Homestuck AU: Doubleswap [IC]

[DJ-P0N3]

The start of a new universe,
recycled from a very familiar one,
will the changes to this world,
be significant enough,
to constitute victory?

Only time will tell.

This is the Doubleswap Alternate Universe [IC]
the OOC can be found here

If you are not part of said RP please refrain from posting here.

[draconicAlgorithm]

==> Jade: Be adorable.

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Isn't that what you always do?

((Thanks for the sprite crash! :D))

A young woman stands in her bedroom, doing her best to keep hold of a large pitcher of water while carefully pouring a portion of its contents onto a potted plant. Perhaps if she wasn't so busy, she might be able to tell you her own name. But since she can't, why not make up one for her?

> Enter Name.

FARMSTINK BUTTLASS ?

It's probably a good thing that she's not paying attention at the moment, because if she was, she'd likely be whacking something with a shovel. Why don't you try to think of a better name, before she notices?

> Try again.

JADE EGBERT Y

That's much better! In fact, it's so much better that it actually is her name. What was the likeliness of that?

Your name is Jade Egbert, and today is not your birthday. In fact, you sort of wonder why anyone would think that it would be. That's kind of ridiculous! Your thirteenth birthday was months ago. Anyway, you are currently watering your plants, which are one of your many interests. In fact, you love plants so much that your room is full of them, to the point of seeming rather cluttered. But you don't mind! You think they're pretty, and you enjoy taking care of them. And that's what matters, right?

As was before mentioned, you are currently thirteen years old, and it is not your birthday. In addition to your rather extreme love of flora, you are also a bit of a prankster and love pulling them on your Bro, who is your legal guardian. He can be hard to live with sometimes, but you love him anyway! Even if he is pretty weird, with his puppet and irony obsessions. But, when you live with someone long enough, you learn to look past those sorts of oddities and appreciate them for who they really are!

> Pester your friends.

Can't you see that you're a little busy right now? These plants need loving care! Your friends can wait for a few moments. You squint through your glasses, trying to get just the right amount of water into the pot. Luckily, your long black hair is pulled out of your face and into a ponytail. Otherwise, things might get a little annoying! You're wearing your usual clothes, too—a shirt with a blue atom symbol on it and cargo pants. You prefer comfort over style! And all those pockets. You could never fill them all!

> Be pestered by your friends.

What? Didn't you just say that you're—oh shoot, someone's pestering you! Finishing with the plant you were currently watering, you manage to get back over to your desktop computer to see who it is.

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-- ghoulishTerminologist [GT] began pestering guilefulGreenskeeper [GG] --

GT: greetings jade!
GG: oh uh
GG: hey john!
GT: did i catch you at a bad time?
GG: sorta! well, i guess not that bad.
GG: i'm just watering my plants!
GG: and it's sorta hard to
GG: ugh, balance this pitcher and type one-handed!
GT: i can wait for you to finish your watering duties, but we do need to discuss things relatively soon.
GG: okay, gimme just a minute!

You go about watering the rest of your plants, though you stare sadly at the poor shape of your venus fly trap. It was already wilting and looking quite brown and crispy around the edges. Usually, you were very good with plants, but it seemed that this one was incredibly finicky! With a sigh, you leave it be and get back on Pesterchum.

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GG: okay. i think i got them all! :D
GG: everyone's happy now.
GG: except my venus fly trap. :[ it's not looking so good.
GT: have you been feeding it regularly?
GG: as well as i can! but they're notorious for being hard to keep alive.
GG: that's why i wanted to try!
GG: i keep meaning to ask dave if he knows anything about them, but i keep forgetting. Dx
GT: sometimes the road less traveled is traveled less for a reason jade.
GG: i knoooow, but it's a matter of pride!
GG: my pride as a greenskeeper!
GT: i understand jade, its very important to you.
GG: also, bro gave it to me. :[
GT: that.
GT: i was not aware of that!
GG: well, you wouldn't know if i didn't tell you, silly! :)
GT: true, so i guess it has sentimental value.
GT: thats nice to know.
GG: yeah! that's why i really want it to do well.
GG: anyway, what did you want to talk about?
GT: about sburb.
GG: oh right! we were going to start playing that today, right? :D
GT: indeed we were.
GT: you were first in line to get online.
GT: i already have my host and client installed.
GG: yup! i'm really excited, too!
GT: i assume the same can be said of you?
GG: oh! i totally forgot. :(
GG: gimme a minute, i know where the disks are at.
GT: 'discs' jade.
GT: 'discs'.
GG: :P
GG: it all sounds the same!
GG: anyway, they should be right over here on my dresser.

