MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[Jim Groovester]

I've got writer's block for the Sapphire of Alternia. So here's some more Consortquest brainstorming.

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Ever since he first saw the Heir in action he knew he wanted to be just like him. It was a stunning display of heroism and bravery, how he boldly charged in to save the young salamander’s village as it burned and suffered an attack from monsters. At first, the young salamander thought the Heir had made the inferno worse with the pressurized white foamy contents of the grenade he tossed, but the Heir had only lit it up brighter so the Breeze could more easily spot it and blow it out. At first, the young salamander thought that the Heir was being defeated by the monsters, but then he destroyed the basilisk from the inside of his mouth and drove the giclops off. Everything the Heir had done, despite their initial appearances, had been part of his plan to save the village. He was truly a hero.

That was a half an hour ago and the young salamander was still in awe. But it was only thirty seconds ago that he learned that the young boy who performed all the feats of bravery was the Heir of Breath.

“are you serious? that was the heir?” The young salamander asked his childhood friend, Childhood Friend.

“im not glubbing you. that was the glubbing heir of breath in the flesh.”

“wow.” The young salamander said. “where is he? i want to meet him and thank him for rescuing the village before half its inhabitants had been eaten by monsters.”

Childhood Friend scoffed. “dude, you can’t glubbing find him. he’s probably halfway to the land of frost and frogs by now.”

“that’s a myth. everybody knows the land of frost and frogs doesn’t exist.”

“no glub.” Childhood Friend said, a dissatisfied look on his face.

The young salamander sighed and sat down on a broken pipe. “you don’t understand, childhood friend. i don’t know what i’m supposed to do. i don’t have a purpose. i don’t even have a name yet.” He looked up at the sky with a hopeful look in his eye. “if i could meet the heir, i’m sure he could give me purpose!”

“don’t get your glubbing hopes up. he has bigger things to worry about than us salamanders.” Childhood Friend points to the sky. “he has the whole of the land of wind and shade to worry about. he has to clear the dark cloud above us and the oil filling the pipes and defeat the slumbering one. and once he’s done with that, he must go higher, to skaia.” Childhood Friend lowers his hand. “it’ll be hard to find him when he’s got the whole world to save.”

“maybe you’re right.” The young salamander slumps down. Then a spark lights in his eye and he jumps up. “but i have to try! and i will follow his example along the way!”

“glub.” Childhood Friend says with an unimpressed look on his face. “so you’re going to go on some idiot journey to look for a hero.”

“yes! that will be my name! that will be my purpose!” The young salamander shouts. “i will be,” He says with a dramatic pause, “heroic journeyer!”

Childhood Friend slaps his snout. “that’s pretty glubbing cool, dude. when are you leaving?” He asks dryly.

“i’m going to pack my things right now!” Heroic Journeyer says.

The young salamander finally has a purpose. He will follow in the Heir of Breath’s footsteps, in both a literal and metaphorical sense. He will be Heroic Journeyer. He smiles to himself and blows several joyous bubbles as he skips to his burnt down hut to collect his belongings.

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I should be shot for how awful these names are, but dammit do I think they're funny and dammit do I want to use them.

This probably would be Part 1 if I didn't think it was terrible and wasn't busy writing the Sapphire of Alternia. There are still too many details I need to work out before I actually start writing this thing for real. Like, what do I make the four main heroes? Do I make them copycats of the kids? Should I do something different? Should I give the turtle consort a hammer? Or is that too stupid a joke? What are Jade's consorts called? Do they do anything like a glub or a nak? What about their worlds? What are the details of them? What about the plot? Who am I going to make the villains? What problems can they solve? And so on and so on.

I hope it comes off as ridiculously cheesy and campy at least.

[lantadyme]

Jim. Jim, I love you. That is the best kind of cheese.

I think the names are perfect and you can even shorten them ala the carapaces, and that only makes it better.

[ProspitDreamer]

That was so cute! I love the names! It's perfect!

[Jim Groovester]

Thanks. I guess I'll keep the names, unless I can think of even cheesier ones.

I mean, seriously, Heroic Journeyer is terrible. I'm just laughing about how awful it is. Oh, Heroic Journeyer, I wonder what he's going to go on. Real subtle there, Jim.

I should comment on fics at some point.

[battlerek]

@Jim- Great fic. I'm such a sucker for good-old fashioned humorous fantasy adventures.

[SeptimusMagistos]

Hm. A new altblood fanfic has arisen.

Time to pull out a counter.

COLORS: Chapter 6

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ArborealGourmet [AG] began trolling GregariousGameplayer [GG]

AG: ::::D < *You enter the dark hall.
AG: ::::D < *You see nothing but you hear something:
AG: ::::D < *A million little legs skittering in the 8lackness!
GG: vriska its 8een nothing but spiders spiders spiders with you for six years straight
GG: my character has a sword of spider slaying and uses universal solvent as a 8ody oil
GG: shes 8egun 8reeding wasps!
GG: if you really want to run a good campaign youre going to have to mix it up a little 8it
GG: may8e you could have some scorpions?
GG: or something
GG: sorry if this sounds mean! :(
AG: ::::D < *HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!
AG: ::::D < *Jade, my girl, never apologize for saying something true!
AG: ::::D < *The only people who take offense to something true are weakly weak weaklings, and we don’t want any of them around here!
GG: i dont know if thats true!
GG: may8e not everyone has to 8e strong in the same way?
AG: ::::D < *Oh jeeeeeeeez, you sound just like Tavros!
GG: you keep 8ringing him up
GG: and you say he is sitting right next to you
GG: 8ut he has never talked to me!
AG: ::::D < *Of course not!
AG: ::::| < *I’m not having that guy ruin all my lessons!
AG: ::::D < *You and your friends each get three of us, Jade, you know that.
AG: ::::D < *Although. . .
AG: ::::D < *Do a good jo8 today and you will pro8a8ly get to talk to just a8out everyone!
GG: haha its a deal! :)
AG: ::::D
GG: :)
AG: ::::D
GG: :)
AG: Haha, okay, let’s just stop being retarded for a minute.
AG: Just go already!
GG: :P

ArborealGourmet [AG] ceased trolling GregariousGameplayer [GG]

Jade: contact friend.

