MSPA Fanfiction VI: Trashy Rainbow Drinker Fanfiction

[Graven_Image]

Dear Mr. Vantas:

My Matesprit and Kismesis are Moirails.

WHAT DO?

[Hamiltonian]

So I heard you guys like silly colorswap fic. God I hope you guys like silly colorswap fic, because here's some now.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

John awakes to find that Rose Strider has not only crossed through her gate but also made herself comfortable in the corner of his room, his glasses spinning idly from one of her hands.

At least, he's fairly sure it's Rose. There's only one person in this game who would be clad in that much red, who would dare the rest of the world to comment on how much she looked like a burning building.

Still, without his glasses this was all blurry conjecture. Propping himself up from his prone napping position, he smiles widely. "Shopping for some new eyewear, Rosie? I don't think my frames would suit your lovely face."

He doesn't have to be able to see to know that the nickname will have caused her to frown deeply. The annoyance is readily apparent in her voice when she answers. "I didn't know that your eyesight was so shot, Lalonde. You should've told me I was picking on a blind kid, I feel like a bully now."

"I don't think my eyesight would have made a difference in our conversations. You're too much for treating everyone equally." John chuckles and finally stands, carefully making his way to where Rose is sitting. Once he makes sure he isn't going to bump into anything he holds a hand out expectantly.

"Still, I'd appreciate if I could have my glasses back. It's simply cruel to deny me seeing your lovely face for the first time."

There's a pause as John can only assume she considers whether she wants to continue tormenting him in this manner. The jokes seems to have worn thin in her mind, as she finally makes a noncommittal sound and gingerly places them in his outstretched palm.

The wayward spectacles are quickly put back in their rightful place on his face. As soon as his vision is cleared of its impairments John smiles beatifically down at Rose and claps his hands together lightly.

"There. You see? I was right, your beauty is far too radiant to justify keeping it from my sight."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a regular fairytale princess, deigning to stop by this dump and talk with the peasa- Lalonde what the fuck are you doing."

At some point during her reply John leans down and makes a grab at her sunglasses. She shoots up, body rigid in response to the sudden attack. Her adversary simply laughs at the sudden distress and makes another pass at the coveted shades.

"Come now, Rosie. It's only fair that I have a look at your eyewear after I was nice enough to let you smudge up mine!"

"No, Lalonde - look, you don't understand - would you quit it? I can't - SHIT!"

The expletive comes out as more of a strangled cry of pain as John finally manages to yank the shades off her face. Rose claps her hands over her eyes, but not before he catches a glimpse of bright red eyes with pupils shrunk to the size of pinpricks.

For a moment he's actually unsure, hand curling uncertainly over the sunglasses in his hand. He honestly hadn't expected something like that to be hiding behind those stupid pointy glasses.

A moment of awkward silence passes. Finally John shifts, steps up close to the still blinded Rose and wedges the glasses between her clamped-down fingers. He doesn't step back as she puts them on, forcing her to look him in the eyes when she finally reopens them.

They really were such a lovely color. Typical Rose, burying away everything pretty about her. She really was a silly girl.

"Like I was saying before you decided to blind me, I can't just take off my sunglasses here. My eyes are sensitive to light, walking around without shades on the Land of Light and Shade is kind of a fucking stupid idea."

"You never told me your eyes were red."

Rose blinks, thrown by the blatant disregard for what she was saying as much as the statement itself. "Why would I? It's not really that important."

"You mean that they don't bother you?"

"Bother me? No. Why the hell would they bother me?"

He can't believe it. John really, honestly, cannot believe what he's hearing. Rose Strider, the girl who shuts down and lashes out at the mention of everything from her gender to her brother has no trouble admitting to the fact that her eyes are a genetic anomaly. Embraces it, even. It is so bizarre and yet so painfully Rose that he can't help but laugh.

Of course, Rose doesn't like that. No, no, she never likes people laughing at her. Her lips turn down and her shoulders rise as she prepares to hurl out another jab designed to teach him a lesson for daring not to take her seriously. John heads the trouble off at the pass by pulling her in for a hug.

"Oh, my Red Rose. You really are a treat to know." he mumbles into her ear, cheerfully ignoring the way she's gone completely rigid. All the better for a rare moment when he makes a statement not wrapped in facetiousness. Perhaps the shock of physical contact will keep her from remembering it in the future.

"You are such a creeper, Lalonde. I hope you know that."

John doesn't reply - he's too busy reveling in the fact that one of Rose's hands has come up to hesitantly wrap around his neck. Somewhere in the more clinical part of his mind, he makes and underlines a mental note to remove Rose's sunglasses more often. Photophobia or not, those eyes were far too lovely to remain hidden.

[newbonomicon]

Dear Mr. Vantas:

My Matesprit and Kismesis are Moirails.

WHAT DO?

While I'm not Karkat, or a troll for that matter, I kind of think that might end up being common. For instance, one's moirail might think their matesprit is bad for them, which pisses off the matesprit and kicks off a kismesissitude. Depending on how intense said kismeses get, the first is in a position to auspisticize between them, causing the whole structure to collapse into one quadrant.

[draconicAlgorithm]

Dear Crabcatc)(,

T)(ere is someone t)(at I'm pretty flus)(ed for, but I t)(ink )(e is still flus)(ed for )(is ex-matesprit, and I'm not sure )(ow to admit my own feelings to )(im wit)(out seeming insensitive! W)(AT S)(OULD I DO? 38(

[deathsbuddy]

I really think there should be a thread for Ask Karkat. If there isn't one already.

