MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[mutecebu]

Gah, I meant Decker. I realized my mistake but Noooo it was too late!
And Decker, I know its not your favorite of your own works, but neyh, I really like it.

Ahahahaha!

That's the second time that was attributed to someone else.

Snapshot is kind of along the same lines as Rhythm if you're interested Seraph. I can't think of anything else I wrote that would be suitable.

Yah, well this time I knew it was you, I just had D-name dyslexia.
No offense to people who have actual, non-made-up dyslexia

[lucidSeraph]

I think I might as well come out and admit that this was all because Not A Senator complained on his Tumblr that all the fanfic he'd read in here was awful, and I went I Resemble That Remark, Good Sir.

[Decker]

I deleted that message because it was a little curt on second thought.

To put it nicer, I try to make it a policy of not writing just to please other people. If NAS thinks it's bad, oh well, can't please everyone. I liked it anyway.

Edit: And Sreaph deleted the reply where he was quoting me. Hehehe. Let's just say I was a little rude.

[wilySubversionist]

I think I might as well come out and admit that this was all because Not A Senator complained on his Tumblr that all the fanfic he'd read in here was awful, and I went I Resemble That Remark, Good Sir.

I read that Tumblr exchange too, and while I felt a little Resemble-ish myself, I think you're slightly overstating his position (which was more about "overwrought prose", a thing I am damn sure guilty of myself from time to time, than just general shittiness). He was also willing to read more, hence the recs, so there's that. I don't think any particular/individual offense was meant, and if we're honest, we writers are our own harshest critics, for good reason: it makes us better. I don't think any of this is really worth getting worked up over.

e: shit, I was going to save my 200th post for "Pickle's Model", eta in about a week or so.

[Decker]

I think you're slightly overstating his position (which was more about "overwrought prose", a thing I am damn sure guilty of myself from time to time,

Man but it's fun to write sometimes.

[wilySubversionist]

@decker: Haha, for sure. And I agree with you, that is the point. I mean, shit, anybody got any Homestuck fics published in New Yorker lately? This is not an entirely serious endeavor, ever, and I'll admit I take it more seriously than most, so fun is the most important thing.

[lucidSeraph]

I think I might as well come out and admit that this was all because Not A Senator complained on his Tumblr that all the fanfic he'd read in here was awful, and I went I Resemble That Remark, Good Sir.

I read that Tumblr exchange too, and while I felt a little Resemble-ish myself, I think you're slightly overstating his position (which was more about "overwrought prose", a thing I am damn sure guilty of myself from time to time, than just general shittiness). He was also willing to read more, hence the recs, so there's that. I don't think any particular/individual offense was meant, and if we're honest, we writers are our own harshest critics, for good reason: it makes us better. I don't think any of this is really worth getting worked up over.

e: shit, I was going to save my 200th post for "Pickle's Model", eta in about a week or so.

Well, yes, and yes. Hence the reqs, and I wasn't really getting worked up over it at all XD

[MyCurrentObsession]

Well hello forum. No, I'm not dead, thank you for asking. I didn't forget about Bitter (though I wouldn't be surprised if everyone else did. ), either, I was just getting a new computer since the old one died due to a virus from hell overcoming the loss of a beloved cat obsessing over forum adventures obsessing over Sims procrastinating like whoa. But anyway. I'm back, and hopefully not out of practice...

Bitter - 6

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Shitshitshit!

You take a moment to berate yourself for your actions. Stupid stupid dumb! What were you thinking? Hell, you hadn't even been that hungry, you just wanted some ice cream! How could you be so careless?!

And come to think of it, you should've noticed something was up sooner. You'd thought something was off about that carton of milk you'd "acquired" from the very same store earlier this morning. Odds are if you took to time to inspect it closely you'd find some sort of tracking chip on it, knowing your luck.

And a tracking chip meant people knew where you were, which lead to them coming your way, which would of course amount to the Trolls being outed. At least now you know what Karkat's problem earlier was. And sure enough...

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Fuck! Yeah, your alarm's going off now. Someone's coming. That's just great...

You did have the foresight to wire the TV to some cameras you put up around the vacinity for just such an occasion. Switching over to the proper channel, you see... nothing.

Nothing? What...? The only explanation you can possibly think of is that they've already infiltrated the perimeter past the cameras. In which case...

"Shit, shit, shit!" you mumble frantically to yourself, panic beginning to mount.

However despite the aforementioned panic (which is still totally a thing that is happening, by the way), you can't help but take a moment to curse your regained lisp. Of everything the game had to give you back, couldn't it have just kept your teeth? Yeah, sure, they're useful for eating and other trivial stuff like that, but frankly when a guy can't even properly curse about the situation he's found himself in, he can't do thit.

Anyway, moving past that humerous tangent, you really need to prepare. There are probably gog-knows how many people storming your makeshift-hive, and if you get caught then you're pretty much dooming the rest of the Trolls, too.

You suppose you could just easily kill any humans that came your way, but something tells you that would be seen as bad. Such a shame. The question of how to incapacitate them and escape looms over your head.

And that's when you hear it.

To most people, the sound would've been slight; imperceptible. But a true coding master like yourself would recognize the sound anywhere: your computer mouse is moving.

You tense and allow yourself to think. Think of the alternative that you'd refused to even recognize before. Another logical explanation as to why you hadn't seen anything through the cameras is simply that your intruder can't be seen with the naked eye at all.

After all, she's a ghost.

----------

The final battle is fast approaching. At least once a day, usually more, your mind can't help but drift into the realm of what's to come. There is no future for her, for the two of you together, after you've beaten the game. You know it, and, as Maid of Time, surely, surely Aradia knows it as well.

But you never talk about it.

It is an unfortunate, undeniable reality that you try to deny nonetheless. You forcibly push any and all thoughts of Aradia dying out of your mind and relish your time with her, clinging to it in the vain hope that it won't soon be cut short.

