SPACE TROLLS in SPACE: NOW SEEKING TROLLNAMES!!

[aliasUnknown]

SPACE TROLLS in SPACE!!

Note that certain retcons will only be done on the mirror (click title) so reading through the forum topic may leave you somewhat confused. The mirror is much nicer anyway.

PLOT OVERVIEW

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There are a bunch of SPACE TROLLS on a SPACESHIP in SPACE!

I bet you feel silly for clicking on this now!!

FANART

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by crepuscularDissembler

[CENTER][B][SIZE="3"]>Show cast.

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MUTANT FREAK/INSUFFERABLE PRICK: myopicInsight



ENGINEER/WHORE: androidLover



NAVIGATOR/WEIRD FISH: sunkenTerrarium



DIPLOMAT/USELESS CHARACTER: crescentEnergy



WEAPONS OFFICER/BADASS: Irasya Angkar (corrodedHeartstrings)


CAPTAIN/GLORIOUS LEADER/THAT IDIOT: Ganmed Stanum (vastCommander)


FIRST OFFICER/GENIUS: Galie Phoebus (widdershinsOrbit)



SECURITY TEAM/SAD CLOWN: Nebest Hersel (sidelongJapery)



DOCTOR/CREEPY BASTAR eldrichAgonist



UNWELCOME GUEST/HARMLESS KITTEN: Noyes Lethe (waywardPlutonian)

☿ ♀♁ ☾ ♂ ♃ ♄ ♅ ♆ ?

The great Alternian destroyer FUCK YOU is staffed by EIGHT CREW MEMBERS, one MUTANT FREAK and one UNWELCOME GUEST. But I'm not going to tell you WHICH IS WHICH because I HATE YOU ALL.

Please choose which of these UNICODE CHARACTERS AND ONE QUESTION MARK you would like to attempt to be.

[aliasUnknown]

(Okaaaaay, I'll do a real first update. Y'all missed your chance to try to be the question mark.)

You are now THE SHIPS CAPTAIN. At all times you are LARGE AND IN CHARGE. Especially LARGE. You have a pronounced fondness for THINGS OF UNUSUALLY GREAT SIZE, which is probably why you are CAPTAIN of such a RIDICULOUSLY HUGE DESTROYER as the FUCK YOU. Your TWO MAIN INTERESTS are YELLING AT PEOPLE and EATING. You are VERY GOOD at both of these things. Your LOYAL CREW would suggest you are TOO GOOD at the SECOND THING except that you are TOO GOOD at the FIRST THING.

You are TECHNICALLY A SEA DWELLER which makes you ROYALTY despite your DISTASTE FOR WATER.

Your TROLLTAG is vastCommander and your words are IMPORTANT and your subordinates had best PAY ATTENTION.

You are are all alone in the COMMAND ROOM. Your CREW is attending to their DUTIES. As per usual, you have NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON ON YOUR SHIP.

WHAT WILL YOU DO?

[Ku0]

> Find someone to yell at.

[Cobalt Soul]

> Find someone to yell at.

Possibly while enjoying a nice juicy musclebeast steak.

[williamcll]

SING

[aliasUnknown]

> Find someone to yell at.

You decide to dispense some LEADERSHIP. Fortunately thanks the the WONDERS OF TECHNOLOGY you are able to do this without moving your CONSIDERABLE BULK from your EXTREMELY COMFORTABLE CHAIR OF COMMAND. You DAINTILY CARVE A PIECE from your DELICIOUS MUSCLEBEAST STEAK before DIALING UP YOUR FIRST MATE.