[stuffedAnimal]

[Dear Mr Vantas,

My employee, known to you as Jack, has been having sloppy makeouts with the girl he hates, namely the Black Queen, or Snowman. The amount of debauchery in this is astounding.

HOW DO I STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING.]

[The Cool]

show spoiler

hide spoiler

alright eq you movve up that towwer and man that big gun up there
D--> Affirmative
gamzee followw him and givve him support
mOtHeRfUcKiNg PiLlS oVeR hErE
okay fef you and i wwill go up this other towwer
And then we CL-EAR OUT -EV-ERYTHING?

YOU READY OVER THERE?
yeah purple team is all ready with supportin fire
just wwaitin for you guys to light this thin up
ALRIGHT, RED TEAM MOVING IN
uHHH, sHOULD i GO, tURN ON THE SIGN,
NO, SOLLUX SHOULD DO IT.
why 2hould ii do iit
IN CASE IT BREAKS AFTER IT TURNS ON. YOU GOTTA FIX IT.
faiir enough

show spoiler

hide spoiler

any guesses as to what this is?
oh look im starting another series afteri havent done anything for my other ones what even

[newbonomicon]

I think Gamzee's reference to pills gives it away.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Yeah. Gamzee doesn't share pills.

[The Cool]

okay so a penandpaper artist can generally get better by starting a webcomic right

you can tell cause of art evolution being a thing that happens

so i figure if i write a whole bunch of a story not many people care about
i will eventually become a better writer through sheer practice

also chances are this is what a lot of people do anywyay so herp

any tips cause i dont actually know what the fuck im doing

[Shinji Shazaki]

any tips cause i dont actually know what the fuck im doing

Er...tips in regard to what, boss? General writing tips?

[The Cool]

any tips cause i dont actually know what the fuck im doing

Er...tips in regard to what, boss? General writing tips?

I guess?
I dont know, it just seems like im just basically shitting on my keyboard.
Is it supposed to feel like i am shitting on my keyboard?

[stuffedAnimal]

Tip 1: Paragraphs are your friend.
Tip 2: Proper grammar is your friend.
Tip 3: Yes, it's supposed to feel like that.
Tip 4: Don't freak out when people offer you criticism. Address it calmly.
Tip 5: ???
Tip 6: Profit.

[Graven_Image]

Ah, right. GurrenStuck. More of that.

Angel of Lightning

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I AM.

THROUGH LICENSE OF THAT WHICH IS UNKNOWABLE, I AM HERE.

THOUGH I SHALL NEVER SEE THE BASE EARTH AGAIN, I COME.

MOUNTAINS HAVE QUAKED IN MY PASSING.

MY SONG IS THE CALL OF THE END OF DAYS.

I SHALL BECOME CREATION ITSELF BY WREAKING UNTOLD DESTRUCTION.

THE THUNDER OF GOD.

ANGEL OF LIGHTNING.

I AM RAMIEL.

I AM RETURNING.

----

Kamina's first sign that something seriously amiss was occurring was the entire battalion attempting to mob the Gurren disappearing in a flash of light and clangor of noise.

His second was the gigantic blue d8 appearing over the nearby cliffside.

"Uhh. Wow. I know one of my many alien fangirls that would kill to see this thing."

"You have alien fangirls?"

"Shut up, Simon, you know it."

Simon's undoubtedly biting retort was cut short by a shot of rageahol to the ear lobes, courtesy of one Saxton Hale.

"LISTEN UP, YOU GIGANTIC PAPERWEIGHT!"

"Oh no."

"I'M SAXTON HALE! THIS INCIPISPHERE IS PROPERTY! OF! ME! YOU WILL LEAVE NOW OR I WILL SUCKER PUNCH YOU SO HARD YOUR ELECTRONS WILL SPLIT! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SESSION!"

The 200-foot prism rotated slightly, as if noticing the small, angry man for the first time. It promptly transformed into a cylinder and shot a giant laser beam of death at him.

Saxton Hale's chest hair was slain in battle.

"Uh. Right. My turn!"

The angry Australian man took a flying leap of the cliff he was previously posturing on.

"SAXTON... HAAAAAAAAAA-oof."

...And immediately bounced off nothing, landing flat on his ass. The battered walkie-talkie strapped to his crocodile-tooth belt went off, emitting flames pungent smoke as its "ringtone".

"Mr. Hale!"

"Oh, right. Jimmy Carson, was it?"

"Shinji Ikari."

"Right, whatever. Skip to the point."

"That's the Angel Ramiel."

"Angel? Don't angels have wings?"

"Wrong angels, Mister Hale."

"Which kind is this?"

"It's the kind you need a positron rifle to stun long enough to punch to death."

"I see. Do we own one of those?"

"No sir."

"Well, alright."

Saxton MANLY PRESSED the "switch channels" button on the smoldering communicator.

"Mister Leeron! Add 'Positron Rifles' to our shopping list!"

"Yes sir, Mister Hale."

"Also, activate the teleporter and get me the hell out of here."

"We don't have a teleporter, Mister Hale."

"...I see. Add that to the list."

Shutting the poorly-maintained 80's-era cell phone down, Saxton Hale took a glance at the monstrous diamond unleashing hell onto the assorted Dersite and Prospitian armies in the distance.

"Right. I suppose I'll be walking home, then."

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Spot the reference in the first section.

Eventually these are going to have to dial down in scope, or I'm going to have to just give up and introduce God to top myself.

[Sporkaganza]

Ah, right. GurrenStuck. More of that.

Angel of Lightning

show spoiler

hide spoiler

I AM.

THROUGH LICENSE OF THAT WHICH IS UNKNOWABLE, I AM HERE.