Sometimes you wonder if it would've been less painful to just cut off all ties with her; to break away. Humans have a saying: "It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

This is so wrong that the idiot who came up with it should be culled on the spot simply for sheer stupidity.

But in the end, you've made your choice. You knew it would hurt more to be with her, to lose her, than it would to feign indifference and distance yourself. You wonder how Aradia feels about this whole ordeal? Surely true love is about putting your matesprit before yourself and wanting them to suffer as little as possible, so you can't help but wonder sometimes how much she really cares.

You can't bear to think she'd choose a course of action that would hurt more than a viable alternative, so you always push those bitter feelings away and deny, deny, deny.

It's only a bad choice if she really dies and leaves you so utterly heartbroken that you can in no way go on, after all, so if she doesn't, you'll be together forever.

Wouldn't that be just wonderful?

A/N:

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bluh I don't like this chapter (don't I say that about all of them, though? so pessimistic...). There might or might not be spelling errors, since I don't have Firefox yet to automatically spellcheck. Stupid virus...

I've pretty much given away what's going on now with the lovebirds, I think. If you still haven't figured it out, the next chapter (or two) will definitely clear it up, so don' t worry.

And, uh, if it wasn't obvious, I tend to gravitate more towards humerous stuff, so serious things are hard for me to write. My solution is to insert little funny tidbits that probably ruin the mood, but if I didn't have some funny in there it would suck. The closest thing to serious was Sollux's serious case of De'Nile. I tried to make it angsty, I probably failed. Hopefully y'all liked it, though. Also hopefully I won' t take forever to update this again.

Also I just wanted to give a shoutout to ProspitDreamer for his/her kind words regarding this fic. I'm glad you like it, and hopefully the "whole bread" meets your expectations.

[SkaianRedeemer]

I write for people but I don't write for specific people. There's a difference, and the difference is that one is a dead end. Not that I wouldn't be glad if NAS liked one or more of my fics anyways, but that'd be true of anyone.

If I treated fanfiction as a serious endeavour, I would not have posted anything because I would be waiting until I was finished and then would edit it multiple times over again. I know this because I have serious endeavours to compare to. Instead I get to sit on my public mistakes and OOC moments and faulting plotlines where everyone can see them! Um... yay?

EDIT: By the way, did no one mention Conquest or RDV in this recent discussion at all? I guess they're both shippy, though, to a degree, and Conquest does seem to be, sadly, dead. They're both on the TV Tropes rec link, of course. I guess I'm just being redundant.

[Rimbaum]

OH MY GOG MORE BITTER. I love this so much you have no idea

[sarasvati]

oh hi i heard that there was some desire for RECS. i love recs! here's my list for you, seraph, i tried to keep a spread of different authors/characters:

tea and consequences - john and jade talking in the problem sleuth afterlife of the doomed timeline.
hourglass - a character study of jack.
come undone - rose and the nature of knitting, from casey's perspective.
in the witching hour - a snapshot of jade and bec, pre-hs.
shockwave - hello yes here i am telling you to rec one of your own fics. rec this shit man! it is cool because i told you to.
walking far from home - hungry brothers - the most depressingly accurate/amazing exploration of bro being a poverty wizard and having to raise a kid. it does not get more depressing/accurate/amazing than this.
closing time - this one is probably my most questionable rec since it deals with relationships, but it isn't shippy. basically a fantastic exploration of post-sburb kids from the perspective of normal people, and how they are never quite going to fit back into the real world.

[lucidSeraph]

Oh come on I can't rec my own fic :| but okay

I will go forth and deliver these tomorrow. Come Undone is one I was looking for also.

[Jim Groovester]

So I've been gone for a while. Video games took up all my time over the weekend. Have you guys heard of this game called Portal 2? It's pretty cool.

But now I'm back! With... something you've already read. But it's different! Although a lot of it is exactly the same too. Rereading isn't necessary since we end up exactly where we were the first time I posted this.

The Sapphire of Alternia, Part 26

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Deferrer takes a breath and lets it out in a loud, deliberate sigh, letting Sleuth know just exactly how annoyed she is with him. She does it again for good measure.

Sleuth mimics her while stretching his arms. “It really is a nice day today, isn’t it?”

“Oh, shut up.” Deferrer says. “Where are we going?”

“The Cutting Card.”

“You want me to drive you there?” Deferrer asks incredulously. “And for free?”

“Yeah.” Sleuth says. “What’s the problem?”

“Oh, nothing.” Deferrer says. “Just that the place is a death trap. Especially for cab drivers of hardboiled jackasses that get on the Midnight Crew’s nerves.”

“Well, I hope you’re lead foot is feeling heavy today because that’s where we’re going.”

Deferrer eyes her gauges for a second. “Not right now we’re not.”

“What’s the problem?” Sleuth asks impatiently.

“Gas.”

Sleuth doesn’t have an immediate response. “We shouldn’t be stopping.”

“One way or the other we’re stopping.” Deferrer says. “I’d rather do it while I’ve got your keys handy than without.”

Problem Sleuth doesn’t have the heart to tell her that he’s completely out of ammo.

Transportation Deferrer pulls into a gas station. There’s only one empty spot and Deferrer grabs it before the man who was patiently waiting for it could take it.

“Hey! That was my spot.”

Deferrer blows the man a kiss and winks. She turns off the car and steps outside quickly before the attendant can put the hose in. “Hey, what do you think you’re doing? Stop that.” She says. “None of the cheap stuff.”

Problem Sleuth opens the door and steps outside. He walks around the car towards the station.

“Where’re you going?” Deferrer asks.

“To wash up.” Sleuth responds.

“What if there’s trouble?”

“Run into the little girl’s room. Only mobster who could follow you there is Snowman.”

