MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[Sporkaganza]

Hey guys, I brought poetry! If the trolls had been allowed to enter our universe and rule over us as gods...
Well. We'd have gotten some interesting mythology.


Twelve Gods

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I am the god of passing time.
Eternal am I, like the rock.
No heart have I, but ticking clock.
You faze me not, and eons pass.
Do not ask me to answer prayer.
I do not listen, do not care,
For nothing in this world can last.
I see and know and feel no shock.
I am the god of passing time.

I am the god of agile breath,
Of all that soars upon the air.
In dreams of flying, I am there.
I ne'r oppose, but only bend.
And reach another, kinder height.
I am the fantasy of flight,
If you love freedom, I'm your friend,
If you be trapped, I mourn your snare.
I am the god of agile breath.

I am the god of coming doom,
Of all inevitable things.
You feast like peasants, die like kings.
I am the bell that tolls your death.
So wail, weep that you will die,
And celebrate your last novae!
The sweetest is your final breath
And torturous, the song you sing.
I am the god of coming doom.

I am the god of passioned heart.
I mull the sense like sweetest wine.
I know whose arms would well entwine,
So ask me, e're you make a match.
I bless your vows in solemn voice
And in your courtship song rejoice,
But break no hearts, lest my claws catch
The unfaithful who lie supine.
I am the god of passioned heart.

I am the god of woven space.
My gown makes up the firmament,
And constellations, my accent
Embroidered in a silver thread.
I'm ever-changing, like a storm,
I cannot keep a constant form,
And rivers flow where worlds have bled
To quench my constant discontent.
I am the god of woven space.

I am the god of cunning mind,
The arbiter at heaven's gate.
My smile or frown will name your fate.
I am a creature without eyes
And yet I see into your head.
So many, from my gaze have fled!
I separate the truth and lies,
So stammer falsehoods, I will wait.
I am the god of cunning mind.

I am the god of fortune's light,
The lucky star, the fate-lit flame
That bursts into a blaze of fame,
Success and serendipity.
But if you risk my help to plead
I'll mold you into what I need.
Your glory all belongs to me
Your flash will e're illume my name.
I am the god of fortune's light.

I am the god of empty void.
I am the zero, in-between,
Always present, never seen.
My duty just to watch and wait
And silent, know the things you do
When you're alone, the hidden you.
I neither judge nor name your fate
But keep your secrets, cruel, obscene.
I am the god of empty void.

I am the god of burning rage
Of pounding head and flecking gore,
Berserker of the art of war
And yet I kill with glee and mirth,
For all of life is but a joke.
My laughing voice is what invokes
The soldier's blood to spray the earth.
Adrenaline is my liquor.
I am the god of burning rage.

I am the god of faintest hope
Who walks the world with arms proffered.
I speak in hushed and pleading words
Give my your prayers, or I will wane.
My blessings ever on you shine
If your whole soul is only mine.
I love, but take my name in vain
And I will vanish, wrath incurred.
I am the god of faintest hope.

I am the god of given life,
Of joyous rushing through your veins,
Of pounding hearts and burning brains.
My finger always on your pulse
My breath is yours, your heartbeat mine,
And it is through my will divine
That inert matter feels impulse
To jump for joy and weep for pain.
I am the god of given life.

I am the god of flowing blood
Of anger, lust and bravery,
Of visceral mortality.
I am the glorious mundane.
I'm born, I die, and I renew.
Why pray to me when I am you?
And everything is my domain.
Those gods are a formality.
I am the god of flowing blood.

(Inspired by something I read quite a while ago that had this same basic concept but with the four kids, and I can't remember who wrote it otherwise I would totally give them credit.)

I love this! It brings to mind something almost Norse-like. Very old, very dark and very fickle gods.

Also, your description of God!Gamzee reminded me a lot of The Comedian from Watchmen.

[ceruleanTresses]

Twelve Gods

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I am the god of passing time.
Eternal am I, like the rock.
No heart have I, but ticking clock.
You faze me not, and eons pass.
Do not ask me to answer prayer.
I do not listen, do not care,
For nothing in this world can last.
I see and know and feel no shock.
I am the god of passing time.

I am the god of agile breath,
Of all that soars upon the air.
In dreams of flying, I am there.
I ne'r oppose, but only bend.
And reach another, kinder height.
I am the fantasy of flight,
If you love freedom, I'm your friend,
If you be trapped, I mourn your snare.
I am the god of agile breath.

I am the god of coming doom,
Of all inevitable things.
You feast like peasants, die like kings.
I am the bell that tolls your death.
So wail, weep that you will die,
And celebrate your last novae!
The sweetest is your final breath
And torturous, the song you sing.
I am the god of coming doom.

I am the god of passioned heart.
I mull the sense like sweetest wine.
I know whose arms would well entwine,
So ask me, e're you make a match.
I bless your vows in solemn voice
And in your courtship song rejoice,
But break no hearts, lest my claws catch
The unfaithful who lie supine.
I am the god of passioned heart.

I am the god of woven space.
My gown makes up the firmament,
And constellations, my accent
Embroidered in a silver thread.
I'm ever-changing, like a storm,
I cannot keep a constant form,
And rivers flow where worlds have bled
To quench my constant discontent.
I am the god of woven space.

I am the god of cunning mind,
The arbiter at heaven's gate.
My smile or frown decides your fate.
I am a creature without eyes
And yet I see into your head.
So many, from my gaze have fled!
I separate the truth and lies,
So stammer falsehoods, I will wait.
I am the god of cunning mind.

I am the god of fortune's light,
The lucky star, the fate-lit flame
That bursts into a blaze of fame,
Success and serendipity.
But if you risk my help to plead
I'll mold you into what I need.
Your glory all belongs to me
Your flash will e're illume my name.
I am the god of fortune's light.

I am the god of empty void.
I am the zero, in-between,
Always present, never seen.
My duty just to watch and wait
And silent, know the things you do
When you're alone, the hidden you.
I neither judge nor name your fate
But keep your secrets, cruel, obscene.
I am the god of empty void.

I am the god of burning rage
Of pounding head and flecking gore,
Berserker of the art of war
And yet I kill with glee and mirth,
For all of life is but a joke.
My laughing voice is what invokes
The soldier's blood to spray the earth.
Adrenaline is my liquor.
I am the god of burning rage.

I am the god of faintest hope
Who walks the world with arms proffered.
I speak in hushed and pleading words
Give my your prayers, or I will wane.
My blessings ever on you shine
If your whole soul is only mine.
I love, but take my name in vain
And I will vanish, wrath incurred.
I am the god of faintest hope.

I am the god of given life,
Of joyous rushing through your veins,
Of pounding hearts and burning brains.
My finger always on your pulse
My breath is yours, your heartbeat mine,
And it is through my will divine
That inert matter feels impulse
To jump for joy and weep for pain.
I am the god of given life.

I am the god of flowing blood
Of anger, lust and bravery,
Of visceral mortality.
I am the glorious mundane.
I'm born, I die, and I renew.
Why pray to me when I am you?
And everything is my domain.
Those gods are a formality.
I am the god of flowing blood.

Wow.
That's freaking beautiful, especially Feferi's and Karkat's verses. Also Kanaya's. And Sollux's. But all of them really.

(also, Alana, Indigo Terezi is pretty much the best thing ever.)

[battlerek]

@Lucid Seraph- Things just can't get any better for the kids can it?

@Nox- Poor Rose

@Tenebrais- I kinda feel happy for Scratch in that one.

@Alana- So, you basically turned Karkat into a laughing version of Judge Dredd, and Terezi into a crazy clown yandere. Awesome

@Red Pen- They're all great, but Karkat's poem is the best of the bunch.

[Graven_Image]

@Red Pen: Beautiful. F***ing beautiful. You need to submit these to a fantasy rag or something.

[Brokshi]

Hey guys, I brought poetry! If the trolls had been allowed to enter our universe and rule over us as gods...
Well. We'd have gotten some interesting mythology.