THOUGH I SHALL NEVER SEE THE BASE EARTH AGAIN, I COME.

MOUNTAINS HAVE QUAKED IN MY PASSING.

MY SONG IS THE CALL OF THE END OF DAYS.

I SHALL BECOME CREATION ITSELF BY WREAKING UNTOLD DESTRUCTION.

THE THUNDER OF GOD.

ANGEL OF LIGHTNING.

I AM RAMIEL.

I AM RETURNING.

----

Kamina's first sign that something seriously amiss was occurring was the entire battalion attempting to mob the Gurren disappearing in a flash of light and clangor of noise.

His second was the gigantic blue d8 appearing over the nearby cliffside.

"Uhh. Wow. I know one of my many alien fangirls that would kill to see this thing."

"You have alien fangirls?"

"Shut up, Simon, you know it."

Simon's undoubtedly biting retort was cut short by a shot of rageahol to the ear lobes, courtesy of one Saxton Hale.

"LISTEN UP, YOU GIGANTIC PAPERWEIGHT!"

"Oh no."

"I'M SAXTON HALE! THIS INCIPISPHERE IS PROPERTY! OF! ME! YOU WILL LEAVE NOW OR I WILL SUCKER PUNCH YOU SO HARD YOUR ELECTRONS WILL SPLIT! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SESSION!"

The 200-foot prism rotated slightly, as if noticing the small, angry man for the first time. It promptly transformed into a cylinder and shot a giant laser beam of death at him.

Saxton Hale's chest hair was slain in battle.

"Uh. Right. My turn!"

The angry Australian man took a flying leap of the cliff he was previously posturing on.

"SAXTON... HAAAAAAAAAA-oof."

...And immediately bounced off nothing, landing flat on his ass. The battered walkie-talkie strapped to his crocodile-tooth belt went off, emitting flames pungent smoke as its "ringtone".

"Mr. Hale!"

"Oh, right. Jimmy Carson, was it?"

"Shinji Ikari."

"Right, whatever. Skip to the point."

"That's the Angel Ramiel."

"Angel? Don't angels have wings?"

"Wrong angels, Mister Hale."

"Which kind is this?"

"It's the kind you need a positron rifle to stun long enough to punch to death."

"I see. Do we own one of those?"

"No sir."

"Well, alright."

Saxton MANLY PRESSED the "switch channels" button on the smoldering communicator.

"Mister Leeron! Add 'Positron Rifles' to our shopping list!"

"Yes sir, Mister Hale."

"Also, activate the teleporter and get me the hell out of here."

"We don't have a teleporter, Mister Hale."

"...I see. Add that to the list."

Shutting the poorly-maintained 80's-era cell phone down, Saxton Hale took a glance at the monstrous diamond unleashing hell onto the assorted Dersite and Prospitian armies in the distance.

"Right. I suppose I'll be walking home, then."

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Spot the reference in the first section.

Eventually these are going to have to dial down in scope, or I'm going to have to just give up and introduce God to top myself.

Nobody Dies?

Really? That's really what you're going to make a reference to?

All right then fine

[Jim Groovester]

It's time for more Hysterical Dame adventures

Sapphire of Alternia Gaiden: 3

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Wherever Problem Sleuth ran off to he’s certainly doing an excellent job keeping himself hidden. Usually it doesn’t take this much effort to find him. But wherever he is, Hysterical Dame is going to find him and give that sap a piece of her mind.

She steps up to the threshold of the Felt mansion and rings the door bell.

==>

The great thing about the Felt is that if one of them doesn’t know something, you can go straight up the pendulum of command, right to the top.

You’ll make Doc Scratch talk if you have to. And if he doesn’t know, well, you’ll be the first to see Lord English.

The door cracks open. “Oh, dammit.” Crowbar says from the other side. The door slams shut.

Hysterical Dame roars her lipstick and cuts the green door down to splinters. Crowbar stands ready with his crowbar on the other side. “It’s astoundingly rude to shut a door on a lady in need!” Dame shouts over her chainsaw.

“Anyone, everyone, get the hell over her-”

Dame cuts Crowbar’s radio in two. He swings his crowbar from high up. It catches in the lipstick’s teeth and flies into the wall, sticking itself there. Dame sticks her lipstick in Crowbar’s face. “Try it again, I dare ya.” She taunts. “Try it!”

“No need to get violent.” Crowbar tries to calm Dame. “We can talk this out.”

Snowman walks in through an open doorway and examines the scene. “How pathetic.” She says, blowing a puff of smoke out of her mouth. “Yet again you find yourself at the mercy of a woman.” She laughs haughtily as she walks out to other parts of the mansion.

Crowbar glares in Snowman’s direction.

“If your feet move from this spot there’ll be more red than just my lipstick.” Dame says, putting her tube of lipstick into her purse. “I’m taking a look around.”

Hysterical Dame puts her hands on her hips as she surveys the entryway. Through a doorway she sees what looks like Crowbar’s workplace. There’s a typewriter, a map, and lots and lots of clocks.

Hysterical Dame: Investigate room.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Typewriter

show spoiler

hide spoiler

A blank sheet of paper is currently in the register.

Hysterical Dame: Examine Closer.

Dame moves the paper back and forth. “Wait, there’s a message here, in white ink. ‘I will not be assisting you in this matter. You will be able to amply handle the matter yourself, with eventual assistance from Snowman.’ Looks like the good doctor’s holding out on his help.”

New clue: Message from Doc Scratch

Clock

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“I’m not gonna find Problem Sleuth looking at this.”

Crowbar's Crowbar

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Hey, don’t touch tha- Nevermind.”

