MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[Rimbaum]

OH HEY there's more to this...

Big Brother: Chapter 4

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As usual, over on AO3.

Apparently I'm adding some Dave/John in there. This was not my original intention, but it works.

[Kassiopeia]

wassup,

House Of Shade And Clocks - Chapter Three: Crow's Nest

(While I'm pretty sure this is forum-safe, there is some Rose/Kanaya flirtation, so if that does not float your boat you may wish to stay away!)

Kass out.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Rimbaum: Spoiler for long crit.

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I think you're author tracting in this, Rimbaum. This chapter broke it for me. I like the fic because of the interplay between the canon characters (even John, already) and the plot in general, but everyone else... The people on Dave's side, even Bro, will suddenly break into speeches that sound like quotes taken directly from pro-trans, word-for-word. This happens even if they had perfectly natural dialogue previously. The people against are strawmen that sweat ignorance more than they breathe, and I'll be the first admit that people are assholes, sometimes even to the point of such repetition, but hear me out The woman in the early part of this chapter advanced the plot, so while I found her dialogue irritating (personally and as a writer) I accepted her being there. But somehow, she managed to call someone at CPS that was so alike to her that I actually thought for a while that the original woman had come back. No exaggeration - I only caught on near the end of the chapter that these were not the same person. And then the ending. The CPS woman buckling under Bro's righteous anger (when he hadn't particularly threatened her. He was smirking, and had simply listed some of Dave's troubles and successes. Her reaction is to turn as white as a sheet. This made it seem as though (though I doubt this was your intention) she had never thought about this before and was shocked by it to the point of terror. Texas yes, but in her line of work?) was where it plunged into being a tract. Now I know the subject's hard to cover and people really do act like both, but it makes for poor reading. I know the last person who mentioned you were tracting left without explanation, so there's mine. You can obviously handle interaction with your leads, I don't see why it has to falter on the rest.

[Rimbaum]

@Rimbaum: Spoiler for long crit.

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I think you're author tracting in this, Rimbaum. This chapter broke it for me. I like the fic because of the interplay between the canon characters (even John, already) and the plot in general, but everyone else... The people on Dave's side, even Bro, will suddenly break into speeches that sound like quotes taken directly from pro-trans, word-for-word. This happens even if they had perfectly natural dialogue previously. The people against are strawmen that sweat ignorance more than they breathe, and I'll be the first admit that people are assholes, sometimes even to the point of such repetition, but hear me out The woman in the early part of this chapter advanced the plot, so while I found her dialogue irritating (personally and as a writer) I accepted her being there. But somehow, she managed to call someone at CPS that was so alike to her that I actually thought for a while that the original woman had come back. No exaggeration - I only caught on near the end of the chapter that these were not the same person. And then the ending. The CPS woman buckling under Bro's righteous anger (when he hadn't particularly threatened her. He was smirking, and had simply listed some of Dave's troubles and successes. Her reaction is to turn as white as a sheet. This made it seem as though (though I doubt this was your intention) she had never thought about this before and was shocked by it to the point of terror. Texas yes, but in her line of work?) was where it plunged into being a tract. Now I know the subject's hard to cover and people really do act like both, but it makes for poor reading. I know the last person who mentioned you were tracting left without explanation, so there's mine. You can obviously handle interaction with your leads, I don't see why it has to falter on the rest.

Hrm. I suppose I should have made it a bit more clear that Bro and Dave moved away from Texas. I am glad you mentioned the rest to me, though. I hadn't intended for it to come off like that and will be keeping an eye out for it in future chapters.

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In regards to the CPS lady: again, I could've made this a little clearer, but I figured that a person who's job it is to keep kids safe getting sued for potential child endangerment (in this case breaking Dave's cover and exposing him to harrassment like he'd moved away from) seems like a pretty serious offense.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@Rimbaum: Ooohhh, I see how it played out in her head now, yes. That wasn't clear, then, I suppose. I can't see her outright saying it of course, but Bro's calculated, I can see now that he was aiming to do that to trip her up.

[Rimbaum]

@Rimbaum: Ooohhh, I see how it played out in her head now, yes. That wasn't clear, then, I suppose. I can't see her outright saying it of course, but Bro's calculated, I can see now that he was aiming to do that to trip her up.

Exactly. He made a bluff and she was too scared to try and call him out on it. I can probably at least add in a line to make that a little clearer. I rarely go back and fix already-written fanfic chapters unless it's something glaringly obvious, but since this could cause such a big trip-up I don't have much issue with going back to add in something relatively little.


A thought I'd like to point out: I'm admittedly painting some worst-case scenarios and skimming over some of the better times Dave has had, because, well... I feel like those are the things Bro would focus on. You don't hear about the nice girl at school who was weirded out but talked to your kid anyway - you hear about the bullies that tried to pummel them into the ground.

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But you'll get to see happier stuff soon because there's ideas I have that are going to require me to go into Dave's POV

[SkaianRedeemer]

A thought I'd like to point out: I'm admittedly painting some worst-case scenarios and skimming over some of the better times Dave has had, because, well... I feel like those are the things Bro would focus on. You don't hear about the nice girl at school who was weirded out but talked to your kid anyway - you hear about the bullies that tried to pummel them into the ground.

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But you'll get to see happier stuff soon because there's ideas I have that are going to require me to go into Dave's POV

I don't begrudge you focusing on what's probably the more interesting parts of the story, but I stand by my crit of the believability of characters perpetrating them. Whether or not that opinion has any impact on how you write it is up to you.

[METEORS]

Went ahead and added a second chapter

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In which four children play god

I wanted to see if the jump from the ultra vague/cryptic first chapter to this seemingly totally unrelated second chapter went over well.

[liefErikson]

I couldn't stop seeing this, Meteors.

[METEORS]

I couldn't stop seeing this, Meteors.

I've made it my duty to make BONK appear once. On my honor.

[wilySubversionist]

I'm so sorry, y'all, I've been too much of an asshole and too much of a hobo to really read much here lately, so I'll just drop this off and see my way out. I'll do better next time, baby, I promise.

[sarasvati]

I'm so sorry, y'all, I've been too much of an asshole and too much of a hobo to really read much here lately, so I'll just drop this off and see my way out. I'll do better next time, baby, I promise.

i can't even express how rad this crossover is, i really can't. all the awesome words i would use have been taken by word pirates and are now hoarded in pickles' model, where no one but you can reach them.

also i too am going to be an asshole and drop off my latest: with accurate devotions, chapter 1

it's a mass effect crossover and the next installment in my giant (dumb) crossover project. if you've ever wanted to read about dave as a lab rat/crazy person, with promises of jade and john the quarians and rose as commander shepard in future chapters, then boy do i have a deal for YOU.

[anonymousComrade]

It's been a while, fanfiction thread! I haven't been posting much, I know, but I still write, and I've come to post another chapter of my ancestor series.

I also wrote a couple of other things that I just realized I never posted here: a fic about Karkat growing wings, and another bit of Karkat/Terezi fluff inspired by some fanart. Maybe I'll post them here later, but for now, they're AO3 links. Don't worry, they're safe for work, I'm just lazy and don't feel like formatting them for the forums at the moment!

Re: Champion, part 7 - Hunter

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The third week is when he starts panicking.

Karkinos's continued existence as a Threshecutioner is based on a grand lie, but it is a lie that he has been able to keep up until very recently. Acquiring the ingredients for hemoshift has never been easy or cheap; he has to order materials from different vendors (and the occasional smuggler) every time, under different names, in different quantities and alongside other chemicals he doesn't need to deflect suspicion.

But around the time his respiteblock was raided, coming by the materials for hemoshift has proven impossible. Packages arrive minus the key ingredients, or not at all. One by one, his black market contacts go dark.

Someone's fucking with him, and it's starting to piss him off.

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He's getting desperate. One final dose of hemoshift stashed in the ceiling is all he has left, and it's been over a week since his last injection. He's already pushing it, he's certain his blood has already taken a visibly orange tone, and he's due to be medically cleared for the battlefield again within the next few days.

He doesn't have much choice. Karkinos makes the decision to use the last of the drug.

He pulls up the chair and pushes aside the tile, as he's done countless times. He feels around in the darkness for the syringe and is mildly annoyed when he doesn't find it. He moves his desk over to get some additional height, in order to look for it. The possibility exists that he simply pushed it away the last time he accessed his hemoshift stores.

He's not expecting to meet the gaze of a red-eyed grinning intruder.

(He only gets as far as "What the f--" before his head strikes the ground and all is dark.)

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He wakes up in his own respiteblock, lying prone against the wall, arms restrained behind his back and tired of being on the receiving end of head injuries. He expends the effort to at least right himself and sit up, back to the wall, and notices the figure in front of him.

She's about his height, lean, shoulder-length hair and pointed horns, blood somewhere between blue and green if her outfit is any indication. She sports a pair of round, bright red glasses that he thinks maybe he's seen somewhere before, but it doesn't matter because it clicks that this was the person who attacked him.

"The fuck is this about?" he asks her.

"Mr. Histrellin. You put up less of a fight than I anticipated."

"Maybe if you didn't hide in my fucking ceiling and ambush me, I would have stood a chance, you crazy bitch. The hell is this about? You my secret loather or something? I gotta say, I probably have better blackrom prospects than you, lady."

She groans at the suggestion. "Typical Threshecutioner, always thinking with your bulge. No, I assure you, this is strictly business. I presume you were looking for this?" Her hand reaches inside her overcoat and pulls out a syringe.

Karkinos's poker face breaks, but only for an instant. "The fuck is that?"

"Don't play stupid with me, I know hemoshift when I see it."

"Hemo-what? Are you some kind of drug cop?"

"Hemoshift. It's a drug lowbloods use to push themselves up the spectrum, but I'm sure you're well aware of that already. I've seen it a few times in my line of work. The question is, what was it doing in your respiteblock?"

She paces as she continues. "I've been watching you, Histrellin. Investigating. You're obviously making it yourself, judging from the fact that I found the equipment and ingredients in here."

"Then you also know I had all kinds of other shit in here, too. Chemistry's been a hobby of mine since I was a youngling," he lies. "Doesn't mean I'm slinging shit."

"Maybe. But even so, nothing's disappearing at the rate of hemoshift ingredients, which suggests a correlation." She sees right through his bullshit. "Moving on, I don't think you're dealing. Your spending habits aren't changing, you live on a fixed amount of scarabs and you don't make extravagant purchases."

She leans in, closer to his face, and gives him a toothy, unsettling grin. "No. I think you're using. So what's your true color? Mustard? Rust? Maroon?"

He shoots her a death glare that only serves to make her cackle at him. "Did I guess right? What shade of red do you bleed, Histrellin? Crimes against the hemospectrum will end with you getting culled, guaranteed, lowblood."

He's about to spit in her face when the ship is rocked by some sort of collision or explosion, forceful enough to knock the interrogator off-balance.

"The hell was that?" Almost in response, klaxons sound throughout the ship as the call comes over the PA system.

(Attention, all crew: Code 19 is in effect, I repeat, Code 19 is in effect.)

Karkinos's eyes shoot wide open. His captor isn't sure what's going on.

"What's Code 19?" she asks.

"...We're being boarded," he replies without looking at her.

"Boarded?"

"By the Oni, moron. We won't stand a chance if I'm restrained like this. You've gotta undo the cuffs or we're both as good as dead."

"Like hell I am!"

"Have you even seen an Oni up close? They're tough as nails and they'll kill you without a second fucking thought. I've fought these bastards for almost an entire sweep. Undo the cuffs, or we're both gonna die."

"And let you get away? No, I'm not fucking up this one."

"Where the hell am I going to go? If there's a warrant for my arrest, where exactly on an Empire-controlled ship am I going to escape to?"

"You are my prisoner and my mission is to escort you to the captain. Nothing will stand in my way, and I'm sure as hell not going to give you a chance to escape!"

"Suzach." His voice drops to a low growl as the name runs by his tongue. "I should have fucking known."

She steps over him and leans down to his level. "You know the captain?"

"Shit, know him? He's my fucking Squad Leader, and the bastard's had it out for me since day fucking one. That nooksniffer doesn't give a shit about me kicking the ass of every Oni I've crossed paths with, he only gives a shit that I bleed green among the bluebloods."

"But you don't have green blood, do you."

He glares daggers at her again, but it does nothing to wipe that infuring grin off her face. But that's okay, Karkinos thinks to himself. His face falls into a smirk.

"You know, lady, you're a pain. Leaving my hands tied like this and continuing the interrogation, even knowing the Oni are on board. I guess that makes you good at your job."

"I pride myself on my work, Histrellin."

"Yeah, you're a real piece of work, alright. Just one problem."

She makes a puzzled expression at him as she asks, "Oh? And what's that?"

He imitates her sharktoothed grin as he says, "You forgot to restrain my legs."

For an all-too-brief instant, she realizes what he means; she doesn't have enough time to respond to it before he twists his body, lowers his torso and brings his leg round, sending it crashing into the side of her head. Her body falls to the ground with a thud as her glasses, twisted and broken from the force of the kick, clatter across the respiteblock.

He makes his way to his feet, a bit shaky but he manages. There's only one troll on the ship who he thinks could get him out of this predicament and not ask too many questions.

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"You want me to what?"

"Use your fucking heat vision or whatever freaky power you've got and break me out of these handcuffs."

