MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[Graven_Image]

Pointless

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It had all been so perfect.

Her Wastelandic Vindicator would use the power of the Green Sun to transport himself to his homeland and stave off the wicked Ace. He would return, as he must, and help them gather together the other exiles to rebuild Earth.

But now it all meant nothing.

The Scratch was coming.

The bases were all destroyed, her Vindicator with them. The intended teleportation never occurred. Their timeline was decomposing.

The Wistful Quietus, the Amelodic Rhapsodian, and the Pessimistic Maiden huddled together in the ruins of the ships.

And together, they waited for the beginning.

[Violet CLM]

On Tuesday -- so, y'know, six pages ago -- there was a discussion about the difficulty of color tags and maybe making a spreadsheet and stuff, so I figured I'd cross-post this formatter here. This is what it's for, after all. No support for altbloods at the moment, though.

[Graven_Image]

Wait, so there's a text filter for that Green Sun gif now? Awesome.

[DJ-P0N3]

OH NEVERMIND

[Stormrunner]

Comments since I seem to not do it often enough XD.

anonymousComrade - I am so happy you just don't know! Come to the dark side!
ProspitDreamer - XD I have no idea what to say to that except - don't ship it too hard you may crash it XD.

[battlerek]

@ Prospitian Dreamer, Path- Aw, thanks guys. Glad to see people are enjoying my writing. I never really thought of making John! Spades Slick as an even more evil version of SS, I just wanted a Spades Slick who wasn't an angry motherfucker all the time.

@ Summergale, Graven_Image- Brilliant fics. I love a good despair fic that focuses less on angsty moping around and more on existential terror, really, that made my day .

[SkaianRedeemer]

Wait, so there's a text filter for that Green Sun gif now? Awesome.

Wait, hold on.

The Tumor

EDIT: Nope, dangit. Anyways, nice fic, Graven, and awesome tool, Violet. Too bad most of the pesterlogs in HiHH have passed or I'd eat that thing up.

[pimudragonfeline]

So much awesome stuff I wouldn't know where to begin to comment. XP

[Nox]

Oh! Oh! Start with me!

[Hero Parker]

Oh! Oh! Start with me!

I must say, I cannot think about the recent updates
or Godtiering for that matter without thinking of your
UTTERLY DEPRESSING stories.

I mean, I'm making God-tier art requests right now
and feeling kinda bad about it.

LIKE I'M DAMNING THESE PEOPLE OR SOMETHING!

Goddamn you.
GODDAMN YOU AND YOUR UNHOLY STORYWRITING!!!

[Nox]

...so was that a "GODDAMN YOU this is so good!" or a "GODDAMN YOU this is horrible!" kinda thing?

[Hero Parker]

...so was that a "GODDAMN YOU this is so good!" or a "GODDAMN YOU this is horrible!" kinda thing?

It was horrible depressing in a good sorta way.
So well-articulated that it has completely revamped
my chipper optimism over being God Tier.

THANKS BITCH!!

[pimudragonfeline]

For me It was both or not horrible but terrible/horrible in the emotional sense.
Also I'm seeing a pattern with the possibility of human god tiers.
@anonymousComrade But addition is a powerful thing, it seems. Best TYPO EVER!

[wilySubversionist]

So much awesome stuff I wouldn't know where to begin to comment. XP

I would love to be in the middle of whatever comments you make. I know my last two offerings aren't as strong as my first, but I'm at a loss as to how to really improve them. Also, the latest round of fic is fantastic; I'm really BAD at commenting.

[anonymousComrade]

For me It was both or not horrible but terrible/horrible in the emotional sense.
Also I'm seeing a pattern with the possibility of human god tiers.
@anonymousComrade But addition is a powerful thing, it seems. Best TYPO EVER!