Deferrer huffs. The attendant is staring at her wide-eyed. “What? You never seen Problem Sleuth before?” She says. “Pump my gas already.”

“You mean that’s Problem Sleuth?” Sleuth hears the attendant ask as he walks inside the station store. He walks past rows of junk food and into the bathroom. He steps in front of a sink and looks into the mirror.

==>

Just what your face needed. The dried blood around your mouth accentuates your rugged jaw and the scabbing gashes on your lip speak to your toughness.

What would really highlight your attractive jawline is a little lipstick oh fucking goddammit is it something about this tube of lipstick that makes you think these thoughts? This is getting out of hand. The sooner you get rid of thi-

A man steps into the bathroom, and sees Problem Sleuth gazing at the tube of lipstick intently. Problem Sleuth looks at him and stares him down. He backs out of the room quickly.

==>

You’re really glad you don’t know that guy. If it was someone you knew you’d probably have to beat them so they can’t speak again.

You put the lipstick away and wash your face. With any luck the Midnight Crew won’t wonder why you’ve got blood on your face and ask who you’ve been talking to. Because Spades Slick’ll be pretty jealous if he finds out you talked to Snowman before him.

You swear, it’s like a messy break up between the two, except they’re fighting not just over who gets the mutual friends but the mutual enemies too.

Problem Sleuth puts his hat on the sink counter and turns on the faucet. He splashes water onto his face and scrubs his wounds. Pink tinged water flows into the sink. He grabs a paper towel and starts drying his face.

The door opens and Sleuth is mildly surprised to see Anarchy Repressor walk through it. “Sleuth.” He says, hands on his hips. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Sleuth looks Repressor over. He looks ridiculous. “How’d you find me?” Sleuth asks as he keeps drying his face.

“I spotted Persevering Maillady along her route and asked her about you. She said you were with that whore cab driver of yours.”

“Her words?”

“Yep.” Repressor says. He starts smiling. “Do you know how easy it is to find Transportation Deferrer? She’s like a boat through water. She leaves a wake. But with her it’s traffic jams and car accidents.”

Sleuth throws the towel in the trash and puts his hat back on his head. “What do you want, Repressor?”

“We need to talk.”

“Get in line.” Sleuth says. “The Felt and the Midnight Crew get first crack at any hardboiled detectives. Sorry, Repressor, cops finish last.”

Repressor walks up to a urinal and starts doing his business. “You hear about your apartment?”

Sleuth nods. “Yeah.”

“Couldn’t have happened to a better person.”

Sleuth stares down the back of Repressor’s head and grimaces. “You didn’t come find me to tell me something I already knew. What do you want?”

Repressor waits to answer. “Why are you blowing up my city?” He asks.

“I’m not blowing up anything.”

“So that warehouse halfway across town just burned itself down?” Repressor says. “It didn’t have a lick of help from anybody else?”

“What the Felt and the Midnight Crew fight over isn’t any of my business.” Sleuth shrugs, even though Repressor isn’t looking. “I don’t know why they’re fighting over a warehouse of suggestive puppets, but they obviously couldn’t let the other have it if they couldn’t get to it first.”

Repressor finishes and zips up his pants. He walks to Sleuth and puts his hands on his hips, a serious look on his face. “I think it’s time you level with me.” He says. “What’s really going on?”

Sleuth shakes his head. “You don’t want to know about this, Repressor. I was looking out for you when I didn’t tell you. You were looking out for yourself when you agreed.”

“Just tell me.”

“Alright.” Sleuth says. He checks under the stalls and eyes the door. “Is the dirty cop in your squad around?”

“He’s giving your cab driver the mother of all traffic citations.” Repressor says with a small smile.

She’s not going to be happy about that. “You know, she was hoping you were gonna call her and ask her out, with how she gave you her number.” Sleuth says. “Guess she knows now you’re not interested.”

Repressor’s smile turns into a crestfallen look. An opportunity lost that he never knew he had. He sighs. “Just get on with it.”

Sleuth takes a breath, preparing himself to tell Repressor the big revelation. “I’ve been looking for the Sapphire of Alternia this whole time.” Sleuth says. “And what’s better, I’ve got it.”

Repressor is taken aback for a few moments. “Damn.”

“It gets better.” Sleuth says. “But tell me, you still wanna know?”

Repressor moves his head from side to side. “Hit me, Sleuth.”

“The Sapphire ain’t just a pretty necklace.” Sleuth says.

Repressor takes a step back. He starts shaking his head. “No. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know about any secrets Wealthy Quantif-”

“The Sapphire’s the White King’s Scepter.”

“Dammit, Sleuth!” Repressor says as he turns around to face the wall. He puts a hand to his temple. “Tell me you’re not serious, Sleuth. Tell me, because if you’re not pulling my leg that’s the worst news I’ve ever heard.”

Sleuth shrugs. “Skaia’s honest truth.”

Repressor paces the bathroom. After a few times back and forth he stops. “I told you not tell me.”

“You wanted to know.”

“Not after you told me the Sapphire’s more than just a jewel.”

“The curiosity would’ve eaten you up.”

“I would’ve lived.” Repressor says. “I’m a cop, Sleuth. I make a living not being curious.”

“And wouldn’t you know it.”

“Yeah, I would.” Repressor wipes his mouth and alternates his stare between the floor and the ceiling. He turns his stare to Sleuth. “The Scepter?”

Sleuth nods.

Repressor adjusts his stance, leans on one foot, and points at Sleuth. “I don’t want that thing in my city. I don’t care what you have to do, just make sure it never falls into the hands of anybody who’d think about using it. Got it?”

Sleuth folds his arms. “So are you gonna back off of me?”

Repressor puts a half-smile on his face. “Are you kidding? I’m never talking to you again.”

“Ah, that’s a shame.” Sleuth says. Sleuth’s face turns serious. “I could really use a favor.”

