A Work Of Fan Fiction In Which Everyone Has Undergone A Change Of Gender; Containing Between Three And Seven Examples Of Rampant Multiculturalism And Two Instances Of Uncharacteristically Sensible Behavior So As To Make This A Useful Parable
This Is Simultaneously The Silliest And Cutest Thing And Would You Mind Terribly If I Were To Present Feelings Of A Flushed Nature Towards Yourself
Because That Is The Only Response I Can Think Of
I Cant Even Think Of Any Better Compliments Like Schmarkat Couldnt
"like trying to explain the flavour of chocolate to a rock"
Fanon was winding down for the night, and most everyone had left to discuss Canon matters over personal musings in some other Thread. Just as well for Doodled, who had collapsed from the pressure of attempting to carry on all of an Essay and Metafiction.
Recovered from his sweating (he found being a newcomer very frightening indeed!) and from the terrible Silliness that had been brought about by a little bit of gender confusion (and some further sweating), Mirdan noticed the collapsed writer. Such a thing, to wear yourself out without a care for wordly matters.
Bed: Materialize
One might have heard, if they were listening carefully -- "Sweet dreams, friend" as Mirdan tucked his tuckered-out companion in for the night.
e: good luck on your essay!
"like trying to explain the flavour of chocolate to a rock"
A Work Of Fan Fiction In Which Everyone Has Undergone A Change Of Gender; Containing Between Three And Seven Examples Of Rampant Multiculturalism And Two Instances Of Uncharacteristically Sensible Behavior So As To Make This A Useful Parable
That was hilarious, if painful to read. I think my eyes may be bleeding right now.
-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
AA: hell0 j0hn!
EB: oh, hey aradia! where'd you get to?
AA: i am back at the mete0r with vriska in my 0ld sessi0n temp0rarily
EB: why?
AA: i think it w0uld be g00d if we c0uld bring back 0ur friends p0ssesi0ns al0ng with them!
AA: s0 weve been c0mbing the facility l00king f0r their things
EB: that's not a bad idea, but do you have enough room in your sylladexes for all of it?
AA: n0 i d0nt
EB: aww, now i wish you had come back with dave! i could have loaned you my wallet modus, it was my dad's and it can hold pretty much anything!
AA: i already did! well fr0m my perspective anyway
EB: bluh, time shenanigans are so confusing!
EB: hey, wait a minute...
EB: okay you just showed up and handed me the wallet? i guess that was your future self.
EB: hopy shit! you managed to *fill* the wallet. i didn't know that was even possible.
EB: i guess i should eject it and give it back to you.
EB: but i still--- hold on.
EB: damnit aradia there are two of you here now!
EB: okay one of them is past you, i should probably give you the wallet now.
AA: make sure y0u give us the right 0nes! y0u d0nt want to ruin everything and make a d00med timeline just because y0u didnt hand us the right wallets! :)
EB: alright, i gave past you the first wallet and future you the... future wallet?
EB: you guys had a lot of stuff!
EB: ...and now there are three of you here, and vriska too.
AA: well yes theres n0 p0int in arriving later than necessary if y0u have time p0wers after all
EB: aaaaaaaaaaaaarrraaaaaaaaaaaadiiiiiiiaaaaaaa!
EB: i am so confused
AA: you cann0t beat me at time shenanigans, i am simply the best there is :)
AA: see you later, f0r me, which is n0w for y0u!
EB: okay, see you... right now, i guess? i think i need to lie down.
AA: hehehehe
John was thoroughly baffled. His prankster's gambit hadn't been hit this hard since his last exchange with Nannasprite.
-----
The preview screen of the ectobiology lab flickered to life and displayed a wireframe image of Tavros's new body, the tenth and final one to be completed. The wireframe gradually filled in with details, and once the entire body was drawn, a blue circle blinked over it and chimed.
Finally! The paradox slime that would become the ten new bodies for the trolls was ready for activation. Jade and John had been working since before the rescue effort, combining genetic sequences in ways that would allow them to survive on this side, and their labors were finally complete.
Dave placed the crystal balls containing each troll's life energies into the slots underneath their respective slime tanks. There was one last step, and then the ectobiology process could be activated and the operation completed.
"john. aradia. lay me down a funky-ass beat, im about to drop this shit." The timetables materialized at Dave's sides, as did Aradia's music boxes around her. John began levitating and channelling the air around them, playing the wind currents against the walls and lab equipment.
The rush of the winds mingled with Dave's record scratches and bass thumps, combining with the clinky melodies of Aradia's music boxes to create a symphony of time itself. And what good was a concert without a light show? 1, 5, 3, 6, 8, 7, 6, 8. [CROWD PLEASER]. Vriska's pyrotechnics and laser pulses matched the rhythm of the improvised music, firing and glowing in time to the measure as the paradox slime bubbled, affected by the hurried flow of time created by the orchestra.
Of course, artificially aging the paradox slime up to about 13 years was the plan all along. Everyone figured the trolls wanted to be reborn as close to their old forms as possible and not as a bunch of freshly-hatched wrigglers, after all.
-----
"okay!!! throwing the switch now! places everyone!" Jade waited from the signal from John, and pulled the lever to begin the synthesis of the trolls' new bodies.
Karkat's tank was the first to empty. His paradox slime flushed into the main holding tank as the ectobiology machine began reading genetic sequences, crafting bone, building tissue and muscles and organs and knitting flesh... and apparently, weaving clothing.
John grinned in amazement. This game thinks of EVERYTHING.
The screen above the main holding tank blinked to life as the excess slime was flushed out and Karkat's new body transportalized in front of it. ECTOBIOLOGY PROCESS 10% COMPLETE, 1/10 BODIES CREATED, 9/10 BODIES PENDING.
John moved in to check on him. He wasn't conscious yet, but Karkat was breathing, which was a great sign. He sighed in relief. Just by looking at him, John couldn't tell much of a difference between the Karkat he'd seen on the appearifier's screen and the one that laid before him.
Well. Aside from a few *very* obvious changes. John hoped Karkat could forgive him for those.
A few minutes passed before Karkat began to stir. His eyes blinked open as he muttered. "WHERE... WHERE THE FUCK AM I?"
"karkat? are you awake?"
He took stock of the situation. He was in an ectobiology lab, that much was unmistakable. Behind him stood nine tanks full of paradox slime. He turned to meet the voice greeting him, and found the four humans and two God Tier trolls staring right at him.
Jade was the first to break the silence. "karkat? are you okay???"
He stretched his shoulders and shook out his legs. He was still a little unsteady, having technically been born only minutes ago, but overall? "I... I THINK SO."
"yesssssssss!!!!!! we did it john!!!" Jade was ecstatic.
John stepped forward and offered his hand. "its good to finally meet you!"
Karkat laughed, he actually laughed, an incredible burden lifted from his shoulders, as he shook John's hand. "HAHA YOU CRAZY NOOKSUCKERS, YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT! YOU REALLY CAME THROUGH! YOU HAVE *NO* IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS TO---"
Karkat looked down at his hand and nearly jumped out of his skin.
He lifted his own hand to face-level and stared at it for a few seconds before grabbing John's hand and placing them side-by-side. "hey, what are you doing?"
His flesh was the same color as John's. His eyes grew bewildered as the truth slowly dawned on him.
"...WHAT DID YOU DO."
"karkat?"
He stared at the back of his own hand for a second. "WHAT DID YOU DO."
"karkat, i..."
He spun around to check his appearance in the reflective glass of his now-empty paradox slime tube. His eyes were a strange white instead of the familiar yellow. The iris, bright red. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"i..."
His gaze shifted a few degrees upward and he gasped. His horns were smallish and nubby, but they were his, and now they were gone. Both hands shot to grope his own scalp in disbelief, and he found nothing but hair. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
John was speechless, until he cried out in surprise as Karkat wheeled around, furious.
"WHAT!" Karkat grabbed John's collar.
"DID!" He growled in John's face.
"YOU!" He pulled back his right arm, his other hand still gripping John's shirt.
"DO?!" A sharp PAP rang through the air as Karkat's fist collided with the side of John's jaw.
Jade shrieked in horror, worried for her brother. John was still falling back from the punch when Dave flash-stepped in an attempt to hold back Karkat. Rose pointed at him with the Needlewands, trying to do the same via telekenesis. Aradia tried to freeze him in time. No attempt had any hope of success against the overboiling rage that fueled Karkat now, and he easily broke their holds.
John opened his eyes and found Karkat standing over him, hissing through his teeth. He winced, bracing for another assault... and opened his eyes to find Karkat extending his hand to him.
"ONE TO THE JAW. JUST LIKE YOU SAID. REMEMBER?"
John stared at him, bewildered and bleeding from the lip, until it finally dawned on him. He took Karkat's hand and was helped off the floor. "hahahaha yeah, i did! you would remember that, you crabby asshole!"
Rose and Jade sighed with relief. Dave just smirked, as Aradia smiled and Vriska laughed. John wrapped Karkat in a big bear hug, despite his protests and attempts to wring himself free. Karkat was alive and not *too* pissed at him, so as far as John was concerned, the mission was an utter success.
When John finally released him, Karkat had a question for him. "DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO BRING ME BACK AS A GODDAMNED HUMAN, THOUGH? I THOUGHT BEING A TROLL WAS PRETTY FUCKING GREAT, AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY ENOUGH TO CLONE, EVEN FOR YOU. JUST SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF FUCKING WORK FOR NO GOOD REASON."
Jade answered him. "we tried!!! like a thousand times! but theres just something about trolls that makes them incompatible with our environment. we were never sure exactly WHAT it was, so we had to just try to work around the problem."
"SO YOU WENT STRAIGHT TO TURNING US INTO HUMANS?"
John answered this time. "actually, no. the next thing we tried was to make you all half-human, half-troll, but that wouldn't work, either. we tried making it so you'd be mostly human genetically, but still look like trolls. we even thought about building a bunch of soulbots like aradia had, though that didn't really get far because none of us have ever actually built a robot. making you human wasn't plan b... more like plan i or j."
"HEY."
"i'm sorry buddy, really i am, we just couldn't--"
"JOHN."
"--your troll forms, and we had to combine your troll genes with our human ones and--"
"JOHN HUMAN EGBERT!"
John snapped to attention. "what?"
"FOR A BUNCH OF MISERABLE FUCKUPS, YOU GUYS DID AN OKAY JOB, I GUESS."
Karkat held out his fist, and John smiled as he extended his own. Bunp.
"WELL THEN... WHAT ARE YOU BULGELICKERS WAITING FOR?! GET BACK TO WORK!"
"yes sir!!!" Jade pulled the lever, beginning the process a second time.
Karkat, Sollux, Tavros and Kanaya had been reborn into their new human forms, and for the most part, they had taken the transition well. Sollux was somewhat disappointed, but less at becoming a human, and more so at losing most of his psionic powers; the best he could manage now was mild telekenesis. Tavros was actually overjoyed at his transformation, as he had lost his large, cumbersome horns and gained a pair of working, non-robotic legs. Kanaya simply found relief at no longer feeling her more recent vampiritic urges, and seemed to regard her transformation as just something that had to happen, neither good nor bad.
Dave leaned against the wall and glanced over at the ectobiology machine as it began putting together the structure of the newest body and shuddered, almost imperceptively. The way you could see bare organs and muscle tissue locked into place with bone and tendons as the flesh simply seemed to grow over it... seeing this thing work was creepy as hell, like it was built by the maddest of scientists.
When he considered who had alchemized the thing, he decided that assessment wasn't too far off.
BUILDING STRUCTURE (5/10), PROGRESS 100%. EJECTING...
The excess paradox slime flushed away from the main tank to reveal a girl of slender frame and... firey red hair? Dave shot a glance back at John, who just shrugged at him. Of course there would be a few surprises when working with something as complicated as the human genome, but as long as they all came in the form of something like hair color, there was no real problem.
A few moments, and the girl woke. She sniffed at the air. "...WHY DO3S 3V3RYTH1NG SM3LL SO D1FF3R3NT?" The green lime of the tanks behind her, the grey charcoal of the room's walls, the... decidedly NOT grey skin of most of the people standing in front of her?
She slowly opened her eyes, but instead of the usual black void, blurry splotches of color lined her vision. Blurry splotches of color that eventually came into focus.
Jade beamed with pride; restoring Terezi's eyesight was easy, since humans came standard with that particular feature. Preserving the neural pathways that made her second sight even possible in the first place was not. Jade had correctly guessed it was less of a physical attribute and more of a psychic one, but after hearing Terezi actually preferred seeing the world through taste and smell, she had worked tirelessly to ensure she retained this particular oddity.
Her vision having cleared, Terezi looked down at herself, noticing the change almost immediately. "H3H. SO TH4TS WHY 1 F33L SO D1FF3R3NT." Suddenly, the realization struck her. She scanned the room, he HAD to be here... her eyes lit up and she smiled wide when she caught sight of him against the far wall.
Dave's gaze met Terezi's as he righted himself away from the wall. He allowed himself to crack a slight smile at her, because hey, they had cheated death, and even the coolest kids get to smile about that. He took his hands from his pockets, readying himself for the cheesy show of emotion that was about to take place...
And froze in place, if only for a moment, when Terezi practically dove past him, directly into Karkat's arms.
"NO US3 TRY1NG TO H1DE FROM M3, K4RKL3S. 1TS B33N FOR3V3R BUT 1D R3COGN1Z3 TH4T SCOWL 4NYWH3R3, 3V3N W1THOUT YOUR NUBS!"
"GODDAMNIT, TEREZI, NOT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!"
"H3H3H3H3." She pecked him on the cheek, in full view of everyone, as he blushed bright red.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL STARING AT? YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, ASSHOLES?!" Everyone else in the room muttered variants of "oh of course not" and went back to doing whatever they were doing before the outburst.
Except Dave. He just slid his hands back into his pockets, leaned against the wall like he had been doing, and sighed. Not really a surprise, it was alright. You win some, you lose some, and the coolkid's gotta be stoic about his losses.
Nepeta, Equius and Feferi joined Karkat, Sollux, Tavros, Kanaya and Terezi in awaiting the final two resurrections. These two were the most anxiously anticipated, and had been saved for last for a reason; they were the only two trolls to go into murderous rampages, back on the asteroid. Karkat was adamantly against bringing them back at all, but the unanimous outcry against him vetoed that idea pretty quickly.
This didn't mean they were going to take risks, though. Dave, Vriska and Aradia stood between the main tank and everyone else as Gamzee began to take form in the paradox slime. Gamzee's calmer personality defeated his dark side in the dream bubble, but there was no sense in taking chances. If any possibility remained that the subjugglator would surface again, they would not hesitate to stop him.
The excess slime drained from the tank and Gamzee's human form ejected from it. All eyes were on him as he began to stir, except Nepeta's, as she whimpered clinging to Equius for dear life.
Gamzee shakily stood up. "Oh hEy gUyS, hOw's iT GoInG?" He half-waved at them and caught a glimpse of his own hand, which he started at for half a minute. "...WhOa."
He looked around the room and saw himself in the reflective surface of an empty slime tube, noticing the lack of horns. He felt around his scalp. "...FuCkIn' WhOa."
Scanning the room again, he saw several people... humans? But he swore he recognized several of them. Finally, it dawned on him. "We... We WeRe aLl dEaD, aNd nOw wE'rE FuCkIn' HuMaNs. MoThEr. FuCkIn'. mIrAcLeS." The God Tier trio sighed in relief; there was absolutely not even the slightest hint of malice in Gamzee's voice. He walked to a corner of the room and sat by himself.
-----
The three of them relaxed a bit. Gamzee certainly had the potential to be dangerous even bare-handed, but without his white science wand, Eridan was helpless.
The formation of the final vessel went off without a hitch. Upon waking, Eridan didn't talk to anyone or try to do much of anything except slowly walk outside, and nobody tried to stop him. He barely even acknowledged his new form.
He only spoke once, as he reached the room's exit, before stepping outside into the Land of Wind and Shade. "kan, fef, sol, everyone... im sorry."
-----
"hey equius! h0ws being a human treating y0u?"
"It is not abso100tely the best thing to ever happen. For one, I am no longer as STRONG as I once was. But I will manage. At least I still have my roboti%."
It was true. Equius still had plenty of strength for a human, but the absurd levels of power he had as a troll had vanished.
"its g00d t0 see y0u again," Aradia said, as she embraced him.
"...I do not understand. I believed your intentions lied with the lowbl--" Equius stopped himself, looking down at the symbol on his shirt to remind himself that all their blood was the same color now.
His formerly dark blue sagittarius was now bright red. Same as the other symbols worn by all those who had recieved new forms. The hemospectrum was a thing of the past now.
He took a breath before continuing. "---with Sollu%."
Aradia motioned to Sollux, who sat beside Feferi, hand in hand, talking with Karkat and Terezi. "times change. pe0ple change. hes with feferi n0w, and im 0kay with that. and if y0ure 0kay with it, id like t0 be with y0u."
"Are you certain? My l00d tampering with your roboti% did not dissuade you?"
"if y0u recall, i was still flushed f0r y0u even after i rem0ved that chip. y0u did d0 the cl0sest thing y0u c0uld t0 bringing me back t0 life, after all!"
A few moments passed, but Equius did not return her embrace. Aradia giggled at him when she realized why. "y0u d0nt have t0 w0rry ab0ut hurting me anym0re, equius! in fact, since im g0d tier n0w, i sh0uld pr0bably w0rry ab0ut hurting *y0u*!"
The facts slowly began to dawn on him. Aradia may have been a maroonblood, but the hemospectrum didn't matter anymore. In fact, being a human meant he was outside of it entirely, and a troll in a romance with a member of another species? Simply unheard of! Not just that, but a dramatic reversal had taken place and she was now stronger than him!
"...oh. Oh my."
"hmm?"
"Aradia, my dear?"
"yes, equius?"
"I..."
"yeeeesssss?"
"I need SO MANY towels."
Aradia giggled at him. Same old Equius.
-----
"Hey Pupa, got a minute?"
"uM, YEAH, i CAN TALK, ACTUALLY i WAS HOPING i'D RUN INTO YOU, vRISKA,"
A look of confusion swept across Vriska's face? "Oh?"