Or is it

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Yeah it's totally a typo, this is what I get for relying on spellcheckers

[pimudragonfeline]

In no Particular Order or Sense

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@ProspitDreamer I am liking this series so far. Early made me depressed even though the time change hasn't happened yet.
@wilySubversionist Since you asked. I liked the fact you used Rose and Eridan as Shadow Archetypes for each other. Also the appearance of Rose the Psychologist.
@battlerek Nice dark and it shows a new perspective on cannon characters.
@Summergale Depressing and thought provoking, but since Rose has a 50% chance of disproving this... I am now thinking of Dr. Who.
@spacetimeCounselor Why? Why! is everything so DARK... Kudos to you it was engaging.
@Tenebrais Why does this simultaneously remind me of A Hitchiker's guide to the galaxy and Batman?
@Stormrunner Yay! dark and sweet. I am in glee mode.
@crash826 Finally something that isn't dark. I cannot wait for the next installment.
@SkaianRedeemer Congrats on getting recommended on the TVTROPES fanfic page I was halfway through this on AO3 so I'll say something pertinent for the next one.
@catastrophicGenesis I like the more things change spin on characterization.
@draconicAlgorithm It is always interesting to see the raised by different guardians Fic. I liked the way Jade shown through, and Bro's internal monologue.
@A fan A very interesting take on the scratch. But ohmygod the shipping confusion! xp
@MyCurrentObsession Congratulations you have activated pimu's ohmygodthisisakwardmakeitstop>runoutoftheroom tech. A most dangerous game indeed.
@Graven_Image It is not yet breakfast I do not want to expound on philosophy.

[Jim Groovester]

I should do a better job of staying on top of this thread. I'm about a page and a half behind in fics and about eight pages behind in comments.

Sapphire of Alternia Gaiden: 2

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Hysterical Dame has spent the past several days in a near permanent bad mood. Just where the hell is Problem Sleuth? That no good good-for-nothing layabout is making himself scarce and she’s had about enough of it. She’s going to get to the bottom of the mystery of where he is and she doesn’t care the path of destruction she saws to get there.

Hysterical Dame walks into the bar that links up to the Midnight Crew’s hideout and ignores the bartender as she walks straight into the back. She walks to the bootleg liquor rack and pulls the bottle for a particular brand of wine that everybody knows is the worst of all time. The label reads “Fermented Culled Wriggler Alcoholic Beverage” and Hysterical Dame wonders what kind of sicko would make that kind of drink and what kind of psychopath would use it for the lever to the entrance to his secret hideout. The rack and wall slowly swing open revealing a ladder. Hysterical Dame slides down it.

She turns around. Four pairs of white eyes are staring back at her in a completely dark room. The only source of light is from the top of the ladder and it casts a long shadow of her across the room. “You getting a good look?”

The men attached to the four pairs of white eyes spring into action, but Hysterical Dame doesn’t give them the chance. She knocks Hearts Boxcars out with a flying kick, knocks Diamonds Droog cold with a purse swing, and puts Clubs Deuce out for the count with a punch to his snout.

Hysterical Dame: Find out where Problem Sleuth is.

Hysterical Dame leaps at Spades Slick with her lipstick held high. Spades Slick blocks the chainsaw with his cast iron horse hitcher but falls over. Hysterical Dame struggles to paint Spades Slick’s neck red with her lipstick and Spades Slick struggles to keep this crazy broad from cutting off his head.

“what the fuck dame” Spades Slick asks. “we aint done nothin to you”

“Where’s Problem Sleuth?” Hysterical Dame asks, her eyes screaming intensity and murderous intent.

“how the fuck should i know”

“You’re the leader of the Midnight Crew!” Hysterical Dame screeches as the chainsaw blades get closer and closer.

“he gave us the slip yesterday and now we dont see a reason to find him today” Spades Slick explains in rising panic.

“I’m trying to find him!” Hysterical Dame shouts. “And do you know what that means?”

Spades Slick eyes the blades getting closer to his neck.

“Do you know what that means!?” Dame shouts louder.

Spades Slick shakes his head.

“That means you’re trying to find him too!” Dame screeches at a shrill pitch. “Do you get me?”

Slick nods.

“What was that?”

“yes i fucking get you now will you stop trying to chop my head off”

“Tell me when you’re going to start looking for him.” Dame yells.

Spades Slick mutters.

“Tell me!”

“right now”

Hysterical Dame stands up and calmly puts a new coat of lipstick on her mouth. She presses her lips together and opens them. “Good.” She walks towards the ladder. “I’d hate to have to come back here, and then I’ll be really mad.” Dame says. She climbs up.

Spades Slick sits on the floor utterly dumbstruck. The rest of the Crew starts coming to.