Casparr shakes his head. "Firtht of all, you colothhal bulge," he says as he waves one hand over Karkinos's left handcuff, "I don't have heat vithion. Nobody doeth, it'd fucking burn out your eyeth the firtht time you uthed it. It'th a concuthhive forthe."

"So... you shoot punches from your eyes?"

"That'th the thtupidetht way I've ever heard it put, but thure, we'll go with that if you underthtand it. And thecond," he continues as his hands start glowing blue and red, "if I uthed it to break thothe rethtrainth, they'd pulverithe your handth into a fine green mitht."

Casparr pulls his glowing hands apart, and the chain linking the restraints snaps, freeing Karkinos. "Nah, in thith cathe, telekinethith will more than thuffithe."

That doesn't get rid of the cuffs themselves, which are still plainly visible over his uniform's sleeves, but at least his hands are free to use a weapon, should they meet with an Oni infiltration team.

"Tho... why were you in cuffth?"

"Suzach hired some fucking cop to snoop around and bring me in for 'crimes against the hemospectrum' or some shit. First chance I got, I kicked her in the face and ran."

"...Goddamnit, Kark." Casparr starts pacing around his respiteblock. "Thith ith thome pretty theriouth thhit. Are you lying about your blood?"

"No, I'm fucking not," he lies. "But it sounds like Suzach just wants to nail me on some trumped-up charge to get me out of the Threshecutioners." Not even his best friend knows his true blood color.

Casparr shrugs at him. "I guethh tho. Fucking guy'th a bigot, through and through, I know that much. Only met him onthe, fucking nookthucker wouldn't even thhake my fucking hand. Looked at me like I wath thome kinda freak." He reaches for a jar of pellets stored on one of his shelves.

"What are those?"

"Inthectithide. If the boarderth aren't repelled thoon, it'th up to me to douthe the mainframe hiveth with it."

"Damn, you think they'll enact the Protocol?"

"Fuck if I know. Gotta be prepared for the wortht, though, right?"

"Well, I'm off, then. I gotta get to the bottom of this."

"Thhiiiiit, Kark, you thinkin' of takin' Thuthach on? What fucking good ith that gonna do?"

"No, gonna snoop around his quarters, see what I can find. But I don't intend on going down without a fight, if it comes down to that. Here's hoping I see you again after this, bro." He drapes his rifle across his shoulders and holds his arm out for a fist bump. Instead of returning it, Casparr hands him some kind of data module.

"Ithebreaker. It'll fill the lock to hith rethpiteblock with junk data, overload it, and that thhould open the door. It'th only good for one uthe, though. You didn't get it from me, by the way."

"Heh. Thanks." Karkinos pockets it and leaves.

("Good luck, buddy," he mutters to himself, before Karkinos leaves his respiteblock.)

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The lone Oni he runs into on his way to Suzach's quarters never saw him coming. One round to the back of the head puts it down for good. Karkinos thinks most of the fighting must be contained to the other side of the ship, otherwise he'd encounter more resistance.

He arrives and the door's locked, just as he imagined it'd be. It's no problem for Casparr's icebreaker, though. He plugs it into the port usually reserved for the digital key, then lets it do its work. The door slides open within the minute.

It doesn't take him long to find what he's looking for, hiding among other papers. It's an official request form for the Guild of Bounty Hunterminators. It seems Suzach used his position to put a bounty on Karkinos's head, marking him as a wanted troll. There'll be no escape unless he can get the bounty cancelled somehow.

But how?

That thought is cut short when Karkinos hears the sound of approaching footsteps, followed shortly by someone standing in the doorway.

"Histrellin. Should have known it was you. Saves me the trouble of hunting you down, at least!" Suzach taunts, before drawing his handgun.

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Meanwhile, in Karkinos's respiteblock, the KO'd hunter stirs. She stands shakily to her feet, trying to get a bearing on time and location.

Oh. Right. The target kicked me in the side of the head, she thinks to herself.

She notices her broken glasses lying on the floor, lenses cracked and frame twisted. Goddamnit, these were my favorites. She pulls another pair, these more pointed than the last, as well as a wireless earpiece from the inside of her overcoat. She attaches it to her ear, then presses the transmitter.

"Byakka, this is Aitris. The target kicked me in the face, then got away. Knocked my ass out cold."

The voice on the other end of the line replies, "That's no good. Any idea where he went?"

"He mentioned something about the captain being his Squad Leader. Seems they have a history together, and not a good one."

"Think he went to confront him?"

"It's a possibility, and we don't have any other leads at the moment. I'm going to the captain's quarters. Aitris out."

"Good luck, Aitris! Byakka out!"

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Karkinos uses the opening left by Suzach while he reloads his pistol to reload his own weapon. He tries to peer around the overturned table he's using for cover but a trio of shots sends him back behind it.

Getting out of this is going to be tough. Suzach has the advantage in both firing and reloading speed, and that pistol weighs a lot less than Karkinos's rifle so he's quicker on the draw, too. He's going to have to get inside Suzach's head if he's going to win this one.

"Hey, Captain! What's the deal with sending a goddamn bounty hunter after me?"

"You're an affront to the hemospectrum," he responds as he peers around the doorway, trying to get an angle on Karkinos. "I don't know what foul hue is your true color, but you don't belong in the ranks of the Threshecutioners. I will see you purged!"

In one quick motion, Karkinos moves out of hiding and takes a shot, narrowly missing Suzach as he scrambles for cover again. "Yeah, yeah, something about drugs. I wasn't paying attention before I KO'd her but I think we both know they were planted," he bluffs.

"You lie, scumblood. I found them once during your trial, and the hunter rediscovered them during her investigation."

"You know what I think, Suzach?" Karkinos asks as he reloads to replace the one shot he's fired. "I think you're letting your completely obvious hatebulge for me get the better of you. You know romance of any kind between soldiers except for ashen is against the rules, right? Shit's downright unprofessional."

That did it. Suzach charges at him in a rage during what he thinks is an opening.

Unfortunately for Suzach, Karkinos finishes reloading his weapon before he anticipated. He takes a shot, hitting Suzach in the shoulder and making him drop his pistol.

Unfortunately for Karkinos, that doesn't stop him, not from charging and not from drawing his sickle and knocking the rifle from his hands.

Karkinos draws his own sickle in time to parry Suzach's follow-up. Suzach pushes off him and ducks the counter-attack, but not the foot sweep. He brings his weapon up to block Karkinos's in time, then kicks him away, giving him time to return to his feet. Karkinos charges him again, nicking the arm as blue seeps into Suzach's sleeve. Suzach brings his sickle around again, but Karkinos jumps back to dodge.

Karkinos is about to follow up with another assault when a voice shouts "Freeze!" from the doorway. Both men look at the source of the command to find the bounty hunter who tried to capture Karkinos earlier, pointing her handgun at him. He drops his sickle and it clatters to the ground as Suzach laughs.

"And now the tables have turned. Well? What are you waiting for? Shoot him!"

She shakes her head. "Orders were to bring him in alive."

"What do you think is going to happen to him? He's going to be culled once it's all over. Might as well execute the scumblood now!"

And there's that word. Scumblood. She turns it over in her mind.

"You're going to be killed for this, Histrellin. For defying the hemospectrum, and for attacking a superior officer."

"For attacking a-- you fired at me first!"

"I had to. You were snooping around in my quarters. Doing what? Maybe you're a traitor, too. Maybe you're selling secrets to the Oni, and it was up to Captain Vermille Suzach to stop you."

"That's bullshit and you know it! I've done nothing but fight for Alternia since day fucking one and you've done nothing but give me shit for it!"

"I can't have your filthy sludge polluting my Threshecutioners. One way or another, I will have you purged!"

A trio of gunshots ring out. Karkinos opens his eyes, and is surprised to find the hunter pointing her still-smoking gun at Suzach, who has fallen to one knee, clutching his stomach. Rivulets of azure stream down his arm and droplets fall to the floor as he gasps for breath.

Slowly, the hunter makes her way to him, gun trained on him all the while. "It's become clear to me now, Captain. Something felt off about this assignment ever since I got here, and now I know why. You seemed too eager for me to bring him in. It was less like I was bringing in a criminal and more like I was doing you a favor. But I get it now."

She places the pistol against his forehead as he kneels. "This isn't a case of wrongdoing, is it, Captain? He hasn't broken any laws at all, has he?!"

"There were ingredients for the blood color-changing drug in his respiteblock. You said you found them yourself."

"They're common chemicals found damn near everywhere, and he's a fucking chemist by trade, which you would have figured out if you'd done any goddamn research for yourself!" Karkinos tries his hardest not to flinch at that; she really bought it? He hadn't been expecting that. "But no, you didn't, did you? That was part of your plan, wasn't it? To stay ignorant so you could say you didn't know if it were ever brought up!"

She pulls the gun away, only long enough to cock it before returning it to Suzach's head. "No, this wasn't me bringing in a bounty and catching a criminal. This was me doing your dirty work for you. This was personal. If you wanted a contract killing, you should have hired a Mercenerator, or a Laughssassin, not a Bounty Hunterminator. This is a gross misuse of empire funds. Do you know how much it costs to outfit a hunter? Not to mention the costs of covert operations and the fact that the bounty itself is paid out by the empire! But hiring a Laughssassin wouldn't have looked good on you, would it? No, people might start saying you really did have it out for this guy. That your blood prejudice was blinding you to the truth, that he really does have the skills his record says he has and you were just holding him back because he's a greenblood. You had to make him out to be a criminal on some made-up charge so you could have him taken out, and no one would have asked any questions."

She sighs before continuing. "Do you know what the penalty is for using government funding to contract a Bounty Hunterminator to settle a personal grudge, Captain?"

BLAM

"Culling. Immediate, to be carried out by the contracted hunter, if at all possible," she answers, as Suzach's lifeless body slumps to the floor.

Karkinos just stares wide-eyed. Did... did she just execute the captain?!

"Hey, I hate to bother you in the middle of fucking courtblock sentencing and all, but in case you've forgotten, there are still enemy goddamn troops on board just waiting to kill our asses! And you just culled the leader of the entire outfit here!"

"I thought you couldn't stand the guy," she replies as she takes a key from her pocket and undoes his broken handcuffs.

"Hated the shit out of him in the most platonic way possible. But who's going to call the shots now?" He snorts at her. "And on top of that, there's still the matter of the warrant out for my arrest."

"Hold on, I'll take care of it." She pulls a transceiver from her overcoat. "Chief? It's me, the Histrellin bounty is a no-go. Fucking guy thinks the Guild is his own personal army of hitmen, or he did, anyway. Yeah, took care of it myself. Just clear his file, I don't see wrongdoing here. Aitris out."

He glares at her. "Like hell you're giving up that easy."

"Listen, Histrellin, let me lay it down for you. The hemospectrum is bullshit. It's institutionalized bulge-waving that gets in the way of real justice, plain and simple. I don't give a damn what color you bleed, so I'm not gonna ask."

She turns to leave and he says, "You gonna be okay out there by yourself? I wasn't kidding when I told you how ruthless the Oni are."

She shoots him a smirk and replies, "I think I can take care of myself. Question is, can you?" And with that, she makes her exit.

"...the hell kind of question is that?" Karkinos mutters to himself as he picks his sickle up off the floor and sheathes it, then takes another glance at Suzach's body before the comms channel crackles to life on his earpiece.

"All combat units, report to the starboard docking gate! All combat units are needed to repel the boarders, all non-essential personnel are hereby ordered to the escape pods! Repeat, all combat units..."

He shoulders his rifle and begins the trek to the docking gate.

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(Sweeps in the future...)

CG: SO, I WAS THINKING EARLIER TODAY.
CG: I REMEMBERED THE DAY WE MET, AND I REALIZED SOMETHING.
CG: I NEVER APOLOGIZED FOR KICKING YOU IN THE HEAD.
CG: I NEVER THANKED YOU FOR SAVING MY SORRY ASS, EITHER.
CG: SO... I GUESS WHAT I'M SAYING IS, THANKS FOR MAKING SURE SUZACH DIDN'T KILL ME.
CG: AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME GO, TOO.
CG: AND I'M SORRY FOR KNOCKING YOU OUT, ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE THAT'S HAPPENED.
CG: GOD, WHAT A FUCKUP I AM, RIGHT?
CG: YOU KNOW, SOMETHING YOU TOLD ME BACK THEN INSPIRED EVERYTHING I'M DOING NOW, IN A WAY.
CG: I KNOW YOU CAN'T RISK ASSOCIATING YOURSELF WITH ALL OF IT, BUT...
CG: I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE KNOWING THAT.
CG: FUCK, TWINHORN SAYS THEY'RE ONTO US, THE CHANNEL WON'T BE SECURE MUCH LONGER.
CG: I HOPE WE CAN SEE EACH OTHER IN PERSON AGAIN SOON.
CG: UNTIL THEN, REDGLARE.
-- crimsonGeneral [CG] ceased trolling gallantCrusader [GC] --

Notes:

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Sometimes you plan things out in advance

Sometimes you fall asleep at the keyboard at 5 AM after a mad fit of typing, then wake up to an open Notepad window with something glorious in it

I had no idea Suzach would die in this chapter when I started writing it. This is because I mostly make this shit up as I go. Actually I find sometimes that's for the better! But not always (this is why some of my writing is absolute garbage, I'm sure)

I also had no idea she was going to be such a stone-cold badass until I wrote that, but that's how it happens

By the way, have you read Hunters yet? Maybe you should if not! It's about a bounty Aitris and her partner Byakka tried to bring in before this one. I swear this will be the last time I try to plug that fic.