“Not gonna happen, Sleuth.” Repressor says. “You’re on your own.”

Sleuth steps forward and looks Repressor right in the eye. “I’m calling in every favor you ever owed me.”

“Not what I said.”

“You owe me. Hell, for all the work I’ve done for you pro bono,” Sleuth stresses with two forceful jabs into Repressor’s chest, “I deserve a mansion and a penthouse apartment.”

Repressor throws his arms to his side. “That’s not our working relationship, Sleuth. I lean on you for favors, I never pay them back. It works out great this way. Now you wanna shake this up. Why would you wanna do something like that?”

Sleuth grabs Repressor by the collar with both hands. “Dammit, Repressor!” Sleuth says in a hushed shout. “I’m asking you for help!”

Sleuth stares at Repressor as he stares right back. Slowly, a look of understanding crosses his face. Repressor relaxes. “What is it?”

Sleuth walks to one end of the bathroom and back to Repressor. “I’m trying to get the Felt and the Midnight Crew together in one place.”

Repressor raises a brow. That’s got his attention.

“Think of how good you’ll look in the papers and in the force when you crash the party.”

Repressor looks pretty interested now. “I think I might be able to help you out with this, Sleuth.” He says. “But what do you want our help for?”

“I’m a dead man if you don’t show up.” Sleuth says. “I can’t get away after I do what I need to without calling in the cavalry. I need a lot of backup, and Dick and Inspector won’t cut it. Not against both the Felt and the Midnight Crew.”

Repressor thinks Sleuth’s answer over for a second. “Weren’t they with you at the warehouse last night?”

“Yeah, but Crowbar and Spades Slick wanted me alive. And I had a warehouse to hide in.” Sleuth says. “I’m not gonna be that lucky this time.”

Repressor nods in acknowledgment. “Where and when?”

“Midnight. Alternia Park.” Sleuth says. “You’ve gotta bring everything. And I really mean everything. It’ll be good for all your lazy cop friends to take a walk in the park. Especially if they’ve all got tommy guns.”

Repressor narrows his eyes in thought as he thinks about the details. “This’ll be hard to keep quiet.”

“Well, you damn well better try. There has to be people you can trust who can keep things quiet.” Sleuth says. “I could probably name a few people in the force for you.”

“No, I know who they are. But the list’s short.” Repressor says. He looks up at Sleuth. “The thing you don’t realize about cops is that for how lazy they are they can be pretty damn nosy.”

Sleuth pats Repressor on the shoulder. “Don’t you practically run the force anyway?” Sleuth asks. “You’ll think of something.”

Repressor chuckles. “So just pull something out of my ass, like you?”

“Just like me.” Sleuth smiles.

“Alright, Sleuth. Wish us both luck.” Repressor walks away. He puts his hand on the door.

Problem Sleuth: Think quickly.

That’s one problem solved, and another piece put in place, but Repressor’s gonna have a hell of a time keeping his dirty man occupi-

His dirty man.

“Hold on, Repressor.” He says.

Repressor turns around. “What?.”

Sleuth breathes in. He’s really not looking forward to asking this from Anarchy Repressor. “I need you to cuff me and lead me out of here.”

Repressor raises his brow as far as it can go, and then some. “Sleuth?” He asks.

“I can’t let your dirty man know you’ve been making plans with me.” Sleuth explains. “So, you gotta cuff me and lead me out of here. And then I’m gonna get away, and everybody thinks you’re after me and your dirty man doesn’t tell the Midnight Crew we made any plans.”

Repressor pulls out a pair of handcuffs. He looks at Sleuth with a giant smile on his face. “I’ve always wanted to do this.” He grins eagerly.

“Hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on.” Sleuth says. “Your dirty man isn’t gonna believe that I went down without a fight.”

Repressor shows his teeth behind his wide grin. “This keeps getting better and better.” Repressor pulls back for a punch.

“Whoa!” Sleuth shouts. “I can already sell that I’ve gotten beat up. It’s you who needs some work.”

“Sleuth,” Repressor says. “Hell no.”

“This is how it’s gotta be.”

“I can take you on in a fight.”

Problem Sleuth & Anarchy Repressor: Work out details.

You both maintain that you can beat each other up without so much as suffering a bruise. You both claim the other is full of false bravado, but secretly, you both know that Problem Sleuth can kick both of your asses without so much as a bloodied knuckle that’s an awful lie Sleuth and you know it the hell it is prove it Repressor.

You both decide that the best course of action to decide who can beat up the other is to come to blows over it.

Sleuth dabs at his bloodied lip. He just cleaned this thing. “I think that’s enough.”

“Yeah.” Repressor agrees, dabbing his bloodied temple. Repressor pulls out his handcuffs. Sleuth turns around and he slips the cuffs onto his wrists. Repressor grabs Sleuth by the arm and pushes him out the door.

Repressor leads Sleuth outside of the gas station. Repressor’s dirty detective walks away from an incredibly annoyed Deferrer and towards Sleuth. “So you didn’t need help after all.”

“I told you I could take him.” Repressor says with a huge grin on his face.

“How about you take these off and try again.” Sleuth says.

“Shut up, Sleuth.” Repressor says. Repressor passes Sleuth to his detective and walks up to Transportation Deferrer with a confident smirk on his face. “You know, I was thinking.” He takes the citation from Deferrer’s hands. “How about we just forget about this?” He holds it up.

Deferrer’s annoyed look turns into a coy one, sensing opportunity.

“Captain,” The dirty detective says. “What the hell?”

“I couldn’t possibly let you do something like that for me, Anarchy Repressor.” Deferrer says seductively.

“Well,” Repressor says. “It is entirely up to me.”

“But that would be against,” She says with a small pout. “The law.” She says breathily.

Repressor instantly tears up the citation.