“what the fuck was that” Spades Slick asks.

If the rest of the crew were in any position to think intelligently or speak coherently or remember what just happened, they would agree with the sentiment wholeheartedly.

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Not mentioned in Part 7 of the Sapphire of Alternia: the Midnight Crew went to find Problem Sleuth because Hysterical Dame kicked their asses. And because they were so embarrassed about it, they acted like they wanted to talk to Problem Sleuth because of Murdered Courier's client list.

This should've been obvious I'm surprised nobody noticed at the time. I mean this is what's actually happening behind the scenes come on guys pay attention.

Part 17 should be up sometime tomorrow. It's all written out but it needs a good, non-tired edit. So have utterly pointless sidefic instead.

[ceruleanTresses]

Although the depressingfics have been damn good ones, I maintain that eternal life would be frickin' awesome.

I should write a fic about that! But it would be really boring. It would basically be, "And then it was frickin' awesome, forever."

[Tenebrais]

There are pretty cool ways to write immortality as a positive thing. Though I guess that portrayal is fairly neutral?

Might take a shot at that myself.

[sebastian]

People seem to be looking at the Scratch right now, and that's fine. But there was something in those updates that made me wonder...

Eternal

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For what is worth I don't think Sburb immortality would work like that. The game is meant to be played by adolescents. Stuck someone as an adolescent for eternity would be a really dick move, even for Sburb. It is more probable that you reach maturity and then stop.

[Tenebrais]

I agree with that. You mature but you won't decay.

On that note, with the more positive side of immortality, here's a Short Story.

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The young Seer wandered into town. She'd been doing a lot of wandering recently.
It came as something of a surprise to her when she saw the military drill in the field not far from the road – for a very long time, it had been a familiar sight to see longbowmen practising their shot, but now the sounds of loud bangs echoed from the hilltop. Shielding her eyes, she saw the archers were now wielding some sort of musket. The design was faintly familiar to her. She had seen guns before, a long time ago. She was glad to know her memory had not faded with age. So, she thought to herself, they've invented gunpowder. Already they are learning to kill with it. A morbid sort of smile crept upon her face as she mused on this feature of human nature.

She rented a room at the inn she always used when she came into town. The Black Sheep. Or was it The King's Arms? Looking at the sign, it was the Three Jolly Sailors now. Funny, this town was still a day's ride from the coast.
Though she had stayed at this inn intermittently since it was first built, nobody recognised her. This was nothing new to her. She had been gone for a very long time.

In her room (the same room as always) she found a letter addressed to her, stamped with red wax. She laughed softly to herself. Aradia always knew where she'd be. Time may march on, but some things are simply universal constants.
She read the letter without opening it. Unsealing envelopes was a courtesy she used only to avoid frightening her company. She liked to keep quiet about her presence. True, it made her hard for her companions to find her, but she liked it that way. They had all learned patience.
Aradia wanted to meet again, at the capital inland in two months. Apparently something important was going to happen, an assassination or a crowning or something like that. Rose never paid much attention to politics – it was all so transitive. Aradia loved it, though. Watching history unfold before her eyes was her lifelong dream come true, and her power allowed her to see any event, anywhere in space and time.

Rose decided to go. They hadn't met in nearly a century, after all.

[Path]

“I’m trying to find him!” Hysterical Dame shouts. “And do you know what that means?”

Spades Slick eyes the blades getting closer to his neck.

“Do you know what that means!?” Dame shouts louder.

Spades Slick shakes his head.

“That means you’re trying to find him too!” Dame screeches at a shrill pitch. “Do you get me?”

This is not quite my favourite line you've written, but it's damn close. Now I need to write a scene of Sleuth and Slick trading awe/horror stories about her at the bar.

[QRQD]

For what is worth I don't think Sburb immortality would work like that. The game is meant to be played by adolescents. Stuck someone as an adolescent for eternity would be a really dick move, even for Sburb. It is more probable that you reach maturity and then stop.

Agree, though Eternal is a good story anyway. Sburb and Sgrub place enough emphasis on personal growth and maturation that leaving a player stuck at 13 years old or equivalent both physically and mentally would make no sense thematically.