Also it cold sucks to write for someone with a lisp

[KarneWarrior]

ADJOURN
I

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The door shimmered like fireflies. Egbert glanced at his counterpart and stood out of the way, motioning to the knob.

"You do it. You earned it."

The new John gulped, but nodded and put his hand on the knob. New Rose licked her lips, Vriska's dead eyes blinked as she leaned forward, Strider's cool facade was broken by a tapping foot, everyone at the edge of their seats. John twisted the handle and opened the door...

**********

"Well, this is a rather dismal setting for a reward." Lalonde stated when she stepped through the portal

"You can say that again." Said Rose.

Karkat raised a hand to his eyes to block out the sun. "What are you talking about, this place is fucking bright."

Vriska nodded in agreement.

John stepped forward, a natural leader. "Well, we're supposed to make the best of this, aren't we?"

"We need some shelters right now. And food."

"If nepeta hadn't thtayed behind she could have hunted..."

"Why is it every fucking time someone leaves or stays behind is the time we really fucking need them!?"

"'Cause the game's still fucking with us." Said Strider cooly.

"You two cease your fucking." Said Lalonde. She grabbed a branch and struggled to snap it off. With some effort she managed to produce something resembling firewood. She turned and tossed it at a sniggering Karkat. "Well, Vantas, it seems as if you're on firewood duty."

"No way-"

"Good idea, we'll do better if we split up. Egbert, me and you should explore the region with Aradia, since we can fly." said John.

Vriska made a noise not unlike a scorned dog.

"Vriska will hunt in place of Nepeta, for now. She has experience with killing things." Vriska and Egbert looked hurt. John ignored them. "Sollux, you and everyone else work on getting shelters up." Everyone nodded and got to work immediately; the sun was about to go down, and both species knew that dangerous things roamed the night.

**********

"So, to recap, we can use Sburb and Sgrub to copy anything from our old homes into our new world, just like we did in the game." Dave said.

"Yes." Said Harley, nodding behind the telescopes she used for glasses.

"So, we're all idiots."

"If you want to look at it that way..."

"Yeah, we're all idiots. Bumbling around, shitting our pants, or we would be, if they weren't on our head, so instead we squawk like birds and shit on flat planes of wood."

"Uhh..."

"Like morons."

"You're a little grosser than my Dave..."

"I think you're just envious of my Jade."

"No, I'm pretty sure I could do without the shit jokes."

"Whatever."

"Umm... On that note, I think this conversation is over."

*********

Karkat looked at the structure and back at Egbert, then back at the structure.

"What the fuck is this?"

"A crib! Jade says the babies should be arriving any minute, so me and Vriska thought-"

"Vriska was in on this?!"

"We are bunking with each other."

"That doesn't mean you have to... But she's a... You're a... Wait bunking?"

"Uhh, yeah dude. Did you think we were supposed to be sleeping in the same bed with each other?" Egbert blushed.

"No, of course not! That would be weird..."

"Dude..."

"No."

"You and Terezi..."

"No shut up."

Egbert doubled over laughing as Karkat turned a bright candy red.

"Fuck you Egbert! Fuck you for that! If you dare tell anyone that me and Terezi have been sharing a Recoupracoon (We so haven't!) I will spray your intestines all over this fucked up town and-"

Egbert was laughing far too hard to care.

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For the confused:

Pre-scratch John = Egbert
post-scratch John = John
pre-scratch Rose = Lalonde

So-on and so forth...

Trolls that did not leave Death:

Tavros
Equius & Nepeta
all dreamselves
Eridan
Feferi
Gamzee ( ( )

And yeah the bulk of the story is going to take place when they're about 16, so this is the intervening time, or at least snippets to help keep us up to speed.

ADJOURN
II

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The air was still around the machine, where several young men and women waited with bated breath. The construct was stark white in contrast to it's surroundings; grey stone walls, covered in posters of childrens shows and furry creatures frolicing in meadows. It bleeped once, and a display began scrolling genetic code. A girl with long dark hair bit her lip in anticipation.

The machine bleeped twice and opened a drawer. Lying inside, swathed in sky blue cloth, was the first child born on that planet.

It was picked up by a woman with long, black hair. Bright orange horns jutted out of her head like weapons of war, and one of her sleeves was torn messily off of her jacket, but she picked up the child gently enough. Hearts beating rapidly, she delivered the baby into the arms of a man wearing horn rimmed glasses, who looked at the baby as though it were a forign object. The girl next to him drew him and the baby up into a hug, and the grey-skinned woman shot a sad smile at them.

The babies were coming.

*********

"Well, what are we supposed to feed it?!"

"I don't know, why would I know?"

"You're a troll! They don't teach you these things?"

"Why would they?! Egbert, You really can't fucking expect us to have information that even adults don't have!"

"Vriska,"

"Fuck you!"

"Vriska, we can't just starve it."

"Why not????????"

The grub wriggled around and gurgled happily in the midday sun. It gazed in wonder as a butterfly landed on a nearby blade of grass.

"Because that would be mean!"

"Mean, shmean. Like we should care what a little wriggler does."

"We should Vriska, it's YOUR species- OH MY GOD." John rushed over and failed to extract the butterfly before the grub ate it. John looked horrified. The grub giggled and burped up a single wing.

"Weeeeeeeeell," Vriska deadpanned, "I guess we don't have to feed it after all. Just take it on a walk."

**********

Charlie looked at his father one more time. Like always, Daddies face was completely emotionless, while Mommy seemed to have enough feelings for the both of them.

Now here he was, placed in a strange pen with this strange thing. It was a vivid shade of purple and had fins on it, but the main thing that weirded Charlie out was the eight legs. Of course, Charlie couldn't count out to eight, but he did know that more than two was weird and alien.

It nudged him slightly with it's horns. Charlie wondered if it was trying to be friendly or if it was just incapable of any more threatening attacks. To find this out, he gave the thing a giant hug.

The legs tore up his clothes. They were sharp! Charlie cried so that his mom would rush in and try to help him, but his dad teleported in instead and took him home. Having a dad that was the Knight of Time was cool!

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A bit lackluster, but I'm tired of trying to fix it, so I guess you guys'll have to dead until next time.

[Rimbaum]

I just keep cranking these out...

Big Brother: Chapter 5

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Over on AO3 Had so much fun writing from Dave's POV. It was so hard, but damn was it worth the effort.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Anyone can enjoy this fic (at least that's the hope!), but for the record it is set the day after the long-coming and still upcoming Chapter 16 of A Hand in Holding Hands.

And a one and a two and a cold opening!

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Someone.

Stole.

YOUR!

CUUUUUUUPCAAAAAAAKES!

This is an outrage! A scandal! A fist-shaking incident of most epic proportions! Never in your long, storied career as a twisted shiv of justice have you ever been so brazenly countered by those forces you seek to snuff out! Never before has the foul stench of the criminal suborder crawled into your heart of hearts and plucked out something of your own as a slap in the face of your authority! You know what this means. It is time to return to your post. To crawl out of your self-imposed retirement and face the foul face of society head-on! Let the moral dredges of society know that while they may be hidden past the mists of confusion, there is nowhere they can hide from the infinite elastic reach of the gel filled, extendable action figure that is the LAW!

Your name is TEREZI PYROPE and you are on an UNBELIEVABLE POWER TRIP. You feel imbued with the spirit of those AIMLESS RENEGADES that came together to form the iron bands of society, which might explain certain recent turns of phrase. But no matter! No matter your zeal the GUILTY and INNOCENT will be punished appropriately, when not evenly. Your MIND is steady, ready to sniff out EVIDENCE, and you will use that EVIDENCE to shatter the LIES and CONTRADICTIONS of your enemies and bring them JUSTICE until their feet stop twitching!

So what was stolen again?

Turnabout Cupcake

Introduction

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DAY 62 HOUR 1
3CTOB1OLOGY L4B
T4URUS ROOM 10

The scene of the crime. Your natural element. You feel the pang of injustice but also the allure of the hunt. Also: hunger. You could really go for some sugar-sweet baking coated with a coloured glaze. ...In hindsight, the hunger may be equivalent to the pang of injustice. Best get to work.

You're in a small off-branch of Tavros' section of the ecto lab that serves as home and prison to sixteen bored, hormonal, cabin-feverish TEENAGERS confined by a space-and-time-hopping demon DOGMAN. In a broader sense, your feverish, inebriated juggalo-friend has informed you that you're inside of a branch timeline created by a mad ELDER GOD for some unknown end game. He informed you of this while dribbling sopor out of one corner of his lips and babbling about a two-headed bifurcated goat monster, while chuckling. Thankfully, prosecutor's guidelines already insist on thorough note-taking regardless of the certainty of one's canonicity, so someone who knows nothing about this timeline should probably get along fine.

The room is neatly arranged, with an OVEN in the centre of the northern well surrounded by the usual assortment of BELLS AND SNARES any reasonable person keeps about their dessert foods during preparation. To the south rests a RECOUPERACOON surrounded by chairs and CIRCUS KNICKKNACKS. The recouperacoon contains the happily gurgling half-conscious form of one GAMZEE MAKARA. The exit is to the EAST.

Time to get down to business!


> Terezi: Switch modus to "Court Record".

Aha! An excellent first move. The Court Record modus ejects any evidence put into it with force and sound violent enough to shatter any argument! The trouble is that you can only get anything out of it if you PRESENT the evidence against a LOGICAL INCONSISTENCY. Also, it becomes very hard to get anything else out of there for any other reason. All the more incentive!

You hook up your SYLLADEX to your glasses, which start to smell of SECRET CODES. These codes appear just under an item's name whenever you add it to your inventory, and just under the heading for every part of a CONFRONTATION. Luckily you can smell the vanilla hidden text no problem, because someone else would have to highlight it to see it. That's kind of hard to do with glasses! How about a test run, in the realm of imagination?

- CONFRONTATION –
Tutorial

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[1]
1kzyo 054bd z1638 3r307
AG: I did 8! It was me! Hahahahahahahaha!
GC: 1 KN3W 1T 4LL 4LONG!

[2]
24741 3gi1c i477x 0z14s
AG: 8ut now that you've stum8led on to my pl8ns, I have to...
AG: uH...
AG: tEREZI, aRE YOU REALLY ALL THAT WORRIED ABOUT FORGETTING YOUR STUFF?
GC: 1 COULD G3T RUSTY!
GC: >:[ YOU WOULDN'T W4NT TH4T WOULD YOU?
AG: bUT I'M NOT EVEN REALLY VRISKA.
GC: JUST R3AD YOUR L1NES!

[CONCLUSION]
That sure is a slippery thief! If only you could prove something she said was a lie. Wait! Didn't she say she wasn't Vriska? But she's clearly Vriska, in every possible way! If only you had some sort of EVIDENCE to prove this CONTRADITION!

Maybe you do? You had better check your hypothetical court record. Of course, this a list of all the evidence you found in your tireless investigation – you can't really expect it to be lying around when you're chasing a real perp!

You think about your interview and realize there's a glaring CONTRADITION to be exposed in one of the BLOCKs of text! To find it, you check out your hypothetical court record (below) and find the evidence that PROVES it! Last, to make sure, you highlight the text next to the [Number] above the block of interrogation you think is suspicious, and then you highlight the text under the evidence's name! If even one of the SECRET CODES match between the EVIDENCE and the BLOCK, than your then your guilty party will be dragged into the boiling sunlight! It'll be fun! Try it, and then check the –RESULTS- section to see how you did.


HYPOTHETICAL COURT RECORD

Grubpaste
3399m 1qjpg yv5q6 u1f1x
If you're going to show them off all the time, you might as well use the best! Harvested from the pulpated bodies of your distant younger cousins. Cherry flavoured!

1/2 Swordcane of Fafnir [equipped]
bi38e 2lwo0 12hem az9px
The product of a happier time. High power, poor range when unsheathed. Lv. Min 78.

Vriska's Stupid Ugly Face
g74l5 0z14s m643a 82v73
You'll never forget that stupid, ugly face, but now you can use it as evidence too! Maybe you could prove that Vriska is Vriska if she says she isn't? That seems like something she'd do. It's good to be prepared. ...Wait, how did this get in here?


- Results -

Yeah, what was Vriska thinking, pretending to not be herself when you could just prove she is with her stupid, ugly face? Did you compare the codes? Well here they are just to be sure. You can see the match for yourself!

Block [2]:
24741 3gi1c i477x 0z14s

Vriska's Stupid Ugly Face:
g74l5 0z14s m643a 82v73

Of course, there'd be nothing to stop you from just reading on once you're done writing it. But that's why you're solving the case before you write it up, silly! Sheesh. Anyway, it's pretty clear that this case report is only going to be about as fun as you're willing to make it! Better not spoil yourself unless you really have to!

Well, that was fun, but you think you've been standing in the middle of the room staring at nothing for long enough. The guilty will have been thrown off your tracks by now. Back to work, slacker!

> Terezi: Fetch your magnifying glass at once!

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GAMZEE'S ROOM

> Terezi: Examine the scene of the crime.

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Except for the telling lack of cupcakes, things smell pretty much like you left them, which is intriguing. After all, you've pretty much turned the ground into a deathtrap. The OVEN is surrounded by all sorts of TRAPS: primed, readied and frustratingly unoccupied. The oven as a curious stand-out, the rest of the wall would barely supply a KITCHENETTE, and did not see much use before your impromptu baking experiment. You and the other suspect Tavros' section of the lab was meant to be used for those in quarantine. Appropriate, considering.


