MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[anonymousComrade]

Here's a dumb shortfic and further proof that yes, I will write pretty much anything, courtesy of the prompt generator

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Once they had finally been able to meet, one particular member of the humans' session got along with Terezi like no one else. The two of them had become fast friends, and they could almost always be found talking for hours on end.

Her new friend was a good listener, which was just what Terezi needed, because she had quite the predicament.

"1 JUST DONT KNOW WH4T TO DO H3R3," Terezi told her. "1 LOV3 BOTH OF TH3M, R34LLY, 1 DO, BUT... 1 H4V3 TO P1CK ON3, 4ND 31TH3R W4Y 1T WONT B3 F41R! 1M GO1NG TO BR34K SOM3ON3S H34RT 4ND 1 F33L 4WFUL." She sighed and frowned hard.

"1VE KNOWN K4RK4T FOR SW33PS. Y34H H3S K1ND OF A J3RK SOM3T1M3S, BUT H3S GOT 4 C4RD1OV4SCUL4R PUMP OF GOLD. H3 R34LLY DO3S C4R3 4BOUT M3, NO M4TT3R HOW H4RD H3 TR13S TO S4Y OTH3RW1S3. 4ND SOM3T1M3S, K4RKL3S 1S JUST SO SW33T, YOU KNOW?"

"4ND D4V3... WH4TS TH3R3 TO S4Y? H3S AN 4RT1ST 4ND 4 MUS1C14N 4ND H3S SOOOO COOL! 1 H4V3NT KNOWN H1M LONG BUT FROM H1S PO1NT OF V13W H3S KNOWN M3 FOR 4 WH1L3, SO 1 B3T H3 L1K3S M3 TOO. 4ND WH3R3 K4RK4T 4CTS L1K3 A HOOFB34STS 4SS 4LL TH3 T1ME D4VE 1S... H3 JOK3S 4 LOT BUT H3S R34LLY V3RY N1C3."

"1... 1 H4V3 TO CHOOS3 ON3, BUT 1 C4NT! 1N TH3 3ND, 1M GO1NG TO M4K3 ON3 OF TH3M CRY, 4ND TH3YR3 GO1NG TO TH1NK 1M A H34RTL3SS B1TCH 4ND TH3N 1M GO1NG TO CRY, B3C4US3 1N 4 W4Y, TH3YR3 R1GHT. 4ND 1TS NOT F41R. GOG, L1F3 SUCKS."

A pair of teal droplets rolled down Terezi's cheeks as she smiled at her newest friend. "YOUR3 4 GR34T L1ST3NER, YOU KNOW. WH4T DO YOU TH1NK 1 SHOULD DO?"

She thought about it for a moment, her face screwed up in concentration, before her eyes shot open as she thought of a particularly good piece of advice; something her parents had told her long ago, a code she had lived her entire life by, and not once had it steered her wrong.

"glub"

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Terezi Pyrope / Casey/Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer

Men

[Kawa]

Saved like the fist of an angry gog.

[Path]

AC I want art of this so badly.

[Graven_Image]

That is the best advice anyone's ever given.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@ceruleanTresses: Still enjoying this, though it's getting harder and harder to associate with the other kids when we've only seen them briefly. I don't want to dictate what you write, of course.

@PingZing: Well if those are your doodles perhaps you should keep doodling?

@anonymousComrade: GOOD FRIENDS, BEST ADVICE (needs fanart)

[ceruleanTresses]

@Skaian: Glad you're still enjoying it. I know it's been pretty heavy on Thief and Rogue so far, but fear not! I am definitely planning on doing some stuff with the other kids soon. The Knight and Maid will be getting a couple of stories, and I also have some major stuff in mind for the Seer. Hopefully we'll eventually see the Bard too. The point of the last story was mostly to lay foundation for the ones I'm going to write next.

[JNJ]

@ceruleanTresses: Enjoying this alt-session.
@PingZing: Left anon A03 kudos on both.

Here's a dumb shortfic and further proof that yes, I will write pretty much anything, courtesy of the prompt generator

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Terezi Pyrope
Casey a.k.a. Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer
Men

Well, this isn't proper fanart, but...

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After I made the one with Feferi and Casey, this seemed like the obvious thing to do.

[lantadyme]

Here's a dumb shortfic and further proof that yes, I will write pretty much anything, courtesy of the prompt generator

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Once they had finally been able to meet, one particular member of the humans' session got along with Terezi like no one else. The two of them had become fast friends, and they could almost always be found talking for hours on end.

Her new friend was a good listener, which was just what Terezi needed, because she had quite the predicament.

"1 JUST DONT KNOW WH4T TO DO H3R3," Terezi told her. "1 LOV3 BOTH OF TH3M, R34LLY, 1 DO, BUT... 1 H4V3 TO P1CK ON3, 4ND 31TH3R W4Y 1T WONT B3 F41R! 1M GO1NG TO BR34K SOM3ON3S H34RT 4ND 1 F33L 4WFUL." She sighed and frowned hard.

"1VE KNOWN K4RK4T FOR SW33PS. Y34H H3S K1ND OF A J3RK SOM3T1M3S, BUT H3S GOT 4 C4RD1OV4SCUL4R PUMP OF GOLD. H3 R34LLY DO3S C4R3 4BOUT M3, NO M4TT3R HOW H4RD H3 TR13S TO S4Y OTH3RW1S3. 4ND SOM3T1M3S, K4RKL3S 1S JUST SO SW33T, YOU KNOW?"

"4ND D4V3... WH4TS TH3R3 TO S4Y? H3S AN 4RT1ST 4ND 4 MUS1C14N 4ND H3S SOOOO COOL! 1 H4V3NT KNOWN H1M LONG BUT FROM H1S PO1NT OF V13W H3S KNOWN M3 FOR 4 WH1L3, SO 1 B3T H3 L1K3S M3 TOO. 4ND WH3R3 K4RK4T 4CTS L1K3 A HOOFB34STS 4SS 4LL TH3 T1ME D4VE 1S... H3 JOK3S 4 LOT BUT H3S R34LLY V3RY N1C3."