Nope! You will contact your friend exactly when you need to and not one second before!

Wait, you just realized that could be taken the wrong way. It’s not that you don’t want to talk to your friend, you do! Just not right now. You’re busy. You have got such a lot of meddling to do!

Jade: meddle.

You’re about to! You just have to go get the dynamite!

. . . Dynamite?

Yes!

Very well, carry on.

You proceed to have a grand adventure of traveling to a nearby island and attaching the explosives to the temple in precise sequence and placement which will allow the head to explode and fly off at exactly the right second. The archeologist in you weeps for the damage to the arguably priceless piece of history, but the geometer in you sees no other way to deliver the object to where you need it and the adventurer in you mostly just loves the idea of using explosives, no matter the justification. Anyway, this is going to be more important than some stuffy old building, so there!

Before absconding, you load a package onto your gun and fire it into the temple. This is in no way silly and you know exactly what you’re doing!

Everything is almost ready to begin. But before it does, let’s check in with the trolls again.

Transition


Sollux: review the situation.

The situation is honestly kind of worse than you expected. There are way too many people here and you had no idea the royal idiot would throw his monster of a pet into the kernel. Now everything is the size of a mountain and you can’t handle this. You don’t know what you were thinking getting into it. Worse, your allies are fraying. Vriska’s gone AWOL, Gamzee is defying causality, and Eridan has slipped off the very long social chain that once allowed you to convince him certain things were his own idea. On the bright side, Karkat seems to be cooperating. You could get to like this guy.

Still, things are getting out of control. But it’s all right. You can fix this. The smug aristocratic bastards will pay. They’ll pay for everything.

Wait, what was that?

CriminalCatcher [CC] began trolling Tormented Anarchist [TA]

CC: 1m on your roof
CC: cutt1ng off your 3sc4p3s. :33
TA: whoo the hell are yoou
CC: You don’t know m3.
CC: W3 m4y 4s w3ll k33p 1t th1s w4y.
CC: 1t’s v3ry 1mport4nt to k33p th3s3 th1ngs 1mp3rson4l.
TA: what things
TA: what are yoou talking aboout
CC: You know, th3 th1ngs wh3r3 1 br1ng you 1n 4nd h4v3 you h4ng3d by th3 n3ck for cr1m3s 4g41nst th3 3mp1r3.
CC: K33p up, pl34s3.
TA: yoou are gooing down
CC: M4k3 my d4y, cr1m1n4l scum!

CriminalCatcher [CC] stopped trolling Tormented Anarchist [TA]

Sollux: have a dramatic rooftop duel.

You would love to, except that you’re not stupid. The preservation of your own life is your second highest priority. You would give it up in a second if it finished off the Emperor, but you’re not risking it fighting one of his stupid agents. Not while you still have work to do.

Sollux: escape like a sissy.

You turn on your hive’s self-destruct and slip out the escape hatch. Let the stupid agent search you out.

Smart Agent: Search Sollux out.

You are pretty much assuming he has the house booby trapped or something. If you were going to go inside there you would not have warned him! But as it is he’s either going to go into lockdown mode or escape. If it’s the former, you are prepared to call in some heavy artillery to cut him right out of there. If the latter. . . well, let’s just say you love it when they run and leave it at that.

CreepyGhast [CG]began trolling admiraclyCreative [AC]

CG: LISTEN.
CG: I JUST NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME AND NOT FREAK OUT.
AC: Kaaaaaaaarkaaaaaaaaaaaaat!
CG: SEE, THIS IS THE THING THAT I NEED YOU NOT TO DO.
AC: Oh I Havent Heard From You In So Long!
AC: Are You All Right?
AC: Aside From Being Dead I Mean
CG: FOR NOW.
CG: BUT I MAY NOT BE ONCE ARADIA GETS THROUGH WITH ME.
AC: Oh No!
CG: LISTEN, LET’S NOT GO INTO WHY SHE’S SO CONVINCED THAT I’M SUFFERING.
CG: SHE’S GOT HER REASONS.
CG: BUT SHE WANTS TO DESTROY ME AND SHE’S NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER.
CG: SOLLUX IS OFFERING TO PROTECT ME, BUT I DON’T TRUST THAT GUY.
CG: EVEN IF WE ASSUMED FOR A SECOND HE HAD ANY GENIUNE SYMPATHY TOWARDS ME, HE STILL WOULDN’T HESITATE TO THROW ME ONTO THE FIRES OF HIS REVOLUTION.
CG: SO IF MY FORMER MOIRAIL COULD DO SOMETHING TO HELP ME OUT INSTEAD, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
AC: Of Course I Will Help Karkat!
AC: What Do You Need?
CG: FIRST OF ALL? A ROCKET.
CG: AND A DISTRACTION.
CG: CAN YOU HELP?
AC: Oh Yesssssssss!

