MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[anonymousComrade]

@anonymousComrade- Is it bad that I found Kanpire and Karkat's friendship more heartwarming than Terezi/Karkat lovey-dovey time?

haha not at all

I suspect it was because Karkat and Terezi's reunion was, admittedly, kind of tacked-on

I mean seriously, how does this shit happen every time. Half the time I don't even know I'm doing it, one day I'm going to be writing another Sburb Forums thing and it's gonna end with "AND THEN KARKAT AND TEREZI HAD SLOPPY ALIEN MAKEOUTS ALL OVER THE FORUMS, THE END." I'd kind of like to continue Champion but haha let's face it, I'll just end up writing K/T by proxy and we all know it

[Kawa]

but haha let's face it, I'll just end up writing K/T by proxy and we all know it

Do it.

[draconicAlgorithm]

Other two parts?

...umm, can you link them? The web links in the signature don't seem to work for any but the prequel.

Haha, yeah, I noticed that too, but then I just looked through their most recent posts until I found them. And then I forgot to mention that the links didn't work. xD

[wilySubversionist]

Also, judging by the lack of comments, I guess people don't like OC fics as much? Or am I just reading into it too much? Regardless, I'll be writing more, because it's just so much fun!

I'll be honest: yeah, I usually pass over OC stuff just because it's harder to get into, but I've been reading and enjoying this a lot. Keep going for sure!

[Nox]

The Long Wait: 2/3

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The moment Vriska entered the physical location she was hit. She supposed she should have seen the attack coming, but you can’t keep your guard up constantly though all of eternity. That had been one of the things that caused insanity.

The blow was having the singularities of nearly twenty black holes instantaneously transported inside her body. If she was a normal God Tier this would have destroyed her. Vriska found it mildly irritating.

Then, in the millisecond it took to will the singularities out of existence, a much greater attack hit. A wave of condensed Dark-Antimatter (the antimatter version of dark matter) condensed to neutron star level density slammed into her in a wave wider than the diameter of a planet. The force of the blow tore reality apart in it's wake. In an instant Vriska was wiped from existence utterly.

Vriska decided Aradia deserved praise for that one.

“Hahaha! Oh man, that was a hell of a thing! Gotta admit that broke up the monotony for a little while.”

Talking in space through the roar of a black hole’s event horizon, while lacking any physical existence is all but impossible. Vriska did it anyway. She also clapped for her fellow goddesses amusing performance. Have you ever heard the sound of no hands clapping before? It would drive a mortal mad.

“I’m glad you were amused. It took nearly seven years to collect all those singularities and create the Dark-Antimatter.”

Vriska raised an eyebrow (after she willed said eyebrow back into existence) and looked quizzically at Aradia.

“You DO know you could have just willed all that stuff into existence and been done in an hour, right?”

It was a silly question; they both knew why she had done it manually like that. They felt like going through the motions anyway. It was for the same reason Vriska counted the atoms in the planet’s ring by eye instead of just willing herself to know how many there were. Because it ate up time. Aradia apparently wasn’t in the mood to play that game, and instead of answering just appeared in front of Vriska’s restored form.

Vriska took in Aradia’s form. She was apparently going with her default appearance. That is to say, the form she took most often. This was her troll body aged into her prime, still clad in her god tier outfit. Vriska herself was similar in appearance at the moment. They could shape their forms at will, but these were the ones they felt most comfortable with.

Of course, she could easily have been an adult version of her robot self, or a frog, or a ghost, or a mind-breaking eldritch horror. Vriska could have done the same.

Vriska realized they had been staring at each other for three days now, and decided to speak up again. They apparently were talking in words today, instead of morose code or by the direct exchange of thoughts...or any other of a million forms of communication.

“So, are you still angry with me Aradia? I would have thought a break in monotony of that magnitude would have cheered you up!”

Aradia’s face contorted in fury. Vriska knew that was a big thing, the other god only showed emotion willingly now, never naturally. Reflex responses had faded long ago. If she was knowingly looking so angry, then she was VERY upset and wanted Vriska to know.