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vastCommander is trolling widdershinsOrbit
VC: ATTENTION, this is your CAPTAIN speaking.
WO: ((Ai ai captain! First (())fficer rep(())rting for duty!))
VS: WHAT is going on on this ship, Officer?
WO: ((W(())uld you mind being m(())re specific captain?))
VS: Well for STARTERS where exactly are we?
WO: ((I was rather h(())ping y(())u w(())uldn't ask that... I am afraid I am n(())t precisely certain (())f (())ur p(())siti(())n.))
WO: ((T(()) clarify, I d(()) technically kn(())w (())ur ship's current c(())(())rdinates, h(())wever
WV: I do NOT have TIME for this, GET TO THE POINT.
WO: ((Well t(()) be c(())ncise, as brevity is the s(())ul of wit, it is as y(())u y(())urself wisely p(())inted (())ut just n(())w.))
WV: YOU would not know BREVITY if it SNUCK UP BEHIND YOU and BASHED YOUR HEAD IN WITH THE BUTT OF ITS FACERASER SHOTGUN. SAY IT IN TEN WORDS OR LESS.
WO: ((I d(())n't kn(())w what time we're in.))
WV: CHECK YOUR FUCKING WATCH THEN.
WO: ((See this always happens. I try t(()) explain s(())mething pr(())perly and S(())MEB(())DY gets impatient and makes me summarize and then when I give him the sh(())rt versi(())n he gets C(())MPLETELY the wr(())ng idea.))
WV: WAIT is this going to involve WEIRD TIME SHIT?
WO: ((Well as even y(())u must kn(())w space travel cr(())sses such en(())rm(())us distances that t(()) traverse it multiple times in the c(())urse (())f a lifetime requires deft manipulati(())n (())f c(())mplex temp(())ral mechanics t(()) ensure the ship arrives at the c(())rrect place and the c(())rrect time.))
WV: THAT SHIT MAKES MY HEAD HURT OFFICER, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

You REALLY HATE THAT GUY. At the same time, you LOVE YELLING AT HIM. It could be BEAUTIFUL BLACKROM if only he was slightly LESS OF A PUSHOVER. Oh well.

He's RIGHT, though. SPACE TRAVEL involves being CONSTANTLY UP TO YOUR EARS in WEIRD TIME SHIT. You CAN'T STAND THAT KIND OF THING so like a TRUE LEADER you have DELEGATED 'DEALING WITH WEIRD TIME SHIT' to your SUBORDINATES. You are confident that they have the current crisis COMPLETELY UNDER CONTROL.

> SING.

You are an ACCOMPLISHED BARITONE. You sing a SCALE in THUNDEROUS VIBRATO in PREPARATION for a FULLY FLEDGED PERFORMANCE.

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sidelongJapery has begun trolling vastCommander.
SJ: honk HONK.
SJ: mothER fuckER.
SJ: you KNOW i CAN'T stand THAT oPERa SHIT.
SJ: mothER fuckER.
SJ: don't MAKE me COME down THERE.

You decide NOT TO DO THAT. CAPTAIN OR NOT, you are KIND OF TERRIFIED of a few of the Trolls on your ship.

[Cobalt Soul]

>Captain: Be wO and figure out weird time shit.

[aliasUnknown]

>Captain: Be WO.



You are now the ship's FIRST OFFICER. You are SECOND IN COMMAND of this vessel and the captain has also appointed you TROLL IN CHARGE OF FIGURING OUT WEIRD TIME SHIT. This is fine with you, because you are a GENIUS at TEMPORAL MECHANICS. You ALWAYS KNOW EXACTLY WHEN YOU ARE, and in case you FORGET you keep an assortment of REMINDER RINGS on your fingers. You do all of the CALCULATIONS required for safe time travel in your SOMEWHAT SWOLLEN HEAD, leaving the ship's POWERFUL COMPUTER untouched. When your BRAIN starts to slow down you inhale some of your POWDERED THOUGHT. But you're NOT ADDICTED. You can QUIT ANYTIME YOU WANT.