CreepyGhast [CG]ceased trolling admiraclyCreative [AC]


Tavros: Greet acquiantance

apologeticTitan [AT] began trolling conjurationAbjurer[CA]

AT: gOOD AFTERNOON,
AT: i TRUST YOU ARE HAVING A GOOD TIME,
AT: bUT IF IT SHOULD HAPPEN THAT YOU REQUIRE ASSITANCE, i HAVE COME TO OFFER SOME,
CA: oh hii
CA: tavro2 riight?
AT: tHAT’S RIGHT,
CA: are you the one who liike2 faiiriie2?
AT: yES, tHAT’S ME,
CA: cool
AT: aRE YOU THE ONE WHO LIKES WIZARDS,
CA: yeah ba2ically
AT: cOOL,
CA: you are aradiia2 moiiraiil riight
AT: wHY, hAS SHE SAID SOMETHING TO THAT EFFECT,
AT: iN CONFIDENCE,
CA: well no but 2he2 ba2iically alway2 talkiing about how you pull her out of the jam2 2he i2 alway2 getting her2elf iintwo
CA: that 2eem2 pretty pale two me
AT: oH,
AT: wELL, bETWEEN YOU AND ME,
AT: i WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE THAT TO BE TRUE,
AT: tHE THING THAT YOU SAID,
AT: bUT I DON’T THINK IT IS,
CA: oh
CA: why not
AT: i AM VERY MUCH PALE FOR ARADIA,
AT: bUT SHE HAS NO REASON TO BE PALE FOR ME,
AT: bECAUSE I DO NOT NEED CONTROLLING OR CALMING,
AT: yOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
CA: eh
CA: you cant giive up 2o ea2iily ii2 what ii 2ay
CA: 2ure iit can be tough when you feel red or black for 2omeone and they dont exactly reciiprocate
CA: but you cant just roll over and giive up ii2 the thiing
CA: you have two get proactiive about iit
AT: oH, wELL THAT SOUNDS NICE, bUT I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT,
AT: i AM NOT VERY GOOD AT BEING PROACTIVE,
CA: really
AT: wELL, yES, rEALLY,
CA: and you are here now becau2e
AT: wELL, bECAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE WAS ALRIGHT AND HELP ANYONE WHO NEEDED IT,
AT: wAIT A SECOND,
AT: i SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING HERE, }:)
AT: aLL RIGHT, I WILL THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID,
CA: iill thiink about iit two
CA: iive got an attentiion track two 2pare riight now
AT: sO YOU ARE OKAY HERE,
CA: iim good thank2
AT: aLL RIGHT, wELL YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT LINKING UP WITH THE OTHERS ANYWAY,
AT: i WILL SEE YOU LATER,
AT: gOOD LUCK,
CA: 2ee ya

apologeticTitan [AT] ceased trolling conjurationAbjurer[CA]


Equius: Contact Terezi.

crownedThroneholder [CT] began trolling galleonCemetery [GC]

CT: --E Subordinate
CT: --E . . .
CT: --E T)(at is to say Terezi
CT: --E I need you for somet)(ing
GC: ANYTHIN AT ALL, MY LIEGE! >8]
CT: --E T)(is particular service. . .
CT: --E It will be kind of difficult
GC: AWW I’M SURE IT WWILL PRESENT NO CHALLENGE FOR ME WWHATSOEVVER!
CT: --E It will not be a test of your capabilities
CT: --E But rat)(er one of your dedication
CT: --E To complete t)(is c)(allenge you will )(ave to be dedicated to your duty 100%
GC: AM I EVVER ANYTHIN LESS?
CT: --E No
CT: --E Please remember t)(at w)(en you get )(ere

crownedThroneholder [CT] ceased trolling galleonCemetery [GC]


Terezi: Shake the feeling something horribly wrong is about to happen.

Easy. You put your trust into your Emperor. If he needs you, there must be very good reason. He wouldn’t let anything bad happen.

Sometimes you think he would rather die than let anything bad happen. Good thing you’ve been around to prevent that!

[kaoticAntagonist]

Sweet. I love Colors. Good chapter.

Jades consorts are Iguanas by the way.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@SeptimusMagistos:

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>Red Sollux: React to the Emperor becoming a god.

Could this possibly wait until this crazy bitch stops trying to wait what did you just say?

*wham*

[Zero]

Red Dead Sagittarius

…Hours in the future, but not many.

You are bloodied, uncomfortable, and rotting in a cell. This could have gone better.

Oh man, you have no idea how much this made me laugh.
Please write more!

[lantadyme]

Here's a bunch of short things I wrote just to see what would happen if I crammed characters together. Probably more upcoming as I crawl out of this prose slump.

Aradia/Sollux

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The voices are whispers to her whereas to him they are screams. She drags him with her into the depths of a cave, the walls sparkling with rainbows of crystals through the glint of light off her torch. Look, she says. It's beautiful, she tells him, and Sollux looks and nods and agrees, but it never thrills him.

He sits on the floor of her hive wiping black mud off his one white shoe, griping about something under his breath that she can't hear. Aradia sits next to him, her legs folded under herself as she leans into his shoulder, and for a moment he goes still. For a moment he stops and looks at her and with his glasses off like this she can see the torment behind his eyes. He looks exhausted. He hasn't slept well in days.

Don't they ever show you nice things? she asks him. Sollux just frowns and shakes his head. He's not like her, she's slowly realizing. They met on the same forum but he's not like her at all. He hears the voices but they don't direct his eyes at the beauty of nature, at the wonder of life all around him. Instead they scream and scream because they're not dead yet and they're utterly afraid.

He's afraid too. He's afraid of even coming to visit her, voices wailing the horrible ways he could die on the trip, and every time he shows up at her door he looks more relieved to finally reach his destination than he is happy to see her. She folds her arms around him and grins, kisses his cheek, tells him she's so glad he's here, and only then does he smile.

Thometimeth I hear your voithe, he tells her one night, the both of them curled up in the bottom of her recuperacoon, and when she looks over he's crying. You're dead and I don't know how to thtop it.

I'm not going to die any time soon, Sollux, she whispers, pulling him close, her arms wrapped around the gaunt bones of his shoulders.

He nods and he stills, but when he pulls away again a moment later she knows he doesn't believe her.

