MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[Funambulism]

Oh, I hope I'm doing this right. First time writing a fan fiction in two years, and this was a request to crossover the song (Duke of Venomania's Madness) and Homestuck to get Eripimp.
Edited from my original to keep it as SFW as possible, so removed a couple chunks.
If I've missed something that should really not be there, please tell me because I'm sure I missed editing something to remove as much sexual mention as I could. This was a song about Lust, so I tried to keep in line with the song, but to keep it SFW for here.

Duke of Alternia's Madness

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Plump black lips pressed against a smiling pair of parted male lips, the tongue prodding the cavern behind those plump lips. Two grey tongues battle for dominance, yet with a bite of those delicious plump lips leaving the female pulling away, the male moves to a kneeling position before rising from the sheets he had rested beneath. Littered across the floor were a simple black dress and a loose piece of teal fabric which tied around the waist and around the eyes, hiding the blind red orbs beneath, usually. A grey tongue slipped from between the plump black lips of the Libra troll as a hand painted with teal nail polish reached upwards, licking something from the fingers with a small giggle which built into a quiet cackle. The taste was delicious to her refined tastebuds. Yet her time was up, and the sea dweller of a duke left the room, adjusting his black hair coloured with a single magenta streak back into a neat style. The clothing was of a very ‘hipster’ style for those medieval times, yet it still held a high and regal look to it. The Duke of Alternia must always look his best, even if all those who surrounded him, the women, adored him no matter how he looked.

The sea dweller entered his main room that contained what he would call his ‘throne’, along with detailed piece of artwork depicting him as he was now. It always brought back…unwanted memories. They were from days when his so-called ‘friends’ insulted him for the issue of being unable to pronounce ‘v’, and any ‘w’ sound extremely waterlogged, even if they were rust bloods. A demon who claimed himself to be the sin of lust, Asmodeus, granted this underappreciated sea dweller the power to enchant any women he pleased to fill pails with for the price of giving up his old life. The duke, Eridan, found this to be a very one-sided deal and had no choice but to agree while hiding all signs of glee. All his old pictures were burned, and the wealthy magenta-blooded troll lived in solitude, holding parties only every quarter of a sweep. No one questioned his idea of inviting those of all over the hemospectrum, but he did insist a woman accompany every man. No one questioned why woman would leave their loved ones or would disappear suddenly in the night to never be seen again almost a week after these parties.

“My dear, Nep. If only you hadn’t been so against our redrom in the first place, I wouldn’t have had to do this.” Eridan spoke in his strange ‘accent’ of a voice, having seated himself on the plush throne seat, relaxing in memories of days gone by, parties where he ensnared the hearts of beautiful woman with a simple passionate kiss filled with lust, and his best friend falling to his enchanting words after a kiss filled with longing and passion no troll should have, leaving the green blood much like putty to his bidding. She had taken the liberty of kneeling herself by his knees on his right side, purring much like a cat would as she bathed in the smell of lust which he radiated. With a small feminine cackle, the teal blood took her place on his left after returning, fully-clothed. And moments later, as expected, a jade green blood and red blood walked over to him to take their places at the back of the throne, smiling seductively as each examined a horn, testing sensitivity and knowing just how to give their master of sorts a good time. Even after that tiring Libra licking away as he allowed, even he couldn’t stop them just now. All those sweeps of no attention had taken their toll, and any touch was nearly begged for, if not for his control over these lovely women developed with lovely mature bodies of trolls nearing the final stages of bodily changes.

He could feel tiredness approaching for one of its rare visits. He had his women surrounding him, staring almost lustfully at him, and never had he felt safer. Lids grew heavy before pulling his vision into darkness, a feeling of being weightless overcoming him next before he slipped right into a dream upon Derse. All the while, shocks travelled up his spine as he somehow knew his girls were leaving him pleased, inside and outside his dreams. He only awoke at the sound of the bell ringing through the halls in a haunted echo, making a few glubbing noises of surprise as he directed the Scorpio of azure blood towards the long hall which led to the large double doors. He heard the voice of his girl before a voice he classified as a deep woman’s voice in his half-asleep state rung out in an echo, speech and use of words like ‘toilet’ as an excuse allowing the duke to understand this was someone of blue blood status or higher. The duke of magenta blood called to the one he used to call Vri to allow the one of high blood status to enter. And what a looker she was through his ‘hipster’ glasses, allowing him to see. She wore a blue dress to match what must have been her blood colour, assuming from the visible cheeks painted in a blue blush. No flesh showed as she covered up, long and straight black hair framing her mature face while what must have been a masquerade mask hid those lovely eyes from sight.

Eridan could do nothing but stand up and approach the woman, taking her thickly gloved hand in his own and placing a soft kiss, putting on his underused charm as he pulled her close. So close their noses were almost touching and Eridan could see she seemed to be sweating just slightly, muttering about how lewd this must seem in a voice Eridan noticed, but could not put his finger on. Her grip was like air as fear and embarrassment riddled her face as they grew closer, closer, and then it was sealed with a kiss…or was it. The duke’s black lips have stopped millimetres from her face as his hand not holding her waist had slithered beneath the folds of dress. There he had found something a female troll’s anatomy should not have. Eridan believed he was imagining such a thought, or he was still deep in some strange out-of-Derse dream, yet there it was after pinching himself and staring at the ex-female troll in front of him with a confused look which contorted to anger soon after. Yet there was no time to think as a sudden shooting pain pierced his collapsing and expanding bladder based aquatic vascular system and he staggered back. A hand reached to the source of the pain and found a deep gash flowing with glowing magenta blood was showing through the torn clothing, bones around the area crushed and organs within losing too much blood to be normal.

He glanced up with eyes slowly losing their light at the troll who once wore a dress. In their place was a muscular blue-blooded male wearing a tight shirt, showing all those muscles beneath, and shorts reaching his knees which were hidden by knee-length socks and a sturdy pair of work shoes, hidden previously by the long dress. In his hand was a dagger with a crushed handle, dripping magenta blood onto the floor, and at that point the Duke of Alternia fell to the floor, the blood loss being too much before the happy yells of girls resounded and pounded through his ears. He knew that if he was dying, the spell would break and they would all escape, but he didn’t want to die like this, he still had one thing to tell the green blood running past, into the arms of the blue blood. He reached out for her with the hand not instinctively trying to hold the magenta blood in his body. He was just hissed at as they ran out of the building, two matesprits hand in hand. He had to hope she’d hear him, just this one last time. Just one…last…time.

“W-wait…I-I didn’t tell you…I-I love you…” Things went dark afterwards, yet even if he could be revived due to his dream self, the castle was burned to the ground the next day by each woman he ensnared, to keep him from lust’s overpowering desires repeating this time line.

[Katrika]

Paradox Mirror

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“More wine, Mr. Businessman? Thank you, that would be wonderful, Ms. Scientist.”

The little girl chattered away as she carefully poured the red grape juice for the two dolls. As birthday presents went, they weren’t that great, but she felt obligated to play with them at least once. Otherwise Mother would have won this round. As such, she’d settled for playing Boring Grownups On A Date.

“How is your science going? Quite well, thank you. How is your business?”

The pipe fell out of Mr. Businessman’s mouth again, and she sighed and bent to look for it. Under the bed, a dark shape flicked at the small plastic pipe, sending it back to her.

“Oh no, my dear, I appear to have dropped my pipe. I cannot eat without my pipe! I agree, bunchkins, that would be ridiculous. A businessman must always have his pipe.”

This issues settled, the little girl jammed the pipe back into the male doll’s mouth, then paused to brush her blond hair out of her startlingly violet eyes. What should she do next? She could have monsters attack, but that would hardly be Boring. As it was, though, this game was boring! She wanted it to be Boring For Them without being boring for her, and boy was it a tough balance.

“I must say, my darling, my love, I adore that pink scarf on you. Thank you, light of my eyes, I got it at this scrumptious sale at the curtain store.”

With a knowing smile, the girl glanced at her horrible pink curtains, where a long strip was missing. Served Mother right. She’d TOLD her she wanted purple, but nooooo…Mother ‘accidently’ ordered PINK and spent the whole day apologizing, like she’d fall for something like that.

“You know, my heart, I remember the first time I set eyes on you. As do I, my handsome buck. It was right outside your…”

The girl paused. It was time to add some depth to these characters, make them really pop. What was something a businessman wouldn’t be involved in, normally?

“Ah, now I remember. It was right outside your Joke Shop, wasn’t it? Shame about the…lightning strike. Your poor mother.”

Lightning strike? That felt a little flat to her. There was a humming on the edges of her hearing, a feeling of importance to the next words she said. She licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry.

“Lightning strike? Dear heart, it wasn’t a lightning strike. How could you forget? It was a meteor.”
The buzzing, uncomfortable sensation faded, and the little girl slowly became aware of another sound. She turned slowly, coming face to face with Mother in the doorway. Mother’s eyes were wide and her hands were shaking, causing the martini in her hand to quiver in quite an interesting way. Rose suddenly felt almost…ashamed.

“Mother? Did I do something to displease you?”

There was no reply. Rose bunched her fists and stood up, suddenly angry. How dare Mother look at her that way! She was just playing with her gifts! She ought to be grateful, but instead she was just drunk.

“Mother, you-“

“Lunch is ready, Rose.”

Rose blinked in surprise. That wasn’t what she’d expected at all.

“I’m busy, Mother.”

“Rose. Lunch is ready.”

Mother grabbed her hand almost fearfully and started to tug her out of the room, glancing at the dolls as she did so. A dark shape crept out from under the bed, eyes fixated on the fluttering of the makeshift pink scarf in the fan.

“Mother, you’re hurting me! Let go, I can walk on my own!”

In response, the strong grip only tightened, Mother frozen in the doorway.

“Mother?”

The dark shape crouched down, readying it’s pounce.

“Mother, you’re crushing my fingers!”

The crouch deepened.

“Mother, I feel you are not listening to-“

Jasper pounced, knocking down the dolls and the doll table, and swirls of red splattered all over the clean floor. Mother gasped, dropping her martini and releasing Rose, who merely scowled in response.

“Mother, you’re DRUNK.”

With a small tsk, the little girl pushed past the grown woman, who seemed transfixed at the sight of the cat lapping up red grape juice.

Every event in Paradox Space has its mirror.

[kitKatsuun]

This is for other peoples. CROSSOVERS:

The Lives, Times, Dreams, and Wishes of Witches

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Time was running out. It seemed like it had been an eternity since she had actually had time to do anything other than scramble around in her seemingly pointless rebellion against what was, to her, everything in existence striving to destroy her as meticulously as was possible- bit by bit, grain by grain. Her land was as on edge as she was, in a near constant state of literally exploding and kicking up massive dust storms like the one that was ravaging around her right now. Homura Akemi gritted her teeth and pulled a ragged shawl around the majority of her face, to protect her face from the wind.

Her destination loomed as a large shadow present through the walls of sand howling their way around her. It was a ludicrously large building in the shape of a giant amphitheater, where she had killed her Denizen a while ago. The hallowed building now stood empty and exposed to the elements, it's roof blown off by Homura's epic yet now highly irrelevant duel. It was here, hidden in a relatively safe place, or so she assumed, where the Thief of Time had stored away her various assets.

Time. It was a curious thing, easy yet simultaneously impossibly tricky to manipulate. The concept of determinism was one that Homura refused to believe in in spite of the overwhelming evidence pointing to it's existence in the game as a hard rule. If that was the case, Homura was playing to break the rules. But then, what did that make Kyubey? She wondered that, sometimes. Then again, the game seemed to curiously egg her on to be as defiant as she was. After all, it seemed insistent on giving her a title that allowed her to blatantly cheat. Taking- or thieving- things from other timelines without dooming them was quite the potent ability.