“You still think this is funny? You threw an illusion on me, an illusion that I was in the afterlife! That everyone was there, and it was all going to be alright...that the wait was over...”

Vriska rolled her eyes. Oh for the love of me, this was getting ridiculous. How can you stay mad at someone for over a thousand years? Would she just move on already?

“Lighten up Red, it was just a joke! And it kept you in a good mood for nearly ten years before I got tired of keeping the illusion up.”

"You really don't get it, do you? The long wait is the one constant we have had to face for all the time we've been here. Even if it DID make me happy for a time...it still raised my hopes up higher then they have been in ages, and having them dashed again was just...it was too painful, ok?"

Inside, Vriska flinched a little at Aradia's words. Perhaps her actions HAD been over the line. It was so hard to remember their even WAS a line. Still, Vriska wasn't about to become a blubbering mess in front of Aradia. No way in hell.

"Oh, get over yourself Red. we both know how this is going to go down. We'll fight, we will yell and make the universe our chessboard as we take our aggression out on each other, blah blah blah! It's happened before, and we'll both enjoy it anyway! Because it breaks up the monotony of eternity! We need each other, why else do we always talk like this even at times when we despise each other like you do now?"

Aradia took nearly a month to answer, as she took in what Vriska had said. That was fine with her, it would make her retort all the more elegant and well worded. The goddess could barely contain her excitement for what snappy sharp retort she would give!


"Fuck you."

Welp

THAT had not been what she was expecting. Then again, it was also perfect in a way. Because it had been the last thing she had been expecting! Only Aradia could g-

Where was she?

To Vriska's suprise, she realized that Aradia had teleported away while she was taking in the blunt nature of her comment. No problem, she would just...what? Aradia was shielding herself from Vriska's gaze.

So, she was playing the quiet game, huh? Ok, this made sense. And as long as Aradia didn't use her god power at too high a level Vriska would not be able to find her. No matter, Aradia could still hear her, and they would be talking again in no time. She just had to wait.

Five years passed.

“Red, cmon! This is stupid! You know you can't stay away from me for long.”

One hundred years.

“For the love of us, Aradia! Would you get off your universe-high high-horse and talk to me?”

Five thousand years.

“Aradia, please! There, I said please! I'm being humble! Look how us-damned humble I am! Talk to me already!”

Twenty thousand years.

“AAAAAAARRRGH! I HATE YOU! HATE HATE HATE HAAAAATE! Stop ignoring me! STOP IT! I know you can hear me Aradia! Answer me!”

Fifty thousand years.

“You know what I just did? I annihilated an entire planet! Poof, gone! It was populated too! It's YOUR fault that happened, because you WON'T TALK TO ME! TALK TO ME DAMN YOU! TALK TO MEEEEEE!”

One hundred thousand years.

“I'm not mad at you anymore Aradia, really! I just want to to talk to me again...I really miss you ok? Please, say something to me...”

One million years.

“Oh god...Aradia! Please come back! Please come back! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Oh god, ARADIA!”

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Jim Groovester: Looks like this is building up to, while perhaps not a climax but at least a big showdown. Midnight Crew vs Felt vs Hired WK Thugs vs Team Sleuth with possible WQ on the sides? I'm game. And of course, PM pretending to be Sleuth.

@PingZing: Karkatcestor and Fefericestor arguing is the best of things. And I'm glad you had the sense to realize that an onrush of water would still probably kill and aquatic Troll. I've seen some authors in other fandoms with aquatic characters that... well. Also: no, I can't work out your naming scheme and yes, it's probably because it's an OC fic. It's a sad fact of fanfiction, I wish I could say different.

[Kawa]

RePopulation, part 1/? - For Science!

Warning: includes a sweary Karkat, references to buckets and lame puns on "fuck all happened".

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Concerned forumite is concerned. Read it off-site?

A/N:

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This is exactly what it looks like.

[Nox]

Uh, Kawa?

