to three, and turned back, to find Batwoman gone. "…good," he said. "Looks like we understand one another here."

show spoiler

hide spoiler

If I recall correctly, my logic was "[…w]hat is Batman if not a socialite who spends his evenings fighting crime as a vampire?"

Here is what I know about the actual Batwoman: she exists. This is significantly more than the majority of pop culture, but I will admit at once, just as useless. Sorry, actual Batwoman fans.

Just to make this perfectly clear: "Harley Quinn" is a pun on "Harleen Quinzel" and there's no real reason for Rose to use it.

I debated whether or not Tavros used to be a "Robin" or a "Batboy" and figured he probably would have enjoyed the trapeze, whichever the answer was.

gdi Sebastian at AO3 made the best suggestion ever I hope I get permission for it.

[Varkarrus]

Jack and the Beanstalk

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Once upon a time, a young dersite by the name of Jack Noir was tired of doing his duties so he shouted obscene words at his queen and jumped out the window. He swiped the queen's favourite hoofbeast as well! He rode it through the forest for quite a while until he came to a small village. He figured he would add insult to injury by selling the hoofbeast for an incredibly low price. So he talked to the various inhabitants, and got various replies

"I'll buy it for a thousand boonbucks!" said a young salamander
"No way that is a ridiculously low price! Go shove off to your stupid little hut and do whatever the fuck you fucking slamanders do" Jack replied.

Then an ambitious crocodile showed up

"I'll trade you that hoofbeast for a good number of stocks in this market that are SURE to rise!"
"Fuck you you stupid crocodile you think I care about the economy?" Jack shouted. Even though he knew those stocks would be worth millions soon.

Finally, a dorky little child arrived

"i'll trade you that horse for these magic beans!"
"WOW you blubbering imbecile those beans aren't magic! If they were magic why would you be trading them for this fucking hoofbeast!" Jack screeched, but he took the beans and gave the derphole the hoofbeast.


What Jack didn't know was that that imbeshithead was actually a god, and those beans were indeed magic.

So after spending what little wages he had on cheap booze and a place to stay the night, Jack returned to the black queen's castle, eager to see the look on her face before he got punished. The punishment would be oh-so worth it just to see her react to finding out those beans were what he traded that stupid hoofbeast for.

The Black Queen eyed him suspiciously.

"WHere's my horse." she asked, somehow ending that question with a period rather than a question mark.

"I sold it!" Jack grinned

"For how much." she "asked" again.

"Hehe, I sold that stupid hoofbeast for some magic beans!"

It was at this point that the black queen grinned.
"Magic you say. It seems you know how to strike a deal." the black queen replied. Jack was no doubt sure that the Black Queen did not beleive they were magic either, but was acting happy as it would be the largest punishment yet.

"Plant these out back." the queen ordered.

Jack went and did as he told, but only after eating one of the beans so as to have the last laugh. He watered them only a little water, and planted them in the shade. That evening, a feast was prepared in Jack's honor, made up of black sausuge and blackened steak and for desert, blackberry pies. Jack cut his losses and ate until he was stuffed, then went to bed and slept a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, Jack noticed something outside his window. Outside, there was a giant beanstalk!

This made Jack incredibly grumpy. No doubt the queen knew this by now and would once again have the upper hand. There was nothing Jack could do now, so he waited. But, Jack was a restless creature, and got bored. So he climbed the beanstalk. The magic beanstalk was very easy to climb, and when he was tired he would rest on a leaf.

By the time he made it to the top, it was midday. He ate some leftover black forest ham, and continued along the clouds, realizing that they must indeed be magic as clouds cannot support a person's weight! He spotted a building in the distance, and quickly approached. But it took longer than he thought as it turned out the building was HUGE! He stood at the door, and was just about to crawl through the crack beneath the door when he heard someone shout in a loud, large, booming voice...

"FEE FIE FO FUCKASS! I AM FUCKING RAGING SHITHIVE MAGGOTS RIGHT NOW!"

