TROLLSLUM CAFE VI: More Shenanigans Than You Can Beat With a Stick

[Captain Whosit]

And so I continue to jealously guard my adopted role as the Trollslum Cafe Progenitor. Otherwise I will quickly lose my relevance. Enjoy the friendly waitstaff of dumb robots, the jukebox that still kinda works, our wide selection of food and drink, convenient recuperacoons for those who can't drag themselves home (or for those who live here), and our "backroom services." Oh, and meet "interesting" and "friendly" people, too.

What a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Just some rules and regs, not like anyone reads 'em or follows 'em:

Every where you go, there's places like this; a comfortable place, dimly lit, with coffee and couches and books on the shelves and free wifi and, I don't know, a soup of the day. After the sun comes up they put up the shutters and sell alcohol. It's homey, unless your homelife involves caves and monsters that eat people, which it probablv does, because you're a troll.

It's a good place to have a seat and a cup of coffee, and make a friend, which in your language is the same word as enemy, because... you're a troll.

((And if you are maybe a human, which is a thing that doesn't exist, in another univere pretending to be a troll, maybe this is a good place to roleplay in a casual, social, variably canon setting or try out a new character. Please don't poke the setting too hard and please don't go on any murderous rampages. Honk.

EDIT: Feel free to NPC service when you order something, I can't watch this all the time or reply to every comment. For that matter feel free to assume your troll works here and fill someone's order if you want.

EDIT2: OKAY GUESS WE NEED SOME RULES AFTER ALL.

This is really intended to be a loose social setting for people to fool around and chat and try new characters. It is a not great place for a big brawl in the middle of the room that everyone pretty much has to react to. If you are playing a character who is inevitably going to try and hurt people and provoke this kind of thing, you should really think long and hard about bringing them in here for that reason. If a fight comes up in the course of RP, please take it ''outside' instead of disrupting the whole room. It being in the thread is fine, but it should be set somewhere where new people or people who don't want to be involved can ignore it, please. ))

HAVE FUN!!

Thusly Marshie embarked on the most retarded post ever to be made. (Whosit now continues the quest.) If you want on the list, make sure to include your troll's NAME as well as picture and desired quote when you PM me. Disclaimer: I reserve the right to alter or make up the quote if I feel like it or get bored.

show spoiler

hide spoiler

JUST FOR FUN I WELCOME AND ENCOURAGE PEOPLE TO PM ME TO GIVE ME DIFFERENT PICTURES OR QUOTES FOR THEIR TROLL, OR TO HAVE IT REMOVED ENTIRELY. I JUST RAN THROUGH A FEW PAGES OF THE THREAD COLLECTING WHOEVER HAPPENED TO BE ON A PAGE SO YOU WILL NOTICE THAT THIS LIST IS INCREDIBLY INCOMPLETE. IF YOU WANT IN THIS FOR WHATEVER REASON I WELCOME AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO PM ME ALL LIKE "HEY YO I WANT IN ON THIS POST FO SHIZZLE HERE'S A PICTURE AND A QUOTE NOW GO TO TOWN" AND I WILL BE ALL LIKE "YEAH NO PROBLEM BRO I WILL MAKE THIS SHIT HAPPEN."

STARRING

show spoiler

hide spoiler

SALOM


PLEASE DON'T HURT HIM

Vadosa


BLUH BLUH PSYCHOTIC BITCH (DEAD?)

ERRANN


HE HAS STABS

ERISAL


CYBORG ROMANCE SURE IS WEIRD

RIRFIB


HAS SURPRISINGLY NICE LEGS

KESREA


ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES

MITRAH


WELL HIDDEN ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES

AZAZEL


HOW DOES KISMESIS WORK

NETRONN


SECRETLY A SHIPPER

JOREAK


HE’S IN YOUR HEAD

EREBUS


UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF HORRIBLE RAP BATTLES

MISDRA


WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK

LAASYA


EYES THAT WILL SWALLOW YOUR SOUL

CHARON


STOP READING BOOKS FOR GIRLS

CHARYB


HANDS OFF THE MASK

SHIVIA


SHE AIN’T DEAD, FOLKS

AVA


QUESTIONABLY SPANISH???