Tavros scratched the back of his head nervously. "i UH, i WANTED TO MAYBE, APOLOGIZE, FOR WHAT i DID, BECAUSE IT WAS PRETTY BAD, SEE,"
Now she *really* wasn't sure what he meant. "8ut you didn't do anything to me. If anything I should 8e apologizing to YOU!"
"uM, BUT THAT'S JUST IT, i DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AND THAT'S WHAT i SORT OF, SHOULD BE SAYING SORRY FOR,"
He looked at the floor, holding his arm. "nOT ENDING YOUR SUFFERING WAS, UH,,, REALLY BAD, NOW THAT i LOOK BACK AT IT, i SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS PART OF YOUR PLAN, yOU WERE HURTING SO MUCH AND i COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO MAKE IT STOP, sO, UM, i'M REALLY SORRY, vRISKA,"
Vriska stared at him. The old Vriska would have laughed at him and maybe made fun of him for his transformation. But that wasn't who she wanted to be anymore.
"No, Tavros, listen. I did so many 8ad things... I gave you hell for what was my fault in the first place, and I killed you when I could have just walked away, and what I asked you to do in that cave... my god, that must have 8een torture for you! Wh8t kind of monster am I????????"
She turned and began walking away. "I'm so sorry, Toraedor."
Tavros grabbed her arm. "vRISKA, WAIT,"
"...what?"
"i DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT CONFIDENCE, bUT UM, i CAN TELL YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH RIGHT NOW, pROBABLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE HAVING DOUBTS ABOUT WHAT, UH, KIND OF PERSON YOU WANT TO BE,"
"Hmm?"
"wELL, YOU WERE, UH, SORT OF MEAN, BEFORE, bUT i THINK YOU DON'T REALLY, UM, WANT TO BE, ANYMORE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE REGRETS ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE, i THINK,"
She smiled sadly at him. "So even you could see it, huh?"
"i THINK YOU NEED SOMEONE TO HELP YOU, iF YOU REALLY WANT TO, UM, BECOME THIS NEW, NICER PERSON THAT YOU SEEM TO WANT TO BE, wHAT YOU NEED IS A GOOD MOIRAIL, i THINK, AND i THINK i WOULD NOT MIND BEING ONE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, tHAT IS, UH, IF YOU DON'T MIND BEING MOIRAILS WITH A HUMAN,"
She was speechless. After everything she had done to him, Tavros didn't just not hate her, he even still wanted to be friends. It was more than she felt she deserved.
He offered his hand. "sO, UH, WHAT DO YOU SAY? 'rAILS?"
She hesitated for only a moment before shaking his hand. "'Rails."
-----
She stuck around as people cleared out of the ectobiology lab. Jade was sure Dave would probably be the last to leave, and eventually she was proven right.
"hey dave. you okay?"
"yeah why wouldnt i be?"
He would try to evade this. No point in dancing around it. "because terezi was more excited about seeing karkat than you!"
A lump caught in his throat. No way, she couldn't have noticed.
"dont know what youre talking about, harley."
"dont lie to me strider!!! the others might not have noticed but i see right through you!"
There was no use lying to Jade, she had a knack for figuring this kind of thing out. "...okay yeah sure, you win. DAVE STRIDER HAS STUPID CRUSH, theres your headline for tomorrows paper. ill get over it, because thats what i do. in fact, i already have." He was losing his stoic edge.
"hehehehe. no need to get defensive. dont worry, i wont tell anyone. actually, i wanted to tell you something!"
"yeah? what is it?" Dave leaned over, putting his face at eye level with Jade.
"just between you and me, dave..."
She kissed him on the cheek. "...i still think youre pretty cool."
He contemplated his next move for a second. What he really wanted to do was decidedly cheesy, like something out of one of John's awful movies.
Fuck it. Every coolkid gets exactly one moment in their lives when they're allowed to do something most definitely lame, and there was no better time to take it than now. He removed his shades and embraced her.
"thanks, jade."
"hehehehe."
She kind of expected it. Big displays of emotion were never Dave's thing, which is why she wasn't expecting him to take her hand, or follow up her peck to the cheek with one of his own. Yet, that's exactly what happened.
"cmon harley, you hungry? im frickin starving, lets grab a bite."
Soooooo. COOOOOOL.
-----
Nepeta swallowed hard as she approached him, but it didn't do anything for the pit in her stomach. To be honest, she was still scared of him, even now. But like Equius said, she had to be STRONG and come to terms with it instead of avoiding the issue, since they were all going to have to work together now.
She took a deep breath before speaking. "gamz33?"
He looked up at her with a sad smile on his face. "Oh. HeY, nEpEtA."
"i wanted to ask you if... if you remembered what happened."
Gamzee closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "YeAh. YeAh, I FuCkIn' ReMeMbEr."
A chill shot down Nepeta's spine. "so, what happened to you? why?"
"I CaN'T FuCkIn' AnSwEr tHaT, bEcAuSe i dOn't kNoW. i jUsT KnOw tHeRe wAs sOmEtHiNg fUcKiNg dArK AnD *wRoNg* AbOuT Me." He stared at the back of his hand. "MaYbE ThAt mOtHeRfUcKeR Is sEaLeD AwAy fOrEvEr nOw. I FuCkIn' HoPe sO."
Gamzee looked Nepeta in the eye. She was terrified, but she couldn't bring herself to run away. "WhAt i dId tO YoU AnD EqUiUs wAs mOtHeRfUcKiN' aWfUl. If yOu *EvEr* FoRgIvE mE, wElL, tHaT'D Be tHe bIgGeSt fUcKiN' mIrAcLe tHeRe eVeR WaS."
His gaze fell to the floor. "So bIg, EvEn i dOn't bElIeVe iN It."
Nepeta frowned at him. She had been so scared of Gamzee; Equius had to spent a lot of time talking with her to try to convince her things would never be right without having this conversation. But now? This was clearly not the same Gamzee that strangled her moirail and then killed her. This was a broken Gamzee, a Gamzee disgusted with himself for what he had done, a Gamzee who couldn't bear to look himself in the mirror anymore.
A Gamzee that needed a friend.
Nepeta sat down beside him, her mind made up. "then i furgive you."
"BuT... i fUcKiN' kIlLeD YoU, sIsTeR. iT WaS BruTaL As fUcK! hOw cAn yOu--"
"you aren't him anymore. i don't think you wanted to hurt me and equius, not d33p down. and anyway everything turned out okay, everyone's fine now!"
She looked at him, her fear replaced with concern.
"I DoN'T FuCkIn' DeSeRvE It. BuT Uh, ThAnKs, I GuEsS?"
Nepeta curled up in his lap. "*the kitty trusts her furriend gamz33 enough to ask for a scratch behind her ears.*" He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, sighed and did as she asked.
Fuckin' friendship. How does it work?
-----
Feferi found him sitting cliffside overlooking the oil ocean near the salamander village mushroom farm.
")(as )(e been )(ere a while?"
"Yeah he's been here all day. About as long as I've farming this goddamn, motherfucking mushrooms."
She approached him. This would not be easy, but if the group had any chance of working together, this was necessary.
"-Eridan?"
He did not turn around to meet her. "fef."
"You want to talk?"
"...not really."
She sighed and sat down next to him. Of course he'd be difficult about this.
"look i know youre pissed at me, wwho isnt? and you got evvery right to be, i mean i killed you!"
"Yes, -Eridan, you did krill me. But I told you, I forgive you."
"yeah sure wwhatever. i knoww i aint gettin off the hook that easy."
"No, R-E-ELY!"
"fef, listen. wwhat i did wwas fuckin unconscionable. okay maybe you dont hate me, but kar sure as hell does, an theres no wway kan dont despise me for the whole 'doomin the wwhole troll race to extinction" thing, an i bet sol still aint happy about me offin you like i did."
"You did do all of t)(at. But you also )(elped soooo much in t)(e rescue effort. And I think I know why you did the things you did."
"yeah, cause im a lousy stinkin coward who sold out his friends to the bad guy."
"You were the PRINC-E OF )(OP-E, -Eridan. And like you said t)(en, t)(at makes you uniquely qualified to tell w)(en t)(ere IS no )(ope. It was a )(opeless situation! But I t)(ink w)(at you were trying to do was CR-EAT-E some )(ope. You t)(ought maybe if you could ally wit)( Noir, you could some)(ow get )(im to spare us, didn't you."
Eridan couldn't bear to look at her. "okay, maybe in the back of my mind thats wwhat i thought. but that dont excuse me killin anyone or blowin up the matriorb."
"Maybe not. But we're all alive again, now, so you have a second c)(ance to do t)(ings rig)(t. And if we win, we can bring back trolls and )(umans in the new universe."
"but wwho in their right mind is gonna givve me that second chance after wwhat ivve done?"
"I will! We all have to work TOG---ET)(---ER if we're going to win! And if anyone doesn't like it, too bad for t)(em!"
Eridan smiled weakly at her. "wwell thanks for the vvote of confidence i guess."
The two of them stood up. He'd have to work extra-hard to regain the trust of his comrades, but if that meant giving everyone hope for the future, he'd do it.
"say fef, they got anything to eat in this joint? im so hungry i could eat a seahoofbeast."
"Yes, t)(ey've got an alc)(emeter set up for t)(at. Did you know t)(ey )(ave TAB )(ere?!"
-----
Karkat and Terezi sat together on the blue-sand beach, watching the oily waves roll in the perpetual night of the Land of Wind and Shade. They'd been inseperable ever since Terezi awoke, and for once, Karkat didn't care.
Which is why her question surprised him.
"D1D YOU M34N 3VERYTH1NG YOU S4ID? 1 M34N, B3FOR3 W3 D13D, ON THE M3T3OR?"
"OF COURSE I DID, EVERY WORD OF IT. I MAY BE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER, BUT AT LEAST I'M A *SINCERE* ASSHOLE."
She laid her head on his shoulder. "1 GU3SS TH4T M4K3S US M4TESPR1TS, TH3N."
"UGH. MATESPRITS, WITH A HUMAN?"
She turned to look at him, grinning. "1 KNOW, SO SC4ND4LOUS! BUT 1 TH1NK 1D B3 OK4Y W1TH H4V1NG A HUM4N FOR 4 M4T3SPR1T, WOULDN'T YOU?"
"HEH. YEAH, I THINK I'D LIKE THAT," he said, as their lips met in the darkness.
"H3H3H3H3. LOV3 YOU, K4RKL3S."
"LOVE YOU TOO, TEREZI."
-----
And so ends this tale.
Yes, there are many stories that could be told of this timeline; how the ten reborn trolls climbed back up their echeladders and regained all of their old powers; how they powered through the game meant for four with sixteen in their ranks; how the battle with Jack Noir was almost lost until Jade, in a move that was nothing short of miraculous, ascended to the God Tiers, merged with Jadesprite, and gained the power of a First Guardian herself.
But those are other stories, and we are reaching the end of this one.
Know this, however; in the end, the sixteen were victorious. Noir lay defeated, and the door opened. Happily, relieved, revelling in their victory over Sburb, they went, smiling, laughing, arm in arm...
Crossing over, into the universe they had created.
~END.~
Notes:
This is the part where everyone who bothered keeping up with this says "I FUCKING CALLED IT". Obvious twist, or most obvious twist?
Well, there it is anyway. The idea of the trolls being reborn as humans was what sparked the whole damn thing. This was planned from the very beginning, unlike most of what I write, so I left only the most obvious clues ever in previous chapters.
To be honest, there are some parts I'm not entirely happy with! I'm not sure someone could get over their fear of meeting the guy who beat them to death as quickly as I had Nepeta doing, if ever. Same with Feferi and Eridan, I'm certain it would be quite a while before he was forgiven for the sort of things he did, if he was ever forgiven! Also, same to a (somewhat?) lesser extent between Tavros and Vriska. But damnit you are getting a good end and that's final
Also originally I was going to write conversations at the end between John/Vriska and Rose/Kanaya! But then I realized I hadn't really explored those dynamics at all in this fic so I stopped
I ended with Karkat/Terezi because I am a sucker. KT being my favorite pairing was never a thing that stopped happening, guys! I will write and read romantic fluffy bullshit of them until the end of time. It is to be expected, and it is all your fault. You did this to me, and you will not get away with it.
Also: BAM MOTHERFUCKERS, TITLE DROP AWWWWW YEAH (this is stupid)
Finally: this is actually not the last of Crossing Over! There will totally be an epilogue. I will try to keep it short. I will fail spectacularly. This is my promise to you, right now.
Finally (for real), re: trolls as humans: anyone who's seen Dan Vs. knows my template for human Karkat already. Human Terezi being a redhead was a thing that couldn't not happen. Yes, all their old blood colors are now their new eye colors. No, I never decided if human Sollux still has heterochromia.
Last edited by anonymousComrade; 03-04-2011 at 03:03 AM.
-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
AA: hell0 j0hn!
EB: oh, hey aradia! where'd you get to?
AA: i am back at the mete0r with vriska in my 0ld sessi0n temp0rarily
EB: why?
AA: i think it w0uld be g00d if we c0uld bring back 0ur friends p0ssesi0ns al0ng with them!
AA: s0 weve been c0mbing the facility l00king f0r their things
EB: that's not a bad idea, but do you have enough room in your sylladexes for all of it?
AA: n0 i d0nt
EB: aww, now i wish you had come back with dave! i could have loaned you my wallet modus, it was my dad's and it can hold pretty much anything!
AA: i already did! well fr0m my perspective anyway
EB: bluh, time shenanigans are so confusing!
EB: hey, wait a minute...
EB: okay you just showed up and handed me the wallet? i guess that was your future self.
EB: hopy shit! you managed to *fill* the wallet. i didn't know that was even possible.
EB: i guess i should eject it and give it back to you.
EB: but i still--- hold on.
EB: damnit aradia there are two of you here now!
EB: okay one of them is past you, i should probably give you the wallet now.
AA: make sure y0u give us the right 0nes! y0u d0nt want to ruin everything and make a d00med timeline just because y0u didnt hand us the right wallets!
EB: alright, i gave past you the first wallet and future you the... future wallet?
EB: you guys had a lot of stuff!
EB: ...and now there are three of you here, and vriska too.
AA: well yes theres n0 p0int in arriving later than necessary if y0u have time p0wers after all
EB: aaaaaaaaaaaaarrraaaaaaaaaaaadiiiiiiiaaaaaaa!
EB: i am so confused
AA: you cann0t beat me at time shenanigans, i am simply the best there is
AA: see you later, f0r me, which is n0w for y0u!
EB: okay, see you... right now, i guess? i think i need to lie down.
AA: hehehehe
John was thoroughly baffled. His prankster's gambit hadn't been hit this hard since his last exchange with Nannasprite.
-----
The preview screen of the ectobiology lab flickered to life and displayed a wireframe image of Tavros's new body, the tenth and final one to be completed. The wireframe gradually filled in with details, and once the entire body was drawn, a blue circle blinked over it and chimed.
Finally! The paradox slime that would become the ten new bodies for the trolls was ready for activation. Jade and John had been working since before the rescue effort, combining genetic sequences in ways that would allow them to survive on this side, and their labors were finally complete.
Dave placed the crystal balls containing each troll's life energies into the slots underneath their respective slime tanks. There was one last step, and then the ectobiology process could be activated and the operation completed.
"john. aradia. lay me down a funky-ass beat, im about to drop this shit." The timetables materialized at Dave's sides, as did Aradia's music boxes around her. John began levitating and channelling the air around them, playing the wind currents against the walls and lab equipment.
The rush of the winds mingled with Dave's record scratches and bass thumps, combining with the clinky melodies of Aradia's music boxes to create a symphony of time itself. And what good was a concert without a light show? 1, 5, 3, 6, 8, 7, 6, 8. [CROWD PLEASER]. Vriska's pyrotechnics and laser pulses matched the rhythm of the improvised music, firing and glowing in time to the measure as the paradox slime bubbled, affected by the hurried flow of time created by the orchestra.
Of course, artificially aging the paradox slime up to about 13 years was the plan all along. Everyone figured the trolls wanted to be reborn as close to their old forms as possible and not as a bunch of freshly-hatched wrigglers, after all.
-----
"okay!!! throwing the switch now! places everyone!" Jade waited from the signal from John, and pulled the lever to begin the synthesis of the trolls' new bodies.
Karkat's tank was the first to empty. His paradox slime flushed into the main holding tank as the ectobiology machine began reading genetic sequences, crafting bone, building tissue and muscles and organs and knitting flesh... and apparently, weaving clothing.
John grinned in amazement. This game thinks of EVERYTHING.
The screen above the main holding tank blinked to life as the excess slime was flushed out and Karkat's new body transportalized in front of it. ECTOBIOLOGY PROCESS 10% COMPLETE, 1/10 BODIES CREATED, 9/10 BODIES PENDING.
John moved in to check on him. He wasn't conscious yet, but Karkat was breathing, which was a great sign. He sighed in relief. Just by looking at him, John couldn't tell much of a difference between the Karkat he'd seen on the appearifier's screen and the one that laid before him.
Well. Aside from a few *very* obvious changes. John hoped Karkat could forgive him for those.
A few minutes passed before Karkat began to stir. His eyes blinked open as he muttered. "WHERE... WHERE THE FUCK AM I?"
"karkat? are you awake?"
He took stock of the situation. He was in an ectobiology lab, that much was unmistakable. Behind him stood nine tanks full of paradox slime. He turned to meet the voice greeting him, and found the four humans and two God Tier trolls staring right at him.
Jade was the first to break the silence. "karkat? are you okay???"
He stretched his shoulders and shook out his legs. He was still a little unsteady, having technically been born only minutes ago, but overall? "I... I THINK SO."
"yesssssssss!!!!!! we did it john!!!" Jade was ecstatic.
John stepped forward and offered his hand. "its good to finally meet you!"
Karkat laughed, he actually laughed, an incredible burden lifted from his shoulders, as he shook John's hand. "HAHA YOU CRAZY NOOKSUCKERS, YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT! YOU REALLY CAME THROUGH! YOU HAVE *NO* IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS TO---"
Karkat looked down at his hand and nearly jumped out of his skin.