It’s Crowbar’s Crowbar. It negates all temporal effects of any item it touches. Crowbar is a maestro with it, or so you’ve been led to believe.

Hysterical Dame: Examine Closer.

There’s dried blood on the tip. “I wonder where this came from. It better not have come from Slueth. Spilling his blood is my job.”

“I wish you’d hurry up and do your job.”

“Did I ask you for your input?”

New clue: Bloody Crowbar

Clock

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Useless.”

Clock

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Maybe the... no.”

Clock

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Try harder, Dame.”

Map of the City

show spoiler

hide spoiler

It’s a map of the city. A few locations are circled, and there are solid and striped pins detailing the Felt’s current locations.

Hysterical Dame: Examine Closer.

Marked Location 1

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Dame taps the first map location. “216 S 12th St., Apartment Number 413. That’s Sleuth’s place. Now what could the Felt want with him?”

New Clue: Felt interest in PS

Marked Location 2

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Dame taps the second map location. “Wow, this is all the way out in New Prospit. Only old nobility lives there. What does the Felt want with the rich and powerful of the city?”

“I’m looking to buy a home.”

“Shut up.”

New Clue: Felt interest in suburb

Marked Location 3

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Dame taps the third map location. “I’m pretty sure this is the Midnight Crew’s hideout. Some secret Spades Slick is keeping.”

New Clue: Felt interest in MC

Clock

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“It’s time I stop wasting time looking at clocks.”

Clock

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“How many clocks do they have in this damn place?”

“A thousand.”

“Somebody should get rid of all of them. They’re terrible.”

“You get used to the ticking.”

Hysterical Dame finishes up searching the place. “You ready to finally show some manners and indulge a lady her questions?”

“When she’s got killer lipstick like yours, I’m all ears.”

Hysterical Dame pulls a notepad and a pencil out of her purse. She looks down.

Hysterical Dame: Question Crowbar.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Problem Sleuth’s Whereabouts

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“I’m looking for Problem Sleuth.” Dame says. “You seen him anywhere?”

“How the hell should I know where that hardboiled bastard is?” Crowbar shrugs. His eyes start wandering the room, and he bites his lip a few times.

Verisimilitude

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“So you don’t have any idea where he is?” Dame asks.

“I haven’t got the slightest clue.”

Problem Sleuth's Whereabouts X

Incertitude

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“You liar!” Dame screams. She points the pencil at Crowbar accusatorily. “You kidnapped him and took him to some hideout! Maybe if I tear this place apart I’ll find him. Come clean, Crowbar!”

“Go ahead.” Crowbar offers the mansion with a sweep of his hands. “Take your time. We’ve got plenty of it.”

Problem Sleuth's Whereabouts X

Fabrication

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“You’re not being honest with me, Crowbar.” Dame says with a level tone. “You’re looking for Problem Sleuth, so you’ve got to know something.”

Crowbar folds his arms. “So you really think I’ve got a foggy clue where your hardboiled boyfriend is? Whaddaya have to back that up, missy?”

Felt Interest in PS

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“So when you’ve got Doze sitting outside my boyfriend’s office, you’re gonna tell me to my face that you don’t know where he is?” Dame says impatiently.

“Look,” Crowbar says. “Yeah, we’re looking for him. But we don’t know where he is, and that’s the truth. If we knew where he was, do you think we’d be spread out all over town like we are?”

Problem Sleuth's Whereabouts √

Bloody Crowbar

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Crowbar says indignantly.

Problem Sleuth's Whereabouts X

Felt interest in suburb

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Crowbar says indignantly.

Problem Sleuth's Whereabouts X

Felt interest in MC

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Crowbar says indignantly.

Problem Sleuth's Whereabouts X

Felt Activities

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“So what are you up to?” Dame asks.

“That’s Felt business.”

“You’ve got a radio handy, you’ve got a map of the city, and you’ve got your little pool pins covering it.” Dame says. “What’re the Felt getting into?”

Crowbar puts a hand in his pocket. “We’re looking to expand our drug trafficking network.” Crowbar says. He folds his arms, and his eyes flick back up between the floor and Dame.

Verisimilitude

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Maybe I’ll pass this info on to the police.” Dame says.

“You’re welcome to try. The police aren’t going to enforce anything while the Midnight Crew want a stake in the drug trade.”

Felt Activities X

Incertitude

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“You’re up to something, and you’re up to something big, Crowbar.” Dame shouts. “Now tell me what it is before I bring back my lipstick!”

Crowbar shrugs. “Maybe that’s what we’re up to, maybe it isn’t.” He says. “Guess you’ll just have to take our word for it.” Crowbar says with a smarmy smile.

Felt Activities X

Fabrication

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“That’s not it.” Dame says. “That’s too mundane to need all the Felt’s help.”

“And what makes you think that?” Crowbar asks, leaning back away from Dame.

Felt interest in MC

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Crowbar scoffs. “What part of being a mobster is unusual to you?”

Felt Activities X

Bloody Crowbar

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Crowbar scoffs. “What part of being a mobster is unusual to you?”

Felt Activities X

Message from Scratch

show spoiler

hide spoiler

“Do you always ask for Doc Scratch’s help with your drug efforts?”

“You got me there.” Crowbar smiles. “But that’s all you’re getting out of me.”

Felt Activities √

Felt interest in PS

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Crowbar scoffs. “What part of being a mobster is unusual to you?”

Felt Activities X

Snowman returns back into the room. “Crowbar, you still have not dealt with this woman?” She asks Crowbar. She turns toward Dame. “You have worn your welcome. It is time for you to leave.”

“I’m not leaving until I get answers!” Dame says, pulling out her tube of lipstick.