CORAYA


POETRY IS EASY SOCIALIZING IS HARD

AVIGAD


THERE'S ADVENTURE TO BE HAD

ALKIMA


SOME KIND OF FREAK

BRAINBOT


HE IS A DISEMBODIED BRAIN CONTROLLING A WARMACHINE

ROGER


WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT THE HELL

HATYARA


EVERYTHING'S BETTER WITH EXPLODING BULLS

MAZENI


CRUSHING ON EVERYONE AND NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE IT

Gnor Krens


ALL STITCHED UP


This Guy


SERIOUSLY HATES CLOWNS

Mellivora


BREAKING YOUR DOORS AND STEALING YOUR WOMEN

Pranrok Nosirap


HE'S SO LONELY

Lamiaria Umbraneo


EVEN HER SHADOWS ARE COOLER THAN HER

Zagaya


WHAT A COOL GULLIBLE FUCKWAD

Malae


HIVELESS STREET-SCUM

Kilesh


HE SAYS HELLO

Savias


THE VERY MOST POLITE

Coorbak


FLAMING ICY DOUCHE

Dorgaea


SILLINESS HATER

Orim


THE LAST HERO

Xaroth


GAMBLING WITH EVERYTHING BUT MONEY

Karthis


DO WHAT YOU WANT FOR A PIRATE IS EMOTIONALLY CHALLENGED

Aeoyla

CHEERFUL CRYSTAL COLLECTING BITCH

Cannel


BLINDNESS HAS BEEN FOISTED ON HIM LIKE A HOLIDAY FRUITCAKE

Plader


WHO'S YOUR DADDY

Pipre


YOU'RE NOT QUITE SURE HOW TO RESPOND

Corakus


HE'S QUITE THE EMOTIONAL VISIONARY

Sileia


SOMETIMES A CIGAR IS JUST A CIGAR

Hermes


WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS GOLDEN GLORIOUS BASTARD

Deriva


HE'S ON TO US WE MUST ERADICATE HIM

Cimera


DON'T TOUCH THE GLASSES

[MostlyHarmless]

TROLLSLUM CAFE VI: More Shenanigans Than You Can Beat With a Stick

((This is the worst Return of the Jedi pun I've ever seen))

[Captain Whosit]

TROLLSLUM CAFE VI: More Shenanigans Than You Can Beat With a Stick

((This is the worst Return of the Jedi pun I've ever seen))

((XD I figured that would have been too obvious, considering the last two. Also, I'm tired with putting Shippers in the title.))

((Unless everyone REALLY wants "Return of the Shippers?" I was also considering "Sorry About the Mess" and "Hive of Scum and Villainy."))

[SumiumOxide]

Sileia's eyes start welling up.

7HA7 SOUNDS AMASING! YOU...... YOU RE77Y GE7 ME.....

I. GET. 4. LOT. OF. 9EO9LE. 4CTU4LY...
IT. IS. NOT. TH4T. H4RD. TO. UNDERST4ND. WH4T. MOST. 9EO9LE. W4NT.

[whattheziek]

You finally wake up.

You glare uncertainly through the fourth wall. Obviously whatever puppetmaster controls your fate must be responsible for all the boring shit that keeps happening to you.
You look around to get your bearings.

Maybe a coffee and something to eat is in order. You haven't eaten in days and it's pretty bad.
You consider the possibility of raiding the kitchen.

[MostlyHarmless]

Sileia's eyes start welling up.

7HA7 SOUNDS AMASING! YOU...... YOU RE77Y GE7 ME.....

I. GET. 4. LOT. OF. 9EO9LE. 4CTU4LY...
IT. IS. NOT. TH4T. H4RD. TO. UNDERST4ND. WH4T. MOST. 9EO9LE. W4NT.

YEAH..... YEAH I KNOW WHA7 YOU MEAN.....

She didn't.

7IKE 7HA7 GUY WI7H 7HE CUR7Y HORNSH!..... I CAN 7ELL JUSH BY 7OOKING A7 HIM..... A77 HE WAN7S IS.......... A77 HE WAN7S IS.......... S7AMPS.......?

