AdultStuck TOPIC II (The Last Update Of The Topic)

[Godfrey]

MK: Hatefully regard sculpture on "Spades Slick's" desk.

The Kingpin eyes the sculpture on your desk, scornfully. He notes that you're still keeping that useless thing.

You helpfully inform him that what you put on your desk is none of his damn business.

He tells you that he still thinks it looks stupid. It's a gog damned tiny black weasel that appears to be fondling a melon.

Kill the Unbeliever!

You bring your fist down on the desk and point the other hand angrily at the statue. Shut up, weasel! You know we can't do that!

MK stares at you. He asks if you're feeling okay.

You grumble that you're just fine and sit back down.

I am not a Weasel! But Weasels are pretty BITCHIN'.


You ignore the voice for now, and notify MK that he still hasn't answered the question.

>MK: Know about it, but it isn't you. You may be a sneaky ratfink SOB, but you're a LEGITIMATE sneaky ratfink SOB.

MK appears to contemplate this for a moment. A long, uncomfortable moment. He then tells you he wouldn't know anything about that.


I can see his thoughts. He's lyyyyyiiiiing...

You point out that MK is technically in charge of the TREASURY nowadays (a decision you continue to question the wisdom of).

He dismisses this, pointing out that he's probably just an incompetent treasurer and you suck for hiring him.

You pressure him to tell the truth. After all, we wouldn't any unfortunate...accidents.

> MK: Employ DeplomacyTech "even if I did do it, what you gonna do about it?".

MK relaxes in his seat, and points out that even if he knew about it, or even had committed the offense himself, what exactly could you do to him? He reminds you of his abnormally huge amount of health and ridiculous defenses.

You stand up and demand that he stop fucking around. This is serious. The last thing you need right now is any more infighting than usual. The coppers could come down on you at any minute!

MK responds that it's not his problem. And your threats are pointless. You don't want to fight him right now. He's packing a brassier.

You have to admit, that does give you pause. Although you're not sure why it would deter you from attacking.

-> Jack Noir: Ugh, this Kingpin is such a thorn in your side. He is practically TEARING YOUR BUSINESS APAR-

You get angry. You shout. You are tired of his horeshit! You're trying to run an organization here that won't collapse under it's own damn weight! Gog damn it, MK, you are practically TEARING YOUR BUSINESS APA-

>Droog: Interrupt the meeting before it's too late.

Droog calmly enters your office. You look up at him and calm down a little.

Oh, hi Droog.

Droog rolls his eyes and tells you both to calm the hell down. Droog is cranky from travelling and everything is already behind schedule. You can all sort out financial issues later. There's a couple of things that require Jack's attention. For one thing, there is the matter of the native prisoners in the basement. For the other, there is a deputy asking after you downstairs.

You inquire as to what deputy this is.

A chair slams against the window behind you and harmlessly bounces off.

That one, says Droog.

[Turrnip]

>Jack: Inquire if the chair is the deputy.

[cautiousCapricorn]

Ah, forgot CD was in the city. ^_^;

Chair: Level-up for harmessly smacking the window!

Jack: Facepalm

[GenetiXientist]

Annoying Deputy: Lv. 57 reverse Belly of the Whale: Blue Whale song.

(Jk.)

[Steel Dragon]

PI recently smashed a window with a chair in SGALL. Huh.

Dapper Swain: Question investments in casino industry. Start small sick fires.

e: Also fondly regard Madame Portrait.

[medmedina007]

>Jack/MK: MUTUAL HATREDTECH: THIS AIN'T OVER PUNK, AND LIKEWISE
>Jack: Dismiss MK, you've got other fish to shake down and generally maim the metaphor out of.
>Jack: Discuss the status of the Prisoners with Droog on the walk down to that ASSHAT DOUCHEWHISTLE. Considering your luck, it's probably bad.
>Deputy: Punch one of Jack's irritating underlings in the snout to establish authority. You're here to cause instability within a criminal organization and eat delicious sugared treats, AND YOU ATE ALL THE TREATS ON THE RIDE UP HERE!

[fergus]

>Jack: Meet with deputy.

[Ouroboros]

MK: Be contacted by subjuggulators. Recieve mission to undermine the stability of civilization. You knew allying with the clowns would come back to bite you in the ass someday.