You can't believe you forgot that you were going to start playing SBurb today! Although you don't know much about it, you just know it's going to be a ton of fun! You and your three friends have been planning on playing it together since it was first announced, and you've been really looking forward to it! After a random drawing, you were picked to enter the game first, with John as your server. Whatever that means!

You smile as you walk over to your dresser. You know that they're right there on the corner—

Except that they're not. In their place is a colorful object that you immediately recognize as one of your Bro's puppets.

This can only mean one thing.

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GG: ... oh.
GT: let me guess.
GG: oh nooooooo.
GT: they aren't.
GG: no. and worse yet, one of bro's puppets is in their place.
GG: man, i hate it when he does this!
GT: i am sure he does it out of love.
GT: maybe its a big brother thing?
GG: i guess so. i'll have to prank him hard for it later. >)
GG: but for now... ugh, sorry john, i've gotta go find them!
GT: its alright.
GT: message me when you get them back.
GG: okay! hopefully it won't be too much of an ordeal.
GG: he usually puts stuff in one of a few places when he hides them.
GT: till then, bye.
GG: bye!

-- ghoulishTerminologist [GT] ceased pestering guilefulGreenskeeper [GG] --

Taking a deep breath, you weigh your options. When he hides your things, he usually does so in one of only a few places. It's been a while since he put anything on top of the fridge. That seems like your best bet for now.

You sneak out of your room, trying your best to be quiet. Bro is known for strifing on sight, but you don't really feel like fighting at the moment if you can avoid it. You know he's home from work, even though the house is pretty quiet. It makes you nervous.

You manage to get to the kitchen with no mishaps. As soon as you do, you know that you picked the right spot. Lil' Cal, the creepiest of all Bro's puppets, stares down at you from his perch atop the fridge. You shiver to yourself before grabbing him by the leg and pulling him down. As it just so happens, an envelope with one of your discs in it falls as you do. You captchalogue it happily, tossing Cal to the side. Only one more to go! Just as you turn around to grab a chair to stand on, however, you feel an all too familiar breeze as something whizzes past you. When you turn to where you dropped Cal, you find that he's gone.

Looks like Bro already found you.

Gritting your teeth, you pull your trusty shovel out of your strife specibus. As you've often said, it's the perfect weapon for a budding botanist, and you're quite good with it!

But not as good as Bro is with a puppet.

==> Strife!

It doesn't look like you have much choice! Suddenly, call is everywhere, in your face and attacking you from each side. You don't even see Bro. Everywhere the puppet appears, you lash out with the business end of your shovel. More than once, you knock Cal away, but he is always picked up again before he even hits the floor. You endure a flurry of blows, waiting for an opening.

There! You swing your shovel like a baseball bat, and Cal goes flying. He hits the wall of the kitchen, where he slides down to the floor. You wait, shovel ready, for the attack to be renewed, but before you can act, your legs are knocked out from under you. You hit the floor, breath knocked out of you. Before you can stand, you feel a hand pat your head. You managed to sit up in time to see Bro, still in his business suit from work, walking from the kitchen into the living room. That is when you realize that there is a note sticking to your head.

==> Read note.

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Yo little sis,

You're still not quite up to snuff, but I guess you'll do. Keep practicing, girl.

You're not a complete wuss.

You smile. That might be one of the nicest notes Bro has ever left you! You climb to your feet, feeling sore but happy.

==> Look for second disc.

Oh, right! There were two of those, weren't there? You climb up on to one of the kitchen chairs. It gives you just enough height to see the top of the fridge, and...