Aside from your JOB, your INTERESTS include LOGIC PUZZLES and MATHEMATICAL PROBLEMS, as well as STUPID SCIENCE FICTION TV SHOWS ABOUT THE JOB YOU ARE BASICALLY DOING ANYWAY SO YOU AREN'T SURE WHY YOU FIND THEM SO INTERESTING. You are SOMEWHAT VAIN and dress in a RATHER FLAMBOYANT STYLE involving many SILLY LOOKING GLOWING RINGS.

Your trolltag is widdershinsOrbit and ((y(())u tend t(()) speak in a s(())mewhat r(())undab(())ut manner and are always very careful t(()) be c(())pletely clear (())n all (())f the facts t(()) prevent misc(())mmunicati(())ns.))

wO: Figure out weird time shit.

You consult your REMINDER RINGS to figure out EXACTLY WHEN YOU ARE. After a few minutes of thought, your ENORMOUS BRAIN manages to CALCULATE YOUR EXACT TEMPORAL LOCATION to LAST TUESDAY. You feel proud of yourself for FIGURING OUT THE WEIRD TIME SHIT.

You now know exactly WHEN YOU ARE, but in SPACE TRAVEL that is NOT A LOT OF HELP unless you also know WHERE YOU ARE. You decided to contact your SHIP'S NAVIGATOR.

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widdershinsOrbit is now trolling sunkenTerrarium
WO: ((Hi.))
ST: hi honey!
WO: ((S(())rry this is a business call.))
ST: avvvvvv. +:c *zplazh zplazh*
ST: vvhat'z up?
WO: ((I analyzed (())ur temp(())ral c(())(())rdinates and determined that give (())r take a c(())uple (())f h(())urs we've just reached last tuesday.))
WO: ((And... give me a sec(())nd t(()) be sure...
WO: Yep we're still g(())ing backward. At about zer(()) p(())int tw(()) sec(())nds per sec(())nd.))
ST: oh that'z vveird. vvell let me check the navigatorz log to zee vvhere vve vvere lazt tuezday.
ST: ZPLAZH ZPLAZH
ST: thiz iz not good! remember that zhip vve encountered lazt tuezday?
WO: ((The vessel that refused t(()) resp(())nd t(()) (())ur hails except with a weird garbled signal s(()) we attacked it?))
WO: ((...))
WO: ((FUCK.))

You are suddenly in DEEP SHIT OF A NON-TEMPORAL PERSUASION. WHAT WILL YOU DO?

[Planet of the Japes]

Be SJ.

[aliasUnknown]

>WO: Be SJ



You are now the mothERfuckING clown. You are a SUBJUGGULATOR and as such demand RESPECT AND FEAR from your FELLOW CREWMATES, even the ones who TECHNICALLY OUTRANK YOU, which is MOST OF THEM. You are the ships ENTIRE SECURITY TEAM. You are a DEADLY FORCE IN COMBAT armed with your MURDERKIND SPECIBUS, which comes equipped with ALL OF THE WEAPONS. ALL OF THEM. Your interests include SUBJUGGULATING LESSER BLOODS and LAYING DOWN SICK BEATS, often AT THE SAME TIME.

Actually you are KIND OF PISSED OFF that you got stuck with this TERRIBLE ASSIGNMENT. It has been AGES since you got to MURDER ANYONE and the stress is starting to GET TO YOU. Also, you aren't really sure how to INTERACT SOCIALLY with people you AREN'T SUPPOSED TO MURDER. Worst of all, you're being KIND OF UPSTAGED by the MUTANT FREAK and the UNWELCOME GUEST on the ship with you. Some of the crew are MORE AFRAID of them than of YOU, which is a HUGE BUMMER.

Your trolltag is sidelongJapery and you conSIStentLY put THE emPHAsis ON the WRONG sylLAble.

You are in your RESPITEBLOCK just above THAT IDIOT'S COMMAND ROOM. You just STOPPED HIM FROM fuckING singING aGAIN. You are unaware of any IMPENDING DANGER.

WHAT WILL YOU DO?