Jack stopped in fear, then realized he wasn't exactly sure what fear meant so he continued inside. It was there, he saw neither a giant or a troll. Rather, he saw a giant troll. He was indeed raging shithive maggots, and judging by his flippant anger, he had just stubbed his toe. Jack scurried across the floor as the giant troll hopped around awkwardly on one foot. Jack crawled up the four-legged surface device and hid behind a giant bottle of ice-cold coka-trolla. However, this was not a good hiding place as the giant troll immediately grabbed the bottle and pressed it against his toe. The giant troll immediately did a double take and saw Jack standing on the table, his feet shuffling as he looked to the ground.

"ANGER!" the giant troll shouted and tried to crush Jack beneath his fist. Jack immediately jumped off the four-legged surface device and fell flat against the ground, busting open his ankle. Jack's blood smeared across the floor, and he shuffled towards the door as quickly as he could, but for some reason the giant troll relented and let Jack escape.

Jack stopped and rested outside on the clouds, bandaged himself up.

He managed to climb down the beanstalk and spent the night putting up with the black queen's mocking and partying over how this giant beanstalk would let her rule the heavens.

Jack made a decision. He would chop down the beanstalk. So he grabbed an axe and started swinging, but failed to dent it. So he went off to the town where he sold the hoofbeast and tried to purchase a bulldozer for chopping down beanstalks. However, he lacked money.

Jack knew what to do. He would go back to the castle and find something of value.
So after supper that night, he climbed up the beanstalk, and while the giant troll was asleep, he searched around.

In a little cage by the bedside, he found a crow. A talking crow.

"sup" said the crow, nonchalantly
"What the fuck?" Jack growled. A talking crow. Now he'd seen everything. He figured he may as well--
"Do you know where I can find anything of value? I'm ransacking this place"

"dude look no further
im a fucking crow that lays golden beats"

Jack smirked and decided to steal the crow away. He climbed down the beanstalk, all the while the crow would not shut up about how irony works and why sunglasses indoors are double-uncool and loop back around to cool again but only when you aren't a poser and blah blah blah and then Jack got to the bottom and threw a fucking blanket over that cage.

The next day, Jack traded that crow to a blind police officer for a brand spanking new bulldozer.

The Black Queen's army stood outside the beanstalk, climbing gear at the ready, when suddenly Jack Noir, standing on top of the bulldozer rode in.
"HEY EVERYONE, I'M COMMITING FUCKING TREASON!" and drove over the few dersites brave enough to try and stop him. The bulldozer chopped clean through the beanstalk.

which promptly fell on the black queen's castle, crushing it.

"oops" Jack murmered.

THE END.

[Unibear]

That was actually pretty hilarious

[Dermonster]

Of Gods and Games.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Tick... tick... tick... tick...

The host stands over the candy bowl, a bag of treats in his hand. He is unsure, and he briefly treasures the uncertainty before he becomes slightly worried. His guest will arrive at any moment.

The host hesitates a second longer, before returning to his endless pantry and setting the bag down. He picks up another, and upends it over the crystalline bowl.

Perfect, not a single sweet out of place. He checks the table next, seeking any abnormality. He nudges a leg half a centimeter to the left, evening out the carpet.

Tick... tick... tick... tick...

The doorbell rings, and the host walks to the door. He stalls for a second, before opening. He glances back into the room.

Adequate.

He opens the door with a flourish, and invites in the guest.

They have no need for words, as he takes the proffered coat. The guest walks into the home, giving a nod. The host looks on in silence. The guest peers about at the ticking clocks. The green walls are spotless, aside from perhaps a few photos and paintings.

Tick... tick... tick... tick...

The guest picks up a figurine on the mantelpiece, examining it for a moment before replacing it. He gestures to an empty table.

The host walks up, understanding. He pulls back a seat, and the guest is seated. He pulls up his own chair.

The guest grins and reaches into the space without space, and pulls out a few things. The host looks upon the objects and he nods. The challenge is accepted.

The game is on. The guest makes the first move as the host looks on in silence. The host studies the guests move, and then makes his own.

The guest smiles and goes again. The host looks on in consternation, but enlightenment fills his frame. He makes a move.

The guest only smiles and puts down his piece. The host observes, and says nothing.

It will be a draw.

The guest raises an eyebrow. The host nods and the field is reset. They play on in silence.

Tick... tick... tick... tick...

Tie.

Stalemate.

Deadlock.

The host views the round in frustration. He glances at the guest, who only smiles. He looks ahead, through sight beyond sight and he sees. He makes his move, confidant.