Twelve Gods

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I am the god of passing time.
Eternal am I, like the rock.
No heart have I, but ticking clock.
You faze me not, and eons pass.
Do not ask me to answer prayer.
I do not listen, do not care,
For nothing in this world can last.
I see and know and feel no shock.
I am the god of passing time.

I am the god of agile breath,
Of all that soars upon the air.
In dreams of flying, I am there.
I ne'r oppose, but only bend.
And reach another, kinder height.
I am the fantasy of flight,
If you love freedom, I'm your friend,
If you be trapped, I mourn your snare.
I am the god of agile breath.

I am the god of coming doom,
Of all inevitable things.
You feast like peasants, die like kings.
I am the bell that tolls your death.
So wail, weep that you will die,
And celebrate your last novae!
The sweetest is your final breath
And torturous, the song you sing.
I am the god of coming doom.

I am the god of passioned heart.
I mull the sense like sweetest wine.
I know whose arms would well entwine,
So ask me, e're you make a match.
I bless your vows in solemn voice
And in your courtship song rejoice,
But break no hearts, lest my claws catch
The unfaithful who lie supine.
I am the god of passioned heart.

I am the god of woven space.
My gown makes up the firmament,
And constellations, my accent
Embroidered in a silver thread.
I'm ever-changing, like a storm,
I cannot keep a constant form,
And rivers flow where worlds have bled
To quench my constant discontent.
I am the god of woven space.

I am the god of cunning mind,
The arbiter at heaven's gate.
My smile or frown decides your fate.
I am a creature without eyes
And yet I see into your head.
So many, from my gaze have fled!
I separate the truth and lies,
So stammer falsehoods, I will wait.
I am the god of cunning mind.

I am the god of fortune's light,
The lucky star, the fate-lit flame
That bursts into a blaze of fame,
Success and serendipity.
But if you risk my help to plead
I'll mold you into what I need.
Your glory all belongs to me
Your flash will e're illume my name.
I am the god of fortune's light.

I am the god of empty void.
I am the zero, in-between,
Always present, never seen.
My duty just to watch and wait
And silent, know the things you do
When you're alone, the hidden you.
I neither judge nor name your fate
But keep your secrets, cruel, obscene.
I am the god of empty void.

I am the god of burning rage
Of pounding head and flecking gore,
Berserker of the art of war
And yet I kill with glee and mirth,
For all of life is but a joke.
My laughing voice is what invokes
The soldier's blood to spray the earth.
Adrenaline is my liquor.
I am the god of burning rage.

I am the god of faintest hope
Who walks the world with arms proffered.
I speak in hushed and pleading words
Give my your prayers, or I will wane.
My blessings ever on you shine
If your whole soul is only mine.
I love, but take my name in vain
And I will vanish, wrath incurred.
I am the god of faintest hope.

I am the god of given life,
Of joyous rushing through your veins,
Of pounding hearts and burning brains.
My finger always on your pulse
My breath is yours, your heartbeat mine,
And it is through my will divine
That inert matter feels impulse
To jump for joy and weep for pain.
I am the god of given life.

I am the god of flowing blood
Of anger, lust and bravery,
Of visceral mortality.
I am the glorious mundane.
I'm born, I die, and I renew.
Why pray to me when I am you?
And everything is my domain.
Those gods are a formality.
I am the god of flowing blood.

(Inspired by something I read quite a while ago that had this same basic concept but with the four kids, and I can't remember who wrote it otherwise I would totally give them credit. I think it was titled "Pantheon"?)

That was brilliant, please, write more.

[penguinbound]

@Red Pen: oh my god i love that so much why are you so awesomeeeeee.

[lantadyme]

@Tenebrais: Oh man, please tell me Shagghi is Gamzee's ancestor's name. That is the best thing.
@Alana: I love me some red!Rose and I am totally excited to see her in this. Hope you come up with more soon!
@Red Pen: Wow. That was quite excellent.

I wish I could dance to the music in my head too, Scratch. Oh how I wish.

Does he learn how to dance to it once he realizes he's Cal?

I am now imagining Doc Scratch breakdancing in baggy pants and a backward cap, 80's boombox blasting garage house in the background. It is glorious.

[lucidSeraph]

@ Lantadyme YES. Yes yes yes yes yes. Yes. that's all there is to say on the matter.

[Decker]

@Tenebrais: Oh man, please tell me Shagghi is Gamzee's ancestor's name. That is the best thing.
@Alana: I love me some red!Rose and I am totally excited to see her in this. Hope you come up with more soon!
@Red Pen: Wow. That was quite excellent.

I wish I could dance to the music in my head too, Scratch. Oh how I wish.

Does he learn how to dance to it once he realizes he's Cal?

I am now imagining Doc Scratch breakdancing in baggy pants and a backward cap, 80's boombox blasting garage house in the background. It is glorious.

No boombox. Aradia is beatboxing.

[Alana]

Oh gosh. Chiming in with everyone else about that awesome poem. IT IS AWESOME.

@Alana- So, you basically turned Karkat into a laughing version of Judge Dredd, and Terezi into a crazy clown yandere. Awesome

yep pretty much C: aren't they just the cutest?

(also, Alana, Indigo Terezi is pretty much the best thing ever.)

thank you

@Alana: I love me some red!Rose and I am totally excited to see her in this. Hope you come up with more soon!

That is because she is the best C: and I don't think I'm gonna run out of steam anytime sooooooon~

[Mirdan]

@ alana: your Jade is hilarious, specifically:

GG: OH MY GOD DAD IS GOING TO KILL ME
GG: YOU KILLED ME JOHN
GG: YOU ARE WHAT CAUSED THE DEATH I AM ABOUT TO HAVE

@ Red Pen: Some of the rhymes were sketchy (Sollux caught my eye) but considering how hard it is to rhyme in English, I'll repeat what everyone else has said: nifty!

@ lantadyme's dancing scratch: yes. hell yes.

e: your name is hard to spell : n

[lantadyme]

@Seraph: Glad you approve, my good sir. /salutes
@Decker: I bet Aradia is just awesome enough to beatbox garage house on the fly, too. That has to something to watch. Dave is all kinds of wicked jealous over it.

[pimudragonfeline]

It has many variations my classmates both spell it with two n's.
@Alana Please continue the awesomeness
@Red Pen continue as well.
>>Pantheon Link

[wilySubversionist]

Okay, so. Way behind in reading so I'm being a jackass who doesn't comment enough on all the good things going on, but I've got this new thing here (Warning, this is BEEFY):

Walking Far from Home
(ii)

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Hand outstretched to her familiar, the Rose Human smiles like a surgeon. Her face is a picture of arrogance, her lips curving not out of amusement, but from steady trust in her own gifted hands. Well, maybe a little amusement at her somewhat absurd situation. Her eyes are bright and clear and fixed on a garish pink island, one of the several small obstacles made of the game’s code. A code easily broken.

Fingers coiled tightly around the Thorn, she raises it towards the dungeon, marshaling her strength. Magic requires certain implements, yes, but their use is not absolute; her eyes close and her chest heaves a deep breath, as she calls up her own power to conduct the wand. Dark light licks up her arm.

The eldritch wands are very powerful—Rose is very powerful—and raising the island out of the sea, unmooring it from the roots of LOLAR, is actually as effortless as it looks. Another flick of her wrist and the foundations are crumbling. Thick slabs of rock are strewn back into the sea or lay on the beach, colors shifting under the light rain. Her dark energies diffuse through the spaces between stones, tearing. After a moment all that’s left is the mock-up of the Green Sun, and the floating girl, a tiny black dot eclipsing its brightness.

There’s a noise, an electric crack!, as the huge stone captchacard speeds toward the beach. It crashes on its side, half buried in sand. Sand that cradles Rose’s feet as she floats back down and lands, like it had been waiting for her all along.