Shoot! No disc in sight. He must have hid it in a different place! Dang it, Bro!

Oh well. You're pretty sure that the one you got was the client disc, and that's the only one you need at the moment anyway! You head back up to your room. As soon as you get to your computer, you access your sylladex, which you actually find to be quite convenient! Your fetch modus is Taxonomy Recall: Botany Edition, which requires that you accurately give the scientific name of the plant pictured on the back of the card to access the item inside. You grab the card with the disc inside. Of course you know what this one is! Carya laciniosa, the shellbark hickory tree! Really, who didn't know that?

After inserting the disc and setting it to install, you start pestering John again.

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-- guilefulGreenskeeper [GG] began pestering ghoulishTerminologist [GT] --

GG: okay. my client disc is loading.
GG: i still haven't found the server one, though.
GT: about time.
GT: sorry, but i was growing a little impatient.
GG: it's okay. it... took a while.
GT: and what do you mean can't find the server disc?
GG: when i got to the place i figured it was, on top of the fridge, bro was already waiting for me.
GG: we strifed for a while, and i got my butt handed to me. though i did manage to give cal a few good whacks!
GT: i suggest focusing less on the puppet.
GT: and more on the puppeteer.
GG: but only the client disc was there. :( the server disc must be somewhere else.
GG: you don't understand! i can't even hardly see bro when we strife. :(
GG: unless he wants me to.
GG: he's just too fast.
GT: i can't say i have seen it myself, but don't worry jade.
GT: you'll catch up eventually.
GG: i knoooow. i guess that's what all this training is for!
GT: at the very least we can get you into the game first as planned, and with me as host too.
GG: and i used to not even be able to hit cal, so i've improved! :D
GG: okay, that'll work! i'm sure i'll find the server disc by the time dave is ready.
GT: most likely.
GT: its not like its lost forever or something.
GG: yeah! that's just silly.
GT: so just get ready, because i am going to connect really soon.
GG: okay! it's finished loading now, so i'm ready when you are!
GG: i wonder what this game does, anyway? i never really found out!
GG: i just knew it would be fun! :D
GT: i am sure it will be good for all of us.
GT: okay, connecting...
GT: ...now.
GG: :D

You wait, but nothing happens aside from confirmation that you are connected. That's weird!

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GG: hm. doesn't look like much happened on this end!
GT: for you.
GT: for me, well.
GT: its pretty neat.
-- ghoulishTerminologist [GT] has disconnected --
GG: oh nooooo.

You could have sworn you heard something behind you, but when you turned to look, nothing was there. You frown sadly at the screen. Poor John! His connection is always going out. You can't help what wonder, though. What was so neat?

[DJ-P0N3]

==> Be the snarky teen
You are now…well…you are now this guy.
A young boy, age 13, in desperate need of a name and a better wireless connection. I am sure we can fix one of those two very easily! Why don’t you take care of the name?


==> ZOOSMELL POOPLORD
As much as the boy appreciates the reference to a rather old comic of questionable humor and appropriateness, he believes this is a rather putrid name to use.
Let’s try again.


==> John Lalonde
That name is much more fitting!
More unique, but at the same time quite familiar.


==> Inspect room
Your room is nothing too out of the ordinary. Your walls are plastered with various posters from horror movies and mystery films. Most noticeably is a brand new poster of the series SCOOBY DOO. You are particularly obsessed with this animated television show that has to do with teenagers and their talking dog. It reminds you of your friends and your dog.
Speaking of your dog, where is he?

==> Scooby: Pouncegreet
There he is!
He leaps onto you and begins to lick your cheek. He seem very energetic right now, it is a good thing too. You were getting into a pretty foul mood what with your connection dying so suddenly, and at a most inopportune time. He wagged his tail and comforted you, at a time when you would need it most.
He is truly man’s best friend.
Which is to say he is your best friend, and always will be.

