AdultStuck TOPIC II (The Last Update Of The Topic)

[Dr.Ninja]

Creepy Statue: Flee, now is your chance!

[Nexev]

LOLWUT SONG!
Prototype my timbers.

MUPPET MIDNIGHT CREW

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Prototype my timbers, prototype my soul
bluh bluh doof bluh
There are men whose skin as as black as coal
bluh bluh doof bluh
And they choke the competetion till their skin turns blue
No one more bloodthirsty then the midnight crew
It's as grimdark a tale as was ever told
Of the lust for murder and the cuts of throats
Prototype my timbers, Prototype my sides
bluh bluh doof bluh
There are stabs as deep as the paradox space and time
bluh bluh doof bluh
And those mafinspirator drowned their sins in tea
Monkey: Lord English himself would have to call them mean
Every man aboard would have killed his bro
Simply because he had nothing better to do then stab a hoe
Stab a hoe
Stab a hoe
Stab, rape, subjugulate!
Gluba nakka gluba nakka something not right
Many wicked miracle shit going down tonight
Gluba nakka gluba nakka sane man beware
When de carapace head to tow dere's murder in de air
Murder in de air
One more time now
Prototype my timbers, Prototype my bones
Bluh bluh doof bluh
There are secrets that sleep with Fluthulu's folk
Bluh bluh doof bluh
When the plan is set and the map is stabbed
There's no sparing any women or lad
And when greed and villainy walks on in
You can bet your boonbucks it's name is kingpin
Prototype my timbers, Prototype my sails
Dead troll tells no tales

B] I think it is pretty fuckin decent IMO.

[Godfrey]

I had an early, long, busy day. Sorry for the late, short update. XP!

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>Jack: Confront ANGRY DOUCHEBAG. What the hell does he want?

You confront the ANGRY DOUCHEBAG, er, rather, the ACE DEPUTY. You demand to know why the hell he's here, at this LEGITIMATE BUSINESS, more or less off hours?

The ACE DEPUTY continues to flip the fuck out, letting out a stream of unintelligible threats and curses. You can barely understand what he's saying, but you're pretty sure you hear several things about "illegal activities", "know your hiding things", and "sugary treats that must be confiscated". It's really all the same old shit. You hate it when he comes by.

In fact, this is so boring and you hate it so much you figure you might as well just go ahead right now and show him some stabs. You take out your RAZOR WIT and prepare for STABBINGS.

>Droog: Whack Slick for thinking about it.

You are lightly smacked in the head with a cuestick. You glare over at Droog.

He says now is not the time for murder. The last thing you guys need is the SHERIFF having a good reason to come down on your organization, and a dead or missing ACE DEPUTY would be just the thing.

Fine, you say. You guess you'll wait to murder him. Lousy Droog, ruining all your fun.

What was that, he asks?

Nothing, you reply. You decide that you're just going to have to do this the slightly less fun way.


>Slick - Punch Deputy in snout to establish...because why not?


You clench your fist, approach the deputy, and SLUG him across the snout to establish how FUCKING PISSED YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

Ace Deputy counters it with AUTO-PARRY: CHIN UP. You...You pretty much just succeed in hitting his face as a result. He stands there for a moment before falling over backwards with a rather loud noise.

Droog just shakes his head. You order some of your flunkies to drag the unconscious fat midget outside and set him on the sidewalk. Place a couple of beers around him, too. Make it look like some sort of drunken accident.

You watch as the ACE DEPUTY is dragged off, and scratch the side of your head in annoyance. What the hell were you supposed to do next? You've completely forgotten, but you think it had something to do with WHORES?

[Triangle Man]

Slick - Become lost in some rather interesting fantasies.

Then, ask Droog what you were supposed to do after you meeting with MK.

[GenetiXientist]

Police Investigator: Happen to be walking in the general vicinity of the 'legitimate' business, and see AD dragged out. Investigate.

[fergus]

>Slick: Check schedule. Do whatever is next on the list.

[Cheers]

>Slick: For some reason, the image of MK in his brassier pops into your head at the mention of whores. BLUH!!!

[Steel Dragon]

SLICK'S SCHEDULE:
-Business
-"Business"
-Polish Statue
-Confront MK
-Whores whores whores whores

[The Long Man]

>Slick: Consult series of "helpful" Whore business cards

[DS Piron]

> Business cards: Be for legitimate businesses, having been confused for risque by wording.

[medmedina007]

SLICK'S SCHEDULE:
-Business
-"Business"
-Polish Statue
-Confront MK
-Whores whores whores whores

>Slick: Consult series of "helpful" Whore business cards

>Slick:Find Madame Muriel's card....BLUH, how did that get in there.

[Steel Dragon]

SLICK'S SCHEDULE:
-Business
-"Business"
-Polish Statue
-Confront MK
-Whores whores whores whores

>Slick: Consult series of "helpful" Whore business cards

>Slick:Find Madame Muriel's card....BLUH, how did that get in there.

don't you mean Madame Portrait?