He lifted his own hand to face-level and stared at it for a few seconds before grabbing John's hand and placing them side-by-side. "hey, what are you doing?"
His flesh was the same color as John's. His eyes grew bewildered as the truth slowly dawned on him.
"...WHAT DID YOU DO."
"karkat?"
He stared at the back of his own hand for a second. "WHAT DID YOU DO."
"karkat, i..."
He spun around to check his appearance in the reflective glass of his now-empty paradox slime tube. His eyes were a strange white instead of the familiar yellow. The iris, bright red. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"i..."
His gaze shifted a few degrees upward and he gasped. His horns were smallish and nubby, but they were his, and now they were gone. Both hands shot to grope his own scalp in disbelief, and he found nothing but hair. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
John was speechless, until he cried out in surprise as Karkat wheeled around, furious.
"WHAT!" Karkat grabbed John's collar.
"DID!" He growled in John's face.
"YOU!" He pulled back his right arm, his other hand still gripping John's shirt.
"DO?!" A sharp PAP rang through the air as Karkat's fist collided with the side of John's jaw.
Jade shrieked in horror, worried for her brother. John was still falling back from the punch when Dave flash-stepped in an attempt to hold back Karkat. Rose pointed at him with the Needlewands, trying to do the same via telekenesis. Aradia tried to freeze him in time. No attempt had any hope of success against the overboiling rage that fueled Karkat now, and he easily broke their holds.
John opened his eyes and found Karkat standing over him, hissing through his teeth. He winced, bracing for another assault... and opened his eyes to find Karkat extending his hand to him.
"ONE TO THE JAW. JUST LIKE YOU SAID. REMEMBER?"
John stared at him, bewildered and bleeding from the lip, until it finally dawned on him. He took Karkat's hand and was helped off the floor. "hahahaha yeah, i did! you would remember that, you crabby asshole!"
Rose and Jade sighed with relief. Dave just smirked, as Aradia smiled and Vriska laughed. John wrapped Karkat in a big bear hug, despite his protests and attempts to wring himself free. Karkat was alive and not *too* pissed at him, so as far as John was concerned, the mission was an utter success.
When John finally released him, Karkat had a question for him. "DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO BRING ME BACK AS A GODDAMNED HUMAN, THOUGH? I THOUGHT BEING A TROLL WAS PRETTY FUCKING GREAT, AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY ENOUGH TO CLONE, EVEN FOR YOU. JUST SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF FUCKING WORK FOR NO GOOD REASON."
Jade answered him. "we tried!!! like a thousand times! but theres just something about trolls that makes them incompatible with our environment. we were never sure exactly WHAT it was, so we had to just try to work around the problem."
"SO YOU WENT STRAIGHT TO TURNING US INTO HUMANS?"
John answered this time. "actually, no. the next thing we tried was to make you all half-human, half-troll, but that wouldn't work, either. we tried making it so you'd be mostly human genetically, but still look like trolls. we even thought about building a bunch of soulbots like aradia had, though that didn't really get far because none of us have ever actually built a robot. making you human wasn't plan b... more like plan i or j."
"HEY."
"i'm sorry buddy, really i am, we just couldn't--"
"JOHN."
"--your troll forms, and we had to combine your troll genes with our human ones and--"
"JOHN HUMAN EGBERT!"
John snapped to attention. "what?"
"FOR A BUNCH OF MISERABLE FUCKUPS, YOU GUYS DID AN OKAY JOB, I GUESS."
Karkat held out his fist, and John smiled as he extended his own. Bunp.
"WELL THEN... WHAT ARE YOU BULGELICKERS WAITING FOR?! GET BACK TO WORK!"
"yes sir!!!" Jade pulled the lever, beginning the process a second time.
Karkat, Sollux, Tavros and Kanaya had been reborn into their new human forms, and for the most part, they had taken the transition well. Sollux was somewhat disappointed, but less at becoming a human, and more so at losing most of his psionic powers; the best he could manage now was mild telekenesis. Tavros was actually overjoyed at his transformation, as he had lost his large, cumbersome horns and gained a pair of working, non-robotic legs. Kanaya simply found relief at no longer feeling her more recent vampiritic urges, and seemed to regard her transformation as just something that had to happen, neither good nor bad.
Dave leaned against the wall and glanced over at the ectobiology machine as it began putting together the structure of the newest body and shuddered, almost imperceptively. The way you could see bare organs and muscle tissue locked into place with bone and tendons as the flesh simply seemed to grow over it... seeing this thing work was creepy as hell, like it was built by the maddest of scientists.
When he considered who had alchemized the thing, he decided that assessment wasn't too far off.
BUILDING STRUCTURE (5/10), PROGRESS 100%. EJECTING...
The excess paradox slime flushed away from the main tank to reveal a girl of slender frame and... firey red hair? Dave shot a glance back at John, who just shrugged at him. Of course there would be a few surprises when working with something as complicated as the human genome, but as long as they all came in the form of something like hair color, there was no real problem.
A few moments, and the girl woke. She sniffed at the air. "...WHY DO3S 3V3RYTH1NG SM3LL SO D1FF3R3NT?" The green lime of the tanks behind her, the grey charcoal of the room's walls, the... decidedly NOT grey skin of most of the people standing in front of her?
She slowly opened her eyes, but instead of the usual black void, blurry splotches of color lined her vision. Blurry splotches of color that eventually came into focus.
Jade beamed with pride; restoring Terezi's eyesight was easy, since humans came standard with that particular feature. Preserving the neural pathways that made her second sight even possible in the first place was not. Jade had correctly guessed it was less of a physical attribute and more of a psychic one, but after hearing Terezi actually preferred seeing the world through taste and smell, she had worked tirelessly to ensure she retained this particular oddity.
Her vision having cleared, Terezi looked down at herself, noticing the change almost immediately. "H3H. SO TH4TS WHY 1 F33L SO D1FF3R3NT." Suddenly, the realization struck her. She scanned the room, he HAD to be here... her eyes lit up and she smiled wide when she caught sight of him against the far wall.
Dave's gaze met Terezi's as he righted himself away from the wall. He allowed himself to crack a slight smile at her, because hey, they had cheated death, and even the coolest kids get to smile about that. He took his hands from his pockets, readying himself for the cheesy show of emotion that was about to take place...
And froze in place, if only for a moment, when Terezi practically dove past him, directly into Karkat's arms.
"NO US3 TRY1NG TO H1DE FROM M3, K4RKL3S. 1TS B33N FOR3V3R BUT 1D R3COGN1Z3 TH4T SCOWL 4NYWH3R3, 3V3N W1THOUT YOUR NUBS!"
"GODDAMNIT, TEREZI, NOT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!"
"H3H3H3H3." She pecked him on the cheek, in full view of everyone, as he blushed bright red.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL STARING AT? YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, ASSHOLES?!" Everyone else in the room muttered variants of "oh of course not" and went back to doing whatever they were doing before the outburst.
Except Dave. He just slid his hands back into his pockets, leaned against the wall like he had been doing, and sighed. Not really a surprise, it was alright. You win some, you lose some, and the coolkid's gotta be stoic about his losses.
Nepeta, Equius and Feferi joined Karkat, Sollux, Tavros, Kanaya and Terezi in awaiting the final two resurrections. These two were the most anxiously anticipated, and had been saved for last for a reason; they were the only two trolls to go into murderous rampages, back on the asteroid. Karkat was adamantly against bringing them back at all, but the unanimous outcry against him vetoed that idea pretty quickly.
This didn't mean they were going to take risks, though. Dave, Vriska and Aradia stood between the main tank and everyone else as Gamzee began to take form in the paradox slime. Gamzee's calmer personality defeated his dark side in the dream bubble, but there was no sense in taking chances. If any possibility remained that the subjugglator would surface again, they would not hesitate to stop him.
The excess slime drained from the tank and Gamzee's human form ejected from it. All eyes were on him as he began to stir, except Nepeta's, as she whimpered clinging to Equius for dear life.
Gamzee shakily stood up. "Oh hEy gUyS, hOw's iT GoInG?" He half-waved at them and caught a glimpse of his own hand, which he started at for half a minute. "...WhOa."
He looked around the room and saw himself in the reflective surface of an empty slime tube, noticing the lack of horns. He felt around his scalp. "...FuCkIn' WhOa."
Scanning the room again, he saw several people... humans? But he swore he recognized several of them. Finally, it dawned on him. "We... We WeRe aLl dEaD, aNd nOw wE'rE FuCkIn' HuMaNs. MoThEr. FuCkIn'. mIrAcLeS." The God Tier trio sighed in relief; there was absolutely not even the slightest hint of malice in Gamzee's voice. He walked to a corner of the room and sat by himself.
-----
The three of them relaxed a bit. Gamzee certainly had the potential to be dangerous even bare-handed, but without his white science wand, Eridan was helpless.
The formation of the final vessel went off without a hitch. Upon waking, Eridan didn't talk to anyone or try to do much of anything except slowly walk outside, and nobody tried to stop him. He barely even acknowledged his new form.
He only spoke once, as he reached the room's exit, before stepping outside into the Land of Wind and Shade. "kan, fef, sol, everyone... im sorry."
-----
"hey equius! h0ws being a human treating y0u?"
"It is not abso100tely the best thing to ever happen. For one, I am no longer as STRONG as I once was. But I will manage. At least I still have my roboti%."
It was true. Equius still had plenty of strength for a human, but the absurd levels of power he had as a troll had vanished.
"its g00d t0 see y0u again," Aradia said, as she embraced him.
"...I do not understand. I believed your intentions lied with the lowbl--" Equius stopped himself, looking down at the symbol on his shirt to remind himself that all their blood was the same color now.
His formerly dark blue sagittarius was now bright red. Same as the other symbols worn by all those who had recieved new forms. The hemospectrum was a thing of the past now.
He took a breath before continuing. "---with Sollu%."
Aradia motioned to Sollux, who sat beside Feferi, hand in hand, talking with Karkat and Terezi. "times change. pe0ple change. hes with feferi n0w, and im 0kay with that. and if y0ure 0kay with it, id like t0 be with y0u."
"Are you certain? My l00d tampering with your roboti% did not dissuade you?"
"if y0u recall, i was still flushed f0r y0u even after i rem0ved that chip. y0u did d0 the cl0sest thing y0u c0uld t0 bringing me back t0 life, after all!"
A few moments passed, but Equius did not return her embrace. Aradia giggled at him when she realized why. "y0u d0nt have t0 w0rry ab0ut hurting me anym0re, equius! in fact, since im g0d tier n0w, i sh0uld pr0bably w0rry ab0ut hurting *y0u*!"
The facts slowly began to dawn on him. Aradia may have been a maroonblood, but the hemospectrum didn't matter anymore. In fact, being a human meant he was outside of it entirely, and a troll in a romance with a member of another species? Simply unheard of! Not just that, but a dramatic reversal had taken place and she was now stronger than him!
"...oh. Oh my."
"hmm?"
"Aradia, my dear?"
"yes, equius?"
"I..."
"yeeeesssss?"
"I need SO MANY towels."
Aradia giggled at him. Same old Equius.
-----
"Hey Pupa, got a minute?"
"uM, YEAH, i CAN TALK, ACTUALLY i WAS HOPING i'D RUN INTO YOU, vRISKA,"
A look of confusion swept across Vriska's face? "Oh?"
Tavros scratched the back of his head nervously. "i UH, i WANTED TO MAYBE, APOLOGIZE, FOR WHAT i DID, BECAUSE IT WAS PRETTY BAD, SEE,"
Now she *really* wasn't sure what he meant. "8ut you didn't do anything to me. If anything I should 8e apologizing to YOU!"
"uM, BUT THAT'S JUST IT, i DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AND THAT'S WHAT i SORT OF, SHOULD BE SAYING SORRY FOR,"
He looked at the floor, holding his arm. "nOT ENDING YOUR SUFFERING WAS, UH,,, REALLY BAD, NOW THAT i LOOK BACK AT IT, i SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS PART OF YOUR PLAN, yOU WERE HURTING SO MUCH AND i COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO MAKE IT STOP, sO, UM, i'M REALLY SORRY, vRISKA,"
Vriska stared at him. The old Vriska would have laughed at him and maybe made fun of him for his transformation. But that wasn't who she wanted to be anymore.
"No, Tavros, listen. I did so many 8ad things... I gave you hell for what was my fault in the first place, and I killed you when I could have just walked away, and what I asked you to do in that cave... my god, that must have 8een torture for you! Wh8t kind of monster am I????????"
She turned and began walking away. "I'm so sorry, Toraedor."
Tavros grabbed her arm. "vRISKA, WAIT,"
"...what?"
"i DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT CONFIDENCE, bUT UM, i CAN TELL YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH RIGHT NOW, pROBABLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE HAVING DOUBTS ABOUT WHAT, UH, KIND OF PERSON YOU WANT TO BE,"
"Hmm?"
"wELL, YOU WERE, UH, SORT OF MEAN, BEFORE, bUT i THINK YOU DON'T REALLY, UM, WANT TO BE, ANYMORE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE REGRETS ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE, i THINK,"
She smiled sadly at him. "So even you could see it, huh?"
"i THINK YOU NEED SOMEONE TO HELP YOU, iF YOU REALLY WANT TO, UM, BECOME THIS NEW, NICER PERSON THAT YOU SEEM TO WANT TO BE, wHAT YOU NEED IS A GOOD MOIRAIL, i THINK, AND i THINK i WOULD NOT MIND BEING ONE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, tHAT IS, UH, IF YOU DON'T MIND BEING MOIRAILS WITH A HUMAN,"
She was speechless. After everything she had done to him, Tavros didn't just not hate her, he even still wanted to be friends. It was more than she felt she deserved.
He offered his hand. "sO, UH, WHAT DO YOU SAY? 'rAILS?"
She hesitated for only a moment before shaking his hand. "'Rails."
-----
She stuck around as people cleared out of the ectobiology lab. Jade was sure Dave would probably be the last to leave, and eventually she was proven right.
"hey dave. you okay?"
"yeah why wouldnt i be?"
He would try to evade this. No point in dancing around it. "because terezi was more excited about seeing karkat than you!"
A lump caught in his throat. No way, she couldn't have noticed.
"dont know what youre talking about, harley."
"dont lie to me strider!!! the others might not have noticed but i see right through you!"
There was no use lying to Jade, she had a knack for figuring this kind of thing out. "...okay yeah sure, you win. DAVE STRIDER HAS STUPID CRUSH, theres your headline for tomorrows paper. ill get over it, because thats what i do. in fact, i already have." He was losing his stoic edge.
"hehehehe. no need to get defensive. dont worry, i wont tell anyone. actually, i wanted to tell you something!"
"yeah? what is it?" Dave leaned over, putting his face at eye level with Jade.
"just between you and me, dave..."
She kissed him on the cheek. "...i still think youre pretty cool."
He contemplated his next move for a second. What he really wanted to do was decidedly cheesy, like something out of one of John's awful movies.
Fuck it. Every coolkid gets exactly one moment in their lives when they're allowed to do something most definitely lame, and there was no better time to take it than now. He removed his shades and embraced her.
"thanks, jade."
"hehehehe."
She kind of expected it. Big displays of emotion were never Dave's thing, which is why she wasn't expecting him to take her hand, or follow up her peck to the cheek with one of his own. Yet, that's exactly what happened.
"cmon harley, you hungry? im frickin starving, lets grab a bite."
Soooooo. COOOOOOL.
-----
Nepeta swallowed hard as she approached him, but it didn't do anything for the pit in her stomach. To be honest, she was still scared of him, even now. But like Equius said, she had to be STRONG and come to terms with it instead of avoiding the issue, since they were all going to have to work together now.
She took a deep breath before speaking. "gamz33?"
He looked up at her with a sad smile on his face. "Oh. HeY, nEpEtA."
"i wanted to ask you if... if you remembered what happened."
Gamzee closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "YeAh. YeAh, I FuCkIn' ReMeMbEr."
A chill shot down Nepeta's spine. "so, what happened to you? why?"
"I CaN'T FuCkIn' AnSwEr tHaT, bEcAuSe i dOn't kNoW. i jUsT KnOw tHeRe wAs sOmEtHiNg fUcKiNg dArK AnD *wRoNg* AbOuT Me." He stared at the back of his hand. "MaYbE ThAt mOtHeRfUcKeR Is sEaLeD AwAy fOrEvEr nOw. I FuCkIn' HoPe sO."
Gamzee looked Nepeta in the eye. She was terrified, but she couldn't bring herself to run away. "WhAt i dId tO YoU AnD EqUiUs wAs mOtHeRfUcKiN' aWfUl. If yOu *EvEr* FoRgIvE mE, wElL, tHaT'D Be tHe bIgGeSt fUcKiN' mIrAcLe tHeRe eVeR WaS."
His gaze fell to the floor. "So bIg, EvEn i dOn't bElIeVe iN It."
Nepeta frowned at him. She had been so scared of Gamzee; Equius had to spent a lot of time talking with her to try to convince her things would never be right without having this conversation. But now? This was clearly not the same Gamzee that strangled her moirail and then killed her. This was a broken Gamzee, a Gamzee disgusted with himself for what he had done, a Gamzee who couldn't bear to look himself in the mirror anymore.
A Gamzee that needed a friend.
Nepeta sat down beside him, her mind made up. "then i furgive you."
"BuT... i fUcKiN' kIlLeD YoU, sIsTeR. iT WaS BruTaL As fUcK! hOw cAn yOu--"
"you aren't him anymore. i don't think you wanted to hurt me and equius, not d33p down. and anyway everything turned out okay, everyone's fine now!"
She looked at him, her fear replaced with concern.
"I DoN'T FuCkIn' DeSeRvE It. BuT Uh, ThAnKs, I GuEsS?"
Nepeta curled up in his lap. "*the kitty trusts her furriend gamz33 enough to ask for a scratch behind her ears.*" He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, sighed and did as she asked.
Fuckin' friendship. How does it work?
-----
Feferi found him sitting cliffside overlooking the oil ocean near the salamander village mushroom farm.
")(as )(e been )(ere a while?"
"Yeah he's been here all day. About as long as I've farming this goddamn, motherfucking mushrooms."