“Seriously, Captain.” The detective says, releasing his light hold on the Sleuth’s cuffs. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Shut the hell up.” Repressor barks at the detective.

“What you’re doing is unethical.”

Repressor turns to the detective with fury in his eye. “Unethical?” He roars. “You want to talk to me about ethics?”

“I don’t know, Captain.” The detective says angrily. “Seems like you’re letting a menace to the road get off scot-free ‘cuz she batted her shiny eyelids at you. That seems pretty unethical to me.”

Repressor and his detective start arguing bitterly.

Deferrer looks at Sleuth completely confused.

Sleuth tilts his head towards the cab.

Deferrer shrugs and enters the driver’s side door.

Sleuth stealthily turns away from the argument and opens the back door to the cab with his hands behind his back.

“Hey!” Repressor finally notices Sleuth’s less than stealthy escape.

Sleuth jumps inside. Deferrer starts the cab and hammers down the accelerator. She roars the engine, telling Repressor and his detective to get out of the way.

Repressor gives way. “I’ll call you!” He shouts as Deferrer rapidly drives past.

Anarchy Repressor's Dirty Cop: Wonder if you seriously just let Problem Sleuth get away like that.

Did you seriously just let Problem Sleuth get away like that?

Because it looks like you seriously just let Problem Sleuth get away like that.

You are such a disgrace. Not because you get a monthly check from Diamonds Droog, but because you're terrible at pretending to be a cop.

Deferrer looks through the mirror at the two cops. “That was odd.” Deferrer says as she drives out of the station. “Do things like this happen often to you?”

“Only with the police.” Sleuth says. “Everybody else just beats me half to death.”

Deferrer blinks a few times. “How did your cop friend even get cuffs on you?”

“Same way you got out of the mother of all traffic citations.” Sleuth says. “By asking him nicely.”

“But how did that even happen? I’ve got enough traffic violations to fill a phone book. I don’t know why he gave it up.”

“I may have implied that he totally blew whatever chance he had with you by letting you get that ticket.”

“Oh.” She says. It’s apparently not what she expected.

Sleuth picks up on it. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing.” Deferrer says, dissatisfied. “Just tell me I don’t have to be nice to him now.”

“It’d be the graceful thing to do.”

Deferrer scoffs and rolls here eyes.

Sleuth struggles with the handcuffs for a few seconds.

“You need help with those?”

“No, I got them.” Sleuth pulls Repressor’s billy club from behind his back and spins the handcuffs around his finger. “Besides, I don’t think we’re on the same page about exactly what helping me with these handcuffs involves.” Sleuth says with a smirk.

Deferrer looks through the mirror with a subdued smile. “You mind if I-”

“I’ll hold onto them.” Sleuth stuffs the handcuffs in his coat pocket.

As the car drives down the street. Sleuth catches a glimpse of what looked like two men in a car watching him, but before he can look back they’re out of sight.

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Hopefully this works out better than the way I had it the first time. I don't know why it bugged me so much, but I just felt like I had to change it. It should be more satisfactory now, except for maybe PS and TD just slipping away but I think that's funny so I'll keep it in there.

Aside from the giant retcon I'm making by reposting this, there's another small detail I've retroactively changed: AR's weapon isn't a police badge/billy club, it's now a pair of handcuffs/billy club. I didn't like the police badge all that much anyway but I couldn't think of anything better. But now I have so time to change that up.

For how often AR's dirty cop shows up I should probably come up with a name for him at some point. I mean, the fic's almost over. It's high past time, right?

Okay, I'll get back to writing new shit now instead of rehashing stuff I've already done.

[battlerek]

Pathetic Coward

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My name is Pathetic Coward, and I am going to die.

I remember the day when I first stepped out of my birthing vat. Getting the amniotic fluid that fed my growth during the time of my conception out of my joints turned out to be really, really, though. Ten other people who looked just like me stepped out of birthing vats, just like I did. They were my brothers and sisters, I would soon learn. A smiling lady in colorful robes went into the room and dried us up. She even gave us colorful clothes, and hats. I liked the hats.

I remember the smiling lady in her pretty robes. After I was born she lead me and my siblings into this big golden box. I saw a lot of people in the big golden box, but I stayed with my brothers and sisters. The golden box began to rumble, and before I knew it, we were flying away from the asteroid where we were birthed. The smiling lady spoke to us again and told us all how we were all going to fight for Prospit and die for Prospit. I remember seeing a guy asking the smiling lady if we were going to beat whoever we were fighting, and she got very very sad, then very very angry.

I remember when I first got my name. I was training inside the big golden box, just like everyone else did. Some of my sisters and brothers learned how to aim and fire their guns. Some of them became pretty good at thrusting and stabbing with the spear and sword. I was never good at either, so the smiling lady who gave me my clothes was angry at me. I didn't like it when the smiling lady was angry, so I hid myself. Days would pass before anyone could spot me, and for that they called me Pathetic Coward. I wasn't mad, or ashamed though. That was better than what they called the latrine guy.

I remember the first day I killed a Dersite. It was a bad day, on the battlefield when it happened. A Dersite raiding force broke through our lines and attacked our camp. Up until that day I never saw a Dersite, but the stories always describe them as just like us, except they were a different color, and they were going to win the war. I never liked those books. When I first saw he looked just like me, except he carried an axe. I saw him chop my brother's arm off with that axe. Then he chopped his head off. I remember trembling, then crying. I hid behind a rock, and when the one who killed my brother passed by it I jumped him from behind and with my knife I stabbed and stabbed and stabbed and stabbed until I couldn't feel my hands any more. I lost another brother that day, and a sister, but I killed a few more Dersites before the fight ended. I remember wondering if the Dersites I killed were brothers and sisters too, but I remember my brother dying first. So I killed more Dersites, even if they had a brother or a sister just like me. The books I don't like said we were going to lose anyway, so I wanted to kill as many Dersites as I could, because that is what my dead brothers and sister would like. And there was nothing else I could do.