A loud crack causes the lipstick to fly out of Dame’s hand. Snowman’s glaring at her with a smoking revolver in her hand. “Allow me to clarify: I was not asking.”

Dame huffs. She picks up her lipstick, puts it in her purse and walks toward the entryway. Crowbar and Snowman follow her close behind.

“If you do find Sleuth, let us know.” Crowbar says with a laugh as Dame walks out of the Felt mansion.

Hysterical Dame opens the door to her car and sits in the driver seat.

“So how did it go?” Nervous Broad asks her from the passenger seat.

Dame frowns and puts her hands on the wheel. “They don’t know where Sleuth is but they sure wanna find him.”

Dame starts the car and drives off.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Guess what game I've recently played. Hint: L.A. Noire.

I was thinking about repurposing a few of the conversations from the SoA where PS does his hardboiled investigation stuff, but I figured I might as well write something new instead, and with HD I can freely play around with stuff like this.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Hah, that was great fun, do more of those for sure!

[Domoz]

Gosh I haven't posted here in a while.
But I did a random little surprise gift fic for Mediarama on tumblr, and I figured I may as well share.
I fear I may have gotten Eridan out of character, but the point was to write him more as pathetic and scarf biting than a rude hipster douchefish.


Romcoms

show spoiler

hide spoiler

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CA: ugh kar wwe need to talk
CG: OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME IT’S ABOUT YOUR TERRIBLE ATTEMPTS AT ROMANCE. TALKING ABOUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW.
CG: INSTEAD OF SOMETHING OH YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY IMPORTANT.
CA: ha ha vvery funny kar
CA: im serious though im kinda wworied ovver here I think fucked up big this time
CG: OKAY ONE THATS WHAT YOU SAY EVERY SINLE TIME WE TALK.
CG: TWO, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?
CA: thats just it i havve no idea
CA: i wwas doin evverythin like normal you knoww just huntin wwhales
CA: but wwhen i got home and tried to talk to fef like alwways she just ignored me
CG: OKAY LETS THINK THIS THROUGH
CG: CC IS KIND OF THE HEIRESS TO THE ENTIRE DAMN EMPIRE SO THERE’S NO WAY SHE COULD BE BUSY OR ANYTHING RIGHT?
CA: wwell she nevver has been before
CG: YOUR NOT WORRIED AT ALL
CA: nah fef can take care of herself
CA: i just dont get wwhy she wwould ignore me all the sudden
CG: WOW YOU’RE PATHETIC
CG: AND BEFORE YOU START NOT IN THAT WAY
CG: JESUS IF THERE WAS SOME EASY WAY TO TEACH YOU ABOUT ROMANCE I WOULD
CA: wwell geez howw do you knoww so much about romance its not like youvve got any quadrants filled
CG: BECAUSE I WATCH THESE INCREDIBLY COMPLEX, SOPHISTICATED STORIES, YOU DIMINUTIZE DOWN TO ROMCOMS.
CG: FUCK, EPIPHANY.
CG: AMPORA YOU GET YOUR FISHY ASS OVER TO MY HIVESTEM ASAP WE’RE HAVING A MOVIE MARATHON
CA: wwait wwhat




Eridan stands in front of the door of what he assumes is Karkat’s hive. An onlooker would maybe think that he was nervous, but oh no Eridan is not nervous that would simply be ridiculous!
No troll could really be that angry at in real life, right?

He knocks on the door.
The door opens.
Eridan looks around for a moment.
He says, “Wow kar i thought you’d be taller”
Karkat says, “I thought you’d be less of a douche, now get inside I’ve got 10 hours worth of movies and we need to get started”

And watch movies they do, everything from the classic redrom flick of “In Which Troll Will Smith Plays A Professional Quadrant… (ect.) to the less well known “In Which Troll Kristen Bell Steals Coins From A Fountain Thus Causing Those Trolls Who Threw The Coins To Begin Feeling The Desire To Become Matesprits.. (ect.).”

He won’t admit it, but Eridan is really enjoying these movies. He’s not quite as into them as Karkat is, (the guy screams at the screen every time something happens he doesn’t approve of) but it seems to him that these movies do seem to have a bit of an educational value to them too.

When the movies are all over and done with Karkat stands up, straightens his shirt and asks, “So?”
Eridan stands up too, he responds with, “That was… um… yeah”
“Were you even paying attention?”
“Yeah, yeah of course I was”
“Good, great, now get out and no more romance questions from now on”

And quite unceremoniously Eridan is pushed out the door, and has it slammed in his face as her turns around to complain.
He’ll complain later, right now Eridan has more romantic things on this mind.

He gets home in short time and is surprised to find a message from Feferi waiting for him.

cuttlefishCuller [CC]
began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CC: —Eridan )(—-EEEYYY
CC: I got your messages from earlier!
CC: Mom said s)(e was still hungry so I went to get some fis)( for her was all 3
CA: oh
CA: wwell geez if id havve knowwn i wwoulda stayed out there longer
CC: No you didn’t )(ave to
CC: S)(e always )(as a weird appetite around t)(is time of the sweep! I bet tomorrow she won’t be )(ungry at all!
CA: huh
CA: wwell if you think she wwont be do you think maybe come ovver tomorroww
CA: so wwe can you knoww
CA: talk
CC: 38O
CC: you mean like a…
CC: F—EELINGS JAM
CA: i
CA: yes
CC: ——EEEEEEE


That certainly went better than expected.

In fact, the next night Feferi shows up before Eridan is even awake.

He wakes up, gets dressed and opens the door only to find Feferi already halfway inside. He is pulled scarf first into a big pile of loot left over from his last game of Flarp.