"1... 1 H4V3 TO CHOOS3 ON3, BUT 1 C4NT! 1N TH3 3ND, 1M GO1NG TO M4K3 ON3 OF TH3M CRY, 4ND TH3YR3 GO1NG TO TH1NK 1M A H34RTL3SS B1TCH 4ND TH3N 1M GO1NG TO CRY, B3C4US3 1N 4 W4Y, TH3YR3 R1GHT. 4ND 1TS NOT F41R. GOG, L1F3 SUCKS."

A pair of teal droplets rolled down Terezi's cheeks as she smiled at her newest friend. "YOUR3 4 GR34T L1ST3NER, YOU KNOW. WH4T DO YOU TH1NK 1 SHOULD DO?"

She thought about it for a moment, her face screwed up in concentration, before her eyes shot open as she thought of a particularly good piece of advice; something her parents had told her long ago, a code she had lived her entire life by, and not once had it steered her wrong.

"glub"

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Terezi Pyrope / Casey/Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer

Men

Oh my gosh, two of my favorite ladies!! Casey is so wise beyond her years.

[ProspitDreamer]

Here's a dumb shortfic and further proof that yes, I will write pretty much anything, courtesy of the prompt generator

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Once they had finally been able to meet, one particular member of the humans' session got along with Terezi like no one else. The two of them had become fast friends, and they could almost always be found talking for hours on end.

Her new friend was a good listener, which was just what Terezi needed, because she had quite the predicament.

"1 JUST DONT KNOW WH4T TO DO H3R3," Terezi told her. "1 LOV3 BOTH OF TH3M, R34LLY, 1 DO, BUT... 1 H4V3 TO P1CK ON3, 4ND 31TH3R W4Y 1T WONT B3 F41R! 1M GO1NG TO BR34K SOM3ON3S H34RT 4ND 1 F33L 4WFUL." She sighed and frowned hard.

"1VE KNOWN K4RK4T FOR SW33PS. Y34H H3S K1ND OF A J3RK SOM3T1M3S, BUT H3S GOT 4 C4RD1OV4SCUL4R PUMP OF GOLD. H3 R34LLY DO3S C4R3 4BOUT M3, NO M4TT3R HOW H4RD H3 TR13S TO S4Y OTH3RW1S3. 4ND SOM3T1M3S, K4RKL3S 1S JUST SO SW33T, YOU KNOW?"

"4ND D4V3... WH4TS TH3R3 TO S4Y? H3S AN 4RT1ST 4ND 4 MUS1C14N 4ND H3S SOOOO COOL! 1 H4V3NT KNOWN H1M LONG BUT FROM H1S PO1NT OF V13W H3S KNOWN M3 FOR 4 WH1L3, SO 1 B3T H3 L1K3S M3 TOO. 4ND WH3R3 K4RK4T 4CTS L1K3 A HOOFB34STS 4SS 4LL TH3 T1ME D4VE 1S... H3 JOK3S 4 LOT BUT H3S R34LLY V3RY N1C3."

"1... 1 H4V3 TO CHOOS3 ON3, BUT 1 C4NT! 1N TH3 3ND, 1M GO1NG TO M4K3 ON3 OF TH3M CRY, 4ND TH3YR3 GO1NG TO TH1NK 1M A H34RTL3SS B1TCH 4ND TH3N 1M GO1NG TO CRY, B3C4US3 1N 4 W4Y, TH3YR3 R1GHT. 4ND 1TS NOT F41R. GOG, L1F3 SUCKS."

A pair of teal droplets rolled down Terezi's cheeks as she smiled at her newest friend. "YOUR3 4 GR34T L1ST3NER, YOU KNOW. WH4T DO YOU TH1NK 1 SHOULD DO?"

She thought about it for a moment, her face screwed up in concentration, before her eyes shot open as she thought of a particularly good piece of advice; something her parents had told her long ago, a code she had lived her entire life by, and not once had it steered her wrong.

"glub"

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Terezi Pyrope / Casey/Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer

Men

This was adorafunny. That is the best word for this. You just keep on writing those prompts, aC.

[crash826]

So hey.
I thought I would do a SBURBfic of Unwinder's Tall Comics.
Y/N?

[battlerek]

@AC- Truly Casey is a child with wisdom beyond her years.

@Prospitian Dreamer- Yeah, I didn't like that chapter very much, but at least I managed to show what the chessboards can do. As for AR, well, he'll be a big supporting character for Team Sleuth, in that he's the only one who can keep them together without Team Sleuth descending into petty bickering/Vriska!Sleuth hogging all the credit.

[FordDent]

I am a sucker for anyone who has actually read Only Revolutions and then goes ahead and quotes it. I always feel like nobody pays attention to it, but it's such a good book, dammit! Easily the equal of HoL!

This is like the only thing I keep reading in this thread without fail, and it is because I am a sucker for Danielewski references. Well played, lucidSeraph. Well played.

Man, I need to actually FINISH Only Revolutions; I picked it up in the library one day and then... didn't manage to get back to it, dammit. LOVE the song Danielwski produced though. Also, despite the title this one will be much more heavily HoL-themed (like the rest).

So yeah ALL THE DANIELWSKI REFERENCES, all of them.

Did you read it all the way through or are you switching directions every eight pages like the publisher suggests? Because either way works, but you catch more of the insane parallels that Danielewski created (the repeated phrases and sounds) when you do it the way the publisher suggests. Basically you are required to finish this book as soon as possible (I cannot judge you too much though because it did take me like two years to actually finish reading it the first time around).

[A Fan]

okay heres my atempt at fan ficton

(...) so then dread jade like dude who are you.