The guest gains a blank look, stone faced and disappointed. He marks his place, and the host reels without movement. He views the battlefield with confusion, and hesitantly places his piece.

The guest makes a mark, and it is over.

The guest wins.

Tick... tick... tick... tick...

The host looks at his guest, who shakes his head and smiles, a sad smile this time. The host thinks he can understand. Maybe next time, then.

The ticking sounds through the room as the guest packs away the game. The host helps him ascend from his seat and they walk toward the door.

The guest pauses at the entrance, eyes flicking toward the crystalline bowl. He takes five pieces, and chews on one slowly. He grins again, and bows to his gracious host, who bows back.

Adequate.

The guest pockets the candy corn and leaves. The host closes the door once he is out of sight.

The host sits at the table, his head gleaming in the low light. He waits for the next day to come.

Maybe next time, he thinks.

Tick... tick... tick... tick...

Tock.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

NO I HAVE NO IDEA. I WROTE THIS IN FIFTEEN MINUTES IN THE POST REPLY PAGE!

[-Benedict]

Oh god dammit I completely forgot this thread existed for several months. What kind of hugemazing awesomefics have happened in my unnoticed absence?

also i guess this means i'm gonna have to start up homekrigg geniusstuck again huh

EDIT: And Sionnan is still writing sadfic about Dave and Bro. Months later. Somehow. I would say "some things never change" only it would be way too fucking sincere to say without being unbelievably corny right now.

[SkaianRedeemer]

NO I HAVE NO IDEA. I WROTE THIS IN FIFTEEN MINUTES IN THE POST REPLY PAGE!

Darn it, Dermonster, don't you know that's suicide?!?! Anyway, yeah, that was pretty good.

@spacetimeCounselor: Welcome back!

[Dermonster]

Well that's some pretty shitty suicide since I didn't die. I want a refund.

(Thanks)

[Coasterman29]

A little fic about Karkat and Terezi helping Nepeta after she got very badly hurt.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

"Karkat," Terezi said as she entered the room.
"Yeah," Karkat said as he turned around and jolted a bit when he saw Terezi without her glasses, "Hey, where are your glasses?"
"Equius is fixing them up for me, they broke yesterday," Terezi said.
"Ok, I just haven't seen you with them on for a while," Karkat said.
"Karkat, is something wrong?" Terezi asked, "You aren't as angry as you usually are,"
"I just found out something, Nepeta got very hurt,"
Terezi gasped. Nepeta was one of their best friends, who also had a crush on Karkat.
"What happened?"
"She was fighting this animal and lost, almost died," Karkat said, "She has a broken rib, a dislocated shoulder, has many cuts all over her, and lost a foot, Equius is apparently fixing her up,"
"That is horrible, we should go visit her, I still need to get my glasses back,"

"Hmm? Who is it?" Equius said when he saw two people walk into his room.
"It's Karkat and Terezi, fuckass," Karkat said.
Seconds later the three of them were sitting infront of nepeta lying down.
"Karkitty? Terezi?" Nepeta said as she opened her eyes for the first time in hours.
"We thought we would come over and see you, asshole," Karkat said.
"Look at my left paw," Nepeta said, a bit of joy in her tone.
"Nepeta, you don't...have...a..." Terezi froze as she saw a metal paw attached to Nepeta's foot.
"Ah...Terezi, here are your shades," Equius said as he came over.

Sorry for just stopping, too tired to continue. Probably will make a part 2.

[armeggedonCounselor]

A little fic about Karkat and Terezi helping Nepeta after she got very badly hurt.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

"Karkat," Terezi said as she entered the room.
"Yeah," Karkat said as he turned around and jolted a bit when he saw Terezi without her glasses, "Hey, where are your glasses?"
"Equius is fixing them up for me, they broke yesterday," Terezi said.
"Ok, I just haven't seen you with them on for a while," Karkat said.
"Karkat, is something wrong?" Terezi asked, "You aren't as angry as you usually are,"
"I just found out something, Nepeta got very hurt,"
Terezi gasped. Nepeta was one of their best friends, who also had a crush on Karkat.
"What happened?"
"She was fighting this animal and lost, almost died," Karkat said, "She has a broken rib, a dislocated shoulder, has many cuts all over her, and lost a foot, Equius is apparently fixing her up,"
"That is horrible, we should go visit her, I still need to get my glasses back,"