He gets comfortable (as comfortable as one can get in a pile of gold) while she starts talking.
“I’m so exited! I can’t believe you want to do this because I mean I’ve been hinting at wanting to have talk about feeling for like SWEEPS!”

She keeps on for a minute or two, until eventually Feferi has decided to, as she put it, get the feelings jam start-ed.

When she asks, “So what do you want to talk about anyways” Eridan actually has an answer ready.

“Well… say there’s this troll and say that you like them, you know, red, and you know they like you back only you don’t know if their feelings for you are really red enough to um… fish for them”

Feferi literally squeals, and as she starts going on with something that sounds mostly like, “you have to tell me who!”
Eridan can feel his face slowly becoming a dark shade of purple and he finds himself wondering if he can wear a hole in his scarf.

He barley suppresses a squeak when she drapes herself over him, pulls on his facefins and whines, “tell me whoooo”

Suddenly following the plot of that movie doesn’t seem like the smartest idea after all, because if he recalls correctly it ended with the main character dying and his kimesis ending up in an auspiticship with his matesprit.

It’s all Eridan can do to suppress the little strangled noises he keeps making.
After what seems like forever she stops pulling on his face, and he manages to sputter out, “you don’t know her”

That just sets her up again, now she’s goading him over the fact that she must be pretty great, oh i wonder if she is on your chumproll.

Then Feferi is off giggling like she’s crazy, and she’s still there draped over his legs and oh god she’s right there.

In that tiny slip of a moment he thinks fuck the romcoms and pulls her into a hug.
Her giggling stops, he didn’t think there could be anymore blood in his face but oh there it is.

He doesn’t hold her there for more than a second, and when he lets go she pulls back to look him right in the eye.
In a second her expression changes from confusion to knowing.
She leans back down and kisses him on the forehead.



Troll Will Smith is a pretty good actor.

[Quirk]

The Afterlife of Vriska Serket

Part 2B: Counsel

show spoiler

hide spoiler

A chair of suitable size for a teenage troll seemed to pop up between two of the Deaths. A glass of cherry Faygo was there as well. Vriska glanced back at the bumbing, Death shuffling back to the kitchen, and honestly didn’t have the heart to tell him that she hated the stuff. This was followed shortly afterward by an intense feeling of self-loathing. What was wrong with her? She hated this swill. Despised it, even! She pushed the glass off to the side and focused on the Deaths surrounding her.

“What are my odds?”

“For the Deaths, it’s been swinging 55-45 between heaven and hell since you got offed. Right now its heaven majority…”

“NOPE, JUST SWUNG TO HELL”

“Shit. So going outside is a bad idea.”

“Not really...”

“WE GOT A FEW MESSAGES FROM SOME OF THE MAJOR HELLS. THEY DON’T WANT YOU.”

Vriska felt some relief, strong this time. This was good news. She still had a chance.

“So I died a hero, then…”

“No, silly! You died a villain. Those hells don’t want you because they think you’re just too evil.”

Vriska’s jaw dropped enough to give Karkat a run for his money.

“A LOT OF THEM ARE REALLY TORN UP OVER WHAT YOU DID TO TAVROS, AND ANOTHER LOT OF THEM ARE TERRIFIED THAT YOU’LL JUST TAKE OVER.”

“SQUEAK.”

“Yeah, what he said.”

Vriska’s rather dualistic mindset managed to take this both as a compliment of truly legendary proportions and a proclamation of absolute despair, simultaneously. If hell didn’t want her, heaven sure as hell wouldn’t, but then again she had just made Mindfang look absolutely amateurish in the infamy department.

“And what about heaven?” She had to ask.

“Mixed opinion, same as everyone.”

“If we can get a Trial for her, we can leave this whole mess behind us.”

“When was the last time you saw a Trial, mahn?”

Death looked thoughtful for a moment before shaking her head.

“Can’t remember, to be honest.”

Vriska felt her heart and gut sink like they’d just dropped past an event horizon.

“FINE. I’LL SEND THE REQUEST, IF YOU’D ALL STOP TALKING FOR A MOMENT.” Death scribbled a few ballpoint lines on a nearby napkin and tied it around his raven’s ankle. Quoth flew off out the window.

“What did I do to deserve all this?”

“LET’S NOT MINCE WORDS HERE: YOU ARE A VERY POLARIZING PERSON, MISS SERKET.”

“People either love you or hate you. Anyone in the middle ground is crucified immediately.”

“And, you’re guilty of that most heinous of crimes…PLOT DERAILMENT!”

There was a loud, uncomfortable silence.

“What?”

A ruffle of feathers broke the awkward in the atmosphere as Quoth flapped up to its master, a roll of parchment in its beak. Death took letter in a bony hand. Icy blue eyes scanned it over in a fraction of a second.

“IT’S FROM THE GODHEAD PICKLE INSPECTOR. HE’S SET A TRIAL DATE.”

“When?”

“NOW.”

A bit short, but it is a continuation of the last part.

[Jim Groovester]

@SR: You mean more HD or more L.A. Noire style stuff?

I'm sure I can accommodate you on both.

[stuffedAnimal]

Even in death

show spoiler

hide spoiler

Warning: This fic has elements of Nepeta/Gamzee. The chat log was made on Trollmegle. Thanks for reading.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

You are now Gamzee Makara, and you are dead. This is not a recent development. You are also stoned. This is not a recent development either. You are stoned for a very good reason. So that you don't FLIP YOUR STUPID GRUBSHIT and MOTHERFUCKING MURDER someone. you did that too much when you were alive. AND BY TOO MUCH YOU MEAN TWICE. twice you have murdered your friends. Nepeta and Equius. And you are sorry.