While I like where this is going, and I do find this hilarious...I'm wondering if it's breaking the rules for content that the forum holds...

[crash826]

YET ANOTHER BLOODSWAP, part dos

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Your name is ERIDAN AMPORA, and you are WORRIED about your RELATIONSHIP FUTURE. Specifically, you are worried that you’re not going to HAVE ONE.
The subject of your FLUSHED ASPIRATIONS is noncompliant. The subject of your CALIGINOUS ASPIRATIONS is dead, although you don’t know that- you just think she lost the spirit.

Your DATING SIMS have given you an OVERBLOWN SENSE OF ROMANTICISM and an OBSESSION with RELATIONSHIPS. You expect way too much of relationships.

Which doesn’t really excuse what you’ve been doing.

-- capturingAnarchist[CA] began trolling circadianCutlery[CC] --

CA: hi feef
CC: O][ gog.
CC: ++ERIDAN.
CC: STOP.
CC: We AR++E NOT MAT++ESPRIT++ES.
CA: oh comee on
CA: i’m doin that courtin thing from my dating sims
CA: you jusst don’t geet it
CC: I understand you.
CC: I don’t t][ink you understand.
CC: I dislike you platonically.
CC: I don’t pity you at all.
CC: and I don’t ][ate you.
CC: G++ET IT Y++ET?
CA: i don’t caree
CA: i pity you a lot
CA: likee
CA: thee mosst
CA: if you don’t reeciprocatee theen I will talk to you until you do
CC: Please, PL++EAS+++++E stop talking to me.
CC: Just give up.
CA: no
CC: Then I’m blocking you.
CC: GOODBY++E, ++Eridan.
CA: no
CA: wait

-- circadianCutlery[CC] blocked capturingAnarchist[CA] --

You’re not that good at relationships.
Maybe you can talk to your old caliginous flame and rekindle something?

-- capturingAnarchist[CA] began trolling algernonGambler[AG] --

CA: heello worthleessss
CA: how’ss lifee ass a mudheead
AG: 0000kay, I guess.
AG: H0w ab0ut y0000u, Eridan?
CA: i am infiniteely beetteer than you could eeveer bee
CA:
AG: 0000kay, sure.
AG: I’m 0000kay with that.
AG: I’m 0000kay with a l0t 0f things.
CA: weell
CA: uh
CA: you sshouldn’t bee
AG: Eh.
CA: what happeeneed to you
CA: you usseed to bee full of hatee and stuff
CA: now you’ree jusst
CA: boring
AG: Wh8ver.
AG: D0n’t care.
CA: weell sstart caring
CA: or i will peerssonally reemovee your facee and seell it to somee weeirdo as a wipee rag
CA: or ussee it ass cloth for a gogdamn pail cozy
CA: your facee will sstaree at somee guy ass hee fillss a buckeet
CA: lucky
CA: wait no
AG: 88_88
CA: sstop that
CA: jusst
CA: sshut up

-- capturingAnarchist[CA] ceased trolling algernonGambler[AG] --

Yeah, you suck at this.

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WHOA SPOILED FOR PAIL CONVERSATIONS
so much filth
herp derp this sucks

[Kawa]

While I like where this is going, and I do find this hilarious...I'm wondering if it's breaking the rules for content that the forum holds...

Thank you for your concern. I've tried to keep it down, but wasn't planning to go into any explicit details for the next part anyway.

Edit: removed and linked to off-site anyway. Who knows?

[SkaianRedeemer]

Yeah, I think that would have got you hit, Kawa. It's not that far removed from Wigmund's ban and seems to be heading in the same direction.

[Nox]

Ah, thanks for that. I checked, and as it turns out you WERE breaking a rule...albet only slightly. I would not want you getting in hot water over it.

For clarification! Ectobiological baby-making between kid and/or trolls is technically safe by forum standards, so long as all that is involved in the process is straight up genetic cloning without the accompaniment of any suggestive actions. The implication of or outright depiction or description of the underage characters becoming pregnant or being sexually active is very much against the rules, no matter how tastefully or humorously it is done. Aging up the characters does not excuse this. I would also avoid broaching the subject of hitting puberty and the details thereof out of courtesy, as that can easily flirt with inappropriateness and can make others uncomfortable.