"Dread Jade" does not sound like someone I'd like to meet in a dark alley

i am the law, fuckass. >:(

EDIT: Had an idea for a quick drib-drabble

Blood, Women, and Song

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There were many legends on Alternia about the rainbow drinkers. Their connection with the sun, which not only made them able to withstand it and exhibit their signature luminous epidermal layer, but made the light of the moons as insufferable to them as the daystar was to their prey. Their grace and artistry, with speed, strength, and agility that made doublechute pouncebeasts look like paralyzed hoofhybrids in comparison. The bizarre allure that made them both fearful specters of the day and tantalizing targets for forbidden concupiscence.
One of the lesser known myths surrounding the children of the light was their singing. Rainbow drinkers, said the legends, were inveterate singers, humming, mumbling, and generally waxing terpsichorean at virtually every opportunity. Even when the occasion called for silence, some song would be running through the drinker's thoughts, offering a rhythm to which the hemophage's actions could be put. Each rainbow drinker had a different repertoire of songs, and a different song for each given activity, be it luxuriating in the sun while digesting a cross-section of the hemospectrum or evading an angry flamebludgeons-and-haytines wielding mob. Their every song was a thing of haunting beauty, a sonic gem in an dreadfully ugly world. The songs could entrance unwary trolls, lead them to their doom, even drive them mad with the desire to hear the song again. The various stories rarely agree on whether there are words to the tunes, but all agree that if there are, they could never be transcribed.
After her light rebirth, Kanaya did indeed feel a rhythm in the back of her head. During the first moments, it was an insistent bass beat with a simple chorus, "FEED. HEAL. FEED. HEAL." After she sampled enough blood to regain a measure of lucidity and tied a scarf around the still-gaping wound in her abdomen, it became a subtle background to her actions, like the soundtrack of a gamegrub that didn't trigger the extinction of her species. She felt no compulsive need to burst into song, even when she expressed the exhaustion of her patience with Gamzee's and, most especially, Vriska's shenanigans. However, with Eridan, as her lipstick sliced him in twain, her nose filled with the luscious aroma of his blood, and her personal score swelled to a triumphant crescendo, there was one note that her new instincts demand she perform aloud. She saw no reason to deny them.

"WRYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!"

And, as Vriska would attest, it was glorious.

Yeah, I don't know. :p

[cephalopodConcupiscence]

The revenge cycle, as I imagine it unfolding for the kids:

In Which Everyone Has Undergone A Change Of Species, And I Am Too Lazy To Enumerate The Other Attractive Features Here Contained

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Your name is Devata Idan, and you are about to die.

It is your good bro Nohnsi’ fifth wriggling night. This day falls exactly one sweep before the night on which your world is end, but you are, at present, blissfully unconscious of its symbolic weight as both an anniversary and an antiversary, or maybe that should be anreversary. It is actually a little unfortunate that you have no fucking idea of what exactly you are celebrating, since you would be far better than the author at inventing a suitably diseased and assonant mash of related words to apply to this strange and fateful calendar mark.

But we will persevere without your assistance.

We will have to.

You check your watch. It is a little past six in the evening, and you are still shaking the slime off your single horn. Unreasonably early, obviously, but far be it from you to refuse any advantage, no matter how small or temporal.

You activate your FLARP grub, and watch out of the corner of your eye as it convulses. The opening in the sleek and impudently tapered rump dilates to let the eggs pass.

They roll a little ways through the thick, clear fluid that spills with them onto the floor; then stick.

You sit down at your computer to berate Nohnsi for having prolonged his miserable existence for another year, your mind wholly devoid of possible portmanteaus and apocalyptic visions.

— terminallyGodbodied [TG] began trolling gluttonousTarantula [GT] at 18:04 –

TG: 1—> hey so what kind of bitter recriminations have been heaped upon your all too deserving shoulders today
GT: nothing much yet! i am kind of disappointed, i thought you fuckheads were going to really go all out and troll me for once!!!!!!!! 8ut noooooooo, you have cluck8easted out once more like little thum8less pupae. ::::D
TG: 1—> god brer have a little fucking patience why dont you
TG: 1—> the evening is only just getting started and already you are propelling the contents of your load gaper towards the uncaring heavens over my supposed failure to make you regret having wriggled
TG: 1—> dont you get it man
TG: 1—> thats the genius of my plan
TG: 1—> i can just sit here
TG: 1—> and watch you squirm
GT: not when i’m clouding you, you can’t!
GT: oh
GT: WH8 NOW, fuckass?
GT: hehehehehehehehe.
TG: 1—> yeah yeah yeah

On the floor, the eggs split at the seams, dark but gleaming teeth and wings thrusting through pale membrane.

TG: 1—> theyre hatching
GT: mine too.
GT: i’m pretty excited to play with you!
GT: in a totally cooooooool and menacing way, i mean.
GT: i am pretty excited to make yours a f8te that lusus will whisper to their wards in light places someday, 8asically.
GT: gird your vital stats!!!!!!!!
TG: 1—> my juicy red bars are not merely girted brer
TG: 1—> they are locked up tighter than a virgin mother grubs combinatatory pouches
GT: eeeeeeeew.
TG: 1—> armored in goddamn iron willpower and hilarious insincerity
TG: 1—> sealed away from the too pure air by an impenetrable miasma of diseased moves
TG: 1—> these fuckers had to be quarantined
TG: 1—> and aint no one getting through that mass of royal recovery rumpus drones
GT: sure they are, dev8ta.
GT: let’s get this imperially placed tape-cutting mission started, then! it’s obvious i have a lot of 8lackmailing ahead of me if i want to get in this forbidden sector.
GT: ::::)
TG: 1—> yeah okay
TG: 1—> lemme just check on jadwig
GT: all right! i’ll 8e here. w8ting.
TG: 1—> in your unfathomably girly parlor
TG: 1—> cool

— terminallyGodbodied [TG] ceased trolling gluttonousTarantula [GT] —

You check on Jadwig. Behind you, the gaming flapstractions rise in formation, a burst of violet on your peripheral vision. They’re not quite real, and the sound of their constrained flight is wild and strange, limbs scissoring but never scraping: not solid enough to scrape.