She approached him. This would not be easy, but if the group had any chance of working together, this was necessary.
"-Eridan?"
He did not turn around to meet her. "fef."
"You want to talk?"
"...not really."
She sighed and sat down next to him. Of course he'd be difficult about this.
"look i know youre pissed at me, wwho isnt? and you got evvery right to be, i mean i killed you!"
"Yes, -Eridan, you did krill me. But I told you, I forgive you."
"yeah sure wwhatever. i knoww i aint gettin off the hook that easy."
"No, R-E-ELY!"
"fef, listen. wwhat i did wwas fuckin unconscionable. okay maybe you dont hate me, but kar sure as hell does, an theres no wway kan dont despise me for the whole 'doomin the wwhole troll race to extinction" thing, an i bet sol still aint happy about me offin you like i did."
"You did do all of t)(at. But you also )(elped soooo much in t)(e rescue effort. And I think I know why you did the things you did."
"yeah, cause im a lousy stinkin coward who sold out his friends to the bad guy."
"You were the PRINC-E OF )(OP-E, -Eridan. And like you said t)(en, t)(at makes you uniquely qualified to tell w)(en t)(ere IS no )(ope. It was a )(opeless situation! But I t)(ink w)(at you were trying to do was CR-EAT-E some )(ope. You t)(ought maybe if you could ally wit)( Noir, you could some)(ow get )(im to spare us, didn't you."
Eridan couldn't bear to look at her. "okay, maybe in the back of my mind thats wwhat i thought. but that dont excuse me killin anyone or blowin up the matriorb."
"Maybe not. But we're all alive again, now, so you have a second c)(ance to do t)(ings rig)(t. And if we win, we can bring back trolls and )(umans in the new universe."
"but wwho in their right mind is gonna givve me that second chance after wwhat ivve done?"
"I will! We all have to work TOG---ET)(---ER if we're going to win! And if anyone doesn't like it, too bad for t)(em!"
Eridan smiled weakly at her. "wwell thanks for the vvote of confidence i guess."
The two of them stood up. He'd have to work extra-hard to regain the trust of his comrades, but if that meant giving everyone hope for the future, he'd do it.
"say fef, they got anything to eat in this joint? im so hungry i could eat a seahoofbeast."
"Yes, t)(ey've got an alc)(emeter set up for t)(at. Did you know t)(ey )(ave TAB )(ere?!"
-----
Karkat and Terezi sat together on the blue-sand beach, watching the oily waves roll in the perpetual night of the Land of Wind and Shade. They'd been inseperable ever since Terezi awoke, and for once, Karkat didn't care.
Which is why her question surprised him.
"D1D YOU M34N 3VERYTH1NG YOU S4ID? 1 M34N, B3FOR3 W3 D13D, ON THE M3T3OR?"
"OF COURSE I DID, EVERY WORD OF IT. I MAY BE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER, BUT AT LEAST I'M A *SINCERE* ASSHOLE."
She laid her head on his shoulder. "1 GU3SS TH4T M4K3S US M4TESPR1TS, TH3N."
"UGH. MATESPRITS, WITH A HUMAN?"
She turned to look at him, grinning. "1 KNOW, SO SC4ND4LOUS! BUT 1 TH1NK 1D B3 OK4Y W1TH H4V1NG A HUM4N FOR 4 M4T3SPR1T, WOULDN'T YOU?"
"HEH. YEAH, I THINK I'D LIKE THAT," he said, as their lips met in the darkness.
"H3H3H3H3. LOV3 YOU, K4RKL3S."
"LOVE YOU TOO, TEREZI."
-----
And so ends this tale.
Yes, there are many stories that could be told of this timeline; how the ten reborn trolls climbed back up their echeladders and regained all of their old powers; how they powered through the game meant for four with sixteen in their ranks; how the battle with Jack Noir was almost lost until Jade, in a move that was nothing short of miraculous, ascended to the God Tiers, merged with Jadesprite, and gained the power of a First Guardian herself.
But those are other stories, and we are reaching the end of this one.
Know this, however; in the end, the sixteen were victorious. Noir lay defeated, and the door opened. Happily, relieved, revelling in their victory over Sburb, they went, smiling, laughing, arm in arm...
Crossing over, into the universe they had created.
~END.~
Notes:
This is the part where everyone who bothered keeping up with this says "I FUCKING CALLED IT". Obvious twist, or most obvious twist?
Well, there it is anyway. The idea of the trolls being reborn as humans was what sparked the whole damn thing. This was planned from the very beginning, unlike most of what I write, so I left only the most obvious clues ever in previous chapters.
To be honest, there are some parts I'm not entirely happy with! I'm not sure someone could get over their fear of meeting the guy who beat them to death as quickly as I had Nepeta doing, if ever. Same with Feferi and Eridan, I'm certain it would be quite a while before he was forgiven for the sort of things he did, if he was ever forgiven! Also, same to a (somewhat?) lesser extent between Tavros and Vriska. But damnit you are getting a good end and that's final
Also originally I was going to write conversations at the end between John/Vriska and Rose/Kanaya! But then I realized I hadn't really explored those dynamics at all in this fic so I stopped
I ended with Karkat/Terezi because I am a sucker. KT being my favorite pairing was never a thing that stopped happening, guys! I will write and read romantic fluffy bullshit of them until the end of time. It is to be expected, and it is all your fault. You did this to me, and you will not get away with it.
Also: BAM MOTHERFUCKERS, TITLE DROP AWWWWW YEAH (this is stupid)
Finally: this is actually not the last of Crossing Over! There will totally be an epilogue. I will try to keep it short. I will fail spectacularly. This is my promise to you, right now.
Finally (for real), re: trolls as humans: anyone who's seen Dan Vs. knows my template for human Karkat already. Human Terezi being a redhead was a thing that couldn't not happen. Yes, all their old blood colors are now their new eye colors. No, I never decided if human Sollux still has heterochromia.
*wild applause*
In dedication to Nepeta Leijon: The best meowrail anyone could ask for AO3TindeckTumblr
-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] --
AA: hell0 j0hn!
EB: oh, hey aradia! where'd you get to?
AA: i am back at the mete0r with vriska in my 0ld sessi0n temp0rarily
EB: why?
AA: i think it w0uld be g00d if we c0uld bring back 0ur friends p0ssesi0ns al0ng with them!
AA: s0 weve been c0mbing the facility l00king f0r their things
EB: that's not a bad idea, but do you have enough room in your sylladexes for all of it?
AA: n0 i d0nt
EB: aww, now i wish you had come back with dave! i could have loaned you my wallet modus, it was my dad's and it can hold pretty much anything!
AA: i already did! well fr0m my perspective anyway
EB: bluh, time shenanigans are so confusing!
EB: hey, wait a minute...
EB: okay you just showed up and handed me the wallet? i guess that was your future self.
EB: hopy shit! you managed to *fill* the wallet. i didn't know that was even possible.
EB: i guess i should eject it and give it back to you.
EB: but i still--- hold on.
EB: damnit aradia there are two of you here now!
EB: okay one of them is past you, i should probably give you the wallet now.
AA: make sure y0u give us the right 0nes! y0u d0nt want to ruin everything and make a d00med timeline just because y0u didnt hand us the right wallets!
EB: alright, i gave past you the first wallet and future you the... future wallet?
EB: you guys had a lot of stuff!
EB: ...and now there are three of you here, and vriska too.
AA: well yes theres n0 p0int in arriving later than necessary if y0u have time p0wers after all
EB: aaaaaaaaaaaaarrraaaaaaaaaaaadiiiiiiiaaaaaaa!
EB: i am so confused
AA: you cann0t beat me at time shenanigans, i am simply the best there is
AA: see you later, f0r me, which is n0w for y0u!
EB: okay, see you... right now, i guess? i think i need to lie down.
AA: hehehehe
John was thoroughly baffled. His prankster's gambit hadn't been hit this hard since his last exchange with Nannasprite.
-----
The preview screen of the ectobiology lab flickered to life and displayed a wireframe image of Tavros's new body, the tenth and final one to be completed. The wireframe gradually filled in with details, and once the entire body was drawn, a blue circle blinked over it and chimed.
Finally! The paradox slime that would become the ten new bodies for the trolls was ready for activation. Jade and John had been working since before the rescue effort, combining genetic sequences in ways that would allow them to survive on this side, and their labors were finally complete.
Dave placed the crystal balls containing each troll's life energies into the slots underneath their respective slime tanks. There was one last step, and then the ectobiology process could be activated and the operation completed.
"john. aradia. lay me down a funky-ass beat, im about to drop this shit." The timetables materialized at Dave's sides, as did Aradia's music boxes around her. John began levitating and channelling the air around them, playing the wind currents against the walls and lab equipment.
The rush of the winds mingled with Dave's record scratches and bass thumps, combining with the clinky melodies of Aradia's music boxes to create a symphony of time itself. And what good was a concert without a light show? 1, 5, 3, 6, 8, 7, 6, 8. [CROWD PLEASER]. Vriska's pyrotechnics and laser pulses matched the rhythm of the improvised music, firing and glowing in time to the measure as the paradox slime bubbled, affected by the hurried flow of time created by the orchestra.
Of course, artificially aging the paradox slime up to about 13 years was the plan all along. Everyone figured the trolls wanted to be reborn as close to their old forms as possible and not as a bunch of freshly-hatched wrigglers, after all.
-----
"okay!!! throwing the switch now! places everyone!" Jade waited from the signal from John, and pulled the lever to begin the synthesis of the trolls' new bodies.
Karkat's tank was the first to empty. His paradox slime flushed into the main holding tank as the ectobiology machine began reading genetic sequences, crafting bone, building tissue and muscles and organs and knitting flesh... and apparently, weaving clothing.
John grinned in amazement. This game thinks of EVERYTHING.
The screen above the main holding tank blinked to life as the excess slime was flushed out and Karkat's new body transportalized in front of it. ECTOBIOLOGY PROCESS 10% COMPLETE, 1/10 BODIES CREATED, 9/10 BODIES PENDING.
John moved in to check on him. He wasn't conscious yet, but Karkat was breathing, which was a great sign. He sighed in relief. Just by looking at him, John couldn't tell much of a difference between the Karkat he'd seen on the appearifier's screen and the one that laid before him.
Well. Aside from a few *very* obvious changes. John hoped Karkat could forgive him for those.
A few minutes passed before Karkat began to stir. His eyes blinked open as he muttered. "WHERE... WHERE THE FUCK AM I?"
"karkat? are you awake?"
He took stock of the situation. He was in an ectobiology lab, that much was unmistakable. Behind him stood nine tanks full of paradox slime. He turned to meet the voice greeting him, and found the four humans and two God Tier trolls staring right at him.
Jade was the first to break the silence. "karkat? are you okay???"
He stretched his shoulders and shook out his legs. He was still a little unsteady, having technically been born only minutes ago, but overall? "I... I THINK SO."
"yesssssssss!!!!!! we did it john!!!" Jade was ecstatic.
John stepped forward and offered his hand. "its good to finally meet you!"
Karkat laughed, he actually laughed, an incredible burden lifted from his shoulders, as he shook John's hand. "HAHA YOU CRAZY NOOKSUCKERS, YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING DID IT! YOU REALLY CAME THROUGH! YOU HAVE *NO* IDEA WHAT THIS MEANS TO---"
Karkat looked down at his hand and nearly jumped out of his skin.
He lifted his own hand to face-level and stared at it for a few seconds before grabbing John's hand and placing them side-by-side. "hey, what are you doing?"
His flesh was the same color as John's. His eyes grew bewildered as the truth slowly dawned on him.
"...WHAT DID YOU DO."
"karkat?"
He stared at the back of his own hand for a second. "WHAT DID YOU DO."
"karkat, i..."
He spun around to check his appearance in the reflective glass of his now-empty paradox slime tube. His eyes were a strange white instead of the familiar yellow. The iris, bright red. "WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"i..."
His gaze shifted a few degrees upward and he gasped. His horns were smallish and nubby, but they were his, and now they were gone. Both hands shot to grope his own scalp in disbelief, and he found nothing but hair. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
John was speechless, until he cried out in surprise as Karkat wheeled around, furious.
"WHAT!" Karkat grabbed John's collar.
"DID!" He growled in John's face.
"YOU!" He pulled back his right arm, his other hand still gripping John's shirt.
"DO?!" A sharp PAP rang through the air as Karkat's fist collided with the side of John's jaw.
Jade shrieked in horror, worried for her brother. John was still falling back from the punch when Dave flash-stepped in an attempt to hold back Karkat. Rose pointed at him with the Needlewands, trying to do the same via telekenesis. Aradia tried to freeze him in time. No attempt had any hope of success against the overboiling rage that fueled Karkat now, and he easily broke their holds.
John opened his eyes and found Karkat standing over him, hissing through his teeth. He winced, bracing for another assault... and opened his eyes to find Karkat extending his hand to him.
"ONE TO THE JAW. JUST LIKE YOU SAID. REMEMBER?"
John stared at him, bewildered and bleeding from the lip, until it finally dawned on him. He took Karkat's hand and was helped off the floor. "hahahaha yeah, i did! you would remember that, you crabby asshole!"
Rose and Jade sighed with relief. Dave just smirked, as Aradia smiled and Vriska laughed. John wrapped Karkat in a big bear hug, despite his protests and attempts to wring himself free. Karkat was alive and not *too* pissed at him, so as far as John was concerned, the mission was an utter success.
When John finally released him, Karkat had a question for him. "DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO BRING ME BACK AS A GODDAMNED HUMAN, THOUGH? I THOUGHT BEING A TROLL WAS PRETTY FUCKING GREAT, AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY ENOUGH TO CLONE, EVEN FOR YOU. JUST SEEMS LIKE A LOT OF FUCKING WORK FOR NO GOOD REASON."
Jade answered him. "we tried!!! like a thousand times! but theres just something about trolls that makes them incompatible with our environment. we were never sure exactly WHAT it was, so we had to just try to work around the problem."
"SO YOU WENT STRAIGHT TO TURNING US INTO HUMANS?"
John answered this time. "actually, no. the next thing we tried was to make you all half-human, half-troll, but that wouldn't work, either. we tried making it so you'd be mostly human genetically, but still look like trolls. we even thought about building a bunch of soulbots like aradia had, though that didn't really get far because none of us have ever actually built a robot. making you human wasn't plan b... more like plan i or j."
"HEY."
"i'm sorry buddy, really i am, we just couldn't--"
"JOHN."
"--your troll forms, and we had to combine your troll genes with our human ones and--"
"JOHN HUMAN EGBERT!"
John snapped to attention. "what?"
"FOR A BUNCH OF MISERABLE FUCKUPS, YOU GUYS DID AN OKAY JOB, I GUESS."
Karkat held out his fist, and John smiled as he extended his own. Bunp.
"WELL THEN... WHAT ARE YOU BULGELICKERS WAITING FOR?! GET BACK TO WORK!"
"yes sir!!!" Jade pulled the lever, beginning the process a second time.
Karkat, Sollux, Tavros and Kanaya had been reborn into their new human forms, and for the most part, they had taken the transition well. Sollux was somewhat disappointed, but less at becoming a human, and more so at losing most of his psionic powers; the best he could manage now was mild telekenesis. Tavros was actually overjoyed at his transformation, as he had lost his large, cumbersome horns and gained a pair of working, non-robotic legs. Kanaya simply found relief at no longer feeling her more recent vampiritic urges, and seemed to regard her transformation as just something that had to happen, neither good nor bad.
Dave leaned against the wall and glanced over at the ectobiology machine as it began putting together the structure of the newest body and shuddered, almost imperceptively. The way you could see bare organs and muscle tissue locked into place with bone and tendons as the flesh simply seemed to grow over it... seeing this thing work was creepy as hell, like it was built by the maddest of scientists.
When he considered who had alchemized the thing, he decided that assessment wasn't too far off.
BUILDING STRUCTURE (5/10), PROGRESS 100%. EJECTING...
The excess paradox slime flushed away from the main tank to reveal a girl of slender frame and... firey red hair? Dave shot a glance back at John, who just shrugged at him. Of course there would be a few surprises when working with something as complicated as the human genome, but as long as they all came in the form of something like hair color, there was no real problem.
A few moments, and the girl woke. She sniffed at the air. "...WHY DO3S 3V3RYTH1NG SM3LL SO D1FF3R3NT?" The green lime of the tanks behind her, the grey charcoal of the room's walls, the... decidedly NOT grey skin of most of the people standing in front of her?
She slowly opened her eyes, but instead of the usual black void, blurry splotches of color lined her vision. Blurry splotches of color that eventually came into focus.
Jade beamed with pride; restoring Terezi's eyesight was easy, since humans came standard with that particular feature. Preserving the neural pathways that made her second sight even possible in the first place was not. Jade had correctly guessed it was less of a physical attribute and more of a psychic one, but after hearing Terezi actually preferred seeing the world through taste and smell, she had worked tirelessly to ensure she retained this particular oddity.
Her vision having cleared, Terezi looked down at herself, noticing the change almost immediately. "H3H. SO TH4TS WHY 1 F33L SO D1FF3R3NT." Suddenly, the realization struck her. She scanned the room, he HAD to be here... her eyes lit up and she smiled wide when she caught sight of him against the far wall.
Dave's gaze met Terezi's as he righted himself away from the wall. He allowed himself to crack a slight smile at her, because hey, they had cheated death, and even the coolest kids get to smile about that. He took his hands from his pockets, readying himself for the cheesy show of emotion that was about to take place...
And froze in place, if only for a moment, when Terezi practically dove past him, directly into Karkat's arms.
"NO US3 TRY1NG TO H1DE FROM M3, K4RKL3S. 1TS B33N FOR3V3R BUT 1D R3COGN1Z3 TH4T SCOWL 4NYWH3R3, 3V3N W1THOUT YOUR NUBS!"
"GODDAMNIT, TEREZI, NOT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!"
"H3H3H3H3." She pecked him on the cheek, in full view of everyone, as he blushed bright red.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ALL STARING AT? YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, ASSHOLES?!" Everyone else in the room muttered variants of "oh of course not" and went back to doing whatever they were doing before the outburst.