Sollux/Karkat

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TA: look dude ii dont care iif your blood ii2 red.
TA: 2eriiou2ly, aa ha2 liike the lowe2t blood color on the 2pectrum and ii dont care.
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY THE FUCK YOU'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED MY BLOOD IS RED.
CG: YOU DON'T KNOW.
CG: IT COULD BE TYRIAN FUCKING PURPLE FOR ALL YOU KNOW AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THE OCEAN.
TA: well ii gue22, you do have a crab for a lu2u2 after all.
TA: 2o how far up the purple 2pectrum are we talkiing here?
CG: OH FOR
CG: CAPTOR.
CG: STOP TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT, OKAY?
CG: IT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS SO JUST KEEP YOUR NOSY FUCKING OLFACTORY CLOTS OUT OF MY PERSONAL SPACE.
TA: god, ii know iit2 not my bu2iine22.
TA: you cant blame me for wonderiing though.
TA: what the hell kiind of troll goe2 two 2uch retarded length2 two hiide hii2 blood color?
TA: iit2 not liike anyone actually care2.
TA: thii2 ii2nt anciient a22 backward2 alterniia where they go around 2laughteriing redblood2 for kiick2.
TA: no one giive2 a 2hiit.
CG: I DO, ALL RIGHT?
CG: I KNOW WE DON'T TALK ABOUT FEELINGS BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID GRUB SHIT AND PRACTICALLY WORTHLESS AS CONVERSATION.
CG: BUT I DON'T WANT FUCKING EVERYONE KNOWING MY BLOOD COLOR AND WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH A STICK UP YOUR ASS ABOUT IT?
TA: ii dont.
TA: iit2 pretty much entiirely you wiith the 2tiick up your a22, waiiliing about how no one re2pect2 your 2tupiid typiing quiirk.
TA: whiich ii get 2iince nobody liike2 miine eiither.
TA: but god, kk, how can you not under2tand that typiing iin grey ii2 pretty much ju2t a2kiing for open 2ea2on on people wantiing two know what2 under your 2kiin?
TA: youre lucky iim 2uch a fuckiing niice guy or iid come over there and 2hank you iin your 2leep ju2t two 2atii2fy my curiio2iity.
CG: I'D FUCKING GUT YOU BEFORE YOU GOT THE CHANCE, FUCKASS.
CG: BLUH BLUH, I'M SOLLUX AND I HAVE AMAZING FUCKING SUPERPOWERS, COME OVER HERE AND SUCK MY DEFORMED BONEBULGE.
CG: CHEAP BRASS SCYTHE, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WATCH AS I FUCKING DEVASTATE YOU WITH MY LASER EYES.
TA: theyre not that amaziing.
CG: NOT THAT AMAZING. NOT THAT FUCKING AMAZING.
CG: GOD, SOMETIMES I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING TALK TO YOU, YOU ARE SUCH AN IMPOSSIBLE ASSHOLE.
CG: YOU HAVE SO FUCKING MUCH HANDED TO YOU ON A FUCKING GILDED PLATTER AND YOU DON'T EVEN SEE IT, YOU UNBELIEVABLE GRUBFUCKER.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling twinArmaggedons [TA] --

TA: what the hell, kk?
TA: youre 2o damn touchy 2ometiime2.

Karkat/Terezi

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It's freezing in the Veil and Terezi envies Karkat's long sleeves. For once he's not bent over a computer typing furiously into the keyboard and reeking of rage. This time she finds him in the makeshift cafeteria eyeing the cans of soda and the boxes of chips and dried meat stacked against the wall. He smells hungry but he just stands there, one hand pressed to his stomach and the other hanging limp at his side, and she lingers in the doorway long enough to know he's in his own world.

"There's enough," she says into the silence, meaning the food.

He jumps a little, glancing over at her annoyed. "Do you always have to sneak up on me like that?"

Terezi laughs quietly and walks over to stand next to him. She's shivering a bit and she presses her arm against his (so short, Karkat) to leech some warmth. "It's what I do, silly."

"Yeah, yeah."

He sounds so tired, his words bland with it, and she's a little surprised that he doesn't instantly pull away from the contact. He presses closer instead, wrapping his hand around hers and still watching the food.

"We're gonna fucking starve or freeze to death," he whispers after a moment. The statement tastes bitter and scared and Terezi squeezes his hand a little in comfort.

"The humans will save us," she says, putting some cheer into her voice just for him.

Karkat shakes his head, murmurs, "Fucking humans," and he doesn't believe for a second that they'll actually come through. He sees the worst in everything and responds with rage, and with all the hopelessness of the Veil it's no wonder he's exhausted by now.

"You have to believe in them," she tells him firmly, squeezing his hand again until he looks at her. "I know you're not good at believing things you can't see, but you can trust me, can't you? You can trust me to believe in them for you?"

He sags against her and the acrid smell of guilt and fond sadness fills Terezi's nose. "I don't deserve you."

Terezi/Aradia

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Aradia sends her gifts by airmail; books and tiny plush dragons and gorgeous pieces of teal crystal, and every single gift is boxed up with a thoughtful note written in deep red. Terezi doesn't know what to make of it at first. She twists together whips made of the flowering vines that grow outside her hive and sends them back in the same box Aradia had sent her, a note in teal to replace the red.

Aradia tells her of her explorations, how each cave is numbered and marked in Aradia's spelunking journal, and how she strives to reach the bottom of one some day. She's gone down deep into some of the caves and Terezi writes back, wondering if eventually she'll ever break through into the trial caves. How amazing that would be, like entering a different world. Aradia writes back her excitement.

Terezi tells her about Alternian law, about the trials she watches on live video feed, standing in front of her desk and miming every action of the legislacerator. On occasion Aradia watches a trial and when Terezi gets a letter back from her, the other girl asks her specific questions about why and how and what, and Terezi can barely contain her glee. None of her other FLARP friends even enter her world of law and it thrills her to talk about it to someone interested.