Rose’s smile is now more contemplative than smug, and she’s clearly beginning to work out the next steps in the elaborate swordfight against her very reality. Obviously, her attention had been somewhat divided by some conversation, pleasant but not entirely engrossing. Now she just stares at the giant sun, lost in thought. The time to strike: right fuckin now.

|PESTERLOG|

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-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] –
CA: wwho are you tryin to convvince wwith this ludicrous poppycock
TT: ?
CA: magic is NOT REAL
CA: wwhatevver youre doin its not real its somethin else outright entirely
CA: its fancy and impressivve and all but its not the fuckin figmental storybook claptrap you wwanna make out like it is
CA: so howw about you get off your high skyhorse
TT: Why do you keep addressing me as if I'm some sort of spokesperson for the reality of magic?
TT: You can't needle me into a defensive posture on the subject. I just don't care.
CA: youre not usin magic just DEAL WW IT
TT: Fine. You win.
TT: These are science wands. I am a charlatan.
CA: ok i didnt say that
CA: because i wwouldnt since its a total fakey lie
CA: im the one who has all the science power not you
TT: ?
TT: This conversation feels both familiar and surreal. Which I can only guess has something to do with you ruining it completely with your usual aplomb.
CA: hey im trying here maybe screwing it up is actually for the best
CA: wwevve already had this talk and it was a total wwaste a time
CA: that ended with you being a huge glubbin bitch
CA: im trying to avoid you getting all high and mighty so wwe can actually talk
TT: So? Talk.
TT: I doubt you have anything of interest to add to our alternate conversation, but I see no reason not to humor you.
CA: no wwonder kan wwas alwways so stuck on you youre just like her
CA: a big knowwitall wwho doesn’t recognize her place
CA: im a gogdamn prince and a gogdamn scientist testing my leathal hypotheses im not to be patted and coddled like a stupid wwiggler
TT: You still haven’t added anything of substance to what was an already tedious exchange.
TT: Unless you’d like to elaborate on your assertions about Kanaya’s fixation with me.
TT: I might not open a vein from boredom if that were our topic.
CA: leavve that coolkid shit to the asshole of time youre no good at it ros
CA: i can see you practically jumping out of your fin to hear more about your little girlcrush
CA: i thought you wwere passin on all that alien romance stuff anyhoww thats wwhat you told me
CA: or wwould a told me wwhatever
TT: One: You’re grossly overestimating my report with Kanaya and misinterpreting our friendship through your own sordid lens.
TT: Two: I took a pass on your specific advances, because you are completely unbearable and more than a little stupid.
TT: (If I were to actually channel Dave, as you allege, I would phrase that sentiment as “You are stone cold retarded.”)
TT: Finally: that was the worst fish pun I’ve ever heard.
CA: wwhatever ros youre so full of shit youre flirtin with me right now
CA: and youre totally flushed for the greenblood its actually really embarrassing to wwatch with you showing off your phony sorcery tryin to impress her all the time
CA: wwheres your self respect ros
TT: Okay. My patience has expired. Goodbye.
CA: no wwait
CA: i just want to chat im lonely caught on this planet lousy wwith angels again like a fuckin fish in a barrel
TT: Hmm. There has to be a more satisfactory way to terminate this exchange.
TT: Ah, I recall now.
caligulasAquarium's [CA'S] computer exploded.

“Dammit Rose!”

Rose was less surprised by the sudden shout, but more by the stark and bright new landscape she faced when turned toward the ocean: no color to the sky, just endless white flecked with reeling black-winged figures. Where the turtle-temple had been, there was now an impossibly tall gothic tower, like a medieval cathedral back on Earth. She tried to follow the ornate relief of its arches, higher and higher, but had to turn away from the intense illumination. When she turned her head and blinked, the back of her eyelids stayed seared with white spots.

After a moment of trying to cope with the headache-inducing glare, she opened her eyes, careful to shield them with her hand, and tried to focus on an earth-bound humanoid shape. It seemed to be the source of the unending noise, what sounded like a water-soaked sponge trying to speak. She sought a name to attach to the otherworldly strange and immanently punchable face before her.

“Eridan. What is going on?”

“You bleww up my computer, Rose,” he whined. He was certainly no less petulant in person. “And wwe wweren’t done talking, so I came to you.”

“And you brought the carpet bombing of Dresden with you? What is all this?” She tried to make out the details of the birdlike things flying behind him, but couldn’t before the brightness became too much.

“This is my glubbin planet, LOWwAA. Wwrath and angels. Dream bubbles are wweird, you can move places around. Believve it or not, you’re the first person to vvisit me here.”

No sooner than he spoke of dream bubbles did the cheerful brightness of her own Land rush away behind her, taking consorts and stones alike, replaced with more negative space. Rose felt like she was standing in a black and white film strip as it began to burn under a projector’s bulb.

“I can’t imagine why it wasn’t a more popular tourist destination, it’s so pleasant. And you’re such a charming host.”

The troll didn’t look much like what she’d anticipated—she was expecting a hard bubbly heap of bulges and nubs—except for the sneer. His purple getup and dismissive expression actually seemed familiar; Eridan looked like he was from Bushwick by way of Betelguese. To be perfectly fair, with the scarf and the wand and the smolder in his eyes, he looked a great deal like her. It was a disconcerting thought.

Before he could make a reply, she interjected, “So, why am I here? I know you’re desperate for company, but is there a purpose to dragging me into your own personal hell?”

Eridan’s posture shifted, now more tired, more resigned. He looked around, his head low, and he seemed confused as to how, or why, he got there himself. Above, what Rose now gathered were Sburb’s bizarre notion of angels grew more numerous and screechy. The racket was piercing and shrill.

“I dunno, Rose, it looked like wwe had a pretty dark thing goin on there for a wwhile, so I thought you should be wwho I invvited first. But I knoww, I knoww,” he raised his hands, one open palmed and facing Rose, the other loosely grasping his science stick. “You aren’t into me like that or somethin. That’s fine. Happens evvery time. I just spent so much time in the game alone, I don’t wwant it to be like that anymore.”

Rose always thought of Eridan as pitiful, but seeing his solitude first-hand, the harsh terrain he’d travelled alone, maybe this was the first time he was pitiable. It must have been difficult to face such a planet, no quarter and no comrades; that it was a situation entirely of his own making seemed less important.

“All Sgrub, evverybody wwas busy wwith their own stuff, and I too much goin on here to leavve myself. I had to make sure shit wwas handled, right? Wwell, a little help from my friends shouldn’t a been too much to ask, but wwhenevver I trolled em, they kept blockin me. Just me and these fuckin angels for wweeks!

“And after, wwe wwere all together again, and they still acted like I wwasn’t there! Kan made me this wand and…”

He might have been holding a slug, judged by the sheer disgust on his face as he looked down at his grasping hand. One smooth motion and the wand was gone, pitched away toward the cathedral door. It struck the stone ground and clattered to a stop against the gray flags.

“I do get it. I knoww I suck reel bad. I knoww I’m a pain in the bass to be around.”

“Resuming your nautical punning doesn’t really mitigate those facts, you know.”

“Yeah, just another shitty wweird thing I do. But I can’t stop noww. I’vve been fuckin things up and makin people wwant to leavve for so long, I dunno howw to quit it. I’vve done some... awwful stuff. Evven if I could fix it, could change or be someone else, nobody’s around to notice anywway. I don’t wwant to be like this, and I’m sorry for all the carp I’vve pulled, but it don’t matter. I’m just stuck, Rose.”

With that one word, stuck, she understood his predicament for the first time. What it would mean to be friendless and trapped, a patient strapped to a cold table, staring down the scalpel and crying out without a sympathetic soul in earshot. She could vaguely remember that fresh panic from when she was all by herself in a null spot of paradox space. How it felt that first time she tried to reach John and got only silence in return. How small and solitary and stuck she felt.