Except Dave. He just slid his hands back into his pockets, leaned against the wall like he had been doing, and sighed. Not really a surprise, it was alright. You win some, you lose some, and the coolkid's gotta be stoic about his losses.
Nepeta, Equius and Feferi joined Karkat, Sollux, Tavros, Kanaya and Terezi in awaiting the final two resurrections. These two were the most anxiously anticipated, and had been saved for last for a reason; they were the only two trolls to go into murderous rampages, back on the asteroid. Karkat was adamantly against bringing them back at all, but the unanimous outcry against him vetoed that idea pretty quickly.
This didn't mean they were going to take risks, though. Dave, Vriska and Aradia stood between the main tank and everyone else as Gamzee began to take form in the paradox slime. Gamzee's calmer personality defeated his dark side in the dream bubble, but there was no sense in taking chances. If any possibility remained that the subjugglator would surface again, they would not hesitate to stop him.
The excess slime drained from the tank and Gamzee's human form ejected from it. All eyes were on him as he began to stir, except Nepeta's, as she whimpered clinging to Equius for dear life.
Gamzee shakily stood up. "Oh hEy gUyS, hOw's iT GoInG?" He half-waved at them and caught a glimpse of his own hand, which he started at for half a minute. "...WhOa."
He looked around the room and saw himself in the reflective surface of an empty slime tube, noticing the lack of horns. He felt around his scalp. "...FuCkIn' WhOa."
Scanning the room again, he saw several people... humans? But he swore he recognized several of them. Finally, it dawned on him. "We... We WeRe aLl dEaD, aNd nOw wE'rE FuCkIn' HuMaNs. MoThEr. FuCkIn'. mIrAcLeS." The God Tier trio sighed in relief; there was absolutely not even the slightest hint of malice in Gamzee's voice. He walked to a corner of the room and sat by himself.
-----
The three of them relaxed a bit. Gamzee certainly had the potential to be dangerous even bare-handed, but without his white science wand, Eridan was helpless.
The formation of the final vessel went off without a hitch. Upon waking, Eridan didn't talk to anyone or try to do much of anything except slowly walk outside, and nobody tried to stop him. He barely even acknowledged his new form.
He only spoke once, as he reached the room's exit, before stepping outside into the Land of Wind and Shade. "kan, fef, sol, everyone... im sorry."
-----
"hey equius! h0ws being a human treating y0u?"
"It is not abso100tely the best thing to ever happen. For one, I am no longer as STRONG as I once was. But I will manage. At least I still have my roboti%."
It was true. Equius still had plenty of strength for a human, but the absurd levels of power he had as a troll had vanished.
"its g00d t0 see y0u again," Aradia said, as she embraced him.
"...I do not understand. I believed your intentions lied with the lowbl--" Equius stopped himself, looking down at the symbol on his shirt to remind himself that all their blood was the same color now.
His formerly dark blue sagittarius was now bright red. Same as the other symbols worn by all those who had recieved new forms. The hemospectrum was a thing of the past now.
He took a breath before continuing. "---with Sollu%."
Aradia motioned to Sollux, who sat beside Feferi, hand in hand, talking with Karkat and Terezi. "times change. pe0ple change. hes with feferi n0w, and im 0kay with that. and if y0ure 0kay with it, id like t0 be with y0u."
"Are you certain? My l00d tampering with your roboti% did not dissuade you?"
"if y0u recall, i was still flushed f0r y0u even after i rem0ved that chip. y0u did d0 the cl0sest thing y0u c0uld t0 bringing me back t0 life, after all!"
A few moments passed, but Equius did not return her embrace. Aradia giggled at him when she realized why. "y0u d0nt have t0 w0rry ab0ut hurting me anym0re, equius! in fact, since im g0d tier n0w, i sh0uld pr0bably w0rry ab0ut hurting *y0u*!"
The facts slowly began to dawn on him. Aradia may have been a maroonblood, but the hemospectrum didn't matter anymore. In fact, being a human meant he was outside of it entirely, and a troll in a romance with a member of another species? Simply unheard of! Not just that, but a dramatic reversal had taken place and she was now stronger than him!
"...oh. Oh my."
"hmm?"
"Aradia, my dear?"
"yes, equius?"
"I..."
"yeeeesssss?"
"I need SO MANY towels."
Aradia giggled at him. Same old Equius.
-----
"Hey Pupa, got a minute?"
"uM, YEAH, i CAN TALK, ACTUALLY i WAS HOPING i'D RUN INTO YOU, vRISKA,"
A look of confusion swept across Vriska's face? "Oh?"
Tavros scratched the back of his head nervously. "i UH, i WANTED TO MAYBE, APOLOGIZE, FOR WHAT i DID, BECAUSE IT WAS PRETTY BAD, SEE,"
Now she *really* wasn't sure what he meant. "8ut you didn't do anything to me. If anything I should 8e apologizing to YOU!"
"uM, BUT THAT'S JUST IT, i DIDN'T DO ANYTHING AND THAT'S WHAT i SORT OF, SHOULD BE SAYING SORRY FOR,"
He looked at the floor, holding his arm. "nOT ENDING YOUR SUFFERING WAS, UH,,, REALLY BAD, NOW THAT i LOOK BACK AT IT, i SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS PART OF YOUR PLAN, yOU WERE HURTING SO MUCH AND i COULDN'T BRING MYSELF TO MAKE IT STOP, sO, UM, i'M REALLY SORRY, vRISKA,"
Vriska stared at him. The old Vriska would have laughed at him and maybe made fun of him for his transformation. But that wasn't who she wanted to be anymore.
"No, Tavros, listen. I did so many 8ad things... I gave you hell for what was my fault in the first place, and I killed you when I could have just walked away, and what I asked you to do in that cave... my god, that must have 8een torture for you! Wh8t kind of monster am I????????"
She turned and began walking away. "I'm so sorry, Toraedor."
Tavros grabbed her arm. "vRISKA, WAIT,"
"...what?"
"i DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT CONFIDENCE, bUT UM, i CAN TELL YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH RIGHT NOW, pROBABLY BECAUSE YOU HAVE HAVING DOUBTS ABOUT WHAT, UH, KIND OF PERSON YOU WANT TO BE,"
"Hmm?"
"wELL, YOU WERE, UH, SORT OF MEAN, BEFORE, bUT i THINK YOU DON'T REALLY, UM, WANT TO BE, ANYMORE, BECAUSE YOU HAVE REGRETS ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE, i THINK,"
She smiled sadly at him. "So even you could see it, huh?"
"i THINK YOU NEED SOMEONE TO HELP YOU, iF YOU REALLY WANT TO, UM, BECOME THIS NEW, NICER PERSON THAT YOU SEEM TO WANT TO BE, wHAT YOU NEED IS A GOOD MOIRAIL, i THINK, AND i THINK i WOULD NOT MIND BEING ONE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, tHAT IS, UH, IF YOU DON'T MIND BEING MOIRAILS WITH A HUMAN,"
She was speechless. After everything she had done to him, Tavros didn't just not hate her, he even still wanted to be friends. It was more than she felt she deserved.
He offered his hand. "sO, UH, WHAT DO YOU SAY? 'rAILS?"
She hesitated for only a moment before shaking his hand. "'Rails."
-----
She stuck around as people cleared out of the ectobiology lab. Jade was sure Dave would probably be the last to leave, and eventually she was proven right.
"hey dave. you okay?"
"yeah why wouldnt i be?"
He would try to evade this. No point in dancing around it. "because terezi was more excited about seeing karkat than you!"
A lump caught in his throat. No way, she couldn't have noticed.
"dont know what youre talking about, harley."
"dont lie to me strider!!! the others might not have noticed but i see right through you!"
There was no use lying to Jade, she had a knack for figuring this kind of thing out. "...okay yeah sure, you win. DAVE STRIDER HAS STUPID CRUSH, theres your headline for tomorrows paper. ill get over it, because thats what i do. in fact, i already have." He was losing his stoic edge.
"hehehehe. no need to get defensive. dont worry, i wont tell anyone. actually, i wanted to tell you something!"
"yeah? what is it?" Dave leaned over, putting his face at eye level with Jade.
"just between you and me, dave..."
She kissed him on the cheek. "...i still think youre pretty cool."
He contemplated his next move for a second. What he really wanted to do was decidedly cheesy, like something out of one of John's awful movies.
Fuck it. Every coolkid gets exactly one moment in their lives when they're allowed to do something most definitely lame, and there was no better time to take it than now. He removed his shades and embraced her.
"thanks, jade."
"hehehehe."
She kind of expected it. Big displays of emotion were never Dave's thing, which is why she wasn't expecting him to take her hand, or follow up her peck to the cheek with one of his own. Yet, that's exactly what happened.
"cmon harley, you hungry? im frickin starving, lets grab a bite."
Soooooo. COOOOOOL.
-----
Nepeta swallowed hard as she approached him, but it didn't do anything for the pit in her stomach. To be honest, she was still scared of him, even now. But like Equius said, she had to be STRONG and come to terms with it instead of avoiding the issue, since they were all going to have to work together now.
She took a deep breath before speaking. "gamz33?"
He looked up at her with a sad smile on his face. "Oh. HeY, nEpEtA."
"i wanted to ask you if... if you remembered what happened."
Gamzee closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "YeAh. YeAh, I FuCkIn' ReMeMbEr."
A chill shot down Nepeta's spine. "so, what happened to you? why?"
"I CaN'T FuCkIn' AnSwEr tHaT, bEcAuSe i dOn't kNoW. i jUsT KnOw tHeRe wAs sOmEtHiNg fUcKiNg dArK AnD *wRoNg* AbOuT Me." He stared at the back of his hand. "MaYbE ThAt mOtHeRfUcKeR Is sEaLeD AwAy fOrEvEr nOw. I FuCkIn' HoPe sO."
Gamzee looked Nepeta in the eye. She was terrified, but she couldn't bring herself to run away. "WhAt i dId tO YoU AnD EqUiUs wAs mOtHeRfUcKiN' aWfUl. If yOu *EvEr* FoRgIvE mE, wElL, tHaT'D Be tHe bIgGeSt fUcKiN' mIrAcLe tHeRe eVeR WaS."
His gaze fell to the floor. "So bIg, EvEn i dOn't bElIeVe iN It."
Nepeta frowned at him. She had been so scared of Gamzee; Equius had to spent a lot of time talking with her to try to convince her things would never be right without having this conversation. But now? This was clearly not the same Gamzee that strangled her moirail and then killed her. This was a broken Gamzee, a Gamzee disgusted with himself for what he had done, a Gamzee who couldn't bear to look himself in the mirror anymore.
A Gamzee that needed a friend.
Nepeta sat down beside him, her mind made up. "then i furgive you."
"BuT... i fUcKiN' kIlLeD YoU, sIsTeR. iT WaS BruTaL As fUcK! hOw cAn yOu--"
"you aren't him anymore. i don't think you wanted to hurt me and equius, not d33p down. and anyway everything turned out okay, everyone's fine now!"
She looked at him, her fear replaced with concern.
"I DoN'T FuCkIn' DeSeRvE It. BuT Uh, ThAnKs, I GuEsS?"
Nepeta curled up in his lap. "*the kitty trusts her furriend gamz33 enough to ask for a scratch behind her ears.*" He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, sighed and did as she asked.
Fuckin' friendship. How does it work?
-----
Feferi found him sitting cliffside overlooking the oil ocean near the salamander village mushroom farm.
")(as )(e been )(ere a while?"
"Yeah he's been here all day. About as long as I've farming this goddamn, motherfucking mushrooms."
She approached him. This would not be easy, but if the group had any chance of working together, this was necessary.
"-Eridan?"
He did not turn around to meet her. "fef."
"You want to talk?"
"...not really."
She sighed and sat down next to him. Of course he'd be difficult about this.
"look i know youre pissed at me, wwho isnt? and you got evvery right to be, i mean i killed you!"
"Yes, -Eridan, you did krill me. But I told you, I forgive you."
"yeah sure wwhatever. i knoww i aint gettin off the hook that easy."
"No, R-E-ELY!"
"fef, listen. wwhat i did wwas fuckin unconscionable. okay maybe you dont hate me, but kar sure as hell does, an theres no wway kan dont despise me for the whole 'doomin the wwhole troll race to extinction" thing, an i bet sol still aint happy about me offin you like i did."
"You did do all of t)(at. But you also )(elped soooo much in t)(e rescue effort. And I think I know why you did the things you did."
"yeah, cause im a lousy stinkin coward who sold out his friends to the bad guy."
"You were the PRINC-E OF )(OP-E, -Eridan. And like you said t)(en, t)(at makes you uniquely qualified to tell w)(en t)(ere IS no )(ope. It was a )(opeless situation! But I t)(ink w)(at you were trying to do was CR-EAT-E some )(ope. You t)(ought maybe if you could ally wit)( Noir, you could some)(ow get )(im to spare us, didn't you."
Eridan couldn't bear to look at her. "okay, maybe in the back of my mind thats wwhat i thought. but that dont excuse me killin anyone or blowin up the matriorb."
"Maybe not. But we're all alive again, now, so you have a second c)(ance to do t)(ings rig)(t. And if we win, we can bring back trolls and )(umans in the new universe."
"but wwho in their right mind is gonna givve me that second chance after wwhat ivve done?"
"I will! We all have to work TOG---ET)(---ER if we're going to win! And if anyone doesn't like it, too bad for t)(em!"
Eridan smiled weakly at her. "wwell thanks for the vvote of confidence i guess."
The two of them stood up. He'd have to work extra-hard to regain the trust of his comrades, but if that meant giving everyone hope for the future, he'd do it.
"say fef, they got anything to eat in this joint? im so hungry i could eat a seahoofbeast."
"Yes, t)(ey've got an alc)(emeter set up for t)(at. Did you know t)(ey )(ave TAB )(ere?!"
-----
Karkat and Terezi sat together on the blue-sand beach, watching the oily waves roll in the perpetual night of the Land of Wind and Shade. They'd been inseperable ever since Terezi awoke, and for once, Karkat didn't care.
Which is why her question surprised him.
"D1D YOU M34N 3VERYTH1NG YOU S4ID? 1 M34N, B3FOR3 W3 D13D, ON THE M3T3OR?"
"OF COURSE I DID, EVERY WORD OF IT. I MAY BE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE EVER, BUT AT LEAST I'M A *SINCERE* ASSHOLE."
She laid her head on his shoulder. "1 GU3SS TH4T M4K3S US M4TESPR1TS, TH3N."
"UGH. MATESPRITS, WITH A HUMAN?"
She turned to look at him, grinning. "1 KNOW, SO SC4ND4LOUS! BUT 1 TH1NK 1D B3 OK4Y W1TH H4V1NG A HUM4N FOR 4 M4T3SPR1T, WOULDN'T YOU?"
"HEH. YEAH, I THINK I'D LIKE THAT," he said, as their lips met in the darkness.
"H3H3H3H3. LOV3 YOU, K4RKL3S."
"LOVE YOU TOO, TEREZI."
-----
And so ends this tale.
Yes, there are many stories that could be told of this timeline; how the ten reborn trolls climbed back up their echeladders and regained all of their old powers; how they powered through the game meant for four with sixteen in their ranks; how the battle with Jack Noir was almost lost until Jade, in a move that was nothing short of miraculous, ascended to the God Tiers, merged with Jadesprite, and gained the power of a First Guardian herself.
But those are other stories, and we are reaching the end of this one.
Know this, however; in the end, the sixteen were victorious. Noir lay defeated, and the door opened. Happily, relieved, revelling in their victory over Sburb, they went, smiling, laughing, arm in arm...
Crossing over, into the universe they had created.
~END.~
Notes:
This is the part where everyone who bothered keeping up with this says "I FUCKING CALLED IT". Obvious twist, or most obvious twist?
Well, there it is anyway. The idea of the trolls being reborn as humans was what sparked the whole damn thing. This was planned from the very beginning, unlike most of what I write, so I left only the most obvious clues ever in previous chapters.
To be honest, there are some parts I'm not entirely happy with! I'm not sure someone could get over their fear of meeting the guy who beat them to death as quickly as I had Nepeta doing, if ever. Same with Feferi and Eridan, I'm certain it would be quite a while before he was forgiven for the sort of things he did, if he was ever forgiven! Also, same to a (somewhat?) lesser extent between Tavros and Vriska. But damnit you are getting a good end and that's final
Also originally I was going to write conversations at the end between John/Vriska and Rose/Kanaya! But then I realized I hadn't really explored those dynamics at all in this fic so I stopped
I ended with Karkat/Terezi because I am a sucker. KT being my favorite pairing was never a thing that stopped happening, guys! I will write and read romantic fluffy bullshit of them until the end of time. It is to be expected, and it is all your fault. You did this to me, and you will not get away with it.
Also: BAM MOTHERFUCKERS, TITLE DROP AWWWWW YEAH (this is stupid)
Finally: this is actually not the last of Crossing Over! There will totally be an epilogue. I will try to keep it short. I will fail spectacularly. This is my promise to you, right now.
Finally (for real), re: trolls as humans: anyone who's seen Dan Vs. knows my template for human Karkat already. Human Terezi being a redhead was a thing that couldn't not happen. Yes, all their old blood colors are now their new eye colors. No, I never decided if human Sollux still has heterochromia.
*wild applause*
Almost as good as cT's tapdancing.
That is to say, marvelous finish.
Looking forward to your next fic!
I lurk in the dark, and am likely to be eaten by a grue.
Fanfics: (AO3!)
New Kcutsemoh and new Crossing Over? This must be my birthday!
Also, I do hope I'm not too late for the Meta shenanigans.
Meta!Fire
I strolled in. It was a good stroll. Good strolls aren't as easy as some people think. They take effort. They take practice. A good inconspicious stroll is one of the most difficult types of walk one can achieve, but I had practiced. As I walked, strolled, the woodwork beneath my feet singed. After all, I had a name, and names were important. Megafire. It was rather interesting how a man on fire can go so impressively unnoticed, but hey, being ignored has it's advantages.