[battlerek]

Another Crew: A New Lead

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The daylight hours were not friends to the hard-boiled detective. Too many people moved about, and men with dirty secrets usually hid in their cellars. But to a certain kind of investigator this just meant more cases for, and by extension more money, for them. Unfortunately for Ace Dick he wasn't a diurnal species of detective. And even if he was, he wouldn't have taken the case he was doing now, but money was tight these days and he needed to pay the rent.

"That bastard owes me big time for this." Ace Dick, mumbled as he pushed a cart of cleaning utensils through the hallways of the 'Happy Trails' Recycling plant. His employer sent him to retrieve a box that was apparently related to some huge gang war or bullshit like that. Ace Dick didn't care. Just point him at whatever target you want investigated and as long as he wouldn't be arrested for it or if he wouldn't get into a heap of trouble he'd do it, even if he was grumbling about it all the way.

A good day's worth of searching through the place lead him to at the top floor, searching for a room marked '413'. According to one of the other janitors this was the place where plant stored things that were completely alien to most people, and a box that was hard enough to resist treatment unscathed was definitely not of this world.

He reached the door to the room and turned the knob. That was when he realized he forgot to bring the keys to the room. Ace Dick screamed obsceneties at the door, hoping that by the fourty-sixth iteration of the word 'fuck' the door would open of its own accord.

"Lalalalala!"

Or some broad in a pink janitor suit pushing a cart covered in fancy curtains would step out of the elevator, open the door with her keys, go inside, then leave as quick she entered.

"The fuck."

The pink janitor poked Ace Dick with a rather hefty broom. "Hey, Mr. Manuel said he's docking 2 boondollars from your pay for indecent language. You should be more careful Mr. Cussypants!"

Ace Dick knew of only one person in the world who would use a sentence like that, and slapped himself on the face for not seeing this coming. "What the hell are you doing here Clubs Deuce?"

Clubs Deuce looked around, leaned closer to Ace Dick's face and whispered conspiratorially. "It's a secret, but Droog told me I needed to get this magic box. Don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Fine, I fucking won't Deuce." Ace Dick grumbled. Irritating as she was, he got a lot of leads for most of his Midnight Crew related cases by playing along with Clubs Deuce's stupid antics.

"Pinky swear?" She held out a hand, fingers clutched in ball save for her pinky.

Ace Dick sighed. "Pinky swear."

"Yay! Well I'm going to back to our hideout now. Bye, Ace Dick! Oh, and have a Squiddle dolly!" She placed one of those stupid plush toys on Ace Dick's car and rode the elevator down to the first floor

"Yeah, whatever." Sucker, he thought as he went inside to get the super important box... that wasn't there because he was pretty fucking sure Clubs Deuce took it from the room while he was swearing incoherently.

"Ah, shit!" Ace Dick ran to the elevator and frantically pressed the 'down' button. He considered calling his current employer for a second before realizing that would make things worse, and settled for something that wouldn't make things worse, like stepping on Deuce's squiddle doll in a fit of irritation.

He was wrong on that one, because the squiddle doll's eyes began to glow red and it began to count down down to zero in a nassaly voice. Ace Dick threw his hat down in disgust and continued to mash the elevator button. The squiddle doll counted to 4 when the elevator finally arrived, then counted to 3 when he mashed the ground floor button, then 2 when the doors finally closed, then exploded just as the elevator went down the third floor.

Since things could not get any worse, Ace Dick decided to call his employer. "Hey, fuckass! They got the fucking box!"

"Just like I thought they would, hehehe." Said the voice on the other side of the line. It was a female voice, and one that was used to giving out orders from afar, but wouldn't hesitate to do things personally if push comes to shove. "Don't worry your cranky little self, Dick. Snouty and a couple of my men will get the box."

"I'm still getting paid, right?"'

"Of course, but this isn't going to look good on your resume, hehehe."

"Whatever." Ace Dick ended the call and ran out to the parking lot, where he saw Clubs Deuce drive out of the plant, followed by 3 black vans that must've belonged to his employer's gang. He wasn't about to be taken out of the picture, not after Deuce tried to blow him up. Again. Soon a beat-up old car trailed after the vans, making traffic violations as it did so.