Homura made her way out of the raging sand storm, into a tunnel of a hallway that led from the amphitheater's exterior directly to the stage in the center. Once crawling with various guardians and minions of the Denizen, now eerily empty for their size. It was like stepping into the mouth of some great beast. Homura's footsteps echoed as she walked very deliberately into the heart of the edifice. When she emerged, it was an awesome sight that greeted her.

Weapons, weapons as far as the eye could see, stacked neatly on stone benches and even categorized with whatever free time Homura could manage- which was very little, so the weapons were mostly in very large yet strangely conical piles scattered around the full length of the formidably large amphitheater- it was the equivalent of a stadium from Earth. Guns, explosives, bazookas, artillery, more than enough weapons to takeover any third world dictatorship of her choice. Alchemized or not- it really didn't matter in the long run. For once, quantity was really the important part here. Besides, Homura's server player was somewhat unreliable when it came to this sort of thing.

Homura knew that the time had come for these weapons to start being used in earnest. She picked up an RPG launcher, coldly considered it. This could have been from any one of the at least four doomed timelines she had already been through- or possibly the countless more which she hadn't even existed in beyond the time it took to rob some armory clean. It didn't matter. She captchalogued the RPG launcher in her Hammerspace Modus, did the same for the nearest two piles of weapons of dubious quality. Homura figured that was enough weapons for what she needed to do, and began to make her way up the steps of the amphitheater to it's highest levels.

Then a 'chum' pestered her.

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-- quintissentialBigot [QB] began pestering wearyNonpareil [WN] at 4:20 --

QB: ／人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕ 人＼
QB: homura
QB: i need to speak with you
WN: What Is It, Weasel? |)(|an This Wait?
QB: i know what you're trying to do homura
QB: i do not approve
WN: Approve Or Not, The Reason I Must Exe|)(|ute This Plan Is Essentially A Direct Result Of Your A|)(|tions.
WN: Thus, Kyubey, I Am Sure You |)(|an Wait.
QB: come now
QB: what i'm telling you is important
WN: Be That As It May...
WN: The Fa|)(|t is, I Shouldn't Even Be Talking To You.
QB: you still put me at fault
WN: For Everything, Yes.
WN: After All, You Were The One Who En|)(|ourages Us To Play SWISH In Every Single Timeline I Have Witnessed So Far.
WN: I Do Not Know What You Are Up To.
WN: But It Is Not To Our Best Interests.
WN: As A Result, I Must |)(|onsider You An Enemy.
QB: that doesn't matter
QB: you are already here, so you may as well do what i need you to do
WN: You Don't Seem To Understand How Humans Work.
QB: indeed
WN: We Generally Don't Like Being For|)(|ed Into Situations And Will Rebel If We Are Not Given |)(|hoi|)(|e.
QB: you were given choice
WN: I Beg To Differ.
WN: You Gave Us No Information That Would Have Dissuaded Us From Playing.
QB: because you never asked
WN: That Is Not How It Works.
QB: i'm afraid i don't follow
QB: in any case, you are the only one who dissents
QB: the others seem fine
WN: That Is Be|)(|ause There Has Yet To Be A Reason For Them To Dissent.
WN: But I Know That Soon Enough Ex|)(|retement Will Strike The Ventilator.
QB: you presume that
WN: No, I Am Positive.
QB: this is suspect
QB: regardless
QB: it is irrelevant to the topic i have yet to elaborate on
WN: I Will Hear You Out.
QB: i know that you have been hiding a significant cache of weapons
QB: presumably from me
WN: Have You Been Stalking Me?
QB: you being a thief of time and a self proclaimed enemy of me
QB: i have been keeping careful watch on you
QB: but i am just going to give you this piece of advice
WN: Which Would Be What, Now?
QB: what you are about to do will fail
QB: this is the purpose of a witch
QB: it is inevitable
WN: I Refuse To A|)(||)(|ept This.
QB: i doubt this is for the witch of heart's sake
QB: what motivates you to try and do the impossible
QB: homura akemi
WN: Who Knows?
WN: You Don't, That's For Sure.
WN: And You Never Will.
QB: ／人 ◕ ‿‿ ◕ 人＼

-- wearyNonpareil [WN] ceased pestering quintissentialBigot [QB] at 4:27 --

You are HOMURA AKEMI. You are standing on the precipice of the MEPHISTO AMPHITHEATER, directly above the gate leading to THE LAND OF VIOLINS ECHOING. It is a long fall, but that means nothing to you. Because you have a job to do.

Homura nonchalantly walked off the precipice.

-----

Jade woke up, laughing happily, when Bec started licking her hand. She was used to her faithful companion waking her up in the all too common instance that she fell asleep in the middle of whatever she happened to be doing at the time, in this case, in the midst of preparing Bec his favorite irradiated t-bone steak, which explained his urgency in waking her up. Still laughing, she finished setting her Refrigerator settings and the steak appeared, irradiated as Bec perpetually wanted it to be. The dog disappeared suddenly, as he tended to whenever fed, so Jade captchalogued her ludicrously convenient cooking utensils into her Modus, which she had set to Operation today for the heck of it. She had very steady hands, a result of being one of the most epic markswomen in the known world consisting of about four or so important people, so the Modus was a breeze for her to operate.

Jade was puzzling over what she could do now that she had fed Bec for the hour when she realized that today was the 30th of April. She didn't know why that was important, but the date stood out to her for some reason. Literally, her Candlendar was beaming the date right into her face from it's position on her dining room table that she never used. She consulted the many colored bands on her fingers that indicated things she needed to remember in some contrived manner, but they didn't tell her anything about today. Thrown off by this inconsistency, Jade shrugged off the odd thoughts and made her way into her main hall to find her teleportalizer.

She idly made her way downstairs and saw Bec prowling around the first of many levels of trophies that her feared grandfather had accumulated before she was even born. Literally entire floors of the unnecessarily massive tower that she lived in were filled to the brim with old and dead things, all the way down to the ground floor where her dead guardian himself spent his time. Jade suddenly felt chills coming on and quickly ascended the stairs once more.

She had the rare compulsion to walk up to her room instead of using the teleportalizer, so she did so, her strong legs taking the journey with ease as she made idle conversation with a friend.

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-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 3:59 --

GG: rose!
GG: how are you today?
TT: I am fair, thank you for expressing interest in my state of well being.
GG: good!
GG: so guess what i found today, huh? it's really awesome!
TT: Does it have anything to do with that ridiculous anime about magically inclined teenage girls and anthropomorphically ambiguous deceivers that John and Dave have been feuding over for the last week?
GG: no!
GG: and i don't get why you refuse to watch magoku meguca, rose.
GG: it's really not that bad.
TT: I find the system of magic expressed by the show to be outrageously offensive.
GG: but it's so grimdark!
GG: just up your alley, really.
TT: Yes, however I find the usage of the soul in magic to be distasteful.
TT: And unacceptably dubious.
GG: as if trying to summon elder gods or whatever it is makes any more sense? :|
TT: They are different scenarios.
TT: One is reliant on the self, which is possible to analyze thoroughly.
TT: The other entrenches itself in the inscrutable beyond where speculation is essentially necessary.
GG: that...
GG: actually makes sense.
GG: but how can you know for sure about your having a soul?
TT: Believe me.
TT: I have tried on many an occasion to determine the existence of my own soul through various methods of questionable worth.
TT: And not in one instance did I ever stumble upon some tangible object blaring it's own existence at myself.
TT: Or rather, itself.
GG: i think you're being too harsh.
TT: John himself has said it.
TT: The 'animes' are a very polarizing medium.
TT: I happen to dislike them more often than not.
GG: well whatever.
GG: we can talk about other things.
GG: like how i'm saving up money to come to america for summer!!!
TT: That is a genuinely thrilling subject.
TT: Have you decided where we will all congregate?
GG: dave's seems to be at a good central point for all of us to fly.
GG: i know that the three of you aren't made of money.
TT: I doubt that finances will be an issue in any case.
TT: My mother expresses unusually unironic interest in meeting John's family for whatever reason.
GG: heh!
GG: i bet i know why!
TT: And why is it, do you posit?
GG: not telling!
TT: I'm concerned with this roguishness you're expressing.
TT: Witchery is my job.

You are JADE HARLEY. You are standing looking out a window in your own room, having made your way up here in the time that you have been pestering ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS. You are making awesome and somewhat vague plans about a SUMMER MEET-UP, which you are sure will be the most insanely awesome weeks of your life, up until you inevitably meet-up again. Meanwhile, you are making somewhat secret and even more vague plans. You will show the three of them how awesome of a TROLL you can be. No, not that kind of TROLL. You hate that kind of TROLL. The other kind. You'll show them what real WITCHERY is all about.

fools cheer with simplicity
the philosophers wish to feel
a principal of history
in comfort true character flee
in turmoil masks to reveal
Irony you'll see

You are positive that these lines were sung in a very weirdly enunciated manner by ALANIS MORISSETTE.

I wanted to include Feferi as well but it's quite long already, I think.

[Shinji Shazaki]

I seem to be a busy bee in writing. I do enjoy this, no matter the sleep deprivation.

And thus, the third chapter of Frontierstuck.

Featuring my head canon on troll physicality, Dave being a complete jerkass mobster type, excessive alchemy, and inter-species cannibalism jokes.

Goodness me, I do enjoy this series.

Oh, oh, also! Katrika, that is an absolutely wonderful little piece. It's so perfectly befitting of Rose and her mother. Jaspers getting an appearance is just cake.

[Blaperile]

This is my fourth day of the challenge! I chose Dad and Mom's table scene, because it really hit me how happy they seemed. It was a beautiful moment. Until Jack ruined it. >:(

Homestuc 30 Day Challenge; 4th day: Favorite pages

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They were sitting at a table, high above the ground on the top of a castle. They were sharing a good glass of wine and enjoyed each other’s company. They had already met a long time ago, and it was love at first sight.

Recently, they had encountered each other once more and never parted since.

He loved the woman’s smile and her nice smell along with how she moved. She moved so elegantly, daring everyone to watch her beautiful legs. And her scarf, the wind made it look like it was waving at him.

She thought he looked so confident. She loved the smell of the smoke coming from his pipe. The thick muscles in his arms. He looked so perfect. He was beautifully dressed in white, with a bit of black. She loved those colours together.

He gave her some more wine, but accidentally spilt some on her. He was ashamed, he ruined his only chance he thought. But she didn’t mind, she didn’t even notice it.

They didn’t say a single word, just their movements were enough to say a thousand words. She put her hand on his hand and locked. They would never part, they would be together forever from now on.

Their children would be so happy when they would hear the news, they were sure that their children would fall in love with each other as well, they fit perfectly with each other.

Nobody would disturb this moment…

[Insomniac]

30stuck - A fanfic set in the Great Depression

Inspired in the "Drawing Dead" album -this piece in particular is about this song.

Beware: horrible Engrish

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"Gotta tell you one thing about big city nights: the sky is blue, purple the clouds, gray the walls; but man, we're painting the fucking rainbow on the floor tonight."

---

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen!"

Of course it smells like opium.

This place should have been burnt to ashes years ago, but the cops daren't touch the gangsters. Let alone now: no money, no bullets.

The Major just calls this a black spot.

Places where you don't even have the time to think your last words before you get your legs sliced, your lungs ironed; a good hole from side to side.

You don't even have time to wish you weren't invited anywhere.

"Thanks once again to Mr Makara and his wonderfu-"
"You. Yeah, man, shut up you jerk, take that microphone over here and get yourself a drink."

Oh man, don't even accept invitations there. You'd better get sent limbless to the hospital.

It's not a fucking party.

It's not for the new ones.

"Everyone gets motherfucking free booze! What about that, motherfuckers!"