> Terezi: Check the traps.

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Nope, still empty. These traps have not seen Troll, Human, Underling or even vermin since you first set them down days ago, before you burned your first three batches. You're not sure if they're even working, and so prod one with your cane, to be rewarded with a satisfying snap-jingle! You think you'll take this one with you!


Custom Traps
32465 m5x70 6q3a1 8fzz8
A combination bear trap / sleigh bell emsemble. No one could get past your setup without triggering both or the latter.

> Terezi: Check your convective cooking contraption.

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Good, the oven did turn itself off when the timer exhausted. The one you had at home was never so generous. Not an ideal quality for treehouse appliances. The oven is spotless – as it should be considering you had to replace it after the second batch. There are no signs of interference. A quick dusting by your forensic team returns no fingerprints either: neither the shattered-glass prints of your fellow Trolls or the whorls of the Humans. Of course, that's not surprising, considering the oven mitt sitting abandoned on top.


Oven Mitt
5j285 gh52c u14x1 0n1y5
A copy of a mitt that once belonged to John's Dad before you all duplicated it a few dozen times and removed it from all sentimentality. One of those unfortunate decorative kinds that are so concerned about floral patterns they don't even have pads on their backs. This one's a lefty – the other sort of caught fire with the rest of the old oven.

> Terezi: Check the inside

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Your thief made tidy work of the inside of the oven. That is to say, you're fairly sure many of your cohorts don't even know how to use the thing and you're surprised not to half the cupcakes upended inside. Oh well.

> Terezi: Prepare a light snack.

Absolutely not! But you will check out the kitchenette.

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The kitchenette is barely stocked enough to serve coffee, and since only one or two of you drink the stuff, you might as well consider it empty. A pot, a shaker full of sugar, some old mugs, and a dashing HAT lie here. More important, as far as you're concerned, that is, is the metal muffin tray lying right in the centre. And without a cooling rack, even! For shame.


> Terezi: Don this fine apparel.

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John gave you this hat because he said it would probably help you stop burning things when you bake! You can't deny that you did stop burning things after you wore it, but you don't really think it helped. If anything, this hat is only good for making eggs.

Hardboiled. Get it?

Wait, wait! Hold on. Take one of the trench coats Nepeta gave you when it stopped dragging on the floor, convince your sylladex that trenchcoats are inherently fallible, and...


Detective Outfit
4qq90 9x7d9 58grn p4dhq
3XC3LL3NT. Compensation: Adequate. H3H3H3H3H3... Okay, now you're for serious ready to solve this case.

> Terezi: Examine the pan of the crime! The scene of the pan! The--

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Okay, okay, don't get hysterical! The muffin pan is empty! That's honestly kind of surprising. Not only did someone break into the room, avoid all your traps and steal your cupcakes, but they meticulously removed them from the tray! You're honestly kind of upset. Twelve carefully prepared cupcakes, soon to be frosted in a wide variety of specific decorator colours?

You had plans for those cupcakes! You were going to make four more and then leave them out in the lab, as a surprise! You couldn't wait to see their faces, the smiles on their lips, and then see who tried to steal more than their fair share. And then you would bludgeon them! It's been a disorganized few months, and you figured it would help if everyone else remembered that Order was helping to hold them up. It had nothing at all to do with your crippling of irrelevance in a world without a functional society on the brink of destruction at demonic hands!

Geeze... that'd be kind of depressing. You're glad someone proved your point so quickly. But someone they had the nerve to break in here and steal them from you directly! This means war!


Muffin Tray
2hs99 0mv0x 7sg05 sz4v0
A very wide tray with a dozen large cups. Only a few crumbs remain. Sniff.

> Terezi: Talk to the hideous clown-man.

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Gamzee's not hideous! He has a surprising inner beauty! Unless you're referring to the stump that used to be his left arm, because, okay, that isn't healing well. You will have to leave another complaint with the management, if they insist on confining him here on a constant diet of pain killers until he's healthy again. Equius could at least hurry it up with the replacement arm.

It's a little depressing, to come in here day for day to see him like this, especially what with him being one of the few you're willing to trust these days. For the sake of full disclosure, though you admit it has about as much legal status as flushed auspistices, the hideous clown-man is... kiiiiind of your current pity-crush. It's a long story, and this is a case report, not your diary. It should suffice to say that the tale is full of betrayal, intrigue, betrayal, abandonment and betray— yeah, okay, it's been a bad perigree. As things go, you're up two allies from nothing. In Gamzee's case, dismemberment and heavy sedatives may have tipped the pity scale just a touch.

But yeah, Gamzee seems grounded enough to talk, if you can stop him from blowing bubbles for a minute or two. You heft him up by the good shoulder, revealing his sopor-spackled bare chest, taut acrobat muscles, and the lingering question of just how much skin he had to have exposed to the this is a case report, not your diary TH1S 1S 4 C4S3 R3PORT, NOT YOUR D14RY! Gog you're slipping. You should have had a case weeks ago! What is with your friends and their rash outbreak of good behaviour? You won't stand for it!

You had better start the interrogation.


Show Interrogationlog

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-- gallowsCallibrator [GC] began grilling terminallyCapricious [TC] –

GC: H3Y G4MZ33 >:]
TC: WhOa rEz i wAs lIkE WhOa aNd tHeN YoU WeRe lIkE WhOa aNd tHeN--
GC: G4MZ33 1M 1N 4 HURRY
GC: 4M 1 GO1NG TO H4V3 TO W41T FOR YOU TO D3TOX 4ND STOP QUOT1NG GRUB F1LMS[/color]
TC: NaH ChIkA I'M ChIlL
GC: that's what I'm afraid of.

[TH3 PROS3CUTR1X TOOK TH1S CL34R OPPORUTN1TY TO TW34K TH3 W1TN3SS NOS3]

TC: HoNk!
GC: H3H3H3H3
GC: W3LL YOUR R3FL3X3S 4R3 OK4Y
TC: GuEsS So!
TC: WhAt's uP, wHaT'D I MiSs?
GC: YOU M1SS3D MY DR4M4T1C ZOOM-OUT SHOUT 4T TH3 ST4RT OF TH3 1NV3ST1G4T1ON 1 GU3SS
TC: Oh yEaH, i hEaRd tHaT!
GC: ...
TC: ...
GC: ...CUPC4K3S
TC: ThAt'd bE AWESOME
GC: ... L3TS M4K3 TH1S F4ST G4MZ33 >:[


What You Saw

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[TH3 PROS3CUTR1X P4C3S DR4M4T1C4LLY 4BOUT TH3 ROOM T4PP1NG H3R C4N3 1N H3R P4LM]

GC: ...
GC: G4MZ33 M4K4R4!
TC: sUp?
GC: WH3R3 W3R3 YOU 4T TH3 T1M3 OF TH3 TH3FT
TC: fuck, I was probably right here, I mean when aren't I?
GC: YOU W3R3NT ON ON3 OF YOUR W4LKS
TC: NaH, bRa, My sTuMp hUrTs lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: RaThEr kEeP It iN ThE SoPoR F' tHe pAsT FeW DaYs.
GC: ...
TC: Y'AlLrIgHt, ChIkA?
GC: Y34H JUST DONT...
GC: 4 W1TN3SS SHOULD B3 1N FULL F1TN3SS WH3N ST3PP1NG B3FOR3 TH3 R1GOURS OF TH3 L4W!
GC: YOU SHOULD B3 CULL3D G4MZ33 M4K4R4 >:]
TC: CoUlD'Ja dO It qUiEtLy?
GC: H3H3H3H3H3
GC: SO YOU D1DNT S33 OR H34R 4NYTH1NG
TC: NaH, mAn. s' QuIeT As tHe gRaVe hErE.
TC: HeH. PrObAbLy sHoUlDn't sAy tHaT.
GC: UH Y34H

Your Condition

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GC: HOWS TH3 4RM W1TN3SS
TC: SuCkS.
GC: 4NY WORD FROM JOHN OR 3QU1US
TC: My STRONG BrO SaYs tHe aRm'lL Be rEaDy iN A WeEk oR So bUt dOc sAyS It mIgHt tAkE LoNgEr.
GC: >:[ SORRY 1 DONT H4V3 4 CUPC4K3 FOR YOU G4MZ33
TC: ThA'S OkAy, ChIcKa. i'vE GoT PlEnTy tO EaT RiGhT HeRe.
GC: G4MZ33 STOP 34T1NG TH3 SOPOR TH1S 1S 4 COURT OF L4W >:]
TC: It's fIlLiNg, BrA!

Visitors

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GC: HRM
GC: 1F YOU D1DNT H34R 4NYON3 SN34K 1N D1D 4NYON3 COM3 TO V1S1T
TC: My bRo wAs hErE YeStErDaY. HaD A PrEtTy lOnG StOrY To tElL BuT I GuEsS I CoUlDn’t lIsTeN.
TC: FuCk, ThAt's nOt bEiNg a vErY GoOd mOiRaIl, Is iT?
GC: T4VROS KNOWS YOUR3 S1CK G4MZ33
TC: YeAh, I GuEsS.
TC: Oh, AnD FeF WaS HeRe! wAs hEr tUrN To bRiNg mE LuNcH.
TC: ShE JuSt tAlKeD AbOuT ThE NoIsE YeStErDaY, tHoUgH.
GC: W4S SOLLUX W1TH H3R
TC: I DuNnO, t, It's kInD Of bLuRrY MoRe tHaN A FeW StEpS AwAy sOmEtImEs.
GC: OH. >:[
TC: BuT ShE DiD LeAvE ThE DoOr oPeN, sO MaYbE!
GC: W41T W3R3 TH3S3 B3FOR3 OR 4FT3R 1 C4M3 BY Y3ST3RD4Y
TC: BeFoRe, ToTaLlY.
GC: D4RN TH4T M34NS TH3Y WONT B3 1N MY OUTDOOR TR4PS
GC: BUT TH3Y ST1LL WOULD H4V3 S33N TH4T 1 W4S M4K1NG CUPC4K3S
GC: V3RRRRRY SUSP1C1OUS
TC: HaHa, If yOu sAy sO.

MIND GAUGE

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Ohhhhh no! You do not use your MIND powers on Gamzee, especially these days when he's pumped full of Egbert's pain killers on top. Not unless you're willing to end the day wedged nose-first into a drainage grate. You pity him; you don't want to share a wavelength with him!

Interrogation Complete

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TC: HeY ReZ, tHeRe wAs sOmEtHiNg eLsE I WaNtEd tO SaY.
TC: BuT I DoN'T ReMeMbEr iT.
TC: HoNk. >:O(
GC: TH4TS OK4Y G4MZ33 1LL CH3CK 1N B3FOR3 1 GO JUST 1N C4S3
GC: >:] 1T M1GHT B3 4N 1MPORT4NT CLU3
TC: ThAt'd bE AwEsOmE, bRa! sEe yOu tHeN!

> Terezi: Peruse clowning miscellanea.

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The southern half of the room is full of some of Gamzee's favourite things. It's probably the crush talking but you've realized over time that virtually everything here could be used as a deadly weapon. Fortunately you're just investigating a theft, not a homicide or trollicide. And fortunately Gamzee's not a deranged killer! Boy, that would be so awkward!

Gamzee's famed HORN PILE is here, alongside his JUGGLING PINS.


> Terezi: Nap time.

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While the horn pile is surprisingly comfortable, you're kind of on the clock. Still, it's worth checking out, since it'd be an easy place to hide a dozen cupcakes. The only thing you do find disappears into your inventory before you can take a good initial look at it.


Unicycle
8e42y au17d nsca8 b6k7z
Gamzee's favourite unicycle – broken, bashed and dented from a thousand slips and falls. A quick flick of your investigatory fingers tells you Gamzee's so bad at this thing that the wheel barely even turns any more. Wow. That's not even pitiful. That's just sad.

> Terezi: Learn to juggle.

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As much as you'd appreciate a shared interest, there's nothing you can do about Gamzee's clubs without permission from Sirs Grouchypants and Dorkula, respectively. Karkat got pretty pissy about weapons inspection a few days back and decided to crash down on potential sabotage before it even began. Without Vantas and Egbert's say-so, you're sort of stuck. So no touching the clubs!

Thankfully, they look pretty safe, if splattered with sopor. Gamzee must have been trying to juggle in bed.

> Terezi: Go east, young lass.

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HALLWAY

DAY 62 HOUR 1
3CTOB1OLOGY L4B
T4URUS HALLWAY 1

About the only thing that defines this lonely hallway from any of the others is that this is the one that opens to the transportalizer. That's why you weren't allowed to TRAP it as well. Well... not really, anyway. After all, who was going to stop you? Tavros? Really? It looks like he's set up to try, at least come morning. His ATTEMPT is still laid out on the side of the hall closest to his bedroom.


> Terezi: Examine trap.

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A light dusting of FLOUR, barely visible in the gloom that pervades most of the laboratory halls, covers the floor. You set it out after you set in the cupcakes the other night. You're careful to walk in your own footprints as you go to avoid messing it any more than you already have.


Flour Trap
oigmv 3xa9j 7pnd0 s65iv
A light dusting of Human all-purpose flour. The only footprints in it are your own.

> Terezi: Mock Nitram's counterattack.

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It's not really a counterattack, so much as it is a bottle of CLEANING SPRAY and some PAPER TOWELS. You guess he was planning to clean up after you. Good thing you don't keep normal hours or he'd have destroyed valuable EVIDENCE! You had better collect these before he does!