( :O i can do this persective switch all day. You'll hafta guess which ones they are if you wanna be the mutant or the guest though :P)

[Floramew]

>Use your massive brain to figure out a way to send a message that ISN'T garbled.

Because weird time shit totally works like that.

[aliasUnknown]

>WO: Use your massive brain to figure out a way to send a message that ISN'T garbled.

You wrack your MASSIVE BRAIN and INSTANTLY FIGURE OUT that doing so is IMPOSSIBLE because if it was possible you would have ALREADY RECEIVED AN UNGARBLED MESSAGE LAST TUESDAY.

You are a PRO at WEIRD TIME SHIT.

You vaguely remember the ship you attacked taking HEAVY DAMAGE TO THE ENGINES before TELEPORTING AWAY SOMEHOW. Maybe you could FIGURE OUT A COURSE OF ACTION based on this PREEMPTIVE KNOWLEDGE OF EVENTS.

[Cobalt Soul]

>WO: Receive message from your future self about what course of action to take next.

[aliasUnknown]

>WO: Receive message from your future self about what course of action to take next.

You're pretty sure that won't happen. Use of TROLLIAN'S TRANSTIMELINE FEATURE is FORBIDDEN during space travel except for EXTREME EMERGENCIES. It would have to be SOME KIND OF--

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Future widdershinsOrbit has begun trolling past widdershinsOrbit
FWO: ((DUCK))

You duck. A HUGE FUCKING LASER BEAM vaporizes a section of hull RIGHT WHERE YOUR HEAD JUST WAS. The AUTOMATIC REPAIR SYSTEM kicks in to restore hull integrity, but the ship CAN'T TAKE MANY MORE HITS LIKE THAT. Fortunately since you are MOVING THROUGH TIME QUITE SLOWLY it will be A FEW MINUTES before the next HUGE FUCKING LASER BEAM hits.

You send a message to your past self a few seconds ago to make sure he ducks. You should probably also message the SHIP'S ENGINEER to tell him to GET AWAY FROM THE ENGINES BEFORE THEY EXPLODE. You might also consider contacting the MUTANT FREAK. That TELEPORTING THING seems like the kind of COMPLETE BULLSHIT he might be responsible for. Their trolltags are androidLover and myopicInsight respectively.

(ha ha you are going to LOVE reading the mutant's typing quirk XP [/LIES])

[Cobalt Soul]

Emergencies first!

>WO: Tell aL to avoid the exploding engines.

[aliasUnknown]

>WO: Tell aL to avoid the exploding engines.

Sigh, you supposed you can't just LET HIM DIE, even if he is ANNOYING AS HELL.

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widdershinsOrbit has begun trolling androidLover.
WO: ((Hey I've g(())t s(())mthing imp(())rtant t(()) tell y(())u.))
AL: Oh~? <;3
WO: ((G(())d n(())t the winking again. D(())n't even start (())n that.))
AL: Heeey~ I'm not doing anything wrong~ <;P
WO: ((L(())(())k I already have a w(())nderful matesprit and s(()) if y(())u c(())uld st(())p hitting (())n everything in sight f(())r like (())ne sec(())nd there's s(())mething kind (())f imp(())rtant y(())u need t(()) kn(())w.))
AL: If it's so important you don't you just spit it out~?
AL: WINK WINK~ <;3
WO: ((Kay s(()) what I am trying t(()) say despite y(())ur c(())nstant and intensely distracting attempts at flirting is that the ship is under attack and due t(()) a curi(())us temp(())ral l(())(())p I have gained advanced kn(())wledge (())f an impending expl(())si(())n (())r rather series (())f expl(())si(())ns in the immediate vicinity of the engines and I th(())ught that it w(())uld be prudent t(()) warn y(())u despite my pers(())nal feelings t(())wards y(())u since y(())u are m(())st likely the (())nly (())ne capable of repairing the damage that will be d(())ne t(()) the ship as a result (())f the af(())rmenti(())ned expl(())si(())n.))
AL: ...~
AL: OH~
AL: MY~
AL: FUCKING~
AL: GOD~
AL: COULD THAT HAVE POSSIBLY TAKEN YOU ANY LONGER TO SAY~
AL: This is why that idiot is captain and not you you know~
AL: He would have said~
AL: "EVERYONE GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE ENGINES BEFORE THEY FUCKING EXPLODE"~
AL: Like a real leader~
AL: We would have gotten the fuck away from the engines and everything would be wonderful~
AL: But of course you can't do that you have to write a five paragraph essay on the subject~ <;3
AL: Oh in case you're wondering why I'm still talking I'm actually nowhere near the engines at the moment~ <;P
AL: I'm in CE's quarters~
AL: Just me and her~
AL: Having some QUALITY TIME~
AL: If you know what I mean~
AL: WINK WINK~ <;3 <;3
WO: ((Excuse me I have t(()) g(()) thr(())w up n(())w.))
AL: I love you too~
widdershinsOrbit has ceased trolling androidLover.