"Hmm? Who is it?" Equius said when he saw two people walk into his room.
"It's Karkat and Terezi, fuckass," Karkat said.
Seconds later the three of them were sitting infront of nepeta lying down.
"Karkitty? Terezi?" Nepeta said as she opened her eyes for the first time in hours.
"We thought we would come over and see you, asshole," Karkat said.
"Look at my left paw," Nepeta said, a bit of joy in her tone.
"Nepeta, you don't...have...a..." Terezi froze as she saw a metal paw attached to Nepeta's foot.
"Ah...Terezi, here are your shades," Equius said as he came over.

Sorry for just stopping, too tired to continue. Probably will make a part 2.

It's... not terrible. The thing about it is... well, it's too much dialogue. Ever heard the phrase, "Show, don't tell?" Having the characters tell each other about what's happened is kinda hard to follow, and more importantly, rather boring. It doesn't paint a picture. To continue that metaphor, it's the difference between having a picture described to you and seeing it with your own eyes.

That said, it seems pretty good in some ways. The story seems interesting, and choosing one of the fandom's favorite trolls is just a cheapshot.

Sorry for not being more constructive and just pointing out the flaws. The whole Show, Don't Tell thing is something I tend to struggle with, usually because I don't make plans when I write and end up writing myself into a descriptive corner.

[Shinji Shazaki]

Ah, a respite from real life problems. It let me finish my work and bring you folks chapter twelve of Retroversion Dissolution: Orders From Above (3/3).

In which the Heir of Time seeks out his Seer of Void sister, meets the Mage of Void and the Heir of Rage, and has a proper conversation with the Rogue of Mind while a chat disjointed from space-time occurs elsewhere to illuminate many angles of mysteries ongoing.

Enjoy.

[Coasterman29]

Yeah, I have a problem with dialogue.

[armeggedonCounselor]

http://nepeta.mozai.com/nanofictionary/

Has this been posted here yet?

[billybobfred]

http://nepeta.mozai.com/nanofictionary/

Has this been posted here yet?

Well, I haven't seen it.

Cool titles are for losers.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You are LILY LALONDE-LEIJON. You are not the only TROLL-HUMAN HYBRID, nor are you even the first, but you are the only one in an utter panic right this moment.

Your Mother's birthday and your Meowmy's wriggling day happen to coincide today, and you had planned on doing something extra special for them. It was the best plan. It had all the awesome.

Unfortunately, it is utterly ruined by one thing. You cannot make DELICIOUS PUMPKIN PIE without PUMPKINS! You and Auntie JADE had been growing them especially for this occasion, but they are MISSING!

You do not know of anyone who would have done this.

You have been searching through the SECRET ABANDONED LABORATORIES for at least an hour now, and all you have found is a strange DEVICE. You are pretty sure this device is not a SECURITY CAMERA, but you turn it on anyway, just to be certain.

A video of your PUMPKIN PATCH appears on the screen. Apparently, it is a SECURITY CAMERA.

Checking the timestamp, you determine that the video is of four hours and thirteen minutes ago. The PUMPKINS were just fine then.

You start looking for the FAST-FORWARD button. A large green button jumps out at you, and you press it.

Suddenly, and without warning, the entire PUMPKIN PATCH vanishes from the video, and reappears in this very room.

You stare at the appearified PUMPKINS for a few moments. "I don't get it."

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Crackbabby, Rose Lalonde, Nepeta Leijon, out in The Veil, what pumpkin?, thus the prophecy was fulfilled.

And for the next writer:

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Sollux Captor, Tavros Nitram, Land of Little Cubes and Tea, caught in the act, everyone had a dance party.

[Sionnan]

@aC and SR: I'm glad you both liked it! It was kind of irresistible after catching up.

@sC: yeah, I admit I haven't got much variety in my repertoire. In my defense, I haven't read the comics in months, either, so it's less that I've been obsessively hoarding gratuitous sadfic, it's me catching up. Apologies at any rate-- I'm hoping to do something more Midnight Crew-related soon, so that might be a change in pace.