— terminallyGodbodied [TG] began trolling groomedGangster [GG] —

TG: 1—> jadwig?
GG: hi devata are you ready to start?? :D
TG: 1—> i was hatched ready
TG: 1—> has lara started
GG: nope!
GG: in fact rhodos isnt showing up at all for some reason
GG: which is weird because she is usually pretty fucking punctual!!
GG: her loss i guess
GG: =:)
TG: 1—> haha
TG: 1—> okay well i guess id better get started
TG: 1—> gotta take every advantage i can get against the mighty seawitch
GG: thats right!
TG: 1—> give her hell for me
GG: you bet i will
TG: 1—> cant bet with a girl who carries an omniscient white spheroid with her at all fucking times can i
TG: 1—> cant bet against probabilities of one hundred plus
GG: hehehehehe
GG: you know i cant use them devata!
GG: doc says maybe one night
GG: but somehow i doubt it =:(
TG: 1—> id listen to your doc man
TG: 1—> i mean i get that hes not your real lusus but hes pretty fucking close
TG: 1—> not to mention theres no way the dude would miss the opportunity to crush all your hopes like one of brers innumerable shitty eight balls if he knew you wouldnt
TG: 1—> so actually if he said maybe youre pretty much guaranteed maximum ball usage someday
GG: hehehehehe
GG: maybe you are right devata!! i really hope so
GG: it would be
GG: sooooo
GG: coooooooool
GG: =:D
TG: 1—> yep
TG: 1—> then our collective chill will douse the flames running down the length of even brer and laras hottest irons
GG: hell fucking yes!!! =:)
GG: lets go get dousing right this instant!
TG: 1—> sounds like a scheme to me

— groomedGangster [GG] ceased trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] —

— gluttonousTarantula [GT] began trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] —

GT: noooooooow can we start?
TG: 1—> bring it
GT: oh, it is fucking 8ROUGHT. ::::)

— gluttonousTarantula [GT] ceased trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] in favor CLOUDING THE LIVING SHIT out of him!!!!!!!! ::::D —

You both then proceed to go on one of the best campaigns of paradox space, even if one of you never leaves his house, and both of you have no idea what paradox space is.

And, after a long trek that brings you over hills and under cliffs, through shallow water and around the corpses of a series of goddamn enormous sandworms, you find yourself nearing the successful completion of this round. You hesitate, however, when faced by the discovery of a glass bottle, filled with slime distilled from pomaceous treespawn and half-buried in mud.

You pick it up. The clean part of the glass is cool against your palm. The seal, you can see, is unbroken.

— gluttonousTarantula [GT] began trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] —

GT: what is TAKING you soooooooo long, iden?
TG: 1—> nothing much
TG: 1—> just found an unopened container of pomaceous treespawn juice
TG: 1—> its like fucking twelfth perigees up in here
GT: hehehehehehehehe.
GT: ok that’s fine.
GT: except
GT: ok
GT: you remember that movie i was telling you about last week, riiiiiiiight??
TG: 1—> what
GT: you know
GT: THAT movie.
TG: 1—> oh
TG: 1—> right
TG: 1—> that movie
GT: yeah.
GT: that movie.
GT: ::::)
GT: who’s the 8ig 8ad troll NOW, huh?
GT: who’s internally upending their load gaper over the possibilities inherent to a simple suggestion NOW, right?
TG: 1—> uh
TG: 1—> hold on for a sec will you

— terminallyGodbodied [TG] began trolling groomedGangster [GG] —

TG: 1—> jadwig
TG: 1—> are you there
TG: 1—> hey answer me
TG: 1—> i just have a quick question
TG: 1—> i need to know what movie john was talking about all last week
TG: 1—> i kind of tune out when hes talking about movies you know but i have this feeling its relevant suddenly
TG: 1—> god damn it jadwig

— terminallyGodbodied [TG] began trolling teuthidicTutor [TT] —

TG: 1—> hey
TG: 1—> lara
TG: 1—> i have a fucking problem
TG: 1—> are you there
TG: 1—> please be there
TG: 1—> pretty sure haunting absence isnt the foundation for a strong moirallegiance and all
TG: 1—> you care about all that shit right
TG: 1—> foundations
TG: 1—> and i guess by extension
TG: 1—> us?

— gluttonousTarantula [GT] began trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] —

GT: oh my gooooooood.
GT: are you ever going to get moving again?
GT: put the treesauce down and skip to the end!!!!!!!!

— gluttonousTarantula [GT] ceased trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] —

That settles it. Whatever the movie was, it probably had some vascular-pump-heating scene in it where the hero trusts the beverage he finds lying in the middle of the road and it makes him incredibly badass and he slaughters his enemies and dumps their genetic material in the river to drain away. Nohnsi is fucking soft, when you get right down to it. He probably thought it would be funny to help you at the very end of your quest.

You unscrew the cap.

Now is probably as optimal a time as can be found to remind ourselves that troll movies are different from human movies in one key respect, and that is that their titles are significantly less wieldy. It is for this reason that trolls rely solely on shared experience to refer to movies in casual conversation.

The resultant confusion is often both pointlessly catastrophic and immeasurably tragic, but rarely more so than in this case.

For the movie Nohnsi was in fact referring to was A flanksplittingly comic account of the brave essays of a young troll to master his fearsome lusus, who insists on upending his recuperacoon each time he falls asleep, including one pale relationship and three caliginous; in which species divides are explored humorously; unwise actions have improbable physiological consequences; six armed conflicts occur; the superiority of highbloods is established in a moving scene of psychic resistance and subsequent revenge; and the hero learns the risks of consuming suggestively colored fluids in time to avoid being culled for his stupidity upon entrance to the imperial fleet- an entirely different film from the one you have in mind.