Great now the ship is under attack AND you feel kind of nauseous. WHAT WILL YOU-- wait hold up you feel a =====> coming on.

=====>



You are suddenly the trollop~ You are the ship's ENGINEER, because you are VERY GOOD WITH MACHINES. In fact you LOVE MACHINES. Sometimes when you are lonely you build MACHINES THAT LOVE YOU BACK, but you aren't lonely very often because you are VERY PROMISCUOUS in the FLUSHED QUADRANT. Your blood is just about AS LOW AS IT GETS, which SUITS YOU JUST FINE because it gives people LOW EXPECTATIONS ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOR, which you are always SURE TO FULFILL. As a LOW BLOOD you are gifted with PSYCHIC POWERS, which you have HONED to the point where you are able to make very small and precise manipulations, if you know what I mean~ <;3.

When you aren't busy BEING A HUGE WHORE your interests include STUPID MOVIES about DESPERATE, DANGEROUS TROLLS, THE ANGSTIER THE BETTER. They REMIND YOU OF YOUR ADORABLE MORAIL, corrodedHeartstrings-- OH FUCK WAIT SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO CHECK ENGINE 3'S TRIPOLAR LASER FEEDBACK SYSTEM

Your trolltag is androidLover and you shamelessly flirt with everything that moves~ <;3

WHAT WILL YOU DO? OR ALTERNATELY WHAT WILL ANY OF THE OTHER TROLLS WE'VE INTRODUCED SO FAR DO?

(Edit: AL is now my favourite character to write after the captain XP)

[Planet of the Japes]

Ha haa, I like androidLover a lot already. Soo much potential for entertaining trainwrecks.

Also, I honestly find the idea of a space fleet that incorporates the mechanics of time-travel into their battle strategy to be pretty awesome. It would be like the cat-and-mouse game of cold-war era attack submarines seeking eachother out... except they not only have to guess WHERE the other ship is, but WHEN.

AL: There is no time to run all the way to engine three in time to save your moirail (I'm assuming this ship is rather large). Use your psychic powers to activate one of your remotely-controlled androids (which all of your crewmates no doubt find quite creepy for obvious reasons) and have it rush towards the danger.

VC: Get trampled by whorebot

[Varkarrus]

BE the ? now.

also I really like this adventure! It's good for a Text Adventure. I am following this one.

[aliasUnknown]

(thanks guys, good to have readers. And it is a RIDICULOUSLY HUGE DESTROYER after all.)

AL: Deploy REMOTE CONTROL WHOREBOT.

You use your PSYCHIC POWERS to TAKE CONTROL of the WHOREBOT nearest ENGINE THREE. You search the area for your MORAIL. The ENGINE ROOM of the ship is a very DANGEROUS PLACE, full of POINTLESS CATWALKS over UNNECESSARY BOTTOMLESS PITS. You make the WHOREBOT run toward it with RECKLESS ABANDON.