> Terezi: Clean the cleaners.

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Oh, gross. It looks like Tavros might have not brought these out here for you after all. A used PAPER TOWEL is loosely wedged behind one of the exposed pipes beside the roll. It's covered in sopor - Gamzee must have gone out for a walk before you came to make your trap the night before. By the looks of things, Tavros must have noticed your flour while he was cleaning the more obvious mess and just gave up for the night. Eugh.

Nonono, wait, wait!


Paper Towels
j511p 94z2o jp6ae 1pmb2
Covered in dried, sticky green stains.


...You suddenly remember why you hate this modus.

> Terezi: Wrap it up here!

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You've done about all you can for the scene of the crime, in your professional opinion. You had better sniff out Gamzee just in case he really did come up with that piece of info he had forgotten. After that, you'll expand the search, and start to close in on the real culprit! The only person on this asteroid that would want to ruin your little social experiment: SP1D3RTROLL!

Shocking, you know! But it'll be even more shocking when you show up at her door with an iron-clad case! H3H3H3h3h3h3... Better get whatever Gamzee has to say out of the way. The game's afoot!


Open interrogationlog

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TC: HeY T! By tHe wAy, NiCe tHrEaDs!
GC: >:] TH4NKS!
GC: TH3Y W3R3 JUST LY1NG 4ROUND
TC: ThEy mAkE YoU LiKe, Uh... TrOlL HuMpHrEy bOgArT.
GC: GOOD D1D YOU R3M3MB3R WH4T YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO T3LL M3
TC: Oh yEaH! I ReMeMbEr iT ClEaRlY!
GC: F4NT4ST1C
TC: I DiD It! iT WaS Me!
GC: ...YOU WH4T
TC: WeLl i mEaN, i wAs pUtTiNg oN My tHiNkInG CaP GoInG... wHaT WoUlD TrOlL HuMpHrEy bOgArT Do?
GC: OF COURS3 YOU D1D
TC: AnD I ThOuGhT, iF I DiDn't sEe aNyOnE Do iT... i mUsT HaVe dId iT!
GC: ...
TC: RiGhT? AnD ThEn i rEmEmBeReD DoInG It!
GC: G4MZ33 YOU 4R3 H1GH 4S FUCK YOU PROB4BLY DONT R3M3MB3R TH3 P4ST TW3LV3 HOURS
TC: sO?

[TH3 PROS3CUTR1X TOOK TH1S OPPORTUN1TY TO FOR3FULLY 4PPLY H3R P4LM TO H3R F4C3]

TC: YoU DoN'T ThInK?
GC: G4MZ33 JUST... TRY TO D3SCR1B3 HOW TH1S M1GHT H4V3 H4PP3N3D 4ND 1LL SHOW YOU TH3 M1ST4K3S 1N YOUR 4RGU3M3NT
TC: If yOu sAy sO, rEz!

- CONFRONTATION -
vs Gamzee

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[1]
59j07 5iztz 945ec dio83
TC: WeLl iT'S PrEtTy sImPlE, iSn't iT?
TC: ThE OvEn gOeS OfF AlL "dInG!" AnD I WaKe uP!

[2]
6299v 22982 9e8s7 d963p
TC: NeXt tHiNg i kNoW, i gEt hUnGrY, bEcAuSe i dOn't sLeEp wItH My mOuTh oPeN.
GC: NO YOUR3 NOT H1GH 3NOUGH FOR YOU TO H4V3 DON3 TH4T
TC: TeLl mE AbOuT It!
TC: So i gEt uP To gEt sOmE GrUb!

[3]
388ph j35fd zd743 e4p09
TC: ThEn i tIp-tOe pAsT AlL YoUr tOyS...

[4]
401f3 u14x1 553g1 i6597
TC: AnD GeT A SnAcK, hOt fRoM ThE OvEn!
TC: BrInG It oVeR HeRe, EaT In bEd, ThEn tAkE It bAcK!
TC: It's eAsY!


[Conclusion]

TC: SeE WhAt i mEaN, bRa?
GC: Y34H G4MZ33 1 S33 WH4T YOU M34N
TC: >:oD HoNk HoNk!
GC: >:] 1 S33 YOUR3 JUST 4S H1GH 4S 3V3R
GC: YOUR STORYS GOT 4 G4P 1N 1T TH3 S1Z3 OF...
GC: ...W3LL...
GC: 4 C3RT41N OTH3R G4P
TC: ???


You remember after some rumination that if you're having trouble, you could certainly Press Gamzee for more information on each point. This might even open up new avenues for attack! Either way, you're glad for the Press section. If you were reading this report off of a forum with safe spoiler tags, it would be all that stood between you and accidentally scrolling to the solution!

You make a mental note not to accidentally scroll toward the solution anyway!

Press

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[1]

GC: G4MZ33 WOULD YOU S4Y YOUR3 4 L1GHT SL33P3R
TC: I DuNnO BrA, iT'S KiNd oF BaCk-aNd-fOrTh.
GC: F41R 3NOUGH
TC: WhAt FoR?
GC: >;] FUTUR3 R3F3R3NC3
TC: YeAh, I GuEsS It's nOt cOoL To wAkE A BrO Up jUsT WhEn yOu'rE TiPtOeInG To tHe oVeN.
GC: >:] G4MZ33 YOUR3 NO FUN 4T 4LL

[2]

GC: BUT YOUR3 NOT HUNGRY R1GHT NOW
TC: NaW. I GoT A StRaW In hErE WiTh mE.
GC: OF COURS3 YOU DO
GC: YOU H4V3 4NY TROUBL3 G3TT1NG UP
TC: No WaY! i jUsT GiVe mYsElF A PuSh!

[TH3 W1TN3SS T4PS TH3 S1D3 OF H1S R3COUP3R4COON W1TH H1S H4ND.]

[3]

GC: YOU S3R1OUSLY JUST W4LK THROUGH MY TR4PS
TC: YeAh, I Do iT AlL ThE FuCkIn' TiMe sInCe yOu sEt tHeM Up!
TC: HiT A BeLl oNcE AnD AlMoSt sCaReD MySeLf aWaKe bUt hEy, No pRoB.
GC: WH4T D1D YOU W4NT W1TH TH3 OV3N TH4T YOU W3R3 W4LK1NG TH3R3 H4LF 4SL33P
TC: OvEn? i jUsT WaNtEd a cOfFeE!
TC: GoNnA AsK My bRo tO MoVe tHe sTaNd wHeN YoU'Re dOnE WiTh yOuR StUfF, i tHiNk.
GC: >:S TH4T M1GHT B3 4 GOOD 1D34

[4]

GC: 1 SUPPOS3 1T 1S PR3TTY 34SY
TC: WhAt dId i sAy >:o)?
GC: ... 34SY TO BR34K TH1S T3ST1MONY 1NTO 4 THOUS4ND P13C3S!
GC: >:]

You make doubly sure that you've checked your EVIDENCE and matched it up to the suspicious BLOCK of testimony, before you go for broke with your best...

OBJ3CT1ON!

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TC: >:oO
TC: WhOa.

[TH3 D3F3ND4NT P1CKS TH3 3J3CT3D 3V1D3NC3 OFF OF H1S F4C3]

GC: G4MZ33 M4K4R4
GC: C4N 1 S33 YOUR H4ND
GC: JUST TO B3 SUR3
TC: SuRe ReZ, WhAtEvEr yOu wAnT If yOu'rE GoNnA PaCk tHoSe kInDs oF LuNgS!

[4S 1MPL13D BY H1S US3 OF 1T TO G3T OUT OF H1S R3COUP3R4COON TH3 W1TN3SS R1GHT H4ND 1S 1N P3RF3CT SH4P3]

GC: SORRY G4MZ33 BUT TH4T CL1NCH3S 1T
GC: YOU COULDNT H4V3 STOL3N MY CUPC4K3S
TC: WhAt dO YoU MeAn, BrA?
GC: L1K3 YOU S41D
GC: 1TS 34SY
GC: YOU S41D YOU TOOK TH3 CUPC4K3S STR41GHT OUT OF TH3 OV3N
GC: ON 4 M3T4L TR4Y
TC: ! wElL I PrObAbLy uSeD An--
GC: OV3N M1TT?
GC: TH4TD B3 1MPR3SS1VE
GC: 3V3N 1F YOU W3R3 CL34R-H34D3D 3NOUGH TO DO 1T YOU COULDNT H4V3
GC: TH1S M1TT 1S FOR TH3 L3FT H4ND...
GC: BUT YOU DONT H4V3 4 L3FT H4ND 4NY MOR3!
TC: !!

[TH3 W1TN3SS R3TR34T3D 1NTO H1S SOPOR B4TH. TH3 PROS3CUT1ON W4S FORC3D TO R3TR13V3 H1M]

Congratulations, Terezi Pyrope, you think to yourself. A handedness puzzle. You have truly reached the lofty heights of Troll Nancy Drew's Junior Mysteries.

Uh oh. Hold on. It looks like he's not done. You had better be careful how you scroll through this report. You might have to present more EVIDENCE at a moment's notice and you wouldn't want to spoil yourself! If you do, you'll want to find your evidence and compare its codes to the codes hidden under the words "TAKE THAT!"


TC: HoLd oN, rEz?
GC: G4MZ33
TC: WeLl, I WaS JuSt tHiNkInG...
GC: UGH G4MZ33 DONT
GC: 1M TRY1NG TO PROV3 YOU 1NNOC3NT DO YOU H4V3 4NY 1D34 HOW H4RD TH1S 1S FOR M3 >:[
GC: W3 BOTH KNOW V3RY W3LL WHOS R3SPONS1BL3 FOR TH1S 4ND 1TS NOT YOU
TC: ...iS It eR--
GC: 1TS VR1SK4
TC: Oh yEaH!
GC: OH Y34H WH4T
GC: D1D YOU S33 H3R
TC: No wAy, MaN! I JuSt rEmEmBeReD WhAt wAs wRoNg wItH ThAt tHiNg!
TC: ThAt tHiNg yOu jUsT SaId aBoUt tHe oVeN MiTt?
GC: 3H?
TC: It's eAsY, iSn't iT? I'd JuSt hAvE tO PuT It oN BaCkWaRdS!
GC: YOU
GC: YOU WH4T
TC: SuRe! i mEaN, i wOuLdN'T Be aBlE To sTiCk mY ThUmB In iT BuT It'd sTiLl bE HeAt pRoTeCtEd.
TC: RiGhT?
GC: G4MZ33...
GC: 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG YOU GOT UP
GC: 1N 4 S3D4T1V3 STUPOR 1F NOT SOPOR
GC: T1P-TO3D 4ROUND MY TR4PS W1THOUT TR1GG3R1NG 4NY
GC: P1CK3D UP 4 S34R1NG HOT TR4Y W1TH ON3 H4ND 4ND NO THUMB
GC: 4ND C4RR13D 1T B4CK H3R3 W1THOUT TR1GG3R1NG 4NY TR4PS ON TH3 W4Y B4CK
TC: YeS Ma'aM!
GC: TH4TS TH3 DUMB3ST TH1NG 1V3 3V3R H34RD
TC: I CoUlD ToP It.
GC: 1 B3T YOU COULD FOR NOW 1M GO1NG TO PUT TH1S ON3 TO B3D
GC: W1TH 3V1D3NC3!
TC: LaY It oN Me, T!

You get your evidence ready, check the code under the heading below, and present it with your best flourish!

T4K3 TH4T!
i516c 8e42y r3kup 3987u

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[TH3 D3F3ND4NT N34TLY DODG3S TH1S S3COND P13C3 OF PROP3LL3D 3V1D3NC3]

TC: WhOa.
TC: I DoN'T GeT It aT AlL!
GC: 1TS S1MPL3 G4MZ33
GC: YOU W4NT TO T3LL M3 YOU H3LD 4 HOT TR4Y W1TH H4LF YOUR H4ND WH1L3 N4V1G4T1NG MY TR4PS
GC: TH1S UN1CYCL3 PROV3S YOU WRONG 1N 4 S1NGL3 STROK3
GC: B3C4US3 G4MZ33
GC: >:] 1V3 S33N D34D BOD13S W1TH 4 B3TT3R S3NS3 OF B4L4NC3!

[TH3 W1TN3SS WHO H4D B33N L34N1NG FORW4RD TO H34R TH3 PROS3CUTR1X SP34K SL1PS 4ND F4LLS B4CK 1NTO H1S R3COUP3R4COON. H3 S33MS F1N3 1F T1R3D]

TC: [spits]
TC: YoU DoN'T HaVe tO Be sO HaRsH, rEz.
GC: >:] 1TS CUT3
TC: YoU ThInK?
GC: >;]
TC: ??
GC: 4-4NYW4Y
GC: YOU COULDNT H4V3 34T3N MY CUPC4K3S
GC: SOM3ON3 3LS3 H4D TO DO 1T

[TH3 W1TN3SS LOOKS 3XH4UST3D BUT SL4MS H1S H4ND ON TH3 SURF4C3 OF H1S SOPOR]

TC: SpIdErTrOlL!
GC: >:] SP1D3RTROLL!
TC: YoU BeTtEr...
TC: Go gEt hEr, OkAy?