[SumiumOxide]

...4CTU4LY. HE. JUST. LOOKS. LIKE. HE. W4NTS. SOME. FOOD.

[MostlyHarmless]

7HA7..... 7HA7 WAS GOING 7O BE MY SECOND GUESH.

[whattheziek]

You notice those two yahoos who seem to be conversing about you.

Meh. You'll excercise your social skills once you've raided the kitchen.
You exit into it's warm confines, with clattering noises tracking your passage. Could be people throwing stuff at you, could be your stupid horns knocking everything over.

[Rio]

And then there was a wriggler. Again.

[privateTenderloin]

((Oh hey I have one of those ))

Zeriia sleepily walks over to the counter and order some milk which she sips at happily



Zzzzz... Mmmm miwk...zzzzzzzzzzz

[MostlyHarmless]

ANYWASE!.... 7HE POIN7 I WAS 7RINA MAKE ISSSSSSSSS

Then without a word of warning, Sileia suddenly lost conciousness and fell into a deep sleep. Needless to say that when she finally wakes up from her drunken slumber, she will have one bitch of a hangover.

((Night everyone))

[Rio]

The wriggler blinks. Sleepy people and hungry people everywhere. Maybe at least it will be quiet. She pulls herself up at a table and sits.

[whattheziek]

You've just had an excellent meal.
Which is to say that you've consumed an entire bain-marie of soup, another one of lasagna and maybe three pints of orange juice.
Either way, your stomach is happily distended and you're feeling conversational.

All you need is a conversational partner.

[A person]

The table the wiggler sits at starts to wobble, then falls down.

[Rio]

She blinks, sighs, but otherwise shows no sign of distress. I suppose it was a rather good thing I wasn't drawing or anything.

[A person]

You are still asleep. How long does Albus even sleep for?!
_____________________________________________
Coorbak is still sleep. He sleeps for quite a while, sometimes.
_____________________________________________
The mysterious being detaches form the table and flies to her ear, causing a gust of wind to be guided into her ear. He whispers:

Hello, child. You sssssssseem like a nice young girl. What'ssssssss your name?

[Rio]

Razel blinks. I'm Razel. Who are you?

[whattheziek]

Mistaking the little one's response for an invitation to talk, you sidle on up and introduce yourself.

Pipre: 'ello! i'm pipre

[A person]

Razel blinks. I'm Razel. Who are you?

I am...

The mysterious being hesitates. What should he tell her? Should he tell her a fake name? Should he tell her his actual name? He thinks for a while. Finally, he tells her:

My name issssssss Fwanaow. Pleassssssssure to meet you.

[Rio]

Razel smiles at the other troll, and nods. Nice to meet you. Turning to the strange creature she giggles. And it's nice to meet you too.

[A person]

((Also, when she looks at MB, it appears as if she's looking in space since he's invisible, but he can still be spotted by wind, touch, or, if you're close enough, listening to him talk to someone...And, if your senses are strong enough, smell.))

The mysterious being flies around her head in a circle in a playful way. He says to her:

You sssssssseem like ssssssssomeone that'ssssssss nice to be around...How old are you, missssssss?


((Forgot to mention that he speaks in a whisper most of the time.))

[whattheziek]

You smile back, feeling at ease.
Although her talking to apparently nothing is a little unnerving. You decide to ignore it.
Pipre: so, what's a likkle 'un like yerself doin' out 'ere?

[Pootporri]

where doing this man.
where making this happen.

Deriva nervously steps into the cafe and looks around. Under his mask, one half of his face gruesomely distorts into a pang of fear, and the other distorts into an emotion of ecstatic excitement. He knew not to believe the excitement part. That part of his face was always wrong.



SHITSHITSHIT~there are trolls here so i must be calm.

He has a seat at the table and fondles the pepper holder at it defensively, it shaking in his nervous and quite cold hands.

[privateTenderloin]

Zeriia finishes her milk and walks over to the other young troll in the cafe.

Zzzzzz... hewwo...zzzzzzz
Zzzzzz... I wike youw dwess, it's weally pwetty...zzzzzzzz