And so what Nohnsi attempted to make a mere devastating psychological assault, in addition to being a totally awesome reenactment of one of his favorite ever scenes in the history of cinema, becomes something else entirely.

You take a swig.

As soon as the piss hits your palate, you know something is wrong; it is acidic and hot, and nothing like it has ever come out of a tree. But it is too late, by then, for you to cough it up. It is already streaming down your throat.

Trolls lack a gag reflex. This is largely because if they ever started gagging, they would never stop. That might have been a preferable way to die, though.

Because this did not, indeed, come out of a tree. It’s urine. Lusus urine, specifically. And among lusus urine’s many curious properties is this: it is extremely poisonous.

You drink it and it reaches the tender linings of your uppermost stomach and you drop, in perfect silence, to your knees. It is very cold here in the open field where your final boss battle was supposed to take place. And yet you were warm before, from the strains of the adventure. And somehow the cold has slid itself in under your skin.

You try to take a breath. You have been trying to take a breath since you swallowed.

Time slows.

You are on your knees and your lungs are the only part of you with any heat in them, and they are aflame. You can feel the flame. You can very nearly see it, translucent but sharply edged against the night. You are not looking down at yourself and yet you can see your lungs burn. Time has crystallized around you, a clear bright chrysalis of deflected seconds, and you are locked in, and the only thing moving is fire. Sick fire, even. You think you can make out a flicker of green.

There’s a trick to it, you think. You just have to press down on the slow-spinning planet with your knees, and listen, and you can stay exactly when you are.

But it’s not a trick you know.

— gluttonousTarantula [GT] began trolling terminallyGodbodied [TG] —

GT: dev8ta?
GT: come on, dev8ta, answer!
GT: come on come on come on
GT: ANSWER M8 FUCKASS!!!!!!!!
GT: hahahahahahahaha, ok, you got me pretty good!
GT: 8ut pretendy fun times are over now, you ingr8! no more f8key f8king.
GT: you have advancing to do!
GT: …
GT: oh my god.
GT: fuck.
GT: fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck8ty f8ck
GT: 8ut i thought you g8t the reference, i
GT: it was going to 8e so gr8!!!!!!!!
GT: dev8ta, please.
GT: get up, dev8ta
GT: get up
GT: GET UP
GT: GET G8T UP G8T 8P

— scavenging beasts have eaten terminallyGodbodied [TG]’s communicator! —

GT: 88888888R8HHHHHHHHFLSDKJFSKDJFALJKJ
TG: glug glug

— terminallyGodbodied [TG] ceased trolling gluttonousTarantula [GT] —

[lucidSeraph]

CC: Oh man. I like how you manage to both get across how alien Trolls really are, the way you manage their purple prose, and get their propensity for violence.

I will admit that Jade's typing quirk is REALLY hard to read though :\

[cephalopodConcupiscence]

ffff YEAH I... the whole white-o thing seemed a lot cooler in my head. *covers eyes*

But thank you very much! I'm really glad you thought the changes wrought by the addition of candy corn horns and grey skin were plausible. 8'D

[KilroyWasHere]

I haven't been keeping up with the thread I AM SO SORRY. I HAVE FAILED YOU.

[Tenebrais]

To those people waiting for another chapter of Barricade, I'm afraid you might have to wait a couple of weeks longer! I have a lot of coursework to do, so I can't devote myself to a long fanfic like that.
For the time being, I'm working on a series small fics speculating on what might result from the Scratch after the time-reset. I can do these in short bursts, which is much more suitable for my current schedule.

Switch: Happy Birthday

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Your name is Ben Harley, and today is your birthday.

Like all that came before it, your grandmother has promised to take you on an adventure today. It is one you have been anticipating for a long time. Indeed, you might say you have dreamt of it for years, if you were much inclined to be needlessly circumspect with yourself.
But the adventure will have to wait! First there are the presents, and then party games, and the cake, and then of course she makes sure you are prepared with challenges of marksmanship and skill! You are so excited for today that you’ve got up at 7 o’ clock in the morning. Not that you normally get up much later! All of your friends live many time zones ahead of you so you need to be up early to catch them at all.

You go off gallivanting about the house in a fit of barely-restrained birthday mirth. You’re sure nothing could possibly go wrong today!

-- gambitTechnician [GT] began pestering goldmineGunman [GG] at 07:10 --
GT: Good morning, Ben!
GT: Happy birthday!
GG: Oh thank you very much!
GG: Might i say youre up very early?
GT: Well, I wanted to be the first to greet you!
GT: Although, if I’m to be completely honest...
GT: Ted woke me up!
GT: The old man said he could use the kitchen today to do some baking and he’s been up since dawn!
GG: Ah, how i wish for that young mans enthusiasm!
GG: What may i ask is he baking?
GT: Well, I could tell you.
GT: But I think he’d rather do so himself!
GT: Hoo hoo hoo!
GG: You are a vile temptress bea!
GG: I suppose ill talk to him later.
GT: I suppose you will!
GT: So what are your plans for today?
GG: Well there is the usual cake and presents and all that sort of thing.
GG: And of course my annual birthday adventure!
GT: Of course! How could I forget something so crucial to all childhood birthdays?
GG: Hoo hoo hoo!
GT: Hoo h
GT: Damn it, Ben!
GG: Oh and im going to be playing this new video game i got the other day too!
GG: I hope youll be there to play with me?
GT: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
GG: Well youll find a way. Trust me!
GG: In fact i should probably go and talk to my grandma now.
GG: I havent said hi to her yet!
GT: Family is important, Ben!
GT: I’ll see you later.
GG: You too.
-- gambitTechnician [GT] ceased pestering goldmineGunman [GG] at 07:16 --

You are so full of energy today you decide to take the entire spiral staircase down the length of your remarkably tall abode! You just know today is something to get incredibly excited about, and you can’t wait to gush with your Grandma about it!