Nobody paid attention to me as I sat down in one of the corners. Obviously not the Dark Corner, everyone always paid attention to the Dark Corner. That was where people who didn't want to be noticed went, after all. Nobody ever paid attention to me, which was just as well. The easiest way to be observant is when nobody else is observing you. So I watched. I watched and I wrote. I wrote a bit here and a bit there, eventually ending up everywhere. And nobody noticed.
I chuckled, because that was the sort of thing one did after such a thought, opened my alchemised Wrist-Top (Wristwatch || Laptop, with a flame-pattern, of course, I had a name and names were important) and continued on Kismesis: the Snake.
Do you like Magic: the Gathering? Got ideas for MSPA-inspired cards? Post them here!
Sigspoiler of spoilsigging:
Fervent believer in preserving Internet anonymity.
Perhaps the last person on Earth without a Facebook.
Most easily satisfied audience in paradox space.
I am A Fan. And I am silly.
Generic chummeme: Your chumhandle is maverickLinguist, for your typing style is notable only for its absence of notable quirks. You let the assortment of personalities both naturally occuring and artificially manufactured in your own mind supply the requisite air of the bizarre. Your title is Muse of Thought. Your land is that of Dreams and Thunder.
And Tompkins sigquotes:
Originally Posted by Decker
I love the "whoops." It makes me think it happened by accident.
"Okay. My still life bowl of fruit is com-WHERE DID THESE LESBIANS COME FROM?!"
Originally Posted by LegoTechnic
Also keep in mind that the universe is a frog. It's a good thing to remember any time you start to feel you have a grasp on the celestial logic of the universe, be it the size of suns or the location of the furthest ring, because it reiterates that things can still be inexplicably weird.
Okayyyy, I still owe some replies from the other thread. DAMN THE PROTOCOLS!
@ProspitDreamer (Dave's Admission)
whatever he doesnt know anything terezis awesome
awesome like near-approaching dave awesome
like she’d set the bar on awesome if i hadnt already set it so awesomly high
That's so Dave. Damn, I'll probably start using this in daily speech, if you don't mind.
its inevitable like gravity, im an unstoppable force of attraction and she obviously just cant help herself
Ok, this too.
Damn, there were like so many good one liners in this. Dave getting flustered is a pretty rare sight.
@MizukoMidori (Popcorn)
Because it just wasn’t cool without butter dude.
Just FYI, last night I made some popcorn for myself and my moirail, and I borrowed this exact line from you. Then we decided the popcorn kernels merely served their purpose as a butter delivery system. Let's just say it was some very cool popcorn.
@Path (If You Love Somebody)
Thank you for the Jack. It was quite delicious. (eh? EH??)
I especially liked his motivation, seeking his worth reflected in the eyes of others...reminds me a little bit of Gail Wynand.
I take responsibility for the following, and intend to commit additional acts of writing as the inspiration strikes: Suisei Explained Not a fic per se, but explains the Suisei character Suisei makes a friend Interaction story featuring MYSTERY TROLL GIRL DIPSHIT OF THE SWEEP Karkat disapproves of Suisei's loafing Murder Most Foul Suisei and Terezi crack a tough case and punish the guilty Sexy Tea Making Vriska and Becquerel share an intimate moment. Includes teaster eggs.
BEST. SHIP. EVER.
The point of the Eridan/Vriska/Suisei triple reacharound auspiceticeship is that they're all too jealous to let the other two form either sort of concupiscent pairing so they constantly sabotage eachother's romantic interests.
Auspiceticeship deals more with keeping potential enemies from establishing a weak caliginous relationship, which is the role each one accepts in order to keep the others apart. Any time two get close hate-wise, the third spoils it, and they all leave frustrated.
This is complicated further however by the fact that the triple reacharound auspiceticeship is multiplied by double reacharound concupiscent feelings between the three of them. The way I imagine it, the red leanings supply a lot of the initial jealousy which is then perpetuated by blackrom.
I take responsibility for the following, and intend to commit additional acts of writing as the inspiration strikes: Suisei Explained Not a fic per se, but explains the Suisei character Suisei makes a friend Interaction story featuring MYSTERY TROLL GIRL DIPSHIT OF THE SWEEP Karkat disapproves of Suisei's loafing Murder Most Foul Suisei and Terezi crack a tough case and punish the guilty Sexy Tea Making Vriska and Becquerel share an intimate moment. Includes teaster eggs.
BEST. SHIP. EVER.
The point of the Eridan/Vriska/Suisei triple reacharound auspiceticeship is that they're all too jealous to let the other two form either sort of concupiscent pairing so they constantly sabotage eachother's romantic interests.
Auspiceticeship deals more with keeping potential enemies from establishing a weak caliginous relationship, which is the role each one accepts in order to keep the others apart. Any time two get close hate-wise, the third spoils it, and they all leave frustrated.
This is complicated further however by the fact that the triple reacharound auspiceticeship is multiplied by double reacharound concupiscent feelings between the three of them. The way I imagine it, the red leanings supply a lot of the initial jealousy which is then perpetuated by blackrom.
A Work Of Fan Fiction In Which Everyone Has Undergone A Change Of Gender; Containing Between Three And Seven Examples Of Rampant Multiculturalism And Two Instances Of Uncharacteristically Sensible Behavior So As To Make This A Useful Parable
It Was A Tenebrous And Tempestuous Night
Insofar As Such Terms Still Applied
Which Was Not Very Far Since Everyone Concerned Was Located On An Asteroid Spinning Through The Velvet Darkness Of Space Which Knows No Weather And No Temporal Divides
But The Point Is
No One Was Somnolent In The Horn Pile
And In The Lab Tempers If Not Tempests Were Rising
One Turquoise Blooded Troll Leaned Close To His Monitor To Get A Better Taste Of The Purportedly Quite Piquant Shade Of The Text Forming On His Screen One Undercapitalized Line At A Time
While The Choleric Young Lady Several Computers Down Fumed In A Manner That Could Not Be Called Subtle By Even The Most Generous Of Observers
And Their Mutual Friends Observed But Were Helpless To Intervene
Aware That Any Well Intended Advice Would Only Be Interpreted As Meddling By The Twain
As A Consequence Of Their Collective Singularly Orneriness And Also Of Their Blindness To How Easily Their Frustration Could Be Resolved By Ameliorated Communication
Their Figurative Blindness That Is
The Sightlessness Of Schmerezi Schmyrope Though Occasionally The Source Of Many Wracked Nerves For The Object Of His Erstwhile Affection Was Immaterial In This Instance
But I Digress
Our Heroine Scrutinized The Preoccupied Schmyrope In Irate Silence
Her Absolute And Enraged Concentration Broken Only When She Was Now And Again Compelled To Attend To Her Chat Client By The Missives Of A Certain Narcoleptic Individual In A Universe Far Far Away
Who Having At Last Woken From His Most Recent And Terrible Nap
Was Proving Diverting To Her Admittedly Questionable Tastes For The First Time
But
Not Diverting Enough
For Her Infatuation With Schmyrope Went Back Sweeps
And Her Affection For Schmade Was But An Hours Fancy
Most Of Which Hour She Had Spent Dreaming Of
The Ultimate Betrayal
The Ensuing Emotional Turmoil Left Little Room For The Establishment Of New Interests
Understandably
Instead She Found Herself Thinking More And More Of Schmyrope And Of The Comfort His Lithe Upper Limbs Might Provide
Of The Febrile Warmth Of His Exhalations On The Hypersensitive Tips Of Her Shapely And Curvaceous Auditory Organs
And Even Of
The Slick Mucous Membrane Sheathing His Muscular Tongue
Whose Onslaught Had So Often Earned Her Fury By Night
But Whose Liquid Slide Haunted Her Dreams By Day
And Not Just Because They Were On The Same Moon Either And Her Dream Self Was Every Bit As Vulnerable As Her Waking Body To The Peculiar Outpourings Of Affection And Of Course Teal-Tinged Spittle Schmyrope Delighted In
No These Dreams Were Of Another Kind
Discrete From The Second Life Lived And Just Now Died In A Golden City
They Unfolded In The Umbrageous Space Between True Slumber And The Minds Stirring
In A Torrent Of Inchoate Imagery And Unconsidered Response
Even As The Architect Of Our Session Married Modern Technology And Antediluvian Ciphers Excavated From The Dark Depths Of The Planets Innermost Eggsac
In One Seamless Undertaking
So These Visions From Past The Border Of Consciousness Constructed A Continuous Narrative
Out Of Memory And Long Inhumed Yearnings
And Though Schmarkat Had Thought Her Secret Desires More Well Defended Than The Most Creatively Boobytrapped Tomb
They Bobbed Now At The Very Surface Of Her Awareness
There For The Plucking For Any Member Of The Not Inconsiderable Psychic Population
And More Importantly
Readable In The Motion And Brilliance Of Her Gaze
Those Were Her Fears Anyway
To Compensate She Worked Herself Into A Frenzy
Reviewing Again And Again Every Perceived Wrong Schmyrope Had Done Her
Revisiting Each Moment He Had Shared Gleefully With The Human Coolkid
And Denied Her
Culminating In The Current Parley
From Which He Could Be Seen To Be Deriving Tangible Delight
His Fangs Gleaming Red In The Light Of The Rivals Shamelessly Rubescent Font Color
His Scorched And Opaque Eyes Showing Naked Over His Glasses
Which Had Slipped Forward Along The Bridge Of His Nose When He In His Eagerness Tilted His Chair Onto Its Front Two Legs So He Could Bring His Flaring Nostrils Down To The Viewport
His Hand An Adroit Blur Over The Tablet Hed Acquired Somewhere
Chalk Firmly Grasped Between Thumb And Lissome Forefinger
And Rolled Along The Ball Of The Thumb
In A Way Which Struck Schmarkat As Frankly Obscene
But It Was When Schmerezi Detached His Quivering Proboscis From The Screen And Bent To Lick The Tapered End Of The Chalk
Saliva Darkening And Purpling The Powdered Sides
Dust In Turn Rising To Coat The Needlelike Points Of His Flawless Dentition With Rust
His Face Not Once Revolving Toward Schmarkat
That She Surrendered All Illusion Of Control
Dismounting With An Undignified Squeak From Her Seat
And Striding Across Tile To His Side
She Snarled His Name
Her Head Appearing Almost To Be Fluorescing In The Heat Of Her Vehemence Like A Rainbow Drinker Of Old Come Down To Annihilate Its Prey
In That Moment She Was Magnificent Although She Would Not Have Believed It If Informed
For Though The Cause Of Her Rage Was Petty Her Rage Was Not
Elevated To A Pitch Wholly Disproportionate To Its Source
It Derived A Vitality All Its Own From The Fuel Of Her Jealousy
Which Appropriately Enough Could Have Been Matched Only By Her Past Selfs Ardor
All Of This Goes Some Ways Towards Explicating Why When He Looked Up Schmerezi Was Struck Temporarily And Profoundly Dumb
As If A Sweep Ago A Former Associate Of His Had Burned Away Not Eyes But Tongue
Though This Was Of Course Disproved A Moment Later When He Pointedly Sniffed Her Outstretched Remonstrative Arm And Gave An Appreciative Grin
Before Extending The Same Member To Brush The Knuckles Of Her Clenched Fist
Which She Had Unwisely Planted Atop His Forgotten Tablet To Forestall Further Attempts At Multicultural Exchange
He Said To What Do I Owe The Pleasure
To Your Grubfisted Attempts At Engendering Totally Inappropriate Flushed Arrangements By Means Of Incredibly Shitty Image Manips Thats What She Blustered
Conscious Even As She Spoke That She Should Have Come Up With A Better Excuse For Her Approach Or Not Approached At All
Id Say My Attempts Have Been Quite Profitable He Remarked Raising His Eyebrows In A Manner That Left No Doubt About His Meaning
Yeah Fucking Right She Scoffed Let Me Guess The Coolgirl Finally Condescended To Caption One Of Your Awful Gifs And You Think Its A Proffered Bucket In Prose Form
Its Goddamned Pathetic Is What It Is You Scraping For A Glance From Her Hypocritically Concealed Orbs When Shes Just Some Soft Pink Primate With Shitty Taste In Ocular Accessories And Youre
What Inquired Schmerezi
What Said Schmarkat Derailed By This Interjection
What Am I Inquired Schmerezi
A Strange Look Crossing His Upturned Countenance
Youre Said Schmarkat
And Glaring At Him Wide Eyed
Found Herself Abruptly At A Loss For Any Adequate Insult
There Followed A Silence Such As Is Only Elsewhere Found In The Central Vascular System Of A Storm
A Silence In Which It Seemed There Was No Body In The Room Save For Them
As If The Question Schmerezi Had Asked And The Answer Schmarkat Was Preparing To Give Were Of Immeasurable Weight
And Had Accordingly Dragged Them Down Like An Anchor Through The Floor Of Prosaic Reality Into A Curious Underwater Realm
Where Time Slowed To A Trickle
And The Artificial Light Played Strangely Over Their Silvery Skin
And Though Not Actually Disappeared Or Dimensionally Displaced The Other Inhabitants Of The Room Seemed To Sense Also The Poundage Of The Present
And Schmriska Did Not Turn To Hiss Anything Derogatory To His Neighbor
And Schmollux Did Not Attempt To Restrain Her Friend
Then
In That Crystalline Quiet
Schmarkat Threw Up Her Hands
Having Given Up All Hope Of Locating The Correct Denigratory Adjective
Seized Schmerezi By The Front Of His Tshirt
Shook Him Until His Glasses Were Hanging Askew
And Kissed Him Soundly
If Schmerezi Had Had His Cane In Reach It Would No Doubt Have Gone Differently
But As It Was He Stiffened Only For The Space Of A Heartbeat Before Raising His Fingers To Cup The Back Of Her Skull
And Opening His Mouth
The Better To Explore The Dull Terrain Of Her Teeth He Would Claim Later
But Also
Evidently To Anyone With Eyes Or A Sharp Enough Olfactory Equivalent
Because He Wanted To Taste As Much Of Her Inside As He Could
She Drew Back At Last Wiping Her Lips Her Cheeks Glowing Like The Sun Through A Glass Of Claret Which Is The Human Name For Fermented Grape Viscera
Both Trolls Were Breathing Heavily
Oh
Ms Vantas
Ejaculated Schmerezi
And His Smile Was Lazy And Sly
Now Schmriska Piped Up At Last And Performance Platform Whispered Gooooooood Get A Pail
And Schmollux Contributed Yeah Thchmarkat Took You Long Enough
And Everyone Began Speaking At Once
But Schmarkat Turned To Their Unwanted Audience And Said
SHUT THE FUCK UP
And Schmerezi Who Had Taken Advantage Of Schmarkat’s Brief Distraction To Rise To His Feet Added Lightly
Yeah
Can It
And Taking Hold Of Schmarkat’s Elbow Steered Her To The Transportalizer Where
If One Was Watching Closely
One Might Have Gotten A Glimpse Of Two Hands Lacing Together
And Sliding Under The Waistband Of Schmerezis Shorts
Before The Pearlescent Flame Shot Up And They Were Moved
At Long Last
To Somewhere Private
The End
Now see, this is meta in the other direction. Instead of writing fanfic about fanfic writers, write about the characters writing fanfic. Let's take this further:
Editors Never Understand
"Well"
Nepeta wrinkled her nose as she considered how best to express her opinion. ":33< it's... mewnique"
"You Do Not Like It"
The asteroid's authority on fanfic violently shook her head. ":33< no, no! there's purrtainly a lot of potential here"
"Exactly What Do You Mean By That"
":33< well—"
"And I Understood The Cat Pun That Was Not The Reason For My Inquiry Just So We Are Clear"
":33< um, ok..." Nepeta fought the urge to bite her hat. How was Kanaya managing to look desperate and intimidating at the same time? The catgirltroll wasn't sure if she was more afraid for her friend's feelings or her own safety. ":33< well the names are kind of silly"
"They Were Intended As Placeholders But I Do Not Disagree With Your Assessment" Kanaya gave a small conspiratorial grin. "Obviously I Will Not Employ Such Obvious Pseudonyms If I Am To Show This Work To Its Subjects"
The other troll gave a shocked gasp. ":33< oh you never ever show fanfic to a pairing you ship! you might as well just call yourself a yentantagonizer then and there!"
"Is That Not In Essence What We Are Doing"
":33< no no no no no! a shipper's pairings are deeply purrsonal"
Kanaya looked at her efforts at prose, still clutched in Nepeta's digits. "I See" Her frown deepened. "So What Exactly Does One Do With It"
":33< put it on the web for other shippers to see!"
The jadeblood's brow furrowed as she tried to process this. "How Is Sharing Hypothetical Situations Involving Ones Friends With Anonymous Trolls On The Overhive Somehow Less Personally Intrusive Than Sharing Those Situations With The Friends In Question"
":33< um..." Nepeta grimaced and decided it was time to bite the ammunition unit. ":33< kanaya, i dont think youre really meant for shipping" She handed back A Work.
The other troll looked at her manuscript, pondered for a moment, then nodded. "I Believe You Are Correct" A new smile appeared. "That Being Said Thank You For Your Critiques Nepeta I Was Clearly Correct In Coming To You On This Matter."
The smile had a partner. ":33< happy to be of purrvice! :))"
As she left the corner of the station the Rogue of Heart had reserved for matters of such, the aspiring author thought to herself, Perhaps Sollux Will Be More Amenable To Improving The Piece Itself Oft As He Has Wished For The Two To Finally Confess To One Another
Last edited by A Fan; 03-04-2011 at 10:33 AM.
Do you like Magic: the Gathering? Got ideas for MSPA-inspired cards? Post them here!
Sigspoiler of spoilsigging:
Fervent believer in preserving Internet anonymity.
Perhaps the last person on Earth without a Facebook.
Most easily satisfied audience in paradox space.
I am A Fan. And I am silly.
Generic chummeme: Your chumhandle is maverickLinguist, for your typing style is notable only for its absence of notable quirks. You let the assortment of personalities both naturally occuring and artificially manufactured in your own mind supply the requisite air of the bizarre. Your title is Muse of Thought. Your land is that of Dreams and Thunder.
And Tompkins sigquotes:
Originally Posted by Decker
I love the "whoops." It makes me think it happened by accident.