[Varkarrus]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I was messing around and got rule 63, characters kanaya and eridan, the vault, romance denied, and resolution: pails were filled

oh gosh

[SkaianRedeemer]

I got Kanaya and Rose out late and lost in the woods and the will of the dark gods was fulfilled. Darn it plot generators, you're not supposed to give me something reasonable.

EDIT: Sollux and Aradia in the dark, caught in the act...

show spoiler

hide spoiler

and the prophecy was fulfilled. There we go.

[mythmonster2]

Uh, I don't get what it means when it says how to make a story, so I'm just gonna go with what I got.

In The Woods

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Nepeta looked out the window nervously. Stumps, endless miles of stumps, stretched out as far as she could see. She turned to the driver of the car and whined, "Rooose, it's so creepy out here! All these stumps are just making me feel so... I can't even say how I feel!"

Rose kept her eyes on the road ahead. She feared that if she looked at Nepeta, she would be able to see her apprehension as well. This was not a land where people should be. Rose patted her left hip. The wands were still there. "I know, Nepeta. Just... just try to think up a story."

Nepeta shrunk back into her seat and closed her eyes. She started, “Ummm, OK. There was once a beautyifful purincess who lived in a catstle in the middle of the furest. The catstle was guarded by a giant eeeeeeeevil spider! But, furtunately, uh, a brave knight in red armor came to save the purincess!” All of a sudden, Nepeta started talking faster and her eyes grew wide. “But when he tried to fight the spider, she just took ofur his mind and made him kill himself! And then the purincess was so sad that she wouldn’t escape that she jumped out of the tower and-“

“Nepeta!” Rose put a hand out to silence the babbling troll. Nepeta sat stock silent, as if she had just realized what she was saying. Both of them said nothing for a few moments.

Nepeta spoke up quietly. “I’m so sorry, Rose. I don’t know what came ofur me.”

Rose moved her hand to Nepeta’s hair and stroked it. She had learned from Equius that this was an easy way to calm Nepeta down. Rose took a glance at Nepeta, and noticed it was working. Her breathing was slowing down and the wild look in her eyes was fading. She said, “Don’t worry, Nepeta. The sooner we get out of this forest, the better.”

Nepeta sat back and allowed the stroking to continue. “Thanks, Rose.” They drove on in quiet, except for the sound of hair being pushed back. Rose withdrew her hand from Nepeta’s head and returned it to the steering wheel.


“LOOK OUT!”

Rose swerved to the right to avoid the pumpkin that had materialized in the middle of the road. The right wheel caught on a ditch and refused to turn back. The car drove towards the stumps, then the left wheel hit a stump and went into the air.

The car flipped in the air. It began rolling. The wands activated.


Rose was conscious for the whole incident. As soon as the wands detected danger, they put up a magic shield around her. The same could not be said for her passenger.

Rose blasted out the ceiling of the door with a wand and crawled out of the wreckage. She turned back to get Nepeta out and gasped. Green blood coated the inside of the car. She knew that trolls could lose much blood before dying, but this could not be safe for anybody. Then she noticed Nepeta and retched.

She collapsed to the ground. She had already had one person die due to her, even if he did come back. But Nepeta, she couldn’t come back. She was gone. Tears fell to the ground beneath Rose. She clenched her fists. Why? She saved herself, why couldn’t she have saved her as well?

The wands grew bright, as if to remind Rose of their existence. Then she remembered. Not long before she fell to grimdarkness, she had been studying one of the most difficult spells she had ever seen. To bring a person back to life, not with a dreamself, nor through god tier, but through magic. She pointed her wands at the body and began chanting. Energy surged through the wands, directed to the body. Nepeta began glowing white.

She awoke. Rose was chanting something, and a ray of magic was going from her wands to Nepeta! She remembered, the stumps, the pumpkin, the crash. And Rose had brought her back! But for some reason, Rose slumped to the ground, like she had failed. Nepeta called out, “Rose! Rose, you did it!” But it seemed Rose heard nothing. She crawled over on top of a nearby stump and looked at her wand. Then, Nepeta realized what she was going to do. “ROSE, NO!”

Nepeta leapt through the air, aiming towards the wand that Rose was now pointing at herself. She leapt... and fell through Rose’s body. The blast went off. Nepeta stood up.