Ah, there she is, sleeping in her favourite armchair by the fireplace like she sometimes does. An old lady like her can hardly be expected to take the trip all the way to her bed every night! In fact you’re not even sure if she has a bed. She’s never let you in her laboratory.

Wake up, Grandma! It's the fourteenth of April, and there is so much to do together!

...Grandma?

[A Fan]

Guardians and kids turned flipways?
...
DO WANT.

[Tenebrais]

Another quick chapter before I go to bed:

Switch: The Greatest Guy There Ever Was

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So you should check out this amazingly awesome dude. He has a name, and he knows it, and he knows we know he knows it. But he knows we don’t know it.
So let’s say you’re this guy. Then you would know that we know you know your name is Sam. Sam Strider. And you would acknowledge that we know you know we know you know it, you know?

So you know (and you know we know you know) it’s getting to late evening in where you are, and the heat is immense. It’s so hot it’s not even ironic, despite it being April. Ironically. You’re pretty big on irony; your brother taught you everything about it you know. Well, you know he thinks he did. But you know, and he doesn’t know you know, that you know a bit more than he does. It’s like you’ve got a gift for irony, something he doesn’t have. You can see how many levels it works on, and he can only hope to look up to you. At least that’s what you think. He thinks he’s the fucking master. Your regular rooftop duels are just one more hurdle to jump in being better than him at basically everything. You even have the better pair of amazingly awesome shades.

But enough about you. Not that there ever can be enough about you. Like, did we even mention how great you are at video games? You picked up this game from 1999 (you never buy a game less than ten years old, that’s really basic irony right there) about a skater on his quest for mad snacks, yo. You already beat the game, set all the high scores, then broke the score table by getting it so high. You also got this other game that was released yesterday (you buy games as soon as they’re released, too - that’s still pretty basic irony) but you need a co-player and no one else is going to play it. Amy can’t be bothered, Bea doesn’t have it and Ben was waiting for his birthday to play it. Your best friend can be such a stupid tool sometimes. But hey, that’s just how you like it.

You figure you left this chat message ironically fashionably late enough while reflecting on how awesome you are. So you answer it.

-- thaumicTracer [TT] began pestering tautologicalGenius [TG] --
TT: hey sam have you heard the news?
TT: sam?
TT: helloooooo!
TT: i know youre there i can see your blog updating.
TT: fine then dont talk to me you hopeless pillweef!
TG: lame
TG: just call me a douchebag like a normal person
TT: normal people are stupid. :(
TG: true that
TG: so whats the big news
TG: it better be good news
TG: i am only worthy of good news
TT: its the worst news! :(
TG: alright hit me
TT: bens grandma died this morning.
TG: ...
TG: you better not be fucking kidding about this
TT: im not!!
TT: i wouldnt lie about something like this.
TT: and on his birthday too...
TG: man she was so badass
TG: but then wasnt she like a hundred or something
TT: 99.
TT: at least thats what mom said.
TT: well i think she said that. she was really drunk.
TG: your mom is always drunk
TT: dont remind me. :(
TG: well we can talk about your weird mommy issues all day like we did yesterday
TG: or we can figure out how to cheer harley up
TT: well...
TT: he was pretty keen on playing that sburb game.
TT: you know the one you kept bugging me to play?
TT: so maybe playing that would cheer him up!
TT: or... something. i dont know ive never been through it.
TG: nah that sounds like a good idea
TG: ill go talk to him about it
TG: maybe we can finally get this show on the road
TG: peace out
-- tautologicalGenius [TG] ceased pestering thaumicTracer [TT] --

[laserdogbad]

okay i will write another fanficton
okay so dave is like around but then. nepeta appears and then attacks. nepeta rips out his left eye but then dave slices of her left arm. so then nepta takes out desert eagle and shoots dave. but dave has time powers so goes all matrix on her and dodges all the bullets. nepeta doesnt want to miss this time so she takes out her spas 12 and shoots all the rounds. it kills dave but it turned out that he time traveled and snuck up on her. he then takes the sword and slices her head off. but nepeta is a cat so she has 9 lives and already lost 1 so now 7. but then the tardis lands on her and then the docotr wants dave to be his apriantce. but then a giant squiddle appears from nowhere and takes the tardis and kills the doctor. but then jack fights it with his sword. he cuts of one tentacle and anoter but then gets slamed to the gorund. then john trys to save dave by doing windy thing and kills the squiddle. but jack gets back up and then stabs john and kills him agian. dave looks like he has nobody to save him from the giant suiddle but then sweet bro and hella jeff break the fourth wall in his computer. then sweetbro is like "die dunkass" and then shoots a jpeg aritfact at the squiddle saving dave. jack is still up and slices hella jeff into bits. sweet bro is so scared that he takes gun and shoots dave and jack. he then gets hungry and goes to buy some nachoes but theres only one thing left at the nacho store. he trys to grab it but then butthead takes it before him. sweet bro "hey dumpass those are my nachoes". butthead "i got them first dillweed". so then sweet bro takes a gun and shoots him. he then retires to his house and throws nacho party with geormy. the end

[ceruleanTresses]

New songfic! As always, it flows much better if you are listening to the song it's based on while you read. The song in question is "The Sound of Silence" by Simon and Garfunkel.