They keep writing, the notes getting longer and the ink pressed between envelopes instead of boxes as they forego the gifts and simply exchange words. Terezi has her books and Aradia her underground maps, and even though they do chat through Trollian, they never stop with the letters. The letters are their own secret world, their meeting place between it all, and they both love that.

Aradia/Tavros

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They've been talking over forums for months and Aradia is excited to finally meet him. She knocks at his door and grins when he opens it, his tiny lusus floating in the background. Tavros waves, and somehow he's as shy as she always expected. He welcomes her in, offers her food, shows her around his rooms. She asks him about his games and his posters and eventually they get onto the topic of fairies and an idea pops into her head.

"Come outside with me," she says with a smile, eyes wide and excited and he isn't really sure what to make of that at first. Trolls are dangerous creatures and you shouldn't trust even if you want to. But Aradia takes his hand and leads him back to his door, and then she whispers her plan in his ear.

He lights up like the moonrise. He's all grinning teeth and glee and he's the one who pulls the door open and drags her outdoors.

"Are you sure you can do it?" he asks breathlessly and Aradia nods with vigor.

Lifting things is easy. She's done it thousands of times before. And yes, he wiggles and squirms, but she wraps her psychic powers around his waist and his shoulders and for a long hour they fly through the clouds like soarbirds.

Kanaya/Nepeta

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"I need a dress. Something purrfect," she says, her hands clasped together in front of her as she looks everywhere but Kanaya's eyes. The hive is pretty, neat and tidy and decorated tastefully with bolts of fabric and flowering plants. Nepeta stands in the middle of it and her coat is dirty and frayed along every cuff. Her hair is a mess and her face and knees smudged and Kanaya knows without asking that the yellow crust under her nails is dried blood.

"Nepeta," she says fondly, reaching out and taking the other girl's hand. "You will require a bit more pampering than simply a dress to make yourself presentable for this get-together."

She blinks and a hint of green flushes over her cheeks before she stares at the floor again, shame in her eyes. "I know. Equius keeps calling me silly fur wanting to go to this purrty, but I need to! I have furrends going and Karkitty will be there and—" Embarrassed, she bites at the lapel of her jacket, the fabric already littered with tooth holes. She's the polar opposite of party material and she knows it.

Kanaya smiles and laughs fondly.

"I'm no good at this kind of thing!" Nepeta tells her, finally catching her gaze, and she's obviously horrified at how badly she can mess this up if left to her own devices. "Purrlease say you'll help me, Kanaya."

"I promise," she says, squeezing Nepeta's hand.

Kanaya puts her in the bath straight away. Her clothes are filthy and she dumps them in the cleaner, going right back to the bathroom where she washes Nepeta's hair twice with lavender soap and rosemary conditioner. The water is left murky and foul when Nepeta steps out of it, dripping onto the rug as Kanaya ties her hair up in a towel.

The dress is the easy part. She pulls out a bolt of deep green fabric and stitches together something that isn't long enough for Nepeta to trip over, but that still looks elegant. The other girl sits and paints her nails with a borrowed vial of jade green, dragging a brush through her hair and watching her clean face in the mirror as Kanaya sews.

"Is it done?" she asks after an hour, peering over Kanaya's shoulder at the sewing machine, watching as she grafts on the last little cat-themed bits of trim.

"Yes." She bites through the thread and holds the dress up by the shoulders, shaking out the ruffles and the sheen of the fabric.

Nepeta grins and clasps her hands together, bouncing in place for a moment before she reaches out and takes the dress as if it's made of the most perishable thing in the world. Kanaya laughs and helps her slip into it. She lends her a pair of elegant green shoes and styles her hair with bows and barrettes, and when the two of them walk into the party arm in arm, decked to the nines and smiling, everyone in the room looks up.

[SeptimusMagistos]

@lantadyme: Those are adorable.

[ceruleanTresses]

@lantadyme: Aaah those are so great! So much d'aww! My favorites are Aradia/Sollux and Sollux/Karkat.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Those were all cute. But now you've gotten me curious about Troll parties, lantadyme!

[pimudragonfeline]

A series I hope to be working on in my non-existent free-time.
Victory Part 1

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A human girl from a doomed session had a wicked gleam in her slate colored eyes.

Friends I would like to make a speech at the conclusion of our beta testing.

A wide collection of souls from many sources turned towards the speaker.

When I was first approached with this project, I had trepidation that the scale itself would be its downfall, then I was worried about its complexity, as more people joined and we received more vital information, I was worried that all our work would be for naught with the personalities of our final subjects, with results as is I no longer care about the outcome of this project.
We are a cohesive team and friends…
I would like to thank Aridia with the project and also you who will help keep this going, the actors, the stage managers, and the extras. Without your supervision I am sure this dream bubble would collapse as soon as I turned my back.
Rosalind, Aridia do you have anything to add?

I would like to remind you of the volatility of this alpha personality and the name of this run, presumptuous as it is; is Victory. Also, I will be playing the part of Ms. Rosada, psychology and sociology teacher.

i hope for the continued success of this project and am reminding you i will be at the rondevu location lamda breaking out of character is not permissible at any time during this run

Well then! As soon as we obtain our star the action will start so all out of character green room talk should be kept to a minimum. Also remember keep talking when we arrive and do not stare.
Thief of Mind out!

[RogerMexico]

Hey guys, sorry for the delay in posting, but here's part 4 of RESET.

But here's some comments first.