Applause.

"'Cause I know people... I know you've just been put through all this can-can bullshit and all you were thinking here, you were all motherfucking waiting for the real thing.

I can, reeeead your motherfucking minds like a fucking open book."

Polite laughter.

"LET'S GO ON WITH THE SHOW."

There they were.

Like cattle in the slaughterhouse, our three newbies. A nervous smile in each face, a nervous look in their red eyes, yellow eyes, brown eyes.

"Tavros, will you do us the honor, of being the first to play with us?"
"Uhh, I guess..."
"Yeah man, that's what I wanted to hear."

Simple game.

"No worries fucker, we'll finish in a moment. Take seat."

Shuffle the cards like a pro, let the victim pick one. In the meanwhile, the rest bet on the card.

Hearts is money for the victim.
Diamonds for the shuffler.
Clubs for the gamblers.
Spades means everyone loses and the money goes to the bank, or the restaurant or the club or wherever you're playing.

Now, guess the number.

"Tavros."
"Hm?"
"Pick your motherfucking card, will you?"

If it's hearts and you're the victim, you're free to leave with the jackpot.
The gambler does the same, if it's clubs.
Shuffler, you either choose.

Between money or beating the sucker.

Victim: pray it isn't spades.

"Oh"

Over everything else, pray it isn't

"ACE OF SPADES MOTHERFUCKER"

because that means everyone wants to kick your intestines out.

"Er... What do I win?"
"You?"
"Oh great, the bitch don't know how to play."
"Listen motherfucker."

And I can't do anything.

"You owe us money"
"What?"
"Five grand"

I can only keep smoking here in a corner.

"But I don't..."
"I know man.

And make as if he wasn't looking at me.

Frightened.

"I know."

Pretend I don't know what they're going to make him and keep smiling and taking snacks and beer.

Just ignore that he's starting to understand all the shit that's going on here.

"Oh, you wouldn't..."
"Oh yeah motherfucker."

Not listen to those bitch screams he makes, grabbed by the thugs.

"Karkat! PLEASE, KARKAT!"
"Shut the motherfuck up. Guys..."
"PLEASE! I will pay, I-I promise!"
"You better will motherfucker, but we're gonna break your legs anyway."

And just keep my back turned.

"Karkat?"
"Hey, did you know that..."
"Did I know WHO."

Although in the dialogues, some mistakes are intentional, hey.

[kitKatsuun]

I must update daily. DAILY:

The Lives, Times, Dreams, and Wishes of Witches II

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Feferi considered the abyss in which her monstrosity of a lusus, Gl'bgolyb, with apprehension. It had been a while, the 12th bilunar perigee of the 6th dark season to be exact, when Feferi had last been able to feed her lusus. It was nearing the end of the 7th dim season now, and Gl'bgolyb was getting extremely antsy. Her whispers were becoming very distinct, very dangerously loud. There were already reports of fallen members of the lower castes from the surface, and Aradia, Tavros, and Sollux were both out of commission, too distracted by their pain to make contact with the others.

Feferi hadn't also heard from Eridan since she had been forced to crush his dreams of matespriteship that faithful day of dual lunar proximity, which was why she was short on food as she was. It was a strictly enforced rule that the Empress Apparent could not go out and fight or kill any other beings, even lusus. The advisers justified it on the grounds of preventing the formation of non preordained caliginous relationships, which Feferi supposed made sense since it was typically the caliginous relationship that would dictate the path of conquest that the Future Empress would take, one hundred percent of the time that conquest being inspired in some way by very black hate.

You do not care about any of that EXTREMELY COMPLEX RELATIONAL CRAP! You are FEFERI PEIXES, incumbent to the throne and you just want peace! And you also kind of want to prevent your LUSUS from unleashing a VAST GLUB and killing every troll in the universe! That would kind of be an important thing!

Feferi's iCod began glubbing to indicate that somebody was trolling her. Hoping as she always did nowadays- ironically enough- that it was Eridan, she swam over to where she had left the portable marvel of convenience on a seafloor rock and answered.

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arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CC: Wait, w)(at?
CC: W)(at do you want, Vriska?
AG: Feeeeeeeeferi, how do you do? :::: )
CC: U)(...
CC: Fine? 38 |
CC: W)(at do you want?
AG: Just wanted to give you some really good news, Feferi.
AG: Equius had his bots continue Aradia's excavations, and we've found something very interesting in the ruins!
AG: 8et you can't guess what it is! ;;;; )
CC: I'm sure it cant be somet)(ing good if it's got you excited.
AG: Oh give me a 8r8k.
AG: Really, have I even 8een acting like that lately?
CC: You've been quiet.
CC: Disturbingly quiet!
CC: Glub.
AG: At least I haven't explicitly done anything 8ad, right?
CC: You're not )(elping your case by 8eing murky like t)(is.
AG: :::: |
AG: Just hear me out.
CC: Sure.
AG: Apparently our ancestors had some 8ig tech on their hands.
CC: Wait, you've confirmed the existence of the ancestors?
CC: Wow!
CC: That's really neat! 38 )
CC: Glub.
AG: Well yeah, 8ut that's not the important part!
AG: We found a game too, or more accurately, the 8lueprints of one.
CC: A... game?
AG: Yeah, a game.
AG: It's called SWISH or something along those lines.
AG: I don't know for sure since Aradia was the expert translator of ancient languages and all.
CC: W)(y exactly is this important?
CC: I mean, it sounds cool, playing a game that our ancestors played, but )(ow is a game t)(is important?
AG: Let me tell you why. Because
CC: O)(!
AG: What is it, Fefe
CC: --ERIDAN CALL--ED!
AG: Uh, wow, I thought you two
CC: Sorry Vriska, I )(ave to tread for a bit!! 38 )
AG: ... 8roke up.
AG: I'll w8.

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caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CA: hey fef
CA: pick up already
CC: FINALLY!
CC: Glub glub!
CC: I've been worried sick!
CA: yeah i fuckin doubt that
CC: No, really! 38 (
CC: It's not like you to just vani)( like t)(at!
CA: wwell im sure you all had a swwell time mocking me wwhile i wwas gone
CA: wwallowwin in my owwn sorrows i might add
CC: 38 |
CC: Listen, --Eridan
CA: i dont wwant to hear it fef
CC: No, please.
CC: For me.
CA: you think that wwill wwork on me?
CC: --Eridan, w)(at I'm about to say is for your own benefit.
CC: So please.
CA: fine
CC: Okay.
CC: W)(ile I can understand )(ow upset you were made by my s)(ooting you down in multiple quadrants
CA: wwhich i am still upset from incidentally
CC: Let me finis)(, please.
CC: I understand, but at the same time, you really need to t)(ink about all the pressure you put on me.
CC: I was virtually filleted by all the troubles you )(ad that I couldn't fix because you refused to fix t)(em.
CA: i knoww that im a handful fef
CA: i dont blame you
CA: it just hurts is all
CC: Well I really do wis)( that it could )(ave turned out differently!
CC: Glub.
CC: But I guess we're just not on the same boat.
CC: You get w)(at I mean?
CA: wwell
CA: yes i do understand
CC: We can leave all that awkwardness be)(ind us?
CA: ill think about it
CC: Well try not to take too long!
CC: This may be a bit insensitive to drag up from the dept)(s but...
CC: GL'BGOLYB IS KIND OF V--ERY ANGRY NOW!!!
CC: Glub glub glub.
CA: oh shit i forgot all about that fuckin lusus
CA: i wwas sort of wwonderin wwhy peasant land dwwellers wwere wwashin up dead near my hive
CA: i had been thinkin that one of my plans had actually succeeded for once
CC: 38 (
CC: --Eridan, I still )(ate it when you talk about others like t)(at.
CC: sorry sorry
CC: and about the lusus
CA: dont wworry fef ill get right back on it
CC: YAY! 38 )
CC: Glub glub!
CA: glub glub back at you
CC: Wow!
CC: Glub.
CC: I'm very surprised and impressed by )(ow cool you've become, --Eridan!
CC: I guess t)(at time to yourself really )(elped? 38 )
CA: yeah i think it did
CA: i wwas really mad at first
CA: see wwhat happened wwas i so mad i actually got this insane idea to go ashore an start slaughtering all the land dwwellers myself
CC: 38 (
CC: W)(at )(appened t)(en?
CA: wwell i wwandered out into the wwilderness in my rage
CA: and i ran into that really wweird catgirl
CC: Nepeta?
CA: yeah
CA: one thing led to another an
CA: i think ill have to see wwhere it goes for a bit
CA: she seems a bit awwkwward about the wwhole thing
CA: the strong man shes moirails wwith doesnt seem too thrilled
CA: but i might have a good kisnemesis again
CC: ...
CA: fef?
CC: ...
CC: W)(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

You are FEFERI PEIXES and holy shit you did not see that one coming at all.

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AG: Feferi?
AG: Fefeeeeeeeeri?
AG: I'm still w8ing!
AG: :::: (

-----

Can't you tell me why-
Do you hurt me?.
I guess some people never see,
Especially a fool like me.

You feel like attributing this to the well known poet EMILY DICKINSON.

You are SAYAKA MIKI, the WITCH OF HEART who is native to THE LAND OF VIOLINS ECHOING. You harbor a very secret yet also extremely obvious to anyone by the largest bonehead love for your former friend KYOUSUKE KAMIJOU. You say former friend because of the extreme circumstances that have arisen as a result of your session of SWISH. The both of you had been in the hospital when the RECKONING began, and you had literally dragged his paraplegic body all the way to your house. Now that's some dedication, right there.

When you arrived, your server player MAMI TOMOE had already connected to your house and prepared your KERNEL for deployment. KYOUSUKE somehow ended up falling asleep and falling directly into the kernel, being prototyped to become BOYSPRITE, thus escaping the reckoning for a while. You have not seen BOYSPRITE for a while, and you are somewhat concerned. Okay, make that extremely OBSESSIVE AND ANXIOUS. But hey. You acquired a taste for BAROQUE MUSIC for this kid. You're willing to go far.

You are pestering your friend and current server player MADOKA KANAME, who is known as knightlyGrower and types in a very uNCERTAIN mANNER, aLL tHE tIME.

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-- obsessedSuitor [OS] began pestering knightlyGrower [KG] at 4:15 --


OS: madoka~!
KG: oH hEY tHERE, sAYAKA.
KG: hOW, aRE yOU?
OS: very good very good~
OS: im wondering though~
OS: where have the others been~
OS: havent checked on anyone in a while~
KG: mAMI, iS bUSY.
OS: that figures~
OS: she is behind because of that nastiness earlier~
KG: kYOUKO iS aSLEEP, aND pROBABLY dOING sTUFF, oN dERSE.
OS: alright~
KG: aND hOMURA hASN'T pESTERED, aNYONE, iN a wHILE rEALLY.
OS: also figures~
OS: that girl is seriously creepy~
OS: why the heck did we even make her one of the players~
KG: bECAUSE, kYUBEY wANTED hER tO jOIN.
OS: yeah~
OS: guess we cant argue with that~
OS: but why didnt he ever tell us that playing would cause meteors to start coming down~
KG: i dON'T kNOW.
KG: bUT i tHINK tHEY'LL bE aLRIGHT.
KG: wE dO mAKE tHE uNIVERSE aGAIN aFTER aLL.
OS: well we just have to beat our denizens fast so kyouko can get on that~!
OS: whoda thought it would be her with that role~
OS: knight of space~
OS: sounds kind of cool actually~
OS: im jealous~!
KG: i dON'T kNOW, sO mUCH aBOUT, mY tITLE.
KG: wHAT dOES a, hEIR oF hOPE eVEN dO?
OS: i dont know~
OS: but im sure its awesome madoka~
OS: we still gotta get a lot of levels and all~
KG: yEAH.
KG: bUT i tHINK wE mIGHT bE gOING tOO fAST sOMETIMES.
OS: what do you mean~
KG: i mEAN tHAT, hOMURA iS aLREADY, kILLING oUR dENIZENS.
KG: sHE kILLED fORNEUS,bEFORE i eVEN kNEW, dENIZENS eXISTED.
KG: aND nOW sHE'S cOMING fOR yOUR iPOS.
OS: i dont think its such a bad thing~
OS: it saves us time and allows us to focus on other things~
OS: homura seems to be well prepared enough already~
OS: so we should also focus our efforts on leveling~!
KG: yES, wELL, i tHINK tHAT iT mIGHT bE aN iSSUE.
KG: bUT i aLSO lIKE tHE fACT, tHAT wE'RE nOT iN, dANGER.
OS: just go with it madoka~
OS: everything will work itself out~
KG: oKAY.
OS: hey~
KG: yES?
OS: have you seen boysprite around anywhere~
KG: nO, sORRY.
OS: well ive been looking for him so

Sayaka was atop a large bluff, listening to the eerily haunting songs being played by massive violins suspended in the air broadcasting their somber tones around the entire planet. According to her dog consorts, the noise was so soothing that there was no word for 'insomnia' on this planet. Sayaka found that she had to agree, she had not had one sleepless night for their duration of their week in SWISH., in spite of how hectic that week had been. It was actually quite refreshing, here in the Land of Violins Echoing.