You are sorry that you did it. You are sorry that it happened. You are sorry that you could not stop it. You are sorry. But that is not enough. You must earn forgiveness. SHIT'S NOT OKAY. You murdered them. not 0k. It will never be ok. Never. But you are on a quest. To apologize. To make it up to them. To help them from behind the scenes. To be the man behind the man.

You are behind Kanaya's vampirism, and as such Eridan's death.

You are behind Doc Scratch's meddling.

You are behind the running of the code.

You are behind the death of the Black King.

You are behind the punishment of Spades Slick.

You are behind Vriska's every move.

You are the man behind the man.

And you have still not earned the right to even look upon the others. You have, however, talked with Nepeta. You remember the log.

▲: HeY bRo, YoU sEeN nEpEtA oR eQuIuS?
▼: :33 < hello!!
▲: wHoA, fUcK
▲: HeY cHiCa!
▲: hOw ArE yOu?
▼: :33 < *ac jumps back in purrise*
▼: :33 < gamz33 you scared me
▼: :33 < purrfect and you gamz33
▲: WeLl OtHeR tHaN bEiNg DeAd I'm GrEaT!
▲: i FoUnD yOu!
▼: :33 < *ac giggles and smiles at gamz33*
▼: :33 < i didnt know we were playing hide n s33k
▲: *GaMzEe SiTs HiS aSs DoWn WiTh A sIgH*
▲: wE'rE nOt, I nEeD tO sAy SoMeThInG tO yOu AnD yOuR mOiRaIl.
▼: :33 < oh?
▲: I'm SoRrY fOr WhAt I dId.
▲: iT's NoT rIgHt.
▼: :33 < *ac sits down next to gamz33*
▼: :33 < its alright gamz33
▼: :33 < you dont n33d to f33l bad about it
▲: No, It'S nOt AlRiGhT.
▲: i DoN't KnOw WhAt I wAs ThInKiNg.
▲: *GaMzEe LeAnS oN nEpEtA sAdLy*
▼: :33 < *ac gives gamz33 a hug*
▼: :33 < gamz33 purrese dont be sad
▲: *gAmZeE hUgS nEpEtA bAcK aFtEr A mOmEnT's HeSiTaTiOn*
▲: WhAt I dId WaS wRoNg.
▲: tHeRe'S nO tWo WaYs AbOuT iT.
▲: AnD i'M sOrRy.
▼: :33 < * ac pats gamz33s back gingerly*
▼: :33 < gamz33 me and equious arent mad at you
▲: eVeN iF yOu ArEn'T i'M mAd At Me.
▲: I dId WrOnG tHeRe AnD dIdN't KnOw It UnTiL mY bEsT bRo PuT mE dOwN.
▼: :33 < ...gamz33
▲: *gAmZeE hUgS nEpEtA tIgHt, LiKe ShE wIlL dIsSaPeAr*
▼: :33 < *ac crawls into gamz33s lap and hugs him*
▼: :33 < its alright now so purrese dont be sad
▲: I dOn'T kNoW. . .
▲: i DoN't KnOw If I cAn Be HaPpY aFtEr ThAt.
▲: *GaMzEe SmIlEs SaDlY aT nEpEtA*
▼: :33 < *ac wipes her eyes hard trying not to cry*
▲: i CaN oNlY tHaNk YoU fOr HeArInG mE oUt AfTeR wHaT i DiD.
▲: *GaMzEe StArTs CrYiNg QuIeTlY aNd HoLdS nEpEtA cLoSe*
▼: :33 < * ac buries her face into gamz33s shirt*
▼: :33 < gamz33 its alright!
▼: :33 < we we can play games now and draw together!
▲: yEaH, bUt WhAt AbOuT kArKaT?
▲: I tAlKeD tO hIm.
▼: :33 < just purrese....dont be sad!
▲: wElL. . .
▲: *GaMzEe RuFfLeS nEpEtA's HaIr*
▲: i'Ll TrY.
▲: BuT tHaT's AlL i CaN pRoMiSe.
▼: :33 < *ac holds onto gamz3 trying to fight back her tears*
▲: *gAmZeE hOlDs NePeTa ClOsE* iT's AlRiGhT tO cRy If YoU nEeD tO nEpEtA.
▼: :33 < gamz33....why did all this have to happen?
▲: I dOn'T kNoW, cHiCa.
▲: i JuSt DoN't KnOw.
▼: :33 < *ac cries hard and chokes as she talks*
▲: *GaMzEe PeTs NePeTa GeNtLy*
▼: :33 < i want things to go back to the way the were before!
▲: sO dO i.
▲: BuT i ThInK tHaT tHe ClOsEsT wE cAn GeT iS tHiS.
▲: wHaT hAs BeEn DoNe CaNnOt Be UnDoNe.
▲: I'm SoRrY nEpEtA.
▼: :33 < *ac wipes the tears from her eyes*
▲: *gAmZeE dOeS tHe SaMe To HiS*
▼: :33 < gamz33.....i want to go home....i want to see my lusus again...
▲: *GaMzEe PeTs NePeTa ReAsSuRiNgLy*
▲: wE cAn SeE tHe MeMoRiEs Of YoUr HoMe.
▼: :33 < i just want everyone to be furrends again....
▲: YeAh, ThAt WoUlD bE bEsT.
▼: :33 < *ac looks up at gamz33*
▼: :33 < ...we can?
▼: :33 < but... what about your home gamz33 and your lusus?
▲: tHe OlD gOaT wAs NeVeR rEaLlY aRoUnD, aNd SeEiNg My MeMoRiEs Of HiM jUsT mAkEs Me SaD.
▼: :33 < i... never knew your lusus wasnt there for you gamz33!