Before, Eridan’s psychology had seemed too simple to really interest her, too disparate to offer any points of empathy. But it was clear they did have some things in common, and if circumstances had been more similar, perhaps they would have been like mirrors to each other. What really would have become of her, in his position? Forevver alone, a cliché for sure, but also a glass cage with no hinges to at which to pry. Maybe she would have done unspeakable things, actual horrors, instead of the occasional shameful turn of desperation. After so long without anyone who cared, she too would have been beyond caring.

Rose looked on his cowed body, his need naked on his face, with new eyes, slitted against the glare of a world built to torment him beyond enduring. She felt sad, for him of course, but mostly for herself, for the possibility of a girl twisted monstrously under the weight of futility. A girl who knew that the secret of being alone was also being irredeemable.

“I know how difficult that must have been, Eridan. I understand what that’s like, to be backed into a corner and do things you aren’t proud of,” she said softly, coughing once, stepping forward and reaching to touch his hand. She didn’t make it before he jerked back, confused and full of contempt.

“Wwhat?” he stammered. “No you don’t. You’vve got no idea what I’m like. If you did, you’d know I don’t wwant your stinkin pity. The least you could do after fuckin me up so bad is hate me properly.”

“I? How in Skaia did I do you any harm? Unless you’re still upset about your computer’s untimely and explosive demise.” She smiled and tried to make light of his odd rejection. Perhaps his hate for her ran deeper than she imagined, and it would take more for him to let the beginnings of mutual consideration take root.

“No, but that wwas pretty shitty of you, Rose.” His whole posture sagged, long arms and shoulders sliding down and lengthening his shadow. Behind him the angels squealed and swooped, but never came any closer. Was that his doing? Maybe the concentration needed to keep them at bay was weighing on him. “It wwas your stupid fakey fake magic and smarmy bullshit that put all this in motion. You practically fuckin killed me wwith your own pink squishy hands.”

“Pardon me, you’re dead?” Her tone was light and unconcerned, a retreat to amused disinterest, fake as magic itself.

These weren’t the rules she believed governed these situations. She honestly hadn’t anticipated game attributes that would force her to into the unpleasant company of ghostly hipsters. Her consideration of what sort of post-death existence might have been written into the game certainly wasn’t exhaustive, but it was incredibly unlikely that this was it.

“Wwell, yeah, Rose. Wwhy do you think I’m here? Fucking Kanaya sawwed me in half with her lipstick.”

The sheer stupidity of such a statement taken at face value shielded her somewhat from the shock of it. But not enough to keep her from feeling it viscerally like the reverberations of a huge bell rung close to her body. Her heart knocked against her ribs. Her Kanaya? Who was always so… reasonable? Yes, she was coming along in her human cultural studies and clearly had a natural aptitude for snark, yet to Rose she appeared basically kind. It didn’t make sense that her gentle friend, whose only goal matched hers– to get everyone out alive – would stoop to murder someone she had previously treated with annoyed indulgence.

Although Eridan was intensely self-absorbed and somewhat dimwitted, he could still read the confusion passing over Rose’s face and the horror her voice held as it questioningly whispered a dear friend’s name. His death didn’t mean much, oh no, but the descent of a kindred soul to mindless violence? It was like a spade marking a spot on a treasure map. Such a clear shot to needling her into proper caliginous emotion was a boon he wouldn’t refuse.

“She didn’t tell you, huh? Some friend, meddlin in your business but keepin hers a secret. Wwell it’s true, she fuckin flipped her nub and attacked and killed me. Wwhat do you think about that?”

The fact was Rose couldn’t. Yes, she was aware that the trolls were a violent and dangerous species, on an intellectual level. But her stomach was still tying itself in knots and her pulse hammered in her temples. Kanaya is different, she thought, a pleasant girl, a good friend, not capable of harming her own teammate, no matter how useless and aggravating and…

It finally struck her, like a swift kick to the head. She felt incredibly foolish. “Why did she do that, Eridan? And what does it have to do with me?”

He’d perked up a bit, relaying the news of his foul end, but now sunk again; his expression was a mast hit by lightning, cracking and tumbling.

“Wwell she made me that wwand to defeat you, I wwanted to showw you the power of science in person, but wwe all know that wwasn’t happenin. There wwas no hope of getting off that glubbin spacerock, except the one. So when Sol and Fef and then Kan tried to stop me, I used my wwand, and I stopped em first.”

“You aren’t making sense. What did you do?”

He’d looked positively hangdog before, but there was no contrition now. He practically shouted it, horrified and proud. “I fuckin killed em, Rose. Burned a hole straight through Kan and Fef with some righteous fuckin empiricism!”

Speaking it aloud, he seemed again to struggle again with its weight, and his voice came softer. “So I guess I can understand wwhy Kan killed me back.”

Rose’s wand was in her hand and pointed at him in a blink of an eye. Her arm was straight and steady while the tip of the needle wrenched Eridan off the ground, immobilized and alarmed. Prehensile wisps of darkness curled around him, lit against the washed-out sky.

“Wwhat the hell Rose? Put me down!” He croaked, pleading. “She’s back again, alivve. I thought you’d knoww! It’s no big deal!”

Rose paused. Could she trust him? Was Kanaya alive, dead? No matter. She imagined the scene, could feel her dear friend’s body tense with a final gasp like it was her own. The Thorn’s point twisted a little circle in the air, the darkness pressed in and Eridan screamed.

“I’m sorry, I’m glubbin sorry, Rose, you knoww that! Come on! Wwhat do you care anyhoww? You’re dead too. You can see her soon! Or are you sleeping? Wwhich Rose are you?”

Her surgeon’s smile, again: cold, cutting and capable.

“Let’s find out.”

A/N

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Constructive criticism certainly welcome, because I don't like these last two as much as the first and fear I'm somehow in a sophomore slump. I got me an AO3 where I'll put final drafts, I guess, so any edits y'all have are appreciated. I probably fucked up the quirk a lot, and I'm not so happy with Eridan's voice in general, but unsure how to fix it. It's also long as hell, apologies for that too. I need a red pen.

[PingZing]

Walking Far from Home
(ii)

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Hand outstretched to her familiar, the Rose Human smiles like a surgeon. Her face is a picture of arrogance, her lips curving not out of amusement, but from steady trust in her own gifted hands. Well, maybe a little amusement at her somewhat absurd situation. Her eyes are bright and clear and fixed on a garish pink island, one of the several small obstacles made of the game’s code. A code easily broken.

Fingers coiled tightly around the Thorn, she raises it towards the dungeon, marshaling her strength. Magic requires certain implements, yes, but their use is not absolute; her eyes close and her chest heaves a deep breath, as she calls up her own power to conduct the wand. Dark light licks up her arm.

The eldritch wands are very powerful—Rose is very powerful—and raising the island out of the sea, unmooring it from the roots of LOLAR, is actually as effortless as it looks. Another flick of her wrist and the foundations are crumbling. Thick slabs of rock are strewn back into the sea or lay on the beach, colors shifting under the light rain. Her dark energies diffuse through the spaces between stones, tearing. After a moment all that’s left is the mock-up of the Green Sun, and the floating girl, a tiny black dot eclipsing its brightness.

There’s a noise, an electric crack!, as the huge stone captchacard speeds toward the beach. It crashes on its side, half buried in sand. Sand that cradles Rose’s feet as she floats back down and lands, like it had been waiting for her all along.