==> Assess the situation
Your laptop has lost connection, this is of course possible for a multitude of reasons. You assume it may have to do with your current location not being very well elevated, but you then consider the fact that this has never actually been an issue before. So it must be one of those cases in which your connection just chooses to be complete horse shit. This is a good realization, as inspecting and researching this as much as you would want to would waste time. Your friend is waiting for you, and you should not keep her waiting.

You captchalogue your laptop and get ready to go. Allocating your suture kit to your strife Specibus; It is something you are very skilled with, and you suspect may or may not be needed for where you are going.

==> Scooby: reveal true identity.
You figure you might as well admit your dog isn’t actually named ‘Scooby’. His real name is Becquerel, given to him by your Nana. Oh the hell she is going to give you for leaving the house. You suppose you may even have to come into STRIFE with her.
That being a distinct possibility, you are fully prepared to defend yourself against her. She never was that good of an offensive fighter anyway.
You hop onto Bec’s back, he begins to trot down the hall and into the main foyer. Soon you’ll be face to face with Nana. You are so nervous; you might just completely forget a good word for that this fight will be like!

==> Sneak
Bec sneaks as quietly as he can down the hall, through the main foyer and, oh bloody hell Nana has spotted you!
Oh you know what this means.

> STRIFE?
Of course Nana would be berating you about how dangerous it is outside and how irresponsible you were being if she could actually speak, but as a taxidermied corpse there isn’t a whole lot she can actually do. You take your sutureKind specibi out and throw down with Nana. Giving her a rough and tough AGGRESS followed closely by some BERATING before you quickly ABSCOND.
You don’t really have the time for this, but you already knew that.

>Skip to the end
You can’t do that, but you can skip ahead briefly, by a few seconds.
You are now back upon Bec, riding just outside of your front door and heading for a particular lab not too far from your home. There isn’t an easy way in, and by that you mean its just a jump over a fence. You would get back to this train of thought later though, there were friends to be messaged.
Specifically Jade and Rose.
Which is going to be, oh for the love of god Jade beat you to it.

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-- guilefulGreenskeeper [GG] began pestering ghoulishTerminologist [GT] at 16:34 --
GG: john? john, are you there?
GG: what happened?
GT: its okay jade.
GT: my connection went dead.
GG: i know that! :(
GT: so why ask if you knew what i was going to say?
GG: but what happened? how'd you get reconnected?
GT: oh.
GT: well, if you must know it has to do with that lab i have mentioned before.
GG: oh! :o
GG: did you go to it again?
GT: i am going to it now.
GT: scooby is taking me there.
GG: oh! :D good dog, best guide?
GT: he sure is.
GT: he is taking his time though.
GT: in fact, he seems pretty lax.
GG: well, i guess there's no reason to hurry!
GG: anyway, the game still isn't doing anything. :(
GG: what happened on your end? before the disconnection.
GT: i was reading a walkthrough, but i lost connection before i could place down anything.
GG: aw. oh well! i guess we can play once you figure out why scooby wants you to go to the lab!
GT: i think its because my battery is low.
GT: maybe he suspects a power source that is more reliable is there?
GT: my electricity bill might not have been paid this month.
GG: maybe! who knows?
GG: D: oh no!
GT: its my nanna's fault.
GT: but its okay, she's too nice to stay mad at.
GG: haha, yeah.
GT: indeed.
GT: though can we get back to sburb?
GG: sure!
GG: except, uh... i still can't do anything. :(
GT: i am supposed to place down a few things, where would a good place be?
GG: uh... i guess in the living room? but what do you mean, place stuff down?
GT: you'll see.
GT: and done!
GG: oh god what was that.
GG: the whole house shook!
GT: i placed down a cruxtruder and a totem lathe.
GG: ... what.
GT: those two are apparently important.
GG: oh man! you really put stuff in my living room???
GT: you told me it was a good place
GG: bro's gonna be furious! Dx
GG: i didn't really know what you were talking about!
GG: thankfully, he wasn't in there anymore.
GT: thats very fortunate.
GT: what isn't is my nearly dead battery.
GG: but, uh, the tube thingy is kind of blocking the front door. :/
GG: oh no!
GT: i have to go jade, i am sorry!
GG: D:
-- ghoulishTerminologist [GT] ceased pestering guilefulGreenskeeper [GG] at 16:34 --

That was somewhat eventful, definitely useful.
Now onto Rose.