The bluff overlooked a large concert hall like edifice, where her Denizen Ipos supposedly dwelt. She could hear a vague snoring from within, wondered how large her Denizen had to be for her to hear it from all the way up here. She had been about to ask Madoka that exact rhetorical question when she was interrupted.

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-- quintessentialBigot [QB] began pestering obsessedSuitor [OS] at 4:22 --

QB: ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼
QB: hello sayaka
OS: oh hey kyubey~!
OS: whatdya want~
QB: i just thought you might want to know something i saw while wandering the land of ribbons and boxes
OS: i dont get why you keep going around so much~
OS: arent you technically a player as well~
QB: did i need a server player to enter
OS: no~
OS: but you were in the real world~
OS: how else could that work~
QB: it doesn't matter
QB: what does matter is what i saw
QB: boysprite
OS: oh crap really~!
OS: finally~!
OS: wait~
OS: what is he doing on madokas planet~
QB: that's what i was getting at
QB: he was with girlsprite
OS: ...
OS: you mean hitomi~
QB: yes
QB: sayaka
QB: i assume you feel negative emotions as a result of this
OS: ...
OS: how could she do this to me~
OS: we were friends~
QB: sayaka
QB: you're being too slow
QB: sprites are naturally supposed to be left to their own devices after some time
OS: what do you mean~
QB: you realize that this game has rules
QB: many many rules
QB: and one of them is that sprites won't always remain your faithful if vague allies forever
QB: you've run out of time sayaka
OS: i~
OS: i can change this right~
OS: tell me i can fucking change this~
QB: unfortunately sayaka
QB: the only direction left for you is forward
QB: who knows what else you will lose if you take much longer
OS: so madoka was right when she thought that~
OS: homura is holding us back~!
QB: who knows
OS: holding back the experience too i bet~!
QB: who knows
OS: i knew we couldnt trust her~!
OS: well ill show her~!
OS: whatever shes planning ill preempt her and force her to explain everything~!
QB: you realize you have a minute until she arrives for your denizen
OS: a minute is enough~!
OS: thanks for helping me kyubey~!
QB: ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

-- obsessedSuitor [OS] ceased pestering quintessentialBigot [QB] at 4:26 --

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KG: sAYAKA.
KG: sAYAKA.
KG: yOU hAVEN'T sPOKEN, fOR lITERALLY, sIX mINUTES.
KG: i'M vERY, cONCERNED nOW.
OS: im going after ipos~!
KG: wHAT?

-- obsessedSuitor [OS] ceased pestering knightlyGrower [KG] at 4:26 --

KG: wH- wHAT?
KG: sAYAKA, nO!
KG: sOMONE, hELP!

[The Cool]

oh shit i just looked at the latest update of Gurrenstuck
and
its not gurrenstuck anymore
its Gainaxstuck.
so does that mean...

IDE/THEORY: this crossover includes Gainax's latest work: Panty and Stocking with Gaterbelt

[anonymousComrade]

You know, if I'm going to write yet more lame Karkat/Terezi shit, you'd think I could at least try to be timely about it

Yet here I am, days after this would have been relevant

Oh well

For The Record

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For the record, sloppy makeouts were the last fucking thing on my mind as I climbed those stairs.

I mean, look at this piece of shit card. This shit is so obviously fake, I mean goddamn, look at it. The nooksucker barely tried to copy her quirk, didn't even write it in her color, and I'm supposed to believe Terezi wrote this? Nice try, Gamzee, but you're not fooling anyone.

But I still went to the roof like the card said, and do you know why? Because Karkat motherfucking Vantas was sick of this shit. I was so fucking tired of running and being afraid and useless, and I think I decided that when Sollux and I passed by Gamzee's fucking... I don't know what the hell that was supposed to be, but five severed heads fucking staring at me like that, the heads of people I called my friends once, I think that was what did it.

That was where I found the card, by the way. Feferi's goggles, too. I told Sollux PUT THESE ON, I DON'T WANT SHIT GETTING INTO YOUR EMPTY EYE SOCKETS AND GETTING FILTHY AND GROSS. I think he knew they were hers, but I didn't have the heart to tell him his matesprit's head was just sitting there on the table.

That was also where we found Kanaya. Alive. That clown keeps going on and on about his miracles, and that was definitely one. Finding her might have been a factor in deciding to go to the roof, too, I gotta admit. If Gamzee's waiting up there, I feel a lot fucking better having a goddamn rainbow drinker on my side. Two-on-one, I like those odds.

Yeah, I said two-on-one, let's not kid ourselves, Sollux's blind ass isn't gonna be much use in a fight. Sorry, bro.

By the way, don't listen to a goddamn word he says about how we met up with Kanaya. I didn't fucking cry, I just had something in my eye, and anyone who says different is a damned liar.

But I'm getting off track.

I showed Kanaya the card and she told me The Possibility Exists That Gamzee Has Captured Terezi Or Is Otherwise Using Her To Lure You To The Roof. Well no fucking shit, Count Trollcula, but it still sent shivers down my spine. I told her I was going on ahead, she and Sollux can catch up.

Yes, I was worried about Terezi, okay? I'm the fucking leader, remember? A leader can be worried about his teammates, that's a thing that can happen. No need to made a federal grubfucking case over it.

I don't know what I was expecting when I finally reached the top level. Well, I guess I was expecting the worst, really, the fucker had taunted me from her Trollian account, remember? I tried to prepare for the very real possibility that I'd come up here and find her corpse, but who am I kidding, there's no preparing for something like that, really.

That doesn't mean I was really prepared for what I found, though. I didn't expect to find her alive, definitely didn't expect to find her standing over Vriska of all people, but somehow, she had taken on a god and won.

I barely cared about that at the time, though.

I approached her slowly, carefully. She turned around to face me and I froze in my tracks and stood there, still holding the stupid card and staring like a wriggler. Ten million thoughts sizzled all at once in my thinkpan, just buzzing around and driving me nuts because I couldn't lower my jaw to speak, and in any case my throat had seized up so hard that talking was impossible anyway.

Terezi had this look on her face, I've only seen it a couple times but it scares the living fuck out of me because it means something is very wrong. Well, of course something is wrong. They may have hated each other in the end, but it wasn't really that long ago that Terezi still called Vriska her sister, and Terezi had just stabbed her in the back. Fuck, she was still holding the blade, blue still dripping from it. It wasn't until later that I found out the real reason why she did it and understood why she was shaking so badly.

K4R...K4T... she managed to speak, almost in a whisper. Did she think I was in shock from seeing the corpse? Did she wonder if I thought she too had gone insane? Did she think I hated her now for slaying one of our teammates? I couldn't let her go on thinking that. In one brilliant moment of clarity, I knew exactly what I had to do. I threw the card aside and I ran, I fucking ran to her. She buried her face in my shoulder and started crying.

I hate the sound of Terezi crying. Terezi is not the kind of person who cries when bad things happen. If she's in tears, it's because she literally has no other way to deal with whatever just happened. I've known her too long to think otherwise. She was in a really bad way about this and I wanted to say something, to say anything that would help her. But there was only one thing going through my mind. I'M... I'M *SO* GLAD YOU'RE OKAY. It took me a moment to realize I'd spoken it, and not just thought it. She looked up at me -- well, I guess "looked" is the wrong word but you get the idea -- and opened her mouth to speak but I had other ideas.

What happened next is none of your goddamned business.

Notes:

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So I told myself I was going to stop writing response fic. That sure lasted a while!

The first sentence of this just sort of formed in my head tonight, and the rest flowed from it. Writing Karkat in first person is kind of fun! But I am perpetually worried about whether or not I'm doing it right.

Okay I promise after this, I'm concentrating on that ancestor series I'm supposed to be writing.

[Sionnan]

Woah it's been a while. I'm just gonna leave this here.

Guardian fic. I'm playing with the idea that while they not have met each other physically, they probably contacted each other over the Internet to discuss their actions. I'm thinking about expanding this in both directions. This kind of drops you straight into the middle of a conversation without preamble. Enjoy!

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CS: the problem with you two is that you're old.

JE: Excuse me?

CS: yeah, you're old. had to have your kids teach you all this new computer crap. lalonde, don't sneer at me, you're use to
DOS for christ's sake.

VL: What's your point, Strider?

CS: point is, the two of you are looking at this whole thing like it's line of code. something you can track and control.

CS:ain't no such thing, and hasn't been for a while.

JE: So what is it that you're saying?

CS:-i'm sayin' this isn't your parent's computer game. i'm sayin this shit is fuckin' alive. organic. the shit that's been spawned from the 'net is a growing, breathing thing, and the two of you are fuckin code jockeys trying to find that one goddamn script that'll break it's brain.

VL: Agreed with Egbert. As crude as you've been behaving, I'll grudgingly admit this is an entirely new beast.

CS: damn straight.

CS: think about it.

CS: how you you render data unreadable?

JE: Well, that's simple. Introduce a glitch into the code. A virus.

CS: naw. this thing is too well protected, it heals itself. go deeper.

CS: think about how it's presented.

VL: Enough with your riddles, Strider. We all have lives we would like to get back to, and unlike you, we do not have the luxury of continuing ours on the Internet. Please get on with it.

CS: jesus, alright. let's say this thing comes across as something totally normal. what do games come on? i mean old school
games.

JE: Uh.

CS: discs. they come on discs.

CS: and how do you make sure a disc is unplayable?

CS: you scratch it.

VL: Oh.

VL: My.

Vl: God.

VL: No. No, Strider, you can't. That's like

CS: yeah, godmoding.

JE: What?

VL: NO that's ludicrous, there's invariably a system guard against terminating a session like that.

JE: What is godmoding?

CS: man, all we gotta do is y'know fuckin teabag skaia, jack straight into the medium, hit up the icon of the player of time, and hit it like a bitch and pose like a team cause shit just got real.

VL: Strider, don't you even

CS: even what lalonde? even dare going on this crazy fucking kamikaze suicide mission all lilililili allah akbar? no fuck you.

JE: No, son, that's not what she meant, and

CS: don't you fucking call me your son. god knows i love the two of you crazy fucking people, but i haven't had parents for a while now, and i'm not gonna associate you with those dickbags.

CS: the point is that we don't have enough time.

CS: we never did.

CS: but i'm gonna do everything i can to jack up this session from the get go.