I remember the day I met the Hero. We were regrouping after a horrible battle when he came to us, surrounded by soldiers of Derse and Prospit alike. He spoke to us of how much he was tired of the war and the killing, and for the first time since I saw my brother die I felt something different. Everyone in my battle-group joined the Hero, and I remember everyone cheering when he vowed to kill the Black King. I don't remember the part about the pumpkins, because there are no such things. I didn't kill many Dersites any more after that day, and I met a lot of Dersites who would become my friends. I remember wondering if I had killed the brothers and sisters of my Dersite friends sometime in the past, and I remember wondering if they thought about that too. But that didn't matter anymore, because the Hero is going to slay the Black King and end the war. Then no one would have to kill my brothers and sisters anymore, and I don't have to kill anyone's brothers and sisters anymore too.

I remember the day we marched towards the Black King's ranks. There were so many of us by then, and I knew we were going to win. The Black King was huge, but that meant he had huge guts. I remember us singing about how we were going to rip and tear through the Black King, then elect the Hero as grand super-mayor of Derse.

I remember the day the Slayer descended. He killed. He killed the Black King, he killed his Bishop elite guard, he even killed all the battleships in the sky. I remembering seeing all my brothers and sisters cut down as they tried to fight the Slayer. I wanted to grab my sword and fight the Slayer, but I all I remember was fear. I only survived because I hid under the corpses of my brothers and sisters while the Slayer ripped red miles through the battlefield. I remember the Slayer standing before our 'Hero'. He spared the Hero, and right after I saw Prospit burn in the sky.

I remember running away from the battlefield, not even looking back to see my brothers and sisters, because I knew they were all dead and only I was left. I remembering finding a castle far from the massacre, and inside the castle were those who survived the Slayer's onslaught. It was a beautiful castle, and it reminded me of the asteroid where I was born, only shinier. We thought we were safe, but we were wrong. The Slayer returned, and he was a cruel god of death borne aloft on wings of emerald lightning who slew everything in his path.

I only survive now, because I am a Pathetic Coward. I hid, just as I always did, this time behind a pillar at the very end of the library. I will die soon, this I know. It will not be long until he finds me, and when he does he shall kill me like everyone else. Before that happens I remember my brothers and sisters, and the brothers and sisters of those we have killed. We fought futile wars and died worthless deaths, just like in those stories I don't like. I only hope that the Slayer would be defeated one day, but I don't remember any stories where that happened.

A/N

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I wrote this partly because I'm having trouble thinking of what should happen next in Another Crew, partly because I've been reading Warhammer 40k books, and admittedly partly because of Lucid Seraph's request. It's not exactly what he asked(no humor), but I figured giving character expansion to Prospitian Soldier Hiding Behind Stone Pillar would be something that'd be acceptable.

[Rimbaum]

Battlerek, that is both beautiful and sad.

[Blaperile]

That is beautiful.

Karkaddin

Chapter 2: Cave of Wonders

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On a dark night in the desert, 2 trolls were waiting on a hill. The first troll had her arms crossed and looked impatiently. Her name was Vriska.

Next to her was a troll who stood next to her, looking somewhat uncertain.

"Uhhh, it seems he's late." Tavros said in a somewhat uncertain tone, "I wonder where he is..."

"Hush Tavros!" Vriska said looking angrily at him, "He'll come soon. Don't be impatient."

"Uhhh, okay Vriska." Tavros responded.

Just then, they saw a troll was nearing them on a horse.

"Ah, he has finally arrived." Vriska said, sighing but angry at the same time.

The troll arrived and stepped of his horse, grunting at the sight of the boy and girl in front of him.

"You're late! Where were you?!" Vriska shouted, grabbing the troll by his shirt.

The troll grunted some more and wriggled himself out of Vriska's shirt.

"I'm sorry, oh patient one." the troll apologized, but he looked angrily at them.

"Where is it?!" Vriska yelled.

The troll took something out of his sylladex. It was a bronze frog head.

Vriska held her hand out to receive it, but the male troll put his hand behind his back.

"First I want the treasure." he smirked.

For once Vriska seemed to stay quite calm.

"No, you give it to me right now." Vriska said while putting her hands to her head and watching the troll right in the eyes.

All of a sudden, the troll had a blank look.

"Yes madam..." he responded and gave the frog head to Vriska.

"Good." Vriska said before laughing, "You'll get what you deserve soon enough! Hahahahahahahaha!"

She took out a bronze frog body and put the 2 pieces on each other. They fit perfectly. Immediately, a very bright light came from the bronze frog and it jumped away at an immense speed.

"TAVROS!" Vriska yelled, "Use your rocket boots and fly after me! Also, take that pathetic troll with you."

"Y-yes Vriska." Tavros said before taking out rocket shoes, Vriska doing the same and putting them on quickly.

"Don't let the frog get away!" Vriska shouted before blasting off into the sky.

"W-wait for me, Vriska!" Tavros said.

He put on his boots and grabbed the still hypnotized troll before blasting off into the sky as well.

The troll flew for a few minutes until the frog stopped in front of a huge pile of sand. The bronze frog split into its 2 parts again and each part flew to a different side of the pile. Then, they went on top of the pile and looked like some kind of eyes.

Just then, the 3 trolls arrived. Vriska landed perfectly a few meters from the sand pile while Tavros and the other troll got out of control and landed face first into the sand just behind Vriska. They got up just in time to see that an enormous frog head emerged from the pile of sand. It had its mouth open and some light came from it.

"At last!" Vriska exclaimed in excitement, pumping up her fist into the air, "After all these sweeps of searching, I've finally found the Cave of Wonders! Hahahahahahahaha!"

"That certainly took some time." Tavros sighed.

"Sweet jegus..." the 3rth troll said, now out of his trance with shocked eyes.