Rose’s smile is now more contemplative than smug, and she’s clearly beginning to work out the next steps in the elaborate swordfight against her very reality. Obviously, her attention had been somewhat divided by some conversation, pleasant but not entirely engrossing. Now she just stares at the giant sun, lost in thought. The time to strike: right fuckin now.

|PESTERLOG|

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-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] –
CA: wwho are you tryin to convvince wwith this ludicrous poppycock
TT: ?
CA: magic is NOT REAL
CA: wwhatevver youre doin its not real its somethin else outright entirely
CA: its fancy and impressivve and all but its not the fuckin figmental storybook claptrap you wwanna make out like it is
CA: so howw about you get off your high skyhorse
TT: Why do you keep addressing me as if I'm some sort of spokesperson for the reality of magic?
TT: You can't needle me into a defensive posture on the subject. I just don't care.
CA: youre not usin magic just DEAL WW IT
TT: Fine. You win.
TT: These are science wands. I am a charlatan.
CA: ok i didnt say that
CA: because i wwouldnt since its a total fakey lie
CA: im the one who has all the science power not you
TT: ?
TT: This conversation feels both familiar and surreal. Which I can only guess has something to do with you ruining it completely with your usual aplomb.
CA: hey im trying here maybe screwing it up is actually for the best
CA: wwevve already had this talk and it was a total wwaste a time
CA: that ended with you being a huge glubbin bitch
CA: im trying to avoid you getting all high and mighty so wwe can actually talk
TT: So? Talk.
TT: I doubt you have anything of interest to add to our alternate conversation, but I see no reason not to humor you.
CA: no wwonder kan wwas alwways so stuck on you youre just like her
CA: a big knowwitall wwho doesn’t recognize her place
CA: im a gogdamn prince and a gogdamn scientist testing my leathal hypotheses im not to be patted and coddled like a stupid wwiggler
TT: You still haven’t added anything of substance to what was an already tedious exchange.
TT: Unless you’d like to elaborate on your assertions about Kanaya’s fixation with me.
TT: I might not open a vein from boredom if that were our topic.
CA: leavve that coolkid shit to the asshole of time youre no good at it ros
CA: i can see you practically jumping out of your fin to hear more about your little girlcrush
CA: i thought you wwere passin on all that alien romance stuff anyhoww thats wwhat you told me
CA: or wwould a told me wwhatever
TT: One: You’re grossly overestimating my report with Kanaya and misinterpreting our friendship through your own sordid lens.
TT: Two: I took a pass on your specific advances, because you are completely unbearable and more than a little stupid.
TT: (If I were to actually channel Dave, as you allege, I would phrase that sentiment as “You are stone cold retarded.”)
TT: Finally: that was the worst fish pun I’ve ever heard.
CA: wwhatever ros youre so full of shit youre flirtin with me right now
CA: and youre totally flushed for the greenblood its actually really embarrassing to wwatch with you showing off your phony sorcery tryin to impress her all the time
CA: wwheres your self respect ros
TT: Okay. My patience has expired. Goodbye.
CA: no wwait
CA: i just want to chat im lonely caught on this planet lousy wwith angels again like a fuckin fish in a barrel
TT: Hmm. There has to be a more satisfactory way to terminate this exchange.
TT: Ah, I recall now.
caligulasAquarium's [CA'S] computer exploded.

“Dammit Rose!”

Rose was less surprised by the sudden shout, but more by the stark and bright new landscape she faced when turned toward the ocean: no color to the sky, just endless white flecked with reeling black-winged figures. Where the turtle-temple had been, there was now an impossibly tall gothic tower, like a medieval cathedral back on Earth. She tried to follow the ornate relief of its arches, higher and higher, but had to turn away from the intense illumination. When she turned her head and blinked, the back of her eyelids stayed seared with white spots.

After a moment of trying to cope with the headache-inducing glare, she opened her eyes, careful to shield them with her hand, and tried to focus on an earth-bound humanoid shape. It seemed to be the source of the unending noise, what sounded like a water-soaked sponge trying to speak. She sought a name to attach to the otherworldly strange and immanently punchable face before her.

“Eridan. What is going on?”

“You bleww up my computer, Rose,” he whined. He was certainly no less petulant in person. “And wwe wweren’t done talking, so I came to you.”

“And you brought the carpet bombing of Dresden with you? What is all this?” She tried to make out the details of the birdlike things flying behind him, but couldn’t before the brightness became too much.

“This is my glubbin planet, LOWwAA. Wwrath and angels. Dream bubbles are wweird, you can move places around. Believve it or not, you’re the first person to vvisit me here.”

No sooner than he spoke of dream bubbles did the cheerful brightness of her own Land rush away behind her, taking consorts and stones alike, replaced with more negative space. Rose felt like she was standing in a black and white film strip as it began to burn under a projector’s bulb.

“I can’t imagine why it wasn’t a more popular tourist destination, it’s so pleasant. And you’re such a charming host.”

The troll didn’t look much like what she’d anticipated—she was expecting a hard bubbly heap of bulges and nubs—except for the sneer. His purple getup and dismissive expression actually seemed familiar; Eridan looked like he was from Bushwick by way of Betelguese. To be perfectly fair, with the scarf and the wand and the smolder in his eyes, he looked a great deal like her. It was a disconcerting thought.

Before he could make a reply, she interjected, “So, why am I here? I know you’re desperate for company, but is there a purpose to dragging me into your own personal hell?”

Eridan’s posture shifted, now more tired, more resigned. He looked around, his head low, and he seemed confused as to how, or why, he got there himself. Above, what Rose now gathered were Sburb’s bizarre notion of angels grew more numerous and screechy. The racket was piercing and shrill.

“I dunno, Rose, it looked like wwe had a pretty dark thing goin on there for a wwhile, so I thought you should be wwho I invvited first. But I knoww, I knoww,” he raised his hands, one open palmed and facing Rose, the other loosely grasping his science stick. “You aren’t into me like that or somethin. That’s fine. Happens evvery time. I just spent so much time in the game alone, I don’t wwant it to be like that anymore.”

Rose always thought of Eridan as pitiful, but seeing his solitude first-hand, the harsh terrain he’d travelled alone, maybe this was the first time he was pitiable. It must have been difficult to face such a planet, no quarter and no comrades; that it was a situation entirely of his own making seemed less important.

“All Sgrub, evverybody wwas busy wwith their own stuff, and I too much goin on here to leavve myself. I had to make sure shit wwas handled, right? Wwell, a little help from my friends shouldn’t a been too much to ask, but wwhenevver I trolled em, they kept blockin me. Just me and these fuckin angels for wweeks!

“And after, wwe wwere all together again, and they still acted like I wwasn’t there! Kan made me this wand and…”

He might have been holding a slug, judged by the sheer disgust on his face as he looked down at his grasping hand. One smooth motion and the wand was gone, pitched away toward the cathedral door. It struck the stone ground and clattered to a stop against the gray flags.

“I do get it. I knoww I suck reel bad. I knoww I’m a pain in the bass to be around.”

“Resuming your nautical punning doesn’t really mitigate those facts, you know.”

“Yeah, just another shitty wweird thing I do. But I can’t stop noww. I’vve been fuckin things up and makin people wwant to leavve for so long, I dunno howw to quit it. I’vve done some... awwful stuff. Evven if I could fix it, could change or be someone else, nobody’s around to notice anywway. I don’t wwant to be like this, and I’m sorry for all the carp I’vve pulled, but it don’t matter. I’m just stuck, Rose.”

With that one word, stuck, she understood his predicament for the first time. What it would mean to be friendless and trapped, a patient strapped to a cold table, staring down the scalpel and crying out without a sympathetic soul in earshot. She could vaguely remember that fresh panic from when she was all by herself in a null spot of paradox space. How it felt that first time she tried to reach John and got only silence in return. How small and solitary and stuck she felt.

Before, Eridan’s psychology had seemed too simple to really interest her, too disparate to offer any points of empathy. But it was clear they did have some things in common, and if circumstances had been more similar, perhaps they would have been like mirrors to each other. What really would have become of her, in his position? Forevver alone, a cliché for sure, but also a glass cage with no hinges to at which to pry. Maybe she would have done unspeakable things, actual horrors, instead of the occasional shameful turn of desperation. After so long without anyone who cared, she too would have been beyond caring.

Rose looked on his cowed body, his need naked on his face, with new eyes, slitted against the glare of a world built to torment him beyond enduring. She felt sad, for him of course, but mostly for herself, for the possibility of a girl twisted monstrously under the weight of futility. A girl who knew that the secret of being alone was also being irredeemable.