AAAAAAAAAAAANYway, now that that's taken care of. I liked the whole idea of 'alternative' means of reproduction. Your not the first to do this, but that doesn't mean you don't do it well. Also, since some metaphors used as insults like 'bone bulge' and such suggest a human-like anatomy. So it's very possible that they use to reproduce like that. The question now is can they still do so, or is it just the vestigial remnants of a system that no longer works?

[Kawa]

It works, but I'm not gonna go into such details in discussion nor fiction. And now I must leave, so I'll see what you guys have to say about vestigial remnants tomorrow.

[PingZing]

Comments!

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Page 17:
Seraph - While it probably wasn't really your intent, I found Shockwave funny. The idea that near the end of all the scratching, even the characters can't keep it straight is sort of hilarious.

Page 18:
Nox - Deja vu was...eerie. I'm definitely unsettled by the idea of the scratch now.
Lantadyme - That was a refreshingly er...human? Is that term appropriate here? look at Doc Scratch. Out of curiosity, what's the title's significance, if any?

Page 19:
ProspitDreamer - Interaction between these two is awesome, no matter where or how it happens. You nailed it, I think. And that final line was excellent =P

Page 20:
draconicAlgorithm - This was utterly heartwarming. I really liked that Jade influenced Bro so much that he ended up being a significantly different person than in canon, but still recognizable as...well, himself.
A Fan - It took me a moment to realize what you'd done at the end there, but when I did I was like "Oooh...clever clever, Rose!" Doc admitting that Rose had bested him in his own smug sort of "I meant for that to happen" way was awesome.
ceruleanTresses - I've been reading this whenever you posted, but I don't think I've commented on it. I really like it! For some unidentifiable reason, I especially like the Maid's character. Couldn't tell you why.
anonymousComrade - Excellent. The previous chapter left me wanting closure, and this did so magnificently. Dave being a troll ironically is just hilarious too =P

Page 21:
ProspitDreamer - Ack, I missed this when I was reading through earlier! You need to keep backlinks in your signature or something! Anyway this was so fluffy and adorable that I was grinning the whole time I was reading it. If this is what we get in lieu of plot, I'm pretty much okay with that.
Stormrunner - I always find immortality stories sort of quietly horrifying. You managed to also make it hopeful and even managed to squeeze in a little Vriska-redemption. Well played.
Nox - See, this is what I meant. Immortality horrifies me just a teensy bit. You pulled that off very well.

Page 22:
Jim - *snrk*. HD scares even the Midnight Crew. Love it.
Tenebrais - Love this. I think Rose and Aradia would take to immortality very well. And Aradia being overly-enthusiastic about her interests is something that always needs to happen. It's made even better by the fact that Rose quietly humors her, somehow.

Page 23:
draconicAlgorithm - Oh dear, I got a little misty-eyed here. Hit a little close to home, but in a good way. Rose's response to Jade is just pure Rose.
Jim - Finally, Sleuth catches a break, at least for a little while. PM doing a Sleuth impression was absurd and hilarious and just awesome. I'm excited to see that we appear to be approaching the climax.

Page 24:
Nox - Oooh, Aradia sure knows how to give the silent treatment. Looking forward to part 3.

@PingZing: Karkatcestor and Fefericestor arguing is the best of things. And I'm glad you had the sense to realize that an onrush of water would still probably kill and aquatic Troll. I've seen some authors in other fandoms with aquatic characters that... well. Also: no, I can't work out your naming scheme and yes, it's probably because it's an OC fic. It's a sad fact of fanfiction, I wish I could say different.

Yeah, that was actually part of my thought process while writing it. I considered making the Empress threaten to break the glass to try to scare Tarfus, but realized that, gills or no, a few thousand pounds of seawater is a few thousand pounds of seawater.
As for the naming scheme, I'm taking names of stars in the associated trolls' constellations (Al Tarf from Cancer, Auva from Virgo).