"Okay. My still life bowl of fruit is com-WHERE DID THESE LESBIANS COME FROM?!"
Originally Posted by LegoTechnic
Also keep in mind that the universe is a frog. It's a good thing to remember any time you start to feel you have a grasp on the celestial logic of the universe, be it the size of suns or the location of the furthest ring, because it reiterates that things can still be inexplicably weird.
The Knave of Space peers at the monitor. What the hell is going on down there? Lantadyme is resolutely churning out fics that may or may not have been warping the nature of reality itself, that one guy is outside the building weeping, Seraph is falling down drunk, and... what the hell is Path doing? And Critic?
Oh fuck they did not just break the physics again. No no no no now you are going to have to go recalibrate the gravity engine and untangle the stable space loops. Better pop the access hatch.
You crawl along the access vents, making your way to the life support room. You hear talking from down below, and as you round a corner you find the vent occupied. The Cairo Overcoat bunches up in the tunnel, completely blocking off the path while staring down at the room below.
"Uh. Dude."
"h. Srry abut that. I'll, uh..."
"Yeah. Just, um. Why are you...?"
"It's nt imprtant. I'll just, yu knw, leave."
"Okay."
With a green flash, he's gone. Fucking omnipotent pests. You have stuff to do.
The gravity engine is freaking out, so you give the thing a hard reset. Parameter 0, 1. Uh, wait, no. Wrong way.
Elsewhere, Decker falls screaming up to his death on the high ceiling.
Right. Physics repaired. Hopefully nobody got into any trouble while the fabric of reality was torn. Maybe now you can get back to work on your crossover. Those irresponsible bitches aren't going to know what hit them.
ha ha what's all this old crap Past Me put in his signature, get that stuff outta there
Heeeeeeeere's Blacksmith! Part 1 quoted, part 2 below:
Originally Posted by FieryBlacksmith
Because doomed timelines are pretty fun to write in.
Swipes of red and teal, part 1
Three knocks. Karkat looked around as the door to his room opened. "H3Y K4RKL3S."
He got up. "TEREZI? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
"OH, YOU KNOW, JUST DROPP1ING BY." She slipped into his room, a cane swung on one shoulder. "WH4CH4 DO1NG, 4NYW4Y?"
"I WAS JUST GOING TO WATCH A MOVIE, NOTHING SPECIAL."
A silence fell.
"W3LL?"
"WHAT WELL?"
"4R3N'T YOU GO1NG TO 1NV1T3 M3 TO JO1N YOU?"
Karkat looked away uncomfortably. "WELL, I WOULD, BUT, YOU KNOW..." he waved a hand in front of her face.
Terezi grabbed him by the wrist. "1 C4N S33 MOR3 TH4N YOU TH1NK, 4ND SM3LL 3V3N MOR3." she sniffed. "SP34K1NG OF..." pushing him aside, she jumped onto the couch and grabbed the bowl of Troll M&M's Karkat always snacked on during movies.
"YOU KNOW 1 L1K3 TH3S3, 4S 1F YOU WOULD 1NV1T3 M3 OVER 4NYW4Y." she grinned at him while he sat down next to her.
"YEAH? WELL I LIKE THEM TOO. DON'T THINK THEY MEAN ANYTHING."
"WH4T3V3R GROUCHK4T, JUST ST4RT TH3 MOV13 ALR34DY."
--
The movie ended about two hours later. During that time, the two trolls had emptied the bowl of chocolates, during which their hands grabbed each other about a dozen times. Karkat always glanced at Terezi when they did, but she didn't seem to notice, care or mind. During the obligatory they-break-up-because-s(he)-did-something-wrong part of the movie, Terezi had crept closer to Karkat, wrapping her arms around one of his. During the part where the wronged party is asked for forgiveness (or to not murder the party that wronged it, Troll movies are a bit more complicated on this matter), she had laid her head in his lap. Karkat stared at the screen as hard as he could, not wanting Terezi to see his head turn red from a blush.
When the movie ended in the traditional, and-they-filled-pails-happily/angrily-ever-after fashion, Terezi yawned and stretched her arms. "1 R34LLY DON'T G3T WH4T YOU S33 1N TH3S3 MOV13S."
Karkat looked down at Terezi, who smiled her characteristic wide smile. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?"
"W3LL... FOR ST4RT3RS, TH3Y 4R3 V3RY UNL1K3LY." she sat up and turned around, sitting on her knees next to Karkat. "1 M34N, WH4T'S TH3 L1K3L1N3SS OF TH4T M4NY TROLLS F1ND1NG LOV3 1N SOM3ON3 OF TH31R OWN WR1GGL1NG B4TCH, WHO TH3Y H4V3 KNOWN TH31R WHOL3 L1V3S? YOU S33 TH4T PLOT 3V3RYWH3R3."
"SO? THERE ARE PLENTY MORE PLOTS THAN THAT." Karkat turned to face Terezi.
"TH4T'S NOT MY PO1NT. YOU H4V3 4LL SORTS OF STOR13S ABOUT TH3 MOST UNL1K3LY OF ROM4NC3S, 1NCLUD1NG H1GH 4ND LOWBLOODS 4LL OV3R TH3 PL4C3. 4LL V3RY UNL1K3LY."
"IT'S ALWAYS UNLIKELY. NAME ANY QUADRANT, AND TELL ME HOW IT WAS FILLED IN A WAY THAT WASN'T WAY UNLIKELY TO HAPPEN. THAT'S HOW QUADRANTS WORK." Karkat told her.
"TH3 TH1NG 1S, 1T 4LW4YS ST4RTS 1N TH3 S4M3 W4Y. G1RL M33TS GUY, ST4RTS TO L1K3 OR H4T3 H1M, TR13S TO F1GUR3 OUT 1N WH1ICH QU4DR4NT H3 GO3S..." she smiled, but a smaller smile this time.
"I... AH, YOU MEAN..." Karkat began to form a pretty good idea what she was talking about.
"H3 DO3SN'T 1MM3D14T3LY R3J3CT H3R, SO SH3 TH1NKS SH3 H4S 4 PR3TTY GOOD SHOT 4T H1M." she began to run a finger over the back of his hand that was resting on the back of the couch. He stopped her by grabbing her hand and holding it gently.
"TH3N TH3Y 4R3 TOG3TH3R FOR 4 MOM3NT, 4ND W1THOUT F34R FOR JUDG3M3NT BY OTH3RS, TH3Y SHOW 34CHOTH3R WH4T TH3Y 4R3 R34LLY L1K3."
Karkat pulled up his legs and sat down in front of Terezi, just as she sat in front of him. "TH3 L1TTL3 TH1NGS TH3Y L1K3, TH3T M4K3S TH3M H4PPY, TH4T TURNS TH3M 1NTO W4X 1N TH31R M4T3'S H4NDS..."
With his free hand, Karkat carefully removed Terezi's glasses and put them in the now-empty bowl behind him. "HER SOFT VOICE, HER SENSE OF HUMOR, HER INTELLIGENCE..." he ran a hand over her cheek, and got closer in a way that put her knees in between his. "HER SOFT SKIN, CUTE SHARP HORNS, GREAT FIGURE, BEAUTIFUL EYES..."
"3H... 1 W4SN'T R34LLY T4LK1NG 4BOUT 4NYON3 1N P4RT1CULAR, K4RCUT3-" she stopped at her mispronounciation.
"BUT I AM." before she could respond, Karkat put a hand behind her head and kissed her. Terezi tried to struggle with a muffled "413", until she realised something.
Karkat Vantas tastes DELICIOUS.
She wasn't sure what the finishing ingredient was; the raw emotion, the chocolate still on his lips, or the decadent red strawberry-cherry fruit blast that was his blood running just below his lips. Whatever it was, she loved it. Wrapping her hands around his neck and pushing him onto his back, Karkat had his arms free to hug Terezi as tightly as he could. They laid there together for a length time that they would only be able to describe with three words:
Way too short.
Atuhor's Nose:
Part 2 wil describe the doomed timeline part. Originally intended as one big story, it grew out of hand during the writing process. Oh well.
Troll M&M's are painted with food dye made from dead grubs. Kinda gross when you think about it.
Swipes of Red and Teal, part 2
They just laid on the couch. Terezi had her arms around Karkat's waist, her head carefully against his chest not to hurt him with her horns. He had an arm around her head, and ran his free hand through her hair.
"MMM... W3 SHOULD H4V3 DON3 TH1S W4Y 34RL13R." Terezi sighed. She pushed her head out of Karkat's hold, so that it was on the same height as his.
"YEAH." he gave her a soft kiss. "WE SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN REAL SOON."
"1 GOT 4 B3TT3R 1D34..." she rolled him on his side, crawled on top of him, and playfully grabbed his nubby horns. "WHY NOT 4 ROUND 2?"
He put his arms around her waist. "SOUNDS GOOD, BUT, EH... DO YOU THINK WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT BEFORE THE SUN COMES UP?"
"W3LL, K4RK1SS3S, 1 TH1NK W3'R3 TOO L4T3 FOR TH4T." Terezi sat up, and looked out of the window. "1T'S R1S1NG 4LR34DY, 1 C4N F33L 1T."
"AW SHIT. WHAT NOW?" she smiled a big smile at Karkat as she climbed off him.
"S1MPL3, K4RCUT13. YOU'R3 GO1NG TO 1NV1T3 M3 TO ST4Y 4T YOUR PL4C3 FOR TH3 D4Y." she walked up to the window and blinded it. "W3LL?"
"TEREZI, IT'S FAR TOO DANGEROUS TO LET YOU GO HOME RIGHT NOW. I WANT YOU TO STAY WITH ME FOR THE DAY."
"4W K4RKL3S, 1 THOUGHT YOU'D N3V3R 4SK." she walked back, and sat down on top of him. Their hands found each other, and their fingers entwined. Karkat said nothing as he just looked at Terezi.
"YOU L1K3 WH4T YOU S33?" she asked with a grin.
"I SEE MY BEAUTIFUL MATESPIRIT SITTING ON TOP OF ME, SO YES, I LIKE WHAT I SEE." he sat up and kissed her, letting go of her hands to grab her tightly.
"4W, W4Y TO M4K3 1T SOUND OFF1C14L, CUT3K4T." she used her freed hands to grab onto him and hug him as well. What seemed to be going on forever was interrupted by a loud crash downstairs. Both trolls broke their kiss when they heard it.
"AW CRAP, CRABDAD IS ACTING UP AGAIN." wrestling himself free from Terezi's grip, Karkat got up and grabbed a sickle from his desk.
"DON'T ST4Y 4W4Y TOO LONG, W3 ST1LL H4V3 SOM3TH1NG TO F1N1SH." she told him, as she looked over the edge of the couch.
"FINISH?" Karkat walked up to her, and gently took her chin in his hand. "THAT WAS JUST A TASTE OF ROUND TWO." he gave her a kiss, and winked at her as he turned around and left his room. "DON'T GO ANYWHYERE, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."
Terezi swooned just loud enough for him to hear it. A few moments passed as everything was quiet, then sounds of fighting began to come from downstairs. Then, a horrible scream.
"TEREZI!"
Confused, she looked for her glasses and cane, as she walked to the door. "K4RK4T?"
"RUN!"
Leaving the room and looking down the stairway, she smelled a sharp cherry cloud coming from downstairs. An injured Karkat was at the bottom of the stairs.
"GAMZEE HAS SNAPPED! RUN!" he yelled at her, turning around just in time to parry a club swung at him.
Standing transfixed for a moment, Terezi turned around and started to look for stairs.
--
The hatch opened, and Terezi stumbled onto the roof. She looked around for a way down, but didn't find anything. The hatch was kicked open, and Gamzee stepped onto the roof.
"well well. WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE." he chuckled.
"G4MZ33? WH4T'S WRONG? WH3R3'S K4RK4T?" she asked.
"the angry motherfucker? HE'S A FINE ADDITION TO MY COLLECTION." he spinned the club in his hand. It smelled like it had been completely submerged in cherry jam.
"and so will you. NOW START BLEEDING." he ran up to her. A terrified Terezi swung her cane at him, which he caught with one hand. Holding onto it, he hit her in the chest with his club. She screamed in pain as she felt her torso strain under the blow, forcing her face-down a few feet away from her attacker. Her cane was yanked from her hands, turning into its segmented form, held together by rope. Gamzee looked at it in facination, then grinned in a way only the insane can grin.
Kneeling at Terezi, he put the rope around her neck. "little legislacertor. YOU HAVE COMMITED AN UNFORGIVABLE CRIME. your blood is the most beautiful teal. FOR WHICH THERE IS BUT ONE PUNISHMENT. death by hanging." Dragging her to the edge of the roof, he pulled the ends of the cane as far away from the edge as he could, pulling Terezi off the roof, and causing her to fall.
Snap.
--
Terezi put her hand against her neck. It was sore, but unbroken. She had fallen onto one of the side segments of the house. The rope of her cane was sturdy, but not strong enough to hang someone with. Strangle, perhaps, but not enough to maintain a troll's weight.
Terezi got to her feet, and tried to find a way to escape. After a few steps she felt something under her shoes. Broken glass. Reaching out closely, she felt nothing in a place that should have either a wall or window. Even when she climbed through as careful as she could, she could not avoid a few cuts from broken glass.
The room she had entered took her breath away. It stank of fresh fruit, mainly red-colored ones. Shaking, she walked to the source of the smell. She kneeled down and laid her hands on it. One of its nubby protrudings poked into her leg. She didn't care. She began to cry. "K... K4RK4T... PL34S3..."
Something hit her from behind. She shouted in pain and landed on her back. "isn't it beautiful? ALL THAT FUCKING RED. just look at it all over the room. JUST MOTHERFUCKING LOOK AT IT." Gamzee yanked her glasses off and threw them aside. "oh wait, i forgot. YOU CAN'T FUCKING SEE."
Terezi tried to grab him, fight him, do something. Gamzee replied by bringing down his fist on her face. She screamed in pain and grabbed her nose. He looked at the blood on his hand. "beautiful. NOW LET'S SEE HOW MUCH OF IT YOU GOT." the Subjugglator pulled her hands away, and raised his club.
bonk
BONK
bonk
BONK
bonk BONK
--
"T... TEREZI?"
"K4RK4T?"
He didn't answer. He just hugged her as tightly as he could.
"I'M SORRY TEREZI I'M SO SORRY I SHOULD HAVE BEATEN HIM I SHOULD HAVE PROTECTED YOU BETTER I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY-"
"K4RK4T."
"I SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM WAY EARLIER TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING I SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM WHILE HE WAS SOBER I'M SO SO SORRY TEREZI I'M SO SORRY."
"K4RK4T!"
"I SHOULD HAVE PROTECTED YOU BETTER I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED AFTER YOUR ESCAPE FIRST I'M SO SORRY TEREZI I'M SORRY I'M SORRY."
"K4RK4T!" she slapped him across the face. "SHUT UP YOU BLUBB3R1NG P4NSY." she lowered her hand. "1'M NOT M4D 4T YOU. YOU D1D 4LL YOU COULD."
"BUT IT WASN'T ENOUGH I'M SO SO-" he was slapped across the other side of the face.
"STOP TH4T, OR 1'LL SL4P YOU 4G41N. YOU D1D 4LL YOU COULD, YOU D13D TRY1NG TO PROT3CT M3. YOU TH1NK 1 DON'T 4PPREC14T3 TH4T?" Karkat tried to say something, but decided not to when Terezi raised her hand to hit him. "YOU'R3 4 H3RO 1N MY BOOK, 4ND S4Y1NG TH4T 1T DO3SN'T COUNT B3C4US3 1 D13D 1S BULLSH1T. YOU D13D PROT3CT1NG YOUR M4T3SP1R1T. TO PROT3CT M3."
He ran a hand over her cheek. "TEREZI..."
She grabbed his hand. "PLUS, 1T'S NOT 4LL TH4T B4D. 1 C4N S33 4G41N."
Karkat looke surprised, and gently put his free arm around her. "YOU CAN?"
Terezi grinned. "Y34H, 4ND 1 L1K3 WH4T 1 S33." she put her arm around him, and they hugged.
"I LOVE YOU, TEREZI." he whispered.
"1 LOV3 YOU TOO, K4RK4T." she answered.
They kissed.
Author's notes:
Welp, there it ends. I might do more with these guys later, in a different work. Until then, see you next time!
sorry, no chocolate here.
Last edited by FieryBlacksmith; 03-04-2011 at 10:20 AM.
So much meta... and dammit guys, seriously? THREE PAGES WHILE I WAS SLEEPING? :c I am disappoint. We're never gonna get anywhere at that rate.
EDIT: Oh dear gog the prompt generator gave me Droog/Slick, Machiavelli as a prompt. BRB WRITING SOME DROOG/SLICK STUFF.
EDIT 2: Oh look, a promptfic.
Pretense
They've always used each other for their own reasons. They both know it, too, even if the reasons aren't readily apparent. In Droog's case, some of those reasons aren't apparent for a very long time. Jack knows he's a cunning bastard, but he's unable to let him go. Boxcars and Deuce don't see the way they use each other, only the way they stick together. The idiots have mistaken it for some twisted sort of love.
Boxcars especially. God, Jack hates his insistence seeing the two of them kissing each other. Droog always responds by soundly beating Boxcars with his cuestick. Jack just yells at him to shut up.
What Jack doesn't want to admit is that maybe, for once, he'd like to use Droog in a completely different way. Drop all the pretense, all the planning bullshit. And maybe give in to Boxcar's suggestion. When the giant oaf is nowhere around to brag about it, of course.
If only that could happen. But it probably never will.
Problem Sleuth wakes up with his face smushed against floorboards. Again, he thinks.
He tries to express this verbally. "Hrrrrrgggnnnnn," he says. And then, "vvnnmph". His mouth is full of cotton balls. No wait, it just feels like it's full of cotton balls. He blinks a few times, and can't quite clear all the fuzz from his mind. All the same, he attempts to take account of things.
First, he notes, he is on the floor. He is not sure where the floor is or whose floor it is, but he is certainly on it, and since he woke up there he can deduce that he either slept there or was thrown there. The latter is certainly more common, even for the top problem sleuth in the city.