VC: Get trampled by WHOREBOT.

You are MINDING YOUR OWN BUSINESS, heading back from the MESS HALL with MORE STEAK, when you are suddenly BLINDSIDED by on of your ENGINEER'S FUCKING CREEPY ROBOT THINGS.

The STEAK is RUINED.

You are FILLED WITH UNFATHOMABLE RAGE. You are going to FUCKING KILL THAT GODDAMN WHORE.

AL: =====>

Eventually the WHOREBOT spots YOUR MORAIL. She is presently TRYING TO PUNCH THROUGH A STEEL WALL WITH HER BARE HANDS. The situation requires DELICACY.

You ACCIDENTALLY SUCKER-PUNCH HER IN THE GUT, SENDING HER FLYING OVER THE RAILING INTO A BOTTOMLESS PIT.

OOPS~

> AL: Be the ?

You decide that it is time to be SOMEONE WHOSE MORAIL IS NOT ABOUT TO DIE AND/OR MURDER HIM. You try to be the QUESTION MARK from the LIST IN THE TITLE.

?

You are now UNSURE OF WHO YOU ARE. You are ALONE in a DARK ROOM. You CANNOT MOVE YOUR ARMS OR LEGS and there is SOMETHING WEIRD stuck in your mouth, feeding you a steady stream of a STRANGE LIQUID. You are OK WITH THIS, though. In fact you are QUITE HAPPY ABOUT IT. You suspect that this is because you are DRUGGED OUT OF YOUR MIND, but you are OK WITH THAT TOO.

You WAIT AROUND BEING OK WITH THINGS for a while. Then, before long, a HUGE FUCKING LASER BEAM carves through the hull around your CONTAINMENT AREA. The AUTO-REPAIR SYSTEM kicks in, but not before you are SUCKED OUT INTO THE VACUUM OF SPACE.

You just manage to catch hold of the HULL with your CLAWS. Unfortunately you NEED AIR TO SURVIVE and therefore are PROBABLY GOING TO DIE VERY SOON.

You are OK WITH THAT, though.

[Varkarrus]

Crawl around the outside of the ship, punch a hole in a window.

[ardentApathy]

>Inadvertently become an improbable intergalactic hitchhiker.

[aliasUnknown]

>?: Crawl around the outside of the ship, punch a hole in a window.

You crawl around in search of a WINDOW. Unfortunately the HULL does not appear to have any WINDOWS because putting GLASS between AIR-BREATHERS and HARD VACUUM is a REALLY REALLY STUPID IDEA. You are HIGH AS A KITE though so you KEEP LOOKING FOR ONE ANYWAY.

SUDDENLY a HUGE FUCKING LASER BEAM hits you, BLASTING YOU INTO THE SHIP. The AUTO-REPAIR SYSTEM restores the HULL, leaving your BURN AND BROKEN BODY lying on the COLD METAL DECK of the ship.

Your TAIL twitches weakly from side to side.

(I have noted the awesome HGttG command and am saving it for a more appropriate point in the story. >.>)

[ArmsAreLoud]

♁: Examine weird furry person.

[aliasUnknown]

>♁: Examine weird furry person.



You are now the vveird fizh. You are the SHIP'S NAVIGATOR, and a DAMN GOOD ONE thanks to your EIDETIC MEMORY and PERFECT SENSE OF DIRECTION. Unlike your MATESPRIT, however, you also KNOW YOUR LIMITS and are capable of USING THE SHIP'S COMPUTER when the MATH becomes too much to handle. You suffered an UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT during your youth, which SEVERELY DAMAGED THE LOWER PART OF YOUR FACE. You now wear a WEIRD MASK which allows you to both SPEAK and BREATH UNDERWATER, which is VERY IMPORTANT because you are a SEA DWELLER and live in an ONBOARD AQUARIUM.