CS: cause shit is so fucking whack it's like it's been askin lizzie borden how to murder people.

CS: so if it's gonna be a bitch, i'm gonna be a pimp.

JE: I've long since discovered it's nearly impossible to keep up with the rate of your typing good lord.

CS: and if it's gonna make it impossible to win, i'm gonna cockblock it like a boss.

CS: i'm gonna make it impossible to play.

CS: fuckin SCRATCH

VL: Oh, Strider.

CS: well that was an awkward silence.

JE: -I'm sorry, I'm at a loss for words. Although I don't understand the program intricacies like Vivian, or general game mechanics like you, I'm afraid that what I've gained from my limited understand of either, is that you just suggested you were going to risk your life in order to sabotage the game.

CS: well, yeah. welcome to like the whole conversation, egbert.

CS: look i love life as much as the next guy.

CS: i'm not sayin all of this cause i get my rocks off looking death in the eye

CS: okay so maybe i do but that's not the point.

CS: the point is that we got kids

CS: KIDS

CS: who have no way in freakin hell to bork this thing alone.

CS: and I'm sure as hell not lettin this game stake claim my to little bro's life cause it's some ancient destiny bullcrap.

CS: fuck that.

CS: no one gets to decide that for you.

VL: As reckless as I find your methods, I agree with you, Strider. Although Rose is an articulate, uncanny, and intelligent child, she remains just that: a child. We've been vetting these children for years to what. To die?

VL: I also find this unacceptable. If this is fate.

JE:- nd of course let's not forget the thousands comets headed for the earth. And the thousands more people that will also die.

CS: way to be a killjoy, egbert, sheesh.

VL: Stop posturing, Strider. It's heartbreaking and it keeps reminding me of your juvenescence.

CS: bite me, lalonde.

VL: Out of our paltry band of resistance fighters, you remain the youngest, and I am putting my foot down against you undertaking such a futile gesture as trying to destroy the game's time mechanism in an attempt to prematurely end the session.

CS: wow that was a long sentence i sure hope your kid doesn't talk like you

VL: And furthermore, I am fed up with you treating this like it is your hill to die on. Ever since we've convened, you have been growing increasingly reckless, and I'm frankly shocked at your irresponsibility.

VL: Wait, Vivian, please

JE: No, James. You have also noticed this behavior, and while I may not be a stellar parent

CS: haha understatement thy name is lalonde

VL: I refuse to allow you the luxury of divorcing yourself from your charge.

CS: wait what hold the phone

VL: I have always suspected that perhaps you have been a reluctant caregiver,

CS: woah woah woah

VL: and for this reason, you are willing to forgo measures of safety in an attempt

CS: STOP THAT

CS: FUCKING SHUT UP LALONDE

CS: i don't give a fuck if you're saying this because you're drunk off your ass

CS: don't you EVER think you know me.

JE: Oh, dear.

JE: I had hoped this wasn't going to devolve into another fight.

JE: Can we please agree to keep this civil? I think we have a lot at stake, and little time to afford bickering.

JE: Vivian?

JE: Charles?

VL: Yes, James, I'm still here. Fuming, but still here. However, I do see your point, and I am willing to lay aside whatever compunctions I may have about Strider's lack of responsibility.

JE: Well, I suppose that will have to do for now. We'll discuss this later. Charles?

VL: It appears he has absconded.

JE: Oh, dear. At any rate, Vivian, I would like maybe a precis of some of the game's more salient features in accordance with our influence in the childrens' roles, if that would be possible.

VL: Certainly. I've been composing such a document already; I should have it prepared within a few days.

JE: My. That's quick.

VL: I've been working on it for years in anticipation of just such a situation.

JE: Oh.

VL: After all, we've known each other for countless interations. You start to adapt.

JE: Yes, I suppose that makes sense.

CS: yo egbert? don't call me charles.

JE: There you are. Are you alright?

CS: peachy. and seriously, don't call me that, i hate that name.

JE: Of course.

VL: In the name of peace, I would like to extend my apologies, Strider. My remarks were uncalled for.

CS: no, i get it, it's cool. you're freaked about some kid doin an hero. but i ain't been a kid for a while, and it's not like i'm doing it cause it'll get me a peck of virgins in heaven.

CS: i'm doing it cause there's no other way

CS: run your algorithims, or whatever, you'll figure it out.

VL: Regardless, I would like you to reconsider your plan of attack.

CS: no.

JE: Charles

CS: dude just call me Strider, like lalonde.

JE: Alright, if that's what you're comfortable with. Strider, please, I think Vivian has a point. It's imperative we stay alive, if we want our children to survive.

CS: hey like i said, i'm not an heroing. i think i got a decent chance of pulling it off, just so long as nothing ridiculous happens.

CS: and what about Hass, where's he at?

JE: Harley? Good question, I haven't seen any activity from him recently.

CS: huh. hope the old coot's doin okay.

VL: I continue to be amazed at his presence here at all. It is uncanny, to put it lightly.

CS: why cause he's like 70 and using the series of tubes known as the internet?

VL: No, but I don't find it neccesary to divulge why.

CS: wow lalonde, way to be a tease. anyway, i gotta jet. i'll let you guys grumble into your beards about my plan that i am not going to change. later

JE: Be safe, son.

VL: Strider.

CS: yeah yeah.

[CS{charles strider} has signed off.]

[Graven_Image]

IDE/THEORY: this crossover includes Gainax's latest work: Panty and Stocking with Gaterbelt

[Dermonster]

IT HAS TF2!?

[Blaperile]

Woah it's been a while. I'm just gonna leave this here.

Guardian fic. I'm playing with the idea that while they not have met each other physically, they probably contacted each other over the Internet to discuss their actions. I'm thinking about expanding this in both directions. This kind of drops you straight into the middle of a conversation without preamble. Enjoy!

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CS: the problem with you two is that you're old.

JE: Excuse me?

CS: yeah, you're old. had to have your kids teach you all this new computer crap. lalonde, don't sneer at me, you're use to
DOS for christ's sake.

VL: What's your point, Strider?

CS: point is, the two of you are looking at this whole thing like it's line of code. something you can track and control.

CS:ain't no such thing, and hasn't been for a while.

JE: So what is it that you're saying?

CS:-i'm sayin' this isn't your parent's computer game. i'm sayin this shit is fuckin' alive. organic. the shit that's been spawned from the 'net is a growing, breathing thing, and the two of you are fuckin code jockeys trying to find that one goddamn script that'll break it's brain.

VL: Agreed with Egbert. As crude as you've been behaving, I'll grudgingly admit this is an entirely new beast.

CS: damn straight.

CS: think about it.

CS: how you you render data unreadable?

JE: Well, that's simple. Introduce a glitch into the code. A virus.

CS: naw. this thing is too well protected, it heals itself. go deeper.

CS: think about how it's presented.

VL: Enough with your riddles, Strider. We all have lives we would like to get back to, and unlike you, we do not have the luxury of continuing ours on the Internet. Please get on with it.

CS: jesus, alright. let's say this thing comes across as something totally normal. what do games come on? i mean old school
games.

JE: Uh.

CS: discs. they come on discs.

CS: and how do you make sure a disc is unplayable?

CS: you scratch it.

VL: Oh.

VL: My.

Vl: God.

VL: No. No, Strider, you can't. That's like

CS: yeah, godmoding.

JE: What?

VL: NO that's ludicrous, there's invariably a system guard against terminating a session like that.

JE: What is godmoding?

CS: man, all we gotta do is y'know fuckin teabag skaia, jack straight into the medium, hit up the icon of the player of time, and hit it like a bitch and pose like a team cause shit just got real.

VL: Strider, don't you even

CS: even what lalonde? even dare going on this crazy fucking kamikaze suicide mission all lilililili allah akbar? no fuck you.

JE: No, son, that's not what she meant, and

CS: don't you fucking call me your son. god knows i love the two of you crazy fucking people, but i haven't had parents for a while now, and i'm not gonna associate you with those dickbags.

CS: the point is that we don't have enough time.

CS: we never did.

CS: but i'm gonna do everything i can to jack up this session from the get go.

CS: cause shit is so fucking whack it's like it's been askin lizzie borden how to murder people.

CS: so if it's gonna be a bitch, i'm gonna be a pimp.

JE: I've long since discovered it's nearly impossible to keep up with the rate of your typing good lord.

CS: and if it's gonna make it impossible to win, i'm gonna cockblock it like a boss.

CS: i'm gonna make it impossible to play.

CS: fuckin SCRATCH

VL: Oh, Strider.

CS: well that was an awkward silence.

JE: -I'm sorry, I'm at a loss for words. Although I don't understand the program intricacies like Vivian, or general game mechanics like you, I'm afraid that what I've gained from my limited understand of either, is that you just suggested you were going to risk your life in order to sabotage the game.

CS: well, yeah. welcome to like the whole conversation, egbert.

CS: look i love life as much as the next guy.

CS: i'm not sayin all of this cause i get my rocks off looking death in the eye

CS: okay so maybe i do but that's not the point.

CS: the point is that we got kids

CS: KIDS

CS: who have no way in freakin hell to bork this thing alone.

CS: and I'm sure as hell not lettin this game stake claim my to little bro's life cause it's some ancient destiny bullcrap.

CS: fuck that.

CS: no one gets to decide that for you.

VL: As reckless as I find your methods, I agree with you, Strider. Although Rose is an articulate, uncanny, and intelligent child, she remains just that: a child. We've been vetting these children for years to what. To die?

VL: I also find this unacceptable. If this is fate.

JE:- nd of course let's not forget the thousands comets headed for the earth. And the thousands more people that will also die.

CS: way to be a killjoy, egbert, sheesh.

VL: Stop posturing, Strider. It's heartbreaking and it keeps reminding me of your juvenescence.

CS: bite me, lalonde.

VL: Out of our paltry band of resistance fighters, you remain the youngest, and I am putting my foot down against you undertaking such a futile gesture as trying to destroy the game's time mechanism in an attempt to prematurely end the session.

CS: wow that was a long sentence i sure hope your kid doesn't talk like you

VL: And furthermore, I am fed up with you treating this like it is your hill to die on. Ever since we've convened, you have been growing increasingly reckless, and I'm frankly shocked at your irresponsibility.

VL: Wait, Vivian, please

JE: No, James. You have also noticed this behavior, and while I may not be a stellar parent

CS: haha understatement thy name is lalonde

VL: I refuse to allow you the luxury of divorcing yourself from your charge.

CS: wait what hold the phone

VL: I have always suspected that perhaps you have been a reluctant caregiver,

CS: woah woah woah

VL: and for this reason, you are willing to forgo measures of safety in an attempt

CS: STOP THAT

CS: FUCKING SHUT UP LALONDE

CS: i don't give a fuck if you're saying this because you're drunk off your ass

CS: don't you EVER think you know me.

JE: Oh, dear.

JE: I had hoped this wasn't going to devolve into another fight.

JE: Can we please agree to keep this civil? I think we have a lot at stake, and little time to afford bickering.

JE: Vivian?

JE: Charles?

VL: Yes, James, I'm still here. Fuming, but still here. However, I do see your point, and I am willing to lay aside whatever compunctions I may have about Strider's lack of responsibility.

JE: Well, I suppose that will have to do for now. We'll discuss this later. Charles?

VL: It appears he has absconded.

JE: Oh, dear. At any rate, Vivian, I would like maybe a precis of some of the game's more salient features in accordance with our influence in the childrens' roles, if that would be possible.

VL: Certainly. I've been composing such a document already; I should have it prepared within a few days.

JE: My. That's quick.

VL: I've been working on it for years in anticipation of just such a situation.

JE: Oh.

VL: After all, we've known each other for countless interations. You start to adapt.

JE: Yes, I suppose that makes sense.