[SkaianRedeemer]

@PingZing: Ah, you'd think I'd have caught that from when I was coming up with names for Cold Grublings but it seems I have the knowledge retention of a grade schooler, as ever. Nice move!

[ceruleanTresses]

@Nox: I am really enjoying "The Long Wait!" As someone who's eagerly awaiting the Singularity, the concept of what life might be like for godlike, immortal beings who started out as (relatively) normal people holds a lot of fascination for me, and your interpretation is really creative and well thought-out. I especially loved the part where Aradia has to consciously display her anger because she can't form expressions reflexively anymore.

@PingZing: Thanks! I'm glad you're enjoying it.

[lantadyme]

Ugh, I'm sorry I can't comment on everyone!

21
@summergale: eternal
This is really short but it's so heartbreaking and lovely. Oh John, let me scoop you up. :(
@Crash826: bloodswap
I love this Nepeta! I love every Nepeta, but this one is hilarious.
23
@draconicAlgorithm: yes
Oh man. Oh man, that is really so perfect. Thank you for writing this. Rose is such a trooper.

@PingZing:

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I am terrible at titling my stuff so usually when I need a title I scroll through my music library to look for inspiration. That one is lifted straight from this song because I've always loved the title since it's silly and it rhymes. Lo Fi is music-ese for low fidelity, which is "a term used to describe music in which the sound is of a lower quality than the usual standard." So basically I'm saying Scratch is a cheap rip-off of Cal.

[Domoz]

Ugh. I hate writers block and I hate this chapter but I guess I'm posting it anyways so I can move on with the story already

The Pirate and the Empress
[5/?]

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The ship sails on through the afternoon, much heavier in the water but with her crew in much higher spirits. They did not remain that way for long.

Ariel leaves he cabin and finds Paris. They have a brief conversation during which Paris's blood pressure rockets off the charts. Paris gathers the crew and screams at them, “We're going to fucking Boatmurder Island, any objections?”

The expression of most of the pirates on deck suddenly becomes much more sober, a few have a look of terror on their faces, while the oldest members just sigh and move to get back to work.



Night falls once again, this time accompanied by a thick layer of mist. The wind drops, the air chills, and even the most inexperienced of the pirates can tell they are getting near to the notorious Boatmurder Island.

Dualscar stands at the helm of the ship once again, he is the only one not startled when spires of rock appear from the fog. Ahab only gives the command to slacken the sails, it is a few moments before any of the panicked trolls move to do so.

Ahab doesn't start worrying quite yet; he knows that if he messes up, if anything should go wrong now, it could very well be the end of his rein of piracy.

The ship seems to drift listlessly, creaking with every movement. It carries the atmosphere of a ghost ship, it's crew members are deadly silent.

Ianthe knows nothing about the situation, and she wouldn't much care to find out. She's more concerned with staying awake; aside from passing out before, she hasn't been to sleep. Despite the lack of sopor, she can feel her eyelids getting heavy. What she needs, she decides, is a distraction; namely, another escape attempt.

And so, like the time before, the Empress makes her way to standing, it's far easier this time around with boxes to support her weight on and an unmoving floor.

The Empress is far more cautious this time around, she is aware that any moment someone could show up, looking for food or some other trivial task. But she makes it to the door unhindered, the problem arises when the door creaks open. It is at that moment Ianthe discovers she can hardly see a thing.

Making a break for it is a very dangerous option; she could run head on into a pirate, but at the same time this is probably her best bet. She starts to move farther out on deck when it dawns on her that
wherever she is, it's far from anywhere she has been before. The featureless ocean floor would be no help in guiding her back home.

The Empress absconds back into her prison once again. She's got plenty of time to find out where she is, and when she does making escape will certainly be grub's play.

[Jim Groovester]

@PingZing & SkaianRedeemer: We're headed toward a climax, but the next few parts won't be it. They'll be very exciting, or so I hope, but PS getting his hands on the SoA won't be the end of the fic. No, that'd be much too easy on him.