Vriska suddenly seemed to remember that that troll was there and grabbed him by the shirt once more.

"Hey, watch out! That's my good shirt!" he groaned.

"Remember, punk." Vriska said, spitting into the trolls face at the last word, "Go inside and bring me the horn. All the rest is yours."

"Y-yes madam." the 'punk' grunted as Vriska let him go.

He turned around to the cave and prepared to go inside, first peeking in through the mouth. What was once the tongue, suddenly turned into stairs. It seemed to go very deep, like it would go on forever. It would keep happening, if you will.

Just when the punk was about set his first step into the cave, the frog let out a vast croak, launching him back into the sand.

"Who dares to disturb my slumber?!" the frog croaked angrily, even scaring Tavros to hide behind Vriska.

The troll got up and didn't look sure anymore.

"I-it is I, Nazeel." the troll introduced himself and bowed, "Oh almighty..."

"There is only one worthy to enter this cave, the diamond in the rough." the frog responded.

Nazeel's eyes widened and he quickly ran back.

"Okay, that's it! I'm out of here!" Nazeel exclaimed as he passed Vriska.

"COME BACK HERE!" Vriska yelled, putting her hands to her head again to get the troll back to her.

She grabbed Nazeel by the shirt once more.

"Get in there, now!" Vriska shouted.

"Yes madam." the troll responded blankly before he returned to normal and didn't dare to respond any more.

The troll went back to the entrance of the cave, still doubtful. He put his feet on the first few steps and nothing happened, so he thought he was safe and sighed in relief.

But, he was happy too soon because the frog head croaked loudly once more and shut its mouth. The troll screamed and tried to get out, but was too late. The frog head became a pile in the sand once more and the 2 bronze frog pieces came rolling out to Vriska.

"Seek out the diamond in the rough..." were the frog's last words.

Tavros bursted out of some sand he was in and coughed.

"Poor troll, having to sacrifice himself..." Tavros said.

"Hmph, he was weak Tavros." Vriska said flatly as she picked up the bronze frog pieces, "And he was not worth it either."

"Uhhhh, so what are we going to do now then?" Tavros asked.

"There's only one thing we can do, stupid." Vriska said, knocking on his head a bit playfully, "We'll have to search for this one...this diamond in the rough."

A/N:

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I changed my mind on using grown up trolls as I first was intending to. The only grown up troll in this story will be the empress. All the rest will be kids. So yeah, Vriska and Tavros were kids here as well.

I hope you like who I picked as Jafar and Iago. Tavros is of course a totally different type of character than Iago, and this will be clear a lot of times. Also, just so you know it if you didn't realize, Tavros is not invalid in this story.

And as for why I picked them, I thought Vriska fits perfectly with her being villainous (until kind of changing now after SGRUB) and manipulating people (so she doesn't need a scepter). I also thought Tavros fits perfectly to have a lot of interaction with her and supporting her and stuff.

Previous chapters:

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Chapter 1: Alternian Nights.

[draconicAlgorithm]

Okay so, I know I shouldn't be starting new things. I should be working on Wizardstuck and Thicker Than Blood and stuff. BUT. I've actually been working on this off and on for a few months now, and it's finally at a place where I feel like I can post it, even though it's technically only half finished but it just ended up being so long.

ANYWAY. So this is a crossover with Left 4 Dead, though it's pretty loose because I've never actually played the game, only watched other people. And it's basically an excuse to write about trolls killing zombies. Also it was inspired by this picture.

So uh, here's the first half of the first part of a five part fanfic about HS characters killing zombies.

Zombiestuck: KKEG 1

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Aaaand, it's on deviantArt because zombies = gore and I don't want to post it on AO3 until it's actually finished.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@battlerek: Very nice! Though the transition to the pillar could have been a bit smoother. It had too much of the "it was THIS minor character, all along!" reveal to it when it really didn't need to. But it's just a minor scuff.

@draconicAlgorithm: Aw, geez. I wonder if this will be the thing to make me get a DA account. There was always something a bit skeevy about wanting to get an account for absolutely no reason but to get through a mature content filter (nothing against those that have, though - I've done it myself, I just delay), but zombies? I could get an account for zombies.

[SilverKunama]

I was bored. I found the prompt generator. I clicked it, and I got...
Rose Lalonde / Nepeta Leijon

Chocolate.

This was too good to pass up. Have a silly, poorly written oneshot.

Chocolate

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Rose stared impassively down at the little troll girl clinging to her shirt. Nepeta stared back, eyes widened and eager. Slowly, she reached up a hand to bat at the packet the taller girl held. "Would you perchance like to try some chocolate, Nepeta?"

The troll nodded eagerly in response, and held out her hand, "What's chocolate?" she asked, her eyes filled with innocence and wonder. Rose smirked lightly, because after all, it's not every day you have the chance to completely alter somebody's life. A small, brown block fell into the waiting grey hands. Nepeta sniffed it curiously. Tentatively, she stuck out her tongue, and gave the block a lick.

It seemed to Rose that the girl barely chewed the block before swallowing it, her hands shooting out as she cried out eagerly, "I can has more? Purrlease Rose, moremoremoremore?"

The whole performance amused Rose, so she placated the eager catgirl by giving her the rest of the chocolate block. She could always alchemize some more. Nepeta snatched it away, squealing with delight. She scampered away down the tunnels of the lab. Rose watched her blue tail disappear into the darkness. Shrugging to herself, she wandered back to the more inhabited areas. Perhaps Kanaya would be available for discussion.

Indeed she was, and Rose spent a pleasing hour ensconced in a warm, eloquently worded discussion before she registered a sound. It was high pitched, constant, and getting progressively louder. The others began to look around for the noise. Suddenly, there was a bang. Nepeta burst through the doors, squealing at the top of her lungs.