CS: yo egbert? don't call me charles.

JE: There you are. Are you alright?

CS: peachy. and seriously, don't call me that, i hate that name.

JE: Of course.

VL: In the name of peace, I would like to extend my apologies, Strider. My remarks were uncalled for.

CS: no, i get it, it's cool. you're freaked about some kid doin an hero. but i ain't been a kid for a while, and it's not like i'm doing it cause it'll get me a peck of virgins in heaven.

CS: i'm doing it cause there's no other way

CS: run your algorithims, or whatever, you'll figure it out.

VL: Regardless, I would like you to reconsider your plan of attack.

CS: no.

JE: Charles

CS: dude just call me Strider, like lalonde.

JE: Alright, if that's what you're comfortable with. Strider, please, I think Vivian has a point. It's imperative we stay alive, if we want our children to survive.

CS: hey like i said, i'm not an heroing. i think i got a decent chance of pulling it off, just so long as nothing ridiculous happens.

CS: and what about Hass, where's he at?

JE: Harley? Good question, I haven't seen any activity from him recently.

CS: huh. hope the old coot's doin okay.

VL: I continue to be amazed at his presence here at all. It is uncanny, to put it lightly.

CS: why cause he's like 70 and using the series of tubes known as the internet?

VL: No, but I don't find it neccesary to divulge why.

CS: wow lalonde, way to be a tease. anyway, i gotta jet. i'll let you guys grumble into your beards about my plan that i am not going to change. later

JE: Be safe, son.

VL: Strider.

CS: yeah yeah.

[CS{charles strider} has signed off.]

Yessss, that was awesome.

[Blaperile]

And here's my 5th fanfic! Jade: Enter is my favorite flash because of all the epic twists that happened in it. And the music was epic as well. As for what part I wrote this for, I chose when the Trolls when just in front of their end-door, before they got interrupted by Jack. It seemed to have the most potential for a fanfic in my opinion.

Homestuck 30 Day Challenge: 5th Day: Favorite Flash

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They had made it. After a long difficult battle, the Trolls had defeated their Black King. Now they were in front of their end-door, here they would exit their session and enter a new universe. They all were looking in awe at it while the Aradia and her doomed counterparts looked neutral, but they were probably ok with it.

Karkat turned around to face his group, who were standing behind him. He nodded.

“Nice work, people. We’ve finally made it after all these fucking weeks.” Karkat said.

“Come on Karkat, a bit more enthusiasm!” Terezi said while laughing.

“Whatever. I just wanted to say that it’s been a long time since we first entered the Incipishere and that we were fucking awesome all the time. Especially me.” Karkat added.

Everyone rolled their eyes in response, except for Nepeta who giggled and Gamzee who was just spacing out.

“Does anyone have anything to say before we enter this door? We don’t know what happens when we do, so now is the chance to say something.” Karkat asked.

“I hope that we’re still together after we enter this universe…” Feferi said with a worried face.

“Me too.” Eridan added, not being sincere and just trying to impress Feferi.

“I really hope so as well...” Nepeta frowned as she looked at her friends, especially Equius, “I don’t know what I would do without you guys…”

“I am very sure we will stay together.” Equius reassured her.

“Hmm, but what if we don’t?” Sollux asked, “How would we find each other again?”

“By motherfucking miracles of course!” Gamzee answered, but everyone just ignored him.

“I don’t think the game would split us up after everything that happened. It’s supposed to be a reward after all.” Kanaya remarked.

“I uhh, do wonder how the universe will be formed actually.” Tavros suddenly said, “It’s uhh, supposed to become like how we want it, but how will this happen. Will it scan or brains or something?”

“Just shuuuuuuuut up Tavros.” Vriska said as she gave him a light playful punch to his shoulder, “We will see what will happen immediately! We don’t have to worry, everything will be just fiiiiiiiine!”

“She’s right, let’s just enter.” the alpha Aradia said bluntly, not showing any emotion.

“And as the leader, I will get the honor to open the door!” Karkat exclaimed.

“Ugh, just to it already ‘oh brave leader’.” Terezi said while grinning.

Karkat rolled his eyes and walked towards the door, extending his arm to grab the doorknob.

The moment had finally come, they would finally enter their own universe!

This was their moment, nothing would stop them.

[Twigwise]

So, it's been since, like, February since I originally wrote this, but I never had the right time to share it. This little drabble decided to pummel me when I saw the latest update, though, demanding to be let out of my notebook.

Cool Kid

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It doesn't snow in Texas.

Not for real. It's just a mushy gray pile of flakes, an inch at most, whenever Mother Nature decides to give her bastard child the Lonestar State the cold shoulder, like a bucktoothed son nobody wants. It's just cold enough to remind you that there's a reason you live in this blindingly hot dustbowl that tends to rain far too much in the summer; it's enough to cause car accidents and close schools because, holy shit, what the hell do we do with this white stuff? But it never really snows.

So when Dave finally went to Jade's world, his first impression of the fairy-vampire sparkling land was fuck thats pretty before he landed in a bank and snow worked it's way through his jeans and froze his ankles. Then he spent a minute trying to keep his cool as he tried to shake the burningly cold stuff out of his shoes.

Dave wasn't stupid. He knew what snow was, despite last having seen it years before this. It was on the news when people got an insane few feet up north, and on those nature shows he sometimes watched. Ironically, of course. But those never even mentioned how gogdanm cold the snow itself was. The slush beck in Texas never burned. Sure, it might be common sense to and dumbass who lives far enough north to get more than two inches a year, and maybe knowing that chewing on an ice cube in summer makes you frozen for a few days could tip you off, but that's not ironic enough.

Dave was being cool, not remembering.

Chill.

Ice cold.

fuck its cold out here

Who the hell lives in a place that's so Special-Olympics cold, like the wind just south of a witch's ass?

Oh yeah.

The Witch.

So Dave moved along, ignoring the pretty damn uncomfortable feeling of ice freezing his ankles like there was fucking quartz growing in his legs, thinking only of a warm fire and a smiling girl with arms full of frogs.

Thank gog it didn't snow in LoHaC.

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I wrote this when I accidentally stepped into a foot-tall snow bank in winter and, shaking the stuff out of my socks, wondered how Dave would have handled it.

And then I remembered how my aunt talked about winters in Texas and it went downhill from there.

[Rogles]

aC, I suppose I can understand why you're so self-deprecating(I really am too when it comes to anything artistic; there's just no stopping it), but that was great.

[thenacho]

Beware...

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There was once a girl named Aradia. She didn’t care about many things. She was okay with pretty much everything. That is, until now.

Those deep eyes. That bright smile. That beautiful laugh. Aradia’s circuitry nearly shorted out, taking her vestegal breath away. She would never be the same again.

Her love was a person of few words, and few actions. But they were meant to be together, and Aradia did not care what anybody else was going to say. Not wanting to break the news to Equius to his face, she decided to troll him and log off before he could reply.
"s0rry equius but i have f0und my true l0ve
i h0pe y0u are 0kay with this"
Nobody else would understand her. She had to get away. She cast one last furtive look at the lab, then blasted off into the darkness of space.

Her trek was lengthy, but her powers of time manipulation made an otherwise arduous journey okay. it would all be 0kay as long as she was with her love.

She finally arrived. Peeking through the window, her infatuation was found relaxing on the couch. At last ! She checked her hair in the reflection of the mirror, and carefully applied her lipstick. When she was finally ready, Aradia sheepily floated into the room. Suddenly rather shy, she was almost at a loss of words. "i-i-ive been watching y0u and i think i l0ve y0u and s0rry this is g0ing s0 fast but ive been waiting f0r this m0ment f0rever and 0h g0g y0u hate me d0nt y0u d-"

At that moment their lips touched hers. They shared a passionate kiss, arms wrapped around each other, a long-kept-secret love and a love at first sight merging together in a beautiful painting of love. Every kiss was shared. All of them.

"we must run away t0gether! we will start a new life, a simple 0ne yes, but we will f0rever have each 0ther"

He looked back into her eyes, a smile playing across his lips:


"HAA HAA HEE HEE HOO HOO"

[Graven_Image]

IT HAS TF2!?

NO IT D wait.

Prince Of Rage

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The Land of Honor and Volcanoes was a tolerable place when a large shirtless man with a thick Australian brogue was not standing atop an active lava geyser and yelling at you.

Unfortunately, there was, and so it wasn't.

"OY, YOU! HIPPIE!"

The Mighty Kamina glanced around, in spite of the fact that the volcanic plain only held him and this rude stranger.

"Are... are you talking to me?"

"Damn right I am! I ain't about to suffer another one of you wankers to cross my line of vision without pummeling you to death!"

"What did I do, man? I'm just trying to play this game-"

"YOU HIPPIES AND YOUR GAMES ARE THE RUIN OF MY NECK OF PARADOX SPACE! The neck I wrestled out of the clutches of a horrorterror and purposefully calibrated to draw the manliest of men into it!"

"Manly men? Heh. Who the hell do you think I am, ya geezer?"

"I THINK YOU'RE A HIPPIE! Blue hair, no beard to speak of... And that cape of yours is just tragic."

"Alright, listen up!"

Kamina drew his sword, producing no reaction from the angry man besides a mildly annoyed "meh."

"The reputation of Team Gurren echoes far and wide! When people talk about its badass leader, a man of indomitable spirit and MASCULINITY..."

shink

"They're talking about ME! The mighty KAMINA!"

A few seconds passed. The man burst out in harsh laughter.

"Oh, that's the best thing I've heard all week! You, the mighty Kamina? My arse. Let me let you in on a little something, granola girl."

The man postured on the rim of the volcanic crater he was in.

"This sector of Paradox Space is the property of Mann Co, and by extension, ME, SAXTON HALE! All of you tye-dye-wearing, environmentally-friendly types are hereby ordered to PISS! OFF! This is a session for REAL MEN, who eat REAL STEAKS, and shave using REAL BADGERS!"

Another few seconds.

Kamina smirked.

"I can see you're not gonna listen to reason. Alright. Let's do this the hard way."

--------

Many hours later, a blue-haired tangle of cape, limbs, and alcohol stumbled onto the bridge of the Dai-Gurren. Entering behind him was an equally inebriated man with no shirt to speak of and a chest carpet the shape of Australia. Said carpeted man immediately stumbled and fell into a corner, muttering drunkenly.

"Um. Kamina."

"Heeeeey there, buddy."

"Who is this?"

"This? This right here is Saxton Hale, CEO of Mann Co. And also my new bestest best friend."

A/N

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WHAT A TWEEST

[draconicAlgorithm]

Graven, I'm beginning to think this crossover is incredibly silly.

[Graven_Image]

Graven, I'm beginning to think this crossover is incredibly silly.

I AM MERELY GETTING STARTED

Also, the next one is Gendo. Squee away, everybody.

[The Cool]

ok i cant even tell what it is anymore
i will now and forever refer to it as
Gravenstuck.

[Jim Groovester]

The Sapphire of Alternia, Part 28

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“I hate to do this while you’re, well.” Sleuth looks at Deferrer and the rapidly pooling blood on the floor mat. “But I’ve got to ask. You didn’t let the B team lift the fake Sapphire off you, right?”

Deferrer scoffs. If Sleuth could see her face she’d probably be rolling her eyes. “No, of course not. Have a little faith, Sleuth.” She says.

“Never doubted you for a-”

“There’s a hidden compartment underneath the steering column. I stashed it there as soon as I saw Deuce and Boxcars.” Deferrer says. “And will you hurry up? This traffic is killing me.”

Sleuth honks the car horn. It does nothing to loosen the deadlocked traffic.

“Sleuth,” Deferrer says. “Just do what I would do.”

Problem Sleuth: Do what Transportation Deferrer would do.