For a long time, she stood there. A long time. In the wreckage, a sapling sprouted, then grow into a huge tree. At some time, the tree somehow broke of its own accord, leaving nothing but a stump. The part of the tree that broke off decomposed as termites ate away at it completely, leaving nothing but leaves. Ants carried those away, to their mounds that grew and blew away in instants. The sun and moon flew through the sky like a fast dance. Clouds floated from one horizon to another.

The body’s clothes were the first to go, though there was no risk of exposing anything, as animals visited the body. Soon, there was nothing but a skeleton, then that too blew away in the wind.

And still, she stood there.

Finally, something took her attention away from the spot. Some strange vehicle was approaching. Nepeta looked to the spot where the pumpkin had appeared, so long ago. In this world, she could see it slowly fading away as it began joining the physical plane. She knew what she had to do.

She flew to the vehicle.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Wow, that sure became a thing, didn't it?

Rose, Nepeta, Land of Stumps and Dismay, There was a crash, It's been haunted ever since.

[newbonomicon]

It keeps telling me that underwater is on fire.

[mythmonster2]

OK, wow, I'm not gonna write a fic about this, but I got problem as "We're out of Faygo" and the resolution is "and their home was totally destroyed." I would love to see someone make that a logical progression. Characters were Aradia and Tavros at the circus, too.

[armeggedonCounselor]

NOTE TO SELF: Check if the token has expired for this page BEFORE typing up really long fic.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-

[orngjce223]

Lazarus. Use it and love it forever.

Or compose in another editor.

[tragicallyChemical]

Don't mind me, just dumping my shitty au over here, just in case ya'll wanna check it out. It's pretty much a human stuck au, but everyone's a homeless teenager. Just started it, so in case you guys are interested.. here it is.

[Sionnan]

Hey guys! Promised something different and I delivered. Here's the start of a Problem Sleuth/Midnight Crew thing. I'm playing with old noir styles and other more tongue in cheek stuff, so let me know what you think of it.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

This city never sleeps, dragging it matted underbelly through the scummy, dark puddles of the underworld, like a flea-ridden mutt groveling for favors from passing strangers. It whimpers like an animal in pain, a beloved pet left by the side of the road, shrinking distantly in your rearview mirror.

This city never sleeps, and its crime along with it.

And because the city never sleeps, because the hoods and the mobsters and two time sharks and all of the shades in between never catch a wink, neither do I.

Or at least, that's what's been going through my pate when I whip my head up from my blotter so fast that I strain my neck, and the puddle of drool forming around my mouth ends up ripping a few layers of paper off the surface, and leaving it on my stubble.

I think the phone might be ringing, but I can barely hear it over the sound of my grunting and the sound of the paper as I try to scrub it from my face. The whole place smells like a two bit dive that hasn't shut down for a few days straight, stale and full of cheap, strong liquor, smoke, and sweat.

I smack my mouth, tasting the cotton of sleep as much as the cotton of my shirt collar that managed to creep into the corner of my mouth while I took a defensive catnap. Hey, crime may be tireless, but a fella's gotta be well rested in order to fight it, right?

The shrill cry of the phone pierces the air again, and I wince a little at it's stridence. Can't a guy catch a break? Seems like every buck who lost at the pony races to every dame who's lost her beau's calling recently. Crime I tell ya; it never sleeps.

Well recently, it's mostly been Pickle Inspector dialing his own office, thinking it's his answering service, but actually calling me. And if it ain't the scrawny, dopey fella, it's some weird, stranger caller who never says a thing, no matter how hard I press him. But I swear I can hear the rumble of traffic somewhere overhead; more than once it's gotten me pretty well spooked, lemme tell you. You can't be too careful in a city like this, doing the job I do. You gotta suspect everyone.

Something pricks my side, and I jolt. A poison syringe? A throwing knife? Someone came in while I was helpless and tried to do away with me?

A few seconds of flailing reminds me that I'd picked up a playing card from that rake Spade Slick. And by picked up, I mean pulled it from my jacket where it had been pinning it to the alley wall. Spades is one of them guys who's the smartest in the room, but you'd never know by how stupid he acts when he gets mad.