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-- ghoulishTerminologist [GT] began pestering turntableTerror [TT] at 21:34 --
GT: rose.
GT: excuse me, are you there?
TT: of course i am, would i be online otherwise. god.
TT: what are the haps.
GT: i am on my way to the laboratory not too far from my home in hopes of locating a proper source of battery power my personalized laptop.
TT: okay. and this is relevant to me how.
GT: i just want to make sure you are prepared to host for me when the time comes.
GT: and to make sure you aren't 'too cool' for this game.
TT: you're actually seriously talking to me about that.
GT: yes.
TT: jesus fuck, lalonde. look, i know i said i'd play your stupid game, but you seriously can't find anyone else to play? really?
GT: you don't have to be so rude about this rose, but no.
GT: i couldn't, nor would i want, anyone else to take your place.
TT: ugh, i did promise, didn't i.
GT: yes, you did.
TT: so i guess i can't back out now.
TT: fine. i'll play your goddamn game, happy?
GT: yes, absolutely estatic.
TT: i actually can't tell whether or not you're serious. whatever.
TT: so what do your freaky laptop woes have to do with this.
GT: i may run out of power soon, so i wanted to make sure i had this chance to contact you before it was possibly too late.
TT: oh. um, thanks, i guess?
TT: you sound actually worried, what's the deal.
GT: its nothing rose.
GT: don't worry about it.
TT: okay, now i know something's wrong.
TT: come on. tell the coolkid of your woes.
GT: i have no woes to tell rose.
GT: you can pry all you want, but the beans are something i will not spill.
TT: my prying is so fucking awesome, you won't even have time to blink before my hand of justice will tip over the can of beans.
TT: the beans will go everywhere, tripping up all of your psychoanalytical attempts to stop me.
TT: i will stand victorious over a mountain of spilled beans.
-- ghoulishTerminologist [GT] has gone offline --
TT: oh god dammit.
TT: you had better get to that lab or whatever soon, because i'm actually fucking curious now.

Son of a bitch!
Out of power already?
Well that’s okay, you’re at the lab now.
Just got to get in.

[lovelyAssistant]

==>Be the psychoanalyst wannabe.
You can’t be the psychoanalyst wannabe, as he is currently too busy attempting to break into a shady laboratory of some sort to be bothered with your shenanigans.

==>Fine. Be the coolkid?
She is currently too busy shredding out tear-jerkingly beautiful music ironically mainstream garbage, thankyouverymuch, on her electric violin to notice your attempts to be her. Why don’t you take this opportunity to try giving her a name?

==>ENTER NAME: Flighty Br_
She’s pointing her violin bow threateningly in your direction, as though daring you to finish that statement. She is goddamn fucking proficient with that thing, I’d try something else…

==>ENTER NAME: Rose Strider
Much better. A properly cool-sounding surname, paired with an ironically girly first name. Rose is appeased by this name, and puts away her violin… for now.

You are now ROSE STRIDER, and it is not your birthday. What sort of fuckwit would think it was your birthday? That was months ago, moron. You are thirteen, and you were busy playing some of your incredibly sick music before some voices in your head pissed you off with some bullshit attempt at a name. You even added in a few augmented fourths in that Vivaldi just to piss off your DAD, but to no avail. He's probably sitting downstairs, staring awestruck at all of those fucking HARLEQUINS that he loves so much. You hate him with such a burning passion that the SUN ITSELF cannot hope to match its feverish heat.

You are a fan of everything IRONIC, and try to embody such in your everyday life. You have a love of MUSIC, but not the MAINSTREAM BULLSHIT that is all over the radios. You like the underground stuff, especially the ironic underground bands that sound just like the mainstream bands, except for one key difference: irony. You aspire to be like these bands in everything you do. You also enjoy READING and WORDPLAY, and enjoy using your MAD SKILLZ to crush those who would dare to cross you linguistically. You love ripping them apart. You absolutely do not have a FUCKING TEMPER ISSUE, and you will strangle whoever implies such.