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@Prospit - "What it Takes" continues to be excellent. I enjoy your writing immensely, and I envy your update speed. How do you do it?!
@Jim - Sapphire, in my opinion, has far surpassed the original Problem Sleuth in coolness, which is saying something because Problem Sleuth had Captain Snoop.
@lantadyme - When you die, I think we should cut off your hands and place them in a reliquary so you can be worshiped as the patron saint of excellent fanfic. It will be right next to the shrine to Sionnan, the demigod of Striders.
@Septimus - I love COLORS. The way everything turns out with Equius in charge is quite intriguing.
@everyone else - If I didn't mention you, rest assured I read your fic and enjoyed it. Keep on truckin'.

Anyways, here's this.

RESET - 4

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> Rose: Answer

You suppose there's no avoiding it.

cullersAuthority [CA] contacted thaumaturgicTyrant [TT] at 1844 LOCAL TIME

CA: hey roz
TT: What is it now?
CA: ivve got some important information
TT: Eridan, you traitorous little shit, I don't have time to play around. Go bother Jade or Karkat or someone else.
TT: In short, go away.
CA: cmon roz dont be like this
TT: Like what, Ampora?
CA: youre gettin all fuckin snarky again
TT: It may have to do with the fact that I detest you and everything you stand for.
CA: oh no not this again
TT: Ampora, you mealy little wiggler, you were the one who wanted to go spades with me, remember?
TT: Well, now you've got your wish.
CA: roz that wwas back wwhen wwe wwere playin the game and i wwas a desperate loser
CA: i wwas bein stupid
TT: Too bad, because now my feelings for you are blacker then the charred remains of your smoking body will be when I get my hands on you.
CA: jegus roz i thought i wwas the one wwho came on too strong
CA: anywway i havve newws for you
TT: Fine. Tell me.
CA: actually im not sure you wwant to hear it
TT: Out with it, Ampora.
CA: wwell its
CA: um
CA: its about fef
TT: ...
TT: What did you just say?
CA: actually you knoww wwhat nevver mind
TT: You did not just say her name.
CA: no seriously roz youvve gotta listen
TT: You absolute bastard. How can you even mention her? It's all your fault that we're in this mess, and you have the gall to mention Feferi?
TT: You insufferable prick!
CA: holy shit roz calm dowwn
CA: dont do anythin rash

> Rose: Do something rash.

TT: <3-
CA: oh shit

cullersAuthority's [CA's] computer exploded.

That pompous, insufferable, gods-damned traitorous hipster!

Who the hell does he think he is, anyways? Does he really think he can weasel his way back into your group after killing Kanaya? After what he did after the Change? You would summon all the majyyk enyrjjies under your command and pop his pompous head like a balloon if you didn't find him so damn attractive.

Being a troll certainly makes relationships complicated. You certainly never expected that you could ever be attracted to someone you despise, much less be attracted to Eridan in any way whatsoever. There's just something about him though--a certain "je ne sais quoi", to use the Old Alternian. Whatever it is, it fills you with the embarassing desire to fill buckets with him while strangling him with his own scarf.

Enough about your love life though. Let's get to work.

> Rose: Be Eridan.

You can't be Eridan, because the explosion has set his clothes on fire! He is far too busy to engage in your hijinks right now!

> Eridan: Stop being on fire.

You're trying!

> Rose: Continue preparations.

Oh yes, that's right. You are about to have a prison break on your hands. Better get in touch with your accomplices inland.

thaumaturgicTyrant [TT] contacted groundedGuardian [GG] at 1900

TT: Jade, I need your help with something.
GG: ooooh! sounds exciting!
TT: Exciting is not quite the word I'd use to describe this. Perhaps "irritating" covers it better.
GG: oh nooo :(
GG: what is it?
TT: You remember Tavros and Gamzee, correct?
GG: duh! how could i forget them? i wonder what they're up to?
TT: Actually, I can answer that question for you.
TT: Prison is what they're up to.
TT: Somehow they've ended up on a prison transport headed toward us, and they're planning to break out once they get planetside.
GG: oh no!!!
GG: what are we going to do, rose?!?
TT: I'm going to arrange for some sort of diversion to tie up the military. You and Nepeta need to help the two of them make it to your lab. It's isolated enough that they should be safe there.
TT: John and his crew will come by later and pick you all up.
GG: john's coming?!? yay!!
TT: Yes, he should be here shortly. Speaking of which, I'm afraid I must end this conversation. I have many things to attend to.
GG: okay rose!
GG: bye :)

thaumaturgicTyrant [TT] terminated contact with groundedGuardian [GG] at 1907

> Rose: Be Farmstink.

Okay!

...wait a minute.

Rude!

Your name is Jade Harley, and it was always Jade Harley. You were never, ever named Farmstink Buttlass. No siree.

A sudden explosion startles you out of your thoughts. Oh no! It looks like Nepeta got distracted and left your latest experiment unattended. You sigh and wish yet again that Kanaya was back from her visit to the palace; Nepeta may be one of your closest friends, but you swear that she is the world's worst lab assistant. You remember one experiment where you commanded her to "pull the lever" in your most dramatic science voice, and she promptly ruined the moment by informing you that "kitties can't purrl levers beclaws they don't have opurrsable thumbs". If you remember correctly, you and Kanaya achieved an unprecedented 4x facepalm combo.

You dash out of your office towards the billowing plume of smoke to find the wreckage of a glass cloning tube and a very embarassed catgirl.

"Nepeta," you ask. "What exactly happened here?"

"The science kitty looks up at her friend with her huge cat eyes and says..."

"Without the roleplaying, please."

"Awww. Well...I was watching the compurrter readouts like you told me to make sure that the apurratus didn't ofurheat and it started to ofurheat so I went to turnitoffbutIfurgotthepawswordanditexploded," finishes the catgirl breathlessly. "I'm really sorry Jade!"

You laugh and scratch her head.

"Don't worry Nep. We'll just start again!"

"Oh boy!" she shouts, jumping up excitedly. "I can't wait!"