“I know how difficult that must have been, Eridan. I understand what that’s like, to be backed into a corner and do things you aren’t proud of,” she said softly, coughing once, stepping forward and reaching to touch his hand. She didn’t make it before he jerked back, confused and full of contempt.

“Wwhat?” he stammered. “No you don’t. You’vve got no idea what I’m like. If you did, you’d know I don’t wwant your stinkin pity. The least you could do after fuckin me up so bad is hate me properly.”

“I? How in Skaia did I do you any harm? Unless you’re still upset about your computer’s untimely and explosive demise.” She smiled and tried to make light of his odd rejection. Perhaps his hate for her ran deeper than she imagined, and it would take more for him to let the beginnings of mutual consideration take root.

“No, but that wwas pretty shitty of you, Rose.” His whole posture sagged, long arms and shoulders sliding down and lengthening his shadow. Behind him the angels squealed and swooped, but never came any closer. Was that his doing? Maybe the concentration needed to keep them at bay was weighing on him. “It wwas your stupid fakey fake magic and smarmy bullshit that put all this in motion. You practically fuckin killed me wwith your own pink squishy hands.”

“Pardon me, you’re dead?” Her tone was light and unconcerned, a retreat to amused disinterest, fake as magic itself.

These weren’t the rules she believed governed these situations. She honestly hadn’t anticipated game attributes that would force her to into the unpleasant company of ghostly hipsters. Her consideration of what sort of post-death existence might have been written into the game certainly wasn’t exhaustive, but it was incredibly unlikely that this was it.

“Wwell, yeah, Rose. Wwhy do you think I’m here? Fucking Kanaya sawwed me in half with her lipstick.”

The sheer stupidity of such a statement taken at face value shielded her somewhat from the shock of it. But not enough to keep her from feeling it viscerally like the reverberations of a huge bell rung close to her body. Her heart knocked against her ribs. Her Kanaya? Who was always so… reasonable? Yes, she was coming along in her human cultural studies and clearly had a natural aptitude for snark, yet to Rose she appeared basically kind. It didn’t make sense that her gentle friend, whose only goal matched hers– to get everyone out alive – would stoop to murder someone she had previously treated with annoyed indulgence.

Although Eridan was intensely self-absorbed and somewhat dimwitted, he could still read the confusion passing over Rose’s face and the horror her voice held as it questioningly whispered a dear friend’s name. His death didn’t mean much, oh no, but the descent of a kindred soul to mindless violence? It was like a spade marking a spot on a treasure map. Such a clear shot to needling her into proper caliginous emotion was a boon he wouldn’t refuse.

“She didn’t tell you, huh? Some friend, meddlin in your business but keepin hers a secret. Wwell it’s true, she fuckin flipped her nub and attacked and killed me. Wwhat do you think about that?”

The fact was Rose couldn’t. Yes, she was aware that the trolls were a violent and dangerous species, on an intellectual level. But her stomach was still tying itself in knots and her pulse hammered in her temples. Kanaya is different, she thought, a pleasant girl, a good friend, not capable of harming her own teammate, no matter how useless and aggravating and…

It finally struck her, like a swift kick to the head. She felt incredibly foolish. “Why did she do that, Eridan? And what does it have to do with me?”

He’d perked up a bit, relaying the news of his foul end, but now sunk again; his expression was a mast hit by lightning, cracking and tumbling.

“Wwell she made me that wwand to defeat you, I wwanted to showw you the power of science in person, but wwe all know that wwasn’t happenin. There wwas no hope of getting off that glubbin spacerock, except the one. So when Sol and Fef and then Kan tried to stop me, I used my wwand, and I stopped em first.”

“You aren’t making sense. What did you do?”

He’d looked positively hangdog before, but there was no contrition now. He practically shouted it, horrified and proud. “I fuckin killed em, Rose. Burned a hole straight through Kan and Fef with some righteous fuckin empiricism!”

Speaking it aloud, he seemed again to struggle again with its weight, and his voice came softer. “So I guess I can understand wwhy Kan killed me back.”

Rose’s wand was in her hand and pointed at him in a blink of an eye. Her arm was straight and steady while the tip of the needle wrenched Eridan off the ground, immobilized and alarmed. Prehensile wisps of darkness curled around him, lit against the washed-out sky.

“Wwhat the hell Rose? Put me down!” He croaked, pleading. “She’s back again, alivve. I thought you’d knoww! It’s no big deal!”

Rose paused. Could she trust him? Was Kanaya alive, dead? No matter. She imagined the scene, could feel her dear friend’s body tense with a final gasp like it was her own. The Thorn’s point twisted a little circle in the air, the darkness pressed in and Eridan screamed.

“I’m sorry, I’m glubbin sorry, Rose, you knoww that! Come on! Wwhat do you care anyhoww? You’re dead too. You can see her soon! Or are you sleeping? Wwhich Rose are you?”

Her surgeon’s smile, again: cold, cutting and capable.

“Let’s find out.”

A/N

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Constructive criticism certainly welcome, because I don't like these last two as much as the first and fear I'm somehow in a sophomore slump. I got me an AO3 where I'll put final drafts, I guess, so any edits y'all have are appreciated. I probably fucked up the quirk a lot, and I'm not so happy with Eridan's voice in general, but unsure how to fix it. It's also long as hell, apologies for that too. I need a red pen.

Not at all, I feel like you got Eridan's voice just right. He's just as petulant and annoying and pitiful as he should be. I loved the way you bookened the chapter with the "surgeon's smile" line, that was beautiful.

[ProspitDreamer]

Okay, sorry for the delay on this but well, I had a hard time with it. Sorry if it's terrible; but it refuses to come out the way I want so...


What It Takes
Chapter 4

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Dave was bored. He was in the middle of a battle. Or rather, several Daves were in the middle of the same battle; or maybe it was one Dave was in the middle of several battles?

Dave shrugged. It wasn’t important. The point was he’d gone through the same battle so many times he’d memorized it. On his last loop through, he caught every annoying imp in the back with trusty Caledscratch, then watched as the previous loops of himself disappeared, completing their paths through time to eventually become him. He nodded with satisfaction, dialed Caledscratch ahead to its broken form so his strife specibus would accept it, and put it away.

He stared out at the barren, empty stone ground that had been his battlefield. He yawned, shoved his hands in his pockets, and started to walk back towards his apartment, maybe to catch up on some sleep. He hadn’t been to Derse in awhile.

A bolt of white lightning appeared in the air in front of him. With a bright flash that he could easily stare at through his shades, some kind of tear in space occurred, and then somehow there was Terezi standing in front of him.

If he was in any way surprised by this; if his eyes might have grown wide behind his shades, the universe would never know.

“Hey, babe.” he said. She looked exactly as he’d expected, having seen a few hundred pictures of her.

She replied with some kind of weird, snorting bark. Okay, he hadn’t expected that. But the wide, toothy grin she gave him afterwards was exactly the Terezi he knew.

He saw she was pestering him and opened the log.

“WH4T’S UP, COOLK1D?” it said.

“Obviously a lot of weird shit.” he said, his shades hiding the fact that he was staring at her from head to toe. Pictures were one thing. Real life was something else. He knew her face very well; he knew her flat, straight hair, her pointed red glasses, her perpetual wide, toothy grin. But he hadn’t often seen the rest of her. Other than gray skin and claws instead of fingernails, she didn’t look that alien to him. She had two nondescript, boring shoes that led up to two calves that showed the same curve as a human’s through her grey pants. His eyes followed her legs up to her thighs, and then Dave realized what he was doing.

Was he checking her out? He pressed his lips into a flat line as he forced himself to admit that he was. In fact, it weirded him out a little, but he thought she was kind of hot.

“What are you doing here? I mean, besides obviously being unable to resist my immeasurable coolness from across dimensions.”

She grinned wider, as if she could read every inch of his mind. Which she probably could.