S1GHT 1N BL1NDN3SS

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YOU M4Y TH1NK TH4T 1 C4NT S33
BUT YOU C4NT H1D3 YOUR SOUL FROM M3
B3C4US3 4 V1S1ON SOFTLY CR33P1NG
L3FT 1TS M4RK WH1L3 1 W4S SL33P1NG
4ND TH3 COLORS TH4T W3R3 P41NT3D 1N MY BR41N
ST1LL R3M41N
FOR TH3R3 1S S1GHT 1N BL1NDN3SS

1N R3STL3SS DR34MS 1 W4LK3D 4LON3
SH1N1NG STR33TS OF GOLD3N STON3
MY LUSUS R34CH3D OUT TO GU1D3 MY W4Y
1 H3LD MY H34D UP H1GH 4ND F4C3D TH3 D4Y
4ND MY 3Y3S W3R3 ST4BB3D BY TH3 FL4SH OF 4 BL4Z1NG L1GHT
BURN1NG BR1GHT
BUT TH3R3 1S S1GHT 1N BL1NDN3SS

4ND W1TH MY 1NN3R 3Y3 1 S4W
4 DOZ3N P3OPL3, M4YB3 MOR3
P3OPL3 T4LK1NG W1THOUT SP34K1NG
P3OPL3 H34R1NG W1THOUT L1ST3N1NG
P3OPL3 CRY1NG OUT TH4T NO ON3 UND3RSTOOD
4ND Y3T 1 COULD
B3C4US3 TH3R3S S1GHT 1N BL1NDN3SS

"FOOLS", S41D 1, "DO YOU B3L13V3
1T DO3S YOU GOOD TO S3LF-D3C31V3?
L3T M3 BR34TH3 1N 4ND SM3LL YOUR L13S
T4ST3 TH3 COLORS OF YOUR D1SGU1S3”
4ND 1 L4UGH3D B3C4US3 TH3Y COULD NOT S33
TH31RS 1S TH3 TRU3R BL1NDN3SS

TH3Y 4R3 4NGRY 4ND 4FR41D,
PUPP3TS OF TH3 WORLD TH3Y M4D3
4ND TH3 R1PPL3S OF TH31R CHURN1NG THOUGHTS
M4N1F3ST 1N W4YS TH3Y D1DNT W4NT
4ND 1 KNOW TH4T 1 WONT 3V3R R3ST UNT1L 1 S33 TH3 D4Y TH4T TH3YR3 R3TURN3D
WH4T TH3Y H4V3 34RN3D
4ND JUST1C3 1S BORN OF BL1NDN3SS

[ProspitDreamer]

Finally, a chapter I like. The last one was...well anyway. This one is a lot better.

What It Takes
Chapter 7

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The plan had been laid down, hammered, tweaked, argued, analyzed and ironed out until everyone was satisfied with it. According to Aradia’s information, Jack would find them in two days. They were not to run. They were to fight. And they would win.

“What, precisely, did she say she saw happen?” Rose asked, again. Vriska shook her head.

“She wanted to tell us as little as possible, to avoid us having too much information and creating offshoot timelines. All she said was that it was John who finally defeats Jack.”

Rose had narrowed her eyes suspiciously, not trusting Vriska or Aradia, and she would often turn to Kanaya and speak softly to her, in their own private pesterlog so no one would hear.

The main memo between them all remained open at all times. Anytime someone spoke, the translation was given to them like a subtitle; but now that they were used to it it almost felt like they could just understand each other. When you spoke to someone you were looking at their face, watching their body language, hearing the tone in their voice. It was not the same as simply messaging each other. It was far more intimate; it was far more real.

Vriska’s decision that John would be trained relentlessly was not protested by anyone, even him. He did want to be ready. He did appreciate her help, tiresome as it could be. He spent hours being dogged by her, barked at, yelled at, and directed. Whenever he grew fed up he’d shoot a gust of wind in her direction, managing to blow her back now and then but mostly he just messed up her hair. And then she’d laugh, with a mocking tone.

“Is that all you can do?

Or worse, she’d sigh with disappointment.

“Joooooooohn, you have to stop holding 8ack. Come on, give it more!”

“I am! This is what I’ve got!” he’d shout back. After grueling hours and hours of training, John discovered that he could lose his patience. He could have a temper. He didn’t like himself like this. He wanted to have fun, just for a minute…

“Snap to it, wiggler!” her voice barked as she hurled rocks in his direction. Big rocks. He rolled and dodged the first two barely in time before he was able to fly out of her throwing range.

She had decided that real battles were better than simulations. She’d ask Jade to search for the nearest concentration of imps and fly him there. Then they’d fight them together, Vriska demonstrating “relentless offensive force” as she called it, killing imp after imp like a machine, while John killed half as many as her and grew tired twice as fast.

Yet, as they practiced, he learned how to fight with her. He learned how to trust her; he started to know her moves, to be able to read her signals, to learn to trust her voice. He was even starting to learn a few troll words that he could recognize by hearing alone: “duck, roll, look left, look right.”

They became a pretty good fighting team, actually. John really started to like fighting with Vriska, he thought. He started to learn what some of her rolls would do. Three sevens and four fours produced variations of scalding liquid poured onto their enemies’ heads; a one for the last dice was hot water, a two hot grease, a three, burning acid. Fly backward to avoid splash back. A roll of all threes blindfolded their enemies. Vriska to the left, John to the right, and they made quick work of ten or fifteen imps before they tore the blindfolds off.

John also learned how to control his wind powers far more precisely. Once, he saw Vriska about to take a claw to the back from a particularly huge imp; he sent a gust of wind to lift her up out of harm’s way. She then flew around to turn and kick with both feet onto the giant imp’s forehead, causing him to teeter. John then ran forward with his hammer and swung at its knees, toppling it to the ground. Vriska then finished him off with another blow to its face, and it’s life bar fell to zero as it dissolved into grist.

He had to hand it to her, she knew what she was doing. He learned how to become a real fighter; he learned how to use his hammers, when to chose which one, how to use the wind to aid him, how to avoid attacks. He learned how to watch the situation around him, and most of all, he learned to completely trust her with his very life, without batting an eye. They were now an unstoppable team. Now and then they’d meet each other’s gaze in the heat of battle and they’d both grin. And it felt really, really good.

Outside of battle it was another matter entirely.

“Vriska, if you don’t let me rest, I’ll have nothing left to fight with when Jack comes.” John said, leaning his sweat-covered back against a rock as he sat on the ground while he panted.

“What? I’ve let you rest for half an hour already!”

“Vriska, I need to sleep.”

“So take a nap. You have twenty minutes; go.”

John sighed and leaned his head against the rock.