Second, he feels like shit. His head is throbbing, his mouth disgusting, and his entire body aching. He's cold. He attempts to check his skull for goose eggs left by the butt of somebody's revolver or a bottle or something, the usual cause of his experience waking up on the floor. His attempt is an exceptional failure, from which he learns that thirdly, his hands are tied up somehow. He wriggles around a little, cursing under his breath the entire way. However, he has found his hands, which expands point three to include the fact that he is tied, specifically, to a wrought-iron grate framing a fireplace.
He considers for a moment, and adds on point four, which is that he cannot remember getting here; he mentally jots it down as amnesia. Too many blows to the head? Food or drink laced? He keeps them in mind.
He decides to investigate the room. He considers doing this from a standing position, but points two and three gang up and beat the suggestion down, and he takes this as a warning to stay on the floor for now. He does not often listen to warnings, but coming as it is from his own thoughts, he allows that perhaps he has a point.
Problem Sleuth looks around. The floor is hardwood, dark and polished and real swanky. Nearby is a large green bottle, and he files it under Possible Weapons in his Brainvestigation. Just because he can't feel a bump on his head doesn't mean he wasn't clocked by that bottle. He gives it an intense glare, but the bottle remains quiet. It'll take more than that to convince it to cough up its alibi.
Right beside the bottle is a rug, tossed in a heap. It looks like white tiger skin or something equally endangered and expensive. It looks surprisingly soft, and Sleuth wonders if somebody is raising white tigers and shampooing them every day. This pings at the back of his mind. He thinks he's heard something like that before.
He files that under Clues.
The wood below him is slightly darker than the rest of the floor. Sleuth suspects the rug was moved either before he was tossed there or after, pulled out from under him. Maybe he was bleeding, and they didn't want to have to skin another Pantene Tiger. He can't feel any of the sharp pulls to his movement that would register as a cut, or the red-hot-poker sensation of a bullet wound, though, so he discounts that for the moment. It is beginning to look, to his chagrin, like he went down without much of a fight.
Beside him is a bedframe. It's also dark wood, with a few bits of dark steel laced into the design. It's modern and weird-looking and seems really expensive. He's right at the foot, and can't see any more of it than the tall flat design at the end, so he's not really sure what the rest of the bed looks like.
Craning his head backwards and gritting his teeth through the twinge of neck muscles and the screaming of his aching head, he can see long curtains and the edge of a door. He files it under Escape Routes, and notes amusedly that he's already organized his thoughts more than he ever does his office.
He looks down and adds a second door to his new folder. He also adds another point (five) to his Brainvestigation- he is entirely naked. No pants, shirt, tie, watch, hat, nothing. He holds up his feet. Even his socks are gone. On the plus side, he mentally checks off the symptom "cold" from his earlier list, noting "naked" beside it.
So he's woken up somewhere unfamiliar, feeling like hell, tied to a grate, naked. And he doesn't know how he got here. Problem Sleuth begins to feel something like worry. It's not the first time any of these things have happened, but usually it's not all at once. Somebody really pulled the big guns out to make sure he wouldn't be going anywhere. Naturally, he reacts as he frequently does when confronted with dangerous and delicate situations and immediately begins yelling.
"HEY, WHOEVER, RISE AND SHINE," he bellows. Oh God, his brain. It threatens to jump ship along with anything he ate last night if he continues to make noises a billion decibels higher than anyone should ever have to listen to. There is a strangled sound nearby and somebody moving. Whoops, thinks Problem Sleuth. Turns out there was somebody else here all along. Well, maybe whoever it is has some more information.
To his surprise, a figure pokes its head over the foot of the bed. He'd figured anyone in here would have been tied-up or drugged too. The man does look incredibly groggy, which almost eclipses his gritted teeth, lips curled in a snarl. His shiny black hair is wild, and he sports a handful of really impressive bite-marks all along his shoulders.
"What," he says flatly, "the fuck," he adds, "do you want," he closes his single eye as if in pain, "you asshole?"
It's Spades Slick. In retrospect, this really does look like one of his places. Problem Sleuth shoves him bodily into his Suspects folder. "Slick, if you don't get me untied from here-" he begins, but Spades Slick cuts him off.
"It's nine o'clock," Spades Slick says, in the closest thing to patience he's ever displayed. Patience, for Spades Slick, involves him clenching his sharp teeth together with his eye closed.
"Is it?" Sleuth says with fake cheer. "Let me just check my watch." He makes a show of craning his head back to his hands. There's nothing around his wrist but rope. Spades Slick makes a gagging sound. "Nope, had no idea," Sleuth continues. "Look, Slick, I don't know what you want, but I know we can work something out. So just untie me, and we'll talk."
"You don't know," Spades Slick says, his attempted patience showing a crack or two, "what I want."
Sleuth smiles at him to hide how completely thrown off he is by all this.
"I want you to shut up and let me sleep, you complete fucking moron." Slick's hand goes to his forehead, which he holds, wincing, for a moment before running it through his wild hair. He makes a half-hearted impression of Sleuth's voice. "'Just leave me here, Slick,'" he mocks. "'Too tired to move.'" Slick snarls at him, "patience" shattering entirely. "If I'd known you'd wake up ungodly early and start howling at me through this fucking hangover to let you back out, I'd never have tied you up in the first place."
"You tied me-"
"YES, I FUCKING TIED YOU UP THERE. And if I recall correctly, you seemed to enjoy it for awhile. So fuck you, shut up, and next time you're drunk out of your skull I'm not going to listen to a fucking word you say." Spades Slick wraps himself in a blanket, grabs a pillow, and stalks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Hm.
Sleuth peers up at his hands.
Yes, he thinks through his hangover, he does vaguely remember going out on the town with Slick the night before. It's fuzzy. He squints his eyes closed and tries to think. Yes, they went out to somewhere Slick didn't own. Slick was feeling generous and was buying drinks right, left, and center, for anybody in the room who caught his interest, so he figures he must have drank about three times what he's usually used to on a real bender.
He is unsure if the club was still standing when they left.
Then the two of them, straggling through the streets to whatever apartment was closest, alternately supporting each other and degenerating into drunken off-balance beatings. Somehow Slick got his apartment unlocked (Sleuth remembers some kerfuffle over the keys), and then very fuzzy and separate memories of travelling through his hall, kitchen, and collapsing on the sofa, Slick pulling a bottle of something from... somewhere, Slick straddling his lap, and then... pretty much nothing.
He has no idea how Spades Slick does it. The guy is three-quarters his size and skinny, but he can hold his liquor like nobody's business. And he sure ties a good knot.
Problem Sleuth takes the bottle out of the Possible Weapons file and puts it in Suspects with Spades Slick, then mentally stamps "CASE CLOSED" on it. Just another job well-done for the town's best problem sleuth. No clue unfound, no situation too embarrassing.
A/N
I imagine that when Slick does come back (after throwing Sleuth's shirt off the couch and napping there until lunch), Problem Sleuth will have long since pulled the tiger skin over with his toes and fallen asleep in it. Slick'll grouchily cut him out before Sleuth wakes up to pester him, and Sleuth'll find him in the kitchen, growling about the fact that he only keeps alcohol in his pad and no food.
Problem Sleuth wakes up with his face smushed against floorboards. Again, he thinks.
He tries to express this verbally. "Hrrrrrgggnnnnn," he says. And then, "vvnnmph". His mouth is full of cotton balls. No wait, it just feels like it's full of cotton balls. He blinks a few times, and can't quite clear all the fuzz from his mind. All the same, he attempts to take account of things.
First, he notes, he is on the floor. He is not sure where the floor is or whose floor it is, but he is certainly on it, and since he woke up there he can deduce that he either slept there or was thrown there. The latter is certainly more common, even for the top problem sleuth in the city.
Second, he feels like shit. His head is throbbing, his mouth disgusting, and his entire body aching. He's cold. He attempts to check his skull for goose eggs left by the butt of somebody's revolver or a bottle or something, the usual cause of his experience waking up on the floor. His attempt is an exceptional failure, from which he learns that thirdly, his hands are tied up somehow. He wriggles around a little, cursing under his breath the entire way. However, he has found his hands, which expands point three to include the fact that he is tied, specifically, to a wrought-iron grate framing a fireplace.
He considers for a moment, and adds on point four, which is that he cannot remember getting here; he mentally jots it down as amnesia. Too many blows to the head? Food or drink laced? He keeps them in mind.
He decides to investigate the room. He considers doing this from a standing position, but points two and three gang up and beat the suggestion down, and he takes this as a warning to stay on the floor for now. He does not often listen to warnings, but coming as it is from his own thoughts, he allows that perhaps he has a point.
Problem Sleuth looks around. The floor is hardwood, dark and polished and real swanky. Nearby is a large green bottle, and he files it under Possible Weapons in his Brainvestigation. Just because he can't feel a bump on his head doesn't mean he wasn't clocked by that bottle. He gives it an intense glare, but the bottle remains quiet. It'll take more than that to convince it to cough up its alibi.
Right beside the bottle is a rug, tossed in a heap. It looks like white tiger skin or something equally endangered and expensive. It looks surprisingly soft, and Sleuth wonders if somebody is raising white tigers and shampooing them every day. This pings at the back of his mind. He thinks he's heard something like that before.
He files that under Clues.
The wood below him is slightly darker than the rest of the floor. Sleuth suspects the rug was moved either before he was tossed there or after, pulled out from under him. Maybe he was bleeding, and they didn't want to have to skin another Pantene Tiger. He can't feel any of the sharp pulls to his movement that would register as a cut, or the red-hot-poker sensation of a bullet wound, though, so he discounts that for the moment. It is beginning to look, to his chagrin, like he went down without much of a fight.
Beside him is a bedframe. It's also dark wood, with a few bits of dark steel laced into the design. It's modern and weird-looking and seems really expensive. He's right at the foot, and can't see any more of it than the tall flat design at the end, so he's not really sure what the rest of the bed looks like.
Craning his head backwards and gritting his teeth through the twinge of neck muscles and the screaming of his aching head, he can see long curtains and the edge of a door. He files it under Escape Routes, and notes amusedly that he's already organized his thoughts more than he ever does his office.
He looks down and adds a second door to his new folder. He also adds another point (five) to his Brainvestigation- he is entirely naked. No pants, shirt, tie, watch, hat, nothing. He holds up his feet. Even his socks are gone. On the plus side, he mentally checks off the symptom "cold" from his earlier list, noting "naked" beside it.
So he's woken up somewhere unfamiliar, feeling like hell, tied to a grate, naked. And he doesn't know how he got here. Problem Sleuth begins to feel something like worry. It's not the first time any of these things have happened, but usually it's not all at once. Somebody really pulled the big guns out to make sure he wouldn't be going anywhere. Naturally, he reacts as he frequently does when confronted with dangerous and delicate situations and immediately begins yelling.
"HEY, WHOEVER, RISE AND SHINE," he bellows. Oh God, his brain. It threatens to jump ship along with anything he ate last night if he continues to make noises a billion decibels higher than anyone should ever have to listen to. There is a strangled sound nearby and somebody moving. Whoops, thinks Problem Sleuth. Turns out there was somebody else here all along. Well, maybe whoever it is has some more information.
To his surprise, a figure pokes its head over the foot of the bed. He'd figured anyone in here would have been tied-up or drugged too. The man does look incredibly groggy, which almost eclipses his gritted teeth, lips curled in a snarl. His shiny black hair is wild, and he sports a handful of really impressive bite-marks all along his shoulders.
"What," he says flatly, "the fuck," he adds, "do you want," he closes his single eye as if in pain, "you asshole?"
It's Spades Slick. In retrospect, this really does look like one of his places. Problem Sleuth shoves him bodily into his Suspects folder. "Slick, if you don't get me untied from here-" he begins, but Spades Slick cuts him off.
"It's nine o'clock," Spades Slick says, in the closest thing to patience he's ever displayed. Patience, for Spades Slick, involves him clenching his sharp teeth together with his eye closed.
"Is it?" Sleuth says with fake cheer. "Let me just check my watch." He makes a show of craning his head back to his hands. There's nothing around his wrist but rope. Spades Slick makes a gagging sound. "Nope, had no idea," Sleuth continues. "Look, Slick, I don't know what you want, but I know we can work something out. So just untie me, and we'll talk."
"You don't know," Spades Slick says, his attempted patience showing a crack or two, "what I want."
Sleuth smiles at him to hide how completely thrown off he is by all this.
"I want you to shut up and let me sleep, you complete fucking moron." Slick's hand goes to his forehead, which he holds, wincing, for a moment before running it through his wild hair. He makes a half-hearted impression of Sleuth's voice. "'Just leave me here, Slick,'" he mocks. "'Too tired to move.'" Slick snarls at him, "patience" shattering entirely. "If I'd known you'd wake up ungodly early and start howling at me through this fucking hangover to let you back out, I'd never have tied you up in the first place."
"You tied me-"
"YES, I FUCKING TIED YOU UP THERE. And if I recall correctly, you seemed to enjoy it for awhile. So fuck you, shut up, and next time you're drunk out of your skull I'm not going to listen to a fucking word you say." Spades Slick wraps himself in a blanket, grabs a pillow, and stalks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
Hm.
Sleuth peers up at his hands.
Yes, he thinks through his hangover, he does vaguely remember going out on the town with Slick the night before. It's fuzzy. He squints his eyes closed and tries to think. Yes, they went out to somewhere Slick didn't own. Slick was feeling generous and was buying drinks right, left, and center, for anybody in the room who caught his interest, so he figures he must have drank about three times what he's usually used to on a real bender.
He is unsure if the club was still standing when they left.
Then the two of them, straggling through the streets to whatever apartment was closest, alternately supporting each other and degenerating into drunken off-balance beatings. Somehow Slick got his apartment unlocked (Sleuth remembers some kerfuffle over the keys), and then very fuzzy and separate memories of travelling through his hall, kitchen, and collapsing on the sofa, Slick pulling a bottle of something from... somewhere, Slick straddling his lap, and then... pretty much nothing.
He has no idea how Spades Slick does it. The guy is three-quarters his size and skinny, but he can hold his liquor like nobody's business. And he sure ties a good knot.
Problem Sleuth takes the bottle out of the Possible Weapons file and puts it in Suspects with Spades Slick, then mentally stamps "CASE CLOSED" on it. Just another job well-done for the town's best problem sleuth. No clue unfound, no situation too embarrassing.
A/N
I imagine that when Slick does come back (after throwing Sleuth's shirt off the couch and napping there until lunch), Problem Sleuth will have long since pulled the tiger skin over with his toes and fallen asleep in it. Slick'll grouchily cut him out before Sleuth wakes up to pester him, and Sleuth'll find him in the kitchen, growling about the fact that he only keeps alcohol in his pad and no food.
Mmmm, drunken shenanigans.
... The two of us should totally collaborate on some Droog/Sleuth/Slick triangles.
Honestly, Dermonster (Known as Derm to his friends, the number of which could effectively be counted as about Zero point three) thought, People just started to ignore me by the second thread.
"Hi Seraph." He said, passing him down the hall.
Seraph paused, looked around, then continued walking, shaking his head.
Derm sighed. The Felt Fic had garnered the most attention he had ever recieved, but it still seemed kinda lackluster. He knew he couldn't really expect some sort of parade in his honor, but he was a bit beeved at the complete lockout of aknowledgement on starting the whole RVB/SBURB thing.
There were few things he could think of for new fic ideas. Most of the good crosovers were taken except for a select few. The prompts were nice, but dialogue just seemed to escape him.
Suddenly the fic portal flared up, as it does occasionally, and a new writer appeared out of it, dazed and confused.
Hey, Derm said to the new writer. Welcome to the club!
The newcomer, as if propelled by magnetic forces, slid out of the room.
Oh come on! He shouted. He probably hasn't even seen me before!
He looked down in despar and realized he had brought his fic-writer with him and had been unconciously typing.
He read what was written so far.
Oh what the hell! When did I start writing self-insert angst fic!? He shouted to the heavens.
Oh well, Time to get drunk as hell and hit on Kass again. Derm thought as he threw the typewr-
WRITING DEVICE DAMAGED. AUTO-POSTING.
Authors notes.
*As usual, is Increadibly nervous*
Just a parody of what I percieve to be my general status on this thread, which is that annoying guy who pesters everyone for attention with infrequent mediocre fic, with a few good pieces here and there.
Last edited by Dermonster; 03-04-2011 at 10:30 AM.
Honestly, Dermonster (Known as Derm to his friends, the number of which could effectively be counted as about Zero point three) thought, People just started to ignore me by the second thread.
"Hi Seraph." He said, passing him down the hall.
Seraph paused, looked around, then continued walking, shaking his head.
Derm sighed. The Felt Fic had garnered the most attention he had ever recieved, but it still seemed kinda lackluster. He knew he couldn't really expect some sort of parade in his honor, but he was a bit beeved at the complete lockout of aknowledgement on starting the whole RVB/SBURB thing.
There were few things he could think of for new fic ideas. Most of the good crosovers were taken except for a select few. The prompts were nice, but dialogue just seemed to escape him.
Suddenly the fic portal flared up, as it does occasionally, and a new writer appeared out of it, dazed and confused.
Hey, Derm said to the new writer. Welcome to the club!
The newcomer, as if propelled by magnetic forces, slid out of the room.
Oh come on! He shouted. He probably hasn't even seen me before!
He looked down in despar and realized he had brought his fic-writer with him and had been unconciously typing.
He read what was written so far.
Oh what the hell! When did I start writing self-insert angst fic!? He shouted to the heavens.
Oh well, Time to get drunk as hell and hit on Kass again. Derm thought as he threw the typewr-
WRITING DEVICE DAMAGED. AUTO-POSTING.
Authors notes.
*As usual, is Increadibly nervous*
Just a parody of what I percieve to be my general status on this thread, which is that annoying guy who pesters everyone for attention with infrequent mediocre fic, with a few good pieces here and there.
Dude, your Felt fics have over a thousand hits on Ao3. stop complaining o_O
Originally Posted by twinArmageddons
C20710
銀様
Serious Business
C2/Everyone else
h. S
Troll M&M's are painted with food dye made from dead grubs. Kinda gross when you think about it.