“S4V1NG YOUR HOT 4SS FROM D1STRUCT1ON, D4V3, WH4T’S 1T LOOK L1K3? >:]”

Her voice sounded like she had perpetual pneumonia. Oh well. He’d get used to it.

“Hot, yes. Need saving? No. If that’s all they can throw at me I might cry myself to death from boredom. And I’m going to guess now that you don’t speak English.”

“1F TH4T’S WH4T YOU C4LL TH4T W31RD S1NG1NG NO1S3 YOU’R3 M4K1NG, TH3N NO.”

Dave grunted. Terezi frowned.

“W3LL YOU DON’T H4V3 TO B3 4N 4SS 4BOUT 1T.”

He raised another eyebrow.

“Did I say something in troll?”

The dry rasping noise that was her laughing assaulted his ears.

“Y3S, YOU S41D ‘FUCK YOU’.”

Dave couldn’t help himself. He laughed. Dammit, she made him laugh.

He expected the weird sound of her cackle this time.

“You gotta teach me more of this shit.” he said.

She calmed down and looked at him squarely.

“1T WOULD B3 4M4Z1NG FUN TO SP3ND HOURS T34CH1NG YOU 4LL K1NDS OF TROLL TH1NGS, D4V3” she barked. She grinned maniacally.

“Seriously you can be more subtle when you hit on me.” he replied, though he found, to his annoyance, that he was smirking.

“1 KNOW YOU’R3 H4PPY TO S33 M3, D4V3. >;]”

He rolled his eyes.

“Oh, yeah. See me prancing around LOHAC in my uncontainable desire to express my happiness.”

She frowned.

“W3LL 1F TH4T’S HOW YOU F33L 4BOUT 1T, 1’LL JUST GO B4CK HOM3 TH3N. >:[ ”

She turned her back with a flip of her hair, crossing her arms in front of her.

“Too bad you’re going to miss out on your chance to experience all things Strider.” he said, taking a step closer to her. “You know I’ve got a line of girls out the door and wrapped around the building just waiting for their turn to bask in my presence.”

Terezi snorted, a sound that seemed to translate from troll to English just fine.

“W3LL YOU C4N T3LL TH3M 4LL TH4T TH3Y’R3 JUST S3COND-CL4SS 3NT3RT41NM3NT, B3C4US3 YOU H4D 4N 1NV1T4T1ON TO TH3 B3ST P4RTY 1N TOWN 4ND TURN3D 1T DOWN.”

Dave stopped trying to chase the smirk from his face and stepped right up to her side, hands still in his pockets as he looked out at nowhere in particular. The great expanse of lava that covered his planet glared red in his eyes.

“Well fuck, there goes my opportunity.” he said. “Guess I’ll just have to have my own party and invite all the chicks I want. The list of girls wanting to attend is miles long. I’ll have to hire staff just to sort through them all. They payroll alone on what I’ll have to fork up is gonna drain all the boondollars that pass through the lohacse in a week.”

Terezi only cackled, and maybe it didn’t sound that different from what he’d expected after all. They both stared out at the lava for a moment before Dave’s impatience got to him.

“Okay, seriously, how the hell are you here?”

She laughed again, and he crossed his arms impatiently. He turned to face her and scrunched his eyebrows as she started to speak. Damn, it was hard to ignore her rasping and concentrate on what she was saying. Did she have to talk so loud?

She explained to him about the different futures Aradia had seen.

“SO TH3N ONC3 W3 KN3W TH4T, W3 4CTU4LLY TR13D TO F1ND 4 W4Y H3R3. W1TH SOLLUX’S PROGR4MM1NG KNOWL3DG3 4ND K4N4Y4’S SP4C3 4B1L1T13S, TH3Y SOM3HOW TURN3D 4 TR4NSPORT4L1Z3R 1NTO 4 D3-4PP3R1FY3R. 4 ON3-W4Y D3V1C3 TO S3ND SOM3ON3 FROM 4 TR4NSPORT4L1Z3R P4D TO 4 PO1NT 1N SP4C3 4ND T1M3.”

“Huh.” was all he said for a moment. Then,
“Aradia can see into our future? ”

Terezi shrugged.

“SUR3. SH3 C4N S33 4CROSS BOTH OUR S3SS1ONS NOW W1TH H3R GOD POW3RS.”

Dave made an annoyed grunt.

“Just rub it in further that I don’t have those, why don’t you. Keep on pouring salt in that wound over and over.”

Terezi rolled her eyes at him.

“YOU DON’T N33D GOD POW3RS, D4V3. YOU’R3 4LR34DY 4T M4X1MUM COOLN3SS; TH3 UN1V3RS3 COULDN’T H4NDL3 YOU.”

He had always wondered how much sarcasm Terezi put into statements like that. Looking at her…serious? face now didn’t answer the mystery, and her weird voice gave him no clues.

“So.” he began. “Why this point in time and this point in space?” he asked. She turned her face down and to the side, trying to hide her expression, though he had a hard time reading it.

“YOU 3XP3CT3D M3 TO B3 4BL3 TO R3S1ST TH3 CH4NC3 TO M33T D4V3 STR1D3R 1N P3RSON?” she said. She faced him once more and laughed again, and he was discovering that maybe he liked the weird noise she made.

“Well of course not; no chick that ever lived could be expected to resist such an epic opportunity.”

“YOU 4R3 SO 34SY TO M4N1PUL4T3, D4V3.”

“Thanks. That’s the best compliment ever. I’ll put it on top of the pile of unforgettable compliments I’ve received in my lifetime to make sure I burn it into my memory forever.”

She rolled her eyes.

“W3 H4V3 TO GO 4LR34DY. 3V3RYON3 H4S TO G3T TO JOHN ON TH3 B4TTL3F13LD. W3’R3 L4T3.”

Dave pressed his lips together into a flat line once more.

“Sure. Just one thing I gotta do first.” he said. Terezi cocked her head to the side in curiosity. He took that one last step to close the space between them. He unabashedly searched her face, his eyes hidden behind his shades, and he satisfactorily saw her blush teel.

“I thought so.” he said.

“D4V3, WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG?”

The text across his eyes did not do justice to the sudden subdued volume he heard in her voice. He smirked satisfactorily.
“I’m about to give you the best kiss that was ever had in two universes.” he said, and he heard her inhale sharply. “Just don’t bite me with those teeth.”

He had the satisfaction of her not replying.

He leaned forward and pressed his pink lips against her gray ones, slightly surprised at how cool her skin felt. She also tasted a bit strange; sort of like stale mint, if there was such a thing. And then she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back, holding him too tightly, and that was when he realized just how strong she was compared to him. It probably should have freaked him out. It didn’t.

Of course, it was exactly then that John started to pester him.

Dave blocked him.

A/N

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Sorry if the plot dragged through there. Now that I have introductions out of the way, things should actually pick up very quickly. Also I'll apologize again for terribleness.

[anonymousComrade]

@wilySubversionist: don't worry, I think your Eridan beats the hell out of mine, which probably isn't saying much, but I thought it was good

@ProspitDreamer: you will cease this attempt to alter my shipping charts immediately

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In all seriousness though I love this series and I can't wait to read more

[battlerek]

Another Crew

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Rose Lalonde watched from atop the Beat Mesa as her friends arrived. They'd talked about what they were going to do already, and everyone, even Jade agreed it was the only thing they could do. Knowing that just made things feel worse.

"You have no idea how long it took us to get these needles." Dave said. "And that Echidna was a bitch to beat."

"Oh, you're just sore she tore your favorite suit apart Dave." John said. He was holding Echidna's quills in his arms. "I sure hope this works."

"We're really going through with this, aren't we?" Jade said, frowning. "We're all going to disappear forever."

"It's the only way." Rose said solemnly. "Dave, are you ready?"

The Knight of Time took one of the quills from John. "There's no turning back now."

"So, what do you think our lives would be like once we start the scratch?" John walked towards the crack on the mesa Bro created during his fight with Jack.