"Chocolate is the best thing EFUR!"

The assembled 15 teenagers proceeded to make history, with an amazing X30 facepalm combo. Rose was sure it would have made the history books, had they had any history books left.

[draconicAlgorithm]

@ SkaianRedeemer: I know what you mean. Zombies are important. But once I get the whole thing finished, I will be posting it on AO3. (Hopefully that will be relatively soon.)

[newbonomicon]

SilverKunama: By having Nepeta say "can has", it is obvious that you are invoking a lolcat. However, that means it should be "I can has more?", not "Can has more?". Just saying.

[Decker]

Yeah Silver, your wrong grammar is wrong.
...wait.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Ceiling newbonomicon iz watchin ur gramer misteaks!

[Hazel]

I put this on AO3 first, for some reason. It was originally written for the anonymous prompt meme, like ~80% of my fanfic. Someone is very concerned about there not being enough surviving trolls for everyone to fill their quadrants.

Therapy

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TT: Hmm.
TT: How does that make you feel?
AG: Frustr8ed, I guess?
AG: I mean, I th8 I had my whole life ahead of me.
AG: And now, suddenly, I'm running out of options.
TT: So you said.
AG: I mean, is this really the 8est I can do?
TT: I see.
AG: No offense to anyone, I'm s8re they're all detesta8le of pitiful in their own right.
TT: Do you think about this often?
AG: Ye8h, sure!
AG: I me8n
TT: Go on.
AG: Troll serend8pity
AG: F8lling quadr8nts
AG: It's import8nt stuff!
AG: It's not tr8vial!
TT: Of course.
TT: No one is doubting the cultural significance of troll serendipity, Vriska.
AG: I worry a8out the others, too!
AG: See, it's n8t 8ll a8out me.
TT: No one was suggesting it was, Vriska.
AG: I'm very concerned for them!
AG: Wh8 if none of 8s fill o8r quadr8nts?
AG: ::::?
TT: This is a distressing thought for you.
AG: S8re it is!
AG: Wouldn't y8u 8e distressed if you thought none of your l8ttle fri8nds wo8ld ever fall in loooooooove?
AG: I 8et you would 8e!
TT: There's no need to take that tone with me, Vriska.
TT: I thought we were past this trust problem.
TT: Vriska?
TT: Are you hearing me?
AG: Y8ah.
TT: Is there anything you want to say?
AG: I'm s8rry.
AG: I didn't mean to dou8t you.
AG: Of course I trust you.
TT: That's good.
TT: I was beginning to get worried.
TT: I thought we made more progress than this.
AG: I know, I knoooooooow.
AG: I w8n't disapp8int you.
TT: I want to make sure we're not backsliding, Vriska.
AG: We're n8t.
AG: I am very emotional a8out this.
TT: Good. Keep going.
AG: I feel as though no one takes my concerns seriously.
AG: Even Karkat doesn't care a8out this as much as I thought he would.
TT: This worries you?
AG: It's not l8ke him!
AG: He used to 8e all a8out the moirallegiance this and kismesissitude th8t.
AG: Suddenly all he gives a d8mn a8out are his 8ros.
TT: Why do you think this concerns you so much?
AG: I always said he's make a 8etter human than a troll!
TT: Do you think that's what he's doing? Trying to be human?
AG: May8e!!!!!!!!
TT: Because he hasn't filled his quadrants?
AG: 8ecause he's not even tryyyyyyyying!
AG: It's like he stopped caring!
TT: Caring about what?
AG: Troll ways.
AG: Alternia.
AG: Everyone we lost.
TT: Everyone you lost? You mean the dead members of your party.
TT: Vriska?
AG: I me8n the pe8ple who g8t m8rdered.
AG: The people I murdered.
TT: You didn't murder all of them, though.
AG: N8.
AG: 8ut all the 8thers are dead.
TT: The others?
AG: Gamzee and Eridan.
AG: The other murderers.
AG: If they were alive, he'd never let them get away with it.
TT: Go on.
AG: If Eridan or Gamzee were alive, Karkat and Terezi would put them on trial, and they would pro8a8ly get executed.
AG: Why aren't they doing that to me?
TT: Do you want to get executed?
AG: N8!!!!!!!!
AG: We've 8een over this!
TT: Why do you want them to try you, then?
AG: 8ecause at least then I'd know that they care.
TT: Vriska?
TT: Are you there?
TT: Vriska, you're worrying me.
TT: Please answer.
TT: Remember our deal.
TT: Vriska, if you don't answer within thirty seconds I'm calling John to knock down your door.
AG: I know what you're thinking.
TT: I highly doubt that.
AG: You were a8out to suggest that I'm in h8 with Karkat, or Terezi, or 8oth of them.
TT: Not at all.
AG: Really?
TT: You still haven't grasped how humans think.
TT: That's quite all right.
TT: None of us expected this to be easy.
AG: Right........
TT: We're almost out of time.
TT: Vriska, can you answer me one more question?
AG: I gu8ss.
TT: Are you sure that hate is what you want Karkat and Terezi to feel for you?
AG: I don't think I grasp your meaning.
TT: You mentioned Karkat spending time with his 'bros'.
TT: Perhaps you want him to be your 'bro' too, now that he's friendly with almost all of the others.
TT: Think about it.
AG: I'm thinking.
TT: We'll speak about it next time.
TT: Tuesday at nine.
AG: I remem8er.
AG: Roooooooose?
TT: Yes, Vriska?
AG: Wo8ld you 8e my 8ro?
TT: That would be highly unethical.
AG: 8h.
AG: Okay.
TT: Will I see you on Tuesday?
AG: Yeah I g8ess.
TT: Don't be late.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] at 10:00 --

A/N: My new computer renders Rose's text in a weird bright pink instead of the lavender I was used to.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Rose: Be staunch and professional.

Your attempt was a complete success!