[ArmsAreLoud]

Annoying Deputy: Enact JUSTICE.

Or more likely, try to enact justice and fail miserably.

[Godfrey]

>Jack: Inquire if the chair is the deputy.

You ask Droog why the SHERIFF would deputize a chair.

He just scowls at you.

>Jack/MK: MUTUAL HATREDTECH: THIS AIN'T OVER PUNK, AND LIKEWISE

You dismiss MK, but helpfully remind him that this isn't over, punk.

He says likewise for you, punk.

You tell him to stop copying you. He tells you to stop copying him. You tell him that you really mean it, he better stop it. Stoooooooooop iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, he says.

Droog swats you both with a newspaper. MK leaves, rubbing his head and muttering.

You say you're going to go talk to the deputy first, and leave. Droog stays behind for a moment. He eyes the statue with suspicion and disdain, before turning and following you.

...All by myself.

All by myseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf...


>Jack: Discuss the status of the Prisoners with Droog on the walk down to that ASSHAT DOUCHEWHISTLE. Considering your luck, it's probably bad.

You inquire about the prisoners as you descend the stairs. Droog says they aren't talking. One of them's just squawking and the other just seems really happy.

Really happy? You ask.

Really, incredibly, distressingly happy, Droog responds.

And what about his trip to see the "honorary" KING OF DIAMONDS, you ask? How did that go?

None of your damn business, he responds.

>Deputy: Punch one of Jack's irritating underlings in the snout to establish authority. You're here to cause instability within a criminal organization and eat delicious sugared treats, AND YOU ATE ALL THE TREATS ON THE RIDE UP HERE!

You arrive at the ground floor just as the deputy punches one of your unfortunate SPADES in the snout. The deputy is making quite a mess, generally punching people and shouting obscenities about their mothers and complaining about your lack of sugary treats.

You and Droog consider ways to approach this situation. Clearly, it will require a calm, steady hand and a carefully thought out plan on both your parts.

Perhaps some stabs, too.

[ArmsAreLoud]

DD: DOOK the deputy on the head with your pool cue.

[Krakash]

> Jack: FLIP THE FUCK OUT and stab everyone.
> Jack: Fix the problem about lack of sugary snacks.

[Cobalt Soul]

>Squawking prisoner: Be one of the bird things FE likes to kill.

[The NL Penguin]

>Squawking prisoner: Be one of the bird things FE likes to kill.

Gog hinted in chat it might be one of them, actually [ specifically, TM's pet, Featherbutt.]

[medmedina007]

>Jack: Confront ANGRY DOUCHEBAG. What the hell does he want?
>Deputy:Be spectacularly unhelpful. Waste like half an hour on flailing about on this sugary treat bullshit before finally telling them the reason why you're here.
>Jack:Wait...Where's that Sheriff and that other PROBLEMATIC IRRITANT? You pretty much never see this douchebag without the other two following close behind.
>Jack:Realize that the deputy was an AMAZING DISTACTION all along, those other guys must be Sleuthing about somewhere. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU, FIND THEM FIND THEM FIND THEM!

[GenetiXientist]

Peace Instigator: Arrive.

Pissed Snooper: Arrive as well.

Three good prospitians: Pose as a team, because shit just got real.

[fergus]

>Jack: Start flipping out.
>DD: Keep Jack calm. We don't wont another "incident".

[kaoticAntagonist]

> Handle in a calm rational manner.
>Get this dude out of your hats as soon as possible.

[Triangle Man]

Slick - Punch Deputy in snout to establish...because why not?

[DS Piron]

> Slick: Punch Deputy in snout to establish arrival

...fixed...?

[aspiringHelpfulness]

Slick: Resist urge to show him your stabs.
Droog: Whack Slick for thinking about it.

[Turrnip]

>Sheriff: Become PROBLEM SHERRIF
>Deputy: Become ACE DEPUTY
>Pickle Inspector: SOMEHOW FIT INTO THIS THEME

[DS Piron]

> PI: Be Pickle Inspector

...alternatively

> PI: Be Police Inspector

[GenetiXientist]

> PI: Be Pickle Inspector

...alternatively

> PI: Be Police Inspector

Police Investigator.

[Steel Dragon]

Piano Inspector

He plays ragtime tunes at the Legitimate Saloon and he can tell a yarn to wonder the imagination.