Snouty, who was your typical mafia middle-management minion, ordered 2 of the vans to box Deuce in. Considering they were going faster than Deuce was, who for some reason was following speeding laws despite being in a chase, this was done easily. At the next intersection another van would go in and move to the front, and once that was done he would have his van box her in from behind . It would've worked perfectly, but Snouty failed to factor in a motorcycle speeding out of an alley and the tire-slashing that followed.

The van to the left crashed into a fire hydrant, spilling water all over the place. The thugs inside scrambled to get out, but Deuce tossed the motorcyclist a squiddle, who then tossed the squiddle into the crashed van.

"Soooo pretty." Deuce said as she watched the explosion from her rear-view mirror.

One of the thugs in the right van lowered the window, pulled out a gun and aimed at the motorcyclist, only to change his mind about shooting the guy. You generally needed an arm to do that. The one on the wheel tried to ram his van on the motorcycle. The motorcyclist responded by stabbing through the van door and skewered the driver.

As the right van lost control and crashed into an office building, Snouty decided to call in reinforcements. The van supposed to block Deuce's car by the front drove into an intersection and the men inside aimed their guns at Deuce and fired. As much as possible the boss didn't want the box to be damaged, but at this rate the crew was going to get away with it.

Clubs Deuce tossed another squiddle at the motorcyclist. Revving his cycle up to full speed the motorcyclist dashed towards the intersection and threw the doll at the gunmen. One of the thugs lost his cool and fired at the squiddle, detonating it and causing another explosion. It left the gunmen in a daze, so they were unable to stop the motorcyclist from coming in from the side and gutting them all.

"Ah, fuck." Snouty's was the last van left. He wasn't sure if they could still take Deuce, but he was more afraid of his boss more than he was of the sword-wielding motorcyclist. He took out his gun and was about to fire, but his driver forgot that all-important rule of watching the road, and failed to see the squiddle Clubs Deuce dropped on the ground, just in front of the van.

"Heehee! Another one!" Clubs Deuce squealed when she saw the last van explode.

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"Police are still unsure why the chase occured, but it is widely believed that this was connected to the escalation of the gang wars plaguing our fair-" Diamonds Droog shut off the television and pinched her nose. She specifically told those two not to draw too much attention, and what do they do? Cause the worse car chase in the city's history in 20 years.

"But we got shit done, Droog." Hearts Boxcars reasoned while he picked up a bottle of whiskey on the table and filled his glass. "And besides, if Deuce here actually went above 20 kilometers an hour the whole chase wouldn't have happened in the first place. If anyone's to blame it's Deuce and her slow-ass driving."

"But I wasn't the meanie who left his partner to go get his motorcycle a new paintjob." Clubs Deuce shifted a pillow on the couch to a more comfortable angle. "Oh, and I saw Ace Dick in the plant today! He looked so silly in his gray jumpsuit!"

"Cadelscratch's way more important than your sorry ass Deuce." Boxcars grinned before taking a sip of his whiskey.

"Well why don't you just marry your motorcycle!" Deuce stuck her tongue out.

Boxcars smirked. "Fine then, be that way. You just lost your spot as flower girl."

"But I already picked out my dress..." Deuce frowned.

"Haha, Ace Dick's in on this too! Sounds great!" Slick walked into the room, wearing a black apron with a spade symbol and carrying a bowl of popcorn. "It's been what, four months since I played whack-a-mole with his fingers?"

Diamonds Droog smiled. Normally she thought it was unbecoming of a dangerous and powerful mafia gang to be acting like this, but they got one of the boxes before the other gangs did, even if they still had no idea what the box was supposed to do that could upset the status quo so badly. But they had plenty of time to figure it out, and besides it was movie night, and it was Droog's turn to pick out a movie. "The Entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, director's cut." She said, earning a groan from Boxcars, an 'oh nooo' from Deuce and a snicker from Slick.

A/N

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Woot, another chapter done. I originally wanted to use a muscle car for Hearts Boxcar's vehicle but a motorcycle seemed more appropriate. Next chapter I'll probably do something Rose!Droog-centric

[Path]

How can I be slashing Deuce/Dick, goddammit battlerek this is all your fault. Jade/Karkat is one of my OTPs and auggggggh.

Also, need picture of aproned Slick/John. So cute.