▼: :33 < you could have come over if you wanted to!
▲: I jUsT gOt UsEd To It.
▲: dIdN't KnOw ThAt AnY lUsUs WaS dIfFeReNt.
▲: UnTiL i MeT yOu GuYs.
▲: aNd ThEn I dIdN't WaNt To MiSs HiM iF hE gOt HoMe.
▲: He WaS a GoOd DaD wHeN hE wAs HoMe.
▼: :33 < gamz33... i wish you could have had my lusus....cause then you wouldnt be alone
▲: iT's AlRiGhT nEpEtA.
▼: :33 < no its not gamz33! you should have had a lusus that would stay by you and not leave you for that long
▲: It WaSn'T tHaT lOnG, rEaLlY.
▲: mAyBe A mOnTh At MoSt?
▼: :33 < *ac looks up at gamz33 sadly *
▼: :33 < but werent you lonely?
▲: NoT tHaT mUcH.
▲: aNd WhEn I gOt LoNeLy I hAd YoU gUyS.
▲: *GaMzEe SmIlEs At NePeTa*
▼: :33 < *ac hugs gamz33 tight *
▼: :33 < im sorry gamz33
▼: :33 < i should have talked to you more
▲: *gAmZeE rUfFlEs NePeTa'S hAiR*
▲: It'S aLrIgHt ChIcA.
▼: :33 < *ac curls up in gamz33s lap*
▲: *gAmZeE pEtS nEpEtA tHoUgHtFuLlY*
▼: :33 < why cant this all be just a nightmare.....and we will all wake up soon
▲: I'm AfRaId ThAt It'S tOo LaTe FoR tHaT, cHiCa.
▲: yOu AlWaYs WaKe Up WhEn ThE mOnStEr CaTcHeS yOu.
▲: It'S a DrEaM tHiNg.
▼: :33 < *ac looks up at gamz33*
▼: :33 < then that means you arent the monster gamz33
▲: cHiCa, I dOn'T lIkE yOuR lOoKiNg Up At Me. OnE mInUtE.
▲: *GaMzEe SlOwLy FaLlS iNtO a LaYiNg DoWn PoSiTiOn*
▲: tHeRe.
▼: :33 < i thought i was going to be alone here forever
▼: :33 < * ac giggles a bit *
▼: :33 < im just happy that your here with me gamz33
▲: I'm HaPpY tHaT i'M hErE, bUt I'd Be HaPpIeR iF nEiThEr Of Us WaS hErE. \
▼: :33 < * ac lays down next to gamz33 *
▼: :33 < i know....but at least here no one can get hurt
▲: yEaH.
▲: HeY nEpEtA, yOu WaNnA sEe SoMeThInG?
▼: :33 < see what gamz33?
▼: :33 < *ac looks at gamz33 curiously*
▲: *gAmZeE tApS tHe FlOoR aNd SuDdEnLy ThEy ArE iN nEpEtA's OlD cAvE wAy BaCk WhEn*
▲: I'm ThE mEmOrY. . . eR. . . cOnTrOlLeR(?)
▲: iT's Me.
▼: :33 < *ac stands up startled and looks around as a smile grows on her face*
▼: :33 < gamz33... how did you...?
▲: I dOn'T kNoW hOw I dId It In AnY sCiEnCy TeRmS oR aNyThInG, i JuSt ThOuGhT oF yOuR pLaCe AnD mOvEd Us To It.
▼: :33 < *ac tackle pounces gamz33*
▼: :33 < thank you gamz33....thank you so much!
▲: nO pRoBlEm, ChIcA.
▲: *GaMzEe PuTs An ArM aRoUnD nEpEtA*
▼: :33 < *ac starts crying but cant stop smiling*
▼: :33 < i never thought i would miss my hive this much
▲: *gAmZeE wIpEs AwAy NePeTa'S tEaRs AnD sMiLeS cRoOkEdLY aT hEr*
▲: ThIs Is A MeMoRy ThAt'S pAu- PaWsEd.
▲: yOu CaN dO wHaT yOu WaNt HeRe.
▼: :33 < *ac looks up at gamz33 in purrise*
▲: *GaMzEe SmIlEs At NePeTa*
▲: wHaT dO yOu WaNt To Do, ChIcA?
▲: . . . cHiCa?
▲: . . . NePeTa?
▲: *gAmZeE nOtIcEs ThAt NePeTa Is AsLeEp AnD sMiLeS hApPiLy, NoT mOvInG*
▲: GoOd DaY cHiCa.

You look back on the memory fondly. It was a good day. You haven't felt so good since forever. She forgave you! Even though you had not, and still have not, earned it! It is a gift that you do not intend to squander. With a sigh, you turn back to your work, and your self-inflicted hells.

It has been a good million sweeps.

[lucidSeraph]

man

so

archive of our own still hasn't restored my fic

also? HTML editing with them is a BITCH AND A HALF. I'm going to have to re-do almost the ENTIRETY of another fic I have in the cooker because Zalgotext and AO3 don't play nice apparently.

But in any case none of that matters because I said FUCK THE PO-LICE AND FUCK THE FACT THAT AO3 ISN'T RESTORING MY SHIT

Violetesence: Allways Thirteen

the html editing you guys /claws eyes out

[Renegade Electron]

If I was writing a fic about fantrolls I made, should I post it here or should I post it somewhere else?

[Blaperile]

You can post that here.

[SkaianRedeemer]

Uggh, Seraph, what are they doing to you? Good luck on that, really.