Gamzee looks at you with a blank smile for a moment, before wobbling twice and falling back into unconsciousness. You grin back at him, but then reach over to tip his body so that his pained stump is safe in the sopor. No sense in letting things get worse. Gamzee curls up against the edge of the recouperacoon like a grub tucked in by their lusus, and you sneak away out of the room.

He wakes up just as you're about to close the door.

TC: ReZ?
GC: Y34H?

He blinks and looks about the room in confusion, before pulling back into the sopor.

TC: SoRrY I AtE YoUr cUpCaKeS.
GC: ...
GC: ... TH4NKS G4MZ33



> Terezi: Transportalize

Time to do some footwork.

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I'm gonna be honest. I don't know if it's actually day 62 or not. I lost track of time somewhere, like an idiot, so decided to make Day 61 the big day of the preceding aHiHH chapater.

This fic rose out of the hole filled by my failed fic, Shrapnel. The idea behind Shrapnel was that I would post one per scheduled day of RL work completed, and I would be done in about a month and be ready to move on to the big aHiHH chapter. I failed, not for lack of work ethic but due to a massive omission from the schedule. 2/3rds of that omission is accounted for and the rest will come later, complex enough that I don't want to redo the schedule. That means I wanted to put out more stuff to apologize for the continued, unending delays. Hope you enjoy!

Oh, thank goodness, I survived the formatting. *collapses at once*

[Sonira]

Okay, guys. I've been working on this fanfic for a while, and I think I've finally nailed it. I hope it moves you like it moved me.


krakta an jhon want to stor and boght milk cuz they were thirty then kaktrat sliped on floor!!1 jon laghed becuz it remind him of movi.krarkt was made though beczu he did not liek falin on grond so he punhced jjon in faec and stromed off an jonjhs' glases borke in haff

tehn hjon cry 4ever and krakta wemt back to mars wtih othur trols

TEH EDN

[ch00_bakka]

Okay, guys. I've been working on this fanfic for a while, and I think I've finally nailed it. I hope it moves you like it moved me.


krakta an jhon want to stor and boght milk cuz they were thirty then kaktrat sliped on floor!!1 jon laghed becuz it remind him of movi.krarkt was made though beczu he did not liek falin on grond so he punhced jjon in faec and stromed off an jonjhs' glases borke in haff

tehn hjon cry 4ever and krakta wemt back to mars wtih othur trols

TEH EDN

But who was phone?

[METEORS]

Anyone can enjoy this fic (at least that's the hope!), but for the record it is set the day after the long-coming and still upcoming Chapter 16 of A Hand in Holding Hands.

And a one and a two and a cold opening!

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Someone.

Stole.

YOUR!

CUUUUUUUPCAAAAAAAKES!

This is an outrage! A scandal! A fist-shaking incident of most epic proportions! Never in your long, storied career as a twisted shiv of justice have you ever been so brazenly countered by those forces you seek to snuff out! Never before has the foul stench of the criminal suborder crawled into your heart of hearts and plucked out something of your own as a slap in the face of your authority! You know what this means. It is time to return to your post. To crawl out of your self-imposed retirement and face the foul face of society head-on! Let the moral dredges of society know that while they may be hidden past the mists of confusion, there is nowhere they can hide from the infinite elastic reach of the gel filled, extendable action figure that is the LAW!

Your name is TEREZI PYROPE and you are on an UNBELIEVABLE POWER TRIP. You feel imbued with the spirit of those AIMLESS RENEGADES that came together to form the iron bands of society, which might explain certain recent turns of phrase. But no matter! No matter your zeal the GUILTY and INNOCENT will be punished appropriately, when not evenly. Your MIND is steady, ready to sniff out EVIDENCE, and you will use that EVIDENCE to shatter the LIES and CONTRADICTIONS of your enemies and bring them JUSTICE until their feet stop twitching!

So what was stolen again?

Turnabout Cupcake

Introduction

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DAY 62 HOUR 1
3CTOB1OLOGY L4B
T4URUS ROOM 10

The scene of the crime. Your natural element. You feel the pang of injustice but also the allure of the hunt. Also: hunger. You could really go for some sugar-sweet baking coated with a coloured glaze. ...In hindsight, the hunger may be equivalent to the pang of injustice. Best get to work.

You're in a small off-branch of Tavros' section of the ecto lab that serves as home and prison to sixteen bored, hormonal, cabin-feverish TEENAGERS confined by a space-and-time-hopping demon DOGMAN. In a broader sense, your feverish, inebriated juggalo-friend has informed you that you're inside of a branch timeline created by a mad ELDER GOD for some unknown end game. He informed you of this while dribbling sopor out of one corner of his lips and babbling about a two-headed bifurcated goat monster, while chuckling. Thankfully, prosecutor's guidelines already insist on thorough note-taking regardless of the certainty of one's canonicity, so someone who knows nothing about this timeline should probably get along fine.

The room is neatly arranged, with an OVEN in the centre of the northern well surrounded by the usual assortment of BELLS AND SNARES any reasonable person keeps about their dessert foods during preparation. To the south rests a RECOUPERACOON surrounded by chairs and CIRCUS KNICKKNACKS. The recouperacoon contains the happily gurgling half-conscious form of one GAMZEE MAKARA. The exit is to the EAST.

Time to get down to business!


> Terezi: Switch modus to "Court Record".

Aha! An excellent first move. The Court Record modus ejects any evidence put into it with force and sound violent enough to shatter any argument! The trouble is that you can only get anything out of it if you PRESENT the evidence against a LOGICAL INCONSISTENCY. Also, it becomes very hard to get anything else out of there for any other reason. All the more incentive!

You hook up your SYLLADEX to your glasses, which start to smell of SECRET CODES. These codes appear just under an item's name whenever you add it to your inventory, and just under the heading for every part of a CONFRONTATION. Luckily you can smell the vanilla hidden text no problem, because someone else would have to highlight it to see it. That's kind of hard to do with glasses! How about a test run, in the realm of imagination?

- CONFRONTATION –
Tutorial

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[1]
1kzyo 054bd z1638 3r307
AG: I did 8! It was me! Hahahahahahahaha!
GC: 1 KN3W 1T 4LL 4LONG!

[2]
24741 3gi1c i477x 0z14s
AG: 8ut now that you've stum8led on to my pl8ns, I have to...
AG: uH...
AG: tEREZI, aRE YOU REALLY ALL THAT WORRIED ABOUT FORGETTING YOUR STUFF?
GC: 1 COULD G3T RUSTY!
GC: >:[ YOU WOULDN'T W4NT TH4T WOULD YOU?
AG: bUT I'M NOT EVEN REALLY VRISKA.
GC: JUST R3AD YOUR L1NES!

[CONCLUSION]
That sure is a slippery thief! If only you could prove something she said was a lie. Wait! Didn't she say she wasn't Vriska? But she's clearly Vriska, in every possible way! If only you had some sort of EVIDENCE to prove this CONTRADITION!

Maybe you do? You had better check your hypothetical court record. Of course, this a list of all the evidence you found in your tireless investigation – you can't really expect it to be lying around when you're chasing a real perp!

You think about your interview and realize there's a glaring CONTRADITION to be exposed in one of the BLOCKs of text! To find it, you check out your hypothetical court record (below) and find the evidence that PROVES it! Last, to make sure, you highlight the text next to the [Number] above the block of interrogation you think is suspicious, and then you highlight the text under the evidence's name! If even one of the SECRET CODES match between the EVIDENCE and the BLOCK, than your then your guilty party will be dragged into the boiling sunlight! It'll be fun! Try it, and then check the –RESULTS- section to see how you did.


HYPOTHETICAL COURT RECORD

Grubpaste
3399m 1qjpg yv5q6 u1f1x
If you're going to show them off all the time, you might as well use the best! Harvested from the pulpated bodies of your distant younger cousins. Cherry flavoured!

1/2 Swordcane of Fafnir [equipped]
bi38e 2lwo0 12hem az9px
The product of a happier time. High power, poor range when unsheathed. Lv. Min 78.

Vriska's Stupid Ugly Face
g74l5 0z14s m643a 82v73
You'll never forget that stupid, ugly face, but now you can use it as evidence too! Maybe you could prove that Vriska is Vriska if she says she isn't? That seems like something she'd do. It's good to be prepared. ...Wait, how did this get in here?


- Results -

Yeah, what was Vriska thinking, pretending to not be herself when you could just prove she is with her stupid, ugly face? Did you compare the codes? Well here they are just to be sure. You can see the match for yourself!

Block [2]:
24741 3gi1c i477x 0z14s

Vriska's Stupid Ugly Face:
g74l5 0z14s m643a 82v73

Of course, there'd be nothing to stop you from just reading on once you're done writing it. But that's why you're solving the case before you write it up, silly! Sheesh. Anyway, it's pretty clear that this case report is only going to be about as fun as you're willing to make it! Better not spoil yourself unless you really have to!

Well, that was fun, but you think you've been standing in the middle of the room staring at nothing for long enough. The guilty will have been thrown off your tracks by now. Back to work, slacker!

> Terezi: Fetch your magnifying glass at once!

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GAMZEE'S ROOM

> Terezi: Examine the scene of the crime.

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Except for the telling lack of cupcakes, things smell pretty much like you left them, which is intriguing. After all, you've pretty much turned the ground into a deathtrap. The OVEN is surrounded by all sorts of TRAPS: primed, readied and frustratingly unoccupied. The oven as a curious stand-out, the rest of the wall would barely supply a KITCHENETTE, and did not see much use before your impromptu baking experiment. You and the other suspect Tavros' section of the lab was meant to be used for those in quarantine. Appropriate, considering.


> Terezi: Check the traps.

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Nope, still empty. These traps have not seen Troll, Human, Underling or even vermin since you first set them down days ago, before you burned your first three batches. You're not sure if they're even working, and so prod one with your cane, to be rewarded with a satisfying snap-jingle! You think you'll take this one with you!


Custom Traps
32465 m5x70 6q3a1 8fzz8
A combination bear trap / sleigh bell emsemble. No one could get past your setup without triggering both or the latter.

> Terezi: Check your convective cooking contraption.

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Good, the oven did turn itself off when the timer exhausted. The one you had at home was never so generous. Not an ideal quality for treehouse appliances. The oven is spotless – as it should be considering you had to replace it after the second batch. There are no signs of interference. A quick dusting by your forensic team returns no fingerprints either: neither the shattered-glass prints of your fellow Trolls or the whorls of the Humans. Of course, that's not surprising, considering the oven mitt sitting abandoned on top.


Oven Mitt
5j285 gh52c u14x1 0n1y5
A copy of a mitt that once belonged to John's Dad before you all duplicated it a few dozen times and removed it from all sentimentality. One of those unfortunate decorative kinds that are so concerned about floral patterns they don't even have pads on their backs. This one's a lefty – the other sort of caught fire with the rest of the old oven.

> Terezi: Check the inside

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Your thief made tidy work of the inside of the oven. That is to say, you're fairly sure many of your cohorts don't even know how to use the thing and you're surprised not to half the cupcakes upended inside. Oh well.

> Terezi: Prepare a light snack.

Absolutely not! But you will check out the kitchenette.

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The kitchenette is barely stocked enough to serve coffee, and since only one or two of you drink the stuff, you might as well consider it empty. A pot, a shaker full of sugar, some old mugs, and a dashing HAT lie here. More important, as far as you're concerned, that is, is the metal muffin tray lying right in the centre. And without a cooling rack, even! For shame.


> Terezi: Don this fine apparel.

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John gave you this hat because he said it would probably help you stop burning things when you bake! You can't deny that you did stop burning things after you wore it, but you don't really think it helped. If anything, this hat is only good for making eggs.

Hardboiled. Get it?

Wait, wait! Hold on. Take one of the trench coats Nepeta gave you when it stopped dragging on the floor, convince your sylladex that trenchcoats are inherently fallible, and...


Detective Outfit
4qq90 9x7d9 58grn p4dhq
3XC3LL3NT. Compensation: Adequate. H3H3H3H3H3... Okay, now you're for serious ready to solve this case.

> Terezi: Examine the pan of the crime! The scene of the pan! The--

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Okay, okay, don't get hysterical! The muffin pan is empty! That's honestly kind of surprising. Not only did someone break into the room, avoid all your traps and steal your cupcakes, but they meticulously removed them from the tray! You're honestly kind of upset. Twelve carefully prepared cupcakes, soon to be frosted in a wide variety of specific decorator colours?

You had plans for those cupcakes! You were going to make four more and then leave them out in the lab, as a surprise! You couldn't wait to see their faces, the smiles on their lips, and then see who tried to steal more than their fair share. And then you would bludgeon them! It's been a disorganized few months, and you figured it would help if everyone else remembered that Order was helping to hold them up. It had nothing at all to do with your crippling of irrelevance in a world without a functional society on the brink of destruction at demonic hands!

Geeze... that'd be kind of depressing. You're glad someone proved your point so quickly. But someone they had the nerve to break in here and steal them from you directly! This means war!


Muffin Tray
2hs99 0mv0x 7sg05 sz4v0
A very wide tray with a dozen large cups. Only a few crumbs remain. Sniff.

> Terezi: Talk to the hideous clown-man.

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Gamzee's not hideous! He has a surprising inner beauty! Unless you're referring to the stump that used to be his left arm, because, okay, that isn't healing well. You will have to leave another complaint with the management, if they insist on confining him here on a constant diet of pain killers until he's healthy again. Equius could at least hurry it up with the replacement arm.