Problem Sleuth turns the steering wheel to the right and honks the horn as the cab lurches up onto the sidewalk. Confused pedestrians get out of the way of the honking taxicab. Sleuth pulls out his keyring and points it out the window and the pedestrian parting properties of the cab improve significantly.

He eventually turns onto a road that’s a result of more benevolent city planning and floors the accelerator on the comparatively open street. Sleuth looks at Deferrer. “Hey, you still with me?” He asks.

“Yeah.” She says after a long delay, almost sleepily.

“You gotta stay with me.” Sleuth says. “Tell me, uh, tell me about what happened with those security guards.”

“Oh, them?” She says. “Let’s just say they weren’t perfect gentleman.”

“Tell me all about it.”

“Well, Boxcars and Deuce stopped me. They pulled in front of me from nowhere and told me to turn around. How could I refuse?”

Sleuth cautiously runs a red light. “You didn’t run away?”

“Not after Deuce slapped a bomb on the hood and Boxcars took the detonator.” Deferrer says, the effort it’s taking just to talk apparent on every word. “They escorted me back to the casino, and Boxcars left me with some thugs dressed in uniforms and told them to hold onto me for a while. After Boxcars and Deuce were gone they looked at each other with sleazy looks and thought it’d be a great idea if they took a different interpretation of Boxcars’ orders.” Deferrer explains. “So that’s when I took out my tire gauge and told them what I thought.”

“What’d you tell ‘em?” Sleuth asks. He passes a car by speeding through an oncoming lane.

“Get your hands off me you filthy bastards or I’ll bore a hole through your thick carapace.” Deferrer tries to laugh. “They didn’t catch the hint. They did after I checked the pressure on their arms though.”

“Not bad.”

“I thought so.” Deferrer says. “So then I was bored and thought, why not? I’ll wreck the Midnight Crew’s cars. And then Spades Slick stabbed me.” She adds with grim finality.

“Hey, we’re almost there.” Sleuth says. “Don’t worry.”

“And you’re taking the slow route to the hospital.”

“Hey, I’ll get you there. Just don’t bleed on everything in my coat.” Sleuth says. “Or bleed in general.”

“No problem. I’ll be all outta blood in no time.”

Problem Sleuth turns and races down a street. At the end is Alternia General Hospital. The building is old, one of the earliest in the city. It’s a fine example of Neoskaian architecture before it fell out of style. It turns out that not everyone is fond of buildings that remind them where they come from, especially if their carapaces are black. The flying buttresses look absurd anyway.

The hospital was one of the first items on the list of public services that the new city would provide, and one of the highest in demand. With the newly formed Midnight Crew leveraging power in the new city they owned, the early citizens clamored for a place to heal the many wounds they received. A handful of veteran combat medics rose to the occasion and petitioned the Midnight Crew for a place to ply their trade.

==>

Sometimes you wish you had a set of skills that were in high demand the moment you came to the city. You came here well after the city was founded and it still took you a long time to find work, because all you knew how to do was fight people and never give up.

You remember your stint as a postman. You were the hardest boiled postman the city had ever seen and you made sure those lugs who didn’t leave a return address regretted the day they thought they could get rid of their mail for good.

You were promptly fired, and you decided to become a problem sleuth. It turned out to be a perfect fit. As far as you know, you’re still the only person in the whole city to be fired from civil service. You don’t like to talk about it.

Sleuth pulls into the hospital lot and parks in front of the emergency room entrance. “See, I told you I’d get you here in-” Sleuth nudges Deferrer. She’s passed out. At least Sleuth hopes that’s just it. “Dammit!”

He puts the car in park and steps outside. He runs around and opens the passenger door. Sleuth pulls Deferrer out and carries her in his arms. He rushes inside the emergency room. “Help!” He screams. “She’s bleeding to death!”

A few nurses and orderlies take a look at Sleuth, the woman he’s carrying, and the amount of blood, in that order, before deciding that getting a gurney might be a good idea. “Put her on here, sir.” A nurse says to Sleuth.

Sleuth lays her down as a flock of medical personnel swarm around Deferrer. They rattle of a string of incomprehensible medical jargon. Stuff about blood pressure and whether any major arteries were pierced. They start carting her to the operating room. One of the orderlies discards Sleuth’s coat. Sleuth picks it up as he follows.

“Another one, huh?” A man steps to Sleuth’s side as Deferrer is pulled into the operating room. “They just keep throwing themselves away for you.”

Sleuth looks to the man standing next to him. He’s wearing surgeon’s scrubs and a cigarette butt hanging out of his mouth. Why, if Sleuth didn’t know any better he’d say this guy was a hardboiled doctor. “What are you talking about? This is the first time anything like this has happened.” Sleuth says.

“So all the other times you never bothered to take them here.” The man says. “Just use them and lose them, the Problem Sleuth way.”

Sleuth shakes his head. “That’s callous and cynical. Even for me.” Sleuth says.

“When you’re in my line of work, Sleuth, you see the worst of the worst.”

==>

Malignancy Deducer is such a fraud.

He wasn’t always that way though. He saved your life a few times, way back when, and didn't even mention it.

He’s saved your life a few times since then, and he won’t let you forget it.

“Of course. It’s real tough, seeing the underbelly of the city, dredging through the filth and the trash, all while you’re working your nine to five job in a sterilized environment.” Sleuth pulls the cigarette butt out of Deducer’s mouth. “You haven’t even smoked this. You cut it down to the butt.”

Deducer stares through Sleuth. “You don’t know what it’s like.”

Sleuth throws the butt at Deducer’s face. “Will you just save her?”

“I dunno, Sleuth. It’s past my lunch break, and it looks like she won’t be a quick fix.”

Sleuth fishes around inside the bloodied coat and pulls out his key. “Get in there now.”

Deducer lifts his hands. “Hey now, no need for that.”

“You see the worst of the worst, right? I’ll bet stuff like this happens all the time.” Sleuth smirks. He grimaces. “Now get in there or I’ll unlock your torso.”

Deducer stiffly walks towards the operating room. “The cops’ll hear about this.”

Deducer doesn’t deserve any more comebacks. “Shut up and save my friend’s life.”

“This is the last time I do you a favor, Sleuth.” Deducer walks into the operating room. He kicks the doors close behind him.

Sleuth steps to the door and looks inside. Deducer and his team of nurses get to work. They start cutting off Deferrer’s clothes and Sleuth averts his eyes.

==>

You hope you got her here in time.

You’re not really sure what you’ll do if you didn’t. Spades Slick’ll learn a new meaning of rage, at the very least.

Nothing to do about it right now though, except wait and hope.

Problem Sleuth: Park the cab.

But you could move the cab, at least.

That would be pretty impolite of you, letting Deferrer’s car run out of gas while she’s on the operating table.

And leaving the car there to block the emergency room. That would be pretty impolite too.

Problem Sleuth walks to the lobby. He notices a security guard in the corner of the room eying him. He’s talking into a walkie-talkie. Another security guard hovers outside the lobby in a different corridor.

Problem Sleuth: Get out of here.

Looks like you’ll be hearing from the cops sooner than you thought. Malignancy Deducer didn’t waste any time getting on your case about it.

You’ll have to thank him later.

Sleuth steps towards the corridor and the security guards make their move. “Sir, if you’ll please stay here.” A guard says as he hastily steps forward.

“I need to move my car.”

“I’ll take care of it for you, sir, if you’ll hand me the keys.” The guard politely offers.

“No, I can do it.” Sleuth starts for the entrance.

The guard steps in his way. “I insist.”

Sleuth stuffs his hands in his coat pockets before he remembers that he’s holding his coat in his arm. His free hand ends up in his pants pocket. “I’ve gotten into half a dozen fights today. You wanna know how many of them I’ve won?” Sleuth asks.

The guard gives Sleuth a confused look.

“All of them.” Sleuth says.

==>

Spades Slick almost gutting you doesn’t count.

“Regular folks like you, just doing their job, thought it’d be a good idea to get in my way.” Sleuth continues. “Now, I’m leaving this hospital right now, and you’re going to get out of my way before I start convincing you otherwise. And let me tell ya, I can be a pretty diplomatic fella.”

The security guard puts a hand on his gun.

“Do I look like I get scared of guns?” Sleuth says. He points a finger to his face for emphasis, highlighting the many gashes and black eyes on his carapace.

The guard nervously looks between Sleuth and the guard slowly creeping behind Sleuth.

Sleuth brushes past the guard, giving him a good shove as he walks by. “Get the hell out of my way.”

“Stop!” The guard shouts as Sleuth walks through the doors.

Sleuth doesn’t bother looking behind him. The guard’s probably got a gun pointed at Sleuth. Sleuth doesn’t care. He’s not going to take the shot.

Sleuth opens the door to the still running cab and steps inside. He throws his coat onto the bloody seat and shifts the car to drive. He looks at the entrance and sees the two guards lowering their guns. Sleuth drives the car out of the hospital lot.

Problem Sleuth starts driving towards his apartment. He knows the way by heart by now, with how often he’s made the trip. People in other cars give him horrified looks when they see the bloody mess inside. Sleuth gives him his best glare at them, and they drive away like he’s a murderer.

Sleuth pulls up to the ashy sidewalk next to his building. There are scorch marks rising up from the windows of his apartment. A crisscross of caution tape covers them almost completely, like Anarchy Repressor was trying to keep out a draft and all he had was caution tape. Sleuth parks the car.

Sleuth searches beneath the steering column, running his fingers around until he feels some odd protrusions. Sleuth depresses the compartment and it flips open, spilling its contents into Sleuth’s waiting hands. There’s a roll of cash, the fake Sapphire of Alternia, and yellowed letter addressed to Sleuth. Sleuth puts the fake in his pants pocket and quickly stuffs the fare money and love letter back into the compartment and closes it up. Sleuth grabs his coat and gets out.

Sleuth enters the building and climbs up the stairs, spotting the bullet holes he was too busy to look at yesterday morning. He makes his way to his apartment. The door’s closed. From outside, it’s hard to tell that anything’s happened, aside from the massive amount of caution tape covering the frame.

Sleuth tears the tape down and opens the door.

==>

It’s just like you imagined.

The carpet’s been completely incinerated. Carbon covered skeletons of his furniture sit in the places they used to be. The paint’s been burned off the walls and parts of the drywall eaten by the fire, revealing the building frame. Sleuth takes a step inward. His shoe crunches on the floor.

==>

You wonder if there’s anything left. You could really go for a change of clothes and some ammo, but that’s probably being optimistic.

You also need to figure out a way to get Deferrer out of the hospital. You're not leaving her helpless there for the Midnight Crew or the Felt to finish the job. Maybe you'll get an idea sifting through the ashes.

Sleuth walks to his bedroom. All that remains of his bed is a charred metal frame. The clock on the wall is frozen at a little after four, although the hour hand is drooping down to five. Sleuth opens his closet.

==>

No surprises here.

Your BACK UP EVERYTHING has been destroyed.

Sleuth moves to his desk. It’s twisted and gnarled from the heat. He forces a drawer open, revealing a stack of papers with burnt corners. He looks through the papers, some of them crumbling in his hands, until he finds a mostly undamaged envelope. He tries to force the drawer back closed before giving up.

Sleuth walks to the kitchen, notes the burnt facings of his cabinets, and sets the coat and envelope down on the singed counter. He fishes through all his coat pockets and sets its contents aside. He turns the sink faucet. The handle breaks off. He pulls off the melted hunk and turns the water valve on, and the water chugs a bit before flowing evenly. Sleuth tosses some of the water around to wash the ash off the sink.

Sleuth tries to open his freezer. The handle breaks off. Sleuth squeezes his fingers in the crack and pulls it open. He takes a few empty key rings and broken key blades out of his ammo box and puts them on the counter. He starts reloading his gun.