“Vriska, humans need to sleep for a lot longer than that.”

She snorted.

“How long?”

“I dunno; seven hours or something like that.”

“What?! What are you, perpetually in the wriggler stage? Seven hours!”

John just sighed. He was too tired to argue; he was too tired to joke. It was times like that when he’d glance over at his friends- they were usually nearby- and feel jealous as Jade giggled while she blew a dandelion into Karkat’s perplexed face. Or Rose and Kanaya, leaning back-to-back, both with their laptops out, heavy frowns of concentration on their faces. Dave and Terezi were usually off doing their own thing, and he was fairly certain that their main activity wasn’t fighting imps.

“What?” Vriska snapped, when she saw him staring.

“Nothing. I just want to rest a little. Maybe have a little fun?”

“I didn’t come here to have fun.”

“Well it couldn’t hurt. A little fun cheers you up. Breaks up all the seriousness.”

She scowled.

“Hey!” John’s face brightened. “I know! Vriska, do you want to see a magic trick?”

If it was possible, her scowl deepened. She snapped her head to glare at him.

“No! I don’t want to see a magic trick! I don’t want to see any tricks, or play any games, or talk a8out feelings or 8ecome friends! I want to teach you how to fight so you can 8ecome the ultimate warrior that you’re capa8le of 8eing!” She flew to her feet and loomed in front of him, jabbing him in the chest with a finger, and he couldn’t keep himself from worrying about the very sharp claw at the end of it. “And so far, you’re failing at it! Misera8ly!”

John felt hours of fatigue, exhaustion, and frustration build up in him. He forced himself up onto his own feet, in order to be eye-level with her.

“I am not! I’ve improved all of my fighting techniques by crazy amounts in the last twenty hours! I’ve worked my ass off, and I know you can see it, because we fight so much more smoothly now than we did yesterday morning! Ten minutes of fun isn’t going to undo any of that, but it might just keep my sanity!”

At the sound of their shouting, the two human girls and their trolls looked over at the commotion. Jade walked over to Rose and glanced at John and Vriska worriedly.

“Do you think we should stop them?”

Karkat snorted.

“I'M IN NO MOOD TO BE AN AUSPITICE TO THAT.”

Kanaya nodded her agreement, while turning her attention back to whatever it was she and Rose were researching.

Rose glanced over her shoulder at Kanaya, keeping one eye on John and Vriska, who’s shouting carried fairly far across the flat plain of the battlefield.

“Kismesis?” she asked.

Kanaya nodded.

“Kismesis.”

Jade squinted and stared at the two. Maybe, from Vriska’s perspective, she thought. But John just looked worn out and exhausted to her.

Vriska growled and pushed a fist against John’s chest, pining his back against the boulder he’d been leaning on. “I didn’t travel across an entire universe to come and play games with you! I came here, John Eg8ert, to teach you to fight so that you will live!”

Vriska’s eyes squinted with conviction and her entire face shook with emotion. The way she’d phrased that last line struck him hard. She hadn’t said she’d come here to save the universe, or to defeat Jack, or to save the kids in general. She had come here to save him. His anger vanished immediately.

“Vriska…” he said, his eyebrows knitted together now.

“What?!”

“Are you…do I…really matter that much to you?”

At that, her eyes grew wide with surprise. She let go of his shirt and took two steps back. She stared at him.

“May8e.” she confessed.

He didn’t know what to say. His anger was gone. He was seeing the entire situation in a new light. John swallowed.

“Are you, um…do you, um…”

He stuttered. His mouth turned dry. He was no good at this. He needed help. He turned to look at his friends, and then they all suddenly looked away, pretending to do their own thing.

“I’m totally confused.” he finally confessed.

“Yeah, well, so am I.” she replied, not meeting his eyes for possibly the first time ever, as she stared at the ground. “I swore to myself, after the last one, that I’d never fall for a weak boy ever again. And yet here I am, doing just that.”

John felt simultaneously insulted and complimented. Was this what kismesis felt like? Bad and good at the same time, or something? Could a thing like that even happen to a human?

“Are you…um, in hate with me?” He was trying to be culturally sensitive. He was trying.

Her eyes snapped up and glared at him.

“I don’t know! I mean, what kind of stupid question is that? I mean, fuck, it doesn’t matter right now! The only thing that matters right now is defeating Jack; and then after that, if we live through that, then we can worry a8out all that other…um…confusing stuff.” her voice faltered at the end and her tone faded. Avoiding this conversation right now actually sounded like a really good idea to John at the moment.

“Okay, yeah.” he answered. “Then if that’s the case, I really, really do need to sleep. Humans are useless when they don’t have sleep.”

“Humans are always useless.”

He sighed.

“Well, we’re more useless when we don’t have sleep.” he said. “I’m going back to my house now. Please don’t wake me up for at least seven hours.”

She wasn’t looking at him now. Her arms were crossed in a defensive, uncertain gesture as she nodded and he saw her fangs poke out as she bit her lower lip.

“Okay. Fine.”

“Thank you.”

“Whatever.”

John turned his back to her, and finally, she let him fly away. He barely made it back to his gate, and he collapsed gratefully into his bed, and finally he was able to rest.

@ceruleanTresses- OKay, that was awesome. I will never hear this song the same way again :P "TH31RS 1S TH3 TRU3R BL1NDN3SS" is definitely the best line.

[ceruleanTresses]

@ProspitDreamer: Thank you so much! I had so much fun with that one, and I'm glad it doesn't suck. Also, I am still loving What It Takes! John trying to be culturally sensitive is the cutest thing.

[ProspitDreamer]

@ProspitDreamer: Thank you so much! I had so much fun with that one, and I'm glad it doesn't suck. Also, I am still loving What It Takes! John trying to be culturally sensitive is the cutest thing.

Yay! Thank you. I wasn't sure anyone was still reading it :\
Also, John can't help being cute. John not being cute is as impossible as Karkat being tactful.