It's a little depressing, to come in here day for day to see him like this, especially what with him being one of the few you're willing to trust these days. For the sake of full disclosure, though you admit it has about as much legal status as flushed auspistices, the hideous clown-man is... kiiiiind of your current pity-crush. It's a long story, and this is a case report, not your diary. It should suffice to say that the tale is full of betrayal, intrigue, betrayal, abandonment and betray— yeah, okay, it's been a bad perigree. As things go, you're up two allies from nothing. In Gamzee's case, dismemberment and heavy sedatives may have tipped the pity scale just a touch.

But yeah, Gamzee seems grounded enough to talk, if you can stop him from blowing bubbles for a minute or two. You heft him up by the good shoulder, revealing his sopor-spackled bare chest, taut acrobat muscles, and the lingering question of just how much skin he had to have exposed to the this is a case report, not your diary TH1S 1S 4 C4S3 R3PORT, NOT YOUR D14RY! Gog you're slipping. You should have had a case weeks ago! What is with your friends and their rash outbreak of good behaviour? You won't stand for it!

You had better start the interrogation.


Show Interrogationlog

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-- gallowsCallibrator [GC] began grilling terminallyCapricious [TC] –

GC: H3Y G4MZ33 >:]
TC: WhOa rEz i wAs lIkE WhOa aNd tHeN YoU WeRe lIkE WhOa aNd tHeN--
GC: G4MZ33 1M 1N 4 HURRY
GC: 4M 1 GO1NG TO H4V3 TO W41T FOR YOU TO D3TOX 4ND STOP QUOT1NG GRUB F1LMS[/color]
TC: NaH ChIkA I'M ChIlL
GC: that's what I'm afraid of.

[TH3 PROS3CUTR1X TOOK TH1S CL34R OPPORUTN1TY TO TW34K TH3 W1TN3SS NOS3]

TC: HoNk!
GC: H3H3H3H3
GC: W3LL YOUR R3FL3X3S 4R3 OK4Y
TC: GuEsS So!
TC: WhAt's uP, wHaT'D I MiSs?
GC: YOU M1SS3D MY DR4M4T1C ZOOM-OUT SHOUT 4T TH3 ST4RT OF TH3 1NV3ST1G4T1ON 1 GU3SS
TC: Oh yEaH, i hEaRd tHaT!
GC: ...
TC: ...
GC: ...CUPC4K3S
TC: ThAt'd bE AWESOME
GC: ... L3TS M4K3 TH1S F4ST G4MZ33 >:[


What You Saw

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[TH3 PROS3CUTR1X P4C3S DR4M4T1C4LLY 4BOUT TH3 ROOM T4PP1NG H3R C4N3 1N H3R P4LM]

GC: ...
GC: G4MZ33 M4K4R4!
TC: sUp?
GC: WH3R3 W3R3 YOU 4T TH3 T1M3 OF TH3 TH3FT
TC: fuck, I was probably right here, I mean when aren't I?
GC: YOU W3R3NT ON ON3 OF YOUR W4LKS
TC: NaH, bRa, My sTuMp hUrTs lIkE A MoThErFuCkEr.
TC: RaThEr kEeP It iN ThE SoPoR F' tHe pAsT FeW DaYs.
GC: ...
TC: Y'AlLrIgHt, ChIkA?
GC: Y34H JUST DONT...
GC: 4 W1TN3SS SHOULD B3 1N FULL F1TN3SS WH3N ST3PP1NG B3FOR3 TH3 R1GOURS OF TH3 L4W!
GC: YOU SHOULD B3 CULL3D G4MZ33 M4K4R4 >:]
TC: CoUlD'Ja dO It qUiEtLy?
GC: H3H3H3H3H3
GC: SO YOU D1DNT S33 OR H34R 4NYTH1NG
TC: NaH, mAn. s' QuIeT As tHe gRaVe hErE.
TC: HeH. PrObAbLy sHoUlDn't sAy tHaT.
GC: UH Y34H

Your Condition

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GC: HOWS TH3 4RM W1TN3SS
TC: SuCkS.
GC: 4NY WORD FROM JOHN OR 3QU1US
TC: My STRONG BrO SaYs tHe aRm'lL Be rEaDy iN A WeEk oR So bUt dOc sAyS It mIgHt tAkE LoNgEr.
GC: >:[ SORRY 1 DONT H4V3 4 CUPC4K3 FOR YOU G4MZ33
TC: ThA'S OkAy, ChIcKa. i'vE GoT PlEnTy tO EaT RiGhT HeRe.
GC: G4MZ33 STOP 34T1NG TH3 SOPOR TH1S 1S 4 COURT OF L4W >:]
TC: It's fIlLiNg, BrA!

Visitors

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GC: HRM
GC: 1F YOU D1DNT H34R 4NYON3 SN34K 1N D1D 4NYON3 COM3 TO V1S1T
TC: My bRo wAs hErE YeStErDaY. HaD A PrEtTy lOnG StOrY To tElL BuT I GuEsS I CoUlDn’t lIsTeN.
TC: FuCk, ThAt's nOt bEiNg a vErY GoOd mOiRaIl, Is iT?
GC: T4VROS KNOWS YOUR3 S1CK G4MZ33
TC: YeAh, I GuEsS.
TC: Oh, AnD FeF WaS HeRe! wAs hEr tUrN To bRiNg mE LuNcH.
TC: ShE JuSt tAlKeD AbOuT ThE NoIsE YeStErDaY, tHoUgH.
GC: W4S SOLLUX W1TH H3R
TC: I DuNnO, t, It's kInD Of bLuRrY MoRe tHaN A FeW StEpS AwAy sOmEtImEs.
GC: OH. >:[
TC: BuT ShE DiD LeAvE ThE DoOr oPeN, sO MaYbE!
GC: W41T W3R3 TH3S3 B3FOR3 OR 4FT3R 1 C4M3 BY Y3ST3RD4Y
TC: BeFoRe, ToTaLlY.
GC: D4RN TH4T M34NS TH3Y WONT B3 1N MY OUTDOOR TR4PS
GC: BUT TH3Y ST1LL WOULD H4V3 S33N TH4T 1 W4S M4K1NG CUPC4K3S
GC: V3RRRRRY SUSP1C1OUS
TC: HaHa, If yOu sAy sO.

MIND GAUGE

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Ohhhhh no! You do not use your MIND powers on Gamzee, especially these days when he's pumped full of Egbert's pain killers on top. Not unless you're willing to end the day wedged nose-first into a drainage grate. You pity him; you don't want to share a wavelength with him!

Interrogation Complete

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TC: HeY ReZ, tHeRe wAs sOmEtHiNg eLsE I WaNtEd tO SaY.
TC: BuT I DoN'T ReMeMbEr iT.
TC: HoNk. >:O(
GC: TH4TS OK4Y G4MZ33 1LL CH3CK 1N B3FOR3 1 GO JUST 1N C4S3
GC: >:] 1T M1GHT B3 4N 1MPORT4NT CLU3
TC: ThAt'd bE AwEsOmE, bRa! sEe yOu tHeN!

> Terezi: Peruse clowning miscellanea.

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The southern half of the room is full of some of Gamzee's favourite things. It's probably the crush talking but you've realized over time that virtually everything here could be used as a deadly weapon. Fortunately you're just investigating a theft, not a homicide or trollicide. And fortunately Gamzee's not a deranged killer! Boy, that would be so awkward!

Gamzee's famed HORN PILE is here, alongside his JUGGLING PINS.


> Terezi: Nap time.

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While the horn pile is surprisingly comfortable, you're kind of on the clock. Still, it's worth checking out, since it'd be an easy place to hide a dozen cupcakes. The only thing you do find disappears into your inventory before you can take a good initial look at it.


Unicycle
8e42y au17d nsca8 b6k7z
Gamzee's favourite unicycle – broken, bashed and dented from a thousand slips and falls. A quick flick of your investigatory fingers tells you Gamzee's so bad at this thing that the wheel barely even turns any more. Wow. That's not even pitiful. That's just sad.

> Terezi: Learn to juggle.

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As much as you'd appreciate a shared interest, there's nothing you can do about Gamzee's clubs without permission from Sirs Grouchypants and Dorkula, respectively. Karkat got pretty pissy about weapons inspection a few days back and decided to crash down on potential sabotage before it even began. Without Vantas and Egbert's say-so, you're sort of stuck. So no touching the clubs!

Thankfully, they look pretty safe, if splattered with sopor. Gamzee must have been trying to juggle in bed.

> Terezi: Go east, young lass.

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HALLWAY

DAY 62 HOUR 1
3CTOB1OLOGY L4B
T4URUS HALLWAY 1

About the only thing that defines this lonely hallway from any of the others is that this is the one that opens to the transportalizer. That's why you weren't allowed to TRAP it as well. Well... not really, anyway. After all, who was going to stop you? Tavros? Really? It looks like he's set up to try, at least come morning. His ATTEMPT is still laid out on the side of the hall closest to his bedroom.


> Terezi: Examine trap.

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A light dusting of FLOUR, barely visible in the gloom that pervades most of the laboratory halls, covers the floor. You set it out after you set in the cupcakes the other night. You're careful to walk in your own footprints as you go to avoid messing it any more than you already have.


Flour Trap
oigmv 3xa9j 7pnd0 s65iv
A light dusting of Human all-purpose flour. The only footprints in it are your own.

> Terezi: Mock Nitram's counterattack.

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It's not really a counterattack, so much as it is a bottle of CLEANING SPRAY and some PAPER TOWELS. You guess he was planning to clean up after you. Good thing you don't keep normal hours or he'd have destroyed valuable EVIDENCE! You had better collect these before he does!


> Terezi: Clean the cleaners.

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Oh, gross. It looks like Tavros might have not brought these out here for you after all. A used PAPER TOWEL is loosely wedged behind one of the exposed pipes beside the roll. It's covered in sopor - Gamzee must have gone out for a walk before you came to make your trap the night before. By the looks of things, Tavros must have noticed your flour while he was cleaning the more obvious mess and just gave up for the night. Eugh.

Nonono, wait, wait!


Paper Towels
j511p 94z2o jp6ae 1pmb2
Covered in dried, sticky green stains.


...You suddenly remember why you hate this modus.

> Terezi: Wrap it up here!

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You've done about all you can for the scene of the crime, in your professional opinion. You had better sniff out Gamzee just in case he really did come up with that piece of info he had forgotten. After that, you'll expand the search, and start to close in on the real culprit! The only person on this asteroid that would want to ruin your little social experiment: SP1D3RTROLL!

Shocking, you know! But it'll be even more shocking when you show up at her door with an iron-clad case! H3H3H3h3h3h3... Better get whatever Gamzee has to say out of the way. The game's afoot!


Open interrogationlog

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TC: HeY T! By tHe wAy, NiCe tHrEaDs!
GC: >:] TH4NKS!
GC: TH3Y W3R3 JUST LY1NG 4ROUND
TC: ThEy mAkE YoU LiKe, Uh... TrOlL HuMpHrEy bOgArT.
GC: GOOD D1D YOU R3M3MB3R WH4T YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO T3LL M3
TC: Oh yEaH! I ReMeMbEr iT ClEaRlY!
GC: F4NT4ST1C
TC: I DiD It! iT WaS Me!
GC: ...YOU WH4T
TC: WeLl i mEaN, i wAs pUtTiNg oN My tHiNkInG CaP GoInG... wHaT WoUlD TrOlL HuMpHrEy bOgArT Do?
GC: OF COURS3 YOU D1D
TC: AnD I ThOuGhT, iF I DiDn't sEe aNyOnE Do iT... i mUsT HaVe dId iT!
GC: ...
TC: RiGhT? AnD ThEn i rEmEmBeReD DoInG It!
GC: G4MZ33 YOU 4R3 H1GH 4S FUCK YOU PROB4BLY DONT R3M3MB3R TH3 P4ST TW3LV3 HOURS
TC: sO?

[TH3 PROS3CUTR1X TOOK TH1S OPPORTUN1TY TO FOR3FULLY 4PPLY H3R P4LM TO H3R F4C3]

TC: YoU DoN'T ThInK?
GC: G4MZ33 JUST... TRY TO D3SCR1B3 HOW TH1S M1GHT H4V3 H4PP3N3D 4ND 1LL SHOW YOU TH3 M1ST4K3S 1N YOUR 4RGU3M3NT
TC: If yOu sAy sO, rEz!

- CONFRONTATION -
vs Gamzee

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[1]
59j07 5iztz 945ec dio83
TC: WeLl iT'S PrEtTy sImPlE, iSn't iT?
TC: ThE OvEn gOeS OfF AlL "dInG!" AnD I WaKe uP!

[2]
6299v 22982 9e8s7 d963p
TC: NeXt tHiNg i kNoW, i gEt hUnGrY, bEcAuSe i dOn't sLeEp wItH My mOuTh oPeN.
GC: NO YOUR3 NOT H1GH 3NOUGH FOR YOU TO H4V3 DON3 TH4T
TC: TeLl mE AbOuT It!
TC: So i gEt uP To gEt sOmE GrUb!

[3]
388ph j35fd zd743 e4p09
TC: ThEn i tIp-tOe pAsT AlL YoUr tOyS...

[4]
401f3 u14x1 553g1 i6597
TC: AnD GeT A SnAcK, hOt fRoM ThE OvEn!
TC: BrInG It oVeR HeRe, EaT In bEd, ThEn tAkE It bAcK!
TC: It's eAsY!