@PingZing: Hot Blooded. Yes. I like a villain that can deliver a good monologue.

@anonymousComrade: Individually Karkat meeting up with Kanaya and Terezi would be great moments, but when you have them together like this I think they distract from each other.

@Nox: Apparently your title is literal. I'm enjoying your portrayal of immortality, omnipotence, and crushing boredom.

[Jeep-Eep]

Boatmurder

I have seen what you did there.

[Graven_Image]

Boatmurder

I have seen what you did there.

I too witnessed what you have made to take place in that location.

[Domoz]

Boatmurder

I have seen what you did there.

I too witnessed what you have made to take place in that location.

There are elephants there

[Graven_Image]

I was going to write something here, but I accidentally clicked out of the tab I was using, and stupid stupid dumb stupid Internet Explorer whichever-the-hell-number-this-one-is can't retrieve it.

So, sorry. Good night.

[battlerek]

Another Crew: Informants

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The Furious Cherub was your typical bad guy bar. It was dirty, run-down sold awful alcohol, and was frequented by some of the most despicable scoundrels in the city. Not only that, it was a bar owned by the Mobster Kingpin, who in some ways was more dangerous than the entirety of the Midnight Crew. But for Pickle Inspector, that wasn't the worst part.

"I believe it is spelled V-O-D-K-A. With a V, not a B." He told the bartender, whose witty retort to this malignment of his legitimate establishment left the Inspector covered in spit.

Pickle Inspector hated places like this. Yes, he understood that the best way to get information in the city was to venture into its dark underbelly and speak with the parasites that lurk there, but was it so bad for flatworms to be literate? No wonder poor Ace Dick was so insuferable all the time, considering he has to deal with nitwits like these all the time. Oh, if only his contact had asked him to meet at some place cleaner, like the bathroom at City Hall. Such clean toilet seats...

Inspector turned his head slightly, making sure the thugs didn't notice him eyeballing them. Most of them were brutes who would snap Inspector in half if they felt like it, or sneaky little twerps who'd stab him as soon as he spoke with them, but none of them worried him more than the only other person in this place that looked prim and proper. She was sitting on a table behind the bar counter, reading a newspaper. On one of the woman's fingers was a ring, with a red diamond set on it.

Diamonds Droog.

This just made things better and better. Droog was the sharpest of the crew, and there were rumors of her outfoxing even the Mobster Kingpin. And she was sitting behind him, in a bar filled with people that would cheer him on if she decided to kill him then and there. That informant of his better arrive soon.

Luckily, here he came. All heads turned to the handsome man in a striped purple coat as he walked inside the bar. He had slick, yellow hair coiffed in perfection, and he had such wonderful, wonderful amethyst eyes. On a scale of one to ten, his mustache rated a Freddy Mercury. And that smile, good lord, that beautiful smile. Pickle Inspector was sure he didn't swing that way, but for him, he would.

"Mr. Inspector, are you alright?" The informant's voice snapped Inspector out of his ogling session with the informant's face.

"Y-yes, I'm fine." He said, trying to fix himself up. "I thought that you would not come."

"I'm very sorry Mr. Inspector, but some of my other contacts had...trouble." Considering where his informant worked, that was probably an understatement.

"Understandable. Why don't we take this conversation somewhere else?" Pickle Inspector and the Informant left the bar and drove to Rainy Point. As Inspector expected, he saw Droog exit the bar and follow them on his own car, but Droog did not expect 3 decoy Pickle Inspector cars to suddenly drive to oppostie directions. That should keep her occupied.

When they arrived Inspector continued his conversation with the informant inside the car. "Did you manage to learn anything new about the Chessboards?"

"Pardon, Mr. Inspector? Chessboards?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." Pickle Inspector gave his winning smile. "That's what a friend of mine called the... packages, yes." The informant didn't know what exactly Pickle Inspector was looking for. All he'd been told was to watch for any strange boxes that might suddenly turn up in his employer's hands.