"We'll still be friends obviously! There's no way that'll change!" Jade answered, trying to put as much cheer in her words as she could, but it sounded hollow. Tears were streaming from her face.

"We can only hope that would be the case." Rose said as she and Jade walked to the crack.

Dave took off his sunglasses as he walked towards the crack, the quill in his hand. He was trying hard to keep his cool, but in the face of utter destruction there was no point. "It's...been great knowing you guys."

"Yes, it's been a pleasure being friends with you three." Rose said sadly.

Jade couldn't stop crying. She gave her friends a hug, words escaping her.

"We'll be friends forever guys, always." John held his paradox sister's hand and nodded to Dave.

Without a word Dave dragged the quills through the diameter of the beat mesa, and once the task was complete returned to the side of his friends. As light engulfed the universe and reality rewinded the 4 kids held each other's hands, content with facing oblivion as long as they were at each other's side.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In another time, in another universe, a detective in a trench coat ran through the dark alleys of the city's red light district. Closing in on the detective were a pair of assassins in suits, one with a heart sewn on the coat pocket and the other with a club symbol on the hat.

The city's top Problem Sleuth has just found out a terrible secret that could upset the balance of power in the city. If the Midnight Crew, the most powerful gang in the city found out about it they'll be able to rule the city with an iron fist. Problem is, they were pretty smart. You had to be if you wanted to thrive in a city like this. No sooner had Sleuth found out about this secret that the Crew had its best killers after the best detective in the city. And they were getting real close.

Sleuth jumped over a bunch of boxes and climbed over a brick wall. It was difficult, but Sleuth knew there was no way the Crew's cronies could go through that wall. Nothing, unless of course one of the killers after the secret had a grenade rifl-

BANG

Gogdamnit. Of course Clubs Deuce would carry around firepower like that. Aside from being real good with heavy weapons Clubs Deuce wasn't that very useful to the Midnight Crew, but it was all Deuce needed to be one of its best members.

Sleuth ducked into an alley that was both a dead end and had a wall too high to jump over. It seemed to Heart Boxcars, Deuce's partner and the big guy of the crew, that they had they had Sleuth trapped. The boss wanted Sleuth alive so they couldn't just pepper the detective with bullets now, so they had no choice but to leave Sleuth only partially dead instead of completely. Boxcars walked towards Sleuth, fists balled up to begin beating on the detective when a flash grenade exploded, stunning Boxcars and Deuce.

The gambit worked. Sleuth wasn't expecting the grenade to explode that early, but it looked like Lady Luck was on the detective's side. Sleuth ran past Boxcars and Deuce, headed into a practical labyrinth of alleyways to throw the Midnight crew off and entered a safehouse Pickle Inspector loaned to Sleuth, where Diamonds Droog and Spades Slick were waiting with their weapons raised.

Lady Luck was so fickle.

"Surrender Sleuth." Droog said. "There's no way you're leaving this delapitated apartment alive."

"You ain't scaring me, Droog." Sleuth lied, because Droog packed way more firepower than Deuce did and in a smaller package to boot. "I got the information you and your crew need to rule this city, and I got back-up coming here any moment. I got all aces in my hand Droog, all of them."

"I can see through your bluff Sleuth. Tell us what we need to know and you might get out of this alive." Droog aimed a really dangerous weapon at Sleuth's head. At least it'll take only one shot to remove a lot of weight on Sleuth's shoulders.

"You wouldn't." Sleuth drew a weapon from a coat pocket. It wasn't as dangerous as the thing Droog had aimed on Sleuth's forehead, but if Lady Luck changed her mind the tables would surely turn. "You know what I got in my pockets, Droog. If I go down, I can guarrantee you ain't going to escape this alive."

It was a classic mexican stand-off. First guy who moves is dead. There was no way for either of them to break the deadlock, unless a third party intervened. Which was what Spades Slick just did.

Before Sleuth could react Slick ran towards the detective and brought down his hammer. Sleuth collapsed, the sheer force of the blow knocking the detective unconcious. "Haha, I guess Sleuth didn't see that coming, eh, Droog?" Slick grinned, and his smile was like the one you saw when a shark was about to drag you into the deeps.

"Took you long enough." Droog said with disdain. It was irritating, the way Slick treated their whole operation like an elaborate joke but he got the job done and he was pretty good leader to boot. "One more second and I would've blasted Sleuth's head off."

"Aw, you wouldn't do that, Droog. Haha, the look on Sleuth's face when I smacked her with my hammer is priceless. This just isn't her lucky day." Slick smashed an old sewing machine lying around the safehouse accumulating dust and gave a laugh.

Diamonds Droog sighed wearily as she slid her needle wand into her pocket. This operation could've been much quicker if they grabbed Sleuth as soon as she got the info, but no, that wouldn't have been fun.

Later Clubs Deuce and Hearts Boxcars arrived, arguing. They were both discussing whose fault it was that Problem Sleuth escaped, until they saw her tied up and still unconcious from Slick's sneak attack.

"See, if you didn't take my fucking glasses we would've caught that bitch." Boxcars grumbled as he put on those ridiculously cool glasses of his.

"I already said I'm sorry, Boxcars! It isn't my fault you have the coolest glasses in the history of coolsville." Deuce squealed as she casually reloaded her grenade rifle. "And besides we at least got to see a lot of pretty lights while we regained our vision!"

Boxcars was about to say something when Droog intervened. "Just as well. Slick knew where Problem Sleuth was headed anyway. It was a win-win situation. But next time don't do anything stupid like falling for such an obvious trap." She glared at Clubs Deuce, who was looking down on her shoes, and Hearts Boxcars, who was trying to ignore his irritation.

"Hey now, what's with the angry faces!?" Slick appeared behind Deuce and Boxcars, putting a friendly arm on both of them. "What's important is that we got her. If you guys are still feeling that you didn't do much, why don't we take it out on Problem Sleuth!?"

"I could go for some Sleuth beat downs." Boxcars said.

"Yay! We're friends again!" Deuce grabbed Boxcars' arm and skipped towards Sleuth's body.

"Gotta say boss." Droog said out loud over the sound of herself, Clubs Deuce, Spades Slick and Hearts Boxcars kicking Problem Sleuth in the gut. "Moments like these makes putting up with your shenanigans worth it."

"What can I say." Slick sent a pretty hard kick to Sleuth's back. "I know what my friends want."

A/N

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I had a lot of fun with this one, but I think the chase scene could use some work.

EDIT; Just changed a sentence that seemed a bit awkward to me.

[Red Pen]

Another Crew

Was... was that Vriska?
And is there any chance you'll be writing more of this?

Lots more?

[battlerek]

Another Crew

Was... was that Vriska?
And is there any chance you'll be writing more of this?

Lots more?

Yep, Vriska Sleuth.

I will now :3

[Megafire]

@ Red Pen.

Damn. I think that means the thread's over guys. There's no way we're going to top that.

@ ProspitDreamer.

Awesome, can't wait for more.

[Graven_Image]

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait.

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Vriska is Problem Sleuth, John is Spades Slick, Dave is Hearts Boxcars, Rose is Diamonds Droog, and Jade is Clubs Deuce?

Awwwwesoooome.

[Path]

This is my favourite thing.

[Ganato]

ALL OF THIS

I WANT MOOOOOORE!

[wilySubversionist]

Not at all, I feel like you got Eridan's voice just right. He's just as petulant and annoying and pitiful as he should be. I loved the way you bookened the chapter with the "surgeon's smile" line, that was beautiful.

Oh, thank you! I was worried I was going to be too sympathetic and ruin his natural awfulness.

@wilySubversionist: don't worry, I think your Eridan beats the hell out of mine, which probably isn't saying much, but I thought it was good

Pfft. Thank you, but nuts to your self-deprication. I liked Crossing Over a lot, and never thought there were any problems with your Eridan.

@ProspitDreamer: That was fantastic, and I really like how the different pairs deal with the language barrier, really nails their differences.