==>ROSE: Do something cool

Now, why would an obviously awesome kid like you listen to the voices in her head and just do something cool like that? No, coolness comes from spontaneity, dear head-voice, and obeying external commands is simply the last thing any coolkid worth his or her snark would do. You instead decide to EXAMINE YOUR ROOM.

Your ROOM is the most ironic place in this house, with its INCREDIBLY FEMININE PINK WALLPAPER almost completely covered with IRONICALLY ADORABLE POSTERS. The KITTEN POSTER above your bed and the SQUIDDLES POSTER on your door stick out as perhaps the most absurdly girly things possible, and this fills you with contentment. In the corner is a pile of MUTILATED HARLEQUINS and CAKES awaiting their turn to be moulded into some of your horrifically ugly ART, which you make as a STATEMENT to your Dad about your hatred of all things baked and clownish. He, however, DISPLAYS them around the house, almost as if he is PROUD of them. Bastard. On the opposite end of the room is your desk, upon which lie your BELOVED TURNTABLE, as well as your ELECTRIC VIOLIN and your SHITTY-ASS LAPTOP.

Which, it would seem, is pinging. Some moron must be trying to pester you, joy of all joys. You check the name, and are slightly disappointed; it's only Dave. Damn, no fresh meat to lay into with your wordblades.

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-- timelessGalaxy [TG] began pestering turntableTerror [TT] at 11:52 --
TG: hey
TT: oh, sup dave.
TG: not much
TT: cool.
TT: you still in on this whole game shit lalonde's got going down.
TG: yeah
TG: you angry against JOHN?
TT: why the fuck would i be angry with that moron.
TG: because he HAS kicked you from the memo
TT: yeah. he did.
TT: i'm not angry at him for that, jesus.
TG: not even A little?
TT: goddammit, dave, i said i'm not angry!
TT: jesus fuck, read the text i am sending you.
TG: you dont want to CRUSH him?
TT: you seem oddly into the idea of me being mad at him.
TT: jesus, i hope you're not getting off on this.
TT: that would be fucking disturbing.
TG: nah im not getting off ON this
TG: why would YOU think that?
TT: take your weird fucking perversions elsewhere, harley.
TT: go play with your gay little ponies, and leave me to my completely justified rage that has nothing to do with john kicking me from the memo.
TT: i mean, jesus fuck he even apologised for it already, the little moron.
TG: heh okay fine
TT: ugh, can we talk about something not john?
TG: not my fault he's all you ever think about
TT: like, this stupid fucking game he's making us all play in order to fulfill his weird scooby doo fantasy
TT: wait what.
TT: what the Fuck would give you that idea, harley?
TG: well we talked about him this whole log
TT: jesus fucking christ, you're the one who brought him up.
TT: i'm the one who tried to change the fucking subject.
TT: you're the one who refuses to stop.
TT: do you have a gay little crush on our mutual friend, harley? has playing with those ponies finally warped your tiny little brain that far?
TG: the ponies rock and you know it
TT: declare your love, harley. don't be afraid. haters gonna hate. write your love across the fucking sky in the fiery debris of exploding planes.
TT: planes filled with rainbow glitter.
TG: ... scroll up and read the caps
TT: the fuck would i do that for.
-- turntableTerror [TT] scrolls up and reads the goddamned caps... oh jesus fuck --
TT: fuck you harley
TT: fuck fucking you and the fucking pony you rode in on
-- turntableTerror [TT] ceased pestering timelessGalaxy [TG] at 12:07 --

...Sometimes, you really hate that kid. So, so very much. Where does he get off implying shit like that? Idiot.

Still, you have to admit that he's getter better at the whole irony deal. He even got you to ragequit, which is a feat in and of itself. Now, if he can get Lalonde to ragequit, you might even grudgingly admit that he is decent at fucking with people's minds.

You're pretty rage-y still. You need something to calm you down. What should you do?

==>Pester someone else
That's actually a decent idea. Who's online... oh thank fuck.