Your INTERESTS include MAPS, JIGSAW PUZZLES, and STORIES ABOUT GREAT ADVENTURES. Your trolltag is sunkenTerrarium and your zpeech haz a vveird zort of buzzing zound.

ST=====>

You are on your way to REPORT TO THE CAPTAIN, since as a FELLOW SEA-DWELLER you feel you have a CONNECTION with him and he may SHOUT AT YOU SLIGHTLY LESS if you bring him the BAD NEWS. SUDDENLY you come across a BURNT TROLL CORPSE. You tiptoe slowly towards it. It MOVES SLIGHTLY. You FLIP THE FUCK OUT and RUN AWAY screaming about the UNDEAD.

Behind you, you think you hear a quiet m9ow. But it's probably just your IMAGINATION.

[aliasUnknown]

(OK WHATEVER I DON'T NEED YOU GUYS)

>CH: Fall in a more badass fashion.



You are now a f#ck!n b@d@$$ @NY#N# H@V# @ PR#BL#M W!TH TH@T you d!dnt th!nk so

You are the ship's CHIEF WEAPONS OFFICER. You are OBSESSED WITH RANGED WEAPONS. It's not that your a COWARD, it's just that ALL OF YOUR WEAPONS have such ENORMOUS BLAST RADIUS you have to fire them from REALLY FAR AWAY. You are REALLY FUCKING ANGRY all the time and tend to come across as CALIGINOUSLY PROMISCUOUS even though you USUALLY DON'T MEAN IT.

You WISH you were STRONG but are actually EXTREMELY WEAK FOR YOUR BLOOD COLOUR and LACK ANY SPECIAL ABILITIES. Because of your PHYSICAL WEAKNESS and your GENDER people OFTEN UNDERESTIMATE YOU. You OVERCOMPENSATE by BLOWING THE FUCK OUT OF EVERYTHING with BIG FUCKING GUNS from your BFG STRIFE SPECIBUS. Sometimes, though, you get SO ANGRY you FORGET ABOUT THIS and try to PUMMEL THINGS WITH YOUR PUNY PUNY FISTS.

Your interests include EXPLOSIONS, THINGS THAT CAUSE EXPLOSIONS, MOVIES WITH EXPLOSIONS IN THEM. Your MORAIL is the only person who REALLY GETS YOU, but he has PROBLEMS OF HIS OWN and sometimes you are NOT SURE WHO IS KEEPING WHO UNDER CONTROL.

You are currently FALLING into an UNNECESSARY BOTTOMLESS PIT after being SUCKER-PUNCHED by one of your MORAIL'S CREEPY WHOREBOTS. Your trolltag is corrodedHeartstrings and $omet!me$ you get R#@LLY F#CK!N @NGRY F#R N# R#@$ON @T @LL you c@n't help !t ok@y

You pull out one of your MANY ENORMOUS GUNS and FIRE IT STRAIGHT DOWNWARD, LAUNCHING YOU BACK ONTO THE CATWALK while simultaneously DESTROYING ENGINE FOUR.

! d!dn't f#ck!n me@n to ok@y

NOW WHAT?

Ok this has gotten KIND OF CONFUSING because of ALL THE CHARACTERS. Here's a HELPFUL SUMMARY.
The CAPTAIN is looking for the ENGINEER to MURDER HIM for RUINING A STEAK DINNER.
The FIRST OFFICER is trying to KEEP THE SHIP FROM BEING DESTROYED and should probably CONTACT THE MUTANT FREAK.
The ENGINEER is TRYING TO SAVE HIS MORAIL and doing a SHITTY JOB OF IT.
SOMEONE OR OTHER is LYING ON THE FLOOR TWITCHING IN AGONY.
The NAVIGATOR is FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT about ZOMBIES.
The CLOWN is NOT DOING ANYTHING AT ALL.