[Godfrey]

>Slick: Consult series of "helpful" Whore business cards


You take your WAR CHEST out of your inventory, and your ROLL OF BUSINESS CARDS out of the War Chest. You quickly flip to the WHORES WHORES WHORES section and try to look up a decent business.

>Slick:Find Madame Muriel's card....BLUH, how did that get in there.

You immediately come across a card for MADAME MURIEL'S BROTHEL.

You throw up all over the floor. Your lackies immediately begin cleaning it up.

Eugh! You'd never go see her. She's revolting! And you suspect she might be Mobster Kingpin in drag, which is more than a little creepy.

You quickly flip through the cards until you find MADAME PORTRAIT'S. Now THERE'S a classy establishment. You turn to Droog and tell him you're going to go out for whores. Don't wait up.

He whacks you with the cuestick. He helpfully reminds you that you've got something else to attend to.

>Ask Droog what you were supposed to do after you meeting with MK.

Fine, you say. What was it?

The prisoners, he replies. Down in the basement.

...Of course, you reply. You didn't forget at all. You begin to head towards the stairs.

>Creepy Statue: Flee, now is your chance!

You are unable to flee! Mostly because you are not in the statue so much as you are communicating through it!

You are also really bored right now.

...And I'm dancing with myself. Yadda yadda yadda yadda dancin' with myse-eee-eeelf. Ooo-ooooh.


>Jack: Discuss the status of the Prisoners with Droog. Considering your luck, it's probably bad.

As you walk down the unnecessarily long stairs into the basement, you inquire as to the status of the prisoners.

They're good, reply Droog.

...That wasn't what you implied before, you point out.


Them being "good" is the problem, says Droog. None of the men will go near the birdbrain's cage. They're terrified of him.

Pansies, you reply. What about the other prisoner?

We...can't seem to torture him, he admits.

Why not?

You'll see, Slick. You'll see.


You both enter the basement floor, and go first to the room where the first prisoner is being held. It's noticeably empty.

The room contains nothing other than a shitty light bulb, and a bird cage hanging from the ceiling. Sitting on a wooden bar inside it, his head tucked under his wings, is one of those predatory birds. He seems to be asleep, which means he is entirely too comfortable for your tastes.

The cage is lined with newspaper. There appears to be a FANCY TOPHAT tucked away in a corner as well.

[The Long Man]

>Noir: Nevermind the stupid sack of feathers, lets see whats up with this "un-torture-able" prisoner.

[medmedina007]

>Noir: Consider poking this Feathery Jackass with your poking stick.
>Droog: Doof the tophat, you can't stand dirty things laying about.

[GenetiXientist]

>Jack: Poke Doze. (untorturable. I mean, part of that was CD's incompetent torturing,but it's true. He's untorturable.)

[DS Piron]

> Jack: Show the the bird your stabs.

[GenetiXientist]

> Jack: Shoa the the bird your stabs.

FTFY.

[JordanTH]

Guys, the Wiki feels very unloved.

[The NL Penguin]

I'll uh... fuck, I'm going to update it tonight, I guess.

EDIT: Intermission is done, working on ACT 2 now.

EDIT X2: Done the Carapace part, will continue later.

[Triangle Man]

>Jack: Poke Doze. (untorturable. I mean, part of that was CD's incompetent torturing,but it's true. He's untorturable.)

Seconding this.

Better yet, hold his hand to a bare lightbulb and keep it there.

I mean, have you ever touched a bare lightbulb? It burns with the heat of a million suns.

[Godfrey]

>Noir: Consider poking this Feathery Jackass with your poking stick.

You'll do more than consider it. You take out your horse hitcher and proceed to jab the bird a few times with it, demanding that he wake up.

You see the bird stir. This is a good sign. You continue poking.

Suddenly the bird stirs a little more violently and the horse hitcher is ripped from your hands. It seems to vanish inside the bird.

This is a bad sign.

> Jack: Show the the bird your stabs.

You take out your RAZOR WIT again, and totally not because the author loves that name for a weapon. You advance on the cage, peering inside while waving around your knife threateningly.

Hey, you feathery asshole! That was the HORSE HITCHER! You better give that ba-

A massive beak - with what appear to be razor sharp teeth - suddenly lunges out from the cage and attaches itself to your face.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

>Droog: Doof the tophat, you can't stand dirty things laying about.

While Jack flails about and screams, you calmly decide to clean up a bit. You pick up the top hat, which...You think came with the bird, of all things. It's actually a very nice hat.

Glancing over at the bird, you suddenly notice that he appears to have a monocle. And a bow tie.

...Say what you will about the bird, at least he's classy.

[Turrnip]

>Droog: Equip Hat.
OR:
>Droog: Place hat on the ATTACKING PREDATOR DEATHBIRD OF CLASS.

[DS Piron]

> DD : Threaten to damage its hat, unless it lets your leader go.

[Triangle Man]

Droog - Calmly let your boss suffer for a few more seconds before 'encouraging' the bird to let him go.