"Speaking of exciting news," you say mischeviously. "Guess who's coming to visit!"

Nepeta's response is not so much a coherent sentence as a high-pitched squeal.

You laugh again and watch as she runs back to her room to get ready. You yourself are quite excited to see John: it's been so long!

> Jade: Remember how long.

Well, you suppose you haven't seen him since shortly before the...incident.

Let's not talk about that right now.

Before that, you two were pretty much inseperable. While you were playing the game, you hoped that after everything was over, you could go back to Washington with John and live with him and his dad. You'd never have to live alone again.

But John's dad was brutally murdered by Jack, and when you guys woke up, Washington was in a different universe.

Oh yeah, and you were a troll.

John was the first to notice what had happened. The rest of you were too overwhelmed by the two multi-colored moons and the strange landscape.

"Rose," you heard him say. "...you have gills."

Your head turned so quickly you swore you could hear your neck crack, and sure enough, there's Rose with a pair of long slender horns and two gills protruding from her neck. John, standing next to her, had undergone a similar transformation, except with horns that are only slightly less nubby than Karkat's, and no gills. You turned to look at Dave, and he too was a troll.

Rose suggested that since you are now members of a society built upon a blood-based caste system, you might as well figure out what blood colors the four of you had been stuck with. John, of course, volunteered to go first. A single prick from Rose's needles revealed rich blue blood. John grinned STRONGLY and ran off to show Vriska.

Rose went next, and seemed rather unsurprised to bleed lilac. You yourself were shocked and a little intrigued when you discovered that your blood was radioactive day-glo green.

Then you looked over at Dave.

During the process of discovering your blood colors, he had gone paler and paler, until he was almost as white as he had been as a human.

"What's wrong?!?" you asked, full of concern for your cool friend.

"There's nothing wrong. I've always wanted to be a grey-skinned asshole with candy corn on my head and mutant blood," he said, looking away.

"Don't worry," you reassured him. You cast about for something to comfort him. "You can hide it like Karkat did."

Shit.

To this day you still can't imagine anything worse you could have said to him at that moment.

To his credit, he didn't yell at you or do some sort of acrobatic pirouette. Instead, he just looked at you and gave a sad laugh.

"Yeah, Jade. Karkat and are going to be best bros from now on."

The sixteen of you tried to pick up the pieces of your broken lives: the twelve trolls tried to go back to their old routines, and the four of you from Earth tried to find your way in this alien society. You quickly found your place in the ranks of the chemistosstruppen, and when Rose was offered a position as governor of a distant colony world, you and a few of the others joined her. You, Nepeta, and Kanaya (when she wasn't with Rose) ran a remote desert lab, and for a while, everything was okay.

Until one day, when everything came crashing down.

The four of you were relatively untouched, so far away from the action, but others did not fair so well. Everybody's lives changed that day, but that was five sweeps ago, and you thought that it was over.

The reappearance of Gamzee and Tavros is going to shake things up.

You'd better get ready.

A/N

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You know you've written too much fanfic when you've got the character's color codes memorized.

This chapter took forever to write, 'cause I kept getting writer's block. However, that's all of the kids covered, so now we can start the actual plot! And it only took four chapters! yaaaaay.

Alright, well that's that. Hope you all enjoyed it. As always, criticism and comments are much appreciated!

[Raikonos]

> Eridan: Stop being on fire.

You're trying!

pffahahahaha

[anonymousComrade]

@RogerMexico: this is a good series. Also, seconding ">Eridan: Stop being on fire" as the best thing

@lantadyme: yessssssss

[lantadyme]

Thanks for the kind words, guys. Glad you enjoyed. :]

@SkaianRedeemer: Troll parties! Complete with fancy chandeliers and mezzanines and string quartets playing off to the side. I. Actually have no idea who would invite Nepeta to one of those. Maybe she got the invite through someone else?
@RogerMexico: Haha, poor Eridan. XD (I really doubt I'm cool enough to sit next to Sionnan's shrine. Those Striderfics are half the reason I write Striderfic.)
@anonymousComrade: I knew I had to do some Karkat/Terezi just for you, man. You and that pairing are linked in my head.

[Decker]

lantadyme. I liked those. Your longer stuff is very good of course, but it's neat to see these short little looks into their lives too.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@lantadyme: Equius, probably:

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CT: D --> All I'm asking is for a little support from you among my peers.
CT: D --> My every moment there is torture.
CT: D --> I have to maintain my status while trying to find e%cuses for my lack of a social network.
AC: :33 > *the fluffiest kitty cocks her head to one side?*
CT: D --> "Tell me, Equius, don't you live near other bluebloods?" "Well, my neighbour had to step out early."
CT: D --> Which is true, she had upended the buffet, called the hosts "nooksuckers" and threatened to gut anyone that came near her in her escape with a stolen fork.
CT: D --> "Where is this moirail of yours that's so fantastic, Equius?" "Oh, well, you see, Nepeta is not exactly fond of dancing."
AC: :33 > *nepeta is EXTREMELY fond of dancing!*
CT: D --> Ballroom dancing.
AC: :PP > pbbbbbbbbt
CT: D --> Yes and also that.
CT: D --> 100k, all I am asking is that you take a moment to dress up and be presentable. Have I not, after all, shamed myself in the muck with you many times in the past?
AC: :33 > but that was fun and exciting and normal!
AC: :33 > you don't have to spend four hours gussying up with fabrics and purrfumes to stalk a longneckbeast and strangle it with your bare hands!!
AC: :33 > yoooooou enjoyed that, don't lie!!
CT: D --> I did not want to do this but it seems I may have to resort to such Serketian tactics.
CT: D --> I have it on good authority that Miss Pyrope is invited, and that a certain STRONG-willed friend of hers has convinced her to bring Vantas along as a joke to break up her social discomfort among proper b100bloods.
AC: :00 > *ac gasps and covers her mouth with her paws!*
AC: :33 > *because this is a surprise*
AC: :33 > *and not because the idea of seeing karkitty has changed her mind all at once because it has not!!*
CT: D --> Well that's good. I wouldn't want to think that the idea of seeing the strange blood-obfuscating loudmouth would have any sort of dramatic effect on your decisions.
CT: D --> The implications would have been worrying.
CT: D --> Still, I hope that knowing you will have friends there might convince you to give it a shot.
AC: :33 > *ac cannot hear you*
CT: D --> Pardon?
AC: :33 > *she is asking kanaya about a dress!*
CT: D --> Already?
CT: D --> Well, whatever works, I suppose.
CT: D --> See you in a week, then.
AC: :33 > *ac cannot hear you because she is busy becoming gorgeous! ♪ *
CT: D --> Ah.
CT: D --> Of course.
CT: D --> My pardons.