“There you are, Sleuth.”

Sleuth turns around with his gun ready. Litigious Lawyer is standing in his doorway, hand in his pants pocket holding onto something. Sleuth turns back and continues reloading his weapons, suddenly very conscious of the fake necklace sitting in his pocket.

“I’ve been looking for you.” He says. He steps inside and gets ready to lean against the counter before reconsidering. Sleuth doesn’t immediately answer. Lawyer awkwardly shuffles in place. “Wow, you look like hell. What've you been up to?”

“Fighting the Midnight Crew and the Felt.” Sleuth says. “Last night was tough.”

“Yeah?” Lawyer asks.

“Yeah.” Sleuth says, not willing to go into more detail.

Lawyer brings up his fist to cough and clear his throat, but awkwardly puts it down. “Listen, Sleuth, we need to talk.”

“What about?” Sleuth quickly asks.

“Well, I told Wallstreet Keynoter about what you told me this morning, and he wasn-” Lawyer cuts himself off. “It bothered him, what I told him. He’s been getting worried about you, and about the Sapphire, so-”

Sleuth remembers the men he thought he saw at the gas station. “You had me followed.”

“Yeah.” Lawyer admits. “You understand though, right, Sleuth? The deal was you’d deliver the Sapphire of Alternia to us this morning. When I have to call you over and over again, and you tell us you can’t do that, well, we start worrying.”

Sleuth turns the water off and stuffs his bloody coat in the sink. “The Felt and Midnight Crew were onto me even before the day started.” Sleuth says. “I couldn’t have gotten the Sapphire to you even if I tried.”

“Now, we understand that.” Lawyer says. “We were just being cautious. Really, they were there to make sure you were safe. That’s all.” Lawyer gives a half-hearted smile.

Sleuth finishes loading his gun. He gives a sidelong glance at Lawyer. “You didn’t follow me to my apartment just to tell me that you followed me.”

“You’re right.” Lawyer says. “What happened here, by the way?”

“Spades Slick happened.”

“Nasty customer.” Lawyer says.

“Tell me about it.” Sleuth says. He eyes Lawyer. He’s looking between his feet and the floor. “What is it?” Sleuth asks.

Lawyer locks his eyes with Sleuth. “Sorry, Sleuth. I don’t mean to accuse, but I’ve got to ask.” Lawyer says. “My men tell me you dropped by the concert hall and casino.” He says.

Sleuth looks at him. Lawyer’s got an anxious look on his face. “You don’t mean to accuse. So what’s the problem?” Sleuth says, giving his coat a quick slosh through the water.

“Sleuth,” Lawyer says, his voice firming up. “What the hell were you doing there?” Lawyer asks, tone filled with worry and accusation.

Sleuth raises a brow at Lawyer. “Really?” He asks like it’s obvious.

Lawyer shrugs. “This problem sleuth stuff isn’t my forte, Sleuth.”

“How am I supposed to get the Felt and Midnight Crew off my tail if I don’t convince them to go elsewhere for the night?” Sleuth asks rhetorically.

Lawyer visibly relaxes, and Sleuth can almost hear him mutter thanks to Skaia. He tenses back up again. “How do I know you’re not lying? How do I know you’re not looking for a buyer?”

Sleuth hefts a drum magazine in his hand. “Do you think,” Sleuth asks in his most offended tone, “That I’d really let the White King’s Scepter anywhere near them?”

Lawyer looks at Sleuth. “So you know.”

Sleuth nods. “You should’ve told me that’s what it was.”

“We told you why we couldn’t.” Lawyer says. “So if you’re not looking for a buyer what are you really up to?” He asks, changing the subject.

“I’ve got the Felt and Midnight Crew meeting me somewhere out in the warehouse district.” Sleuth lies. “Neutral ground for them. Except I won’t be there.” Sleuth smiles mischievously.

Lawyer mimics the smile.

“It’ll make it easy for me to get the Sapphire to you once they’re off killing each other and out of the way.” Sleuth says. “Meet me at Alternia Park at midnight and I’ll hand it over.”

“The park?” Lawyer asks. “Why not Keynoter’s house or my apartment or your office?”

“Look,” Sleuth says. “You know where it is, right?”

“Of course.”

“So it’s easy for both of us.”

Lawyer rubs his chin. “If it’s all the same, I’d rather you hand it over at my detectives’ headquarters.”

“Okay,” Sleuth admits with toss of his head to the side. “I’m not completely sure the Felt or Midnight Crew took my bait. It’ll be easier for me to get away if they think twice about chopping up some trees.”

“Sleuth,” Lawyer says. “I’ve got a small army.”

Sleuth shakes his head. “What’ve I told you about underestimating them, Lawyer? You were a good commander, but it’s been ages since you’ve ordered men around, and I’ve been in their faces a lot more than all of your men combined.” Sleuth says. “Just trust me on this.”

Lawyer contorts his face as he thinks it over. “Alright, Sleuth. We’ll do it your way. We’re at your mercy anyway.” Lawyer says. “If you’re worried about the Felt and Midnight Crew showing up, I’ll bring an escort. You’ll bring Dick and Inspector?”

Sleuth nods.

“Sounds good.” Lawyer nods. “You mind if I borrow your phone, Sleuth? I need to tell Keynoter about this.”

“Sure.” Sleuth points to a melted hunk of plastic that looked like it was once a telephone. He reaches into the sink and pulls out his coat.

==>

Most of the blood’s out, but it’ll still be tinged red. At least this way nobody’s going to cry bloody murder when they see you. It’s wet, but it’ll dry in what? Less than a minute?

It’s too bad you can’t not wear a coat. Carrying capacity aside, problem sleuths can’t not wear coats.

“Right.” Lawyer says. Lawyer shifts his weight and points at Sleuth. “What’s the deal there?”

“You know my cab driver?” Sleuth asks as he starts putting on the soaking wet coat.

Lawyer shakes his head.

“Spades Slick stabbed a good friend of mine.” Sleuth says. “I don’t have a spare. Also because of Spades Slick.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Sleuth.” Lawyer says. “Is she alright?”

Sleuth puts his hands on the counter. “I’m not sure. I think she’ll be alright, but I don’t know. I did everything I could to help her, barring not letting her get into a situation like that in the first place.”

Lawyer lets a somber moment pass. “Anything I can help with?”

Sleuth shakes his head. “No, I’ve got a handle on it.” He looks up. “Thanks, though.”

“I hope she’s okay.” Lawyer says sympathetically. “Take care, Sleuth.” Lawyer starts stepping out of Sleuth’s apartment. He taps his shoes together to shake off some of the ash.

“Lawyer,” Sleuth half-shouts. “You said you had me followed. You know where Dick and Inspector are? I need to get a hold of them soon.”

Lawyer turns back towards Sleuth. “They were at your office, last I heard. That wasn’t too long ago.” Lawyer waves goodbye. “Take care, Sleuth. Keep the Sapphire safe.”

“Will do.” Sleuth nods.

Lawyer steps out of the apartment.

Sleuth begins stuffing his freshly loaded keys, key rings, and the rest of his junk into his coat pockets. He picks up the envelope resting on the counter, and gives it a tap. He leaves the apartment.

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Doop de doo, most of this is just taking care of plot business. Making sure all the pieces are in place, all parties accounted for, dealing with spur of the moment plot decisions, that sort of thing.

I hope you liked MD, because that's the last you'll ever see of him.

I feel like this is an odd place to cut off the chapter, but I don't think there's a convenient place either behind this point (without it being too short) or beyond this point (without it taking too much time to get out).

Comments:

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@SkaianRedeemer: 15iii was a great chapter. You really know how to make an emotional rollercoaster ride with nobody doing anything except just lying down. 'What'll we do without them?' Sheesh, you heartless tearjerker.

Also, the Dargon Arc is also pretty cool. I don't have anything specific to mention, so I think I'll tell you something I may have already told you before. You're doing a great job making it a cartoon and making it really, really creepy in subtle ways. And Jegus, what the hell is Gl'Golyb doing there?

@Graven_Image: Gurrenstuck is ridiculous but also tons of fun.

@Shinji Shazaki: I'm really liking Frontierstuck. I don't know what it is about a wand and a six shooter that draws me into your fic but I'm reading along and enjoying it.

@anonymousComrade: Good work on Hunters. I'm interested to see where you're going with this, but I'll just enjoy all the Nepetancestor shenanigans in the meantime. Also Dualscar fights. I'll enjoy those too.

Nice work on all those Karkat/Terezi fics you wrote too.

@PingZing: Hot Blooded is still awesome. That's something that hasn't changed.

@Latia: That's some good John/Rose stuff you wrote. Very silly, very funny, I liked it a lot.

[newbonomicon]

Yaaaaay, Graven!

You are the best at space crossovers and it makes me sad that I don't know anything about the animes so I can't follow what you're talking about but still SAXTON HALE!

[Graven_Image]

Seer of Doom

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In the depths of Prospit, a Devilish Deceiver is discovered and executed.

That Deceiver is discovered because an anonymous tip was given to a Patrolling Mercenary in the city.

That anonymous tip was sent by a Conniving Drifter.

That Drifter sent the tip because he was promised a pay raise if the spy was discovered.

That pay raise was lied about to the Drifter by a Sleazy Salaryman, who lied about it because he didn't want to be implicated in the crime.

That crime was discovered by the Black Queen and the Drifter and Salaryman were both exiled for treason.

The Black Queen was notified about the subterfuge involving the Deceiver by a Prospitian Smith.

That Smith was told about the Deceiver by an Apathetic Drywaller.

The Drywaller was told about it by a Pedantic Investigator.

The Investigator told the Drywaller because he had a marked interest in seeing the Salaryman and Drifter gone.

With the Salaryman and the Drifter gone, the Patrolling Mercenary skips their slots on her hit list. She instead hunts down the Mafioso Kleptomaniac.

Her hit list complete, she is introduced by a penpal of hers to the Investigator, and they both live happily ever after.

With the Mafioso's death and no Mercenaries, Investigators, or Deceivers to get in its way, a certain package is not delayed in being sent to the Land of City and Shadow.

Gendo Ikari finds the package, and takes out the White Queen's ring.

All according to plan.

A/N

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That was about as hard to write as it is to follow.

[The Cool]

Seer of Doom

show spoiler

hide spoiler

In the depths of Prospit, a Devilish Deceiver is discovered and executed.

That Deceiver is discovered because an anonymous tip was given to a Patrolling Mercenary in the city.

That anonymous tip was sent by a Conniving Drifter.

That Drifter sent the tip because he was promised a pay raise if the spy was discovered.

That pay raise was lied about to the Drifter by a Sleazy Salaryman, who lied about it because he didn't want to be implicated in the crime.

That crime was discovered by the Black Queen and the Drifter and Salaryman were both exiled for treason.

The Black Queen was notified about the subterfuge involving the Deceiver by a Prospitian Smith.

That Smith was told about the Deceiver by an Apathetic Drywaller.

The Drywaller was told about it by a Pedantic Investigator.

The Investigator told the Drywaller because he had a marked interest in seeing the Salaryman and Drifter gone.

With the Salaryman and the Drifter gone, the Patrolling Mercenary skips their slots on her hit list. She instead hunts down the Mafioso Kleptomaniac.

Her hit list complete, she is introduced by a penpal of hers to the Investigator, and they both live happily ever after.

With the Mafioso's death and no Mercenaries, Investigators, or Deceivers to get in its way, a certain package is not delayed in being sent to the Land of City and Shadow.

Gendo Ikari finds the package, and takes out the White Queen's ring.

All according to plan.

A/N

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hide spoiler

That was about as hard to write as it is to follow.

I...
I actually followed that the first time through!
FUCK YEA