"Ah. Well, some of the thugs who work for the Midnight Crew say they saw Clubs Deuce and Hearts Boxcars take a box to their base."

"That explains the chase they had with the Mobster Kingpin's boys 3 days ago."

The informant looked surprised. "All that for a box!?"

"They're not just any boxes." Pickle Inspector paused for a minute. "Can I trust you?"

"Of course, Mr. Inspector! I have been providing you with reliable information on the Midnight Crew and Mobster Kingpin's activities for half a year! I'm on your side, my friend!"

He looked so dashing when he was swearing his loyalty to you. Goodness, how could Inspector have ever doubted him? "They're more than just mere boxes. When opened the chessboards are supposed to perform a function that gives its bearer great power."

"Sounds like magic, Mr. Inspector?"

"Magic? Pfft." Pickle Inspector scoffed. "They're all pieces of very advanced technology, none of that unexplainable magic tomfoolery. Although it's nice to imagine it is, everything has a rational explanation."

"I still don't see how all-powerful these boxes are supposed to be Mr. Inspector."

"That's what I thought too, until I found this." Pickle Inspector pulled out a folder from underneath his driver's seat and showed it to the Informant. "12 years back a city block suddenly collapsed. According to this report the buildings passed all city construction requirements, but a week before some strange...changes happened." Pickle Inspector showed his informant several images of people standing on impossible floors, like something from Escher's paintings.

"My goodness."

"I know." Pickle Inspector placed the folder under his seat again. "The reports say that this occured just as a pair of tenants moved in. Sounds farfetched, but the day before they left, carrying a box with them. Coincidence? I think not."

"So you think the chessboard the midnight crew has could do the same?"

"It could." Inspector shrugged. "Or it could do something worse."

"My goodness."

"That's why we need to get the Chessboards before the crew does. Do you know the next major job they'll commit? I'm planning to coordinate an attack with Problem Sleuth and Ace Dick when that happens."

"2 days from now, I think. They're hitting some of Kingpin's casinos."

"Excellent! You've been a great help, Mr.-"

"Dandy. Debonair Dandy." The informant smiled. "I'm okay with what the Crew and the Kingpin does some of the time, but if psycopaths like them get the power these chessboards have..."

"Don't worry, we'll stop them." Pickle Inspector reassured Dandy. "I swear it."

A while later Pickle Inspector dropped Debonair Dandy off at the city park. He still couldn't believe that the Debonair Dandy believed him. Both Sleuth and Dick laughed at his theory, but he found the Dandy's confidence in him reassuring. Now all he had to do was convince them to help him attack the Crew.

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"Well shit, you're right." Hearts Boxcars said as he watched Droog tear off her fake Moustache, taking some satisfaction at her wincing.

"See, I told you Droog looked like a hunk with the 'stache!" Clubs Deuce said, sneering. "You owe me 10 boondollars for that, Boxcars!"

"Concession accepted." Boxcars handed Deuce her boondollars. Seeing Droog in a ridiculous moustache was worth losing a bet.

"So, what did the man with a man crush on the 'Dandy' tell you know?" Spades Slick asked. Droog could tolerate Boxcars and Deuce making fun of her, but Spades Slick would just take this way out of proportion. Hell, he might even arrange a 'coming out' intervention for Pickle Inspector and then reveal the truth to him then, just to see the expression on both their faces.

"Everything we need to know." Droog said. "Everything. Oh, and reschedule our next strike on the Casino to next week. Sleuth'll be trying to get into our headquarters in 2 days ."

"Whatever you say, 'Dandy'. Whatever you say." Slick said, grinning that ridiculous grin of his.

A/N

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This is probably my favorite chapter. Pickle Inspector and Diamonds Droog is fun to write, and together they're even more entertaining.

[Sporkaganza]

After a bit of a schedule slip, here is the new chapter of SOSburb! If you're interested, be sure to read it; it has fairies in it! If you're not interested, I should let you know that it doesn't require any knowledge of the Haruhi universe to enjoy, so don't let that stop you.