You are suddenly sure this is going to end in disaster.

EDIT: Aaack I'm sorry, don't mind me.

[Mirdan]

EDIT: Aaack I'm sorry, don't mind me.

Sorry, but I mind your asking me to not mind you because Equius being manipulative is awesome and so are you.

[lantadyme]

@lantadyme: Equius, probably:

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CT: D --> All I'm asking is for a little support from you among my peers.
CT: D --> My every moment there is torture.
CT: D --> I have to maintain my status while trying to find e%cuses for my lack of a social network.
AC: :33 > *the fluffiest kitty cocks her head to one side?*
CT: D --> "Tell me, Equius, don't you live near other bluebloods?" "Well, my neighbour had to step out early."
CT: D --> Which is true, she had upended the buffet, called the hosts "nooksuckers" and threatened to gut anyone that came near her in her escape with a stolen fork.
CT: D --> "Where is this moirail of yours that's so fantastic, Equius?" "Oh, well, you see, Nepeta is not exactly fond of dancing."
AC: :33 > *nepeta is EXTREMELY fond of dancing!*
CT: D --> Ballroom dancing.
AC: :PP > pbbbbbbbbt
CT: D --> Yes and also that.
CT: D --> 100k, all I am asking is that you take a moment to dress up and be presentable. Have I not, after all, shamed myself in the muck with you many times in the past?
AC: :33 > but that was fun and exciting and normal!
AC: :33 > you don't have to spend four hours gussying up with fabrics and purrfumes to stalk a longneckbeast and strangle it with your bare hands!!
AC: :33 > yoooooou enjoyed that, don't lie!!
CT: D --> I did not want to do this but it seems I may have to resort to such Serketian tactics.
CT: D --> I have it on good authority that Miss Pyrope is invited, and that a certain STRONG-willed friend of hers has convinced her to bring Vantas along as a joke to break up her social discomfort among proper b100bloods.
AC: :00 > *ac gasps and covers her mouth with her paws!*
AC: :33 > *because this is a surprise*
AC: :33 > *and not because the idea of seeing karkitty has changed her mind all at once because it has not!!*
CT: D --> Well that's good. I wouldn't want to think that the idea of seeing the strange blood-obfuscating loudmouth would have any sort of dramatic effect on your decisions.
CT: D --> The implications would have been worrying.
CT: D --> Still, I hope that knowing you will have friends there might convince you to give it a shot.
AC: :33 > *ac cannot hear you*
CT: D --> Pardon?
AC: :33 > *she is asking kanaya about a dress!*
CT: D --> Already?
CT: D --> Well, whatever works, I suppose.
CT: D --> See you in a week, then.
AC: :33 > *ac cannot hear you because she is busy becoming gorgeous! ♪ *
CT: D --> Ah.
CT: D --> Of course.
CT: D --> My pardons.

You are suddenly sure this is going to end in disaster.

EDIT: Aaack I'm sorry, don't mind me.

Noooooooo, this is the best! I am minding this so hard. I am failing to come up with a Strider-esque metaphor for how much I am minding it, but it may be enough to write the party now.

[anonymousComrade]

@anonymousComrade: I knew I had to do some Karkat/Terezi just for you, man. You and that pairing are linked in my head.

I have the biggest dumb grin on my face right now

You don't even know

[ProspitDreamer]

@Prospit - "What it Takes" continues to be excellent. I enjoy your writing immensely

Thank you so much! Right back at ya.

and I envy your update speed. How do you do it?!

From my muse hounding me relentlessly at two in the morning when the rational part of my mind is telling me to be asleep. You should see it when I try to do homework.

relentlessMuse [rM] began hounding prospitDreamer [pD] at 2:10am

rM: Write Homestuck fanfiction
pD: I can't right now, I have this big assignment due in the morning...
rM: Here, have some inspiration to write Homestuck fanfiction
pD: I'll get to it later, when my homework is finished...
rM: You left Vriska in an awkward situation. She doesn't like it. You can't leave her like that. Here's an idea what to do with that.
pD: I need to pass this class...
rM: Don't make me inspire you harder.
pD: Yes Ma'am. Oh look, some unfinished Homestuck fanfiction...

Anyway, Reset continues to be amazing:

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First, my favorite part:
GG: duh! how could i forget them? i wonder what they're up to?
TT: Actually, I can answer that question for you.
TT: Prison is what they're up to.
LMAO, so hard!


You have Jade down perfectly. And Hussie, for that matter, with awesome lines like the Farmstink reference. Your Nepeta is excellent, too; she would be a terrible lab assistant. Rose seems a bit emotional, but then again, she's a troll now and it's obvious they've been through a lot. It's nothing so glaring that it ruins the story.

Besides loving this, I am curious about so many of the plot points. Thank you for keeping up with this- don't stop!

[Jeep-Eep]

RESET - 4

OH HELL YES!