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-- turntableTerror [TT] began pestering guilefulGreenskeeper [GG] at 16:49 --
TT: oh thank jesus you're online.
GG: hey rose! :D
GG: what's up?
TT: oh my god i need to talk to someone not male right now.
GG: well, i happen to be of the not male persuasion!
TT: yes that was the fucking point of my relief.
GG: :D
GG: so uh... did something happen between you and john again?
TT: ugh, why is everyone talking about john today.
TT: seriously, it's like a fucking lalonde-fest in here.
GG: well, to be honest, i'm a little worried about him. :(
GG: but if you don't want to talk about him, that's fine!
GG: what did you want to talk about?
TT: hey, did you talk to john? hey, are you angry at lalonde for kicking you from the memo? ugh.
TT: wait. why are you worried about the fucktard.
GG: i did talk to him, but not for a while. his internet went out and he said he was going to this abandoned factory by his house.
TT: oh, right. yeah. some lab shit, right?
GG: yeah, but... he said he saw someone in there once. :(
GG: i'm just kind of worried he might run into ghosts!
GG: but at least he has bec with him. :)
TT: god, probably just some scientist dude, don't get so worked up.
GG: okay! i'll try not to.
TT: good. it's annoying as fuck.
TT: and seriously, you're actually getting into that whole ghost thing? they don't exist, jade. jesus.
GG: you never know!
GG: we would never find out until they got someone. :(
TT: i know. i know fucking everything. i am a god of fucking logic and reason, and these would state that ghosts do not fucking exist, you follow me?
GG: i guess.
TT: no ghosts are going to get john. worst that'll happen is that he runs into some irate scientist bastard, and he and bec are more than capable of dealing with some scrawny cave-dwelling nerd.
TT: well. bec probably is.
GG: okay! thanks rose.
GG: i feel better about it now. :)
TT: good. less whining for me to deal with, then.
GG: :D
GG: so, what's up with you?
TT: everything is up with me. i'm fucking swimming in events of an intolerably exciting persuasion.
GG: like what? usually exciting is a good thing!
TT: shredding on my violin, ripping apart fucktards who would dare attempt to cross wordblades with the master, creating exquisitely horrific pieces of art, the usual.
TT: what are the so-called "haps" at your end.
GG: well, i started playing sburb with john!
GG: but then he had to leave, because of shenanigans.
TT: oh, so you're actually playing the game now.
TT: is it as horifically uncool as it sounds.
GG: uh, i guess it's okay!
GG: john dropped some stuff in my house, which is really weird!
TT: he dropped stuff in your house.
GG: but i can't get any of them to do anything. :(
TT: your virtual house.
TT: you get a virtual house in this game
TT: god, it's like motherfucking sims all over again.
GG: no, i mean, he dropped things in my living room.
GG: my actual living room.
TT: what.
GG: it shook the whole house!
TT: rewind a bit there.
TT: he dropped things
TT: in your actual real life house.
GG: yes.
TT: the fuck.
TT: what the actual fuck.
GG: i know right!
GG: this game is awesome! :D
TT: you're shitting me, right.
TT: this is one of your weird prank things.
GG: no!
GG: although this would be an awesome prank. :)
GG: but no!
TT: you really aren't helping your case, here.
GG: hehehe!
GG: but no, real stuff! it's cool!
TT: ugh, everyone's trying to fuck with my head today.
TT: jesus christ.
GG: i'm not messing with you!
GG: really!
TT: this is me. leaving.
GG: D:
TT: strider out, bitches.
-- turntableTerror [TT] ceased pestering guilefulGreenskeeper [GG] at 17:07 --

Ugh. What is with everyone today? Seriously, you've got such better things to do than get trolled by your so-called "friends". Like work on some of your weird art shit. Yeah. That's important. Why don't you get on that.

==>Stop lying to yourself. Worry about your friends.
In your dreams, bastard! John is just breaking in to some weird lab facility that may or may not be haunted, and Jade is apparently having heavy shit dropped in her actual house by some computer game.

Nope. Nothing here to worry about. Nothing at all.