And boy, does he ever.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Hahahahahaha, got the KarkatKanaya fic out just in time, didn't I?

EDIT: Even better, this fits shockingly into some of the backstory as well. I am what they call happy as a clam, at least in this parcel of my life.

[draconicAlgorithm]

Getting in something before end of thread. Also, sorry that I haven't been updating fics lately like Wizardstuck but writer's block is a horrible affliction.

Also, related to update. Yay?

Calming Technique

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Right after that last conversation with Gamzee, every time you heard a honk (or any noise that sounded remotely like a honk, really), you freaked out completely. Of course, it was instinct. He was of higher blood caste and he was on a murderous rampage and he wanted to kill you. It was a natural fucking reaction, and you'd punch anyone who said otherwise. So, when you heard that honk while you were standing on the roof, you predictably freaked out. For a long moment, you didn't even want to turn around. But, you were the leader. There were few enough trolls left of the original team, and you had to protect them. Even if it meant facing down the homicidal clown that used to be your best friend.

So, you pull out your sickle and turn. You are expecting him to somehow be terrifying, and to seize up at the sight of him, but, to your astonishment, you don't. Instead, his appearance sparks a completely different response in you. He just… he just looks so damn pitiful. Oh, sure, he looks like he is TRYING to be scary, with the blank stare and the red eyes and the homicidal grin, but you see past all of it. Instead, you see that he is bleeding, that his makeup is a mess, that he himself looks horrible. You see the Gamzee underneath, the one that you remember, looking like he just needs a motherfucking hug.

Kanaya has already pulled out her chainsaw. You see her looking back and forth between you and Gamzee, no doubt ready to step in and act as auspitice if need be. You tap her shoulder and gently shake you head. She raises an eyebrow speculatively before nodding in return. Terezi takes an angry step forward, cane at the ready, but you were expecting that. You stop her as well, gently pushing down her hand. She looks confused for a moment, uncomprehending, but something she smells in your expression must have made her decide to trust you. She backs down as well. You notice Sollux, but he seems to be staring at a puppet in a green suit with a conflicted expression. You're… not sure what to do about that. So, you leave him be.

Finally, you shift your gaze to Gamzee. All while you were stopping the others, he was getting closer, the grin on his face growing with every step. Your sickle still held firmly in your hand, you walk toward him with purpose.

When he sees your face, he stops. He falters, obviously not ready for that response from you, but he quickly covers his confusion with a sneer.

"what's the matter, bro? ALL READY TO FACE YOUR MOTHERFUCKING DEMISE?"

"Something like that," you reply. He looks startled again, but he doesn't back down. He starts to raise the hammer. You ignore it. You don't even pause. You keep walking until you are right in front of him, easily in range of being struck. He doesn't attack. You know he isn't going to.

You drop your sickle. As it clatters to the ground, you hear the gasps from the others behind you, but you ignore it. Gamzee's expression turns downright perplexed.

"what the MOTHERFUCK—"

"Shhhh," you say, bringing up the hand that once held your sickle and pressing your index finger to your lips. "Only calm now." For a moment, he looks at you as though you've lost your mind. And then, he seems to realize what you are trying to do, what those same instincts that drove you to fear him are driving you to do now. Anger begins to flare, and he yells out a honk louder than any you've heard before. You just shake your head and gently touch his cheek with your other hand.

He's having none of it. He goes so far as to try to bite your hand, but you just gently "Shhhh" him again. Slowly, the sound is starting to work its magic. You'd learned from watching romcoms that it was the natural sound moirails used to calm their volatile counterparts. Everyone had always said that spending so much time analyzing those movies had been stupid, but you were glad you had. Otherwise, you wouldn't have had any idea of how to use this calming technique. You continue to alternate shushing and patting his cheek, and luckily, he only relapses once (you're pretty sure it was because you accidentally patted a cut). Finally, his eyes return to their normal amber glow, and he gives you the half-lidded stare and the lazy smile that tells you he's back to normal, or as normal as Gamzee ever is. You can't help it then. For the first time in what feels like sweeps, you smile in return. And then, you give him the hug you knew he needed.

"Thanks, best friend," you hear him whisper.

"You're welcome, you pain in the ass clown freak." You're pretty sure any other response would have felt out of place.