[Conclusion]

TC: SeE WhAt i mEaN, bRa?
GC: Y34H G4MZ33 1 S33 WH4T YOU M34N
TC: >D HoNk HoNk!
GC: >:] 1 S33 YOUR3 JUST 4S H1GH 4S 3V3R
GC: YOUR STORYS GOT 4 G4P 1N 1T TH3 S1Z3 OF...
GC: ...W3LL...
GC: 4 C3RT41N OTH3R G4P
TC: ???


You remember after some rumination that if you're having trouble, you could certainly Press Gamzee for more information on each point. This might even open up new avenues for attack! Either way, you're glad for the Press section. If you were reading this report off of a forum with safe spoiler tags, it would be all that stood between you and accidentally scrolling to the solution!

You make a mental note not to accidentally scroll toward the solution anyway!

Press

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[1]

GC: G4MZ33 WOULD YOU S4Y YOUR3 4 L1GHT SL33P3R
TC: I DuNnO BrA, iT'S KiNd oF BaCk-aNd-fOrTh.
GC: F41R 3NOUGH
TC: WhAt FoR?
GC: >;] FUTUR3 R3F3R3NC3
TC: YeAh, I GuEsS It's nOt cOoL To wAkE A BrO Up jUsT WhEn yOu'rE TiPtOeInG To tHe oVeN.
GC: >:] G4MZ33 YOUR3 NO FUN 4T 4LL

[2]

GC: BUT YOUR3 NOT HUNGRY R1GHT NOW
TC: NaW. I GoT A StRaW In hErE WiTh mE.
GC: OF COURS3 YOU DO
GC: YOU H4V3 4NY TROUBL3 G3TT1NG UP
TC: No WaY! i jUsT GiVe mYsElF A PuSh!

[TH3 W1TN3SS T4PS TH3 S1D3 OF H1S R3COUP3R4COON W1TH H1S H4ND.]

[3]

GC: YOU S3R1OUSLY JUST W4LK THROUGH MY TR4PS
TC: YeAh, I Do iT AlL ThE FuCkIn' TiMe sInCe yOu sEt tHeM Up!
TC: HiT A BeLl oNcE AnD AlMoSt sCaReD MySeLf aWaKe bUt hEy, No pRoB.
GC: WH4T D1D YOU W4NT W1TH TH3 OV3N TH4T YOU W3R3 W4LK1NG TH3R3 H4LF 4SL33P
TC: OvEn? i jUsT WaNtEd a cOfFeE!
TC: GoNnA AsK My bRo tO MoVe tHe sTaNd wHeN YoU'Re dOnE WiTh yOuR StUfF, i tHiNk.
GC: >:S TH4T M1GHT B3 4 GOOD 1D34

[4]

GC: 1 SUPPOS3 1T 1S PR3TTY 34SY
TC: WhAt dId i sAy >)?
GC: ... 34SY TO BR34K TH1S T3ST1MONY 1NTO 4 THOUS4ND P13C3S!
GC: >:]

You make doubly sure that you've checked your EVIDENCE and matched it up to the suspicious BLOCK of testimony, before you go for broke with your best...

OBJ3CT1ON!

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TC: >O
TC: WhOa.

[TH3 D3F3ND4NT P1CKS TH3 3J3CT3D 3V1D3NC3 OFF OF H1S F4C3]

GC: G4MZ33 M4K4R4
GC: C4N 1 S33 YOUR H4ND
GC: JUST TO B3 SUR3
TC: SuRe ReZ, WhAtEvEr yOu wAnT If yOu'rE GoNnA PaCk tHoSe kInDs oF LuNgS!

[4S 1MPL13D BY H1S US3 OF 1T TO G3T OUT OF H1S R3COUP3R4COON TH3 W1TN3SS R1GHT H4ND 1S 1N P3RF3CT SH4P3]

GC: SORRY G4MZ33 BUT TH4T CL1NCH3S 1T
GC: YOU COULDNT H4V3 STOL3N MY CUPC4K3S
TC: WhAt dO YoU MeAn, BrA?
GC: L1K3 YOU S41D
GC: 1TS 34SY
GC: YOU S41D YOU TOOK TH3 CUPC4K3S STR41GHT OUT OF TH3 OV3N
GC: ON 4 M3T4L TR4Y
TC: ! wElL I PrObAbLy uSeD An--
GC: OV3N M1TT?
GC: TH4TD B3 1MPR3SS1VE
GC: 3V3N 1F YOU W3R3 CL34R-H34D3D 3NOUGH TO DO 1T YOU COULDNT H4V3
GC: TH1S M1TT 1S FOR TH3 L3FT H4ND...
GC: BUT YOU DONT H4V3 4 L3FT H4ND 4NY MOR3!
TC: !!

[TH3 W1TN3SS R3TR34T3D 1NTO H1S SOPOR B4TH. TH3 PROS3CUT1ON W4S FORC3D TO R3TR13V3 H1M]

Congratulations, Terezi Pyrope, you think to yourself. A handedness puzzle. You have truly reached the lofty heights of Troll Nancy Drew's Junior Mysteries.

Uh oh. Hold on. It looks like he's not done. You had better be careful how you scroll through this report. You might have to present more EVIDENCE at a moment's notice and you wouldn't want to spoil yourself! If you do, you'll want to find your evidence and compare its codes to the codes hidden under the words "TAKE THAT!"


TC: HoLd oN, rEz?
GC: G4MZ33
TC: WeLl, I WaS JuSt tHiNkInG...
GC: UGH G4MZ33 DONT
GC: 1M TRY1NG TO PROV3 YOU 1NNOC3NT DO YOU H4V3 4NY 1D34 HOW H4RD TH1S 1S FOR M3 >:[
GC: W3 BOTH KNOW V3RY W3LL WHOS R3SPONS1BL3 FOR TH1S 4ND 1TS NOT YOU
TC: ...iS It eR--
GC: 1TS VR1SK4
TC: Oh yEaH!
GC: OH Y34H WH4T
GC: D1D YOU S33 H3R
TC: No wAy, MaN! I JuSt rEmEmBeReD WhAt wAs wRoNg wItH ThAt tHiNg!
TC: ThAt tHiNg yOu jUsT SaId aBoUt tHe oVeN MiTt?
GC: 3H?
TC: It's eAsY, iSn't iT? I'd JuSt hAvE tO PuT It oN BaCkWaRdS!
GC: YOU
GC: YOU WH4T
TC: SuRe! i mEaN, i wOuLdN'T Be aBlE To sTiCk mY ThUmB In iT BuT It'd sTiLl bE HeAt pRoTeCtEd.
TC: RiGhT?
GC: G4MZ33...
GC: 4R3 YOU S4Y1NG YOU GOT UP
GC: 1N 4 S3D4T1V3 STUPOR 1F NOT SOPOR
GC: T1P-TO3D 4ROUND MY TR4PS W1THOUT TR1GG3R1NG 4NY
GC: P1CK3D UP 4 S34R1NG HOT TR4Y W1TH ON3 H4ND 4ND NO THUMB
GC: 4ND C4RR13D 1T B4CK H3R3 W1THOUT TR1GG3R1NG 4NY TR4PS ON TH3 W4Y B4CK
TC: YeS Ma'aM!
GC: TH4TS TH3 DUMB3ST TH1NG 1V3 3V3R H34RD
TC: I CoUlD ToP It.
GC: 1 B3T YOU COULD FOR NOW 1M GO1NG TO PUT TH1S ON3 TO B3D
GC: W1TH 3V1D3NC3!
TC: LaY It oN Me, T!

You get your evidence ready, check the code under the heading below, and present it with your best flourish!

T4K3 TH4T!
i516c 8e42y r3kup 3987u

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[TH3 D3F3ND4NT N34TLY DODG3S TH1S S3COND P13C3 OF PROP3LL3D 3V1D3NC3]

TC: WhOa.
TC: I DoN'T GeT It aT AlL!
GC: 1TS S1MPL3 G4MZ33
GC: YOU W4NT TO T3LL M3 YOU H3LD 4 HOT TR4Y W1TH H4LF YOUR H4ND WH1L3 N4V1G4T1NG MY TR4PS
GC: TH1S UN1CYCL3 PROV3S YOU WRONG 1N 4 S1NGL3 STROK3
GC: B3C4US3 G4MZ33
GC: >:] 1V3 S33N D34D BOD13S W1TH 4 B3TT3R S3NS3 OF B4L4NC3!

[TH3 W1TN3SS WHO H4D B33N L34N1NG FORW4RD TO H34R TH3 PROS3CUTR1X SP34K SL1PS 4ND F4LLS B4CK 1NTO H1S R3COUP3R4COON. H3 S33MS F1N3 1F T1R3D]

TC: [spits]
TC: YoU DoN'T HaVe tO Be sO HaRsH, rEz.
GC: >:] 1TS CUT3
TC: YoU ThInK?
GC: >;]
TC: ??
GC: 4-4NYW4Y
GC: YOU COULDNT H4V3 34T3N MY CUPC4K3S
GC: SOM3ON3 3LS3 H4D TO DO 1T

[TH3 W1TN3SS LOOKS 3XH4UST3D BUT SL4MS H1S H4ND ON TH3 SURF4C3 OF H1S SOPOR]

TC: SpIdErTrOlL!
GC: >:] SP1D3RTROLL!
TC: YoU BeTtEr...
TC: Go gEt hEr, OkAy?

Gamzee looks at you with a blank smile for a moment, before wobbling twice and falling back into unconsciousness. You grin back at him, but then reach over to tip his body so that his pained stump is safe in the sopor. No sense in letting things get worse. Gamzee curls up against the edge of the recouperacoon like a grub tucked in by their lusus, and you sneak away out of the room.

He wakes up just as you're about to close the door.

TC: ReZ?
GC: Y34H?

He blinks and looks about the room in confusion, before pulling back into the sopor.

TC: SoRrY I AtE YoUr cUpCaKeS.
GC: ...
GC: ... TH4NKS G4MZ33



> Terezi: Transportalize

Time to do some footwork.

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I'm gonna be honest. I don't know if it's actually day 62 or not. I lost track of time somewhere, like an idiot, so decided to make Day 61 the big day of the preceding aHiHH chapater.

This fic rose out of the hole filled by my failed fic, Shrapnel. The idea behind Shrapnel was that I would post one per scheduled day of RL work completed, and I would be done in about a month and be ready to move on to the big aHiHH chapter. I failed, not for lack of work ethic but due to a massive omission from the schedule. 2/3rds of that omission is accounted for and the rest will come later, complex enough that I don't want to redo the schedule. That means I wanted to put out more stuff to apologize for the continued, unending delays. Hope you enjoy!

Oh, thank goodness, I survived the formatting. *collapses at once*

I love this. I love this and I don't want it to leave me.



Then of things I want to leave me forever, I added another Chapter to that one fanfiction where John is one badass 38 year old block captain.

I tried to do a "twist" I don't know if it worked.

[SkaianRedeemer]

@METEORS: Thanks again! And since you're here too, I've got to ask: if you happened to have checked out both versions, could I ask which one worked better, from your perspective? The labyrinthine mess of spoiler tags was a pain to set up here, while AO3's stubborn refusal to nest span tags was a pain to set up there. I'm not sure if I'm looking for a way out quite yet but feedback is appreciated.

[METEORS]

@METEORS: Thanks again! And since you're here too, I've got to ask: if you happened to have checked out both versions, could I ask which one worked better, from your perspective? The labyrinthine mess of spoiler tags was a pain to set up here, while AO3's stubborn refusal to nest span tags was a pain to set up there. I'm not sure if I'm looking for a way out quite yet but feedback is appreciated.

Personally AO3 worked better for me, just because of how everything is laid out and in one nice, neat place. I realize messing with tags is just a giant bother, but have you tried directly importing your piece from MSword? I haven't looked into that (though I should), so YMMV.

[SkaianRedeemer]

I haven't, mostly because I first started uploading chapters before they even supported CSS, so there wasn't any sense in it. I'll give it a shot, though, thanks.

[METEORS]

I usually just do the unpolished thing and simply just type everything in Rich Text Mode and deal without colors and lines. I probably should learn to deal with the horrible brackets someday, but if Word manages to do what you want it to, let me know. I'm not sure how well their actual importing is aside from the basics such as color. Hopefully the formatting doesn't go down the drain.

[Shinji Shazaki]

The trouble about trying to import from word, I think, is that it won't automatically mark up your colors and whatnot with tags because it's CSS. It wants it to follow the skin, and you have to either pick or create a skin to make sure it looks the way you want. I think it's just a matter of doing the coding, so I'm at a loss of what to tell you about that. Sorry.

Oh, wait, I was coming here to post something.

So I bring to you folks chapter ten of Retroversion Dissolution: Orders From Above (1/3).

In which the Bard of Space once again meets the Maid of Space, punches her in the face, and is convinced to act her age after some firm shaking; the ailing Heir of Time is tended to after a message from the Prince is received; the body of the Knight of Breath is discovered; and the trio of space-time players plan on heading to the Land of Blaze and Stone after the Heir steps up to face his responsibility as leader.

Enjoy.

[SkaianRedeemer]

A Hand in Holding Hands has 200 kudos this morning, and between Archive of Our Own and Fanfiction.net, over 10 000 hits! Of course, I can't count forum views with any reliability and can only ballpark my unique visitors at AO3 with my photobucket stats, but I still feel good about those numbers and want to say thank you to all my readers. I will probably have to write something up early as a response, probably the finale of The Dargon Arc. Time will tell, but today is a work day!